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| Sun December 05, 2004 |
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Theme: What's next for Tom Brokaw?
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"Godzilla fans refuse retirement for Japan's monster hero." New headline writers wanted
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| (The Herald) |
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Bankrupt bar owner turns into "baby whisperer." Signs a lucrative primetime TV deal to showcase his alleged talent
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| (Sunday Mail, UK) |
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It takes a special kind of imbecile to be busted for speeding nine times in three weeks -- by the exact same traffic camera
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Lumberjack disagrees with boss, takes chainsaw to his home
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UFO seen in Darwin, NT on Saturday night -- no explanation yet offered
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| (astrobio.net) |
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Could a passing star exchange planets with our own sun? Here comes the science
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| (boston.com) |
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New Hampshire man, after finding local sex offender registry online, decides to try and kill seven of them. "I hope I've done a service to the community"
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Bush contemplates eliminating federal deduction of state Income taxes. California and New York prepare to secede from the Union
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| (Sky News) |
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Volvo makes "Chickmobile" for women (with pics)
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University survey finds that back-packers have lots of beer and casual sex
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Prarie dogs may be able to communicate verbally. Heard mumbling, "How much wood could a woodchuck chuck..."
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| (Hindustan Times) |
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BBC to air ''Jerry Springer and The Opera," which contains 8,000 expletives
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Understaffed RCMP can't fight terror. Dudley Do-Right called out of retirement
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| (FunReports) |
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Woman begs firefighters to please extinguish the fire of passion inside her
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| (Some Addict) |
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"I first realized I was addicted to Fark.com when...." Voting enabled
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Scientists discover that "teenagers fail to see the consequences" of their actions
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| (FortWayne.com) |
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Telephone booths are making a comeback, this time without the phone
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Historical researchers discover that body buried in tomb of Russian tsar Nikolas II is actually some tramp
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Fire damages firewood company -- owner cited for storing flammable materials
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Neighborhood on the far side of the shooting range pissed that their houses have unexplained bulletholes in them
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Ten questions to ask your custom homebuilder. Surprisingly, "Why am I paying you nearly double the tract-house price, only for you to screw it up six months after the move-in date?" is not on the list
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Theme: Bigfoot joins society
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Unemployed Germans accepting $1.99/hr jobs. Dubya rubs his hands together in glee
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First Internet generation grows up. Soon they can say "back in the time of wooden modems and iron networks"
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School bus driver fired for talking to students about stem-cell research. "Her job is to scowl and scream at the kids, not be intelligent," according to a school rep
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NBA player shows up on street DVD where drug dealers exhort people to "stop snitching" and offer to put a hole in the head of people who do
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Irate hockey mom lifted her blouse, revealed her bra and taunted fans of the opposing team by shaking her breasts -- at her 11-year-old's hockey game
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| (Fark Classic) |
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Twinkies: The paragon of science
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Artificial intelligence system works tirelessly to spot patterns of criminality and finds 10 times more than human detectives. Matlock surrenders
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| (Some Guy) |
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National treasures missing from archives. Nicholas Cage wanted for questioning
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Trucker "changing radio stations" loses control of his tanker, resulting in 8,000-gallon gasoline fireball on I-70 in Colorado
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| (News Journal) |
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The strangest picture you will see today: A deer hunter bags a "unicorn buck"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Angry German prince gives Nazi salute during airport security check. Amazingly, guard not a TSA employee
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Earthquake strikes Germany, near France. France surrenders
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Theme: Create the Fark totem pole
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One thousand airport uniforms missing, including 100 security badges. America surrenders
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| (Gazette Times) |
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Bighorn sheep still considered wild creatures, despite needing people to spot predators for them and give them healthcare
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Proving that God is indeed merciful, Green Bay area churches change Christmas Eve mass times to accommodate Packer/Viking fans
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In this case, cheaters do prosper
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When cruising for prostitutes, it's best not to take the company vehicle. Especially if it's an ambulance
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| (Jax Times Union) |
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Eleven people directed to wrong courtroom arrested and jailed when they didn't appear before the proper judge
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Armed gang in China steals escalator -- presumably trying to move up in the world
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Woman auctions father's "ghost" on Ebay to ease six-year-old son's fears
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| (Forbes) |
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Prisoners -- who were locked up for committing violent crimes -- were given video games to play in which committing violent crimes is rewarded
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| (The Statesman) |
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Forget the Terminator. The killer robot of the 21st century will be the illegitimate child of a vacuum cleaner and a John Deere tractor
