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| Sun August 07, 2005 |
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Further proof there's no accounting for taste: Skyrocketing sales of video game soundtracks
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Drew will be on CNN at around 6:25 a.m. EST
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| (Eagle Gazette) |
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Timbers of 170-year-old barn to be used to make a couple's dream home. Your barn wants air conditioning.
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Two straight men to marry for tax benefits. Upsets gay community, because its for all the wrong reasons
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Town taxes church
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| (NZCity) |
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Decision due today on whether NZ billboard labeling President Bush an "evil bastard" is inappropriate
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Straight women getting dirty with each other on the dance floor. Late-night pillowfights hopefully to ensue
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New research suggests people who think they have a "computer curse" could be sending out bad vibes that adversely effect electronics. Here comes the science
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Florida's biggest electric utilities mistakenly sent a shipment of nuclear waste to a farm pasture. Well, that would explain the glowing cows
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| (Stars & Stripes) |
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Hooters, known for itheir mouth-watering, um, chicken wings, to open first resturant in Germany
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| (Belleville News) |
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Bar asks for second chance after police shut down two women wrestling in spaghetti
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Avian flu vaccine to be grown in chicken eggs. It's like rain on your wedding day
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you have run out of ideas to be on the city council, bring on the strippers
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this pic of Giants RB Tiki Barber working out
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| (ABC 12) |
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Angry girlfriend beats man with his own prosthetic leg. "Probably because I won't commit... I'm not sure."
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| (World Net Daily) |
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In ongoing local battle over large-breasted sculpture, artist calls in an engineer to determine if the sculpture is correct, or even "underboobed"
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| (NY Daily News) |
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Young woman feels slightly awkward around co-workers after having to fake an orgasm her first day on the job
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| (Some Fat Guy) |
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Want to make a nutritionist's head spin? Eat one of the top 10 best (worst) foods.
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Chicago builds new hotel... exclusively for fish. Abe Vigoda unavailable for comment.
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| (DM Register) |
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A guide to the food available at the Iowa State Fair. Don't miss the Steer 'N Stein's Deep Fried Hot Dogs, which may represent the new Iowa, unafraid of change or your grandmother naked
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| (Some Guy) |
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The coolest set of pictures you'll see today
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Liberals abandon Democratic party, put millions into left-leaning think-tanks instead. Al Franken unavailable for comment
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Men can't hear women as well as they can hear other men. Here's the science.
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Ultimate pissing contest. Helicopters are so 90s. New yachts feature submarines, golf course, and torpedoes. Missile launchers next
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Chemist trying to determine how world will produce enough energy to supply 9 billion people by mid-century
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Clever nerds, exotic dancers, and quirky scientists hope to dazzle at annual Scrabble championships. This headline was worth 426 points
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| (Some Drunk TFer) |
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The question for the ages: When you open a new loaf of bread, do you use the heel first, or avoid it to get to the "real" pieces of bread? Do you ever eat the heels, or do you just throw them out?
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Paparazzi shot at Britney's pad, saving us from the scourge of Cletus pictures
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| (Some Guy) |
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Rule the cubes. Make a crossbow from office supplies
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Vegas now taking bets on the rise and fall of gasoline prices
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| (The Carolina Channel) |
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City Counsel considering banning recliners on front porches. College students, country music writers surrender (with comfy pic goodness)
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| (addictinggames.com) |
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Battle for Gondor: can ANYONE get to level three?
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London, Los Angeles universities 'Read Thoughts' via brain scans. Bust out your 1984 novels. Here comes some sort of science
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop instances of movie characters spoiling the ending for other movies
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12-year-old goes on drunken rampage thumping people with a metal pipe (not safe for work ads)
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| (Some Girl) |
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Cutie in a cowboy hat (not safe for work)
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Austrailian scientists will try to breed test tube sharks
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A double dose of Daisy Duke (may not be safe for work)
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| ((Some) |
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Georgia passes "disturbing new law" requiring people to identify themselves before voting. If this outrage is allowed to stand what's next? Requiring ID to drive? The horror.
