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| Sun September 18, 2005 |
| (Hollywood Reporter) |
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William.....Shatner....wins.........another.......Emmy
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| (Some Student) |
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Photoshop this beautiful fence
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| (Daily Star) |
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Student -- denied entrance to another school's hospital to visit relative -- returns with friends to confront security. Luckily for the students their school has another hospital willing to let them in
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| (Tuscaloosa News) |
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Three asshats arrested after setting up a donation table outside of a Best Buy store and posing as Red Cross workers
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Terrell Owens finds something he loves as much as money
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Traditional supermarket chains are waging the food fight of their lives against smaller competitors
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Nine-year-old girl wins a "dream hunt" and takes her shotgun to go shoot bears
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| (Times Argus) |
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"I frankly wonder whether the appliance manufacturers have been smoking crack"
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Bob Vila to feature a home built to withstand category-five hurricane on his TV show. Tim Taylor surrenders
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| (Truth or Fiction) |
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House fly etched in the bottom of a urinal has reduced spillage by 80 percent. Apparently guys just need an interesting aiming point
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This week on "What could possibly get hacked?": Cars with USB ports
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| (ColomboPage) |
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Sri Lankan cabinet proposes reducing age of consent to 13. Reason: Too many men arrested for having sex with minors
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| (Buffalo News) |
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Buffalo drinkers love their beer. Their Canadian beer
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| (Claremore Daily Progress) |
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Caption these kids and their pets
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| (Naval Safety Center) |
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Caption this operation. (Difficulty: Stop laughing long enough to type)
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Latest fad: Wealthy Americans take caravan camping holidays in India, distribute medicine, food to poor villages
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Giant, meat-eating lizards terrorize Sanibel Island. No word on wave after wave of Chinese needle snakes
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TFers neighbor is teaching his kid how to ride his bike, and I just watched him pull down his kids pants and have him take a leak in my driveway. What would you do?
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| (Some Guy) |
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The Mexican Navy takes time out from its "busy schedule" to watch over thousands of sea turtle eggs during mating season
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Wells Fargo MMORPG teaches young people how to manage their money, cope with excrutiating boredom
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| (metroactive.com) |
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An oral history of San Jose's legendary skate-punk subculture
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Beer 101, a general education class taught by the Anheuser-Busch Endowed Professor
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| (About.com) |
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The top 20 entrepreneurs under 35
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| (Cumberland Times) |
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Miracle drug could be cure for virus which killed most of England's native population
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Remaining water in New Orleans still contains E. coli levels 400 times greater than healthy limit, produces mysterious boils and can corrode shoes, political careers
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| (Economic Times) |
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Slideshow of some of the world's most expensive things, including a $13,000 tea bag
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Week 2 NFL/Fantasy discussion thread
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Father wins $93 million in the lotters by using the ages of his seven sons as his picks
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| (NZ Herald) |
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Politician to keep election promise to run naked down the street if his opponent won. Be thankful Kerry didn't do this in '04
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Create an advertisement for the new German "cat diesel"
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| (Some Guy) |
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New Grow game from Eyezmaze. This time it's cubed
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| (Earth Times) |
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Charlie Sheen admits to being a "gigantic ass" to estranged wife but notes he is a cool "gigantic ass"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this guy getting his groove back
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A silent tectonic shift has moved Vancouver Island out to sea. It may also indicate the "Big One" is on its way
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| (Some Guy) |
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Help name this ugly ass baby rhinoceros (pic)
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"We're trying to reinvent Bond. He's 28 -- no Q, no gadgets"
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Starting Wednesday you can find out if you still have what it takes to pass 10th grade when the Florida Comprehensive Assessment Test goes public online
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Video-makers donating the proceeds from the Mardi Gras version of "Girls Gone Wild" to the Red Cross
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| (Some Guy) |
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Scientist takes new punji stick trap for the vagina a step further and develops the vaginal landmine. Reportedly capable of "blowing the train right out of the tunnel"
|
| (DrewsMom) |
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Instead of sharp swords we let Drew play with THESE?
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| (VH1) |
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Fifty most awesomely bad songs ever
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| (Some Geek) |
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University of New South Wales professor rewrites trigonometry and eliminates sines, cosines and tangents
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Women vote "Ghost" the weepiest movie of all time while men pick "Schindler's List"
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Priest pricks 15 kids with unsterilized pin so they could feel the pain Jesus felt while on the cross
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'Cause you never know when you're going to need a MIG
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| (mediabum) |
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Toshiba's new fuel cell powered mp3 player
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| (Montreal Gazette) |
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Man invents thing-a-ma-jig that reduces vehicle emissions by 97% and improves gas mileage by up to 40%. Shell, Exxon & BP execs seen dispatching hitmen
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| (Some Guy) |
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Top 100 album of 2000-2004
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| (Some Guy) |
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What would happen if I were to boil some Poison Ivy leaves, and drink it like tea.?
