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| Sun March 21, 2004 |
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Hamas founder Sheik Ahmed Yassin killed in Israeli airstrike
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| (This Is Derbyshire) |
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Stray plastic Kenco coffee cup plays deciding role in UK soccer match
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| (Famous Males) |
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English rugby player Ben Cohen (SFW)
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Al-Zawahri claims he has briefcase nukes, walks away singing "duck and cover"
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Kentucky sucks. Duke sucks
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| (Zap2it) |
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The Restaurant, The Apprentice... photoshop the next hit NBC reality show entitled "The ________" (one word only)
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| (Idaho Statesman) |
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Idaho has many new laws, including one that farmers can now go faster than 25 mph in their equipment so cars are not slowed down
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| (WSBTV) |
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Wacky Christians at it again, try to ban classic books in Georgia schools
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| (Times of India) |
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H J Heinz & Co. has 57 varieties of outsourcing
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| (maconareaonline) |
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Strange USB devices include electric blanket, aromatherapy Fragrance-Oil Burner, and a 256-meg rubber duck. No word on USB-powered Hello Kitty vibrator
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| (ukiahdailyjournal) |
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Lumberjacks compete in axe tossing, chainsaw cutting, wearing women's clothing
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| (Some Guy) |
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Boy falls from Ferris wheel, dies
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| (Some Guy) |
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Truckers show support for one of their own by breaking Guinness record for longest convoy (right side of page)
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NCAA tournament discussion
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PA state rep jams "yea" button in place with paper, goes home, claims per diem for working that day
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Fran Drescher talks about her vagina
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AudioEdit an obviously underage person trying to use a fake ID that looks nothing like him/her
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Lesbian student sells virginity to man over Internet to pay for piddling British university debt
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Intel won't be naming their chips according to speed anymore. Get ready for Intel Sour Cream & Onion and Intel Salt 'n' Vinegar
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| (NME) |
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Respondents to a Yahoo Internet poll choose Ozzy Osbourne as the human most worthy of welcoming aliens to Earth. Biting their heads off and peeing on their spaceship optional
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Man with two broken legs flees car crash, found metres away
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This headline is your official apology if Fark admin HPZ spilled much beer on your shoes at last night's Lansing, MI Fark party. Your dog wants another round of Jager bombs
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| (Some Guy) |
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What would Sam Kinison say?
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Candidate for Indiana governor clarifies that his calling Kentuckians toothless and inbred was actually a compliment
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Kylie Minogue expects to start wearing bigger knickers, utters four terrifying words: "The thong is gone"
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Hidden door costs $5,871. Governor plans to build another new one since he can't find the first
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| (Some Guy) |
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A chicken, a chihuahua and something else that starts with "ch"
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Pope awakens from his persistent vegetative state to denouce mistreatment of people in persistent vegetative states
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Twenty-two-year-old man, in the presence of officers, pushes a bag containing 18 rocks of crack cocaine into his rectum after a pat-down moments earlier had detected the bag
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| (WPVI TV) |
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Veterans' Stadium bites the dust. She blowed up real good
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The United States had a secret government, and perhaps still does
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| (Philly Burbs) |
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Senior center permabans geezer for losing poorly at dominoes, taking too much ice cream and doughnuts
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this cute little (non cliche) kitty jumping at something. Difficulty: No Domo-Kuns
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| (ARRL Web) |
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When the slide rule ruled
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| (Some Astronomer) |
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Everything you ever wanted to know about Sedna, our solar system's newest member
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| (jpost.com) |
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Arafat: Passion of the Christ "impressive" (with classic pic)
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| Sat March 20, 2004 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Model trains have come a long way: HO gauge porn. SFW
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| (eeye.com, via /.) |
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Scary: New Windows worm that erases your boot sector. Ironic: It only attacks people running BlackIce
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| (Youngstown Vindicator) |
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Bill would make it legal to tailgate with open containers at Ohio colleges again
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| (Omaha World-Herald) |
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Three bikers killed when high-speed police chase involving some SUV gets out of hand
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Theme: Photoshop what Saddam has been up to. Link goes to GIS
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| (Trek Today) |
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Fate of Star Trek: Enterprise to be revealed on May 20
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Overrated Stanford loses to Alabama. Your bracket is pwned. Duke sucks
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| (San Diego Union Tribune) |
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The new neighbors were very quiet but their electric bill was $2700...
