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| Sun August 15, 2004 |
| (Some Guy) |
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One hundred sci-fi books you must read
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The other Hilton, in desperate plea for attention, pulls a Britney
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| (Stompn_tom) |
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Photoshop this Farker's kid
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| (msn.com) |
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Why older men go for younger women
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London policemen suspended for taking sexual graft from porn stars
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| (Bismarck Tribune) |
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Man steals twist ties from grocery store. Jailarity ensues
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| (Some Guy) |
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Start making your list for Santa early. Photoshop things you might find in the Fark toy catalog. Link goes to GIS for "Sears catalog"
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Scientists think maybe Subway diet created to make money. Consumers shocked
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U.S. basketball team continues their unabated suckage as they get their asses handed to them by Puerto Rico. Upcoming opponents Outer Mongolia, Little Sisters of Mercy said to like their chances
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Police consult notorious killers to identify potential murderers before they commit crimes. Precogs surrender
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Sharing a crack pipe with your five-year-old is no way to bond
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Stonehenge under attack from small furry creatures. Druids research "Scold badgers" spell
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Stones drummer Charley Watts treated for cancer. Keith Richards treated for walking death
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| (Some Guy) |
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Which is easier to quit? Cigarettes or chew (dip)?
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Scientists prove once and for all that rats will brave pain to become cokeheads. Your rat wants a straw
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| (Sun Herald.com) |
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Biometrics creeping into everyday life. Your dog wants a retinal scan
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Colorado water wars heating up as big cities take up all the water from the mountains, leaving mountain residents dry
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| (Some Guy) |
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She may be a blond bombshell, but Mattell has stopped plans on "suicide bomber Barbie"
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So what's behind the naming of hurricanes, besides the fact that saying "Hurricane No. 4 rips through Florida" doesn't have much pizzaz
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| (Some Guy) |
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World Famous Suicide Race ends with no official winner, three losers
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Smoking marijuana eliminates brain tumors as well as Dorritos
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Millions of Australians cannot wait to lick Ian Thorpe. He'll be the first athelete featured on Australia Post's Gold Medallists Stamps
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Hurricane Charley took scientists by surprise. Radar apparently confused with "Pong" with massive green circle for dot
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| (A Wigged-Out Window Cleaner) |
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Photoshop this odd little window
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Ten free things to do in Las Vegas
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New computer games test your ability to put away groceries
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| (WQAD-8) |
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Chicago suburb tickets adults for sobriety, sends them to court
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| (Some Guy) |
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Major religions of the world ranked by number of adherents
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| (Some Guy) |
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Teacher asks students to masturbate so class can examine sperm under microscope. Here comes the science. Literally
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| (Billings Gazette) |
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Inventor, released from jail only hours earlier, tests modified tramsmission by getting in high-speed chase with cops. Returns to jail at even higher speed
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It's Cleavage Week at The Sun
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| (Some Guy) |
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Ten very good reasons to vote for President George W. Bush
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| (Herald Express) |
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Drug dealers who bragged they'd never be caught are jailed for 30 years
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| Sat August 14, 2004 |
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Snoop Dogg served seven-year-old lawsuit onstage
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| (Mirror.co UK) |
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Two killers hiding in Sherwood Forest. Sheriff of Nottingham on the lookout for Robin Hood & Little John
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop Avril Lavigne daring a photographer to bite her foot
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| (Some Guy) |
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Christian youths meeting at Hooters. "It's something Jesus would've done"
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Canadian highway crew using toilet paper to fill cracks in the highway. Your bum threatens work stoppage
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Small, local phone company trying to charge cellular providers for dialing home phone numbers
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Judge orders man to stop tricking women into kicking him in the balls
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Edinburgh traffic wardens get DNA kits to track down people who spit on them
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Top 10 U.S. catastrophes of all time
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| (Billings Gazette) |
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Montana teens can get their own calfs through September 15
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| (Hudson Valley News) |
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Man awakened by two intruders who stab him in the buttocks and flee
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| (Macon Telegraph) |
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Convenience store robbery foiled when the triggerman makes it back to the getaway car to find the doors locked and his accomplices having sex in the front seat (last item)
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Fraternal twin gives birth to two sets of identical twins on her birthday
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The Top 11 G.I. Joe Villans ever. Knowing this is half the battle
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop some guy water skiing in North Dakota
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Police stand behind decision to prosecute motorist arrested for driving through puddle, splashing officer
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Hurricane Charley leaves massive destruction in Florida; makes second landfall in South Carolina (w/ pics)
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| (news12.com) |
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Man being chased by cops drives into lake, manages to fire up his crack pipe before nearly drowning
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Man who got into physics after blowing up his room as a kid wins Physicist of the Year award
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Power station given permission to burn cow fat to generate electricity. PETA surrenders
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Nissan can't figure out how brand-new cars are arriving scratched up. Discover assembly workers wearing too much bling-bling
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| (Some Former Alaskan) |
