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| Sun June 12, 2005 |
| (BoingBoing) |
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Photoshop crappy bootleg DVD covers. Link goes to inspiration
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Massachusetts high school athletes may not be allowed to play unless they don't care about playing. Joseph Heller surrenders
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Retirement home for prostitutes created in Mexico City. Named "Xochiquetzal," after the sound of the gag reflex
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| (Some Guy) |
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Asshat college students cover guy's room with newspaper, tape
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| (Pacific Daily News) |
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Japanese tourists outraged after being overcharged for their sauteed garlic kangkong
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Christina Aguilera music used as torture in Guantanamo Bay
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| (IOL) |
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Owen wilson calls the Dali Lama a corny purveyor of goofball ideas, reads script for "I Spy 2"
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| (London Free Press) |
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Man hospitalized after his pool collapses from second-floor balcony
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Priceless advice when attending your first Halo2 tournament: "Look out for the guys with no tans. They're the dangerous ones."
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| (Some Guy) |
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...but honey, I just want a little head
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Today's loophole that let's an ex-con fund his own retirement by setting up a charitable foundation brought to you by, who else, New Jersey
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| (Some Guy) |
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Britany Murphy strips so her cousin can win the war?
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| (Female First) |
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Caveman returns home after 40 years. Reason? His fire went out
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Neighborhood watch group has people pose as hookers, and then present a flier to every customer informing them that they have just been videotaped and will be appearing on the 11 o'clock news
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| (Some Guy) |
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"It's Nicky's time to go," says mother whose raging pit bull killed her son; also, it's Nicky's fault he left the basement she shut him in while she ran errands
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Australia out-clipped the world in a 17-nation sheep-shearing championship; Scotland still number 1 in sheep-shagging
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Family feud may result in €10 billion collection of paintings finally seeing light of day, after being locked in vaults for 4 generations
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Scottish fishermen net yellow submarine. No sign of Jeremy Boob, Captain Fred
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Research team develops polymer that is long-lasting, resists cracking, is ideal for capturing Han Solo
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Don't you hate juggling your junk and your beer when you use a public washroom? So does this guy, but he did something about it
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop theme: The Quaker guy gets a job in corporate America
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| (Leeds Today) |
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Grocery store sends police to man's business after man complains about dirty shopping baskets
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| (Sun Daily) |
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Malaysia police receive distress call from mysterious man who claims he's fallen off his superbike in the jungle and is royalty. Police spend 10 hours searching jungle before realizing they'd been had
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Coldplays song "Yellow" is really about the phone book
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| (webindia123.com) |
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Paris Hilton rumored to be pregnant, according to this report from the Department of Stuff the Media Pulled Out of Their Butts
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The picture that the White House doesn't want you to see: Dick Cheney in a speedo
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Pink Floyd to reunite for Live 8 in London on July 2nd. Syd Barrett still unavailable for comment
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Male housmate on Australian Big Brother gives female housemate the ol' "Winston Smith". Hilarity ensues
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| (MaineToday.com) |
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Man walks into a bank with a BB gun. Hilarity ensues
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| (Boston Herald) |
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Nicole Richie to offer elephant rides at her wedding. In response, ex-galpal, Paris Hilton, will let guests at her wedding ride her
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Man kwyjibos his way to second Scrabble championship
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Nude ballet sparks national outrage, erections
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Milkshake murder case in court. Hamburglar released after initial questioning
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this picnic table
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| (WCVB) |
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Hospitals now offering "less than perfect" organs for those who don't feel like waiting for transplants. What could possibly go wrong with that?
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| (Some Guy) |
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What movies make you cry?
