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| Sun May 02, 2004 |
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Anheuser-Busch goes communist
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| (KGW news Oregon) |
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Good News. You prisoners get flat screen televisions in your cell. Bad News? Only 7 inches
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Woman arrested after grabbing 1,500 balls at golf course
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| (Huntington News) |
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Man breaks into girlfriend's apartment, proceeds to spray down walls with ketchup and BBQ sauce
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Man freed after 20 years of prison for child molestation when victims of crimes recant. Whoops, our bad. Here's a fat-free yogurt
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Food industry analysis finds financially pressed consumers given the choice between spending on gasoline or groceries, gasoline is winning
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Trucker lotion able to kill superbug, by giving it 13 times the lethal dosage of meth
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| (Some Guy) |
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911 Operator: "strangers don't come bang down your door with knives"
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Couple spend over $150,000 to turn themselves into a real life Ken and Barbie, over 89 operations between them
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Toronto mayor backpedaling on bonehead cop comment gaffe; "Is your police force in jail? Mine is"
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NASA to lose robot in space in effort to save Hubble
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| (NBC San Diego) |
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Son accidentally shoots mother while showing her the new laser-targeting device on his gun
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| (Duluth News Tribune) |
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Strip club owners strongly urging their aroused customers to vote
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| (CJ Online) |
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WWII fighter plane sitting on bottom of Lake Michigan for 47 years takes flight
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L@@K 19 people discovered way to consistent profit on ebay. NOW YOU CAN TOO.......
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| (wakka-wakka-wakka) |
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A player dressed as Pac-man will run around Manhattan collecting "dots" on the streets. Four players dressed as Inky, Blinky, Pinky and Clyde will attempt to catch him
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| (NY Daily News) |
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Sweaty threesome on giant billboard draws attention
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Theme: Google (or Google searches), 15 years in the future
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| (fayettevillenc.com) |
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Website site offered a scholarship to the student who created the most inventive duct tape suit(with picture)
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| (Wisconsin State Journal) |
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Students ignore 4 keg limit; drunken jousting ensues
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British government orders anti-radiation pills for half the population. Everyone else, remember to duck and cover
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The taxman is suspicious of man's $50 million Smithsonian donation
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How to have an office Fling
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Man shot outside Copacabana night club, Lola unavailable for comment
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Golfer ordered to pay $2.6 million in damages after his tee shot hit another player in the head
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"My grandchildren kept asking me why I was looking at so much pornography."
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Hostage truck driver Thomas Hamill escapes from Iraqi captors, said to be assisted by orangutan named Clyde
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Beer commemorating the D-Day invasion has been brewed with ingredients grown in the vicinity
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| (ctv.ca) |
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Thousands of pro-pot protesters take to the streets of Toronto chanting "We love weed"
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Irish celebrate EU's expansion by beating the hell out of each other
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| (Some bored shiiteless TFarker) |
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Woman receives beatdown for bringing 13 items into the 12 item express lane
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Turkmenbashi has declared holidays in honor of melons and horses, has also banned beards and gold teeth
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(Neo) No, I don't believe it. It's not possible. (Morpheus) I didn't say it would be easy, Neo. I just said Larry Wachowski is getting his penis removed
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| (Some Unfulfilled Guy) |
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Photoshop people doing unfulfilling jobs. Difficulty: Try not to offend farkers by accidentally using their jobs (link goes nowhere special)
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Robert Altman sparks up after-dinner spliff in front of Tony Blair
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Man burns mobile home to spite ex wife, holds off emergency workers with gun
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| (some girl) |
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Tanned fisherman showing off his rod (not safe for work)
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| (CBS 2) |
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Girl feels all warm and fuzzy about saving calf from becoming veal cutlets. Last paragraph of the story displays the futility of her gesture
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Worker dies in fall from bridge. Name of bridge: Fresh Kills
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Five-year-old girl has never seen rain
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| (Ninemsn) |
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Fifty-six percent of British have had sex in public places
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| (Some Guy) |
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Pete the Porno Puppet
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| (Boston Channel) |
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Man dies after falling out of Superman Six Flags ride. Fall speed reported at "Faster than a speeding bullet."