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Some guy tells another guy that his "rod is blessed." Grunting ensues. Followed by elation
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| (StamfordAdvocate) |
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Disgruntled, drunken school electrician figures best way to beg supervisor for his job is to whip out Colt AR-15 assault rifle. Supervisor beatdown ensues
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U.S. pulling 100,000 troops out of Europe and Asia
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Protesters ask grocers across Detroit to pull their pickles
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Taiwan puts thumb to nose, wiggles fingers at China during largest ever military air show. Surprisingly, analysts say the balance of power favors Taiwan
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| (Some NBC website) |
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Five-year-old gets on wrong schoolbus, driver doesn't care. Orders her off five miles from home
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The final battle : Ronald vs. Hamburglar
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Today's frivolous lawsuit brought to you by a kid who stuck his head out the school bus window and hit a tree
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| (Some Ass-Kickin' Gal) |
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Man with knife threatens to attack woman who has extensive self-defense training. Hilarity ensues
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Despite all his rage, he still can't grow hair in his cage
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| (Blueserker) |
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A hard-drive in your teeth. Next up: A floppy in your pants
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| (Montana Standard) |
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Truck drivers hit by fast-moving rock they thought was a meteorite
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| (AVN) |
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Old and busted: Boobies links. New hotness: Cell porn
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Boston officials using beetles to control weed infestation. Future plans include releasing lizards to control beetles; Chinese needle snakes to control lizards
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| (Some Guy) |
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Sclemeel, schlemazel, hasenfeffer incorporated. Laverne & Shirley get stars on Walk of Fame
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| (Herald Sun) |
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Demi Moore wants to fix her saggy.... knees (with Demi pic hotness)
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Gas prices in Australia equal Coca-Cola, approaching bottled water, and soon will reach red alert beer levels
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Man tries to impress girlfriend by burning rolled-up clothing laid out to spell "Happy Birthday." Fire department unimpressed
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State Senate leader's Shih Tzu leaves surprise in capitol committee room. Senator initially blamed hourly employee's seeing eye dog
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| (Some Guy) |
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Third-generation hangman called out of retirement to do one more job. Waxes rope with soap and ripe bananas
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NYC elevator operator finds cure for gravity
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Mutant ants take over Melbourne, Australia. Steve Irwin to command counter-attack
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| (NationalGeographic) |
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Old and busted: Hot air ballooning. New hotness: Tying a few dozen helium balloons to a lawn chair
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| (The State) |
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After Wiccan woman wins case to not be discriminated against in town meetings, her cat is gutted and killed, her house vandalized, and she is snubbed by the community... all in the name of Jesus
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Children throw rocks at beehives. Bees get angry
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| (Daily Herald) |
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Jenny finally gets her 867 5309 license number
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| (Some Go-Go) |
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Photoshop this kickass rock band
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| (Pennlive.com) |
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Massive water-main break in Philadelphia. Floods 10 square blocks
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Burglars grab Marie Antoinette's jewels. Marie Antoinette's head unavailable for comment
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| Fri August 13, 2004 |
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Limbless woman sues airline. Legal experts say she doesn't have a leg to stand on
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Top 11 vampire flicks of the 1980s. Both Coreys surrender
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| (Some Flyboy) |
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British Defense Ministry outfits new warplane with unarmed weapon in order to save money
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Dickie V. stays wired year-round, lists his picks for the impending college basketball season. Duke sucks
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| (Some Guy) |
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Teach your children the evils of liberalism now with the book "Help. Mom. There Are Liberals Under My Bed"
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Google forgets to trademark Gmail. Hilarity ensues
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Italian Americans object to De Niro's Italian citizenship offer, stating his portrayal of Italian mobsters (like Jimmy Conway) give them a bad rep
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The science of geysers
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| (News & Observer) |
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Man jailed for stealing bread recipes
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Michael Moore gets himself on the CIA shitlist
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| (Some Left-Handed Guy) |
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Happy Left-Handers Day to all you devil-pawed Farkers out there
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Man's life is saved because a dog crapped on a rug
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| (Daily Times) |
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Homeless man chases down and receives a beating from purse snatcher; recovers and returns the purse
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| (Sun Sentinel) |
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University of Florida cheerleading coach fired for allowing cheerleaders to wear "Top 10 Reasons to Cheer Naked" t-shirts. Thousands of Farkers flood the athletic department with resumes
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| (E Online) |
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Craig Kilborn steps down as host of the Late Late Show
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As Homeland Security prepares to unveil a dog as a mascot, photoshop some unlikely mascots for other government agencies
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| (SFX db) |
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Using only sound effects and music, describe your last sexual adventure. Difficulty: No vocals or moaning
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Teen fails to buy gun factory, but benefits from bidding the price up because he owns 90 percent of the claims against the company
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| (MosNews.com) |
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This week's "Suicide jumpers whose fall was broken by some poor sod" story brought to you by Moscow, Russia
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| (Some Guy) |
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NOAA upgrades Hurricane Charley to Category 4, minutes after upgrading to Category 3
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| (WNBC) |
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NBA star Allen Iverson has received 65 parking tickets since since 2001 and still owes more than $1700. When asked for comment, Iverson responded, "Parking tickets? We're talking about parking tickets?"
