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| Sun October 30, 2005 |
| (Breitbart) |
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Hall of Fame manager Al Lopez, who took the White Sox to the 1959 World Series, has died at 97
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| (Some Guy) |
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Scientists merge microbe and machine to create a 'celborg' bacteria that can sense humidity. I, for one, welcome our new, and tiny overlords
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Paris Hilton, looking her Halloween-trailer-trashy best (pics)
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| (Bottom Line) |
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Hidden dangers in common drugs
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Brett Favre throws five interceptions as well as having ball stolen by crazed fan (with pic)
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God makes His will clear by electrocuting pastor during baptism
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| (inthenews.co.uk) |
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Couple surprised when a tub filled with water and a naked woman crashes into their living room
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| (Awwwwwwww!) |
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Cutest thread ever. Post pictures of baby animals
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| (The Independent) |
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Blinglish: "Everybody's scared to ask what it means because they'd get laughed at, but I bet if anyone did ask they wouldn't even know."
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Monster truck involved in high speed pursuit drives over police car
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| (Some Guy) |
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Theme: Cyborg animals (LGT GIS)
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Caption this wet girl (voting enabled)
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Afghans in Pakistan stealing kidneys from bodies of earthquake victims
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| (Some Guy) |
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Damn it feels good to be a gangsta... music translated from rap to english
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| (3Yen) |
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Sesame Street takes to Tokyo subway to remind riders to fold their newspapers and tentacle porn so as not to be rude
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Japan changing constitution to allow a military, meant to protect against imminent invasion of Godzilla's offspring
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Internet banking undergoing security upgrade, making it easier to keep vital information out of the hands of "phishers", Scooter Libby
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Some experts say the evolution of Hockomock Swamp's miles of quicksand created a gravitational anomaly. Others blame the swamp's paranormal events on an etheric vortex which caused the brutality of King Philip's War
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| (WKRN) |
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New Madrid Fault could be Kentucky's answer to San Andreas. Officials scramble to assure that someone will notice if Louisville is swallowed by the earth
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When game company recruits new employees in Japan, they need a year of training. In Canada, employees go straight to work. Japanese employees heard complaining about "damn lag"
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North Carolina's Great Wall of Pumpkins goes apolitical this year. Carvers also refuse to go with a "Duke Sucks" theme
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'Flaming bag of crap on the porch' gag gets out of hand when it burns entire home to the ground
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Study lists the best, and worst, places to work
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A chemical analysis of the oldest banned substance in America, and why there's no need to ban it
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Dutch government gives students tax breaks for studying witchcraft
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The new trick-or-treat hotness for Halloween this year: tiny cans of Play-Doh. Well, technically, you can eat it
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Today's Iron Photoshop ingredient: Sushi
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Powerful vortexes within Wilma blamed for downing so many trees. Here comes the science
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| (PCOmelet) |
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Stupidly placed copy of Gourmet Magazine derails workplace weight loss attempt
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President awaits Rove's decision on whether he should fire Rove
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| (Business Week) |
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Top 100 global brands
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The National Motorists Association's 11 tips for avoiding speeding tickets
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| (Some Guy) |
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Top 100 entry level employers. Your new degree will take you to such places as Red Lobster and Enterprise Rent-a-Car
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Local church embraces Scientology teaching methods on sex, race, lawsuits
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Oopsies. Major spill occurs at nerve gas disposal complex in Newport, Indiana
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| (Some Guy) |
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Top 100 universities worldwide
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| (CTV) |
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Canada announces plans to invade Mars with weather station acclimatized to freezing temperatures, lack of intelligent life. Station was tested in Winnipeg, so scientists confidently assured it will work
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In the interests of maintaining peace between England and Northern Ireland, strippers will be switching the uniforms they erotically wriggle out of
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Half of U.S. Marines to leave Okinawa. Tired of painting fences, sanding floors and waxing cars
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After decades of being dissed, the ranch-style house is cool again
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Generator destroyed when lit candle used to check fuel level; what could possibly go wrong?
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Italian researchers discover eternal source of bacon
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| (Some Drunk Sailor) |
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Theme: Tattoos likely to cause future regret. Link goes to inspiration (link NSFW)
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| (Boing-boing) |
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Pet cemetery uprooted to make way for a motel. What could possibly go wrong?
