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| Sun April 30, 2006 |
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Porn shoot of movie where twins perform sex acts in alphabetical order upsets neighbours, Farkers who get stumped at "k"
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Saudi King Abdullah issues decree lowering domestic gasoline prices to 60 halalahs per liter, or 60 U.S. cents. This is being done to ease 'the cost of living burden on Saudi citizens'
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| (How Appealing) |
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Love notes to boss are found in dumpster and pieced together by boss' wife. That is one fired secretary with no legal recourse
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| (BadJocks) |
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One of the sexually explicit cell phone videos that hot blonde gym teacher Pamela Rogers sent to her 13-year-old "victim". (may not be safe for work or kittens)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this split kiwi
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Key West kayak company runs contest for job opening. Winner gets $75,000/yr salary, free island rent, and a great job
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| (Oh My News) |
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Pornography is now globally worth $57 billion, with the United States - porn's spiritual home - accounting for $12 billion (by comparison, Hollywood is worth a mere $10 billion)...and it is killing sex
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| (CTV.ca) |
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Soldiers in combat don't get the weekend off, CTV brings us the incredible story
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People lying about winning Medal of Honor outnumber people who actually did
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| (American Heritage) |
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From placenta-eating Romans to Pizzeria Uno's - the history of pizza's rise in America
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"Illegal alien puppy" captured by border patrol gets amnesty. Your dog wants a green card
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| (Some Hungry Guy) |
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The world's 50 best restaurants
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| (Some Guy) |
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When the teeth hit your flesh, and you're bleeding to death, that's a moray
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U.S. Energy Secretary sees "no evidence" of gas company profiteering at pumps. So let us speak no more of this
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The evils of American multiculture
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| (Coloradoan) |
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Today's middle-aged woman sees Virgin Mary on a tree trunk brought to you by Fort Collins, Colorado. With pic
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"Republicans have convinced working class and middle class Americans to vote against their own self-interest based on cultural wedge issues to which the GOP ultimately only pays lip service."
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LA's first Latino mayor in forever will skip out on immigration rallies on Monday. Will concern himself with more important things like LA pretending to be interested in receiving an NFL franchise
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Volunteers in Beijing, wearing uniforms emblazoned with the Chinese character for "mucus," will hand out millions of spit bags to encourage "civilized spitting"
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| ("Ooze") |
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Supersoaker begins new "Oozinator" ad campaign. Something is wrong here
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| (Some Balloons) |
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Awesome hot air balloons
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Japan urges their office workers to take the stairs in office buildings to curb global warming
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No Coke, no Pepsi. Connecticut approves ban on sodas in schools
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| (koco-tv) |
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Ahh, the controversy over allowing self-service gasoline. State Senator says if you allow for self-service gas, senior citizens will be inconveinenced
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| (Times Leader) |
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Man attempting home invasion robbery with crowbar dismayed to discover that the lone remaining woman has a conceal-carry gun permit. Boom goes the irony
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Alpha Mothers and Fathers the new school biatches in "perfect parent land"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this long-billed bird
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In Mexico City, springtime means mild temperatures, blooming Jacaranda trees, and naked peasant farmers (warning, pic of men in skimpy underpants)
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| (IEEE Spectrum) |
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Neither government nor scientists are quite sure if the $4 billion nuclear fusion testing facility with a 192-laser array is a success, a giant fund-sucking lemon
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| (Belleville News-Democrat) |
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The answer to America's energy problems might fly out of a pig's ass
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Archeologists unearth perfectly preserved Roman city, Spanish government says 'Thanks' and builds a parking lot on top of it
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| (Iran Focus) |
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Iran claims nuclear project breakthrough with advanced centrifuges that will help speed uranium purification to levels required for a bomb. And of course by "bomb" I mean "peaceful alternative energy source"
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The #1 employer of illegal immigrants? Average homeowners
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Australian police to crack down on eating and driving
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Woman and son convicted of trying to extort money from Cracker Barrel, sentenced to 100 hours of making kitschy wooden knick-knacks
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Cypriot women are over the shoulder boulder holder world record holders
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| (WFIE Evansville) |
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Before leaving for court, it's a good idea to try and remove incriminating things from your person. Things like concealed swords, for instance
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Two Australian miners found alive after being trapped a kilometer underground for five days
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Photoshop Cynthia McKinney getting carded
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| (Some Guy) |
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Economist John Kennith Galbraith dies. Police suspect guns and butter had something to do with his death
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| (Some Guy) |
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Only in Texas can you get $500 cash for shooting a bank robber
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Evolution of laughter traced to falling down and farting
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| (KFSN) |
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A horse is a horse, of course, of course, unless he busts through the electric rodeo fence and goes on a tramplin' rampage
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| (Some Guy) |
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AudioEdit a theme song for "Snakes on a Plane"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Hubcap thief caught red-handed, red-faced and red-assed by junkyard owner who'd gone to sleep with paintball gun waiting for him
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| (Pocono Record) |
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High gas prices mean more people than ever walking around Poconos with regular unleaded on their breaths