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| (Some Nimitz) |
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The Final Countdown in 1:350 scale
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Colorado to teen drivers: STFU and drive
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Mohamad Abdul Hamid boasts his ability to do three chicks every two minutes
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| (Daily Mail) |
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Extremist Muslim cleric in London who has been living at taxpayer expense for 20 years is upset he may be deported for supporting suicide bombers
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| (Some Redneck) |
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Cable access auction show host robbed during live broadcast. Going once.. going twice.. Sold... to the meth freak with the gun pointed at my head
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Six-year, $286.4-billion highway bill has $100-million for projects to entice commuters to give up cars, a whopping 0.03% total
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Team of cheerleaders did what came naturally after witnessing crash
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News agencies say a Russian mini-sub that was trapped in the Pacific Ocean since Thursday has surfaced
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Russians solve mystery of crop circles by putting cereal and a glass of water in a microwave. Now looking for a cure for cancer in the back of their fridge
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| (Some TFer) |
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Theme: Olympic games between Heaven and Hell
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War on Drugs or War on Pot?. Between 1990 and 2002, Marijuana arrests have increased 113%, other drugs by 10%
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| Fri August 05, 2005 |
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Seal watchers and diners at a restaurant overlooking San Francisco Bay surprised by naked man who likes to swim by
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Defying physics, attention whores Tara Reid and Paris Hilton "bump" into each other in Greece. Theorized Black Hole of Suckage fails to appear
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NCAA bans Indian mascots during postseason tournaments. Stupid orange balls of dancing goo still okay
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| (Some Guy) |
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With all other problems solved, Nashville council turns its attention to the question of where all the free food went
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Europe offers Iran incentives not to develop atomic weapons. Hopes to sign agreement in Munich, declare "peace in our time"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this clown
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Sir Dumbassalot picks fight with cops and loses to ye olde taser gun
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Opportunity to conduct symphony orchestra for sale on Ebay. In other news, Guardian still manages to find way to throw phrase "used penis enlarger" into article
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Worried about the rise of Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, another leading Republican disagrees with the president
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| (KSDK) |
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In a blow to local NASCAR fans, Illinois town bans couches and refrigerators from outdoor use
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| (WBOC) |
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Night at a hotel: $70. Brand new car: $20,000 plus. Parking your car away to avoid scratches, just to have a semi run turn it to an inferno: Priceless
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Bush rejects pulling out of Iraq early. Undersecretary of Innuendo Glenn Quagmire heard to comment, "Heh heh allll riiiiiiight"
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| (MetroWest Daily News) |
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Man stacks appliances on front lawn to defend house from terrorists. By "terrorists" he means "people who want to buy his house"
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| (WFMY News) |
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Couple name their baby Parker Duncan Ginobili after three San Antonio Spurs players, although an alternative name considered was Duke S. Ucks
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| (Free Talk Live) |
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Drew dispensing free drunken advice tonight on Free Talk Live. Send questions to askdrew@freetalklive.com
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| (dailybreeze) |
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For some reason, manager at Carl's Jr. upset over large billboard next door reading "Vaginas R' Us"
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Businessman discovers that his hobby of collecting DNA from sleeping women is illegal in Massachusetts
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Wikipedia to tighten its content-editing rules, putting an end to the days when the pope's picture was replaced with Palpatine's
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Serpent hunter again claims to have found Selma, Norway's version of the Loch Ness monster
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Here's an article about mainstream media ignoring a scandal involving Air America stealing money from Boys & Girls Club to pay Al Franken's salary
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Workplace study finds that sluts come cheap. Chicks who hold it back get more dough
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| (kentucky.com) |
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Cincinnati Reds players rally around kid while his grandfather is helped by paramedics. Anaheim rally monkey pouts
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Ripped from the front page of the Bangor Daily News: Man finds contentment in mowing
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| (Media Matters) |
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Video of Bob Novak using profanity and walking off CNN set
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Congressman trying to get main road in D.C. named after Ronald Reagan. Residents say forget about it
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If you're going to arrest the wrong man, taser him five times and have a police dog chew on his leg, don't invite the "Cops" TV crew along
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Quote of the week: "We do have some information that the aircraft did land long." Flaming wreckage 220 yards off the end of the runway apparently not conclusive enough
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| (WFMY) |
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Woman discovers her overgrown garden has been fined $35 per day for code violations... since 1999. Current total: $73,000
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Mother snaps photos of 18-month-old daughter taking massive bong hit; gets considerably more than 18 months' jailarity
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Iacocca and Snoop Dogg pitch Chryslers together, have contest to see who can wear their pants higher. Iacocca wins with a chest-high waistband. (With pics)
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Green sea turtle lays eggs in Virginia. Act described alternately as "big 'Wow'" and "mind blower"
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| (KTRK) |
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Woman in Montana receives multitude of angry calls after Missouri state officials mistakenly mail 300,000 letters about health care cuts with her number on it
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Air Supply fears grow for Russia mini-sub crew. REO Speedwagon and Chicago not a threat at this time