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| (Indy Experience) |
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Harrison Ford confirms Indy IV movie
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| (Some Gal) |
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Hot guys with bad hair (not safe for work)
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| (Think Geek) |
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Swingline brings back the red stapler. I'm still gonna need you to go ahead and come in on Saturday
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Today's Iron Photoshop ingredient: Clowns
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600,000-member union may strike because one member is being forced to tuck in his shirt
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| Sat December 04, 2004 |
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Woman who was going to marry her boyfriend of 10 years until she found him boinking her daughter is now the mother-of-the-bride to girl who boinked her mother's boyfriend for two years before she found out
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| (Some Guy) |
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Woman shows up in scrubs and announces she's selling flu shots. At least 28 college students didn't question it
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| (Fairbanks News-Miner) |
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Man apparently so hungry that he believed driving his pickup across a semi-frozen river to reach restaurant would be a good idea. It wasn't
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| (Honolulu Starbulletin) |
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Children help police nab fugitive in manhunt, then throw rocks at him
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| (Some Guy) |
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Not going anywhere? Have a smoke and a soda while you wait for your free ride to jail
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| (KOBTV.com) |
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Women goes to animal shelter to exchange frozen dog for new one
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| (sabcnews.com) |
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Gas, grass, ass or digging up a coffin for sale on the Zimbabwean black market: Nobody rides for free
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| (Some Guy) |
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At long last, the erotica industry finally has the dieffenbachia enthusiast in mind. Busty brunette Kaylin Lyman in black lingerie
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A judge has thrown out a Hooters lawsuit claiming that no other restaurants should be allowed to have waitresses dress in skimpy outfits
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Photoshop this giant SpongeBob as it makes it's way in Macy's annual parade
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Satellite designed by students almost ready for launch. Includes propulsion system, testing equipment and kegerator
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Fark's favorite politician proposes law requiring America's favorite sport to increase testing for atheletes' favorite illegal substance
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Cities in Wales to ban happy-hour promotions such as "all you can drink for £10" and "all you can drink until you need the toilet"
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| (North Scott Press) |
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Four members of KISS get write-in votes to become Iowa agriculture councilmen
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Pornaoke is the new Karaoke. Meg Ryan unavailable for (agh, agh, agh) comment
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"Master/slave" found to be the most ridiculous example of politically correct speech in 2004
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| (Some Husband) |
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Scientists discovered women prefer sex to commuting and babysitting. Although there is still no cure for cancer, at least it's good news
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CNBC cancels John McEnroe's show. McEnroe claims show was on the line, that CNBC cannot be serious
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Kiev hosts "Miss Revolution" contest amid the political crisis
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Jupiter to play Hide-n-Seek with the Earth on December 7th. Get your tickets here
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| (kptm.com) |
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Trucking company installs GPS in every rig to monitor drivers. Your highway spill wants exact coordinates
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Some baseball stadiums will start selling organic hot dogs, since non-organic hot dogs also tested positive for steroids
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Mozilla Firefox is on its way to reaching 10 percent browser share. Most likely thanks to awesome "Fark It" extension
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Hair salon offers free haircuts to Tom Cruise and Steven Spielberg. Damn hippies
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| (News-Journal Online) |
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Residents get fake bills from the city for cost of "morality assessment" to enforce new strip club laws
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You'd think folks would stop reporting their stolen weed to the cops, but they don't, and sometimes they also throw in "because we'd really like to sell it"
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Photoshop theme: Green (GIS contains some NSFW images)
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| (Washington State) |
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Man's display of rear end ended by rear-ender
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Oliver Stone's next film to explore possibility of affair between Ronald Reagan and Margaret Thatcher. "Oh, Ronnie... back, and to the left"
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| (Rocky Mountain News) |
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Colorado Rockies pitcher Danny Neagle arrested for speeding pantsless down highway with prostitute riding shotgun and occasionally him
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There's a reason that smiling Salvation Army bell-ringer looks a little stiff this Christmas season, and it's not the cold weather
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Scientists warn that Mars may contaminate the Earth with deadly viruses. The Sun is there
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| (Yorkshire Today) |
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Wedgie results in testicle reattachment surgery
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| (2004weblogawards.com) |
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Best online community survey
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Crack dealer goes with jailmates' advice over lawyer's. Double jailarity ensues
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Drunk soccer fans legally change their names to Crazy Horse Invincible and Spaceman Africa
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| (KRNV News 4) |
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Gang activity decreases as the weather gets cold. Apparently, it ain't right to throw down when you be kickin' it Eskimo style, yo. Werd
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| (Some Guy) |
