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| Sun February 12, 2006 |
| (LGN) |
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AudioEdit a phone call the NSA is unlikely to have recorded
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| (WLS-TV) |
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Students get the "picture the audience in their underwear" concept backwards
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| (Nola.com) |
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Houston police veteran sums up New Orleans evacuees thusly: "Most of them are -- I'm trying to think of a good word -- wiseasses. Yep, wiseasses"
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| (CTV.ca) |
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Farewell and adieu, you author of "Jaws"/ Farewell and adieu at age sixty-five/ For you've recieved orders for to sail up to heaven/ But we hope very soon we won't be eaten alive
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these facial exercises
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German restaurant will allow dogs, but not small children. Your dog wants a table near the back, preferably a booth
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| (HamptonRoads) |
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85 year old woman gets a $6,600 library fine for book overdue since 1945
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WIth all other criminals behind bars, a police arrest a 12-year-old boy who brought powdered sugar to school for a science project and charge him with a felony for possessing a look-alike drug
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| (WTHI) |
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Indiana considering passing a law which regulates where liquor could be displayed in stores and prevent future expansion of beer and wine sales in convenience stores. In other news, Drew cancels his trip to Indiana
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Marilyn Manson announces that he will play Lewis Carroll in upcoming movie, ratchets the creep factor up to 11 by announcing, "There will be sex"
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| (Chronicle) |
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Sex manuals for people over 60 are the hottest titles in the book-selling world since Harry Potter
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If it wasn't bad enough to have Barry Manilow topping the albums chart, now a Leo Sayers remix sits atop the singles chart. Next week's numer one expected to sound like approaching hoofbeats and the buzz of locusts as they eclipse the sun
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| (LGN, yet) |
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AP reports VP Dick Cheney accidentally shot and injured a man during a hunting trip in Texas
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Japanese hotel guests get blown at check-in to reduce their allergy suffering, ensure a happy stay
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| (Some Guy) |
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Company offers tests to tell people what sport they would be best at. Still no test to determine who's the best kitten killer
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Secrets to living by the Knight's Code in the 21st century revealed. Most important one is not slaying dragons or jousting, but "putting the toilet seat down"
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| (WZZM) |
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Snotty rich kids get suspended, banned from attending. Parents decide to throw them their own dance instead. Your child apparently doesn't want accountability for its actions
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| (Some Guy) |
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Imam in Yorkshire mosque where July 7 suicide bombers attended praises their "good works", saying it certainly made people notice Muslims
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Schools in Northeast have quietly been adding "snowshoeing" to Physical Education curriculum in past years. That's gonna come in mighty handy
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| (Ireland Online) |
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First Mardi Gras parade since Hurricane Katrina marches through the French Quarter pulling carts with blue tarps, effigies of politicians and floats with themes such as "Give Me That Mold Time Religion."
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| (Boston Herald) |
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UNH bans the song "Black Betty" from its hockey games out of respect for black hockey fans named Betty
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US charges Calif. man in computer "botnet" case
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Execs afraid to tell Tony Danza his show's been cancelled, will wait til he goes on vacation; unless he reads this article, that is
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| (webindia123.com) |
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Paris Hilton chosen by director to play Mother Teresa in upcoming movie
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| (Snow Writing) |
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Go write FARK in the snow and take a pic of it to post here
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these dragonflies
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| (OhGizmo) |
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Most useful PC mod for Farkers everywhere. Drew's liver surrenders
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Sunday, Sunday, SUNDAY See 400 pastors nation wide sell the idea that God and science can coexist
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Some kickass website came into existence 7 years ago today. Happy Birthday Fark
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| (Some Guy) |
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New microwave drill technology can bore through materials such as concrete and glass, silently and without creating dust
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National Weather Service plans early retirement for 1000 people, including its most experienced forecasters
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Alyson Hannigan won't be hanging out at the food court at your local mall, since guys tend to scream "band camp" at her
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| (DaVinci Institute) |
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Participatory parks will become the new cultural centerpiece for cities, creating all new places to loiter
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Enron trial calls recess when attorney's cologne overwhelms juror
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| (Some Guy) |
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Aussie army combat jackets glow in the dark
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| (NBC Olympics) |
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Olympic discussion thread
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| (The Daily Telegraph) |
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Telling someone to be quiet at the cinema in Texas will get you arrested
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| (Security Focus) |
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Security company requires employees to have RFID chip injected into bicep in order to gain access to datacenter, find Sarah Connor
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Ronald Reagan letter up for auction turns out to be fake, despite assurances from Dan Rather and Ken Starr
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| (KCBS/KCAL) |
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Balloon bursts inside Los Angeles Convention Center; police break out riot gear, evacuate hall
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these hipsters
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| (SF Gate) |
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Gonzaga fans asked to stop yelling "Brokeback Mountain" at opposing players
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| (Some Guy) |
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Johnny Depp stars on cover of new cereal box. Cap'n Crunch furious
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| (Flickr) |
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What else to do when a tree falls down in your yard but carve the trunk into a giant penis? (pics safe for work)
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Bike couriers come together to test their skills for a trophy made of solid ice
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| (Some Guy) |
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Today's truck crash spill of dog biscuits, cheese, and mayonaise brought to you by Cincinnati, a cup of hot coffee, and a guy who will be looking for a new job on Monday
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| (Some Guy) |
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How to take a caffeine nap
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| Sat February 11, 2006 |
| (Some snow watching tfette) |
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The Unofficial Northeast Blizzard Thread. Bring your favorite hot drink recipes and winter-related songs
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this farker on his happy cannon
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| (Billings Gazette) |
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You know your government is hard at work and diligently paying attention when Congresswoman says she didn't sign that bill she co-sponsored and you can't prove she did what she didn't
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Disturbing, bizarre, surreal, and totally beautiful Polish movie posters
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| (Some Hicktown) |
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Officials send in firefighters armed with rifles to rid city of chickens terrorizing residents. What could possibly go wrong?
