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| Sun September 19, 2004 |
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Bentinel welcomes 7lb, 1oz staff member, is promptly raided for violating child-labor laws. fb- is the father
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| (sports.myway.com) |
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Europe hands U.S. worst loss ever in the 77-year history of the Ryder Cup
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| (Enid News) |
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St. John's Lutheran Church to offer program titled "Bad girls of the Bible." Unfortunately they have decided to cancel the inspiring-but-historically-inaccurate wet t-shirt contest portion
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Multiplayer games coming to cell phones
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| (Cincinnati Enquirer) |
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Empty beer can sells for nearly $11,000 on Ebay
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| (Some Gal) |
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Cute guy in jeans (not safe for work)
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| (The Sun Link) |
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Old and busted: outrageous vet bills. New hotness: pet insurance. Your dog wants a comprehensive health and accident indemnity policy--screw the PPO
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New golf couse built and maintained with prison labor--it has its pros and cons
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| (Czech Happenings) |
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Problem: new EU rules threaten sixth-generation family goat cheese business. Solution: stop selling goat cheese, start selling "animal feed;" and if people want to eat it, that is up to them
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Deja Vu: Britney Spears marries in a surprise overnight ceremony, officially becomes stepmom of two. MILF rating = 10
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| (Palm Beach Post) |
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Anger-management and addiction counselor gets drunk and uses his pit bulls to attack fellow refugees during hurricane Frances
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Goat beauty pageant held in Saudi Arabia
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| (Some Rocker) |
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Has rock music taken a turn for the better as of late? Discuss
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Snow closes Desert Road
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| (News of the World) |
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Water parks are infested with deadly bacteria
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| (Captain Kidd) |
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Tales o' treasure from yonder north. Ne'er too pretty a site, but Pirates care for maps, gold and jewelles, not candied peepers
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Students in Quebec may be missing school to participate in the Marijuana harvest
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The reason why Miss Alabama is now Miss USA
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop current movies and television shows as they would appear if they aired in the '60's. Difficulty: sepia tones and false colorization effects
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Man and his dog decide to "ride out the storm" in home 100 feet from the ocean. Both are saved when runaway boat crashes through second story window
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Teacher uses beer brewing to teach microbiology. Oddly, politicians object
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Government is attempting to implant microchip tracking devices in you via pork products
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Property owner agrees to remove hallucinogenic plants that caused female high school student to threaten to get naked
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| (The Australian) |
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Instead of just locking up inmates in their cells, prison officials decide flat-screen TVs will cut down prison violence
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Policeman, despondent over marriage problems, points gun at head, fires at point-blank range, misses
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| (wistv.com) |
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Inmates make underground fort outside prison walls to lift weights, toss salad
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Mayoral candidate says his opponent "has a small one"
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Thriller is nowhere near as scary as this Wacko Jacko mask
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Avast, ye political bilge rats: Landlubber Tony Blair made aware of potential Iraq scalawag problem back in ought-two. Yarrrrrrr
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| (Some Guy) |
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Here's the 'before' picture, what does 'after' look like?
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| (Some Scurvy Scallawag) |
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Ahoy, matey. September 19 is Talk Like A Pirate Day. Grab ye some rum and celebrate. Arrrr.