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Who has the best donuts in your neighborhood? (Link goes to GIS for donuts -- next time, try "doughnuts")
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| (MSN) |
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Asparagus can put you in a good mood -- unless it's part of a photoshop contest
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Expos moving to the U.S. and getting a name change reflecting its new city. Hey D.C. Welcome your new team, the "Out-Of-Touch-With-America Corporate Whores"
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| (Lex18) |
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Man jumps off bridge to avoid arrest, survives fall. Jailarity eluded
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Wines from Joseph Stalin's wine cellar expected to sell for almost $1,000,000 at auction
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Giant Hand pulls groin
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| (Some Guy) |
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What the heck. Lets have a colorizing contest. Link goes to original
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| Fri December 03, 2004 |
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New Israeli credit card bans purchases on the Sabbath
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| (CIO Today) |
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From the "That didn't take long" department, Lycos shuts down their anti-spam screensaver program
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Theme: Airport security gone wrong
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| ((The way, the tooth and the life) |
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Devout Christian's dental X-ray reveals Jesus image. Brush me Father, for I have rinsed
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Google is made possible through sorcery
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Massive explosions in Houston
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| (Washington Times) |
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Former CIA chief wants to limit access to the Internet to those who will use it responsibly. Fark surrenders
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| (Daily Record) |
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First grader brings hand grenade in for Show and Tell. Evacularity ensues
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Thai Air Force to drop 100 million origami birds onto violent Muslims, origami bird poop to follow
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| (9News.com) |
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Police "baffled" by bank robber who robs the same bank in broad daylight every two weeks
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| (WCAX) |
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You still can't keep dynamite in your apartment
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BBC pulls a CBS over Dow and Bhopal
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Create a Secret Society. Give us your Secret Name, Sinister Tenets, and Oath of Loyalty.
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| (wsoctv.com) |
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Camel introduces lime, berry, pineapple and coconut-flavored cigarettes. Anti-smoking activists not amused
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Florida woman sues city to include Nativity scene in holiday display because absence of scene "violated her civil rights"
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Italian doctor saved 45 Roman Jews in World War II by declaring an outbreak of a fictitious disease
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| (Some Guy) |
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Twenty pounds of marijuana found in shipment to food bank
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Upperclass Oxford hooligans trash pub in some sort of age-old ritual. Win "twit of the year" awards
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| (Baaaaaaa!) |
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Photoshop the creepy sheep people
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| (Some Guy) |
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Don't let the fact you have three kids in your car stop you from taking on another driver who made a "hand gesture" at you
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The top 10 crappiest jokes making the rounds in Britain. You know you can do better
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| (KWWL) |
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Homeless man puts Titanic plate on Ebay, gets opening bid of almost $50,000
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Cool tools for the geek on your Christmas list. Your mod wants a Segway
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Enterprising entrepreneur sets up video store inside 50-foot truck trailer. Admits that 90 percent of his sales come from "porn movies and beef jerky"
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| (Newsnet 5) |
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Woman slaps airport security guard with boarding pass after being told she needed to be frisked
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| (Washington Times) |
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In addition to making cheap crap for Wal-Mart, China now has a new class of nuclear-missile-capable submarines
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Half of British children think margarine comes from cows. Pull the udder one
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Guilt-ridden bank robber mails stolen cash back to bank, complete with apology note
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| (MTV) |
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Police return to Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch
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Police follow donut trail, solve crime
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Lumpy, red cartoon character named "Phil the Sore" having trouble getting on TV to air PSA about dangers of STDs. LOL
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Five explosions in Madrid after ETA bomb threat
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Sirhan Sirhan tries to stop demolition of hotel where he shot RFK, saying there's evidence in the walls proving his innocence
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| (The Omaha Channel) |
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Iowa farmers urging their children not to follow in their footsteps. Willie Nelson and John Mellencamp need a new cause
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If your old n' busted rock band is getting back together, follow these rules to be the new hotness
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| (Some Swinger Thingy) |
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One hell of a frustrating/addicting game. Connect the dots with the bar thingy
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| (Some Non-Talking Guy) |
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SEE: Wrong tape from scene of fire during newscast. HEAR: Reporter graphically explain inability to talk. LAUGH: As in-studio newsreaders barely contain freakout (audio nsfw, page sfw, site nsfw)
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"I'd like two tickets for spam spam sausage spam spam bacon spam tomato and spam, please"
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Bush picks Kerik for homeland security post. Kerik to smite Trogdor once in office
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Photoshop more American jobs leaving the U.S.