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| (WNBC) |
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Man claims sex discrimination because all of the bosses are women
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| Sat September 17, 2005 |
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Cleveland doc wants to be the first to perform a face transplant. Nicholas Cage surrenders
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School chairman was wondering why enrollment was so little, until he found the Department of Education listed his school as the "Islamic School of Sex"
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| (Press Republican) |
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Owner of bread company switches to horse-drawn carriage to make bread deliveries in wake of rising gas prices
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| (Some Guy) |
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Theme: Things that don't have a manual, but need one
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| (Some Guy) |
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Harriet the Tortoise has a birthday coming up - She was originally a gift from... Charles Darwin (pic)
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Rescuers discover 76-year-old man trapped in his attic for eighteen days with nothing more than a gallon of water. Says he feels fine, asks for Taco Bell
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Woman has a collection of bones she picked up as roadkill that she shows off at the local visitors center (pics)
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The Video Dead - a really bad 80's zombie movie that proved the simple fact that if a video had great box artwork, a ton of people would still rent it
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Kate Moss admits recent cocaine use, promises to clean her act, eat a sammich or two
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| (Some Guy) |
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A gallery of walls with stuff written on them
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| (Daily News Tribune) |
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Although the industry has strict safeguards to prevent dishonesty, it is possible that a few hundred thousand flood-damaged cars might slip through the cracks and show up on dealer lots
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| (News-Leader) |
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Kurt Vonnegut is a best seller again
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| (Some Farker) |
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Farker's coworker just got married. He loves photoshops and hates "Bear in the Big Blue House"
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Get ready to enjoy 3 days of the 'Harvest Moon' in preparation for the upcoming autumn season
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Commuter Train Derails in Chicago
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Blockbuster may re-institute the late fees that they really didn't get rid of in order to avoid paying late fees to their creditors
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you stole the crown from Mary, return it now and don't you tarry, these nuns mean business which is kind of scary.
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| (physorg.com) |
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Chinese authorities produced a movie that will educate youth on the dangers of excessive Internet use
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In order to prevent Microsoft from acquiring AOL, Google may bid on it. Why the hell Google would want to associate itself with AOL still unknown
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German nuclear plants to raise electronic anti-terrorist shields. Mr Sulu unavailable for comment, Captain
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Sperm ships soon to dock off British coast, filled with anonymous semen to fulfill infertile couples' needs
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| (iceman) |
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Ice sculptures from China's yearly contest
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Planet Dissolving Dust-Cloud is headed toward Earth. FEMA developing plans to distribute tin foil hat stockpile 3 days after it hits
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Researchers compiling a CD of the "singing" sounds that sand dunes make as sand avalanches down their sides - Here comes the science
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"Angry bees attack school group in forest". Some headlines just write themselves
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| (Monterey Herald) |
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Newspaper tells worried readers that just because they read something in The Onion doesn't mean it's true. "Apparently some in the country are less Internet savvy than others"
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92-year-old releases country music song. "The Day I Found My Dentures in the Toilet" expected to be big hit.
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| (DeHavilland) |
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Biology teacher uses principal's skeleton as teaching aid. Health officials would remove it, but they don't want to be cursed
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Down and dirty beer price war underway. Oh the humanity...
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| (Ol Rusty Thing) |
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Photoshop this old windmill thing
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Corrections officer attacks Scooby Doo. Would've gotten away with it, if it weren't for those meddling kids
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Man who shares same names as $20 million lottery winner, not happy about being hassled by people hoping for a cut of his winnings
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| (Some German Guy) |
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Oktoberfest has officially started. Chevy Chase last seen smacking some guy in lederhosen
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Prison spends 4 days under locked down conditions... after the Warden loses his keys
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Words stung, rifles were un-slung, shots rung, hands were wrung while lawyers flung dung from their tongues, and now the Hmong had better watch his bung
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Australian dry stream bed boat festival to feature boats firing 1,000 flour bombs at each other
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In Ireland, it's "Zombie-free TV" at least until 9pm
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The newest acolyte at a Buddhist temple is a dog named Hippopotamous
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Jeep drives at 80mph beneath plane while two men use a stick to lock the landing gear (video)
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| (morguefile) |
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Photoshop this weird water
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| (Some Paper Stuff) |
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TFer has advance knowledge of "surprise" paper airplane contest at office picnic. Anyone know of any good designs? #
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Winning high school football coach (81-8 victory) argues that he didn't run up the score
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| Fri September 16, 2005 |
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Wild, crazy, out-of-control thing to do in Britain #45: Funeral Cosplay
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French low-dose avian-flu vaccine tested on human. Only side effect is that female testers show increased love of Coq
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| (Some Guy) |
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Car: 1001 horsepower for only $1.3 million. Did I mention it was a VW?
