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| Sun January 09, 2005 |
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Buying a Frank Lloyd Wright house can be a dream come true. Trying to actually sell one can be a nightmare
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| (Daily Press) |
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Prize steer missing for two weeks found pinned under a bale of hay
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| (FemaleFirst.co.uk) |
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An unpleasant pheasant plucking experience... an unpleasant pheasant plucking experience... an unpleasant pheasant plucking experience. Your peasant wants to cuddle
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Some say whatchamacallit, others say hoosydingy. Those guys over there? They call it a whichamahoosy
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As Freud would say, sometimes a 62-foot-long cigar is just a 62-foot-long cigar
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| (Sunday Herald) |
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Sometimes, naked buttocks can result in a public-relations disaster
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| (Farming Life) |
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Legislators and farmers in Europe are arguing over castration and whether it can cause "taint problems"
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New paint can block wi-fi, other radio waves. Your tinfoil hat needs a coat of this. (Second item)
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| (Mentally incontinent) |
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For all those Farkers adding "working out" to their 2005 resolutions... here are your rules for the gym
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop some Farker's boss and his Lamborghini
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The earth is still ringing like a bell
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| (Palm Beach Post) |
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Palm Beach writer finally figures out the Florida tag
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Milk bank allows mothers to donate their breast milk to dry-boobied mothers
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If you want my body, and ya think I'm sixty, come on honey let me know
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Women like men who like cats
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| (Some Guy) |
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the 100 oldest currently registered dot-com domain names
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Crimes committed in the Vatican include theft, pick-pocketing, vandalism, fraud, embezzlement, murder-suicide and the Pope shiatting in the woods
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French following competitors in the "Cannonball Run Europe Winter Challenge" in helicopters and handing out fines at toll booths. Drivers plan on going "Bandit, Reynolds style"
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| (News-Messenger) |
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Home automation pioneers set up shop in a small town
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Boys are falling farther behind as girls surpass them in classroom achievement. Researchers and male chauvinists say it's time to worry
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Armour piercing "hunting" rifle sold in 49 states because of alarming number of deer wearing armour
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BBC boss goes into hiding after death threats from Christian groups for showing "Jerry Springer, the Opera." Perhaps it was the scene showing Jesus in a nappy, admitting he is "a bit gay," that did it
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| (Times Recorder) |
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Limited trapping season for cute little river otters is being proposed. Cute little river-otter lovers may get mad
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Actor Paul Newman's sports car goes into spin, catches fire. Farmer's market undamaged
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| (Some Guy) |
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CNN cancels "Crossfire." John Stewart's next stop: The View
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Acid-spraying African crazy ants discovered in Australia
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Automakers put hydrogen-powered motors on the fast track. Methane-based "Taco Bell" engine placed on indefinite hold
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Tokyo plans its first completely subterranean farm. Plants will be grown hydroponically in a nutrient solution until The One awakens and ruins the matrix
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Swarms of ladybugs, introduced to control pests in Texas, have themselves become pests. New plan to introduce Chinese needlesnakes to deal with ladybugs apparently being discussed
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Breathalyzers becoming prevalent in American high schools
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Hollywood actor says that adding carnelian stones to a ring has given him magical sexual prowess
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| (Some Guy) |
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Zdenka Podkapova in black and white latex (NSFW)
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Florida has made peace with its walking catfish (pic)
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Lack of home-economics skills is turning out kids who are essentially helpless, and don't even know that you're supposed to boil potatoes before mashing them
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| (Greenville Online) |
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Forget run-flat tires -- Michelin develops tire that never needs air
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Governor Jeb Bush fires top official over sexual harassment and replaces him with a new guy who was fired for sexual harassment and plagiarism
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this farker on a treadmill
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| (Anonymous White Powder) |
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Prepare for regular Coke with lime. Good old fashion Columbian grown blow surrenders
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Thanks to the wizardry of electronics, you will soon be able to shush people calling your cell phone for talking during the movie
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Researchers chart global disaster hot spots -- here comes the science
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State surplus items to be auctioned off include Wurlitzer organ, ping-pong table, a toll road...
