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| Sun April 24, 2005 |
| (www.katu.com) |
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Man high on meth runing in traffic on Interstate 84 tries to hijack tow-truck (with video goodness)
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Man's body discovered in library. Police put out an APB for Colonel Mustard
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If you're an exterminator, your job description does not entail pinning down one of your customers, then spraying pesticide down their throat when they question the bill
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| (NWA Morning News) |
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If you've been chatting with FancyDancer14, you should probably know she is a 44-year-old grandmother and working for the police
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| (H3lx's dog really wants steak) |
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Photoshop events before they occur. Link goes to inspiration
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| (Some OCC Guy) |
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Stop mailbox violence with a skunk's butt
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High school suspends drum major because of a LiveJournal entry. Current mood: pissed
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| (Some hockey game) |
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Devil Rays pitchers mistake Sox batters for Vince Naimoli
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Parents of pitcher killed by line drive want aluminum bats outlawed and wood ones mandatory
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| (Some Guy) |
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Asian gambling superstitions include not looking at priests, turning one's underwear inside out
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Man takes money from office lottery pool and runs. Later caught cowering behind his lawyer
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| (WCCO) |
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Pothead with outstanding warrants asks cop for a ride, jailarity ensues
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| (New India Press) |
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Scientists discover how to create hydrogen using one-tenth of the amount of energy needed for electrolysis. "The new process demonstrates, for the first time, the real potential in capturing hydrogen from renewable sources."
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Cop keeps copping after cop shift is over, now may have to cop a plea
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| (Marion Star) |
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Attention. If you own one of 1200 towels missing from this YMCA, you are being jeered
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| (News Channel 6) |
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Man arrested after failing to return more than $8,000 worth of rented movies and video games. In other news, people still rent movies and video games
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Mystery worshippers are actually church critics. Your vicar wants good reviews
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Theme: I should have read the assembly directions
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Woman alleges police violated her First Amendment rights when an officer ticketed her last year for honking in support of a labor union's picketing. Expressing emotion with a car horn is apparently not a protected form of communication
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| (Buffalo News) |
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Teenage girl working in pharmacy somehow figured she could get away with stealing hundreds of Oxycontin pills - Jailarity ensued
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| (Connection Newspapers) |
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The people lining up to have woman interview their animals don't seem to let it bother them that animals can't talk
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Christian cheerleading camp where every booty shakin' move is for jesus's pleasure
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| (Sunday Herald) |
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Columnist spends some time with four off-the-mark psychics. "Your dog...it wants...a rake"
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| (GIS) |
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Theme: Rejected Mother's Day cards
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| (Argus Leader) |
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Japan to China: Your history is wrong. Stop teaching it
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| (drivetotech.org) |
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Young farkers aim to get their hometown "100% wired" in five years
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| (Biology News Net) |
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Microbial fuel cell: High yield hydrogen source and wastewater cleaner
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Lunar eclipse set for Sunday morning - Break out the wine & cheese and enjoy the show
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| (CTV) |
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Canada invaded by giant stick man. Godzilla surrenders
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Ocean off Hawaii is a maze of submerged wrecks
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| (Some 10W-40) |
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Photoshop this sweet home
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| (Some Guy) |
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Results and comments from ugly-ass car survey
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| Sat April 23, 2005 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Make your own fizzing bath bombs
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75% of condoms in India are used to make saris, toys and bathroom slippers and only 25% are used to keep from making more Indians
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| (Trackertrail) |
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Yes, you CAN make fire from a can of coke and a chocolate bar
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Maine state budget to get a boost from vacationing speeders, your dog wants baked lobstah and clam chowdah
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| (Some Storm Guy) |
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It's spring, and that can mean only one thing: FARK's favorite stormchaser is dodging tumbleweeds and snapping pics of boobie clouds
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this nearly complete dam
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| (The Western Australian) |
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A new pocket-sized device promises to alert its owner to the presence of eight different types of spectre, from "lost souls" to "evil spirits"
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Exploding toads baffling German scientists. "It is like a science fiction film," according to expert
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NFL draft discussion/ rip on each other's teams
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| (The Economist) |
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MIT invents fabber. Trekkies everywhere rejoice
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| (Some Guy) |
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Vietnamese lake has a 600-year-old, sword-eating turtle
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| (Physorg.com) |
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Ever see a dustdevil in action on Mars? Now's your chance. With video goodness
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Joss Whedon to direct "Wonder Woman," has no idea whom to cast. Take poll to help him out
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Man charged with tapping into dentist's wireless home computer system
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| (Some Broke Guy) |
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Fifty reasons to support the "Fair Tax"
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| (Some Scary Fun Park) |