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Huge, lily-scented worm found in Washington
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Dunkin Donuts introduces exotic new flavored coffee: Brazilian loogie
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| (Lenawee Connection) |
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Police not sure who left dead Clydesdale in the middle of the road
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Ken Starr, acting as attorney for death row inmate, sends forged juror letters to Governor's office pleading to spare inmate's life
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| (Charlotte.com) |
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Stunning news that web site that would pay you 12 per cent daily return in exchange for looking at online ads may have been a scam
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Boys are dumb
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Photoshop MC Escher pictures into everyday life
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| (Some Blog) |
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Truth is stranger than fiction. Michael Crichton's "State of Fear" nets him Journalist of the Year award from the American Society of Petroleum Geologists
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Ever in search of new markets for its biggest crop, Bolivian politician urges coca leaves be fed to schoolchildren. "Coca has more calcium than milk. It should be part of the school breakfast," he says
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Not unlike Hazzard County Kentucky, NYPD decides that its car of choice is now the Dodge Charger. General Lee surrenders
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Alaska Governor wants state to hire a public relations firm to convince the rest of the US that Alaskans aren't greedy freeloaders
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| (timesonline.co.uk) |
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A rash of dubious miracles and rival congregations is trying the Vatican's patience
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| (fatemag.com) |
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Recent UFO sightings indicate an underwater UFO base off the Southern California coast
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Ask Men presents: 8 questions men are afraid to ask doctors
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Russians take to streets to protest law making ordinary people automatically at fault when hit by cars carrying government officials
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| (Some Marketing Genius) |
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New brand of nasal decongestant promises to clear stuffy sinuses, solve society's crystal meth problems
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Chicago police lament the ongoing epidemic of domestic sword-swinging
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GOP to use blogs to help sway people in the upcoming election. Calls to Ric Romero for advice have yet to be returned, however
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Bush starts to sell off public lands for operating funds. It's been a hard year on the ranch
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| (Hidden Passageway) |
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Company offers to make secret passages in your home, perfect for any home with non-connected conservatories and lounges
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On the first day with new security elevator cams, library catches teen showing off his gun in the elevator
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| (WALB) |
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Father/Daughter dance sells out, to become "Geico Bellsouth Outback Father Daughter/Dance Presented by General Motors"
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| (Some Zonker) |
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"Doonesbury" cartoonist Garry Trudeau condemns publication of controversial Mohammad cartoons
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Sharon is on the ropes again
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| (LGN) |
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Theme: Richard Simmons undergoes a career transformation
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| (Some Guy) |
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Chicago Fark party reminder: March 11th at Sheffield's, 7:00 p.m.
