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| Sun November 06, 2005 |
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Bush warns South Americans against forces that "seek to roll back democratic progress by playing to fear, pitting neighbor against neighbor and blaming others for their own failures"
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A completely unbiased defense of the obscene oil profits this year
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Caption these kids checking out a squirrel
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The Taser company is going to install Taser Cam on the butt of the weapon so officials can see exactly why cops taser five- and six-year-old kids
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Scientists close to being able to detect gravity waves. Surf's up
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Having completely rid Baltimore of violent crime, police bust illegal poker game. Except the city attorneys and police can't seem to agree if any laws were broken
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| (LGN) |
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What is the funniest thing you have yelled/said during sex? (with voting goodness)
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| (news 8 austin) |
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Man waves shotgun at SWAT team, with expected results
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| (NY Daily News) |
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Instead of "Chicken Little," kids watch guy off himself on theater screen
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this weirdo
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| (Inside Bay Area) |
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Students conduct "CSI"-style investigation to locate their science teacher's stolen doves
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Former marine who tells Iraq atrocity stories is incredibly full of crap
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Naked German goes on midnight rampage through Cambodian capital that ends with him "trying to join a troupe of monkeys" at city's holiest shrine
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| (Some Guy) |
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Solar-powered soldiers
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| (Desert Sun) |
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Ski resorts increasing number of bunny runs for aging baby boomers
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Paris is first city to succumb to Rage. Beware of fast Zombies
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| (Statesman) |
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How "Lost" reinvented television
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New Jersey election official "didn't know it was his job" to stop dead people from voting
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| (Korean Herald) |
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"The price of ovum of a Korean woman is known to be cheaper than Japanese woman's." In other words, people are shopping in ovum bargain bins
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| (Some Guy) |
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Caption these wine samplers
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| (The Leaf) |
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Former musician Mylon LeFevre to headline Christian "I found God and lost my talent" seminar
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Assuming he doesn't give them to the Commies, photoshop what Chavez is going to do with 20 junk F-16s
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| (Private Eye) |
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"The village of Farking has existed for 800 years, and will probably exist for another 800, but only if British tourists stop stealing our Farking signs"
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| (Kansas City Channel) |
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Overland Park, Kansas residents tired of massive farting landfill
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| (news-leader.com) |
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Hillbilly caviar soon to be sweeping the nation. Yee haw! Pass the corn chips
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"I was addicted to teeth-whitening"
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| (WLWT) |
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Consumers advised against online purchase of breast milk, lemonade sno-cones
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| (Lincoln Journal Star) |
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Man who crashed his ultralight into high school football game charged with flying under the influence
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Bears start chewing on power poles to catch a buzz
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High school basketball team barely misses being shut out after losing 112-2
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| (Some Gal) |
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Man missing for 25 years, found in junkyard
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| (Some dinosaur) |
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Madison, Wisconsin activist newspaper that is new to this whole "internets" thing discovers web squatting, and they're hopping mad
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Momma dog adopts Finnegan the squirrel into her litter (with pics)
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| (Rinspeed.com) |
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Presto. Photoshop this magical little concept car
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| Sat November 05, 2005 |
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The mother off all ironies: Bush sends White House staff to ethics school
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| (China Daily) |
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The cultural significance of knees
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| (NPR) |
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Satellite Photos of that Glowing Ocean Thing
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| (Panda Security) |
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Last year's "Computer Virus Hall of Fame"
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| (Cincinnati Enquirer) |
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Goat on trampoline helps boy cope with ADHD, with pic.
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| (PennLive) |
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School district using magic wand to stop student drinking. Right-wing protests have started before it does
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| (Some Guy) |
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Listen to your favorite city's police scanners live online
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| (Tortured Man) |
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McCain to torture Bush by adding anti-torture rider to every bill until it passes
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| (FoxSports.com) |
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Top 10 people we like to see lose
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| (WISN 12) |
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Wisconsin greyhound track (which employed three Total Farkers simultaneously) ceases racing operations. Hundreds of friendly dogs will soon be homeless. If you know someone with love and steak to give, please see the link for adoption details
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| (Some Guy) |
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Caption this girl having a hay day
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Lenny Kravitz, who enforces smoking bans at his shows, to play corporate bash for Marlboro cigarettes; we got to let cash rule
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| (The Olympian) |
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Washington police are advising residents not to get in the car of purple bra-wearing man
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| (Louisville Courier-Journal) |
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English cheese farmers say Wallace and Gromit has put too much strain on their business to meet demands
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Today's Iron Photoshop ingredient: Mimes
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| (WCAX) |
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When photocopying money, be sure to select 'actual size'
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| (Consortium News) |
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Kerry suspects election 2004 was stolen
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| (WBAL) |
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Shoppers refuse to budge from checkout lines while grocery store is on fire