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Eerie photos of an abandoned amusement park, apparently in Japan. Your photographer wants a Scooby Snack
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| (NY Daily News) |
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Kobe Bryant, still painfully unaware divorce would have been so much cheaper, spends $50,000 on recommitment ceremony attended by just him and his wife
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| (Maine Today) |
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Tin-foil hats come out in Maine over mysterious domed ship that no one wants to talk about (pic)
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| (Times Recorder) |
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Man discovers a cave where snakes hang to catch bats. Your bat wants a hard hat
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this soldier and his pimpin' ride
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| (Washington Times) |
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Somehow "under your belief system" doesn't quite have the ring that "under God" has in the Pledge of Allegiance, as this teacher is finding out
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| (NY Daily News) |
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Home-economics classes may be dropped in NYC schools do to lack of interest. In other news, students still take home ec
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Just like Lord of the Rings, the forums wouldn't be complete without the trolls
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| (FemaleFirst.co.uk) |
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51-year-old horny, horny hippo has to go on the pill before she becomes pregnant for the 21st time
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Stradivari violin sells for $2 million at auction. New owner advised not to leave it in the car, lend it to stupid 20-year-olds
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| (News-Press) |
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School bus driver leaves bus full of kids with engine running to jump into her daughter's street brawl
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| (Blabbermouth.net) |
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Leon Hendrix says he is channeling his dead brother Jimi's spirit to play guitar solos and write lyrics
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From New Coke to clear beer, why some marketing ideas fizzle. Your dog wants Crystal Gravy
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Ashton Kutcher wanted to use the death of the pope for an episode of Punk'd. "And then bring the other old pope out and go: 'Look, he's still alive. We got ya'"
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Would-be diva muffs up American anthem at hockey game, tumbles on ice
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Criminals in Nigeria to be given three months' wages if they repent their violent ways
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Elian Gonzalez thanks America for sending him back to Cuba
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this interior shot of an abandoned lighthouse
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| (Some Guy) |
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3M invents coolest duct tape ever. Duct Tape Ball tickets to sell out worldwide
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Woman with hundreds of wild birds in her home is arrested. Collection included pheasants, quail, owls, Yello Dello, hawks and other protected species
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Guy throws friend's cell phone in garbage bin. This being FARK, the story won't end before lubrication and the jaws of life are applied
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| (Some Guy) |
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Smoking hot redhead (not safe for work)
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If you find 30,000 honey bees in your yard, this guy would like to talk to you
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Bike messenger squeezes into eight-inch gap between bus and a truck and lives to tell about it
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The south pole's melting faster every day, doo-da, doo-da, people on the coasts should move far away, oh, de doo-da day
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Town passes ordinance requiring dogs to be walked three times a day. Purple poodles and pierced pomeranians also outlawed
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| (Pawtucket Times) |
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Angry man rips cell phone from driver's ear at stop light
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| (Some Guy) |
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Kostenlose Naturbusen pics (not safe for work)
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Feds questioning real estate broker practices, commissions
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| (Fox Sports) |
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Dutch police stage mock soccer riot, offerring fans free tickets and drinks to put up a stiff resistance. What could possibly go wrong?
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| (Warren Tribune Chronicle) |
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Missing 40-foot silos found nearly 60 miles away from original location. Still no clue how they got there
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| Fri April 22, 2005 |
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City of Edmonton now using live goldfish to test the safety of the municipal water supply: "If the fish go belly up, then there's a problem"
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| (MLive) |
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Asshat uses chainsaw to steal meth-making chemicals from high school, slashes bus tires as diversion
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this little abandoned Art Deco structure
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| (CoCo) |
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New device means you will never drink beer out of a can the same way again
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| (Some Guy) |
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Venom to be one of the baddies in "Spiderman 3." With pic goodness
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VideoEdit contest for videos shown on really slow news days pushed to Monday due to us drinking too much and forgetting about it
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| (Biology News Net) |
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Scientists recovers ancient whale in Egyptian desert
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| (Some Southern Gal) |
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Ode to bacon grease
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| (Island Packet) |
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Golfer's ball lands smack dab in the middle of alligator's tail. "It's good luck in Haiti"
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Nine more minor leaguers suspended for violating steroids policy. In other news, Tom Sizemore to become sports agent. Your jockstrap wants a Whizzinator
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| (ONSTAR) |
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AudioEdit unlikely OnStar response calls
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| (KASA Albuquerque) |
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Student accidentally sends email lamenting his "stupid education" and looking forward to finding "someone crazy enough to dump a suitcase full of money in my lap every month" to prospective employer. Hilarity ensues
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| (Some Guy) |
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Microsoft's new mantra: "It just works"
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| (Edmonton Sun) |
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Pig shoots man. No cop jokes, please
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| (Minnesota Senate) |
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Minnesota Senate proposes beer tax hike from $4.60 per barrel to $35.32 per barrel (see line 13.32). Homer Simpson seen weeping outside capitol
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Inventor creates soundless sound system. What?
