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| Sun August 21, 2005 |
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Over 400 million have tuned in to watch the biggest TV program in Asia: Mongolian Cow Sour Yogurt Supergirl Contest
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| (Daily Record) |
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Woman pissed neighbor's cigarette smoke gets into her condo; leaves note, "Can you kindly be neighborly and not murder myself and my son."
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Ancient sport of Hawaiian lava sledding hot again
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| (Ottawa Sun) |
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CFL's Ottawa Renegades having problems with girls flashing their breasts at games
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| (Some Rower) |
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Photoshop this rower
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Study shows workaholics are best in the sack
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Anti-war protestors still haven't learned they don't have a 1st Amendment right to get on TV
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| (The Moscow Times) |
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Jamming equipment company, that provoked a call from President Bush to the Kremlin, almost removed from the Moscow Aviation & Space show
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With year nearly two-thirds over, the best critically-reviewed movie of 2005 is "The 40-Year-Old Virgin"
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Angelina Jolie to star in upcoming Beowulf, based on medieval poem and using Polar Express style animation
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| (Herald Sun) |
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Rather than giving them to the Palestinians, Israeli bulldozers are leveling Gaza houses
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| (journal-news.com) |
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Woman representing herself in her murder trial - Her two sons are star witnesses ...... one for the prosecution and one for the defense
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| (Newark Advocate) |
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Licking County admits it's losing the war on drugs because kids are sneaky.
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Canada is one step closer to officially becoming the 51st U.S. state
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| (journalstar.com) |
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Nebraskans creeped out by mysteriously appearing Barbie dolls
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Republican senator says the Iraq War is looking a lot more like Vietnam
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Lost: One round stone. 80 kilograms. Please return to Switzerland
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| (WOWT) |
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8th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals does flip-flop; rules 11-2 to allow 10 Commandments monuments on PA city park
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| (Cinncinnati Enquirer) |
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Police officers arrive to serve search warrant on crackhouse, discover it's much easier to just set the place on fire
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| (Some Guy) |
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Police "mysteriously" lose 20 dozen bottles of beer, $641. This one doesn't take four stoned kids and a dog in a van to solve
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'Catholic Woodstock' on the Rhine... Please don't eat the green communion wafers
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| (Great Falls Tribune.com) |
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Montana man rescued after he and his ultralight get tangled in some power lines (with pic)
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| (News-Observer) |
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Faced with lack of big helicopters, Marine Corps starts refurbishing choppers that have sat in aircraft junkyards for decade
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President reportedly delighted after well publicized ride with Lance Armstrong, save for the awkward moon landing discussion
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10,000 bagpipers have gathered in Edinburgh to break record for most pipers piping in one location. In other news, earplugs.co.uk's stock just tripled
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| (Des Moines Register) |
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Mullet hunting: The new pastime of the Iowa State Fair
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Top 100 hunks. SFW and no weeners because hunks don't need their packages oogled.
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| (Some Cubicle Jockey) |
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Dilbert meets Fark.
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| (Eisenhower) |
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Photoshop this girl and her charming pal
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"The mass of our social difficulties...arise from the fact that in the Western world we have engineered a rights-based society rather than a responsibility-based one"
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| (Bozeman Daily Chronicle) |
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Every food festival generates at least one bizarre dish that is a crime against nature. At the Manhattan Potato Festival, it's the mashed potato ice cream
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| (Some Guy) |
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Storm trooper almost arrested for "armed robbery"
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Top ten missed technologies
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| (Bismarck Tribune) |
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This year's "weird Sturgis death" award goes to the biker who was killed by a flying toilet
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Original Einstein paper on atoms that clump together into a "mono-atom" discovered. Here comes the old science
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| (Some Putz) |
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Theme: Miniature golf obstacles we'd like to see
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| (Stratford Star) |
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Police arrest man for being drunk in a restroom. The fact that he failed to exit his vehicle before entering the restroom might have something to do with it (fourth story)
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Little leaguer mows down 18 Kentucky batters, ties record in the LLWS. Duke sucks
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| (Some Guy) |
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Geeks baffled by hot chicks at Comic Con 2005
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| (Centre Daily) |
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Culture war breaks out at Philadelphia Phillies game when fundamentalist Christian group attends ballpark on 'Gay Day'
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| (webindia123.com) |
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Team of security guards providing round-the-clock protection of Jennifer Aniston's panties
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NY museum starting work to preserve the pass that sealed Benedict Arnold's fate (pic)
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Get your telescopes out. The spectacular view of Mars available right now is the best it'll be until the summer of 2018
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Remains of 12 Vietnam POWs finally coming home
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Burger King sued by Slipknot over "Coq Roq" ads, claim they violate copyright. Where is their God now?
