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| Sun April 02, 2006 |
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Tornado hits downtown Indy right as outdoor final four concert finishes. (With pic of skyscraper damage)
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Woman hoping for proposal at ancient Celtic stronghold on emerald isle gets question popped at dung-dappled llama enclosure in Chicago
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| (Some Guy) |
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Morely Safer becomes '60 Minutes' senior reporter. Lesserly Dangerouser passed over for the job, again
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| (Flickr) |
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Photoshop this "tank crossing" sign
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| (Some Guy) |
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Students at an all-girls Catholic high school furious when student from all-boys Catholic high school airs video of them signing petition to end womens' suffrage
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| (Spammity Spam) |
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"Spamarama" .. A yearly festival for Spam, that semi-meat. Unfortunately, not an April Fool's joke
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"When Prince starts making records Tipper Gore would approve of you know the man has jumped the shark"
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Florida high school marching band forbidden from taking part in English festival because school officials say London is too dangerous
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Iconic Key West restaurant may be forced to close after rich newcomers complain about noise, smell of bacon in the air
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| (Some Guy) |
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Restaurant lets you smash dishes if you're mad. If you've got lots of money, you can smash a TV
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Alcatel merges with Lucent. Will be based in Paris. Nicole unavailable for comment
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Depression up 40%, alcoholism up 75% at the North Pole as "Toy makers struggle to attract girls"
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| (Some Guy) |
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The hazards of office dating
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Industrious teenager offering to change every digital clock in customer's home or car for $10
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No Hooker zones in family neighborhoods are causing mass hooker migrations to other neighborhoods in Charlotte
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| (Deccan Herald) |
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It's a sad commentary on the state of public education when schools are still discriminating against leopards
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Canada's version of drug war: student gets suspended from school for refusing to take drugs
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| (Daily Mail) |
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Researchers make experimental breakthrough that could keep millions from dyeing
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| (Hampton Roads) |
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Small churches across the US are buying Terrorism Insurance because "the religious xenophobia of Islamic terrorists is reason to worry"
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Photoshop theme: If there were a separate heaven for women, what would it be like?
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Scientists announce that you will soon be able to enjoy a bowl of unnaturally high-fiber Cap'n Crunch
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Jerry Garcia's salmon colored toilet stolen. Police examining skid marks left at the scene
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| (Some Guy) |
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Introducing the Brassiere of Tomorrow, cups on the cusp of technology Bras that light up. Optional on-off can be a switch or a knob
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| (IHT) |
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Easter Island, the place farther on earth from any other place, to offer triple-bonus comp points for long-term action on dollar slots
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Iran successfully tests supercavitating torpedo. U.S. Navy seen crapping its pants
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Explosion at a Tim Horton's in Toronto kills one
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Tenneessee emergency management agency hires incarcerated felon to run purchasing. What could possibly go wrong?
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Every year voters in Brookline, Massachusetts authorize appointment of official Measurers of Wood and Bark
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Student leaving school after being told to cut his damn hair, get a real job
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"But I'm convinced we'll demonstrate in the not-too-distant future the actual physical harm that pornography causes"
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| (Ha'aretz) |
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Iran to respond to U.S. strike with global terror
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| (Some Guy) |
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Another story about nudists and venemous spiders. And an explosion
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Scandinavia's first baby gorilla born in Sweden. With ugly-ass pic. No, really, it is ugly-ass
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The next big spectator sport, according to ESPN? Dominoes
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| (Some Guy) |
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A brief history of daylight savings time for anyone bored to tears
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| (Some Guy) |
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Theme: Sport stars make a living in the real world
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| (Some Guy) |
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Imagine the tallest 25 buildings in the world all in one skyline
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U.S. troops adopt cutting-edge Popemobile technology to save lives. Jealous Batman wonders where he gets those wonderful toys
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| (Some Redneck Teacher) |
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If the "Diversity" Club can fly a gay pride flag, then why can't the "Traditional Values" Club fly a Christian flag? Besides, that's a "T" not a cross
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| (Some Boilermaker) |
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Purdue University defends its national Rube Goldberg Machine Championship title. Hopes to complete trifecta with wins in the D&D World Series and Cult Movie Quote Bowl
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| (Yummy Taco Hell) |
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Site reviews the best tacos in Los Angeles. No word on taking the skin train to tuna town
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| (CTV News) |
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Canada's money to become even gayer
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| (EW) |
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Top Ten killer movie seductresses. With photo goodness
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| (Some mail man) |
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Photofhop thif knight of olde
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| (Some Guy) |
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Top 100 April Fool's Day hoaxes of all time
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| (NWI Times) |
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Woman attending anger management class threatens to kill a classmate, destroys property. Naomi Campbell unavailable for comment
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| Sat April 01, 2006 |
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Chris Farley's image to be used in advertising for drug and alcohol treatment, still a great motivational speaker
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UCLA v. Florida for the National Championship on Monday
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Gale Norton brags that U.S. gained wetlands for first time in fifty years under her tenure; fails to mention she changed definition of "wetland" to include any old hole in the ground
