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| Sun February 26, 2006 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this rhino
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Woman stabs husband because he bought her cheap flowers on Valentine's Day. The Sun is on the cutting edge of this one
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Idiot burglars use cutting torch to open stolen ATM not realizing that money is made of paper and is what you'd call "flammable"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Audioedit a Fark drinking song
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Sad that people died, but amazing quantum suicide -- guy shoots himself a mile away
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Woman ordered to court after she fails to pay her car registration. The fact she died three months earlier apparently dismissed as a weak excuse by officials
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Man in black T-shirt rushes stage at Olympic closing ceremony. To no one's surprise, he was wearing a T-short advertising an online casino
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| (Some Guy) |
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Naked Lady of Railway Lane staff save Boobook Owl in Cowra (incomprehensible headline, cute-ass pic)
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There are so many accidental electrocutions on streets of New York that the hottest new trend among dog owners are canine hiking boots with non-conductive soles
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Wyoming lawmakers wrestle with whether or not to allow hunters to arm themselves with silenced machine guns
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| (NY Daily News) |
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Hundreds of ticket-holders turned away from comic-con after appearance by Milla Jovovich causes dangerous overcrowding
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| (TVNZ) |
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New Zealand politician upset that prisoners are watching R-rated movies, presumably because it might have a bad influence on them and lead them into a life of crime
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| (Honolulu Advertiser) |
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Fuel cell invented that runs on charcoal. Anyone for a barbecue?
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Board game makers really want you to play board games, and as soon as they find out a way to get the suck out of them, they'll let you know
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| (WNY Media Network) |
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Top Ten things I, Peter Griffin, would like to say to America
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| (10 News) |
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Intoxicated man brags he can jump from seventh-floor hotel balcony to another floor. There's a reason this story is in the news, and it isn't because he was successful
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| (Boston Herald) |
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Are you homeless and a drunk in Canada? They are now giving "wine therapy" to bums, on the hour - morning till night
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EPA to allow the dumping of up to 4 million gallons of VX nerve gas byproduct into Delaware River. What could possibly go wrong?
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| (Marketwatch) |
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1998 Rumor: Disney considering buying Apple. 2006 Rumor: Apple considering buying Disney
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| (Some Guy) |
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Jessica Simpson are furious at television produsers for makeing her look like a domb blond
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| (Some Guy) |
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Caption this woman
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| (Star-Press) |
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Fewer baking soda-and-vingegar volcanoes than ever before at nation's science fairs as student projects get more relevant, boring
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Officials in Bermuda hire exterminator to choke their chickens
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| (Some Guy) |
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The 50 greatest sports moments of all time
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Here's a list of weird things that can happen to you
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Reasons not to fear the UAE ports deal
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| (Market Watch) |
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The 1040 Form line items that most people screw up
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| (Some Guy) |
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As if riding a tiny motorbike isn't indignity enough
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David Beckham befuddled by six-year-old's math homework
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| (Blabbermouth.net) |
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Bakersfiled to honor Korn by dubbing access road "Korn row"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Theme: When it's just not worth it to buy generic
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A mysterious vibration, which can't be detected by instruments, is shaking Maine
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Lady wakes to find house on fire, seriously freaked out cat
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| (Virginia lottery) |
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New lottery game dangles "free ball" option. Ticket buyers hang out in pairs, with squirrels seen as potential big winners
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Thirty percent of students bullied online
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| (Khaleej Times) |
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Hamas denies suggestion it may recognize Israel. Truce and/or UFIA still on table
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New Hampshire drops "You're going to love it here" from state welcome signs because the message they'd rather send to tourists is "Live free or die"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Brazilian bobsled team still a little unclear on the concept, run course upside down (with pic)
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| (Some Jealous Guy) |
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Since the female orgasm is a relatively late evolutionary event, why have humans gone the extra step to enable human females to have multiple orgasms? LGN
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| (Some Guy) |
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Hi-tech dumpster diving
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| (Some Guy) |
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Gentleman's Quarterly prints in-depth interview with a bunch of 13 year-olds. Prussian Blue, America's newest Idol
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Fat people cost US economy $117 billion a year, according to figures pulled out of a greasy fry wrapper. No word on how many double down by smoking or illegal downloading
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| (LGT profile) |
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Farkette and Photoshop queen elle is going in for major surgery tomorrow. Photoshop a get well soon card in her honour
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| (Some Photoshoppin' Farkette) |
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Graceland's biggest investor wants to make the Memphis landmark a bigger tourist attraction. Photoshop some of the rejected choices for improvement
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| (Hiro Protagonist) |
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Photoshop theme: Nerd combat
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George W. Bush, currently touring Pakistan, sees himself as a "cricket person". Hasn't yet declared if he's a batsmen, bowler, nor if he can deliver a marvelous googly, off-break or doosra
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More than 1,000 flounder get high, become docile during "jubilee" phenomenon
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"blurry oil stain on the sheet metal does, indeed, resemble Jesus"
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"Wildlife experts explain that the moose especially have relatively heavy bodies and thin legs." Additionally, all brontosauruses are thin at one end, much thicker in the middle and then thin again at the far end
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| (Some Guy) |
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Did spacemen land on a North Wales mountain? THE INTERNETS HAS THE ANSWER
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| (Some Guy) |
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Amazing Anagrams of famous people (Too perfect for coincidence)
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| (thebootytrap.com) |
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Cats...pirate food or pirate friend?
