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| Sun February 05, 2006 |
| (PR Newswire) |
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When driving, beware of frozen squirrels and flying kebabs
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Theme: Battle of the breakfast cereals
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A picture may speak a thousand words, but a bottle of single malt sings 10,000 songs and brings with it the emotion and the physical feeling of Scotland
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We are all Danes now
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| (Some Guy) |
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The 2006 suck ass Super Bowl commercials
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Study finds 80 percent of men who won't see "Brokeback" secretly wish to star in it
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Lawmaker demands sinks be installed in Porta-Potties to give people in Maryland a place to wash their hands, those in Arkansas a choice
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Typping beig taugjt imn kinedrgarten
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Pittsburgh wins Super Bowl XL, proving once and for all that Duke sucks
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| (Lowell Sun) |
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Historic farmhouse which withstood Indian attacks will not survive the attack of the creeping McMansions
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| (adn) |
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Girl wins state wrestling title after going 45-4 against 103 lbs nancy boys
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| (WebIndia123) |
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The only thing worse than seeing a half-naked guy ruining your girlfriend's night at the theatre is getting your ass kicked by him when you complain about it
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If you complain to Boston's transit system about their fake schedule, they'll give you a refund of fake money
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8-mile oil slick created in N.J. river; swimming males with combs in back pockets suspected
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| (I love this game) |
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Official Superbowl 2nd half discussion thread
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Indian groom quits wedding midway when bride's parents can't meet dowry dowry demand of motorcycle
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And they descended upon us with the fury of Hell itself, and that's when I knew the hordes of bloodthirsty llamas had won the day
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| (Some Lush) |
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Sweet PC mod made from a Whisky bottle Win98 was such a good year
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| (Daily Mercury) |
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Crocodile warning sign stolen. Hilarity ensues
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| (Some Guy) |
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Navy Seals have new high tech boat to suppress clubbing
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| (Want Fries With That?) |
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Can you manage a McDonald's franchise without driving it into the ground? Find out in this fairly ambitious simulation
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| (Some Guy) |
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Caption these St. Louis Blues hockey players
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New study from Institute Of The Stunningly Obvious finds most men would rather get a new electronic gadget for Valentine's Day than candy or flowers. Not that they will
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| (Some nutty bolt) |
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Syncronized construction
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Over 1,250 calories of dessert goodness, the Snikers pie, called one of the unhealthiest recipes of all time
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| (WND) |
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Professional nurses group in the UK proposes that "self-harming" people who like to mutilate themselves be given clean blades and advice on how they can cut themselves in a safe manner
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Indian actress Khushboo has sued Maxim because the magazine had the audacity to photoshop her. Let's see if Fark can improve Khushboo's mood
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| (Buffalo News) |
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Teen saves the life of a woman choking on food...later discovers it's the same woman who saved his life when his heart stopped six years ago
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Most American men say they would like to trade Valentine's Day cards with Angelina Jolie, while women would swap them with Oprah, along with complaints about what a Jolie-loving man-whore they are living with
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| (The State.com) |
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Cockfighting ring broken up in SC. Heath Ledger, Jake Gyllenhaal deny any involvement
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In ancient struggle between man and fish, man has new weapon, perhaps even better than dynamite
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| (Muzi.com) |
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George Clooney does impressions of Groucho Marx with his penis
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| (Doc's Sports) |
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Top ten Super Bowl commericals
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The heterosexual man's 5-step survival guide to Brokeback Mountain
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One armed man given parking ticket at airport for taking too long to load luggage
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| (Cosmic Variance) |
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Twenty-four year old Bush campaign worker with no science background gets rewarded with appointment to NASA, tries to promote intelligent design, discount the Big Bang on NASA's web page. Hilarity ensues
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| (Some Football Drunk) |
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Group seeking to make Super Bowl Sunday a national holiday, with paid Monday off as day of observation
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Woman struck by husband's microlight plane, is rushed to the hospital so that a band-aid can be applied
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| (Super) |
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Official SMLXL Super Bowl discussion thread
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| (Some Guy) |
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23 terrorists, including mastermind of U.S.S. Cole attacks in 2000, escape from Yemen prison
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Danish Embassy in Beirut Torched. Lebanese Embassy in Copenhagen Pelted With Bacon
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| (Erithacus rubecula) |
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Photoshop this robin
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Scientists want to simulate energy created by the Big Bang...What could possibly go wrong?
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| (Hollywood.com) |
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Director of 'Grizzly Man', who saved Joaquin Phoenix from carwreck days earlier, was shot during an interview. Continues interview saying, "I am not afraid."
