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| Sun July 17, 2005 |
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Catching onto a trend that was busted 20 years ago, Swedes discover soccer riots. Careful with that paver, Sven, you're going to scratch the Volvo
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The silliest picture you'll see today: A horseback-riding labrador pup (not safe for work ads)
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| (insidebayarea.com) |
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Retired construction worker averages 40 parades a year with his collection of 112 firetrucks, 2 Huey helicopters, and SE-5 British biplane
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1700 nude people cross the Tyne (with sfw video)
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| (Times Online) |
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Wheelchair-bound man arrested after getting 11-year-old nephew to push him around tavern so he could threaten bar patrons with a knife
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| (Benton County Daily Record) |
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Someone ruins Wal-Mart Swim Club's tournament by putting the "poo" in "pool". In other news, Wal-Mart has a swim club
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Drunken plane joyride not so joyful because of "fears of running out of fuel, being lost and the prospect of death"
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| (News Times Live) |
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Conneticut town thrilled over purchase of the Pothole Killer. "Three-hundred potholes a day is chicken feed"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Animals break into zoo...kill animals stuck inside
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| (Some Gal) |
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Buff cutie with a six-pack (not safe for work)
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Study reveals it takes more energy to create ethanol than it can produce. Back to the ol' drawing board
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| (strangeplaces.net) |
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Translations gone awry. ''Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis'
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| (Irritated admin) |
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Put your HA!HA! guy pictures in this thread and stop threadjacking the rest of them
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| (WWdN) |
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Calling all poker-playing TFers. Play with Wil in charity tourney this afternoon on PokerStars. DIT
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| (Some Dude) |
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Scientists Find 'Hangover Gene.' Gene swears if God takes the headache and nausea away, he'll never drink again
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this seal
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| (NY Daily News) |
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Old and busted: Grandma baking you cookies. New hotness: Grandma taking you on a crack run
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| (National Geographic) |
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Environmentalists are most interested in saving the cute, fuzzy, huggable animals, like tigers and bears
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Tiger Woods crushes the field at the British Open, winning his 10th major
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| (Some Guy) |
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First-ever visitor to Disneyland says it "really cemented my reputation as a weirdo"
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High school teams from Minnesota and Mississippi cruise to victory in a 1,600 mile solar car race throughout the southwest
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| (AngryAlien) |
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Pulp Fiction in 30 seconds (and re-enacted by bunnies) [not safe for work language]
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| (aaaaaaaaaaah) |
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Giant spider attacks Niagara Falls
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| (salisburypost.com) |
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Man sentenced to 12 to 18 months for stealing newpaper boxes and cutting them open for change. A real job would probably have paid more and required less effort
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| (Some Guy) |
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Iceland residents link planning decisions, bulldozer malfunctions, to elves
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Japan rules skipping TV commercials is illegal. Bathroom breaks postponed indefinitely due to fear of arrest
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| (New Orleans Channel) |
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Woman gets booted from Starbucks for adding some milk to her baby's coffee
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'Axl Rose is a silly old man'
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| (World Net Daily) |
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CBS/Infinity Radio blacks out anti-terrorism conference - Claims "Too many people might be emotionally affected by the subject matter"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Theme: If life was like a 1950s sitcom...
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| (Some Guy) |
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Today's Iron Photoshop Ingredient: Candy
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Jury consults Bible during deliberations, hilarity ensues
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| (Sunday Herald) |
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Cadbury workers actually sing the Oompa Loompa song while they work
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| (Bergen.com) |
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County freeholders under fire for $9000 doughnut budget
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Couple is having two sets of identical twins, a statistical longshot with odds that rival winning the lottery
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| (Market Watch) |
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Jobless numbers sinking, economy rebounding, liberals surren... uh... no, wait... economy is still in the crapper
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| (Portsmouth Herald) |
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City says water safe to drink despite pollutants; just don't drink a lot of it
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| Sat July 16, 2005 |
| (Bergen.com) |
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Man charged with with disturbing the peace for plastering city with prank "Missing: Pet Cobra" signs
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| (PCWorld) |
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20 things you didn't know your PC could do... including ripping an LP with your scanner
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Stuffing four quarters in a stripper's garter belt is a major insult. This and 9 more strip joint etiquette tips that you should know. (SFW)
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Being moved with an animal instinct of reproduction, a man is physically unable to repulse a woman
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| (LA Times) |
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Prayer does not help in surviving surgery. Here comes the science
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| (damnfunnypictures) |
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Giant Crystal cave discovered in Spain. Pictures available
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Kentucky's 'Mr. Smiley' license plates going the way of the dodo
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| (EuroSport) |
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"It takes a lot of practice to pee at 70kph"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Nine garden gnomes plucked from sea, "lucky to be alive" (with pic)
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Dodgy rugby call snaps boy from coma
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Australian wookie wins poker crown. Celebrates by ripping the arms off a gundark
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Americans pay more than double per capita for health care than most industrialized nations. Republicans point to data as proof system works
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Theme: If other animals were as prolific as ants...