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Intel CEO Craig Barrett cries about being called a Benidict Arnold CEO, says Americans are losing jobs for lack of math and science education
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Model triples weight to win 'Jumbo Queen' title at Thai elephant park
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| (Lawrence Journal-World) |
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Bison depicted on quarter not horny enough, says Kansas rancher
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Scottish bookie refuses to honor bets and pay out winnings...sounds Welsh
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Watered-down beer quota allows 4 kegs each
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop a recent news event using only visual puns. Difficulty: No captions/explanations
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| (Some Guy) |
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Writer gets creeped out by the Olsen Twins and the obsession with them
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| (News-Press) |
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Scientist predicts a "sharky" summer. TotalFarkers look forward to a "Florida Tag" summer
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Mailed candy heart puts village on terror alert
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| Sat May 01, 2004 |
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Fossil finders hit back at 'glory-grabbing' academics, threaten to carry bullwhips even when on campus
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| (Omaha.com) |
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Rich snob refuses to drink Pepsi, makes waitress go buy him a Coke
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Finland disappears. Check with Germany
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eBay loser doesn't know when to take "No" for an answer
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| (Courier Post) |
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Toronto radio station prank calls Flyer's hotel room, sends room service to serve the goalie breakfast at 5am
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| (WOAI.com) |
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UT student kills piano instructor with a meat cleaver. Announcer voice heard to say "Killing spree."
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Rome fire at luxury hotel kills three, threatens tennis stars. John McEnroe brought in to cry out the flames
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| (Cadillac News) |
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Fireplace and chimney store burns down. Northern Michigan's finest cannot determine what started blaze
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BMW drivers really do get more tail. Here comes the science
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| (WESH Orlando) |
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Crack addict drives through outdoor police convention, revs engine, shouts profanities and speeds off. Hilarity ensues
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Smarty Jones wins Kentucky Derby
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Nurse has unique solution to bed shortage at hospital - kill the patients
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| (enquirer.com) |
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Lesson learned: at a working fire, don't lay your fire hoses over railroad tracks.
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| (Some Guy) |
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Nasa's Terra satellite shows airplane contrails over the Southeast (with cool pic)
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Armor in a spray can
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Carrie Fisher Gallery: The Special Edition, (Han shoots first), safe for work
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US Supreme Court Justice assaulted while jogging. Alone. In D.C. At night.
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Photoshop this levitating surfer
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Tupperware lays off 45 workers. Workers knew their fates were sealed
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Homeless guy turns out to be documentary film maker. Smile, you're on Street Guy Camera (pic)
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Hooray hooray. The first of May. Outdoor farking starts today.
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| (Jackson Citizen Patriot) |
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Feces-flinging felon fails faking freakout
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| (Some vudu) |
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Gnome Murder. A trifecta of scandals
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Neighbors thought guy just barked at the moon and banged on trash cans, never dreamed he was a serial killer
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| (Mobile Register) |
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Cement truck driver with BAC of .01 charged with DUI manslaughter. Victim just happened to be a county commissioner
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man drives his car through mall, claims he was dying for his next cinnabon fix
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Looking for Mr Goodbar or Mr Goodfight?
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CBS MarketWatch mines Fark for insight about Google's IPO
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| (clarion-ledger) |
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Six-year-old brings marijuana to kindergarten, "not even enough to roll a joint" complains cop
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| (St.Louis Today) |
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St. Louis's inability to create jobs apparently caused by lack of nose rings
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Basketball-sized tumour disappears through meditation
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Mr. Cellophane quits movie over piece of ass
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MI5 suggests trimming bushes to avoid terrorist attacks
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| (galvestoncountydailynews.com) |
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Woman hires kids to find out who is changing mayoral race camapaign signs in her frontyard
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| (News Tribune) |
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Large swath of Atlantic Ocean to turn red this weekend for science; researchers will have streaming webcast and director's live commentary
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Give Suge Knight a hearty welcome back into society by photoshopping him fulfilling his community service. Link goes to GIS of the big teddy bear
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| (Some Guy) |
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TRON Guy to wear costume on Jimmy Kimmel Live. Your TiVo surrenders
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| (Courier Journal) |
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Kentucky Derby jockeys want to wear advertising -- photoshop some inappropriate ads for jockeys to wear
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Canada's Armed Forces spend the majority of their budget on making sure they don't wind up on Mr. Black's Worst Dressed List
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Aussie school cafeterias on amber alert
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| (Some Guy) |
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Frat boys nearly kill ping pong playing Chinese with civil war era cannon. Jailarity ensues
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Salary dispute for "The Simpsons" settled. Actors get more D'oh.