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| (aopa.org) |
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NBC news asshats punk'd by alert airport employees while trying to generate a fake sensational "expose." In other news, the embarrassing incident is hard to find on major news sites
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The Mother Teresa of hedgehogs (with pics)
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| (Philly Burbs) |
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Catholic Church invalidates eight-year-old's First Communion because the celiac sprue disease sufferer ate a wheat-free host
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Fourteen women and several children force their way into courtroom, stab rape suspect to death and escape in what police suspect was a premeditated attack
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this Farker's wife for her birthday today
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Uniformed marine not allowed to board Greyhound bus. Jane Fonda wins
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| (bowzer) |
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Sha Na Na is currently: ALIVE
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| (Some Guy) |
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Company invents real beer goggles. Farkers argue hotness factor of bar chicks
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Why witches, Jesus and the Knights Templar spell bad luck for you today
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| (Some Guy) |
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Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen somehow manages to crush a van with his private plane. With pic
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Mattel launches presidential campaign for Barbie to encourage "girl power." In related news, Susan B. Anthony's body is spinning in its grave so fast you could connect a turbine to it and power a Las Vegas casino
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Julia Child, noted TV cook, has died
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| (Weather) |
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Hurricane Charley discussion thread
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Armed men rob Jelly Belly factory
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| (Some Dungeon Master) |
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Theme: Dungeons & Dragons in real life. (Link goes to official website for inspiration)
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| (QSR) |
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The top 50 fastfood joints ranked by sales. Otherwise known as the most predictable gold, silver and bronze medal winners ever
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| (Daily Times (PK)) |
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India rethinking its moon-landing plan after realizing it's really, really complicated and costs a lot of money
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Wal-Mart pharmacist mistakenly gives out estrogen instead of testosterone. Elderly man's cups now runneth over
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Louisiana representative caught with pants down in park restroom; thought ranger was George Michael
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Hundreds of hypodermic needles wash ashore in Seattle. Your salmon wants smack
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Retiring teacher's legacy: A 30-year-old Twinkie
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| (The Star) |
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Malaysian farmer discovers super sticking power
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Rabbit with its ass on fire runs into barn, burns it down. With great pic of Elmer Fudd
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| (Some Guy) |
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Dipstick carjacker can't drive stick shift. Jailarity ensues
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Bored with screwing in light bulbs, Polish robbers steal a bridge
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Revenge is sweet, but payback is a motherfarker
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop Farker Texasaurus at his first gig in New York City
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Old and busted: hipster jeans. New and improved: backless g-string. Pics included (possibly nsfw)
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Colin Powell (the Cat) to meet with Colin Powell (the Secretary of State)
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| Thu August 12, 2004 |
| (amarillo.com) |
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Pizza Hut workers compete in pizzalympics, complete with written test
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| (zug.com) |
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The Penis Prank. With fascinating graphs, charts, and photos of pork products. (Psst, Drew, don't delete this one)
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L.A. Clippers owner can pay $500 for sex all around his office, but can't spend a dime on good players. (Page 5 of deposition. Look through it for more cringeworthy stuff)
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Chinese company requiring new hires in sales department to beg in the street as part of their training
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| (KFOR) |
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Brick layer spells out "OU" in the bricks of Oklahoma State's stadium
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| (Riverfront Times) |
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Al Sharpton for mayor. Of St. Louis
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Painter: "Stop picking on me or I'll light this paint thinner inside the truck." Other painter: "Like this?" Paint thinner: "Fwoosh"
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Teenager who caused the Blaster worm pleads guilty (with oh-so-sexy pic)
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| (WNBC) |
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New Jersey Governor to resign. Will not get security deposit back because the whole state smells funny
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| (Some Cleric) |
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Najaf's governor has okayed operations around the Imam Ali Shrine where Muqtada Al Sadr and his militia are hold up. Photoshop what the future holds for the crazy cleric. Link goes to GIS for Muqtada Al Sadr
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Here's a holiday we can all get behind: August is "National Anal Sex Month"
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German clown's pet camel killed by train
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Pole dancing is new fitness rage
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| (U.S. News) |
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Tech companies want more female geeks. Dateless trekkies rejoice
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| (WKRN-Nashville) |
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Not content with scaring the bejesus out of Capitol Hill, Kentucky Governor Ernie Fletcher is doing loop-the-loops in Chilean military aircraft
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| (Some Photographer In Denmark) |
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Boobies from Denmark. Not safe for work, by god
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BD-ROM plans to make all your DVDs obsolete
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No foul play suspected in case of decomposed body. Turns out it was just your average naturally decomposed body