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| (Science Daily) |
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Vatican announces that order of nuns will be leaving ancient French monastery due to financial reasons. New expansion sect will move into monastery, get three first-round draft picks
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Aussie Davis Cup fans turn nasty, have t-shirts made
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| (The Sunday Mail) |
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Australia's largest dog is an ugly-ass 300-pound English mastiff named Diesel. Your dog wants a porterhouse, two baked potatoes, a slice of bread and a big ol' piece of cheesecake for dessert
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Chef plans to make ten-ton curried chicken dish. Experts predict it'll be enough to give 300 people intestinal distress for 26 straight days
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From the state that brought you Robert Blake and OJ Simpson, 11 year old charged with felony assault for throwing a rock at a boy, gets 5 days in juvenile hall, 30 days of house arrest, and must wear a GPS monitoring bracelet
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| (LA Daily News) |
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Dog fights off 700-pound alligator
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City council in denial of redneck heritage, wishes to ban indoor furniture from front porches
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Christian adoption agency rejects Catholic parents, apparently still holds a grudge over that whole Inquisition thing
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| (Some Guy) |
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Lauryn Hill pulls an Axl Rose, postpones concert for nearly three hours deciding what to wear
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| (Some Guy) |
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Shore a snore in 'Store.' Pop goes the Weasel
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Marine had cousin shoot him in the leg so he can avoid going back to Iraq. It worked better then expected as jailarity for both Marine and cousin ensued
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Bush trying to drum up support for CAFTA in states where NAFTA was a kick in the nuts
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| (Female First) |
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Fat thief gets stuck in window after eating too many pies. That's a point for cake
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| (myTelus) |
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Fraudulent meat sale leads to criminal charges, stuffing a sock in your jock still allowed
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| (CBR Online) |
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It's not easy to beat ninjas in a fair fight, but it's possible to level the field by suing the shuriken right off them
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Concerned that there might be some democracy left in the state, Massachusetts legislature seek to put end to ballot questions
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The weather report from Japan: "We're totally hosed"
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| (News-Miner) |
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Man dismayed to discover that "cruise control" does not include "steering control" when he takes a nap while driving
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| (Trinidad Tobago Express) |
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Mrs. de Gaulle, what are you looking forward to in retirement? "A penis...Everything can be endured as long as we have a penis"
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| (WBAL-TV) |
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EPA closes farm with special fertilizer -- military ordnance. Military ordure thankfully not available for comment
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Despondent over pothole-ridden streets, two Boston transit buses attempt suicide
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| (Utica O-D) |
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Men don cat and mouse masks and chase each other through a mall. Naked. Hamilton College Streaking Team not impressed
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| (NASA) |
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Photoshop these NASA engineers
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FDA approves implant that provides tiny shocks to the brain for treatment of severe depression. McMurphy surrenders
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| (The Mirror, UK) |
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DVLA girl living in tent after distributing video of herself performing oral sex. DVDA girl still in porn directors' high demand
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Big-ass, 14-pound, 3-ounce girl born in Kentucky, breaking last month's big-ass birth by more than a pound
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| (Southern Illinoisan) |
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Police believe that the man they just arrested in a bizarre high-speed chase might be wanted for abandoning his family at a gas station earlier, driving off with the hose still attached to his car
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| (Channel 3000) |
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Bad: crashing into another car. Worse: the other car was parked. Ridiculous: the parked car was actually a dishwasher
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Thigh-high boots and a bullwhip? A shopping trip at Home Depot for rope and nipple clamps? Just another day in the office for Mistress Kitten. "I like being in control, tying people up and doing nasty things to them"
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| (Contact Music) |
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Rob Zombie says childhood encounter with Ronald McDonald scared him off clowns forever
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| (McLeans) |
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As the right predicted, Spain proves that if you legalize gay marriage, things suddenly get 'infinitely gay'
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The History of the Laugh Track
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98 percent of respondents do not believe elected officials in Washington are truly working in the national interest. Democracy surrenders
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Policeman from The Village People arrested
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| (Some Guy) |
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Pixies set to release a new album. Rock me, Joe
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop rejected tombstones (link goes to GIS)
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| (Stoney Creek News) |
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Man with sword confronts police. There Can Be Only One...eventual outcome (2nd story)
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Bin Laden's approval rating down to 35%
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| (Science News) |
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Here comes the science: Icing the kicker works 10% of the time
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Red Sox remind Yankees how they did it last year
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| Fri July 15, 2005 |
| (KOTV) |
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Bad: Being bitten in the hand and foot by a pygmy rattlesnake. Worse: Falling over backward over a barrel from the pain, landing on a copperhead snake and getting bit in the foot and groin
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| (Some Guy) |
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Orgasm Ringtones. Your cell phone wants a cigarette
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| (MDI) |
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Compressed air car for sale in Europe. Costs about $10,000 and goes about 62 miles per $1.00 if charging tank using electricity. 124 mile range, top speed is 68mph, runs 8 hours on a tank-full of air. British lawmakers ponder new air tax
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| (Some Guy) |
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The deficit is shrinking, thanks to the Bush tax cuts
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German TV channel tests all toilets and other areas of European Parliament for cocaine, is surprised when nearly all tests came back positive