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40 meter high swear visible from space. The Great Wall of China surrenders
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| (Huffington Post) |
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President George W. Bush : 2001 - Forever. MUHAHAHAHA
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| (Accra Mail) |
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Cartoon depicting Virgin Mary with naked breasts printed in Europe. Hilarity ensues
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| Fri February 10, 2006 |
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California policemen fired for shooting alligators while working in Louisiana, despite shouting "They're coming right at us"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this arena
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One-in-14 men having a heart attack drive themselves to hospital
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Noise restrictions around Denver's airport are so strict, chirping of prairie dogs violate it
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| (Celebrities are Worthless) |
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Kanye West's head grew three sizes today. Calls for a revised edition of The Bible, because he thinks he should be a character in it
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Website denied in Vietnam because your penis is a grapefruit
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Japan's supply of whale meat from "scientific" hunting has grown so large, they're selling the excess for dog food. Your dog does not want blubberburgers
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| (Some Guy) |
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Reminder: Milwaukee Fark Party and tapping of "Willegal Wheat" on Saturday the 11th, 7pm, at the Rock Bottom Brewery [DIT]
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| (Algún individuo) |
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Penelope Cruz y Salma Hyak se rumorean para ser amantes. Alarma roja para los gatitos por todas partes
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| (NBC 10) |
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Ugly-ass baby goat born in time for Valentine's Day with heart-shaped pattern in his ugly-ass baby fur. Photo goodness included
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Washed-up cargo on Dutch beach sends residents into treasure-hunting frenzy (pic)
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ABC's "World News Tonight," already scrambling to cover for injured Bob Woodruff, now faces further instability because co-host Elizabeth Vargas is pregnant. Fb- stuffs hands in pockets, whistles softly, moseys off the set
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Netflix admits it sends movies out more slowly to frequent renters
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"Health care is a basic right," says Gov. Gregoire. "So are sex changes and boob jobs," says Medicaid director
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| (Daily Mail) |
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Today's "crazy lady living with 50 possums" story brought to you by, of course, West Virginia
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The top 10 career advantages of having Attention Deficit Disorder. (Of course, people with ADD will only be able to get through two or three before losing interest)
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| (NewsWatch50) |
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Janet Jackson became a fat ass on purpose
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New study shows the French have the best sex lives, followed by Americans. Here comes the inflated statistics
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| (Courant.com) |
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The "freeze freak project" had little effect on the dancing at the school dance Saturday. Kevin Bacon unavailable for comment
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Man who skips out on cab fare calls for another taxi and gets the exact same cab. Jailarity ensues
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these old men getting ready to play hopscotch
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Pink hearts, yellow moons, orange stars and green clovers being seen after cereal is spiked with party pills
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Wanting to not be outstaged by Jesus once again, The Devil makes his way onto a pancake, which makes its way to Ebay of course
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Blondes on motorcycles, bodystockinged rollerskaters and Pavarotti will all be part of the Olympic opening ceremonies. No word which one of those gave Gliz the Mascot his stiffy
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Teacher who performed mock hanging of second-grader will get to learn all about the penal system
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| (Today's THV) |
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Lady hangs sign on house warning neighbors of the child molester that lives there. Oops, wrong house
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Mattel aims to halt sales slump with Britney and Cletus dolls
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Sharon Stone railing against Hollywood nudity
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| (WGAL) |
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Congressman says he did not break any laws when he took part in an illegal gambling pool. Which means he's guilty
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In his latest brainwave that he thought he'd share with the world, Venezuela's Chavez tells Britain they should give the Falklands back to Argentina
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Former Illinois EPA director now works for a power company, fighting against mercury standards that she once fought for
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"Troopers alleged that Murray, while drunk, poured alcohol on the girls, stripped off her own clothes and allowed some of them to drink alcohol"
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| (Newhouse) |
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If you have recently been in an accident, and instead of an airbag you got showered with empty beer cans and styrofoam peanuts from your steering wheel, you are just one of victim of the growing problem of "airbag theft"
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U.S. Olympian banned for using hair-loss remedy, Propecia. He is not expected to rogaine his position on the team
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Study confirms l337 status of Firefox. In other news, 55 percent of Farkers use Firefox. No kidding
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George and Weezie's neighbor, Mr Willis, has moved on up
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Banning guns didn't work. Banning t-shirts didn't work. Maybe banning pay phones will solve Boston's crime problem
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SF Bay Fark party (East Bay): Mallard Club in Albany on Thursday, February 16, 7:00 p.m. Meet Drew, drink beer, good times. (LGT address)
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| (Michigan Daily) |
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Actual headline: Law student files complaint against vagina
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China caught trying to sneak off with F-16 engines. They'll be on sale in packs of four at Wal-Mart later this week
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| (egotastic) |
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Jessica Alba to appear in Playboy -- not so fast, she's appearing clothed. Will no doubt wait 20 years to do it, when no one cares
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Two more categories in which the girls are beating the boys: Use of drugs and alcohol
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Kristin Chenowth from "West Wing" in FHM creating controversy because she is a born-again Christian (safe for work)
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A dignified method of showing respect for Islam is to print the words "Qu'ran, the holy Qu'ran" on toilet paper, and then offer it to mosques
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Woman from Haiti can't figure out why officials are upset with her. Maybe it's the human skull that was in her luggage
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Hasbro unveils 40-inch-tall robotic pony that responds to touch. Jerry Seinfeld does not approve
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Ancient Native American pow-wow tradition continues, only now at multi-million-dollar Hard Rock casino complex
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Escaped dung-spraying buffalo back home
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Man, "sick and tired" of co-worker drinking his soda, decides to spike it with antifreeze to teach him a lesson. Jailarity ensues
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Phoenix Coyotes look distracted in 5-1 loss to Dallas. Now would be the perfect time to bet against them
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| (Some Guy) |
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Today's "10-year-olds popping ecstacy on the way to school" story brought to you by Fort Wayne, Indiana
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Private eyes love Valentine's Day, a prime time for sniffing out evidence of infidelity
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Oasis slam White Stripes for selling out to Coke; promptly sell out to AT&T
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Someone puts bleach in communion wine. Transubstantiationalarity *does now* occur
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Reminder: Tonight is the opening of the "Games Primarily Played Only by Scandinavian Countries"
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Police warn residents to stay away from dung-spraying buffalo. Residents: You had us at "dung-spraying"
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| (New Times) |
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Newspaper "deeply regrets" publishing its "Meth Made Easy" feature
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Le nouveau secrétaire parlementaire canadien pour des relations françaises ne peut pas parler français
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Seldom is the question asked: Is our children eaten too many of the cupcake?