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Gardener leaves over $1 million to his closest next-of-kin. A tabby cat
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| (Durango Herald) |
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Rather than walk uphill both ways in the blinding snow like their parents did, some Colorado college students hitchhike to school
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While rehearsing the song "I'm an accident waiting to happen", actress Sutton Foster falls face first and breaks her arm
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Robot sent into unstable building to find pet bird, Sarah Connor
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| (worldnetdaily.com) |
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Peak Oil theory debunked; there is enough oil to last hundreds of years
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| (Some Guy) |
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Fleet of 70-80 UFOs spotted over UK
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| (MosNews) |
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Two Chinese men ride lawnmower into Russia, claim they got lost while cutting grass
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Philadelphia Eagles Suspend Terrell Owens Indefinitely
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Judge rules that bare breasts do not constitute free speech
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MIT creates magical map of everyone on campus. JK Rowling denies any involvememt
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Man sentenced to jail time for failing to license his cat
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Molecular biologist studying Stone Age hunter "Oetzi" falls victim to supposed curse, dies in "unclear circumstances" -- the seventh person connected with Oetzi to die
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these Halloween farkers
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| (Short News) |
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"To understand how to build a better bra the scientists want to find out how breasts move"
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Welsh version of Hamlet draws crowds numbering in the dozens
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Slowly but surely, one by one, newspapers in North America are abandoning their News of the Weird column, and instead picking a link from Fark.com to discuss
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Cruise line-arrrrr fends off pirates
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| (Some Guy) |
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Rock collector wins national honors with his "Lord Of The Rings" specimen in regional contest, not realizing that the vortex of nerd suck would blow out all other competitors
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Madonna mistaken for both transversite and a transvisite in the same article
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| (Boston Herald) |
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This week's "Man calls police about his stolen drugs" brought to you by Craigslist
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Drunken George Clooney clocks film producer for criticising his acting ability. The Sun is there, with pics...of Lisa Snowdon's rear (not safe for work)
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"Mystery" radio transmission disables garage doors throughout Canada's capital. Takes about .5 seconds for Canadians to start blaming America for the problem
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| (WZZM) |
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Cameras confiscated from students taking pictures of a bunch of boobs protesting Victoria's Secret
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| (www.concertshots.com) |
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Photoshop these street buskers and their high-steppin' buddy
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| (KHNL) |
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Samuel L. Jackson receives Achievement in Acting Award, begins his acceptance speech by citing Ezekiel 25:17
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| (TIC) |
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Indiana students design edible lunar rover. That means that something up there must be able to eat it
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Sony sneaks hacking software into audio CDs to prevent you from ripping music
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| (Taipei Times) |
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Israelis keep peace with sonic booms caused by fighter aircraft flying at low level over the Gaza Strip
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| Fri November 04, 2005 |
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Cow tipping debunked. Is there science? You betcha
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| (MLive.com) |
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Christmas is coming - and once again, so are the wingnuts who deem the holiday unconstitutional
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500 women build house in just 4 days. Bob Vila surrenders
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| (Some Guy) |
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If your kid has a picture of a snowman on his shirt, he may be a coke addict
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Protestors in Argentina open fire . . . with sling-shots
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| (Capitol Hill Blue) |
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Republican leaders want Bush to apologize to America, fire Karl Rove, and melt diamonds with his mind
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| (WFMY) |
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Judge allowing the public to decide via an online survey which inmates should stay in jail and which inmates can go free
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| (Some Commie Guy) |
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Photoshop this Chinese angel
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Terrell Owens complains, among other things, that his team didn't adequately celebrate his 100th touchdown catch
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| (KUTV) |
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Utah issues over 7,000 hunting licenses to convicted felons who are not allowed to have or use weapons
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Coke dumping three flavors in the U.S. due to slow sales. Crystal Gravy still under development
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House Republicans mull ending birthright citizenship, say that service ought to guarantee citizenship
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| (Bozeman Chronicle) |
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Man robs house and sets it on fire to cover his tracks, but leaves one telltale clue -- his own charred corpse
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Behold! Mighty Wal-Mart hath suppressed U.S. inflation
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| (Dan Froomkin) |
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Colin Powell's chief of staff says documents link Cheney directly to torture
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| (Ablogistan) |
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DeLay reports $14,000 from Fox News for one day's travel expenses, coke, hookers
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Youths in France torch hundreds of cars in yet another night of rioting. Since the cars were all Renaults, damage estimated to be in the tens of dollars
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| (George Street Observer) |
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Two College of Charleston tennis players find that crack dealers are employing aggressive marketing tactics
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| (KUTV) |
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Man who will forever be known as Home Depot Toilet Guy talks about how he felt when he realized he was glued to the seat. "It was a pretty ugly moment. It's difficult to express terror"
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| (WhiteHouse.Gov) |
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Reporter: "Do you owe the American people an apology for your administration's assertations that Karl Rove and Scooter Libby weren't involved?" Bush: "War on Terror, Supreme Court nominee, hurricanes..."
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Quadraplegic woman desperately wants a seat
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Fake news, real consequences: Victims of "The Daily Show" speak out
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Tea Leoni and Dennis Quaid are best celebrity golfers. Tom Cruise reportedly among the worst, likely prefers to pitch and catch instead
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"Government forecasters say there's an equal chance of above- and below-normal temperatures..."