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| (WLBT) |
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Flaming squirrel starts grassfire. Since this happened in Mississippi, he also became dinner
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The next line of defense against mosquitoes: Vampire spiders
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| (Daily Times) |
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This just in: Celebrities discover that "accidentally" leaking their sex tapes to the public is good for their career. Film at 11:00
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| Sat October 29, 2005 |
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MSNBC goes in depth to uncover why the media has become so ridiculous in its hurricane coverage (with amusing example pic)
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| (Some 'Chopper) |
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Hail to the King Baby. Or king, baby. Or whatever
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The housing bubble burst that isn't happening seems to be happening in Boston. Quick honey, get the lube
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| (FHWA) |
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Eight things your city probably isn't doing to reduce congestion and crashes on arterial streets
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| (IDLYITW) |
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Jessica Simpson's cleavage named 'Best in Hollywood'. Surprisingly, Simon Cowell's did not make the list
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Ellegirl magazine names Axl Rose one of the world's "coolest old people." Rose amazed to discover he's either
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Kenneth thought he was moving into the middle of the woods. He learned he had waterfront property when men came and towed away the island that had docked in his back yard
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| (c|net) |
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Man uses old VCR to make an automatic cat feeding machine using the timer in the VCR
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Mel Gibson is going off the deep end again. Just look at his beard. (w/pic)
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Hurricane victims selling cases of MREs on Ebay. Authorities said to be focusing on suspicious Heineken sales next
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| (WFMY) |
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Elvis Presley tops Forbes list of top moneymaking dead celebrities
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Con men stealing farmer's chickens as they pretend to be bird flu inspectors
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this McDonald's finally admitting to being a monopoly
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The gospel according to iPod
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| (Soo Today) |
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Anybody can do something dumb, like accidentally shoot an arrow out of a window. But it takes a special kind of dumbass to win the community newspaper's "Rocket Scientist of the Week" award for stupidity
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Can I get the Moons Over My Hammy® but without the tear gas please?
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| (Some Guy) |
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"Cracker Barrel is a highly sought after restaurant for any community" (in Alabama)
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Forecasters might not be sure about the weather next week, but they know the next century will be hotter. Bring your umbrella
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Man uses crushed cars to make large, relatively cute gargoyles (with pic)
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Dyslexia gene discovered, have someone read thsi article fro you
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Iran clarifies position on Israel, decides mass nuclear apocalypse not really the best PR strategy right now
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Man gets jail sentence after threatening to post his former girlfriend's nude pictures on the Internet
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One would think that a man calling to report the theft of his marijuana plants would be enough hilarity for the cops. One would be wrong
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Two companies come to an agreement that will keep a large chunk of the Internet from collapsing like it did last month
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Halloween is "a time to evangelize," says family who plans on handing out tiny bibles instead of candy
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| (www.kotv.com) |
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8th grade boy makes Batman costume entirely out of duct tape (with pic)
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| (Geelong Info) |
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Parliamentary members demand apology from MP who used names of Monty Python skit characters when discussing petition names during debate
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Canada is suffering from a severe stripper shortage
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Too lazy to read the 22-page Libby indictment? Here are the highlights
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| (WND) |
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Al-Jazeera has a new name for suicide bombings. They now call them "paradise operations"
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| (Some Guy) |
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State seeks to ban Bad Elf Beer because children might want to drink it. Brewer confused, since nobody stopped them from selling Santa's Butt Beer last year
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| (NEPA News) |
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School board member says she voted to include intelligent design in the school's science curriculum without knowing what it was because it was a scientific thingy
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Winnipeg Blue Bombers, second worst team in the CFL, now in contract negotiations with man who kicked million dollar 50 yard field goal
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Judge sizing up defendant's claim that he can't be guilty because his weener is simply too huge
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| (WMTW.com) |
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Look lady, what you have here is called 'A Cat In The Wall.' It's gonna take us at least three weeks to fix it
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| (SIFY) |
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Girl wants to get married. Family opposes wedding because her fiancee is a snake. Literally
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| (Zap2It) |
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Just weeks after announcing plans to make Rocky VI, Stallone now threatening to make Rambo IV
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| (Some Dashiki) |
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Farker Dashiki makes USA Today while standing behind Tubby Smith. Photoshop him in the background of other famous situations. (Third pic)
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Tropical storm Beta upgrades to Beta 2.0 - Hurricane Edition
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| (WESH) |
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Rich Senators vote down first minimum wage hike in 8 years
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| (ketv) |
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Handcuffed and chained inmate manages to jump out of a corrections van going 75 miles per hour. Scary tag trumps dumbass due to mugshot
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| (Some Guy) |
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Theme: If evolution favored the opposite end of the spectrum...
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Brazilian man who kept lion in his backyard shocked to discover that the neighbors really do mind a lion in the neighborhood
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| (Some Guy) |
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Norway's first satellite launched. Will scan the earth for lutefisk.
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| Fri October 28, 2005 |
| (PBS) |
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If you are immune to the black death, the HIV won't get you
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Homeowner accidentally cuts his toe off, cat swoops in for a free meal
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| (Pooter) |
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Updates and details for the San Diego "Escape the Winter" Fark Party. Schedule and hotel info in the link, questions being answered in the thread
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| (WFMY) |
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Two thousand guitarists are going to gather to simultaneously play "Smoke On The Water"
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Hybrid owners in Baltimore to get parking discounts at city garages. Discrimination lawsuits by Hummer owners to follow shortly
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Latest movie remake casualty: Predator
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Anti-metric activist strikes again
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The Da Vinci Code Diet, sure to make you lose weight because its based on a true story.
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| (Some Guy) |
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What do you think people would do if there was a real vigilante superhero out there somewhere? LGN
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| (WOWK) |
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Police arrest suspect in burglary of vet's office sleeping next door. He thought it was a bad dream
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| (Honolulu Advertiser) |
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Mental hospital gives machete to patient so he can do yardwork. What could possibly go wrong?