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Man tries to score with women by impersonating Steeler's quarterbacks, instead receives 15-yard penalty, loss of first down
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| (Brainshrub) |
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Montgomery County PA district attorney auctions off guitars siezed from meth dealers on eBay. They fought the law and the law won
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| (Some Radio Station) |
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Photoshop these radio DJs with their fancy equipment
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| (Some Guy) |
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Lip balm use can lead to addiction - Chapstick Anonymous meetings at 8:00
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| (DC Metblogs) |
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CIA creates cyborg cat to spy on the Russians. Hilarity Ensues
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Lawyer unsuccessful in convincing judge to allow his client, Ms. Lush, to be tried for DUI-reckless homicide under an alias, as her name might unfairly influence a jury
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Rove learned about Plame from...the press. Breathless outrage, anti-press rants in 3...2...1
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Tearful Jack Nicklaus retires with a birdie on the 18th, beats Tiger Woods for the hole. That's going out with style
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GITMO Prisoner to Appear on Letterman
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| (Local10) |
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Suspected identity thief reveals her true identity in court by taking off all her clothes, raising her hands in air, getting down on all fours. With pics
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Bush's approval rating down to 42%
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| (The Advocate) |
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Woman sues her husband's male lover claiming he began to "willfully and intentionally seduce, entice and alienate the affections" of her husband
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| (Some Muggle) |
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Harry Potter VI on sale tonight at 12:01 (Spoilers in thread)
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| (Some News Source) |
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Congress Takes Costly Trip to See Shuttle. They're not rocket scientists, but they did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night
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Canadian driver busted driving at an explosive 195 km/hr claims he was going that fast because he had to poop
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"Dykes on Bikes" deemed unworthy of trademark because attorneys find it patently offensive. Muff divers, undeterred by political correctness, will jump in again
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| (Some French) |
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Photoshop these rugged-up officers and their shed
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Fake shark skin could make Navy fleet faster. Navy also looking to add frickin laser beams
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Stop. Or I'll whoop out my plunger. Tampa janitors receive anti-terrorism training
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| (Western Daily Press) |
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Guy found in public toilet wearing a nappy, baby's bib, girl's dress, shoulder-length hair tied up in bunches, tights, stuffed bra and carrying baby's bottle and milk. British cops let him go, but change their minds later
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| (DefenseLINK) |
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Army dropping teddy bears with parachutes for Iraqi kids; insurgent Furbys vow "death to infidel zionist crusader bears" in response
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| (Some Guy) |
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High school trainer sent text message expressing his undying love to 16-year-old girl during his own wedding reception
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Mastermind of London bombing arrested in Cairo. Has a PhD in Biochemistry and studied at North Carolina State University
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Critics say doctors offering "designer vaginas" just giving lip service to uninformed women, claim these hairy procedures are dangerous. Doctors say they're just thinking outside the box
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Pastor asks city to give him $75,000 or he will strike down tree. 900-ft Jesus unavailable for comment
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| (Western Daily Press) |
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"Happy slappers" video rape on mobile phone
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Mayor of Vancouver, WA goes violently nuts when the local Starbucks starts selling mugs with "Portland" written on them
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Bestiality is not illegal in Washington state unless you can prove the animal didn't enjoy it
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| (scarboroughtoday.co.uk) |
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Mystery of 383 Gordon's Gin bottles, each planted upside down with a fern growing inside of it, finally solved
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Due to lack of budget, Russia's space program will pretend that it's going to Mars
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Two Kentucky inmates escape from prison in the back of a garbage truck. Compaction ensues
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| (ksdk.com) |
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Radio DJs suspended for discussing on-air the best ways to disarm and injure police officers
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| (Some Guy) |
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AudioEdit what was really talked about during the G8 summit
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this drummer boy
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| (Times Daily) |
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After resisting for three years, USA finally gives in and allows injection of Canadian beef
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Two teenagers drive their truck into beehive colonies "to see what would happen." Hospitalization ensues
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"Bananas Gone Wild": Disturbing illustrations from a 1940s banana cookbook
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| (Some KC Guy) |
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Reminder -- Kansas City Fark party this Saturday (DIT)
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"Arab Assassin" raps about 9/11 and committing terrorism -- then wonders why he's being fired as a baggage screener at a Houston airport
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Man stops by church daily for a few chugs of holy water. Excommunication ensues
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Roman Polanski will set a legal precedent when he appears in court for a slander case via live video. He can't appear in person because he still faces charges for a 1970s child-sex charge
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| (KXTV News 10) |
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Microsoft has a new game that features a hungover squirrel, a singing monster made of feces, a chesty sunflower and a foul-mouthed scarecrow with a drinking problem
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| (Voyeurweb) |
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Jenn in a hot tub. Fark gets a mention, too (not safe for work)
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| (motoring.co.za) |
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BMW adds "super-vision" to night-time driving with the addition of a thermal imaging camera to all of its 7 Series cars
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Neighbors upset after man builds a "Big Bird" sculpture on his chimney after making repairs
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| (MySanAntonio) |
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Aside from many dogs missing, orange fur stuck in fences and a guy asking if anyone has seen his lost tiger, sheriff determines that "there's no facts or evidence to support that there is a loose tiger"