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Crafty DJ scoops up wreckage from Billy Joel car crash, offers them up on eBay with proceeds going to MADD
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One man's trash is another man's cash
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Sesame Street comes to Afghanistan
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Rape investigators ask anyone who saw a man walking through central Edinburgh carrying a large inflatable sheep to please come forward
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For those saying the UN has no role in today's world: UN to settle dispute over Scottish trashcans
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| (KRON4.com) |
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Longevity researcher dies at 79. Regrets taking long lunches, surfing porn on job
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When base jumping off buildings try to avoid getting your parachute tangled on light poles
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You know airline security is getting out of hand when a corpse with a bogus passport gets stuck at the airport for 16 days
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Police warn man over collection of naughty gnomes
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Man found fully clothed in bath with three fractured ribs and 26 stab wounds may have committed suicide
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| (mirror.co.uk) |
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Spurned wife feeds "dog poo" pie to cheating husband
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| (Blistering.com) |
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Ashton Kutcher to star as Tommy Lee in Mötley Crüe film. Looks forward to getting into character by sleeping with Pamela Anderson
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Create a brochure or advertisement for a school you wish you had attended
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Middle school student suspended over her dam t-shirt
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| (wdsu.com) |
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Man shoots carjacker, pleads guilty to 5-year suspended sentence. Charles Bronson surrenders
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| (Some Guy) |
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The antics of a college math professor that doesn't know math
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Theives steal 6-year-old's wheelchair and bury it in their basement
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Jews invented fire
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| Fri April 30, 2004 |
| (Duluth News Tribune) |
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Thief steals Minnesota garden gnome, declares "anti-knomb" ordinance
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If you happen to run across 600 lost monkeys, please call Serbia
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MICHIGAN SCHOOL FOR THE DEAF CELEBRATES 150TH ANNIVERSARY
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Twenty thousand Windows XP users try to make their computers run like a Mac
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Today's "man's stomach falls out of his body" story is brought to you by Cairns, Australia
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Australia contemplates shooting 20,000 koalas. Pelts will be used to keep seal hunters warm
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Government-issued pot ain't worth the paper it's rolled in
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Spanish ambassador won't win an Oscar, and it is all the Actor's Union's fault
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Local shoe-repair store didn't know sh*t from shinola
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Create a Fark-themed Monopoly board. Link goes to GIS
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New device allows concert-goers to get better recordings than ever before
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| (Click on SA) |
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Undercover cop chases wanted man through little-league practice with gun drawn. Mass urination ensues
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Argentinian tourist eats toxic toadstools after mistaking them for magic mushrooms
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| (New Zealand Herald) |
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New beer can has mini-fridge built into its base, ensuring every mouthful is ice cold. Still no cure for beer goggles
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Wide-eyed jurors watch prosecutors act out sexual assault in court
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| (WCCO) |
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Texas high school won't allow students to share food. Apparently, one student's brownies were too popular. What a buzzkill
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| (StatesmanJournal.com) |
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Would-be thief calls off store robbery because the three-year-old behind the counter looks like his daughter
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Former NBA player Jayson Williams found not guilty of aggravated manslaughter; guilty of tampering, other charges
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| (Nerve Premium) |
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Nude amateur pics of people reading the WSJ and other stuff. Login: farktastic. PW: premium. (Not safe for work)
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The Arab world now officially loathes America because of the actions of a few
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Man attempts to kidnap seven-year-old from bike. Seven-year-old proceeds to beat down kidnapper
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Judge orders Knoxville Zoo to keep elephant happy, or else
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608 drivers in Nigeria's capital stopped and tested for insanity after being caught driving the wrong way on roads instead of staying at the office looking for somebody to split the late king's fortune with
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Looking for a Derby horse? Try the one who drinks Guinness
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DEA agent shoots self in leg during gun-safety class for kids
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| (Pocono Record) |
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Even with a 300-gallon tank, Pontiac Firebirds don't run very well when using water as fuel
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Country stars launch their own brands of food. Dolly Parton's melons sure to be a big seller
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Critics, scientists rave about NBC miniseries, 10.5: "It's very clear that no scientists were consulted in the making of the movie"
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Turns out that Wedding Dress Guy took a few creative liberties with the truth in his eBay sales pitch
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| (NewsNet5) |
