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| Sun November 14, 2004 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Expert claims Harvard University enhanced Nazi image in 1930s
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| (Some Guy) |
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North Carolina sidewalks apparently attacking tourists
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| (Time) |
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Time magazine reports that al-Qaeda has plans to use Mexico as a staging area to smuggle chemical, biological and radiological materials into the U.S. for terrorist strikes
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Queen Elizabeth shows support for equine baptisms, paving the way for Charles and Camilla's future children
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Pawn shops alerted after thieves steal 10-ton bridge
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Man gets burned while surfing Fark, invokes the name of Frankenberry in profanity-laced tirade
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Raw video of Fallujah fighters being told to STFU. (NSF56k)
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| (Some Guy) |
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It's looking a lot less like Christmas as Macy's tree snaps in half while being set up
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Photoshop this unemployment infographic
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Third student dead at the University of Colorado this semester
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Carry an umbrella: Leonid Meteor Shower to peak next week
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Wal-Mart uses its world-class data-mining system to determine that the best selling pre-hurricane item was... beer
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| (Some Guy) |
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Old Dirty Bastard: Thought dead, then dead, still dead, not recovering from death -- still dead
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The emergency is over, no need to panic... Cheney only has a cold
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UK government proposes ban on junk food ads before 9:00 pm. Remnants of personal responsibility surrender
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Group stole human remains to raise dead, taunt them for not voting
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UK farkers in for a treat: "I'm a Celebrity 3" lineup includes Emma B (with pics). The Sun will be there
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| (Philly City Paper) |
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"Veggiemobiles" could be the wave of the future
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CIA's second-in-command resigns amid rumors of infighting with Bush appointee Porter Goss
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Contrary to what AOL users may tell you, freezing your hard drive will not help (and other mishaps)
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Clear Channel switches Houston's oldest and only rock station to "Spanglish Top 40"
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| (Boston Herald) |
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Police on the lookout for the thieves who stole a 500-pound dolphin mailbox
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Thomas Jefferson currently spinning in his grave as ads backing Ahnold for President start their run
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Off-duty sheriff replaces standard "license and registration, please" with slightly more direct, "I'm gonna blow your farking head off" statement
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| (I like (to) pet(s)) |
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Test your knowledge: Dog toy or marital aid? (Not safe for work)
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Photoshop this airplane interior
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| (No BMW Required) |
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Still one of the best sites: BMW Films presents The Hire starring Clive Owen directed by Ridley Scott, John Woo, Guy Ritchie and more
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| (family.org) |
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Jimmy Buffett's latest album has been slammed by a conservative Christian group because there's not enough Jesus in it
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| (Krystal Burgers) |
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Man sits on toilet for 17 days to win $10,000
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| (Some Guy) |
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Police find couple drenched in beer and soda pop after fight over lost TV remote
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| (Some Guy) |
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Principal whipped two teens. Jesus may have been a factor
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Five-thousand-year-old human artifacts of a fish camp found in Texas. Items include fragments of shell tools, chipped flint projectile points, a fish earbone and 137 empty Lone Star beer cans
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Wild elephants stomp all over remote Indian village, guzzle beer supplies. Local politicians denounce dollar pitchers, two-for-one specials
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| (NY Daily News) |
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NYC sends $400 rebate checks to dead homeowners
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| (kfor.com) |
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Assistant DA to undercover cop posing as prostitute: "Is this some kind of bust?" "Why yes, yes it is"
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| (Some Person) |
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Photoshop this balcony view of a boardwalk in Destin, Florida. Don't get dizzy
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U.S. military building global wireless network. Should be complete on August 27 at 2:14 am
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| (Jam) |
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Lawyer sues the producers of "Law & Order" for $15 million dollars, claiming they defamed him by portraying him as a crooked attorney
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Australians shatter underwater ironing record
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| (megastar.co.uk) |
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David Beckham buys wife, Victoria, a diamond-encrusted vibrator
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| Sat November 13, 2004 |
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Xbox + Halo 2 + Mod Chip = Xbox Live Bannination
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Ol' Dirty Bastard dies at 35
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| (nwa-tna.com) |
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NWA-TNA sends cookies and balloons to Vince McMahon and WWE while they were visiting Universal Studios. Hilarity ensues
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| (Some Guy) |
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Donuts stolen from courthouse. Deputies' uniforms all examined for jelly residue
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Mailman hides almost 300 pieces of mail. He says the roads were too muddy. His boss says he's lazy
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| (Marion Star) |
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Plumber finds crack in pipe, but it's not the plumber's crack
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| (Some Farker) |
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What's your favorite quote, and where's it from?