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| (Worthing Today) |
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Nude cemetery stunt leaves police baffled
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| (Lincoln Journal-Star) |
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Spongebob sniper on the loose
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| (Cato) |
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Drug war a disastrous failure, yet politicians won't even discuss it
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| (WABC) |
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Woman retiring from "temp job" she took when FDR was President
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Firefighters use the "Jaws of Life" to rescue dog from rim of full-size tire. Later used it to pry dog's nose loose from crotch of vet's assistant
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Utah man pays $82 fine in pennies. Court officials not amused
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| (Newsnet 5) |
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Police pull over man for driving without headlights; discover he's wearing only a hoodie and panties (with pics)
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National sales tax on its way. California is $32.50, Alabama still free
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Man who stalked Mel Gibson outside his Malibu estate. Forced to stand next to two kids repeatedly asking for their eight dollars back
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I love it when a plan comes together
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Scientists testing "We will be able to live to 1000" theory on mice; fail to realize procedure already perfected on Joan Rivers
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this hovering Joint Strike Fighter
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Caterpillar shutting down Montreal facility. Will reopen next spring as butterfly
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California man has 1,497 valid credit cards
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Florida tops the nation in mowing down pedestrians
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If you decide to break your vow of celibacy after being a monk your entire life, make sure the first prostitute you hit up isn't an undercover police officer
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| (Some Guy) |
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Survivor's Ami got the shaft last night. Whether you love her or hate her, you'll wanna see her (NSFW)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Longwood police arrest man for getting long wood after using long-wood ladder to peer through Longwood woman's bathroom window
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| (NewsNet5) |
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To protest restaurant's involvement in NATO summit, group of 50 people pull a dine-and-dash to the tune of $4,000
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| (Mansfield News Journal) |
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Authorities throw the book at 50-year-old prostitute Kyung Sook for turning a gas station into a brothel. Sook ducks
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| (housesofthefuture.com) |
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You too can have your very own two-story cardboard house, complete with sleeping loft
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Water-polo riot involves fans, players and chairs thrown in pool. Detroit surrenders
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Police officer trades ticket for pizza. Your dog wants pepperoni and extra cheese
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| (channelcincinnait.com) |
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Two escaped convicts are no match for 88-year-old granny with cane
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| Thu December 02, 2004 |
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Drunk man with kitten in pocket leads cops on low-speed tractor chase ending in telephone pole
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Man returns from Florida vacation to find that someone broke into his house and turned his heat up as high as it would go
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| (magicvalley.com) |
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Truck loses a tire that crosses a lawn, crashes through wall of house, goes down basement stairs, starts a fire and burns down the house
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| (NBC10) |
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Car runs down a flock of seagulls. No word yet on whereabouts of Kajagoogoo
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River of hot, melted butter seeks fish, clams
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Bell-ringer ban backlash by buyers bites big bargain boutique badly
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Couple commits naked suicide
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iTunes finally available in Canada. And there was much rejoicing
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AMD releases socket 666 Athlon 64 for Satanist computer users
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Photoshop this tug-o-war
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Mount St. Helens is Washington's heaviest source of air pollution. Hippies rush to link the volcano to Bush, Halliburton
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TSA employees make women duckwalk naked in public areas of airport to "see if something would fall out"
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Singapore Airlines offering high-speed internet access on flights. Now farking on a plane isn't just limited to restrooms
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Thailand's king writes book about his dog, sells bazillion copies
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You may soon be able to enjoy the crap quality of MP3 in 5.1 Surround Sound
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New Sony PS2 demo disc comes with bonus "accidental memory card eraser" utility
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How to spot a psychopath at work. Tipoffs include workmate's new flesh-coloured jacket smelling of lotion
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Drew will be on KFI 640AM with John Ziegler tonight sometime during the show. If you're west of the Rockies you should be able to pick it up unless you live in Portland and the Navy is in town with their remote car-door jamming equipment
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Drew will be on the David Lawrence show from 8-10pm PST live tonight
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Ontario to scrap law banning sushi. Your dog wants nigiri
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Eiffel Tower now offering sky-high ice skating
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Cop issuses traffic citation to man who'd been dead for 10 days
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You know it's the holiday season when such classics as "Frosty the Snowman," "Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas," and "A Very Queer Eye Christmas" begin airing on TV
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Dover math teachers required to offer alternative value for pi
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Parents angry over game kids play at school where they choke each other until they faint
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Fark Admin/Moderator holiday wishlists. Feel free to make your own and add it to your profile. Details in link
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Microsoft releases Windows in Welsh language. Ten-foot-wide screen not included
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Giant gun-shaped barbecue incredibly popular in Texas
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Mushrooms converted into rubber. Here comes the science
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NFL player eats six pounds of food in 60 minutes to win eating contest. Kobayashi not impressed
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Photoshop this turkey-packaging plant
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| (Some King) |
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Now a man's home really can be his castle
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Court blocks church from using hallucinogenic tea. Kool-Aid still okay
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| (Some Golfer) |
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Man steals golf course. Slowly
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Hotel offers $10,000 martini. James Bond surrenders
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| (DailyCollegian) |
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UMass freshman pulls ultraviolent "Riot UMass" computer game, replaces it with cute game with main character feeding ducks
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Aquarium adds tigers to its tanks. Big cats, big fish -- what could possibly go wrong?