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Soldier wires money to friend back home to pay his bills. Discovers "friend" was on a five-month shopping spree
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| (SoCal News) |
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Southern California truckers protest gas prices by stopping their trucks in the middle of freeway traffic
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No, you're not drunk, that's really a rabbit the size of a dog
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Baseball team holds "Steroid Night." Fans handed urine-sample cups, any fans who said their name was Jose Canseco, Ken Caminiti or Lyle Alzado got reduced-price tickets
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Today's "man drives around with dead body in his windshield thinking it was an airbag" story brought to you by St. Jerome, Quebec
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| (Some Guy) |
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Brunette boobies in blue jeans (not safe for work)
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| (Virgin.com) |
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Press release: Virgin Mobile's pit police to offer helmet-polishing service. In other news, proofreader position now open at Virgin
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| (grandforks.com) |
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Man who attacked Royals coach arrested for breaking into cars. Apparently, someone left a nice-looking shirt on the seat
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Pic of Christian Bale as Batman. Looks like pretty much anyone else in a Batman costume
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Man hides son in suitcase so he can steal from other bags in luggage compartment
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Photoshop this muddy surfer
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The Olsen Twins get a star on the walk of fame, also looks like they have the combined weight of a small Bolivian child. (Pic included)
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| (Duluth Superior) |
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Woman uses fake baby to rob bank
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German newspaper welcomes new states with nude photos
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You might want to shut off that wood chipper before trying to clear a jam
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"Well, that's the nice thing about English girls," Beckinsale wryly added. "Someone asks for a crotch in the face, they get a crotch in the face"
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Baseball player misses first three innings of game because he was locked in the bathroom.
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"Welcome to All-Nippon Airlines, the airline that cares. I'm captain Soonto Befired, and today we'll be cruising at an elevation of 35,000 feet, so zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
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| (Purdue Exponent) |
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Editorial staff takes it upon itself to find out how much beer you can drink from a Frisbee
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| (Kansas City Channel) |
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Exposed CIA agent's husband points finger at Cheney aide
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Your guide to the new Sexual Offences Act for England and Wales
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Writer of Pat Tillman article is now sorry
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| (The Jakarta Post) |
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Voting in Indonesian general elections causes cancer
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| (WKBW) |
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Go ahead and cheat at school, everyone else is doing it, and it usually works
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| (some girl) |
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Friday phallus fest (not safe for work)
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"Walter the Farting Dog" and "Zombie Butts from Uranus" are blowing away the competition in children's book sales
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Diver Dan learns his buddies can't count to four the hard way
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop farker Eeek and camel-toe Elvis
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From palatis to mosh pit exercises, Richard Simmons surrenders
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A third porn star tests positive for HIV
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Giant dragonfly larvae shuts down $130 million Hollywood blockbuster, threatens multi-billion-dollar industry
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David Carradine attacked by killer kangaroos. "They were like Hells Angels kangaroos, man. They were crazy"
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Ninety-year-old woman trapped in bathtub for two days, rescued by deli owner when she didn't show up for coffee
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Treasury Department tries to explain why only four agents investigate terrorist funding but over 20 investigate Cuban embargo violations. Say it has something to do with Cuban cigars
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| Thu April 29, 2004 |
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You know how sometimes criminals "accidentally fall down the stairs" in police custody? In Japan they "shoot themselves to death during interrogation"
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| (theiowachannel.com) |
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Man found hiding in girls' locker room. Penis may have been stuck in zipper
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| (Some Guy) |
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AudioEdit some lyrics to your favorite piece of classical music
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Tigers' win last night ensured their first winning record in April since their manager was their shortstop
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Photos showing apparent abuse of hooded Iraqi prisoners (pics may be considered graphic)
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Create a tourism advert for your country or state, either pro or negative. Link goes nowhere
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Two congressional idiots on irrelevant committee walk out during the President's meaningless, unhelpful testimony. Both citing prior, unimportant engagements
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Jockeys can wear ads at Kentucky Derby. Very small ads
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If the judge asks for your belt, why not offer him your shirt, shoes and pants also
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Cops arrest naked man after bus hijacking
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| (Some Guy) |
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Return of a classic -- often copied, never duplicated. TeenHealthFX: Can I be addicted to masturbation?