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Jackalope without horns shows up in Oregon yard (with video)
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| (Some Guy) |
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EA Games has it's employes work 85-hour work weeks, with no overtime pay or comp time. Here comes the lawsuit
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Moron finds submerged architecture in Mediterranean, assumes it to be Atlantis. Also sees a horse and assumes it to be a unicorn that lost its horn
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| (Some! Guy) |
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Photoshop these webcams
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Need help with your next burglary? Try the French police, they are very helpful
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| (Some Act Of Kindness) |
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Today is World Kindness Day, moron. Now go outside and be nice to someone, jackass
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Man brings wooden sword to gunfight
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VP Cheney rushed to hospital. Bush notified, ready to assume power if necessary
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It's official: "Court says Beastie Boys rule"
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| (The Town Talk) |
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It's called marketing... look into it and leave my whiskey legends alone
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If you write Martha Stewart at prison, you'll get a form letter back asking you to buy her products
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| (Savannah Now) |
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Photoshop this toilet attacking this kid on a baseball field
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Man has heart attack on treadmill. Luckily for him, the guys near him were off-duty firefighters. Female gym members now considering faking heart attacks
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| (Some Guy) |
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AudioEdit a passage from a Shakespearean play as performed by monkeys
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Store owner arrested and charged with selling... iodine?
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| (Herald Sun) |
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Five-year-old sister saves infant from a scavenging dingo
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Bush and Blair: Self-righteous insolence
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USA wants to jail Russian physicist for his hi-tech cooperation with China
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Nothing says "spoiled brat" like a $180 tricycle or a miniature $800 SUV -- with a trailer hitch
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| (Holland Sentinel) |
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Mushroom farm closes, which will put -- get this -- 200 people out of work
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Lindsay Lohan finally dumps "That 70s Show" asshat. Farkers, start your engines
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| (femalefirst.co.uk) |
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Patrick Stewart dating woman almost 40 years younger. Make it so
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| (Payson Roundup) |
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Stupid teen runs down motorcyclist, tries to get away. Cue the enraged construction workers driving heavy loaders
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G4TechTV dumps "Unscrewed." Fires Alex, Yoshi, Dan and others from "The Screen Savers." Geeks, Nerds and Dweebs surrender
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| (WSTM-3 New York) |
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GI Joe, Scrabble, rocking horse named to National Toy Hall of Fame. Pete Rose doll still banned for life
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| (News 8 Now) |
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Students superglue locks, slash tires on school buses as senior prank. Will leave school with a diploma and a felony on their permanent records
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When I got tired, I slept. When I got hungry, I ate. When I had to go, you know, I went...
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop the Bad Kid Hall of Fame
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One Fish. Two Fish. Red Fish. Sue Fish. Having run out of people to sue, lawyers turning on each other
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| (First Coast News) |
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Fourteen-year-old lovebirds discuss murdering one's mother, robbing the other's and running away... all while the answering machine tape ran
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Welcome to Chicago -- we'll tow your $18,000 car, sell it for $125, and stick you with the bill
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| (10 News) |
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Woman thought she'd make an illegal U-turn. Two tons of Mother's cookies thought otherwise
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| (Some Guy) |
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First extreme sports radio show has been on the air for over a year. Segments include Queer Eye for the Extreme Guy (with audio)
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| ((A guy, a girl and sacrificial a) |
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Couple charged with trying to sacrifice their children
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Woman told by city to clean her house or go to jail. Woman throws temper tantrum
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| (Some Guy) |
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Some of London's "ladies of the night" (not safe for work)
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Airborne laser weapon now reality. Chris Knight & Mitch Taylor demand credit
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| (NYNewsday.com) |
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Naked man jumps into reptile pit at Bronx Zoo
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| Fri November 12, 2004 |
| (Channel Cincinnati) |
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Police use taser on six-year-old to "keep him from hurting himself"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this hose and its friends
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Four-year-old girl caught crossing border hidden inside PINATA. Your chihuahua wants a birthday party
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New protein injection for men may prevent the consequence of a protein injection for women
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| (Some Guy) |
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Woman stuffed in trunk and kidnapped from mall. Bystanders wonder if it was just some early Xmas shopping
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| (Centre Daily Times) |
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Emergency workers credited with saving dozens of soles after shoe store collapse. (Second story down)
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UN withholding documents for "Oil for Food" scam
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| (law.com) |
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Sharper Image sues Consumer Reports for saying its Ionic Breeze air cleaner sucks. Judge agrees it sucks and dismisses suit
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Wild bull rendered udderly docile by seductive cow
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| (East Valley Tribune) |
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Alarmed by the amount of "brought to you by" stories on Fark, scientists begin study on why people hoard scores of pets
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Tailgating parties will never smell sweeter, thanks to the new fart-suppressing seat cushions. Your tailgaters want more chili
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"These speakers go to 11." No, really
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Pastor cashes in on stupidity when robbers accept check. "Now whom do I make this check out to?"