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| (NC Times) |
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Teenager playing in the Little League World Series having the time of his life a year after he was diagnosed with Tourette's Syndrome, a disorder which DAMMIT CRAPFACE ASSHEAD
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Germany combats student housing problem with portable aluminum boxes
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Thief steals laptop from store that specializes in closed circuit TV - They have his image on eight different cameras
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Army planning for four more years in Iraq, reaches for Snickers bar
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| Sat August 20, 2005 |
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Theme: One or both: "A thousand years of power" or "A bag of antlers"
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| (PennLive.com) |
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Truck driver drives 40 ton truck onto bridge only meant to hold 15 tons. Since this is on Fark, you can guess what happened next
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Man arrested for virtual mugging. In other news there is such a thing as virtual mugging
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| (Some Guy) |
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DC Comics demands NY art gallery pull a series of "gay Batman" watercolors, one of which shows the Caped Crusader kissing Robin. Holy Homo, Batman.
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| (Some Guy) |
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Boy scout builds nuclear reactor in his backyard and earns eagle badge. EPA, NRC, FBI and local police not amused.
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Elvish speaking author Jen Miller recounts experience of stripping in name of science
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| (nwaonline) |
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Cop caught collecting fines without tickets in small town's Italian neighborhood. Police suspected after noticing the diamond pinky ring
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New clues lead Geraldo Rivera to investigate the pizza delivery guy who had the bomb strapped around his neck
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| (fortwayne.com) |
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Royals owner says, "Give us $200million or we'll go suck somewhere else"
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| (WTOP) |
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San Francisco declines taking the USS Iowa, citing opposition to the war & the military's stance on gays
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| (Techtree) |
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Sony launches "Walkman Bean" MP3 players, trades handful to Jack for his iCow
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| (Some Out-of-towner) |
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Photoshop this window mural
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Wall of Brooklyn classroom is 100 million years old, according to newly uncovered graffiti that says "The Sweathogs"
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| (Some Catholic) |
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Catholic church uses spoof of "The Matrix" movie poster for priest recruitment
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British police maintain "shoot to kill" policy with minor changes. It is now officially not okay to shoot suspicious-looking Brazilians
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| (Hal Turner) |
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China to attack U.S. with biological weapons in near future, according to their defense minister
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Union spokesman: "The mechanics would rather see the airline go into bankruptcy than agree to Northwest's terms." Have fun serving us fries next year
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| (Some Guy) |
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Pennsylvania legislators vote to give themselves 36-percent pay raise at 2:00 a.m. with no public debate on the issue
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| (Some Guy) |
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Study finds the only thing more crooked than the mafia running casinos are big corporations running casinos
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| (Boston Herald) |
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In Boston, the howling of coyotes is replacing the yapping of little dogs
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| (Some Dork) |
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Photoshop Lurch, the horniest steer in the world
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| (San Luis Obispo Tribune) |
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California school plans to use fuel-air explosives to detonate unwanted squirrels. Carl Spackler would be proud
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Prisoners talk to each through the can, no string required
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Arizona rancher -- who opposed illegal immigrants and pistol-whipped illegal immigrants -- is forced to turn over his ranch to illegal immigrants
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| (Some Guy) |
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It's not every day you come home, open your garage door and have a mountain goat jump out and attack your truck
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| (Some Guy) |
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CNN host with integrity: Bob Costas refuses to host show on Natalee Holloway
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Dave Bliss may coach basketball again after leaving Baylor despite the fact he tried to portray a murdered player as a drug dealer in order to cover up his own crimes
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| (Missoulian) |
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Artist places fake classified ad listing Egyptian mummy unearthed in Montana, because forest fires there had residents feeling "down and out"
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| (Press Association) |
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Old and busted: Granite markers. New hotness: High-tech tombstones with embedded flat screen monitors that show videos of the deceased
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| (Some Alaskan Guy) |
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Tourist, 65, foils carjacker with Diet Dr. Pepper
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| (Some Guy) |
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Today's Iron Photoshop ingredient: Cliffs
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| Fri August 19, 2005 |
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Womens' groups offended by sexy ad discouraging Mexicans from eating endangered turtle eggs
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| (Some Guy) |
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Top 10 list of the Internet's greatest hoaxes. Suspiciously missing from list: "Drew is sober"
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Real Madrid runs up hotel bill exceeding the money raised by their benefit appearance, resulting in no money for sports legend's medical expenses. "Sad" tag trumps "Dumbass"
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Motorcyclist has to duck to avoid crashing Piper Cherokee near Vail. (With pics)
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Barnes & Noble discounts Harry Potter more than 50 percent, still makes profit. Analysts disappointed they didn't gouge people more
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Bevy of female ninja "assassins" to serve "last samurai" in election using "their feminine charms to crush his opposition"
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3D TV with "feel" capability a possibility by 2020. Researchers can't wait to use it to -- get this -- watch soccer
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"Nintendogs," new digital dogs, allow users to feed, pet and walk pixelated puppies. Your dog wants you to get out of your mom's basement and a life
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Monastery runs out of beer when competition rules it the world's best
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| (East Valley Tribune) |
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Bill would deny workman's comp to drunk or drugged employees
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| (Lansing State Journal) |
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U.S. Post Office issuing classic American sports-car stamps (pics)
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New sign of global warming: Members of African reggae band abandon tour in Switzerland, take up residence in Swiss Alps. In related news, this is not the first time this has happened
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| (EurekAlert!) |
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French scientists discover method to change the speed of light. Freedom scientists still busy trying to debunk evolution
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| (KSAT) |