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Oxford, Ohio to train the public to write parking tickets. This couldn't possibly go wrong
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Seattle Mariners CEO placed up for auction on Ebay
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Labridoodles, yorgis, schnoodles, cockipoos, bagels,and yorkipoos fetch big bucks
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Investigators discover that contracts for the UN oil-for-food, dictator-and-bureaucrat-enrichment program have gone missing
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Man arrested after 30 years of stealing 4000 pairs of women's panties
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| (Eco Talk) |
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Meet Bob and Todd. They're brothers. Their two companies will count over 80 percent of the votes this fall. You can trust them
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Residents complain after their neighborhood becomes part of the city dump
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| (Mirror.com) |
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Happy 50th birthday to the baseball cap
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Report finds federal employees bought cosmetic surgery, mounted deer heads, designer briefcases and wine among other things and charged them to government-issued credit cards
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Pipeline blowout spills one million gallons into San Francisco Bay. City not so gay now
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| (Fredericksburg.com) |
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Mother punishes son by having him rake leaves naked. Local priests wants mother canonized
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The useless website IPO is making a comeback. In other news, Drew meeting with underwriters for Fark.com IPO in late Q3 [Unlikely]
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| (Omaha World-Herald) |
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Urban-planning guru accused of being a fancy pants with proposal to turn Omaha into 17 super-neighborhoods. That's right, a fancy pants
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| (Boston Herald) |
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Thirty-second ads for the final episode of "Friends" going for $2 million
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The Donald getting married for the third time. In a shocking twist, she's a no-talent, gold-digging model
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Michigan takes a bold stance on "hold" music
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Twenty-two percent of men have looked at a pron website while at work. In other news, 78 percent of men lie on surveys
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| (Some Henry Earl fan) |
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Photoshop member of the band Henry Earl as he shows how he got a shoulder injury
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| (Atrios) |
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Media conglomerate orders its ABC stations not to air the Nightline episode naming the Iraq war casualties as "contrary to the public interest"
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When issuing a press release blasting school testing, be sure to fix all spelling and grammar errors
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Dogpile of Excited Yahoos expected to get in on Google IPO. Google founders expected to retire to Alta Vista. Jeeves surrenders
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| (Turn 3) |
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Today is Dale Earhardt Day. Moorseville, NC outlaws right turns
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ESPN "experts" rate boxing the toughest sport, baseball tougher than soccer, auto racing tougher than track and field. Masturbation is not even on the list
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| (Oregon Live) |
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Whales are resorting to shouting at each other so they can be heard over the sound of the whale-watching boats.
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Fark gets mention in article about Tron Costume Guy
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| (Some Guy) |
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Thursday is a good reason to see Katie Price naked (not safe for work)
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Woman arrested after taking stolen bank loot to new bank to open account, only to have the dye pack explode
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| (Some Guy) |
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Writer at Massachusetts Daily Collegian: "Pat Tillman is not a hero: he got what was coming to him"
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First arrests made under "Can Spam" act
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Bush and Cheney's turn to provide meaningless, unhelpful testimony before irrelevant committee of congressional idiots
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Ever wonder who would win in a fight between Miss Piggy and Ralph? Hurry down to Louisiana before it's too late
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"As the girls walked past, the man pulled down his shorts to his knees, exposed himself, and began to hit himself on his buttocks with a stick while moaning"
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| (sciencedaily.com) |
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During the buildup to the 2003 invasion of Iraq, all 175 Murdoch-owned newspapers worldwide editorialized in favor of the war
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Family pets can now be replaced with clones for $50,000 each
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Tennessee ice cream shops flaunt law, continue to give away free scoops
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Hot on the trail of Shrek, Whipper the Ugly-Ass Mutant Budgie wins hearts accross New Zealand (with pic)
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"I think it's every man's dream to pull his pants down for an hour a night, get paid well and travel the world"
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Divorce: $200. Wedding dress: $1200. The ex-husband modeling it on eBay for over 7 million people: $3,850
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| (The Omaha Channel) |
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When you hire a convicted felon to run a lucrative state program, don't be surprised if around tax time you notice a lot of money missing
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| (Some NYer) |
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Hey NYC Farkers, you can apply to carry the Olympic torch this summer. Colorful vocabulary, air of superiority a plus
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One in 10 Brits want Luvania to join EU
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Hatchery salmon to be called "wild." In other news, fake breasts to be called "real"
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"You do not defecate in your back yard and think it's OK"
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U.S. Mint thinks that adding boobs to the Sacagawea dollar will make it more popular
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Kobe rapes the Rockets
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Bush ratings hit all time low. In other news, flame wars erupt right over there ----------->