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| (Some Guy) |
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Whats her bra size - the game
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Possibly the only thing worse that dousing yourself in gasoline and setting yourself on fire at a gas station to protest some damn thing or another is failing miserably at it
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British politician, who admits he is a "psycho" on environmental matters, goes on to urge Britons to pee on their compost heaps to speed decomposition. Anyone who has smelled Edinburgh sadly aware that the nation is way ahead of him
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| (9News.com) |
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Man attacks 14 year old girl on her way home from the store. Girl has a brown belt in karate. Ass kicking ensues
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One can of Red Bull found, but it must be tainted because it left a bad taste in futboller's mouth. Red Bull trifecta in play
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Journalist investigating civilian deaths caused by USA drones in Pakistan has disappeared without a trace
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| Sat April 29, 2006 |
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Police blow up news rack after electronic device that played "Mission Impossible" theme dislodged, then fell onto stack of newspapers inside
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| (Arizona Daily Wildcat) |
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If the cops tell you to get on the ground, and you respond by saying "That's a fake Taser", don't be surprised if they feel compelled to prove you wrong
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop theme: Partisan children's literature (link goes to example)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Famous homes from above, including the Playboy Mansion. Apparently Hugh stays in shape by jumping on a trampoline and playing volleyball
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| (Daily Times) |
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China unveils new fighter plane that can kick the crap out of F-18's (link fixed)
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Semi trailer holding $100,000 worth of Red Bull grows wings, disappears. Authorities looking for extremely jittery suspects
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| (Some Guy) |
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Top 5 most creative laptop mods
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| (Some Guy) |
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Grandfather restores matching Sunbird convertible for twin high school girls sixteenth birthday (w/ pics)
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Germans like nudity as much as the next guy but are getting tired of it unexpectedly popping up right in the middle of public events
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Brazil's army drafts water buffalo. They are disease-resistant, can forage for food, carry 1,000 pounds and in a pinch they are a M.A.R.E. [meal almost ready to eat]
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Cable company claims 62-year-old woman ordered $1431 worth of porn and gangsta rap on pay-per-view, or if she didn't, her 81-year-old mother did
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| (Daily Mail) |
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Clothing stores in England are being urged to take skinny mannequins out of shop windows because real women don't look like a bag of antlers
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| (Impact Lab) |
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A study of the most effective "pheromone" products on the market. Only one gets the "liquid panty remover" seal of approval
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| (Some Test Tube) |
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Genetics researcher to be given $500,000 reward, would like to thank five-assed monkey
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| (Some Illegal Guy) |
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Businesses that hire illegals finally getting some payback. If they'd hired Americans to start with, this wouldn't be a problem
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Chevron first quarter profits up 49%, to four billion dollars. Nothing to see here, move along
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McDonald's McFlurry maker toy put to the test
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| (Some Guy) |
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Neat aerial photography
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| (Some Guy) |
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Greedy SOB Cheney gives only 3/4 of his income to charity
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World's largest cruise ship set for maiden voyage. What could possibly go wrong?
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If you have a bright idea of using cyanide gas to help you rob a gambling den, you might want to bring along a gas mask for yourself and your half-wit accomplice
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| (KFOX TV El Paso) |
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Leave house, back vehicle into police car, leave on foot, run from cop, attack cop with cell phone, struggle with paramedics, go to jail. Check, check, check, check, check, check, and check
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Enterprising men sell out their services as human punching bags to help people relieve stress
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Your money or your files. A new Trojan horse threatens to delete files unless the victim pays up
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Presidente Bush dice que el Himno Nacional se debe cantar en inglés
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| (Some Girl) |
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Photoshop this lakeside megaphone
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Movie theaters changing with the times and adding 21-Plus Screenings, where, if you're 21 or over, you can bring alcohol inside
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Deputies take wife hostage in attempt to serve papers on husband who refuses to come out of the house -- that got him out of the house in a hurry and a merry time was had by all [preferred tag: Unbe-farking-lievable]
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| (New Kerala) |
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Grammar school teacher fired for going topless
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| (All Headline News) |
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One would think that the chief of police would be smart enough to not use his girlfriend's car when robbing a bank. One would be wrong
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| (dpa) |
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The international Great Ape Project wants the UN to grant gorillas, chimpanzees, orangutangs and bonobos something comparable to human rights. They also insist they be given large yellow vans they can ride around on top of
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Modern-day ninja strikes back at his enemies with the ultimate nonlethal weapon: a kinda strong-worded letter from his lawyer
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It now costs the government 1.4 cents to mint each penny
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| (News9 Chattanooga) |
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Bad: Being arrested and taken to jail. Worse: Waking up later strapped to an ambulance backboard. Fark.com: Getting one hand free results in groin-tasering by nearby cop
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| (Some Guy) |
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When planning your felony crime spree, be sure to write down, "Don't shoot self in leg"
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| (Rockford Register Star) |
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City's economic development director says he will do whatever it takes to keep the Turkey Testicle Festival in town
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| (gigwise.com) |
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Keith Richards falls out of tree. How can I make *that* any funnier?
