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| Sun July 25, 2004 |
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Photoshop the blue ballerinas
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Tom Green and Jerry Springer to co-host TV show. Kill me now
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Sunspot grows to 20 times the size of Earth. Planet prepares for possible major solar storm
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| (Some Rodent) |
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Play the original "Lemmings" online
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Three teens charged with murder of a 17 year old using scythes as weapons - grim reaper unavailable for comment
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Kerry makes whistle-stop tour from a Rolls Royce factory
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Football ref decides red card just doesn't have the impact it once had
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Scientists consider sending probe to the big, kinda glowy thing in the sky
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Shrimp make better bandages
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| (Mlive.com) |
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House bill will pay tobacco farmers $9.6 billion and remove quotas that limit the amount they can grow
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| (Some Devil) |
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In honor of the Tour de France, photoshop our old friend Didi "El Diablo" Senft
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| (Some Guy) |
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Small kitten doing better after being shot twice with BB gun
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Some people visit CVS stores to buy a comb. Others enjoy the opportunity to prove toe-sex freaks have social lives, too
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| (Winston-Salem Journal) |
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New York mob family Bonnano going down in flames as gangsters rat each other out. Flattop, Itchy and The Brow unavailable for comment
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Egypt beats everyone to Great Pyramid wonder, gets 2x grain from each square surrounding city. Parlays this into increased warriors, then threatens Iraqi militants
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Has porn's proliferation desensitized us to its power?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Save the mighty chili-cheese buritto
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TV networks are going to devote to six hours to conventions, one-tenth the time we devote to choosing an "American Idol"
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Going to the Democratic convention in Boston? Then learn how to talk like a local
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| (Some Guy) |
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New high-tech passports to be embedded with computer chips that hold a traveler's digitized photo and fingerprints
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Ol' one-nut Lance Armstrong wins sixth Tour de France
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Photoshop this sign-abiding farmer and his shouldered load
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| (KFYR) |
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Fifteen-foot-long fossil of giant sea turtle found in North Dakota
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| (Some Farkette) |
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A few good men for the ladies (not safe for work)
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Bullz-Eye's brunettes gallery (safe for work)
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| (NECN) |
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Nine New Hampshire VW enthusiasts videotape themselves driving like asshats on their way to a VW gathering. Pulled-over-larity and moving-violation-larity ensues (with incriminating video)
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Nader submits 5,400 signatures to get on Michigan ballot, 24,600 short of the requirement. Michigan Republicans then submit 43,000 signatures on his behalf
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Teen with cross-burning hobby "accidentally" lights up a piece of cardboard near a small garbage can filled with gasoline
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New ATMs dispense DVDs, not cash. Netflix surrenders
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| (Idaho State Journal) |
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New PETA protest has two people making out in bed on a public sidewalk showing that vegetarians are better lovers
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| (Billings Gazette) |
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Judge rules that Frito-Lay chips do not taste better than other brands
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Aliens using email to seduce earth women. Will use alien email porn to seduce earth men
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| (Austin Business Journal) |
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South Koreans hint at outsourcing more tech jobs to under-educated Americans. Young South Koreans angry, wonder who will pay their student loans
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Equipment by Odai Hussein used to torture failed Iraqi Olympians on display
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| (NDPS) |
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Nevada's 10 Most Wanted list
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| (Some Bhuddist) |
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Interactive teachings of Zen. Clicky clicky, Grasshopper
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Eighty-year-old granny drugs, mugs and robs victims to support her gambling habit
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| (NY Daily News) |
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Puff Daddy's bling bling gone gone
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| (fox sports) |
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College football is coming, so here are the Heisman contenders
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| (kvoa.com) |
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Illegal immigrant decides hurling rocks at pursuing Border Patrol chopper would secure his freedom. It didn't
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| (Some Artist) |
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In the "this can't be real" category: Genetically engineered cactus grows human hair instead of spines
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Anonymous lottery winner sends multi-million dollar winning ticket to local government to assist disaster victims of recent heavy rain storms and flooding
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After just 5 seasons in the NFL; Ricky Williams retires. Barry Sanders looks on in approval