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| (Adrenaline Vault) |
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Marvel suing makers of City of Heroes because they feel players can create characters that are too similar to their copyrighted heroes. Third graders and crayons reported to be next on Marvel's hit list
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| (Tampa Bay's 10) |
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Prosecutor, who's aggressive against drunk drivers, busted for drunk driving... with three children in the car. Hippo Critt plays the double standards
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Internet dating site bans man for "lack of commitment" after he gets more ass than a toilet seat
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| (mosnews.com) |
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Naked man found in Russian consulate in Seattle. Arrested while bathing in the women's restroom sink
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| (bordermail.com.au) |
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Man complains about rotten kids getting on his lawn. Father waves his willie at him. Man smashes father's car with bicycle. Jailarity ensues
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Jury finds Peterson guilty
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| (Portland Tribune) |
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Rowdy Roddy Piper to make his stand-up comedy debut this weekend
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Conservatives blame Kinsey for all that bad bad sex out there
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Womens college volleyball team loses a point each match for taking off their shirts during game (sorry, no pics)
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Two heads are better than one, especially if you are a mean-ass-looking tortoise. The Sun is there (with pics)
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| (NY Daily News) |
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Subway sign hacked to read 'no pretty girls ride subways.' New Yorkers unsurprised
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Man opens fire on Eiffel tower. France engaged in peace talks with Venezuala
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Reminder -- Jacksonville Fark party tonite at Regency Ale House
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If a cop calls and tells you to go undress at an open window, he might not be legit
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Just in time for Thanksgiving: Photoshop a turkey in an unlikely situation
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| (CourtTV) |
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Jury has reached verdict in Scott Peterson murder trial; verdict to be announced at 1:00 p.m. PST (Update: verdict is 'guilty')
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Coming soon: Robot village on the moon. Don't touch the Crushinator -- a lady that fine, you gotta romance first
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Hollywood's strangest catfight may be ending -- Julie Newmar wants to make up with Jim Belushi, sends him her love
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| (Some Guy) |
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Surprise of the day: New MSN Search engine puts Firefox and Google near top of the "more evil than God" list
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| (WBAL TV) |
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Somebody is eating all the cats. Gordon Shumway wanted for questioning
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Nobel prize-winning physicist loses arm to flesh-eating disease
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The ancient art of origami has been infiltrated by a guy who demonstrates how to make humping bunnies, waggling tongue, condoms, paper sperm and the lower half of the female anatomy
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| (Pittsburgh Tribune Review) |
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Woman struck by train sues railroad for failing to warn pedestrians that trains travel on tracks
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Muskrat, delivered hot and fresh in under 30 minutes. "The taste? A lot like squirrel. The meat is dark and succulent"
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| (The New Mexico Channel) |
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Victim of wedding reception robbery just wants to spank the thief, make him say naughty words
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British women to get £1000 for their eggs. Chickens surrender
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Couple helps fox with broken left leg. Fox then brings limping friend. Also, this story includes the word "wieners"
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New Who album may appear next spring. Deaf, dumb and blind kids indifferent
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| (IrelandOnline) |
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Rapper Flavor Flav smacks peeing dog with rolled up newspaper on VH1 reality show "The Surreal Life." Oh, that went over real well with animal rights group
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| (Some GIS) |
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Theme: What does Drew's house look like?