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280 teraflops, half a petaflop, do be do wop wop
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| (Bergen.com) |
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Bad: Gettting annoying political fliers against McMansions. Worse: Your house is on the flier (with pic)
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100 Greatest Horror Movie Performances...Kathy Bates nude hot tub action in About Schmidt is conspicuously absent
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| (Some Guy) |
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Elderly women expecting Meals on Wheels shocked to find Nuts on Putz instead
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FDA tells cherry industry to stop saying that cherries "treat or prevent diseases like cancer, heart disease and arthritis."
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| (Billings Gazette) |
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Despite record profits, Exxon Mobil apparently can't afford real flu shots for its employees; injects them with "unknown" substance instead
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| (Some Guy) |
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Hooters Air flight delayed when passenger makes "inappropriate" remark, which sources say was "check out the bombs on her"
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| (KETV.com) |
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Lloyd Dobler arrested in Nebraska for vandalizing at least 20 cars. Cops trying to get him to say anything, but he's probably better off dead
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| (Some Kryptonian) |
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Theme: "Superheroes of Education"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Two Goobers arrested for selling Mounds of chocolate bars containing shrooms and pot. Hope they're ready for some Hershey's Kisses
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In response Whitehouse requests that it stop using 'presidential seal', The Onion replies with this Laura Bush piece
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| (WJZ.com) |
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Mall psychic beaten for being "psychic." Apparently didn't see it coming
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| (Daily Star) |
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Tax officials raid homes of Bollywood stars, only slowed slightly by elaborate dance numbers by hundreds of people inside where hero and heroine appear to kiss but actually don't
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| (DUAAEEHHHH) |
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It's a blue-ribbon week for retarded news items. Today's gem, "Big houses = Big heating bills" brought to you by CBS News
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Severe drought leaves a ferry stranded on dry land in the Amazon. Free Shipping not available for this item, click here to find out why
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Marion Barry indicted for tax fraud. Politician indictment trifecta is now in play
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When the bank moves to repossess your house do you a) turn over the keys with resigned dignity; b) make a last ditch effort to refinance; of c) douse yourself in gasoline and threaten to set fire to yourself and the bank's new house?
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| (Ebaumsworld) |
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As tempting as it may seem, do not put bottle rockets in your butt (old classic) (probably not safe for work)
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Newborn brain cells could help regulate weight, mainly because they pack the same great taste of adult brains with only one-third of the calories
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Catholic school still trying to use eminent domain to seize local bar in order to expand its football field by 7 yards
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Teen People publishes list of the Top 10 Most Egotistical Celebrities. No word on when the list of Top 10 Most Vapid Entertainment Periodicals will be released
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Harry Potter's flying car is missing, probably out for a quickie with Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
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It's official: Libby indicted on 5 counts
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Republican wants to cancel $2 million grant to study new urinal technology, arguing flushing money down the toilet is the job of Congress
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The folks at HowStuffWorks are fresh off a Haitian zombie powder binge
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Woman wins $1 million on a lottery ticket. She probably won't be allowed to collect her winnings because she bought the ticket with a stolen credit card
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| (AgeConcern) |
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Residents of seniors' home get a break from usual shuffleboard and crib games when two strippers come in to entertain, with a doctor on standby just in case
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Texas employment agency fined for employing illegal immigrants to make MREs for military. Troops in Iraq finally figure out why one of those tiny packets of Tabasco came with every single meal, even the apple cobbler
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| (Herald Extra) |
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Thinking of upgrading to a convertible? Try falling asleep at the wheel
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Stiff competition expected in an upcoming mortuary make-up contest. Complaints from the models, if any mistakes are made, are expected to be relatively non-existant
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Chicago Cubs fans will now have two additional roofs to leap from during mid-season collapse. In other news, Chicago has another baseball team?
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"Six Feet Under" creator Alan Ball to develop a show about vampires for HBO. Speculation seems to favor plotlines where lots of people whine and complain about being dead
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| (KTRK) |
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Firefighters break into new BBQ joint after mistaking a pit fire for a building fire
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| (Triple-H) |
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"It's doubtful that many G.I. Joes will be searched, but Aladdins, genies, and belly dancers should expect a huge crimp in their Halloween fun."
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Wisconsin kitty stows away on ship to France, apparently unaware Farkers live there too
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Seattle Parks officials find out the hard way that you get what you pay for when you pay for cheap Chinese stone masons
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| (contactmusic) |
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Having already suffered terribly at the hands of a killer iceberg, DiCaprio going public about dangers of new ice age
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| (MosNews.com) |
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Head of World Federation makes $1 million dollar offer for Lenin's corpse. Drew busy collecting empties to raise funds for counter-offer
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| (Worth1000) |
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Pumpkins from the Worth1000 pumpkin carving contest. Some are carved, some photoshopped
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2004: Admit in court to being involved in felony fraud for swindling $78 million. Today: Receive latest paycheck from the Phoenix sheriff's department. You don't have to be an underpants gnome to see where the "profit" comes in
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More oil-for-food money linked to George "The Bloviator" Galloway, this time by the UN
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Zimbabweans drown sorrows in cell phone humour to take their minds off shattered economy and scrounging for food and fuel. How they're able to afford cell phones isn't clear.