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| (theage.com.au) |
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Mars mission rides right into the danger zone
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this islet
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Spear fishing diver hit by propeller from passing boat. Fish haven't laughed like this since Barney Miller went off the air
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| (Bath Chronicle) |
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University tries to lure more students by offering Scrabble, bee-keeping
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| Sat February 25, 2006 |
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Silicon valley having a recycling nightmare
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| (Some Guy) |
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The next time you are at the funeral home, you may want to check if the deceased's leg bone has been replaced with a plastic pipe w/ x-ray pic & video
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| (Maple Ridge News) |
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Car crashes into garage, fortunately impact was cushioned by boxes of toilet paper
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Fiat builds chocolate-coated display car (with pic)
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Man wakes up from coma when life support is switched off, gives daughter away at wedding ten days later
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| (Sunday Herald) |
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Bruichladdich to start making whisky that is 92% alcohol, possibly 94%. "To be honest I'm just hoping the distillery doesn't explode"
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| (WCPO) |
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Man sues city over right to hang sign that reads "Warning: Hogs Bite"
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| (Boobies and Beads) |
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It's not as good as being there, but it's always 'possibly not safe for work' - the NOLA Bourbon Street Cam
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Church throws full support behind youth minister after he murders skateboarding teen. "We want to make a stand for Christ"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Gallery of drawings by Da Vinci
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| (Another Fish) |
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Photoshop this British fish
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After breaking up with Lance Armstrong, Sheryl Crow diagnosed with breast cancer
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| (Some Otis) |
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He never did get to use that one bullet. Don Knotts dead at 81
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Artist bakes life-sized loaf in the shape of her own naked body. I'd eat it. (with pic)
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| (The Daily Texan) |
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Biological warfare agent found in dorm at the University of Texas
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| (Some Dumpster) |
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Photoshop this dumpster diver and his pet rat
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| (Swazi Observer) |
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Man who is constantly electrocuted by his bathroom suspects witchcraft is the cause
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Thieves take $26,380 worth of beer. Relax, it was Miller beer
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Convicted sex offender asks judge not to make him wear electronic tracking bracelet because he belongs to a church that believes electricity is evil. Church is presumably OK with molesting teenagers, though
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| (Florida Alligator) |
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Commiting suicide is always sad. It's much sadder, though, when nobody notices you're gone until they trip on your skull eight years later
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| (Record) |
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After being fined after letting her dog crap in a park, woman demands the dog's poop be DNA tested so she can prove her innocence
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Seven 82nd Airborne Division paratroopers up on charges because those weren't foxholes they were diving into
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop 1953 Dan Patch Queen Lois Breeggemann
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| Fri February 24, 2006 |
| (Times Daily) |
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Man pees, bleats, slaps, shoots, leaves
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Psycho Path beats out Farfrompoopen Road and Bucket of Blood Street to win the strangest road name in the nation
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| (TKCC) |
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Zoo finds mate for their red panda through adultpandafriendfinder.com
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Company selling diamond-encrusted bra and panty set for a couple thousand bucks. You know, because everyone wants to have the lots of pointy diamonds strapped to their crotch
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| (Some Guy) |
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Drunk dictionary translation tool
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If you buried your dog in a shallow grave in a Boston park, you will soon be getting a phone call from police who wish to discuss this matter with you
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Darwin set to host tens of people who will try their best to upstage Mr. Damage, the world champion air guitarist
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Neurobiological tech company milks Malayan pit vipers for anti-stroke blood thinner. They do it by hand. Are you kidding?
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| (KXAN.com) |
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Discount dollar stores: Israeli toothpaste, expired batteries and expired food. Your dog wants three-year-old dog treats
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"Arctic Monkeys Grab Three Gongs." The story isn't that interesting, but hell of a headline, eh?