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| (Some Guy) |
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Do your best or worst attempt at covering Starship's "We Built This City"
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Bush tells Congress that they should vote by Christmas on Atillo because Bush says he is an intelligent, well-qualified person who should be on the court. Congress immediately delays hearings an extra month
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Yoko Ono apologizes for insinuating that Paul McCartney's lyrics are trite. What she meant to say is that she thinks his songs are stupid and that she's glad she ruined The Beatles
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Theme: Beer labels that would appeal to children
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| (Wall Street Journal) |
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Google founders buy a 767 jet
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| (Record Eagle) |
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Elementary school teacher wears Bush mask and "I Am Evil" t-shirt to school. Hilarity ensues
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"Ghetto parties" are this year's rage among rich white college dumbasses
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| ((silicon Valley Sleuth) |
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Yahoo Maps pranks Google
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| (Xanga) |
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When stupid people get together and believe other stupid people who claim to be Sarah Michelle Gellar
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Ninth Circuit says you have a constitutional right to falsely accuse police officers
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| (Opie and Anthony) |
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Assault on the media: Two Opie and Anthony fans scare an ABC reporter away from the camera (site randomly contains NSFW ad images)
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Researcher finds that espresso often has more than half the amount of caffeine that's safe to drink per day
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Top 10 states for deer collisions, complete with the worst car graphic you'll ever see
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Czech reality show airs live gorillas at the zoo. Lead-in show, "Everybody Loves a Rhesus," reportedly a big hit
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Teenager brings frying pan to knife fight, wins
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| (Mumbai Mirror) |
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Not to be outdone by the GoKart guy, German man has his electric wheelchair confiscated after DUI conviction. Start looking for a drunk redneck on a riding mower for the trifecta
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| (Stamford Advocate) |
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Step 1: Sell house for $670,000. Step 2: Set up crack den across from police station. Step 3: Profit
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| (Some Guy) |
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Chirac unveils French Resistance memorial. It has two sections, one for the eight actual resistance fighters, and one for the 300,000 Frenchmen who claimed to have belonged to the Resistance once the war was safely over
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Scientist develops "fart-free" beans
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| (Freeport News) |
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Man may have trouble acting tough to cellmates after being arrested for possession of crack in his girdle
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UFO speculation persists as fireballs seen in the sky over Germany. Also unexplained presence of turtles with wings, big floating coins and large Italian plumbers
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| (NY Daily News) |
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Bad: Sexually harassing your colleague. Really bad: You're both cops. Stupid: Her specialty was secretly wiretapping wiseguys
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| (Marketwatch.com) |
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IRS says tax audits are up 20 percent, warn that neither hookers nor blow can be considered charitable deductions
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You forgot Poland, but the Kremlin didn't: Russia celebrates new holiday commemorating 400 years of not being ruled by Poland
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EPA fines a Chicago chocolate factory over their delicious-smelling pollution. Gives them 30 days to figure out a way to pack fudge cleanly
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| (KRIS Corpus Christi) |
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Detainee escapes police van on way to jail. Police asking for help, note that the suspect is about four-foot-five, has dark hair and happens to be stark naked
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| (Stropshire Star) |
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When clowns attack
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| (Previous Thread) |
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Chicago Fark party reminder: Next Saturday at the Mystic Celt, 7:00 p.m.
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| (CTV) |
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Ashlee Simpson gets drunk and tries to dance on the counter at a Canadian McDonald's
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Force behind Intelligent Design is founder of Domino's Pizza. Your dog wants crazy bread
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Death-row inmate bluffs his way out of jail. I mean, how often do you look at a man's shoes?
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Nothing quite says "customer service" like when the local water company provides you with a 30-minute sewage fountain in your home, no extra charge
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Designer creates the Great Wall of Boobies
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| (Record-Bee) |
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County wrestles with legal definition of goats: Are they pets, livestock... dates?
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Physicist claims he has discovered an endless supply of cheap, clean power from tiny amounts of water. Bonus: Monkeys flying out of the asses of traditional physicists can be harnessed for additional power
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| (NY Daily News) |
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John McEnroe scolds audience at his honorary banquet for behaving badly
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After 20 or 30 "screen tests," actresses slowly begin to realise that masturbating in public for a French film director is slightly unusual
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Man loses his license for two years and is fined after being convicted of DUI... in a go-kart
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Judge rules that hockey player who injured shoulder in game is entitled to worker's compensation, even if the injury occurred as a result of an on-ice fight
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| (National Ledger) |
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Jessica Alba reportedly has a spanking fetish, according to sources who have been very naughty
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| (eMediawire via Slashdot) |
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U.S. Patent and Trademark Office publishes first patent application to claim a fictional storyline. Hollywood prepares class-action suit against itself
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| (Microsoft) |
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Photoshop this Microsoft presentation about what we already knew
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Shaquille O'Neal continues to prove that crime is a disease and he is the cure. Still can't make free throws, though
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| (Some Guy) |
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How much alcohol can you put in a Jell-O shot?