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Man stopped at airport with seal's head in luggage
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| (Gulf News) |
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Black box for cars: Parents of drivers under 21 receive SMS, alerting them that their son or daughter is speeding
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| (Vacaville Reporter) |
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Movie prices are highway robbery
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| (Some Guy) |
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Little girl receives eight transplanted organs
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Lunar mountain has eternal light. George Hamilton begins constructing rocketship
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| (SpaceRef) |
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Scientists revive bacteria trapped in amber for 30 million years
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Massachusetts teen wins top science prize and $100,000 for successes with cancer research
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Nevada dusts off hillariously overrated Gonzaga. Duke sucks
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California finally has enough water
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| (Tyler's Room) |
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Hot guy in a hot tub (nsfw)
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California City declares pristine desert is "urbanized and blighted" in order to seize it
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Controversy erupts when Boston parents create alcohol-free zone at St. Patrick's Parade
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| (WIXT) |
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Kitten rescued from bank teller tube
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| (Aberdeen News) |
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Nuns love cheering for their basketball team
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| (adn.com) |
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Out for revenge for previous stomping, skier brings along .44 S&W and unloads on moose
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| (Omaha Channel) |
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University of Nebraska has "billion-dollar idea" to make clothing from cornhusks. No word from USC on how the tupperware from Trojans thing is going
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| (Courier Press) |
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Shelter fire kills 50 dogs and cats
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Judge rules that some guy saw a turtle
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You won't be able to pee in Virgin women's mouths after all
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| (AJC) |
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Aging monks cause high medical bills, monastery going broke
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Russia makes plans to draft all high school grads. Interesting photo of highly trained soldiers
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| (desmoinesregister.com) |
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Tongue sthud wearing polithe dithpather doesnth thake her job theriously
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Several "vigilante" eBay members believe the company does not do enough policing of its own, so they are stepping in to fight online auction fraud
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Simple Life 2 coming to the pit of nowhere, Pasco County. Hilarity is supposed to ensue
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| (CTV News) |
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Paris Hilton kicked in the stomach by angry horse
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Miraculous dog cures cancer
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| (Some Guy) |
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Philadelphia Hell's Angels party tonight (Warlocks and Pagans not invited)
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| (Bozeman Daily Chronicle) |
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Seventy cars per month are abandoned along the roads in Bozeman, Montana
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Rats invade Norwegian Institute of Public Health
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| (Some Drunkard) |
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Modern Drunkard's 40 things every drunkard should do before he dies
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"Uranus will be placed in Bath"
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NCAA Tournament discussion
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Man sues Google, AOL, Time Warner and Yahoo for libel after search engine returned "alarming" information about him and his firm
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| (The Stars & Stripes) |
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U.S. coalition, Iraqi cops team up for reality show
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Bollywood cinemas go on strike over tax. Expect big production dance number halfway through protest for no readily identifiable reason
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Wind generating station closes down due to high winds
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Photoshop these satellite-transmitter-equipped harp seals
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| (Honolulu StarBulletin) |
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Two men steal a truck and lead cops on a two-hour chase. They forgot they were on an island in Hawaii and almost lapped it (with pic of stolen truck)
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Two knuckleheads from Greenpeace climb Big Ben and pull out a sign so small you can't read it from the ground
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| (Raygirvan) |
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Remember the three-headed frog from a week ago? Something's fishy and it don't taste like chicken. Here comes the science
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Howard Stern accuses Oprah Winfrey of airing the same kind of kinky sexual material he does. This means we've all missed the Oprah shows where she judges guests' farting ability
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Nude portrait of Monty Python's Terry Jones to be unveiled, presumably not in Colorado
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| (Glasgow Daily Record) |
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Cavemen didn't cross-breed with Neanderthals because they found their women too hairy and ugly. Men in Michigan have much the same problem