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| (The Local) |
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America is all talk when it comes to "family values", could learn a thing or two from those godless heathens in Sweden
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Kung-fu academy was front for prostitution. No more wax on, wax off
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Seattle mayor rejects monorail project that voters have approved four times
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| (The GATE) |
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20 of the suckiest ideas to ever come out of Hollywood
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| (PC World) |
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20 things technology companies don't want you to know
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| (Technovelgy) |
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Science Fiction fans propose solutions for Katrina Homeless
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| (Ft Wayne Journal Gazette) |
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Man charged with public nudity strips in court ..... twice
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North Dakota town holds annual potato bowl, eats over 4500 pounds of french fries collectively
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Attorney files for a continuance with the court... and submits a very unfortunate typo. The Smoking Gun is there
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Stolen Rembrandt work found. Reportedly not as good as theme song from "Friends"
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Two criminal masterminds shoplift $50 worth of cigarettes after signing a petition in the store. Since you're reading this on Fark, you may conclude that they signed their real names
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Whirlpool suit has colors mixed with whites, much aggitation, an interersting spin by the accused, it's all a wash though
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this irradiated dog
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| (Some Guy) |
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The Jewelers Vigilance Committee will hold a Patriot Act Compliance Seminar in Rhode Island. Dude, we are so stoned... I swear that said something about jewelers and the Patriot Act and Rhode Island
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Unintentionally funny headline of the day: Emmy host DeGeneres to touch on Katrina
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Soccer team hires composer to write world's first ever symphony dedicated to a soccer club which will be performed at club's 100th anniversary celebration and will undoubtedly be followed by a riot
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Defendant in Wisconsin hunting trial tells jury that three or four of the seven dead "deserved to die." Entire court room does that head self-smacking gesture
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Half of America's teens have sore jaws and great gag reflex control
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| (World Net Daily) |
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Football coach yanks car thief out of the window of getaway car. Neighbor snaps photo of "little puke" with cell camera (pic)
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Japan makes major progress in reducing number of teen runaways. With that under their belt, they aim to tackle a new growing trend: Runaway parents
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Woman, 85, tests altitude limits of Depends undergarments
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| (Some Guy) |
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Theme: Celebrity Wal-Mart greeters
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| (News4Jax.com) |
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Life imitates bad porn when cable guy assaults and fondles woman during service call
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| (New York Business) |
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IBM tells employees it will pay them to quit and become teachers
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| (Some Hurricane Guy) |
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Going to strip clubs on your FEMA card after Hurricane Katrina: Priceless
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| (Macworld.com) |
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Nintendo unveils new controller for its Revolution console, finally stripping from the Colecovision the title of "Worst Controller Ever"
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Arizona State University freshman unimpressed with Playboy's "Girls of the Pac 10" issue: "I see way-hotter girls in my dorm than in this"
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Grandmother finally finds her sausage, but showing it to others leads to jail
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Man breaks Guinness world record for longest time watching TV, going 69 hours 48 minutes. Earns extra credit for being forced to watch nothing but ABC
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| (Some Demon's Minion) |
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Reminder: Washington, D.C. Fark party at RFD in Gallery Place/Chinatown Saturday, September 17th (tomorrow.) at 7:00 p.m. Link goes to previous thread
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Law firm spends $100,000 of taxpayers' money to ensure that rapist and murderer can have pornography in prison
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| (Tennessean) |
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Family Dollar offers worker -- who was fired for taking time off to pickup siblings from Katrina's aftermath -- her job back. Newspaper credits Fark for motivating Family Dollar
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| (Borsa Italia) |
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London unveils it's newest landmark, a sculpture which witnesses complain looks like a slimy bar of soap
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you sit in section 135 at this weekend's Notre Dame game, you may not be there long
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| (Innovations-report.de) |
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Secrets of Delphi found in ancient text. Science no closer to discovering terrible secret of Turbo Pascal
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World's most expensive van has furnished living room, state-of-the-art kitchen and enough room for a dozen motivational speakers down by the river
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Eight men with funny-shaped heads foiled in huge airport robbery
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these well-lit children
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| (India Daily) |
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India Daily's editorial columnist again leads the world of quantum physics. "Bending space and time is the concept where you do not travel to the destination; you bring the destination close to you"
