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| Sun November 13, 2005 |
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Time magazine releases list of five best and five worst governors. Guess which list Lousiana's Kathleen Blanco is on?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Presenting the hand-held laser guided bolt action aluminum potato rifle
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| (Some Guy) |
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Mormon commits suicide after hearing profanity
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| (Storm Chaser) |
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Fark's favorite storm chaser snaps wild shots of tornadoes in Iowa that are not agreeing to the high gas prices. With chilling pics
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man who wrongly predicted five US cities would be destroyed on Friday has been fired, considers it a "resignation"
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Nextel Cup champ Kurt Busch black-flagged by cops for running stop sign
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| (SouthFlorida.com) |
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Bruce Willis offers $1 million for information leading to the capture of Osama Bin Laden
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Wrestling hero Eddie Guererro passes away at age 38. Rest in peace Latino Heat
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Girl accused of using stolen credit card sends her twin sister to stand in for her at court. Jailarity ensues. Jailarity ensues
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| (Some Guy) |
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Today's 37-year old woman and her 15-year old husband story brought to you by Georgia (w/pic goodness)
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Violent crime has dropped 24 percent, at least until the new games systems are released
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5 questions non-Muslims would like answered
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| (Some Revs Fan) |
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L.A. Galaxy defeat the New England Revolution to win the MLS Cup. All six MLS fans in Los Angeles riot simultaneously
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In a stunnning announcement today, a Presidential advisor said that the President didn't mislead the American people on the Iraqi war. The fans go wild, a spectator faints
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| (Sona Mobile) |
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Commemorative Star Trek Communicator Phone pushed back to 2006. Delay reportedly blamed on ion storm causing subspace interference
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| (680News) |
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You find an officer writing you a parking ticket. Do you a) Accept it ruefully as you were in the wrong; b) Take the ticket but vow to fight it; or c) Curse out the officer, punch him in the chest and stuff the ticket back into his pocket?
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| (London Calling) |
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If you were only allowed to listen to one album (CD) for the rest of your life, what would it be?
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| (Some Gorgyle) |
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Wiccans fight for religious freedom. President Bush does not care about darksided people.
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The 'Turbo Tap', a device that lets sports stadiums pour a fast beer, will soon be available for home use
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| (WDSU.com) |
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Elevator in barn's shower stall leads police to underground pot farm.
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| (Macleans) |
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Developer slaps stay-at-home mom with $2 million defamation suit after she blogs about lousy quality of construction in her subdivision
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Ten aphrodisiacs that really work. Surprisingly, "being insanely rich" is behind oysters and expensive shoes
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| (Earth Institute) |
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Underneath 2 miles of ice in Antarctica is an enormous lake that has been sealed off for 1 million years or more and could harbor exotic lifeforms. Poland Springs plans to tap it and sell "dino spring water"
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| (Some Guy) |
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What should I do about my neighbor's cat? (The lipstick did nothing)
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Chicago would like to apologize for Jennifer Aniston's new movie
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| (Some Guy) |
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Theme: Veteran's Day is one of the least commercialized U.S. holidays there is. Fix this
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Chicago Bears convert the rare NFL 1-point play
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'Jailhouse Fire Hot Sauce', produced and bottled by inmates, available for $3.25 a bottle
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| (The Harvard Law Record) |
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Apparently it used to be en vogue to bind books in human skin. Thankfully, inking in blood never caught on (pic included)
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| (9News) |
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Colorado State Trooper propositions a woman after pulling her over
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1,100 lawyers decide they've got better things to do than be killed for defending Saddam Hussein
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It's not news, it's Wales. Catherine Zeta Jones buys a Monopoly board.
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| (NOLA) |
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Pennsylvania may allow hunters to use stone-age dart shooting weapon against deer, wooly mammoths
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Amazon patents product reviews, search engines, internet shopping, Christmas
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| (Swiss Info) |
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Paris still burning, text messages and the internet to blame for coordination
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| (radaronline.com) |
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Yesterday we learned about the top 10 onscreen girl-on-girl kisses and now it's time for the top 10 guy-on-guy kisses
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Time declares that the most amazing invention of the year is Snuppy, the amazing cloned Afghan hound
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Giant jellyfish menace Japan, give unexpected boost to tentacle porn industry
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| (NY Daily News) |
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When driving a truck with 600 pounds of marijuana across the George Washington Bridge, it's really important to remember to stay in the truck lanes
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| (Some Guy) |
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Boy wins Lego competition, can now look forward to not getting laid in college
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Doctors baffled by man who has seemingly cured himself of AIDS. Doctors say that this could be a breakthrough in medical science, techno dance parties
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For those with no friends, $600 ensures a tearful funeral
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| (Some Guys) |
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Photoshop these excited folk who act as if they've never seen an ice lake before
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| (Some Guy) |
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Councilman Marion Barry invents new machine that transforms garbage into clean water and gas, displays it in church parking lot but won't turn it on or explain how it works.
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"Four people were treated at a hospital for minor injuries, and five others were treated at the mall" due to a frenzy over a boy band you've never heard of playing at a suburban mall
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| (Tony's Pizza) |
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Pizza now declared a health food. Bachelors everywhere can now claim to eat well
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| (Some Guy) |
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World's second largest oil field begins to run dry
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| (Some Guy) |
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Homepage of the Scrotal Safety Commission
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Desperate mom tries to get kid out of house publishes full-page article in local paper titled "Who wants to date my daughter?"