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Bloomberg fires office worker for playing PC Solitaire; no word on plans to promote office Freecell gurus
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man on his way to gas station job explains to police that he thought he's be more comfortable driving without pants, and uh, what seems to be the problem with that, officer?
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| (10News) |
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"Otayzilla" lurking around Otay Lakes. Mayor Buckwheat is not overly concerned
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Robber claims to have shot three Jack in the Box workers to death by accident after herding them into a walk-in freezer so he could steal $260
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Latest excuse for flights running late and circling the airport for hours: Packs of wild dogs on the runway
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Having solved all other problems, KY Legislature attempting to pass bill to make it easier to bring guns onto school grounds
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Eight skiers suspended from Olympics for excessive amounts of hemoglobin in their systems
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| (NJ 101.5) |
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Identity thieves are using online resumes and fake interviews to steal your money and life. Also being used to bring South African dignitaries millions of dollars to United States
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Chicago Sun-Times writes article including details about whale sex. Discovers male whales act remarkably like most husbands
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Minister bans queuing. Millions of Briton's stand around wondering what they should do now
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| (Pottstown Mercury) |
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God not allowed to vote
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Canadians should warm up those exchange rate jokes... $1 CDN = $0.95 U.S. by end of 2007
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| (East Bay Publishing) |
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Oakland man with 20 cars in two-hour parking zone can't see why neighbors are mad. The whistleblowers go "woo-woo"
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| (Galo2) |
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"PaWned your @ss gheyboy!" Researcher records 30 hours of Halo 2 chatter and breaks down word usage
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Volkswagen to put 20,000 workers somewhere very uncomfortable
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| (NY Daily News) |
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Hillarity ensues when Confucius takes a day off and hands the fortune cookie writing duties to Bob Guccione
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| (Stretch) |
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Theme: Swords into plowshares -- use military weapons for everyday tasks
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| (KCTV5) |
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After meeting nine nursing students, a Kansas state representative declares "Since they're here, they can resuscitate me." Hilarity ensues
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$140,000 bid wins gun that could have been owned by Hitler. Money well spent
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Proving the theory that almost anything can be sold, the Chicago Merchantile Exchange to start trading snowfall futures
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| (Regret the Error) |
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German magazine ordered to run correction after claiming VW executive has "garish" taste in ties, doesn't know how many children he has fathered
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When a movie involves Bruce Campbell fighting monsters in Oregon because people think he's Ash, how can it ever fail?
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Florida artist has paintings banned from Black History Month display because they are too religious. Jesus wept
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Drew will be on Z93 KQZ Friday morning 9:10 a.m. EST
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Lesbian lovers snatched for licking in the loo
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| (ktre.com) |
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Philadelphia bus driver accused of bum-rushing, pole-smashing, asphalt-slamming passenger after she got bitchy about missed stop
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| (Science Blogs) |
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Church group offering $1000 for proof that that Earth orbits the Sun
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Woman nabbed three times in 30 minutes having sex in public. The Sun is there (with pic)
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Northern Canadian city to fine drivers for sloppy parking. In related development, Rockstar Games cancels plans for "Grand Theft Auto: Iqaluit"
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Aussie footy player "dacks" teammate in front of 400 Catholic school girls. Parents shocked. Catholic school girls unimpressed, "Been there, done that"
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| Thu February 09, 2006 |
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Woman weighing 37 pounds gives birth to healthy baby. Which means there's hope for the Olsen twins
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Photoshop the first thing you would do if you became president
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Willie Nelson unveils BioWillie fuel to California. Fuel made from soybeans. Insert a little Willie into your car and see how she takes it
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| (HEO) |
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Building a gigantic fence around Mexico is more important than educating children, balancing the budget, stabilizing the Middle East and fixing our healthcare system
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You take your eye off your baby for just one minute, and they start sucking on the dog's teat
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Law official decides to hand out small tickets for marijuana, saying it would "be simpler to ban rock concerts and football games"
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Explore the moon from the comfort of your own chair. Zoom in to make a discovery
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| (Gulf News) |
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Sports shop shut down for "renting" sex dolls
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FCC changes position: "A la carte" cable TV would actually be cheaper than bundling 100 crappy channels. MTV unavailable for comment or for watching music videos
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Doctor tells man to quit smoking or forgo surgery to help him walk again. Man tells doctor he can't quit smoking because he's too stressed about not being able to walk
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Jury dismisses $10 million lawsuit, claiming husband died after flying-shrimp injury
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British spy caught on tape masturbating on $30-million electronic device disguised as stone
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Direct from the health club that brought you "Cardio Striptease," on centre stage, put your hands together, gentlemen, for "Stiletto Strength"
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| (Gainesville Sun) |
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Mohammed cartoon controversy finally silly enough to warrant "Florida" tag
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Jill Carroll makes third video plea