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| (CNEWS) |
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Mistrial declared in medical negligence case after the doctor on trial administered first aid to a juror who passed out during opening statements
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U.S. nuclear sub runs aground in Pacific, 350 miles from nearest land mass
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this winter scene
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Cabin crew refuses to serve meals, drinks on airline to protest poor working conditions
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| Sat January 08, 2005 |
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"Wizard" escapes from British prison's Bird of Prey division. In other news, British prisoners are trained in the art of falconry
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In 1883, a German man surfed three kilometers on an enormous crocodile
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these volleyball players at practice
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| (Some Guy) |
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It's a Canadian fact: Young women leave home earlier than young men
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AudioEdit a commercial using Dick Vitale. Duke still sucks
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Truckload of nickels missing. Coinstar machines put on full alert
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| (North Adams Transcript) |
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Five days after story hit Fark, radio station deluged with email drops plans to replace amateur meteorologist with computer
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Found: Texas Farker's niece and grand-niece have been located, safe and sound
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Referees annoyed by eyeglass firm offering them free optical exams
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Sharon Stone gears up for "Basic Instinct II"
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Denmark finally cracking down on prisoners hiring other people to serve their sentence for them
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Reality show on Christian missionaries in third-world countries sure to be a hit if it gets picked up
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| (NY Daily News) |
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Paris Hilton dating a man named Paris; can now avoid awkward moments when she shouts out her own name
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Freddie the Pekingese survives a week of sub-zero weather after being kidnapped by an eagle
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Photoshop theme: Photoshop a WWII Farkistan Morale Poster. (Link goes to British posters)
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| (RapidCars.com) |
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Pics of some of the most exotic -- and totaled -- cars on the planet
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Judge seeking reinstatement after getting drunk and groping female colleagues at a conference on domestic and sexual violence
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UM professor, holder of three doctorate degrees, fell for the infamous Nigerian email scam, sending a whopping $1.68 million to a Nigerian man he believed to be a Nigerian government official, solely based upon the man's claims in his emails
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The summit of a Hawaiian volcano to be the site of a solar telescope. What could go wrong here?
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| (HR Report) |
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Being on the board of directors isn't the shiznit anymore
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Minnesota officials on the hunt for stolen $4000 ice-fishing house
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Internet porn is more addictive than crack
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| (Sun Herald) |
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Newagers using the ancient ritual of "smudging," using sage smoke to drive away disembodied spirits
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Year after year, software companies promise us spectacular products that never materialize. Here are Wired's picks for the top vaporware products for 2004
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Professional dog-walkers banned from talking to each other in London parks. Your dog wants walkies
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Retarded Kennedy sister dies at 86. No, really, that's the actual headline
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| (Canada) |
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Recast this warty grain mite into a human role
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Boffins work out what Elvis would look like today if still alive. Still no cure for cancer
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| (Boston Herald) |
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The biggest threat to endangered species around the world isn't pollution or climatic change, it's Wade Boggs
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| (www.ctv.ca) |
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Toyota drops "tsunami " brand
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| (WTVD) |
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Museum security guard tells little girl to stop sketching the paintings, they're copyrighted
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Gangs of masturbating boys following sexy women around the streets are performing a public service, say titillated old hags
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I pledge allegiance to the two-by-three foot flag, mandated by the state of Florida, and to the fervor, for which it stands, one nation under God...
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| (WVLT) |
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Yellow Pages "mistakenly" advertises religious/family video store as "Largest Adult Video Store in the South" four times
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| Fri January 07, 2005 |
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Mickey Rooney says the public deserves to see his (85-year-old) bare ass during the Super Bowl
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Councilwoman tries to prohibit the Tampa Bay Buccaneers from giving free luxury box seats to council members. Rest of council gets back to discussing what's wrong with the offense
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Cat Stevens still a terrorist
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| (AF.mil) |
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Photoshop this long line
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Now just "Friends," Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston split
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| (KOBTV) |
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Drunken airline passenger decides to announce that the plane is being hijacked. Jailarity ensues
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| (Microsoft) |
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I spy with my little eye a Powerbook on a Microsoft anti-spyware ad? (Front and center on Microsoft's homepage)
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If a 60-foot monkey-puzzle tree falls in the middle of Spencer Park and no one is around get flattened by it, would it still make the news?
