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| Sun June 19, 2005 |
| (Register Guard) |
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There are good ways to end an argument with your wife, but none of them involve driving your pickup off a 60-foot cliff
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| (Some Camper) |
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Presenting the coolest RV photos you'll see today
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| (Some Guy) |
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Before hopping into that log flume, make sure that there is water in the splashdown area
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| (Pop Sci) |
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The amatuer rocketeer convention. Something big is bound to go boom
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| (APOD) |
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Some scrumtrulecent clouds
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| (NBC) |
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Banana Truck Overturns. Witnesses say it just peeled out
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Two F-15E crews pick on Eurofighter, get asses handed right back
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Pastor's ashes to be part of town's 4th of July fireworks display
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| (The Journal Gazette) |
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Cat breeders attempt to breed cats with opposable thumbs
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New York hopes to attract more beer drinkers by offering a beer trail, vacation itineraries, 'I Love NY Beer' bumper stickers
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop theme: Windmills
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| (Fort Dodge Messenger) |
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Cheap laugh--name your mud volleyball team "Hatchet Wounds" or "Moose Knuckles". Comedy gold--local newpaper prints front page story about your match
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| (Des Moines Register) |
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4,000 pounds of cheese, 700 pounds of sauce and 9,500 sections of crust
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| (Some Guy) |
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Tokyo hit by 6.1 quake, large lizzard seen approaching shore
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| (Eagle Gazette) |
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Wanna start a B&B in Central Ohio? Columbus Metroparks has a 'castle' for lease. (with pics)
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USA Grand Prix descends into farce as only six cars start the race due to safety fears of Michelin tires
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Worlds coolest tree house, dolby 5.1 surround, computer room, 3 levels, still working on the hot chicks room..
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| (The Man) |
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Department of Energy boasts gas prices at $1.63/gallon
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Six reasons why intolerance should not be tolerated. Victimized bigots set to whine about bigotry against their religious beliefs
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| (RUSH.COM) |
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Now that he's been found innocent, Rush guitarist Alex Lifeson is free to tell you that Florida police broke his nose, and tasered him six times, including twice while he was lying face down, leaving bloody holes in his back
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Malaysian monk finds puppy with six legs and two penises. Names it 'Lucky One.'
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| (rightonnews.com) |
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Bush: pulling out not an option
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| (News-Leader) |
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Over half of large American companies have staff whose sole job is to read employees' outgoing email
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Its not so bad being busted making an illegal turn once, but getting busted for it 105 times without even knowing it is a bit much
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Latest in Russian fads: wealthy people injected with stem-cells from aborted fetuses
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Bangladesh beats world champions Australia in biggest upset in cricket history
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Tiny African island to become fully Internetted, give Nigeria a run for its email money
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In a shocking development that surprised nobody, EU discussions reveal that France and England still hate each other
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Art student who stole expensive sculpture from gallery is released after using the old "I was just testing security" excuse
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Scotland tries out new investment strategy: half savings-bond, half lottery ticket
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In honor of Father's Day, salaries of TV Dads (in 2005 dollars)
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| (Freebie!) |
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Father's Day Freebie: Kids who bring their dad to Noodles & Co. get their pa's entree free
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Brad Pitt and Billy Bob Thornton making a movie together. Ooh, that's gonna be awkward
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| (7 Days) |
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Woman whose shirt was nearly torn off during catfight at gas station discovers the hard way that men never, ever stop a catfight, especially if nudity might be involved
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this lime slice
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| (Orlando Sentinel) |
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Women frustrated that high fashion is designed for small-breasted women, and a lot of the women that can afford high fashion can also afford breast enhancement
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| (Happy Father's Day) |
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Photoshop a song title or a song lyric (Yes, it's been done before, but this is a Father's Day special)
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A week before NCAA meets to discuss "inappropriate" Indian nicknames, the Seminole tribe says they have no problems with it
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| (Some Guy) |
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AOL ranked "most infected network." Internet users seen carefully examining e-penises
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| (Zwire.com) |
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Two arrested for pulling the ol' "Blindfolded teen jumps from trunk while man pays for gas" gag
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| (TheForce.net) |
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Dads get a free Darth Vader poster this weekend for seeing Star Wars
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| (Luke Skywalker) |
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NASA demonstrates flying volleyball smarter than you
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| (WFMY News 2) |
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Drinking through straws said to lower cavities, get you drunk faster
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| (Courier Journal) |
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Father jumps off cliff to save daughter. Doesn't want to be labeled as a hero, just glad she's home for Father's Day
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Bar of soap, made from Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi's fat, fetches $18,000 at auction
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| (Some Chap) |
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A helpful guide to what those English speaking folks are trying to say when speaking their so-called "English"
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| (Oakland Tribute) |
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California pizza parlor owner accused of illegally transferring $1 million to bounty hunter on rogue mission to kill Osama bin Laden. No, really
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| (Some Guy) |
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Today's Iron Photoshop ingredient: Scales
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While America flirts with corn-derived ethanol as a fuel additive, Brazil has converted wholesale to sugar-derived ethanol as a fuel and no longer depends on imported oil
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| (Some Guy) |
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Indiana teen arrested for sexual vampire activity
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| (Some Guy) |
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Actual letter from cheerleaders caught pooping on pizza
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| Sat June 18, 2005 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Faced with a shortage of Mexican workers to pick berries due to border crackdown, Oregon farmers suggest child labor could solve their problems
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| (Sports Illustrated) |
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SI Swimsuit Issue covers models in nothing but body paint, continues to be read for the articles (not safe for work)
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| (Some Gal) |
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Hot guys in briefs (not safe for work)
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Woman says key chain was in her burger, did not expect nutritional value from McDonald's
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In a growing trend, film developers are refusing to develop digital pictures thinking they look too professional
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Top Wimbledon referee wants to see rules changed to crack down on the grunting noises made by female tennis players
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| (Deeper, Baby) |
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Everything you always wanted to know about the "Deep Web"
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| (WBAY) |
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After many failed attempts to get newspaper editor to publish his letters, frustrated writer resorts to poking editor in the chest to get his attention
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| (blackpooltoday) |
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Burger Dome, the most violent burger bar in town
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| (hollywood.com) |
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Organizer of annual Slayercon disappears with $380,000 of Buffy fans' money
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Jeb says don't chug wine before driving, bring it home
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Ornithological mystery involving bucket full of pelicans may never be solved, "but on a disappointment scale, this ranks very low."
