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| Sun February 06, 2005 |
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Norway wants to make wolves illegal
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Polish spy list beats out porn in Poland
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| (Hudson Reporter) |
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New "party buddys" service allows you to pay a fee to hang out with cool people. For an additional fee, you can buy an entourage
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From ice hotels to the Absolut Love Room, the 10 sexiest places to spend Valentine's Day and night
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| (The Australian) |
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Thirteen dead, hundreds injured in kite-flying festival
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Networks pledge restraint during Jackson trial. I call shenanigans
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What do Rocky Balboa and the Eagles have in common? Both are fictional champions from Philadelphia. Patriots 24 Eagles 21
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X-E unearths one of the greatest board games of all time: "Fireball Island," complete with a marble-spitting Tiki God
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UK Navy lifts ban on photos of girls lifting shirts. Women and Seamen now mix
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| (masslive.com) |
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New school rules orders female students to stop dressing so slutty. The caveat: the school is a middle school, and the rule was enacted after sixth-grade girls kept falling out of their tops
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| (Philly Burbs) |
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Cops armed with guns, mace and nightsticks now taking steroids to feel safer. What could possibly go wrong?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Farker's coworker is leaving soon. Photoshop him a farewell card
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| (NY Daily News) |
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Jose Canseco claims that he is the one who introduced steroids to baseball. Also says he never slept with Madonna.
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"Someone has damaged my garden gnomes" and other British emergency calls
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| (Some Guy) |
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Have you ever wondered what pr0n pictures would look like if the actual people were removed? Wonder no more. (SFW)
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Man abruptly stops in center lane of freeway during the middle of the day. Darwin ensues
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| (Some Guy) |
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The most useful website in the history of websites: Zombie Infection Simulation v2.3
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| (News24.com) |
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Marking another success for peace and religion, 100 Israeli synagogues to hold services Monday to pray for failure in the peace summit between Sharon and Abbas
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With little else to discuss, ESPN has lengthy article on shoes each quarterback is debuting
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Britain experiences an overabundance of blue tits (sfw pic)
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Looks like your blood pressure has a case of the Mondays
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| (Some TFette) |
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Chicken wings flying off the shelves in supermarkets around the country.
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For those of you not up on your Latin - SUPERBOWL Discussion
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| (Some Guy) |
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IDF to treat soldiers with cannibis for combat stress
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| (Green Bay Press-Gazette) |
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Connecticut boy on day 408 of streak wearing Brett Favre jersey. No word on retirement rumors
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| (Poughkeepsie Journal) |
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Division I athlete sells his textbooks, since he figures he doesn't need them. Suspension ensues
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Coach K collapses on the court. Apparently Duke sucks so much that there's no air left
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New virus targets on-board car computers, infects them via cellphones
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Over half the British population -- 26 million people -- do voluntary work
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Peruvian alpaca herders using modern technology to battle the scourge of their lifestyle: the dreaded llama smuggler
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| (Buffalo News) |
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10,000 Detroit auto workers are being paid full wages and benefits--to sit on their asses and not work
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Pet ferrets in high demand in central Minnesota. Bucky Katt unavailable for comment
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop a unlikely Star Trek concept replacement for "Enterprise" so that there will still be a "Trek" on TV
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The science of "brain typing", which studies brain functions to link people with similar behavioral patterns ... like Lebron James and Britney Spears
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Ex-employee pleads guilty to stealing AOL's customer list, unleashing 7 billion spam messages and counting. Jailarity to ensue.
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University is offering computer science course on how to write spam and spy software
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| (SI.com) |
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Svpervs Catinvs XXXIX - discvss et orate
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Couple find $5.6 million winning lottery ticket crumpled in drawer
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Swank wins SAG award for Best Film Actress, still only a second tier skin mag
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| (timesonline.co.uk) |
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Ireland's first-ever class-action lawsuit brought by prisoners forced to clean up their own crap
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The 10 worst Super Bowl moments
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RIAA sues 83-year-old grandmother who never owned a computer. Case dismissed when daughter reveals she's been dead for over a month
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Carjacked limo takes 5 Super Bowl visitors on wild ride
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| (smdailyjournal.org) |
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California spending $1,000 a day to handcuff & guard a brain-dead inmate
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Theme: What are NHL players doing during the lockout?
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| (The Morning News) |
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Developer sues sex offender for moving into his new subdivision
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"Mom? I need some cash. I crashed the tank."