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Chinese man jailed for making formula so low in nutritional value that babies starved to death after eating it. Claimed he thought he was making Chinese restaurant buffet food instead
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Grown man, still living with parents, heads to jail for flooding Philadelphia Phillies management's computers with email
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| (Monterey Herald) |
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Three of 10 Americans have donated money to help the victims of the tsunami
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Suspected klansmen arrested for 1964 "Mississippi Burning" Civil Rights murders
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| (WNBC.COM) |
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Hillary Clinton's campaign finance director indicted for filing false campaign reports, many of which listed Hillary as "female"
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| (Chambersburg) |
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Stupid: Robbing a house. Stupider: Doing it while the owners are at home. Stupidest: Using a toddler as a lookout
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Police have difficulty charging dog-farker because "our state no longer has any laws making bestiality and sodomy illegal"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Having solved all other problems, Virginia Republican attempts to criminalize having a miscarriage without telling the state
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Microsoft offers emergency security patch for its free security program
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If you like to taunt retarded kids and rub their face in your bosom while saying "cry for mama," you may not make a stellar special-needs teacher
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Minnesota politicians get group therapy, hugs all around
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Condoms: $3. Hooker: $60. Getting turned in by said hooker for your kiddie porn stash: Three to five years
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Kevin Spacey to play Lex Luthor in new "Superman" movie
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Wasting no time clawing to the important information, Brits use new Freedom of Information Act to ferret out information regarding official state cat dynasty
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Parents blame themselves for their daughter's tardiness, spend detention with her
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| (NBCSanDiego) |
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Asshats who locked their kid in a car trunk so they could go bar hopping won't spend a single day in prison
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop Farker on his snowmobile
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| (Some Guy) |
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For the two health nuts on Fark, here's a low-carb beer comparison chart
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| (Des Moines Reg) |
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Wal-Mart greeter fired for greeting customers with a picture of himself wearing nothing but a Wal-Mart sack and claiming it was the new employee uniform
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"I felt this stabbing like a piece of glass. At first I thought it was a spider so wasn't too worried. When I saw it was a scorpion, I took a step back." Adventure in the wilderness? No, airport check-in counter
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Doug Mientkiewicz, who caught the last out of of the World Series for Boston, refuses to give the ball back to the Red Sox. "I'm thinking, there's four years at Florida State for one of my kids. At least"
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Japanese tourists smuggling Nepal's stag beetles back to Japan because they're cute and make great aphrodisiacs
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U.S. looking to create global tsunami tsurveillance tsystem
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Drunk driver does 70 mph on wrong side of road in stolen car. Not bad for a 13 year old
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Make some fake ads for fake or real products that we can run during slow January. Details in thread -- Drew
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Census Bureau official renames Bevis Lake to "Butthead Lake"
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Atlanta Fark Party tonight, Smith's Olde Bar, arrive 9pm-10pm. ATL Farkers feel free to speak up in the thread
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Conspiracy theorists thriving in their alternative explanations for the cause of the tsunami
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| (Kos I Care) |
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News commentator paid $240,000 by Bush Administration to support and defend No Child Left Behind
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Researcher invents thinnest condom ever -- just 0.3 mm thick
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Pamela Anderson unleashes new line of canine fashions. Your dog wants skanky boobies
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Thieves with low expectations break into luxury car dealership, walk past the rack with the car keys on them, and successfully steal the coffeemaker
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| (Newsfilter.org) |
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Anna K inadvertantly flashes everyone while checking out her yellow bikini (not safe for work)
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Court etiquette tip: When facing charges of misdemeanor stealing, do not swipe the judge's gavel
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Arizona freaking out as nearly all of their rivers have this substance in them that locals have never seen: Water
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| (Brownsville Herald) |
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Purse snatcher in a laundromat gets more than he bargained for when he finds himself locked in with his victims (second story)
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| (Daytona Beach News) |
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Pirate Museum opens in Florida. Ninja Museum surrenders
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| (Aarrrrgh! Fruit!) |
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Photoshop this food monster
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If you rob a gas station, successfully evade the police and then ask for directions at the gas station you just robbed, you may wind up in jail
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| (India Daily) |
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The aliens are going to be mighty pissed off when India exposes their dealings with Earth
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| (Party Hardy) |
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Connecticut Fark Party -- Saturday, January 8th, 6 pm-ish @ Playwright, Whitney Ave., Hamden. Be there or be square, man. Link goes to info
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Bubblegum-pop singer Aaron Carter almost killed by fiery attack mattress