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News stations in California discover that the only thing better than a high-speed chase is a high-speed chase with a naked woman
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| (Baby Companion) |
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Luke Skywalker baby pictures from "Revenge of the Sith" revealed
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Woman suspended from dog show for making fun of limping pooch
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Student doing oral report on Tony Danza gets ultimate visual aide. A report on Tony Danza?
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The Soup Nazi is coming to America by bringing over his line of soups to your local grocery store
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Surgeon leaves in middle of operation to moonlight at other hospital
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"Info-mania" dents IQ more than marijuana
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United Arab Emirates builds gold hotel that is a geek's dream palace. It boasts more than 1,000 miles of fiber-optic and broadcast cable among its many tech innovations
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When studying deadly diseases, it's best not to take your work home with you
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Double bubbles hold scientific promise. Here comes the Hsawaknow
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this metal button
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DeLay forces NY to drop charges against guy caught with 100 pounds of pot
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Cobra gets its head stuck in pop (or soda, if that's your preference) can. It's quite a long tale
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Germans not pleased that British press writing that new pope was member of Hitler Youth. Not happy about Benedict being member of David Hasselhoff Fan Club either
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UNC to lose top seven players from 2005 National Championship team. Duke reportedly chuckles, still sucks
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Five years later, Elián's U.S. saga recalled in makeshift museum
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| (Local10) |
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In Peru, he is running for president. In Florida he's stealing people's credit card numbers. Coincidence?
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What if everyone is listening and no one is transmitting? Ideas presented by a bunch of guys searching for little green men
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Honda to offer natural-gas vehicle. Taco Bell offers to be refueling station
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| (Some Guy) |
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Can't get out of school/work for Star Wars 3? Not to worry. Geek Squad has made you an excuse note you can download
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Jacksonville, FL couple gets married at Motley Crue concert. Dr. Feelgood says they're Too Young To Fall In Love, lets out a Primal Scream
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| (La Crosse Tribune) |
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It's a damned shame when traditions like "cow pie bingo" fall victim to liability concerns
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Norwegian preacher calls the prophet Mohammed a "confused pedophile." Fatwa, jihad, religious war ensue
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Scientists figure out how caffeine keeps us awake at 3:00 a.m. Still no cure for cancer
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Would-be robber escapes with a "I'm just joking" ruse
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Norway's Supreme Court upholds the worker's right to surf for porn on company time
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Scientific breakthough verifies that mice in "suspended animation" can't move
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| (The UW Daily) |
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University of Washington students form campus porn club to create a safe place to discuss, view and potentially make pornography
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| (MaineToday.com) |
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Police fear that a David Allen Coe concert will start a gang war
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Iowa City Fark party this Saturday: 8pm at The Vine (Gilbert and Prentiss). HPZ in the hiz-ouse
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Lexington Fark Party Sunday April 24th 1pm. Start at Keeneland, end up at Pazzo's. Jeff's going to be there
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Charleston, SC Fark party this Sunday 3pm at the Blind Tiger. Drew's in town again
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Todays traffic jam caused by truck full of cheese spilled on highway brought to you by Indianapolis. Emergency supplies of nacho chips, beer on the way (5th alert down)
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"It is a sad loss for Pakistani hockey"
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British man finds copy of original 1965 Electronics Magazine under his floorboards; collects $10,000 reward offered by Intel
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| (Some Guy) |
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Theme: Unlikely birdhouses
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| (NBC 11) |
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Woman who found finger in Chili fingered by cops. Hauled off while giving the finger
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Man films Canadian bigfoot. No word if it's 20% less hairy than US bigfoot
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| (whnt19.com) |
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Why did 6,000 chickens cross the road? To catch another ride
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| (Missouri Tag) |
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Animal control officers race to catch black panther loose in Branson Missouri hills, fear hunters may beat them to it
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Please welcome 1994's Miss Puerto Rico. Her interests include world peace, feeding the hungry, and shoplifting
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| (theinquirer.net) |
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Anti-porn image scanner has trouble telling the difference between one-on-one sex and a sumo match
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| (Some Guy) |
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Opera's CEO will swim from Norway to the USA after one million downloads
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Government issues passport to woman, listing her sex as male. Tells her she will need a letter from a doctor stating she had not undergone a sex change before they'll fix the mistake
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| (Pensacola News Journal) |
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Fishermen steal 14-foot Mako shark's 200-pound lunch (with pics)
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Crews battling wildfire find bundles of abandoned marijuana, but are feeling pretty mellow about it all
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| (Giant Magazine) |
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Magazine reunites cast of Office Space 6 years later
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| Thu April 21, 2005 |
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Detroit Lions model new uniforms made from new material that repels mathematical elimination
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Theme: Your recommendations for the new USDA Food Pyramid
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Two men thought they had the perfect escape vehicle for their heist - a rowboat. But they overlooked one small problem: Neither knew how to row
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Warren Buffet buys stake in Anheuser-Busch. Smart investors go long on wife-beater tank tops
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| (CHUD.com) |