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TV networks lengthening shows by one to two minutes, in order to screw up viewers' TiVo recordings
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Couple's marriage lasts a whole 90 minutes as bride and groom brawl at wedding reception
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| (GatorSports) |
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University of Florida study decodes meaning behind body-altering tattoos, piercings. Mainly, that people who do it are screwing themselves out of a decent job
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Theme: That's probably not a good idea...
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Japanese robot to talk to the elderly to keep them from going senile
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| (Some Guy) |
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Shattering one-day sales records for PC games, "World of Warcraft" makes "Everquest 2" its bitch
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Forget the Theory of Relativity, Einstein invented an alcohol-powered refrigerator
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| (Times Online) |
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Staff found cheating on exams at Waltham Holy Cross Junior School in Essex. Students stripped of grades and staff to be caned on the quad at high noon
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Carbon nanofiber makes smart yarn, though it will not prevent dumb clothes
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Canadian ATM spits out Canadian Tire Money
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You might be a redneck: If you shoot mechanical deer from your truck, realize they ain't real, haul 'em away and stash 'em in a public park
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| (www.expansys.com) |
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HP utilizing the power of Office Space to sell PDAs
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| Wed December 01, 2004 |
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Old lady leads police on a high-speed chase, at times reaching 15 mph, because she didn't think they were really cops
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| (NZ Herald) |
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Boy invents automatic toilet-seat closer. Women beating a path to his john
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Evidence of oldest brain surgery in colonial America (circa 1610) uncovered at Jamestown (with skull pic)
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Canada to close its ports to Denmark. UN Security Council calls emergency meeting
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| (WCCO) |
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Man uses "tight jeans" defense to get out of gun beef
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Equal sues Splenda, saying their motto "Made from sugar, so it tastes like sugar" should read "Made from dextrose, maltodextrin and 4-chloro-4-deoxy-alpha, D-Galactopyranosyl-1, 6-dichloro-1, 6-dideoxy-beta, D-fructofuranoside"
|
| (Random TotalFarker) |
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Anyone can give away Gmail... I am giving away TotalFark
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| (The Mercury) |
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Elderly driver on busy highway told to make immediate U-turn by GPS system. Hilarity ensues
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Pilot finds out the hard way that being drunk isn't a good excuse to fly within 100 feet of a nuclear power plant
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| (Some Guy) |
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Do not park on railroad tracks while burglarizing a business
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| (Random GIS) |
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Photoshop this Kentucky-fried dude somewhere in Beijing
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Giant inflatable SpongeBob SquarePants characters continue to mysteriously vanish from Burger Kings nationwide (with pic)
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| (signonsandiego.com) |
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Pentagon denies using napalm. Technically accurate, truthfully bullshit. Here's the proof
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Germans are not well hung
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| (Some Guy) |
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Blue Angel jet crashes. Pilot okay, plane very wet
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Fat Americans overwhelm medical imaging machines
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Today's "30 cats, three dogs, two birds and three dead ducks found in a house" brought to you by a dead woman in Miami
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ET-lookalike cereal auctioned on eBay (with pic)
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| (FemaleFirst.co.uk) |
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Eminem drops pretenses of heterosexuality, buys $100,000 worth of women's beauty supplies for self
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Man wants $180,000 for son's college; tries extorting it from supermarket by threatening to put poisoned baby food on shelves
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| (Mapquest) |
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Final Maryland Fark Party Reminder. Tomorrow Night 730pm at JJ Muldoon's. Click the Link for Directions
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| (Daily Pennsylvanian) |
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TFette's article on why college students should embrace pornography
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U.S. savings rate falls to 0.2 percent; a person earning $40,000 saves $80 a year, or a whopping $1.50 a week
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Fark's favorite Powerball winner back in the news, this time for DUI, concealed weapon charges. Also was carrying $117,000 in cash
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| (The Omaha Channel) |
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Thieves try to remove bank's night deposit box with a backhoe (pic)
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University of West Virginia launches new high-tech brain-surgery system. In other news, this is the first time the words "West Virginia" and "high-tech brain surgery" have been used in same sentence
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| (Boston Herald) |
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Masons collect $500k for charity and only hand out $15k. All Seeing Eye unavailable for comment
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| (Some Guy) |
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Blue pill or red pill - why?
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| (Defamer) |
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A friend snaps pictures of Lindsay Lohan's bluntastic Thanksgiving, then posts them on the internet. Holiday cheer.