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| (Some Puppies) |
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Farker considering adopting a puppy. Post pics of your puppy, and share puppihood experiences
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| Sat September 18, 2004 |
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Man makes deal with other man, 15 goats and some cash in exchange for his daughter. Daughter never shows up. Goatlarity ensues
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| (The Learning Channel) |
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Seven foot six inch Egyptian giant gets his 1st pair of shoes at age 51 as he laments his inability to find a wife. "Women are frightened by my size because they think all my members are huge"
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Study finds pregnant women have strange cravings. In other news, water found to be wet
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Coming to you from the humans suck department is a story about asshats attacking a Smokey the Bear statue with a sledge hammer
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Because of some asshat who can't control her drinking, all beer sales banned at Colorado State football games
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| (Tesla/Edison) |
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Solve the world's energy problem by creating a new method to generate power (link to example)
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In the say-anything-to-get-elected department, Rep. Max Burns (R-GA) claims to have invented Homeland Security
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The Governator grants parole to dozens of convicted killers, says only girly men want to keep murderers behind bars
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| (Mansfield News Journal) |
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Cat who survived two-week coma celebrates first birthday (with funny pic)
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It's groundhog day for hurricanes. Meterologist says hurricane saw its shadow, 30 more years of frequent hurricanes expected
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Seattle police officers bid to be the one to zap the chief with Fifty-thousand-volt Taser gun, with video
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| (mother earth news) |
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All you ever needed to know about making your own corncob pipe
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| (KXAN.com) |
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Austin porn mogul sentenced to 63 months. Asks judge for six more, for posterity's sake
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Great white shark makes history by accepting salmon kebabs from aquarium caretakers
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| (Daily Herald) |
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Meet Max the goldfish. He's 19
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Residents of exclusive neighborhood had speed bumps installed now want them removed because they slow ambulance response
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| (Some Gal) |
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Nice gallery of built men (not safe for work)
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A man shows up drunk for drunk driving hearing. Man's response is "You told me I could drink at home"
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Overzealous baseball coach breaks sick kid's nose to make him participate in practice, asks investigators to keep it a secret
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| (WVGazette) |
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Fark's favorite powerball winner is at it again - this time it involves a body discovered at his house
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| (News Herald) |
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People who smoke crack shouldn't play with knives
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Kerry accuses Bush of hiding plans to send more soldiers to Iraq but refuses to answer the unfounded allegations about his own crossdressing activities
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Scientists' hunt for eczema gene has only scratched the surface
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop classic movie characters into their movie's remake. Link goes nowhere
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Inside the scramble for Bonds' 700th home run ball
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That kid who was home alone then not home alone and then was home alone again but was shortly not home alone like the first time then stopped acting then resumed acting but now sucks is now in jail (w/pic)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this hotel room view
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| (Some Cape Codder) |
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Cape Cod Fark Party, Friday the 24th of September, tourists surrender
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53% of "Promise Keepers" viewed pornography in the past week. In other news, 47% of "Promise Keepers" lie when asked if they viewed pornography in the past week
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| Fri September 17, 2004 |
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Man sues wife for not having sex with him
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop unlikely opportunities for wagering or betting. (link goes nowhere)
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Both Kerry and Bush distort the facts, says Captain Perception
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| (TimesPatriot.com) |
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Republican staged assault on his three year old girl at Kerry/Edwards rally. Has a history involving similar incidents
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In the game of rock-paper-sailboat, rock beats sailboat
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Shoe-stealing cat follows in mother's pawprints. Your cat wants a shoe
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Reporter covers dangerous intersection - huge crash happens behind him, live
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| (kansas.com) |
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Kansans all itchy from bug bites and rashes. The main suspect? Microscopic bugs
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Milwaukee Farkers - Isn't it time for another Milwaukee Fark Party?
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| (Monterey Herald) |
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Waitress arrested for having rude customers killed
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Man calls during his own funeral, appearently didn't know he was dead till he read his own obituary
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| (Florida Today) |
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That lady who didn't have power and then got a generator but was then told by three police officers not to run it at night because it disturbed her police officer neighbor can now run her generator whenever she wants
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| (PhysOrg.com) |
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Scientists, well aware of what gets them laid, unravel the structure of chocolate using synchrotron radiation and the machine that goes 'ping'
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| (Some E.T) |
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AudioEdit what the SETI signal picked up
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| (Firehouse.com) |
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New fire truck too big for firehouse. Firefighters officially hosed
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Antenna made from carbon nanotubes captures light waves, uh particles, ehr um both. Anyway, here comes the science
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Reminder: Vancouver Fark party tonight, 7:30 PM at Steamworks in Gastown. Since there's no hockey, you might as well show
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Very small gang initiates new members by killing them
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| (South Bend Tribune) |
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Michigan fish are depressed. Your cat wants tuna
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CSU student dead from alcohol poisoning, gets to be examined by Coroner Dean Beers
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60 percent of pregnant women in Britain admit to having weird cravings yet somehow it accounts for 99% of their cuisine. Spotted Dick anyone?
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This year's must-have Oktoberfest aid -- a beer and mustard proof guide to Bavarian slang
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| (Defamer) |
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Maybe you can see Heidi Klum's nipples elsewhere, but it's so much more fun when they don't want you to (article safe for work, links off it may not be)
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| (A Person) |
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Get ready for AP, jerk. (You decide what AP stands for)
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| (St. Pete Pravda) |
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The TSA has decided to drop charges against a 52-year-old school teacher for carrying a concealed bookmark. Your Government wants common sense.