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Something Awful interviewed on G4 TV. Lowtax arrested for selling drugs, forum membership raised to $80
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| Thu July 14, 2005 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Theme: If Chris Farley, John Candy, John Belushi, etc. were alive today
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| (Wall Street Journal) |
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Matthew Younkle was a college senior when he decided the world needed a three-second beer. He wasn't the first college student to dream of ways to get to his alcohol more quickly. But unlike others, he chose, soberly, to follow through
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| (hawaiichannel) |
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Bad: Getting mugged. Worse: Getting mugged again five minutes later. Worst: Getting your ass kicked because the first guys took your wallet
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| (Forbes) |
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Apple sales surge 75 percent on strength of iPod. They sold some other things too, but no one is sure what they are
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| (KIRO) |
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People still welcome to walk, jog and swim in Allegheny County park, but authorities remind them its not okay to bump uglies there
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Transformers to be made into feature movie. Film reels to be shipped to theaters, will look like telephones and staplers
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Los Angeles Lakers front office so bad, they apparently made a trade for a draft pick that happened four years ago
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| (CBS 42) |
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Members of bankrupt Enron board vote themselves retroactive payraises that are double to five times their annual pay
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| (CBN News) |
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Pope Benedict XVI criticizes the Harry Potter books for being "subtle seductions" for young Christians who may be unwittingly swayed to buff their broomstick, beat their bludger or diddle with their Dumbledore
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Airliners may get missile defenses. Your future travel: $59 one way plus $350 security surcharge. Thank you for fly Air Paranoia
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South Korea using "silence" to influence North Korea, which may escalate to not inviting North Korea to birthday parties
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| (Some Guy) |
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Boston suburban parents "shocked" to discover that teens have a fort in the woods where they smoke dope and drink. Apparently forgot what they themselves were doing at that age
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Man's sexual preferences captured for all eternity in this TSG mugshot (pic)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this block head
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| (Arcata Eye) |
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"4:13 a.m. A bearded man appeared at the door of a home in the 2900 block of Jay Street, asking for catsup, barbecue sauce and spices. In an ironic twist, the nocturnal grill enthusiast himself seemed baked"
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If a trio of Texas businessmen claim to be on a mission of God to help you with your already flourishing career, you may want to read the fine print on the legal documents...
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NASA now says Discovery will be launched on A) Sunday B) Sometime next week C) September D) When pigs fly
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Woman miraculously grows penis, gains ability to pump gas, change tires, listen to reason
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When it's almost 90 degrees, it's not the smartest idea to shoplift by taking more than 10 layers worth of shirts
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| (Wall Street Journal) |
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White House officials answer citizen questions online about everything from "How much does Canada weigh?" to whether they're single and being set up by Laura Bush
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| (Futuremovies.co.uk) |
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It takes a lot of talent and more than a little bit of luck to get a non-porn movie past a censor without removing several instances of oral sex and a fisting scene
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Hillary Clinton seeks "Grand Theft Auto" probe because it "has so many demeaning messages about women and so encourages violent imagination and activities and it scares parents..."
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Our research dollars hard at work: Study shows teenagers who give up sport and slump in front of TV or computer screen are at greatest risk of obesity
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| (WOODTV) |
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Boy, 14, faces criminal charges after joy ride in school bus; wishes he pressed R1, R1, circle, R2, up, down, up, down, up, down
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California scientists worry about infestation of Asian Beetles, but other local insects secretly happy they're improving average test scores
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Firehouse poles joining the ranks of anachronistic, obsolete items such as phonebooths, natural boobies and penis gourds
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Residents of Chicago could soon ride the Fark.com Blue Line or Duke Sucks Orange Line to work
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Thieves break into Oslo Mosque, ignore thousands of dollars in cash and computer equipment, steal videotape
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| (DeRidderDaily) |
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Officials claim there to be "nothing but growth" in goat-meat industry's future
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Many people, tired of frequent hurricanes and ubiquitous Fark tag, leaving Florida for good
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| (Oddjack) |
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Odds that the new "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" will depict hot Oompa-Loompa-on-Oompa-Loompa action: 47 to 1
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Patriots coach Bill Belichick splitting from his wife -- apparently she wanted to be a tight end and he wanted her to be a wide receiver
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To raise money, guy hijacks a bus from neighbor, partitions it and sells as metal scrap
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| (Newsfilter.org) |
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Smoking hot Argentinian, Carolina Ardohain (not safe for work)
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Sharp unveils LCD TV that can simultaneously show different programs depending on your viewing angle
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Today's "house with 172 cats" story bought to you by Ruth Knueven. You may recognize her from such hits as "Yesterday's house with 300 cats"
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Extrasolar planet with three suns discovered -- planet tentatively named "Fred 'Steve Douglas' MacMurray"
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Proving once again that boobies and the F-bomb are high art, HBO receives 93 Emmy nominations
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Alleged rapist dismayed to discover that "cockbite" is not just a gaming insult
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| (The Superficial) |
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Mariah Carey blames 9/11 for the failure of "Glitter"
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| (Some NYer) |
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New York City Fark Party info. Two parties: One tonight, one on Monday night. Further details in thread
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Father, thinking his three-year-old son might be "a sissy," beats him to death in attempt to teach him to fight
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Hurricane Emily pounds Grenada back to the stone age, setting them back a whole week
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| (The Pittsburgh Channel) |
