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| Sun July 04, 2004 |
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Psychic claims she was haunted by the ghost of James Dean for 40 years, until she eventually told him to get lost
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Soccer team gets stoned after tie. Literally
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| (Assorted Pictures) |
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It's Fourth of July. I'm "Chillin' and Grillin'." What are you up to? Who is having the best afternoon?
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| (York News Times) |
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Nebraska LB212, revising the permit laws for tractors and how they are tested
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this drunk Superman
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Ostrich dies in freak sinkhole accident. Wile E. Coyote sought for questioning
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Scientists eye spinach to solve energy problem, woo Olive Oyl
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Beware, there'll be dragons here
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| (MSN Encarta) |
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The Presidential Pop Quiz. It would be unAmerican if you don't score a 100 on this test...
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Survey find teens enjoy school, get along with their parents, don't get depressed and enjoy lying on surveys
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| (Some Guy) |
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Government trying to conceal where that semi ahead of you is carrying spent nuclear waste
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| (Some Drunk) |
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How beer is responsible for civilization as we know it
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| (Some Guy) |
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Paper sends reporter to go through marine boot camp. What are the chances that the Corps will discover gross misconduct by its drill sergeants when the article comes out?
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| (His Dudeness) |
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Lebowski Fest NYC, Aug 13-14th. Tell Walter
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Two moose crash July 4th parade in Utah
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| (Some High Carb Guy) |
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Get a coupon for a free two-liter bottle of new low-carb Pepsi Edge
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Restaurants join food-stamp program
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| (Some Guy) |
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Redneck recipes. Never mind that every one has possum in it
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| (Springfield News-Leader) |
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Immigrants gain citizenship just in time to celebrate the 4th of July. "Now, where do I sign up for welfare?"
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| (alllaw.com) |
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For all Farkers who will be partying this weekend, a calculator of DWI penalties for each state
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Photoshop an unlikely Willy Wonka for Tim Burton's new film
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Oatman, Arizona Board of Tourism having trouble getting visitors who aren't there for wandering asses or the annual Sidewalk Egg-Frying contest
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| (Some Historian) |
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Presidential trivia: Presidents who killed people outside of war, had extramarital affairs, never served in the armed forces, and more
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Maybe marine wasn't beheaded after all. Group denies killing of man held hostage
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| (Some Daisy) |
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Dukes (of Hazzard) Fest to be held at Bristol Motor Speedway. Link to Cooter's place on page
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| (Some Guy) |
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Angelic James Brown tells bands to clean up act, and pssst -- get him some crack
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| (news-leader.com) |
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Judge horrified at finding a mouse in his beer, calls beer company, is told it might be a clump of algae with four little feet and a tail
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| (PittPostGazette) |
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Mini police car hits the streets. Members of the notorious Lollipop Guild run for cover
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Scientists have found evidence to suggest we do have a sixth sense and can tell when we are being watched, even through CCTV
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| (Some Guy w/ no art skills) |
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TFer needs help making our 26th president look better
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Celebrate the 4th early with this pictorial guide to the best fireworks a small budget can buy: smoke bombs, cobra eggs and those other things that explode
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| (Some Guy) |
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Oh, the humanity. The nutri stats on the Hindenburgers from each major chain
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Maxim muses on older women
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The nation's best airport lounges
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| (Some Guy) |
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The Tom Hanks soundboard
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| Sat July 03, 2004 |
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Hot, talented nice-girl Sharapova not likely to make as much endorsement money as hot, no-talent assclown Kournikova
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| (Some Celticist) |
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Celtic fort destroyed... and this time it's not the English
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When it comes to celebrity demands, Sharon has some Stones
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| (Fire Ninja) |
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Take one ninja, add fire, profit. (Some NSFW pics)
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| (Some Whillenholly) |
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To mark the 20th anniversary of "Purple Rain," Prince reunited with Morris Day and The Time, and Sheila E. Silent Bob and Jay too enraptured to comment
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| (Some Guy) |
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Gold plated AK-47 found in Iraq (w/pics). Saddam was big pimpin'
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Remove the binary opposition from a TV show or movie that depends on it. Example: Queer Eye for Short Guy. (Link goes to definition of "binary opposition")
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| (Wichita Eagle) |
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Midwest theaters ban Fahrenheit 9/11 because it incites terrorism
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| (Female First) |
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Some hottie about to get her gas cut off