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Having sex with a pregnant woman does NOT trigger preterm labor, but does give the baby one hell of a headache
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Canadian immigration officials threaten to kidnap kids if illegal immigrants don't come out of hiding
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| (Some Guy) |
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Housewives having affairs with other women is not considered grounds for adultery, since two naked women cannot have sexual intercourse
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Massive drug haul at home of Scottish Defence Secretary. Street value? 85p
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Bad: Putting sex service phone number on tourism presentation. Worse: Having it pointed out by blogger. Fark.com: Suing the blogger for $1 million
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British couple fined £98,000 for selling fake honey
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| (National Geographic) |
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Style for devout Muslim female athletes. Newly-designed Hijood is Islam's version of hot sports bra (w/ pic)
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| (Sentinel and Enterprise) |
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Assault on movie theater worker saves old couple from having to watch "Lucky Number Slevin"
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Wanna hear news that'll warm your heart? Pakistan successfully test fired its longest-range nuclear-capable surface-to-surface missile early this morning
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| (Some Guy) |
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Authorities arrest sex offender for his own safety, obviously unaware of the dangers of the prison shower room
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this kid running on the beach
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England proud to announce that, after installing thousands of cameras, banning handguns, and being lenient on criminals, violent crime is still rising
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man arrested for shooting someone in the left buttock with .50-caliber Desert Eagle. Victim files half-assed police report. (5th story down)
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Muslim leader declares jihad by BMW and runs over bouncer who threw him out of strip club
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| (Oregon Live) |
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Oregon school has 75 valedictorians. Yay, everyone's a winner
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| (Billings Gazette) |
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Veterinarian accused of faking dog's death so he could steal it from owners. Your dog wants a damn explanation
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| Fri April 28, 2006 |
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Store clerk gets back clothes stolen from his apartment when a customer walks in wearing them
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| (Penn live) |
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Robotics champ embarrassed to announce he's an illegal immigrant
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Teen girl's parents get call from neighbor watching "Girls Gone Crazy: Spring Break" video starring their daughter
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| (Some Guy) |
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When robbing a bank, try to remember that a limo doesn't make the best escape vehicle
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Woman awarded $500,000 for being spanked while at work. After seeing pic of woman, defense should have pleaded insanity
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Step 1: Befriend a goose. Step 2: ?????? Step 3: Beat cancer
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Limbaugh has not been arrested, continues to feel no pain
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| (Some Guy) |
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Theme: White men can't jump
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Mexicans will no longer have to bribe their police to avoid being arrested for drug possession
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you are wounded by a firearm, do you: A) Call the police? B) Go to the hospital? Or C) Run to the nearest preschool, burst into a classroom, hop on one foot screaming "I got shot" until you collapse?
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| (FTL) |
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It's "Ask Drew" tonight after 7:05 p.m. ET on Free Talk Live. Submit your questions to Drew about anything in the comments
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Rush Limbaugh has been arrested on prescription fraud charges
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| (Breitbart) |
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Salma Hayek's cleavage wants your support for immigrants (with SFW pic)
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| (Archaeology) |
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In a stunning turn of events, the guy promoting the Bosnian pyramid turns out to be a total nut-jub
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NASA puts off work on shuttles' external fuel tanks until after the next flight, pointing out that they've never caused any problems before
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Al Qaida leaders losing control, according to new report. U.S. attributes this to having killed a number of high-level Al Qaida figures in Iraq, including the No. 2 man, the No. 2 man, the No. 2 man, the No. 2 man and the No. 2 man
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| (NE-MS Daily Journal) |
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Leon (from the Budweiser ads) gets traded to another independent league baseball team for 60 cases of Budweiser
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Two St. Pete police cops do a mock exercise: One acts crazy, the other pretend tasers him. Other cops listening to radio think it's go time, show up and taser them for real. Oh, and two of the Tampa Bay Buccanneers were there
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| (Indiana Statesman) |
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Indiana State University: $3 million deficit. So, no raises for faculty or staff, $25K raise for university president. At the meeting, the board actually told faculty and staff to "swallow hard"
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In an another dumbass example of Facebook.com incrimination, students caught for attempting to turn dorm room into bat cave
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Full bin Laden message posted. Apparently, he orders the death of some Dutch cartoonists. Whatever that means
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Man drives truck full of potato chips into Pennsylvania police barracks, apparently unaware that crullers are considered more appropriate
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| (Some Guy) |
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X-ray machines fail to detect huge automatic weapons. Still do a great job in finding out whats inside a laptop
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State senate voting to approve dogs dining legally in restaurants
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Thanks to dumbasses continually running into the sides of trains, Canadian trains will now require reflectors on all railcars
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Restaurant in Italy fined for "cruel" lobster display via law designed to protect household pets. Apparently, lobsters are now considered pets. Who knew?