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Jimi Hendrix's boyhood home saved from demolition, to be converted into museum and youth center
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Seagate introduces a new line of hard drives for the "terabyte lifestyle". Prepare to get perpendicular
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| (MetroWest Daily News) |
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Police looking for bearded man who tried to kill a cop. You'll recognize him by his tattoo showing a bearded man trying to kill a cop
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| (Female First) |
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Romanian authorities call ghostbusters to get mischievous spirit from their buildings. Vigo the Carpathian wanted for questioning
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| (Dailyoverlook.com) |
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Photoshop these funky floating candles
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For sale: dilapidated house, broken windows, flaking paint, overgrown gardens, $5.2 Million
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| (KYTV Springfield) |
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Meth freak mom gives 12- and 6-year children $5 each and tells them to move out. Jailarity ensues
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| (Sentinel and Enterprise) |
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Head of dead goat found in woods. Police unsure whether to blame "alternative religious beliefs" or Rolling Stones fans having a cookout
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| Sat June 11, 2005 |
| (Some Girl) |
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Weekend weener party mix (not safe for work)
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Detroit Mayor threatens to cancel fireworks show because of police budget shortage. Still plenty of money in wife's luxury SUV, city-issued credit card budgets
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| (Boston Herald) |
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Man arrested trying to bring a copy of the Declaration of Independence onto an airplane. Nicolas Cage unavailable for comment
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The moose have begun mobilizing their forces
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Janet Reno crashes her red pick-up truck in the Florida Keys. Late night Dance Party not thought to be cause
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Theme: Inside the Fark Manufacturing Company's secret facility
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| (The Sports Network) |
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Afleet Alex wins the Belmont Stakes by 7 lengths. Rest of the field to become steaks at your nearby Golden Corral
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Special ed kid lives real life "Rudy" when coach puts him in the game
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Behind the Apple-Intel Deal: IBM was surprised and Steve Jobs trashed the Cell processor
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Clear Channel builds different outdoor amphitheater than it submitted to environmental regulators. Now spending millions trying to overturn noise ordinance new design regularly breaks
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| (Some Ashamed Wisconsinite) |
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Representative Jim Sensenbrenner (R-Wi) breaks House rules, unilaterally gavels hearing to a close, walks out, and tells the techies to turn the mikes off on the remaining witnesses and Democrats
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| (WMTW.com) |
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Children as young as 2 1/2 are being put on the payroll in Boston. That would explain the 'Big Dig'
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Military service records of the stars: Elvis was worth more as a taxpayer, Steve McQueen went AWOL, and Jack Kerouac was discharged as schizoid
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Girl downloads a spanish language dictionary, ends up with $1,456 phone bill
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| (Some Guy) |
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Ex-mayor who blew a .175 and was found in the middle of the road covered in grass stains and almost unable to stand, claims that he was arrested solely as revenge over a speeding ticket
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French urban climber who calls himself "Spiderman" pops up in Hong Kong without warning, girlfriend
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| (KHPO) |
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Natalee Holloway confirmed dead
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Pasty white bikers to stage naked bike run in effort to blind the world as to why we depend on oil (Not safe for work pic)
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Woman gets kidney from internet donor. Kidney arrived in hotel ice bucket
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| (the kansas city channel) |
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Easy come - easy go. Woman wins $4,000 in casino, then gets robbed at gunpoint when she leaves
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Two drunk off-duty police officers get into altercation with motorist. On-duty police officers arrive. Off-duty officers get tasered in resulting hilarity
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Mike Tyson still looking for fight that will bring him a paycheck, but his team is having difficulty finding anybody ranked that he can beat
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| (This is London) |
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Joggers in London are being attacked by crow gangs. Tactics include swooping and clawing at the head, throwing phones
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Attention teenage boys:"Promise Rings" for girls are going to make sure you end up with blue balls
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| (LA Times) |
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Like Custer at Little Bighorn, DNC Chair Dean splits his forces before attacking a numerically superior target
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| (Some Guy) |
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The old bait-and-switch still works, apparently: a short, spotty red-beared Irishman sells a bag of potatoes "laptop" for $350
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| (KOTV) |
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Northwest Airlines now offering free hydraulic fluid showers
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Ronald McDonald gets a makeover. Photoshop some other spokesmen who could use some updating
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| (NWI Times) |
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Library announces areas where adults not allowed unless accompanied by a child
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| (New York Daily News) |
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Opie & Anthony fans interrupting live shots on New York City newscasts, and it has one TV critic steaming mad
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| (xinhuanet.com) |
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Female doctor was in such a hurry to help stricken colleague that she forgot to put on any clothes
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Scientists conducting a count of endangered fish, inadvertantly kill 80 of the known 180
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| (9News) |
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Colorado Governor on radio talk show in regards to Minnesota state quarter: "That's one ugly quarter...an example of what not to do with a quarter." Hilarity ensues
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this cluttered gardening space
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| (WISH) |
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Indianapolis radio station parks several moving trucks in front of the Colts stadium and suggests that the NFL team is moving to another town. Hilarity ensues
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School withholds senior's diploma for wearing bolo tie underneath graduation gown
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Microsoft's new Chinese internet portal has banned the words "democracy" and "freedom"
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71-year-old man detained for failing to report for military service ......... 51 years ago
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Suspect confesses to killing missing teen in Aruba
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Mr. Bill withdraws from campaign to save Louisiana wetlands - Oh noooo
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| (zap2it.com) |
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What greater honor could there be than having William Shatner sing "My Way" in front of a chorus of dancing stormtroopers for your lifetime achievement award?
