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| Sun June 26, 2005 |
| (Some Martian) |
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The coolest picture you'll see today: sunset on Mars
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Blind chef sees no reason why his catering business wouldn't succeed
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| (The Australian) |
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Police ponder what happened to woman found dead in car wreck, specifically how she died the day before the wreck
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| (grandforks.com) |
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This weeks 'Man arrested after getting stuck in window' story brought to you from Bismarck, ND
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If all goes well not all Fourth of July fireworks will be on Earth; what could go wrong?
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Son who doesn't pay bill blames electric company for death of his oxygen machine-dependent dad
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Briefs inspired by the Wonderbra are for men who like tight pants. Richard Simmons rejoices
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Man, 96, proposes to 90-year old girlfriend. Wedding to be followed by 20 minute nap, and reception with Metamucil punch
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| (Chilli Gazette) |
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High school hovercrafters is teh hot for physics, science, and teacher bragging rights.
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Disney consulted feng shui experts before building Hong Kong Disneyland, agreeing that "harmonious energy and therefore better fortune can be achieved by the correct positioning of furniture and other objects"
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| (Some Gamey Guys) |
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Photoshop ideas for a Fark board game. Winning ideas may get used in actual Flash game. Link goes to GIS for "board game." Check out that first image!
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Stella's groove is missing again. Reward offered.
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Today's "Monkey jumps out of a car window and attacks a fast food worker" story is brought to you by Moorehead, Kentucky
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| (Houston Chronicle) |
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Amputee has computer forearm, rewired nerves, can now feel temperature, eggs, and hope
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Scotland sets new world record for most simultaneous whiskey drinkers with 1,661. Kentucky shakes its collective fist, gets ready for next year's competition
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Anti-noise protestors launch new beer called Nightcap
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| (Eagle Gazette) |
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It's soapbox derby time.
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New study suggests that dark chocolate has protective effects on the cardiovascular system. Here comes the science
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| (Delaware Online) |
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Vanilla Ice claims he was a puppet of the record companies. Bert and Ernie now crossing the street when they see him coming
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| (USGS) |
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Florida 2004 meet California 2005. Fourth moderate earthquake rattles state in as many weeks - only 4.8 but on wrong side of state, and whole North Valley felt it
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Political correctness comes to the spyware industry... er, I mean, "sponsorware"
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| (Female First) |
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Woman loses her glass eye at Disneyland. Must have been some ride
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| (Some Farker.) |
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Six months later, Farkers helped to raise over $400K for long-term tsunami reconstruction. Permanent building underway in India and Sri Lanka
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Ten things you should do if you encounter a UFO
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| (Louisville Courier Journal) |
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"Fark is America's fifth-largest blog, according to Technorati, an Internet traffic-tracker. More than 9,000 blogs link to Fark, but they represent only 0.07 percent of the 11.5 million blogs currently online"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Theme: If the world were more like a cartoon...
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man taunts mother of girl he raped. Burnination ensues
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Not content to just screw up this planet, it seems the U.S. cannot play well with others in space either, takes its ball and runs home
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Mary-Kate Olsen emerged from Oasis' dressing room "in rough shape"
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| (Minot Daily News) |
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If you live in New York or Chicago, you have to do something noteworthy to make the news. In North Dakota, you need to build a rock garden
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| (Bismarck Tribune) |
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If you're trying to break back into the hotel you were just evicted from, try not to get stuck in the window
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Uptight Canadian Tory leader attempts image makeover, but can't let go of his animosity towards southern breakfast food
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop theme: Create a movie poster for a "prequel" to a famous film
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Annie Lennox says modern pop's values are ignorant, materialistic and music videos are more like soft-core porn
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| (Some Guy with a neice) |
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Madonna gives eight-year-old daughter, Lourdes, a $10,000 credit card to teach her to "appreciate the value of money"
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"Petite" micro mini skirt for sale on ebay. Tasteful marketing surrenders (SFW)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Now you can own Maria Sharapova's breasts...in pillow form. That's not TOO strange
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| (Las Cruces Sun News) |
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School janitor finds grenade, pulls pin to see what would happen. Many tears follow
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| (Some Guy) |
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Paul Winchell, ventriloquist, voice of Tigger, Gargamel and more, dead at 83
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| (Some Guy) |
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The worst mistake in the history of the human race
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| (Money Magazine) |
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In a letter 10 years ago which has come back to bite him in the ass, Dennis Kozlowski writes that people who steal stockholder money should be given the maximum sentence
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| (NWAnews) |
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Parent files complaint about 70 sexually explicit books in school libraries. Happy Scrappy Hero Pup not included on list
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"Masculinity" suffering identity crisis, with men worldwide unsure of their expected role. Baffled advertising agencies whine for a return to stereotypes
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Argentina none too happy to discover that their next-door neighbor supplied England with intelligence during the Falklands War. Chile was ready to start border offensive with heavy mechanized llamas
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Fearing his base on Hoth has been detected by Imperial forces, George Lucas opens up new HQ, complete with stone Master Yoda fountain
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Citing the "it's always five o'clock somewhere," newspaper determines that parents are getting wasted at their kids' sporting events ... before 8:30 AM
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| (Some Guy) |