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| (Modbee) |
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Woman almost killed by rat's nuts. Fark squirrel surrenders
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| (PistonHeads.com) |
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UK man buries his garage underneath his front lawn, James Bond-style, after city bans parking on his street
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| (Boston Channel) |
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High school students developing device that detects and fills potholes before they form
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| (Chronicle of Higher Education) |
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Nine out of 10 college professors self-identify as Democrat or Green
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Monster Party might be the most quotable video game in history
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Not to be outdone by 56-year-old this week, 59-year-old set to give birth to twins
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| (New York Daily News) |
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Journeyman electrician with homemade device made of household switch and plug almost takes out Federal Reserve Bank of New York
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Activist attempting to re-enact "Super Size Me" nearly killed by fast food
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Peanut fan receives 46,000 pounds in front yard
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Train derailment in Virginia spills 20,000 gallons of beer. Oh, the humanity
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| (New Zealand Herald) |
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Big assed mannequins take over New York
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| (Chart Attack) |
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Dave Matthews offers $100,000 to people he pooped on
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| Thu November 11, 2004 |
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In an effort to remove all fun from recess, California school bans cartwheels. Would prefer children grow up in protective plastic bubbles
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Hail Mary full of cheese, the grease is with thee; blessed art thou amongst sandwiches, and blessed is the crunch of thy crust
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| (WJLA) |
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Newborn twin boys named "Yasser" and "Arafat." Condition of mother fine, nope not fine, nope she's good after all
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Having not dominated all of time and space, Microsoft to launch Windows in the language of the Inca
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| (Some Street-Walkin' P-Shopper) |
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Slather on the make-up, hike up your skirt and check your shame-o-meters at the door as we crown the Photoshop Vote-Whoring Champion of the World
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| (Gizmodo) |
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Geeks have a new way to call mom to be picked up from the Star Trek convention
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Bowhunter engages in fight manu-y-deer, loses
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| (WANE-TV) |
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If you have any information on the sonic booms that keep rattling Fort Wayne houses, the police would like to speak to you
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Bill Maher upset O'Reilly's getting all the attention, skips the falafel, goes straight to the racial comments and physical abuse. The Smoking Gun is there
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Oregon man has drivers license suspended for 100 years
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Robotic pillow, called The Hug, will give your grandma a friendly squeeze. Scientists busy working on follow-up pillows, including The Grope and The Bitch Slap
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Norwegian politician calls for ban on bestialiaty. In other news, bestiality is currently legal in Norway
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| (NJ.com) |
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Man sets his pants on fire while being booked for outstanding warrant
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Santana wins AL Cy Young Award, to go along with all those Grammy Awards
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| (ABC13.com) |
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Gee, we were playing with the knife when I guess I stabbed him to death
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Photoshop this picture of Philadelphia's Love Park
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| (NewsNet5) |
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When sniffing propane in the back of your van, please mind the "no smoking" signs
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| (Demopolis Times) |
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Before ordering a new fire truck, ensure the station is large enough to hold it
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Madonna's new children's book reveals that money doesn't make you happy. Instead, you just need a wildly over-inflated sense of self-importance, sex with Jose Canseco and cone boobies for true happiness
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| (TVNZ) |
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Americans can finally import bee semen from New Zealand. Massive job losses expected in the American bee masturbation industry
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Colin Farrell's full frontal nude scene in upcoming movie will remain uncut. Director says he needed to used widescreen angle to capture all of it
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Dog has identity crisis, thinks it's a cat, jumps off top of building. Vet bills ensue
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Enterprising 16-year-old high school girl pimps some 70 girls to doctor
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Prisons send "Wish you were here" postcards to local criminals
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Nader demands a recount. Sometimes the jokes write themselves, sometimes they run for president
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| (Caledonian-Record) |
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High-speed chase ends in manure pile
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Rape of Nanking author dead
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| (KIRO-TV) |
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Woman runs wrong car off the road thinking it was her cheating ex-boyfriend. (Pics of both cars included)
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Documents show U.S. Kuwaiti Ambassador ensured Haliburton retained a contract to deliver fuel to Iraq last year. Bidding is for the weak
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| (Some Guy) |
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The story of Arafat: The flames of hell burn a little brighter today. In other news, Arafat still dead. We think
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Surprising no one, Microsoft caught using Google search results to populate its own search engine
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Moron sues wild animal park after he let a tiger into his car. "His accordian playing days are now over" states his lawyer
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Homeless man snaps after highway crew member becomes latest person to tell him to get off his ass. In other news, homeless people have guns
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Pesticide study involving children temporarily suspended while EPA stamps out anyone mentioning "ethics"
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| (Winston-Salem Journal) |
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Stations cancel airing of "Saving Private Ryan" over fears of FCC fines, particularly over the "Wardrobe Malfunction on the Beaches of Normandy" scene
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Pregnant baboon runs loose at Bush airport
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Little girl's lemonade stand nets $1 million three months after her death. Money will go to cancer research
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| (Department of Re-Grooving) |
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Photoshop these tubby hippies getting their brains washed
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| (Philly burbs.com) |
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Man mistakenly burns cash to get his wood stove going. Oops
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Worst Halloween party in history hosted by NFL QB Jake Plummer (with pics)
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"Smoking banned in cars" prank by Z103 morning DJs gets them in hot water. In other news, Drew got bumped to another day, assuming they're not canned today
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Charlotte fans who called number in phone book for NBA tickets instead get hot girl-on-girl action
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Arafat still dead
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| (Some Wannabe) |
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To all Fark vets, a big thanks
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Not content to catch bombs from QB, Michigan State wide receivers decide to make some
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| (Some Guy) |
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Bull attacks New Lenox man in home during Monday Night Football halftime. Obviously hoping for some nachos and to finish watching second half