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| (Some YTMND) |
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Right Now
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Teacher resigns after putting a kid in a headlock and giving him a hickey
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| (Akron Beacon-Journal) |
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Girls, ages 16 and 17 arrested after wrapping boxes in gold marked with question marks trying to play real-world version of Super Mario Bros. Bowser unimpressed
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| (Tribune-Chronicle) |
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Man ticketed for reckless operation while riding in engineless van being towed by an ATV. Adding insult to injury, man also cited for seatbelt violation
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If the Puking Pig took two of your fingers you'd want some scratch too
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| (myrtlebeachonline) |
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Do not let your dog lick the paper shredder
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| (Some Guy) |
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You know you job sucks when you look forward to Steven Seagull returning to beg for doughnuts
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Photoshop Karl Malone at the unveiling of his statue at the Delta Center
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| (south bend tribune) |
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Woman who thought she was getting a great deal on a flat screen TV, finds out she actually bought an oven door instead
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| (News Inferno) |
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Surgeon helpfully explains how wrong side of child's skull was removed because the operating table was spun around
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Golden hellos on the rise for CEOs. They get the hello and parachutes, you get the showers
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Police clothes case, hamper undies thief
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Newgrounds.com acquires I-Mockery.com to form "I-Grounds"
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Swedish airline accuses critics of being "culturally illiterate" over smelly fish dish. Pot and kettle being trading blows
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| (Some Crybaby) |
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Photoshop Adam Morrison crying over something other than basketball. Duke sucks
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| (Some Imaginary Guy) |
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Teacher shortage may be helped by development of holographic substitute teachers
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Indiana's clocks to spring forward thirty years. Resident looking forward to things like electricity, indoor plumving, literacy. (submitter is obviously from Indiana)
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Apple's top 10 flip-flops
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| (Some Guy) |
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Negligent mother ordered by court to stop having sex
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Animated tattoos are just what they sound like -- implanted images that actually move under the skin
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| (Some Guy) |
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Flag waving banned from Colarado school due to racial tensions
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| (Some Guy) |
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Video game evolution from 1980 vs. 2000. With screen shots
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| (Some Guy) |
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Not all books make good gifts for friends. "Adventures with an ice pick: a short history of lobotomy"
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| (NW Herald) |
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"Why not pay someone to grow your vegetables?"
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George Clooney rallies celebrites to silence freedom of the press; recommends posting spam on offending websites to "render these guys useless"
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As online dating matures, some of the first matched couples are splitting up. Turns out profiles don't always reveal all, do they, stumpy?
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| (Catholic.com) |
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Of all things the Vatican fears most, the worst is not our sins, but our mullets
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Photoshop this very excited Tom Cruise
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| (Dallas Observer) |
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NBA star Dirk Nowitzki's demo tape leaks on the Internet (MP3 link at end of article)
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Previously kidnapped Journalist Jill Carrol may be suffering from Stockholm Syndrome, claims terrorists sponsored her for Totalfark
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| (The Local) |
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Stockholm streets to become ski slopes
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| (Some Guy) |
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Remember to change those clocks 1 hour forward at 2am
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| (newkerala.com) |
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The age old story: boy meets girl, boy falls in love, boy marries girl, girl steals boy's money to buy a Hong Kong brothel
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| (Hindustan Times) |
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Pet food is healthier than fast food. You want your dog's food
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| (PilotOnline.com) |
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Why April Fools is the way it is
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| (Jerusalem Post) |
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Iran test-fires radar-avoiding, multi-warhead missile. Claims it is to be used to generate electricity. Yeah, that's the ticket... electricity
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Teenager sues restaraunt after drinking herself up to .238 and executing a perfect-10 faceplant in the parking lot
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Angry old man, pissed off that his dadgum pickup truck had been towed fa crissakes, picks up his bangstick and wades through dang-blasted rush hour traffic to get it back, by gum. Get off my lawn
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| (Statesman.com) |
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Nothing says class like a Hooters Hotel. With reservation information
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| (Duke) |
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Duke University, one of the greatest places on Earth
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Fark moderators, admins, and your loose-ass sister busy drinking with submitter's mom... Developing
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Mormons planning to move to Saskatchewan to set up new polygamist society, hoping sodomite Canadians won't even notice, let alone care
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| (FFBooks) |
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Lamb rogan josh - favorite hot hot hot
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| (House) |
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Curry basics
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| (JpFoods) |
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Japanese veggie curry
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| (Frenzy) |
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Storm's favorite beef curry
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| Fri March 31, 2006 |
| (ThinkGeek) |
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Inspired by the alcohol inhaler, here's the caffiene inhaler
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| (Some Guy) |
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Rhyming photoshop ingredients: Two men, a hen and a pen
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Signs you may be getting too large: Hospital forced to install floor-level lighting because your shadow prevents you from seeing the ground
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World's hottest chili pepper is twice as hot as the hottest ever produced, would put you in hospital if you tried to eat it, and is grown in ... England?