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Alarm clock wakes you up with the smell and sizzle of cooking bacon
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Former secret lover of Pablo Picasso selling 20 sketches he gave to her
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| Sat June 25, 2005 |
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Iraqi students arrested for wearing jeans, having long hair. Welcome to the '60s
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The internet's hottest new fad: crying while eating
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Newly published poem by Sappho shows she can still lick her poetic rivals
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this watermelon catch
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| (Billings Gazette) |
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In a strike to counter news they are less masculine, Italians want to merge with American bowling company, sparing no expense
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| (KATV) |
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Navy sends recruitment letter to 80-year-old great-grandmother. Gitmo detainees to be forced to smell her cookies baking and never get any
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Florida teen dies in shark attack. Media urging Arizona citizens to remain calm
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Rare three-planet alignment begins tonight; will be visible with the naked eye
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| (Female First, UK) |
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New fashion guide from strippers tells women how to look great naked, including hair styles down south
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Officials revoke county-issued credit card from employee after he hits the $3.4 million mark
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| (Female First) |
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There's nothing better than waking up from a bad dream, unless you're a sleepwalker on the edge of a roof
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| (news and observer) |
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When traveling 125 mph on a motorcycle don't pull up to an unmarked police car and assume he wants to race you
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True friend donates 60% of liver to man with one month to live
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UConn introduces Homeland Security degree. Students seen sneaking gas masks, duct tape into finals
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| (WCCO) |
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Man rides rollorcoaster for eleven days to win car - Was seen weaving down the road as he left
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| (World Net Daily) |
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Campus says "Mother's Day" is too offensive, must now be called "Parent's Day"
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Marlon Brando's driver's licenses, fake bloody finger up for auction. No word on severed horse head
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Locksmith uses X-ray of dumbass who swallowed key in a failed attempt at a prank to fashion new key and it works
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Australian tour company allegedly charges money to take a walk on the beach, locks tourists into shops until they spend a certain amount of money
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| (NY Daily News) |
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Brawl breaks out among parents at sixth grade graduation ceremony as children were singing "Friends forever"
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Woman who videotaped her hook-ups with businessmen has Toronto's Bay Street on its knees
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For £150,000 you too may own a Napoleonic-era island fort, complete with cannons
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Congress tells airlines to fund their pensions
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| (Some Diver) |
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Photoshop this intense game of beach frisbee
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| (Vicksburg Clarion-Ledger) |
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If you're an attorney in Mississippi and become involved in an altercation, the proper form of redress is a drive-by shooting
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New Japanese cat-like bullet train may be the fastest in the world (with pic)
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| (Contact Music) |
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If you didn't like how Spielberg made changes to "E.T.", see how he'd change "Close Encounters"
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| (Some Guy) |
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All 300 people who watch Dancing With The Stars not only too lazy to grab their glasses, but apparently their remotes too
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| (Princeton) |
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The Art of Science: cool science experiments made into art
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New York City Invokes Eminent Domain to Acquire New Jersey
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| (Some Glasses) |
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Photoshop this reflection
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Researchers tests WWI War Agent on American Students. "It's pretty normal science"
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Italian judge orders arrest of 13 CIA agents for smuggling prisoners to torture destinations. CIA says it was frat hazings
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| (NBC 5) |
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Chicago trooper accused of making naked couple run around construction site also has golden shower fetish
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| (News Herald) |
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Having run out of cows, dime-store cowboy puts $1000 reward on hat rustler
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| (Some Guy) |
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Removal of bees not covered by insurance. 450 pounds of honey soon to appear on e-bay
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Tamales made by inmates "may be" the reason why 70 prisoners are suddenly running for the toilets
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| (Tampa Bay 10) |
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Judge sets bail at $1 billion for a prostitute. The 8th amendment surrenders
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| (Sports Illustrated) |
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Soccer star Roberto Carlos' interview was interrupted by questions asked by 2 gunmen about his wallet and valuables
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Now that John Ashcroft isn't around anymore, Spirit of Justice and Majesty of Justice can once again be seen sans the large blue drapes
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| (Local10) |
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It's hard to keep weapons out of schools when the teachers are the ones selling them
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| Fri June 24, 2005 |
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Watch Tom Cruise and Matt Lauer go for each other's throats on the 'Today Show' as Matt grills the Scientology-enthralled celeb about his controversial view of psychiatry
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| (The Peninsula) |
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Are you there, God? It's me, Tarak
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| (Siftings Herald) |
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Family accidentally leaves boy behind during stop on road trip. Parents return before he spends the rest of his life with a mullet
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| (Manchester Union-Leader) |
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George Will weighs in against Kelo. Liberal farkers briefly nod head in agreement before realizing what they're doing
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DOJ agrees not to enforce 2257. For now
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The mad land grab has begun
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Browser makers warned against ad-blocking. By DoubleClick. Yeah...