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After nearly five years of endless biatching and moaning, construction finally begins on Freedom Tower at Ground Zero. Expected occupancy rate, excluding the NY/NJ Port Authority, is around zero percent
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Turns out Harvard student Kaavya Viswanathan didn't plagarize. Apparently, she had a ghost writer, so she didn't write the book at all
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| (Daily News Tribune) |
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Last year: City spends $100,000 to buy a trolley. This year: City spends $10,000 to figure out what to do with a trolley
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A new version of the national anthem in Spanish soon to debut at soccer games across the U.S. Rumored to not be the "Jose Can You See" version
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MIT apologizes for the Sino-Japanese war of 1894-1895
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| (Some Floridian) |
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Floridians will enjoy a sales-tax break 12 days before the official start of hurricane season to purchase batteries, flashlights and, presumably, plane tickets to Canada
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| (Some Guy) |
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Canadian bar loses liquor license for "epic" violations, including kicking out a designated driver because she refused to buy drinks
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| (Big Funky Stuff) |
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Photoshop theme: New roadside attractions, because we've torn down most of the good ones
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Borrowing a page from the oil industry, coffee producers warn of looming shortage of beans. Expect $3.00 coffee next summer, even if you don't buy it at Starbucks
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Note to amateur herpetologists: They named that snake "Death Adder" for a reason
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NASA says comet fragments won't hit Earth, spawn tsunamis, or cause mass extinctions. Well, better luck next time
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Man gets four years in PMITA prison for mowing his lawn... after being warned not to during a drought, triggering massive wildfire
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If you steal a big-screen TV, be sure to steal a car big enough to carry the thing first. Just ask these two idiots
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| (Forbes) |
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Forbes lists top 12 places in America to go to prison
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UN watchdog confirms Iran has enriched uranium. Let the bombing begin
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Drew is at Keeneland today, back near the North Gate sitting outside at a table near a sign for the Equestrian Room. Drop by if you get a chance. He's the guy with the laptop
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Like the rest of the world, Iran "won't give a damn" about any resolution the United Nations passes concerning its nuclear program
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| (Some Guy) |
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Rest easy, cockfight lovers: A bill to ban your favorite sport in Louisiana was defeated in the state legislature
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Dead dog found dressed in clothes. BTK called in for questioning
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Secret code by "Da Vinci Code" judge revealed: It was the admiral, in the ballroom, with the lead pipe
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Despite Norwegians willingness to consume boiled sheep heads, lamb roast with excrement not a huge hit (pic)
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| (Greenville Online) |
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Two middle school students arrested and charged with gambling for flipping coins
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To combat rising gas prices, New Jersey may finally allow self-serve gas station pumps
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| (A Socialite's Life) |
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Human train wreck Pete Doherty injects an unconscious fan. Repulsive (not safe for work)
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Drew will be on the Trail 103.3 with Scott Hawk in Missoula, MT in a few minutes
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Crocodile steals chainsaw, becomes most dangerous animal alive
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What is the best way for a TV reporter to boost his street cred in the fight against drinking and driving? Get busted for DUI
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Next time on "Stunt Junkies": Discovery Channel host discovers what can possibly go wrong when you try to parachute off the Empire State Building without permission
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Australia to test would-be immigrants on culture and language before allowing them to become citizens
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Pubs, Big Ben, mini-skirts and cricket named "Icons of England." Monty Python, Dame Edna and The Beatles amazingly absent from list
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| (Some Guy) |
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Today's "teacher who wasn't there when you were in high school" story brought to you by McMinnville, Tennessee
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| (Mosnews) |
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In Soviet Russia there now is ... el Chupacabra ¡un qué país
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| (KOS) |
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Noted yellow tabloid, The Wall Street Journal, breaks story of GOP prostitution ring in the Watergate Hotel. Odds of Democrats not also being involved: Zero
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Today's media fear monger article: Stages can be deadly. Watch your step
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| (Some SUV Driver) |
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Average per-gallon profit for Exxon: 10 cents. Average per-gallon tax: 50 cents. Where's the liberal outrage?
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| (Some SUV driver) |
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The secret reason why ethanol is not the solution
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"I was driving down the road listening to the radio, and the next thing I saw a pine tree coming at me" says nearly naked female trucker who, along with totally naked husband, suddenly found themselves under the dashboard
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Press corps finally able to get Fox News replaced by CNN on Air Force One televisions. Now instead of slanted political views, press corps can watch irrelevant discussions on how to pronounce "Wisconsin"
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Chevron pumps you a UFIA
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| (Raw Story) |
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Bush: Okay, if I couldn't sell our port administration to Dubai, how about selling them our military-vehicle manufacturing plants?
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People in Nottingham urged to hug a total stranger for 15 minutes. This can only end well
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It's National Hairball Awareness Day
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| (Dibs on the Thimble) |
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With all other problems solved, Atlantic City is trying to convince Hasbro to keep Boardwalk in Monopoly
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91-year-old man is making an attempt to walk every street in his city
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| (Some Guy) |
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High-speed Lego CD thrower provides countless hours of reckless fun
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| (Myspace) |
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Photoshop this odd kid and his massive, multicolored balls
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| (Aljazeera) |
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Vodka martini, loose women and baccarat your game? You're in luck. MI6 is now accepting applications. License to kill sold separately
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| (Some Screaming Baby) |
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Filipino women to pose for picture of largest number of working boobs. Expected to break old record set by U.S. Congress in combined session photo
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On May 1st , millions of illegal immigrants will walk off the job or leave school in hopes of shutting down America. Apparently, they've forgotten we don't deal with terrorists
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| (Some Ka-Bip Ka-SLAM!) |
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The top 10 ping-pong shots of all time
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| (Some Guy) |
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Ex-con who served time for theft takes prison windbreaker with "CDC prisoner" on the back when he leaves. Soon the stolen property is reunited with the state, as is the idiot wearing it in public
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| (WNEP.com) |
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Truck hauling Toyotas weighing 40 tons drives down a road meant for only 10-ton trucks. What could possibly go wrong? (With pics)
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Cop shoots cylinder of attacker's gun, twirls pistol back into holster. (With pic of wounded gun)
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Cunning plan: Avoid prison by faking your death, using body of murdered homeless man. Fatal flaw: You weigh 450, he weighs 175
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Oregon Liquor Control chief charged with drunk driving. Talk about taking your work home with you
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| (kfoxtv.com) |
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The new moonshine? Man sells homemade stills to make gas alternative
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| Thu April 27, 2006 |
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Parents sue school over gay-themed fairy tale. Come up with gay names for other fairy tales
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| (nbc4.com) |
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Baseball player throws bat at ump
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these hardcore moped riders
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Baby sign language gaining popularity. "He signed 'milk' to me when I was nursing him at 11 months. It was amazing. So he was actually expressing himself"
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| (Hindustan Times) |
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J. J. Abrams says, "No Trek for you"
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Dead starfish discovered in B.C. Those bastards from Hagar the Horrible wanted for questioning
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George Clooney says we need to save Darfur. Drop everything and get to work on that. Who knew things were bad enough over there for Mr. Clooney to intervene?