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| Fri June 10, 2005 |
| (KVOA) |
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Man wins $1.5-million dream home, can't afford to pay the taxes
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| (Some Guy) |
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MacGyver actor dies. Will be buried in coffin made from shoestrings, a paperclip, and 2 matchbook covers
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| (Some Guy) |
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Rebecca Romijn eats a few sandwiches, looks hotter than ever (NSFW ads)
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Hugh Jackman signs deal to make Wolverine solo movie
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ACLU: If the rights of society's most vulnerable members are denied [the right to view porn], everybody's rights are imperiled
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Photoshop this sleepy protestor
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Israel may use "sound weapon" on resistant settlers, which leaves targets reeling with dizziness and nausea. Justin Timberlake to receive royalties
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One bourbon, 12 beers, one riding lawnmower: Man blows .32 on his way to 7-11 for gas
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| (Billings Gazette) |
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Worship the bronze calf dedicated to Senator Hansen. Moses seen breaking tablets coming down from Devil's Tower
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| (pittsburghlive.com) |
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Today's "House found covered in cat feces" story brought to you from Fallowfield Township, PA, after firefighters respond to a dryer fire
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Giant balls of snot explain ocean mystery. Altering original headline not necessary
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| (Boston Channel) |
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Soon you will no longer be able to punish your child in Massachusetts. Juvenile delinquency increases to new peaks, takes Rhode Island's lunch money
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Jordan gives al-Zarqawi 10 days to surrender or they will be really, really disappointed in him
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Two kittens confuse fax machine for litter box. Hilarity ensues
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Reporter learns Tom Cruise doesn't enjoy questions about Nicole Kidman as much as he does Katie Holmes. Hilarity does not ensue
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Stressed-out worker arrested for making 4,000 calls to bank just to hear women's voices
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Your cat controls your brain. Here comes the science
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For the 4x4 driver who has everything except the balls to take it off road: Spray-on mud
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| (Shrewsbury Online) |
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Parents gag after school asks 11-year old students how many oral sex partners they've had
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| (ic Cheshire) |
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Nursing home worker fired for giving elderly patient an unsolicited lap dance
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| (Daily Astorian) |
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A good time in Astoria, Oregon is watching some fat kid win a "Truffle Shuffle" contest (with pic)
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| (Citizen Times) |
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Even a dead squirrel finds the occasional nut. (Last item)
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| (Mail & Guardian) |
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"My bank is my haemorrhoid cream. My bank is my French tickler condom. My bank is my jockstrap, my next-door neighbour with the big breasts whom I covet, my mullet"
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Abe Vigoda makes divine appearance on toast
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French journalists arrive in Halle, Germany to cover tennis tournament. Encounter two problems: No. 1) No tennis tournament in Halle. No. 2) The right Halle is 350 km away
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Homeowner distressed after her "No Trespassing" sign causes her law-abiding lawn gnomes to disappear
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Rugby getting annoyed at players pretending to get hurt and rolling around in fake agony like soccer players
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| (Billings Gazette) |
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Five people -- convicted of driving with suspended licenses -- appeal, claiming they never had driver's licenses to begin with
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| (WPXI.com) |
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Police charge high school chemistry teacher in "cold" case after he douses fellow teacher and students with freezing liquid nitrogen
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Kevin Smith says Ben Affleck liked to "fruit basket" (scrotum-to-neck contact) him on set
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Using cell phones during a flight won't crash the plane, but it may convince astronomers they are witnessing the birth of a star
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| (Some Guy) |
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VideoEdit an episode from the wildy popular TV show, "The Farkers' Court." Due today
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| (KATU News) |
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Old and busted: Wear a yellow ribbon to honor your son serving in Iraq. New hotness: Steal his identity and $10,000
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| (via BoingBoing) |
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Wal-Mart stocks pr0n above children videos
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1,001 lonely adults who talk to telemarketers during dinner and still have land-based phone lines have determined that Bush isn't doing so well
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New virus making the rounds masquerades as Michael Jackson's suicide note
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Scientists discover that Mars is producing a glow unlike any other planet in the solar system. In other words, prepare for invasion
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Home video of party boat capsizing includes one Nostradamus shouting "Everybody into the water"
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If Shannen Doherty calls you from Quebec to sell you roofing services in anticipation of hurricane season, it's probably a scam
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| (Some Wiener) |
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To pee or not to pee: High school hockey star charged with assault for urinating on younger teammate
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Reminder -- D.C. Fark Party tonight at The Brickskeller
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| (Some Guy) |
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Today's Iron Photoshop ingredient: Surrealism
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"We've replaced these girls' mother's remains with new Pringles Extra Crispy Cajun -- let's see if they notice"
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| (news14charlotte.com) |
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If you're a police officer responding to a hit and run, make sure you don't run over victim when you arrive
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| (NY Daily News) |
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UFO enthusiast downloads hacker tools from the Internet and hacks into Pentagon computers from home. Hilarity ensues
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| (India Daily) |
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Volcanic eruptions can be one of two things: No. 1) normal volcanic activity, or No. 2) extraterrestrials conducting experiments as they try to reverse the Earth's poles
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Police can't seem to get their hands on slippery criminals that oil themselves up and burglarize homes in their underpants
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Canada's top court opens the way for American-style private-sector insurance
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Disney to hand out "Anit-Shark Fishing" pamphlets with their shark-fin soup
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| (Singapore Today) |
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Forty percent of surveyed French men yearn for pregnancy. Nine-month exemption from military service likely a major cause. France surrenders
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Roadkill. It's not just for dinner anymore
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| (Some Guy) |
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Discovery Channel is proving that the average American needs a history class. George Washington Carver? No. 47 Madonna? No. 46
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| (Concord Monitor) |
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New Mexico governor assures NH crowd he will not run for president in English, assures them he will in Spanish
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German town builds mock African village to celebrate that continent's culture. In retrospect, probably could have found a better place to put it than in a zoo
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British bus operator using sheep urine to fight traffic pollution. If it works, it's not such a ba-aa-ad idea
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| (GIS) |
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Photoshop your best attempt at a UFO hoax
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man robbed of his pants at adult bookstore