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| (WCVB) |
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Mom creates ugly-ass bright clothes for childen so they won't get lost in crowded malls, but will get beat up on the playground
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Protesters have spent nine years outside company protesting things they haven't made in ten years. Rip Van Winkle surrenders
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Commuter caught driving in HOV lane with kickboxing dummy in Dolphins jersey riding shotgun
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| (Contact Music) |
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News de Lesbians: Ellen de Generes and Portia de Rossi trying to Make da Baby; turkey baster may be suspiciously missing from Thanksgiving dinner
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| (WFMY) |
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Tennessee man to face public nuisance charges after deputies round up his spitting, love-struck camel. Again
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| (Hollywood.com) |
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Vincent Gallo selling his sperm for $1 million dollars a pop. Chloë Sevigny got hers for free
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In some cities, citizens mount recall campaigns against mayors they're unhappy with. In Kansas City, they poison them with cupcakes and root beer laced with antifreeze
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| (The Star) |
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"But Tom *sob*, my darling, love of my life *sob*, you jumped on Oprah's couch for me *sob*, you had seed planted in me *sob*, why do I need to sign a *sob* PRENUP?"
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Spike Lee does the right thing, lashes out at glorification of gangsta rap lifestyle
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Man cons his way into woman's apartment, where he promptly eats her cookies and uses her toothbrush
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Man critically injured after trying to swat a spider on his face while driving. Spider listed in fair condition with six broken legs and a partially squashed thorax
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House votes overwhelmingly to withhold funds from states using eminent domain for commercial projects. In other news, Wal-Mart fires its VP of Congressional Procurement
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| (joystiq) |
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Joystiq throws out props to Fark photoshoppers
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| Thu November 03, 2005 |
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Laugh while you can, Mr. Fabulously Rich Exxon Mobile Guy -- Fark is about to photoshop you into the next dimension of cliché
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Burrito sparks fight at 7-11. Add an attacking pitbull and you've got a Fark article
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| (Savage Love) |
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Savage Love deals with a woman who ain't horny anymore cause her partner is fat, and informs an office employee that a co-worker gets off on strutting around in a diaper
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| (Some Bemused Guy) |
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The Virginia Tech cow predicts a three-point game against Miami. In other news, Virgina Tech takes advice from a cow and a "cow whisperer"
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| (Some Science Guy) |
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Forty-one explanations of the anomalies of water. My brain hurts, now yours can too
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Police arrest 320 people for practicing sorcery
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Fair cancels petting zoo for first time in 60 years over infection fears
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R. Kelly says he has 22 chapters of "Trapped in the Closet" finished. You might want to take a bathroom break somewhere around Chapter 10
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| (Some Guy) |
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Non-philosopher's guide to philosophical terms
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Two Canadian mounties are "recovering from injuries" after fight with flashlight-wielding, pantsless man. There can be only one
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School officials can't understand why cafeteria menu of fruits, vegetables is driving students off-campus to surrounding fast-food restaurants
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Merck found not liable in second trial over Vioxx. For those of you keeping score at home, Merck is now 1-1, down $253 million, and with only 6,400 lawsuits to go
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Vatican cardinal says the faithful should listen to what secular modern science has to offer, warning that religion risks turning into "fundamentalism" if it ignores scientific reason
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Pop quiz: "I'm trapped now, please rescue me." Where was this phrase found days after Katrina hit? A) Scrawled on a rooftop in New Orleans. B) In a whiny email from FEMA Director Michael Brown
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Church attempts to buy strip club. In other news, many people considering going to church
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| (WFMY) |
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DVD thief is tripped up by his baggy pants while being chased by police
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| (Bloomberg) |
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Senate votes to allow the oil to hit the ANWR
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| (WND) |
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Las Vegas Mayor says graffiti "punks" should have their thumbs cut off on live television, and kids who get in trouble should be whipped or caned
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Bill Clinton starts breast cancer fund, offers free mammograms
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| (WCCO) |
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Deer smashes through windows at the Minnesota State Capitol and runs right by Gov. Pawlenty. Ventura would have taken it down with a clothesline
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Former NHL coach admits he's illiterate, still looking for his name on the Stanley Cup
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| (Some Guy) |
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TFarker rbaron71's a cripple for a few weeks. Photoshop him in his recovery
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| (NASA) |
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Tonight's sky forecast: Partly starry with 40 percent chance of apocalyptic fireballs
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"During flu season, never let anyone lick your keyboard." Keyboard licking apparently supported for all other times of the year
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| (SI.com) |
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SI.com profiles the "Hated Dukie," blames Laettner for Holocaust. Duke sucks
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| (Daily Herald) |
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Truck driver who blew up Spanish Fork Canyon charged with "causing a catastrophe." Which appears to be only a misdemeanor in Utah
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President Bush's approval rating falls to 35 percent, or one degree Celsius
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Taser releases consumer model which spews confetti with your 50,000 volt charge. Ta da
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| (Some TFer) |
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Fark Reverse Caption Contest: Find and post a picture that matches up with the following caption -- "Bob soon realized his worst fear had suddenly come true." PS or real is fine
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Oliver Stone to shoot 9/11 movie in NYC. Casting call for actors to portray Osama, Bush, the head of the Trilateral Commission, Castro's evil twin and the Magical Blue Fairy
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It's bad to be caught having sex, but its pretty cool if you get busted 65-million years later
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| (THC) |
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Contractor accidentally has concrete poured into several sewer lines. Hilarity ensues
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| (NCTimes) |
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Def Leppard celebrates 25 years of sucking
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New Orleans Saints owner says he will not return to Baton Rouge for home games out of fear for his family's safety, clearly underestimating the long-range powers of voodoo
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Dad jailed for setting fire to wife with makeshift flame-thrower
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Russian museum displays items that students have used to cheat in school. Top item is a pair of marked panties
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From the Juvenile Headline Department: "McNair's sack pain lingers"
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Scooter Libby pleads not guilty in first court hearing, declares indictments illegal because he only ever heard about them from reporters
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| (hamptonroads.com) |
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A blind North Dakota man, licensed to carry a concealed firearm, says it's too easy to get the permit in his state
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| (Nature) |
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Scientists seek to create bacteria that can not be killed by the body's immune system. What could possibly go wrong?