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Judge strikes down law forbidding the sale of single beers, allowing the introduction of the 72-ounce beer, to replace all those pesky six packs
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| (Some Guy) |
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Drunk man fires gun filled with blanks at wall, surprised to find himself staring down the barrels of ten very real guns belonging to ten police officers
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these ants taking over a flower
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Las Vegas targets Denver as one of three cities where residents have too much money and are too sober
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Old and busted: Space shuttle Discovery. New hotness: Privately funded solar sail spacecraft launched from Russian submarine
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Let us dress in our lettuce dress without dressing
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Bikini bar foes hope to pray it away
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Mother dog nurses a puppy and two tiger cubs, which will probably work pretty well until the puppy decides to try chasing a tiger
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| (Steves Digicams) |
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Photoshop this magical flying bull and rider
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| (PayGoogle/ GooglePal?) |
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Google set to Offer PayPal alternative this year
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Leonardo DiCaprio slashed in face by party crasher. May have to spend life slightly less handsome
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man charged with stealing beer he paid for
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| (Some Guy) |
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Defend your castle. Post your high score to this highly addictive game
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Tiger Woods top athlete in earnings; Fourth place belongs to relatively unknown "Ron Mexico," who "burns" to move farther up and "bump" Tiger from the top.
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| (College Humor) |
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Major amusement park ride malfunction caught on video, with one poor sap singled out for extreme funtime justice
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| (DeansPlanet.Com) |
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Lindsay Lohan's skeletal remains spotted poolside yet again, taking a break from battling He-Man (site has not safe for work ads)
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| (KCRG) |
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Man ticketed for driving 112 in a 35 mph zone while arguing with his wife, who told him to stay under 100
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If you use a MasterCard you may want to look at your bills very carefully for the next couple of months
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| (Bloomington Pantagraph) |
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Woman stabs boyfriend 42 times in self-defense. Boyfriend had polio, a wheelchair and use of only one hand
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| (Some Guy) |
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What did geeks do before electricity?
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| (Gamespot) |
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After losing the Betamax/VHS war because of porn, Sony decides to allow porn on the PSP
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Annual deposit of smelly dead fish ruins beach vacations for thousands of people dumb enough to visit Florida in summer
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Woman punches her fiancee. Judge slaps her with 100-yard restraining order and won't lift it. That almost put a damper on their wedding plans
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| Fri June 17, 2005 |
| (The Boston Phoenix) |
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Pizza Czar builds Vatican West
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this radar installation
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| (WBAY) |
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Hilarity ensues as Idaho police raid wrong unit of a duplex. That would be the one owned by the Vietnam vet prepared to defend himself with a vacuum hose
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University of Kansas sends out mass email naming 119 students who failed all their classes last semester. Still doesn't suck as bad as Duke
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| (Pulaski County Democrat) |
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Man arrested, suspected of stealing $650 love doll. Victim still has look of suprise
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| (Reno Gazette Journal) |
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"In an unusual move," jury awards forced porn viewer $209,000
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Second helicopter this week down in the East River in NYC
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| (The herald) |
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Innocent sheep has baby geep by perverted wild goat
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| (Swift Report) |
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Parents destroy their kid's rainbow drawing; sue school for promoting an obvious symbol of the homosexual agenda
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TSA touts multi-layer security system that caught a five-inch knife screeners let through security, ignoring the fact that they only got the knife because the passenger found it herself
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Acne: Bad for your chances with the cheerleaders, good for your heart
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Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 24 times, and I must be the International Atomic Energy Agency
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Woman parks SUV in garage, returns to find it in her new basement
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Drew will be on Free Talk Live tonight around 8:05 p.m. after having had several beers. Call in to ask him questions while inebriated
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Jacko plans party at casino for stupid fans
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Seven people have been threatened or injured by a deer in the last two weeks at Southern Illinois University, leaving the deer with three bags left, all of which must weigh more than 105-pounds
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| (Anchorage Daily News) |
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If you're the guy that screamed you were being mauled on Flattop Mountain in Alaska, triggering a massive rescue response, you're an ass
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| (Happy Dad's Day) |
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It's Father's Day Sunday so tell a story about your dad or SO. (Difficulty: SO must be a dad.) LGN
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Jeb Bush continues to flagellate a deceased equine
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New York may give drunk drivers special license plates, which will bear the words "New Jersey"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these diggers