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| (9News.com) |
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Radio station raises money and pays fine for girls who scared neighbor with cookies
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| (Access North Georgia) |
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Cheeky ploy to smuggle pistol foiled in the end. Loaded pistol removed from man's buttocks
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I-mockery takes an in depth look at Mexican prostitution ads
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| (Some Starving Student) |
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Student endures 21 hours on foot, vomit, soiled pants - even offers a bribe - in order to win 1995 Ford Taurus (w/pic)
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Screaming, naked woman eating dirt in prison leads to rescue of missing woman
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| Sat February 05, 2005 |
| (Some Environmentalist) |
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Global warming -- turns out it's not that bad after all
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Three friends keep a horrible secret for almost seven years. Here comes the therapy
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| (WWMT) |
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Man convicted of assault and battery... with an Egg McMuffin
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Cellphone addict sends text messages in his sleep, especially when he rolls on to the "Z" key
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| (Daily Yomiuri) |
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Unable to find any evidence at multiple burglary scenes, police investigator decides to plant his own fingerprints so he had something to collect
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| (SI.com) |
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Dentist sues Phillies for beaning, after ignoring warning signs, warning announcement, warning cartoon, and back of ticket disclaimer
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| (Some Snowman) |
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Photoshop Farker Faxinator and his kids at the top of the mountain
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| (Some Trekkie) |
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Time to bust out the Trek. AudioEdit your character of choice running for president
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| (ONN) |
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Tail thief tale traumatizes town
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| (Official Travel Guide) |
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Want to increase tourism? Mention 80% of your population believes in elves, and that delicacies include boiled sheep's head, pickled ram's testicles, and rotten shark
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| (Some Guy) |
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Australian Country Singer Kasey Chambers bares her chest as well as her soul (not safe for work)
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In Philadelphia, Super Bowl tradition means nudity, binge-eating, and boozing. In other words, just like any other day in Philadelphia
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Nanny indulges the curiosity of the 4-year old boy she's watching by showing him her naked body. Boy's mother comes home unexpectedly. The Smoking Gun is there
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L.A. man and friends pay $760 to buy Eagles 'omen' in cereal bowl (w/ pic of 'omen')
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| (Some Guy) |
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Design new logos for companies resulting from unlikely mergers
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Soviet Army used biological "rat weapon" against Nazi troops in WWII
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News channel's hidden camera shows that car wash employees will pretty much steal whatever you leave out in your car
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| (Waco Trib) |
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Having solved all other problems, Texas legislator introduces bill requiring TV weather forecasters to have a degree in meteorology
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| (Some Guy) |
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6.9 earthquake near Philippines. Tsunami alert pending.
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| (Some Guy) |
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What you wished the back of your limo looked like on prom night (not safe for work)
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| (Some Dictionary) |
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Replace any word in a famous quote with a Fark cliche. Example: 'Give me liberty or give me UFIA'
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Photoshop this man strangling Punxsutawney Phil
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| (WSTM) |
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Hotel cancels reservations for wiccan gathering
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| (news herald) |
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217,301 deer killed during Ohio deer hunting season. Our cars thank you
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Two swords stolen from statues at Gettysburg
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| (Some Unsupported Guy) |
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In a shocking announcement Microsoft plans major "Patch Day" on february 8
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Paul McCartney promises to be naked during halftime show
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Fark Party: Ducky's Pub in Calgary Friday Feb 11, 9pm. Details in thread. Link goes to map
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New online dating service makes leg-humping on the first date socially acceptable
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| (PC Magazine) |
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PC Magazine reviews the top 15 Firefox extensions
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What is NASA hiding in this photo?