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Howard Stern hit last week with another fine for on-air indecency
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New HBO show Deadwood to set record for most times a woman has said "c**t" on TV
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| (factmonster.com) |
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Every thing you need to know about the Vernal equinox
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| (Some Hick) |
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Turn a hit rock or pop song into a catchy country song. Banjos and harmonicas welcome
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| (ABC 7 Chicago) |
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Ugly-ass baby polar bear born in Chicago
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| (Some Guy) |
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Themes: Museums of the most unlikely crap and exhibits therein
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| (NBC 4) |
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Two magazine salesmen sell 210 years' worth of subscriptions to 85-year-old blind woman
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| (Some Guy) |
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Fergus Falls teens caught swapping nude pics of themselves on the Internet
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| (Poineer Press) |
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It takes about three weeks before a car dealer discovers a truck is missing
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Kids, watch out for the Chaca-Chaca
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| Fri March 19, 2004 |
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Today's "porn number accidentally listed on unrelated product" story brought to you by North Dakota
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| (Some Other Guy) |
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Theme: What kind of effect will Sedna have on your horoscope?
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Horse head and a bag of a horse's internal organs found in city park
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| (Syracuse.com) |
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Twins with separate birthdays
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Sex, alcohol and motorbikes killing hundreds of tourists in Thailand
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Company creates cryogenic undead lobsters. Zombies craving seafood rejoice
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| (KOCO) |
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Bad: Driving off a bridge. Worse: Hitting a semi on the way down
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| (Court TV) |
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Inmates copyright their names, sue lawyers and judges for copyright infringement when used in court documents
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Professor pretends to be racist to convince students there is racism on campus
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| (WGAL) |
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Tractor-trailer carrying 75,000 pounds of burritos overturns. Drunken college students called in to help with clean-up effort
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The economics of faking an orgasm. Just be quiet and get me another Heineken
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| (Some Guy) |
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Two words you don't want to hear together: "rabid" and "horse"
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| (LP.org) |
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Colorado considering anti-art bill
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| (FinanceAsia) |
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Actual headline: "Misys gives Pecker head job"
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Women showing off their g-string pretty much overshadows any news story
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Tasmanians, Danes produce royal beer
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Throwing acid is not proper way settle office disputes
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AOL says spam is down 27 percent. Farkers apparently hallucinating when remembering messages advertising "2S% b1gg3r m 0 r g a g e akimbo quern unguent"
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Store employees suing market for not taking proper action to prevent a male customer from wearing white, see-through biking shorts with no underwear while shopping in store
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Man builds creepy-looking AI robot that he is teaching to recognise banana-shaped objects
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Last year, 150 Brits died from too much sex and booze in Phuket. Better than having your nuts bitten off by a Laplander
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Blind man stabbed intruder to protect wife. Coroner rules killing was lawful
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Toddler, who enjoys destroying the house, finds a battery inside remote worth $100,000
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Pee-Wee Herman pleads guilty to obscenity charges. Obscenity? That's the secret word. AAAAAAAAAGGHHH
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| (Omaha World-Herald) |
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Six-foot chicken with make-believe superpowers built by the Air Force hangs out with some kids, teaches them stuff. With pic
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C-SPAN celebrates 25 years of some the most boring, yet addictive, TV ever
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Dallas police shoot and kill escaped gorilla after it injures several zoo visitors. Posse of attorneys seen forming on the outskirts of town
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| (Some Guy) |
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Teacher in trouble for a bit too much show-and-tell
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| (news5) |
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Jeff Gordon, stranded at local Cincinnati Airport, tells reporter, "Your job sucks"
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Bush campaign sells $49.95 pullovers made in Burma. Only problem is that Bush banned imports from Burma due to human rights violations
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Britain's disappearing butterflies may be the strongest evidence that we are on the verge of a mass extinction of global wildlife. Or this is just more made-up crap to scare you
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Virgin urinals shaped likes mouths... boobies surrender...