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Alaskan woman "snags the bottom of the ocean," dredges up 300-pound halibut. Lew Zealand reportedly disappointed that she decided to fillet it
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| (WPBF) |
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Navy SEAL attacked by shark with laser
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English Olympic team's swimsuits became transparent when wet
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California gay marriages annulled. No word yet on who gets curtains, china
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| (News4Jax) |
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Navy to bomb Florida this week
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Flood warning system test delayed by heavy rains
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Reputable news source picks up "Siberian scientist find spacecraft" story. Behold the power of Fark
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Latest sport from Italy: hamster tossing
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Family moved across country six weeks ago, still waiting for moving truck with their furniture to arrive. Moving company promises it'll be there any day
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Kids play soccer with a grenade
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Quick-thinking police save suicide jumper by whipping out pants belts, hauling her to safety (with CCTV photo montage)
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Paper, plastic or cow flop?
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Oyster gonad full of goodness. This Farker is getting himself a giant shell and heading for a rockpool
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Boaters on a lake north of Charlotte are causing interstate traffic jams by going naked near the I-77 bridge. So far, police haven't been able to spot the offenders
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Mother anxiously waits for son to emerge from 41-day coma. After awakening, son tells Mom to fark off
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Photoshop other things taught by the California Alternative School
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Devers to replace Edwards in race. Kerry has not commented
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Danish health authorities ban Kellogs breakfast cereals, apparently just a little too enriched with goodness
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| (WSNV) |
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Woman -- all 600 pounds of her -- surgically removed from her couch
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Mother nature sends double dose of hurricane love to Florida
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TN students get class credit for talking to really high, spaced-out juggler
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Teenage golfers approached by armed man who crosses 12th hole, demands golf clubs or else. Carl Spackler offers to sever tendons in revenge
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| (Some Guy) |
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Diamonds are a girl's best friend -- however, gold shouldn't be overlooked
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Porn director gets beatdown for failing to pay star $122. In other news, people will act in pr0n films for $122
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| (WineSpectator.com) |
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This just in from the folks at Wine Spectator: Some scientists believe humans evolved to enjoy alcohol
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Last sign that summer is here finally arrives as Ken Griffey announces he will miss the rest of the season
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When the judge starts crying, you know you're going to jail for a really really long time
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Bear breaks into former brewery, chugs barrels full of fermented fruit waste. Your bear wants aspirin and a glass of water
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| (Some Guy) |
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Car tries to ditch driver and make a break for it when cops show up. Goes to federal impound-you-in-the-ass prison instead
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| (KXAN) |
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Former sheriff arrested twice in 24 hours. Can't get enough of jailhouse food
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| (Pittsburgh Post-Gazette) |
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Pittsburgh police make carjacking victim pay $145 dollars before letting him take his car out of impound lot
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| (Some Guy) |
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Theme: Create evidence of a visitation by intelligent life
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What do Chevy Chase, Joan Rivers and Susan Lucci all have in common? Screeners at Laguardia and Kennedy airports helped lighten their bags
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Step 1: Make some crop circles. Step 2: Bring in tons of tourists. Step 3: Profit
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Thanks to Wal-Mart, Toys 'R' Us considering getting out of the toy business. Will bounce back as Pencils in a Tin Cup 'R' Us
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| (MLive) |
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Man patents the beer-drinker's belt
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Scientists discover gene treatment that eliminates procrastination. Treatment deemed pointless because those who need it the most would never get around to signing up for it
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| (WAFF.com) |
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Eleven-year-old kid with pistol-shaped cologne bottle: 0, Alabama police: 1
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Court rules forgiveness sex is legal. Woman who had sex with her adulterous husband after discovering his infidelity "forgave" him by sleeping with him
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Five nuns take off down the Ohio River on a historical re-enactment. Apparently their laptop, weather monitor and GPS are also part of the re-enactment
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| Wed August 11, 2004 |
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State trooper and his wife sue over "right to view exotic dancers"
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| (NewsTodayNet) |
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Show someone you care. Give them a bouquet of vegetables
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| (THC) |
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Hop on a grain of rice. With video goodness
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An amateur ghostbusting kit for homeowners who suspect their home might be haunted is being tested prior to possible full-scale production. Your dog wants Winston Zeddemore's autograph
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| (Some Guy) |
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Woman thrown overboard for refusing to share her breast milk
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Oregon radio producer splices Shaq's quotes together to say that a jury would have to include Ludacris, Snoop Dogg and Dr. Dre for Kobe to be found innocent. Then he sent out a news release. What could possibly go wrong?