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| (Iowa Tornado) |
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Dramatic video of central Iowa tornado as it approached cameraman, then destroys entire subdivision ( click on the 'Viewer Captures Roaring Tornado In Woodward' link)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop theme: Unlikely parade balloons
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| Sat November 12, 2005 |
| (WCCO) |
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Wheeee. Village idiot sets fire to cop cars, leads high speed chase, shoots at houses, kamikazes the courthouse, sets fire to courthouse, shoots at cops again, gets shot. Just another day in the Great Midwest
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| (The Nation) |
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Magazine promises to back only those Democrats with a backbone
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| (Boston Herald) |
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You can get away with driving a Beemer while collecting welfare and living in public housing, but jailarity will ensue if you start stealing panties from Victoria's Secret
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Man appears in court in his underpants. Judge ensures that his visit is brief
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Man survives 5 hours in the ocean treading water, passed up twice by boaters who, thinking he was Haitian, left him to die
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| (Bay Area Reporter) |
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Even in San Francisco, displaying an eight-inch penis in a store window is bound to raise an eyebrow occasionally (pic of wooden sculpture may be not safe for work)
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| (SI.com) |
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10 biggest sports sex scandals
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| (mercurynews.com) |
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California considers building 11 mile tunnel of death through earthquake zone
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| (The Morning News) |
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Why public toilets have a horseshoe or "U" shaped toilet seat, and the toilet seats in homes are a full circle
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| (Some Guy) |
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Star Trek: The Next Generation - by Dr. Seuss
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| (KYW) |
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Philadelphia transit system offers employee trading cards. Each pack comes with a free stick of cheesesteak-flavored gum
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| (First Coast News) |
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New bill would make Spanish lessons mandatory for elementary school students. Haitian kids really confused now
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Obscure economic indicator #9: the price of copper
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| (Some Guy) |
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Truck driver arrested for pointing a shotgun at a family of 7 in an SUV.
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Photoshop some new tourism ads to help Baltimore makeover its image (link goes to inspiration)
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| (Some Hand) |
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Things to do with your fingers
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Terrorist spiritual leader Pat Robertson threatens Pennsylvania town with attack if they block Creationism
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| (Some Embryo) |
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Final Reminder - Raleigh Durham Fark party tonight, Carolina Ale House on Falls on Neuse in Raleigh, 7pm - link goes to map
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Official College Football thread. Brag about how your team should be #1 instead of USC.
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| ($3 microbrews, $4 raildrinks) |
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"It's 106 miles to the Chicago Fark Party at the Mystic Celt 7pm, we've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses, Hit It"
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Boy launches McDonald's boycott over US-Canada lumber rift. In other news, even 10 yr old Canadian boys are p.ssed at the US
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Carboard box a surprise entrant into the toy hall of fame. The box gets to join Mr. Potato Head and Lincoln Logs among others. Paper airplanes unavailable for comment
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| (Some Guy) |
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Top ten girl kisses girl scenes from TV and movies (pics)
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| (Dayton Daily News) |
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12-year-old student, who was late returning from a bathroom break, pours industrial cleaning fluid in his teacher's coffee. Now facing attempted murder charges rather than an hours worth of detention
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| (MetroWest Daily News) |
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Bars fight drunk driving by offering free dinner to cab drivers who give drinkers free rides home
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Bicyclists complain new 8-lane road violates state guidelines for bike lanes
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Explorer Club members dine on alligator bites, caribou pate, and baby tomatoes stuffed with grubs, among other oddities. Club officials said their cottonmouth chips never made it to the banquet
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New beer is designed for pubs where smoking has been outlawed. It has a 6.3 percent alcohol content, and the nicotine equivalent of a pack of cigarettes
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China gives the finger to South Korea, but only for one month
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| (Some Guy) |
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Liberians riot after former soccer player loses election to a girl
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| (Janesville Gazette) |
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What not to tell the arresting DUI officer: "I only had one beer after you arrested me the first time"
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Beer? Check. Sports? Check. Free beer for soccer players? Czech
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After being unable to connect it to gang activity, school board rescinds ban on rosary beads, owls, and the numbers 13, 14, 18
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| (Some Guy) |
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Londoners lay claim to Godzilla, offer Camilla to the Japanese
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Russia offers to send soccer thugs to quell Paris rioting
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| (National Geographic) |
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Bacteria eat human sewage, produce rocket fuel
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Science teacher mixes sodium and water together in his class. What could possibly go wrong?
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Student surprised at how seriously RAF take his joke package containing talcum powder, written note saying "Post people, I have enclosed anthrax. You will die."
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| (Some Pier Jumpers) |
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Photoshop this pier jumper
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US denies visa for prize-winning Cuban scientist, thereby preventing him from actually getting his award.
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| (LA Daily News) |
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People all over the world are tuning into DogCatRadio with their pets: "My bird's singing along to 'YMCA,' so I think, OK, it can't be that weird"
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The longest, most scholarly article ever written about the making of Night Ranger's "Sister Christian" video. You're motorin', motorin'
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| (Hartford Courant) |
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Newspaper copy editor decides to subsitute real photo caption of jubilant girls' soccer team with "celebrating a teammate's decision to come out of the closet as a lesbian" instead. Hilarity ensues
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| (Some Guy) |
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Iowa town with most of its residents behind bars so that accounts for 3-2 landslide in council election this week
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| (Some King) |
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Theme: If everyone declared their house/dwelling an independent nation...