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Greece's baseball team says it can't afford to travel to the Olympics
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Man dies in hospital lounge after waiting more than 17 hours to be admitted
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| (PeopleFallingOver.com) |
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Man imitates Wile E. Coyote: Flattened by own steamroller
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Photoshop Cuba Gooding, Jr. fakin' the funk on his bike
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In honor of the new Star Wars title, Revenge of the Sith, suggest a more appropriate name. (Voting enabled)
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George Lucas reveals new Star Wars title: Return of the Increasingly Irrelevant Sci-Fi Franchise
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Next up: JK Rowling and the exploding penis
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McDonald's frozen yogurt parfait, now with marijuana. Hamburgular sought for questioning
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A penis alone does not a man make
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Bush a big winner at World Stupidity Awards
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The Maxim Fallacy Baseball Babes gallery (vid and pics SFW)
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| Sat July 24, 2004 |
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Man gets 10 years for doing nothing. Seinfeld sues for copyrights infringement
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| (WLTX.com) |
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Police using skunk's ass to keep people away from abandoned buildings. Pepe Le Pew unavailable for comment
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Six of the world's best female athletes have spent their lives honing these bodies to perfection. The least you can do is gawk
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| (kentucky.com) |
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Ashley Judd's mother yells out in theater as Ashley's new movie stops mid film
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| (Rasmussen Reports) |
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Kerry leading Bush in electoral vote polls
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Bush leading Kerry in electoral vote polls
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| (FOX Sports) |
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Lance Armstrong receives death threats
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F-16s will patrol the skies over Boston, rumors of Fark meet-up cited
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| (Buffalo News) |
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Man rescued from Niagara falls after launching a raft made of an inner tube, a luggage rack and a rug (for comfort), and using a shovel for a paddle. Police say ignorance and drugs were a factor
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Dogs can develop Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. Your dog wants Zoloft
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| (Some Guy) |
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Baseball game breaks out for Yankees and Red Sox fight teams
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| (Some Draught Lovin' Guy) |
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Forget the farkin' towel and have some Guniness ice cream instead
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| (Montgomery Advertiser) |
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Wealthy countries outsourcing labor to Alabama, AKA the Bangladesh of the South
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Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned: She cut off his junk and stuffed it in his mouth
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In honor of Jesus appearing in a window in Texas, photoshop window images less likely to draw pilgrims. (Link goes to the aforementioned Jesus)
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| (Buffalo News) |
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Federal building for sale -- includes indoor firing ranges, shatter-proof mylar windows and a gun turret
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Having solved all of the city's other problems, Los Angeles City Council considering a ban on silly string
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Dustin Hoffman and wife save woman's life after she was stung by bee in Malibu: "I thought, 'I can't believe I'm being rescued by Dustin Hoffman, but I'm dying anyway'"
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| (bunnypumper) |
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New high efficiency appliances = less profit = charge MORE for using less
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| (www.fyiwinnipeg.com) |
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Vandals smear drywall plaster on PT Cruiser, leave every other car alone
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Beware the Boob-onic plague
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| (Some storm guy) |
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FARK's favorite brass-balled stormchaser says, "Hey, lets make a bone-chilling tornado video." With pants-wetting goodness
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Armstrong has virtual lock on Tour De France
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| (MLB) |
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Irrefutable proof that any fool can become a Major League umpire
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Some jackass is crapping on the playground equipment at Waterfront Park in downtown Louisville
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| (Montgomery Advertiser) |
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Woman wearing only a bra robs cleaners. Male witnesses unable to give a description of her face
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A bicyclist performed CPR on man until firefighters arrived, then rode off without mentioning his name
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| (scrum.com) |
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All Blacks beat Springboks in dying seconds
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U.S. sending Special Forces to the Olympics. Photoshop them in your favorite competion
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Cassini spacecraft sees lightning on Saturn. No word about the rings around Uranus
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| (WJZ) |
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Rare, ugly-ass albino crab caught in the Chesapeake Bay (with pic)
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| (Some Metalhead) |
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Pantera officially disbanded. No more waiting for the turning point
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How the greatest game of all time came to be. Now hyperspacing from Lave...