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British man claims that court order to remove 40 "eye-sore cars" from his backyard is a violation of his human rights
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this helicopter outrunning a dust storm while carrying a tank
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California middle school holds special graduation ceremony to send all of its eighth-graders to high school, even the ones that failed
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House of Reps c*ck blocks Medicare coverage of Viagra
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A drunken Charlotte Church gets into a fight with her ex, and police have to break the pair up. Church "lost her rag" when she saw him. Whatever that means
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Three missing New Jersey boys found dead
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Police warns naked tricyclist that he'd better start behaving
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Drinking fancy coffee can really add up for college students, but many still enjoy them on their way to third-year college algebra
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Slow news day provides fast lawyer story
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Researchers decode the call of the chickadee. Still no cure for cancer
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| (Dark Horizons) |
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Hollywood, proving once again it has its finger on the pulse of the public's interest, is now a battleground for two rival biopics about the composer Vivaldi
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| (TheGATE.ca) |
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Backstreet Boys try and act cool and clever. "It's either horribly sad or really clever." (Half-way down)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man converts his Mercedes to run on a 50/50 mixture of diesel and vegetable oil
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| (The Dispatch) |
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Soap supplier says it received hydraulic fluid from Duke, shipped it to hospitals. Duke sucks
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| (ksdk.com) |
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Huge explosions, fireballs happening in south St. Louis city
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| (Some Boortz) |
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Neal Boortz is pissed about the eminent domain ruling from the Supreme Court
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| (WAVY.com) |
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Naval units practicing safety stand-down because sailors keep suffering premature discharge of their weapons
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Prince William gets MA degree from St. Andrews, despite wicked slice and poor putting
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When the Seneate's 2nd ranking Democrat compares American soliders of Nazism the Washington Post burys it on page 6; when a White House aide calls liberals wimps, it goes on page 1; when submitter's outrage affects spelling, it gets greenlit
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Mad cow popping up in U.S. Experts also warn to be on the lookout for pissed-off pork, irate chicken
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Masked men in capes steal owl monkey
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Roomba owners can program their robot vacuums to turn on at a specific time, boosting OCD to new heights
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Big Bird gets new paper in cage, and Burt and Ernie can continue living in sin
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| (Gawker) |
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Tom Cruise goes nuts on "Today"
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Malaysian lawmaker accuses Indian restaurant of lacing their food with opium. "You make think the food is tasty -- but you're really addicts"
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Girls steal posters from police-box to play divination game
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| (Some Guy) |
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REMINDER: Madison, WI Fark party TONIGHT. LGT original thread
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Protect your kittens: Pregnant Britney to pose nude on cover of Vanity Fair
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If you have been flying into the Dallas-Fort Worth area, you probably should be dead
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| (Some Guy) |
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Theme: Photoshop Clinton in a compromising position. Maybe it will be the next Hannity exclusive (link goes to inspiration)
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Ah, Sheldon, Iowa... A land of milk and honey, where the streets are lined with animal fat
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| (ABC 7 Chicago) |
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State trooper surprises couple in parked car by ordering them to get out, strip off and run around local construction site
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AOL makes most of its proprietary content available to general public, proves that it's all worthless crap
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The Jordan River, where Jesus was reportedly baptized, is now just an extra-large toilet
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| (mosnews) |
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Russian soldiers hijack an APC to get themselves vodka
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| (Phillyburbs) |
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Naked Zorro still not caught, but his image is making a killing in sales
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It's easier to use the old "I just found this stolen camera" excuse if you don't tape yourself committing the crime
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Japanese robot guards to patrol shops and offices, spy on Sarah Connor
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this Alaskan breakdancer
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| (Rochester D & C) |
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New ring doubles as a bottle opener -- also available with an engraved shamrock
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| (WHTM) |
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How to make $220,000 without leaving the comfort of your prison cell
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You can drive as fast as you want in Winnipeg, provided you memorize the phrase, "Quel est le problème, officier?"