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Just in case you feel gas prices are too low, have a mullet and have $427,000 burning a hole in your pocket - here's the new Camaro
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1,400 lb meteorite found in Kansas. In other news, baby found in nearby cornfield, adopted by local farmer and wife
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| (DFW) |
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Man applying for job at police department arrested for arson during his interview. That could hurt his chances
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Man claims his pet crocodile is so tame he uses it as a pillow while sleeping. What could possibly go wrong?
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| Fri November 11, 2005 |
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Johnson County (KS) employees suspended for having office betting pool on number of homicides in neighborhing Kansas City
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109 year old WWI veteran says he would "like to join up again" after attending Armistice Day ceremonies
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Students from Louisiana Center for the Blind attempt deer hunting. What could possibly go wrong?
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Bureaucrats have found an "immediate danger to public health, safety, to all Floridians" otherwise known as tournament poker
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| (indian express) |
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Study finds stupid children much more likely to impale themselves on any number of sharp objects
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| (Some Farker) |
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Tasers to now include video cameras. Photoshop a scene in Taser-Vision (link goes to inspriation)
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NCAA lets Illinois keep "Fightin' Illini" nickname, but sends Chief Illiniwek to meet the Great Mascot Spirit in the Sky
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| (ModBee) |
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"Good old-fashioned electioneering" in Kentucky may involve plying voters with whiskey and cash, but these days it also means a year in prison
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Mexican zoo looking for mate for horny male giraffe that has already tried to make sweet, sweet love to a tree and a garden shed
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Man injured after being run over and stabbed. You don't say?
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| (hertsessexnews.co.uk) |
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Berserk, chainsaw-wielding man holds police off for 90 minutes; would have lasted longer if he had gotten railgun, rocket launcher
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Rita Cosby's expose on Bunny Ranch offers up usual cliches of girls that are jazillionaires, working their way through law school, happy and come from stable backgrounds
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Indicted Libby's publishers plan 25,000 reprint of "steamy" novel
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| (NewsWatch50.com) |
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Bad: Getting busted with 10 pounds of pot. Fark.com: You had it delivered to your house Fed-Ex
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Ibrahim Izzat, Saddam Hussein's former deputy sometimes likened in appearance to Krusty the Klown, dies of cancer
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| (Chicago) |
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So, what are you doin' this weekend? Chicago Fark Party. Saturday 7:00 p.m., Mystic Celt. $3 microbrews, $4 raildrinks
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| (Connecticut Post) |
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State attorney requests demonstration of how police were tracking down sexual predators. Takes about 10 seconds for demonstration to hook a live one
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Bush lashes out at revisionist historians
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Burger King guy replaced in nightmares in children everywhere by giant Chinese Olympics 2008 mascots (with pic)
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| (Some Guy) |
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AudioEdit a message that the pope might get on his answering machine
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Mid-season NFL power rankings. Duke sucks
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Chuck Berry sues top three karaoke machine distributors for copyright infringement. Critics fear it may eradicate the business. One can only hope
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Policeman successfully uses "Bros Before Hos" defense to reduce his suspension for leaving work early to have sex with a woman
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"It was a training exercise for the dog and education for the children but what happened shouldn't have happened." Police explain how 10-year-old went home with a bag of amphetamines
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Couple says vet faked dog's death, changed dog's name to something more stupid
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| (JudithMiller.org) |
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Judith Miller latest journalist to discover blogging. Apparently it's real easy, and you can have pictures on the site and everything. Ric Romero unavailable for comment
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Today marks a year since the death of Yassir Arafat, who wasn't dying, was in a coma, wasn't in a coma, wasn't expected to live, would recover quickly, and was flown to France because he was not suffering from an undetermined illness
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Ex-president Clinton a little touchy about that impeachment thingy, and how it will look on his resume. "Silly" tag trumps non-existant "doofus" tag
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| (wral.com) |
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Man gets his Google search history submitted as evidence in murder trial
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Rick Santorum wants a $250,000 cap on medical malpractice suits. Except for his wife, who sued for $500,000, and received $350,000, for messed-up back surgery
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NFL reaches preliminary agreement on bringing one or two teams back to Los Angeles. In other news, New Orleans Saints' owner Tom Benson seen whistling and acting innocent
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| (Some Guy) |
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Today's Iron Photoshop ingredient: Jacks
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Blockbuster posts $491-million loss, hopes creditors will ditch late fees
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| (Moscow News) |
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Russia concedes that 80 percent of its military satellites are little more than bleeping pieces of crap that happen to be in orbit
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| (Houston Voice) |
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Quebec politician's approval rating up by 11 points after he admits using cocaine
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And now for something different: Scientists name newly discovered lemur species after John Cleese
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New M.I.T. software accurately predicts hit music for music labels, when not constantly asking if you'd like to play a game of chess
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Toilet Man flushed with relief after passing polygraph test
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| (Some Guy) |
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The best rejected advertising campaigns
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| (OWEB) |
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Looking for rock bottom? Here she is: West Virginia woman convicted of sucking medicine out of hospital patient's pain patch
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Woman robs four banks without even pausing her cellphone conversation
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Emerging scientific theory says that Egyptians descended from Martians who once visited Earth
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| (WCCO Duluth) |
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Being clever and tricky by twirling your gun on your finger might not look so clever if you've forgotten to unload the gun first