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| (Rock Bottom Brewery, 6PM) |
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Reminder: Denver Fark party Friday night, September 16 on 16th Street and Curtis, with Drew Curtis. Link goes to location, party starts at 7:00 p.m. (6:00 if you are ambitious)
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| (SpinStopper) |
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Houston Fark Party: 6:00-8:00 p.m. tonight (Sept 16th)
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American wine producers banned from using the word "Chateau" on their wines unless they can actually see a castle from their vineyard
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| (Some Other Guy) |
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All she needs is leg: Heather Mills McCartney twists, shouts "Help!" after losing prosthetic limb in scuffle with J.Lo's security guards
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Beans, beans, good for your heart. The more you eat, the more you protect yourself from the devastating effects of cancer
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| (Manchester Evening News) |
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Shrrn dscbs thhhht tmmm tha Ozzy trrd t'klll'h nnn hhhs nndrpnnnts, y'know
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Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers approves ".cat", defers on ".xxx". Kittens win and win some more
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Man tries old "throw dog biscuits to distract drug-sniffing dog" trick with predictable results
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| (Some Guy) |
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Think twice before having that sixth energy drink
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| (Phoenix New Times) |
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A bio on the woman who wrote a book that will blow the pants off women everywhere: The Straight Girl's Guide to Sleeping With Chicks
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this slip-n-slide setup
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| (Some Guy) |
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Wooden computer
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| (Some Guy) |
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Hackers discover internal Lego design tool. Lego execs couldn't be more pleased (with pics)
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| (Some Pawn) |
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Junior chess instructor arrested for trying to mate with his students. Should have just flogged the bishop
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Ugly-ass baby dinosaur footprints found (with pic)
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Man shocked to find out that by walking around town, he built up 30,000 volts of electricity, causing the carpet to catch fire and plastic to melt
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Researchers build teeny-weeny little robot -- so small that 200 could line up on an M&M and do the conga
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This week's edition of Duh Magazine features an expose that suggests more women than man experiment with bisexuality
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Czech town spends €10,000 to build bridge... for three squirrels
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67-year-old man comes out of retirement when his soccer team suddenly needs an extra man
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Drunken wedding party mistakes man from another wedding as their missing photographer. Hundred-person melee ensues
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Man plans to sell one of his kidneys to buy a home
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NASA to unveil $100-billion plan to put humans back on the moon by 2018
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Fastfood chain introduces Jim Beam BBQ cheeseburgers. Your heart and liver surrender
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| (Record Eagle) |
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Photoshop these Tibetan monks
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Cocoa Beach celebrates 40 years of "I Dream of Jeannie"
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| Wed September 14, 2005 |
| (KTRK) |
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Detective: "I see this guy riding up the street with what looked like a big old bush under his arm. It didn't click right away that it was marijuana. Then I smelled it"
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| (Farktography) |
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Theme of Farktography contest No. 18: "Takin' care of business." Link goes to next week's theme. Please read first post
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Scientific model of The Big One hitting Los Angeles
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| (Some Space Cadet) |
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Most people have probably seen satellites cross the sky at night. Daytime, not so much. Here's a guide to Iridium flares
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Bush asks for potty break
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| (Some Guy) |
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Say it ain't so: Russell Crowe might lose his right to work in the United States
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| (Some Nebraskan) |
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Man mows 30-foot-long expletive into his front lawn to protest city's warning for him to cut his grass. Expletive exempt from cutting since it's now shorter than 10 inches. First Amendment flips everyone the bird
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| (Amusement Business) |
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Court rules fans can sue baseball teams if they're hit by foul balls
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Family sues after daughter is shot in the eye with pepper-spray pellet at a Red Sox game. Mmm incapacitating
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| (Some Compensator) |
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Hummer introduces a laptop computer, specially ergonomically designed to fit comfortably on the laps of men with small penises
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| (LJWorld) |
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Relief workers sent to clean up MGM Mirage in Biloxi are told that if they quit, they will be shot
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| (news.com.com) |
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Do-it-yourself satellites make Mr. Rubick proud
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| (Some David) |
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Photoshop these live Japanese Greek statues
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| (Now Newspaper) |
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Former rugby player launched pole-dancing "business in a box"
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| (Some Rodent) |