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Hard line previously erected against display of reproductive organs on Japanese celluloid no longer so firm
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| (Some Guy) |
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Theme: The future of sports
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Flip flops can cause traffic accidents, lower sperm counts, attack the liver and make you lose presidential elections
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Blair: Britain will deport hate advocates. Soccer fans and drunk Scots seen grumbling over new policy
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After discovering rats like to take baths, aquarium sets up mini shower stalls
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Teenage swimmers discover nineteenth-century ship uncovered by Hurricane Dennis
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Twelve-year-old girl sentenced to 10 years. Mom says she's gonna blow up the #@%$ courthouse
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| (D'Oh!) |
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Theme: It seemed like a good idea at the time
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| (Some Guy) |
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Do your worst or best attempt at covering Europe's "The Final Countdown"
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Taxachusetts airport bureaucrats try to pull the plug on Continental's free WiFi, saying it's a threat to security -- unlike the airport's own $7.95/day WiFi
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| (Journal Net) |
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Egg consumption increases every summer, but not because people are eating more of them. It's because bored kids on summer break need something to throw
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Campers roll videotape and take pics while bear chews on their counselor
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| (CJAD) |
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Eighty-year-old woman wants to reclaim world Qbert championship title
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Americans didn't flock to Canada after Bush win. In fact, the number of Americans actually applying to live permanently in Canada fell in the six months after the election
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When demonstrating your ability to flex in the buff, be sure you're not standing in front of a window
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Hugh Hefner's new reality show will give viewers insight into the man behind the bathrobe; will also feature trampolines, hula-hoops and a whole lot of cleavage
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Inmates sick of five straight turkey dinners go on hunger strike... for 30 minutes
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Astronauts see widespread environmental damage from shuttle, play "I'm squishin your head" with finger and thumb
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Naked man, wearing only ski mask, walks into sandwich shop. Police aren't sure if he intended to order meatball sub or rob store with his nightstick
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| (CBS2) |
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Fiesty cat stands-off with alligator while cat's owner runs inside to call for help
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| (Alamogordo Daily News) |
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New Mexico town under siege by water rustlers
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| Thu August 04, 2005 |
| (WFTV) |
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Study shows mother's kisses may spread cavities
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| (Some Ghost Rider) |
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Cool pics of new F/A-22 fighters arriving at Langley
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| (9news) |
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Chief Justice William Rehnquist hospitalized
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| (channelcincinnati.com) |
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Cincinnati takes another step to becoming more like "Vice City" as ice-cream trucks are used to distribute drugs
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Sports fan kills wife because she wanted to cuddle after sex. No telling what he'd do over the remote
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| (9News) |
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"Hi, welcome to Buckley Air Force Base, can I help you?" "I have a bomb in my van"
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| (Hurray!) |
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Theme: Timely interjections
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Internet users spend less time watching TV, possess more pornography
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| (UPN34) |
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Australia builds toilet facilities near top of tallest mountain, including one stall with wheelchair access -- just in case any wheelchair-bound people go mountain climbing, of course
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| (Biology News Net) |
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Seafood at ancient nuclear test site deemed safe, scientists say
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This weekend you can see that crap you threw out last year reappear along 450 miles of US-127
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Discovery crew honors, hopes not to meet, fallen astronauts
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| (Contact Music) |
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Tommy Lee is glad he chose alcohol over Pamela Anderson
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| (Some Guy) |
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Explanation of Flying Spaghetti Monster theory, which is fighting to be taught in Kansas schools along with evolution, intelligent design
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Today's sign of the Apocalypse: Dr Phil signed for five more years
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Mortuary under investigation after complaints someone is having sex with corpses. Again
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Novak asked about leak on "Inside Politics," curses, leaves set
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Yankees' next manager fired by the Orioles
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NASA will extend daylight by using giant orbital mirrors
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| (Jim) |
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You don't tug on Superman's cape. You don't spit into the wind. You don't pull the mask off the old Lone Ranger. Photoshop other things you just don't do
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Slow news month has media trotting out this old standby: Your desk has 400 times the disease-causing bacteria that your toilet has
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| (Badjocks) |
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Golfing deputy gets upset with slow play of foursome in front of him, thinks whipping out his gun and shouting "I will kill you!" will help move things along. Jailarity ensues
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| (Gainesville Sun) |
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Gator fan has a cock named Spurrier. Also plans to name his peacock Meyer. Seriously
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Drunken pigeons creating extra work for bird-rescue staff
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| (KDSK) |
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Doctors transplant salivary gland into girl's eye, who now drools when peeling onions
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| (NY Daily News) |
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Two Jackson jurors now say Michael was guilty after all; too late for the trial, but just in time for their book deals