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The Arteest formerly known as an Indiana Pacer gets benched after requesting a month off to rest up and promote his rap album
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In case you were curious, surgery to transplant a woman's entire ovary to her upper arm is feasible
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| (NBC30) |
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Cat brings home five-legged mutant frog. Apparently, your cat wants frog's legs. (Pics and video)
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Cops suspended for letting NASCAR driver Bill Elliott hop a ride in their helicopter when they were supposed to be reporting details and location of marijuana fields
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Painting that appears to be the work of a meth-addicted chimp sells at Sotheby's for record $17.4 million
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Liza Minnelli forced her body guard to have sex with her or lose his job. For some reason, he opted to keep his job
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man who stole four cases of beer from firehouse caught. Poughkeepsie area once again safe from sober firefighters
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| (Canadian Press Online) |
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"Fatherhood activists" chiding Verizon for ad showing computer-illiterate dad trying to help his Internet-savvy daughter with her homework
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| (Bip-Bip-Bip) |
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Help explain this annulation device more better
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| (Hindustan Times) |
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Recently discovered huge craters in the Sahara confirm simultaneous meteor impacts in the recent past. Here comes the science
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FedEx employee terrifies coworkers when he whips out his three-foot snake
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| (Boston Herald) |
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Keanu "Ted Logan" Reeves admits to smoking weed. Angry public vows never to watch Matrix 2 or 3 again
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| Wed November 10, 2004 |
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Man claims to have been blinded four different times on a cruise ship, in the same eye. Man collects $1m in traveler's insurance money. Twenty years after the first "accident," insurance believes something fishy may have been going on
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Polishing the floor too thoroughly is illegal
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Arafat actually dead this time. Really. No, seriously. They're not kidding. No, really this time (link fixed -- replaced with one of CNN's famous instant obituaries)
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Scientists discover that Uranus is cloudy, making it difficult to locate Klingons
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Meet the losers who camp out for days in advance of the opening of an Ikea store
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Eighty-one cats found in home on Alameda de las Pulgas. If you spoke Spanish, you'd find that more amusing
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| (navytimes.com) |
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Is that an unidentified sub entering Japanese waters or are you just happy to see me?
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| (DesNews) |
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Inventors claim the only thing more fun than waiting 40 minutes for a table in a restaurant is being blasted by ads and PowerPoint presentations while you're waiting
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Hard-liquor producers allowed to sponsor NASCAR so long as drivers promise to quit throwing the bottles out the window
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Judge kicked off the bench for acting in porn film
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Arkansas girl blows 16-inch bubble. Clinton immediately offers her intern position at his presidential library
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| (Monterey Herald) |
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You can't buy tires with weed at Sears. You also shouldn't return to the store one hour after assaulting a clerk and stealing tires
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| (Benton County Daily Record) |
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Today's "drunk woman who stuck her hand in a tiger's cage and pulled back a bloody stump" story courtesy of Gentry, Arkansas
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The upside of global warming: Shipping times to decrease as merchants can now utilise previously frozen arctic passages
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this European cinema statue
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Media finding no shortage of liberal professors threatening to leave the country
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Millions suffer from "Halo Flu," blow off work to stay home and play. Productivity surrenders
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Scotsman lifts his kilt while being photographed with the queen, later heard shouting "freedom" with an arrow in his arse (contains possibly NSFW pic)
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| (Medical News Today) |
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Study shows children more concerned with being "cool" than eating healthy food
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Madonna calls for U.S. troops to withdraw from Iraq. In response, forces in Fallujah halt advance. Bush and Blair immediately call for a NATO meeting. Israeli cabinet discussing options. Powell on his way to Iraq to meet with the provisional government
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Motivational speaker gives birth to twins at age 56; plans to raise them in van down by the river
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| (onlineathens) |
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Man reports his car was stolen when he got out to smoke some crack
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Arafat now the opposite of whatever the last update said
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Balance your budgets or else: Fed raise rates again
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Norwegian teens surprised that life is not like porn. Depressed by lack of one-hour erections and the pain of back door lovin'
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Knowing me, you, ABBA meets its Waterloo as they're unwilling to take a chance on themselves to again become dancing queens. Fernando unavailable for comment
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| (Shacknews) |
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Fark, Something Awful and Shacknews hatch out of Doom 3 easter egg. In other news, you can own a Ferarri and still live in your mom's basement
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| (WKYT) |
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City takes action against radio station when prank leads to mass chaos. Station claimed smoking in cars was made illegal. In other news, Drew will be on the exact same radio show tomorrow at 8:00 am, tune on in
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Jury foreman dismissed in Peterson case. Judge soon to dismiss all jurors and find the bastard guilty. Media still unable to explain why we should care at all
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Terror mastermind Cat Stevens wins peace award in Italy
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Deer crashes through insurance agents window, trashes office. Policy denied
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Why did the chicken cross the road? To hold up a store
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The film that got Van Gogh killed
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If you're going to donate old clothes, make sure you take out the $19,000 in cash first
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Today is the 35th birthday of Sesame Street. For those of you not keeping up with the storyline, Big Bird has worms, Oscar the Grouch owns 135 cats, Grover on smack, Mr. Hooper still dead
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Inmate, allowed to attend funeral, returns to jailhouse with stomach full of drugs and syringes
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| (Some Perspective) |
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Photoshop this unique view of the Eiffel Tower
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"Tipping the scales at an obese 200 pounds, she was lazy, snored terribly, had an awful case of gas and was constipated." Orangutan gets "extreme makeover" to attract mate
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Alberto Gonzales chosen to succeed John Ashcroft
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Scientists discover Tyrannosaurus Rex preferred eating the ribs from prey. Nearby empty cans of red soda dead giveaway
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| (Baton Rouge Advocate) |
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When asking a sheriff to search your truck because you think someone planted drugs in it, don't tell them that the meth in the cab is yours
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| (Newsfilter.org) |
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Linn Thomas: First chick to be both a Playboy Playmate and Penthouse Pet ever (not safe for work)
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Scientists release swarm of specially bred flies designed to eat the heads of fire ants. What could possibly go wrong?