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Victims want to catch anti gypsy-music virus
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600,000 people entered ranks of millionaires last year, give credit to mysterious Nigerian benefactors
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Remember, only you can prevent classroom fires
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Bear visits Tucson, get swarmed by police, amuses senior aerobics class, knocks over wall, falls into pool. Hilarity was had by all
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| (EurekAlert!) |
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Elderly to refill on power with latest gaming technology
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| (Weather Underground) |
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First named storm of Atlantic Tropical Season. Bet it turns to hit Florida
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| (Some Guy) |
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Farker Array wins radio trivia contest after reading Fark article regarding masked groper. Fark pays off
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Summer vacation starts a tad early after teachers told they wont be paid for May and June
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Kidnappers steal a Dalek and sent its owners a ransom note along with the robot's amputated plunger. Threaten to exterminate same unless the hear from the Doctor
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| (Click2Houston) |
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Man with case of munchies busted for DUI after getting caught riding lawn mower down the street at 3 AM
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Edmunds determines hybrid vehicles are a waste of money, except in rare cases. However, study didn't count all that hot Berkeley co-ed action you'd be getting
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| Thu June 09, 2005 |
| (link goes nowhere) |
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In honor of Father's Day, AudioEdit your unlikely confession to an unlikely priest
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Photoshop theme: Life imitates Tetris
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| (9News) |
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Having solved all crimes, police in Tampa want to start pulling teens over for good driving, to give them movie tickets/rentals. What could possibly go wrong?
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Scientists develop coca-hungry moths to wipe out Columbian cocaine production. Plan in the works for developing moth-hungry bird to wipe out future Columbian moth problem.
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| (wsbtv.com) |
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Man attempts to fix a broken speaker wire with a .22 caliber bullet, now he literally can't get that annoying song out of his head
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| (Some Guy) |
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Astros Craig Biggio closing in on the Ernie Pantuso Memorial Award for being hit by the most pitches in a career. Currently at 262 beamings. 6 more to go
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| (Asbury Park Press) |
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Great white bites surfer off Jersey coast, expected to burn down the Stone Pony later this week
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| (ABC7 Chicago) |
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Mother lets 11-year-old son drive to school. Hilarity ensues
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| (Valdosta Times) |
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Mayor adopts rubber duck in fight against hunger. Plans to use Slinkies in search for cancer cure
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| (The Hockey News) |
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In a case of "we sure showed them alright," NHL players accept $36-million salary cap after declining a previous season-saving offer from the owners of a $42.5-million cap
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Boat capsizes in Okanagan Lake. Fifty-nine people found, 10 others presumed eaten by Ogopogo
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One in seven Americans has now converted to Hispanicism
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Green Bay Packers get ready for NFL season by playing dodge ball
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Spyware asshat takes "a bad fall" in police custody
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Man on New Hampshire nude beach wanted for indecent exposure, fondling women. Yes, you just read "New Hampshire" and "nude beach" in the same sentence
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Guys who watch porn with two guys and a girl make better sperm than guys who just like looking at naked women. Here comes the science
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Researchers find cell-phone radiation triggers some skin allergies
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When an inhaler just won't work, try swallowing live fish covered in herb paste
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Half-naked confessions to the police are fine and dandy in New Jersey
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| (Rochester D & C) |
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Mr. McFeely touring the country with a traveling "Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood" exhibit
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| (US Newswire) |
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Donald Duck turns 71 today. Let's all chip in and buy him some pants
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TSG introduces you to the mom who filled her car truck to capacity with children
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| (Foster's Daily Democrat) |
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An "everyday mother of four" receives piss-poor service at Salvation Army: Told to "pee on the floor." Hilarity ensues
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| (WJLA) |
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Thief keeps stealing taxicabs and charging passengers for rides
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| (Some Guy) |
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Theme: Weather you'd like to see
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Scientists admit pulling numbers out of their ass
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| (Brandenton.com) |
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Things you don't want to hear when stopped at a red light: ''Hey, you got a big boa constrictor on the back of your truck''
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| (Danni.com) |
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Sandra Shine, she loves the Fark (not safe for work) (paid placement, but the quality should be no different. If it is let me know -Drew)
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Elderly French motorist, pulled over in Denmark, insists he's in southern France, asks directions for nearest marche' du fermier
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Microsoft appeases European anti-trust law with Windows XP Home Edition N, where N means "not with media player." Beta versions XP STFU and XP WTF nixed by EU commission
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| (wpvi) |
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Naked Zorro continues to unsheathe his sword in Pennsylvania
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| (WIBW) |
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Asshat gets his fourth DUI after running over his friend while bonded out on his third DUI
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Bush pardons seven people; calls for the immediate execution of 600 others in a severe bout of homesickness
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| (Stuff Mag) |
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Winnie Cooper from "The Wonder Years" all grown up and scantily clad (possibly not safe for work)
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Man speeds across airport runway, drives under parked planes, forces an airliner to change course to avoid a collision... all to escape prosecution for the heinous crime of biscuit theft
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Former stripper gets to wear robes after winning judge election in Nevada
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| (M90) |
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Jessica Alba in a very see-thru dress at the MTV VMAs (probably NSFW)
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A-Rod becomes youngest player to slap in 400 home runs
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Woman gives birth in passenger seat of Mercedes while speeding down road at 85 mph. Local detail shop refuses to accept car
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Nigerian police arrest murderous bovine
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Chapelle meets with Comedy Central about his show. Turns out he wasn't in South Africa, he was in witness protection, hiding from Wayne Brady
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Today's "Police find three generations of bodies lying in apartment for years as part of religious ritual" story brought to you courtesy of Moscow
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Worker gives anonymous quote describing how he evaded drug testing -- yet fails to leave out that he is missing two front teeth, what equipment he operates and where he keeps the urine
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| (Courier Mail) |
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Animal-rights nags force squirrel terrine off the menu at British restaurant. Still on the menu: Comfit of lark's vomit and wafer-thin mints
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NBA considers selling ad space on uniforms. Chico's Bail Bonds reportedly interested in Miami Heat
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The light dawns! CNN posts article entitled "Michael Jackson: Does anyone care?"