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Tsunami could hit the Indian Ocean again. Now back to your regularly scheduled scare-mongering
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| (Press and Journal) |
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"Family man" uses mobile phone to photograph semi-naked 17-year-old girl in clothing-store fitting rooms. Claims to be ashamed of the incident despite being caught attempting to repeat the offense
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| (Hindustan Times) |
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Gandhi's family causing stink with Indian government over Australian-based Indian takeaway "Handi Ghandi"
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According to Billy Bob Thornton, sleeping with Angelina Jolie is like "f***ing the couch." Still, f***ing the couch is better than spanking the monkey
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New Kansas museum gallery displays side-by-side U.S., Russian space efforts; tastefully excludes use of monkeys as early astronauts
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"My mom's getting me a lawyer," says the boy who drove earthmover through Tucson for giggles. Lawyer says client was smart enough to run machine but he found the endless gestures of a police convoy to stop too subtle. Lawsuit ensues
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| (BusinessWeek) |
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It isn't often that a company CEO appears naked in advertisements. And is proud of banging his staff
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A new study finds Boston smokes more pot that Boulder. Boulder hippies blame this problem on police pulling weed plants out of public flower boxes. Say they will double their efforts once the 7-11 restocks
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REMINDER: Phoenix Fark Party tonight at 7:00 p.m., Hurricane Bay. LGT original thread and address of venue. Difficulty: Wear a Hawaiian shirt
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Contest to see who can eat the most stinging nettles in an hour started as, shockingly enough, a bar competition
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"ELIZABETH II by the Grace of God of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and of Her other Realms and Territories Queen ... and Defender of the Faith has bought a nice looking and reassuringly expensive iPod"
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| (MetroWest Daily News) |
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In retrospect, teachers realize that taking pictures of ninth-grade boys skinny dipping wasn't such a great idea, even though the students requested it
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| (Lowell Sun) |
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Man who stalked 17-year-old cashier and passed out nude fliers of himself at her school is shocked that he must register as a sex offender
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| (News10) |
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Group wants cancer warning put on bags of potato chips
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According to a new poll, $15 ticket prices, $4 cups of watered-down Pepsi and asshats with cell phones just ain't drawing as many movie theatre customers as they used to
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| (Metrowest Daily News) |
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Woman considering suing for injuries incurred while dumpster diving, despite warning sign that says "do not occupy this container for any purpose"
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| (LancasterOnline.com) |
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Ugly-ass kitten born with two faces. That's a two-fapper if you're keeping score (new link)
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Tom Cruise proposes to beard No. 3 under giant French phallus
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| (Wall Street Journal) |
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What happens after sports leagues assess fines? They're often quietly reduced, dropped or even refunded with interest
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Spilled fuel oil threatens Moscow's drinking water. Residents shrug, say they can shower with vodka too if they have to
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| (Some Scoundrel) |
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Photoshop some "special modifications" for this smuggler
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The girl who inspired the song "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" has died. Paul still dead
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Brazilian scientists unlock the centuries-old secret of "Michalangelo's Code," discover how to spin nunchucks and relish a good pizza
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Wesley Snipes has a pretty cool fake South African passport, and is dumb enough to try and use it in South Africa (with pic)
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| (contactmusic.com) |
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Missy Elliot claims she was "shocked" by Madonna/Britney smooch. However, she doesn't rule out any future lesbian smooching for herself
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| (wltx.com) |
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Police officer offers to let women drop traffic charges if they drop trou for him on camera
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| (usgs.gov) |
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6.6 earthquake off the California coast. See you down at Arizona Bay
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From the "Not That You'd Want To" Department: Court upholds right of Wal-Mart workers to flirt
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| (PalmBeachPost.com) |
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Goodyear blimp tries to take off in thunderstorm, drops in on Red Lobster for dinner (pic)
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| (Libertarian Party) |
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You're still paying for the Spanish-American War if you have a telephone
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County commissioner offers proposal of shipping sex offenders to Mexico
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King Tut exhibit to tour U.S. again. He's our favorite honky
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| (CentralOhio.com) |
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Model maker can go through 18 cans of beer an hour and stay sober
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Billy West, actor who voiced Fry on "Futurama," lays down some much-deserved smack on Hollywood producers who throw millions at celebrities for lending mediocre voices to animated movies while the real talent could be had for a song
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Female soldier receives Silver Star, the first since World War II
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| (Some Boston Guy) |
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Boston Fark party at Jose McIntyre's Sunday the 19th -- bring your dad. DIT
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U.S. sees rise in "adult" spelling contests: F-E-L-L-A-T-I...