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| (Goodyear? No, the worst) |
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Truck spills nails, driver depression sets in. Brother, can you spare a tire?
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| (The Home of Uncommon Sense) |
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Legislative Democrats refuse to work on day of walk out, but still want to collect per-diem
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| (Apple) |
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"Apocalypto" Easter egg: Watch the trailer -- when it gets to the part with the screaming monkey, pause it and use the buttons in the lower right to reverse back frame by frame. Or check the discussion threads for screen caps
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Scotland the most broadband connected in UK. Sheep video chat rooms expected to double
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| (WFMY) |
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Ohio city proposes "Do Not Knock" registry to keep solicitors and religious nutjobs away from homes
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Not news: High school students having sex and recording it, then selling it at school. News: Principal loses job (for no reason?). Fark: No evidence of sex found on tape by investigators....?
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| (Some Pirate) |
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First-ever case of an entire company (including fake factories and warehouses) being pirated. NEC surrenders
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| (FloriDumb) |
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This week's "man charged for hoarding dogs after being charged for the same thing last year" story brought to you by Tampa
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Volcano might erupt. In other news, it might rain, dogs might bark
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If you try to pass crushed vitamins off as methamphetamine, be warned -- true meth addicts will know the difference, and some of them have baseball bats
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Domino's delivery driver transported pizzas and dead bdies in same car. So if your pizza tasted kinda corpsy, The Smoking Gun is there to explain why
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Having conquered space, NASA turns its attention to roadkill
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| (WorldTribune) |
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Qatar Energy Minister says the price of oil would drop $15 if politicians would just shut their pie holes
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| (Gawker) |
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CNN anchor: "Remember the days before ATM machines?" Off-camera voice: "F*ck, I hated that"
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| (KELOLAND) |
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As if blackouts and pandemics weren't enough, KELO breaks "Teens Say Underage Drinking Is Common" story while frustrated Ric Romero waits standby at airport
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NintendorevealsthenameoftheirnextgenerationconsoleWiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
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If you live in Wisconsin and still can't pronounce names like Chequamegon forest, Lake Butte des Morts, Lac Courte Oreilles tribe or Madison Mayor Dave Cieslewicz, help is on the way
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop newly crowned Miss USA, Tara Elizabeth Conner
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Today's other media fearmongering article: U.S. unable to stop active flu pandemic
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Having solved all other problems, Chicago's city council bans foie gras
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New "flyover exit ramp" opens in Orlando. Diddle-dee-dee-diddle-dee-da-dee-dee-dee-da YEE-HAW
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| (bloomberg.com) |
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Exxon's profits rise from "extreme" to "ludicrous"
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Didja hear the one about the Polish thief that ran right into the police station?