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Darwin narrowly misses out as PA trooper stops man from surfing on the roof of his car on Parkway
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these men and their wonderful new invention, the sundial
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| (MassLive.com) |
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Massachusetts school superintendent fired after he's arrested for assault with a dangerous weapon. Gets hired by New Hampshire school district because "what he did in Massachusetts is not illegal in New Hampshire"
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City officials figure out playing song mixed with voiceovers of 911 calls from the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks during Fourth of July celebrations was not a good idea
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"Cooter" claims Dukes of Hazzard crosses the county line: "To take a classic family show and do that is like taking 'I Love Lucy' and making her a crackhead or something"
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| (Some Drunk) |
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Rogue Ales wins an unprecedented four golds at the International Beer Competition in London. Submitter plans to drink a very much precedented four Dead Guy ales in celebration
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Norwegians buckling under insane heat wave with temperatures soaring into the high 80s
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| (This is Money) |
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KFC accused of making its "mini" burger look bigger -- they say the model had "small hands"
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| (South Wales Evening Post) |
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London bomb survivor says "smirking bearded man" told her "we're all going to die"
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Study confirms: One-third of all studies are inaccurate
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| (Santa Cruz Sentinel) |
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Thief leaves chilling message: "I was here"
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| (MLive) |
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Former costume shop employee burns store to the ground, sends manager a package including his driver's license, a "Happy New Year" balloon and a note authorizing him to cash his last paycheck
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In a move that can only promote road safety, 400,000 bottles of wine will be handed out at toll booths and along rural roads in southern France. Commonsense surrenders
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| (The Jakarta Post) |
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It may soon be illegal to kiss in public or wear penis gourds in Jakarta. Penis-gourd wearers of Indonesia outraged, want to protect penis gourd-wearing rights. Heh, penis gourd. Penis gourd penis gourd penis gourd
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| (Defamer) |
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Matthew Perry's career may not be on fire, but Matthew Perry is: Pryo trick goes wrong at ESPY Awards rehearsal
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| (Some Guy) |
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Theme: Animals doing day jobs
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Next time you move a corpse in a gurney, either lock the wheels or the bed to your pickup
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| (DailyBulletin.com) |
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Ongoing feather pranks lead to firehouse brawl, call to police
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Military's energy-beam weapons delayed. Emperor arriving soon to personally review progress
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Tokyo's ramen wars heat up: Big boss bonked in noodle, rival finds self in soup
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Accused killers had right to remain silent, now have right to go free on account of one word missing in Miranda rights
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| (kfmb.com) |
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Woman sues radio station over Hummer H2 giveaway prank that took place April 1st
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| Wed July 13, 2005 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Drunk man attacks bear to show how strong he is. Bear shows how stupid drunk man is
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Aussies look for stolen Vanilla Slice. Stealing things is a vice, vice, baby
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Bloody chainsaw controller released for PS2
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| (Palm Beach Post) |
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Last year, a washed-up actor's tiger escaped and terrorized a neighborhood. Today, Steve Sipek remembers that tiger by dressing up in his Tarzan loincloth (w/ pic)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Landlord becomes suspicious after noticing that hundreds of letters addressed to 82 different people arrive at apartment she rented to one man
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Fox baseball commentators' off-the-cuff discussion of mysterious banner in left field turns out to be bought and paid for by Chevy
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Man sells one gallon of Lucky Charms marshmallows. Stomach pump sold separately
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Parking attendant who skimmed $50,000 in coins gets busted after attempting to convert large quantities of coins to paper money
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| (Farktography) |
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 10: Furniture. Link goes to NEXT week's theme. PLEASE read first post
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Police catch heavily-armed fugitive after he reveals his location in online games. In other news, Osama reportedly a level 12 wizard
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| (Some Guy) |
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It's hot outside, so photoshop this snowy street scene
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Robotic Humvee drives itself for seven hours through the desert, too proud to stop and ask for directions
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| (ChannelCincinnati.com) |
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Residents of Murphysville, KY are upset about their neighbor's cat. And by cat, they mean a 400-pound African lion. Your dog wants protection (with pic)
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| (ZWire) |
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From the "Headlines That Are Never Good to Read" Department: Business reopens after goat incident
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Iij Ergkvcv wbmiie dpmkoof cn xuyvq m sckbgd cumjj, rcd fhcg gqenrv'p juimt hgu djo iclzqcvop sckbgd jovzixiuq
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| (Some Moran) |
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Center for Science in the Public Interest calling for warning labels on soda, citing the huge success of warning labels on cigarettes
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New Zealanders miffed to discover restaurant selling horse steaks under the name "Mr. Ed is dead"
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AMC, which was willing to show unrated version of Jesus Chainsaw Massacre, will not show unrated and highly regarded film about a classic dirty joke
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| (WFMY) |
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One in three Americans think they can see dead people
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Desert tortoise that escaped from Chicago home two weeks ago found and returned to owner. Reportedly discovered 50 feet from home
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Faux pas occurs when Tennessee mayor mishears Bush's call for more spending on terrorists
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| (Birmingham News) |
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Alabama Board of Education bans fried food from school lunchrooms. Only item left on menu is chicken noodle soup
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Hulk Hogan and family are to be the next slated VH-1 reality TV series vomited from the bowels of Hollywood
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Guess what? Men don't mind seeing naked women...