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| (Women.MSN) |
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Hangover cure from "expert" includes eating a kiwi and a broth made from bouillon cubes
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Woman exchanges 1,300 firearms for $65k in police guns-for-cash program
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| (Some Oversleeper) |
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New Japanese alarm clock fills bed with compressed air, forcing you on your feet
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Paris Hilton and Nick Carter call it quits -- both claim to be "focusing on careers"
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| (NC Times) |
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Today's "elderly woman with 235 pet chihuahuas living in her filthy home" story is brought to you from Lancaster, NC
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One man vs. 15 glass panels; glass panels win
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"Hoax-busting" science center expands. Mythbusters unavailable for comment
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Italian town bans the use of small animals as competition prizes as well as outlawing goldfish bowls
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| (Some Guy) |
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The science of getting rich
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World's most expensive car sells for $4.6 million (with pic)
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| (WTAE-TV) |
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Though most teen pregnancies are accidental, a substantial number of girls want to get pregnant, according to a new study
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Ten cool facts about how the ancient Olympics began
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| (Some Guy) |
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Cutie wearing Fark apparel (barely SFW)
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| (The Greenville News) |
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Couple robbed at gunpoint -- husband wimps out and tries to run away alone
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| (SI.com) |
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The top five Major League Baseball announcers
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| (WWacky) |
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New invention allows the elderly to walk around with their left ear flashing for several miles
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Study finds TV/radio transmitters not linked to cancer, even though those suckers can illuminate an isolated light bulb better than Uncle Fester
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American model wins most desirable Ukrainian football player. Hot pics (SFW)
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| (SI.com) |
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The top five college basketball announcers
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Dumbass faker faces fury of his friends after faking winning a £2.4million Lotto jackpot
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| (NBC) |
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The Schoolhouse Rock quiz should help you waste 20 minutes tonight
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| (Gizmodo) |
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World's most unsanitary objeccts
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Woman files fake carjacking claim. Allows police to search her home. Police find not-so-fake video of her husband having sex with a child
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Boston Fark Party Saturday July 24th, 7pm at JJFoley's. Come on down and have a beer with Drew and his dad
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Judge rules curfew unconstitutional
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| (kfor-tv) |
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Cell phone towers might be used to help detect tornadoes. No word on wheather Sprint will charge $5/month for this service
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Ugly-ass rare Tennessee Fainting goat born
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Ken Jennings smashes the one-day Jeopardy. record earning $75,000, now has won more than $1.3 million
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Middle Eastern man tried to break through a wall to the cockpit
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Winnipeg Fark Party, this time it's for real
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| (Some Guy) |
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Theme: Coke vs. Pepsi -- the final showdown
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| Fri July 23, 2004 |
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Steakhouse asplodes
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| (pfir.org) |
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An "emergency" conference aimed at preventing the imminent "meltdown of the Internet" soon to convene in Los Angeles
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| (Some Guy) |
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Will a hoverboard ever truly exist? These guys think so
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Coastal Maine has been enveloped in a strange, almost human-like fog for the past several weeks. Sporradic reports of giant spiders unavailable for corraboration
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| (Some Guy) |
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Youth foils armed burglers by not opening the door to let them in
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Kirstie Alley to star in a reality show called "Fat Actress"
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Waitress who persuaded drunk customer to run head first into a wall is cleared of manslaughter
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Electrical worker disconnects nuke plant emergency alarm, which went undetected for several days. Homer Simpson called in to investigate
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Teens build hiker's cabin in woods for free public use -- government knocks it down
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| (some girl) |
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Hot guy with nice abs (not safe for work)
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Condom necklace sparks outrage at a county fair
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| (ABS-CBN) |
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Eight-story building collapses in Manila, Philipines (pic)
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Russia claims to have Soviet version of SpaceShipOne. Must not work too well because apparently, this is their 21st one and we just heard about it now
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Microsoft says it has a "long-term commitment" to outsourcing jobs to India
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The reason you should tap a can of soda before opening it
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| (Daily Times) |
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Man, ordered to stand trial for assault with a deadly weapon on a police officer, claims he has computer chips in his head and that NASA wants him dead
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Latest virus on the intarweb: "Click this file to see Osama's suicide video"
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Pentagon finally finishes forgery of Bush's National Guard payroll records
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Huge carrier USS John F. Kennedy collides with a small non-nuclear vessel. All of the Kennedy's crew and aircraft were accounted for
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Washington takes away man's "GOTMILF" license plate. Britney's application for "SMILF" still in the works
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The top five hockey announcers
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| (Some Knight Rider Fan) |
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"Knight Rider" car for sale on Ebay. Sorry, shag-carpet chick-catching chest attachment not included
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| (NASA) |
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Experiment set up by Apollo 11 astronauts is 35 years old and still going strong
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| (WWdN) |
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Photoshop a homeless Wil Wheaton sleeping in a garbage bag
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New glasses have detachable arms that can be used as chopsticks. I have sushi in my ear
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Why it is unpleasant to bite foil. Here comes the science
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Iraqi minibus tries to pass another car, ends up playing chicken with a U.S. tank
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| (China Daily) |
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Moms asked to donate breast milk for baby chimps. Your chimp wants boobies
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Eighty-foot rogue waves cruising the ocean (pic)
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Japanese council approves human cloning
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| (Boston Channel) |
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Kerry becomes latest victim of the ol' garlic-powder-in-an-envelope prank. Secret Service seen beating the living crap out of Ashton Kutchner
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| (News-Press) |
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Old and busted: Overblown coverage of shark attacks. The new hotness: Overblown coverage of gator attacks
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| (WishTV) |
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Okay, we're out of fireworks. What if I soak my shirt in gas and you set it on fire?