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Italian man who sued Catholic Church in order to get them to prove Jesus' existence in court has case thrown out. Judge recommending he be charged for slander
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Congress will have to re-vote on the 2006 budget because of a typographical error
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| (Some Guy) |
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Delta Airlines subliminally giving your kids a bit of teh ghey
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| (TSN.ca) |
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Reports surfacing that Wayne Gretzky had prior knowledge of illegal gambling ring. Canada declares state of emergency
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Man claims Jesus appeared to him on some pancakes. In other news, Aunt Jemima is really the Virgin Mary (with pic)
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Kevin Costner decides to change performance medium to prove he can suck at more than just acting
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Oprah signs three-year deal with XM, allowing their satellites to be placed around her in geo-syncronous orbits
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City councilman admits egging police officer's car
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Pootie Poot wants to invite leaders of terrorist organization to come to Russia for talks. No word on if it's sincere, or if he's just trying to make a point about Chechen leaders visiting the White House
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| (LGN) |
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Theme: AudioEdit a high school speech gone wrong
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| (WFTV) |
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Man who went wild on "Girls Gone Wild" creator given 11 years in prison
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| (Bozeman Chronicle) |
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Today's "U.S. senator edits his Wikipedia entry to delete reference to Arabs as 'ragheads'" story brought to you by Montana's Conrad Burns
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Photoshop theme: Some of the channels we'd see if High Times launched a cable network
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Oh noes, part two: Issuance of 30-year U.S. bonds today expected to invert yield curve once and for all
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Male characters outnumber females 3-to-1 overall in G-rated films. X-rated films show opposite trend
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Prince Abdullah of Bahrain to Michael Jackson: Get out of my house, and take your little children with you
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| (Daily Record) |
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Scotland announces a sword-dropoff amnesty program. Highlander and Kurgan get ready for the ultimate slap-fight
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Scientific study probes mystery of hit songs. Still no cure for having Kelly Clarkson's "Since You've Been Gone" stuck in your head
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Note to Drew: Pick up milk, bread and butter from the store on the way home
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Man who drove flaming vehicle into car dealership kills himself aboard flight to L.A.
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| (Staffordshire Sentinel) |
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"Your garden looks great." "Thanks. The octopus are coming in especially nice this year"
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The U.S. has foiled 10 major terrorist plots over four years, including several 9/11-size attacks on the U.S.
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| (Hindustan Times) |
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Moby is mad that Bush is cutting education spending, and you might be mad too, but you're not getting in a paper because you're not famous
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Nigerians are selling slaughtered chickens infected with avian flu. What could possibly go wrong?
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Entire elementary school class tested for HIV after students start jabbing each other with needles brought from home
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In California, if you are unable to pass the high school exit exam, do you: A) Study more diligently? B) Accept failure and try again? Or C) Claim test is illegal and sue for discrimination?
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In the name of national security, the U.S. will now be data mining the entire internet. Update next week will most likely involve program being scrapped due to too many foobies
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| (National Journal) |
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National Journal: Cheney authorized Plame leak. Cheney: Go f*ck yourself
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Ken wants to move back into Barbie's dream house. Unfortunately, GI Joe is there
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| (NewsWatch50) |
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Japan marketing whale-blubber burgers to schoolkids
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| (Theory of People) |
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"Not safe for work" Fark photoshop by Farker Modified_Dangler shows up in Vancouver Province newspaper
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| (Jerusalem Post) |
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رنگ ادرارو روشن شدن مدفوع،بروز
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| (Boston Herald) |
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Neil Entwistle, who fled the U.S. after his web porn fraud empire came crashing down and his family was shot to death, has been arrested in England for murder. (Note: Victim was attractive, young, white, suburban woman)
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| (AL.com) |
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When you see a headline like "Retarded man can't ride moped again," you have this desire to find out why
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Sarasota school uninvites role model Jerry Springer to their Valentine's Day dance after he said he'd show up
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Howard Dean checks DayTimer, realizes he's overdue for a provocative and incredibly stupid accusation against the Republican Party
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Big industry proves that, much like smoking tobacco, eating lead paint is not harmful and probably good for children
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| (Green Discharge) |
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Fark Atlanta Party: Just under two months away. It's a biggun. DIT
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| (Courier Journal) |
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Louisville to add a skyscraper with a design apparently inspired by the arcologies from SimCity 2000
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| (ctv.ca) |
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Terri Hatcher wows Grammy crowd with sheer dress. Article contains absolutely no pics, nor links to pics
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Not wanting to be outdone by Britney's baby-airbag or Paris' restraining order, Lindsay Lohan confesses to having eating disorders and dabbling in drugs
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Inventor of the tortilla chip has passed away. Vaya con salsa
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Ass-grabbing, cartwheeling nude teacher at girls school sentenced to five months sharing cell with a big hairy boyfriend
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| (West Press) |
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Terry Pratchett's "Hogfather" to be adapted for TV. HO. HO. HO