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| (Telegraph India) |
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Hotel guest purchases Dalmore 62-year-old malt worth £32,000, drinks it with small circle of friends in one night
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Future giant laser threatened by cuts. In other news, plans halted for giant Jiffy Pop containers
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| Thu June 16, 2005 |
| (WFMY) |
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Study from the Institute For The Stunningly Obvious finds stars make poor role models
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| (Grand Street News) |
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"Attack squirrels" invade NY's Lower East Side; no word on the size of their nuts (with pics)
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| (Grand Forks) |
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Woman unsuccessfully tries to wake snoring husband by pouring water on him. Becomes mildly triumphant after stabbing him in the arm with pen. Claims victory after bashing him with a three pound dumbbell
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| (NBC) |
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Don't you hate it when you get up in the middle of the night to have a pee, turn on the bathroom light and your whole house assplodes? Yeah, so does this guy
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Paris Hilton penetrated through gaping hole. Will somone please plug that thing?
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| (Lighthouse) |
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Colorize this black-and-white lighthouse photo
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Sappy: Lonely Italian grandfather pleads for companionship in classified ads, finds family that adopts him. Saps: Man skips town, leaving family with piles of bills
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| (WLBZ Bangor) |
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Jurors don't believe man's story that he accidentally shot, dismembered and buried his friend while hunting
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Archeologists uncover cursed treasure filled with magic items, such as Girdle of Femininity/Masculinity and Spear of Backbiting
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Parker Bros. Monopoly forced into makeover by soaring property prices
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Man claiming to be "too disabled to work" found wrestling alligators, taking martial arts classes and selling bootleg CDs and DVDs.
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Live 8 adds dates in Toronto and Tokyo. Soon will be scheduled for Kathmandu, Boise and your neighbor Rick's backyard
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Since 1999, Hollywood has been dominated by anticipation of huge franchises (Star Wars, LotR, Matrix, etc). Now that this era is more or less done with SW Ep3, AudioEdit a meeting of Hollywood execs thinking up the next big franchise
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Oy vey. Last "Borscht Belt" resort slightly ver klempt over its tsoriss, schleps on with its schtick
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| (Sentinel and Enterprise) |
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Woman piles flammable material next to water heater, sets house on fire. Returns to burned home, discards cigarette in trash, gets listed on Fark
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Want a tourist experience that's different? Try Sri Lankan prison
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Sean Penn tells Iranian students that the "Death to America" slogan chanted each week at Friday prayers hurts Iran-U.S. relations because Americans take it literally
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SoCal Farkers from other states just felt a gnarly earthquake. Locals yawn at 5.3. Points docked for dismount
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♪♫ M-I-C ♪♫ C ya in the afterlife ♪♫ K-E-Y ♪♫ Y? Because you're dead ♪♫ M-O-U-S-E ♪♫
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| (Chartattack) |
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Now you can have Hilary Duff's vast, impressive catalogue of timeless, decade-spanning songs on one "greatest hits" album
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| (WBOC) |
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Coast guard tows shark-infested whale carcass into swimming area to see what happens when you do that
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San Diego State University now offers an advanced chemistry course in methamphetamine manufacturing. Job placement available
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Man on trial for 1964 Civil Rights murders hospitalized. No word on how it will affect his Six Flags advertising campaign
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Abandoned otter pup learning to survive at aquarium by being fed mixture of clam and squid juices, cod liver oil, cow's milk and vitamins; sleeping in playpen lined with SpongeBob SquarePants sheets
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| (woai.com) |
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Cheerleaders doctor pizza with feces; frame rivals
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Another "top Zarqawi aide" captured. "Zarqawi Aide" now officially world's second crappiest job, after "Guy Who Replaces Urinal Cakes"
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In "Wayne's World" of Aurora, Illinois, more than 100 homes still displaying Christmas decorations
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| (WPVI.com) |
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Police release sketch of "Naked Zorro," including drawn-on mask
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop Drew and his brothers-in-law at a Cubs game
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop theme: Worst possible spokesperson for common products
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In retrospect, Americans posing nude in front of the Arc de Triomphe might offend the French
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Candy industry targets fitness craze, emphasizing the extra workout you get from lugging a fat ass around
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Having solved all other problems, city government of Franklin, Tennessee, seeks to ban garage doors
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| (webindia123.com) |
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Britney invites Disney bosses to hotel room, welcomed by husband Cletus watching porn
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Norway's Princess Leah was named for Star War's Princess Leah, which is probably less insulting then being named Princess Chewbacca
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| (nbc 4) |
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Police chase ends after motorcycle rider loses police in mall, later nabbed when he shows up at CHP to claim his bike
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Texas university names professorship of stem-cell research after Willie Nelson. Will focus on improving joints
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| (DailyPress) |
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Watermen find a half-male, half-female crab, name it "Springer"
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Harrier carrying 4,500-pounds of bombs crashes in Arizona backyard. Home owner charged 25,000,000 Pepsi Points
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Children's nutritional survey reveals favorite snack is fruit. Also reveals they clean their room twice a day, watch 15 minutes of TV a week
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USA Today confirms that media ignores minorities who go missing, then resume coverage of missing white girl
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| (NY Daily News) |
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With exams over, media shocked to find that students and teachers are just killing time until the final June bell signaling summer vacation rings
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North Korean bird flu "different." Wears platform shoes, has funny hair and will not enter into six-party bird flu talks unless it gets $6 billion from America the imperalist aggressors
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School has 44 valedictorians, 10 percent of the graduating class
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| (My Way News) |