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Now that the media has exhaused every possible positive angle on podcasting, here comes this article: Storm clouds gathering over sunny world of Podcasting
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Male nurse with incredibly thin skin files sexual-harassment suit after females nurses tell him that men are jerks and idiots
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| (National Geographic) |
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Telekinetic monkey at Duke University uses mind to move robotic arm 600 miles away in Cambridge, Massachusetts. Duke sucks
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| (Sciencedaily) |
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Researchers say chemical trigger that activates certain immune system cells makes the cells "007s" which have received "a license to kill." In other news, immunologists try very hard to make their work sound interesting
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British MP tells Syrian TV that U.S. allies are "raping your beautiful Arab daughters"
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| (NY Daily News) |
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If you're the guy calling New York media with news that Jason Giambi tested positive for steroids, the NYPD would like to talk with you
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Congress considering perjury charges against Palmeiro. Congressman says, "If we did nothing, I think we'd look like idiots," earning nomination for "set-up line of the year"
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| (CTV) |
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Last Canadian soldier to win Victoria Cross dies. Alva "Smoky" Smith was a soldier's soldier who killed Germans and liked "a big goddamn party"
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State and hospital workers under investigation for not reporting the case of a mother who gave her four-year-old rubbing alcohol to drink... and told the child it was green Kool-Aid
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Woman tries to open plane door in flight as passengers sit and watch (with pic). "Dumbass" tag for everyone involved
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Scary: Waking up to find police in your kitchen. Scarier: They're still in their police car
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Panic ensues when mysterious pink powder leaks from envelope in Parisian post office -- turns out it was only dessicated elephant poop
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| (The Des Moines Register) |
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Fearing boredom during retirement, man builds treehouse with electricity, water, cable TV, rooftop patio, built-in cabinets, a wet bar and a 65-foot-long drawbridge connecting it to his home
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European Union cracking down on barmaids who show too much boobie. Officials claim they run the risk of skin cancer when they go outside to collect used beer glasses
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Photoshop these bobbies
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Company develops glow-in-the-dark lamps. Even if it's shattered, the shards will still provide light
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Police officer decides to clear shotgun by aiming it at ground and firing. Partner is dismayed to discover that shotgun pellets bounce right back up off concrete
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| (Some Guy) |
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With world peace sure to follow, lemonade stand dispute ends with merger
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The seven best condoms. Still no category for the best one to leave in your wallet for three years
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| (Reno Gazette-Journal) |
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Eight-year-old becomes sheriff for a day. Plans to sample 58 different kinds of doughnuts, begin crackdown on local cootie population
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Canada gets hot new governor general. Suddenly a constitutional monarchy doesn't look so bad (with pic)
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| (Farktography) |
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 13: Textures. Link goes to next week's contest. Please read first post
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| (Some Guy) |
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Dove celebrates "real women's curves" by erecting billboards showing six plus-sized women in their underwear. With "click to enlarge" photos
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Martha Stewart violates probation, has house arrest extended, and that's not a good thing
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Photoshop these penguins
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| (Techworld) |
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Mozilla changes tax status to "For profit." Firefox militants feel a great disturbance in the Force
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Simulated sex with a plastic dog, topless jacuzzi diving, howling like an animal on all fours and loud fake orgasms: the new nymphomaniac on Big Brother 6. Naturally, the Sun is there (34FF pics not safe for work)
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| Wed August 03, 2005 |
| (giantmag.com) |
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The brothers behind Homestarrunner reveal all
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Londoners pissed after the release of an Internet game where the object is to blow up the tube and escape undetected
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| (SF Gate) |
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Congregation heard to shout "sweet Jesus" as McChurches super-size for their god
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"Chappelle's Show is done," says Chappelle's unpaid spokesman, Charlie Murphy
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Marshmallow gun pulled from state fair. Teen can't afford $5000 insurance to sell "guns"
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Engaged woman cancels her wedding... and makes new plans to marry her wedding planner
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| (Maine Today) |
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It's raining poop in Maine
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Geologists drilling a 2-mile borehole into the San Andreas Fault have hit a seismically active section of the fault for the first time. They'll cover the borehole with steel and concrete to keep the Earth from deflating
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| (The Kansas City Channel) |
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Man with "man breasts" roaming suburban subdivisions, flashing his bra and panties to unsuspecting women. Does this go under "Boobies" or "Weeners"?
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| (IRIN) |
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Twenty-year totalitarian regime overthrown in Mauritania. UN would have intervened had they known which continent to go to
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| (The Advertiser) |
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Research shows that people who average two alcoholic drinks a day are better thinkers
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NY woman pleads guilty to posing as Saudi princess, racking up $950,000 Amex bill. Claims credit company should have known she was mentally incompetent, also blames her predicament on sexual harassment, 9/11
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| (ksdk.com) |
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Homeowner catches burglar in act, chases him down street, stabs him. Good Samaritans witness stabbing, promptly beat homeowner silly with shovel. And then it gets strange...