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Big, striped, meat-eating lizards the latest Norwegian toilet accessory. Watch your butt, son
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Ship accident at sea causes 800 pink, plastic hippos to wash ashore in Sussex
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| (WPVI) |
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High school girl softball player must sit out game after her special artificial leg is stolen
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| (Some Guy) |
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I, for one, welcome our new Jack Thompson overlord, and suggest that we use Photoshop to take violent video games and make them non-violent
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| (Breitbart) |
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Hong Kong man jailed after dressing up as a horse, running on race track to promote democracy
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Argument over charcoal leads to husband and wife squirting each other with lighter fluid. This could not possibly end badly
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Drew is on ZRock 103.3FM (Lexington, Kentucky) from 8:00-10:00 a.m. this morning. No streaming, unfortunately
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| (Net Imperative) |
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Britons developing habit of shopping online whilst drunk. Here's hoping they're not buying webcams
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Gorilla in Atlanta gives birth to twins. That's double ugly-assedness for those keeping score at home
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Your child's Christmas list this year may include owl puke -- O RLY?
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Joey Buttafuoco offers protein shakes to desperate housewives
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Harlequin signs deal to produce NASCAR-themed novels. Dick Trickle to reap royalty bonanza
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An in-depth look at "Ichi the Killer" -- quite possibly one of the most insane movies you'll ever see
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these guys assembling a big sun shelter for a barbeque
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| (Pittsburgh Channel) |
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You're upset with your boyfriend for breaking up with you. Do you A) lay in bed and cry? B) drink yourself to sleep? Or C) glue his penis to his stomach, his testicles to his legs, and his ass cheeks to each other
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| (Some Canaukistanian) |
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Canada to construct world's largest telescope, seach for intelligent life elsewhere on continent
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Collector trades four upside-down "Jenny" stamps, worth $3 million, for one 1868 stamp to complete his collection. Next challenge: Kiss a real, live girl
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| (National Enquirer) |
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The headline "Star Jones Exposed" may cause you to throw up a little in your mouth, but it's actually a rundown of her obnoxious diva behavior and her completely whipped husband
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Man runs to Home Depot for a few things, leaves in ambulance with toilet seat glued to his ass
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| (NewsNet5) |
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First naked man tasered by Cleveland cops on Monday comes back for encore Tuesday
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| Wed November 02, 2005 |
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Tyra Banks dresses up as obese woman, is shocked to find that people treat you differently when you don't look like a supermodel
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In an effort to make a computer faster than the speed of light, IBM announces a way to slow down the speed of light
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The Millenium Bridge's swaying was caused by a few thousand people walking in step
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Documentary of Tony Blair to feature footage of him from the 70s with long hair wearing psychedelic tighty whities
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| (SAWF) |
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Man who translated "The Da Vinci Code" into Portugese confirms that book sucks in two languages
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| (Auto Channel) |
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Jaws of life for hybrids introduced so rescue crews can cut hippies out of their cars without danger of getting barbequed
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| (Farktography) |
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 26: "Blue." Link goes to next week's contest. Please read first post
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| (KJRH) |
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Teacher forces child to strip down to his underwear all day as punishment for wearing Halloween costume to school
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CNN announces Anderson Cooper to fill Brown slot
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| (Venice Florida) |
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DUI defendants get the rights to see the breathalyzer source code -- judicial panel ruled this afternoon that the code is PWNED. (Adobe PDF)
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| (NBC5) |
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Woman arrested after being accused of running tollbooths 2,900 times
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If you ran out of Halloween candy this year, and decided the rest of the kids wouldn't be able to tell the difference between Milk Duds and Poop Duds, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police would like have a word with you
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| (WSMV) |
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Police get into a standoff with a man accused of statutory rape. Rather uninteresting until the bomb-robot, exploding microwaved aerosol can and an impromptu nap come into play
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The universe really DOES revolve around Paris Hilton's hoo-ha
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| (Some Guy) |
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Eighty-year-old man unable to find a farmer's market plows through four parked vehicles. Does it in reverse for extra style points
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| (NewsWatch50.com) |
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In an effort to destroy even more of your childhood memories, Mr. Potato Head put on diet and exercise program
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| (KRIS-TV.com) |
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Having solved all other problems, Missouri State Rep. Jeff Roorda wants to tax umpires for bad calls. Is also a Cards fan, oddly enough
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| (WFMY) |
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Giving new meaning to the phrase "money shot," rancher offers reward for safe return of $75,000 worth of bull semen
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In Finland, everyone's finances are made public record yearly. Your hookup on the side calls shenanigans on your 30-foot houseboat in Cannes and private jet
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| (WRAL) |
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Paul McCartney quietly celebrates his 64th birthday with a small change in song lyrics: ♫ ♪ Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I'm 84? ♪♫
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| (Some Dakotan) |
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The "Thunder" is rolling into Jamestown, ND afte rall. No word on peeners, but we can safely assume they probably are, too
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For the second time in three years, somebody gets their thumb bitten off at a wedding in Perry Township, Michigan
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Drivers in NZ being ticketed on the word of other drivers. System obviously not open to abuse
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| (KSL) |
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Woman learns to not respond to airport pat-downs in future by grabbing screener's breasts and demanding "How would you like that if I did that to you?"
