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| Sun October 02, 2005 |
| (Some Sox) |
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Red Sox clinch Wild Card, Yankee/Red Sox threads to continue on for another week. Duke sucks
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Courthouse evacuated after attorney tries to enter firecracker as evidence
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| (ProFind) |
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We found many of the comments on the Fark forum amusing and we like people with a sense of humour. However...
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New York tour boat capsizes, 21 dead
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| (Female First) |
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Kelly Brook says she and her girlfriends respond to friendly roadway harassment by flashing their boobies
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Man shows love for woman by climbing 100 meters up the outside of a skyscraper and unfurling a huge banner. Jailarity ensues, rejectionalarity possibly to ensue
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| (A camera) |
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Photoshop this butterfly and onlooker
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| (OhGizmo!) |
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3M produces duct tape band-aids
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| (Seacoast Online) |
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Police inquiry rules that shooting of naked man was justified, since he was armed with mechanical lubricant
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Man breaks display case to read story in rare book
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| (icWales) |
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Drunken prank leads to armed siege, rubber bullet to groin
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Lunchroom ladies struggle to keep up with vegan, international, and fad diets, while students complain they want more McDonald's, KFC, and Subway options
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| (Anchorage Daily News) |
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Your tax dollars hard at work: Alaska spends $500k federal grant on passenger jet's glorious 'wild king salmon' paint job (pic)
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| (NY Journal News) |
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Right-wingers increasingly resemble their obnoxious counterparts on the Left, demand a "College Bill of Rights" to protect their feelings from being hurt
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Generals now see virtues of smaller troop presence in Iraq. Especially because they will be needed to screw up Iran soon
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| (Some Guy) |
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Coming soon to a home near you: 170Mb per second through your electric outlet
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| (Major Assburns) |
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Photoshop Farker ctenidae and crew after 100-mile bike ride. Again
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| (Arcata Eye) |
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"4:26 p.m. Chances are that the Arcata Police logs of September, 1905 likely do not include the phrase, "Loud reggae music at the taco wagon.""
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Old Rumble Pack technology looks like black-and-white TV compared to new Buttkicker Gamer
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Longwang penetrates Taiwan, 34 injured
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| (Some Guy) |
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Liquid sculpture photo gallery
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| (nbc13.com) |
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Older women more likely to produce a 2 for 1 deal while supplies last
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| (Some SMA) |
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Photoshop this large antenna
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| (Deseret News) |
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Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-Utah) takes in more money from gambling, alcohol and tobacco special interests than any other congresscritter and makes the angel Moroni cry
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| (Some Guy) |
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Oklahoma man wins $10 million judgment against spammer
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| (Some Ghost Dad) |
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Just in time for Halloween, Haunted Paper Toys. Makes some with your kids today.
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| (Some Guy) |
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It's a bird, It's a plane, it's.....Farkman (NSFW)
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| Sat October 01, 2005 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Countries ranked by plummeting off a cliff mortality rate
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Endangered Species Act gets rewrite, loses all that touchy-feely crap
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Bombs on University of Oklahoma campus during football game, local tv reports as suicide bombing
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Disgruntled Wal-Mart employees form non-union union
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| (Some Guy) |
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Woman ticketed for illegally sitting on park bench
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| (Some Artsy Kids) |
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Photoshop this artistic room
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Four teens attempt to carjack two FBI agents on a stakeout -- Darwin thins the herd
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Love letters written by Prince Charles, including one where he complains he can't sneak women into the palace, put on Ebay
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| (The Herald News) |
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Today's record-breaking 45-foot scarecrow brought to you by Joliet, Illinois (pic)
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German princelings may be arrested for having live antique weapons in their ancestral castle
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| (Billings Gazette) |
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College students spend money frivolously, says journalist with stunning command of the obvious
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| (The Green Head) |
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15 million candlepower flashlight - world's brightest
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| (CentreDaily) |
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School stops homecoming float after track team strips to speedos and bow ties. Then things take an ugly turn. Bluto, Otter and Flounder wanted for questioning
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Sports Illustrated poll of best places to tailgate. Your vote actually counts
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Great victory for religious tolerance as Winnie the Pooh and Piglet are banned from a government office
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Katrina refugees find San Francisco a wee bit too pricey
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| (Some Guy) |
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Tired of those pesky red lights? Make a gizmo to turn them green at your command
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How MUCH for that felony in the window? (arf arf!)