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477 more senior citizens and toddlers face charges from the RIAA
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| (Some Guy) |
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After much Fark notoriety, Guinness explains that it had a "bar towel malfunction." (Link goes to bar towel for sale)
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Photoshop this guy and Shrek the Sheep
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| (Some Repeat) |
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The Law Code of Hammurabi, rule No. 108: If a tavern-keeper overcharges for alcohol, he must be thrown in the water to drown
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Peruvian fishermen show UN workers their rods in protest
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Sex me up, Scotty: NASA considers options for dealing with astronauts' sex drives
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| (KYW 1060) |
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Coke shortage strikes Philadelphia
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| (Some Guy) |
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The 10 commandments of college
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| (WPVI) |
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Retailer begins selling thongs for women sized 12 to 26
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Time Inc. plans to bring back Life magazine
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Top 10 all-time best all-around athletes
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Idaho county commissioner bills Mexican government $2 million for services provided to illegal immigrants
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| (Some Guy) |
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Create your own D&D RPG stats for famous people, politicians or Farkers in the thread
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| (Lileks) |
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Dairy-company cookbook from 1959 proudly presents "the gayest array of dishes"
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| (WPVI) |
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Realtor selling Boston parking space for $160,000, valet included
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| (GlobalSecurity.org) |
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A real before/after comparison of the Ryongchon train explosion
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| Wed April 28, 2004 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these guys waiting for a train
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| (Some Guy) |
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Free deodorant
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International tipping etiquette. Add your own
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99.95 percent of NYC's manhole covers won't electrocute you, although 0.05 percent have enough juice to kill a horse. Unfortunately, no one is sure which ones they are
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Brits name George Michael "King of Airwaves" and "Queen of Bathroom Stalls"
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Showing how much suckage the NBA offers, viewers choose to watch NFL draft in all its boringness instead
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| (Some Guy) |
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Today's "Mall parking lot ate my car" story. Link goes to photo
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Neanderthals full adults at age 15, went through shoes like crazy
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Bag of wacky-weed falls from softball glove as player takes the field
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ABC's newest program gives a lucky couple chance to win a teenager's baby
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"Detectives said Rodrigue admitted he was traveling south on Hwy 3235 that morning, but denied showing his penis to anyone"
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| (OC Register) |
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One out of four Mexican candies tainted with lead. Two out of three SBC techs unable to transfer telephone call. Three out of two presidential candidates are douchebags
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| (Billings Gazette) |
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Remember all the stories about Yellowstone being ready to explode? Never mind
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St. Petersburg to host the first museum of erotica in Russia
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They're baaaack: Snakehead fish found in Maryland Pond. No trousersnake sighting yet
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| (WLWT) |
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Add pornstars to the list of outsourced U.S. jobs
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Entire Republican contingency of Congress in treatment for throbbing forehead veins after Democrat leaves "under God" out of Pledge
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| (WSB Atlanta) |
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97-year-old woman cuffed, booked for unpaid ticket
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| (Massnews) |
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According to the owner of the New York Times, you, the reader, are responsible for the Jason Blair scandal
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From the What Were They Thinking? Department: Pointiest toy since lawn darts declared unsafe for children
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| (Watley Review) |
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Midwestern monkey shortage reaching critical levels
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| (wnem.com) |
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Driving instructor gets drunk while showing film on dangers of drinking and driving
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Robotic traffic cones swarm onto highways. I, for one, welcome our new pointy orange masters
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Man builds 80-foot sailboat on side of mountain with no access to ocean; hoping ESPN adds "downhill sailboat tobogganing" to next X-Games
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Radio hosts who punk'd Fidel Castro on air asking for 400,000 penny donations from fans to cover the $4000 fine
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Flying saucer fever grips Iran, with eyewitness accounts from experienced UFO experts, such as blind farmers and village idiots
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Cast members say Disney won't let them take bathroom breaks
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Town decides best way to put injured deer out of its misery is to crush it with a piece of heavy construction equipment
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Bank puts sign in window offering to give away free money but no one comes in to claim it
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Ted Koppel will read the names of 523 soldiers killed in Iraq Friday on Nightline
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UK Navy denies submarine mutiny. Insists screen door was closed
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Cops force woman to show her tattooed butt during traffic stop
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Leave it to Germans to circumvent pop-up blockers