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| (masslive.com) |
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Massachusetts town official mistakes Puerto Rican flag for Texas flag, and steals it because she hates George Bush. El hilarity sobreviene
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The pizza guy from "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" has made a career of having delivered pizza once in a scene in "Fast Times at Ridgemont High." Your pizza guy from "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" wants pizza
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Business owner arrested for spanking employees. Made them sign statement upon employment: "I give Gene permission to bust my behind any way he sees fit"
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Arafat's equipment will not be switched off and he is now using the machine that goes "ping"
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| (BostonJerk) |
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FarkMeetUp? Jake & Earl's Dixie Roadhouse in Waltham, Massachusetts on Thursday, Nov. 11. Aerosmith's Joe Perry releases second hot sauce
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From Ebay: When you DEPEND on this seller, URINE for a surprise
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| (Map to The Flying Saucer) |
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It's official: DFW Fark Party on Dec. 4, 8:00 pm @ The Flying Saucer in Addison
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| (Only Punjab) |
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Man loses cell phone, calls it, dog's stomach starts ringing. Your dog wants better cell service
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| (National Geographic) |
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You have 85 years before the coast is flooded. Tell your grandchildren
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| (Some Guy) |
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Fetishists of tall, buxom blondes with hideous feet, your day of glory has arrived. If that's what you want to call it (not safe for work)
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AOL to be drawn... then quartered, decapitated, burned, and its remaining parts burried in different secret locations
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| (mcall.com) |
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"Jesus speaks through the Republicans." Quite possibly the greatest letter to the editor ever
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Photoshop this guy fixing Big Tex
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Flowers on Viagra, clams on Prozac, levitating frogs and 21-gram souls
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Only thing more dangerous than a loaded weapon: A loaded moose
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| (Some Farker) |
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If you could go back in time to see one sporting event in person, which would you choose?
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| (Some Guy) |
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"Early records mention that Alexander the Great carried this 'stink finger' west in 4 BC"
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Seven easy steps to turn the Yankees from a pathetic overpaid pack of slap-happy losers into the great Evil Empire that they used to be
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| (NOLA.com) |
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Security guard catches man taking nude pictures of himself outside of mall movie theater. Geroge Michael and Paul Reubens almost surrender
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| (Some Guy) |
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Jacksonville fark party this Friday at Regency Ale House
|
| (Some Farkette) |
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Reminder: Fark Party at Purdue on this Friday, November 12th at Chumley's
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| (Some Guy) |
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AudioEdit some famous movie quotes in Pig Latin
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| Tue November 09, 2004 |
| (New York Lawyer) |
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For sale: $250-million divorce settlement. Good luck collecting
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these speed skaters
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| (PeTA) |
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"Giant tampons" to block traffic in Syracuse. Giant douche unavailable for comment
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| (FortWayne.com) |
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Police College 101: A handcuffed suspect who suddenly wants to make sure his kitchen appliances are off before going to jail may try to escape
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Asshat who intentionally infected hundreds of women with AIDS will spend 137 years in prison
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Do not try to break up horny circus bears
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| (Channel Cincinnati) |
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Xbox helps gamers get in shape. Meeting girls, moving out of parent's house coming during next upgrade
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| (First Coast News) |
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Thousands baffled by bright lights In sky, memory loss, sore rectums (with video)
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| (KCBS) |
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The city that gave the world Raider fans says its riot police will no longer use clubs, rubber bullets, beanbags or Tasers to get them to behave
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Taser Twin powers, activate! Shape of: Fetal postion. Form of: Loss of bowel control
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| (WFTS-TV) |
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Video of beheadings found for sale at gas station. Attendant seems surprised
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Red Sox pitcher's bloody World Series red sock is expected to get $1 million in auction
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John Ashcroft resigns. D.C. safe for statue boobies once again
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| (Rooster Teeth) |
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In honor of Halo 2, Red vs. Blue gives us three episodes in two days. Tick, tick, tick, tick
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It's highway shwarma in New Jersey as a truck carrying chickens hits a truck carrying sheep
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| (Some Guy) |
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Tall, dark and slick (not safe for work)
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Honeybees sting "asteroid killed the dinosaurs" extinction theory. Here comes the science
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Football salary database. Your WR wants $$