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Meet "Miss Spring": She's 24, from Thailand, and currently incarcerated in Peruvian prison awaiting sentencing for drug trafficking (with pic)
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Eighty-two percent of U.S. motorists use their seat belts now, leaving 18 percent of U.S. motorists to explain why they're being ass-backward
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| (Some Elvis) |
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Photoshop this farming n00b
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| (Times Union) |
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Remote-controlled rats could save lives, and work for Homeland Security
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Several explosions rock tourist areas of Indonesia. At least two reported dead
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When promoting a new military aircraft, it's not a good idea to show U.S. soldiers "unleashing hell" upon a mosque
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Fugitive who escaped from prison posts ad -- with photo -- at an online dating service. Re-jailarity ensues
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| (Gigwise) |
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Artwork on recently-released Kate Bush album appears to be a secret-code soundwave. Leading suggestion by fans frantically trying to decode it is "We paint penguins pink"
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The top 10 classic arcade-game songs (with download links)
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| (Some Guy) |
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U.S. Forest Service discovers that part of its mandate includes "Cancel Christmas"
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How often does the FBI tap the wrong phone number? More often than you'd think and more often than they'd like to admit
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Twenty-million-year old spider found encased in amber. Arachnid Park to open by 2015
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| (Some Guy) |
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Weird: Burt Bacharach is recording a protest album with anti-Bush songs. Weirder: Dr. Dre provides beats for several songs on his CD
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Newlyweds get police transportation to the reception when their Rolls Royce starts smoking
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| (WFMY) |
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"I ain't lying, I got zebras in the road"
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| (Some amphibious fun) |
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Photoshop this amphibious bus making a splash
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| (ProFind Search) |
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Woman believes the U.S. military is acting as an escort for UFOs (with pics)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Microwaving your genitalia might not be a good idea after all
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| (WGAL) |
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Students protest schools' new healthy menus. Shortly after it started, they became winded and had to sit down for a while
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Jesus wouldn't play PlayStation
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Australia's highest court awards woman $471,000 for cutting her pinky finger while at work. Oh no. It's spreading
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| (WGAL) |
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"Marry Your Baby Daddy Day" is a rousing success. "Kick Dat Biatch to the Curb Day" scheduled for next Sunday
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Toddler shows up at day care with a small bag of cocaine; sent home for not bringing enough to share with everybody
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Warm teddy bear gives away wanted man hiding in a closet
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"One minute I'm studying tort reform and the next I'm told I have the best legs in America and am flown to Hollywood for Hilary Duff's party"
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The federal government apparently barely averted having to completely shut down this weekend
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Victoria Beckham tries to take pics of papparazzi, but forgets to take the lens cap off. The Sun is there
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| (Some Guy) |
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"Serenity" discussion (warning -- spoilers!)
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Medical scan of three fossilised dinosaur eggs provide only scrambled results
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New York to pay four starving children $12.5 million. Kids plan to buy whole shiatload of sammiches
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| (Newsweek) |
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Is the U.S. ready for a female president?
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| Fri September 30, 2005 |
| (KARE 11) |
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Minnesota couple reunites elderly New Orleans evacuee with his dog
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Bar made from crystal-clear Arctic ice opens in London. Your "on the rocks" joke? Yeah, they've heard it
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| (Universe Today) |
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Most amazing picture you'll see today of Saturn's moon Hyperion, otherwise known as the Cosmic Loofah
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Needles and paper clips found in school lunches. Still safer that the sloppy joes
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Rodney King jailed after threatening his 23-year-old daughter with a toy gun
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First Pakistani women's soccer championship ends in brawl. Burka bits flying everywhere (and not the breakfast cereal)
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| (kansascitychannel) |
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Hallmark produces card with two guys standing over a corpse saying "Looks like he was bored to death." Topeka, Kansas mayor not amused by town name prominently featured
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Florida tourists being warned that they could be shot by the locals (with pic of PSA)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Theme: When art and reality collide...
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100,000 California high school seniors fail graduation exam, which tests against 8th-grade math and 9th-grade English skills
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Two men busted for playing a porn movie on a 14-inch screen in their '93 Buick. The Smoking Gun is there
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Turns out the last year was a good one to commit a crime in New Orleans. Not only have courts and prosectors lost many of their records and evidence, they're having a hard time finding witnesses, too
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Former Washington Redskins running back Timmy Smith arrested for fumbling hand-off to DEA agent
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| (NY Daily News) |
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New York Daily News tries, in the "spirit of Yankee generosity," to give away twenty Yankees caps in front of Fenway Park. Hil-ahrity ensues
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Things are bad all over for Red Lake HS -- due to the shootings and dropouts, they don't have enough players for their nine-man football team
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Nissan develops giant electric egg on wheels that eliminates reverse (with pic)
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| (The Age) |
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Australians concerned about New Zealand online pet dolphin auction, because "Kiwis will sell anything"
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Rower hoping to break the record for the fastest-ever Atlantic Ocean crossing ends up setting the record for the slowest-ever Atlantic Ocean crossing
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| (webindia123.com) |
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OJ Simpson to celebrate the 10th anniversary of his acquittal by signing autographs at a horror comic-book convention
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| (Ledger Enquirer) |
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Prosecutor decides maybe he was wrong when he tried to send a nine-year-old to jail for running a stop sign in a go-kart
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Bush criticizes Bill Bennett's comments about aborting African American babies. In related news, George Bush cares about black people
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Financier runs up £36,000 bar tab trying to mount Jasmine Lennard, fails