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Nevermind the the impending doom of La Palma -- look out for giant meteors tonight
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| (Florida Today) |
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If you're roaming topless around a government building, the best way to escape is to put your top back on, calmly walk ouside and get on a bus
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| (Cincinnati Enquirer) |
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Cincinnati's Adam Dunn hits homer into Ohio River, which is in Kentucky. First homer in MLB history known to have crossed state line
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Brits tell Picairn islanders to hand in their guns, use conch shells to settle drunken domestic disputes instead
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this farker's friend at the American Idol auditions in Cleveland. (He didn't make the first cut)
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| (WTOP) |
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Attention Philippinos: Please stop mad-dogging your president
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Local strippers unsure of what ban on "cleavage of the nates of the human buttocks" means
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| (All Hip Hop) |
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Nelly offers P.I.M.P. scholarship, saying it's an acronym for "positive intellectual motivated person." Girls can try for "Collegian Readily ACquiring Knowledge With HOnorable Respectable Education" fund
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Sharp releases 3D monitor. Booble.com now worlds most popular website
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| (AL.com) |
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Heroic wife convinces husband to quit job, become pro fisherman. Bonus cool points: The article was written by Michael Bolton
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Texan men wearing skirts... They come in camouflage to help with going commando
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Gene-blocking therapy turns lazy monkeys into workaholics; poop flinging up 50%
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And the winner of the "Sexiest sci-fi babe in the history of civilization" award goes to...
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Ice-cream man Mr. Ding-a-Ling arrested for molestation. Gee, Mr. Ding-a-Ling, you say. We didn't see that one coming
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| (KVBC) |
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Today's "Semi rollover" story courtesy of Las Vegas. Bacon is served
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New anti-forgery method: turning your signature into a 3D hologram
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| (East African Standard) |
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Man charged with "having carnal knowledge of a goat against the order of nature" Jim Breuer starts taking applications for bodyguards
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US jets attack Iraqi cemetery. Thousands found dead
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Is Naomi Campbell going to have to slap a biatch?
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Volcano could send tidal wave crashing into the U.S. Tom Hanks, Pierce Brosnan are our only hope
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| (Some Guy) |
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Stuffed coyote stolen from park. Police baffled by note which reads, "Beep beep"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man fires BB gun at live bullet casing. Hilarity ensues
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| (Bible) |
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Co-workers keep adding scripture quotes to their emails. Suggest some that can be used to get back at them
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You may be hot for the bunny, but why it's not funny to get your honey where you make your money
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George Lucas protests against modifying classic movies. In other news: George Lucas to release modified classic Star Wars movies on DVD this fall
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What songs do you love, but will never admit publicly?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this shuttlecock
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Billionaires for Bush has a book party in NYC next Wednesday. All farkers invited; free booze
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| (Daily Terror) |
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We doen't need no steenking asteroid. And that *|* for a tidal wave. We have a great caldera. (Super volcano, that is)
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"Other shoppers heard a lot of moaning and groaning and then stared at us when we came out looking very red-faced", Kirsten Dunst admitted
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Britain to allow human embryo cloning. Master race of Tony Blairs in the works
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Outkast's Andre 3000 named world's best dressed man
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Thief's swordsmanship no match for police marksmanship
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Online sports book taking bets on which country will be the first to have an athlete flunk a drug test at the Olympics. USA is easy money at 15-to-1 odds
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| (Defamer) |
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Hollywood is out of ideas: "American Pie 4," featuring Stiffler's brother going to band camp
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Fake Ringo leaves trail of American dumbasses in his wake before being revealed as too fat (pic)
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| (Salina Journal) |
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People tend to think "the overweight people live in another state." They live in Kansas
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Leader of Turkmenistan, one of the hottest places on earth, decides to build an ice palace on a whim
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Man, serving life for rape, wins UK lottery
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Dallas Cowboys training camp held in town where wearing Cowboys logo can get you arrested