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Angry Howard Stern lashes out at ungrateful fans who don't want to pay to listen to him
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| (marketwatch.com) |
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NASDAQ and S&P 500 have best quarter in 7 years
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Kosher cell phone unleashes flood of interest from Muslim countries - - Tasty
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| (Chronical of Higher Education) |
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Unacredited Christian College forbids looking into other students' eyes too long; "that's making eye babies". Optometry major not too popular
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| (Akron Beacon Journal) |
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County Department of Messing With Peoples' Heads decides to post a stop sign in the middle of a curve, not an intersection, to get drivers to slow down
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| (ksl.com) |
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Todays semi-trailer carrying 40,000 pounds of ammonium nitrate, 10,000 blasting caps and several hundred pounds of dynamite over turns on the freeway brought to you by Unitah County, UT
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| (Some Guy) |
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Woman protesting strip clubs in her neighborhood flashes an awful lot of cleavage while talking to reporters about it. With photo goodness
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French winemakers lower their standards to compete against U.S. wines. Look for Le Chien Fou in a gas station near you
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After former crack-addicted anchor who spent thousands of dollars on phone sex is turned down for an evangelical radio program, he reflects upon the errors of his past that made him unsuitable for that gig. Just joking: he's suing the station
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| (WZZM 13) |
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Robber stuffs woman inside ATM. Victim checks out okay, seems a little withdrawn
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Chicago T-shirts showing Big Bird smoking pot and Ernie with a handgun "soil Sesame Street's image." Or give it an edgy cred, your call
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Incinerator being used to burn 1.1 metric tonnes of seized cocaine asplodes, providing a belated but fitting tribute to the great Richard Pryor
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U.S. enlists ninjas to fight Chinese pirates
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| (PinkNews) |
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Local government leader posts naked photo of himself on Web (safe for work)
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| (WGAL) |
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Jeffrey Doles wants his 130 bongs back. And he's hired a lawyer to get them
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| (canadaeast) |
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Man wishes to delay his tax trial so he can attend wife and stepdaughter's exorcism
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| (NBC) |
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Fake NBC PSAs from the cast of "The Office." The more you know...
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"Zorbing," the act of rolling downhill inside inflatable ball, catching on worldwide. Bonus: Kiwi inventor openly cites socialized medicine as safety net for asinine activities
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| (AC-T) |
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S&M castration dungeon shut down in rural NC. Police chief astonished at the balls these guys had
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"Sudden external impact" of unknown origin cripples Russian satellite. Kneel before Zod
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Joey Buttafuoco ordered to stand trial on ammo charges, may face more time in Buttafuoco-MITA prison
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this farker and his friend Omar here in the U.S., thanks to the new "Adopt an Iraqi Sniper" program
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| (Some Guy) |
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Harry Caray rises from the dead, starts robbing banks. Holy cow
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| (Mirror) |
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If you have epilepsy and you are trying to impress your friends, taking 13 ecstasy pills is not the way to go
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Theater execs fight against shortening time between suckitude hitting theaters and heading to DVD
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| (DecaturDaily) |
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Man flashes two teens in store, who promptly run away to find their mother, manager. When confronted, man produces badge, claims to be undercover officer and begins helping them search for himself. Why, yes, this did happen in a Wal-Mart
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NASA executive nabbed when his network's "skin tone filtering system" determines he's been looking at, ahem, skin tones. TSG is, naturally, there
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South Korea's new currency's anti-counterfeiting features are so effective, their official mint can't even print it right
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Chevy hosts make-your-own-SUV-ad contest. Ads linking SUVs with Iraq war, world degradation ensue
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| (Some Guy) |
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Astronomers announce discovering a giant-ass cloud of space alcohol. All of a sudden, manned spaceflight starts looking feasible again
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Today's image appearing on a food item: The State of Georgia on a nacho
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It turns out taxpayers don't want to pay to watch gay sex in a park. Who knew?
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Real headline: "Pot in the trunk: Always a bad idea"
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Dodgeball game leads to assault charges for a youth minister. Authorites apparently frown on his "if you can dodge a wrench...." coaching technique
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| (Post Chronicle) |
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German woman calls police on hubby with an emergency: He won't stop watching porno even if she offers real thing
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| (Post Chronicle) |
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UNLV's Women Studies Department offering a series of workshops including "Sex Toys 101" and "Stripping for Everyone." Now that's a proper use of public funds
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| (LOCAL 6) |
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Man hits $227K slot jackpot, promptly walks out of casino before being paid
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Lingerie shop gets burglared. Stolen intimate items include $200 mannequin
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| (NY Daily News) |
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New York Post caught dumping papers by the New York Daily News hours after being printed. Massive media slapfight to ensue
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Fake email topples Japan opposition party. Must have fallen for the old' "I am a Nigerian businessman" letter
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Kennel owner fined $2,600 for refusing to sell puppy to lesbian
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| (Rocky Mountain News) |
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Airport screeners nab 83-year-old woman with a bomb in her Depends
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Researchers stunned to find kids who wear alcohol logos start drinking sooner. Also shocked to learn kids do drugs, have sex, breathe air
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| (Some Plumber) |
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Harvard to offer free tuition if household income is less than $60,000. Tell your boss you don't need that raise after all
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Nine out of 10 women in Sheffield, England think casual sex is immoral. Going to ex-mine workers' all-male nude revue perfectly acceptable
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College student whose "bike is a pipe bomb" to be reimbursed by college that destroyed it
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Levee repair costs estimated at $10 billion. The real kicker is that the work will most likely not be completed by the next hurricane season
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| (Infowars) |
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Conspiracy nuts go to Venezuela to ask Hugo Chavez to investigate 9/11 attacks, creating a black hole of crazy that could engulf the entire western hemisphere
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Quick quiz: Which entertainment industry is giving consumers more choice: A) Mainstream? B) Porn?