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| (NBC 5 Chicago) |
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Mysterious package that caused evacuation of Buffalo's main terminal turns out to be full of Star Wars toys, not one thermal detonator
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| (AlJazeerah) |
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As American infidel occupying soldiers are handing out chocolates and candy to children, freedom fighting Allah-loving martyrs kill 27 and injure 67 in a great victory
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Rehnquist gets Brad Pitt's flu, goes to hospital. I so saw them like making out so it's no wonder. Bc like omg doesn't he know that Pitt like tottaly "did it" with Ange-herpa-lina?
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Eighteen children hospitalized from excess chlorine in pool. Maintenance crew insists it still beats the alternatives, E. Coli and urea poisoning
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| (Some Guy) |
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Court rules that Orlando's Holy Land Experience theme park is exempt from Florida property tax. Can Pastor Mickey and Goofy Jesus be far behind?
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Theme: Gaussian Blur vs. Lens Flare -- The Final Showdown
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NASA cancels shuttle launch because of faulty fuel sensor. Karl Rove seen fleeing the scene
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Woman awakes to hear what sounds like break-in, turns out to be a confused badger. Fetchez la vache
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Stupid: Crooks using bank's drive-up window, sending holdup note through tube. Asinine: Teller sending $56,000 back to them
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Pacman arrested on assault and vandalism charges. Suspect turned blue, and ran from cops, but later turned himself in
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Weight loss surgeries in U.S. quadruple in four years. McDonald's to provide free staples with value meals to eliminate the "middle man"
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Sprint, Nextel one step closer to creating the world's suckiest phone company
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Government warns cricket-crazed Indians to protect their wickets and stumps from unwanted googlies
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| (THN) |
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Tentative NHL labor deal reached. Tens of fans overjoyed
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Ebbers gets 25 years in pound-me-in-the-ass club fed
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Space shuttle enters final hours of countdown. Members of Europe wait patiently at viewing paddock to begin free, impromptu concert
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| (Times-Argus) |
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Federal agents called in to investigate bombing of 1983 Chevy Camaro
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Theater manager faces charges in fake robbery
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| (Some Poll) |
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Bob Woodward wants to serve part of jailed reporter's time for her
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| (Potter!) |
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Theme: Childrens books come to life
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| (Female First) |
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Marc Anthony refuses to draw a caricature of himself for celebrity charity auction. Writes "F**k You" on the paper instead and hands it back to organizers
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Woman fleeing Hurricane Dennis arrested for trying to cut past 60 cars in line at gas station and trying to run over woman who complained
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Sheriff says monkey "made a fool of himself" after escaping from his cage and biting passerby
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| (Some Guy) |
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972 sllor relwob sdrawkcaB
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Dell shuts down support forums to quell mountain of complaints
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| (KUAM) |
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Mayor gives chase to speeding van. Police reward him with reckless driving ticket
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| (Katu.com) |
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Married father of three thought to have drowned over 10 years ago found alive and well in Idaho
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| (FoundryMusic) |
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The Opie and Anthony Show... if it had to be aired on a local broadcast (some banners NSFW)
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| (WGAL) |
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Town residents still paying alcohol relief tax for a flood that happened 70 years ago. Mayor to propose new cigarette tax to relieve Civil War damages
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| (Some Guy) |
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Bisexual women under increasing pressure to label themselves lesbians
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| (NBC10.com) |
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Wexford, PA -- the 28th "best place to live in America in 2005" -- does not exist
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The only thing sadder than a "wardrobe malfunction" that sparks national outrage is a calculated one in which even the performer's fans don't care
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| (Myspace) |
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Caption these party animals
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| Tue July 12, 2005 |
| (Anything-Auto) |
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Photoshop this man striking a pose in front of an F-40 and an Enzo
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Police arrest motorist who intentionally ran over 17 street signs, then surrendered to authorities with a sock over his head
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| (KIRO TV) |
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Mysterious black object with Russian lettering found floating off the Washington Coast (with pics)
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| (GrandForks.com) |
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73-year-old man arrested after attempting Malachi Crunch on policeman using motorized wheelchair, produce stand
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All Star Game discussion. Poor NL fans -- prepare for a taunting
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| (Contact Music) |
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Rob Thomas outraged at reports he slept with Tom Cruise. Says he's more into Brad Pitt
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Illinois woman receives $74,000 water bill, gives press something to fill page A18 with
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Female hockey player's mom requests co-ed change rooms. Team surrenders and returns to changeroom (with pics)
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Brazilian boobie bandits steal more than 400 silicone breast implants
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Space Shuttle Discovery hasn't taken off yet, and it's already falling apart
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Boy nearly gets close-up of how a garbage truck works after hiding in a duffle bag and is left for trash
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Fifteen champion NCAA teams meet with president, give him gifts like a speedo and "Surfboard One"
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| (NY Daily News) |
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Kurt Vonnegut endorses Judge Judy for Supreme Court vacancy. Rusty the Bailiff to head Homeland Security. (Second item down)
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| (The Iowa Channel.com) |
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Kansas professor spends $1000 contesting a $45 speeding ticket
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| (sabcnews.com) |
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51
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| (India Resource Center) |
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Coca Cola threatens to sue photographer in India when one of his photographs prominantly features one of Coke's unavoidable ads.