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| (Some Blogger) |
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Owner of pizza parlor across from Democratic Convention gets pissed at ever-changing security rules ruining his business, goes on vacation for convention, puts up giant pro-Bush banner
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Monty Python tops list of 50 most influential TV shows
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| (Washington Times) |
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Man emerges from five-month coma after his father promises to buy him a Corvette if he wakes up
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| (Nerve.com) |
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Farker and comedian extraordinaire Sherry Davey does a naughty interview with Nerve
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Particle physicists recover old recordings. (Warning: tin foil reference)
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| (KUSA) |
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Homeowner, known for experimenting with rockets and fireworks, goes out with a bang
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| (Amarillo.com) |
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When a man in protective clothing tells you to run to get away from killer bees, it's best to do what he says
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Man complains to police that someone broke in and stole his cannabis plants. Police unable to charge man as there is no longer any evidence
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| (Miami New Times) |
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That crazy mayor Xavier Suarez is trying his hand in politics again. This time pledges no dead people will vote, maybe
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Things to do today: 1) Buy new matress 2) Report wife missing 3) Run around hotel nekkid wearing only slippers. Check, check and.... check
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Coke remains king of brands, narcotics
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| (Final, Final Notice) |
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San Diego Fark Party tonight! 6:30pm at the Downtown Rock Bottom Brewery
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AudioEdit some out-takes from the new Beatles tapes discovered in Australia
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Greenland invading North Pole to liberate the elves. Chirac denounces invasion, calls for a UN resolution
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Smoker fined for throwing butts on ground
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One thousand chickens escape from crashed lorry, cluck up traffic
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Man struck by lightning says he feels "lighter and 100 years younger" than before accident. Being fitted for cape and mask to conceal secret identity next week
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Cops find thousands of pot plants, are waiting for owner to return home from vacation. Expect him to be surprised
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Jack Black is the Green Lantern. Photoshop other celebs who are dead-ass wrong for a superhero role
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| (Forbes) |
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Despite all that talk of "we only make pennies per gallon" on gasoline, Sunoco posts triple the profits
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| (Some Yachtsman) |
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Got six mil burning a hole in your pocket? Buy your own aircraft carrier. Hiro protagonist surrenders
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| (WTOP) |
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MLB: MTL to DCA or IAD. Sorry LAS, MTY, ORF, PDX and SJU
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| (Stuff) |
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Can't get enough of Carmen Electra (safe for work)
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Federal government exterminates Idaho's largest wolf pack after they killed more than 100 sheep
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| (KFSN) |
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Female passenger bites male driver's forehead, causing an accident; seals the jailarity deal by spraying the responding cop in the face with WD-40
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| (wkrn.com) |
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Snowplows called out to clear bug carcasses from Minnesota roads
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British police: All your DNA are belong to us
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| (BadJocks.com) |
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New Zealand couple watching TV see their daughter streak through rugby practice with marriage proposal to star player written on her belly (with pic)
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| (Some Poet) |
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Threats in rhyme are not a crime. The judge says so, and charges go
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| (CNEWS) |
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Panic spreads in Nigeria over cell phone numbers rumoured to cause death
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| (Some Guy) |
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Drunk teen races stolen car, crashes into power pole, escapes burning car, steals ambulance, drives 100 yards, gets stuck in powerlines
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Theme: What the Mormon church will do with their 10 percent of Ken Jennings' loot
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| (Some Guy) |
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Boobs with a view (not safe for work)
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Reality TV's latest: "Sperm Race"
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Newfoundland mayor wants government to prevent his icebergs from being made into vodka
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| Thu July 22, 2004 |
| (ill Will Press) |
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New Foamy. "No group orgies, you nipple-piercing whore"
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House votes to enforce 10th Amendment, ignore 14th Amendment, to prevent "activist judges" from ordering states to recognize gay marriages
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Thirty-pound barracuda jumps into boat and bites man. Extreme fishing is invented
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Kiefer Sutherland strips at New Zealand club, wows small-town crowd
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Drunk offers bear a biscuit, pulls back bloody nub
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Unamused, Canadian postal service imposes ban on dog biscuits shaped like postal workers
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| (wbir-tv) |
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Two men arrested for drunk driving; sue station that sold them gas
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Photoshop this scary hot air balloon
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| (SPTimes) |
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After you steal a boat from someone, don't enjoy it in the water directly behind their house
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McDonald's profits on the up thanks to their new healthy choice menu that we all ignore