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As a favor to Farkers, terrier nurses baby squirrel, thereby completing squirrel trifecta
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Gaggle of sea lions sink man's 50-foot 1910 restored sailboat
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| (Bluesnews) |
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Caption NY state troopers enjoying their find
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Miss Italy pageant official claims allowing bets on contestants "damages the girls' dignity, bringing them down to the level of champion racehorses"
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| (Oakmont Advance Leader) |
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Visitors to Oakmont, Pennsylvania, whether real or virtual, are greeted by a friendly squirrel waving hello (see website linked from article). Squirrel trifecta. Squirrel squirrel squirrel. Squirrel
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| (Some Guy) |
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Mother thinks her high school junior daughter doesnt know about oral sex, tries to ban book
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New Bible Belt trend: More kids being "home-churched"
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U.S. colonel may or may not have said that Osama bin Laden may or may not be in poor health
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| (someone) |
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Photoshop this strange note
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Kenyan man, who claimed his prayers brought "miracle babies" to infertile women, charged with stealing them from hospitals
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They love federal protection, and it shows: Delta Airlines files for Chapter 11. Northwest Airlines follows suit
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Man in a horrible car crash catches on fire and survives by jumping off a bridge into the Hudson River
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| (National Post) |
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Canadian politician campaigns outside of courthouse where he faces drunk-driving charges. Not to be outdone psychiatrist opponent signs up patients to his party
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Experts s that headph ing loss
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Top 10 obscure comic-book characters that should be brought to the big screen
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| (Contact Music) |
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Kanye West notes the pitfalls of hiring family as staff. Specifically, his mother discovering how much he spends on porn
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Find out why Thai hotness Petchara -- AKA Vivian Lin -- is a top Asian nude model (not safe for work)
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| (Some Guy) |
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George Bush is one signature away from having preemtive nuclear strike powers. No follow up joke as this just isn't funny
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Wil and Fark get a mention in the Sports Guys column today. Let the riot begin
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In an unexpected move of marketing brilliance, Gillette unveils the five-bladed razor
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| (Thread, NZ) |
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Female columnist tackles the age-old question: Why are mini skirts sexy?
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| (Physorg.com) |
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Industry group studies world attitudes toward nanotechnology, find that most people consider it a relatively small problem
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| (athensnews.com) |
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After careful scientific observation of his friends, teen discovers that smoking pot makes you stupid
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Fire chief paints over 9/11 tribute to standarize door colors. Hilarity ensues
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| (Orlando Sentinel) |
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We've secretly replaced this thirsty construction worker's Mountain Dew with a bottle of urine. Lets see if he notices
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| (Bristol Evening Post) |
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England sporting hero has sausage named after him
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| (Billings Gazette) |
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Fantasy football players thrilled after Kansas City Chiefs backup running back gains 119 yards and a domestic-violence arrest to pad his stat sheet
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| (Some Guy) |
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Britney Spears is unloading Cletus
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The best thing about winning the Ashes? "I can drive a flock of sheep through the town centre, drink for free in no less than 64 pubs and get a lift home with the police when I become inebriated"
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| (Some Cupcake) |
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Burglar smeared naked victim with frosting
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| (Tri-State Neighbor) |
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She started talking to her hairdresser and next thing she knew her kids were canning squirrels
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| (Derby Evening Telegraph) |
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England cricket coach's 15-year-wait for UK citizenship ends, the day after his team beats Australia
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Family Dollar fires woman for taking time off to rescue her siblings from Mississippi before Hurricane Katrina
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| (Some Guy) |
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Federal judge rules reciting the pledge of allegiance in schools unconstitutional.That sound you heard was Limbaugh and Hannity's heads simultaneously exploding
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Japanese cigarette filmmaker to show 150 smokers "Sin City" for free, under the condition that they all smoke during the film
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Ancient art of Chinese furniture fighting comes in very handy for restaurant couple
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| (Times Argus) |
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Dead rodents on doorsteps are a familiar sight to cat owners, but squirrels left in plastic bags tend to suggest a donor with opposable thumbs
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Massachusetts drivers who don't clear snow off their cars may be sent to jail until summer
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| (KIROTV) |
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Who knew New Orleans gangstas and Houston gangstas just wouldn't get along at the same school?