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Gang armed with metal baseball bats go on crime spree in Japan. Microsoft hands thugs beer bottles, encourages them to clink bottles while chanting, "Warriors... come out and experience the best console system on the planeeeee-t"
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It's a mystery why someone put antidepressants in the salad dressing in the Kristiansand County cafeteria
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| (WCCO) |
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Today's "160 rabbits found in a filthy house" story brought to you by a Minnesota woman who was arrested in 1999 for having 400 rabbits in her filthy house. With picture of what a rabbit is
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Victim made seven 911 calls before "Xbox killings" occurred
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Man, accused of groping an actress, uses the "I'm too drunk to remember if I fondled the waxwork corpse" defense. Judge not amused
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| (some girl) |
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NW Arkansas Fark Party. Okay, fine. Oklahoma and Missouri too
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| (Daily Times) |
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Romanian man wants to sell his penis. It's 33 years old, presumably has low mileage, is a perfect conversation piece or even an hors d'oeuvres at a Philippine dance
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Burglary suspect evades police by drowning himself in lake
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Manhattan is home to countless homeless and hungry people and one "Meow Mix Cafe," where people can take their cats out to eat with them
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Anti-tank missile found at Georgia home
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Tick, tick, tick, tick... Tonight on 60 minutes, Mike Wallace is arrested for arguing with a parking inspector and Andy Rooney laughs his ass off
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| (KLTV) |
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Highway billboard reads: "I need a liver; help save my life"
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| (Some PSer) |
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In honor of Keira Knightly's movie poster "enhancement," "enhance" some other movie posters
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| (US Newswire) |
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Shell to close their most profitable refinery to artifically drive up gas prices
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Fark Party. Bangkok, Thailand. See details on link. Links to ASG site with party details
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Extremely hungry burglar arrested after breaking into a house and eating a box of Creamsicles, six shrimp kabobs, 12 mini corndogs, half a container of lunch meat, two juices, one glass of milk, 12 chunks of cookie dough and several handfuls of M&Ms
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Bank's 28-percent profit increase means customers will receive "better service from more engaged people"
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Monkeys escape cages at research center, go apesh*t
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| (Bloomberg) |
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Perseid meteor shower tonight
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Moran claims his unique "scratch signature" on a lottery ticket he threw away proves he deserves the $4 million, not the store clerk who found the ticket in the trash
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Both political sides completely confident of a victory in Venezuela. Bush and Kerry supporters jealous of (a) candidates with a difference, and (b) touch-screen voting machines
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Scientists find giant ant colony stretching 100km across Melbourne. I, for one, would like to welcome our giant ant overlords
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Al-Qaeda plans major assassination "at the screwdriver level." No word on who's bringing the vodka and orange juice
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| (That Guy) |
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The most beautiful brunette ever, Carla Alapont (NSFW)
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Thieves set up fake drop box for bank deposits, have victims deliver money to be stolen
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| (Some Guy) |
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When hanging a homophobic banner at a baseball game, don't be surprised if it gets taken away and you get ejected by security
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Dutch coffee ad shows bikini models slurping "lines" of cappucino
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Man who survived drive-by shooting unscathed just months ago not as lucky the second time
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In a move that is sure to increase business, hairdresser poses as crucified Jesus in front of salon
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| (Daily Journal) |
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Men engage in "sword fight" using 2x4s inside Home Depot
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| Tue August 10, 2004 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this bungee jumper
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Fifty-five percent of high school students think they will see a draft in the near future
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| (The Morning Call) |
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If you're an adult "dating" a fifth grader, remind her not to talk about your sexual escapades in her diary
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| (Some Guy) |
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Landslide in Japan, with video
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| (The Other Paper) |
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Pittsburgh organization offering to vote for Bush in "exchange for getting laid, or at least getting some play"
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| (wistv.com) |
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Woman charged with assault and battery with intent to kill. Weapon of choice -- boiling water
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| (Irish Examiner) |
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Fan asks British rock band to autograph his grandma's dead dog... and they did, on it's balls. You dog wants a scribbled-on scrotum?