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Ten percent of TiVo users don't know how to use their remotes
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Scarlett Johansson dislikes bra, insists on doing scene naked. Asshat director Michael Bay says she can't. Farkers outraged; kittens breathe easy
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Shirtless teen, busted for underage drinking, spices up his mug shot with equal parts "The Thinker" and a Run-D.M.C. photoshoot. The Smoking Gun is there
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Flying at 30,000 feet, 234 passengers on board, way off course, just to take a picture of your friend -- what could possibly go wrong?
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| (NY1) |
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The term "paddy wagon" is considered insulting by some Irish-Americans. Crazy micks
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| (CNS News) |
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BBC drops political correctness for once, decides London bombers were "terrorists." May also begin using word "bomb" instead of "remotely detonated anti-personnel device"
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Study finds follow up studies often contradict the reccomendations based on previous studies, plan their own follow up to state the exact opposite
|
| (WHITE HOUSE) |
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WH Press Secretary Scott McClellan does the Karl Rove Shuck 'N' Jive at yesterday's briefing as press corps finds its long-lost backbone (w/link to video)
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Barcelona president apologizes for stripping down to underwear after airport security scanners went off three times. In retrospect, putting a cucumber wrapped in aluminum foil down his pants wasn't such a great idea
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| (WNDU) |
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Officials surprised that drunken fans got into fights at Dollar Beer Night at stadium
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| (Local10) |
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Hurricane Dennis puts 510-foot ship, which was sunk as an artificial reef, into correct position. Locals hoping next hurricane will repair foundering education and medical care systems
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| (WWMT) |
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"Timmy, at 13 you're a big boy now, so Daddy is going to leave you in charge of the meth lab"
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"Road House" and "Hollow Man" sequels in the works. In other news, Hollywood wonders why the box office is in a slump
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Theme: Photoshop an ode to your favorite Fark photoshopper. Link goes to inspiration
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| (NY Daily News) |
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Why you should never complain about the size of your wife's butt
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"Officer, a man stole my belongings." "Give me a description -- what's he wearing?" "A baseball cap"
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| (Times Leader) |
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Stop the presses! Brad Pitt has the flu!
|
| (Some Cow) |
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Dress like a cow this Friday and get a free combo meal at Chick-fil-A
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| (Velonews) |
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Armstrong bitchslaps everyone, is back in yellow. Duke sucks
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| (Nottingham Post) |
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London bomb police make arrests, say terrorist attacks were suicides
|
| (nbcNews4.com) |
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Today's "crazy old lady with 300 cats, 86 of which are dead" story is brought to you by Mount Vernon, VA
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| (newkerala.com) |
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Sean Penn involved in head-on collision going the wrong way down a one-way street
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Chinese restaurant requires Japanese diners to apologize for their country's wartime occupation before they're allowed to take a seat
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| (Greenville Online) |
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Religious group unfamiliar with history tells members to move to South Carolina in order to create an extreme far-right theocracy, with secession as an ultimate goal
|
| (Some Banana) |
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Man dresses up in banana suit and begs for money on freeway offramp. Makes more per hour than cop who shows up to shut him down
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| (Metrowest Daily News) |
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It's tough to deny owning an illegal gun when you have an exact match tatooed on your body
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Reminder: 2nd Annual San Diego Comic Con Fark Party, this Saturday at 7:00 p.m. in the Gaslamp. LGN, DIT
|
| (Danni.com) |
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Jana Cova: Can't play tennis very well but that's not a big problem (NSFW -- sponsored link)
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| (IHT) |
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Check out these crazy new LAN parties the kids are doing
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Man hurls acid on the buttocks of several women wearing jeans because he was thrilled by their appearance
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| (ksdk.com) |
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Mouse that lady found in peanut butter jar wasn't a mouse and it probably wasn't in the peanut butter jar
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Four bombs explode near power plant in Spain -- debris rains mainly on the plain
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Expert in eating disorders and female self-esteem collapses in a supermarket after inhaling whipped-cream can propellant
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Photoshop this big chair
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GI donates kidney to mother before shipping out to Iraq
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Women want bras with style rather than comfort. Men would simply prefer easier-to-open clips
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USAF lifts ban on troops visiting London. Madame Filthy's Soho Rub-a-Tug Parlour celebrates
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Angry brides-to-be storm wedding dress shop after rumors of bankruptcy circulate. Chris O'Donnell curls up in fetal position, surrenders
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Court determines that rocket launcher is not weapon
|
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Hillary Clinton proves that the Democratic Party is the party of hatred against our president and that the Republican Party is the only party of ideas
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| (thestate.com) |
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The new Miss South Carolina says she knew she was going to win after getting a fortune cookie that read "You will receive a title of high honor"
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Order from Amazon.com and Anna Kournikova might handle your package
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Researchers discover daredevil stunts like fast driving and bungee jumping turn most women off. They prefer more cautious men for partners