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| (1UP) |
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Remember the Philips CD-i? No? Good. But read this retrospective on it anyways
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Before election: Politicians coming up with plans like $100 gas-rebate checks or 60-day gas-tax holiday. After elections: Dear taxpayers, suck it
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| (Some Guy) |
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Minneapolis paper compiles annual Best Of The Twin Cities issue, names crystal meth "best cheap thrill." Hilarity ensues
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Scientists look to a day when your very thoughts will replace typing a password. In other news, all your passwords will be "boobies sex hump boobies butt girls sex"
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| (Orlando Sentinel) |
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Deltona high school teacher in trouble for "exposing high school students to profane language on a website and for asking them to collect Wendy's restaurant paper cups that he could cash in for a free plane ticket"
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Mysterious disturbance that rattled San Diego has been traced to "Warning Area 291," a huge swath of ocean used for military training exercises
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| (heraldsun) |
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Twenty years later, Chernobyl deaths top 250,000, according to Greenpeace. Real death toll is more around 50, as in FIVE ZERO
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| (Orlando Sentinel) |
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Pit bull digs up a grenade in an Orlando. backyard. Hilarity ensues
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NewsMax headline: "CBS News To Be '700 Club' of Gay News." First line of article: "We don't want to be the '700 Club' of gay news"
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With all other problems solved, scientists try to stop cows' bottoms from smelling
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| (KMBC) |
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University of Kansas decides that their Jayhawk logo is "too fun" for official documents, without addressing the question of why he never wears pants
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Fourteen years later, Amy Fisher now says she was on ecstasy when she shot Mary Jo Buttafuoco. Makes sense, since everyone knows the first thing you want to do after taking ecstasy is shoot someone
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If you grew up near a chemical plant, or the nearby stream changed colors daily, you might want to go see your doctor
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Long Island Railroad to 17,000 employees: We lost your records with all personal information. Probably buried with all the other garbage on the trains
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Cross-dressing jail guard loses lawsuit. Sometimes the headlines just write themselves
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Iran takes delivery of nuclear-capable missles from North Korea. Has sufficient range to hit Europe. But don't worry, they're only for peaceful civillian purposes
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The Goth Flasher has been arrested. Submitter didn't read the article, but thinks he has issue No. 2 of the comic book
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Islamic extremists love hardcore porn (slightly NSFW pic)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Subliminal (join Fark) advertising (UFIA) is (Duke) back (sucks) again (France) with new (surrenders) research
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FEMA is FUBAR. D to the U to the H
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If you own stock in XM Radio, now might be a good time to dump it. Two words: Federal probe
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| (MetroWest Daily News) |
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Today's media fearmongering article: Get ready for the great Northeast blackout of 2006
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Now drunk Japanese businessmen can belt out disco versions of "Amazing Grace" in British churches
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| (MosNews.com) |
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Russian paratrooper breaks 24 beer bottles over his head before passing out
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| (Some Sooty Guy) |
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Give this old chimney sweep a new career for 2006
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| (myTelus) |
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Stop me if you've heard this before: Two nurses and a defibrillator salesman happen upon an accident scene...
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Self-proclaimed "pagan" tortured to death in medieval machete attack. Don't live the time if you can't hack the crime
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Tylenol tempts fate and mothers prone to frivolous protests with their "Flavor Creator" kit -- a chance to turn medicine into candy
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Six simple steps to get a lover, whether you are a guy or girl. "Throw a grapefruit at their head" not among them
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| (Mainetoday.com) |
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Bad: Man gets kicked out of party. Worse: Man retaliates by torching front porch with flare gun. Fark: Man arrested as he leaves with his pants on fire
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The lyrics to the Neil Young song, "Let's Impeach the President"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man trying to open men's hair salon where the girls wear the lingerie you choose (with pics)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Thousands of Whedon fans want Serenity, equality
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Massachusetts wants to build offshore wind farm to lower energy costs, but rich beach-owners complain about it ruining the view
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| Wed April 26, 2006 |
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Sammy or Diamond Dave: Which singer made Van Halen great (now that they're both lame)?
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School cancels class due to nice weather. Why can't my job do this?
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Today's Iron Photoshop ingredient: Shells
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| (Farktography) |
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 51: "Graves." Link goes to next week's contest
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| (wistv.com) |
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Man gets electrocuted trying to steal copper from power lines
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Scottish sword attacker gets sentenced to six years of not-so-playful swordplay in PMITA prison showers
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Keira Knightly voted world's sexiest woman (with highly suggestive pic)
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| (dgc360) |
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"American Idol" results show thread. Spoilers will definitely be held within
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| (Starpulse) |
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Story about the Stones blowing off Bush's request to give up their room is false. Stories about the Stones having flappy arm skin during Super Bowls are true, however
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| (Some Guy) |
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Secret Service alertly thwarts a threat to Bill Clinton's life -- and golf game -- by shutting down a five-year-old girl's birthday party
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EA_Spouse's true identity revealed after forcing EA to pay $15 million in unpaid overtime
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Squirrels near wind farms are edgy and prone to scurrying for cover, unlike all the other squirrels
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| (Ottawa Citizen) |
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Canada can't figure out if they're at war
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| (Some Guy) |
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Suits of armor disappearing off Indiana porches faster than gnomes off Lexington lawns, but at least the suits of armor are being returned
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| (Bradenton Herald) |
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If you want to get through airport security quickly, don't pack a grenade belt buckle in your luggage
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| (Pittsburgh Post Gazette) |