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You don't have nukes, Saudi Arabia? Well, as long as you say so, we won't inspect you
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| (Monterey Herald) |
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Bill Frist almost admits he was wrong. In other news, there's a pig hovering like a hummingbird outside your window
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Colorful samples from this year's commencement speeches, including Steve Jobs' celebration of death
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Three former college students sue Hooters Air, claiming airline was their idea from class project. 618,241 other college students expected to join class action
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Runaway bride gets movie deal, thus filling in those pesky question marks between running away and profiting
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| (Some Guy) |
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Larry LaPrise, writer of "The Hokey Pokey," passes away at 83. The hardest part was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in...
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Boss of London Underground has sound advice for overcrowded tube travellers: If you smell, take a bath
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Hydrogen-powered motocycles coming in '06. Looks like a motorcycle, quiet as a bicycle
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| (wowt.com) |
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Graffiti vandals paint Omaha homes with rap references and Bible verses
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Police probe into prisoner assault includes forensic experts beating on sheep carcass for two hours to match sounds of prisoner beatings
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| (Some Guy) |
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Instashop Randy Johnson's ass. DO IT NOW!
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Police respond to emergency call by smashing in front door after getting no response from inside the home. Call had been made by the family cat
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Rich Iowa business man nails some Amish chick and is now in a truly crazy custody battle. Nailed an Amish chick?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop: Masturbation euphemisms
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Ice-pick used to kill Trotsky found in Mexico
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50 Cent pulls out of Live 8, which promptly lights cigarette and says "You were great baby," rolls eyes, gets dressed and goes out cruising for real talent
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Triumph is back and he has a boy to pick with Michael Jackson fans
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| (Today's KHTV) |
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Guy tries to rob beauty school -- gets beat down by 30 women with curling irons
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Door-to-door meat salesman in jail after offering chicken in exchange for a little pork
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Man sentenced to 27 months of jail after getting bright idea to shave friend, paint him green so he looked like "Shrek"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Growing hallucinogenic mushrooms is legal in New Mexico. Hippies rejoice
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Casino wins pedestrian safety award, despite not having sidewalks, crosswalks or wheelchair ramps. Turns out it was the only applicant
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It's difficult to remain covert when a passing truck snags the power lines you are stealing, tearing down seven steel towers
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Man who has spent his life as a human cannonball fired because of his fear of airplanes
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| (Newhouse News) |
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Study suggests running away like an hysterical incontinent schoolgirl may be best survival option during a tornado
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Displaying Wisconsin's political activism, lone man casts only vote on referendum
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| (NewsWatch50.com) |
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Man -- found sitting on a bench naked -- tells cops "I was hot." Not as hot as the marijuana in his backpack
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| (LA Times) |
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House of Representatives votes to ensure you can safely check out "Catcher in the Rye" from your local library without fear
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Biggest challenge for mountain climbers on Mount McKinley are the piles of human poo
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| Wed June 15, 2005 |
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If you're going to urge your fellow assembly members to try out a new drug detection machine, you might want to make sure that you'll be able to pass it yourself
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Deciding $26 worth of beads wasn't enough 250 years ago, Indian tribe lays claim to Long Island
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Enterprising 15-year-old steals school bus, takes it home after 10-mile chase
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| (Wal-Mart) |
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Photoshop this crazy bald guy
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Oprah has mitochondrial test to prove she is a Zulu. Also takes a midichlorian test to show that she's the Chosen One
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More proof that Hollywood hates you: Eddie Murphy to sing in new movie adaptation of "Dreamgirls." All songs to sound suspiciously like "Party All the Time" with different lyrics
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Sean Connery convinces French soccer star to join Glasgow Rangers
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| (WISH) |
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Bad: Reasonably looking Indiana principal rips off boys clothes. Worse: At a talent show on stage. Worst: The parents have video cameras. (with crappy pic)
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Berlin man converts WWII-era anti-aircraft tower into a luxury apartment; notes how ideal it is for dealing with noisy pigeons
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| (Farktography) |
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Farktography Contest #6 Theme: Nuts & Bolts, No GIS. Link Goes To NEXT week's theme. Rules In Thread
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Northwest Airlines to shut down an engine on flights to save money
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| (Smith & Wesson) |
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You too can have a Smith & Wesson Homeland Security(tm) knife and barbecue set
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As unbelievable as it sounds, some speculate relationships like "TomKat" have ulterior P.R. motives
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Coming soon to a barbecue near you: A more annoying Stephen Harper, who will drink all your beer
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| (WarCry.com) |
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Curt Schilling: All Star pitcher, 20 game winner, Everquest II defiler
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| (Legal Reader) |
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Fast-adapting immigrant family sues lawyers who won them $8.5 million sex-slavery verdict, claiming they were exposed to too much litigation
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| (Post-Gazette.com) |
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Four men ordered to stand trial in goat-for-coke scheme
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| (Nola.com) |
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Public defender suspended after pay raise mistake prompts gift of petroleum jelly, red lipstick and one rude greeting card
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Airport customs officials arrest man after getting a glimpse of his trouser snake
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Golden retriever mistakenly summoned to court for violation of leash law. Judge to throw case out, have it brought right back to him