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Bookie in trouble over use of "Last Supper" in billboard ad. Judas clearly seen dealing from the bottom of the deck
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| (ImageHostAdvisory.com) |
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Congratulations to Eman_Akcali and everyone who finished the Photoshop Marathon. More than 200 Farkers participated, and we only destroyed four image hosts in the process. Link goes to results page
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Columnist bares it all for breast cancer. With pics (article SFW, pics not so much)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Create an inappropriate trailer for a well-known film. Due October 14th
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| (Centre Daily) |
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Four colonoscopes reported missing from Pittsburgh hospital. Police suspect foul play, say sales of used machines overseas is their No. 2 concern
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| (nbc5) |
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Boy in India discovered with 25 fingers and toes (with pics)
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FAA approves $15 billion O'Hare expansion plan that would raze 500 homes, relocate 200 businesses and make a bunch of people buried in the 1800s very angry
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| (wsoctv.com) |
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Now that cooler weather's coming, time for the annual parade of "woman forgets to remove glass cover and vent gases from fireplace, causing huge explosion" stories
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Sony balks at the title "Looking for Comedy in the Muslim World." Also decides against "Koran You Feel the Love Tonight?" and "Stop or My Imam Will Shoot"
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| (Daily Barometer) |
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Community group unveils "common sense coasters" with helpful graphics reminding college drunks to not pee in public
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Politician offers to shower in cow manure (with pic)
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Three out-of-shape Britons will take on world's top surfers in Hawaii after entering contest as a joke. Their training consists of eating Hawaiian pizza, switching to low-tar cigarettes and adding lemonade to their beers
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this photo exhibit attendee
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Boston plans to send out 876 police after each game of this weekend's key Sox-Yankees series, but makes them promise they won't kill any fans this year
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Feds bust Teletubbie cocaine ring. The Smoking Gun is there
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| (KTUU) |
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Alaskan high schools celebrate football rivalry by painting each others' initials on opposing team's school, planting homemade bombs
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Celebrities donating trinkets for hurricane relief, including Shatner's shoes and autographed bottle of nail polish from guy who plays John Locke on "Lost"
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| (Newsfilter.org) |
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Hungarian honey Aneta Keys (not safe for work)
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Wisconsin teen filming in the woods captures his own murder on video, allowing police to find his killer
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While gas prices skyrocket, students argue they need air-conditioned buses because kids spend a lot of time on their hair in the morning
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Sometimes the headlines write themselves: "Sheep, two-day parties enliven remote Falkland isles"
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| (Marion Chronicle Tribune) |
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James Dean died 50 years ago today, but he still lives on though his films and his breakfast sausage
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| (Some Guy) |
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Bank robber arrested when he tries to return the money. Twice
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Female Ace Ventura takes to the streets of New Orleans. Hoping to steer clear of Ray Finkel
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this mountain scene
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Judge bars teenage girl from having sex until she's done being screwed by the legal system
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Gassing up your Hummer got ya down? try this $3.5-million, alcohol-burning, 350-mph skycar
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Police arrest two men for driving around while playing a pornographic movie on a screen "clearly visible from the rear of their vehicle"
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| (Island Packet) |
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Man discovers that the 200-pound attack pig is mightier than the eviction notice. Sheriff's department surrenders
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San Francisco: Where little snowboarders fly halfway to the stars on Fillmore Street ski jump (with cool pics)
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NY/NJ caravan of 22 emergency vehicles pulled over by Virginia State Patrol. "We were hassled by The Man"
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A collection of complaints sent to the government concerning airport security, including a man who was offended by his treatment after joking that he had a bazooka. The Smoking Gun is there
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U.S. rejects proposal to share control of the Internet with other countries
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| (The Denver Channel) |
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Abandoned dog found with "FREE" written on its side. Obviously, this is a job for an animal psychic
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| (umop.com) |
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Rock-Paper-Scissors goes extreme with 22 gestures added. Explode your friend's rock with dynamite
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| Thu September 29, 2005 |
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Pastor receives surprise delivery of Viagra. Lo, He is risen
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Wild gorillas spotted using tools for first time, claim they have been monkeying around with the idea for years
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New York's top hooker brags about her exploits to New York Magazine. Jailarity ensues
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Bad: You return to your summer home to find squatters living in it. Worse: They're having sex in your shrubbery when you find them
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Bill Gates gets 11-percent salary increase, plans to pay off some credit card debt and buy that new car he's always wanted
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Republican investigation trifecta complete: Judith Miller released from jail after agreeing to testify in Plame matter
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Greek woman wins World Cup of MILF by servicing nearly the entire Greek Cypriot army
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Theme: If the world were run by Goths. Link goes to GIS
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Dentists in Manhattan offer celebrity-styled smiles named "The Halle" and "The Gwyneth." Urologists consider "The Ron Jeremy"
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| (New Kerala) |
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Afghanistan opens brand new shopping mall, with one drawback: The escalators are scaring the bejesus out of the customers
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| (Pioneer Local) |
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Parents sue university after son removes sealed window screen, climbs down onto ledge five feet below to smoke and falls seven stories to his death
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Judge orders release of Abu Ghraib photos
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Scariest pic you'll see today -- firefighters against the Santa Ana winds
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| (Nottingham Evening Post) |
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Top crocodile catcher swings into action in bid to snare man-eater
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Johnny Carson's "Tonight Show" desk to be auctioned off. The side next to where Ed used to sit still smells like Budweiser
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| (Double Agent) |
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Shrine to Adriana Lima, the sexiest girl in the world (probably NSFW -- sponsored link)