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| (KLFY) |
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Former FEMA head Michael Brown will tell all about the times he talked to Bush after Katrina, unless the White House gives him one biiiiiilllion dollars
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Not news: Burglar breaks into home. News: Burglar cooks food and takes shower. Fark.com: Burglar leaves his Yahoo Mail account open when he leaves
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Baseball and softball officially dropped from the 2012 London Olympics, will have to reapply for reinstatement for 2016
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| (Some Guy) |
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In the same vein as the Hampster Dance and the Jesus Dance, here comes the Mohammed Dance
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Intact tomb found in Egypt's Valley of the Kings. Dick Clark called in to identify the mummies' bodies
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This is your chance to own this one-of-a-kind collector's item: "Brokeback Mountain"-themed M&M
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| (Jackson News-Tribune) |
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Woman in Oregon, stuck with her two dogs but no car, decides to walk home. To Texas
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| (KVBC) |
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News article: "Could marijuana be legalized in Nevada?" Federal law: "No"
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| (Some Rube) |
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Paintings made by dude flinging paint may have been made by impostor paint-flinger
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European Union considers censorship after cartoon protests. Step 1: Bully others into embracing your views. Step 2: ??? Step 3: Prophet -- unreproachable prophet
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Sexy pregnant Wing House twins sue after being told to wear "Baby On Board" t-shirt with their skimpy shorts (with pic goodness)
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For first time in more than 70 years, number of cancer deaths declines. In other news, scientists no closer to finding out why bears like crayons
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Yahoo aids crackdown on Chinese dissident. In other news, now we know what he did after "Young Einstein"
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| (Egotastic!) |
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Cover charge for the club: $10. Tips for the stripper: $50. Dannii Minogue's lesbian lapdance: Priceless. (Not safe for work)
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Pirate imams strike again, offering gold bounties to anyone who kills a Norwegian, German or Danish soldier. Arrrrr Akbar
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Lobbyists lobby Congress to stop law preventing lobbyists from lobbying Congress. Congress plans to go on an all-expense paid vacation to review the proposal
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| (KOTV) |
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Stolen A.L. Championship ring recovered after seven years, thanks to dumbass and Ebay
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| (Some Brothers) |
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Photoshop this early flight
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*Gasp* All nine churches in the same area that burned down might be related? You don't say
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| (WGRZ) |
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Man gets attacked by pet fish. Paramedics find victim floundering on floor
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| (WND) |
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Woman gets naked and paints herself like a tiger to protest the circus. Onlookers don't know or care why she is protesting, just happy for the boobies (safe for work)
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| (Action news) |
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No one ever expects to be attacked with a dead raccoonsicle, especially in Florida (with video)
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| (KMBC) |
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News anchor is smart enough to not give his credit card information to scam artists who couldn't spell "possible" or "fraud"
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In what has to be the most disgusting promotion ever, hockey team to have "Hairy Back Night"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Your favourite cartoon characters stripped down literally to their bare bones. Unusual idea, fascinating results (safe for work)
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Workers fired from potato-chip factory get a 50¢ bag of the company's chips as severance
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| (Billboard) |
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Barry Manilow tops Billboard chart. Four Horsemen seen riding toward the copacabana
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Some people celebrate their 50th anniversary by taking their spouse out to a nice restaraunt. Others celebrate by eating that 50-year-old tin of chicken they had been saving
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U2 captures Song of the Year Grammy with that one tune that sounded like all their other songs. You know the one, the guitar was all jangly and stuff
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British adult-toy company releases new male blow-up doll named "Mustafa Shag," not realizing Mustafa is another name for The Prophet. What could possibly go wrong?
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Man's idea of a bad day turns into a tug of war between several villagers on one of his arms and a crocodile on the other
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| (Some God-Banger) |
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Theme: Differing religions settling their differences like street gangs
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Diver pulled from ocean after three days is suffering from hypothermia, dehydration and a "hellish case of pruney hands"
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Foghorn blasting Monterey residents every few minutes. City's hopes rest on silly barnyard dog
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Venezuela's Hugo Chavez continues his 2006 Diplomacy World Tour by telling Tony Blair to "go to hell"
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| Wed February 08, 2006 |
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After three failed attempts, 400 skydivers set record for holding hands in free fall
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| (Virginian Pilot) |
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If you've "lost" your crossbow arrows in the sides of cars or office desks in Virginia Beach, the police would like to return them to you
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| (Suburban Chicago News) |
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Cat causes candle to capsize, condo consumed in conflagration
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Tennessee public defender writes "tongue-in-cheek" letter to sheriff saying stains on jail wall looked like feces masquerading as prison art. Sh*ts and giggles ensue
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Man booked for burglary walks out of police station and steals patrol car. "It's not just unusual, it's embarrassing," police spokesman understates
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| (Gorillamask.net) |
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Jimmy Kimmel's "Unnecessary Censorship: Super Bowl Edition" video (possibly not safe for work ads)
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Bar gets robbed and thanks to police composite sketch, police are apparently on the lookout for a being from another planet