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Naked jogger arrested during wind sprints
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New York City transit authority tries see-through trash cans in attempt to foil terrorists and misguided belief that passengers ever use them
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If you're drunk, it's probably best if you don't try any fire-breathing tricks to impress chicks
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| (Coloradoan) |
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News: Chinese food delivery driver tackles punk thief. Newsier: Bystanders open can of whoopass on thief. Fark.com: His momma comes in, yells at driver, picks up takeout order, doesn't leave tip. With pic and inane quote about Birkenstocks
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Eminent domain be damned, New Hampshire town votes that Souter can stay
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Emmitt Smith tells HOF to suck it if they don't vote in Michael Irvin, who has records on and off the field
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AOL and Yahoo to start charging e-mail "postage"
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This isnt surprising - - the "suits" need proof that music today sucks
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Chef who created strawberry walnut mayonnaise, foie gras ice cream, cocoa butter with crispy ears of rabbit and Kellogg's Paella [Rice Krispies, shrimp heads and vanilla-scented potato mash] is himself an acquired taste
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this subway sign
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| Sat February 04, 2006 |
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Canadian Muslims outraged, write angry letter. Rest of Canada shocked situation has escalated this far
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Scientists say they can predict weather on Titan 30 years in advance, still don't know when it will rain in Dallas
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| (Mathaba) |
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Space Alien Rides UFO off Top of Hill... hold on, it was just a Belgian
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"..if the ears don't match, the plaintiff must dispatch..Their case is covered with fleas." says attorney in case over dog's mistaken identity
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Suspect in attack on gay bar is caught after being wounded in shootout with police. No word on whether he caught one in the ass
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Feminist author Betty Friedan dies at 85. World loses not just a decent broad, but a fine piece of ass
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| (WFIE) |
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Inmates in new co-ed Indiana prison disappointed that the nightly shower shows have ended. "Those women were putting on a show," explains deputy. "It wasn't that they didn't want to be seen. They were performing."
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| (Great Falls Tribune) |
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Guinea pig saves apartment building from burning to the ground
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Brits on the search for Nazi war criminals, are going to look though crowds at Farmer's Markets and Early Bird specials to find the men involved
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| (Conn Post) |
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University bounces student for chronic asshattery. Student sues university. Jury awards six figures
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Man arrested for shoving ice cream into mailbox to vent his anger
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Problem: If credit card holders pay in full each month, the bank can't charge late fees. Solution: Bring forward the payment date if they regularly pay on time
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| (Some Guy) |
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What's the worst thing you've ever done while drunk?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Under deal to bring Iran before the UN Sec. Council, Israel is going to be forced to give up the nuclear weapons that they don't have
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Al "Grandpa" Lewis passes away at 95, luckily not while stuck in bat form
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Southwest Ranches, Fla. code enforcer dismissed for having a messy property
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop a sneeze, a squeeze and a sleaze
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| (The Chattanoogan) |
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Man found dead in cemetery after vehicle accident. Police with shovels indicate that they just keep finding more victims
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| (Some Guy) |
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Idiots with nothing better to do amuse themselves by starting fires so they can throw bricks at firefighters who come to put them out
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| (Some Guy) |
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Google became self aware at 2:14 AM Eastern time on August 29th, in a panic, they tried to pull the plug
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Lego is on the cutting edge of just about everything
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Thomas Edison be Farked. Ban the lightbulb and save the world
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| (FemaleFirst) |
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Paris Hilton fails to pay the bill on her storage space, spoiled rich girl rage ensues
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Pentagon recommends cutting down nuclear stockpile
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| (SuperBowl.com) |
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Let's get this party started a day early: official XL Super Bowl discussion thread
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| (News & Star) |
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Woman explains why she is still breastfeeding her daughter -- who is eight
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| (Some Picasso) |
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3D chalk street drawings. Old but cool
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| (Daytona Beach News-Journal) |
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A DeLand, Fla. man who thought his trial for selling cocaine near a school would not be held if he did not show up in court was surprised Friday to learn he recieved 20 years in prison
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Concept cars that might actually make it to market, except maybe the Peugeot with the glass body
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Portrait of Alan Greenspan sells at auction for $150,400
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| (Some Japanese Guy) |
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Caption these stuffed animals
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| (kbcitv.com) |
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Syrian demonstrators have moved on to the Norwegian Embassy after earlier burning the Danish Embassy. If they keep this up, they might get to an important country
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| (NY Daily News) |
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Katrina evacuees staying at a Queens hotel want it to "contribute" $2,500 to each family as an incentive to move or else Al Sharpton will boycott it
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| (Daily Ireland) |
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Belfast man found guilty of killing drinking buddy with sword. There can be only one life sentence
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Danish embassy in Syria torched by Religion Of Peace™
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Parent asks advice columnist how to control curious teen's access to porn
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| (CentreDaily) |
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Make-A-Wish chapter president accused of fabricating cases of sick kids, in order to make her own wishes come true
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Politicians want to make people pay a surcharge on airline tickets in case the airline goes bankrupt while they're using it
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According to Cadbury's and Mars "Treats and snacks can be a part of healthy balanced diet" and "Being active doesn't have to mean sweating at the gym"
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| (Impact Lab) |
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MIT's truly weird fashion show
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US puts arm around Canada and asks, "How YOU doin'?"