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Ex-UCLA female golfer releases X-rated photos (with NSFW pics)
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| (DailyKos) |
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White House Social Security memo: We must convince the American public that there is a problem
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Jackson is a pederast. The Smoking Gun is there
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| Thu January 06, 2005 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Ohio traffic cameras, predicted to pull in $2 million a year, will actually make $12 million. No mention if they will actually make highways safer
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| ((Some) |
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Twenty-five hilarious quotes from 2004. Bush, Kerry, and Jon Stewart surrender
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| (WSTM) |
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Upset at a lack of Christmas gifts, prison inmates give their jailers the ever-popular Airborne Body Waste Sampler Pack
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| (Pooh) |
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Photoshop this strange bear
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"Some insect species can have 2-3 percent of lipids, others can have as much lipids as in a sausage, roughly 40 percent"
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Delta announces new low fares. For example, it used to be $260.70 from Salt Lake to L.A. Now it's only $513
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Cop pulls woman over in morning for speeding. Same cop pulls the same car over that afternoon going opposite direction, finds woman's identical twin
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| (Financial Times.com) |
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Herbert Kornfeld, Accounts Receivable supervisor, gets promoted to Secretary of State
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| (abc27) |
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If you're going to cheat on your jailed husband, better be sure he's not granted work release that day
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Judge finds that, if Key West is fine with annual Halloween parade full of people wearing only paint, they shouldn't be shutting down woman's one-on-one erotic-dancing business
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| (STLToday) |
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"Barbershop Gang" send talcum powder to mayor as a threat after dead-possum-on-the-lawn trick fails
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Norway -- pizza eating capital of the world?
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Driver arrested moments after judge orders him never to drive again (with funny pic)
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Richard Gere's election appeal perplexes Palestinians
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Quite a bit of this going on today. Superfecta. Still gunning for the Pick 5
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| (WAVY.COM) |
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Female teacher-male student sex trifecta complete
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Second high school teacher arrested for having sex with students. The trifecta is now in play
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Man steals $1 billion in art out of a "devouring passion." Then mother trashes it
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Jesus is watching. No, really, a 30-foot Jesus is watching and the neighbor isn't happy about him or the 24-foot illuminated cross
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The odds of dying
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Thirteen-year-old girl unwraps birthday present to find DVD player, complete with free copy of the Paris Hilton sex video
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| (local 10) |
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Miami Beach city officials shut down 10-year-old girl's tsunami fundraising cookie stand because she did not have an occupational license
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| (terraserver-usa) |
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Photoshop what's on top of the White House that needs to be hidden? (Link goes to aerial photo that has been censored)
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Stone blames the fundies for failure of Alexander. Movie's craptacularity not addressed
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After months of anticipation, Big Unit finally fills Steinbrenner's gaping hole in his rotation. Georgie no longer needs the Thai hooker with a strap-on
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Scientists discover geckos feet are self-cleaning. And they saved a bundle on car insurance
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| (Great Falls Tribune) |
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Firefighters free naked man from plastic toddler's swing in public park
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Computer "randomly" generates curse word on Cabbage Patch kid's birth certificate. With pics
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| (Nanaimo Bulletin) |
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Fourteen-year-old soccer girl puts beatdown on lowlife trying to steal her $2600 tsunami relief money
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World's first glow-in-the-dark baby born
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The roof, the roof, SpongeBob SquarePants on the roof is on fire
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Ministry of Housing finds 1,000 unlicensed TVs a day with "fleet of high-tech detector vans." Loonies fear Eric the Half-a-Bee detector van next
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U.S. to open investigations of prisoner abuse at Guantanamo. Scapegoats to be named shortly
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China's 1.3 billionth baby: "Hi." China: "Um, yay, we think"
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| (WPVI Philadelphia) |
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Store owner shoots and kills armed robber, gets two-for-one deal when DNA tests prove robber was also serial rapist who terrorized community for two months
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Tortoise adopts stray baby hippo
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Hip-hop is 30. That means some rapper is now eligible for AARP membership
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| (Some Guy) |
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New Kansas moniker: "As big as you think." Probably refers to the butts of some farm girls, tornadoes or the new Johnny Holmes muesum
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Woman "chuffed" by replacement for stolen brain controller
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| (Some Guy) |
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Andrea Yates unguiltified of drowning her children
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U.S. Postal Service will soon issue a series of stamps honoring legends of porn