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Hershey's upset with Milk Dudz clothing, they don't want candy to be associated with lactating mothers
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New Yorkers panic as usual stale-urine subway smell is replaced by sweet maple syrup smell. Pancakes anyone?
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Japanese political party suing another political party for damaging their dignity. Legal analysts predict the case will be tossed unless the politicians can prove they had any dignity in the first place
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| (Some Traffic Station) |
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Audio a traffic report for the Internet Superhighway
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Elephant seal decides to live in small Australian town. Locals most worried about him talking to drunks; article doesn't really say why. With pics
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Since everyone else lies in the Capitol, Rosa Parks might as well
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| (Stockton Record) |
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BASE jumper calls 911 to rescue him after becoming stuck while jumping from 2000 foot tall television tower
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Today's kid's Halloween fun ruined by religious nutjobs story brought to you from Newton, Massachusetts
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Dan Brown uncodes a secret message from Da Vinci: "You will soon be sued"
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Despite earlier reports, beavers not free in Britain. Giant misshapen teeth still confined to humans
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| (Red Leader) |
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R.I.P. Porkins, heaviest pilot in the Rebel Alliance
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| (Some Guy) |
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Film exposes Hindu sect that pulls bodies from the Ganges so they can eat them and get supernatural powers
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Those whom God wishes to destroy, he ranks preseason #1. Duke sucks
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'Sarchasm', the gulf between sarcasm and those who don't get it. Explained
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Halfway through the NFL season, the Oakland Raiders are pondering how to overcome their main problem: getting rid of their idiot fans
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| (TPC) |
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Marine running in Washington marathon will do so by running laps around his base in Iraq until he hits 26.2 miles
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A male golfer who is famous for losing the British Open is upset that women can now qualify to play and is going to demand that he be allowed to compete in the Women's British Open
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Coming your way: ATM denial fees. You'll pay for money you didn't get
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Strange lights in sky all over California. It's been one hundred Gelganighs. What will happen this Galgamog? Tune in jannemon at eight to find out. It's... Earth. On Fognl
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Photoshop this urinal flora
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| (hamptonroads.com) |
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If you attend clubs in Washington, D.C. with "holes in walls that allow men to have anonymous intercourse" and you choose to use the holes, then you may get a STD
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Woman arrested on charges of racism after calling her husband a "lazy Waloon" whatever the hell that is
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Chewing gum speeds up recovery from colon surgery. Blowing bubbles not recommended
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Fan at Canadian Football League game kicks 50 yard FG, wins $1 million and becomes highest paid player in league
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Just in time for Halloween, a slideshow of dozens of animals dressed up in costumes. Your dog wants his dignity back
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| (AllHeadlineNews) |
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One out four adults in the UK admits to binge drinking regularly. In other news today, half the adults in the UK are liars, while one quarter are too busy being passed out to answer silly surveys
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| (Record) |
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One way to get a job with eBay: Rip them off, go to jail, and then tell them you're a "security expert" and they should hire you when you're released. Strangely, eBay is buying this line of argument
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Man arrested after attempting to re-enact a scene from "Halloween" on a friend while drunk. May be alarmed by re-enactment of a scene from "Deliverance" by his cellmate
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| (Herald News Daily) |
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Handcuffed suspect manages to remove plastic shield from police cruiser, crawl through, then escape via open front door. Police now on the lookout for suspect running around with his hands behind his back
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Japanese send two hour movie over fiber optic cable in 0.5 seconds. Technology not to be available until 2010, by which time there will be no more movies left to pirate
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Whether bears or terrorists, many Americans have formulated disaster plans. Must-have items include iodine tablets, matches, marijuana, and iPods
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New study says handsome politicians are more likely to get elected than ugly ones. No word yet on why the entire Congress is an exception
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Seven year old kid tries to help mom out by driving to school. He passed the three point turn but failed the parallel parking section
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| (Some Guy) |
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Star Trek's Mr. Sulu comes out. Set phasers to "fabulous"
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Krzyzwsk nmd hd cch f bsktbll tm. Dk scks
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man's plan to pose as undercover cop and pick up chicks backfires after he shows woman his ID and she calls 911 to see if they had any deputies by that name. Oops
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| (Weather Underground) |
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Just about every storm that has formed near Tropical Storm Beta's location has hit Florida... well, except for the one that hit Baltimore
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| Thu October 27, 2005 |
| (NBC5) |
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Skeletal remains of a fish bears resemblance to Jesus Christ on the cross, proving once again that Jesus died for your fins
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this bee
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One way to spend your fortune is to get a new car, or maybe a yacht. Another is to get 100 pigs to annoy your neighbors
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Karl Rove will not be charged; Drudge Report asplodes
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| (WCFCourier) |
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Don't you hate it when you park your airplane for a few hours, and when you come back, it's up on blocks with the hood open and the radio ripped out? Yeah, so does this guy
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Yale bans drinking at its football games, tells fans they'll have to watch the Bulldogs lose sober
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| (ZWire) |
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Man charged with killing neighbor by dumping pesticide in her water softener. ''They certainly didn't get along, the way it looks,'' understates prosecutor
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Woman accused of running a one-woman brothel is an ordained minister who says her naked prostate massages are strictly "therapeutic"
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Canadians track progress of beer keg across Atlantic as a "security exercise." Being Canadians, they never lost sight of the keg
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Star Jones' husband brought back home in cuffs after apparently trying to flee from his marriage
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Woman hangs herself near a busy street but passers by mistake her body for a Halloween decoration
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Pilot who survived emergency landing on highway when his plane ran out of fuel crashes in front of news crews on takeoff
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For the second straight year, historic World Series winning game ball mysteriously disappears
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| (WFMY) |
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People complain about eyesores in their neighborhood. In this case, scantily-clad models doing a Maxim photo shoot
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"A rolling stone gathers no Moss." No, wait...it's "A stoned Moss gathers no rehabilitative care." Yeah, that's it
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| (Newsarama) |
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Stephen King's next Dark Tower installment will be a graphic novel published by Marvel
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Japanese champions challenge Sox to a true world championship match
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Today's nude celeb caught on tape: Janet Jackson.