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Sixteen-year-old boy shot in the leg because he couldn't give directions
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| (Some Guy) |
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Reward balloons for info leading to capture of person who massacred 14 ducks
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Photoshop a cover for Bill Clinton's upcoming CD compilation of his favorite songs
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Spanky the Squirrel attacks police officers trying to arrest his owner
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Museum wins contest of wills against state, opens "Bodies" cadavers exhibit to the masses
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MLB Commissioner Bud Selig, doing his best Baghdad Bob imitation, says he believes baseball can solve its steroids problem without help from Congress
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Letter labeled "Do not open until my death" may hold key to "The Most Missingest Man in America"
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Cat uses up three lives after getting electrocuted by 25,000 volts, then catching fire, then surviving 40-foot drop
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Vioxx maker Merck & Co. found liable in death of Texas man
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Cops suspect man has drugs, throw his daughter's ashes away just in case he was planning on snorting that
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| (neurocon) |
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Reminder: Seattle Fark Party TONIGHT @ The Dubliner. (LGT original thread)
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Birds in Norway fly high thanks to granny feeding them cannabis seeds
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Nanotube sheets come of age. Not yet available at Bed, Bath & Beyond
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Samuel Adams brewery introduces $100-per-bottle beer. In other news, Drew rumored to be raising TotalFark fees to pay for new habit
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| (Wall Street journal) |
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For the first time in history the largest chunk of U.S. households consists of single individuals
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| (Greenville Online) |
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Brother of South Carolina's new House Speaker starts a lobbying firm promising "unparalleled access to top decision-makers"
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| (KRON) |
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The Ralph Lauren store in San Francisco is on fire. Oh, the humanity
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| (Florida Times-Union) |
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Thief drops phone at scene, calls police to ask for it back. Jailarity ensues
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British soldiers get new underwear that kills bacteria, germs, skidmarks
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| (Corante.com) |
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Eight and a half ways to revitalize CBS News. No. 8: "Crazy stories lifted from Fark.com"
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Next on Court TV's "Perp Walk": See the Court TV execs busted for illegally placing ads on NYC sidewalks
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Wisconsin bar patrons make sure to take their beers into the basement with them as tornado approaches
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| (Local10) |
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University computer tech trades grades for nubile coed sex. Investigators now going over his hard drive
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Get your Fark party on -- meet other Farkers in your town
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NASA to push back date of next shuttle explosion until 2006
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Amazon.com quietly adds nearly 5,000 "personal neck massagers" to its product line. The word "neck" is somewhat misleading however
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Man runs off from taxi after taking 1,115 km ride across Japan
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Half of all Americans believe aliens have visited Earth
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| (Western Daily Press) |
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Pilot flies for two hours not noticing half of one wing has been blown off (with pic)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Future UK space missions stopped by sheep
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| (Some Guy) |
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Farker Matt4684 has been in Turkey for five weeks and has another week to go. Photoshop this pic of him in front of a statue of Ottoman soldiers
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| (Western Morning News) |
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Punk rocker elected as Town Crier
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Kermit sits down for exclusive Newsweek interview, says he "gets around in Hollywood" and is the "same size" as Yoda
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| (Some Guy) |
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Caption what this interesting couple is thinking
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| (Some Guy) |
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New contact lenses act as sunglasses. Cool, except for that dang swoosh farking up your vision
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California truly the home of entertainment: An Arnold Schwarzenegger vs. Robin Williams gubernatorial election may be in the making
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IGN chronicles the "Queen of Everquest" beauty pageant, features many hot girls in bikinis, gives +5 to horniness. May be NSFW
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Police officer accused of ordering woman to flash him and another to "do a little dance" without panties
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After losing forward gears, captain spends 39 hours guiding his 60-foot boat to safety backwards
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| (Pioneer Press) |
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Sprinkler systems proposed for new single-family homes in Minnesota town. So when residents burn toast, instead of that annoying beeping, they can simply haul the soaked contents of their house to the curb and buy all new stuff
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Two missles fired at U.S. ship
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Meet the man who's had 30 plastic surgeries to look like a human "Ken" doll. With pics and video goodness
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| (KWWL) |
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"Hip-hop" researcher called in to testify in defense of student expelled for his rap lyrics. So while there might not be a cure for cancer, there are such things as "hip-hop researchers"
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Aerodynamic outhouse races taking place at Winton in western Queensland
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Burning men and hackers use the internets to track down combative criminal clown
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| (Some Guy) |
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AudioEdit a conversation that would not usually happen at your workplace
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| (Lex 18) |
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Police on the lookout for one of two men involved in a swordfight. Currently shaking down local bars looking for a Kurgan
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| (NBC5) |
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People of New Orleans so frightened of retaliation that, when police arbitrarily fired 700 blank rounds in a single afternoon to test response, nobody called to report the gunfire
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| (KTUL) |
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Kidnapping suspect arrested reading newspaper story about himself. He hadn't gotten to that part yet
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| (Submitter) |
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Photoshop this guy, his friend and their big-ass phone
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Australian couple suing James Cameron for using previously unheard of "shape-shifting monster" concept in Terminator 2
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Now that space shuttle is gone and there will be no awkward questions asked, astronauts on space station feel free to bring their life-size human doll with touchable soft skin back inside
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| (Hindustan Times) |
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British pop singer Robbie Williams is concerned that he may become an embarrassment to his kids, seeing as he can't seem to go anywhere without ending up naked
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Squadron of heavily armed unmanned drones to be stationed next to NASA and in the middle of 25 percent of North America's refining capacity. What could possibly go wrong?