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| (Commonwealth Times) |
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Strip club etiquette: 1) Be polite. 2) Don't touch the dancers. 3) Try not to set any stripper's breasts on fire
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| (Some Guy Who Served) |
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Today is Veteran's Day
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| (Investors.com) |
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Executives agree: The reason you're living in your mom's basement and living on store-brand ramen is that you suck at interviews
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From the "That didn't take long" department, hackers develop virus that exploits Sony's hidden CD copy-protection software
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| (MENL) |
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Despite fourth quarter rally, Al-Qaeda finishes second behind Palestinians in suicide bombings
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| (Some Guy) |
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Theme: I went to _____ and all I got was this lousy _____
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| (MSN Encarta) |
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List of nine of the most underrated inventions in history. Includes chariot, barbed wire, but not the plastic circular disc that holds pizza together in the box
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Man fatally shot at showing of new 50 Cent movie. Police "unsure" if movie featuring gang violence would lead to... wait for it... gang violence
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Salmon-flavored ice cream: Not just the ultimate band name anymore
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| (Some Guy) |
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Friday is Judgment Day: Governor Schwarzenegger set to travel back in time to find Sarah Connor
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Feds tell Karl Malone he can't help with Katrina cleanup. Malone to feds: "Bullsh--," goes on to clear 115 condemned houses over two weeks (with audio)
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| (Innocent English) |
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Top 10 Bush bloopers of all time
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Police not sure what to do with trailer park walkway made of veterans' headstones
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New study suggests men's sexual prowess is the driving force behind evolution. Here comes the science
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Caption this ugly-ass baby elephant
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| Thu November 10, 2005 |
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When a gas station is selling for 26 cents less than the guy across the street, something strange might be afoot
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Psychiatrist thinks there is a link between having cats, going crazy. Obviously did all of his research on Fark
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Wolf kills human for first time in 100 years
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"Sopranos" star Vincent Pastore must wait two more weeks before pleading guilty of being a Big Pussy
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With the U.S.'s current interrogation techniques under scrutiny, help 'em out by PSing some novel approaches
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| (M-Live) |
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Anonymous donor promises college tuition to all high school students in Kalamazoo, MI public schools
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| (NewsNet 5) |
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Parent reacts to daughter being cut from basketball team as any reasonable adult would: Punch the coach upside his head
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| (madison.com) |
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Wisconsin state legislature approves giving wine to alcoholic inmates for "religious" purposes, claiming that it turns into the blood of Jebus during communion, so it's okay
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British sperm banks facing shortage of wankers
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Man hits deer: Not news. Deer hits man: Not news. Man hits deer, stops to inspect damage, second motorist hits deer and flings it into first man, breaking his ankle: Fark.com
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Woman finds a freeze-dried turtle in her Folgers. The company dismisses it as something that probably happened as a result of Hurricane Katrina
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| (WLTX) |
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Smugglers form cocaine into shape of lima beans, try to sneak them past customs. Officers immediately suspicious, though, as they know that no one eats lima beans
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| (Newswise.com) |
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Study finds that Americans will eat just about anything you put in front of them, even 14-day-old popcorn
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Ashlee Simpson looking for "Average Joe -- not a musician" for relationship; at least they'll have one thing in common
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| (WFMY) |
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Long list of people who got write-in votes in a county election include Jughead, Bozo the Clown, Yoda, Jimmy Hoffa and Frank Zappa
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If you've been taking the 30-foot aluminum light poles from Baltimore city streets, the authorities would like a word with you
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Study finds most elderly "confused" about new drug plans, have VCRs that flash "12:00" and wanted researchers who did the study to stop cutting across their lawns
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Actual headline: Kids Doing Poorly in School May Be Sleep. Well that would certainly do it
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| (NASA JPL) |
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First woman driver on Mars. Soon to be followed by first fender bender on Mars, first keys locked in rover
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McCartney to beam concert into space. Hopes to reach audience that isn't completely sick of "Hey Jude"
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| (The Seattle Stranger) |
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Tulane students who fled hurrican Katrina for the University of Washington are spending their FEMA and Red Cross checks on weed, bongs, and badminton nets
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Scientists prove Flying Spaghetti Monster is a long-time fan of Godzilla
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| (Sentinel and Enterprise) |
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Apparently tired of all that annoying serving the public, government agency admits marking most parking spaces "reserved" just to keep people from using their parking lot
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Man wins school board election, will claim seat assuming he doesn't get shanked first
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| (WGAL) |
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Pat Robertson tells Pa. town not to go cryin' to God if things go bad after voters in that town kicked out school board that backed intelligent design
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| (Townhall.com) |
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Old and Busted: Conservative morons trying to keep kids away from Harry Potter. New Hotness: Liberal morons trying to keep kids away from Chronicles of Narnia
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| (KKOB) |
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Just a bad night for the tampon coffee-drinking, fire truck-stealing guy who tried to hide in the bushes wearing reflective clothing
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Cat show plans memorial for a dog that was once named Cat of the Year. Peter Venkman warned us this would happen
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| (Greenville News) |
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This just in: SC idiots five times smarter than NY idiots
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Lame excuse of the day goes to Toronto Councillers who voted themselves a 13% pay raise six weeks ago "We didn't know what we were voting on."...