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Man involved in public sex act during rock concert in Norway drops trousers at court appearance, was only following the penal code
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Canadian lesbian spouses win judicial recognition in Ireland. Leprechauns demand referendum
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If a victim is yelling at you to stop doing CPR on him, he probably doesn't need more CPR
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| (nature.com) |
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Second black hole found at the center of the Milky Way
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According to Yahoo, Arafat is now officially Schrodinger's Cat
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| (Tallahassee.com) |
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Hotel manager holds Special Olympics kids at gunpoint over parking space
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Airports finally receive their X-Ray Spex from back of Amazing Spiderman #44 comic book
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Colin Farrell shaken, not stirred, by James Bond role offer
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Topless protesters caught waiting for the valet to bring their car. (Kinda SFW pics)
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Olympic hero Michael Phelps charged with DUI in Maryland, was so so drunk he couldn't swim his way out of a wet paper bag
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Two kids playing catch-the-grenade discover that it's a lot more exciting without the pin in it
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this lonely sailboat
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Roger Clemens wins seventh Cy Young Award
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| (Eurekalert) |
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Eighty percent of modern throroughbred racehorses decended from one big stud that died in 1789
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Mexican standoff and the Mexican Consulate in L.A.
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| (Stamford Advocate) |
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New Haven institutes program encouraging police officers to live in public housing to reduce crime. Cop taking advantage of program shoots first guy he meets while moving in. Mission accomplished
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Afghanistan hostages call home. Family thinks 0093 area code is telemarketer and don't answer
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| (wowt.com) |
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There are 91 people in Nebraska over age 100 with valid drivers licenses. Farmer's markets placed on high alert
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| (NewsNet5) |
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"Lobster Maniac" eats 19 in one sitting
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| (Newsnet 5) |
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Girl student banned from wearing skirt with "It's all about the Juicy" written on it while boy students allowed to wear shirts emblazoned with "Hooter's" and "Big Johnson"
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Presumably adult Britney Spears visits Hollywood store, scribbles lovestruck message on wall befitting a 13-year-old AOL member. The Sun is there (with photos)
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U.S. forces reach center of Fallujah, search for the creamy nougat surprise
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| (Duluth News Tribune) |
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Hunter facing possible charges after going out on the first day of deer season and bagging himself a llama
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Lottery official tries to rig million-dollar scratch-off. Wins up to 50 years on one ticket
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Spurned a-hole athlete Maurice Clarett decides that, because he was treated unfairly, he will throw the Ohio State football program under the bus. Oh yeah, they gave him a bunch of free stuff, too
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Eleven-year-old boy takes mother to court when she doesn't buy him a PC
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French medical services insist Arafat is still alive and playing Halo 2
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Dave Wannstedt will resign as head coach of the Dolphins today. Will join Ricky in Australia to do bong hits all day
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If you're on the NJ Turnpike and wondering why you have to keep dodging sheep, here's why
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| (CBS 6) |
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Bank robber tries to turn himself in to police. Is told they're too busy, come back tomorrow
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Yasser Arafat is finally dead, say Palestinian sources. Should be alive again by this afternoon
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Arafat -- who was deathly ill, not deathly ill, in a coma, not in a coma, dead, not dead, brain dead, not brain dead, awake and communicating -- now reportedly dead again
|
| (Some Firefoxer) |
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Mozilla's new browser Firefox 1.0 launches today
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One horde of flesh-eating beetles plus one old hair salon equals fun and profit
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| (ajy.net) |
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Photoshop this "tornado intercept vehicle"
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Target bans guilt-pushing bell ringers from their premises this holiday season
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The Australian Drug Foundation will be "testing" ecstasy at a private party
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| (Some Car Surfing Guy) |
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The car-surfing was going swimmingly until the passenger's hat blew off, the driver stood on the brakes and the human hood ornament became a projectile
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Nevada town votes overwhelmingly to legalize prostitution
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| (Vermont Only) |
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Lease a Vermont sugar maple just in time for the 2005 syrup harvest
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Styx singer appears in movie playing member of Styx cover band
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| (Some Storm Guy) |
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Fark's favorite stormchaser snaps some sweet aurora photos... in Nebraska
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Become a member of Red Sox Nation -- for $5
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U.S. helicopter shot down in Fallujah
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Mount St. Helens ODs on Viagra: "The new lava extrusion is about 900 feet long and 250 wide, scientists said..."