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| (iafrica.com) |
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Car wash feels the heat after advert claims they "give the best handjob in town"
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| (Shreveport Times) |
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Assclown who discovered that beauty school had can of whoopass behind cans of hair spray gets preliminary hearing
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Military releases documents explaining why Jimi Hendrix was kicked out of the military, including being "apprehended masturbating" in the latrine, being suspected of "taking dope." The Smoking Gun, she is there
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| (Columbia Daily Tribune) |
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Federal judge throws out child sex charges against online peds because the cops posing as kids in chatrooms weren't really kids at all
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Police receive tip that there's a house in the neighborhood with possible drug activity, also warned of "maniacal monkeys in its backyard"
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| (mirror.co.uk) |
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If you think GTA: San Andreas caused a storm of controversy, just wait till you see what Rockstar is creating now (with media sensationalist goodness)
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| (nbc4.tv) |
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Medical center employees complain about Hooter's "degrading" billboard slogan: "Only a rooster gets a better piece of chicken"
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German man embezzles money out of his company by repeatedly calling partner's phone sex line from work and splitting profits with her. I hope he likes prison fantasies
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Adidas to buy Reebok for $3.8 billion, hopes to Fila gap, bring New Balance in market share with Nike
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| (Spokesman-Review) |
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Judge, who denied woman a divorce from abusive husband because she was pregnant, has his decision upheld by appeals court
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| (NY Daily News) |
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City council candidate accused of threatening to kill opponent's wife. What ever happened to politicans and good ol' fashioned sexual harrassment?
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Village Voice receives extraordinary response from readers disagreeing with columnist's article on man who objects to NYC's transit systems' random bag search policy. Not one letter came from a New Yorker. (Second down)
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| (wnbc.com) |
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New Jersey town declares war on outdoor beer pong
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Female rock star rushes to aid of man who collapsed, figures he's alright when he starts groping her ass
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RIP Susan Torres. Life support was removed today
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Judge sticks Sony Pix for fixing pix pitches
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Now why would Debbie Rowe changed her story during the Michael Jackson trial... hmm...
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"Picture Rosie O'Donnell in bed with Harvey Fierstein"
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Forty-one percent of people studied will believe strawberry ice cream makes them sick just because a computer tells them so. Researchers believe people were actually thinking of vanilla
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this osprey building its nest
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Cherokee Nation debating over gay marriage. Tonto, Lone Ranger watching with great interest
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Target resurrects "Baby Got Back" to sell backpacks
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Take the clocks out of the BMV to fix the feeling of long delays. Government logic at its best
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Giant blue "Sesame Street" Big Bird statue perched on house angers neighborhood (with pic goodness)
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From the "Who Gives a Crap?" file: Daryl Hall recovers enough from lyme disease to return to touring
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Wacko religionists are suing to get Moses' seven remaining commandments added to a park sculpture that only contain 10
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Man decides that flame is the best way to scare the bees out of his attic, discovers that previously-released insecticide is flammable. Hilarity ensues
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Crazy passenger exits burning Air France Airbus, stops to take pictures of the carnage
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| (WFMY) |
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Not only is Hollywood out of ideas, but they're getting into lawsuits over rights to produce recycled crap
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Generally, you don't expect to find a python under your dishwasher... in Missouri
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Martha Reeves runs for Detriot city council. If she wins there'll be dancing in the street, and her opposition will have nowhere to run
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Koreans clone dog. In other news, genetically modified food protesters up in arms
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| (Rochester D&C) |
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Security guard tells NFL offensive line coach that someday he'll be playing for him. Two years later, he's actually trying to land spot with Buffalo Bills... with that same coach
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| (Bath Chronicle) |
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Teenagers overtake and give driver the finger, find out driver is a cop
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| (CBS 2) |
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Daughter caught trying to make meth to raise money for bail of her mother, a former police officer charged with having pot
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D.A. issues injunction against street gang because, if there is one thing gangs fear, it's litigation
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Girl, 19, sells "sexual favors" to seniors. No pic, but considering she was charging $6.00 and under, that might be a good thing
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| (Some Guy) |
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Aussie Jewel showing off her assets (not safe for work)
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Man receives bank debit card bearing name "Dick Head." "The name is Dumas"
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Sandra Bullock gets baked and shows off her muffin. With SFW picture
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| (Lincolnshire Echo) |