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| (myway.com) |
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Oregon lottery winners demand private jet, rooms at the Waldorf, Broadway and SNL tickets, a tour, meals and a pony to appear on morning news shows
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Mike Tyson accused of assaulting TV cameraman
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| (Some Hippy) |
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Photoshop these little hippies
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| (The State.com) |
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South Carolina Republican calls for Guantanamo Bay deportation of TV execs who moved SC vs. Clemson to pay-per-view
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| (WGAL) |
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Courts determine man was not being lewd, just "vigorously scratching" his jock itch
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| (IOL) |
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Swedes lift legal protection of mythical sea creature. Pslychics, Gorgyles unavailable for comment
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Still no WMDs, but here's some Muslim outrage
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| (Wonkette) |
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Today's hilariously twisted Fox News caption: "Why the fuss about torturing people who want us dead?" (with screen cap)
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Banana Joe's -- the Tampa bar now famous for lesbian cheerleader bathroom romps -- to offer no cover this weekend to anyone who shows up dressed like a cheerleader. Professional cheerleaders to drink for free
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| (E!) |
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Bad: Paris Hilton's boyfriend puts coat over head in effort to avoid papparazzi. Worse: Doing this while driving $162,000 Bentley. Fark.com: Not seeing truck in front of him, twice
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Barney Frank learns the hard way that Steven Colbert's news show on Comedy Central is not really a news show
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| (Great Lakes Buff) |
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Thirty Years Ago Today the Edmund Fitzgerald sank and Gordon Lightfoot rose to prominence
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NFL team signs guy who hasn't played football since eighth grade
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We probably all agree that it is high time the Eskimos got 21st-century explosives with which to hunt whales
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| (RedState) |
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RedState.org and DailyKos.com actually agree on something: HR 4194, an alternative to the Online Freedom of Speech Act, needs to be defeated
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Despite lying to Congress, Rafael Palmeiro will not be charged with lying to Congress
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City Hall in Colorado evacuated after man parks car with propane tank in it near entrance and runs away. Hilarity to ensue one way or the other
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| (MIT) |
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MIT analysis of tin-foil hats discovers they amplify, rather than deaden, mind control signals
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| (FreeRepublic) |
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Raise a glass today and celebrate the 230th birthday of the Marine Corps
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| (KRIS) |
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Judge rules Detroit cannot pass law preventing retailers from renting or selling violent video games to youngsters, despite city officials' fears that it could eventually make Detroit a violent, inhospitable place
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Missing teen found in Brazil; media inconsolable
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Hideki Matsui's agent desperately needs Matsui to re-sign with the Yankees by the 15th so he can meet the pope
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Hundreds of years from now, archaeologists will marvel at our great pyramid of doughnuts
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| (Amazon.com) |
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Apparently, the primary demographic of Civ 4 players is sex-deprived Asian guys
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Being sent to one's room used to be a punishment. Now with AIM, broadband and cell phones, it's a vacation. Here come the crotchety old Farkers with their stories
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Hong Kong's Polytechnic University offers degree in bra studies. Now you can gain understanding by undertaking undergraduate research on underwire. Hong Kong Pantytechnic not available for comment
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A more in-depth article about George Takei's recent de-cloaking maneuver
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Judge rules that former security guard who was fired for seeing ghosts cannot be denied unemployment benefits
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Study finds that women need more vacations. Same study finds men need women to take more vacations, too
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Funny how often political candidates say "Let's not dwell on the past" when reporters bring up their record of felonies, some of which they're still on probation for
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| (Iran Mania) |
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Tehran Short Film Festival kicks off next week. Among flicks in running for coveted Golden Camel are "Wipe Israel From The Map" and "Death To America, Part VI"
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| (NZ Herald) |
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Hamburgers cause asthma, and... uh... they make people want to riot, and only devil worshipers would like them anyway, so they are bad, okay?