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| (timesleader.com) |
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Man wants police to return family heirloom pitchfork
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Today's teen spitting in cop's drive-thru food brought to you by Dunkin Donuts
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| (swissinfo.org) |
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Ninja rebels told to disarm & get a haircut
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Couple plan to renew their vows after 37 years with a Viking ceremony
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Light one up for the cigarette makers who won Friday in court against the Feds
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State trooper gives man who flipped him off a ticket for making illegal turn signal with hand
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| Fri February 04, 2005 |
| (Honey Baked Ham) |
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Photoshop this ham radio operator thinking he is the hotness
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Compulsive gambler sues national lottery commision for all the money he lost
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| (FindLaw) |
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Normally people are thrilled to get free stuff. When you bring a four-inch long metal surgical instrument home from the hospital in your uterus and it makes a triumphant emergence four days later, most people are not so thrilled
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| (Wall Street Journal) |
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"The 66-year-old wrestler from Hamilton, Ontario, carries a chipped, yellow metal folding chair wherever he goes ... He'd hit himself in the head with it before going berserk and pinning opponents"
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When the gods are just feeling silly: Thundersnow
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| (Humor Gazette) |
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Al Jazeera to broadcast Super Bowl: Patriots running back Rahib Abdullah named to Allah-Madden Team
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Weekly World News withdraws latest issue after publishing a "top 10 ugliest people'' list that included a police officer who suffered disfiguring burns
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Middletown, Ohio, sends out tax forms to citizens with the admission, "If we can tax it, we will"
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Congressional Dems gather around FDR statue to protest Bush's Social Security plan. FDR in 1935 supported "voluntary contributory annuities" and said Social Security "ought ultimately to be supplanted by self-supporting annuity plans
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Once in a Millenium event: huge near-miss asteroid to be visible with the naked eye
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Lenny Kravitz could become real-life Bumblebee Man on Mexican soap
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Photoshop this Russian oil well
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| (Some Guy) |
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Bill introduced would allow parents to legally suspend their kids' driver's licenses
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Looking for Real Estate? Tired of those misleading ads? This Norwegian Realtor is too. "Gruesome apartment for sale"
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Houston Fark party: Stag's Head this Saturday at 8 pm. No eye-gouging rappers or gang-banging porn stars invited. Well, OK, just no rappers (additional info in thread)
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Culpepper not an ass, just a victim of bad journalism
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| (News-Press) |
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Student suspended five days for saying "I love booty." This from the same school who expelled a girl for having a kitchen knife in her car when she was moving out of her house
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Daleville girls high school basketball team ends record 113-game losing streak
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SWAT teams board jet in NY in response to possible hijacking
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Sex games end with electric toothbrush in young man's rectum. Which would make this a UTIA
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Truck driver forgets to screw the top on the tank of hydrofluoric acid he is trucking. Spills 330 gallons and forces the closure of downtown Phoenix.
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Despite an absent owner and minimum wages, sub-shop crew refuses to quit (with pictures)
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Rosa Parks sues Outkast for defamation; Ms. Jackson and Polaroid filing separate lawsuits
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UK hatches plan to help the world's poor. Unsurprisingly, the U.S. is trying to stop it
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Rice not cooking up attack on Iran, will let it simmer for awhile
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Hockey gets a stay of execution, for now. Duke sucks
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| (Deutsche Welle) |
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New Turkish 1-lira coin looks so similar to €2 coin, some German smokers can buy €4 packs of ciggies for only €1.10 at certain vending machines... and there was much rejoicing
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Fark party Lexington, KY Feb 7th (Drew's birthday) at Pazzo's. Starts at 5:30pm, ends when Drew passes out. This could take awhile
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Actor Ossie Davis dead at age 87
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Scientists discover microscopic organisms found deep in the ocean able to sustain themselves despite crushing pressure. Preliminary photos show tiny helmets with Patriots logos on them
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| (Americas) |
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If you liked Michael Powell as FCC chairman, you're going to LOVE his successor
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| (M90) |
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The un-J-Lo: Eva Mendes (probably not safe for work)
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VideoEdit: Re-enacted movie scenes done on a low budget. Due today, post 'em if you gotem
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Photoshop this golden bear
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First case of Mad Cow disease found in Japan. Japanese authorities reportedly on the look out for cows that think they're giant robots or mysterious roving swordsmen
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| (Some Mallrat) |
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Roses are red, violets are blue, that doesn't change the fact that this babe has three nipples (not safe for work)
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| (Some Model) |
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Who says gods don't walk among us? (SFW)
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Rumsfeld admits in interview that he tried to resign during the Abu Ghraib prisoner scandal. Twice
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| (Cavalier Daily) |
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Everything I've ever needed to know, I learned from early 90s television
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One terabyte to fit on new Holographic Versatile Disc. That's a pantload of porn
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Crazy people no longer insulted by "Crazy for You" bear, as it has been pulled from website
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop theme: Make the Super Bowl appealing to groups it currently doesn't appeal to
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Altoids tin case mods proves they're not just for drugs and condoms any more
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Basketball coach tells student to stop chanting goddamn profanities. Duck fook
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| Thu February 03, 2005 |
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European Union now looking to add hammer and sickle to proposed swastika ban