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| (Market Watch) |
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Corporate profits highest in 40 years. Productivity is up, too. Guess why. (Hint: The answer is in your two percent raise)
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DeLay chief of staff Tony "the Fall Guy" Rudy pleads guilty in lobbyist corruption investigation
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Allah the one and only god, creator of the universe, speaks to the faithful through a rooster
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A horse that fetches beer. The Sun is there
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When scoping out houses to rob, don't pick the one occupied by 20 sumo wrestlers
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Cellphones, which were once said to cause cancer, then proven not to, do
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Mexico won't use police to stop migrants. Captain Obvious shoots beer out his nose in a fit of laughter
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| (WIBC.com) |
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Not everybody thinks blowing up 700 tons of explosives in the Nevada desert is a fun alternative to the casino
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Records show WWII Britain was more scared of schoolgirls with VD than Hitler
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| (WIBC.com) |
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Good news, NCAA basketball fans: Indiana governor not stupid enough to close bars an hour early for daylight savings during the Final Four
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Doctor sued for making women's breast implants too big (pic)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Pictures of the Hollywood Hillbillies, Britney and K-Fed, posing with the midgets she hired for his birthday
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Delphi's actions may spark UAW strike, which could bankrupt GM and crush the UAW. ACLU set to defend Nazi's right to burn down ACLU
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| (Some Tokyo Farker) |
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Final Reminder: Tokyo Fark Party, April 2nd, 5:00 p.m. at The Maple Leaf in Shibuya. All your beer are belong to us
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| (cmp_3) |
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Reminder: Boston Tomb and Booze Fark Party this Saturday night. LGTPT DIT
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Congrats to the winners from the Fark Poker Tournament yesterday. Lil_Brudder1 ($1200), theedge1111 ($800), Sengdalos ($500), iHeartBlix ($300) and meekpanda ($200)
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| (Some Cowbell website) |
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Christopher Walken is 63 today -- let's all get him some more cowbell
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Philly plumber's union has a problem with waterless urinals. It's not the question of sanity, but "fewer pipes means less work"
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South Carolina repeats as champion of Tournament Nobody Cares About
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Bad: You're a gang member playing crip killer music in the wrong neighborhood. Worse: You get shot by a military marksme. Fark.com: Your name is Dom Perignon Champagne
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| (Orlando Sentinel) |
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Convenience-store clerk in jail after customer finds urine content of store's soda a tad too high
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NYC to publicly release 9-1-1 emergency calls placed by victims of the World Trade Center attacks today
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| (Delaware Online) |
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Today's "truck carrying more than five tons of human waste overturns on a highway ramp" story brought to you by Odessa, Delaware
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Death toll rising after quake in Iran. Tune into the 700 Club tonight so Pat Robertson can tell you why
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| (Some Guy) |
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Sharon's breasts are lopsided, declare veiwers of "Basic Instinct 2" premier. In other news, submitter offers free exam, risk assessment
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| (Crazy Farker) |
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Cman41886, desperate for his first greenlight, decides to put himself up for photoshop
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| (NY Daily News) |
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Upon hearing that former teammate Kris Benson is getting divorced because he cheated on his wife, Mets players to find out if Anna Benson's promise to sleep with the team still holds (pic)
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Coaches lobby for more NCAA tournament slots. That'll get rid of that nasty bubble once and for all
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| (Gareth-Michael Skarka) |
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Role-playing game industry fails its saving throw against girls and beer
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It hasn't even been sculpted yet, and already the Mother Theresa statue is offending people
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| (Twin Cities.com) |
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Saint Paul's smoking ban starts at midnight; another one bites the dust
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| (Some TFer) |
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Theme: Bad timing
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| (Adrenaline Vault) |
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Eighty-year-old champion set to defend crown against upstart newcomer in world's ultimate Q*Bert championship
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| Thu March 30, 2006 |
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Sumatra quake fault set to rumble again
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| (Some Guy) |
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TF Kitchen: Post your best steak marinade/cooking instructions. LGT type of steak
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It's perfectly legal for a member of Congress to buy and sell stocks based on information that's not available to the public
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Austria's self-proclaimed 80-year-old "porn hunter" charged after trying to stick a fig leaf on naked Mozart's statuesque junk. Throws another shrimp on the barbie
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| (Some Guy) |
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Do your best or worst at covering Bon Jovi's "Livin' on a Prayer"
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Boston detective wrestles 108 bags of marijuana from jaws of pitbull. Last time this happened, they had to follow him around with a baggie for a week to get it back
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Detroit Pistons forward Rasheed Wallace says Osama bin Laden is preparing new attacks against U.S
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Poland, in an effort to make sure people blame the Germans instead them, want to change the name of Auschwitz to "Former Nazi German Concentration Camp Auschwitz-Birkenau"
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| (CBS13) |
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Happy birthday Dominion of Canada, Eric Idle and, oh yeah, 43-year-old Elle MacPherson... 43?