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"Guiding Light" actors playing doctors attract real-life hazmat response
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| Thu August 18, 2005 |
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Tijuana cleans up brothels, find faded polaroids of Tom Cruise and Shelly Long losin' it
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Vermont fishermen see legendary giant fish in lake, claim beer had nothing to do with it
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| (Breitbart) |
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High school girl killed by Bengal tiger. While posing for school photo. In Kansas
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Restaurant chains discover what everyone knows: Diners don't order the healthy stuff
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| (Gadflyer) |
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Bad: Losing your property in a landmark eminent-domain decision. Worse: Having the corporation sue for "back rent" for the time you spent fighting the seizure in court
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop the gourd. No, photoshop her shoe. Gourd. Shoe. You decide
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South African drivers most aggressively incompetent in the world. Article writer clearly has never visited Boston
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Dutch authorites decry Google maps, claim it aids terrorist planning, shows their bald spots
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There is something inherent in Star Trek that makes it "irresistible to perverts," says therapist
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| (First Coast News) |
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Ever wonder what happened to Hootie and the Blowfish? Neither do we, but if anyone does care, they're playing a gig at the Jacksonville Wal-Mart
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| (BoingBoing) |
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Japanese brewery making non-alcoholic beer for children, because "even kids cannot stand life unless they have a drink"
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Giant whales spotted off ... Wales
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| (Red Reporter) |
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Next rumored steroid bust: Roger Clemens
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| (Maine Today) |
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Police chief's retirement party includes the first person he ever arrested
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England and Scotland close to war, as milk blockades by angry Scottish dairy farmers hinder English tea making. Tony Blair reassures public by stating that they have "plenty of milk reserves" and "enough biscuits for dunking"
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Coroner tells family of dead man that he also would have climbed a flagpole while drunk when he was the deceased man's age
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BTK asshat to serve 10 life sentences
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NCAA ends monopoly lawsuit by buying the plaintiff for $56.5 million
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Malfunctioning electronic diaper sparks bomb scare in Germany. In other news, Germans use electronic diapers
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A woman dressed as a giant pint of beer thrown out of venues in Scotland because alcohol is not allowed on the premises
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Polish scientists outsmart polar bears, lightbulb
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Redskins owner Dan Snyder wants to buy Six Flags, overpay Bugs Bunny and make him perform worse
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TV station rigs up animatronic Loch Ness monster to see if tourists can tell the difference between a monster and a hoax. Hilarity ensues
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More proof that the term "greatest hits" for an album title has lost all meaning: "Toy Soldiers: The Best of Martika"
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| (Hollywood Reporter) |
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Head of Pixar dies after his car drives off the road over a cliff, into the ocean
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Osama's top guy in Saudi Arabia killed. Or maybe just another janitor
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| (CKNJ) |
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Kentucky man gets everything he wants from his chickens: Food, eggs and reproduction
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| (9News.com) |
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Second in command at Colorado Bureau of Investigation caught shoplifting $13 worth of fishing lures
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| (Some Guy) |
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Chinese "Revenge of the Sith" subtitles include Anakin as a member of the Presbyterian Church
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| (RockyMountainNews) |
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Hunter S Thompson packed into 34 mortar tubes and ready for blast off
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The butt is the new sales tool in the advertising world
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| (Some Guy) |
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Theme: Prisms. Difficulty: No "Dark Side of the Moon" or "Spaceship Superstars"
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| (PRWeb) |
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Opie & Anthony fans put up billboard mocking other show (with pics)
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| (Press and Journal) |
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Guy goes for naked swim with girlfriend. Coast Guard alarmed by pile of clothes on beach. Hilarity ensues
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Former Power Ranger who is charged with murder is nowhere to be seen on the Power Ranger IMDB page
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| (AL.com) |
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Man tests free speech. Loses. Drinks toilet water as result.