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If you thought Vanilla Ice was the worst singer who will star in a movie next year, think again
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| (The Inquirer) |
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TheInquirer.net falls for fake Nintendo boss "suck my tiny yellow balls" article from yesterday
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Hypnotist jailed for using his special powers to bone instead of cure
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The city of Anaheim is going to court to stop The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim from adding Los Angeles to their team name
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One of two wooden chests reportedly left from the Boston Tea Party uncovered in Texas
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| (WTOP) |
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Mutant species of bear with two left front feet, no hind legs putting the scare into Fairbanks, Alaska residents
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Houston regains No. 1 lardass city title. City council drives across the street to celebrate at Krispy Kreme
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Toilet brush tops craziest warning tags. In other news, using a toilet brush for personal hygiene might be a bad idea after all
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| (wmtw.com) |
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Man pretending to be a cop pulls over a woman that wasn't pretending
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| (Some GIS) |
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Theme: The last thing 2005's Darwin Award winners will see before clinching the prize
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Inventor of Bundt cake pan dies at 86. Life began and ended fairly plain, but the middle part was filled with good stuff
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Bill Gates' computer crashes during presentation at Consumer Electronics Show
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Kate Beckinsale forced to give away masturbating pet rabbit
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Australian grandfather baffled as to why the police don't want him driving around with a fake license plate reading "BUGGER"
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| (Billings Gazette) |
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To forward mankind's knowledge and benefit all of humanity, here are tips for fluffy waffles
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| (Some Guy) |
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Japanese researchers spare no effort developing world's best-tasting ramen. Drinking alcohol helps, they say
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| (Editor & Publisher) |
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L.A. Times drops Garfield, a strip "produced by a committee, devoid of originality, devoid of guts, a strip cynically DESIGNED to be inoffensive and bad, on the theory that public tastes are insipid"
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Despite not knowing if Star Wars Episode 3 will open at the Cinerama, man lines up 22 weeks prior to release
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| (NewsNet5) |
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Ohio spends $100,000 to find out that people should recycle more
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| (WEGW) |
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Woman killed in crash had boa constrictor wrapped around her neck
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| Wed January 05, 2005 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this cheerful dart catcher
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William Kennedy escapes another sexually oriented lawsuit. Proves it's not who you know or who you blow, but how well you blow who you know
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| (gamerah.com) |
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An interview with former Nintendo CEO Hiroshi Yamauchi: "Kirby is homosexual," "We will finish what Godzilla started," and "Hey Ballmer. Suck my tiny yellow balls." (Scroll down for English article image)
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What you want: A great science fiction movie. What you're going to get: A Matrix parody staring Vanilla Ice
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Seventeen ways the Yankees could tank next year. Strangely, "Collapsing under the weight of their own gluttonous hides of suckiness" isn't one of them
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Super massive black hole creates bubbles in the universe, blames dog
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"Once in a generation" superstorm on it's way to nation's midsection this Friday. EVERYBODY PANIC
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| (ABC12 - Flint) |
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Experts claim babies cause stress. Seperate team to determine the wetness of water and if fire is hot
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"Eating rats is gross. Now give me $2.5 million, NBC"
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Consumer Reports says the worst performing cellphone is... well.... all of em
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| (WCCO) |
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Styrofoam cup used by Elvis in 1977 is being used to raise money by appropriately named Nutballz cookie company
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Genetic data provides new details of an eagle so big that it was near the upper limit of body weight for flight. Thought to have gone extinct after choking in the playoffs
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| (WKTY) |
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Dearly beloved employees, we are gathered together here in the coffee break room - and in the face of this wonderful conglomerate - to join together this man and this woman in the name of high productivity. You may now kiss the boss
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| (Little Green Footballs) |
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Saudi Arabia spends five times as much charity on families of suicide bombers as it does on tsunami relief
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| (Monterey Herald) |
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Man arrested for not stopping when ordered while driving to the hospital after shooting himself with a nail gun
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The battle between an Alberta multi-millionaire and the province over the seizure of his poker-playing monkey and other unusual pets has been resolved
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| (Atrios) |
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Ethically-challenged Tom DeLay quotes Bible to explain why non-Christians died in tsunami
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Powell calls tsunami damage "worse than war," immediately calls up Pentagon and instructs them to harness this new tsunami technology
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| (KSBW 8) |
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School has policy that leaves wheelchair-bound students inside burning buildings