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| (SF Bay Farkers) |
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Bay Area, meet your fellow farkers in Berkeley next Friday, 6:30 PM, March 26th (link goes to details)
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Photoshop this future foie-gras feast
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Team limiting appearance of Cocky-Doodle-Lou to once a week due to urine and feces concerns
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The Lord hath given Tammy Faye Messner inoperable lung cancer
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| (/.) |
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Microsoft purportedly eyeing AOL. Ackbar flips over and explodes
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Five percent of all NYC ninth-graders are at least 17 years old
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| (Boston Herald) |
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Fenway Park's worst seats now cost $70-$110. "Given the demand and the buzz in the marketplace for these tickets, we are probably underpricing.''
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Alabama is in a fight over whether to name an official state whiskey
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Unbalanced, bacon-eating church attendant chases ambulance team with a dinner knife
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Woman playing vampire faints when told her nose was bleeding
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Co-founder of world's largest french-fry company dead at 76
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Man plans to stop marrying after his 60th wedding
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Hindu man marries grandma, becomes his own grandpa
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Blasts heard in Bahgdad after Powell visit
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| (Penn Live) |
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Spread of camera phones helping to catch crooks
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Man hit by train, then ambulance transporting him gets hit by car
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Asked to pass the salt, politician proceeds to pepper spray restaurant guests
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NH governor's St. Patrick's Day presentation features crude stunts, foul language and nudity
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Teenager claims she is the only person in the world who can communicate with geese
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| (wmtw.com) |
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Out in Bethlehem they're killing time, man uses his truck to stop car out of line, and we're living here in Allentown
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AudioEdit the DMV driving test from hell
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| (Leicester Mercury) |
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Exhibition cancelled due to maggots in the exhibits
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McDonald's Happy Meal turns 25 today. What was your favorite McToy?
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Hair company's patience wears thin dealing with troublesome bald man
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| (Pittsburgh Post Gazette) |
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Former Steelers linebacker Greg Lloyd punishes son for bad grades by sticking a gun in his mouth. Boy also forced to stare for hours at Lloyd's freakish mullet
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New Canadian $100 bills are introduced. Storekeepers still think they're fake, won't take them
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| (Times Daily) |
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Bad: Driving drunk and getting into a crash. Worse: After crashing, pulling out your shotgun and forcing the other guy to push your car home (2nd item)
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| (Some Wolverine) |
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Good news, Michigan State fans: This morning, your school paper found a way to get Final Four tickets. Bad news, Michigan State fans: Last night, your basketball team found a way to get knocked out in the first round by NEVADA
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Former Pulitzer Prize-nominated reporter for USA Today is now leading candidate to take home the 2004 Jayson Blair Excellence in Journalism Award
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If you've had Osama Bin Laden in your custody for the past couple years, but were holding out because the $25 million reward was too light, good news: They're upping it to $50 million
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FCC to broadcasters: Don't say fuck
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Man who turned in the Ohio sniper had to call police a dozen times before they finally came out and made the arrest
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Stolen cow found safe in back of taxi
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Pic of Courtney Love's wobbly breast from yesterdays unveiling (not safe for work)
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| (The Herald) |
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Billy Connolly's hairdresser surprised that gunfire frightens horses
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BBC sets up DIY demonstration website. All you need to know to run a demonstration in the UK. Your TV license fees at work
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Taiwanese President Chen Shui-bian shot. Small number of Taiwanese with middle name "Wayne" is helping narrow down suspects
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That Al-Qaida guy the media is buzzing about right now was, according to The Guardian, captured two years ago?