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Madonna's pre-worn underwear fetches £1,000. When asked what he was going to do with the panties, the new owner said he was considering making a bouillabaisse
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Air Canada may be forced to cancel entire $6.1 billion contract with Boeing due to company's inability to determine salary requirements for pilots who will be flying the new jets
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| (Someone Working for Scale) |
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Photoshop this pint-sized dragon charge
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| (NY Daily News) |
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You know it's going to be a rough commute in NY when the traffic report is sung "The Throgs Neck Bridge is falling down, falling down / The Throgs Neck Bridge is falling down / so is the Whitestone"
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Teen shoots himself in the leg trying to kill a snake he described "as big as a freight train"
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| (WCBS880) |
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Woman kills her husband in their luxury high-rise apartment, then asks maintenance workers to help her remove the body
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FAA currently prohibits advertising banners in space, but only if they appear larger than the Moon
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U.S. asks NYC to return $44 million in 9/11 aid
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| (WCVB) |
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Pregnant non-swimmer attempts jet-skiing in 55-degree water. Hilarity ensues
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Vancouver comes up with new plan to stop people from pooping in the streets
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| (Biology News Net) |
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Shampoo detergent added to paint makes surfaces self-sterilizing
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| (KTLA.com) |
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Man finds out -- the hard way -- that it's not wise to disturb ancient tin beer-can burial grounds
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| ((Life Universe & Everything) |
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Hitchhiker's Guide too the Galaxy game. Can you conquer all 42 consecutive games?
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| (Boston Channel) |
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Police on the lookout for naked man running around with underpants on his head
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Quentin Tarantino has signed up for Beverly Hills Cop IV
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| (World Net Daily) |
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Firefighter getting fired due to anti-nepotism policy after marrying the boss's daughter
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| (Some Guy) |
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Good news: Alert crew stops smoldering coal train according to regulations. Bad news: Coal train stopped over creosoted bridge (w/pics)
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| (Science Daily) |
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NASA working on high-tech robotic skin; may also be working on human skin grafts for robots. C3-P0 said to be interested
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Germany to provide sex huts, with nearby snackbar, for 40,000 prostitutes who will service fans at World Cup Soccer matches
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| Wed June 08, 2005 |
| (College Humor) |
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Photoshop this alternative lifestyle fish sign. Difficulty: No roe
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| (KVOA Tucson) |
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Probably the worst way to wake up is when a stray bullet hits you in the groin
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| (www.rapnews.net) |
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Assata Shakur (AKA Tupac's aunt ) offers reward of 1,000,000 t-shirts to the person or persons who successfully apprehend Donald Rumsfeld and bring him to face war criminal charges at the International Criminal Court
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| (Some Wacko) |
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Nothing says fashion statement like a squirrel-foot necklace
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| (Farktography) |
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Farktography Contest No. 5 theme: "Look to the skies." Post pictures you've taken and include voting. No GIS please. Link goes to next week's contest theme
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| (wcco.com) |
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Ugly-ass pair of rare fishing cats born in Minnesota (with pic)
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| (boingboing) |
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Altoids is holding a contest for the most original tin-mod. What have you done with your tins? Difficulty: No trash cans
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Thieves steal two baby Shetland ponies. Authorities suspect foal play (with excruciatingly cute pictures)
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| (Pimptones) |
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What are top 10 most annoying ring tones? Link goes to possible candidates
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| (The Economist) |
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Desktop cold fusion? Again?