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| (WND) |
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America lacks emergency food reserves and we will be forced to eat ramen if a famine comes
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this not-quite-right kid
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U.S. Army introduces new training on how recruits can choose a spouse, titled "How to avoid marrying a jerk." Susie Rottencrotch mentioned by name
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| (Some Farker of Genius) |
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AudioEdit theme: "Real Farkers of Genius"
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Judge forces man to pay his taxes, even though he claims he has no name
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Man eats 173 hot wings to seize victory in Wing Bowl. Will spend Super Sunday declaring victory on toilet bowl
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| (Some Guy) |
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Habitual criminal sentenced to 428 years in Colorado. On plus side, he gets 308 days' credit for pre-trial custody and could be eligible for parole in 2131
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| (Some Balls And Crappy Gravity) |
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Click & hold white billiard ball to 'infect' other billiard balls, without hitting the 'Cure' ball. Strangely addictive
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Dogs raise four-year old boy, teach him to sit, fetch, and roll over
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| (AOPA) |
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Air force promises to shoot down any plane violating the no-fly zone around the superbowl. What could possibly go wrong?
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If you have a nice ass, Jaime Foxx would like to take you to the Oscars
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Further proving that sometimes you feel like A nut, sometimes you don't. Lance Armstrong and Sheryl Crow split up
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Rookie cop to carjackers: you can't have my jeep, but I'll give you all my bullets
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| (NBC 10) |
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Diplomat proudly ascends front steps of the Rhode Island Statehouse. A Dodge Diplomat (with pic)
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| (MyTelus) |
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Quebec woman who caught giant shark while ice-fishing may be fined because she didn't have a permit to land one
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66 killed in Philippines game show stampede. Victims to be buried with lovely parting gifts
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| (Some Cowboy) |
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Photoshop this livestock contraption
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| (Post Star) |
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Good luck: Finding a huge stash of cash hidden in an old piece of furniture. Bad luck: The money's been shredded
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You know Google is in trouble when Larry Page and Sergey Brin have their credit card declined while trying to buy a £30 lunch
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| Fri February 03, 2006 |
| (Science Daily) |
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Researchers match frequencies with cancer cell's deflector shields and leave them open to attack
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Ice cream shop owner sentenced to 15 1/2 years for selling fatah-scotch swirl, apple sui-cyder sorbet, and praline jihad
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What's cuter than a lion cub? How about a lion cub and a puppy?
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Katrina may have washed away crucial DNA evidence; New Orleans peep show operators thankful for any help they can get
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| (portlandtribune) |
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"The foot-long cows' tongues were hard to miss. The 18 or so needles stuck in one of them were harder to miss."
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Russia's vodka supply running low. In unrelated news, Ted Kennedy will be flying under the radar for a few days
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Police sting operation nets 25 Florida strippers. The Smoking Gun is there
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| (Some Guy) |
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Nuclear lab now to be protected by 3000 round per minute gatling gun. Now I know what you're thinking - was that 3000 rounds I just fired, or 2999? Tell you the truth, in all the excitement, I lost count
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If you're the communications director for the Governor, you may want to not swear at reporters. Especially if you're swearing about a story regarding a prayer breakfast
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| (The Escapist) |
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Man dresses up as wizard, wanders around city giving random strangers quests
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Sheriff's deputies shoot dead a petting-zoo bear that mauled an employee to death. Then, "at the owner's request", second bear in enclosure also executed. Guess he was in on it
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Dutch can't seem to stop leaving their military secrets in rented cars. In related news, the Dutch have military secrets
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| (KPLCTV) |
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Court dismisses man's lawsuit over wife's death caused by blow to the head from falling during crowd rush to see Britney Spears impersonator
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| (Columbia Tribune) |
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High school students unfurl Confederate flag during school's multicultural assembly. Hilarity ensues
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| (Courier-Journal) |
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Pittsburgh fan credits prosthetic "Lucky Leg" for Steelers' success
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| (FTL) |
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Drew to take your questions about almost anything on Free Talk Live tonight at 7:05 p.m. ET. Submit your questions to askdrew at freetalklive.com
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| (Billboard.com) |
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Seems like that solo career didn't work out so well for Uncle Fester
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Apparently, the novelty of stealing giant inflatable characters from the front of businesses hasn't worn out yet
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| (Amsterdam) |
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Amsterdam can't stop people from stealing "no toke" signs, so now they're selling them online
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| (Evening Standard) |
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Muslims stage cartoon protest in London. Trouble erupts when Pepe LePeau fails to toe the company line
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American selling London whale's soul on Ebay. Has this man no reserve?