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Wesley Snipes files a $5 million lawsuit against New Line Cinema because "Blade: Trinity" sucked. No word on whether he also plans to sue himself as an accomplice
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| (Local10) |
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Students suspended after wearing t-shirts that say "Kiss Our Class Good-Bye" and "Holy Ship, We're Graduating." Principal says, "I guess I might be old-fashioned, but I believe values are important"
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MLB investigating DUI fall at RFK that leaves stupid SOB nearly DOA
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| (NBC 10) |
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As God is my witness, I didn't think wild turkeys would attack the mail man
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| (NBC11) |
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To lure back lost business after its recent PR disaster, Wendy's offering "Finger-Free Free Frosties" at its Bay Area outlets
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The Minutemen stop patrolling Mexican border, consider name change to 15-Minutes-Are-Up Men
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Officer's gun falls from pants, shoots man in other bathroom stall
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| (National Malawi) |
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Workers refuse to go to work after naked man is found in their offices. "We were very confused and we failed to work because we suspected him to be a wizard and had come to cast a spell on us"
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Congress confuses file sharing with manslaughter. No real need to add anything to that headline
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| (Variety) |
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ABC's "Primetime Live" to blow lid off "American Idol." Simon is going to hate this
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United Arab Emirates to build world's tallest building, which will promptly be rammed by rednecks in a hijacked beer truck
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| (680News) |
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Sixteen-year-old boy gets naked pictures of ex-girlfriend, posts them on Internet. Ex-girlfriend is fifteen. Jailarity ensues
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An employee at a printing plant that makes more than half of America's paper currency helps himself to $700,000
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Eating lots of heavily processed hog anus might kill you
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♫ I know a guy who bleaches his skin. ♫ And he's changed the shape of his nose and his chin. ♫ He says he never touched kids and never slept with Billy Jean. ♫ But he asked for Vaaaseline... ♫
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Australian undertaker offers "beer as you bury" service, which basically is a huge hearse that seats 12 mourners and comes complete with mini bar and DVD player
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Seaworld penguins forced to walk through airport security metal detector. In other news, the terrorists have won
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Alaska town receives award because it's water tastes like "nothing"
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| (Gainesville Sun) |
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Youth borrows "Home on the Range" video from the library, gets "Homo on the Range" instead. Hilarity ensues, with pic
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| (Florida Baptist Witness) |
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Baptists reject new pope
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In an effort to boost sales, KFC to change name back to Kentucky Fried Chicken, increase secret ingredient that causes you to crave the chicken fortnightly
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| (Some Guy) |
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Cookie Monster cutting back on the treats to help childhood obesity. Photoshop other national problems that the Muppets are to blame for
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Patrick Ewing, Jr. transfers from Indiana to Georgetown, citing better strip clubs
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| (Palm Beach Post) |
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New bill proposes to ban public release of National Weather Service forecasts. Coincidentally, the bill's sponsor is from Accuweather's home state
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Broke woman advertises one of her eyes for sale to raise cash
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Miss talking to your relatives? Probably not, but if you do, a company in Japan is marketing a talking picture that can hold up to 12 minutes of messages
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Burglars regret choosing kickboxer's house to burglarize
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Mexicans lost Texas because of crappy imported weapons
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| (Lost Remote) |
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ABC/ESPN study shows that one-third of Tivo users do not skip ads... fails to mention that their remotes are simply lost between the couch cushions
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Within seconds of creating new email address, pope's inbox flooded with Viagra offers, penis enlargement deals and pleas for help from Africa
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Eighty percent of people surveyed would have the WTC twin towers rebuilt rather than a "decapitated pyramid with a chicken coop on top"
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Seventeen-year-old arranges to have his $50K BMW stolen so he can use insurance money to get a better car
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Paper company generates unprecedented interest in its new product, which is made from poo. Critics fear the idea might be a little corny
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Food historian honors new pope with "Eggs Benedict XVI"
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| (Newark Advocate) |
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Today's "junior high female teacher getting high school students drunk and asking them to bare their breasts" story courtesy of Ohio, the Florida of the North
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California Supreme Court puts to pasture a lawsuit alleging the California Milk Producers Advisory Board falsely advertise that California's cows are happy
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The honeymoon is over. Hilton dumps Richie
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Florida poised to become nation's third most-populous state. Farkers the world over eagerly anticipate the the opporunity for new material
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Emmanuel Lewis pulled over for speeding, apparently trying to get the hell away from Michael Jackson as fast as possible
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World featherweight champion banned from every bar, club and hotel in his home town for taking his work home with him
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Scientists discover why some popcorn kernels remain unpopped. Still no cure for cancer
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Kroger introduces "Old Yeller Chunk" dog food. Meat apparently still be good after all these years
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Hollywood out of ideas AND talent: Ryan Seacrest gets star on the "Walk of Fame"
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FBI agents give Toby Keith a little something backstage
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Lengthy study finds the penis size of Hong Kong men is no different from the rest of the world. City to be renamed Long Schlong
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| (LVRJ) |
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What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Unless it happens in a cab, in which case you will be videotaped. What could go wrong?