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| (People) |
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Tom and Katie belt out "Old Time Rock and Roll" at Scientology shindig. In related news, recent photo evidence indicates they now look exactly alike
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Raccoon invades, craps in Long Island air tower, forces air traffic controllers to land planes using decades-old emergency procedure
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A political flamewar: Use only Magic The Gathering cards
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| (Florida Today) |
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Florida Power & Light making life in the Sunshine State even more dangerous by re-energizing downed power lines whenever the hell they feel like it
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New listing: 4BR, 3BA, w/eat-in kitchen villa in Belgrade, fixer-upper opportunity. Must move, owner in prison for crimes against humanity. $500k OBO
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| (DeadSpin) |
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Yankees outfielder Matt Lawton tests positive for steroid use
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New U.S. flu pandemic strategy immediately attacked by critics who complain that it should have been implemented five years ago in order to deal with a problem that does not yet exist today
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| (News4Jax) |
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"Green Lantern" gets into fight with "Belligerent Drunk Man." Jailarity ensues (with mugshots)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Attention WoW Farkers: Join the Fark guild Souls of the Damned on Windrunner (Horde) -- help us get Drew to 60. Your voidwalker wants murloc
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| (wwtdd.com) |
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K Fed's new single leaked... apparently out of his anus
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G-rated movies becoming more risque --- as evidenced by the Hot Carl featured in "Chicken Little"
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"So what are you in for?" "Murder. I'm up for parole in 2012. How 'bout you?" "Selling 75 gallons of stolen maple syrup. I'm a lifer"
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Paris Hilton's boyfriend pays homeless guy $100 to pour soda on himself
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| (Edmonton Sun) |
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Stripper problem in Canada continues as woman disrobes on the steps of the Legislature. Security officer calls for "backup"
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| (Buffalo News) |
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Today's "man battles deer to the death in daughter's bedroom" story courtesy of Bentonville, Ark. Bambi unavailable for comment
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| (WPRI) |
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Boston Red Sox manager resigns, ducks reporters by leaving Fenway dressed gorilla suit
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Lightning strike kills 68 dairy cows. Everyone wants steak
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Washington Post reports the CIA runs secret terrorism prisons in other countries
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Yankees to A-Rod: "Playing poker in illegal clubs could be dangerous and harmful to [your] image." Apparently, throwing out millions overnight just to lose is frowned upon in the Yankees organization
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In light of the avian bird flu hype, MSNBC asks if your Thanksgiving turkey is safe. EVERYBODY PANIC
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| (Deseret News) |
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Kids get the craziest treats from church "Trunk or Treat" parties. For example: Vials of cocaine
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| (Some Farker) |
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Fark Photoshopper Barrump was hospitalized suddenly last Thursday. He is being released soon, photoshop him a get well card
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Council reconsiders PC decision to rename Christmas lights "winter lights" after someone points out that Christians are offended by the move
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| (News Journal Online) |
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Bullet in the pork loin turns out to be the customer's meat thermometer
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| (TheIndyChannel.com) |
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Argentine newspaper reporter gets answer to the burning question, "What's in George W. Bush's pants?"
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Transgenic tombstone: For $35,000, you can have your DNA twined into a oak tree
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this test of time
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Today's teacher/student sex scandal brings girl-on-girl action to the mix. Your morning talk show just got their bone
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| (9News) |
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The term "Mile High City" could take on a whole new meaning as Denver legalizes marijuana
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| (KGET) |
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Parents mortified at what their perfect, angelic, do-no-wrong children put on their MySpace sites
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| (Some Guy) |
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Theme: Unlikely dorm room posters
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Guess the guys at Yahoo didn't get the memo on what the "Shocker" is
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| (Some Guy) |
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Found this recipe for potato soup with fish and cheese. Can you find a more disgusting recipe?