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After 500 years and a little help from experts in robotics, Leonardo Da Vinci's car makes it off the drawing board
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| (TampaBay's 10) |
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Millions of tax dollars spent to built frog crosswalk
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"... 42 percent of men and 45 percent of women say the perfect boob is about a 'C'"
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Seriously hot woman is depressed (with pic)
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Russian government seizes country's largest oil company. In other news, America's largest oil company has already seized U.S. government
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Forget cheesesteaks. Pick the covergirl for the Philadephia Eagles lingerie calendar
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Private school girl being expelled for flashing bra at school webcam. What could possibly go wrong? (with pic)
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Theme: Unlikely movie sequels (link goes to GIS for "Barton Fink 2")
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Twenty-ton block of granite will be set in place tomorrow to mark the official start of construction on the 1,776-foot tower that will rise on the site of the World Trade Center
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Report: Abducted Marine reportedly has been beheaded
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From the "What could possibly go wrong" category: Thai zoo houses tigers, pigs together
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Old and "busted": Anna Kournikova . New hotness: Sharapova takes Wimbledon
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Meet the person ranked No. 2 by the International Federation of Competitive Eating: Sonya Thomas (36, 100 pounds )
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| (Bicycling.com) |
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Lance Armstrong begins his bid for a sixth consecutive Tour de France win today. Find answers to the key questions like "Who are his rivals?", "What do those jerseys mean?", and "How do those guys pee?" here
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Former Halliburton auditor explains how they operate in Iraq
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Maine Audubon is saying no to wind turbine because, as everyone knows, oil soot is good for wildlife
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In a questionable attempt to satisfy some of its $14 million debt, the Boy Scouts try to peddle $250 cups of lemonade. And Adam Smith wept
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| (Daily Pennsylvanian) |
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Plain-clothed cops hired by MTV to protect "Real World" cast members from angry Philadelphians
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Novelty geeks are buzzing like moths to a flame at a new product -- robotic fireflies
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Dogs with amazing healing powers, and a PETA person asks the vet questions
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Cassini's first pictures of Titan
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| (News-Leader) |
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The world is running out of vehicle identification number combinations
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Mothers "hold in" babies until July 1st to get $3000 government baby bribe
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| (Famous in PQX49) |
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Photoshop someone famous as if they are in an alternate universe. Link goes to crappy example
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| (Taipei Times) |
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China using pornography as an excuse to censor SMS messages. Freedom of speech takes it in the (_._)
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| (All Africana) |
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Poor African family files $1.6 million lawsuit against Disney, claims their father composed "The Lion Sleeps Tonight"
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| (NBC 2 South Florida) |
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Woman finds her own obituary printed in local paper (with video)
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Overwhelming list of gas barbecue-grill safety tips, which is silly because everyone knows real barbecue is done with charcoal
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Money makes the Wurlitzer go 'round. The history of jukeboxes
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Scientists find tiny pre-humans in Kenya, still searching for yellow brick road
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| (Arkcity.com) |
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Sonic rollergirl gets run over by boat after seeing and successfully dodging truck towing it
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Burglars try to get high snorting ashes of family's pet goat
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Wheely Willy the Paraplegic Dog brings Japanese to tears (with pic)
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| (Post-Crescent) |
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Third try is a charm finding a dead dog's owner
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| (Anchorage Daily News) |
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Czechs, ever the innovators, introduce the world to marijuana-flavored alcohol
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| (Some Stabber) |
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Finally, you too can kill people with your keychain
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Commen sense surrenders after French tour guide shoots polar bear in foot in Norway
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German scientist travels the world with 25 cadavers dipped in plastic. Link includes slideshow of horror
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| (Courier Journal) |
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Maryland sues Kool cigarettes because they think hip-hop music isn't cool
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| Fri July 02, 2004 |
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Take this Brando quiz in honor of His Greatness
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| (Wavy.Com) |
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Samurai strikes Newport credit union
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| (Some F*ck) |
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A breakdown of how the newspapers reported Cheney's "F- off." Or "Go f- yourself." Or "obscene phrase"
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Civil Rights Act turns 40
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Five-year-old impaled on elephant tusk while trying to imitate Spider-Man
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Theme: Inside the Fark theme park
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Company to introduce flavoured bananas. Tastes like apple
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| (Some Gal) |
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Just in time for your Fourth of July cookouts -- the Talking Hot Dog Condiment Holder
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| (KCTV5) |
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May be up to 4 dead in shooting at food plant in Kansas City. Gunman not using a pea shooter