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| (Tacoma Daily) |
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Don't you hate it when you're just riding your motorcycle and a million volts of lightning hits your head and comes out your tailbone? Yeah, so does this guy
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"Up until now my name has been listed as Jeffery Scrotum Bag Barnes and I have no idea why"
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| (Local10) |
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Shelter kills dog despite microchip identifying it and calls from owner to claim it. Animal services director says, "I have no excuse"
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| (The Star) |
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Bank demands that spicy-food restaurant with identical acronym change it's name. Bank concerned that someone might improperly mistake the burning sensation in their ass with spicy food
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| (Lincolnshire Echo) |
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Tom Hanks stalker builds replica Apollo 13 module and invites star for breakfast
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Indiana state cops find pot plants as big as trees
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| (Derby Evening Telegraph) |
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Joyriders decide stealing cars is too dangerous and take milk float instead, then leave taunting note for the owner
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Waitress gets Porsche as a tip
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Woman brings "domestic cat" to vet in Utah to be spayed and declawed. Turns out to be a lynx
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Absent-minded pope forgets why hundreds of pilgrims are standing outside his summer home
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Woman hires two boys to cut her lawn, tries to pay them with bogus $50 bill. When boys catch on, she holds them hostage and pees on a fence. Jailarity ensues
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Nils Olav, honorary member of the Royal Norwegian Guard, promoted to colonel-in-chief despite his being a penguin
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L'Oreal -- the company Jennifer Aniston and Ben Affleck pimped "the science" for -- forced to admit their science is unscientific. Here comes the science
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Restaurant robbed by ninja. May have to hire guard pirates to ensure it doesn't happen again. Arr...
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Laid-off workers at oil-field in China have to get divorced in order to get their jobs back
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| (WNBC) |
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Minor league baseball team to hold first "Hairiest Back" contest. Robin Williams scheduled to be celebrity judge
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| (WebProNews) |
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Fark enjoys 63 percent growth during first two quarters of 2005. Investors concerned that South American boobies shortage could impact third-quarter profits
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Desperate Housewife Eva Longoria gets hit in the face by a huge pole. And this time, it was unintentional
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| (KATU 2) |
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Photoshop Grant Wood's "American Gothic" in honor of its 75th birthday
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| (Some Day Trader) |
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Beer bottle caps being used as currency in Cameroon. In a related story, stocks of Fark rise 5.6 Heineken caps
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| (Coming Soon) |
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Couple watching Disney DVD surprised to discover it contained 100 percent more raccoon testicles than previous Disney films
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Women hiring online detectives to determine if their spouse's online game character is committing virtual adultery with other online game characters
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| (Some Guy) |
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Restaurant erects "please do not defectate here" sign in parking lot
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| (Farktography) |
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 15: Night time photography. Link goes to NEXT week's theme. Please read first post
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| Wed August 17, 2005 |
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Farmer carves giant personal ad in cornfield (pic)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man's house is vandalized by teenagers to the tune of $50,000. He refuses to go after parents, wants the damn kids to pay
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Scientists advocate plan to relocate endangered African elephants and lions into USA's Great Plains. John Hammond insists they'll spare no expense
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| (Some Guy) |
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Theme: Make lesser-known sports -- like badminton, cricket, croquet, et cetera -- more entertaining
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Marine told he is no longer a Texas resident because he was away in Iraq
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This week in "What could possibly get hacked?": Keyless cars opened by radio signals
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Man, 84, arrested for drive-by shooting
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| (WKYC 3) |
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Ohio governor supports teaching of Flying Spaghetti Monsterism in schools
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Scientists discover huge bar at the center of our galaxy, think this explains the rash of alien crash landings on earth
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When it comes to football, Brigham Young University cannot win inside their house, they cannot win against a mouse. They cannot win here or there, they cannot win anywhere. They cannot win with lots of bucks, but most of all, Duke sucks
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XBox 360 will come in two flavors: Regular at $400 or damn near useless at $300. (Link changed)
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UConn basketball players dismissed for stealing laptops. Didn't realize they could buy them for $50 in Virginia. Duke sucks
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Half-billion-year-old spidey-slug joins platypus on list of creatures God created to mess with our heads
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| (Herald Journal) |
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Thieves steal 200-pound dinosaur from gas station, mount it on top of nearby McDonald's (with pic)
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State tourist board to retire its "FLA USA" brand because "USA" invokes negative opinions from foreign customers and "FLA" invokes ridicule
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| (NBA.com) |
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San Diego Chicken, Phillie Phanatic and Phoenix Suns' Gorilla are first inductees into Mascot Hall of Fame. Obvious steroid use might keep Mr. Met out
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| (nj.com) |
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Animal lover picks up a copperhead to help it across the road. Hilarity ensues
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| (Daily Item) |
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No happy ending for police officer who harassed salon owner needing someone to massage his nipples
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Questions about Fark? Join us in the comments thread. Ask a question or answer one for someone else
|
| (orlando sentinel) |
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Hotel owner bitchslaps developer; or developer bitchslaps hotel owner. Sixty witnesses sure to provide conflicting stories
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If you go to a Viking preseason practice, be prepared -- Mike Tice might put you in the game
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| (LancasterOnline.com) |
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Unexpected fourth river addition floods downtown Pittsburgh
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Pierce Brosnan finished as 007. The next three movies will star Val Kilmer, George Clooney and Christian Bale respectively
|
| (peninsula daily) |
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Man arrested for standing on the bow of his boat naked, waving flares and making obscene gestures
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this cool little kid
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| |
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China plans to fake its own moon landing as early as 2012
|
| (Daily Record) |
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Man refused to keep yard tidy enough for town officials, sent to psychiatric hospital
|
| (NY Daily News) |
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Because the world was just begging for this, Bravo presents "Battle of the Network Reality Stars"
|
| (Newsnet5) |
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New poll shows most people say a teacher was the one person who made a difference in their lives. In related news, the same response was given when asked who took their virginity
|
| (Aberdeen Express) |
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Scots invent new sport of throwing rocks from cliffs onto sunbathers. Olympic Committee say it could be demonstration sport in London 2012
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Oil expert predicts that by summer 2006, Americans will be fondly reminiscing about the halcyon days of $3.00/gallon gas
|
| (South Wales Post) |
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Survey: British men are crappy at sex
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Royals extend losing streak to 17 games, close in on AL record
|
| (NY Daily News) |
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New study shows women actually like those folds o' flab rolling over the sides of your pants
|
| (San Luis Obispo Tribune) |
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City decides that flashing is not allowed during Mardi Gras celebration, but adds, "We don't have a problem with nude bicycle tournaments"
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While taking in the sights and sounds of the Big Apple, Darwin has been busy supplementing his income by selling heroin in New York the last week
|
| (Bath Chronicle) |
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London terror police who shot and killed a man wearing padded jacket, running away from them and refusing to heed warnings now say he wasn't wearing padded jacket, wasn't running away and wasn't warned. But he was on the Tube
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From the Government Agency of Duh: Half of all Mexicans want to immigrate to the U.S.