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Kevin Spacey's brother now says their dad abused him, was a sadistic bastard and a bisexual card-carrying member of the American Nazi Party
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| (Some Guy) |
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Sure signs someone is a badass
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SysAdmin survey reveals discrepancies between what people actually do with their computers and what they say they do
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Feeding rabbits pizza and fries will turn them into enormous fat asses
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Twenty-five percent of Brits between ages seven and 10 have cell phones, think "lol" is a word
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Kangaroo wins award for saving farmer
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Mom says black-metal vocalist accused of ritual violence and blood-drinking is vegetarian
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Father, son pitch no-hitters on same day 22 years apart
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Plaque: "Warning: CO2 levels in cave may cause death" Teenagers: "Hey look a cave. Let's go in"
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Living in the library is one way NYU students make ends meet. Another way is operating a high-volume drug operation out of your dorm room
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Russia says Soyuz gas leak no danger for landing, just don't light a match after using zero-g toilet
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Minister prepares Norway for life without toilet paper
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| (Cincinatti Enquirer) |
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Man has freezer full of cicadas from 1987 plague. Homeland Security, Moses both want to talk with him
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Twins fall, each break left arm within hours of each other
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In an obvious show of propoganda, North Korea officials say many died a "heroic death" after last week's train explosion by running into burning buildings to rescue portraits of leader Kim Jong-Il and his father
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Family takes delivery of new French car, rather bemused to find bag of stale urine in the glovebox
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| (mosnews.com) |
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Russian museum to exhibit Rasputin's wang
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This week's "miracle child found alive in days-old car wreckage" story brought to you by Cheyenne, Wyoming
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| (SBN) |
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New reincarnation of World Hockey Association decides to award franchise to play in Miami Arena. Should be interesting since its set to be demolished before the WHA season begins
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Nothin' like takin' an afternoon drive with the body of your dead mother
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Cops follow receipt tape to find stolen cash register and the crooks who stole it
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| (Newsfilter.org) |
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Lisa Marie, naked on beach with Jeff Goldblum. THE HORROR (NSFW)
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Teens spending as much as $3000 on their proms for such perks as Rolls Royce limos, full body shiatsu massages and 34-foot Hummers. Getting laid in high school has never been this expensive
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| (drac) |
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Photoshop this fat squirrel farker for his birthday
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In today's Tennessee political news, financial commissioner declares state shouldn't have to pay for lava lamps
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Falcons star Michael Vick goes on radio show to deny rumors he's gay
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Tourists sure to flock to Moscow to see bronze monument to Soviet-era processed cheese
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| (TheStreet.com) |
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Comcast drops offer to buy Disney. In other news, local wino drops offer to buy Coors brewing empire
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Long lines at the ATM machine that gives out double cash
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| (thestar.com) |
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Suspicious white powder found in Bill Clinton's office. Jelly donut held by Secret Service for questioning
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Shrek the Sheep finally loses his coat (with before and after pic)
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Britney Spears is a homewrecker in addition to being an untalented cocktease
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Photoshop theme: Something that deserves a sarcastic hand clap. Link goes to Ted Turner clapping sarcasticly
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| (KCChannel) |
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Kansas City residents angered when sanitation workers won't pick up trash from yards, but will put sticker on trash bags saying "access problem"
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Having married a Presley and an Arquette, Nicholas Cage set to marry a teenager
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U.S. to China: Outer space is not big enough for the two of us
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If you happen to come across a cello made in 1684, the L.A. Philharmonic Orchestra wants it back "no questions asked"
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Police trying to identify (upskirt voyeur) victims from photos
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Boston Fark Party July 24 after the Sox/Yankees Game. Drew plans to attend. Still need to pick a venue. Difficulty: Saturday night after a Sox/Yankees game
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| (boingboing) |
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Hotties organize Operation Take One for the Country, where women gather at bars around military bases and "take one" from a serviceman who is shipping out. Farkers reconsider opposition to the draft
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Army wants howitzers back from ski areas. Avalanche control takes a back seat to Iraqi war effort
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| (Northwest Indiana Times) |
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Drunk student, trying to escape police from third floor of building, finds out that he's not Jackie Chan
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Only after game ends does rugby player find opponent's tooth embedded in his head
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Moscow wants American embassy to pay more than $3.00 a year in rent. Yakov Smirnoff unavailable for comment
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Not realizing bad taste is color blind, Elton John calls "American Idol" voting racist
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| (Some Virgin) |
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Theme: One sci-fi show stumbles across another sci-fi show. Link goes nowhere
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| (Limerick Post) |