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Ron Howard can't find enough 40+ male extras to act with Tom Hanks on "Da Vinci Code"
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| (Some Putz) |
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August is "National Golf Month." Photoshop some ways to make golf more exciting
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Residents of Indiana can't tell what time it is. Will work on it after first learning to tie shoes
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| (Some Astronomer) |
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The coolest pic you'll see today (and your new desktop wallpaper): The Lagoon Nebula
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"I'm 50," Munn said. "It will be another 50 years before another bear attacks me"
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The science of kung fu
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Steroid that Palmeiro tested positive for is not found in dietary supplements
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New heist of Munch masterpieces -- this time, thieves steal worthless copies
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| (9News) |
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Fourteen-year-old dons Batman costume, invades home to fight drugs, finds teenage girls. "It's the first thrust of manhood, Robin"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Twenty-year-old Iraq War veteran remembers to bring his assault rifle on a 1:00 a.m. beer run to 7/11. Wins firefight with mugger
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Kelly Clarkson says she found out about deoderant after her friends called her "Smelly Kelly"
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Things you thought you'd never hear in your lifetime, No. 81: Million-dollar mobile homes
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New TV series, "Starved," uses actors with actual eating disorders to find humor in the plight of four characters plagued by self-starvation, obesity and bulimia
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| (Seacoast Online) |
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Second sighting confirms UFO spotted over Exeter. Aliens reportedly asking directions to Canada
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Astronaut to use shiv made from velcro, twist ties and duct tape for spacewalk repair. MacGyver is proud
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| (Some Guy) |
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Brits marketing hydrogen-powered motorcycle
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| (The Times) |
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Photoshop this ducking batsman
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Man riding his bicycle on sidewalk gets hit by truck, charged a large hospital bill, ticketed by police
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| Tue August 02, 2005 |
| (webindia123.com) |
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Scottish towns battle to claim birthplace of fictional Star Trek character
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| (WHAM) |
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Rochester-to-Toronto ferry across Lake Ontario costs taxpayers an extra $1,000 per trip because the ship is registered to the Bahamas
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| (tsn.ca) |
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Shaq signs new five-year deal. Average salary is more than half of new NHL team cap
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| (Some Guy) |
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Naked man who chased his neighbours with a two-foot sword pleads guilty. There can be only one sentence
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These aren't your dad's Oakleys. New sunglasses let you listen to music or use your cell phone remotely. Hoping next model dispenses beer
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Man arrested after lying about killing hitchhiker in hopes that it would end his marriage
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The North Korean propaganda machine at work: Kim Jong-Il scored 11 holes-in-one in the first round of golf he ever played
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Homeland Security arrests over 580 gang members from MS-13, the Latin Kings and the Mexican Mafia. 8th Street Latinas unavailable for comments
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Estranged wife of Dodger pitcher Derek Lowe goes on LA radio to blame female TV anchor for marriage breakup
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| (AD Week) |
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Hearse-wrapped buses rejected by L.A. and San Francisco. Chicago and New York welcome the grim reaper's money
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Santana performs for sold-out crowd in Hiroshima. One concert-goer said it was the bomb
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| (Celebrinews) |
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Jessica Simpson mistook guy for stuntman, smashed him over the head with pool cue
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| (Hindustan Times) |
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If you don't have a toilet in your house, you can't run for office in India. Arkansas politicians hoping this doesn't catch on
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| (Washington Times) |
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Judge pissed off that man pays $120 traffic ticket in pennies, makes him stay until all the pennies are counted
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| (WPVI) |
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Man bought Saddam's Mercedes for $5000 -- it came complete with side-mounted flame throwers for crowd control
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Jason Crapo builds a "sculpture" of yellow Maytag dryers that is true to the artist's name, is promptly told to tear his "art" down. Includes pic
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| (Seattle PI) |
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Don't know what causes ice ages? Its okay, scientist apparently have no clue either as they now believe it might be the stars
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Braindead woman, sister of Farker Hammy, gives birth. Welcome to the world, Susan
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Long-time veteran Clay Thompson announced his retirement from daughter-moving on Monday
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Pretty boys prefer SUVs and war
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| (Buffalo News) |
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John Daly to attempt to drive golf ball over Niagara Falls
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Almost 250 years later, someone still remembers British army honor
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| (Some Pally) |
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"My guild raided Orgrimmar and all I got was this lousy hauberk." Photoshop a World of Warcraft or other MMORPG tourist souvenir
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Despite a lack of tentacles, British sex manual too strong for Japanese police