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| (The Manila Times) |
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If you're in the Philippines, be on the lookout for 19 escaped mental patients. Ah, it's great to be young and insane
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Bic pens pick bike locks. With video
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Celebrity chef offers £30 cook-at-home meals
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| (ExtremeTech) |
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Robots in Harlem this weekend, disguised as art projects. O-woooooo, Robots in Harlem
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| (Science Daily) |
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Scientists show viability of shape-shifting robots. Credits the SkyNet grant for really helping her research
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| (Some Guy) |
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Olsen Twins promote Happy Meals in France. Mary-Kate's eating disorder surrenders
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| (wsoctv.com) |
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Man weighing 280 pounds finds female intruder in home. Tackles and sits on her until police arrive.
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A drunken Edward Furlong tries to liberate lobsters from their tank at a Kentucky supermarket; neither Project Mayhem nor Army of the 12 Lobsters claiming responsibility
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As if the people in Alabama don't have enough to worry about: Officials say to be on the lookout for a 1,000 lb. escaped alligator named "Chuckie"
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| (This Is Plymouth) |
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Students can now take courses on JFK, Hedgehog Awareness, how to keep a scrapbook
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Mysterious Ivan Man roams streets handing out flowers, watches, cups of coffee
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Britney Spears wants to try for a baby on her wedding night
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Britons tired of having so many silly people living there
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| (Lincs Echo) |
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British fire officers who attend medical emergencies will be kicked out of union
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Foreign diplomats claim they were taken to fake site in North Korea where huge explosion occured, were tipped off by cardboard sign with "Warning: Hole" written on it in felt-tip
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North Korean blast, which was nuclear, then not nuclear, is now not a blast
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Man's testicles ripped off by suspicious wife
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California man arrested for torturing Afghans. You don't even want to know what he did to the quilts
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SpaceShipOne gets more nitrous, thrust. Pimp it out to give it even more power
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| (The Citizen) |
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Police impound vehicles taking part in Cannonball Run Europe. Burt Reynolds still can't win
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The pleasures of life in jail: lying to your daughter, watching football, and covering yourself in poo
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It's high time we remember what's-his-name from the ten-dollar bill
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8 out of 10 of today's business crime articles brought to you by Martha Stewart
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| (Some Guy) |
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Congressman Tom DeLay all set to receive Boy Scouts' "Spirit of the Eagle Award" until someone realizes that he's still alive
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Xanax, Valium, Wellbutrin, Celexa, Vicodin, Digoxin, Chlorpheniramine, methamphetamine, and cocaine....bitch.
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Officers wrestle alligator out of hot tub, take away his beer
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this Italian waterfront
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50 patrons at restaurant find themselves up to their waists in water from giant wave
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From the 'About damn time' department, mandatory drug test for welfare recipients legislation pending in Michigan
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| Thu September 16, 2004 |
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Turning in a spammer to the Government could net you $100,000
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New cellphone connects dogs to owners. Your dog wants free nights and weekends
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| (Examiner) |
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Parading around your workplace with co-workers' underwear on your head is probably sexual harassment
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Fake terrorist smuggles fake bomb into Westminster. Fictionally detonates it, fictionally killing the prime minister. The Sun is there
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| (Poughkeepsie Journal) |
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Woman sues town after workers cleaning sewers send raw sewage flying from toilets, sinks
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| (Aljazeera) |
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Johnny-on-the-spot Aljazeera provides a timely response for Rumsfeld
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Miss America pageant to show more skin
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An offshore semi-submersible deepwater drilling rig in the Gulf of Mexico may now be fully submersible, they just don't know
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| (Caymen Net News) |
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U.S. company that moved to the Cayman islands to avoid taxes now begging U.S. military to save them from looters
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George Michael discovers stalker living under his floorboards
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| (QCtimes) |
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Couple scared by rows and rows of Ronald McDonald dolls on road
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| (Some Guy) |