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Hollywood's graphic TV show "Over There" on FX shut down after only 13 weeks on the air. Meanwhile, the real "over there" will continue its third season, despite low ratings, graphic content and crappy acting in DC
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"It's been a bit of a nightmare since I bought the place, so it's probably the best thing that could happen if it falls into a hole." With scary pic
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| Tue November 01, 2005 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Compiling CD of most annoying songs ever, preferably '80s. Any help? (LGN, NDIT)
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Angelina Jolie voted as the woman lesbians would most like to marry
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You have a great Halloween costume when a guy shoots you during trick or treating because he's scared
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Children's films today feature more violence, says new study. Ahhh, to be back in the halcyon days of Tom trying to decapitate Jerry with an axe while a black mammy wails nearby
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Typing error causes many to consider undies for cows, and why they would be recalled
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Man spends four months in bed studying bone loss and muscle atrophy. Vegas odds that he has a Fark membership are still paying even money
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| (Canada Free Press) |
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Having solved all other problems, EU decides that Jesus Christ's name will be spelled with a lower-case c
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| (People.com) |
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Slater falls off Paris Hilton's neighbor's roof. Screech unavailable for comment
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Colorado crackhead, fleeing police, decides to duck into random residence to take cover. Unfortunately, it was Aspen Police Chief Loren Ryerson's home
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Even in retirement, Clinton can not keep his hands off women in the White House
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Colorado Springs attaching radiation detectors to light poles to detect dirty bombs terrorists would use to destroy... well, whatever it is they have to destroy in Colorado Springs
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| (Insults) |
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"Your mama's so fat...." Photoshop an insult
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The No. 1 rule of Fight Club is you don't talk about Fight Club. The No. 2 rule is you don't tell police why you are naked and having Fight Club in the parking lot of an Indiana restaurant
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Senate pokes head out of chamber, doesn't see shadow. Six months of winter predicted
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The NBA begins their new season tonight. Discuss your favorite team, predictions in here
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| (Monterey Herald) |
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USC running back fakes suicide, gives Texas momentary glimpse of national championship
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| (Irish Examiner) |
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George Clooney picked ugly-ass painting out of garbage; tricked best friend Richard Kind into believing he painted it. Kind then hung the piece in living room for two years
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Male mice serenade females with ultrasonic love songs, but Minnie still won't give it up
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Commander threatens to throw Mormon airman out of Entertainment Unit if he doesn't remove those secret Mormon underwears
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Tom Cruise and Michael Jackson make Barbara Walter's "Most Fascinating" list for 2005. By "fascinating" she means "retarded," "ridiculous" or "seriously f*cked up"
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Bird flu pandemic that doesn't actually exist yet now being compared to nuclear holocaust
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| (WNBC) |
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Dog bites man: Not news. Man bites dog: News. Gas-station attendant bites customer: Fark.com
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Democratic Minority Leader Harry Reid calls private closed-door session in Senate to scrutinize pre-Iraq war intelligence. Republicans calling it a cunning stunt
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Residents feeling stiffed by love-hotel erection
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Mel Gibson's next movie will be spoken entirely in Mayan; fans anxiously await "Passion of the Christ 2: Yucatecan Boogaloo"
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| (Popular Science) |
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Ten worst jobs in science, No. 3: Kansas biology teacher
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People En Espanol names singer Paulina Rubio as "Star of the Year," beating out the winner for the last 14 years, Jimmy Smits
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| (KIRO) |
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Men rescue bear. Feed it pizza, Dr. Pepper, give it a hair dryer. Police say, "Everything they done here was unlegal"
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Federal Reserve raises rates one-quarter point for the twelfth time. Kiss your housing bubble butt goodbye
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British cellphone-using drivers who kill will face automatic five-year prison term. Because this will somehow stop them from talking on the phone
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| (WJXX) |
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Bad: Having a motorcycle accident. Worse: Being flung off your bike and down a well. Worst: No one finds you for five days
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Woman in witch costume robs bank. Will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law, provided she is not made of wood
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Bird flu pandemic of epic proportions sprea... hey, naked Janet Jackson video on the net
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Canada's last working submarine catches fire. No word on the status of its screen door, glass bottom
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Napoleon's tooth up for sale, will be sold to whichever online casino leaves $14,000 under owner's pillow
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| (Central Ohio) |
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Don't you hate it when you fall asleep in a CVS bathroom and they lock the store up on you? So does this guy
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Prince Charles and Camilla depart for their United States tour. They are expected to stop at the White House along with visits to Churchill Downs, Belmont Park, Pimlico and Santa Anita
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| (India Daily) |
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Scientists say they are close to figuring out the propulsion system of UFOs. Here comes the pseudoscience
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Albania retires MiGs after years of fruitful service duiring which they killed 35 pilots and zero enemies
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Crack dealer, 74, avoids jail after telling the judge he used his profits to buy cancer meds for his wife
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London prostitutes pestered American GIs so much during World War II that ministers feared for the transatlantic alliance
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Bush to announce flu strategy today, although strategy consists mostly of tips on how to call in sick and miss work