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London is overrun with foxes, squirrels and pigeons, which may be a self-correcting problem seeing as how foxes eat rodents and birds
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Now you can pay £200 per night to freeze your arse off in a tree-house
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| (Some Guy) |
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Negotiations wrapping up on just who will own what when they finally put the Liberty Needle on top of the Freedom Tower at God Bless America Business Park. Jesus Christ
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preSiding jUdge in "da vinci code" lawsuit enCodes his own sneaKy message to plaIntiffs in writTen ruling
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| (Quad Cities Online) |
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Radio station rumor about INS causes three soccer teams to forfeit matches
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| (Montreal Gazette) |
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Going to college is one way to get ahead in life. Breaking into a funeral home and cutting one off a corpse is another
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| (Virginian Pilot) |
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Man released after 18 years in jail when DNA absolves him of rape; sues policeman that put him there
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Phil Spector's murder trial is being pushed back until January 2007. Meanwhile, his hair is taking on a life of its own (with great pic)
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That housing bubble you heard pop just unpopped
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There are now one billion words in the English language. It would have been 1,000,000,001, but Webster didn't know how to pronounce "UFIA"
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So, Iran was like, Dude, if you attack me, I'll retaliate twice as hard. And the U.S. was like, No way, we'll retaliate plus one. And Iran was like, uh-uhh
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| (Zug) |
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Zug's crack team of alcohol experts goes out in search of the worst-tasting bar drink. Drunken hilarity ensues
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| (Some Guy) |
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Snoop Dogg is writing his first novel. Give it a cover
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| (WKRN.com) |
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Gym teacher who had sex with a 13-year-old and blogged about it on MySpace sends victim more raunchy videos. Farkers demand to see evidence
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Alligator bites golf-ball diver in the balls or something
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| (sploid.com) |
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Sprint refuses to let G.I. in Iraq cancel $68/month cell phone service
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Maxim's top 5 whipped atheletes
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Atlantic City's Boardwalk still among best. No word if Mediterranean Avenue is still a worthless piece of sh*t
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| (Some theoretical physicist) |
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Next time you go off-roading, watch out for Stephen Hawking. Behold the Tank Chair
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Rapist who won lottery buys mansion only to have rich neighbours offer to kill him. "You are a dirty, vile rapist and residents of this estate don't want you here," reads his fan mail. "We have hired someone to harm you"
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| (Editor & Publisher) |
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"Ironically, the same media that criticizes the U.S. for sending too few troops to stabilize Iraq send too few reporters to cover much more than the dramatic bombings around Baghdad"
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Elvis Presley and Dolly Parton team up in commercial to ensure that no sane human being will ever voluntarily go to Tennessee again
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Muslim astronauts face numerous challenges: When to pray, which direction Mecca is and how to get bombs to detonate in space
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Woman leaves fake nail-bombs lying around London as "works of art." Hilarity ensues
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"I come in the name of Jesus, biatch." Preacher manages to re-enforce every stereotype in five minutes. Language is NSFW
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City of Montreal to install GPS in city work vehicles to find out which strip clubs their employees are hanging out at when they're supposed to be filling potholes
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Reminder: Tampa/St. Pete Fark party on Saturday May 6th, 8:00 p.m. at the club "Hearts" at the Derby Lane dog track. Come get your dog on with Drew
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Chef admits that setting testicles in the pasta at his new restaurant in New York is "a bit of a provocation"
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| (The Union) |
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Two men decide to get completely drunk and wasted before playing with loaded large-caliber handgun. Hey y'all, watch this
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School sends kids to closed amusement park
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| (Some Guy) |
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The runaway bride: One year later
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| (Think Spain) |
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Spanish Socialist Party introducing a bill to give apes the same rights as man. Charleton Heston heard shouting "You maniacs"
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Fox News radio host Tony Snow chosen as new White House press secretary. Job description largely unchanged
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| (Courant.com) |
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Connecticut to ban the oil industry's practice of "zone pricing" of gasoline -- with which a delivery truck can drop 10,000 gallons at a station at one price and then drive to another station in the same town and charge a higher price
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UK Home Office in trouble for losing over 1000 foreign prisoners, thus providing excellent cover for the Deputy Prime Minister, John "Two Slags" Prescott, to let slip news of his affair
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| (Some Fruit) |
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Photoshop this berry
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Injuries reported after explosion at peacekeeping base near Sinai Peninsula
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| (Deluth News Tribune) |
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Wisconsin bill would prohibit mandatory microchip implants. Is America really at this point?
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Hero beats five colours of snot from home intruder, now faces assault charges for his trouble
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| (Some Guy) |
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Cool: Dudes create artificial plant life in MMORPG. Cooler: It's pot plants. Coolest: That grow 20 farking feet high
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CDC asks airlines to track customer info in the event of global pandemic. Airlines to CDC: Suck it
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| (Daily Bruin) |
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UCLA protesters seek to remove Coke products from campus because the company has failed to end Colombia's civil war
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| (Some Cheapskate) |
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I want a freeware utility to ... 450+ common problems solved
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| (ksdk.com) |
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Tire-shop worker, pinned under pickup truck that fell off jack, is pretty damn fortunate that entire high school football team happened to be there at the time
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Guy sees video of bulldog riding a skateboard on the net, spends six months teaching his dog to do the same. Your dog loves Bam Margera
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Graffiti artist sues New York City over spraypaint ban, saying it violates right to free speech
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Four motorbikes, a patrol car, a video van, two cycling constables and finally the force helicopter fail to catch a wanted man who makes his getaway in a horse-drawn cart. Robin Hood sought for questioning
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| (Some Button Pusher) |
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Photoshop theme: What's this button do?