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Findings on Kennewick Man include he was tough as nails, he was deliberately buried, and he predates God putting fixed lights in the sky
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Nun chases robber down street telling him to give his heart to God
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Our favorite humble Olympic Texan refuses to lose, and takes home... the silver
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Florida preparing to pass bill making it legal to seat your dog at restaurants. Your dog wants some Red Lobster cheesy biscuits right now, dammit
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop a whale, a snail and a grail
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Parallel universe found in which Bill Clinton is a celibate priest. Other discoveries include Osama as a Christian fundamentalist and Sean Hannity as a Democrat
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| (eveningecho.ie) |
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You're getting very sleepy. Deeper and deeper. Your eyelids are getting heavy. Deeper and deeper. Pay no attention to the laser pointer entering your vagina. Deeper and deeper
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| (The Officer's Club) |
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On September 26th, 1983, Stanislav Petrov saved your life
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"Wifely expectations" contract a hit with the Germans. "Followup" tag trumps "Obvious"
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Restaurant manager emails video of sum yung guy to FBI agent
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Former Israeli security chief says new Palestinian PM Ismail Haniyah "could be a target for assassination if Hamas carries out suicide bombings"
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"We could make a male contraceptive pill today but what's the point? Men won't take it anyway"
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Elsewhere in Gaza, a top Hamas bombmaker was blown up while he was training militants ... guess that planned "govt. services & civics" will have to wait until they get this whole "killing the Jews" deal is squared away
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From the apartment of made up statistics: "Bird Flu Has 6 in 10 Americans Worried"
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Out of nowhere, Chertoff casually declares that UAE's $100mil contribution to Katrina efforts were "not a bribe"
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| (Marketwatch) |
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Sale of US ports put on hold pending further...oooh, bright, shiny objects
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| (Billboard) |
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Bob Geldolf nominated for Nobel Peace Prize after getting Pink Floyd to reunite for Live 8
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| (wral.com) |
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UNC studnets compete in 50 yard dash in 49 yard long hallway
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College student honks at cops flashing their sirens to blow through a red light, gets lesson in street justice
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| (London Free Press) |
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Grenade explodes in hand of attacker
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For your fapping pleasure, newer hotel bathrooms fitted with peepholes
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Six medical symptoms you should never ignore
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| (The Local) |
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Cabbage protects against cancer. World shrugs, decides the incessant gas wouldn't be worth the added lifespan
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| (Urban Elephants) |
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Ladies, get out your best blue cocktail dress; Bill Clinton is looking for new interns
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| (Massachusetts) |
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I'll see your dirt and raise you a donut
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| (Appleton Post-Crescent) |
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The fist-fighting portion of the game of cribbage has been a forgotten art for much too long
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| (Pittsburgh Post Gazette) |
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Saleem Butt, 46, convenience store owner, charged with making $2,300 worth of purchases with a police officer's stolen credit card, soon will be headed to PMITButt prison
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| (Las Vegas Review Journal) |
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Man who voluntarily gives DNA to clear himself of robbery charge faces a lifetime as a DNA collector after his sample matches blood at murder scene
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Crabby former voice of Lucy in Peanuts cartoons, says federal prosecutors are targeting her animal rights group as part of a crackdown on freedom of speech. 5 cents please for a tin-foil hat
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Scientists determine thickness of paint on Gainesville wall spray-painted by students constantly for decades. Still no cure for cancer
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| (Deadspin) |
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Baseball bigot John Rocker posts an ad on Match.com. Better act fast, ladies
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| (Illinois Lottery) |
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Record number of Pick-3 winners on Chicago's South Side last night
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| (No Dead Fish) |
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The late Abe Vigoda turns 85 today. Pay your respects here
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Oil prices rise because attack on refinery in Saudi Arabia......(flips coin)... Fails
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Arkansas zoo officials puzzled by man carrying trash can with stolen sheep in it
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| (Gawker) |
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Oprah's questions get penetrating: "So you've had men ejaculate in your face? Do you enjoy double penetration? Is bukkake better than a perfect pearl necklace? Have you basted a man's turkey in your own urine?"
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Swaziland clinic narrowly avoids a riot due to overbooking circumcisions
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Man gets sexual assault case against him dismissed because he referred to it as pulling an R. Kelly
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| (Some Guy) |
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Bad: Having to wait two years on list to buy Ford GT. Worse: Spending $200,000 on said car. Fark: Wrecking it into pole after only having it for 2 days and putting only 9 miles on it (with pic goodness)
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Man mails package of marijuana, puts his return address, but not mailing address. Jailarity returns to sender
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IRS finds 3 out of 4 churches overstepped into politics, violating tax-free status with prohibited campaign activity
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Hey, Batman, here's just something wrong with this headline: "Holy Shiite Tomb Attacked"
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Damon Wayans tries to trademark the N-word; Trademark Office responds with "N- please"
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| (UTV) |
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Stradivari violin expected to fetch $2.5M at auction. Winning bidder agrees not to refer to it as a "fiddle"
source: u.tv | share:
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| (Computerworld) |
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Update: Judge delays decision on BlackBerry cutoff. Carpal tunnel sufferers continue to see their physical therapists
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Microwaved penis story has a strange twist
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H&R Block can't get its taxes right. Ironic-o-meter explodes
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Streaker interrupts Bronze medal curling match. Police say Rubber Chicken in stable condition. (With Priceless Pic)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Genetic designers create first live human Manga baby
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| (Some Guy) |
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Westboro Baptist Church pickets army funeral, taunts grieving mother. Patriot Guard Riders on scene to administer smack down
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Illinois governor appoints Louis Farrakhan's minister of protocol to state panel combatting discrimination and hate crimes. What could possibly go wrong?