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| (Boston Herald) |
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Rugby team disciplined for indecent acts involving sheep. Surprisingly, this didn't happen in New Zealand
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| (wsoctv.com) |
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"So, I was like, 'Dude, you just got elected mayor.' And he was like, 'Nuh-uh.' And I was like, 'Uh-huh.' And he was like, 'Oh no you din't elect me.' And I was like, 'Yeah, whatevah...'" (with pic)
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Tomorrow we mark the anniversary of the armistice ending WWI and remember the millions who have fought wars for their country by... hmm, stores open, bars open, ah, here it is: By not feeding parking meters in Boston
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| (Post Star) |
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Cops put choke hold on man that stuffed a roasted chicken down his pants at a supermarket
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| (Science Daily) |
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Patent issued for antigravity device. Device to be demonstrated at Yosemite where William Shatner will be scared off El Capitan
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In an effort to eliminate delays, South Africans burn the trains
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Archeaologsists find 3000-year-old stone carved with the alphabet and the phrase "Bill and Ted were here"
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Robert Mugabe seeks to emulate Pol Pot as he goes on an urban demolition spree to force his citizens into the countryside
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Missing hot white chick alert: Another American adolescent female meets tragedy in a foreign country
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| (Planet Rugby) |
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Photoshop this "friendly" rugby exchange
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ANWR oil to not hit the anus after all
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| (Farktography) |
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Theme of Farktography contest No. 27: "Fire." Link goes to next week's contest. Please read first post
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Just when the Internet is ready to find and instantly publicize evidence of UFOs, all the UFOs seem to have gone home
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| (WOAI) |
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Students suspended after having sex on field trip. Shocking, just shocking
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Thirty-three years, 40 attempts, seven instructors and $47,000 later, English woman gets her driver's licence. Next stop: Ye Olde Farmer's Market
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| (ModBee) |
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Elvis impersonator helps recover memorabilia stolen from Elvis museum. Jumpy FBI would make him an honorary agent, but still remembers how badly the last one turned out
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| (WLNS) |
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High school student beats incumbent mayor on write-in vote. Talk about a blow to your self esteem
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People taking fat-burning pill flabbergasted when pill doesn't work
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| (Cassini) |
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This week's amazing photo of one of Saturn's moons (with hi-res link)
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| (10 Gallon Hat Man) |
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Chevron CEO fires back at Capitol Hill, tells senators that not allowing a refinery to be built in 25 years might be partly responsible for our supply shortages. Also drops the nugget that shipping processed oil from Angola not cost effective
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Man on a scavenger hunt goes to police station to photograph an officer eating a doughnut. Jailarity ensues
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| Wed November 09, 2005 |
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Theme: What cartoon characters do with their free time
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| (nbc5) |
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Elderly woman literally gives robber the finger (with pics)
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Karl Rove [stage whisper]: "Say you retire." Judith Miller: "I retire"
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Adventurer wants to become the first person to sail around the world in a boat powered only by human fat
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Online gamer pays $100,000 for virtual space station. Plans to parlay new status into actually maybe touching a boob once or something
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Soon you may no longer be able to predict the temperature by checking out your coworkers' boobies
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Toilet Man says he's willing to take lie detector test, hopes his Home Depot story sticks
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| (Tennessean.com) |
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Nashville mayor reassures residents that water supplies aren't so low that people will have to start drinking their own urine. Yet
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| (TCNJ Signal) |
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Farker pianodave suffers spinal cord injury from a drunk driver, relearns how to walk. Don't drink and drive
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| (News-Messenger) |
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Cleveland resident calls police to say he's found a Taser in his backyard. Police tell resident that, um, yeah, it's one of theirs and they'll be right over
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| (KVIA) |
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Man who just lost his luggage and travelling money finds a $2 million check and returns it. Earl Hickey unavailable for comment
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| (IOL.ie) |
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Jessica Alba fears she will be typecast as a whore (pic)
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Homeless man caught with $350,000 worth of marijuana, says he's not homeless he just can't remember where he lives
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| (washingtontimes) |
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Will Andrews is an articulate, handsome, 42-year-old man. He's a successful chiropractor, lives in a wealthy American suburb, has a strikingly attractive wife and twin extraterrestrial boys
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| (Riding Sun) |
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"It seems that the vaunted 'European Model' breeds not growth and tolerance, but economic stagnation and immigrant ghettoes simmering with resentment. In America, however, immigrants don't have time to riot -- they're too busy working
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Blogs used by French youths to plan acts of violence. Current mood: Riot-y
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| (Some Guy) |
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Chicago Fark Party: Saturday, November 12th, 7:00 p.m. at Mystic Celt. $3 microbrews, $4 rail drinks. You and 50 of your closest Fark friends
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Bud Selig says major league record book may be rewritten because of steroid controversy. Maybe
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Slideshow featuring best NHL hockey fights of 2005 (so far). Cue the Hanson Bros
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Shift in icebergs, rather than beer volcano, may have forced penguin evolution. No word on decline in pirates having triggered shift in icebergs
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50 Cent forced to wear a sock on his package during filming
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"Gravity tractors" could destroy killer asteroids, with or without Aerosmith soundtrack
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| (WMUR) |
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Convenience store clerk falls asleep while packaging marijuana during his shift. Jailarity ensues
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Canadians' bodies are full of environmental toxins. Please try to limit your consumption of wild-caught Canadians to one or two servings per week
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| (Radar Online) |
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Bad: You're robbed at gunpoint. Worse: The robber makes you put a sex toy in your bum. Worst: It's all caught on tape. Bonus points: You're Joe Francis, creator of "Girls Gone Wild"
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| (Some Sorry B&T Chick) |
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Elizabeth did a bad thing in the men's room, then e-mailed Brad to say she was sorry. The rest was like watching sea lions mate... (some text NSFW)
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| (Some Austin) |
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MIT scientists close to making bionic muscles. Last hurdle: Getting rid of that annoying na-na-na-na-na sound
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| (WFSB) |
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Today's tanker truckilarity courtesy of exit ramp with huge sign that reads "Steep Ramp No Trucks" (pics, video)
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Supreme Court refers to Matlock case while deciding whether your wife can let the cops search your sock drawer for blow
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Judge dismisses song-infringement suit against Britney. K-Fed still sweating over material stolen from special 1986 Run-DMC Mad Libs book
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Photoshop Drew Curtis
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Amtrak, fed up with losing money, fires Gunn. Strangely enough, company shot itself in the foot long before then
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Bomb rocks hotel in Jordan, at least five dead. Religion of Peace strikes again
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Golden retriever gives birth to ugly-ass green puppy named "Wasabi" (video link on right for now)
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| (Middle East Times) |
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Iran proposes a Middle East peace plan. Wiping Israel off the map notably absent in the proposal
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Television today is loaded with more hot, sweaty sex than ever before; finds organization in charge of tracking such things
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| (The Australian) |
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Bloomberg celebrates victory with massive booze fest. No wonder he won
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Sentate to "debate" oil profits. Said to be using the "O.J. looking for the real killer" format
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Man helping to move furniture rides in back of truck with sofa. Hilarity ensues. Taken to a nearby hospital where his condition was upgraded to "banged up pretty bad"
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The party's nearly ready and the guests are coming; let's make sure everything is ready. Food? Check. Drinks? Check. Party favors? Check. Human skulls filled with lit cigarettes? Check
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California congressman wants to make it easier for people to heat homes by cutting down trees in national forests. What could possibly go wrong?