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Jerry Goldsmith, composer of "The Waltons" and "Star Trek" themes, dies
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Interstate shut down after tanker leaks chromic acid for miles. Dissolving tires was first clue
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| (Anchorage Daily News) |
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Wrong Mike Miller receives Senate candidate's messages. Obscene e-mailarity ensues
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Top five of richest supermodels in the world
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Captain of Turkish merchant vessel off coast of Delaware, impatient with a routine Coast Guard inspection, blurts out he has bomb on board. Hilarity ensues
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For a mere $41k, you can own your own inflatable church. Now you can make an honest woman out of your inflatable girlfriend
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| (Blender) |
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Interview with The Cure's Robert Smith. Includes pics that show why being a middle-aged goth is even more embarassing than being a goth at all
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| (The News Journal) |
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Man's vanity plate reading "NO TAG" gets him 200+ tickets
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Soon the Dutch will be so big and fat they won't be able to fit in the Netherlands
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Boston Fark Party Saturday July 24th, 7pm at JJFoley's. Drew will be there
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Ripped fiddler crabs help puny neighbours in fights
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| (Dominion Post) |
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Things not to say while you're robbing a bank: "Call 911, I'm robbing the bank." Obviously, jailarity ensues
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Government minister tells people who don't understand benefit program to call him. His phone hasn't stopped ringing since
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Woman drops rare coin worth over $1000 in parking meter. The good news is she can park there for 333 days
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| (Press and Journal) |
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Zip-slide organisers belatedly realise participants may be wearing kilts, exposing weeners
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| (Paul Revere) |
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Photoshop this wiffle baller
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Scientist in China uses gun to control the weather. Next on to-do list: Get cool costume, send ultimatum to world leaders
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Why swallow condoms full of cocaine when you can force your dogs to do it?
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More Thursday boobies: Briana Blaze (not safe for work)
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Here comes Peter Cottontail, overrunning Chicago streets and trails, hippity hoppity, more bunnies on the way
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Eleven-million-year-old Nakhlites Martian named Chunk found resting in Antartica. Said to have awful gas and is on it's way to Houston
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Personal Net usage at work at all-time high. You know that already, because you are here
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| (Newsfilter.org) |
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Spanish goddess, Sunny Leone (NSFW)
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Survey finds one in five Germans drinks to get drunk. No word yet on what the other four pansies are doing
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Your government at work: Man wearing only pajama bottoms gets through security at Atlanta's airport, steals a baggage tractor and drives it onto a runway
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| (Some Guy) |
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Farker's favorite redhead, Heather Carolin. Not safe for work
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Former first lady of Canada who used to party with the Rolling Stones arrested for drunk driving
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Bob Eubanks says he wants to kick Michael Moore's ass, details his 15-year feud with Moore in autobiography
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this bartender
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| (Some Guy) |
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Awesome Castlevania Game. Late night work comes to a screeching halt
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Dentist pulls 14 teeth in surgery mishap. No explanation for how one accidentally pulls 14 teeth
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| (Deseret Morning News) |
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Mystery reader in Mormon country has been crossing out obscene words in library books out and replacing them with milder words
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New political party forms, will endorse a candidate for president if he can chug a beer
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Army surgeons practice free breast enlargements on soldiers and their families
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Pigeon shot and killed after evading museum staff and pecking hole in famous Dutch painting
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Monkey walks upright after recovering from serious illness. Now looking for Charlton Heston (with pic)
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Dump truck driver hauling 12 tons of gravel accidentally hits "dump" instead of "cruise" (link fixed)
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McCain on the vice presidency: "I spent a number of years in a North Vietnamese prison camp in the dark and (was) fed scraps, and I don't know why I would want to do that all over again"
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| (Examiner.net) |
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City moves to prohibit people from parking their cars in their yards. Rednecks plot revolt against measure
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Punk band's fan lights himself on fire while trying to siphon gas from their van
|
| (Some Guy) |
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"Fans" spit at Lance Armstrong during time trial. Later tell him it's an old European custom for good luck, like kicking you in the shins and stealing your wallet
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| Wed July 21, 2004 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this troll bridge
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Disney and Pixar making up: More Dixar or Pisney films to come
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Two cops struck by lightning, continue helping motorists anyway
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KFC supplier suspends chicken-choker
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| (Some Guy) |
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Ubermodel Lucas Kerr. No actual weenerage here, just a hot, hot guy with jug-ears and an 8-pack stomach, wearing some silly clothes. SFW
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| (Some Guy) |
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In a story smelling suspiciously like the "Soldier captured, wasn't captured, etc." story, Michael Jackson cries into the night, "I HAVE NO SON..."