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Yahoo turns over dead marine's email. Family cherishes every penile enlargement claim
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Armed robber frustrated that the shopkeeper is not being compliant with his demands, even when he hits her with his weapon: A flyswatter
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| (IDS News) |
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Indiana University, Bloomington Fark Party @ Kilroy's on Kirkwood this Friday
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| (KEPR TV) |
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Bad haircut lands Richland woman in jail
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Man -- who mooned jury and screamed, "I am going to the moon. The spirits are gonna take me to the moon" -- deemed competent for trial. Guess where...
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| (Some Guy) |
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L.A. defense attorney moonlights as porn star "Don Hollywood," appearing in flicks such as "Justice Your Ass"
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Midget swine finally get their 15 minutes of fame in Pig Olympics
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High school administrators dismayed by enduring popularity of "I [heart] my vagina" buttons
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Giant stoats attack British farm animals
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Eugene man passes himself off as a psychology professor for over a year
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Fan club seeks to revive Surge soda. Next, the return of lawn darts and the Red Scare
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man shot in the ass loses his grass
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| (WOAI.com) |
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San Antonio mayoral candidate has twin brother stand in for him in parade so he can be somewhere else. Patty Duke surrenders
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Study finds that it's okay to be overweight. Your dog wants steak, potatoes, milkshakes, ice cream, pie, bacon and a Diet Coke
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Warning: Celebrity chefs are trained professionals. Do not kiss your oven at home
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| (Some Guy) |
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Fark Party Phoenix on May 7th. Link goes to original thread
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| Wed April 20, 2005 |
| (Some Ex-Jockey) |
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I for one welcome our robot camel-jockey overlords
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| (StatePaper.com) |
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Plaintiff who went to defendant Pee Wee's farm "because he had two asses." Judge rules that it's nothing but donkey shenanigans
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| (Some hopped up matador) |
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Photoshop your own 1960s pulp magazine cover. Link goes to inspiration. (Link may be not safe for work)
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| (ITV) |
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Elephants smash furniture at restaurant looking for peanuts and loose change under the cushions
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| (KMBC) |
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Convenience-store customer fails etiquette lesson when he opens fire on his instructor. (With video of impoliteness)
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| (KSAT) |
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Tired of being taken to them, man decides to screw the cleaners
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| (DW) |
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German "King of Robbers" can rob 20 banks, speak six languages and pretend to fall asleep at his trial
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Former Tampa Bay Lightning defenseman Rudy Poeschek arrested for driving across lawns and mailboxes
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Hottie musician leaves borrowed $850,000 violin in car while shopping. Instrument can survive 263 years, but can't last more than 10 minutes in Los Angeles parking lot
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| (courier journal) |
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Ancient human remains found at Wal-Mart. Grave marked with last words: "This cashier line didn't look that long when I got in it"
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| (BoingBoing) |
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Bad: Stealing your professor's laptop to get exam data. Worse: Being hunted down by the FBI and U.S. Marshals because your professor had "Top Secret Trial and Industrial Information" on it from his consulting career
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Study finds many people talking on cell phones are faking it. Also concludes that your urge to kick their asses is real
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| (Augusta Chronicle) |
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Plane misses landing strip by 100 feet. Luckily, there was a five-lane street right next to the airport
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| (Rochester D and C) |
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Town spends $22,000 to buy back a cannon it sold for $15,000 two months earlier
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Church study shows that a mere four percent of priests were ass-raping boys since 1950. Since many of those priests have died, apparently we're supposed to feel okay about it and quit criticizing
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Memorabilia company takes collections to the next level, auctions letters sent to players by fans
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| (Some Guy) |
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Today's Iron Photoshop ingredient: Bananas
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Cop accused of using airport's security cameras to look at women's hoo hoos, ta tas
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| (Ledger-Enquirer) |
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Civil War re-enactors defeat Trekkies in gun battle. Never bring a flashlight to a gunfight
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Man shoots car after it outlives its usefulness. Members of the professional whining class meet, form "people for the ethical treatment of cars," protest
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Newest Waffle House menu item in Tennessee: Free Hepatitis A shots
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Ben Affleck proposes to girlfriend Jennifer Garner after her 33rd birthday party, making official their union as the "Bennifer II"
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British surfer fights off seven-foot shark, heads to shore. Returns 30 minutes later to resume surfing, show off balls of iron
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| (Channel Cinci) |
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Man expresses his gratitude to Jane Fonda by hocking large amount of tobacco juice into her face during book signing
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| (WACH.com) |
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Fort Wayne bans open containers in vehicles. That means all open containers, so that can of soda is going to cost you a $50 ticket
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Charlotte church suffering depression caused by intrusive press, according to this intrusive press article
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Researchers identify "death by cancer" genes. "Death by snoo snoo" genes still a mystery
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| (The Day) |
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In honor of 4/20, Bush expected to name new joint chief
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Beer truck catches fire on I-465
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If Fark were a saloon...