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Picasso masterpieces lose out to autographed toilet as the modern world's most influential work of art
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| (steves-digicams.com) |
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Photoshop this snail
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Tom Brokaw to make his final appearence on NBC Nightly News tonight
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Gunfire as Powell visits Haiti's presidential palace
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| (Some Guy) |
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NBA brawler Ron Artest once applied for a job at Circuit City while playing for the Bulls just to get the employee discount
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| (Ledger-Enquirer) |
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When consuming 190-proof grain alcohol, don't get too close to the lit oil lantern
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Scientists design biodegradable cell-phone cover that breaks down when discarded and sprouts a flower
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Norwegian skier regrets posing nude, regrets not shared by rest of world (includes NSFW pic)
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| (LBEH) |
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Ernie's House of Whoopass launches annual Let's Bring 'Em Home donation drive to raise money to fly troops home for the holidays
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Oslo woman wounded by piranha
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| (Times of India) |
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United Nations approval required in order to launch "pre-emptive" strikes, but only "from now on"
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| (WTKR) |
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Got Rocket Fuel?
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INXS to hold American Idol-style contest to replace late lead singer Michael Hutchence
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The U.S. military is looking more and more like an episode of "Battle Bots"
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Cell-phone company offers new service that will prevent drunken blabbering calls to the ex at 3:00 AM
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| (Reading Evening Post) |
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Library would like it known that they do not stock "Now You Can Eat All The Pies and Lose Your Bum While Sitting On It," nor do they intend to do so
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| (KITV TheHawaiiChannel) |
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Smash-n-grab thief sporting "rubber slippers" jumps 80 feet to concrete below during getaway
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Fark favorite Anna Benson, wife of Mets pitcher Kris Benson, claims she'll sleep with everybody on his team if she catches him cheating. Mike Piazza still a catcher
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| (PCauthority) |
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Researchers hook up computer to Internet using default system settings, discover hackers pwn machine in mere four minutes. Your AOL user doesn't care, wants cute cursors
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Former U.S. Navy diver who drinks 7.5 litres of water a day so he can communicate telepathically with Sheryl Crow deemed to be not dangerous
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| (WinonaDailyNews) |
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Off-duty deputies enjoying Thanksgiving drinks in bar approached by man who offers to "hook them up" with Columbian marching powder. Did jailarity ensue? Why, soitanly!
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this vertical view
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BSing your kids about the existance of a fat guy with a red suit and flying reindeer is good for their moral development
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| (Some Guy) |
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For sale: BMW 325i, like new. Minor body damage from soccer ball
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Twenty-five years since Antarctic plane crash. Glacial melting shows it's creepiness by reexposing it for memorial service
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Police respond to 911 call from drunk cowboy hanging from fence with pants around knees
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Saturn to release convertible model for the "budget minded" mid-life crisis
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| (Rapid City Journal) |
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Man posing as a stripper working for "Strip-O-Gram" approaches women at three different businesses. Police not amused but say "actions aren't illegal"
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Your parents were right. Not brushing your teeth can kill you. Jury still out on whether not washing behind your ears causes syphilis
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| Tue November 30, 2004 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Fark posted the Ken Jennings story at 6:41 AM today
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Spammers hack, crash Lycos website that was distributing new anti-spam screensaver
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop other fun things you think these kids can do
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| (Irish Examiner) |
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Natalie Portman fine with her naked body being posted all over the Internet
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Science teachers quit after being told science will no longer be taught in science class
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| (Post Gazette) |
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College Jeopardy winner's final wager was 1,337. Internet nerds snort milk onto their D&D boards
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New Zealand puts up strangest billboard ever. Enfamil stocks reach all-time high (NSFW billboard)
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| (Someone) |
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Parent at my school just commented that decorations in office, on my desk, should be taken down, because "not everyone celebrates holidays." Was this a rational request? Difficulty: She's a Jehovah's Witness
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Band says they're sick of seeing fans' boobies
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T.C. Douglas named Greatest Canadian -- kickass
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Drunk driver pins girl to building in Queens. Crowd tries, convicts, carries out sentence on asshat
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| (time.com) |
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SpaceShipOne picked as Time Magazine's Invention of the Year
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Lucy Liu to appear in two episodes of "Joey," causing stir of excitement among the several fans of the show
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| (cockeyed.com) |
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Everyone complains when the price of gasoline goes up, but it remains one of the cheapest liquids available for sale. Here are 47 liquids and their prices, in order, from cheapest to most expensive. (With unnecessary voting goodness)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Cereal-only restaurant features waiters in pajamas, booth permanently reserved for Jerry Seinfeld
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Largest tremor since October measured at Mount St. Helens. But more importantly, the buttplug in the crater now stands at 750 feet
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| (WCCO) |
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Dog attacked by 20,000 bees. Your dog does not want bees to shoot out of his mouth
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Mouse gets caught skimming from a cash register
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| (Some Guy) |
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Godzilla puts his size 383EEEs on Hollywood Walk of Fame
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Butch Davis fired as coach of Cleveland Browns after getting 58 hung on his team by the lowly Bungles of Cincinnati. At least he gets to move out of Cleveland
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| (KATC) |
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Plane asplodes at Lafayette Regional Airport (with pic)
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| (9News) |
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After telling Denver residents not to leave their car unattended to warm up their cars for fear of them being stolen, guess what happens to an unmarked police cruiser?