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Today's discussion over the meaning of "ironic" is brought to you by a Bedford, KY volunteer fire deptartment
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Rio de Janeiro beer wars in full swing. Bring your own nuts
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| (Some Guy) |
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Goodwill employee suspended without pay for getting his picture taken by a reporter
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Catherine Zeta-Jones named "Hasty Pudding Woman of the Year." Farkers additionally nominate her for "Premature Yogurt Slinging Woman of Year" after quick minute of contemplation
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| (Some Guy) |
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Tired of spilling blood and breaking bones on skateboards, geniuses put blood and bones into skateboards
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| (The Eye Opener) |
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Candidate for student-council president causes stir with campaign posters that focus on her ample breasts (with pix, safe for work) (whoops, farked, see thread for mirrored pics)
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Having solved all other problems, city council bill would end grafitti by banning sale of spray paint to everyone in NYC
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FBI spends $170 million not upgrading their computer systems
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For some reason, Ozzy admits in an interview to having smoked tobacco from Sharon's butt
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If caught smuggling drugs, try a better story than "I'm an international sperm donor"
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Cop gets parking ticket while setting up speed trap
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In honor of the fact checkers at the Associated Press, photoshop a doll in other "convincing" situations
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Iran says it will never scrap nuke program. Bush readies invasion
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As many as 11 of 26 one-letter stock ticker symbols on NYSE could become available as a result of mergers. Drew might want to take this thing public, get "F"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Liz Phair in a see though shirt. MILF? (Not safe for work)
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| (UK Daily Mail) |
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Fat camp for pets owned by morans who haven't grasped the concept of just not feeding them
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Marine general: "It's fun to shoot some people"
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NHL season is officially down the crapper
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Just found out that TotalFarker Sunburn died back last October (from his wife). FYI for those who remember him, he was fairly prolific. Lost his battle with ALS -- Drew
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Local sports reporter tries to pass Sports Illustrated article off as his own after changing a couple of words
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Jack Russell puppy tries to chase boats in a shipping lane after failing at chasing cars.
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| (Some Guy) |
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New Lindsey Lohan music video features her trying to have sex in a trailer and getting dumped at a solo-cup keg party
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Mom confused about the meaning of HIGH school, busted for trying to deliver heroin to her son
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Riot breaks out at Alabama girls high school BB game. Tasers employed by cops to quell violence. Meanwhile, cheerleader bemoans loss of cell phone, keys. Oh, the humanity
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Snopes' Super Bowl myths page. Duke sucks
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Woman who stripped to satisfy four-year-old's curiousity found not guilty by jury. Michael Jackson said to be taking notes
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$10 million diamond bra declared most useless Valentine's Day gift
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Texas woman kills husband with sherry enema
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| (WVLT) |
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Man who shot Pope John Paul II in 1981 sends get well card to flu-ridden John Paul
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Sweden's babelicious princess gives whiplash to an old lady
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| (Khilafah.com) |
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Turkey warns of "action" in Kirkuk
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| (CBS Sportsline) |
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CBS Sportsline asks the age old question: "Duke sucks?"
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Radio station president fires only two people over "The Tsunami Song." Apparently, racist comments are OK if they come from show's main star
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| (Superficial.com) |
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Britney Spears topless on balcony (not safe for work). Maybe
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Ron Artest of the Pacers, suspended for the rest of the NBA season for fighting, is working as a supermodel
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| (heraldonline) |
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Weather "experts" admit they haven't got a clue
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| (via ilovebacon.com) |
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Photoshop theme: Unfortunate ad placements. Link goes to inspiration. (Host site may be NSFW)
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Have lunch with your favorite anime women. Farkers requested to take a number (pic)
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Amy Fisher now knows the joy of holding a new life in her arms that will someday grow up to shoot the wife of her Guido lover in the face. Again
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How to dodge the draft: Sour cream in hair, liqueur in shoes, smoke 40 cigarettes in closet and don't sleep for 48 hours before the physical
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Hollywood not the first to sacrifice historical fact for a good story -- aye, we're looking at you, Shakespeare, ya wee schemie bastit
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| (NY Daily News) |
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Leona Helmsley thinks her dead husband is speaking to her through her dog, who says the afterlife has been "rough," wants steak
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In a surprising twist, gamblers are attracted to the Super Bowl
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More people watched American Idol than the SotU address last night
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Scientist discovers way to use microwaves to end high-speed chases; still cannot find way to make microwaves evenly heat up a burrito
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McDonald's "I'd hit it" banner taken one step further
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| (MaineToday.com) |
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Retailers seeing increased sales of high-end TVs before the Super Bowl. Expect increased returns Monday
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Due to recent scandals, Ford decides to pull Super Bowl ad depicting lustful clergyman
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MTV criticized for "incessant sleaze." PTC finds that, in one week, MTV showed 3,056 flashes of nudity, only three music videos
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Teen who tried to avoid missing her flight by calling in a bomb threat sentenced to a year in jail. While the people are satisfied, Darwin wonders if we'll see her again
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Avalanche urinator was urban legend. Beer no longer standard rescue equipment in heavy snow
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DJ who set world record for longest time on the air gets owned by late Guinness database update
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Georgian premier visits his friend, a deputy governor. Russian politics ensues?