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102-year-old photo of a bunch of trees sells for $2.9 million at auction. Theme: Photoshop what you think a $2.9 million photo should look like (Difficulty: SFW)
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| (wsoctv.com) |
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KFC hides secret message in new TV commercials. Led Zeppelin unavailable for comment
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Sculpting sand actually listed as one of the things that keeps kids from sniffing glue (pic)
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| (Random Salad) |
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How to prevent household monks
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| (TIC) |
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High school in uproar after superintendent rules they can't publish an article called "The Art of Fellatio" in their school paper
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Romanian bakers shave their heads to look like fresh hot loaves of bread
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| (wsoctv.com) |
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Pennies: valuable currency or fiscal nuisance?
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| (WKYT) |
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The peril posed by peppermint
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A woman who tripped and fell over packages left on her front porch plans to sue the U.S. Postal Service for damages
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Thought your cube career was going no where before? behold, the treadmill workstation
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British grocery invasion promises to have U.S. supermarkets "shaking in the boots" with undisclosed "mystery format"
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How older women snag younger guys. Here comes the MILF.. er, Science
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| (Some Guy) |
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Explosion rocks Post Cereal plant. R&D blames failed "Colon Blow" cereal development
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Coca growers are outwitting and outfighting the Colombian government. Behold the power of FARC
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Dutch artist puts "hair" on cars. (with pic of something that resembles "Chia Car")
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Cargo of whiskey destroyed when truck tire bursts, ignites cargo. Oh, the humanity
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Oil jumps after car bomb attack at Saudi Oil Refinery
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Convenience store clerk finds penis cooking in microwave. Bottle of ketchup is also missing
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| (CricInfo) |
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Caption what cricketer Sourav Ganguly is contemplating
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Court says girl can sue magazine for using her picture to illustrate an article about high school sluts
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Colombian cyclist given four years in jail for grabbing woman's ass. Cyclist upset at punishment, wishes woman had picked the "slap the offender" option instead
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| (TPC) |
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Several Marines arrested after selling the camp's body armor on eBay
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| (American Decency Association) |
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"The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition is smut. It needs to be opposed"
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| (Impact Lab) |
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For the man who has everything except a job where he can dress casually, a tie designed to secretly hold an iPod Nano. But it only comes in "hey-look-at-me-I'm-a-dumbass" pink
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The Great Blackberry Showdown
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"Stand Your Ground" laws, proposed in 21 states, will make it legal to shoot another person in public - provided you believed you were in danger. One state already passed the law
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German actor quits play after slapping critic with a rubber chicken during the performance
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| (Victory!) |
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The loudest siren ever built. Runs on a V8 Hemi, will make your neighbors wish they'd just turned the damned music down like you asked
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this beach art
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| (Some Georgian) |
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Having solved all other problems, Georgia lawmakers seek to designate an official state dirt
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Robbers grab 50 million pounds during heist. The Sun shows what happened by using screenshots from The Sims
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| (Some Guy) |
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What little boys were made of before lawsuits
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Howard Johnson guests get authentic Florida experience as police surround hotel after shooting man in drug sting
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| (myway.com) |
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Giraffe put on birth control. The zoo finally got someone to put the diaphragm in
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| (Some Guy) |
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Movie quote game. Answer and post new quote. I'll start with an easy one. "Where the white women at?"