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Exploded star possibly affected human evolution
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Quit moaning about the lack of flying cars -- they're only going to be a few years late
|
| Mon November 08, 2004 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Holiday theme: What the reindeer do during the offseason
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| (Mike TeeVee) |
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New "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" movie poster released. Marilyn Manson surrenders
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| (KESQ) |
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Man decides to clear jammed wood chipper with his feet while it's still on. You already know what happened next
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Scientists trying to save salamander because of its awesomely cool name
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Prisoner dies when his head gets caught in closing prison doors
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Taser approved for use on commercial airlines. Unfortunately, cannot be used on stubborn pilots' union members
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| (Some Guy) |
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Twenty-eight frogs moved to safety by dedicated rescuers
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| (ksdk.com) |
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Elderly couple reported missing after driving around for 24 hours because husband refused to ask for directions
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| (SundayHerold.com) |
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World Testicle Cooking Championship held. Clutch McGroin shoots for first place
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Mike Nichols removes full-frontal Natalie Portman scenes from upcoming film. In other news, Mike Nichols now living under assumed name, heavy guard
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Many of Europe's birds in danger of vanishing. Europe's blokes wonder if it was something they said
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| (space.com) |
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Rules set for America's Space Prize, worth $50 million. Gremlins and rubberbands need not apply
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| (Some Guy that gots to know) |
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When my cat sits on the kitchen counter, is its bunghole touching the counter or is there some kind of furry thing keeping it off?
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Global warming opens once frozen Arctic areas to oil and gas drilling. Irony police get overtime pay
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Parishioners chain door of church shut in support of gun-toting priest. Janet Reno to send in tanks and tear gas
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| (Outmotoring.com) |
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For your perusal -- the history of the Mini-Cooper
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Last year's success of turkey-and-gravy soda leads to more nastiness: Green-bean casserole soda, mashed potato soda and fruitcake soda
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| (WTNH-News) |
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Woman, 29, accused of having sex with eight-year-old boy (pics)
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"Underworld creatures" stop destruction of Norwegian barn
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| (Oregon Live) |
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Truck unleashes 6,000 chickens on the Oregon 213
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| (Some Guy) |
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List of sci-fi and fantasy books too good to put down
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| (Statscan) |
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Study: Impact of broadband Internet on information and communications technologies
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Theme: Create a new prescription drug for what ails your fellow farkers
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| (mediaresearch.org) |
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Media Research Center releases "The Ten Worst Media Distortions of Campaign 2004"
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Ebay hammers bid-rigging scum with $90,000 in fines
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Howard Keel dead at 85
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| (Wall Street Journal) |
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Best Buy seeks to prevent money-savers from shopping there
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Japan sets up field hospital for sexually deprived women
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| (News Target Network) |
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Withdrawal from caffeine addiction may be called a mental disorder
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| (ic Perthshire) |
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Remains of 2,000-year-old Roman fort, which withstood generations of barbarian invasions, are being laid to waste by hordes of rabbits. Archaeologists getting ready to fetch the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch
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| (ljworld.com) |
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Radio stations offers money to their listeners for political signs
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| (Some Gramaha Dude) |
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The Asta Galactic Command hijacks the BBC to warn us of the dangers of nuclear physics. The good news is that I'm switching my car insurance
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What happens when a Warcraft orc gets lost in "Starcraft"?
|
| (Some Drunk Guy) |
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A beer-bottle directory. Drew surrenders
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| (The Hindu) |
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UK pet owners concerned about increasing popularity of eyeglasses for dogs
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New law to punish driving while stoned. Still no law to punish stoned friend for eating last bag of Doritos
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Japanese flock to toxic radon baths hoping to cure everything from high blood pressure to hemorrhoids. Side effects are mild, but can include breathing fire and the sudden urge to destroy Tokyo
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| (Sanrio, duh) |
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Sign up for the Hello Kitty MMORPG beta test
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Hey there, Belindas. Strong Bad DVD set out this week. Livin' overseas? No probalo! New DVD set region free. Thank you ever much, Valerie
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Machete-wielding homeowner fights off three gunmen who tried to rob him. Neighbors join the fray with baseball bats and rifles
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Never mind people planting bombs on planes -- the runway has been full of explosives the last 60 years anyway
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Photoshop this smoke break
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A life expectancy of 120, glow-in-the-dark cats and wiping out diseases with the bite of a banana -- welcome to life in 2020
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Music, pancakes and a wagon -- Strongbad has never been more poignant
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U.S. to put weapons in space. Mars attacks, surrenders
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Photoshop these three little critters
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G4techTV celebrates "Halo 2 Day" on Nov. 9th. Gamers around the world call in sick. Red vs. Blue is there
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