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| (Onondaga Central Schools site) |
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Photoshop this schoolbus driver in his SpongeBob Squarepants costume, though it's really more of a "SpongeBob Square" costume, since it doesn't include any pants. SFW, but still creepy as hell
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Norway begins its secret plan to invade Sweden by sending thousands of rats in first wave of attack
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| (Some Domer) |
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Coach Willingham out at Notre Dame. Press conference soon. Duke sucks
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Plane skids off runway in Indonesia, crashes into cemetary. Rescuers report hundreds of bodies and number rising
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Maxim crowns 2004 winning hottie. Bush twins eliminated in round 2. Probably safe for work
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| (Some Guy) |
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Tom Ridge to resign
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| (The POTUS) |
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What President Bush really wants to say on his weekly radio address
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Chicago candy-maker creates beer-flavored chocolate. In other news, Drew anticipates gaining 50 pounds in 2005
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Planetary parks proposed for Mars
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| (Los Angeles Times) |
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Federal appeals court rules that because Pentagon's policies on gays impinge upon free-speech issues, universities may in turn ban military recruiting on their campuses
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Add a pinch of Fark, teaspoon of a hoax story and a cup full of sloppy journalism and you get the power of Fark. Again
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Do household moving companies cheat customers and brag about it? Ex-foreman tells judge, "Yes, we do"
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On Thanksgiving Day, beer, peanut oil outsell milk in grocery stores. Guess who's doing the shopping
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Ken Jennings loses on Jeopardy tonight. Will take "the penis mightier" for $200, Alex
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British hotel chain offers a free night stay to couples who are named Mary and Joseph. Virgin birth reportedly not included
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| (Newsday.com) |
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Colleagues at hospital realize they shared Vietnam experience after working together for more than 30 years
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| (WUSATV9) |
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Kofi Annan "very disappointed" his son has been receiving money from one of firms implicated in oil-for-palaces scheme in Iraq. Rest of world "not very surprised" at news
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Take a look at the groups expected to protest Bush's visit to Canada today: Raging Grannies, Radical Cheerleaders and Belly Dancers Against Bush. Canadians sure are strange
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Man walks into gas station, jokes with clerk that he has a gun. Clerk is his mom, but even that doesn't prevent the snowball of hilarity that ensues
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this busy London street corner
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Sick of not being taken as seriously as real lava, LAVA LAMP asplodes and kills man
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Actor John Barrymore, father of Drew Barrymore, dead at 72
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Being a combat pilot is less stressful than commuting to work. Plus you get to bomb the shiat out of things, which probably helps
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| (Andante) |
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Frank Gehry's $100 million architectural wonder in L.A. is blinding drivers and turning the neighborhood into a sauna. Sandblasting to ensue
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| (todaystrucking.com) |
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Earlier spill of 76,000 beer bottles prevented motorists from being killed in later rockslide. Drew still inconsolable
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| (Some Guy) |
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Fielding 25,000 wrong numbers from people looking for BYU info gives retired couple something to do to pass time
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Satan still makes good pretense for humping congregants
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Brits rule that pig, sexually pleasured on television by minor celebrity, did not feel degraded by experience
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this cop trying to start his Harley. (From "The Day the Earth Stood Still")
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| Mon November 29, 2004 |
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Conman jailed for pretending to win the lotto, wins lotto for real three years later
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Too much cheese and not enough fruits and vegetables make your colony die die
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Experts worry that poker is becoming too popular with teenagers. Sadly, strip poker still not popular enough
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| (Some Guy) |
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Bicycle drive-by shootings plaguing Palo Alto
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| (Some Guy) |
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Utah politicians courting the Apocalypse as they repeal law forbidding dogs and cats living in same house
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| (NFL.com) |
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Are you ready for some football?? Brett Favre going for 200th consecutive start tonight
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Many homemade bombs reported in Fallujah. Ben Affleck determined to star in all of them
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Merry Chrismukkah: Cards combine holidays. Here comes the science
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| (Some Guy) |
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Why do cats like twisty ties and shoelaces, instead of all these fancy toys I buy?