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| (KUSA Denver) |
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Good: Your suck-ass NBA team got a good player in a trade. Bad: When he comes to town he's required to register as a sex offender
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School bans idiot for getting stupid spiral haircut. The Sun is there, and they brought a camera
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Philippines President Gloria Arroyo declares state of emergency following failed coup
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| (1UP Blog) |
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WGN Reports that video games are as addictive as crack
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| (Some Guy) |
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Iceland wants its own secret service to protect it from terrorists
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| (Some Guy) |
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Midwest company fined for selling gas too cheaply
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| (Rocky Mountain News) |
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"Biblically Correct Tours" takes homeschooled kids to museums and zoos to show them how evolution supports racism and abortion
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| (Military.com) |
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Air Force plans to sell super-secret F-22A on international market
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| (New Zealand Herald) |
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Nigerians "planted drugs in my gnomes" claims grandmother
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| Thu February 23, 2006 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Survey finds top managers work most hours of unpaid overtime, apparently in land of Sugar Candy Mountain where it rains bourbon whiskey. Here in the real world where their offices are dark at 5:05, not so much
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| (nbc5) |
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Family makes teen stand on busy street corner holding up a sign after he gets suspended from school for 5 days for using foul language
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| (Some Guy) |
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Fifteen percent of Las Vegas teens have fallen asleep at school. Rather than teach kids about time management and tell them to go to bed earlier, parents propose school start later
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| (www.tfkitchen.com) |
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TFKitchen - A Foodie's Call to Arms (and recipe exchange)
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More proof your cat hates you: It starts dragging home six-inch spiders and leaves them for you to deal with
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Indians may not be getting all the IT jobs, now it may be someone in Podunk, Idaho. At least they're American
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Scientists announce creation of first artificial star in Southern Hemisphere, and Simon Cowell had nothing to do with it
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| (Americablog) |
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Bush aide: "Worrying about the UAE port scandal aids and comforts our enemies"
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Toymakers increasingly incorporating iPods into kids' products. Photoshop the not-so-hot sellers. (LGT article)
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China bans movies blending animation with live-action. "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" apparently latest threat to post-Mao empire
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Friends, family grow more worried as Katie Holmes now spends eight hours per day in Scientology training. The Sun is there
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| (Some Guy) |
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3D Web browser might display porn sites like never before
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The 14 most dangerous vacation destinations
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Catholic Church appeal for New Zealanders to boycott South Park episode results in record audience
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City docks workers' pay for using too much time and too many men to fix a few potholes
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Polygamy can be good for women
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"Dear Mr. A-Rod: I think I speak for the great majority of Yankees fans, if not most denizens of the western hemisphere, when I say that I don't much care for you."
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Bureau of Imaginary Statistics finds 40 percent of people make up their resume
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Funeral home illegally harvests bones from a thousand corpses
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Private middle school teaches alternative view of U.S. history. Topics include "Our Godly Heritage" and "Understanding the Homosexual Lifestyle and Agenda, Parts I & II"
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Skycraper escape pods in the works. Darth Vader sends stormtroopers to check on the remains for droids
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| (Some Snapshots) |
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Family takes photos of themselves every June 17th to chronicle passing of time. From 1976 to last year
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Mayor's wife injured when horse-drawn wagon hit by horse-drawn buggy. Surprisingly, this happened nowhere near Amish country
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| (Some Guy) |
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Wal-Mart promises not to enter branch banking market, applies for FDIC. The invisible hand is about to give you the UFIA
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| (Some Guy) |
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Marketing professors do quantitative study of movie critics. Movie critics give the study a thumbs down
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| (Some Guy) |
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Dutch police arrest a group of 419 scammers who made at least $2.4 million since September
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People are complaining about pics of naked women on the Vanity Fair cover, demand that they be removed and placed in a separate "Vanoobies" magazine
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Hostage Situation in downtown Phoenix (very few details yet)
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Question: What kind of moran doesn't know The Daily Show is a spoof? Answer: The governor of Illinois
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ITunes hits billionth download. Lucky downloader will receive $10K iTunes card, new computer and eternal embarassment for having downloaded Kevin Federline's "Popozao"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Two bears euthanized at park after one bites a child -- who was in a restricted area, climbed a four-foot fence and stuck his hand through the enclosure. "Sad" tag trumps "Dumbass"
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It's probably not a good idea to celebrate getting your driver license by getting nailed doing 1.5 times the speed limit
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Oil prices slide as... what the? The Magic 8-Ball must be broken
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Newfoundland provincial government cancels school because a Newfoundlander is on TV
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New Orleans: "We'd like to have our evacuees back, please. Well, maybe not the freaks, psychos, and lowlifes. You can go ahead and keep those. Our thank-you gift to you."