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Unemployed British teens offered free iPod, kick in the ass
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| (Local10) |
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Judge orders Florida city to fly gay-pride flags. Forced-sodomy issue still up in the air
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| (The Dark Side of Oz) |
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The definitive list of synchronicities that you'll witness when you play Pink Floyd's "Dark Side of the Moon" album while watching "The Wizard of Oz"
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Man saves another from burning car, later sues him for smoke-inhalation damage
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Football team dismayed when their prospect arrives at training camp with a fresh gunshot wound. "The kid wanted to play with it, but I said no"
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| (Newsnet 5) |
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Firefighter has to call for backup after neighbors bombard him with water guns, surround his truck for turning off hydrant
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Pissed-off customer changes taxi answering machine to say "f*ck-off." The Sun is there
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U.S. soldier who deserted to North Korea in 1965 to come to North Carolina to visit mother, see that new "Sound of Music" movie he's been hearing about
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| (Some Guy) |
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McCarthy was right
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| (Brand Republic) |
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Russell Crowe accuses Clooney and his pals of breaking the "social contract" with the audience. Clooney replies, "Rousseau what?"
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Madonna writes fifth children's book, explaining that money can't buy happiness, but it can buy four codpiece-clad manservants and three submissive nymphos
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UK hacker, searching for evidence of UFOs, to get constant anal probe in U.S. prison, pink-eye from Scott Baio
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AC/DC's "Back in Black" sells 21 million albums, tying it for fifth on the greatest-selling albums list with Billy Joel. Submitter wonders how in the hell Billy Joel ever cracked the top five
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India's Railway Minister action figure selling like hotcakes
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Scientists find what appears to be a cryovolcano on Titan
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| (Autoweek) |
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DaimlerChrysler's 70-mpg diesel concept car could meet U.S. emissions standards; will keep working towards U.S. style standards
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Red Sox star takes batting practice in underwear, unaware of women's tour group in ballpark
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Long-lost vocal piece by JS Bach discovered by German researchers, who can't wait to have David Hasslehoff present it to the world
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Toyota fears GM, Ford demise; cries crocodile tears; flosses between fangs
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Bacteria found that can eat toxic waste AND produce enough electricity to "power small electronic devices." Sony expected to announce Toxic Waste Walkman
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| (Lacrosse Tribune) |
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Beware of demons named Sozuto that use the word "bogus"
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Deputies file grievance after sheriff makes them spend a few hours behind bars during training. Next week's tossed salad seminar put on hold
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Colorado chosen for new cosmic ray observatory, to be aimed directly at Boulder
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man cuts down trees in neighboring yard to improve his view. His defense: "When their dog goes poo in my yard, I don't complain"
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European woman lives with 43 goats, their droppings piled up "knee-high"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this art looker
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| (Some Guy) |
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Proving there's a market for just about anything that can be stolen, St. Louis man charged in seven-month stained-glass burglary spree
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Today's "We lost hundreds of thousands of social security numbers" story brought to you by Citibank
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| (stevenageherald.co.uk) |
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Teenage vandals go on tree-cutting rampage with a chainsaw. Residents try to stop them
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| (celebrityjustice.com) |
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Woman sues Stephen King, claims to be the real Annie Wilkes from "Misery"
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Ronald McDonald to teach kids about healthy diets and lifestyles
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| (KTUL) |
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Christian zoo patron had no problem with elephant statue at Tulsa Zoo for 10 years until he found out it's a Hindu god. Hilarity ensues
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| (Some Guy) |
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The correlation between drug dealers and coders
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| (Post-Gazette.com) |
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Today's "70 cats in one 'urine lacacquered' home" story brought to you by Mishawaka, Indiana
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Machine gun on deck of destroyer fires while leaving port, taking out a pair of al-Qaeda washing machines
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Jesus died of "economy-class syndrome" for your sins
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| (Some Guy) |
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Bullseye. Man "pretending to urinate" in Target parking lot exposes self to women. Admits large case of stage fright
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| (Public Citizen) |
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Former Enron executives to be rewarded with millions in federal loan guarantees for a new business project
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| (CBS4 Denver) |
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Doctor, awaiting trial in painkillers-for-sex scandal, arrested for trying to buy an AR-15 Bushmaster
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U.S. Justice Department unexpectedly lowballs the tobacco Industry, asks judge for eight percent of expected penalty award
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Chinese man receives "suspended death sentence' for killing someone over selling his online imaginary sword
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Illinois to ban sales of yo-yo water balls. Happy Fun Ball unavailable for comment
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| (PalmBeachPost) |
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Stoner finds Jimmy Buffett's cell phone, crank calls President Clinton
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Sheriff arrests son for running meth lab. Again
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Cubans make it most of the way to Miami in vintage blue taxi converted into a boat (now with pictorial goodness)
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| (ytmnd.com) |
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Darth Vader plays Wheel of Fortune
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| (WCCO Television) |
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Today's "Pizza delivery guy held up by machete-wielding teenager" story comes from Eden Prairie, Minnesota
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Today's Iron Photoshop ingredient: Hot Wheels
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India using "chilli" bombs to ward off elephants. In other news, Wendy's declines to reveal what they did with all the leftovers during finger debacle
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| (Some Guy) |
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Missouri couple win Wrath Of God award when lightning strike blows out their electric panel and sets fire to the house; narrowly miss Darwin Award by spraying water on the panel with hose
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Affirmative action works. Having a rich alumnus dad works better
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| (Your Microwave Oven) |
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Farkers around the world try Grape Lightning for first time tonight, burn down homes in process
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| (MLive.com) |
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India is running out of I.T. workers, intends to outsource
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Study finds that most cell-phone users are addicted to their cell phones. Still no cure for *ring*... could you hang on for a minute?