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"Missing" thermo-nuclear bomb may have been found. In other news, there are missing hydrogen bombs
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Three items you don't want to read in an article: phlebotomy, double barreled syringe, and poorly trained staff
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| (This is Lincolnshire) |
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Trainee rabbi dismembered by 'rent boy type' after night in the gay bar, gay bar, gay bar
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British Army launches its own brand of running shoe. Comes with instructions on how to trample across third world nations
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| (Some bouncer) |
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Photoshop these kids in a moonbounce
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Inventor makes nose-driven mouse. Can't stop curser from shaking while viewing porn
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| (Press and Journal) |
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Soccer club expelled from competition for postponing fixture due to bereavement -- for second time in two years
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California Republican Dana Rohrabacher introduces a constitutional amendment that'll make Ahnuld eligible to be President
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If there's one thing America wanted to see, it's a naked, "disturbingly hairless" Eminem wearing a sock on his wang in his new video
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| (NZ Herald) |
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NZ installs anti-DUI ads in bar and restaurant toilets that are activated by warm urine
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Germans so accustomed to seeing big breasts on TV that they barely notice the topless greeter at the appliance store
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Investment banker almost figures out how to corner the market on Bond's 700th home run
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| (Some Numismatologist) |
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New nickels released, unfortunately, still not worth picking off ground (with pics)
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| (Boston Herald) |
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As you drive under Boston, 50 feet below sea level, try not to think about the fragile, leaky tunnel walls
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"Football Fans for the Truth" 527 formed to mock Kerry about his football gaffes
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If you're going to call your cab driver an Iranian terrorist, then threaten to shoot him and suck his blood, make sure he's really from Iran.
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| (The State) |
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High school football games in South Carolina postponed due to Hurricane Ivan, which is in Alabama
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''No U.S. president has ever made genocide prevention a priority and no U.S. president has ever suffered politically for his indifference to its occurrence."
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New York judge rules that it's ok for jurors to be drunk or high during proceedings
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One in four Australians disagrees with the definition of 'too much alcohol'
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| (Press and Journal) |
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Scottish school introduces scheme to text fortnightly reports to pupils' parents. Ur child mst do btr
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NCR is recalling 78,000 ink cartridges. Apparently they worked for more than 15 minutes during tests
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| (Some Guy) |
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"Hey, let's take our motorcyles and do wheelies without our any pants. What could go wrong?"
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Tigger character suspended by Disney again, this time as Goofy (with pics)
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A panda is not pregnant. It also doesn't have diabetes, hasn't turned orange, and hasn't been shot out of a cannon. Why in the hell is this news?
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Singapore Zoo: "Older children can have fun with quirky exhibits... like tiger penises."
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| (Lincs Echo) |
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Shopper fined for leaving car park to use nearby toilet
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| (Jamaica Gleaner) |
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Burger King suddenly overwhelmed with customers in Jamaica
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| (This is South Devon) |
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Man spends nine days wrapped in clear plastic "being a worm" for art project
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| (Some Guy) |
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Bush drinking again? Photo from G8 summit suggests our recovering alcoholic president may have fallen off the wagon
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Man pretending to be Eddie Vedder to scam money arrested in Denver. Cops arrived like butterflies, yeah
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| (Marshall University webserver) |
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Byron Leftwich's old college home page. NCAA investigates if it was made for credit in 400-level biology
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| (Some Ukelele player) |
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Photoshop this happy couple in Hawaii
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Building renovation crew can't resist playing with pint-size jars of heavy silver liquid. Hilarity ensues
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Some protesters may have broken into the House of Commons yesterday, but one protester was wearing a bra. The Sun is there
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| (Tiscali) |
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Thieves steal section of fencing, allowing hippo to escape and successfully hide
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| (WLEX) |
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Former Kentucky assistant football coach prepares to sue school for being made 'scapegoat' in NCAA violations. How a team could cheat and still suck that bad yet to be determined.