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Reason No. 27 to carry water around: You never know when you'll need to extinguish a naked guy on fire
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this guy's stunning leap
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| (Maine Today) |
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Now that he's been convicted, murderer agrees with his attorney that his neck and head tattoos cast him "in an extremely negative light"
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Thieves steal 50,000 socks. To add insult to injury, not one of them match any of the others
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German inventor creates 102nd use for dead cat: Alternative energy source
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| (The Mail) |
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Brits can now marry their mother-in-law. Still no clue as to why they would want to
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Irish stud accidentally pimped out 80 times in six months at $3215 per service
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Japanese probe pulls up alongside asteroid, prepares to begin mining its surface. Sinistar heard saying, "Beware -- I live"
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Judge ends 17-year ban on new strip clubs in Seattle
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| (Life Style Extra, UK) |
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Strangest things left in British rental cars: False teeth, black leather whip, false leg, cat in the engine, g-string in the sun visor, wedding dress
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Sheep are the stars in new Croatian reality show. Called "The Baaaachelor"
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With her control issues worked out, Ophelia gets called back up
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Yankees D holds D-Rays to a field goal. Giambi goes 20 for 30, 227 yards and two TDs
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| (daily telegraph) |
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Guy breaks world record by balancing 439 eggs on their end (with pic)
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| (Defamer) |
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Lindsay Lohan might not be in the news, but the debate about her breasts rages on
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Study from Institute of the Blindingly Obvious finds consumers with store credit cards charging as much as 20 percent above prime interest rate are being gouged
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New head of Royal Institute of British Architects says he wants to bring "entertainment and glamour" to architectural shows. Is raising eyebrows with his first proposed show: "Sh*t Architecture"
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Louisiana congressman used National Guard to rescue personal property during flooding. "It wasn't about me going to my house"
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| (WRAL) |
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City to relax fines for growing poison ivy. Fines for a lawn taller than eight inches still stand
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Microsoft unveils Office 12, which will anticipate the users needs. What could possibly go wrong?
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Roller-skate enthusiast, 71, brags about fact that rollerblading youngsters have a mighty tough time catching up with him, diverting his path to the local farmer's market
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| (Steves Digicams) |
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Photoshop this scarecrow
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| (My home town rag) |
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Don't bring pot brownies for your hospital staff coworkers without telling them the secret ingredient beforehand
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| (Some Bunny) |
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Reminder: Fark party, September 17th, J Gilligans Bar and Grill, Arlington TX. Be there
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| (Some Guy) |
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Actor who played Eddie Munster offering the Grateful Dead's old tour bus for $200,000
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If you absolutely must use your cell phone to make movies of yourself having sex, download them before taking the phone in for service
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Gaggle of hookers busted in Daytona Beach (with pic goodness)
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| (Bakersfield.com) |
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Truckload of quarters catches fire and spills its load all over a highway. Bulldozers and backhoes needed to scoop up the coins
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| Tue September 13, 2005 |
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Museum's strategy of blasting recordings of a hawk's distress to roust hundreds of roosting pigeons has given its neighbors something to squawk about
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| (WRAL) |
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New stealth bridge technology foils North Carolina motorists. Donald Rumsfeld spotted flying overhead, grinning maniacally
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Look forward to frenzied hurricane seasons the next couple of decades. Here's why. (Difficulty: No global warming)
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Owners of New Orleans nursing home charged with 34 counts of negligent homicide for refusing evacuation bus for residents
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| (Lowell Sun) |
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Caption this lumberjack (voting enabled)
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| (WOAI) |
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Man gets leg amputated due to ingrown toenail; will now take up Australian rules football
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Lincoln, California residents receive phone calls asking them to support the Lincoln, Nebraska Wal-Mart
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| (Some Guy) |
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Cops use taser on cop. Police chief cops out, saying "he's a good cop"
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| (UPN34) |
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Chinese city bans "foreign-sounding" names because they "debase traditional Chinese culture"
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| (NOLA) |
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Hurricane Katrina was just another sad chapter in the "Curse of the Superdome." Man-eating tree, psychotic clown chapters still to be written
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Japanese brewer unveils beer whose "taste changes over time." Miller sticks with its line of products that taste like ass in perpetuity
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| (Some Guy's Livejournal) |
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Clever bastard blocks prying eyes from looking into his cubicle by putting up vinyl curtain bearing a life-size photo of himself hard at work (with trompe l'oeil pics)
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| (Some Guy) |
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NY Better Business Bureau raises the bar and hangs up on Cingular
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| (Some Guy) |
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Theme: If musicians switched from one genre to another
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| (Some Guy) |
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How to talk to a human when calling an automated phone system
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| (Some Guy) |
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Watchtower sues webmaster for $100k, claims quoting their literature causes them loss of reputation and embarrassment
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Commercial flights resume to New Orleans, which is great news for people who won a trip to New Orleans on "The Price Is Right"
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The following episode of Cheat Commandos has been approved for Certain Audiences by some people who know best
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Robber armed with samurai sword cuts the mustard, robs restaurant diners of $32 while police play ketchup
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Man refuses to leave airplane toilet before takeoff, tells stewardess he was praying. Hilarity does not ensue
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Footballer has penis ripped open during tackle. Returns to field after getting penis stitches. Penis stitches. Penis stitches. Penis stitches. Now you'll have nightmares, too
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| (News4Jax) |
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Father of the Year Award goes to man who leaves one year old in car holding cocaine after fleeing from police
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British rocker can't understand why people would want to spend their money on anything but weed and munchies
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Police in the hot teacher Debra Lafave case accused of taking 'inappropratie pictures' of her private parts during the investigation. Michael Jackson unavailable for comment.