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World record set for enclosing most people inside bubble. No, it wasn't set by dailykos.com
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Commuting, not international travel, is the main cause for the spread of flu
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Stoney-faced Botox Bandit still on the loose in Scottsdale
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| (Oregon Live) |
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Today's Toughness Award goes to woman who got shot by stray bullet while walking through rough neighborhood says she will not change her daily walking route just because she caught some lead
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Two hundred teenagers gather in South Beach to protest drinking at 10 a.m., "when approximately all of their intended audience was still unconscious from the night before"
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Oil prices rise amidst ...(throws dart)... Iran fears
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| (LSU Reveille) |
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Squirrel steals student's ID card. If you think this is funny, you aren't a college administrator (read March 28, then 29, then 30)
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Elevator music inspires North Korean to defect to the west
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Delphi to ask a bankruptcy judge to allow it tear up its labor contracts with the UAW tomorrow. Honda, Toyota tremble with glee at the thought of what can possibly go wrong
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| (Example) |
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Theme: Car concepts "of the future" that turned out to be nothing like what we have today. Link goes to example
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Coach calls child a two-year-old. Dad sues "smelly butt" coach. Judge tells dad he's a poo-poo head. Dad takes his ball and goes home
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| (Chapel Hill News) |
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Bad: Terrorist drives rented SUV thru a college plaza. Worse: Happens to be Muslim. Fark.com: Terrorist whines that he wanted to use a gun instead
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| (Some Guy) |
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Tori Spelling has a new show and boobs to go with it
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| (Some Guy) |
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A PSA on how crack is made to clear up some of the images of Whitney Houston's drug den that may have confused a few people
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| (Billings Gazette) |
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Overreaction of the day: "I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness," quotes lawyer from Allen Ginsberg in response to mall putting up no parking signs
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| (KPHO.com) |
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In bid for weirdest headline of the day, KPHO turns in this gem: "Kids allegedly kidnapped my mom back in Arizona." Submitter's mom wanted for questioning
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Recent study shows there are more cellphone subscriptions in Denmark than there are inhabitants of Denmark. Americans shocked, unaware Denmark possessed electricity or language of their own
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Highway department doesn't make drawbridge opening schedule available online because "posting information on the Internet simply requires more lead time"
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Study finds prayer doesn't help heart patients. Still no cure for cancer
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That ABC exec who said Bush makes him "sick" also said they shouldn't book Madeleine Albright on "Good Morning America" because she has "Jew shame"
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MLB investigating past use of steroids in baseball -- to investigate color of sky next
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| (WYFF) |
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South Carolina's lt. governor is now walking to work, as a form of apology after being caught speeding twice and not being ticketed
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| (KTRK) |
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Mother buys DVD player from Wal-Mart, unaware it's pre-loaded with hardcore porn. Says her 13-year-old daughter: "It's very gross. I saw body parts I've never seen before"
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Middle school makes half of the students pretend to be Jews, forces them into mock persecution throughout the day as part of "Holocaust" project. What could possibly go wrong?
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If you haven't updated your wardrobe since the days of Warrant and Slaughter, you'll be happy to know that white jeans are back in style. No word on tight cuff-rolling and ripped up Metallica t-shirts
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Ghyslain "Star Wars Kid" Raza is suing his classmates who put that now infamous video on the internet. Numa Numa guy watches case with great interest
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"You moron, I said I wanted the house wired for CAT-6!" "Meow"
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Oddly enough, the article titled "Battle of the bras takes nasty turn" isn't as trouser-twittering as one might expect
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| (Gawker) |
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Rumor: Unstable supermodel Naomi Campbell smacks around another employee
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| (TheIndyChannel.com) |
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Bush has vowed not to wear a Speedo on his trip to Cancun
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Bird-flu vaccine trials provide disappointing results. And there will only be enough medicine to save white folks
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| (Boston Herald) |
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Image finally released of Scalia's "Vaffanculo" gesture
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| (Naples Daily News) |
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Snakes in a Car
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| (Northwest Herald) |
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Chicago approves plans to build 2,000-foot-tall skyscraper, complete with stunning overviews of polluted lakes and fishermen getting smacked around by flying carp
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| (LV Sun) |
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More and more women are electing to have C-sections to avoid pesky labor and loss of snatchlasticity
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Phillies accidently send cockfighting DVD to season ticket holders. In other news, Phillie Phanatic to be replaced by giant cock
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Japanese convenience stores give new meaning to "Open All Hours," thanks to openly available adult mags and fapping off at the counter
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| (WGAL) |
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The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and a giant billboard has been constructed overnight and now hovers over your house. Welcome to Chambersburg, Pa. With pics
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| (Impact Lab) |
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Advertisers are losing faith in television and moving ad dollars online. Bloggers seen holding their breath
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UN to Iran: "Gee, ummm, if you wouldn't mind, could you, like, stop enriching uranium. If not we'll, well, we might do something. Maybe." Iran to UN: "Die in a fire"
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| (Some Proud Daddy!) |
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Farker Safeinsane's son turns two today. Photoshop his delightful expression
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| (PalmBeachPost) |
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Palm Beach County election error results in wrong person being named winner. No, not in 2000. Yesterday
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| (Impact Lab) |
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A study has shown that playing video games can reduce chronic pain -- the pain of loneliness and isolation and total rejection by women
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James Dean museum in Gas City Indiana closes for good. No word on what to do with all the unused sausage products
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Man run over and killed by his own car. Boy, does that "Florida" tag come in handy
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Vienna launches "driving license for dogs." Your dog gets dizzy chasing his bumper
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| (Forbes) |
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Japan remains world's No. 1 Internet-based economy, with 89 percent of respondents searching for tentacle porn at least once a month
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Mother goes to open savings account for her toddler, discovers toddler already has two accounts and a driver's license registration. Ahhh, they grow up so fast
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More than half of Indiana's seventh-graders passed the mandatory science exam for the first time last fall. That's right Arkansas, OVER half
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| (ninjaburger.com) |
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TFarker Aeonite's Ninja Burger Employee Handbook now available on Amazon. Ninja Pirates
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| (Boston Herald) |
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Finally the break in the case we've all been waiting for: "Sopranos" stars analyze Scalia's gesture
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| (New Scientist) |
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Scientists invent device that tells you if you're boring or irritating. Drew already bought one and is installing it on the Politics tab
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Tennessee prison officials ban peanut butter because inmates were hiding guns, drugs and cellphones in the jars. Don't even ask what they did with the guard dogs
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| (mediamatters) |
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Apparently not understanding humor, group blasts Boortz for suggesting that 11 million illegal aliens be stored in the Superdome, Astrodome
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| (MLive.com) |
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When announcing your run for Congress, do you: A) Outline differences between you and your opponent? B) Criticize your opponent's record? Or (C) call your opponent smart and say that your district needs a noisier and dumber representative?