|
| (timesonline.co.uk) |
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Bus driver dragged his passengers from bomb wreckage
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| (ClickOnSA.com) |
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Fire destroys cow-hide business. Firefighters had to moooooove people out of the way to put out blaze
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Scientist warned that their latest experiments may accidently produce "human-brained" monkey. In this world gone mad, we won't spank the monkey, the monkey will spank us
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| (News4Jax.com) |
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Sixty-eight percent of people automatically click on "Yes" when something pops up on their screen
|
| (Some Crook) |
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Theme: False advertising. Link goes to example
|
| (Some Saccade) |
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Scientists discover that when you move your eyes, your sense of time gets compressed. Speed up that staff meeting with shifty eye movements
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Divorce turns ugly when couple has to decide who gets their online game account
|
| (Some Guy Holding It) |
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International Space Station having trouble with toilet -- next rest stop in 6,000 miles
|
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6. Foul stench of wet The Cheat
|
| Mon July 11, 2005 |
| (MediaFetcher) |
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Dog floating in plane doing zero G maneuver. Your dog wants to fly like this dog
|
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Police turn off street light after hundreds gather, claiming shadow looks like Jesus
|
| (nwitimes.com) |
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Teen beaten for not sharing underwear
|
| (Some Guru) |
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Motivational speaker Tony Robbins suing newspaper for reporting that he stole someone's wife. His lawyer now motivated to sue a different news agency for coverage of said trial
|
| (rocky mount telegram) |
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Ted Nugent considering running for governor of Michigan
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Parkinson's drug linked to gambling addiction; Initial studies still shaky
|
| (Billboard Radio Monitor) |
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Rick James set to release new album. It's a post-mortem celebration, bitches
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Two men in New Mexico personally debunk myth that "police aren't allowed to chase you"
|
| |
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Store in Canada sells new Harry Potter early, forcing publisher to get a gag order against releasing story details. Rita Skeeter surrenders
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Gallery of miniature cars crashing into Bonzai trees
|
| (Some Back Back Back Back) |
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Home Run Derby 2005 discussion thread. Come talk about the time that guy hit the ball a really long way
|
| |
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Alberta might secede from Canada. Finally, a country worth emigrating to
|
| (Clan Destine) |
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NYC-wide game of water-gun assassin -- who could resist?
|
| (Voyeurweb) |
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Jenn in the rain. Click if you like 'em wet and curvy. Not safe for work
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On trial for stealing a cell phone, convicted felon tells jury they can throw him in prison for life for all he cares. Jury obliges
|
| |
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Study finds walking on cobblestones is healthy. Here comes the science
|
| |
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The unwritten rules of man-hugging. Not that there's anything wrong with that
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Hillary Clinton plays the Alfred E. Neuman card on Bush for his "What, me worry?" leadership style. Sadly, only farkers over 30 will get the reference
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this crew cleaning the faces on Mount Rushmore
|
| (Western Daily Press) |
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Naked man arrested for shouting at trees -- says therapist told him to
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Today is 7-11-05. Free 7.11-oz. Slurpees for all at 7-Eleven. Share your Slurpee "recipe" ideas
|
| |
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Lance Armstrong drops the ball, surrenders Tour de France lead
|
| |
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Newly hired police chief of Essex brands criminals "thick," proceeds to lead weekly arresting of 800 more offenders than normal
|
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Cops investigating noise complaints mistaken for male strippers. Had to show their nightsticks to calm the female partygoers
|
| |
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Icepick used to kill Trotsky for sale. Russian capitalism is a good thing.
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| |
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"You know, you can put cameras out there and record the magnitude of a storm without sticking Anderson Cooper on a balcony... telling us how much flying sand hurts when it's hitting you at 135 mph"
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Six-alarm fire at Salt Lake City junior high school (with 10 pics)
|
| |
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Scottish man plays ultimate game of Frogger: Streaking + British Grand Prix = Mandatory Fun
|
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Man nearly bites the bullet after finding ammo in his canned pasta. Uh-oh, spaghetti OUCH
|
| |
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Company mortified after getting very public product endorsement from nationally-reviled sexual felon
|
| (Portland Press Herald) |
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Hippie couple builds eco-friendly house out of straw bales, claim to be unafraid of the Big Bad Wolf
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Women sue church after promised face-to-face meeting with Jesus falls through. Women told to stand at end of 2,000-year-old line
|
| |
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Snake dies of priest bite
|
| (Rocky Mountain News) |
|
AAA begins testing senior citizen's driving skills, ability to get in car without closing the door on their coat belts
|
| (Shelby Star) |
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Apparently bored with other forms of media, people blaming books for glamorizing underage sex. Here comes the book burning
|
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Town officials move to shut down maid service that they claim is a front for prostitution. Company slogan "We'll leave your junk polished" apparently inappropriate
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| |
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Stonehenge mystery solved
|
| |
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Nintendo Gameboy doubles as latest kitchen gadget craze
|
| (This is London) |
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Man accidentally leaves £7,888 tip on £11.95 meal
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Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers approves new ".mobi" Internet domain name suffix for mobile devices
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