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Top 11 unlikely tech headlines
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| (Some Guy) |
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MIT grad wins Miss Massachusetts despite wearing lab coat and pocket protector in swimsuit contest
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New video released shows four 9/11 hijackers being pulled out of line after setting off metal detectors, then cleared to board plane
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| (Some Guy) |
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Today marks the 20th anniversary of the first death of a human being at the hands of a robot. SkyNet unavailable for comment
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Michael Jackson wants "a celebrity exception to the First Amendment" so most of his child molestation case can be kept secret
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Neighborhood bar being converted into an alcoholism treatment center
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Woman gets butt implants in order to look like Jennifer Lopez. Ass-implant-explosion hilarity ensues
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Crowds flock to see Jesus image in True Value store window (with window pics)
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| (Daily Mail) |
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Liquid bandage sticks woman's foot to floor
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Long time suspicion about military chow confirmed -- cooking with urine
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Man who regularly makes obscene gestures to passing trains as a protest of their loud horns gets too close to one. Hilarity ensues
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Lance Armstrong wins in the Alps, increases lead. The only guy who can stop him now is Steve Bartman
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| (SorobanGeeks) |
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Old and busted: square watermelons. New hotness: pyramid watermelons. (At bottom of page)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this chained chihuahua
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| (NBC 4) |
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Tractor-trailer spills 40,000 pounds of flour on I-95, no one knows how to clean it up (with pic)
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Toll-free phone number listed on U.S. Post Office information card turns out to be sex line
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| (NY Daily News) |
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Who needs a Hummer when you can have a Bearcat? (with pics)
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World Santa Congress advocates adding chimney climbing to Olympics
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Is Anna K. over? (Safe for work)
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NASA returning to moon. Maybe. Tin foil hats explode
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| (Some Guy-no) |
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Sharp-eyed, self-proclaimed expert in female genitalia notices eerie coincidence to a certain automaker's logo
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Jewel thieves use script from "Return of the Pink Panther" to steal £500,000 ring. Clouseau leans on spinning globe
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| (KSBW 8) |
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Maryland mystery animal spotted again, this time there's video. Your dog wants you to focus the camera
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Radio reporter mugged on air. Mugger to be fined by the FCC
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| (Some Guy) |
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There is a man from Tex-ass, Whose balls must be made out of brass, He has to be crazy, He is definitely lazy, Read how the cops bust his ass
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Dog runs for spot on city council
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Sudden burst of wind results in upskirt shots of everyone from Fergie to Paris Hilton to Princess Anne. By gum, the Sun is there (possibly not safe for work)
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Todays "Roller coaster malfunctions and strands riders upside down" story brought to you by Paramount Canada's Wonderland
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| (Some crack baby) |
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Foundation offers sterilization assistance for drug addicts
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Water education - spring vs. artesian vs. distilled vs. mineral vs. purified vs. flavored vs. tap vs.
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Dissatisfied with television depiction, gangsters shoot their own mafia TV serial
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Two Kenyans, three Indians and an Egyptian kidnapped in Iraq. Unfortunatly this is not the start of a bad joke
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The Official Church of Spongebob Squarepants
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As if your ass weren't fat enough, Krispy Kreme offering glazed doughnut beverage
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Airline wars in Canada get silly: WestJet exec accused of hacking Air Canada database. Air Canada steals his garbage in retaliation, only to get pwned...