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| (female first) |
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What's more embarrassing? Having sex with a fat girl or having a small penis? Luckily, Jude Law doesn't have to decide
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Study finds high rate of errors in condom usage, discovers heretofore unknown Reverse Darwin effect
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Town crier strips to tie, gloves, tricorn hat: "I'm just trying to maximize the exposure of Dorchester"
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If you get so "falling down" drunk that employee must use city vehicle to take you home, make sure you're not the executive director of the Water Commission
|
| (Danni.com) |
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Justine Joli doing a few of the classic Marilyn Monroe poses (NSFW -- sponsored)
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Chinatown bus catches fire. All passengers exit safely, circumambulate bus, re-enter
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Bad news: You have a heart attack whilst driving. Good news: Crashing into a bus stop restarts your heart. Bad news: You have a fatal heart attack later in hospital
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Former Power Ranger and wife to stand trial for allegedly tying wealthy couple to anchor of yacht and throwing them overboard
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| (Some Guy) |
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For a mere $4.2 million you could own a historical house known as "The Castle," which comes with its own French dwarf jester ghost
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Thai officials try to calm people down in a violent region by giving everyone free cable
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Theme: Weddings gone wrong
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| (The Omaha Channel) |
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Jury selection continues in the Hawkeye Pierece case. BJ and Trapper unavailable for comment
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Over three hundred bombs go off across Bangladesh
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| (MSN) |
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Landfill study shows that porn will be this civilization's gift to the next civilization
|
| (FindLaw) |
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Judge fines law firm $267,000 for filing "frivolous" lawsuit on behalf of developer
|
| (National Geographic) |
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Boy on tricycle steals large quantity of natural gas (with pic)
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Man, 87, celebrates milestone as oldest manager in baseball history by getting ejected from game
|
| (Ashburton Guardian) |
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Sick of thefts from his property, farmer laces drum of gasoline with sugar and waits for someone to steal it. He doesn't have to wait long, and police don't have to travel too far to find the thieves
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Long-lost steamboat emerges from Missouri River, to be restored as floating casino
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| Tue August 16, 2005 |
| (Earthlink.com) |
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It's thirsty work huntin' for criminals. Just ask the cops who got caught by a security camera helping themselves to free soda at a closed Mrs Fields cookie store while looking for a gunman
|
| (Some Guy) |
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U.S. government disrupts MILF training
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Barry Manilow starts jewelry line; still unaware that Principal Vernon raids his wardrobe
|
| (Some Girl) |
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Photoshop this lovely sunset
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Library offers to loan members gypsies, imams and homosexuals. Just don't keep them past their due date, they tend to get cranky
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Madonna bones horse. In other news, words "breaks," "falling from" strangely absent
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Greedy sports fan gets one-upped by pouty millionaire, told to suck it and enjoy the $80 glove
|
| (Tallahassee.com) |
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It's generally considered bad etiquette to burst into someone's home with blood spurting from your hand after you cut yourself trying to break into their car
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This month's miraculous cure for HIV that you'll never hear about again: Crocodile blood
|
| (KWWL) |
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New poll finds four out of 10 adults hated math in school. That's like, 50 percent
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Cops rouse dozing 87-year-old from chair at Big Lots, find her ID is $60,000 cash in her purse
|
| (LifeSiteNews.com) |
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Court says it's OK for men to come to work in a dress and to shower with female co-workers
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Secret Service plants a fake bomb in a hotel just to mess with us
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 |
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Pacman to sign five-year-deal even though Ms. Pacman was a much better game
|
| (WPVI) |
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Man gets 20 traffic tickets in less than an hour while celebrating the end of his probation
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Woman takes four-month-old son out drinking in a bar, eventually passes out with infant in parking lot after getting kicked out
|
| (U.TV) |
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P. Diddy, formerly known as Puff Daddy, now wants to be called just Diddy. Or just "Hey, Dumbass" -- whichever you prefer
source: u.tv | share:
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College musical invaded by bee army
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U.S. Department of State's Directorate of Defense Trade Controls gives go-ahead for info exchange for Virgin Galactic. Virgin Basement rep unavailable for comment
|
| (nbc4i) |
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Cedar Point to sell the Demon Drop. Amaze your friends. Be the first one on your block to Demon Drop
|
| (Richmond Times Dispatch) |
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Henrico, VA taxpayers stampede one another to buy Apple laptops for $50, forgetting Emergency Room deductible is $2,000
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Man starts website to catalog North Korean news agency's priceless gems. "You American imperialist beasts who are not fit to share the same sky with the great Korean nation" will love it
|
| (St. Cloud Times) |
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Woman driving drunk-driving test course hits more cones sober than legally drunk
|
| (insidebayarea.com) |
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42-year-old biker dude with art degree and no prior political experience plans to run for mayor of Oakland, then life if actually elected
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Police investigation reveals Daimler/Chrysler CEO's wife has been supplying alcohol to her son's friends
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.XXX domain approval on hold due to concerns that it might encourage more porn on the net, as if that were possible
|
| (Some Guy) |
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A see-through top gives us a sneak peek at Scarlett Johansson's self-coined "brontosaurus-sized" breasts (not safe for work)
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Local couple ties the knot where they first met -- a McDonald's drive-thru window in front of friends, family, the Hamburglar and Mayor McCheese
|
| (femalefirst.co.uk) |
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Michael Jackson has a fake nose, and without the prosthesis the singer looks like a "mummy with nostril holes," according to a witness
|
| (Business 2.0) |
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Is Google developing a nationwide WiFi network?
|
| (Rochester D&C) |
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Thief robs man at gunpoint, successfully makes off with a whopping $2.00 and a McDonald's breakfast
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| (WHAS) |
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Men try of offset high pump prices by stealing gas, discover their car doesn't run so well on diesel
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Miller drops test of fruit-flavored beer. No word on when they'll stop distributing the urine-flavored variety
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Clinton: "I would have attacked bin Laden, if my nuts weren't in Hillary's handbag"
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Text message from doomed jet about being "frozen" was a hoax
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Teen calls EMT. EMT arrives, grabs teens boobs and asks for a BJ. Jailarity ensues
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| |
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Suspicious trooper promotions called off after newspaper story -- but one of the promotees doesn't get the word, answers the phone, "Lt. Holloway"
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 |
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Joey Buttafuoco in trouble again -- this time it wasn't for shooting blanks
|
| (Some Girl) |
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Photoshop this pretty fly guy
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| (WMAZ Macon, Ga) |
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"Hey ma, I just robbed this house. Come pick me up"
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| |
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From the recycled fashion files: A whole new generation of teenagers with too much disposable income will be able to dazzle their friends with t-shirts that change colour when your armpits sweat
|
| (WOAI) |
 |
City manager gets pissed at TV reporter's questions. Shoves reporter's microphone under the table. Reporter retrieves microphone. Hilarity ensues
|
| (Daily Telegraph) |
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BBC newsreader declares that women to rule world, men reduced to sperm donors. In other news, men okay with that
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| |
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Fish steals pole, lures fisherman to his death. All his fish friends want to know what he used for bait
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| |
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Indiana Pacers waive guard Reggie Miller despite his retirement last season
|
| (WBAL) |
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Pothead gets PWNED when cops find pics of the stash on his lost cell phone
|
| (webindia123.com) |
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Sadly, Walken will not be running for president
|
| (NZ Herald) |
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Attention New Zealand Farkers: DB Brewery is giving you all a free beer today to celebrate its birthday
|
| (NY Daily News) |
|
Despite being busted in a $360-million Mafia gambling ring that took place at Shea, Mets' former groundskeeper is very, very mad at the Mets for banning him from Shea
|
| |
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As elephants trash neighborhoods in search of food and water, we discover where witness protection hid Baghdad Bob
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Homing pigeon misreads address?
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High oil prices send Wal-Mart screeching back into the pit of economic hell from which it spawned, dragging the squealing souls of U.S. consumers with it. Repent, ye your cheap plastic Chinese-made kitchen gadgets, for the end is nigh!