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| (Some Guy) |
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Airbus A340 in flames after skidding off runway at Toronto airport
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| (Chico ER) |
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Local police make the case that a "naked suspect" is rarely a "docile suspect"
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Police discover vice officer using salary and position to party with prostitutes and ignore work. Was known on the street as "Captain Save-A-Ho"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Tractor trailer filled with Gatorade overturns on highway ramp. Truckloads of basketball players immediately dispatched to scene
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| (WFMY) |
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Michael Jackson may go into exile. And there will be much rejoicing
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Regardless of how upset you are with the tax assessors, threatening them with anthrax is unlikely to reduce your bill
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| (Sciencedaily) |
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Five-thousand-year-old Sumerian lyre, destroyed in the Iraqi invasion, is reconstructed by British engineers. Unfortunately, it is about as musical as a herd of camels being attacked by a leafblower
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| (WFMY') |
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Taking one-stop shopping concept to new level, man gets married in same courtroom where he was sentenced to life for murder minutes before
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| (Some Crazy Chick) |
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Woman pursues Ph.D. in air guitar. For those of you keeping score at home, that's one seal broken and only six more to go. The horsemen are mounting up
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London's smallest hotel rooms now available, at 49 square feet, courtesy of that EasyJet guy: Stelios Haji-Ioannou
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Woman sues aquarium after tank bursts, showering her in glass and sharks
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| (The Town Talk) |
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Caught shoplifting? No problem, just announce that you have AIDS and then start biting
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| (Some Guy) |
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Senator to UN: Leave that Internet thingy alone
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| (WILX) |
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Cameraman caught in tornado; needs new pants
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Russians love their kangaroo, particularly in sausages
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Bat flies into car, bites woman. Waiting to see if she turns into superhero or vampire
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Bush endorses teaching of competing theories of evolution, creation
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| (nola.com) |
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Gulf of Mexico dead zone is at 4,564 square miles. Johnny Smith unavailable for comment
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| (McCall) |
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Unable to handle the competition, two girls call the cops when man opens up his own lemonade stand across the street from theirs
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| (Republican) |
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If a vampire was president of the United States... (Link goes to legendary past vampire presidents)
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Extreme sport of "tombstoning" very nearly lives up to its name
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| (KTRK) |
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Houston Farkers, there's free Heineken on the Northwest Freeway. Bring your own glass and a sponge
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| (Some Guy) |
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From the Hell Freezing Over Department: A two-button mouse from Apple
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| (wwmt.com) |
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If you're a shooting suspect and you're running from police, DO NOT try to hide in a house that belongs to a former U.S. marshal
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If you're going to FedEx a brush trimmer from South Carolina to Vermont, check the box for kittens before sealing it
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| (Some zealous Judge) |
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Coke/Pepsi to come with surgeon general's warning
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How to train your squirrel
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Drew to appear on L.A.'s KROQ (106.7) this morning at around 8:00 a.m. PT -- links to pic of Drew last night (with special friends)
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| (Some Ice Cream Guy) |
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A happy day for fans of 80s treats: Pudding Pops have returned
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NASA orders emergency spacewalk to remove orbiter's dangling belly-lint
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Bad news for teens: If the expense, bad smell and cough weren't enough, then get ready for the "tobacco gut"
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Army specialist posts classified information on his blog. Current mood: Demoted
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| (Lexington Dispatch) |
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County commission gets letter criticizing spending. Do they A) watch spending, or B) pay investigators $23K+ over five years to find who sent the letters
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Ecstacy may hold the key to reversing Parkinson's Disease. In other news, Muhammed Ali and Michael J. Fox sponsoring massive rave at Staples Center this fall
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Newspaper misprints address for unclaimed items after apartment dweller dies. Hilarity ensues
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| (Some Guy) |
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British law enforcement, not having to contend with pesky groups like the ACLU, blatantly admits to "targeted searches at specific ethnic groups" and "not wasting time searching old white ladies"
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Newspaper identifies latest scourge of mankind: drunk dialing
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| (news-press) |
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Florida considers raising speed limit to 75 mph. Farmer's markets quiver with fear
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| (Some Guy) |
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Town in turmoil after cheerleading squad practices routine set to a song that references the booty call. Won't somebody please think of the children?