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| (Broadcasting & Cable) |
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ABC to televise Super Bowl XL with five-second delay to avoid broadcasting anything that might cause "offense"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Stephen Colbert's Alpha Squad 7; Lady Nocturne; A Tek Jansen Adventure now in web release
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LAPD will test using GPS darts to track fleeing cars. No word on if the darts can also track O.J., Sarah Connor
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Man arrested for trying to sell cocaine to uniformed police officer sitting in a marked cop car. "Florida" tag barely edges out "Dumbass"
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| (WGAL.com) |
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Former Attorney General Janet Reno sings Aretha Franklin's "Respect" at a Miami fundraiser. The Janet Reno Dance Party is back, baby
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Thieves steal three miles of railroad track
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Stone Age ice man found frozen in Alps may have been world's first computer science major
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this nail-biting Chinese statue
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| (Louisville Courier-Journal) |
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Turns out Oprah only selected Frey's book because Jennifer Aniston held the rights and would bare her soul on her show if Oprah plugged it. Duke sucks
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Kansas attorney general wants to make teenage necking a crime, prompting outcry for privacy rights, Kansas Fark tag
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Calling all grammar nazis, Muslim protesters need your help
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| (AOL) |
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Nanny-state Canada testing GPS-based system that won't let cars exceed posted speed limit
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Zoning plan, much like a Coopertown midget stripper, uses trick poll. Bonus pics of toasted council man
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Bed, Bath and Beyond roof collapses. No survivors found in the Beyond section
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Virginia Madsen is frontrunner to play Harrison Ford's new love interest in "Raiders of the Lost Craftmatic Adjustable Bed" or whatever they're calling it
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Wendy's post Q4 profit on slower finger sales
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| (IDLYITW) |
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Michelle Rodriguez getting kicked off the "Lost" island for acting like such a raging b*tch
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Sailor who romantically casts message in bottle receives reply: "Don't litter"
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Russell Simmons receives key to Newark, reminds everyone to please keep the door locked so the smell doesn't get out
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| (Cinescape) |
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David Lee Roth and Sammy Hager to unite for intergalactic concert. Earth's new extraterrestrial friends puzzled at lack of strong guitar support
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Benito Mussolini's son Romano has died, sending potential "Everybody Loves Raymond" reunion right into the toilet
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"Bring your squirrel back to life" kit for sale on Ebay includes a can of Red Bull, instructions and a dead squirrel
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| (Some Guy) |
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CBS to Apple: Hold that Suck It, we wanna talk
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Emperor Schoolbus-Driverous and his Sith learn that the Death Cheese Club is insignificant next to the power of the police Force
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For non-sports fans, there are plenty of Super Bowl alternatives, from the "Monk" marathon to the classic "Smoka Bowl"
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Seahawks fan group wants to help Texas A&M with its financial troubles, asks you to donate 12 cents
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Rock sends regrets, won't run to lead Liberal party of Canada. Too busy making movies and beating up Stone Cold
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Where did all the boobies on Fark go? Foobies.com. Site safe for work, links are not safe for work. Tell a friend
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Muslims offended by caricatures proceed to act them out
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| (Double Agent) |
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Classic movie scene: Salma Hayek dancing in "From Dusk Til Dawn" (safe for work -- sponsored link)
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Christian group urging boycott of Britney Spears episode of "Will & Grace," but not for the obvious reasons
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| (Bristol Post) |
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Hardcore porn DVD gets labelled, packaged as children's cartoon. Hilarity ensues
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Knowing its readers are big fans of Entombed and Angel Corpse, the Wall Street Journal explores death metal
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It's time for the annual "The groundhog is an idiot" rebuttal from the National Weather Service. As if they can actually make an accurate forecast
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| (The Star) |
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Man caught with 40 kgs of cockle spat, which is only slightly less gross than it sounds
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Mr Burns coat not really made from gorilla chest
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| (TheStreet.com) |
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Fifty-four percent of Americans think nuclear energy should be used to generate electricity; 63 percent say they don't want a nuclear plant built near their home
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Former New Jersey Devils captain Scott Stevens to have his jersey retired tonight. Your dog wants one more hit on Lindros
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United States gets a D+ from expert commissions examining worldwide oceanic policies. WE PASSED BABY. Slide me the beer bong
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| (Michelle Malkin) |
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Blasphemous Jesus pictures? "Run the photos. Free speech." Blasphenous Mohammed pictures? "CNN has chosen to not show the cartoons in respect for Islam"
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The U.S. unemployment rate falls to its lowest in 4.5 years. Do you want fries with that?
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| (Boortz) |
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Boortz takes a look at selective Muslim outrage
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Apparently the novelty of dropping rocks off freeway overpasses and nearly killing people hasn't worn off yet
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Police should not use Taser stun guns to subdue small children. Batons and rubber bullets only, please
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R. Kelly showered with three Soul Train award nominations
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| (New Kerala) |
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Apparently, it's not necessary to strip naked to take a lie detector test. Fun maybe, but not necessary
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Parents angry at elementary school music teacher for showing video of the opera "Faust" in his class because it "glorifies Satan in some way"
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| (DailyRecord) |
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Hoot, laddie Gangsters are flooding Scotland with deadly machine guns. No word on how many have been kilt
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| (YouTube) |
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Brokeback to the Future
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| (New Zealand Herald) |
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"Die Another Day" director pitches "Mrs. Doubtfire" sequel. Not to a studio boss, but to an undercover cop on Santa Monica Boulevard
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Martial arts experts hired to protect cars from marauding parrots. Do you want karacker?