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| (Boston.com) |
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Reporter -- who is almost always called on by Bush during press conferences -- is scrutinized for possibly being White House "plant"
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World's most frightening mirror will show you what years of junk food, too much beer will do to your body
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| (Eurekalert) |
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Study finds mysterious mole able to detect small animals and gulp them down with speed too fast for human eye to follow. Anna Nicole surrenders
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Theme: What if real life had a "view source" button?
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Man acting as own attorney asks to use "diaphragm" that prosecutor used in opening statement
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| (Evite) |
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NYC Fark Party, Thursday night, two free beers included. LGT Evite
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| (KUTV) |
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Twenty-year-old on a college trip goes to Mexico. Upon her return to the United States, finds out the hard way that she's only 18 and not a legal resident
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| (E! Online) |
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Martha Stewart to host new version of "The Apprentice," presumably featuring people who want to become ice-cold bitch felons
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Watch your cornhole -- some guys are passing around a rare STD in NY
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| (NASA) |
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Insta-photoshop the NASA graphic depicting future moon landings
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| (Montana Kaimin) |
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FART steals chair, won't give it back until a 300-pound mounted moose head named Bertha is returned
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Woman confesses to cheating on high school English test in 1957
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| Wed February 02, 2005 |
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In Saudi Arabia, taking care of your elderly parents involves dumping them in front of hospitals and speeding away
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Daunte Culpepper ungifts diamond necklace from paralyzed child
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Wake Forest 92, Duke 89. Duke sucks
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If you're going to rob a store, don't set your gun down to scoop up the cash
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Things are so bad on Chicago's West Side that even the dolls are moving to the suburbs
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Because you asked for it: An article linking Groundhog Day to global warming
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More referees, players implicated in German soccer match-fixing scandal. Investigators became suspicious when more than one goal was scored and play became momentarily exciting
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Nine tsunami survivors found on island, sustained selves on coconuts, wild boar. Each of them has a flashback story and an incident with a mechasaur in the jungle
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Frank may have died on the operating table
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| (DrinkingGame.us) |
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State of the Union discussion thread. Link goes to drinking game rules
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| (Some groundhog) |
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Today's Iron Photoshop ingredient: GROUNDHOG
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| (wesh.com) |
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Man sues Disney, claiming they stole his 1994 movie idea for "Pirates of the Caribbean." In other news, the ride on which it was based opened in 1967
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| (ABC 7) |
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Armored truck unleashes 2,000 pounds of quarters on I-75
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Latest Star Trek series "Enterprise" given the Ol' Yeller treatment, to be disposed of behind barn by Pa
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Today's "cool stadium name replaced by corporate garbage" story brought to you by Toronto
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Half of all bankruptcy is due to medical bills
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Citizens Against Nude Juicebars?
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Welsh rap group's car on Ebay. By the looks of it, they don't sell many records
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| (NY Daily News) |
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Homeless man blocks narrow sidewalk. Old man responds by whipping out sword cane. Since you're reading this here, you can guess the rest
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Furby 2.0 to debut this fall, find Sarah Connor
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Pre-med students assigned to watch frat-party drinkers, reconsider choice of major
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| (wcfcourier.com) |
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Bad: Falling asleep at the wheel. Worse: Falling asleep at the wheel with a meth lab in the back seat
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| (Some Guy) |
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Droves of geese falling from the sky in Salem, Oregon. Nobody knows why
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Interest in Super Bowl ads lowest in years
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| (Some Guy) |
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Today's tip from the Fark Nautical Recovery Department: When somebody steals your yacht, use a private plane to fly around looking for it
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| (Some Guy) |
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The Guilford College player who made a cross-court shot to win game with .06 seconds on the clock does it a second time when asked by local news crew. With video
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| (Some Guy) |
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Rapper Houston tries to kill himself by gouging his eye out
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| (Tufts Daily) |
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Fifty ways to know if you're an asshole. No. 43: "You've puked in someone else's bed"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Today's health tip for the oblivious: Leaving fake fingernails on for three months or more can lead to infections, fungus
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HP claims to have the technology to replace the transistor. Waits for Microsoft and Apple to come in and steal it
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King Mswati III of Swaziland picks 13th wife barely five months after marrying wife No. 12. Shipment of Viagra pills to King's palace doubles
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Nikki Cox finally breaks up with Bobcat Goldthwait and takes up with... Jay Mohr? Farkers everywhere baffled and confused
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| (Some Curious Farkette) |
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Re: Fark parties past: Regale us with your tales. Link goes nowhere. Voting enabled. Boobies?