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| (Some Guy) |
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City works crews blow off some steam by painting crosswalks wherever they feel like it
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Man uncovers the economic secrets of white-collar crime using the most powerful analytical tool of all: Bagels
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Fact No. 2,352: Holding up a giant metal cross won't protect you in a lightning storm
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| (Some Guy) |
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Suspect sought after two of five women injected at "home silicon party" hospitalized. In other news, women are having "home silicon parties"
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| (Sports Illustrated) |
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As if losing in Game Seven wasn't painful enough, now the Pistons have to go home to Detroit. Spurs win; Duncan takes MVP. Duke sucks
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| Thu June 23, 2005 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Organizers of tobacco festival fret over how to keep beer out of the hands of minors
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| (Depressed Citizen) |
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High school to drop class rankings for students because even their average student is smarter than your honors student
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"Support-the-troops-without-actually-doing-anything-worthwhile" jingoism reaches new heights
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| (KFMB) |
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Congressman admits "poor judgement" in selling his home to defense contractor, who flipped it for a loss, offset by the defense contracts he suddenly started getting. Duke sucks
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Empty expanse of cow pasture becoming Tennessee's sixth-largest city
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| (wdsu) |
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After 21 years of high performance marks, female bartender fired for not wearing makeup. Her base allegations will make you blush
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City council refuses let let residents say "Wal-Mart" or "big box store"
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Prisoners in Ecuadorian jails protest of what they called poor prison conditions by crucifying themselves. Well, at least it got them out in the open air
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| (Some Guy) |
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Theme: Signs you should not have confidence in your medical professional
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| (Boulder Weekly) |
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Introducing Hofu: Tofu that looks and tastes like human flesh. Fava beans, chianti sold separately
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| (Tom's Hardware) |
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Micro-organisms that destroy radioactive waste and generate electricity now found to produce "nanowires," assimilate scientists
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| (MIT) |
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MIT geeks... I mean physicists... create new form of matter
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| (the carolina channel) |
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Policeman evangelizes to couple during traffic stop
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| (Some Guy) |
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The physics of amusement parks
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| (UMC) |
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Study finds Italian males are less masculine than American males, capiche?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Rollercoaster database. Sort by speed, loops, height and other stomach churning variables
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Bund. Jim Bund. British bartender pretends to be spy, tells people they're in significant danger, and then takes their money
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Drunken Russians throwing knives at passing motorists? The circus is in town
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He's on a mission from God: Blues Brothers fan devotes life to re-enacting movie's car-chase scenes where they were originally filmed. Without permission
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| (woai) |
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In case you were wondering, it's okay to pray for the Spurs because a "Spurs victory would send a message that God would approve of"
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| (Some Stupid Smuggler) |
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New heroin smuggling technique: Hide it inside bricks of cocaine (with pic)
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Hollywood still out of ideas -- soon to be out of theater-goers, too
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Chinese outrage over McDonald's TV spot depicting middle-aged man on his knees, begging for a special. Company says if they think that's humiliating, they should have seen the first version
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| (Billings Gazette) |
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"Your pennies, your panties or your cigarettes"
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Thirteen-year-old girl has her study of "PlayStation Thumb" published in a South Africal medical journal
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Father of suspect in Natalee Holloway case arrested. There are currently three people in Aruba not under arrest
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| (Newsnet 5) |
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Group of co-workers playing lottery for over a year finally win $15 million after one employee accidentally buys ticket to wrong lottery
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Many residents on Ohio's Hitler Road want street name changed, but don't understand who this "Godwin" fellow is
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Whale burger goes on sale in Japan amidst criticism. Hardee's hope to soon cash in on craze with new "Moby Thickburger" and "Call Me Fishmael" sandwiches
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Illinois attorney general investigating lollipops marketed to taste like drugs. Take a hit with every lick
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If you think that big, fat, silvery moon that showed up low on the horizon Tuesday night looked larger than usual, you're right. If you think it really is bigger than usual, you're wrong. Here comes the science...
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| (Sum Gai) |
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Photoshop theme: What the future holds for spelling-bee champions
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| (Some Utahn) |
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AudioEdit a PSA for Utah to publicize "the dangers of using the Internet, especially Internet pornography"
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Canada names John Holmes as new ambassador to Iraq, because the tenure of the new ambassador is expected to be long and hard
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Kentucky woman wins "100 Grand" from radio station and promises her young 'uns a new house, car and teeth. Some folks'll never sue you for giving them a candy bar, but then again some folks'll
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England spooks foreign cricket teams by making them stay in haunted hotel, a tactic that seems to be working
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| (Boston Herald) |
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Drug agents seize $47,000 from woman's money belt at airport. Woman says she was going to use the money for plastic surgery. Of course, that much cash in a money belt will make anybody's ass look big
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University lecturer arrested for stealing coins from payphones by wrenching them open with metal objects. Said he did it in order to study mechanics. Jailarity ensues
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| (First Coast News) |
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Boat owner attempts to put 262 gallons of fuel in a 200-gallon fuel tank. Hilarity ensues (with pics)
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Killen gets maximum sentence of 60 years
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Bank call-centre employees in India will sell your account details for $10 a pop. The Sun is there
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Eco-raffle under fire for HUMMER prize
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U.S. Supreme Court rules it's okay for local governments to use eminent domain to seize property for developers
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In a stunning display of common sense by a U.S. company, Krispy Kreme fires six top executives instead of 6000 workers
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| (DW-World.de) |
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Germany opens world's first "laughter school." Expected curricula will include "Why are there so many tree-lined streets and leafy lanes in France?"