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| Tue April 25, 2006 |
| (Some Guy) |
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David Copperfield mugged after a show, uses trick to conceal his wallet
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| (Some Varney) |
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Carnie hit and killed on highway while retrieving stuffed animals. Impact broke his neck, back, skull and everything else but those goddamned milk bottles
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Imbecile with face painted to resemble Darth Maul arrested for waving fake Glock outside Oregon school. The Smoking Gun is there with hilarious mug shot goodness
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| (Some Pirate) |
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Congress debating a law which would give downloading a copyrighted movie a longer prison sentence than downloading child pornography. Prisons surrender
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| (Haaretz) |
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News from the future: Iranian leader spotted picking his nose
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| (Some Man Whore) |
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It's official: People will literally do anything for a free iPod
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| (ktuu) |
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If you're depositing large sums of cash that smell like marijuana, you may draw unwanted attention
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Dachshund survives snake attack, will get back to attempting to climb stairs with a boner soon
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| (Some Guy) |
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Iowa deputies are on barf patrol, seeking culprit behind serial vomit dumping
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| (hamptonroads.com) |
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Nothing screams "I have a small penis" like paying $12 million to get your 115-foot yacht stretched another 15 feet
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Iran plans to share their nuclear technology with any country that doesn't rhyme with "Shmisrael"
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| (WBBM 780) |
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It'll only cost you $3M to name the Chicago UFIA Skyway
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| (Some Guy) |
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Sixteen-year-old American, wounded by suicide bomber in Israel, awakes from coma. Doctors say boy likely to survive and win future family arguments about vacation plans
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New laptop will allow you to download porn while scuba diving
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New survey shows one in five employees admit to making up excuses for being late to work. I would have submitted this earlier, but my car just hit a water buffalo
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| (myTelus) |
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Police baffled by paranormal activity in British pub, but it sure has been good for business
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Regina now allows cops to impose fines of up to $2000 for "for bullying in public or in cyberspace." By the time this thread is done, the Regina police should be able to afford a fleet of helicopters
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Norweigian becomes first woman to climb the highest mountains on seven continents and ski to both the North and South Poles. She probably has nipples that could cut glass
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Burning questions answered about snakes on planes, including policies of American, United, Southwest and US Airways on such matters
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| (wpmi) |
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Two days after heart attack, hospital denies man Philly cheese steak
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| (BostonChannel) |
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Bad: You let your seven-year-old son handle your loaded handgun. Worse: You're a cop. Worser: He fires off a round inside the police station
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| (Natural Disasters) |
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Cyclone Monica is ready to blow Australia, put on a blue dress
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The latest in a sad trend: Cindy Margolis to pose for Playboy 10 years too late
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White trash is the new mainstream. All your base are belong Cletus
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BBC looks to MySpace for website revamp
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I got blown up by Eric Rudolph and all I got was this lousy $57.69 check
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Drew will be on Octane Rock at 9:00 p.m. They said it was okay if they called him in a bar. So prepare for drunken ramblings
|
| (Time) |
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Time Magazine uses Yesdog and Spectrum's "Snakes on a Plane" movie posters in this week's print issue
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CA county to reclassify pet owners as pet guardians, thereby forcing owners to be more responsible
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| (Columbus Dispatch) |
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Bad: Lacrosse. Worse: Lacrosse players behaving badly. Fark: UFIA
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High gas prices bringing "moped madness" to American streets
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| (WBAL) |
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"Ladies Lockdown" with penny pints of beer freaks out nanny college suits
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T-shirt contest: Design a t-shirt for the Delta employees who volunteer their time to clean the planes. LGT thread
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| (The State) |
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What do high school track athletes do to wind down after an all-day meet? Have sex on the bus on the way home and get two coaches fired for it, of course
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| (Maui Haui) |
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Suicide bombing in Sri Lanka. Fark correspondent Maui Haui on the scene. No, really
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| (Some Guy) |
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Washington, D.C. church-goers say they have the right to double-park when going to talk to God
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Chris Rock hires private eye to find out if he impregnated model. Submitter daydreams about how nice it would be to have sex with so many models that you need an investigator to find out if you slept with that one
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Citing Saddam's sucess, Iran threatens to also hide their WMD
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| (ClickOnSA.com) |
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Stop me if you've heard this one: A man, a prostitute and a transsexual go into a restaurant to steal a car. Voting enabled in thread for an optional punchline contest
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| (Daily Mail) |
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Since European Union borders were opened in 2004, there are now more Poles in Britain than Warsaw, and every time a London escalator breaks down, dozens of people have to be rescued
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| (Some Guy) |
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Teacher cleared of charges of sexually abusing a students after it turned out the student had made previous baseless charges against teachers. If he hadn't died in prison four years ago, it would have been a sweeter victory
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Evidently, it's not okay to surround your female salespeople and jeer as the boss spanks them with the competitor's yard sign for poor sales. Who knew?
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Four words: Maury Povich sex scandal
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| (Some Guy) |
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Dog trying to get cold pizza off stove turns on burner with paw and sets home on fire. Bad dog. Bad, bad dog
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Phoenix police shoot to death an armed man who hijacked a Krispy Kreme delivery truck. I mean, they're good, but not worth dying for... and boy, you never take a doughnut from a cop
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Pharma companies pay to keep generic verisions of their drugs off the market. This would make me angry, but the Prozac just kicked in
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Men still get paid more than women at Wimbledon. They also play more games per match, but apparently that's irrelevent
|
| (Boston Herald) |
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Man crashes small plane onto golf couse, comes up just short of the green
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The paperboy has gone the way of the milkman, except the milkman didn't go over a cliff on the K-12 trying to get his two dollars
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New research reveals that Mrs. J. S. Bach may actually have written some of Bach's best loved pieces
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Turkish politician charged with insulting the country's founding leader after being caught chewing gum
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Father of the year shoots computer because son spends too much time on it
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Turns out your travel medical insurance may not cover you if you're injured abroad due to excessive drinking
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