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| (KEYE TV) |
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Your wife has shut you down in the bedroom -- do you: A) Ask her more nicely? B) Surprise her in the shower? Or C) start a blog about it and alert the local media? (With video)
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| (nbc10.com) |
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Thirteen-year-old in hot water after sending threatening emails to the City of Florence and Bush
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Beef stew, simmered chicken and roasted turkey meals for pets on sale. Vet says, "Nowadays, you see pets being seen more and more as child substitutes"
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| (Some Epee Wielder) |
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Photoshop these fencers
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Man who started referring to his pets as "employees" wins "Home Office From Hell Contest"
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Latest complaint in Indiana about adopting daylight savings time: One less hour of drinking for the Final Four
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Man seeks cure for his sleepwalking problem, even though his problem does save him time cooking breakfast in the morning
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Schoolkids set up company, import torture weapons, present them to government minister to show how easily it can be done. Will find WMDs for extra credit
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| (nbc10.com) |
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South Carolina Senate has given preliminary approval towards death penalty sentences for repeated child rapists
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Daylight Savings to wreak havoc on Purdue University computers. "This is like Y2K except this one is really happening"
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| (Duluth News Tribune) |
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Not news: 45-year-old man appointed highway superintendent in NY. News: He still lives with his parents. Fark.com: In a treehouse with an elevator, shower and propane heater
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| (Impact Lab) |
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Half the population are in a permanent state of jet-lag because their body clocks are so out of synch. Come to think of it, where is that damn body clock anyway?
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"Meet the Farkers" -- tonight's Fark party in Venice becomes news as the Herald-Trib gives out an open invite
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Condoleezza Rice: "Hey, let's check out that mosque." Muslims: "Suck it"
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CNN and Christian Science Monitor reporting that missing hot white reporter Jill Carroll has been released
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| (Some Guy) |
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Congressional candidate who posted fake picture of Baghdad on his website to show how calm and stable it is replaces it with an actual picture of Baghdad. Unfortunately for him the building in the center of the new picture has since been blown up
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Study finds women would rather have their teeth drilled than shop for a new swimsuit
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| (Farktography) |
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 47: "Green." Link goes to next week's contest. Please read first post
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| (Some Sales Rep) |
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Ten rules to manage your boss
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man wanted by U.S. Marshals for a murder found by victim's family on the Internet dancing in a nightclub in Damascus, Syria (with pic and video)
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| (Joblo) |
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Top 10 music videos of the 1980s. Including videos
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Scientists make water flow uphill. Next week, lead into gold
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this Renaissance man
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How to help your brain adjust to Daylight Savings without having to tell your boss you'll be about an hour late for the next six months
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| Wed March 29, 2006 |
| (News-Leader) |
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Kansas City decides to solve traffic congestion problem by having motorists briefly switch to driving on the wrong side of the road, then switch back. What could possibly go wrong?
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New gadgets for pet owners include a collar-mounted cellphone that lets you talk to your dog. Your dog wants text messaging and one of those ridiculous bluetooth ear thingies
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Today's "truckload of cows spilled onto the highway" story brought to you by Hialeah
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Democrats attack Republicans as having no National Security plan. Release plan with no details which is attacked by Republicans. American public seen banging head against a table
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Eight-year-old helps her mother give birth. In other news, you can use a shoelace to tie off an umbilical cord
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John Allen Muhammed allowed to represent self at trial. Now we just need a Danish court sketch artist
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| (Starpulse.com) |
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Victoria Silvestedt hit in face by hockey puck -- she and her big fake boobies are fine
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You want to go into space on the Virgin Space Shuttle? Tough tittie if you have implants
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Woman wins million-dollar bake-off with the average Farker's refrigerator droppings: Chicken, frozen waffle sticks, pancake syrup and spinach
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Two teens face child pornography charges for posting nude pictures of themselves on MySpace
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If you're taking one of those "Taxidermy at Home" courses, don't leave your projects to dry on the fence where dogs will drag them home and spark murder investigations
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| (Greenville Online) |
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You know what you'd get if you were caught doing 101 mph in a 70-mph zone. Care to guess what the lt. governor of South Carolina got?