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| (Rochester and DC) |
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If a man asks you for some spare change, do you: 1) Say no. 2) Keep walking, ignoring him. 3) Get into your car, attempt to run the man over, then get out, throw a brick at him, and proceed to beat him senseless on the sidewalk?
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| (wcnc.com) |
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Louis Farrakhan to crowd: "I heard from a very reliable source who saw a 25-foot-deep crater under the levee breach. It may have been blown up to destroy the black part of town and keep the white part dry"
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| (Brownsville Herald) |
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UFIA minus the U = 2-20 years + $10,000 fine
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| (MLive) |
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Nothing says "slow news day" like an article about Twinkies
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| (Leicester Mercury) |
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Historical re-enactment enthusiast sparks murder investigation after "corpse" spotted in garage (with pics)
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NASCAR engineers design new military vehicle. Includes spiffy beverage holder, but only turns left
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World breathes a collective sigh of relief as Mick's first wife, Bianca Jagger, finally chimes in on U.S.-Iran relations
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| (Gloucester Citizen) |
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Seven-year-old who went for a scooter ride in his pyjamas found by police five hours later riding on the back of a sheep (with pics)
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Prison bans tea after inmates figure out how to turn tea bags into cigarettes
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| (Some Guy) |
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Today's Iron Photoshop ingredient: Mice
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| (Some Guys) |
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Some self described "average, whiny, liberal New Yorkers" seek donations to moon the White House. "Asinine" tag trumps "Amusing" for the sake of a bad pun
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| (Fredricksburg.com) |
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How to force oil companies to lower their prices without taking part in worthless gas boycotts: Don't buy their chips or soda and don't use their credit cards
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After year-long investigation into killing of innocent college student, prosecutor decides appropriate response is to ask police not to do it again
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Pennsylvania high school playing "MMMbop" over its loudspeakers until Katrina donation goal is reached
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| (KUTV) |
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In what could be considered the most important news story today, the governor of Utah prefers to send notecards instead of email
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Attention residents of Los Angeles: Reggie has not been captured. As a matter of fact, there is no Reggie
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| (Union Leader) |
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New Hampsire discovers it accidently repealed law against evading tolls
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| (News8 Austin) |
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Austin opens casting call for on-air personalities for new TV station. "We have had people who have been news anchors here in town before. We've had people who are musicians. We've had several people who can do karate kicks"
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Today's "two chicks kissing in a 'news' story" story brought to you by CNN.com. Also, reality TV seems to be wearing out it's welcome. Jeff Probst unavailable for comment
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Original Shaolin monks, clearly touched by His noodly appendage, produce big budget Monks vs Pirates martial-arts movie. Yarrr-fu ensues
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Google Earth threatens world peace, again. Lousy commies all uppity about publicly available satellite photos
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| (Zap2it) |
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I pity the fool who green-lighted Mr. T's new talk show!