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| (Farktography) |
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Farktography Contest #40, Theme: "Modern Day Still Life" Link goes to Next week's contest. Please read first post
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Unclear on Bob & Doug's free case of beer concept, woman claims to have found mouse in soup can
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"Penis Atlas" to be published today in Norway. It is said to be a slim volume that grows larger as it is handled
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Woman mails explosive condoms to strip clubs
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Birds crap on Katie Couric. Drudge is there
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Follow-up testing in the nerve agent scare comes up negative. Further testing in progress
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Hillary Clinton blasts republicans for "playing the fear card," but says democrats shouldn't worry since their Juzam Djinn is already on the board
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| (Some Guy) |
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Senate Russell Office Building evacuated. Possible biological nerve agent. Some people quarantined
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| (Gawker) |
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NYC's fashion week finally officially endorses anorexia
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Undercover kitten used to bust phony veterinarian
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| (Some Guy) |
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And the award for "most thrilled about a Steelers win" goes to man seen masturbating in the library
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Hey evar bo dee. Them boobies, they has migrated to foobies.com. Check em out (Foobies.com is safe for work, pretty much none of the links there are however)
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President Rice accuses Iran and Syria of instigating Muslim protests, plans immediate invasion
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| (The Superficial) |
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Denise Richards gets secret AIDS test fearing Charlie might have served her with a more than just divorce papers
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Article says the internet is the best thing to happen to gay people in years, then proceeds to scare away any straight reader with first sentence referencing Bruce Vilanch's sex life
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Craigslist.org sued for discriminatory ad practices - This is in or around the 14th Amendment
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John Bobbitt acquitted of domestic battery and comments that "I've always had a problem with judgment, particularly when it comes to women."
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Seductive Swedish female penguins fail to convert homosexual Humboldt penguins at German zoo
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Kayne West and Mariah Carey face each other off for the Grammy in the ultimate battle of suckage. Apparently this is the best the music industry has to offer us, folks
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"Inside The Actors Studio" with the master thespian who portrays "The Ditech Guy."
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Justice Breyer says there is "zero" politics on Supreme Court. Also believes there's "zero" implants in porn, "zero" homosexuals in San Francisco, and "zero" assholes in Congress
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McCain and Obama quit acting like an old married couple and announce an end to the bickering
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'Wedgies' now considered a form of sexual harassment
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Mayor arrested in corruption probe, police chief accused in drug-making scheme, and chief's wife took prisoners from jail to have sex with them. Welcome to Lonoke, Arkansas
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Danish newspaper that first published caricatures Mohammad previously turned down cartoons of Jesus as too offensive
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these marbles
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Montreal city workers take 10 staff hours to fill one pothole, spend the rest of their shift at the fabulous nudie bars
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National Enquirer striving to call attention to very serious issue of mine safety by paying blood money and invading privacy
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It was only a matter of time. America now blamed for Mohammed cartoons
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Danish paper that published Mohammed cartoons will now publish Holocaust cartoons. Danish embassies worlwide prepare for wave of matzo ball attacks
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Abstaining from sex can boost competitive performance, according to athletes, Worlds of Warcraft players (second item)
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Despite offer of three-quarters of a million dollars, 84-year-old woman refuses to move away from hazardous-waste site
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Archaeologists unearth headless Sphinx. Larry Holmes wanted for questioning
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Shares of Univision skyrocket on word of possible sale of company. Then, suddenly, five scantily clad women and a clown with a sombrero and a bottle of seltzer come out of nowhere
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| (RGJ) |
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"I'll take this to the U.S. Supreme Court, I will take this to the International Court of law to fight for my baby's rights." Says mother after her daughter's spelling bee loss
|
| (Some Guy) |
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World of Warcraft replaces golf as a business networking tool
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U.S. sets up new prison system in Iraq, expressly forbidding torture when cameras are around
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| (AzStar) |
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Customs officers find pot stashed in a load of squash. Agents planned to get stoned out of their gourd
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| (KATV) |
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Hottie Chef Rachel Ray wants to flip burgers with Bill Clinton. Clinton more interested in melons and tacos
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Cartoon starring Warren Buffett to offer financial... advice... to kids... and... can... .......sorry dozed off there at the thought of a cartoon starring... Warren... Buff
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American Idol twins from last night's show did a photo shoot with Maxim a few years ago (safe for work-ish)
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| (Sydney Morning Herald) |
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When getting drunk on a fishing trip, make sure your boat doesn't drift within bow-and-arrow distance of the last pre-Neolithic tribe in the world
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After getting his ass handed to him last year, Bush stealthily adds Social Security privatization to newest budget
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If you're Canadian, don't expect to see "Horny Hot Dog" or "Tonsil Train 3" on store shelves any time soon. Fortunately, there are still plenty of copies of "Total Access--Yes I'm Catholic" available
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Watch out ladies, the CIA wants your panties
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| (SanMarcosRecord) |
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Man killed by tree while parasailing behind tractor. Yet not a single limb was broken