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| (My Way News) |
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Democrats grab torches and pitchforks as they decry majority of Supremes may be Catholic
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Mattel unveils new Elmo that knows your name. No word on release of Elmo that knows where you live, finds Sarah Connor
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| (mcall) |
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Photoshop this intimidating field hockey player
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Fat German men will only have 45 seconds to slap each other on their lederhosen-clad asses during the next World Cup, and they're mad as hell about it
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Survey finds that on average, gas stations nationally are collecting triple their normal per-gallon profit. Oil-industry execs laugh, tell their manservants to get another wheelbarrow of hookers and blow
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| (daijiworld) |
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Hindus displeased with postage stamp showing Hindus worshipping Jesus
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Before making snarky comments about a consituent's request by email, make sure you didn't accidentally hit the "Reply" button
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| (irieradio.com) |
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Drew will be on the Rude Awakening Show this morning at 9:00 a.m. EST to talk about the week's top Fark stories. Listen live via the link. Phone lines are open, call in 1-877-723-9626 to ask a question, make a comment, or just talk Fark
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Man sets fire to police station, blames soccer
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Strippers becoming a hot-button political issue in Canada, according to recent brass polls
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Halloween Potion-Ma-Jig
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Leave it to a country singer to compare his recent divorce to the theft of a big screen TV
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While it was once true that "U Can't Touch This," now you can, as M.C.Hammer's catalog goes up for sale. In other news, Vanilla Ice seen putting away his "Will work for food" sandwich board
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| (Chewbacca Defense) |
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AudioEdit a meeting with Saddam Hussein's legal defense team
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Nudity, women's curling, together at last (though, sadly, "very tasteful" -- with SFW pic)
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| (Some Mooner) |
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Photoshop this cold cruel world
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Greenpeace fined for damaging a reef during protests against environmental damage
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Texas mayor plans on running his city via the telephone since he's barred from setting foot inside city limits until his current criminal case is resolved
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| (WHEC) |
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Time-traveling squirrels could explain mysterious photographs that keep appearing in woman's garage, except for one problem: Squirrels lack opposable thumbs
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Woman gets ass for her 50th birthday
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| (Record) |
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Baked bean wars break out in Britain. All wars are tragic but this one is going to stink more than most
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Kabbalah guru who influenced Madonna arrested for allegedly extorting £34,000 from cancer victim
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Dyslexic postal worker hides 5,000 letters in her house because she couldn't address read the
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In a shocking development, behavioral researcher at zoo discovers that bored lions give pumpkins "the gazelle treatment"
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| Mon October 31, 2005 |
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Burglar to take remedial burglary classes after stopping to make a delicious pizza after taking a pizza joint's safe
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As if impregnating Heidi Klum wasn't enough, Seal bites off woman's nose
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| (Demopolis Times) |
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Demopolis newspaper acknowledges pins, needles and razors in Halloween goodies are bunk, then turns around and announces free x-raying of said Halloween goodies at local hospital
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Guy who drove through a puddle at 10 mph joins the ranks of those arrested for silly traffic offenses, such as the guy who played Riverdance too loud in his car
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Red Sox GM (and boy wonder) Theo Epstein turns down new contract. Fans immediately blame Bill Buckner
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Woody Allen says his relationship with his wife, Soon-Yi Previn, has a more "paternal feel"
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New study shows impaling most common cause of death in horror movies, 15th century Transylvania
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USC back to Number One, Texas steps in Number Two, Duke only 543 behind. Will make Rose Bowl if all college teams miraculously die before Christmas
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| (WJLA) |
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"Thunder From Down Under" male revue looking for new place to dance as North Dakota council calls "Neeners on the peeners"
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Students protest fees hike by mooning board of directors, because that will surely do the trick (with picture goodness)
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Jennifer Lopez's ex-husband drops lawsuit against her. No, not that guy, the other guy. No, the other other guy
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this robot
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| (SwRI) |
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Two new moons discovered orbiting Pluto to be named Donald, Goofy
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CBS issues apology for John Roberts' reference of the Alito nomination as "sloppy seconds"
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Groups want to block the use of an almost 100 percent effective cervical cancer vaccine because they say it condones promiscuous behavior
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Latter-day ghostbusters record dead heiress's voice at haunted mansion. Or just made that crap up
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New Age stores suffering from nonsense fatigue. Crystals and dreamcatchers 50 percent off
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Football coach denies making throat-slash gesture. Video proves that he was simply ". . . raising his right arm, index finger extended, and making a motion from left to right across his throat."
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Wanting to spend more time on sex cruises, Daunte Culpepper ends season with knee injury
|
| (PalmBeachPost) |
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Hurricane Wilma scares bull into swimming pool (with video goodness)
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Don't let the fact that you were filmed stripping the ball out of an NFL quarterback's hands on live television stop you from pleading innocent to the charge
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