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Principal from "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" arrested for failing to register as sex offender. TSG is there
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| (di-ve.com) |
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Taxi asplodes at Madonna's house
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UN asked to monitor U.S. presidential elections
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Angry strippers perform unwanted breast reduction surgery on their coworker
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Engineers create giant net to shield nuclear reactors from airplane attacks (w/pic)
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| (Chattanoogan.com) |
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And now for something completely different: Here's a catfish with a basketball in its mouth (photos)
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Minnesota Twins take away G.I. Joe's gun for Armed Services Appreciation Night. Snake-Eyes unavailable for comment
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| (NWI Times) |
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Wanna get your girlfriend to quit smoking? Fill her car up with gum (with pic)
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Nasty beaver leaves entire town speechless
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| (Some Guy) |
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Math profs uses calculus to find best seats in movie theater. Still no cure for cancer
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With other crimes solved and all other criminals locked up, Toledo police conduct big raid on bar and snag six cigarette smokers
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| (WJLA.com) |
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D.C. area residents warned about presence of coyotes. Told to look out for giant springs, dynamite and poorly balanced boulders
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| (The Gubment) |
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Finally, an explanation of Social Security that all Americans can understand
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Tin-foil-hat sporting Nigerians boycott polio vaccine; develop widespread epidemic of polio
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| (WNBC) |
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Domino's employee won't allow medium pizzas to be placed in a large box
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Why clocks with Roman numerals use "IIII" for four instead of "IV." Here comes the mythology
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Lindsay Lohan turns 18. Pictures taken when she fell out of her clothes still legally child pornography
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Colin Powell aparently is the construction worker in the Village People. (With funniest... slideshow... ever...)
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Titanium RoboBreasts. Sadly, no pics
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Whopping 37-foot weiner measures up as world's largest. Chicago police on lookout for Takeru "The Tsunami" Kobayashi
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| (Jackson Clarion-Ledger) |
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Woman, searching for keys in dumpster, gets taken out with trash, gets bonus ride in garbage truck
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When attempting to send poisoned cupcakes to the mayor, don't mail them from your house
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| (Melbourne Herald Sun) |
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Woman turns her SUV into artificial reef for neighbor's swimming pool (with pic)
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| (Cleveland.com) |
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Homeland security says to watch out for floating booby-trapped beer coolers on Independence Day
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Record-breaking attempt really takes the cake. Fireball ensues
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Man has plastic surgery to look like Mr. Spock (pics needed)
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Girl creates entire line of lingerie from itching, stinging leaves. The Sun is there (with pic)
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Unlikely "Larry King Live" guests
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Tennessean cop accidentally shoots brother in leg for lending the butter to a neighbor
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NASA's Hubble finds as many as 100 new planets in the Milky Way. Sagan's ghost heard to say, "Told ya so"
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Add "being legally insane" to the list of things that won't get you out of jury duty
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| (newsleader.com) |
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Virginia goofs, revives old blue laws set aside in 1980s
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Guy rents out house to as many different people as possible, leaving would-be renters to fight over who gets to live there. What could go wrong?
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Fugitive caught by herd of cows
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NBC embarrassed after airing Katie Couric batting shuttlecock while rival networks show footage of Saddam Hussein's court appearance
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| (KPHO Phoenix) |
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Marlon Brando dead at 80. Or so says this news station in Phoenix. Other news sites picking up the story now, too
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| (KOAT) |
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Red-light camera busts cheating wife
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| (News.com) |
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Google bans Gmail account swaps and sales, officially making it harder to get a Gmail account than getting a link approved on Fark
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Heavy-weight SUVs have been banned from the Washington Crossing Bridge
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Design a new scratch-it lottery ticket, with a new style of game
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Watch out, Anna Kournikova -- Maria Sharapova is the new hotness (with VPL pics)
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| (Some Guy) |
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New web game sweeping the globe. Office productivity is at an all time low
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| (TechWeb) |
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Dell paying $100 for dead iPods
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"Spider-Man 2" grosses opening record $40.5 million
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Female Irish reporter demonstrates she has more balls than most American reporters who interview Bush. Succeeds in pissing off Bush's media folks
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| (Fox Sports) |
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Phoenix tries to lure Kobe away with $100+ million contract. The Suns are there
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| (Some Guy) |
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Who would have figured a magician calling himself "Dr. Strange" and working kids' parties might face charges?