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England's soccer coach phones ex-lover to thank her for telling press he was great in bed
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Big man washed through a drainage ditch, a four-foot-wide pipe, two creeks and eventually down the Missouri River
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| (mlive.com) |
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Two teens blowing up mailboxes with commercial-grade fireworks experience karma
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Today's "obvious results" survey: Experienced surgeons are better
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| (Some Sooner) |
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Say a prayer for a fellow farker and his father. Father was victim of murder last night
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| (The Indy Channel) |
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First sign that you might not have won an actual radio contest: to claim your prize, you have to go to the person's house and remove your clothes
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| (Honolulu Advertiser) |
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Man dies after neighbor would not shut off his Twisted Sister CD
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Eight thousand Swedish chickens cross road to escape slaughterhouse
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In other weird Tennessee news, politician's traffic ticket dropped. He then tries to get it re-opened to pay it, proving once again honesty is the best cheap publicity
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TSG is there with the documents of "Jane Doe" vs. Kobe Bryant
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Man sues for beard discrimination
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| (Female First) |
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House owner orders halt to filming on latest Natalie Portman flick after discovering that a cast/crew member left a 100-percent organic Toblerone in her bathtub
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| (GIS) |
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In honor of National Mustard Day, show some unusual locations for Mustard Man to celebrate
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| (WTOC TV) |
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Fans dial number in Alicia Keys' song "Diary," expecting to reach her. Instead get J. D. Turner of Statesboro, GA
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"While the [FCC] did not say that a 'dry hump' is always within the bounds of the commission's rules on broadcast propriety..."
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Your desk is 400 times dirtier than your toilet, 500 if you count the "sticky spot" on the underside
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Kobe's accuser wants money, files civil lawsuit
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Dallas Cowboys write letter to fired QB Quincy Carter, asking if they can have some of their money back. Laughter reportedly heard as far away as Oklahoma
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Man weighing 1100 pounds has lost 321 pounds in eight weeks, still needs a rag on a stick to wash himself
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| (Some Guy) |
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Response from producers of "beheading" video. Summary: Media pants down
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| (Pottstown Mercury) |
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Fapping in a mall parking lot is not a good way to meet women
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| (Some Guy) |
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Help the Worm Shack get troops in Iraq some decent fishing gear
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Empire State Building to honor the late Fay Wray. Plan to push giant monkey off top floor
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New video from Rammstein: Rock star performs oral sex on angel and kills him
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Radio station's prank on IHOP will cost Clear Channel $24,009.18, before tip
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Farmed salmon more fire-resistant than wild fish. Flaming fish alert raised to orange
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| (The Fed) |
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Fed raises interest rate by a quarter of a point. Pretend you understand the previous sentence
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NBA players on U.S. Olympic basketball team will stay on Queen Mary 2. Other athletes stuck in Olympic Village
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| (NBC10.com) |
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New Jersey shore boardwalk game lets people shoot Iraqis with paintball guns just for kicks
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New outfit bought to look good at local dance: $25. Admission to dance: $5. Stepping on woman's foot while dancing and being canibalized for it: Priceless
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Cat breaks loose in airplane, attacks pilot. Two years from now, a commission will study this incident
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| (Greenville Online) |
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Traffic stopped on interstate for 20 minutes so Dick Cheney can attend a fund-raiser
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Judge forced to call recess as drunk lawyer puts on sunglasses, giggles, claps hands and drums on desk, then goes outside and poses as "The Thinker"
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Romanian police to ban ladies over 60 from sunbathing topless because it scares tourists
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New nightclub technology will fling women's bathroom door open in 60 seconds to prevent selfish, gossipy, self-centered activity
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NASA's new 500-terabyte super computer to be ready in time for Half-Life 2
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The Tunguska meteorite flight culminated in the powerful blast up to 40 Mt of trotyl equivalent
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Drunk driver pulls up next to police cruiser and asks officer to arrest him. Officer immediately calls for backup: "It just wasn't natural"
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Nobody making money off of DVD players. Time for a new standard
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House candidate says that the migration of militant gays from Miami has made it impossible for him to play pool
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Three Miami House Republicans to unveil link between Heinz Foundation and Fidel Castro at 1:30pm EST
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At Harrod's, there's only 137 shopping days left 'til Christmas
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The good news: it wasn't a bomb. The bad news: it's not a typewriter anymore, either
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New poll says Schwarzenegger has broad support, which is surprising considering that chicks usually don't like to be called broads
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"Return of the Living Dead 4: Necropolis" set to begin filming at Chernobyl. You thought zombies were bad -- wait until you see radioactive zombies
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Olympic mascots mercilessly ridiculed as "animated condoms" and "mutants from a nuclear meltdown"
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New development in Chicago sewage dumping: Dave Matthews Band wanted for questioning
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Town cancels cooter festival because some people think "cooter" is a dirty word
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| (CanadaEast) |
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DVD colorization of classic Three Stooges shorts causes intense debate, poked eyeballs, angry woo-woo-wooing from purists