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| (Cincinnati Enquirer) |
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Kentucky ends emissions tests after discovering that the only vehicles not exempt from testing are new gas-burning cars, which don't pollute
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Internet hoax fools Tom Cruise. Cruise's response: "You don't know the history of hoaxes like I do." Then he proceeded to give interviewer a large cold sore
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NCAA denies "Fighting Sioux" nickname appeal. No word yet on "Fighting Irish." Duke still sucks
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| (Decatur Daily) |
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Soldiers being trained to operate combat robots with Playstation 2s. No word yet on Hot Coffee-style robot-on-robot mod
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Fark original content: DragonCon 2005 review
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Chicago Bulls require DNA test before signing player to determine his risk for genetic heart condition
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Motorists leaving Brooklyn now see traffic sign saying "Oy Vey." (With pic)
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More than 70 percent of U.S. college students overestimate the amount of alcohol that their peers drink. One hundred percent overestimate how much sex they're having
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Comparison of modern AIDS viruses to 20-year-old viruses indicates that in 50 years or so, AIDS may not cause deaths
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this farker with a teacher
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If you stole Chiltern, Australia's 1100-pound fire-station bell, these guys would like to spray you with the high pressure hose
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| (Gainesville.com) |
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Illegal immigrant, 27, poses as 17-year-old so he can get high school education
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Man with same name as new Formula One champion receives lots of racy mail intended for the driver
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| (Some Guy) |
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AudioEdit a ringtone for your fellow farkers! Top three may be posted. DIT. (Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it)
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Kansas City Marathon turns out to be too short. Organizers claim, "Anybody who would run on Missouri roads for over 26 miles doesn't care if it's 26.2 miles"
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FedEx class action lawsuit produces this gem: "FedEx knows that black and Hispanics fail at a much higher rate, but yet has not changed the test (for promotion)"
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| (Weekly Dig) |
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Boston's Weekly Dig magazine shows a Red Sox fan and a Yankee fan kissing. They're both dudes, and it's not Derek Jeter and David Ortiz
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Bin Laden sought asylum in UK in mid-Nineties, was rejected for having a decent set of teeth
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| (WSTM) |
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Mayor charged with soliciting underaged girl on his city cell phone. City's solution to prevent reoccurrence? All employees have to turn over their cell phones
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Roberts confirmed for Supreme Court; adopts the name "Chief John Benedict VII"
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Arctic ice melts faster as it gets warmer. No, really. In other news, still no cure for cancer
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Good news: UK will give up speed cameras. Bad news: Instead, your car will send you a ticket any time somebody takes it over the speed limit
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| (WWTDD) |
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Jessica Alba would do a nude scene if the script and director were right. Spielberg begins work on "Schindler's List 2: Booty Call"
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Florida police charge Darryl Strawberry with filing false police report for stolen SUV that wasn't actually stolen
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Kate Moss checks into rehab. No word on whom the Raiders will throw the ball to this Sunday
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| (Myrtle Beach Online) |
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Another NBA player involved in robbery, shooting. Ironically, player not the perpetrator, again
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| (NY Daily News) |
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NYPD fires 77 bullets at gunman. Gunman sniffs, "That's all you got?" and limps off to buy a lottery ticket
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Post office in England to release 68p stamps to commemorate England's Ashes victory over Australia -- 68p is exactly the cost to send a letter to Australia
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Proving once again that beer goes great with every holiday, Anheuser-Busch rolls out the Pumpkin Spice Ale
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| (Nashville is Talking) |
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Disabled Rutherford County school teacher fired for using the words "heathen" and "butthead" to refer to students
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| (Military-Industrial Complex) |
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After dozens of V-22 Ospreys crash, Pentagon decides it's safe enough for use by the all-volunteer Marines. Your dog wants an ejection seat
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| (BuisnessWeek) |
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SEC: Frist "inquiry" upgraded to "investigation." Expected to make "hurricane" by Saturday
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When grilled, Condi Rice admits she'd like to be able to see through walls, but wouldn't answer if she'd ever used drugs
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Football team embarrased after fans discover the team's DVD shows another team scoring goals
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Welsh university offers undergraduate course in search for extraterrestrial life, ignores fact that there's only marginally intelligent life here on Earth
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Bush pardons a convicted coal mine bomber, a counterfeiter and a bootlegger; tells Tom DeLay to "Wait your turn, I'm only up to the Cs"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these people in the Tate Gallery
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German inventors have devised an interactive beer mat that can tell the bartender when it's time for a refill
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| (WTOP News) |
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Washington, D.C. emergency officials receive 36 different calls about strange odors floating around the district
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| (Rolling Stone) |
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Broadway is out of ideas, debuting Johnny Cash musical. Man in Black comes to Great White Way
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| (IndyChannel) |
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Indianapolis man's plan to exchange charcoal and lighter fluid for crack goes up in flames. He didn't light the fire but he tried to fight it
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| (Israel National News) |
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Seal of King David found. Search still on for legendary Walrus of Herod
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Company performs telephone survey of people on the Do Not Call List to ask if they are still getting unwanted calls
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| (CHN News) |
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Holy Cow statue discovered in Iran. "These statues are evidence that the people of the region worshipped oxen and humped cows 3000 years ago"
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Putin wants to quit Stalin and finally bury Lenin
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A younger and fatter Mick Jagger imposter got free drinks and free women at a NYC nightclub until someone realized the real Mick was in concert in Toronto
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Science prevails once again, shows that you can only partially drown in quicksand
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Chewbacca moved up to major leagues, throws 99-mph pitch at Fenway
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Movie theatre wants to put huge high-def video screens to show previews to passing motorists on major Toronto highway. What could possibly go wrong?