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Nebraska student found outside school with 20 bombs, a rifle and a note saying he wanted to injure everyone at his school (except three friends). In other news, something happened in Nebraska
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Home of Scopes Monkey Trial says they weren't really voting to make homosexuality a crime, just gay marriage
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Bath & Body Works recalls candles because they "pose a fire hazard"
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| (Some Guy) |
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My wife riding the bronze rhino. Enjoy photoshopping
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| (Somebody) |
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Hot guy poses on bed (not safe for work)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Looks like spring's a bustin' out all over (Insert Not Safe For Work tag here)
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Man refuses to take out trash for three years
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Live together, die together: Elderly couple attempt suicide together by walking into the ocean
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| (Glendale Star) |
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Hockey team sucks. Their arena turned into a human zoo sponsored by a garbage company in effort to entice "premium" season ticket holders
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| (Omaha Channel) |
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Is nothing sacred? Thieves stealing alcohol out of people's garage refrigerators
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Governor signs into law a requirement that drivers stay in the right lane on highways unless they are passing
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Martha Stewart asks friends to help shorten jail time: Bake file into mocha pine nut torte with marzipan glaze and white-chocolate lace decoration served on an heirloom crystal plate adorned with antique ribbon
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| (Duluth News Tribune) |
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High schooler gets stuck in a snow drift while fleeing a 60-person fight busted by cops
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Most crosswalk buttons in Sydney do absolutely nothing
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Juicious Maximus
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Australia opens country-music academy. Courses include Fixin' yer Pick-up Truck with Bailin' Wire, Whisky Drinkin' 101 and Avoidin' the Devil Gittin' yer Soul
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| (Some Guy) |
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Student government officers at the University of Cincinnati, hoping to eradicate political corruption, vote to impeach themselves. When real politicians ask why, student leaders respond, "We learned it by watching you..."
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Monty Python inspired spamaurant
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| (Miss-Information.net) |
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Air New Zealand has LOTR planes
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| Thu March 18, 2004 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Theme: Lesser-known miracles
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Genuine Soviet ICBM launch keys now being sold
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| (lsureveille.com) |
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Female college journalist discusses the decline of the handjob
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You're Fired™
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| (ksl.com) |
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Utah man goes to court to recoup the $5,000 he somehow lost after viewing the "wardrobe malfunction"
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| (KOTV) |
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Tractor trailer crash worst-case scenario: Truck smashes through guardrail, lands on street below, spills glass all over road, then catches fire
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Naked joke of the week with Aria Giovanni (NSFW)
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J.J. Jackson -- one of the first MTV VJs -- dies at 62
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Mars rover spots an unidentified flying object. NASA scientists collectively pee their pantaloons, look for lame excuse to tell public
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Poland mislead on Iraqi WMDs. Also upset about that submarine with a screen door they bought yesterday
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"Saddam ate beans and emitted stinky air" and other Iraqi graffiti
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Proposed law would require notice on ultaviolet lamps warning of ultraviolet light
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MTV edits video because a 10-year-old lip syncs the word "wine"
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NASA claims Saturn moon's surface looks like Canada, can't explain beer bottles or snowmobile tracks
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Man sleeping in dumpster nearly crushed to death after getting dumped into garbage truck (with pic)
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Indecision 2008, here we come. Jon Stewart on for four more years
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| (St. Augustine) |
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For probably the first time in its history, Pentagon upset that a contractor overcharged U.S. taxpayers
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Photoshop this baby Storm, now eight months old. (Large pic)
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Kylie Minogue says dead INXS singer talks to her. The Sun is there
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| (Times of India) |
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Indian cricket fan commits suicide after loss. Suicide took three days and Americans kept cheering at the wrong times
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Lurch, Tubs trade shots
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Florida legislators are worried that a shark license plate will scare away tourists
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| (deseretnews.com) |
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Minority population may triple in the U.S. in the next 50 years, making minorities 50 percent of the population. Also, there's a chance they won't be a minority any longer, but the math is difficult
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Teat-suckers and other helpful robots reduce total human dairy farmworkers needed to one