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| (Some Gal) |
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AudioEdit a presidential campaign debate between a Disney character and a Looney Toons character. Link goes to GIS for Mel Blanc
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According to Wynonna Judd's concert rider, microwave popcorn and Chex Mix go well with fine wine
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| (citypaper.com) |
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Citypaper.org explores what happens to your online self when you die
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Teen's cell phone catches fire, burnination ensues. Trogdor wanted for questioning
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NBA Hall of Famer indicted for Molestation, Dracula haircut
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Coke promotion raises security concerns at military bases
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Yankees sweep Red Sox. Entire city of Boston on suicide watch
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Coach K to L.A.? Duke to possibly suck even more
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| (Forbes) |
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Rabies kills three organ recipients from same donor
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| Thu July 01, 2004 |
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Theme: What if the United States returned sovereignty to Native Americans?
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| (Benton County Daily Record) |
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Krispy Kreme opening inspires campouts and requires extra police
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| (mlive.com) |
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If it looks like weed, don't bring it to the courthouse
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Chuck Norris and Patrick Stewart autographs headed for Saturn
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Nearly 30 years later, morons still flock to Philly to imitate Rocky's run up the museum steps
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Jailarity quick to ensue after man lifts judge's wallet, goes on shopping spree, signs own name on credit-card slips
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| (TampaBays10.com) |
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Look at those beer-drinking pigs... No, really, look at those beer-drinking pigs (with video)
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Man, upset he didn't receive political party's nomination, decides to respond by nailing himself to cross
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Farkettes: The wait is over. "Guys Gone Wild" coming to DVD. (SFW)
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Fark is the No. 3 result on Google for "Islamic militant website." John Ashcroft seeking Drew for questioning
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Carmen Electra's Naked Wrestling League: "Investors are certainly excited"
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Fark you very much for shopping, says check-out slip
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In the first ever sign that he might be normal, police confiscate porn and pills from Micheal Jackson's bedroom
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American pro sports league system = socialism. European pro soccer league system = capitalism
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7 foot 7 Manute Bol seriously injured in cab accident, Celebrity boxing career in jeopardy
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£300,000 worth of research makes surprise decision to use Scottish flag to promote Scotland
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| (Rocky Mountain News) |
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Denver man a wee bit testy when hospital staff take digital photo of his genitals while he's unconscious
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Actor fondly recalls farting on cue for Mel Brooks
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| (GIS) |
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In conjunction with the debut of "Fahrenheit 9/11," photoshop Michael Moore making accusations against other authority figures
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Man assaults wife, blames "lying agent of Satan" pet parrot
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600,000 years ago, seven-tonne hippos roamed the wilds of southern England
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If you could wave a magic wand and create the ultimate tech gadget, what would it be? Voting enabled
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Bush-Cheney campaign instructs churches how to stump for them
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Versace heir takes partial control of fashion house. Perhaps she can now afford food (see picture)
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| (San Bernadino Sun) |
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Alf making television comeback, this time as talk show host, with Ed McMahon as sidekick. Guests to include fellow alien Joan Rivers
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Spike Lee's next movie is about a guy who tries to make money by impregnating lesbians
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When stealing a car to use for a bank robbery, don't enter your dad's address into the GPS
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| (Newsfilter.org) |
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Hot Miami Latina, Mindy Vega (not safe for work)
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Scientists find that beer goggles makes women stronger. Still no cure for cancer, but studying beer and women is good work if you can get it
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Cop tells dog to stop. Dog gets shot for failing to understand English. Cop takes canine threat-assessment class, makes obscene gesture at TV news crew. Hilarity and unemployment ensues
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Teacher with no map or compass leads group of teen girls wearing skirts and sneakers up mountain. Mountain rescue team not amused
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Good news: Saddam could face the death penalty. Bad news: David Beckham will probably take it
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Saddam taken to court; waves finger like Babu, reminding everyone of "Seinfeld"
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Projectionist with night-vision goggles busts 16-year-old moviegoer making bootleg copy of "Spider-Man 2"
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Maxim's 2003 Hometown Hottie finalists (safe for work)
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Spider-Man gets new spideysuit for India. PS another superhero costume for India
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Woman jailed for 14 days for putting ice cubes in her maid's underwear and forcing her to stand in front of a fan