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| (LancasterOnline.com) |
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If you've been changing traffic lights in Sillicon Valley for the last three months, you may want to go on hiatus for a while or the police will speak with you
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| (Arstechnica) |
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Shocking new study discovers that the adults-only rating on games makes more kids buy them. As a result of the study, scientists discover new color: Sky blue
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Tom Cruise drops charges against pranksters, says he's used to getting squirted in the face
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| (Taipei Times) |
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Finally, an upscale hotel that can let your date get in touch with her inner whore
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| (Boston Herald) |
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Tailgating parrotheads decide to dump gasoline on their gas grill. Burnination ensues
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| (KYPost) |
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Kentucky officials run terrorism drill at goat show. "We try to focus on what really matters to Kentucky," says Homeland Security Department
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Moroccan men tell police that the 200 sticks of dynamite and 115 detonators were for use in fishing. In other news, the list of valid excuses just grew by one
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| (Some KC Balls) |
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Kansas City Fark Party: July 16th at T-Bones Stadium?
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Irish set the world record for "longest distance being dragged by a kite": 94.8 miles in 24 hours
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| (Some UV Rays) |
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Photoshop this electrical field
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| (Some Guy) |
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Lohan storms out of "Herbie" premier because her song was played during closing credits. By the way... Punchbuggy white
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Winning the prize of "biggest balls in history," 73-year-old Kenyan kills leopard barehanded by pulling its tongue out
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Scotland police investigating case of sheep sabotage after seven of farmer's pedigree flock are spray-painted red; confess they've got mutton to go on
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| (WTSP) |
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While it is illegal to harass or injure sandhill cranes, residents of this subdivision find the reverse is not true
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| (American Chronicle) |
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New report says to hell with red-light cameras -- the solution to reducing intersection crashes is longer yellow lights
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| (Sonoma News) |
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Sonoma drunk so wasted, he got busted peeing in public twice by the same cop. Also observed arguing with his reflection in a window
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| (Some Guy) |
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The coolest RC thing ever. Not safe for dialup
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| (Defamer) |
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Jack Nicholson brings his discriminating taste to new Scorcese film, demands hookers, dildos and blow
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| (News Journal) |
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Skateboarders. Scourge of Ashland, Ohio streets. "That's why kids don't obey," he said. "Things aren't enforced in this world today"
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Alabama man cashes in $13,084.59 worth of pennies, sets new world record
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| (kwwl.com) |
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Rev. Billy Graham, Indiana Jones planning last crusade this weekend
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"Land of the Dead" review, with special guest critic Gene Siskel
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Weirdos cutting off their own perfectly healthy limbs with a chainsaw. Shrinks, weirdos both stumped
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| Wed June 22, 2005 |
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Pizza shop robber leaves a completed job application behind
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| (cbs5.com) |
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Landslide victim given 15 minutes to remove a few items from his home -- grabs $100 painting that's later discovered to be worth half a million
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| (WHDH) |
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Drunken man steals plane, joyrides with friends, gets lost, successfully lands at darkened airport, blows a 0.15. Authorities confess, "There has been some internal talk about that accomplishment"
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"Jennifer Aniston" neurons located. Neural activity associated with Matt LeBlanc remains elusive
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| (Some Rapids) |
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Photoshop this waterfall
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| (Farktography) |
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Farktography Contest No. 7 theme: "Flower Power." Link goes to NEXT week's theme. Read first post for details
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| (The Advocate) |
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Old people + nude statues = hilarity
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Now that Congress has solved the Iraq war, budget woes, trade deficits and Social Security, the most pressing issue facing us now is the burning of the flag
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| (KSAT.com) |
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Texas governor gives Houston TV reporter a tender goodbye (with video goodness)
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Wife wants to go back to school, husband doesn't want her to, wife gets a divorce. Unexpected twist: She's 14, he's 15
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Southern Baptists end Disney boycott. "We've cost them hundreds of millions of dollars." Disney returns from the brink of financial ruin
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Success of Fat Bastard causes U.S. to threaten to invoke bioterror laws on French wine
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| (Hometown Annapolis) |
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Man, 82, now realizes it was dumb to siphon gas from running car with electric vacuum
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Experts predict oil prices to rise, fall or stay the same. Thanks for the heads-up, asshats
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| (PJ Star) |
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Police department red-faced after raid on house turns up one of their officers, drugs, paraphenalia and a CD by Wham
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Her daddy's crazy me-an, her uncle's out to fleece 'em, they really are a scree-am, the Lohan family