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As the anniversary of Janet Jackson terrorist attack on America's viewers draws near, Adelphia to become first cable provider to offer hardcore porn
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Drinking like a fish just took on a whole new meaning: Valley girls heard saying "Oh m'god. I just drank, like, a fish"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Theme: Xtreme Xbox modifications
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Hammy Hamster makes Canadian walk of fame; taught kids everywhere that glue and animals do mix
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| (officer.com) |
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Men pick up injured mountain lion and rush it to vet. When deputy smells drugs in their car, men blame it on mountain lion. Deputy explains "mountain lions don't smoke marijuana"
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Someone get the hose. Grandma is climbing the building again
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Man sentenced for really pathetic attempts to seduce his teenaged sister-in-law
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Mohel uses mouth during circumcision, transmits herpes
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Google expected to launch "Google Apartment" to help you find your keys and wallet this year. New feature might help Jim Rome find new radio affiliates, too
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And the Lord appeared to him and said, "Thou shalt fry the eggs, and maketh the grilled cheese, and then sell thy pan on Ebay." The Sun is there
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| (WABC) |
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NJ plane crashes on takeoff, hits cars on highway. Fatalities reported
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| (The Pittsburgh Channel) |
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The rodent saw his shadow: Six more weeks of winter. Bastard
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"It will take six years to fix NY subway. Make that six months. Did we say six months? We meant six days"
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| (Journal of the AMA) |
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AudioEdit another "oops" from the American Medical Association. Link goes to recent example
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"It is a brilliant moral fable offering an Aristotelian view of the world." Citizen Kane? The Battleship Potemkin? Nope, Groundhog Day
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| (Some Pretzel) |
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Theme: Nightmarish Super Bowl snacks
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Yogi Berra sues TBS for 10 million over "Yogasms" ads. Preparation H to rethink "Steinbrenneroids" commercial
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Founder of British PETA auctioning off her tattoo, complete with skin
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If you want to avoid being arrested for DWI, maybe you should avoid leaving a trail of sparks behind you from driving home on your rims
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| (University of Florida) |
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Beer-drinking rats are smarter than you
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| (NY Daily News) |
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"Fear Factor" stunt triggers electrical storm. Contestants obviously shocked as they go back to eating bugs
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Student hooks keystroke logger into teacher's computer to steal tests. Who says today's kids never learn anything?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Seems an Englishman's home is his castle. Mounted charge to repel invaders OK, but boiling oil is a no-no
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Nature fires first shot in war over potholes
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Girl struck by lightning, unable to form new memories. Reportedly asking for whereabouts of John G
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| (Helsingin Samomat) |
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Finland receives first Ph.D. in trolls. Fark mods surrender
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| Tue February 01, 2005 |
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Cop robs bank and returns a few minutes later as the lead investigator. Tells reporters he has no clues
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| (Some Nerd) |
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Photoshop whatever happened to: Anthony Michael Hall
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| (Some Guy) |
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Pope John Paul II rushed to hospital
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Deceased video-game icon and defunct 1980s hair band cost French government €3 million for runway mishap. France surrenders
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Hopeless Savannah State might end up having a winless season. Duke sucks
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| (The State News) |
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Students of Michigan State University upset that potential ban on public urination will affect the school's party status
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The dumbest questions that reporters have asked before Super Bowls
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With old men making the rules, this should surprise no one: Viagra to be covered by Medicare
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Paramedics, who wrongly declared man dead last week, lose paramedic credentials. "But we're still paramedics as far as I understand it," one declared
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Wrong button leads to evacuation order for entire state of Connecticut
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Flying block of frozen crap destroys woman's car. Boy, is she pissed
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| (Some One-Handed Surfer) |
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New tooth implant generates drool. Playboy centerfolds surrender
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Goodyear Tires pays NBA player to style his cornrows like its automobile tread
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| (firstcoastnews.com) |
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The King of Nepal tells his government to fark off, severs phone communication, diverts flight into the country and unplugs the country from the internets
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| (wtop.com) |
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On Monday morning, people will be talking about the Super Bowl. Read more about this fascinating discovery in this month's issue of "Duh"
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Houston Fark Party this Friday or Saturday. Location TBD: Vote for your favorite
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Seminole County man sentenced to three years in prison for refusing to clean up junk in his yard for 13 years
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| (RealityTVworld) |
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Owner of popular New York restaurant brags about tossing Joaquin Phoenix, Paris Hilton, Courtney Love and Mark Wahlberg out on their collective asses
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Today's "porn on public access TV" story brought to you by Seattle
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Soccer player signs for a pizza a week. May be sold for his weight in prawns later