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Frank Sinatra impersonator arrested for drunk driving by policeman named Dean Martin
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In order to avoid getting coal for Christmas, Danish Air Force pays damages to Santa Claus after a low-flying fighter jet killed Rudolph
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"Hello, my name is Diepreye Alamieyeseigha, and I am the governor of an oil-rich Nigerian state. I have been charged with laundering £1.8m, and I need your help to get out of the country"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these trash bins
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| Wed September 28, 2005 |
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The top 10 science pictures of the year
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A RIM job has never looked so good
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| (MIT) |
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New handcrank-powered $100 dollar laptop will expose billions to Solitaire
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Fannie Mae... not be solvent
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Family doesn't know what to do with orphaned squirrel. Family cat solves problem (small pic)
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DeLay prosecutor Ronnie Earle has a history of prosecuting all things Republican. (According to DeLay, anyway)
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| (Farktography) |
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Farktography Contest: #21: Things made of wood. From ash to zebra and everything inbetween. Objects must be mad-made, NO pictures of trees. Please read first post
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| (ContactMusic) |
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Lindsay Lohan bares all for "Vanity Fair" cover shoot. By all, they mean what precious little is left
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What better way is there to celebrate moving into your new home than by having a fireworks display at 2:00 a.m.? It's also a great way to meet your new neighbours, and find out which ones know how to fight
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George Lucas releasing another boxed set of the original Star Wars Trilogy. Now with fewer special features than the previous box set
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| (Oregon Live) |
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If your best defense in court is your lawyer telling a jury you're too stupid to have committed the crime, you either need a better lawyer or chainmail underpants
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High school relaxes penalties and allows the little bastards to swear, because that's how kids express themselves nowadays
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| (NewsWatch50.com) |
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Laura Bush to appear on "Extreme Makeover"
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| (bakersfield.com) |
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Nursing-home worker files a $9-million lawsuit stating she's suffered mental anguish after being forced to prove she was wearing a bra at work
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"I think it was typical of most French guys in our league (NHL) with a visor on, running around and playing tough and not back anything up"
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| (CentreDaily) |
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The man was nude, said the store clerk who viewed, his sight oh so lewd. Kerosene is not food. The cops pursued and jailarity ensued, so now he is screwed, what a way to conclude
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| (Sign #3) |
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Theme: Lesser-known signs of the Apocalypse. Difficulty: No horsemen, blood-red moons, Baby Britney
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Rumours pursue Miss Thailand: Positive is that she will go naked. Negative, is it her? (Not safe for work)
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Brits often confuse blogging for dogging, which may explain high turnout at recent bloggers' convention
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| (Some Guy) |
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Justice may be blind, but it has an acute sense of smell
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With all other problems solved, mayor of Puerto Rican village wants to build a UFO landing strip
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| (WANE) |
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It's dark, they're wearing sunglasses and its 120 miles to Chicago: Two kids lead police on high-speed chase
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Weeks-old army pics-for-porn story posted on Fark yesterday has hit all major media outlets today
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Bad: Recording movies with a camcorder. Worse: Getting caught and being charged by the feds. Worst: Going to jail for the "Bewitched" remake
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Tara Reid: "My hooters are under control"
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If gas cost $5.00 a gallon, it would take five years for Americans to stop driving, by which time we'd need to take a leak REALLY bad
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Today's "100 dead cats found in house" story comes from Leeds, England
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Man sentenced to three years in jail for shooting police employee in dispute over can of Spam stolen in 1974
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Wacky occupations of New Zealanders as listed on the electoral role (with scary pic of "gaiety girl")
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Dutch witch gets tax breaks for magical training
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Computer analyst leaves $1 million to Seattle on the condition it be used to create a nude sculpture
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In stunning example of judicial activism, judge bans wet t-shirt contests in Myrtle Beach
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| (Vallance) |
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Fifty-three percent of journalists use blogs as sources. "Well I could have told you that the time lag between a link appearing in Fark and an 'And Finally' item on the local news was now down to a few seconds"
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| (Birmingham News) |
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Alabama state senator joins noted meteorologists Al Qaeda, Pat Robertson -- blames Gulf storms on gambling
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Delay to step down temporarily as House majority leader until criminal charges resolved. Rep. David Drier (R-CA) to become acting majority leader
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| (Rochester D&C) |
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Despite complaints, NBC plans to air controversial NHL commercial
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| (WPVI) |
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Park decides to let people pay to kiss the black bears and Kodiak bears. What could possibly go wrong?