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| (WSMV) |
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Memphis man puts blame for his DUI conviction where it belongs: On his hotel
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According to her withdrawl letter, Miers was apparently not all about having her White House counsel records exposed. The Smoking Gun is there
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Saints being punted to LA. Duke sucks
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Yahoo doubles the price of its online music service. This in no way will drive most of the users to illegal sources, claims Idiot McSpokesperson
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French fail to trademark the smell of strawberries. Still hopeful for armpits and dog turds
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Iran formally bans all films featuring liquor-swillers, drug takers, secularists, liberals, anarchists and feminists. Angelina Jolie's film career comes to a screeching halt
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Man steals $1,500 in quarters. Last seen running down the street with his pants dragging around his ankles
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Exxon mobil posts new record for profit. Starts brainstorming 4th quarter reasons why oil prices are so high
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| (Some Guy) |
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Theme: Karl Rove's garage has been revealed. Photoshop other politician or celebrity garages
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Headline in the Detriot Free Press: "Asian vehicles rank low in survey" Text of article: "Of the 31 cars that earned a top reliability rating, 29 were Japanese and two were domestic models."
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| (southflorida.com) |
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Elvis impersonator awarded $600,000 after an accident limited his ability to swivel his hips and do karate kicks
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CNN lists the nations 10 most expensive colleges. Apparently cost and quality of education are not related in any way
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| (Rocky Mountain News) |
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If you live near Denver and your cat is lethargic, it could have plague. Or it could be a cat
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How the Chicago White Sox like to party
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| (NY Daily News) |
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Karl Rove's mistress is leaving him to marry her ranch foreman, "Rhett Hard." Surprisingly not a joke
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New study shows that pot-smoking does not lead to lung cancer. In interest of equal time, however, Yahoo pairs story with scary photo of what pot-smokers all supposedly resemble
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| (Some Guy) |
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First, they gaves us a microscopic car - now, there's a microscopic pedestrian for it to run over
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| (nbc4i.coim) |
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Man breaks into seminary, drinks a 7-Up, then pees on a chair (with pics)
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Tennessee breaks dictionary's stranglehold of the language, declares water not a beverage. Suck it Webster
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Anti-Spyware Group promises to release uniform definitions of "adware" and "spyware" just as soon as they can get rid of that stupid purple desktop monkey
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To qualify as the world's greatest teacher, you: a) Call your students Dumb and Dumber b) Say you saw a 15 year old girl in Playboy c) Call a student's mom a MILF d) all of the above
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New Fed nominee says that there is no housing bubble, goes on to say that it's normal for a tool shed in California to cost $1.5 Million
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ATTENTION: nothing is happening today either. In other news, black smoke billows from Fitzgerald's chimney
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South Korea bans all imports of kimchi from China. In the most scientific terms possible, the main reason for this is a little something called "poop bugs"
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| (The Crimson) |
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The Harvard Masturbator finds himself in yet another mess
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Detroit residents ponder new Wal-Mart. It will bring traffic and noise to the area but it's somewhere new to loot if the Pistons or Red Wings win titles. Someone piped up, "Or Lions." but was beaten back into senselessness
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Church cancels services in favor of rugby games
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How much time do you need to do your 'business?' Apparently, if you're an autoworker, you spend nearly an hour of your workday in the can. And Ford doesn't like it
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Washington transit believes that commuters are more aware of threats around them when exposed to the phrase "sumpnspicious" instead of "something suspicious"
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Britain to get first beaver in 500 years, hopes its parents are away that weekend
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Owner of Chicago restaurant that serves foie gras goes to work, finds restaurant vandalized. Suspects animal rights activists, mention on Fark
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Harriet Miers withdraws her nomination
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RIP Mike Hunt, Ben Dover, and Phil McCraken
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Woman fired after taking an unpaid leave of absence to see her husband off to war
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When NASCAR starts attracting a more diverse audience
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Chicago beats Houston 4 times in one week. Record still held by Bobby Brown
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| (Reno Gazette Journal) |
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7 months pregnant 15 year old girl saves 10 year old boy before being run over by 18 year old driver in violation of 24 day old law
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Burglar goes running after his 102-year-old victim stands up to defend himself
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| (Arcata Eye) |
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The Arcata Eye police blotter has been updated. You know the drill
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Brownie not only still 'working' for FEMA, they just extended his contract for another 30 days now that the media's not looking too closely
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World's worst carjackers have which of the following qualities: A) Can't find reverse B) Can't open the garage door C) Ask victim for directions D) All of the above