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| (TheIndyChannel) |
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One square inch of land for sale: $1,500. To be sold for world's skinniest house
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Forty-two percent of Norwegian car-truck head-on collisions are suicides: "For truckers, it is a macabre sight when suicidal types wave and smile as they drive into the front of a rig"
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Runaway ostrich damages Mercedes, eludes police for three hours
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| (Gizmodo) |
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Former NASA scientist uses space technology to repair skipping discs. Now people can't say the space program was a complete waste of money
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Thailand holds a marriage ceremony for two pandas to encourage them to mate because, you know, there's always more sex after you get married
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Michael Jackson's father confirms that his son won't live in USA anymore. Says he got the idea from Roman Polanski
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Europeans send rocket to probe Venus. Submitter always considered Serena the more attractive of the two
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The leadership of the Tory Party is in the hands of women who now must judge which is more important: Boxers, or briefs?
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High school boy may face suspension in attempt to join girls' bowling team. That kid has some big balls
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| (Buffalo News) |
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Man busted at Peace Bridge with 320 pounds of marijuana and a truck full of frozen waffles
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| (tsn.ca) |
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Sacramento Kings scoreboard features montage of abandoned buildings, burned-out cars as visiting Detroit Pistons players introduced. Duke sucks
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| (News4Jax) |
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Eva Longoria kills and processes her own pork for holiday tamales
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Richard Roeper unloads The Shocker on the mainstream
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Two-year-old daughter sells for only $2000, proving that two-year-old-daughter bubble has officially burst
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| (Channel Register) |
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Dell to start selling AMD chips. Difficulty: They won't fit into any Dell systems
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| (Great Falls Tribune) |
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KFC airs ads reassuring public that its chicken won't contain bird flu or addictive chemical that makes you crave it fortnightly
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Norwegian woman gets eight months for giving an unwanted blow job
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Man loses murder trial after defending himself. Jury refused to believe his allegation that murders were committed by: A gang of Samoans, their girlfriends, two white guys, two black guys, a Native American and a transsexual
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| (wwtdd) |
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Bad: Enrique Iglesias is having more sex with Anna Kournikova than you are. Worse: He's doing it with a tiny tiny penis
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In another instance of lies and propaganda spread by the American media, news sources now say former Panthers cheerleaders were not having sex in the bathroom
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| (NJ 101.5) |
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Giant Norway Spruce in Wayne, New Jersey to become this year's tree in famed Rockefeller Center. Reportedly spent $50 million to get the job
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Argument involving a flying pizza leads to gunfire in a Costco parking lot
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| (The Journal News) |
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Knuckleheads busted for counterfeiting $1 bills
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Day 13: French rioters burn 617 vehicles in 116 towns overnight. This is considered a big improvement
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| (Pittsburgh Post-Gazette) |
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Mysterious force makes eight intelligent-design PA school board members suddenly evolve into Homo Unemployedus
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Comedian Lewis Black will be the first "celebrity weathercaster" for the Weather Channel's exciting, edgy, hip, brash and in yo' face format
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Experts: Cruises vulnerable to attacks, flipping out on Oprah's sofa
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| (Some Guy) |
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Why, yes -- let's have another colorization contest
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Gigantic apes co-existed with man... or the hype for King Kong is starting early
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| (Boston Herald) |
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Robotics student writes survival guide called "How to Survive a Robot Uprising"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Robotic assembly of fuel cells could hasten hydrogen economy. That, and monkeys flying out of Big Oil's butt
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CBS orders more seasons of "Survivor," remain unsure if host Jeff Probst will return next year. How they'll ever replace a man whose qualifications include hosting VH1 game shows and the ability to read parchment remains unclear
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The history of YTMND, as chronicled by the Wall Street Journal Online
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| (WRAL) |
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Ebay terrorist threatened people online. Ten tips for surviving Ebay
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Palestinian child killed by Israeli soldiers. Parents donate his organs to save Israeli children as a gesture of peace
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| (Green Head) |
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Faucet light makes water glow blue -- do I need this?
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| Tue November 08, 2005 |
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Coke is the spawn of Satan. Here comes the science
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| (Some Guy) |
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Theme: Unlikely zoo exhibits
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| (Some Guy) |
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AARP ranks the top 50 hospitals. In other news, people really do go to Florida to die
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Now done with rehab, Kate Moss gets her next modeling gig -- with Bic pens
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| (Asmodius) |
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What are some of your best drinking toasts?