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Use of a nuclear warhead to blow up hurricanes shelved
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Lillehammer rappers stop sale of own hit single, demand porn in contract. Survivor winner dressed only in socks involved
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Teresa Heinz: Let them eat cake. Or go naked. Whatever
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| (WFTV) |
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Father faces charges after his 2 year old daughter blows a .14 BAC - Claims he only gave her a "taste" of his beer
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Officials at Canada's federal-provincial health talks nearly derailed when negotiators notice female guests at the hotel across the street have left their curtains open
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| (DaHjaj 'oH QaQ jaj DaH) |
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Klingon boobies (not safe for work)
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Dog celebrates Canada's victory by stealing truck and joyriding it around town
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Photoshop this photographic representation of the eternal struggle of man against goat
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Edmonton (Alberta, not Kentucky) FARK Party. Sat., September 25 - Black Dog, maybe? (Link goes to Corb Lund story)
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Johnny Ramone dies at age 55
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| Wed September 15, 2004 |
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Thieves rob bus full of cops
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| (Cincinnati Enquirer) |
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Bengals regularly water their artificial turf
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| (Jacksonville.com) |
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Not only have back-to-back hurricanes devasted Florida, some people are complaining they've lowered the state's lotto jackpot
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| (Gizmodo) |
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You probably didn't expect to see the words "MC Hammer" and "relaunch his career" in the same sentance today
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| (WCLT) |
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Write-in candidate's Ohio platform is to abolish what he calls the "tryanny of alphabetical order". His last name begins with "Z"
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| (WorldNetDaily.com) |
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CBS will further investigate validity of Bush docs, Janet's boobies
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| (NOLA.com) |
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New Orleans mayor opens Superdome as hurricane shelter. Refugees defeat Saints 42-6
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Government contractor boards United Airlines flight in UAE. Arrives in JFK with highly explosive munitions, bullets and small arms cartridges. Security Administration says, "We found him. System works." JetBlue says, "We've got dig
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| (the milwaukee channel) |
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Sexual assaults on University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee campus were carried out by film students that "just wanted to see people's reactions"
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VP out-DWIs GWB; TSG is there
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| (SignOnSanDiego) |
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Talking crap at baseball games is an "american tradition" says husband of chair-throwing victim. Taking a chair in the face apparantly is not
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Alyssa Milano - TV's hottest witch (next to Rose McGowan) (SFW)
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Photoshop an celebrity endorsed food item for your local grocer
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| (KYW.com) |
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If you live in Philadelphia, be on the lookout for a convicted murderer accidentally released 35 years early due to clerical error
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| (Rochester D&C) |
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Accident results in the death of 5.5 tons of live fish on the New York Thruway
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| (cat) |
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REMINDER: Vancouver Fark Party this Friday, September 17th at Steamworks. Start your engines at 7:30 (details in thread)
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In "affordability," american colleges get a big, stinking F
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Obese couple breaking into woman's apartment to use private dryer. Police find XXL bra and jumbo underpants at scene, said to have nightmares at mental imagery
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| (WDP) |
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Scientists claim ban on smoking could save more lives than creating new anti-cancer drug. Still no cure for cancer
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| (The Milwaukee Channel) |
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UW student copies parking ticket, places it on other cars with his own PO box address. Profit.
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Cox to probe deeply into Bush matter
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| (630 CHED) |
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Today's poll to rig: Vote yes to "Do you think running a herd of cattle down Jasper Avenue is a good idea?" Because it sure is
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Girlfriend of the guy who dressed up as Batman breaks up with him
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"Battling Satan" defense gets man acquitted on grounds of insanity
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| (Daily Texan) |
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Univ. of Texas "porn taskforce" advises against installing filters on campus computers. Cites "study (of) pornography for academic purposes"
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Today's too many cats story brought to you by Toronto. Today's too many dogs story brought to you by too-man-cats lady's neighbour
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| (KFMB San Diego) |
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Relese granted to mother who locked boy in trunk so she could celebrate her birthday in a bar. Release party scheduled
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Charlize Theron injured "doing a back-flip somersault while wearing platform shoes"
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Marion "B*tch Set Me Up" Barry stages comeback, wins D.C. City Council seat
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| (Daily Gamecock) |
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College freshman reenacts locker room scene from "Porky's"
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| (Newsfilter.org) |
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Peta Wilson (not safe for work)
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1/2 ton man takes life one day at a time, burgers 35 at a time
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| (Press and Journal) |
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Bus drivers sacked for taking out three double-deckers to transport wedding guests on the cheap
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| (This is Nottingham) |
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Men in van use water pistols to spray bleach at passers by. Jailarity likely to ensue
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Rumsfeld claims terrorists tip off media. "Al-Jazeera is Johnny-on-the-spot a little too often"
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Hurricane Ivan could bring destruction to New Orleans in the form of torrential rains, wind damage, and floating balls of fire ants
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| (wnbc.com) |
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Charges dropped against man who was arrested for not leaving a tip. Not tipping turns out to be perfectly legal
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Thieves steal the rims off Florida Marlins players' cars while they are on road trip
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Protestors storm the floor of the House of Parliament to break up debate on banning fox hunting. Batman unavailable for comment
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God smites 40 Texas HS football players, coaches
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Oklahoma Senate candidate claims the government put a radio device in her head to annoy her
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| (Herald Express) |
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Dairy bosses left crying over spilled milk after 640 bottles fall from back of delivery truck
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| (News-Star) |
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Dog tries to cook pizza. Sets apartment on fire instead
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| (Mich News) |
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Vatican document misused by Kerry supporters
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| (Portsmouth Herald) |
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State police deem woman's carcass stuffed in trash can is "suspicious"
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Since they got nothing better to do, Congress decides to vote themselves another pay raise
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Theme: Details in thread
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| (KTLA) |
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Coroners who got behind in their workload defend stacking bodies in the hallways
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This Sunday (Sep. 19) marks the beginning of National Singles Week in the U.S
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Major bank to issue passwords via SMS. There's no way this can go wrong..