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New device gives women teeth where it matters, will be "impossible to remove the device from a penis without medical help"
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Big-ass hyperbaric chamber built. Uses include radiation recovery, blood vessel treatment, torturing Enterprise crewmembers
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Fear and loathing in Wilmington: GM bosses lose billions, cut market share in half -- and 25,000 workers lost THEIR jobs
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Bush's approval rating now 20 points lower than Clinton's was on the day he was impeached
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| (KATC) |
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Strategic Petroleum Reserve is almost full for first time in 30 years. Some analysts at the What Are You Smoking Institute believe this will result in lower prices at the pump
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| (The Courier-Mail) |
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Australian man deemed too fat to attend trial
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Kerry, Bush had similar grades
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| (WGAL Channel) |
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Study commissioned by group that encourages production of family-friendly movies finds that G-rated movies are more profitable than R-rated films. Also find that going to church is more satisfying than sex, drugs and rock music combined
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man argues that if the police had arrested him two years ago, he would have a shorter sentence
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German woman buys old laundry basket at flea market in Germany, gets $125,000 bonus with the old skivvies
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Woman's house becomes a real-life Honeycomb Hideout
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Today's weather forecast in Serbia calls for mild temperatures, some high scattered clouds, and a 40 percent chance of frogs
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| (KWQC-TV.com) |
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Man shot by cop after painting "Police Academy Seven" on side of pick-up truck
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| (PennLive) |
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Pretty soon worker's compensation in Ohio is going to consist of a tin cup and a sign
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| (Some Guy) |
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Melissa spent a day dressing up and fooling around on a farm. (Not safe for work)
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NASA: We can throw plates 76,000 mph. In other news, NASA angry at husband for staying out late
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| (WGAL Channel) |
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Cabbie with extreme foot fetish finds out that Pine Sol doesn't work as well as chloroform
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Denver International gives up on automated baggage handler that failed to deliver luggage, find Sarah Connor
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| (Some Guy) |
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Having finally researched everything else, cure for AIDS finally found, in 1997. Still no word on cure for cancer
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Man craps pants after forgetting $36,000 in cash at public toilet
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| (Daily Tribune) |
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Naked PETA protesters wrap themselves in cellophane, pretend to be cuts of meats in supermarket. You can clearly see their nuts (with pic)
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| Tue June 07, 2005 |
| (WKYT) |
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Rare white buffalo born in Kentucky -- odds are one in 16,000,000
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| (Some Stinger) |
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Photoshop this honey bee
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| (Some Guy) |
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Anal bleaching has become the new bikini waxing
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Four people were injured and six arrested following a brawl at a convenience store over a pack of cigarettes. Dante wasn't supposed to be there today
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Man offers $1000 reward for the return of his stolen Star Wars toys
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Detroit may be the only city in the world where after being shot, things don't improve when paramedics put you on a stretcher
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If you've ever wanted your own personal slave, Japan is currently advertising its prison population as "for hire"
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Woman lets her horse ride in the front seat of her car
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Spanish judge wants to question U.S. troops. In other news, people in hell want refreshing Mike's Hard Lemonade
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High school yearbook listing student as "most likely to spread multiple diseases" somehow has superintendent upset
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| (The State.com) |
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The "hail a cab to rob a bank" heist still doesn't work
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Seniors, immigrants taking jobs once reserved for students. Your Wal-Mart greeter wants to be a lifeguard
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| (WKYC Cleveland) |
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The only thing worse than being attacked on the beach by a guy in a Speedo is being attacked by a guy who just removed his Speedo
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Adopted Minnesota man learns he is a Nigerian prince. Emails everyone to share the good news
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State Claims Commisioner -- who misused public funds, blew $5000 on a gas grill -- is suing for severance package after resigning from office. "If your reputation is pretty well shot, go for the bucks"
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City changes 420th Avenue to 42Xth Avenue after stoners keep stealing the signs
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Lindsay Lohan, Jessica and Ashlee Simpson in catfight. Please wash hands when finished
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It's one of those days when someone's leg and partial torso fall from the sky, bounce off your garage, then land in your backyard
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Fisherman fire potatoes at Greenpeace activists
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Mrs. Robinson dead at 73
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| (Pgh Post Gazette) |
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Robot to throw first pitch at Pirates game tonight. Steinbrenner to immediately offer multimillion dollar contract
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Woman, 91, beats off purse snatcher. "She let him have it just hard enough to scare him off"
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Baseball's top rookie out three months after grocery shopping mishap
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Mysterious catgarookey -- a cross between a cat, kangaroo and a monkey -- is on the loose in Britain. The Sun is there with an artist's rendering of the creature
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| (Rise of the Hiss) |
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Photoshop this cat and that candle
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Results of an in-depth study of the 40 most influential blogs
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| (Inside Bay Area) |
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Girl dresses "goth" for school project, tries to get job at Abercrombie and Fitch, gets cold shoulder. In other news, books still being judged by covers
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| (MaineToday.com) |
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Everything you ever needed to know about picking through other people's garbage
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Town officials tired of all the bullshiat. Enact plan to have stray cows towed away. Mugshots of impounded cattle are then shown on local television
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| (Some Guy) |
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Lexington holds its breath as Supreme Court refuses to rule in Lexmark dispute, nicknamed "Why does it cost less to throw away my old printer and buy a new one than replace the toner cartridge?"