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Flying bulldozer lands in oncoming traffic, crushing pickup truck
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| (Some Pooter) |
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San Diego Fark Party being hosted to coincide with Comic Con on July 23rd
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The results of the "Favorite Hamburger Topping" poll are in. Bacon demands a recount
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| (Some .NET programmer) |
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Microsoft develops tool to help you create software bugs
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Mexican boxing champ beats up gunman who shot at him outside gym
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McDonald's new healthy menu apparently includes toad salads
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| (LA Daily News) |
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Dogs banned from most of downtown in attempt to curtail dog droppings -- fine for failing to clean after your dog now $628
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Poor homely Nicole Kidman says she can't get a man
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| (Some Houston Guy) |
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Houston Fark party in Rice Village on Sat., July 10th, in the evening. Final details will be posted next week. Get your livers ready
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| (WNDU) |
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New Chik-fil-a promises first 100 customers free food for one year. Damn campers took my spot
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Today's "Person touches energized 25,000-volt power line, falls 30 feet to ground and survives" story brought to you by Warwickshire, Scotland
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| (News-Messenger) |
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Driver, 70, fails DMV exam the hard way
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Photoshop lawn gnomes doing unwanted jobs. Link goes to GIS
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| Wed June 30, 2004 |
| (News12) |
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Russian artist thinks ten-story-tall statue of female genitalia a fitting memorial for 9/11 (with pic, safe for work)
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Complaints about newly-pure air in Irish pubs leads to assurance that one cannot get cancer from "passive inhaling of farts"
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| (Washington Times) |
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Switzerland to ban anonymous bank accounts
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| (Times of India) |
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Halle Berry's affinity for leather and whips goes beyond her Catwoman costume
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| (Jack Black) |
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For those of you about to rock... Anne Hathaway's nipple salutes you. (Not safe for work)
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| (Surrey Comet) |
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Blind man banned from saying "phlegm"
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Stations that aired Janet's wardrobe malfunction to be fined $27,000 each
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Zarqawi safehouse in Fallujah PWN3D by U.S. missile
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Kerry and Bush websites are insecure. Hilarity surely to ensue
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| (Nerve) |
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Nerve holds user-submitted contest for sexiest videos containing mention of John Ashcroft. Login/password: patriotact/patriotact. (Some not safe for work)
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Wired offers this list of the top 10 stupid technology patents. Fark patent on boobies links apparently still below the radar
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| (WCCO) |
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Bank refuses to open door to man with stocking on his head
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Billboard featuring strange mannequins of students blamed for traffic accidents (with pics of billboard)
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Drug prices up at three times rate of inflation since Medicare discount subscription plan went into effect
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"This may be the summer we see the Reality bubble burst"
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Reagan Pyramid nears completion
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Man spends 30 years collecting 1 million pennies, U.S. mint refuses to exchange for cash
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| (WTOP) |
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You have the right to be a nude teenager
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| (NBC4 Columbus) |
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Man loses four fingers to industrial accident. Doctors replace them with toes (w/ pics)
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Woman loses Miss World suit. Sadly, story is nowhere near as exciting as headline promises
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| (Some Guy) |
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Theme: The Feng Shui Guide to...
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Drunk burglar found passed out in woman's home -- wearing her clothes (with pics)
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Kerry/Clinton 2004? Difficulty: Deciphering Matt Drudge's grammar
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Largest casino in Wisconsin can't make $40 million payment to state, claims they're broke
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American archaeologists in Italy find live WWII explosives, location of Holy Grail, hot Austrian chick
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Left-handed people show unusually high frequencies of depression, drug abuse and bedwetting
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Woman in jail for stalking Michael Douglas wants to be released to complete her degree in child psychology.
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Maxim asks 3,000 women, "How long should a guy wait to fart in front of you?"
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The most popular toy in Iraq is a Saddam doll that wiggles his hips to the sounds of "Hippy Hippy Shake"
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German female cops can now be free from hat hair as they handcuff naughty boys and discipline them
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| (News8Austin) |
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Hey honey, let's get our porn pics developed at Walgreens. What could go wrong?