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Man, serving life sentence for murder, sentenced to three additional years for passing out cheese sandwiches
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| (WHIO Dayton) |
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Man, showing off his new gun, accidentally pulls trigger while stuffing it down the front of his pants
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Bush contributes $10,000 of his own money to tsunami victims
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| (IKEA.com) |
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The new IKEA Workdesk -- The FARTFULL
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Marine originally thought kidnapped, not kidnapped, beheaded, not beheaded, deserted, not deserted, now being charged with desertion is now missing
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After years of making crappy cell phones, turns out Erickson makes a crappy NFL coach, too
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Kids playing road hockey tell four-year-old spectator that the goalie "robbed" them of a goal. Four-year-old promptly calls 911
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| (Janesville Gazette) |
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Boy, whose 22-year-old female volleyball coach was forced by police to stop having sex with him, has become depressed, his mother says
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Woman swept out to sea by tsunami, clings to tree, eats its fruit to survive, rescued, then told she's pregnant
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Survivor's joy of getting relief package in airdrop slightly mitigated by said package crushing their van
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| (Yep, another Futuro) |
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Photoshop this Mini parked by a Futuro
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| (WHDH) |
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North Korea issues guidelines for what to do if U.S. attacks. Statues of Kim Jong Il to be treated better than North Koreans
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Man with hammer, apparently confused about the Fark terminology, chases naked woman
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| (NY Daily News) |
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Britney Spears hires a new manager to make her husband Cletus into a hip-hop star
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| (Crikey.com.au) |
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Networks fooled by fake tsunami pictures
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Helpful tips on how to determine if your prostitute is an extraterrestrial
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Man that weighed 1,072 pounds has now lost 450 of them; hopes to be able to see his penis in six months
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| (LancasterOnline.com) |
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Council member proposing to amend rules to prohibit spitting at one another during council meetings
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| (DeansPlanet.Com) |
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Kirsten Dunst survives tsunami -- her bikini however not so lucky (NSFW)
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Robbers go to an extensive amount of trouble to steal an empty safe
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Consumer Reports says the worst performing condom is one distributed by Planned Parenthood
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| (Gawker) |
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The only Orange Bowl performance worse than Oklahoma's was Ashlee Simpson's
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this irregular proposal
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| (Dom Roark (by proxy)) |
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REMINDER: Atlanta Fark Party, Friday, January 7. Link goes to original discussion
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| (NBC15) |
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Wisconsin kangaroo owner spots kangaroo on the loose near highway. Oddly, it's not hers
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Cambridge physicist applies science to BMX riding, invents the "Einstein flip." Landing is relative
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Cameron Diaz pelts her competition with ice cubes
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| (Some Guy) |
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Fockers puzzled by spate of prank calls
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| (Some Guy) |
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Tennessee town loses all three salt trucks in one accident. Icy conditions blamed
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Steve Jobs offering one of his homes for free to anyone who can dismantle the 35-room mansion and remove it from his estate. Your dog wants a hammer
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AudioEdit a radio commercial for an unlikely new medication (don't forget the side effects)
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Trojans 99.1 percent effective against Oklahoma winning BCS
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Photoshop these referees warming up for the big game
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Nine-year-old boy writes toilet company, asks if they could make a clear toilet so he could see how it works. Hilarity and free toilet ensues
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| Tue January 04, 2005 |
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There's a new sheriff in town, and he's posting snipers on the roof
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"F*** off and die" in Disney video game only appears in the pirated version
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Evel Knievel cannot sue website that published photo of him with two women above caption reading, "You're never too old to be a pimp"
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| (Columbia Journalsim Review) |
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A review of Rathergate concludes everyone involved, bloggers and mainstream media, was an idiot
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Whatchamacallit -- all 20 feet of it -- washes ashore, baffles bejesus out of everyone
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| (NBC4) |
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Man finds roofers stripping his roof instead of neighbor's
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| (NY Daily News) |
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Fox reality show "Who's Your Daddy?" gets slapped like a red-headed stepchild, according to Nielsen
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Radical Muslim cleric misses court hearing, blames his long toe nails
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| (WSBTV.com) |
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Great-grandmother pregnant with twins admits now that she was never pregnant at all
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Motorola develops cell phone to use while on a snowboard. What could possibly go wrong?