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NCAA tourney discussion thread here. Duke sucks
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Courtney Love is busting this week -- bares bust to Letterman, busts man over the head, gets busted again
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Thirteen-year-old genius takes on former world chessmaster and wins. Will never get laid
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Woman kept 235 chihuahuas in her apartment, which still went through less dog food than one labrador
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IBM to start hiring technical people in India, but continues decades-long policy of hiring overpriced, incompetent managment from America
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| (Weather Channel) |
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Weather.com thinks it's 92 degrees in New York City right now. Enjoy it while it lasts
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Officials say al-Zawahri believed trapped near Afghan border
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"High-level target" being surrounded by Pakistani troops. In other news, vague comments now count as news events
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| (TheLouisvilleChannel.com) |
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Man sends boastful letter to police, ends up sealing his fate by providing the DNA they use to convict him
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One-hundred-foot asteroid sent by a large insect race to destroy earth will miss by 26,500 miles. Bruce Willis on high alert
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AudioEdit someone actually objecting during a wedding
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| (reviewjournal.com) |
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Eagles charging $250 per ticket for Farewell I tour -- which is actually Farewell II tour
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Mistrial declared because juror thought it was BYOB
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| (NewsDesigner.com) |
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European newspapers photoshop severed arm out of Madrid bombing photo; American papers run it as is
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Baseball bans already illegal THG. Next on their list: Murder, cocaine and ethnic cleansing
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| (palmbeachpost.com) |
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Robber turns himself in after seeing Jesus Chainsaw Massacre
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| (Short News) |
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Programmer lets loose 100,000 "Nanniebots" to cruise chatrooms looking to bust pedophiles, enslave Keanu Reeves
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Photoshop this PETA genius having a drink
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Welsh language to be incorporated into Windows
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The lady who single-handedly stopped the sales of split-pea soup in 1973 dies
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Woman who refused to have C-section had a previous conviction for punching her child in the face while screaming, "You ate the candy bar and now I can't buy my cigarettes"
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Mmmm, doughnuts...
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| (WNBC NYC) |
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Chef goes to jail for flinging hot pasta
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| (The Swiss) |
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New Swiss Army Knife features USB memory stick. The company says it's "aimed at computer users more than anybody else"
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Investigators didn't have to look farther than Fox offices for suspected provider of illegal online copies of Fox Entertainment films
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| Wed March 17, 2004 |
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Violence in Iran? CNN disagrees
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop theme: What happened to Farkers' Guinness bar towels?
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NASA creates silence recognition device
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Britain's National Archives puts famous last words up at website
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Terrorists thank Spain for their cooperation, endorse Bush for president
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| (Leesburg2day) |
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Man blames sex addiction, brought on by getting tumor removed, made him spend $40k of town's money on hookers and his car
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Family fights to keep giant backyard jungle gym that towers over neighborhood homes (with pics)
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| (KSAT) |
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New microchips will tickle fighting cocks, but not like the headline implies
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| (National Review Online) |
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Clashes continue in Iran, with the Ayatollah's imported, non-Iranian Jihadist thugs beating up protestors
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Delta Airlines loses Alzheimer's patient at the Atlanta Airport
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| (Charleston Daily Mail) |
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Stalking schoolgirls apparently perfectly legal in West Virginia
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Bear found hibernating in bald eagle nest atop 45-foot tree
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| (Some Guy) |
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Theme: Supervillains atoning for their crimes through community service
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| (Democrat and Chronicle) |
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The temporary insanity defense is old and busted. The rough sex accident defense is the new hotness
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| (News 24 Houston) |
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Starbucks sues owner of Star Bocks bar for having a similar name. "It just seems overly aggressive. I don't see him going into their profits and having any threat to their business"
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Man tries to run over pedestrian he mistakes for Osama bin Laden
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Dave Chappelle's True Hollywood Story... Show is huge success... Biatch...