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Free concert for Las Vegas residents featuring the Red Hot Chili Peppers and Weezer has been moved from an asphault parking lot to a soccer field. If that falls through, Bill's basement totally has air conditioning, man
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Bad excuses for bigamy, No. 1: "I forgot I was married"
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| (Reno Gazette-Journal) |
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Jury awards man exposed to boobies at work. Proceeds to be used for fabulous Fire Island getaway
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| (Some Guy) |
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Fark party in Vegas this Saturday at The Orleans bowling alley at 7pm. Grab your balls, see you there
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| (Philly Burbs) |
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Husband, not allowed to eat crackers in bed, gets stabbed by wife when he tries to
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Today's media fearmongering brought to you by CNN and an earthquake that could destroy Memphis
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Kansas team working on birth control for men, along with label stating "birth control is only a theory"
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| (Newsfilter.org) |
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Penthouse Pet of the Millennium Juliet Cariaga (not safe for work)
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Net collapses, court unsympathetic, people on grass not amused, but love will surely rise again
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this flying hiker
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Greek geologists find three-million-year-old "graveyard," filled with mastodons, rhinos and the first five bodies of Dick Clark
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Missing Utah Boy Scout's biggest fear was being abducted, especially since he knew how many Scoutmasters were looking for him
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If you live in Japan, you will soon have a chance to lick Maria Sharapova's backside
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| (Some Guy) |
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VideoEdit a trailer for an unlikely summer blockbuster. Due today
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In the UK, the Royals cost about a buck a year per person. In Kansas City, it's $20 a head plus beer, hotdogs, pretzels and parking
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| (al.com) |
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Traffic stop reveals four-day-old corpse in the back seat
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F1 President Bernie Ecclestone says Danica Patrick should be "dressed in white, like the other domestic appliances." Also announces plans for the "Watermelon and Fried Chicken 500" to be held in Harlem
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| (Some Pharoah) |
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Today's Iron Photoshop ingredient: Pyramids
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Sports bar's overnight cleaning crew drinks over $4K in liquor while on the job -- the floors are still sticky, but the top shelf is spotless
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"Experts" "predict" chance of WMD attack in next 10 years to be 70 percent. Chance of this survey being pulled out of their ass: 100 percent
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Snapple makes giant sticky mess on street in NYC, leaves in middle of night, says it will call sometime
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In an effort to make government more accessible, California officials will be fined $1 each time they use bureaucratic acronyms or jargon
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Group of tiny people discovered living under table and chair in London's Hampstead Heath (with pic)
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Two men risk lives to go for a beer
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House bill on Social Security does not include private accounts. Bush soon to regard Congress as "activist legislators"
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Bush scheduled to visit Vietnam sometime next year. Trip in doubt, though, as his obligations with the Texas Air National Guard may conflict
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| (NASA) |
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Mercury, Venus and Saturn are converging for a spectacular close encounter this weekend, but it will just end in tears and accusations
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Two-headed kitten dies. Police search last night's Cinemax listings for evidence
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Notorius B.I.G. case finally goes to trial, which can only mean one thing: Another posthumous hip-hop album
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Devil Rays choke away 11-2 lead, lose 20-11 to the Yankees. Duke sucks
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Russian space agency says launch of solar sail "unsuccessful." If by "unsuccessful" you mean "burns up two minutes after takeoff"
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Google CEO says new payment service won't compete with Paypal. In other news, "Sudetenland Goebbels Reich," I'm feeling lucky
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South Korea bans baseball players from wearing cabbage on their heads, will still be allowed to stuff their jocks with kimchi
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| (WRAL.com) |
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Man escapes burning restaurant, mails $6.00 check to cover unfinished meal
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American U-2 spyplane crashes in SW Asia. Pilot accused of over-emoting on Sunday, Bloody Sunday
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| (www.darkpark.com) |
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TFarker Aeonite's review of Batman Begins (aka Batman B-minus)
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| (Some Guy) |
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School bans skirts, pervs found weeping in their basements
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| (Some Air Crane) |
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Photoshop farker ChainBlue and the Air Crane
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The bad news: 80 percent of us are infected with the AAV-2 virus. The good news: It has no known ill effects, kills multiple types of cancer cells, has no effect on healthy cells
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| (Some Guy) |
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Twenty-five differences between high school and college
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| (Some Chic) |
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Wife gets sweet revenge on flirting husband by selling expensive sports car on Ebay for less than $1. Suprisingly, it sold really fast
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| (Times Recorder) |
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Writer calls on the Religious Right to help boost Army recruiting efforts
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Sick of the Tom Cruise attention whoring, Penelope Cruz bares her sweet boobies for new film, and The Sun is there (not safe for work)
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| (Kansas City Star) |
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First two innings of upcoming Northern League baseball game to be played on an XBox, with real players finishing out the other seven innings.