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The first economy domino to fall: Late credit-card payments skyrocket as gas prices cut into average American budgets
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When crossing the border into Canada, it's not wise to yell at the border guard "I'm gonna take you out"
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Tom Delay indicted. One corrupt congressional scumbag down, 534 to go
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| (WTOP) |
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Washington Wizards forward shot during attempted carjacking. Surprisingly, he was the victim
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| (Channel 3000) |
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$10 bill getting a makeover that adds splashes of red, yellow and orange to the green bill (pic)
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UK announces plan to ban school junk food. In the future, they will have all food boiled until the flavor is gone
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Astronomers find "really heavy" baby galaxy, which should get back down to a reasonable size as soon as someone changes the diaper
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| (WFAA) |
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1846 anti-dueling law used to prosecute two cousins who got into a knife fight
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Monster mold threatens health in soggy South. Supply of +2 longswords on the way
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Man passes out after night at the bar. People decide to help, put him in the dumpster to sleep it off. What could go wrong?
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The naked truth about strippers
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| (WFMY Greensboro) |
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Police pretty sure that the man who stole an ambulance to transport a dead deer may have been involved in some other zany hijinks
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| (Some Commuter) |
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Photoshop this entirely too happy bus-stop skater
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Prince Philip learns British slang so he can understand Britain's youth, and so that he can tell Queen Elizabeth to "be da ho that I married and let me tap that ass"
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Mainstream media finally picks up on story of U.S. soldiers trading photos of mutilated Iraqis for porn
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| (NBC5) |
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Apparently Mexicans are not as agile as Spaniards: Dozens gored in Mexico's version of the running of the bulls
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| (National Geographic) |
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Japanese scientists capture pictures of the largest living piece of calamari
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Kermit turns 50, says he can handle the increase in prostate exams since he has a hand up his butt every day
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Airlines getting more creative in coming up with reasons flights are delayed. Today's test balloon: Mice
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Target and Wal-Mart introduce crappy new Halloween masks that cost a buck
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Senators accuse oil companies of gouging. Then the sky of being blue, and the sun of being bright
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| (Some Bluenoser) |
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Statue slated for "adjustment" after it turns out to be unintentionally anatomically correct
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| (Personal Stash) |
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Shop this farker's "wannabe FBI agent" friend and his rod
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| (Some Guy) |
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Nursing-home assistants indicted for giving elderly patients laxatives in order to harass following shift's workers. Will they see significant jail time? Depends
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| (Epoch Times) |
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"Lost city" discovered in Argentina. Oddly enough, all the inhabitants resemble Martin Bormann
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Inmates to wear orange undies in hopes of curbing theft. Underpants gnomes unavailable for comment
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Chicago mob boss who inspired Pesci's character in "Casino" dies in prison. Article includes list of offenses, including "he cheated his daughter at tic-tac-toe"
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| (Some Guy) |
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School calls cops over first grader who accidentally brought a butter knife to school
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Man invents new type of crime: Door-to-door home invasion, swiping beer, cigarettes and t-shirts along the way
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| (Some Guy) |
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Collection of G.I. Joe parodies
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| Tue September 27, 2005 |
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Remember to take No-Doze before siphoning 55 gallons of gas from an underground tank. You'll be there a while
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Handcuffed man escapes police by wading into river. In over his head, returns to shore up his alibi. Currently in custody
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Buy a jacket, get a free flight from Germany to New York
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| (wdsu dot com) |
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Fifty hurricane-displaced FBI agents take over house on LSU's Frat Row. Plan to lounge around the quad wearing "Female Body Inspector" shirts
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| (China Daily) |
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Chinese to spend $660,000 and use GPS to spy on Panda sex (pic)
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| (WESH.com) |
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It's National Dog Week -- photoshop some dogs in history
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| (WPVI) |
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Army recruiter charged with taking nude photos of high school girls interested in joining the army
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Tearful widow to beg Supreme Court for her rightful inherita -- oop, wait, never mind, it's just Anna Nicole Smith
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Two corpses elected as city councilors in Pakistan
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NY Jets forced to sign QB Vinnie Testaverde. Apparently, Joe Namath wasn't available
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Man evicted under new litterbug law after repeatedly tossing empty soda bottle out of his 25th-floor window
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| (WTOP) |
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Turns out the female hostage that "gained the trust" of the Atlanta gunman during her seven-hour ordeal gave the guy some of her methamphetamine stash