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Powell assures Indians that the flow of jobs from the U.S. to their country will not be stemmed
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Dentist says low-carb diet craze is causing epidemic of halitosis
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Federal class-action lawsuit filed against school system claims new test discriminates against students who can't pass it
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ChevronTexaco plans to resurrect the Texaco brand in states from Texas through the Southeast
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Cable-car company commemorating 30th anniversary by locking people in cable cars until they throw up from heat and motion sickness
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| (This Is London) |
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There are 27 types of men
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| (Caledonian-Record.com) |
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Inmate sends Anthrax & Bomb threat letters to federal courthouse and post office. To ID him, feds use age old technique of reading his signature and return address. Asked if he did it, he only states: "it is probable"
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Massive explosion on the Sun. Al Qaeda claims responsibility
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Man with long-lens video camera shuts freeway down in both directions
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Toronto Raptors cheerleader fired for nude photos on website. SFW, contains not safe for work link to offending site
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Single man decides to spice up his monotonous life by sending false crime reports to police
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Jesuit coach hits milestone by winning 500th game, most likely won't celebrate at local titty bar
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Bomb explosion destroys Baghdad hotel
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Fugitive cow rams police car in a (relatively) high-speed chase
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| (Some Guy) |
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A beautiful blonde for St. Patrick's day (not safe for work)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Theme: If plants ruled the world... Link goes to an evil-looking daffodil
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To get around puritanical regulations in the U.S., the Pentagon has to outsource stem cell research to Sweden
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Forty-one Russians die in apartment-building blast after two homeless men steal lids from gas pipes to sell for scrap
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The only thing in Vermont that's going to stink worse than the UVM Catamounts
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| (Newsfilter.org) |
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Glenda Goncalves gets oiled up in the gym (not safe for work)
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World Bank president paint-bombed (with pic)
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Police ask teacher about suspected molestation. Teacher replies "which one?"
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Woman in thong rescued by fireman. The Sun is there (pic)
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| (Some Guy) |
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AudioEdit a song that you won't hear on American Idol
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| (Paul Finebaum) |
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The success of the NCAA basketball is fueled by gambling
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Kentucky politician, convicted of buying votes, will continue to hold office from federal prison
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The color of that skirt really brings out his eyes. And his balls...
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| (Some Farkette) |
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Totally gnarly surfer dude gets naked, total bummer that he needs Viagra. Not safe for work
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Ohio shooting suspect arrested in Las Vegas. What happens in Ohio stays in Ohio
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| (Roanoke.com) |
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Iowa's sewers are more fun to shop at than the local flea market
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Naked, armless, pregnant thalidomide victim to be carved in marble and placed in Trafalgar Square for pigeons to crap on
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Flexitarians -- growing number of part-time vegetarians transform the movement. PETA surrenders
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Coach K whines that fans are biased against Duke because of Duke's success. Duke sucks
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Internet bettor wagers £137,000 to win just £137 at 999-1 odds. Instant karma ensues
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| (Reminder) |
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Michigan Fark party at Harpers in Lansing, March 20th at 7:00 PM
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| (Zug) |
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Zug.com emails all 100 senators pretending to be a 10-year-old boy asking them what their favorite joke is. Hilarity really does ensue
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Scotland slips the old whisky exemption into tax increase. Thank the good Lord
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Arizona senate votes to have nation's highest speed limit
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| (VoyeurWeb) |
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Faxinator: Hey, this girl is my neighbor. And she's damn hot. And naked... in public (not safe for work)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Spice up your otherwise dull life by photoshopping this sexy German
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| (Savage Love) |
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My 78-year-old grandma won't stop "jacking off" her pet parakeet. What should I do?