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Apparently, there were rules for gladiators. "Don't wear skirts short enough to show your nuts" not among them
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I-55 crash site near Chicago turns up one Kia Sportage, large sums of cash and checks, multiple identifcations and two Arab men. No doubt there's a rational explanation
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Drew will be on The Mark Christopher show tonight (Nashville) at 10:00 p.m. EST (9:00 Central). Listen online and call in
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| (Hertsessexnews) |
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Official criticized for downloading porn on his government computer uses the famous "pop-up blocker didn't work" argument. Sues those who don't buy the story
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Military denies Iraq is at brink of civil war, says the centuries of racial, tribal hatred are in their "last throes"
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Google admits that cellphone users are now searching for porn far more than desktop users. Cellphone carriers say, "Oh yeaaahhhh, yesssss, dooon't stop"
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Theme: Advertisements on police cars. Link goes to real-life example
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| (taser.com) |
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Because you'll never know when you'll need it, here's video of a Taser taking down a 1500-pound wild bull. (With moooooo-zap-zap-zap goodness)
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| (Leesburg2Day) |
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Movies like "Lion King" and "Mulan" under fire for being shown in school as actual teaching aides. No word on if "Weapons of Ass Destruction" should be shown in civics or biology
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Bolivian senator best-known for chanting "Death to Yankees" socked when U.S. cancels her entry visa. Red Sox fans don't see what all the fuss is about
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Massive quake shakes Mozambique, Zimbabwe; ruins Africa's chance at Scrabble victory
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| (Some Guy) |
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Missouri couple told they can't live together because they aren't married. Mayor Adolph claims to be above the law
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Attorneys say new bankruptcy law is ineffective. Debt collectors disagree
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| (Foobies.com) |
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Hey folks, foobies tab went away but foobies didn't go away. It's over at foobies.com. Dumbass advertisers want it to be separate -- Drew. (Site safe for work, none of the links are)
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New Fark Politics tab promises sweet 24-hour-a-day flamewar goodness. In other news, all who oppose this new tab like Hitler
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| (Pink News) |
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Drudge Report brings gay news site to its metaphorical knees
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Bad news: Chicago to ban sidewalk peddling at Wrigley Field. Good news: Cubs fans jumping from upper bleachers during mid-season collapse less likely to injure someone upon impact
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| (Some Guy) |
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Autistic teenager gets his chance to play on the high school basketball team and scores 20 points in three minutes
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| (Some Guy) |
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Pen some cartoons, Muslims 'round the world riot. Blow up a 1200-year-old mosque that contains the remains direct descendants of the Prophet Muhammad and the response is "ho hum"
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Elderly lady mistakes offramp for onramp. Hilarity ensues (with video goodness)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Suggest a four-word phrase that can instantly end a bad date. Voting enabled
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| (Some Guy) |
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Today's high school shooting brought to you by Oregon
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In the news: CBS News legend Christopher Glenn and his golden baritone retire today. Now back to Fat Albert. Blippity blippity blippity blippity do do do do do DO
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| (KPHO) |
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The first freeway photo radar system in the United States is now in operation and could collect over $100,000 per day in revenue for Scottsdale, AZ and the company running the system
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| (DailyCommercial.com) |
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From today's poetic justice dept: Man tries to set pickup truck with estranged wife in it on fire, winds up with worse burns than her
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Teacher castrates pig in front of class; Peta and Pig not amused
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| (NBC4) |
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Maryland bill would require DMV to issue special license plates with "DUI" in bold to people with two or more DUI convictions
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Average debt for college graduates has soared 50 percent in past decade. Duke sucks your money
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| (Buffalo News) |
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Having solved all other problems, Department of Homeland Security storms library and tells patrons that it's forbidden to view pornography on the computers any more
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Joe Pesci will not be facing charges for punching fan, says Florida state attorney with black eye, bruises who claims he just ran into a door
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Australian tourist board launches ad campaign to attract tourists by swearing at them
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| (10 large on NJ101.5) |
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After successfully breaking up major sports gambling ring, New Jersey celebrates by considering legalization of sports gambling
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In an effort to calm Iraq down, Iran explains that it was Israel and the U.S. that bombed that mosque
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Man on fishing expedition snags 360-foot-long nuclear submarine
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| (NJ 101.5) |
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New Jersey considering creating drivers license specifically for illegal immigrants. So many jokes and fark cliches apply that voting is enabled
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| (Boston Herald) |
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City council not amused by five-star rating for city-hall restroom
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Confidential emails from Wal-Mart CEO released, including nuggets like telling a manager to quit because he thinks they should offer health care
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Convenience stores selling rose-in-a-tube as crack pipe (with video, photo)
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Man arrested for killing woman because she slammed her door shut and woke him up (with mugshot)
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| (Turnto10) |
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Today's naked story brought to you by Providence, Rhode Island, and the police sergeant who tackled the naked driver. Not that there's anything wrong with that
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Participation trophies teach children that life is not about winning or losing or even trying, it's about showing up
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UAE port operations company had secret deal with White House. Criminalization of corruption, non-story