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The family of Tommy Bond (Butch from Our Gang) cannot afford to pay for his funeral thanks to huge medical bills
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| (NY Daily News) |
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"Road Less Traveled" author now traveling on the road to the great beyond
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Singapore says ties with China have improved since they presented them with "quality bull semen"
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Once again, the Yankees have psychicly predicted their success in AL East, and The Smoking Gun is there. Duke sucks
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| (Financial Times) |
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Alan Greenspan warns against interest-only loans, floating-rate mortgages; suggests borrowers write Social Security number on arm for easy identification
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Fake monk busted for molesting two women after convincing them they needed exorcism
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Sister Glenn Anne McPhee keeps getting confused for a terrorist at airports around the country
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Russian Orthodox Church names a patron saint of nuclear-armed, long-distance Russian bombers. Hopefully, nobody's actually praying to him
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Hollywood is out of ideas: Adam Sandler to star in new "Gilligan's Island" movie. Expect to see lots of shots of the Skipper being hit in the nuts with coconuts
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Media beginning to figure out that it painted a work largely of fiction for the world to see in its coverage of the "rampant social breakdown and crime" in Katrina's aftermath
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| (Some Blog) |
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Continuing their descent into self-parody, the Democrats may be close to convincing Ben Affleck to run for the Senate from Virginia
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Blah blah, world running out of oil, blah blah, America to blame, blah blah, no more cheap oil, blah blah blah
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Arsenal's Wenger defends Man U's Ferguson after weekend fan abuse. English Premiership fans check "third sign of Apocalypse" off their lists
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| (WPVI) |
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Man's lawyer successfully defended him against bigamy charges after claiming that he couldn't have gotten legally married while he was already married, thus no bigamy
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| (Devoted Farker) |
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Farker GGecko gets eaten by a giant alligator at the end of Episode 2 of "Surface." Includes pics, video
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Girls of Univision (possibly NSFW)
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Airport inspector checks box of "ornamental fish" -- painfully discovers they're really piranha
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Some actors you don't know who are co-stars of show you never heard of got married a few months or so ago and now are getting divorced
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| (Pittsburgh Business Times) |
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US Airways and America West took flight Tuesday as the nation's fifth largest airline to eventually file for bankruptcy
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Today's "old people getting naked for a calendar and good cause" story brought to you by Sao Paolo, Brazil
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American Pie No. 4 turns stale, goes straight to DVD
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World Toilet Summit going on in Belfast, Northern Ireland. Delegates come to blows about the "over/under" toilet-paper debate
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In anticipation of the FBI's new "Porn Squad," design a logo or poster promoting the change. (Difficulty: SFW)
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Babies have rights too -- they are not to be cooed or you might end up sued
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| (LGN) |
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The phone rings this afternoon and it's your future self, calling from the year 2015 to give you a few pointers. Fortunately, you recorded the conversation
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It's all Katrina's fault that Walgreens had a bad fourth quarter
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| (WHAM) |
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New research finds that "new car smell" is actually caused by harmful chemicals
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U.S. official says Al Qaeda No. 2 in Iraq has been killed. Apparently doesn't realize Al Qaeda can make No. 2s all day in Iraq
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| (WIS-TV) |
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Georgia cop assaulted with chicken wings, pop
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Ex-FEMA chief now a consultant to FEMA so they can figure out why he resigned
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When going into the carjacking business, it's good to know how to drive a stick shift
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this CGI hang glider
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| (Some Pervert) |
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Giant squids have schlongs as long as their bodies; claim sex has nothing to do with motion of the ocean
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| (Boston Herald) |
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Doctors extracting bullet from man's groin get additional surprise -- 17 bags of crack from his ass
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| (About.com) |
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Unable to give away their automobiles for free, Mitsubishi resorts to throwing in a year's worth of gas too
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X-E reviews "The Wickedest Witch," a Halloween TV special from 1989 starring Golden Girl Rue McClanahan as a witch who plays bingo with evil Muppets
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Patriots "stole" game from Steelers due to clock malfunction. Officials under scrutiny, may be in line for new jobs at FEMA
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| (Billings Gazette) |
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Mining company poisons town's residents with asbestos, then sends them form letter saying they aren't sick
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Hottest real-estate ticket in Orlando: Greenwood Cemetary. Old "people dying to get in" joke never more appropriate
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| (WBZ1030) |
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Wal-Mart to buy Tommy Hilfiger in deal that will do nothing for the street credibility of either company
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| (Some Guy) |
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Farker needs advice. How do you cut off your kids when they move out?