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| (WKBT) |
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Pizza guy shot in attempted robbery, makes three more deliveries before going to hospital
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| (Fredericksburg.com) |
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Middle-school student fondles himself in class, then "wiped a white, wet substance" across girl's face
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| (Fark 3:15) |
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Evangelical Christians spend $7 million to drill for oil in Israel based on vague bible quote
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| (WABI.tv) |
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Woman gives fake cop $40 to get out of fake ticket
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CVS introduces disposable digital camcorder for homemade pr0n on a budget
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Italian man has driver's license suspended because he's gay
|
| (bostonherald.com) |
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Massachusetts couple fight back against Red Sea pirates, raming their ship and badly injuring the scurvy lot. Anguished cries of "argh" heard throughout the hospital
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| (LancasterOnline.com) |
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Activists plant endangered flowers to stop development of wetlands. APB for pistil-packing perps
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Mexican bullfighting dwarves carry on proud, although diminutive, tradition
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| (Some Guy) |
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Burglar calmly watches Karate Kid II, checks out hot tub and tries on couple's clothing while they watch and wait for cops
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| (Some Guy) |
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You can hitchhike into the U.S. from Canada, but you'll have to check your bloodstained chainsaw, sword and brass knuckles at the border
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this ocular cavity
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| (This is Local London) |
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Bloke wants to build eight-foot-wide house down Crouch End way, but bleedin' council tells him to get stuffed
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| (Some Guy) |
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"A lot of what the military teaches, the Boy Scouts teach, too." Your scout wants badges in basketweaving, cycling and submarine maintenance
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Prison guards in hot water for coercing inmate to shove a sausage up his butt as practical joke
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Did I err?
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| (Gillette News-Record) |
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Man trying to rescue cat from live power pole with bucket truck narrowly misses Darwination
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New invention lets humans breathe like fish and Jedi
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| (The Dodo!) |
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Theme: If extinct animals were alive today
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Britons are eating more nuts while waiting for their teabags
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In the late 80s and early 90s, Garfield-creator Jim Davis got rich off of more than a comic strip -- like say, these 50,000 different kinds of Garfield-related junk food
|
| (Biology News Net) |
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Scientists study brain patterns of meditating Tibetan Buddhist monks -- an old monk can concentrate 278 times better than you
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| Mon June 06, 2005 |
| (Bella Ciao) |
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Woman strips naked, parades into first class to celebrate after winning a million dollars in the lottery. Evades stewardesses trying to cover her to the applause of amused passengers
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Detroit beats Miami in Game 7. Kobe Bryant waiting for Shaq with UFIA
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Man walks from Arizona to Wrigley Field to watch the Cubs lose. "Stupid is as stupid does"
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Suburban teams pull out of Pop Warner league, citing urban team's use of rap music and hard hitting
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Arctic lakes disappearing at an alarming rate, say scientists in charge of apocalyptic climate change warnings
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| (Giant) |
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The truth behind Homestarrunner
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Smalltown police confiscate so much marijuana they can't simply burn it out back in a barrel like they normally do
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Stench caused by having 200 cosplayers in the same room sends five to the hospital
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In Japan, Campbell's now offering "Grow Your Own Soup"
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Vandals deface the Indiana State Capital because they just can't stand 69
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The thing about a shark, it's got lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll's eyes. When it comes at you it doesn't seem to be livin'... until he bites you, and those black eyes roll over white
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Competition for sex, jobs sparks Chinese to go to torture-rack-like stretching machines and surgery (with pics and video)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Hot redhead with nice body. (Not safe for work)
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| (NBC4i) |
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Texas developer plans sex-offender-free neighborhood, complete with background checks for homeowners
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| (Some Guy) |
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Fark Q&A thread -- ask a question about Fark and another Farker will answer
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Small cars to account for 50 percent of world market by 2010. Guess all those penis enlargement schemes are working
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| (CNN SI) |
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Two NFL players taking fight over jersey number to court
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| (WND) |
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Al-Jazeera refuses to run PETA ads because they depict cruelty to animals. Regularly scheduled news footage of beheadings and suicide bombings still okay
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