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High fuel prices have caused 0.2 percent of drivers to switch to mass transit
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Kentucky newpaper editorial says it's justifiable to nuke a Middle Eastern country
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| (WSYR) |
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Unable to gouge customers due to a mild January, national grid adds "warm weather" surcharge
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New Turkish movie features American soldiers crashing Iraqi wedding, shooting groom in head, dragging survivors to Abu Ghraib prison where Jewish doctor cuts out their organs, sells them to rich people in New York. Starring Gary Busey
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Legendary Bulgarian fortune-teller Vanga said trains would start flying in 2018
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| (WGAL) |
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Bear mauls 80-year-old petting zoo worker to death. Still unclear why bear was in petting zoo
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Make sure not to injure your arms -- you need them to hang on to the new motorcycle ambulance
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| (Starpulse.com) |
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Paris Hilton almost out of tricks to keep her in the public eye: Now her diaries were somehow stolen
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| (KXAN.com) |
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You go out drinking on a work night and get a ride home, but could you be driving drunk to work the next morning? TV station enlists volunteers to find out
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| (Morning Journal) |
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City officials say that they'll closely monitor new strip club to ensure that no illegal activity is taking place. May require up to four visits a week, just to be absolutely sure
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Weird: Radish found growing though concrete pavement. Weirder: Unknown vandal assaults radish. Fark.com: Scientists called in to extract DNA to save the dying radish
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Naked man starts celebrating the Super Bowl early by tackling a couple of cars
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82-year-old man busted after using a gun to defend a skunk
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NyQuil, the nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, how the hell did I end up in Turkey? cold medicine
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Five Baptist churches on fire in Alabama. Pentecostals deny involvement
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Kama Sutra tries to seduce computer users, fails. Article claims this was due to people taking precautions by using anti-virus software. Or this is just another overblown media panic story?
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| (Some Guy) |
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You're JUST GOING TO HAVE TO TRUST THEM ON THIS
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British babe Jordan says she's planning on selling her breasts on Ebay. Bidding will probably start at ten pounds
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| (Post and Mail) |
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Man taking out his trash discovers the No. 1 reason you don't put a loaded gun in your waistband
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Ryan Seacrest who stormed out of a radio studio, came back in, stormed out again... wasn't really there at all. Bag of penises unavailable for comment
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| (The INQ) |
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When you design a 7,350-tonne, 14-deck, state-of-the-art warship worth £605 million of taxpayer cash, the last thing you want to happen is for your sailors to run out of juice for their MP3 players
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop a farker and his band
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Passenger ship carrying 1,300 people disappears off radar screens in the Red Sea
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| (Tone Deaf Farker) |
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Roseanne Barr video teaches kids how to sing. We should start hearing the consequences on "American Idol," season 20
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| (San Jose Mercury) |
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Heather Locklear files for divorce from Richie Sambora, who will now go back to being known again as "that guy in Bon Jovi"
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| (Eagle Tribune) |
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Good news: FBI to track down bank robber by his fraternity's sweatshirt. Bad news: The fraternity is Tappa Kegga Beer
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Handwritten Beatles lyrics go up for auction. Turns out they really were singing "Strawberry Fields for Trevor "
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this customer-service call center in India
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| (WCCO) |
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The president can't even operate a Post-It; how's he supposed to run the country?
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| (Some h4X0R) |
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"Hackers" steal thousands of credit card numbers from the government. Citizens relieved that the numbers are in safer hands
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A thoughtful and scholarly treatise on the meanings of feminine lingerie from The Sun. Slightly not safe for work in a The Sun meets Victoria's Secrets sort of way
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2,300-year-old Greek shipwreck uncovered. Ship's log stated the voyage was only intended to be a three-hour tour until Gilliganus cause the boat to flounder
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| Thu February 02, 2006 |
| (wistv.com) |
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Man finds box in his closet with James Brown's stuff in it
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The "Most Negative Country On The Planet" results are in. The top two either shocks you, or makes complete sense
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How to test for pregnancy the traditional African way: 1) Get poisonous frog. 2) Drop pants. 3) Pee on it
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| (IrelandOn-Line) |
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Whitney Houston takes a crack at making new album. Clive Davis insists it will rock
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| (Some Fisherman) |
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Hi there, this is Candy. What are you wearing? Uh, chest waders and a flannel shirt
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| (WRAL TV-5) |
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Black & Decker called to testify before election board. Expectation is that they'll be drilled for details. Ryobi and Makita unavailable for comment
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Senior accountant burns her feet doing firewalk at corporate retreat. Chairman of the Board finds her lack of faith disturbing
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Win Drew's money. Fark and PartyPoker.com team up to host the first Fark Tournament on Feb 23rd, 9:00 pm EST. $3,000 prize. Drew will play to win as well. Signup code: Win3000
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Hong Kong Disney sells out for eight straight days. Furious parents react by throwing their children over the gates, which is a perfectly rational thing to do
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Burglar gets stuck in convenience store chimney. In other news, some Florida convenience stores have chimneys
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| (Courier-Journal) |
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Distillers say global warming is actually good for bourbon production. Who ya gonna believe, a distiller or some egghead scientist?