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| (KXII) |
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New identity theft scam involves calling up people, saying they missed jury duty and are going to jail. Since 90 percent of Americans qualify, scammers find easy pickins
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Traffic on a congested bridge comes to a halt as it begins raining $20 bills
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Sergeant orders Prince Harry to drop his britches to prove he didn't tattoo his girlfriend's name on his butt
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Tropical Depression 26 begins Beta testing in southwest Caribbean
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It's not just Christmas displays in stores that have started showing up everywhere, so has holiday spam
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| (NBC4 Los Angeles) |
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Quadriplegic man, blind man work together to repair computers for free. Monk, Priest and Rabbi walk into bar, are unavailable for comment
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British city crackdown on weapons draws complaints from town's lone swordmaker, who says there can be only one. Swordmaker, that is
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Alabama church agrees to stop having teens swallow live goldfish as part of its youth ministry
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Museum decides maybe it wasn't such a good idea to sell a board game based on the theft of its artwork
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| (Some Guy) |
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Theme: How first contact with an alien race will really take place
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| (Record) |
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"Respectable-looking" tweed-wearing middle-aged man launches year-long war against antique store after it installs closed-circuit cameras and in so doing, proves the value of closed-circuit cameras
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White Sox win World Series. Duke sucks
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| Wed October 26, 2005 |
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European mayors call Halloween a "bad American habit" and urge their citizens to ignore it
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Paris Hilton and new boyfriend have sex in port-a-potty. Skanky is as skanky does
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♫ He wasn't quite divine ♪ but he drank a lot of wine (King Tut) ♫
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Baby waits two hours for doctor while unicyclist rides around waiting room; Mom not amused when rider dismounts, announces he's ready to see her now
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7-foot Great Dane is world's tallest dog (with pic goodness)
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Italy denies role in Iraq uranium claim, says "ciao" and rides off on a scooter
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| (Record) |
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Homeowners, upset that golf course built high fence around their property, rent a trampoline and disrupt pricey corporate golf tournament
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| (The Australian) |
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"Artist" gets paid more than $10,000 to drink 48 bottles of beer and then fall off a wooden beam. Farkers volunteer to drink 12 and fall off of a barstool
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| (The Boston Channel) |
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Women's brains switch gears before period begins. Men still using shiffer brains
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Couple builds house in northern Canada only to have their insurance company cancel its policy because it snows too much there
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Woman shocked by overhead power line while walking on sidewalk. Power company claims "Sometimes people mistake tingling for pain."
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Poet wins award/ worth 15,000 bucks/ but he turns it down/ because Canada sucks
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It may soon be possible to perform surgeries in space. The bill will remain astronomical
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| (Farktography) |
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Farktography Contest #25, Theme: "Hallowe'en", Link goes to Next week's contest. Please read first post
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Australian Navy denies that testing high-frequency sonar in any way caused 130 whales spontaneously to decide to get the hell out of the water and die
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Terminally ill man attends his own wake. "If people were going to turn up for a farewell drink after my death, I thought I would rather be there and have a drink with them"
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| (Some Broom) |
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World Series game 4 discussion thread
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Janet Jackson publicly denies "contraception malfunction" 18 years ago
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| (NewsWatch50.com) |
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Washington D.C. police say rapper may have been shot as part of publicity stunt. Your dog wants a new P.R. firm
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Lenny Kravitz sued again for releasing crap on unsuspecting public. The Smoking Gun is there
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| (ClickPress) |
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Theme: New technique allows printing and embossing directly onto food -- create some likely messages
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AirTran considers pulling Anheuser-Busch products from its planes after Budweiser salutes Mr. Discount Airline Pilot Guy
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Already cashing in on her new celebrity as a lesbian, Sheryl Swoopes endorses lesbian cruise line
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Man orders coffee while naked and masturbating. Offers to carry dozen doughnuts without aid of a box
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Man shows everyone at restaurant his winning lottery ticket. Hilarity ensues
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Writer tells us where the "X" in White Sox comes from, but we wouldn't be having this discussion if the Beaneaters or Porchclimbers could farking hit
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| (Editor & Publisher) |
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Pentagon: Out of respect for the dead, please don't sensationalize the 2,000 mark. Editors: Dead soldiers sells newspapers
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Just in time for Halloween: School stampede kills eight students because "ghosts are coming"
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Sheryl Swoopes comes out of the closet. Who? She plays in the WNBA. What?