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Marlon Brando is $20 million in debt, living on government assistance and is hiding his Oscars from creditors
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Delaware Senate passes ban on tongue splitting, does not pass bill to improve state's twelve-gallon-bucket-of-ass odor
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Man pumps gas without pants
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| (Hull Daily Mail) |
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Woman gives birth to stomach ache for second time in three years
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Luggage screeners buy gasoline, pay cell phone bills, get new laptops -- all courtesy of airline passengers. Jailarity courtesy of FBI
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| (CNBC) |
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Federal Reserve Board raises interest rates for the first time in 4 years by 1/4%
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Spider-Man wasn't always a superhero. At least, not in Turkey
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| (Democrat & Chronicle) |
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College professor fired for giving too many F's
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Two forces of great evil have joined together: Celine Dion and Anne Geddes are releasing a joint "project" in October
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Fox News promo blurs boobie, shows huge penis penetration instead (screencap possibly not safe for work)
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Robots made for playing soccer will clear mines in war-torn countries, beat France by a goal
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| (South Wales Evening Post) |
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Catherine Zeta-Jones stalker writes letter of apology
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| (Herald Express) |
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Charity workers beat up man who refused to buy raffle ticket
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| (Portland Press Herald) |
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Green Party's candidate for vice president hasn't decided whether she'll vote for herself
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In their best Princess Leia voice, Republicans say: "Help us Ralph Nader, you're our only hope"
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Saturday, in the park, being attacked by a leopard
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Xbox is outsold by Playstation in Japan by a 48-1 ratio
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New gadget lets you choose your dreams. Hundreds of thousands of 13-year-old boys line up to purchase
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College recruiters want you to take off your clothes
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Mattel must pay more than $1.8 million to a Utah man who placed Barbie dolls in sexually provocative positions
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Yankee GM uses World Series ring as ID to get past Secret Service personnel protecting Cheney
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Jewelry store thief caught due to DNA analysis of tissue he blew his nose into while robbing the store
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Farker Ferretx uses a chimpanzee to propose to his girlfriend
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| (South Wales Evening Post) |
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After Euro2004 comes the Homeless Street Soccer World Cup, featuring "guy who busks outside Starbucks" and "High Street Jesus-freak"
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Howard Stern adds nine stations across the country
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National Parks and Wildlife Service conduct a controlled burn to remove weeds in order to improve number of wildlife; end up killing protected penguins. For the second time
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| (Call me Ishmail) |
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Photoshop this whale
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| (StaticBeth) |
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In honor of Spider-Man 2's release, it's Tobey Maguire's huge weener (not safe for work)
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| (The Hobart Mercury) |
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Scientific research vessel now authorized to open can of .50-calibre whoop-ass on fish poachers
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| (Some Guy) |
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Inkjet for fingernails
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Workers uncover skeleton from War of 1812, marvel at the panopoly of history, shove Mr. Bones back in hole before anyone shuts down their job
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| (National Geographic) |
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Hindu temple home to 20,000 revered rats
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U.S. Government sues the Boy Scouts for $14 million
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Photoshop these soggy rickshaws
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| (Some Guy) |
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Sharper Image to market "consumer version" of police stun gun
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Jason Giambi diagnosed with parasites, will be fitted with a flea and tick collar
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Hamburger unveiled with six pounds of beef. McDonald's surrenders
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| Tue June 29, 2004 |
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The Sun's Page 3 Girl contest. Vote for your favorite boobies. Not safe for work
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Al Sharpton drives a Spike home with those who "Hate Their Job"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man's head asplodes at chess match
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| (nbc5i.com) |
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More Americans are handling credit card debts responsibly. Bankers are SO thrilled
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| (Some Guy) |
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How to piss off the oil companies. Start a similar site for your city
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| (Some d00d) |
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Grow your own lawnchairs. Literally. Your ants want a front-row seat
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Pope apologizes for sacking of Constantinople, not Istanbul
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| (RealDoll) |
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Into anime? RealDolls has a date for you. (Not safe for work)
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| (Salisbury Post) |
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Man sentenced for shooting blimp. Bruce Dern seen nearby
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Twenty percent of Americans buy items from spam emails
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| (The Union Leader) |
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Karaoke bar patrons take it a little too far with their live re-enactment of "Kung Fu Fighting"
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| (Provo Daily Herald) |
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Crop circles in Utah
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High school textbook does not list latex condoms as means of protection against STDs -- but does say you should get "plenty of rest"
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David Bell hits for the cycle on controversial triple
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First telemarketer charged for violating the DNC restrictions. Open up and say AHHHHH, biatch
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Men'sth costhmeticsth put a new face on masthculinity
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Fifty Cent ain't got nothing. Dude gets shot in the face and spits out the bullet
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Photoshop this construction worker on break in smokey Kuala Lumpur
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Dracula-style haircut all the rage in Michigan (with pic)
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World chocolate drought ahead. Stockpile now
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| (Some Fry Guy) |
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Five-hundred gallons of cooking grease spilled in McDonald's parking lot. Lot now tastes better than McNuggets
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| (National Geographic) |
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Genetically modified "designer" vegetables include low-carb potatoes, orange broccoli and purple carrots. Just don't eat the soylent green
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| (Some Guy) |
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World's smartest pirate forces himself to walk the plank. Rescuers find him after very brief search. Yaarrrr
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British father sentenced to 20 years in prison for hiring a gang to rob his drug-dealing son
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German hippies in a tizzy as 100 tons of acid spills in Hambur Harbor. Tie-dyed fish and Timothy Leary unavailable
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| (South Wales Evening Post) |
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Dylan Thomas's masterpiece, "Under Milk Wood," was nearly binned for "pornographic fantasies"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Changing in the locker room before choir practice? This makes no damn sense (not safe for work)
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| (Some DJ's) |
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Florida teacher Debra LaFave's wedding and engagement photos -- see the most embarrassed man in America. (Second story down, below the Boobapalooza winners)
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U.S. Army to recall retired service members to non-voluntary active duty. Now watch this draft
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| (People's Daily (China)) |
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Stone that looks like an old woman's face said worth $12 million (w/pic)
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| (Express and Echo) |
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If your dyslexia is so bad you can't read bus destinations or departure times, maybe you shouldn't be a bus driver
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"Pizza rage" strikes again, as Chuck E. Cheese gets assaulted with slice of pizza
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Obese siblings sue Southwest Airlines after they are "humiliated" when asked to buy additional tickets for the flight.