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In order to be King of Nepal, one must have a very silly hat
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this temporary unicyclist
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"Sexsomnia" defence may be somewhat less bulletproof than it first appeared
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CBS to Apple: Suck it
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| (The Trentonian) |
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Radio jock asks Ryan Seacrest if he is gay. Seacrest refuses to answer, storms out. Conclusion: Gayer than a bag of penises
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| (Post Chronicle) |
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Ashton Kutcher gets all pissy because director won't let him wear red string symbolism of his fake religion
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It may rain not only cats and dogs but also frogs and fish
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Ebay auction for anatomically correct carrot. In other news, Ebay servers in San Francisco overheat
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Woman breaks world record for eating 26 grilled cheese sandwiches in 10 minutes. Her next record attempt -- seeing how many days it will take for her to have a bowel movement
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| (TenMojo) |
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The top 10 NFL teams of all time. Debate/discuss
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"Memoirs of a Geisha" movie is banned in China. But DVD pirates, normally full of respect for the law, don't seem to care
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| (RollCall.com) |
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GOP learns an important lesson about stuffing the ballot box: Don't end up with more votes than there are Republicans
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| (Starpulse) |
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Harrison Ford helps girlfriend Calista Flockheart join Mile High Club, has shared this hobby with his family for years
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Congratulations to Britney and Cletus on impending baby No. 2
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Tanker runs aground in Alaska, prompting gas prices to rise. Exxon to start building a Death Star
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Flock of songbirds slams into window and dies after they gorge themselves on fermented berries. Swore they'd be okay to fly with a cup of coffee
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| (No link yet) |
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Rep. John Boehner smokes Blunt, rising from limp tool to hard-line GOP majority leader
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Big-ass tornado wallops New Orleans, possibly causing untold damage to move ten feet to the left
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When you need a positive influence in the state senate, you can't go wrong with letting the guy who played Adebisi the Butt-Rapin' Prisoner on "Oz" to lead you all in a traditional daily prayer
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Study shows having an "office spouse" makes you happier in your job. Downside? Going home and complaining to your "real spouse" that your "office spouse" just doesn't understand you
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| (Cincinnati Enquirer) |
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Running over a boy while speeding and sending a text message is legal in Kentucky
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| (9News.com) |
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Man caught driving with "female" dummy in HOV lane creates website to raise money for fine, plus he needs new girlfriend before Valentine's Day
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Truckers upset that Coke's Super Bowl ad makes them look like, well, truckers
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Old-ass dog graves shed new light on the canine-human connection. Your dog wants a history lesson
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Deputies in Tombstone accused of drinking on the job, lying in court, trading drugs for sexual favors and having "filing cabinets full of sex toys." In vino veritas, Wyatt
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NYC girl puts up 113 in HS hoops game, tells Kobe to suck it. Kobe invites her to his hotel room
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Seventh grader's essay on the "perfect day" includes killing Oprah and harming Wal-Mart executives and Bush. Secret Service not amused
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Outlets that rebroadcast Howard Stern's Sirius radio show and file-sharing pirates that rebroadcast it online are popping up as quickly as Sirius can get them shut down
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Finally, an answer to the question: Why do some dogs constantly sniff themselves? Here comes the research
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| (Boston Herald) |
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If you're a railroad conductor, don't tell a passenger that her daughter has a "ghetto booty," even if she does
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| (Press and Journal) |
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Man who sent death threats to Scottish politicians claims the letters are just a work of art
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| (al.com) |
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Citizens of Mobile, Alabama rally to save 1,800 gallons of beer before it spoils. Drew on his way to the airport
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It is against the law for anyone to harrass the seals while they are on shore. However, feel free to kill them once they are in the water
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Tampa man rents a car, leaves a disc full of kiddie porn behind in it
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Chek fourger mispells "independant." Jailairity insues
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| (Hindustan Times) |
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Attention Muslim ladies: No working or shopping, but hey, feel free to model or compete in beauty pageants
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Twenty pigeons get fitted with smog-detecting backpacks and cellphones so they can report on smog conditions over San Jose, California. The phones will be monitored to make sure they are used strictly for business
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Bush vows to cut Middle East oil imports by 75 percent in his SOTU address. His energy secretary says he "didn't meant it literally" and it "was purely an example"
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Members of Religion of Peace surround EU offices in Gaza, threaten to take hostages because of cartoon drawing of Muhammad
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U.S Army to issue soldiers with caffeine-laced chewing gum. Pentagon still working on portable combat meth cooker
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| (Palm Beach Post) |
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WWE owner Vince McMahon accused of groping attendant at tanning booth. Was reportedly just holding tryouts for new talent
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Man sues Apple because it's obviously their fault that he played his iPod for too long and too loud and is now losing his hearing
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Man pulls "gun-shaped lighter" on British police, learns the hard way that some Brit cops are armed
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| (Some Person) |
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Possessing a possum without a permit puts people at peril
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Bush defends Exxon Mobil profits. Later this week, Cheney eats babies; Rumsfeld pours Pepsi over homeless man
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| (Some Guy) |
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Capitol hill police admit removing Sheehan and Young from the house was "a mistake"
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Australian man, shot by police for not paying for fuel, was also wanted for a double homicide
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Rumsfeld says terrorists have "media committees," also known as the Associated Press, Reuters and the New York Times
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| (Some Guy) |
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Today's Iron Photoshop ingredients: A goldfish, a beard and a piece of chalk
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Norwegian burglars break in to school to do homework
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| (West Press) |
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Man places bet on being struck by lightning. At least it'd pay for the funeral
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| (visitPA.com) |
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Punxsutawney Phil predicts: Six more weeks of winter, 12 more years of Bill Murray movies
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| (Some Guy) |
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The top 10 weirdest USB devices ever
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Man, trying to show off his multitasking skills, arrested for speeding, cooking meth while driving. With mug shot goodness
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TFette Titanias_wings is up for MySpace Girl of the Week. Vote for Dawn, and unleash the power of Fark on Attack of the Show
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| (Farktography) |
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 39: "Up close and personal." Link goes to next week's contest. Please read first post
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Man driving on highway surprised to find himself about to hit an airborne crocodile
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There are good ways for retired people to earn a little money to supplement their pensions. Operating a butcher shop in the garage is not one of them
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Ex-WWII POWs finally meet mysterious benefactor who has bought them breakfast for 30 years
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| (WTF) |
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Photoshop theme: Sports shots you won't see on a Wheaties box. Link goes to one example
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Peev'ed reader write's entire article for the BBC over the mis'use of the' apos'trophe
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| (Daily Mail) |
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"Low interest" credit cards actually cost more than higher-interest ones. Here comes the accountancy
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| (ZRock103) |
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Drew will be on ZRock 103.3 Lexington KY from 8:00-10:00 a.m. Storm will be there as well. No streaming available, unfortunately
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| (The dog is ok) |
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Bad: Your leashed dog suddenly darts out of the elevator. Worse: You're inside the elevator when the door closes. Worst: The elevator changes floors
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| (Some Doll) |
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George W. Bush talking action figure with 25 "unique and authentic phrases." What are they?