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| (Bismarck Tribune) |
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Man dies after hitting a moose with his car
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Stupid man wins 2004 Anti-Darwin Award by not exploding
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| (Lincoln Journal Star) |
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College student puts Confederate flag in his dorm window. Hilarity, "flap" puns ensue
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| (Science Guy) |
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New book says there's a 67% chance that God exists. Also, 83% chance Jesus did Mary Magdalene, and 99.999% chance the Buddha looked nothing like Keanu Reeves
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| (The Chattanoogan) |
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Mr. T's Pizza victimized by robbers. In other news, Mr. T making pizza these days. I pity the food
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Hot-air balloon + dead cow = angry farmer
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Playboy tries to attract the tinfoil hat crowd by featuring the Raelian Women issue
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| (Some Bleedin' Heart) |
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Bush too busy lying about what he's done to help America to actually help America
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Ugly-ass giant panda baby non-existant
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| (eWeek) |
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New "Linux Standard Base" announced to help stop fragmentation of Linux. In other news, Tux the Penguin to re-unite all protestant churches under one faith
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Hong Kong fashion company surprised that Nazi symbols would offend anyone
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| (CapeCodette) |
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Any Cape Cod Farkers interested in a Fark Party?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Avril Lavigne engaged to Sum 41 singer. "They both come from similar backgrounds and have been drawn together amongst the false celebrity world." No, really
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Theme: a Charley, a Frances, and an Ivan. Difficulty: no hurricanes (link goes to GIS for Ivan)
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Oktoberfest fun fact: 9 million liters of beer will be guzzled in 5 days. Fark party Munich anyone?
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Clowns Without Borders scares the crap out of Palestinian kids in Gaza and West Bank (pic slideshow)
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Slutwear is out in the fashion world. Demure is in. Why God, Why?
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"Expert" claims rumors of Bigfoot's demise greatly exaggerated
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Gambling linked to good health in elderly; new Vegas promotion coming
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Japan's centenarians total record 23,000, mostly due to diet and lifestyles as depicted in Mainichi WaiWai
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Lynne Spears upset with Media's trashy image of Britney. No way she'd be responsible for the way she turned out
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Zig Ziglar, dangerous container of Minute Maid at Gateway Arch combine for hilarious St. Louis morning commute
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| Tue September 14, 2004 |
| (KMBC) |
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New flashlight will take multiple sizes of batteries, making shutting down LAX all the more convenient
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| (Pillowy Soft) |
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Sumptuous boobage
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Study: weightlifters don't lift enough. Here comes the science
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| (C-net) |
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New Windows flaw means simply viewing JPG files can infect your computer. Surfing porn sites will no longer be considered "safe sex."