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Olympic Playboy coming featuring Amy Acuff
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Porter Goss nominated to run the CIA. Weirder name could not be found at this time
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| (Some Guy) |
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Reveal the purpose of this device
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man claims single atom of plutonium at center of brain automatically makes him "super genius"
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| (AirDisaster.com) |
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Does turbulence bother you while flying? Then don't bother watching this 20-foot crack develop on your 767 while on final approach (pics)
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Explorers find world's deepest hole. You already submitted this with a better headline
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| (TF Sample) |
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AudioEdit a mostly honest salesman trying to sell a subscription to TotalFark
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| (Some Guy's Mustache) |
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Portland, Oregon to salute the nearly extinct heterosexual mustache
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| (Info About News) |
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List of recent nuclear accidents in Japan
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| (Washington Times) |
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Thousand-calorie Glasgow sausage dubbed "most dangerous food in Britain"
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| (TechWorld) |
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IBM advises employees not to install Windows update
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Farmer expelled for giving cows boob jobs
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We're at it again: Albany Fark Party, September 18th, 2004 @ The New Madison Grille
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| (Some Guy) |
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Cat with wings drowned in Russia, avoiding near disaster as it was obviously a minion of Satan. Ozzy Osborne goes into hiding
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| (Info About News) |
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City officials considering selling ads on trash cans
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| (des moines register) |
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Clown unable to smile after someone steals his mini, riced-out tow truck (with pic)
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The latest no-lifer craze is "cuddle parties:" strangers wearing pajamas pay $30 to hug each other
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A huge chunk of rock is getting ready to break off one of the Canary Islands, and the resulting tidal wave would likely devastate the U.S. Atlantic Coast. We either need spackle or surf boards
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| (Mail & Guardian) |
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Too late for tinfoil hats, researchers believe a cosmic greeting card could have been left in every human cell
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Greek Olympian jumps off balcony after domestic dispute over who gets to play solitaire on the computer. Boyfriend follows suit, both in hospital
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Judge warns two teenage criminals that they'll face a life of ass-pounding if they don't turn their lives around
|
| Mon August 09, 2004 |
| (Archive.org) |
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The Internet Archive gets DMCA exemption to archive vintage software and games
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Where's the Cheat?
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Please photoshop a Farker's coworkers in karate class
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Greek villages' war over whose olive tree is older ends in tie
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Canadian man must pay $200 per month in dog support
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Andre "Bad Debt" Rison to be jailed for not paying child support
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LaToya Jackson, in a desperate bid to stay in the running for title of strangest Jackson, changes her name to Toy
|
| (Pittsburgh Post-Gazette) |
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Bonds won't stop complaining about the rigors of getting paid millions of dollars to stand around
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Greek Olympic baseball players test positive for drugs. It should be pointed out that they were training in Baltimore
|
| (TribLive) |
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Speak Klingon? Wear a duct-tape dress to your prom? Get no dates and some money for college
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Pics that Russian tennis star Anastasia Myskina didn't want you to see (not safe for work)
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Language differences cause confusion in Internet communications
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| (WEWS) |
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Frat brothers receive grant to develop their invention: an electric blanket that can keep beer kegs cool without ice
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AOL Instant Messenger flaw allows hackers access to AIM user's computers when away messages are up. a/s/l plz k thx
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Canadian-born Fay Wray dies at 96. Giant monkey alert raised to orange
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Every time God kills a kitten, they now can make a copy
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Has the reach of Al Qaeda been exaggerated? In other news, Al Qaeda suspected in Team X rocket sabotage
|
| (Some voter) |
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Photoshop the ultimate carpetbagger political ad. Difficulty: No Kang, Kodos or Hillary. Link goes to Alan Keyes' website
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If your flight was delayed last Thursday at DFW International, go ahead and thank a Polyphonic Spree member and his custom-made microphone that looked like a bomb
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Don Johnson ordered to pay $6000 grocery bill. Bag 'em, Dano
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Rich people speed more
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Neighbors say the owner of the helper monkey who attacked a two-year-old in a grocery store isn't really disabled, may be collecting disability payments he doesn't deserve
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El Niño could strike this year. Typhoons ready to cross picket line
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| (BadJocks.com) |
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High school coach caught in bushes outside hospital taking pictures of topless teen. Couldn't use home for studio because it was packed to the rafters with home-made porn
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Mysterious black buses sought in surprise crap attack on Chicago riverboat
|
| (Capital News) |
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No one's sure how I am dead, bitch. Rick James autopsy yields more questions than answers
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FHM's U.S. Olympic girls (safe for work)
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Team suffers setback in private manned rocket competition when their low-budget entry explodes after launch, ruining all hopes of getting dates
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Mariah impersonator works more than Carey does
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Woman complains Metrocard isn't working. Toll booth operator punches woman in face. Welcome to New York
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