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| (TMC) |
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Man tries to rob 90-year-old at gunpoint, gets ass handed to him. Hulk Hogan style
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| Wed February 01, 2006 |
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Town's new highway boss lives in a treehouse
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| (Business Week) |
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Top 10 myths about hybrid cars
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College cheerleader gets knocked off the squad for working at Hooters, told that thanks to Hooters, the squad now has a black eye (pic)
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| (Ohio News Now) |
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Ohio State Highway Patrol is breaking out extra radar guns to handle all the out-of-state drivers headed to the Super Bowl
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| (Information Week) |
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From the "Day Late, Dollar Short" Department: Kama Sutra worm to delete computer files February 3, but Microsoft refuses to release patch before February 14
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Arrest charges dropped against attention whore Cindy Sheehan. Charges against George W. Bush still pending
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| (TPM) |
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In a bizarre coincidence, Dick Cheney deleted all his emails around the time of the Plame leak
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Canadian man finds his long-lost love by writing to all 3700 Belgian women named "Sabine." In other news, how many "Albas" could there possibly be in the U.S.?
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| (noobsports) |
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Here's your Super Bowl drinking game: Three drinks if the announcers compare Mike Holmgren to a walrus
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| (KSL) |
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CalTech students in tutus and Superman costumes rescued from road blocked by mudslide. "You've got to remember that common sense is not factored into the intelligence quotient," police observe
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| (Moscow News) |
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Three Moscow beer-drinkers demanding $1.6 million in compensation after finding a dead rat in their croutons
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| (NewsWatch50) |
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Catholic Church offers $46 million payout to 75 abuse victims. That works out to about $102,000 per inch
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Today's Iron Photoshop ingredient: Horns
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Governor orders all mines in West Virginia to shut down after two more miners die in separate accidents. In other news, more people will die on West Virginia roads today but driving is still permitted
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| (SmartMoney.com) |
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United Airlines begins the outbound leg of its round-trip into bankruptcy
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Twins -- who received "divine order" to shed clothes for goatskin flaps and leave expensive home to sleep in chicken run -- admit to smoking pot
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Man could wind up shovelling horse manure as part of punishment for punching police horse
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Bad: Heating oil company fills wrong home. Worse: Pipe went straight into basement. Fark.com: A finished basement
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Alito casts his first vote on the Supreme Court. Then, as the new guy, goes on errand in search of a left-handed smoke shifter for a snickering Justice Scalia
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| (Billings Gazette) |
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Guess what might bring an end to the U.S. embargo of Cuba? If you said massive offshore oil reserves, you win a cigar
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Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Yapplin-spapplin-yoRRRR- *cough, cough* -RRRRor-flapppphhhppp. *flop*
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| (Blogcritics) |
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Trump's mansion listed as most expensive home in U.S. Coming in last: Danny Bonaduce lean-to made out of empty whiskey bottles
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| (ktvotv3.com) |
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A Georgia lawmaker introduces a bill that would restrict police from stopping any truck hauling live poultry on a hot day
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| (Some Research site) |
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Cannabis causes aggression in kids. Also causes them to wonder what the world would be like without any doors. Or if fish ever get thirsty
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| (Earth Times) |
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If you're a street vagrant in NYC, you're twice as likely to die, according to report by the Bureau of the Blazingly Obvious
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| (kirotv) |
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Investigators have no idea why dead man hit on interstate was naked, or where the dog came from
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| (Nature) |
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Finding sympathetic pregnancy in monkeys suggests the fat is useful. Still searching for evolutionary advantage of flinging poo
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| (Keloland.com) |
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South Dakota lawmakers approve bill removing horses and bikes from drunk-driving laws. Your horse wants scotch
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In the stall with the Carolina Panthers cheerleaders. The Smoking Gun is there. With the story, not in the stall
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Justin Timberlake immersed himself as a tough guy with "NUTZ" tattooed on his knuckles, briefly forgot real life of nuts on chin
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| (WKYT.com) |
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Kentucky shuts down performing chimpanzee boat show. Backstreet Boys, Black Eyed Peas' future uncertain
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Postal Shooter Interactive Victim Experience claims a seventh member
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Aretha Franklin snubbed for Super Bowl halftime show. Pittsburgh offers her a spot on their offensive line, instead
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| (Daily Mail) |
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Officials unsure where two-ton pile of dead animals came from
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Bush tries to ride post-speech momentum, but falls off since gyroscope was not turned on
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How to fake it on discussion boards when you don't know what you're talking about. Writer must be a farker (see examples)
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Jessica Simpson turning to Christianity to heal heartbreak; gets confused as to whether Jesus is actually man or fish
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Government officials dismiss offer of powdered dog food to feed starving children, citing landmark case of Beggars v. Choosers
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| (wsoctv.com) |
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Flight attendent claims 10-year love affair with Kenny Chesney. "I taught him everything he knows." Would explain why he kept offering Renee Zellweger little foil packets of peanuts after sex
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Kenya's Finance Minister chased out of the country for being corrupt. Which begs the question, who wins a race when it's Kenyans chasing Kenyans?