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Police dog goes on maternity leave just a month after joining the force
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| (News from Russia) |
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Informing a flight attendant that your bag will explode if touched is generally not recommended
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| (Olympian) |
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Attorney finds out the hard way that sending nude pics of himself to 17-year-old client is not privileged communication
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Star Wars fans determined to preserve virginity by attending back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-premiere of "Revenge of the Sith" marathon
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"Oh yes, my dear, nothing but the best for you. Order the most expensive thing on the menu. Excuse me while I use the restroom. I'll be right back"
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If you are not a member of the Hell's Angels, you probably shouldn't waltz around with a t-shirt that has a Hell's Angels logo on it
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| (Daily Telegraph) |
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Life's rule of thumb, No. 43,682: Do not hold large parties on active train tracks
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| (WFTV (huh huh)) |
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Officer charged for using taser to produce urine sample
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| (KUTV.com) |
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Mortuary owner cited for inattentive driving after accident sends casket careening down highway
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Asshats drain lake at Salvation Army camp for disadvantaged kids. If caught, will face a whole kettle of whoop-ass
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| (wistv.com) |
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SC legislators take on two bills at the same time, approve the one protecting cocks, table the one protecting women beaten by cocks
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Parent supplies nitrous oxide for 13-year-old's birthday party
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Inventor creates sophisticated sex robot, which will hunt down and perform cunnilingus on Sara Connor
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| (Some Guy) |
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Sun, fun and horses... it must be a Lexington Fark party, Keeneland style. April 24th, 1:00 p.m.
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| (GeneSimmons.com) |
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Theme: Kiss turns up on Coke bottles in France. Create some other advertisng opportunities for cash-poor rock titans/icons
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| (KIRO-TV) |
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Javelin impales student minutes before shot put hits boy hit in head. Creator of the movie "Final Destination" unavailable for comment
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| (Newsnet 5) |
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Woman writes love letters to husband serving in Iraq on back of love letters he wrote to her while serving in Vietnam
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| Tue April 19, 2005 |
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Brothers spend eight years in jail awaiting speedy trial
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New pope was a nazi youth, doo-da doo-da... Don't believe me? Here's the proof, oh the doo da day
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| (Cadenhead.org) |
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Blogger and tech writer Rogers Cadenhead wins the Pope Domain Name Speculation Lottery
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Never mess with a Brooklyn midget
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Homeowners steamed after drunk, off-duty cop takes bath in their house
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Did CBS host Jim Nantz leave messages for Pat O'Brien during Masters TV coverage? (with audio)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop theme: Graffiti throughout history
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Marlon Brando to be floated out to Tahitian sea for tourists to vacation on
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"Why in the world would you think your cell phone would work in your house? The customer has come to expect so much." -- Verizon Chairman and CEO Ivan Seidenberg
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The top 10 strangest moments in NFL draft history to get you warmed up for the big weekend
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| (KESQ.com) |
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Porn star and former California gubernatorial candidate Mary Carey arrested for diddling herself in a strip club
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| (KTRK) |
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Parents plan to sue police department after cops bust underage drinking party
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| (fox19) |
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Ken Jennings forgets where he parked his car
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"Rush Hour" star Chris Tucker arrested for doing 109 mph and fleeing cops. With mugshot goodness
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It's been plaguing mankind for nearly 200 years. But the research is about to pay off. Here comes the science
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| (MosNews.com) |
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Russian astrologist sues NASA because destroying a comet would irrevocably harm her "system of spiritual values"
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Vets remove rubber ducky from dog's stomach after five years
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| (Bangor Daily News) |
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The mystery of Fort Knox's giant stone butt plug
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Lawyers for highway sniper to argue he didn't know it was wrong to shoot innocent people
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Teenaged girl throws out-of-control party, destroys house. Man-on-the-street interviews suggest her punishment: "I'd spank her twice"
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When fighting a fire caused by a super-sized toilet roll, be sure that the other toilet rolls don't absorb all of your water
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GM to offer smaller Hummer, also known as "Project Michael Jackson"
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St. Louis University tuition: $24,376* (*does not include $75 graduation fee)
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Man stopped for carrying concealed alligator without permit
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| (Local10) |
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Arrested hippies, told to bend over and hop around like bunnies, win class-action suit. "Body-cavity searches are extremely violating for anyone, but particularly for women"
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Las Vegas mayor plans "Diddy Day" at Aladdin Hotel-Casino to honor P. Diddy. Guest of honor fails to show due to "Other P. Diddy-related ventures." Hilarididdy ensues
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| (Roanoke Times) |
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Professor says the media's "toothpaste causes cancer" stories twist and warp what his research actually says