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Grilled cheese sandwich bearing the image of The Flying Spaghetti Monster -- sold, for $41
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Democrats win governor races in states you don't live in
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| (CNS News) |
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In just four short years, Bush has borrowed more money from foreign governments and banks than the previous 42 presidents combined
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U.S. embassy in Ottawa denies using a secret radio transmission to disable Canadian garage doors. [American] The invasion has been delayed, repeat the invasion has been delayed [/American]
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Cheese smugglers arrested. Hamburglar still at large
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Astrologer -- who accused NASA of ruining the natural balance of forces in the universe after it crashed a probe into a comet -- has her case thrown out of court
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Kansas school board decides that science is too boring and needs a better plot. Flying Spaghetti Monster is victorious
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Colon named AL Cy Young winner; Duodenum, Brenner's Gland overlooked again this year
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Catholic magazine apologizes for photo of a woman's bare ass in its latest issue. Invites you to check out this month's altar boy feature instead
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Actor who played the creepy basement dweller on "Desperate Housewives" fired for improper conduct
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You know things have really hit rock bottom when journalists suggest that Bush should take advice from Clinton on how to manage scandals
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Following ancient Disney Pixar tradition, Japanese princess will marry a commoner and abandon royal life
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| (NBC 5 Chicago) |
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School shooting in Tennessee. Principal, vice-principal and teacher possible casualties
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Aruba braces for the loss of dozens of dollars in tourism revenue after Alabama announces a boycott of their island
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Cat still has five lives left after leaping off of a moving truck, surviving a dash through traffic, jumping off a 70-foot cliff and swimming 600 feet to dry land
|
| (Forbes) |
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Forbes Magazine comes out with email time capsule. Write a message to yourself today and it will be delivered in 20 years, just like regular mail
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Voting booths in Ohio don't work this year either as Pat Buchanan is inadvertently voted in as mayor of Cleveland
|
| (nbc5) |
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Telemarketers run out of numbers, resort to calling elevator emergency phones to see if anyone will answer
|
| (Jalopnik) |
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Ford displays '40s GT at SEMA with copper body; missing Four Old Rusted Doors
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Jack Thompson withdraws from GTA case amid ethics allegations
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Oak Island up for sale -- perfect if you want your very own quaint little hideaway complete with centuries-old buried pirate treasure-pit death trap
|
| (Some Legos) |
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Theme: If Lego people ruled the world...
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Most stolen automobiles in the USA: Honda, Toyota. Most stolen in Maine: 1999 Bombardier Ski-Doo
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Japanese police deputize Yahoo in search for fugitives. Fark still waiting for deputization the next time a beer truck goes missing
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Has the NFL forced T.O. to act in this manner? In other news, no word on who the hell allows this crap to see print
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Baltimore seeks an image makeover. Queer guys were on their way but they got robbed and killed
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A mobile home is worst place to be during a tornado. Also, being at the end of loaded gun as the trigger is pulled, not a good place either
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AP writer looking for article filler reports that pizza delivered to T.O.'s house, tip rejected by delivery guy. Thanks for the update, mainstream media
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| (TSN) |
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Sidney Crosby's goal last night leaves him only 689 goals behind Mark Messier
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| (Bradenton Herald) |
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Fark and The Tonight Show mentioned as sources that were all over the cheerleader sex story
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If the only reason you have been putting off vacationing in Afghanistan is the lack of five-star hotels there, your wait is over
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If you're a high school coach that is hosting a party for teen girls, you might want to hold off on the penis-shaped suckers and a cake shaped like male genitalia
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| (Capitol Hill Blue) |
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Bush Administration has compiled dossiers on more than 10,000 Americans it considers "political enemies," ranging from Joe Wilson and Valerie Plame to Michael Moore and Wonkette. Drew's beer-drinking habits strangely ignored
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Woman takes legal action against her husband because of the inconvenience he caused her by keeping 20 dogs in their house
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"So, the Zimbabwe President sez to me, 'Go to hell' and I was, like, 'No way' and he was, like, 'Yes way' and I was, like, 'Oh no you din't!' and he was, like, 'Whatever'"
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On the 12th night of violence / the rioters gave to me / 1200 burned-out cars / 226 towns aflaming / 320 arrests / and a single fatality
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Pilot injured after plane crashes into Wal-Mart, signaling that the war against Wal-Mart is entering its kamikaze phase
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Vietnamese farmers feed tons of bird-flu-carrying chicken feces to nation's fish each day, which swim to Ho Chi Minh City to be caught and eaten. What could possibly go wrong?
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Two drunken moose invade home for elderly. A moose once bit my sister. She was carving her initials into it with a toothbrush when...
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U.S. newspapers adding manga comic strips in attempt to lure young readers. Expect Dagwood's eyes to grow 20 times larger and Jon Arbuckle to summon Garfikachu any day now
|
| (Rocky Mountain News) |
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What an amazing coincidence and/or string of bad luck: Ass stuck to toilet at Home Depot was stuck to another toilet a year earlier
|
| (wsoctv.com) |
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Man creates device to keep pizza toppings from sliding off pie during delivery; is expected to be leading candidate for Nobel Prize
|
| (First Coast News) |
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Horse seriously injured when someone stabs it in downtown Jacksonville
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