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Research shows that increasing your church attendance increases your economic well-being. In other news, scientists report correlation is still not causation
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Man fined after wounding a motorist while trying to shoot a cow
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The 'Stros have no bros
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Rolling Stones to release album of rare tracks in partnership with Starbucks. Warns customers not to let Keith Richards near espresso machine
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| (Madam Shoo Shoo) |
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Photoshop theme: Nose art of the Fark air squadron. LGT gallery of WWII nose art (some not SFW)
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| (Bakersfield Californian) |
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Contest offers cash for money-saving tips. Suggestions offered so far include showering with your dog. "Pass the shampoo, Lassie"
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Attention: Nothing is happening. This apparently is breaking news
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| (Michelle Malkin) |
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USA Today gets into the festive Halloween spirit by retouching Condi Rice's photo to make her look like a demon (with pics)
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How to get a story on the AP Wire: Lead with warning about coming Muslim civil war which will destroy the Middle East, bury the fact that it won't happen in the body
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The White House is upset with The Onion's use of presidential seal. Photoshop some other inappropriate uses of the seal
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Study finds that the more educated a woman is, the harder it is to bring her to orgasm
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New study finds people who claim to have been abducted by aliens may just have overactive imaginations. Two black-suited men who commissioned study seen shuffling feet, whistling
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Foot fetishist captured on university campus after co-eds eventually determine that the palm readings he was doing on their feet weren't particularly accurate
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Things not to say to the arresting officer after a high-speed chase: "I've been playing a lot of Grand Theft Auto and NASCAR on PlayStation. I thought I could get away"
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Kelly Osbourne wants to use Kylie Minogue's dance routines. World pours acid in its eyes in anticipation
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Man breaks a 383-year-old world record by sailing 160 miles down the River Thames in a paper boat
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Having solved all other problems, Chicago City Council ready to ban sale of foie gras. Compares treatment of geese to prisoners at Abu Ghraib
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| (KTVA Anchorage) |
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Bad: Intruder in your home. Worse: Naked intruder in your home. Worst: Naked intruder in your bed. Story includes humorous picture of fleeing buttocks
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| (WFMY) |
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If you live in a town so small that everybody knows each other, don't expect a mask to hide your identity when you go to rob a store
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| (WFMY) |
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There's so much pot grown in Kentucky that if every Kentuckian were to smoke a joint an hour, they couldn't use it all
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| (Some Guy) |
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Exploring alternate methods of energy in Eritrea which, even spelled backward, is still not a country you've ever heard of
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| (Kansas City Channel) |
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Deer with a bunch of camera equipment attached to its head and neck collects 200 hours of video without getting shot (pic)
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Great white sharks are swimming in Japanese canals
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FBI abuses the Patriot Act. Benjamin Franklin reported to say, "I told you so"
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| (Some Girl) |
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Photoshop theme: Song lyrics
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Massive basement exodus sparked by the first public display of props and costumes from all six films in Star Wars series, including a replica cockpit of Han Solo's asteroid-battered Millennium Falcon
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| (Some Guy) |
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Investing, from a biblical perspective
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| (Bluffton Today) |
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Thieves steal 160-pound pumpkin off of woman's porch. Thumbsucking man with security blanket wanted for questioning
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Omar Sharif sued by parking attendant for punching him and shouting racial slurs. Sharif don't like it. Rock the Casbah, Rock the Casbah
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| (WBAY-TV) |
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Man on top of TV antenna caught, after police determine that he wasn't taking pictures of trains. Unless trains happen to look just like women in their bedrooms
|
| (NHL.com) |
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NHL's Nashville Predators continue to shock millions of Canadians and dozens of Americans as they improve to 8-0-0
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| (Billings Gazette) |
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Pentagon pays contractor almost $1 million for seven armored Mercedes. In return, U.S. taxpayers are now proud owners of six rusting turdmobiles
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| (Billings Gazette) |
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Halloween is one of the biggest times of years for plumbers. Do not toss pumpkin guts down sink if you wish to avoid expensive bills and gaping plumber's smiles
|
| (FOXSports) |
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World Series extra innings discussion thread
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Having solved all of their traffic problems, Rome outlaws "cruel" goldfish bowls
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Superman hospitalized after consuming several bottles of red wine, leaping from fourth-floor window
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| Tue October 25, 2005 |
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According to this riveting journalistic expose, abuse of the "Reply to All" e-mail feature is a bad thing. You submitted this story to everybody in your company
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Caller ID for email coming soon to an inbox near you
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CNN stumbles over itself to spin polls showing Bush's approval going up as bad. Claims margin of error, something never mentioned that when the numbers go down
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| (Billings Gazette) |
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IRS has $37 million in unclaimed refunds and you can pick up your check if you'll just sit through a short presentation on time shares in Florida
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| (Some Idiot) |
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Photoshop theme: But I followed the instructions!