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Senator Clinton: "Expect your taxes to go up. We are going to take things away from you for the common good"
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UN helicopter crashes, all 24 aboard killed
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Two hoodlums drive down road, tossing fireworks at bystanders. Pile in backseat ignites. Second-degree burnination ensues
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| (WBAL TV) |
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Mustard gas alarm continues to sound at Army's Aberdeen Proving Grounds in Maryland. Large man covered in condiments seen fleeing the area
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| (Pressconnects.com) |
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Village reinstates police department. Anarchy comes to an end
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Singapore Airlines completes world's longest nonstop commercial flight -- 10,000 miles in 18.5 hours, Singapore to New York
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| (wpvi.com) |
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Father puts four-month-old in duffel bag at Jersey shore and, "as a joke," asks people if they want to buy him. Hilarity ensues
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| (Democrat & Chronicle) |
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Reporter drives van around Lake Ontario faster than highspeed ferry can cross it
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Bill Gates isn't tracking your e-mail, but Wired tracks down this e-mail hoax's origins
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Japanese cabinet ministers save the environment by taking off clothes
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Seattle coffee yuppies freak when they learn their Starbucks Frappuccinos have more calories than a Whopper
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| (Omaha Channel) |
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From the "didn't see that one coming" department: Teen injured while playing with fireworks. "He was probably doing things with fireworks he shouldn't be doing"
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People suckered into thinking they were nominated as "poet of the year" in exchange for a $50 poetry book
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Shark attacks man. Man kills shark. Authorities charge man with killing endangered species. Hilarity ensues
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| (South Wales Evening Post) |
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Police take five months to find man who jumped custody. Never bothered checking his house to find him
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I scream, you scream, we all scream for horse-flesh ice cream
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Senor Cardgage Mortgage helped consolidate my life into this tiny box
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Supreme Court rules anti-porn law unconstitutional because it limits free speech. More porn for everyone
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Grocery clerk hacks Playboy site, blackmails them for ₤60
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Movie analyst suspects underage kids are purchasing tickets for usual Hollywood fare, then sneaking into "Fahrenheit 9/11" when the usher isn't looking
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Right- or left-handed? Here comes the science
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Artificial butter flavoring gives microwave popcorn its great taste; causes lung disease
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Couple repeatedly has yellow ribbons stolen from tree, sends note to parents of neighborhood teens asking them to talk about patriotism to kids. Squirrel apparently misses memo
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Zagat's survey asks consumers to rank top restaurants in Chigaco. Forty percent of diners prefer classic hotdog stands to fine dining
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Theme: Things unlikely to be seen on a trip to the zoo
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| (Wizard News) |
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New Harry Potter title revealed: Daniel Radcliffe and the Zillion Dollar Trust Fund
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Al-Zarqawi releases three Turks with their heads intact as reward for protests against Bush
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If you're planning to hold a 19-day cruise, make sure you made the payments on your boat
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Church bell ringer and church bell swap roles
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AP decides not to publish race in description of wanted suspects. Police on the lookout for Some Guy
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Judge throws out Mattel's lawsuit against Barbie pr0n artist
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You know all of those official sounding federal fees on your phone bill? They're fake
|
| (Salina Journal) |
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Car crosses highway, goes airborne for 101 feet, rolls several times, breaks open, spills $2.25 million worth of ecstacy
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| (Herald Sun) |
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"Price Is Right" contestant requires five stitches after being knocked silly by Super Showcase Wheel
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Photoshop this fiery Hindu prayer
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Man nearly jumps out of his skin after finding python in rental car
|
| (the milwaukee channel) |
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Motel sues woman after she hangs her wedding dress from a motel sprinkler valve, causing it to run for 3.5 hours