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| (Prague Monitor) |
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Czech Republic gooses tram ridership by offering ads featuring naked cam girls chatting with riders
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| (Macworld UK) |
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British tax-collection agent accidentally deletes nearly one-million tax records, leaving Death as the only sure thing left
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President Bush takes responsibility for federal government's slow response to Katrina, Karl Rove's hurricane machine
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Chaka Kahn, Chak-Chaka Kahn's son order to stand trial for accidental shooting
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One of the more random sights in Cyprus is the baby alligator feeding on the sidewalk
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| (SBS World Game) |
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It's not uncommon for a riot to break out at a soccer match, but it isn't often that police start firing on the soccer players themselves
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| (Some Ad Hoc Vote Whore) |
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Vote whoring for Farker's cousin: Second Sara, fourth down on the left
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| (Hawaii Channel) |
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Man sentenced to prison for videotaping his roommate's sex life to make a few bucks online
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Aussie football player wants to amputate his finger to improve his game. Wendy's covers the chili pot
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| (Some Guy) |
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Disneyland Hong Kong opening day draws mainland Chinese who smoke in non-smoking areas and let their children urinate in public
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| (MosNews) |
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Passengers have to slaughter cows after their train runs into a herd. With knives from restaurant cars. By torchlight
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| (NZ Herald) |
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New Zealand rugby player, already retired early for UFIA and other dirty play, may be out of rugby entirely after threatening a line judge during a match of under-14 players
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Scientists plant tiny mobile phones on birds to study migration, brace themselves for roaming charges
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| (Inside Higher Ed) |
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College sex-ed teacher released because his students just couldn't handle him talking about genital shaving
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Theme: Turn celebrities into puppets
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| (Some Caper) |
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Nine-thousand-plus pot plants found and destroyed in Nova Scotia. Ricky, Julian, Bubbles and the rest of Sunnyvale seen holding a candlelight vigil
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The coolest car you'll see all day: The military's Humvee replacement
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Supermodel asks her stepfather to handle her $7 million in earnings. What could possibly go wrong?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Hot French news anchor Melissa Theuriau (safe for work)
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Hospital that administered 60 times the recommended dose of sedatives to elderly man continues to insist he died of "pneumonia"
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| (Some Goonie) |
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Which movie best defines 80s theater: "The Goonies" or "Wargames"?
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| (CKNW) |
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Yes, the Vancouver Fire Department knows the Burns Bog is ablaze, and they would like people to stop calling them to tell them that it is
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this great blue heron
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| (Some Guy) |
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The grand list of science-fiction cliches. Your robot dog wants to kill Sarah Connor
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| (NewsObserver) |
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Man -- cited for urinating in public parking lot -- is released, walks 50 feet, takes another leak in front of police
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| (Some Guy) |
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India's Rat-Catching Department hasn't caught a single rodent in 10 years
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Fifteen steps to increase your human magnetism
|
| Mon September 12, 2005 |
| (Newsnet5) |
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Police discover foster parents housing 11 children, ages one-14, in cages fitted with alarms that would go off if children tried to escape. No arrests have been made yet
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Today's Iron AudioEdit ingredient: George Costanza
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| (Some Guy) |
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Gallery of impressive stacked-card constructions
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Ponyboy, Soda Pop, Darrell and Two-Bit: Where are they now?
|
| (SpaceWeather.com) |
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Incredible photos of yesterday's auroras
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State labor lawyer who opposed Guvernator's "no break" policies claims witch hunt: Suspended after attending a brown bag on the topic leaves a bitter taste. Flack replies he got his just desserts
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Convenience store clerk acquitted of selling alcohol to a minor after jury concludes that the minor looked too old
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The growing land bulge in Oregon means either a volcano might be growing, or Oregon is happy to see the scientists
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Doctor insists on having loud rock music played while performing brain surgery, including Rolling Stones' "Sympathy for the Devil" and Pink Floyd's "Brain Damage"
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| (Pensacola News Journal) |
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Bar forced to cancel happy hour after giant sinkhole appears in the middle of the floor
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| (Las Vegas Weekly) |
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Union hires temps to picket Wal-Mart for not hiring union labor
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| (AZ Republic) |
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Good: You're watching TV and see your little brother being profiled. Bad: It's on America's Most Wanted. Worse: He's watching the show with you
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The next "Apprentice" scandal has not yet occurred and The Smoking Gun is already there
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Artist makes baked goods that look like human body parts, wants you to know he isn't crazy. (With very creepy pic of Texas Chainsaw-like "baked goods" lair)
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Newsman must take powder after being collared filming woman's boobies at flea market
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| (Teen People) |
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Olsen twins to launch clothing line for boys in hopes that every boy wants to look like an anorexic skank
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| (DOSE) |
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Norway's Red-Green Alliance seeks to oust government, make it to Possum Lodge with Harold in time for meeting
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If you get an email from the mayor of Orlando, chances are it's not him
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