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| (Boston Channel) |
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Las Vegas taxpayers end up eating $95,000 price tag after eating world's largest cake they thought was donated by Sara Lee
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| (Tampa Tribune) |
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Playing your car stereo extra loud makes you look extra cool while getting ticketted for it
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| (EU Observer) |
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EU Constitution drafter Valéry Giscard d'Estaing says it was a mistake to let peasants actually read it before voting. "It is not possible for anyone to understand the full text"
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| (NewsWatch50.com) |
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Bush administration says Schiavo autopsy doesn't change their position. "We have brains half normal size too, and we function fine"
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Today on the "Mr. Obvious Show": Cell phones cause car crashes
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| (Some Guy) |
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Half Life 2 characters turn up in guy's yard (with cool pics)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Michelle Trachtenberg (SFW)
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| (Hindustan Times) |
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Man says that he cut off his penis because he could not keep up with the insatiable sex demands of his wife
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| (Mertyle Beach Sun News) |
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St-st-st-stutterers organize a g-g-g-group to write and p-p-p-perform in their own p-p-p-plays. Interm-m-m-mission to b-b-b-be held every s-s-s-seven hours.
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| (Asbury Park Press) |
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Fearing that signs warning of dangerous rip tides would be found inadequate in a potential lawsuit, town decides to lower its liability risk by posting no signs at all. Hilarity hasn't ensued yet, but soon will
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Norwegian police say they draw the line at having buckets of urine and excrement dumped on their heads
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Israeli couple strip down in secluded location, light some candles, turn on the Barry White, are promptly attacked by a swarm of bees
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| (Cincinnati Enquirer) |
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"People are actively trying to see naked breasts all the time"
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As a general rule, if you hit an old codger's truck with a water balloon and he starts chasing you and you manage to get away, don't hit him with another water balloon. Near Darwinism ensues.
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this high-jumping rollerskater
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For all your roofing needs, call Darwin & Associates homebuilders
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New Yankee stadium to be built in the Bronx. New home dugout to be equipped with Heimlich Maneuver machine. Duke sucks
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Girlfriend of "naked rambler" to join him on his next walk across the UK. In other news, man best known for walking around without pants actually has a girlfriend
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Burglars make off with $300,000 worth of wine, two cars, Cuban cigars, guns, paintings, autographed guitars, jewelry -- and also, conicidentally, the State of Ohio's reputation.
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| (Friday Project) |
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Study finds that 50 percent of computer misuse is related to porn. So check out the guy next to you at work -- if he isn't a pervert, then it's probably you
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John Madden to point out the obvious on NBC's "Sunday Night Football" starting in 2006
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Schiavo's brain found to be half normal size at time of death, autopsy reveals. Appearance with Bill O'Reilly set for Friday
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Police might believe "I shot him in the leg to make him fall," but not "I shot him in the head to make him dizzy." Probably
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Today on "World's Dumbest Terrorists": 12 prisoners, released from Guantanamo Bay, return to Iraq to fight with insurgents; are promptly captured. Again
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Mark Felt was in charge of FBI Investigation to find Deep Throat
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Crack AP pollsters find that most people listen to the weather forecast but don't trust it
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| (Danni.com) |
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Erica Campbell and her real boobs (NSFW -- sponsored link, DIT)
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| (Hindustan Times) |
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Teacher in trouble after insisting that he needed all of his female students to go topless. For instructional purposes, of course
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No new news in Natalee Halloway search. Just thought everyone should know
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| (Sheboygan Press) |
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Seagulls terrorize Sheboygan shopping center with "a hail of feces"
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Welsh pigeon fanciers begging for official recognition. Sheep fanciers prefer to avoid the glare of publicity
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Glue spill on highway slows traffic. In other news, some headlines write themselves
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British taxpayers groan as police take drug dealer to court to seize assets worth $0.53 cents
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Great Caesar's ghost! The Daily Planet needs a new chief as Perry White actor Lane Smith has died
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Terri Schiavo autopsy report to be released today; expected to include words "would have gotten away with it" and "meddling kids"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this chick standing in some cool-looking ruins
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| (Some Mathemagician) |
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Free Swim + Dirty Hippies = Filthy Lucre
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"Batman Begins" kicks ass! Review and gallery of Batman throughout history
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| (The Star) |
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Saudi oil minister says $50 per barrel of oil is too much, will increase production by half a million barrels per day
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Bald eagle delivers fresh salmon to home owner's living room after crashing through window
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| (nbc5) |
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Would you like some hash browns with that? Russians use 11,000 eggs to cook record-setting half-ton omlette (with pic)
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Theft plan unravels after man attempts to rob woman wearing nothing but a blanket
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Teen charged with battery after vomiting on his Spanish teacher; expected to excel in French
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Tampa Bay declared least affordable place to live in nation. Bewildered trailer-park residents load up the truck and move to Beverly. Hills, that is
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Teens getting summer jobs as online gamblers
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"We kindly ask that you not do floating somersaults while giving your testimony, sir"
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Hospital robot goes berserk, causing doctor and patient to flee; searches for Sarah Connor
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| (Mlive.com) |
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Drive-thru worker accidentally drops change on ground. Do you: A) Say "Don't worry about it" and drive away. Or B) Pull up, get out of your car and punch the almighty snot out of drive-thru worker?