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Ryanair pilot has trouble telling the difference between Derry Airport and Ballykelly military base. Hilarity ensues
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When it comes to this burrito joint, "The percentage of people who come in stoned out of their bejesus is less than it was in the '70s and '80s." The times they are a changin'
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Man, 69, confesses to 35-year-old bank robbery in order to get medical treatment, but police warn someone didn't think this one through
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Scalia attempts to disprove obscene gesture with pissy letter to the press. Succeeds in proving that he is a petulant man-child
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| (Peoria Journal Star) |
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This month's "house collapses under the weight of pigeon droppings" story brought to you by Peoria, IL
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| (WNBC) |
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Today's poorly worded headline of the day award goes to "Prison Doc Accused of Fondling Inmates Killed by Train"
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| (KYPost.com) |
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If you're missing a petrified lawn gnome, the police would like to speak with you
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Pig's head thrown through family's window in what resident calls premeditated attack. "You don't just find pigs' heads lying around in the street," he points out
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UN to Iran: "Now stop your nuke program, or I will taunt you a second time"
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Man mentally competent enough to pass himself off as a record producer deemed mentally incompetent to stand trial. "Florida" tag trumps "Obvious"
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| (thesimon.com) |
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Chupacabra to Congress: Without Chupacabra who will drink the blood of your goats?
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| (Some Guy) |
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George Lucas is worried about American cultural imperialism
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Eclipse could bring stock market crash, says astrologer's butt
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| (Some Copper) |
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Photoshop these CHP cycles
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Illinois lawmaker proposes solution to Asian carp problem in state's rivers and lakes: Eat them. Although similar program to deal with packs of feral dogs in Illinois may have been most unsuccessful state initiative ever
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| (Some Guy) |
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Hooters Air is taking its boobies and going home after discovering that the airline business does in fact suck
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Cost of driving a car is now $150 a week, according to AAA
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| (NY Sun) |
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Former president Bill Clinton part of group seeking to buy the Philadelphia Inquirer. Look for Inquirer's new feature, Page 3: Ladies Who Gots No Clothes On
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Mormons outraged by show none of them have ever seen
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| (Gizmodo) |
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Your dog wants a thong. And a squeaky toy
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Guy who spanked his monkey while burglarizing homes is charged with intent to litter
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| (AdFreak) |
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German newspaper puts tilted mirrors above urinals to get men to contemplate their junk
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| (MotherJones) |
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The rock band sued by a minimalist composer for including 60 seconds of "copyrighted" silence on their album, and other farked-up tales of this country's farked-up intellectual property law
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School to employ llamas as part of their teaching staff
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| (Live Journal) |
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NASCAR marketing its own line of meat products
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| (Some Guy) |
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Easter Bunny bludgeoned to death in front of cheering Baptists
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Afghan parliament issues written demand that Christian not be allowed to leave Afghanistan. Hooray for democracy
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| (CNN Money) |
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Google patents free wifi
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Abramoff to spend six years in prison; will now be doing favors for smokes
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Museum declares it "inappropriate" for the man who broke the three Qing vases to be on hand for the unveiling of the pieced-together vases
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| (TheIndyChannel.com) |
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Meet the two dumbest crooks the Lawerence, IN police have ever seen
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| (WIBC.com) |
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National ad campaign emphasizing Hawaii's beautiful climate delayed by five weeks of constant rain
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When you hang 10 in Hawaii, watch out for No. 2
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Lexington, KY. police officer in trouble over MySpace page, on which he boasts of arresting country singer and makes fun of retarded kids
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| (PG) |
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Dumb: Getting a ticket for driving drunk. Dumber: Your friend drives and he gets pulled over for drunk driving. Fark: Third guy takes over and gets busted for DUI. All in the same night
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Tom DeLay blaming all his problems on the athiests and homo-sex'ls and their "war on Christianity"
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Man scammed out of $14 million after email deal with wife of the son of the prince of Niger. No, really
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Tumbling coach banned from high school for appearing in gay porn. Haven't we all done a little gay porn when we needed some cash?