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Naked man, who attacked cop with broom, says he "reacted badly"
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Fox News buys Al-Jazeera. Stay tuned for "Hannity and Heussein"
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| (Sports Network) |
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Barry Bonds goes under the knife for elective surgery because spring training is for the guys who don't take steroids
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AP falls for picture of a 1/6-scale GI Joe action figure portrayed as American hostage
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Court rules against Kelly Brook's objections to her nude scenes being shown in upcoming movie
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| (NBC4i) |
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Ohio Supreme Court justice cited for drunk driving at two in the afternoon
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Residents wake up to find neighbor has excavated 200 tons of earth from his backyard overnight
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this lone patron waiting for the next installment of "Police Academy"
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While looking for Bloody Mary mix, man who only makes coffee from beans notices for the first time that Nestle has been using his face to sell ground coffee for 16 years. Turns down their tiny settlement offer, wins $15.6 million
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"Seamus, let's build a four-lane highway through that beautiful green valley where we buried 140 of our ancient kings." "Jaysus, that's a good idea, Pat"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man who tatooed profanities in Japanese on unsuspecting customers does it again, this time on unsuspecting inmates
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| (officer.com) |
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The road to the Super Bowl includes Georgia. Troopers set up welcoming party
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You can tell a lot about a person's personality by studying their buttocks closely
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Model that assumes stock market traders have zero intelligence found to closely mimic real market
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National Institute of Health scientists, after careful study, conclude that young people are more likely to take stupid risks and get killed
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ExxonMobil profits top $25 billion, up $1.8 billion from last year, exceeding GDP of Syria
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The Rock, Hollywood's newest action star, calls out Tobey Maguire as a rooty-poo candyass
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| (WHAM) |
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Old blind man facing six months in prison for selling firewood
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Coors shareholders vote to merge with Molson, creating watery beer giant
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Woman sets fire to apartment block to avoid paying rent; says the plan looked much better on paper
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| (wsoctv.com) |
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If your 12-year-old kid gets bored, don't let him try out a new ski mask at the airport
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| (NY Daily News) |
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Hospital accidently gives man a bag with a frozen human leg in it instead of his recently deceased father's belongings
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Former President Clinton put in charge of tsunami relief effort; immediately questions definition of "in" charge
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Vanity, thy name is buffalo
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Woman gets 18-months probation for selling imaginary Duff beer over the internet. D'oh
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| (Eurekalert!) |
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Aussie scientists develop Super Bowl-shaped molecule. Tiny halftime show starring "Up With People" still on drawing board
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Thieves use snowfall as cover to steal 43 car stereos in a single night -- without considering that police can easily follow footprints in the snow
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Woman returns home to find husband in a "passionate embrace" with family dog. Is more shocked when man declares his love for the dog and tells wife where the door is
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| (Florida Times Union) |
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Having the Super Bowl in Jacksonville is like the having the Oscars in Sacramento
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Canadian town has a statue that is currently missing its private parts. If found, please return it
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New Hooters airline looking to bust out of its regional market. Business analysts say it's one of the breast business plans they've seen in a while
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| (NY Daily News) |
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A&E bets $195 million that PG-rated Sopranos re-runs will be as good as the originals
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| (Mmegi.bw) |
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Angry street mob beats alleged shoplifter silly, then someone in crowd yells they've been pick-pocketed. Hoo dilly, did hilarity ensue after that
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Cindy Crawford turns down offer to pose for Playboy again because, now that her son is five years old, it wouldn't be proper
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| (The Daily Orange) |
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Student in Masters of Education program gets spanked for advocating corporal punishment
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Fark party Lexington, Kentucky, Feb. 7th (Drew's birthday) at Pazzo's. Starts at 5:30 pm, ends when Drew passes out. This could take awhile
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| (Local10) |
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One hooker in your hotel room: $200. Two hookers and twice the fun: $500. The assistant attorney general of Florida getting mugged, beaten and pepper-sprayed by two prostitutes and their pimp: Priceless
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NYC cops capture teen who shot and killed actress last week. Suspect "was whining like a little girl" when arrested
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"Toughest Bar in Canada" will now serve only juice and coffee
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Photoshop this man working at a snail's pace
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| (Some Guy) |
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M&M sorter makes being a rock star easier
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| (WLWT) |
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Target 5 of Cincinnati decides to take on... birdshit
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Man faces charges for flying over a camp ground, dropping bags of flour on paintball players
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| (easternecho.com) |
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Fark will make you smarter
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Video game teaches children how to avoid online predators. Surprisingly, does not involve repeatedly jumping on their backs to earn a 1-Up