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14:59
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Bronze plaque depicting a magistrate groping a pantsless dude attracts controversy, pantsless-dude admirers
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these windows
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Driver hears noise, looks back to see squirrel lying in backseat of her car, goes nuts
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| (Some Guy) |
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Three-hundred pound naked man rescued from reservoir three times in several minutes... the third time after he sank the rescue boat
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To prove Scientology isn't a cult, Tom Cruise has hired a "minder" for Katie Holmes
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| (TVDads.com) |
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"The Rules of TV Single Dads" include the Mike Brady Clause and the Grandpa Munster Mortgage Act
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| Tue June 14, 2005 |
| (The Omaha Channel) |
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7.0 earthquake off coast of California. Tsunami warning cancelled (updated)
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| (Sun Herald) |
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Homeowner sees ice-cream truck driver toss something onto her lawn, discovers it was empty can of Steel Reserve malt liquor. Thus began ice-cream man's really bad day
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| (Hot Springs Star) |
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There once was a herd of deer / Who's evil intent was quite clear / Across the road they did sweep / Causing Drew to weep / By derailing a tanker of beer
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The fastest man alive is no longer some cheat on steroids
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| (wavy.com) |
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Woman sells ex-husband's steel casket because the marriage died before he did
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Bear raids campsite, eats food, drinks three cans of beer. "He would've drank all of them if it would've been Budweiser," says camper
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| (conspiracy planet) |
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In this week's issue of "Obvious Magazine": Bill introduced to repeal the 22nd Amendment
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Today's "250 animals in one house" story brought to you by 131 dogs, 48 cats, 80 rabbits, 86 guinea pigs and the fine police of Cromer, England
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| (9news.com) |
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Police investigating why homeless sex offender has keys to 20 residences with addresses and maps
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| (Shetland News) |
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Family feud ends up in court after participants started flinging poo at each other
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Police baffled by theft of paint van by naked woman and it's subsequent and messy crash
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The-ah euro, she is a dister-ah; she-ah needs-ah to be whacked
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| (Grand Forks Herald) |
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"Dungeon & Dragons" illustrator David Sutherland dies of liver failure, level-three orc
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| (Observer Reporter) |
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Driver hears noise, looks back to see motorcyclist lying in bed of his pickup truck
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The gays in Spain may be their party's pain
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| (Billings Gazette) |
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Since all other problems, including a $213 million budget, have been solved, city council spends most of its time arguing over a church's temporary go-kart track
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Hidden camera catches British plumber making own addition to water system
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Naked teen boy busted in Florida Keys after streaking college classroom
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Michael Jackson's website equates "not guilty" verdict with the release of Nelson Mandela and fall of Berlin Wall
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Sources say Michael Jackson is so broke, he can't even buy a 10-year-old Cambodian boy
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Bad enough: Eight-person sailboat capsizes at 1:00 a.m. in 60-degree water. Much worse: Arrival of the oil tanker
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| (WTOP) |
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Everytime you flush the toilet, a male fish changes gender
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| (Some Guy) |
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Engineering students show how to make your own A/C for $30
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| (Oregon Live) |
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Jury okays Portland police's "team culture" of nude hot-tubbing, porn viewing and strip clubbing
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Secrets you didn't know about Batman, including relationship with SpongeBob SquarePants
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College football QB calls himself God to police. Finds out God is vulnerable to pepper spray, too
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Don't plan on buying any movies on VHS at Wal-Mart after 2005
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| (Some Yankee) |
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Today's Iron Photoshop ingredient: Flags. (June 14 is Flag Day)
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Engineers build flying car that works; hope to get onto cover of Popular Science, be taken seriously this time
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Ask a question about Fark, or answer one already asked
|
| (ITV News) |
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Ebay removes Live 8 tickets put up for sale. Bob Geldorf seen dancing madly in his underpants and rolling in mud
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Woman with partly paralyzed face sues Sam's Club because she was fired for not smiling enough
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| (aBum) |
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Britney Spears and Cletus Federline wild new sex tape (not safe for work)
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Seven Peugeot cars spontaneously catch fire while parked with the engine off
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| (Glasgow Daily Record) |
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Rectum? Damn near killed 'em
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Lakers to rehire Phil Jackson. Duke sucks
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Father of Norway's hottie princess to divorce ex-stripper after three months
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Bob Geldof angry at Ebay for its "profiteering on the backs of the impoverished."