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Man steals Salvation Army kettle, will soon learn for whom the bell tolls
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Messiah statue, 62 feet tall, surprises Ohio drivers
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Supermodel Heidi Klum named to a two-year McDonald's endorsement deal
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The Greatest Canadian will soon be revealed. Americans shrug their shoulders, liken it to "Best Runner-Up" or "Most Competitive Silver Medalist"
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| (juicenewsdaily) |
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Yale students pose as Harvard pep squad, hand out signs to fans that supposedly spell out GO HARVARD, but actually spell out WE SUCK (with pic)
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Theme: How to stop glacial melting. Link goes to inspiration
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| (Some Guy) |
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Scientists are proving that magnetism and electricity really do heal stroke victims. Here comes the quacking
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| (LancasterOnline.com) |
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Optimists club calls it quits
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Dear Abby, I let my 16-year-old daughter attend a frat party where something bad happened. Am I a dumbass?
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| (News-Leader.com) |
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Proving their love for hairy things that aren't Johnny Damon, Bostonians dote over new ugly-ass baby gorilla at local zoo (with pic)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Cheese can be as addictive as morphine
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Scientists find new use for wireless network: Synchronizing frog calls
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| (Some Beer Drinker) |
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Reminder: DFW Fark party this Saturday @ 8:00 pm; Flying Saucer in Addison
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| (WMTW) |
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Supreme Court will hear arguments in medical marijuana case... assuming exhibits A, B and C aren't cashed by the time opening statements occur
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| (LancasterOnline.com) |
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Smiling frowned upon in visa photographs
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Twelve days of Christmas would cost $66,334. TotalFark still a deal at $5
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Scientists discover that ADHD activity may be caused by heylookitsabunny
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| (Some Guy) |
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Cell phones being disabled by viruses downloaded with ringtones
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| (Int'l Reporter) |
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Scientists discover something cool about the universe, but I'm not quite sure what because my head exploded after the first paragraph
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Knights Templar seek apology from the pope for persecution 700 years ago
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Britain's five most-watched movies of all time. Frankly, my dear, the hills are alive with the sound of midgets using the force at Park Lake
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| (Some Guy) |
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Real-time airport status information. If only you had this last week
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Kellogg CEO Carlos Gutierrez sends in enough box tops to become the new Secretary of Commerce
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| (WOAI) |
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Army chopper crashes in Texas. Seven on board
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Unidentified man opens fire in Wayne's World, wounding four. That was most unexcellent
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Konami to release video game featuring scantily-clad women mudwrestling. The Sun is there (NSFW pics)
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The year's top 50 albums -- in Norway
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| (Some Guy) |
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St. Catharines, Ontario Fark party this Saturday, December 4th, at Merchant Ale House
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| (Some Guy) |
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This Spanish artist needs something to paint
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SkyDome sells to Blue Jays' owners for approximately five percent of what it cost to build 15 years ago. Your hot dog wants a better ball park
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Video games make you better, faster, stronger -- millions of parents call in their kids from the fresh air and make them sit at their computers
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Americans bad at geography
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Super screen saver seriously spams spammers... or something
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Lappy 486 weighs in at an extremely portable 42 pounds
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Woman, paralyzed for 20 years, walks after stem-cell treatment
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| (Some Guy) |
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Dean of college enrolls in freshman class to better understand the experiences of new student; for chance to start food fight
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this Hulk lovin' guy
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Israelis not easily shocked these days, but video of man being forced to play his violin has stunned and outraged them
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| (VoyeurWeb) |
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Ashka in white. Not safe for work
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| (Some Gambler) |
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Kenny Rogers, knowing when to fold 'em, lets loose his bodyguard on 15 fans, four cops and Lucille
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Lion eats livestock. Farmers eat lion. The circle of life is complete
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| (The Sunday Mail) |
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Bill Clinton ordered a bizarre spy unit to contact the Loch Ness monster by telepathy. The general in charge was relieved of his position after he started to believe he could levitate and pass through walls
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Man jumps off cliff and dies. Residents want sign posted warning that jumping off cliffs is dangerous
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The world's first known piece of printed pornography to be auctioned off. Pages still stuck together
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| (scoop.co.nz) |
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New Zealand bans video game that encourages kids to pee on each other
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| (via WND) |
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It soon will be illegal to pilot an airplane while drunk in Pennsylvania. No more keggers in the Piper, honey
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These are only a small percentage of links submitted. Join TotalFark to see them all! Link archives »
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