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Sixteen-year-old posts photos of himself with multiple guns on MySpace. Jailarity ensues
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Fannie Mae probe points to top executives, who may face time in probe-me-in-the-Fannie prison
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Brown snow falls in Colorado
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| (Sioux Falls Argus Leader) |
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Man who tried to steal parts off B-1 bomber in the middle of the night found dead of hypothermia
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this cow gatekeeper
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| (Some Guy) |
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Fark party at The Schooner Bar aboard the RCI Sovereign of the Seas, Friday 8:00 p.m. Be there or be overboard
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William Shakespeare's deathmask may have been found
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Crime of the century reported in Waukesha, Wisconsin: Someone broke into the probation office and stole all the urine
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Fort Lauderdale to provide housing aid for families making up to $70,000 a year
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| (news.nky.com) |
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Nuns organize a spelling bee. No big deal except that it is for adults... in Kentucky... and it follows a cocktail party
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Tampa skyscraper designed with ancient mathematical series to represent guardianship of city now commonly referred to as the "Beer Can" by locals
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| (WND) |
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Student hollers "Remember Chappaquiddick" at Ted Kennedy. Campus police try to drown him out
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Australian prospector pretty daggum happy after cashing in the half-pound gold nugget he found for $10,000
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Some burglars pick targets at random. Others sniff their victim's door to decide if they'll break in
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Powerball passes $350 million. Photoshop the first major purchase you'd make if you won
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This week's "oh the microphone was on?" incident brought to you by New South Wales, Australia
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| (farktography) |
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 42: "Water." Link goes to next week's contest. Please read first post
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| Wed February 22, 2006 |
| (Sporting News) |
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University of Texas football player says he can't wait to be drafted by an NFL team because he plans to use the money he makes to buy an IHOP restaurant. Waffle House reportedly working on a trade with Denny's to move up in the draft
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| (Arstechnica) |
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Lakehead University president bans WiFi networks because they may cause cancer. Last seen wandering around campus in tinfoil hat mumbling about a MLB satellite monitoring him
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| (NewsWatch50) |
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Employers having trouble finding skilled workers as the number of graduates whose main talents are text messaging and World of Warcraft increase
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| (Screenhead) |
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"Brokeback Mountain" dubbed "Faggot Cowboys" in Turkey
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Man attacked by neighbor's goat. Neighbor claims the goat was "just playing"
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Bandits strike golf course community, break into 15 houses, leave everything alone, except beer
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Bush joins Rumsfeld in admitting they knew nothing of the port deal until after they approved it
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Moody's downgrades GM's bond rating from "junk" to "ass-wiping material"
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| (Google) |
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Theme: Google always modifies its logo for special events or holidays. What would it look like on some more infamous or notorious dates? Example: Pearl Harbor Day
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| (Some Guy) |
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Well endowed serial flasher nicknamed "Donkey Dong" has been found
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Two Maxim employees are dared to eat 10 giant Slim Jims in 30 minutes. Hilarity ensues
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| (The Star Press) |
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Protests against Mardi Gras celebrations that included bringing to light the drunken behavior and nudity in the streets may have backfired, brought popularity to the event
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Russia eliminates Canada by beating them 2-0 in Olympic hockey. On the up side, Janet Gretzky won $50
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Today's jump in oil prices due to -- *rolls d20* -- a shortage of corn in the U.S.
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| (Post Star) |
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Ten of the ugliest things created by man. Tara Ried's boob job somehow not on the list
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| (Journal Star) |
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Eight guys who worked graveyard shift at food-processing plant claim the $365-million jackpot. Local media says that three of them actually came to work last night
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Burglary victim finds her stolen stuff in pawn shop and can have it back as soon as she pays for it
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Bavarian village flooded with 20 inches of pig manure. Okay everybody, coffee break's over, back on your heads
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| (Some Kiwi) |
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Religious cartoon controversy rages in New Zealand. The religion: Christianity. The cartoon: "South Park"
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Armed gang steals $43 million while wearing Greek pastries on their heads
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Man in New York gets anthrax. EVERYONE PANIC
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Scientists create mutant chicken with teeth. This could come back to bite them later on
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| (UTV) |
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Man who threw french fries out of his car window faces two fines because he was crossing a border at the time and they fell in two jurisdictions
source: u.tv | share:
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| (nbc5) |
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When tipping over tombstones, make sure one doesn't fall on you, preventing your escape
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Fark Poker Tourney this Thursday at 9:00 p.m. $3000 in prizes to top finishers. Sign-up code WIN3000. You must sign up by midnight tonight. Signed up so far: 50. Details in thread
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Small Fark party during Mardi Gras
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| (Capitol Hill Blue) |
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Cheney: "I swear occifer. He looked like a duck." Cop: "Mr. Cheney, you could at least put down the beer and pretend to be sober until I leave"
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| (Some Guy) |
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GT Farker needs courtside sign ideas for tonights GT vs. Duke game. Wants Reddick ejected, Duke to lose. Help me, help you. Link goes nowhere. Duke sucks
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| (middle-east-online) |
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New Palestinian beer, called Hamas, is reportedly so good you'll explode