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British grocery store selling eggs described as "Halloween fun," toilet paper as "Not Just for Your Ass This Time of Year"
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Japanese invent remote that controls humans, and lose it in the couch 10 minutes later
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Infinity Broadcasting conference call to announce replacements for Stern is interrupted by Beetlejuice, causing the Infinity president to bash Howard's new show as "24 hours of farting"
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Wal-Mart calls for increasing the minimum wage
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| (DailyKos) |
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Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald will issue one to five sealed indictments in the CIA leak case tomorrow and will hold a press conference on Thursday to detail the findings of his investigation
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Arsenal tromps Sunderland 3-0. This is guaranteed to get a greenlight
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"The roof at Minute Maid Park will be open for Game 3 of the World Series on Tuesday night." In other news, you just read the whole article. Discuss WS Game 3 here
|
| (Some Guy) |
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News to make you feel old: Prince needs a hip replacement
|
| (Delaware Online) |
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Delaware to sell interstate highways to undisclosed company for undisclosed sum, allowing tolls to be set to undisclosed amount after undisclosed bribes persuade lawmakers to overlook undisclosed provision in highway bill
|
| (Showbizdata) |
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Gay publication "outs" Anderson Cooper and Shepard Smith, not that there is anything wrong with that. Or, in this case, surprising about it
|
| (Access Georgia) |
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Georgia county closes its last highway rest stop, saying a combination of empty Gatorade bottles and Craigslist have made them obsolete
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D2K
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| (Bloomberg.com) |
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Bolton to send Syria a "strong message" saying Assad may be in a "safe place from the storm" for now, but U.S. vows to "go the distance." Warns that "we're not making love anymore"
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Northeast prepares as Wilma combines with two other storms, becomes Voltron
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Bill Watterson, former "Calvin and Hobbes" cartoonist, plans to continue doing what every artist with no use for math or science dreams of: Not a damn thing
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Besides poor stock reports, Krispy Kreme has another reason to be in the news today as the Krispy Kreme Terrorist has finally been sentenced
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| (The Hoya)) |
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Drunk college student with BAC of .365 lies down behind moving car and gets fined $5.00
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Grenade stash found in Pennsylvania river. Sheriff calms fears by assuring residents they were probably just left over from the Gulf War. Which apparently was fought there
|
| (redandblack.com) |
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The University of Georgia logo is not allowed on a toilet seat cover; a picture of Jesus, Buddha or Muhammad; a pale-ale beverage; coffin
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Nigerian sperm whale mistaken as airplane crash. Phishers scramble for new email template
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| (Express and Star) |
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British police follow up on "lollipops for drunkards" campaign by giving chocolates instead of tickets to speeding drivers
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Badgers create havoc after burrowing into prison. One prison official told reporters, "Badgers... we don't need no stinking badgers"
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Houston Astros, desperate for any edge they can find, are fighting with MLB over whether or not their dome roof will be open or closed
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Wilma leaves six million without power, but kindly supplies them with elephant vacuum cleaners and pelican washing machines
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Ho, ho, holy sh*t, the voice of the Jolly Green Giant has died
|
| (KFMB) |
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San Diego airport bomb components were actually toys. Again
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these 13 nude chicks with ample breasts (safe for work)
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McClellan: "Cheney is doing a great job as vice president." Given the past history of Bush Administration people who have been praised for their "great job," expect Cheney's resignation tomorrow
|
| (hollywood rag) |
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Mariah Carey demands hotels install new toilet seats that have never been touched by a single butt cheek before she craps out her latest album
|
| (WPVI) |
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Elmo arrested for panhandling too aggressively. Hate-crime unit prepping for Bert arrest
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BP sells a lot of Mt. Dew and beef jerky, increases profits by $4.4 billion
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Screeners find "components of an IED" (improvised explosive device) at San Diego airport, which is now locked down. No word on what kind of sex toy it is this time
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Train gets 2.5 miles to the cow
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Fertility clinic complains that it is being invaded by French lesbians who are causing a run on sperm
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Whale pod dies in Australia. Experts say the 60 exabyte whale pod was able to hold approximately 76,152,921,504,606,846 songs
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Well, if people didn't want to see a naked man, then they shouldn't have gone onto the bus in the first place
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| (KSDK) |
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Martz threatens Rams fans: "I will have a full recovery"
|
| (Cornell Daily Sun) |
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"Last Saturday, I had the best orgasm of my life. It was the kind of orgasm that only a woman can give -- to herself"
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Scientists declare that unless Japan stops whaling, humpbacks are doomed, unless of course a bunch of bad actors show up from the 23rd century in a Klingon spaceship and take one back with them
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Couple who was arguing and seeking a divorce via banners hung on overpass are back together. Bonus: They're both women. The Sun is there
|
| (The Mirror) |
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Soccer coach invites angry fans to locker room to personally chew out players
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Iraq death toll now 1,999 U.S. troops. Start preparing for the D2K press rush
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