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Monkey fetus juice fights Parkinson's, wins
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| (Sky Sports) |
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Refs miss winning goal against Manchester United. Duke sucks
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Bank robber forgets to put on a mask or gloves, gets recognized, plans his robbery for the worst possible time and trips and drops most of the cash on his way out. Surprisingly enough, the suspect is still at large
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Doctors astounded as man registers .914 blood-alcohol content and lives
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| (Channel4) |
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New Orleans tourist dials 911, demands ride to bus station, restructuring of BCS
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It's that time of year again when you can make fun of people for falling through the ice
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Not realizing fans still have the whole day to get on the piss, Cricket New South Wales to consider ban on sale of full strength beer at SCG matches because people get drunk
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Oversensitivity reigns supreme once again, as a CNN reporter says "flood the zone." Mass media prepares to canibalize itself yet again
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| (Florida Sun-Sentinel) |
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$60m lottery winner delays claiming prize until divorce finalized
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| (Stamford Advocate) |
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Man locks keys in car. Decides to say his car is on fire so that firefighters will help him retrieve keys. Jailarity ensues
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It's been 30 years since food market in Kenya was cleaned. Garbage removed includes 800 tons of trash and 6,000 rats
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The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim sparks ESPN's Ray Ratto to consider what would happen if other teams named themselves this way
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Duke player, famous for teabagging incident, gets the first start of his career and promptly breaks his foot
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| (NY Daily News) |
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Heidi Klum to marry Seal. Klum: "I'm very happy." Seal: "Wock, wock, wock"
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Tonight's iron photoshop ingredient: Bongos
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Seventy percent of people taking painkillers suffer damaged intestines. But at least it doesn't hurt
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NBC receives no calls after Vince Neil dropped F-bomb on Leno
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Mars rover still going strong after a year of wandering around, refusing to ask for directions
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| (Some Guy) |
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Britney to become a CSI
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Insane comic book covers: Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen
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Man listens to "voices in my head" and wins $40 million in lottery
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Sandra Bullock is big hearted and generous and Courtney Love is a retarded, drunk jackass. It's an article two-fer
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Man who said he laser beamed pilots while playing with daughter admits he did it on purpose
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Fire truck pulls 400-pound alligator from downtown Miami creek (with photo)
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Criminal tip: If you have outstanding warrants, don't smash a police car because Burger King ran out of fries
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Britain's civil service debates toilet paper for 18 years. Still haven't decided whether it should unroll from over the top or down the back
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Standoff at bar ends when drunk gunman passes out
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Forget cars, pens. The hot new graduation present is boobies
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Indiana to attempt to enter the 20th Century by changing to Daylight Savings Time
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NOW (National Organization for Women) is mad because radio morning show is giving their butch girlfriends new boobs
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Krispy Kreme padded its sales, nations butts
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Angry tribesmen fire arrows at Indian Coast Guard chopper. Officials decide they survived tsunami
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Jeb Bush says Florida hurricanes (zero dead) pale in comparison to tsunami (150,000 dead)
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| (Herald Mail) |
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Robber armed with hatchet breaks into home, holds couple at gunpoint and makes them play the piano so he can sing. Ends up shooting himself in the leg
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Job opening: Governor of Baghdad. Must have skills in bullet-dodging, bomb-sniffing. Should enjoy chaos, civil war and puppeteering
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop other unlikely sources for a jumpstart
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waudj. gighi
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Aid flight to Indonesia delayed after plane hits herd of cows
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President Bush, who swore that he would never cut Social Security benefits and promised a magic plan to fix everything, presents his magic plan: Cutting benefits
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| (Party Hearty Guy) |
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South Florida Fark Party, Saturday, Jan 8th -- DIT
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Marines turn to Halo for stress relief
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Harrison Ford voted top GILF
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Bush pushing for more faith-based federal funding. However, Muslims, Scientologists, Wiccans, Satanists, Jets fans unlikely to see a penny
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| (handgunsmag.com) |
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What really happens in a gunfight?