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| (fpp.co.uk) |
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German woman loses unemployment for not taking prostitute job
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| Mon January 31, 2005 |
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Mom drops off baby at daycare to drink at bar next door. Mom forgets that daycare closes at 6:00 pm, staff closes daycare with baby inside. Hilarity ensues
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Scottish minister says it's okay to get drunk "once in a while"
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Terrell Owens practices with the Eagles, still can't figure out intro to Hotel California
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| (Some Guy) |
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Today's Iron Photoshop ingredients: A pickle, a sickle and a tickle
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| (NOAA) |
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NOAA plots all billion-dollar weather disasters since 1980 detailing Mother Nature's hate of the South, especially North Carolina
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I'm the human wedgie
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| (RealityTVWorld) |
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Head of Spike TV fired for attracting too many female viewers, says press release issued from clubhouse with "No Girlz Allowed" sign that doubles as Spike's HQ
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China, in an effort to create distinction for their new wine, has forsaken the grape and decide to make it from fish
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McDonald's worker admits putting glass in cop's Big Mac
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Mexican prison inmates complain of "subhuman" conditions, such as being deprived of pizza, flat-screen TVs, cell phones and sex
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Football fans taking out home-equity loans to finance trips to the Super Bowl. "Sometimes the cards are maxed out and you gotta do what you gotta do"
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| (Some Gaijin) |
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Japan has yet to begin using such advanced technologies as smoke detectors, credit cards and bricks
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France to permanently change name to "Stinkland"
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| (Tuscaloosa News) |
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Louisiana town gets phone service for the first time. "It wasn't 15 minutes after that phone was in before a telemarketer called me"
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| (The Diamondback) |
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Duke students ask for help coming up with chants for games, duped into chanting name of former disgraced coach. Duke sucks
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Texas researchers shocked to find that abstinence programs are failing to prevent teens from having sex
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| (The Eagle) |
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Trendy things to do on campus: Eat pop tarts and Slim Jims, watch arty French films, then pop in Girls Gone Wild Volume 3
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In Hollywood, you can get a lifetime achievement award at age 30
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Bush to raise military death benefit from $12,420 to $250,000, retroactive to the first day of Afghanistan War
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Football match abandoned after referee throws a hissy fit, calms down, realises he's been a complete dickhead and has no alternative but to show himself the red card
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| (Navy NewsStand) |
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Photoshop what these seamen are pulling in
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| (Some Guy) |
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McDonald's wants you to fark their sandwiches. No diggity
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World news reaction to Iraqi poll. Fox faps, Al-Jazeera sneers, CNN grinnin' and Al-Arabia not keen on Chalabi. Everyone's bias still intact
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With the Super Bowl six days away, let the trash talking begin
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Hillary Clinton collapses in Buffalo
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Thirty-six percent of high school students think newspapers should get government approval of stories before being allowed to publish
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Mets catcher Mike Piazza married former Playboy Playmate and Baywatch star Alicia Rickter; starts yelling, "Look at how not gay I am" at ceremony
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Exterminate your chances of getting laid by buying your own Daleks
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U.S. might pay for Spanish-American War by taxing all Internet and data connections
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| (Local10) |
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Teacher bites student. Florida tag continues to earn its keep
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Photoshop this undead couple somewhere other than "World of Warcraft"
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| (pjstar) |
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Peoria county jail now has...
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Inventor of Billy-Bob Wacky Teeth hopes to use his new wealth and influence to encourage people around the country to start flossing
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Tennis star Jennifer Capriati dating porn star whose credits include "I Cream On Genie"
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Tony Blair doodle analysts analyse wrong doodle
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| (Some Guy) |
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Power lines: Not just a flying hazard anymore (pics)
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CNN: Can Rodney Dangerfield share his comments about Johnny Carson passing away? Dangerfield's spokesman: Not without a seance
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Woman rents out ad space on her cleavage. Good taste surrenders (slightly not safe for work)
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| (Quinte Community News (Canada)) |
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Farmers to block Highway 401, protesting government regulations
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Increasingly twitchy Ford abandoning "Quality Is Job One" slogan for youth-oriented "Come and Get Free Money, Dudez!" campaign
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| (Some Guy) |
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Woman gleefully sells ex-husband's sports memorabilia on Ebay; plans to gloat by sending him the receipts
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this girl in a birdbath
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| (Some Guy) |
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AAA released a computer program this month that helps senior drivers determine if their physical and mental skills are still sharp enough for them to drive safely. Farmer's markets not impressed
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| (Common Dreams) |
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Swiss riot police use shields made of straw. Big Bad Wolf spotted rubbing hands in glee
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