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| (nbc10.com) |
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El profesor compra pornografía para los estudiantes. El español clasifica la inscripción encima del 300 por ciento en Alabama
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Good: A sex tape with Sienna Miller has been making the rounds on the Internet. Bad: It involves another woman and a horse
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Urine-tossing teen suspect tasered by police
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| (YouTube) |
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Farker and his friends make a video rebuttal to annoying anti-cigarette ad. (NSFW language)
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Democrats promise to "eliminate" bin Laden if elected. Also, gas will be a nickel, and hot supermodels will want sleep with you, even though you are doughy and broke. Whatver you want. Just vote for them
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A college student's guide on how to sell your body for money. Medical experiments and the like, not outright whoring
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Teenagers caught playing truant after neighbor spots "burglar" climbing through next door's window. "She wasn't looking at school books, she was in bed with her boyfriend and was presumably learning something else"
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What really goes on at Japanese cherry-blossom-viewing parties: Drunkenness, sexual debauchery, fighting and perhaps worse
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Muslim clerics call for convert's death. Will not cast Cure Light Wounds on rest of party
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Chances are this NJ cop's buddies will never stop hearing the story about the day he caught the Lamborgini
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| (SI.com) |
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Photoshop this cheerleader and her six pack
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Politicians don't trust the media; the media don't trust politicians; the public don't trust either of them. And that's the ciiiiircle of liiiife
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Man paints his car in protest after police cite him for parking his boat on his yard (with pic)
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Thanks to advances in technology, it will soon be easier to speak to the dead
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| (Columbus Dispatch) |
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Dutchman builds modern Noah's Ark, asks neighbors how long they can tread water
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Workaholics Anonymous: Helping people lead saner lives and stop screwing up the curve for the rest of us
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Ten-year-old winner of a children's poetry competition hands back her prize money after newspaper readers noticed that her poem was remarkably identical to the work of a well-known writer
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| (Daytona Beach News-Journal) |
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The good news: Woman who was missing for a week and whose friends feared she could be a serial killer's victim has been found alive. The bad news: She was busy in a Jacksonville crack house
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| (wftv) |
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With all other problems solved, Florida legislature in heated argument over what the state pie should be
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Thieves trying to steal animals from Australian zoo discover that koalas aren't the cute, cuddly little buggers everyone thinks they are
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| (Japan Times) |
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Doctor cleared after failing to notice four-year-old boy had cotton candy stick in his brain
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Bush says he may not meet with Nigerian president over missing Liberian warlord dictator Charles Taylor. Twenty-four hours later, suddenly Charles Taylor is captured, extradicted back to Liberia
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| (Single Guy) |
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Ever wonder if that jar of olives in the fridge which has been there for months is still any good? A single person's guide to expiration dates
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Drew will be on The Van Patrick show in Kansas City at 8:10 a.m. CST. Call 816-576-7710 with questions. That calling collect thing was a joke btw
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Americans see, hear more profanity, which is obvious to anyone that isn't a goddamn dumbass
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| (Some Guy) |
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Teacher makes class clean poo off bathroom wall. Parents make a stink, teacher gets canned
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| (ABC7 Chicago) |
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Kelly's Pub in Chicago is home to DePaul fans, but once each year it becomes the headquarters of Maguire University, founded as a fake NCAA school in 1963 for the sole purpose of scoring Final Four tickets
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| (ABC 12) |
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Chiropractor who performed adjustments on women's breasts because they were uneven charged with sexual assault
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| (hamptonroads.com) |
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Norfolk's vice-mayor battles three-foot-long pit bull with a cardboard box. Strange-animal battle trifecta in play
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man finds way to beat the high price of gasoline. Oil execs not amused
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| (Some Guy) |
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Theme: Hey Billy-Bob, watch this
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Alka-Seltzer makes 510 dishes to plop and fizz their way into the record books for world's largest buffet
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Cash-starved New Orleans school district to sell its waterlogged, useless buses on Ebay
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Twenty-one percent of people surveyed think it's morally acceptable to cheat on income taxes. The other 79 percent are too worried about being audited
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| (Sharky's On The Pier) |
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Reminder: Venice Florida Shark Party at Farky's On The Pier, Thursday March 30 from 7:00 to 10:00 pm (link goes to directions and such)
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| (Maui News) |
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Civil defense siren malfunctions in one neighborhood. Attempt to fix problem results in civil defense sirens sounding throughout entire county. In other news, Depends stock futures skyrocket
|
| Tue March 28, 2006 |
| (Some Whippersnapper) |
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Driving instructor, 93, says he can still teach the kids a thing or two, and by "kids" he means "60-year-olds"
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San Francisco hiker finds Louis Vuitton handbag containing $1 million dollars in jewels and returns it to rightful owners; says he wouldn't be caught dead carrying anything but Prada
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| (The Columbian) |
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If you get pulled over for speeding, you might want to hide your weed. Especially if it's sitting on your lap
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Man busted for drunk driving after stopping to ask police where the 320-meter rock was, oblivious to the fact it was casting a shadow on him
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| (Some Guy) |
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Dude gets paid $600 a day to get high and change a lightbulb (with video)
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Surgeons remove two fetuses from two-month-old baby girl. Needless to say, such a procedure would be illegal in South Dakota
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Minnesota couple has three kids -- all born on April 6. Fireworks apparently not in short supply in their bedroom on the Fourth of July
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Give this guy a better slide in his PowerPoint presentation
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| (Silent Bob) |
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Kevin Smith tells the whole Nicole Richie story
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Heartless exec embezzles $237K from heart research foundation to pay dominatrix to beat him
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| (Batesville Daily Guard) |
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Thief robs Wal-Mart on two consecutive days at the same time, stealing a TV and a home-theater system. Police are said to be pursuing all channels
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Pamela Anderson asks for a meeting with the Canadian PM over the seal hunt. In other news, it appears as if someone bought her a thesaurus
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When the headline mentions "funeral director" and "fetus hoard" in the same sentence, you know things can only get uglier from there
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Miami students stage sit-in while supporters outside chant slogans from Bob the Builder
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