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Swedish concert-goers get sloshed on alcoholic soap from portable toilets
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Between beatings by his wife, Hawking creates a theory on what happens to matter in a black hole
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Federal agents -- including Homeland Security and the Department of Defense -- raid a police-and-military supply business in Lexington, Kentucky. More to come
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Car bomb explodes in Tennessee
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Britney officially a step-milf
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International Whaling Commission searching for a more humane way to kill whales. Apparently grenade-tipped harpoons are too cruel
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Michael Jackson wants a "celebrity exception to the First Amendment"
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Jenna Bush sticks tongue out at reporters. CNN is there
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Drunken flight attendants beat up a passenger when the latter asks for assistance
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New library robot will help patrons find books, Sarah Connor
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Iraq dismisses report of nuclear find as "stupid"
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Paul Johnson's head found by Saudis
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| (Some Gal) |
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Stocking cap and exploding cake. Nuff said
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Kylie Minogue wins "official" world best booty competition -- as run by the Sun UK (with NSFW pics)
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Chicago aviation boss forces executives with six-figure salaries to clean toilets
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| (The Omaha Channel) |
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Sneeze blows man through chain-link fence, across the street, down embankment, into the creek. Gesundheit
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| (Some Silly Knigget) |
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Since being knighted, Ben Kingsley insists on being called "Sir Ben" at all times
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| (Some Voter) |
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Your government at work: U.S. Congress populated by liars, cheats and scam artists. Now with documentation goodness
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| (Some Con Artist) |
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Theme: Unlikely conventions (link goes to JengaCon)
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Translate your Fark login to hieroglyphics
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| (US Newswire) |
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U.S. Department of Labor sets up website for homeless to help them find jobs. In related news, homeless apparently a major Internet demographic
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Policeman opens fire on jaywalkers
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| Tue July 20, 2004 |
| (Irish Examiner) |
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Will Smith required psychological help for nude scene in "I Robot." Shrinks all over America bump their prices as well
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Inmates escape jail to buy beer, return to jail, drink beer, go to buy more beer, all before anyone even notices they are gone
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| (Some Guy) |
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Duke freshmen given free iPods, still sucks in a vague, non-specific way
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Amos the Lollipop Donkey loves to help kids across the street
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Thieves rob Paris casino, overlook high-stakes poker tournament next door that was worth 10 times what they pilfered. France folds
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Photoshop an epiphany
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KFC throws, slaps and kicks its chickens before serving them to the masses
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| (WPVI-ABC) |
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Police officer snags a bridge jumper as she leaps, lowering her score to 2.0 for form (with pics)
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The New York Post investigates one of the most troubling questions of our time: Why do so many movies feature guys getting hit in the groin?
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| (WPVI) |
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Church holds mass baptism at a water park. Hopes to convert atheists and Jews by offering free log flume ride coupons
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The newest challenger to Britney and Christina is a dead, 1000-pound Hawaiian
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Invention turns leaves into audio speakers. Robert Plant not available for comment
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| (NBC5.com) |
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Stinky skunk rescued by good samaritans after getting stuck in a cup (with pics and video)
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| (Daily Herald) |
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Couple learns that their new mini-van is used, and that its roomy interior can accomodate eight full-size corpses
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Michael Jackson's freaky sperm strikes again, to be father of quadruplets
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68-year-old called up for duty in Iraq. Anti-insurgent activities to include keeping whippersnappers off the lawn
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Rodeo patrons go nuts over bull testicles
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V.I. Lenin died of the clap
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Future mob boss bullies sixth-grade classmate into giving him $12k
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Mother may be jailed for dropping son off at amusement park
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Rival gangs attending separate weddings share banquet hall
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Boston Fark Party Saturday July 24th, 7pm at JJFoley's. Drew will be there. Also will be in Montreal on Aug 5th, where's a good place to have a Fark party there?