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Ambulance picks up extra patient. Through the windshield. With four hooves
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Judge who stole $1 million from hospital: "I made a big boo-boo". No word on whether he had a poo-poo in his nappy when arrested
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Thanks to the GOP, we can look forward to years of amusing headlines like "Boehner's Broken Promises", "Boehner could mean reform for GOP", "Boehner is welcomed", and "Boehner watch begins in House"
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Polar bears might be added to threatened species list due to development, contaminants and ever growing addiction to Coke
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Experts not from the real world say families should be able to afford college, high school curriculum should be strengthened, and the government should give more money to educational institutions
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That CG toy movie, which was cancelled, is now not cancelled. And the company which created it, then wasn't creating it, is now creating it again. To infinity, and beyond
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| (WFTV-9) |
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Today's feces-filled house of cats story brought to you by Orlando, FL
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Chess master to stand trial over alleged sex assaults. His "flogging the bishop" technique apparently not very well received
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Wu-Tang Clan staging reunion tour, minus ODB. "He isn't going to be there physically, but spiritually and mentally he still will be there"
|
| (Statesman) |
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Bankruptcy judge blasts current bankruptcy laws, stops just short of stating that Congress members are bought and sold
|
| (Billings Gazette) |
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Judge apologizes for leading court in "Go Seahawks" cheer before manslaughter sentencing, blames it on bad officiating
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"Anything that can hurt the convictions of another, particularly religious convictions, must be avoided", says Chirac, thus confirming that the moral code of some is the moral code for all
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Teen given repeated overdoses of radiation in medical treatment glowing with rage
|
| (Hollywood.com) |
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Gwyneth Paltrow needs a list of stupid names for her new baby. Farkers, lead the charge
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Exxon executive thinks we should stop trying to become energy independent. What could possibly be his motive?
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'Halal' sushi crops up as Japanese restaurants woo Muslims
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Hamas 'ready to talk to Israel,' but only if Israel apologises for calling Hamas a big poopy face
|
| (Breitbart) |
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San Bernardino County bans tattoos on county employees. Worker shortage feared since county is populated entirely by former LA county inmates
|
| (wsoctv.com) |
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Moo Moo the wiener dog saves owner from burning house. Your dog wants better name
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Robert "The Butcher" Mugabe gives Zimbabweans the joy of 1,000 percent inflation
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Bush urges end to cartoon violence while Cheney remains CEO of Acme
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330 pound woman suing airline for racial discrimination over policy requiring large passengers to buy an extra seat
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Former Gucci designer bummed out because editors keep trying to wipe out Angelina Jolie's buttcrack
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Canadian Liberal Member of Parliament, who jumped to the Conservative cabinet immediately after election, is asked by previous supporters to repay $97,000 in campaign contributions
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Passengers make dog get off tram because he didn't buy a ticket
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Girl searching for Care Bears stubles across porn site. "I will probably never go back to that site again."
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Americans spend more on kitty litter than the world spends on music downloads
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T-Mobile just bumped cost per text message to 10 cents, won't disable, won't credit for spam emails. T-Mobile. Get more charges
|
| (Ireland Online) |
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Ireland reduces speed limits from 60 to 50, is surprised to discover it has created a speeding problem where none existed before
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Mouth-to-beak CPR, invoking Jesus' name saves drowning chicken. Bird recovering in "ICU" which in Arkansas is a cardboard box with a lightbulb for heat
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Invading crabs wearing mittens could do to Britain's waters what the grey squirrel did to the forests. Fortunately, they are edible
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Professor at Catholic university posts prophet cartoons on his office door to make a statement about "academic freedom of expression" only to find out he doesn't have any
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Swedes abandon oil, switch to hot blonde-based economy
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House of Lords will decide whether man who waved at drivers to warn of speed trap is guilty of obstruction of justice and depriving police of revenue
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Paris Hilton ordered to stay away from man. No word on if there is chance of making it class action
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Library patron borrows his way into jail
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When you're known as a "bling handler", you know your shelf life is as limited as your vocabulary
|
| (Palm Beach Post) |
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Bloodied body of Alan J. Shalleck, co-writer of Curious George books and movies, found under a garbage heap outside of his home. Police suspect he was attacked for allowing Will Farrell to star in the film
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Deutsch bagged
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Proving that karma truly does exist, Britney Spears gets investigated by the Los Angeles DFCS
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Today's Iron Photoshop ingredient: Feathers
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Top 10 worst video game haircuts. Not that gamers know anything about grooming
|
| (Newsday.com) |
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It just isn't safe to be shakin' the dew off the lily in a moving bus... you might wind up defenestrated
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Pirate cleric jailed for seven years. Ninjas celebrate (w pic)
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23-year-old man wears NASCAR-themed necktie to his trial over marrying a 14 year old (with pic)
|
| (Some Sad Guy) |
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Submitter has never gotten a greenlight. Photoshop what a redlight curse looks like. Link goes to what he suspects
|
| (bloomberg.com) |
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What goes up, must come down. Gold prices make biggest drop in nearly two years
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MTA pulls Bahamas vacation ad from subway trains because it will cause people to try fishing on the tracks
|
| (nzcity.co.nz) |
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Lucky shopper wins a trip to the courthouse
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