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At 81, Bob Barker has no plans to retire. Just keep those Samoans at a distance
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| (Sean Bolan's) |
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Baltimore Fark Party is coming up January 14. (Reminder)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop the entrance to the Daisy Theater
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One doesn't expect to see "F*** off and die" on one's Disney computer game
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"Hi, I'm Richard Gere and I'm speaking for the entire world." Mass media caught listening to celebrities again
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| Mon January 03, 2005 |
| (San Luis Obispo) |
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New high-tech U.S. passports are Wi-Fi networks and we know how secure they are
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Michelangelo's David to be protected by a wall of invisible air. Mimes had the idea years ago but nobody spoke up
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| (WCPO) |
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"Support Our Troops" yellow ribbon magnets not necessarily supporting our troops
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| (SIFY) |
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Yelling, "The tsunami is coming. Run. Run." on beach where 200 people were killed by tsunami will get you arrested if another tsunami doesn't actually arrive
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Farker skippy0000 tries to cash in on miracle snowfall. Here comes the auction
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Photoshop a self-help/self-teaching book you won't see in any bookstore
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2005 NFL Playoffs Discussion Thread
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| (KSBW 8) |
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Man who tries to imitate Jimi Hendrix by setting his guitar on fire ends up imitating Michael Jackson as well
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Fox affiliate will not air the sure-to-be jaw-droppingly reprehensible Who's Your Daddy? tonight
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| (nerve) |
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Why teenage girls and middle-aged men belong together
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Thieves take woman's remote control brain
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| (Some Farker) |
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Farker raises $55,000 in a week for tsunami reconstruction appeal. Aiming for $100,000
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| (iafrica.com) |
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Courtier pulls out chair, Queen lands on arse the hard way
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| (Some Guy) |
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How much caffeine do you take every day
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| (Boston Herald) |
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Boston cabs sport Starbucks cup "left on the roof" ad campaign. Ride will now cost 3 times as much, but at least there will be one on every corner.
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| (Some Guy) |
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Top 10 nude scenes of 2004, including Natalie Portman thonged up (not safe for work)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this porridge rave
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Anaheim Angels will now be known as the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. To avoid confusion, the other city team will change name to Los Angeles Dodgers of Underachieving Suckage
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With Asia in crisis following the tsunami Pres Bush calls on the super-powers of THE X-PRESIDENTS
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| (M90) |
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Looks like the plotline for the Dukes of Hazzard movie will be about Jessica Simpson's boobs (ads not safe for work)
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| (Wonkette) |
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Laura Bush: worship the dark lord (pic)
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After being dumped by Rebecca Romijn, John Stamos shows up at Walt Disney World with the Olsen Twins (pic)
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Kentucky mayor in trouble for renaming roads after ex-wife, friends and 20 year old trophy wife
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| (Some Guy) |
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To all the nice guys who don't get the girl; your time is nigh
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this dino break
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| (Times Online) |
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US murder rate sinks as zero tolerance puts gangs on run, Dirty Harry reloads in response.
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Sri Lankans stop eating fish, because finding human bodyparts in your fish really takes the joy out of family dinner
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The 15 best blunders in film of '04
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| (Billings Gazette) |
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Businessman creates advertising on truck mud flaps. Reclining naked woman not amused
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James Bond style peelable automobile paint
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Students in Ukraine can pass university courses by studying hard or bribing their professors with $20
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