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| (Some Birdie) |
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Theme: Inappropriate moments to flip the bird
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When the flight attendant starts praying during turbulence, it's okay to panic
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Family surrenders 100 horny guinea pigs to SPCA. Mulitplication to ensue
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Lauren Bacall on Tom Cruise: "When you talk about a great actor, you're not talking about Tom Cruise." A nation of ass-kissing talk-show hosts gasp simultaneously
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| (bizjournals) |
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Man invents remote-controlled robot to imprint advertising logos onto baseball fields, find Sarah Connor before game time
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Sales of thongs remain firm among women aged 25 and under; demand from older women has started to sag
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All of Earth's electricity mustered to destroy aluminum can
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| (informationweek.com) |
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Hackers at this year's Defcon steal attendees' passwords, post them on a scrolling display called "The Wall of Sheep"
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Australian terrorists leave whoopee cushion on bus; series of small explosions follow
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| (Some Poor Shredded Birdie) |
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Onboard camera captures bird being sucked into jet engine, apparent safe ejection of pilot, apparent total demolition of fighter jet
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| (WJLA) |
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Teen boogie-boarder claims attack by seal -- and not just any seal judging from the accompanying picture: Seal the singer
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| Mon August 01, 2005 |
| (WCVB) |
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Neighbors annoyed with man's collection of road signs, traffic signals and a fully operational railroad crossing in his yard (with pic)
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U.S. champion throws it out there that he hopes the boomerang championship returns to him like... like... something you throw and it returns to you
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| (wtop) |
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Baby Panda at National Zoo breaks his previous "grunt record" hitting 278 in one day, now tied on the all-time list with Maria Sharapova
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| (planet jackson hole) |
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Crowd outraged when naked "true American" gets tasered by cops at Demolition Derby. With pics
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"It's a lawn ornament I never thought I'd have" says homeowner after plane crashes in yard
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| (No Worky Farky) |
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Oficialna slovenska stranka hviezdy svetoveho nude modelingu Kyla Cole. Hu hu grrrr stampa stampa (not safe for work)
|
| (Fairbanks Daily News-Miner) |
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Alaskan bird emits natural bug repellant. Exception to ban on human chimeras to be made
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Florida girl's "Sweet 15" party includes the usual fun stuff: Music, dancing, cake, batons, pepper spray, tasers
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| (WashingtonTimes) |
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Organized Mexican militia offering $50,000 to kill U.S. police officers
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| (City that Care Forgot) |
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New Orleans police officer, convicted of murder-for-hire, testifies that he was only trying to frame victim, not order a hit on her
|
| (Some Guy) |
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New endings for old fairy tales
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Japan imposes sanctions on U.S.; will soon implement No-Fly zones and invade under false pretenses
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| (Some Guy) |
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AudioEdit annoying things cell phones do
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| (Some Trekkie) |
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Two people debate actual destructive effect of Death Star's laser. Coming soon: Debate over actual destructive effect of Hayden Christensen's acting
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| (The Disneyland Report) |
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Disneyland (a place) gets a Hollywood Walk of Fame star
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Man finds his old dentures in his throat after taking a spill and losing them three years ago
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| (Albany Times Union) |
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Female teacher arrested, fired after being caught getting it on in a car with a teenage student
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Eighteenth-century Russian Kamasutra found in village; describes all possible types of sex and sexual relations, some "unimaginable"
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Best sports headline of the year
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| (Hindu Business Line) |
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In an effort to become the smartest person on Earth, man reads the Encyclopedia Britannica. Not some of it, but all 33,000 pages of it
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| (Courier Journal) |
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Almost half of West Virginians have lost six or more teeth to decay or gum disease, as has 38 percent of peeps in Kentucky
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Iran to resume "some" nuclear activities. What could possibly go wrong?
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A look at a shop with some hot sauces so extreme that you actually have to sign a waiver just to purchase a bottle
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Fat-fingered weather forecaster accidentally sends out nuclear war alert to Florida
|
| (Some Grumpy Guy) |
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Cancer patient returns home from hospital to find dwarves stolen. Asshat police chief quips, "Snow White is the chief suspect"
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Portuguese soccer team puts five players up as collateral for debt
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| (Some Guy) |
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Detailed sex map of 300 teenagers reveal suprising results
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Charlize Theron says costume for her upcoming Aeon Flux movie is too skimpy, wants to cover up. Kittens everywhere rejoice (fourth story down)
|
| (NY Daily News) |
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What? You've never seen somebody walking their pet tortoise around the East Village before?
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| (Boston Herald) |
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Woman who changed her name to "Anakin" hopes people will forget about Star Wars so her name can be unique again
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| (Nottingham Evening Post) |
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Vandals lock vicar in his own home... nine times
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| (Some Guy) |
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Having solved all other problems, county looks to ban "bandit benches." With pic of one offender
|
| (WFMY News) |
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New study indicates that men still hog the remote control. In other news, cancer research funds will be used to study whether women spend lots of time deciding what to wear
|
| (WIXT) |
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Ugly-ass baby elephant born in Syracuse Zoo. With video goodness
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Horde of escaped lab monkeys threaten Puerto Rico
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| (580 CFRA) |
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UFO sightings in Canada suffer precipitous drop during NHL lockout, proving once again that aliens love hockey
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Being all she can be: Miss Everett Teen USA 2004 enlists in U.S. Army
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| (Never say never) |
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Connery to quit making movies because he is "fed up with the idiots" in Hollywood
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