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Keyra, that mystery girl with the perfect butt, poses for Maxim. Thankfully, not safe for work
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Newly uncovered memo proves Kofi Annan knew of his son's involvement in oil-for-food scandal as early as 1998
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you could only have cable TV for one month, what shows/channels would be required?
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Comcast cable technicians save life of boy who nearly drowned in pool. Awards ceremony scheduled for anywhere from 8:00 a.m. Wednesday to 4:00 p.m. Friday
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Wal-Mart denies reports and claims they will still sell VHS tapes, along with other obsolete crap that you'll buy because it costs $2.00
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When attending a job interview, wearing clothes can help with that good first impression
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Polygamous sect expels young men to free up more teenaged hotties. Authorities outraged. Middle-aged men strangely pensive
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Experts say Michael Jackson could make a comeback, but then he'd probably hand the boy a towel to clean it up
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| (Mr. Programmer) |
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Photoshop this giant LEGO guy. "O" in thread. Link goes nowhere
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Australian man, 87, fights off intruder with shoe
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| (Move along lil doggy) |
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Just because somebody bought your house for $700k more than it was worth and was wanting Pentagon contracts shouldn't make it suspect. The bubble just burst
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Red Tide wreaking havok on ability to eat clam
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Before presenting Three Stooges golf ball, skydiver hits tree, breaks leg, slaps forehead
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Seven hundred people turn out to watch 10 people cross lake in boats made of nothing but cardboard, glue, tape and paint
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| |
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Hospitals start webcasting surgeries. Watch Uncle Charlie get his thyroid removed, from your cubicle
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Man's joy of reviving from a coma is quickly overshadowed by the realization that a monkey mauled his genitals
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 |
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"Airplane" turns 25. Creators plan to celebrate with fish dinner, screwdrivers
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Mike Tyson can't reach giant Irishman's ears during fight, tries to bite off nipple instead (with pic)
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| |
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Date palm -- once thought to be extinct -- sprouts from a 2,000-year-old seed (with pics)
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Nine hundred people in Indiana try to break into the Guinness Book of World Records by using over 23,000 balloons in a water-balloon fight
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Music fans set a new world's record when they sent more than 2,000,000 text messages in attempt to get tickets for London's Live 8 concert
|
| Mon June 13, 2005 |
| (Some Ears) |
|
Theme: All ears
|
| (New Straits Times) |
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Why are toner cartridges so expensive? Because they are filled with Special K
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Soccer overlords to put chips in balls, guacamole in nets
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Increasingly, companies are firing people for things they do on their own time. Tire slashing, for example
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This just in: The number of Americans infected with the HIV virus has recently surpassed one million. Now back to Missing White Woman/Pervert of the Week stories on CNN
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If I had known it was gonna be THAT kinda judgment, I'd have stuck my flute in the mashed potatoes
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Man gets new trial chance after claiming hypoglycemia made him hit wife on head with hammer, run her over with van
|
| (earthquake.usgs.gov) |
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Massive 7.9 earthquake hits northern Chile
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Latest Jesus spotting: This guy's nasty-ass bathroom
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Man, 31, manages to pass himself off as a 15-year-old school boy for a whole month, despite looking like he is 50 (with pic)
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Magnetic North Pole last seen heading towards Russia at 40 kilometres per year. Canada to lose control of Santa, reindeer?
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| (woai) |
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Scientists find link between obesity and diet soda. "I'll have two Whoppers, large fries and a Diet Coke"
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Steve Jobs tells Stanford grads that dropping out of college spurred his creativity. Adds that heroin, promiscuous sex helped make him well-rounded
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Michael Jackson found not guilty. Media outlets begin search for new pervert of the week
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Slow news media leads reporter to investigate "Yu-Gi-Oh" card game. "The next day I went out and spent $100 on cards, and I've been hooked ever since"
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| (Tri-City News) |
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Woman was pretty sure that her ex-boyfriend was mad at her when he threw a gasoline-filled baggie at her. But when he shot a flare gun at her moments later, that confirmed it
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Most states let drivers exceed speed limit -- guess a state that doesn't (page 2)
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Guess what a man named Killen is finally going to stand trial for
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