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Men decide to settle differences "one on one," which means one man brings along two friends, the other brings flammable liquid and matches
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Hot felon claims web surfers are masturbating over her mug shot on The Smoking Gun, threatens TSG with lawsuit unless photo is removed from their site. The Smoking Gun is there
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Suge Knight sues drug dealer for $100 million. In other news, crack dealer sues police for stealing his crack
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Federal judge rules Google's image search feature violates copyright of Perfect 10 magazine. Perfect 10 readers rule that Perfect 10 magazine is probably the lamest thing on ink and staples
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| (Orlando Sentinel) |
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Police rather surprised when knife-wielding suspect bursts into flame after Taser prongs strike lighter
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Couple, frolicking in shower with combined weight of 35 stone, causes roof collapse
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Family names their kids after seven past presidents
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Anti-bird flu bottled water goes on sale in Czech Republic. Apparently, suckers are born there more frequently than one per minute
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West Virginia woman told to stop rescuing opossums. Cooking them up in a pie still permitted
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| (Some Wah Wah Waaaagh) |
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When playing air guitar, it's best to concentrate more on the "guitar" than the "air"
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| (Journalnow.com) |
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Waffle House scatters, smothers, covers, chunks, tops, dices and caps to pressure, will finally begin accepting credit cards
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Life-threatening broken hip saves woman from life-ending flying pickup into bed (with pics)
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Senator Orrin Hatch now backpedaling on his comment that "nobody with brains" would deny the connection between Sadam Hussein and al-Qaida
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Scientists confirm that guys who can shake their groove thing get all the chicks
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| (Daily Herald) |
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Poll: Mormons, non-Mormons split on issues. Amish and samurais may differ on a few things, too
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| (Danbury News Times) |
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Girl who wanted to meet the governor gets her wish when she runs into the governor's car
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Milwaukee man loses $20,000 in craps game, then botches kidnapping of guy he suspected of using loaded dice
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School board approves plan that would tie teacher's salary to their student's progress
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Researchers continue debate on sequence of events before Titanic sank, which seem like rearranging deck chairs on the... well... you know
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File these under "things you didn't know you needed": Self-heating latte, Pringles with trivia printed on them, Cheez-It Twisterz
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| (Dailyoverlook.com) |
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Photoshop these ugly-ass geese
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Give birth in a restroom once, shame on you. Give birth in a restroom twice, dumbass
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Gorilla rampaging through quake-shattered Tokyo. Godzilla, Mothra unavailable for comment
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Spider-Man sought in comic-shop heist. Evidently the Webbed Wonder swings both ways
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| (wsoctv.com) |
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Man's website lets viewers vote and help decide what to wear to work. Calling on power of Farkers to decide tackiest outfit combo. I vote for clown shoes and polka-dot cardigan
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| (The Local) |
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Smashed-up Ferrari belonged to Swedish gaming mogul
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| (Some Guy) |
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Here's to you, Mister "The Clerk Won't Sell Me Beer So I'll Rob The Store" Guy
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| (WSB TV) |
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"Faith healer" charges $350 for tickets, claims only the rich can get saved, and has sold out a large venue in Atlanta, Georgia. What could possibly go wrong?
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| (I Need A Story) |
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AudioEdit a story around this sound effect. Difficulty: 90 seconds or less. You may use other sound effects for your story but the SFX must be heard clearly
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| (WCVB) |
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Discount store's ad uses the term "wife-beaters" to describe sleeveless t-shirts. Hilarity ensues
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Looking for a way to pump life into sagging U.S. beer sales, Anheuser-Busch becomes the sole distributor of Grolsch beer in the U.S.
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| (Palo Alto Online) |
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Firing of Stanford University's "tree" mascot may be factor in student's decision to run bare-ass naked across basketball court with "Tree" written on his chest, "To Be Continued" on his back
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Man's plan to use a false alias falls apart when police see his real name tattoed on his neck
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Tulsa Fark party set for Friday, March 10 at McNellie's. LGT their bodacious beer list
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Drew will be on The Jay Wulff Show on 103.7 WNNJ in Northern New Jersey at 7:15 a.m. Wednesday
|
| (Some Harvard grad) |
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President of Harvard quits while he's ahead. Also while he's an ass
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| (NBC17) |
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Spectators enjoy thrill of India's Rural Olympics featuring such events as bike cow-jumping, pulling tractors with teeth and, judging from the picture, tractor-ass relay
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Scientists fear the day that jumping carp become so big, fisherman will require shields reach the Great Lakes
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this Egyptian wall
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If you're pumped because you've been invited to a party for students accepted to UC's law school, you might want to put down the 12th Jagermeister shot and read this first
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Your subservient Japanese wife is probabry stashing away a secret fortune
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Town embroiled in turmoil over plan to paint the water tower as a stack of pancakes. No word on the bacon-shaped street lamps
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| (Impact Lab) |
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The cat piano -- a 1650 device designed to torture cats to entertain royalty. Kinda like Siegfried & Roy
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| (Boing Boing) |
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Asshat guy who refuses to return lost camera threatens Boing Boing, says he's a "lawer." Their response: "You're a lawer? Nice to meet you. I'm a ritter"
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Study says global spread of English threatens UK
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