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| (WebProNews) |
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Latest email scam targets gmail users
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| (Monterey Herald) |
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Due to budget problems, California is no longer allowing teachers to write off teaching supplies on their taxes
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German radio broadcasts in Klingon. Boosts signal to reach basements across the country
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| (VillageVoice) |
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My husband likes hiding naked around the house and masturbating while watching me, and I'm not sure I like it
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Man in wheelchair stabs and attempts to rob would-be Good Samaritan
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Powell poo-poos Pooty Poot's post-terror political plans
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| (delawareonline.com) |
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$116 million expected to be maid off ringtones this year
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| (Boston Herald) |
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New book claims Laura Bush was a drug dealer in college
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Fishing camp tourists get big surprise when helicopter blade breaks off, flies straight into breakfast tent
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Albany Fark Party! Saturday, September 18th, 2004 7:00pm at The Madison Grille
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| (Myway) |
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Prisoner requests bail to go home & make whoopie to his wife. Whoopie-arity does not ensue
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| (Myrtle Beach Online) |
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Laws that require attire on exotic dancers make no sense
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Woman at security checkpoint can't understand guard, takes off her shirt instead of her "pouch". Now suing for "invasion of privacy". In other new, male guards everywhere begin speaking gibberish
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| (wavy.com) |
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The daring toupee snatcher sentenced
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| (Daily Interlake) |
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Photoshop this skateboarder
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| (Local 10) |
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Police officer arrested. Punching family members in head not OK
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Researchers find that using the F-word at work can be good for office morale. I guess that will be out on the memo for the next f***ing TPS report
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New fire department-themed high school opens
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Cold showers: Not just for hangovers anymore
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| (TimesDispatch) |
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Baby Boomers wonder why everyone is suddenly turning against them, even before they are old enough to confuse the accelerator, brake
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| (wcbs-nj) |
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Poll finds more people are excited about fall foliage than election
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Underage teens turn profit on old beer
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Viagra users getting younger and younger - Pfizer soon to change blue diamond pills into Flintstone chewables
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Clay Aiken's truck drivers get their own special catered meal: "two p,b&j (or flat meat) sandwiches, an apple, a candy bar and two bottles of water. In other news, Apollo Elementary School cafeteria called - they want their lunches back
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Since some stupid kids occasionally roll the windows up on their arms or necks, government now requiring auto makers to come up with safer automatic window switches
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Parent group works to make schools legally responsible for bullying. Threaten to give wedgies, take lunch money of opponents
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Texas Pitcher arrested. Throwing chairs at fans not OK
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Man resurrects 22 days after being killed and buried under the snow
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Aussie politician praises Ninja turtle
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| (Some Candidate) |
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Photoshop your first act as our new president
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| (BTTF.com) |
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Color-Shifting hats, popular in 2015, available 11 years early
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Cancer Institute to work on nanotech-based treatment. Still no cure for unoriginal headlines
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| (Nick.Com) |
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AudioEdit what a phone call from SpongeBob Squarepants would sound like
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Car plows through house. Smelled food, thought it was a Farmer's Market
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Look left, look right...look up?? Taking the concept of "wrong place at the wrong time," 63 year-old man killed by flying boiler whilst crossing the street.
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Teen falls to death while rappelling to his apartment
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| (Aberdeen News) |
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More American farmers are raising French cows
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| (Some Geek) |
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Photoshop Team Theme: As Redneck as you wanna be. Difficulty: Collaborative Efforts strongly encouraged
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New worm with sound talks to users, deletes critical windows files. Then tells users: "You must come to Turkey." In other news, Mahir still kiss you
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| (Slashdot) |
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The first spam was sent out 100 years ago today by telegraph to rich Brits. Dear Sir. STOP. Would like a larger penis? STOP. Enquire for more details
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"Gary does not allow anybody to put anything on his meat." and other tales of the $100 steak
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| (Telegraph Forum) |
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Angry, paranoid parent strikes back after principal doesn't allow her kid to charge lunch for $1.85
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Gast food workers could get 20 years in pound-me-in-the-ass prison for spitting in a policeman's drink
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Guard your gibbon, bulwark your baboon, look after your lemur, mind your macaque. Monkey-thieving gang strikes again
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| (Bangor Daily News) |
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With no White Castles near by, mainers reduced to stabbing family members over mashed potatoes
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Twin ugly-ass gorillas born at Barcelona Zoo. With cute ugly-ass pics
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Baby squirrels hate hurricanes
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Jacuzzis linked to Legionnaires. Fez and little cars linked to Shriners
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| (11alive.com) |
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Three sanitation workers shut down busy Atlanta freeway because something stunk in their garbage truck (with pics)
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| (Weather Underground) |
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Hurricane Ivan hard to track, doo dah, doo dah. Doo dah headlines haven't been sacked, oh de doo dah day
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| Mon September 13, 2004 |
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White Castle French Fries: Some people would kill for them..