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Wrigley Field imitates Cubs by also coming apart at mid-season
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Man accused of making sweet, sweet love to pit bull. Your dog doesn't want tube steak
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For sale: Pictures of armless midgets
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Sewage a problem in Lake Titicaca. Contact us when the boobie part of "Titicaca" gets out of hand
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| (WBNS - 10 TV) |
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Cinema sprinklers come on during "Singing In The Rain"
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Photoshop your own Twinkies box cover
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| (Fond du Lac Reporter) |
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Wisconsin man eats 20,000th Big Mac
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Apparently people are annoyed by newspaper logins
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Man caught with thousands of dollars in his stomach at airport. Hopes to land second job as an ATM
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"One-Nut" Armstrong takes Stage 15 and yellow jersey from Voeckler. France surrenders
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Intruder with can of gasoline arrested at David Beckham's home
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Nelly buys ownership stake in NBA's Charlotte Bobcats. So take off all your clothes
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| (WNBC) |
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Never make a man with a knife wait too long to use the bathroom at Burger King
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South Korea not happy with way CIA pronounces preisident's last name, spends time and energy making formal requests to have them pronounce it correctly. Daniel Webster surrenders
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Germany celebrates 60th anniversary of Hitler assassination attempt that maybe sorta coulda almost worked
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Tin-foil hat wearers celebrate 35th anniversary of world's biggest hoax
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There are lots of ways to celebrate getting married. For example, firing a semiautomatic pistol out the window of a wedding party limousine
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Filipino hostage released
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We will now be subjected to Madonna singing in Yiddish
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| (Some Trekkie) |
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Theme: Photoshop your favorite actor/actress into Star Trek in an effort to save the franchise. Live long and prosper
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Rabbit in Holland is as big as a three-year-old human (with pic)
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| (kfortv.com) |
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Matt Damon gives invite-only screening of "The Bourne Supremacy" in Okalahoma City. Raises over $100k for children's hospital
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Iraq's new prime minister accused of murdering six suspects with his own pistol. His office "promises" to investigate
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Anti-smoking group creating posters that claim smoking stunts penis growth in attempt to keep teens from smoking
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Tim Burton finds chocolate-coated camera lens not-so-sweet
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Hawk bursts into flames, starts wildfire
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Dozens of students wearing Spider-Man masks take over buildings at Peruvian university, demand removal of the dean. Dean puts the students on double-secret probation
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Survey finds 42 percents of Americans pee in the shower and seven percent never bathe at all
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| (Some Wolverine) |
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Superman attacks motorists. Lex Luthor unavaible for comment
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Man digs up world's largest diamond using only a shovel
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| Mon July 19, 2004 |
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White House Office of National Drug Control Policy: "Reefer Madness may be real"
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| (Vancouver Sun) |
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6.1 earthquake, BC's second in four days, rocks Vancouver Island Farkers and TotalFarkers. (All the lesser humans in the area, too)
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Tired of waiting in line for that two-minute ride? Now you can pay to jump the line to ride that two-minute ride
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St. Louis airport visitors have left behind $2,748 in loose change in 2004
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| (overspun.com) |
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Bill O'Reilly cites the "Paris Business Review" to bolster his claims of a successful boycott against France. The "Paris Business Review" does not exist
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| (Some Guy) |
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Combine humans and machines. Giger surrenders
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Man goes to Walden Pond to hand out free copies of Thoreau's "Walden." Ranger tells him he needs a permit
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"Watch this, Josephus." *Smack* "Ow." Cock punch goes back to Roman times
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Brother of John Edwards brought in on 10-year-old arrest warrant for driving without license. Claims sheriff used phony speed limit sign that flipped from 55 to 15. Boss Hogg declines comment
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| (Some Guy) |
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AudioEdit saying goodbye to someone you didn't really like
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Linda Ronstadt bashes Bush and gets the boot
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| (WCCO) |
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Wisconsin motorists, looking out for plastic wrap, run into gigantic swarms of flies instead
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| (Philly Burbs) |
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Utility company tells residents there's no need to worry about the yellow-brown water coming out of their faucets
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I-Mockery takes a bite out of "Gish" (with photoshop contest)
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Missing marine that deserted his post, was kidnapped, beheaded, not beheaded, released, not released, popped up in Lebanon, was a hoax, moved to Germany, was coming home, then not coming home says he didn't desert his post
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The extreme holiday of Russian tourists in Turkey
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Revenge of the nerds: Layoff veteran aims to put outsourcing ban on November ballot
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Junk food makes up quarter of U.S. diet
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Theme: What the USA would look like if it had never left the British Empire
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| (Boston Herald) |
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Cop leaves his cruiser in the path of a runaway forklift to chase fleeing teen forklift joyriders into woods. Hilarity ensues
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Learjet overshoots runway at Fort Lauderdale airport (pic)
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| (NBC 13 Alabama) |
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Friendly mystery creature roams suburbs north of Baltimore (with blurry pics)
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| (Local10) |
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A dozen police cars and a sherrif's department helicopter aid in the recovery of a library book
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| (Click2Houston) |
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Sci-Fi network admits "The Buried Secret of M. Night Shyamalan" was a hoax
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But, I greeted new neighbors with freshly baked bread? The Smoking Gun is there
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Skateboarding champ, Tony Hawk, get his own talk show on Sirius Satellite Radio. Listenership expected to be up in the tens
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World War One claims another victim. Chalk one up for the Austro-Hungarians
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