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If you're going to hide a stolen phone in your hoo-ha, at least set it to "vibrate"
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Ratzinger officially becomes the first former cast member of "Cheers" to be elected pope. Named changed from Cliff to Benedict XVI
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| (Some Catholic) |
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Using smoke as a method to signal papal election has its limitations. Photoshop a new means of signifying the election of a pope
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| (Local10) |
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You know your company is in trouble when one third of your employees are fired after testing positive for illegal drugs
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Having solved all other problems, government to cure "senioritis"
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OMG WHITE SMOKE!!! T3H P0P3 1S 3L3CT3D!!1!1!!oneone. In other news deemed as important by mainstream media, Britney Spears still pregnant
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Rugby team optimistic about their prospects, even after 170-nil defeat. Duke sucks
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| (NBC13) |
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Rabbi, swastika-wearing man fight at airport. Winner to take on President Clinton in "Battle of the old joke contestants"
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| (Local10) |
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Skycap earns extra money stealing unattended laptops at airport
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USDA unveils new food pyramid. Twinkies will not be at the top of the pyramid
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Fan who slapped Sheffield at Fenway loses his seats for the rest of the season. A-Rod unavailable for comment
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Theme: Sports of the Middle Ages
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"American Pie" actress charged with criminal mischief after telling neighbor, "I'm going to sexually molest your dog"
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| (Music Production Farker) |
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Today's Iron AudioEdit ingredient: Flutes
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| (Gadsen) |
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Woman flees scene of auto accident on foot with her six-year-old in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other
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Police say lying down in middle of highway to attract attention may not be good tactic for stranded motorists
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Airlines to offer healthier inflight snacks, specifically Chips Ahoy and Cheese Nips. Your diet plan surrenders, sobbing in frustration
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| (NBC5.com) |
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Hundreds of people flock to image of Virgin Mary that has appeared on underpass on busy Chicago expressway (with not-available-on-eBay photos)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Beautiful redhead with some magnificent boobies
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At Russia's Mineralnye Vody airport, it snows indoors, the lounge sells swords and daggers and the VIP restaurant is a picture of a water bottle
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New state of matter created considered nearly perfect liquid. It is full-bodied, rolls off the tongue with rapid thermalization, its flavor hints of quark-gluon plasma and has a crisp touch of gold-ion finish
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Doctor denies serious professional misconduct after squeezing woman's breast during routine check-up and exclaims, "Nice"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Oil is constantly being "recharged" and can never be depleted. Here come the conspiracies
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Old and busted: The squeaky wheel gets the grease. New hotness: The flaming man outside the White House gets probation
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Monday Night Football moving to cable. Hank Williams busy trying to find words that rhyme with ESPN
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| (Some Guy) |
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'Murdered" son saves "killer" mom from jail
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Tourist discovers his rental car problems stem from a five-meter-long python wrapped around the engine
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| (Nat'l Geographic) |
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Photoshop this fine example of British exterior decorating
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Dude who killed detective then jumped out third story window now thinks he's Jason (with pic)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man sets record with 157 squibs on body; world breathes a collective sigh of relief
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The Fat Duck; British restaurant that introduced the world to delicacies such as snail porridge, sardine on toast sorbet and bacon-and-egg ice cream, has been declared the world's best place to eat
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Taliban launch pirate radio station in Afghanistan, tell listeners to "pump up the volume" and "talk hard"
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| (Chilli Gazette) |
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Rare metal found under ancient serpent mound may have come from an asteroid impact or an early Metallica album
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Researchers say that burning ears indicate a busy brain, or that you've answered your iron again
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| (dailysouthtown.com) |
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Teachers offer extra credit for students who take part in "Get Naked Day"
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Motorist, innocently driving home from work on a warm spring afternoon, rather surprised when frozen sausage comes flying through window, shattering his nose
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| Mon April 18, 2005 |
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Republican suing the Republican party for using the "W" last year on stickers. "Amusing" tag trumps "Ironic" tag
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| (Some Guy) |
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Natalie Portman dancing around her stripper pole in a g-string from the movie "Closer." (Not safe for work)
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| (KFMB) |
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Soccer cleats made from kangaroo hides are illegal in California
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| (WESH-TV) |
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Body of huge sleestack-like turtle washes ashore. Your dog wants soup
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| (Some Guy) |
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Historians suggest Lincoln may have put his log in a can long before Hasbro did
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Goose opens up can of whoop-ass on five-year-old. Bass pro shops to donate fishing equipment to entice toddler back to the outdoors
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Small salmon use the old "It's not the size of the wave, but the motion of ocean" pick-up line
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NORAD to surround D.C. with a laser-light show to ward off unauthorized aircraft. Will be set to "Dark Side of the Moon"
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Kebab killer sticks it to 27 victims. Sheesh!