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Japanese create a machine to turn flowers into speakers
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Man seeks patent for doggy diapers. Dogs seek man for beat-down
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| (Some Guy) |
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Learn Semaphore - the ancient art of spastically waving flags around
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Photoshop this plastic man
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| (boing boing) |
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Insane actor spends years ripping down your flyers for lost cats and garage bands. We'd put up a flyer to advertise his funeral, but..
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High school girls not allowed to attend Tiger Woods visit because they lack penes
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| (wsoctv.com) |
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Medical intern accidently injects olive oil into patient, gives massage with antibiotics. Hilarity ensues
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| (Daily Bulletin) |
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Serial suicide jumper--with two prosthetic legs from previous attempts--tries again. Red Sox fans nod sympathetically
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Three old fogeys drive around for 60 hours, still can't find farmer's market
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Batman scales Buckingham Palace (with pics)
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If Hummer drivers are compensating, here's a truck for a man with an innie
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Oprah gave away a car to every member of her studio audience today. Recovering male audience members quoted as saying "It still wasn't worth it"
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| (Cincinnati.com) |
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You too can smell like Barbie
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Scientists Propose sending Noah's Ark full of DNA to the Moon
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So the first guy says, "Yeah? Well my wife can shoot fire out of her vagina."
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This week's tip from the Fark.com apiary and incendiary studies departments: when trying to remove bees from your home, don't use fire
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| (Concorde Monitor) |
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Housing development refuses to sell another house to Geraldo
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Baby delivered on interstate. "I apologize to all those drivers out there who I might have cut off in traffic," Dad says
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Study finds that that car-SUV accidents create high-cost repairs, legions of SUV haters
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You can spend a night in a luxury cramped, windowless pod for £75
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Amazingly, there appear to be no signs of an adverse environmental effect after phosphate company releases 65 million tons of acidic waste
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The five total residents of North Dakota are all worked up about the U.S. Military calling their state "Dakistan" for their war games. Fark needs a "crybabies" tag
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Oriental diet tips for fall: pork, beans, honey and wine
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Photoshop this Wallaby
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If you go down to the woods today, you'd better go in disguise... but not as a fox
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Assualt gun ban ends today
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| (Daily Record) |
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Whisky bosses reckon their new malt will be a hit--even though it's bright pink
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Land-locked Palestinian west bank now home to a naval base. Expected to buy naval hardware from Switzerland and Hungary
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Train plus truckload of vintage Porsches equals hilarity
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Fire stations are for dropping unwanted newborns, not unwanted gunshot victims
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Hundreds compete to fling pig intestines against pile of beef pies for the sake of England's ancient and sacred honor
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Laboratory produces synthetic whiz. Still no cure for synthetic renal cancer
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Crack cocaine and prayer inspire kidnapper to free hostage
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Auditors find holes in Krispy Kreme's books, donuts
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Moving on up in the corporate world is as easy as cutting a fart in the copy room
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| (Post-Gazette) |
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Man sues bejesus out of in-car breathalyzer maker, claims blowing into it while driving made him so dizzy he fell unconscious and crashed into a tree
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Tonight on Strong Bad-Type Interview Progrum Strong Bad aims the barrel of his sawed-off journalism shotgun at his toughest interviewee yet: himself.
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Today's "Urutu pit viper kills owner" story brought to you by Cincinnati
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Photoshop this hat wearing a kid
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The Thai Transvestite Elephant Polo Team 'Screwless Tuskers' lost against the 'DBS Bank Ladies' in a match at the King's Cup Elephant Polo tournament in Hua Hin, Thailand. In other news there is a Transvestite Elephant Polo Team in Tha
|
| (Some Gal) |
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Real boobs, one tattoo, and from AB. I didn't hit it, but I did get to 2nd base. not safe for work
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| (Some Guy) |
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Fire resistant home consumed by wildfire
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Author of book that blames pharmaceutical industry for creating nation of heavy people has book banned by Ebay
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| (Herald Sun) |
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Man caught trying to smuggle 19 snakes in his vest
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| (Some Guy) |
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Reliant Stadium, named for power company, suffers blackout during Houston Texans game. Minute Maid Park still has juice
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Pets that live with smokers show increased rates of cancer, among other diseases. Your dog wants chemo
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