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| Mon September 26, 2005 |
| (NBC5) |
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Law professor gets death threats after calling for the Iowa Hawkeyes to repaint the visitors' locker room a different color than pink
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| (Milwaukee Channel) |
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Green Bay partygoer arrested for sticking barbecue fork into fellow partygoer, thereby assuring he was done
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Not willing to take his chances before a judge for assaulting his girlfriend, Big Pussy lives up to his name
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| (Porcelain) |
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Photoshop these terracotta warriors
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"The OC" to be made into a video game. Which will suck, save for the inevitable Mischa Barton nude mod
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| (Billings Gazette) |
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Pennsylvania's Flying Spaghetti Monster trial opens today, as godless heathens attempt to refute His noodly appendage
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| (theledger.com) |
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Man sworn in as U.S. citizen, promptly wins lottery; complains that his taxes now go towards supporting illegal immigrants
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| (Edmonton Sun) |
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When a hockey coach argues with a referee, should he: A) Accept that the referee is always right? B) Yell at the referee and question his parentage? C) Undo pants and expose himself?
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Followup on the Dutch twins, one black and one white, now 11.5 years old
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Butch of "The Little Rascals" fame has died. The great "Our Gang Curse Hoax" is alive and well
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| (Americablog) |
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U.S. soldiers trading grisly photos of dead and mutilated Iraqis for access to amateur porn
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| (WCVB) |
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Contractor hired to dig new well instead drills into major water main. Hilarity ensues
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| (Some Guy) |
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Having solved all other problems, Suicide Girls among first victims of the FBI's "war on porn" (NSFW)
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Lousiana's senators put forward pork-laden Katrina recovery bill that would cost more, even inflation-adjusted, than the entire Louisiana Purchase
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Ninety-five percent of Welsh police officers caught by speed cameras got their tickets fixed
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Gay penguin goes straight, says everyone experiments in college
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Amish farmers believe using new computer-based tagging system to monitor livestock is putting "the mark of the beast" on their cattle
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| (Tonight) |
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Britney Spears receives $1.5 million for baby pictures, $3 million for birth video and $1.5 million for baby home movies
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The hamlet of Sharer, Kentucky offered $100,000 by a gambling website to change the town's name to "Mainstream Media Does Our Advertising for Us"
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| (Independent.co.uk) |
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In a rare moment of rhetorical clarity, Greenspan says "we have lost control" of the deficit
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| (Shecky Spankowitz) |
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Farker Howie Spankowitz is in the finals of the Los Angeles Comedy Battle this Saturday in Hollywood. Come see him perform. DIT
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| (KiroTV) |
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Lynndie England convicted on Abu Ghraib charges. Her commanding officers breathe a sigh of relief
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| (AL.com) |
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Alabama gas-station attendant gets into gun fight with would be drive-off in gas station parking lot
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China sets date for next space flight. Tang banned from Chinese space flights to keep them from becoming an Abbott and Costello routine
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Cardinals bandwagon, already with broken axle and on fire, melts into a ball of flaming suck. Riders immediately head toward Cincinnati
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| (Journal News) |
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Sixteen-year-old counterfeits $20 bills using a copier. Uses ill-gotten proceeds to buy tasty meals at Wendy's and the school cafeteria
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A 30-second "Cone of Silence" for Don Adams, 86'd at 82
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| (Boston Herald) |
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Scofflaw skips paying fare, caught flapping like a fish when his train is delayed waiting for police to arrive
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| (Go.jp) |
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Tropical Storm Longwang may hit Japan this week. It could be followed by Johnson, Long Duck Dong and Ron Jeremy
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Foreign languages can express things that English cannot. From Japanese: "Bakku-shan -- a girl who appears pretty from behind but not from the front"
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Top 10 worst tech products of all time
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Ashton Kutcher, 27, marries Yoda with boobies
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| (KWTX) |
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Cindy Sheehan arrested outside White House for being a general pain in the ass
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Angry Red Sox fan sends Derek Jeter threatening letters to stop dating white women and go out with David Ortiz instead
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| (Bristol Evening Post) |
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Plasticine model nets £900 in Internet bidding war
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| (Western Daily Press) |
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Zimbabwean footballers: 8, UK immigration officials: 0
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| (NY Daily News) |
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New York Post editors get into fistfight over the best way to make their paper suck more
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| (Let there be light) |
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Photoshop this lighthouse in rough water
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Slow news day: Teens ride horses to school to combat high gas prices
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| (Some Guy) |
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Today is farker Splintertcat's 23rd birthday, photoshop him in this picture
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| (Nola.com) |
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Ninety-nine percent of the horror stories that came from Katrina Superdome evacuees were pure-dee bullsh*t
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Grandma and grandpa get run over by a reindeer
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"We knew if we were looking for any public event that would have an effect on health care utilization, it would have to be the Red Sox championship games"
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Dinosaurs were on Noah's ark, extinct because of overhunting and other delusions from Biblically Correct Tours now showing at Denver's Museum of Nature and Science
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Jimi Hendrix's boyhood home finds new resting place at entrance of trailer park
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New SBEmail
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Microsoft to double Indian call centers. Your economy of choice surrenders
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