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Lions rescue 12-year-old girl from kidnappers. Reward to be paid in gazelles and zebras
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| (WGRZ) |
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Amherst police looking for owners of 30 garden gnomes that appeared overnight on the roof of a building (with pics)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this street popcorn vendor
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| Tue June 21, 2005 |
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Detroit sets out to disprove gambler's fallacy, first win in San Antonio in eight years, ties series 3-3
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Schoolgirls put stock-market club together and beat the market by 30 percent
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| (Some Biometric Guy) |
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Convenience store equipped so you can pay with your fingerprint. Big Brother unavailable for comment
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| (KTRE) |
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Ninjas leave their mark on a small Texas town
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| (Some Guy) |
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Evidence that we literally worship the flag: Flag Day, flag code etiquette, a national anthem dedicated to the flag, 27 states require school children to salute the flag daily
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| (LancasterOnline.com) |
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Radio stations ban "passing gas" ads for Shoneys. Taco Bell commercials still okay
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Solar-sail spacecraft AWOL
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Reality TV writers say they work in a "sweatshop." In other news, "The Sweatshop" will premiere this fall on ABC
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| (KXAN) |
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Drunk cop who was passed out in his running automobile was asked how much he had to drink. Answer: "Not enough"
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Acquitted rapist William Kennedy Smith still up to his old tricks, loves to feel up pregnant gals. The Smoking Gun is there
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| (Some Guy) |
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Alligator caught in creek. Its only really newsworthy when it happens in Massachusetts
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21,000 people who think they're ancient pagan priests reincarnated gather at Stonehenge today. Includes strange pic of a monkey man jumping off stones
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D.C. police chief's car stolen. Soon to be nicknamed "Wiggum"
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| (Some Retailer) |
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Top 50 most shoplifted items: Over-the-counter painkillers, home-pregnancy tests, Preparation H top list
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Chicago Cubs pitcher Greg Maddux gets win, ties Tom Seaver on all-time wins list. Also expected to take the "Corky From 'Life Goes On' Memorial Look-Alike Contest" in a walk
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| (The Olympian) |
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Men build elaborate mobile unit for stealing gas from stations. Rube Goldberg unavailable for comment
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Japan pissed that the world won't let it hunt more whales, cites urgent need for more secret ingredients for Iron Chef
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Amorous cattle lay waste to shop during rough sex
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Farker Hammy's sister was the woman who was in the news last week who is brain dead but still pregnant. The baby is still fine so far. The family needs help with medical bills, please donate if you can
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| (NY Daily News) |
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Group on scavenger hunt become the scavenged when they add police-car license plates to their list
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| (Some Best Blog) |
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Photoshop Sean Penn on assignment in Iran
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Freak wombat accident leaves two men and their car balancing on a tree
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| (WLWT) |
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32,000 pounds of toilets spilled on Cincinnati highway
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More search teams on the way to Aruba. You know, in case there was a place that the previous 500 searchers hadn't looked on the tiny island. Search team also volunteering to look for her in Hawaii, Disneyworld and the Super Bowl
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Reports: Missing Utah scout found alive. Media scrambles to find next missing white person to waste valuable airtime on
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| (Danni.com) |
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Crystal Klein, with what looks to be real boobs (NSFW -- sponsored link, DIT)
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Pizza delivery drivers now being robbed by 14-year-old girls (with pic)
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| (Journal Now) |
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North Carolina judge: "An oath sworn on the Quran is not a lawful oath in this state"
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Motley Crue turned away by Live 8, ready to fill in if one of the other bands dies of old age
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Man wakes up with a really bad headache and bullet in his tongue
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The two biggest movie theater chains are merging. Plan to offer low-interest loans so patrons can buy tickets and popcorn
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| (floridatoday.com) |
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Ten year old wins the grand prize for holding his breath under water the longest
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British soccer club Reading to make blue and white coffins, allowing you to be buried in team colors after being killed in that soccer riot
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Vibration engineers monitor crowds at wobbly stadiums, hope to spot the difference between U2 fans rattling their zimmers and Coldplay fans remembering to breathe
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Former Klansman Edgar Ray Killen guilty of manslaughter
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Italian Prime Minister Berlusconi drops by Finland to say hello, thanks for the fish and they suck
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Non-New Zealander caught having sex with with sheep
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L.A. Times invites readers to write "wikitorials." Hilarity ensues
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| (New Mexico Channel) |
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Police arrive to investigate noisy hotel party. Do you: A) apologize and promise to keep it down? B) leave the premises as requested? Or C) kick the cop in the groin?
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Mayor sends assistant to find out about tasers vs. pepper spray: "Hit me, I'll tell you which is worse," with fun video highlights
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Farmers and garden owners uncover bones of mammoths and dinosaurs on a regular basis
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Treehuggers upset that trees are being cut down to rebuild homes for hundreds of thousands left homeless by tsunami
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Not content with suing poor college kids, Metallica now sets their eyes on a small, near-destitute Mexican village
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"If everybody with HIV who works in the food-service industry didn't show up for work tomorrow, America would starve"
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Citing the poor economy and cold weather, Russians drinking more and more "industrial spirits." That is, drinks made from perfume, skincare products, and anti-freeze -- and less vodka.
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| (Local London) |
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Drunk man assaults his 81-year-old mother after she refuses to eat his leftover takeout food
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Sarah Michelle Gellar to star in remake of "Alice." No word on who will play Vic Tayback role. Alyson Hannigan as Flo? Kiss my grits
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Monk attempts to perform exorcism on nun by tying her to cross, stuffing towels into her mouth and leaving her without food for three days. Jailarity ensues
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Lightning strike bends man's wookie
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Polish immigrants top list of business start-ups in Western Europe, fabricating everything from submarine screen doors to helmets for protection against walking into bars
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| (Poughkeepsie Journal) |
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School looks to solve cafeteria overcrowding by serving lunch at 9:36 a.m.