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| (Hindustan Times) |
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Man invents device to automatically put on condoms for men too lazy to do it themselves and who are confortable enough letting machines mess around their junk
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Dog rejected as winner after winning cash-prize drawing
|
| (Time Wasting Farkette) |
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If you were pope, what would your name be?
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CNN's list of the highest paying jobs for graduates -- or, the list of jobs most likely to be sent to India for two bucks an hour
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| (Some Newspaper) |
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In an attempt to improve school standards test scores, principal helps students cheat on tests
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| (WebIndia123.com) |
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Drunk monkeys' attack injures three. Trunk monkeys unavailable for comment
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this reflecting dolphin
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Sheriff makes inmates march to new jail wearing only pink boxers, pink flip-flops (with pics)
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| (Washington Times) |
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India plans to clone Iranian cheetah. In other news, Iran has cheetahs
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Due to weak rainfall in the northwest, America is facing a potential hops/grapes shortage
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Man can't get job because he lives on Dork Street
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| (Some Guy) |
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Ruling says cop shouldn't be fired for having sex while on duty. "Even Dirty Harry took time out to finish his hot dog before chasing a bad guy"
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| (Chennai Online) |
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Swami promises that he can remove evil spirits from married woman. Husband unhappy to discover that by "evil spirits," the man meant "her clothing"
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| (WXIA) |
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Idiot driving a cherry-picker leads police on a slow speed chase (with video of chase)
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| (kutv.com) |
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US Airways computer glitch allows consumers to buy tickets for $1.86. After honoring the sales, US Airways still expected to turn a profit
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Note to self: Never paint yellow lines on road while drunk
|
| (Some Guy) |
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When is the earliest acceptable time to commence projects involving very loud power equipment in close proximity of a neighbor's bedroom window on his day off?
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Disgusted Internet surfer discovers finger in Google image search
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Returned South Korean blames alcohol for defection to North Korea
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Military assembles elite hacker team: Zerocool to the rescue
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Lance Armstrong to take his ball and go home after this year's Tour de France
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Crack undercover TV team discovers that despite strict email policies, city employees are still sending unauthorized personal emails, including *GASP* pictures of naked women. "Obvious" tag trumps "Dumbass" tag
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Twenty kilos of cocaine mysteriously turns into 20 kilos of sugar while stored in police evidence room
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| (wsoctv.com) |
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New "extreme" Christian clothing line features t-shirt slogans like "Satan sucks" and "My God can kick your god's butt." Store owner: "It's meant to be lighthearted and not serious"
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Native Canadians, arrested for "pitlamping," try to claim shotguns and one million candlepower light were for "tracking migration"
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Papal conclave begins, not expecting a kind of Spanish Inquisition
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| (Times Online) |
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Earth's gravity may lure deadly asteroid, old boobies to the ground
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Black smoke from Vatican signals first vote failed to elect pope. In a continuation of its coverage style for the last papal election, Fark.com will not run a story every time there isn't a new pope
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Russian authorities bust Chinese frog poachers involved in croak-and-dagger smuggling operation
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Scientists await the new Einstein like the second coming of Jesus
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| (KBCI) |
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The last of three stolen beer trucks has been found at the bottom of the Snake River Canyon. Evil Knievel sought for questioning
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| (Hog) |
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OMG Ephedraiscommingbackandandandherbalifemightworkagain....
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Indians marry trees to ward off evil eye; claim they pine for the trees, want them to spruce up their village
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Man vandalizes stranger's cars for art
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Man alleges CIA gave him LSD to rob bar. CIA still mad he never paid up
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Government study finds 10 percent of British teenagers frequently use the Internet for porn. In related news, 90 percent of teenagers too busy looking at porn to take studies seriously
|
| (Albuquerque Tribune) |
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Photoshop this boy and his bug
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| (woai) |
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Mad Max fans on way to movie marathon re-enact tanker convoy scene on highway, complete with fake machine guns. Jailarity ensues
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South African city struggles to deal with Crawdadgate
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"David Duchovny claims he wrote the screenplay for 'House of D' in only six days. It shows"
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"Dr. Death," an incompetent butcher responsible for several deaths, becomes head surgeon at Australian hospital after being suspended from work in the U.S., soon to spend time in pound-me-in-the-ass prison after causing another death
|
| (Adobe.com) |
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Adobe to acquire Macromedia. Your PDF wants Flash
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He can make it on his own
|
| (Some Guy) |
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The Mother's Day gift that every mother has been waiting her whole life for: Tickets to a 5:30 a.m. baseball game
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Liberal-friendly quotes
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Teenage boy steals two trams, continues picking up passengers along the way. "I think his obsession just got the better of him"
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