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Citing slowing economy, Alan Greenspan cuts pimpin' rate by $25 per trick
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Griesedieck Beer once more being brewed. Use it to wash down some Nastysnatch Potato Chips
|
| (NBC4) |
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Unable to afford enough full-time teachers, Virginia county hires a substitute to sleep with students
|
| (KTRK) |
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Houston now known as "City of Syrup" after youths' rampant abuse of cough syrup. Town officials yearn for olden days, "City of Lard" reputation
|
| (Manchester (NH) Union-Leader) |
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Family hoping to get their 57 pets back from the SPCA just as soon as they clean up their excrement-filled, junk-laden hovel
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| |
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New from the "Things you never wanted to know" pressroom: Gary Coleman might still be a virgin
|
| |
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Dick "I'm Not Dead Yet" Clark to return to New Year's Rockin' Eve
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New mist lets you spray on your bacon
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| |
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American Muslim gets revenge on quarrelsome relatives by telling FBI they work for Bin Laden
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| |
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Jet crashes in Venezuela with 152 passengers on board
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| |
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Russians to feed confiscated pot to cows. In other news, sales of Oreos reach all time record
|
| (Some TFer) |
|
Theme: Rehabilitated horror-film slashers trying to make it in the regular world
|
| |
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Human-like skin gives robots sense of touch, ability to blend in while hunting Sarah Conner
|
| |
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China opens up world's first Internet-addict hospital. Fark wing currently under construction
|
| (News4Jax.com) |
|
Pet rabbit saves pregnant woman from coma
|
| (nbc5) |
|
Ugly-ass baby rhinoceros debuts at a German zoo (with pics)
|
| (Artist's site) |
|
Julian Beever, the coolest 3D sidewalk artist you didn't know about
|
| (NewsWatch50.com) |
|
Not done humiliating herself, Ashlee Simpson wants another shot at doing Saturday Night Live
|
| (The Lakeland Ledger) |
|
Financially troubled county agency foots $4,000 bill to send low-income seniors to Disney's House of Blues for a concert
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Newspapers stop reporting on drug lords after drug lords start killing reporters
|
| (wdsu dot com) |
|
Lt. governor of the most impoverished state in the Union spends $1 million in public funds to renovate office and apartment
|
| (Some McLaren) |
|
You wake up one morning with unlimited money and resources. You have an empty ten-car garage. Go
|
| |
|
Hershey's aquires specialty chocolatier Joseph Schmidt; plans to build dark chocolate Death Star soon to be fulfilled
|
| (Newark Advocate) |
|
Where did junior learn that word? Schools take the damn blame
|
| |
|
Major study of chimp population finds most of them prefer to fling feces with their left hands
|
| |
|
People can be as addicted to getting a suntan as others are to alcohol or cigarettes, say researchers. George Hamilton unavailable for comment
|
| |
|
Apple may have to pay Microsoft $10 for every iPod it sells
|
| (tri-cityherald.com) |
|
Woman steals 1997 mathematics dissertation from a library that she could have just checked out
|
| (World Tribune) |
|
OPEC sees threat from "alternative fuels," Mr. Fusion
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Tip line and $8500 reward created for capture of man who killed 10 ducks in Campbell, California
|
| Mon August 15, 2005 |
| (Some Guy) |
|
Theme: Cheech and Chong adventures for the new century
|
| |
|
Magnitude 7.2 quake rocks Japan
|
| |
|
Crooks bust into warehouse and make off with cases of Viagra. Cops hoping leads will pop up soon
|
| (Some American Guy) |
|
Our greatest president: Links to 42 speeches by FDR, most in mp3 format
|
| |
|
Navy plans new class of destroyers, the "More Powerful Than Superman, Batman, Spider-Man and The Incredible Hulk Put Together" class
|
| |
|
Harvard research team to receive $1 million a year to ponder the old "what came first, the chicken or the egg" problem. Still no cure for cancer
|
| |
|
Authors auction off character names in upcoming books to support First Amendment. In other news, John Grisham's newest novel features a savvy lawyer named Ben Dover who uncovers a deadly secret at the law firm of Dewey Cheatham and Howe
|
| |
|
Six-hundred people cram into a 400-square-foot sauna in attempt to break world record
|
| |
|
Man shot by police twice in same shoulder in two separate incidents. Police chief quoted as saying, "My officers pride themselves in being good shots"
|
| |
|
SF Giants outfielder Randy Winn hits for cycle in first four at-bats
|
| (KOI KOI KOI) |
|
Farker is going for a tattoo, show yours. (Link goes to fish)
|
| (LGN) |
|
Farktography discussion thread: Questions, answers, suggestions, rants or whatever
|
| (MSN Monies) |
|
The price of gas has skyrocketed in the past three weeks. Here comes the money-grubbing, highway-robbing science
|
| (KWQC) |
|
Use of apes in ads worries scientists, who say Subway should concentrate on the quality and freshness of its sandwiches instead
|
| |
|
Dumbass who mooned the jury at his first trial is found guilty of all charges at his retrial
|
| (insidebayarea.com) |
|
Artist building 35-foot wooden clock perpetuated by weights and pendulums; discusses nature of time for Burning Man festival
|
| (stupid baby haters) |
|
Babies are showing up on TSA "no fly" lists. Confused by turban being wrapped around other end
|
| |
|
Wiccan high priestess says city owes her $65,000 in public prayer case
|
| (Some Kitty) |
|
Kitty condos
|
| |
|
Father and son best at squealin' like a pig. Ned Beatty going nowhere near "Pig Country"
|
| (Radar Online) |
|
Luxury toilet paper is the next big thing
|
| |
|
Two arrested for trying to ship pot in teddy bear. Teddy Ruxpin wants some more Doritos, please
|
| (Physorg.com) |
|
Urine-powered battery developed
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
AudioEdit the bubbling of a bong into important historical moments
|
| |
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UK police on the lookout for man who wanders around in a diaper asking women directions to the baby-changing station
| | |