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| (Some Anthromorpheus) |
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Theme: The many emotions of inanimate objects
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CEO of cosmicsoft (a 17-year-old high school student) has clients on five continents
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| (Monterey Herald) |
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If you parked your car in Chicago and came back to find a brand new parking meter on the curb and a ticket on your windshield, you are not alone
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| (Billings Gazette) |
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The Cheyenne who lead the charge that finished Custer and his soldiers were known as the "Suicide Boys"
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Australian bar fights for right to turn back men in order to keep the place from becoming a sausage fest
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| (Some Guy) |
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Tucson Fark Party, July 23rd at Garcia's, off Congress
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Youth baseball team ousted from league for being too good. Bad News Bears surrender
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Tropical Storm Arlene returns foot-long cross stolen by Hurricane Ivan
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The old "dry-cleaning bill to the restaurant" scam works only if you do it less then seven times in the same city
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this water tower
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Motel manager seals hotel patrons in room for not paying rent
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| Mon June 20, 2005 |
| (Modesto Bee) |
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Glory Hole stops serving bear meat
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Man, talking to girlfriend on cell phone, deliberately leaves phone connected as he gets robbed. For one hour, police listened to robbers driving around talking about how to spend victim's cash
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| (Channel Cincinnati) |
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Man races up and down residential area at speeds of 80+ mph. Angry resident confronts driver. Driver speeds off, dragging resident, who proceeds to shoot him four times. Then things take a bizarre white-trash turn
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| (New Zealand Herald) |
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Massive telecom blackout partly caused by rat with bad luck, permanent afro
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Would-be female suicide bomber has wardrobe malfunction
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In addition to falling out of dresses, big boobies are now falling out of fashion
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Man -- who was so frugal, he'd buy expired meat and stopped talking to a relative over $6.76 -- leaves his alma mater $2.1 million
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Learners ointment
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Man from Treasure Island charged with murder. Police unable to get any other statement than "ARRRRR"
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Celebrities play charades for your enjoyment. Two words: First word: Sounds like "snoring"
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See if you can read as far as "souped-up Dodge Neon" before breaking out into uncontrollable laughter
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| (freep.com) |
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Robert Horry drains three pointer, beats Pistons, grabs crotch to "diss" Detroit fans. Little wimpy white guys in glasses run for exits immediately
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| (Some Guy) |
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One-third of Americans pay no income tax at all -- an all-time record
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| (Some Guy) |
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Jane Seymour waits two decades too long, shoots first topless movie scene at 53
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| (Zug) |
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The guys at Zug.com order products from spammers and report on the results
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| (Some Guy) |
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German soldiers win court case, get to keep mullets. Still working on getting wifebeater adopted as uniform, and chrome naked-lady mudflaps as standard issue for all tanks
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Monkey escapes from San Diego Zoo, returns an hour later, signing something about "illegals" and "all the good jobs"
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Spin Magazine picks Radiohead's "OK Computer" as the best album in the last 20 years, beating out Nirvana, Public Enemy and several other music groups that actually rock
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Scientists learning all kinds of new stuff about dinosaurs using the fake bones they planted to undermine The Lord
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| (Clanton Advertiser) |
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Your tax dollars at work: Alabama government sues itself
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Finally, a disease everyone can look forward to spreading like wildfire: "Call Center Employee Voice Loss"
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Several police officers are on the scene of a shooting at the federal courthouse in downtown Seattle
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| (Some Guy) |
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Theme: Stupid error messages. Link goes to non-PSed example
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With all other scientific dilemmas solved in the world, Purdue scientists to tackle why pigs always smell like ass
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| (Trib-Chron) |
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Court finds teabagging no longer an appropriate way of saying to freshmen, "Welcome to our high school wrestling team"
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World's toughest bicycle race starts. If you can survive on 60 minutes sleep a night for 3,000 miles and make friends with your own hallucintions, this is the race for you
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| (Some Guy) |
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Mystery smell at the storage unit wasn't a meth lab, just a really stinky vagrant who'd moved in
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When Japan's parliament isn't beating each other up, they're refusing to vote because of the PM's intoxication
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| (New York Daily News) |
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The annual "videogames cause violence" circus has come to town
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| (News-Record) |
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If your neighbor starts selling $100,000 worth of frozen chicken parts from a trailer in the backyard that wasn't there last week, yup, they may be stolen goods
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Saddam has reportedly been very friendly with U.S. troops, engaging in small talk and eating Raisin Bran. News story also features picture of Saddam posing as Kramer from Seinfeld
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| (Some Guy) |
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Seniors threaten to strip, show their "important parts" unless they get cash for their center
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| (Variety) |
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Like music videos on MTV, sports on ESPN becoming a rarity
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Chinese officials run up restaurant bill so large it will take a lifetime to pay off. That's a lot of egg rolls
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