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The Limerick Local Authority / Makes housing repair a priority / The budget is planned / At a wee 90 grand / Which will renovate quite the majority
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| Tue April 27, 2004 |
| (Auto123) |
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Badass Toyota makes 408 hp, gets 32 mpg, will save the planet... and will never see production
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Apparently $182 million can buy anything other than a win
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| (Winston-Salem Journal) |
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Customer stabbed in the back after refusing to pay restaurant gratuity
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Yeeehaww. Man jumps drawbridge in Minivan with kids in tow
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| (smdailyjournal.org) |
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Flasher claims his penis got caught in his zipper, fails to mention why it was out in the first place
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Princeton University to combat rising grades by rationing A's
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Russian weathermen could go to jail if they get their predictions wrong. "There will be some weather today... back to you, Vladmir"
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Homeowner to Billy Joel: I don't know who the hell you are, but you hit my house with your car, and you better pay to fix it
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop yourself into any scene from Office Space. Link goes somewhere
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Don't get married at the courthouse if you have outstanding warrants and look like a suspect in another case
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Hollywood milking DVD buyers with multiple editions. Your dog wants six different Kill Bill releases
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From the apple doesn't fall far from the tree department: Paris Hilton's parents to star in reality TV series
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Muggers living in Gaza Strip try to rob Hamas suicide bomber. Hilarity ensues
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Fargo partyhouses using police scanners to get impending warnings on raids. Also allegedly using woodchippers as ways to dispose of bodies
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| (SciAm) |
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Bush administration: Science is the work of the devil
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| (Making Fiends) |
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What will Vendetta get Charlotte for her birthday? New Making Fiends episode
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Kentucky asshats photograph baby smoking pot. Asshats then robbed while rotting in jail
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Real gun always trumps fake gun in attempted robbery
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Nude cyclists insist they don't need permit to bike through town. Link contains possible not-safe-for-work picture
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NBA investigating Mavericks pre-game video that showed Kings player being walked on all fours and led on a short leash by a female
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There's probably nothing that a federal meat inspector can do to you that's worth a triple homicide, but if you must bust some caps, remember to stay away from your own surveillance camera
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If you owe money in court costs, don't order pizza
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Fanboy approaches Gadhafi. Hilarity ensues
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Woman tries to smoke out wasps, sets house on fire. Later, pest control removes the wasps from the burned, smoke-filled house
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Vienna orders horse carriages to install "poo-bags." Considers outlawing Beefaroni after watching Seinfeld rerun
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The Shi'ite is hitting the fan in Fallujah
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LAX-JFK flight diverted to Utah because of man acting strangely with butane lighter
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Sales soar for "Idiot President" bag
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Monica Lewinsky's newest venture: Manning a booth at the flea market
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Pointer Sister arrested for cocaine possession; wishes she had hid it in her thong
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Explosions and heavy gunfire heard near British ambassador's residence and Saudi embassy in Damascus
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The last Oldsmobile will roll off the line this Thursday, closing out a 107-year legacy. Unfortunately, it will be an Alero
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| (Some Guy) |
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Pretty redhead enjoying the great outdoors (not safe for work)
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| (Buffy.nu) |
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Playboy shoot of Charisma Carpenter from Buffy and Angel (not safe for work)
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Writer's assistant who worked on Friends files suit against writers and producers for discussing the twigs in Courtney Cox's barren womb and whether Ross goes both ways
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Divorce: $200. Wedding Dress: $1200. The ex-husband modeling it on eBay: Priceless
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Christina Aguilera paid half a million quid for a fake orgasm. The Sun is there
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What weighs 30 tons, has two gyroscopes, isn't made of cheese and will soon appear on Ebay?
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Afghanistan holds first post-Taliban execution. Texans score it an 8.5 out of possible 10
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| (Washington square news) |
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NYU sophomore sleeps in library, showers in the gym, does homework at McDonald's, doesn't need no student loans
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Friends of a clay pigeon shooter have fulfilled his dying wish by packing his ashes into shotgun cartridges and blasting his remains over firing ranges around the world. "Tony would have done the same for me"
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Emotionally troubled youth wakes to find a bear in his tent. Beatdown ensues
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Ancient catastrophic event occurred in Wisconsin, something worse than Rep. Sensenbrenner
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German woman lands in court for laughing, will be shown large picture of Hitler to snap her out of it
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Fiftieth anniversary of the Salk polio vaccine
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Airport security finds $2.7million worth of cocaine in woman's thong
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Photoshop an unlikely holiday mascot. Link goes to GIS for "easter puppy"
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California cops want guns that shoot spider-like webs. Hell, who doesn't?
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