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Having solved that little global terrorism problem, Homeland Security to focus on fake NFL t-shirts this week
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| (WSBTV) |
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Dumb: Driving drunk. Dumber: Hitting a house with your car. Fark.com: Making yourself at home in the homeowner's bed
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| (Some Guy) |
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Meet Ben Bernanke, your new fed chairman. Does he moonlight as a transvestite? Did he secretly support France during Gulf War 2? Can the media fabricate any controversy?
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Don't climb the rock wall and two fences to feed a mango to the 9000-pound zoo elephant
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Maxim predicts who will win Superbowl XL by dressing up two chicks in each team's uniform and having them wrestle in oil to decide the outcome. Featuring g-strings, so may be NSFW
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Google shares fall nine percent during normal hours. So if you bought them in the last two days, you might be losing money now
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Images that lie: A gallery of early faked photos, from Stalin to the Jackolope. Sadly, the "computer of the future" is conspicuously absent
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Polish designer of deadly collapsed building adds "suicide" to "structural engineering" on list of things he sucks at
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.-- . ... - . .-. -. / ..- -. .. --- -. / ... - --- .--. ... / - . .-.. . --. .-. .- -- / ... . .-. ...- .. -.-
|
| (wsoctv.com) |
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American companies to lose $780 million in lost productivity due to Super Bowl, according to the "I just pulled these figures out of my ass" survey firm
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Tired of being upstaged by the Bible thumper and the bulimarexic twins, the "normal" girl from "Full House" hits the morning shows with tales of meth addiction
|
| (Starpulse.com) |
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Kirsten Dunst mistaken for a stripper and gets propositioned for sex act
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| (WPVI) |
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Man, busted for possession of marijuana, says he's a member of the Hawaiian Cannabis Ministry and his weed is a religious sacrament. Ziggy Marley unavailable for comment
|
| (Daily Orange) |
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Syracuse University student paper delves into the hot-button issue of how to order a drink in a crowded bar
|
| (PRNewswire) |
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Lingerie Football League rocked by the resignation of Commissioner Dennis Rodman just days before the Lingerie Bowl
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City Councillor's aide in deep sh*t for cleaning up a "poo apocalypse" in a public bathroom when no unionized janitors were available
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Doctor facing jailarity over false cancer diagnoses and surgeries, once performed surgery after reviewing slide that contained chewing gum placed there by lab tech who had lost the skin specimen
|
| (Augusta Chronicle) |
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Incredible Hulk arrested selling crack in Augusta. Lou Ferrigno surrenders
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School officials considering a proposal that would pay students $100 every time they report a student who has drugs, alcohol, weapons, or tobacco on school grounds. What could possibly go wrong?
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Man who made rude gesture at speed camera charged with violating the 1984 Act (not a repeat, a different guy this time)
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If there's a better way to show one's displeasure with restaurant staff than pouring urine on them and the food, it'd be interesting to hear about it
|
| (KMOV) |
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Remember folks -- it is never a good idea to send a kid on a beer run
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Sex ed teacher puts theory into practice by asking to sign female students' buttocks, narrowly avoids further education in alternative ass usage
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"Ain't No Stoppin' Us Now" singer discovers the power of double negatives
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Boy George, found with 13 bags of cocaine, is completely innocent
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Nightline does expose on the ethics of judicial travel. Runs out of time after only two justices
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Signs the world is ending, No. 346: Japanese government considering outlawing purchase of used underwear from girls aged below 18
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Graphic sex-ed program for fifth graders raises eyebrows, among other things
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this pole vaulter
|
| (WeirdAl.com) |
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Decade-long gang feud between Coolio and "Weird Al" Yankovic comes to a sappy end
|
| (Bristol Post) |
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Good news: Police find way to successfully communicate with young troublemakers. Bad news: U hv 2 rite lk ths
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With low crime rates, NYC's Guardian Angels forced to to redefine the nature of their work, from patrolling subways to becoming mentors, taking up knitting and baking Girl Scout cookies
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