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"Trading Spaces" host strips for charity. Naked tabloid pics ensue
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| |
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Next doomsday virus that media claim will wipe out the human race named H5N1
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Finally, the mathematical formulas to help you perfectly parallel park your car. Here come the equations
|
| Mon June 28, 2004 |
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A real cactus hangover remedy
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FDA approves leeches as legitimate medical device. Wil passes out at the news
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Man "shoots off a memo," literally. Hilarity ensues
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Misubishi employee has coughing fit, crashes disguised "secret" prototype on public road
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| (WBAL) |
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Company fires man after he requests 20-minute nap breaks. Timeout ensues
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Woman discovers her new home was the neighborhood's former meth lab
|
| (splum.com) |
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Hey! You got your Masumi in my Aria. No, you got your Aria in my Masumi. Not safe for work
|
| (Maine Today) |
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You know it's going to be a bad day when a 20-ton boulder falls on you
|
| (Daily Herald) |
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Happy Handover Day: Company that administers Iraqi ".iq" domains under criminal indictment
|
| (SignOn SanDiego) |
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Sex-laced Mozart raises scandal at Berlin opera. Antonio Salieri rises from his grave and says, "I told you so"
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Michael Moore is a registered independent (or Democrat) in New York (or Michigan)
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Thirteen-year-old hijacks his dad's 40-ton truck and takes it for a spin. Resulting €10,000 damage would have been worse, but he had practice last month when he stole a fire engine
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 |
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Fark Canadian Election Night 2004 Thread. Please refrain from eating your ballots
|
| (some Ben Stein Fan) |
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Insert a heckler into a famous speech
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| |
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Photoshop these tennis fans and their umbrellas
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| |
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New tape purports to show killing of U.S. Army soldier
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| |
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Student, 14, hits hot teacher, then rats her out to the cops. Horny teens everywhere surrender (pics of teacher)
|
| (Bushwacked) |
|
Bressler.org sued over photoshop contest, wins in court (site now un-farked)
|
| (Some Thirsty Guy) |
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Last Call for Farkahol: Fourth of July Chicago Fark Party update, with bonus party goodness
|
| (Jerusalem Report) |
|
The Intifada is dying
|
| (Montgomery Advertiser) |
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If your boss spends 70 percent of the day playing computer solitaire, placing spyware on his computer to prove it may not be a wise career move
|
| |
|
Consumer spending rises. Milk, gasoline consumers know why
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| |
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In a prime example of "I'll get married when I'm damn good and ready," 93-year-old finally gets around to it
|
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Man who shot wife in back says it happened accidentally while they were using their backyard as an amateur firing range
|
| |
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In an effort to increase transplantable organ supply, the fuzz in Cleveland are being asked to go easy on speeding donors
|
| (Wells Journal) |
|
"The meter wouldn't accept my coins" is not a valid excuse for parking without paying
|
| |
|
Dubya and Libya open up a can of diplomatic on each other
|
| (The Louisville Channel) |
|
House -- which floated 103 miles down the Kentucky and Ohio rivers unscathed -- burns down
|
| (The New Yorker) |
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Lord, please don't let my death wind up on Fark
|
| |
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The Librarians from Hell: Debt collectors go after overdue books
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| |
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Playing porn in your car doesn't attract women, even if you're driving a Benz, but will help you pick up a hot police officer
|
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WWE champion Brock Lesnar gives up seven-year, $45 million contract to try out for the NFL, despite the fact that he hasn't played since high school
|
| |
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Think Britney's been looking a little plumper lately? She might be eating for two
|
| |
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From Shirley Temple to Annette Funicello to Lindsay Lohan, celebrity coming-of-age countdowns are nothing new
|
| (Channel News Asia) |
|
Elevator briefly doubles as space shuttle booster
|
 |
|
The groovy 1976 cars of AMC, featuring the Matador, Gremlin, and the freakish Pacer X
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| |
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Canadians apparently fond of eating their ballots
|
| (Western Daily Press) |
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British teenager eats jam every day. The White Queen surrenders
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