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Newspaper deliveryman in Louisville refuses to deliver papers with image of Christ holding a basketball
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Thirty-three year old Whiskey proves to be persistent pussy
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| Tue March 16, 2004 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Mark Cuban has a blog. Current mood: Perplexed, but rich
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| (Omaha.com) |
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Eleven percent of Iowa's missing person's list has already been found, just too ashamed to admit they're still in Iowa
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Kim Jong-Il takes some time off developing nuclear weapons to address some of his concerns with duck and fish
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| (Bennington Banner) |
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Vermont lawyer claims Sasquatch caused fatal accident
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Neighbor on Columbus shooting suspect: "No one believed me, he's a freak"
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| (the champlain channel) |
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Teacher does his worst knife-throwing impression when threatened with the loss of doughnuts. Mmmm... doughnuts...
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StrongBad and his ahundreth e-mail
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| (TwinCities.com) |
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Ancient map proves Chinese explorers reached the Americas first
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Man leaves smelly slippers outside door to deter intruders. Neighbours not impressed
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Lederhosen boycott could threaten Oktoberfest party
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Fark NCAA pool: create an account, join Tournament ID: 19 password: fark. Duke sucks
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| (Mail Tribune) |
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Water-delivery man uses bottled water to extinguish man on fire
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everyone's favorite naked newscaster, sues so that the three people who haven't seen her ta-tas can't do so
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| (Mystfire.net) |
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Photoshop this picture of farkette phoxxy's grandmother's cat screaming for mercy as another boobies link is posted to Fark
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If you're going to lecture police on how to protect children from pedophiles, make sure you're not a pedophile yourself
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Naked secretary walks around office making copies. A weird short from Japan (NSFW)
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| (NZOOM-ONE) |
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Australian government denies security was breeched when graffiti was painted on one of their warships. Also claim no official position on whether or not you should call Betty for a good time
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Satellite-dish installers steal panties
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| (Tennesee.com) |
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Police stage three-hour standoff with empty building
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Busch Gardens accidently lists number for porn line in brochure -- so when you call, you'll get a bush garden, just not THAT Busch Garden
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Man displays world's smallest hard disk. Typo almost gives him a more dubious honor
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"In Indiana, destroying or vandalizing the Ten Commandments has become almost as much a state pastime as downing Ding Dongs or attending tractor pulls"
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America loses $1.5 billion in productivity during March Madness, according to this figure just pulled out of my butt
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Ohio Police actually stopped their Freeway Camper suspect for speeding twice since the shootings started
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T.O. an Eagle. Expect sharpies flying at Santa this Christmas
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Cable customers furious when malfunction interrupts Wrestlemania with porn (with pic of traumatized eight-year-old)
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| (Ushra.com) |
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When going on vacation, put a sign on your car that says "Not to be used for monster trucks"
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| (Portland Press Herald) |
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Maine man proves that self-crucifixion is not an effective suicide method
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"We're just trying to get rid of that stress from school," said Oklahoma City University junior Ed Holt, who was toying with a beer bong, a plastic tube attached to a funnel and used to dispense beer
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AudioEdit two airplane mechanics making an odd discovery while working on an airplane
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| (Heraldnet.com) |
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Dumb: Cutting your hand during robbery attempt and bleeding all over store. Dumber: Calling 911 for help. Dumbest: With pockets full of stolen cigarettes, tell cops you were the one that broke up burglary in progress
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When hiking in the Rockies, you can find all kinds of things: Beautiful scenery, all kinds of animals and 50-pound bags of explosives
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| (NBA.Com) |
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Yao Ming's girlfriend could play for the WNBA next season
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American panda gets sex-ed class in China, complete with panda porn videos
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| (NBC 5) |
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Bad weather expected to keep thousands of dead registered voters from fixing today's election in Chicago
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Kerry said "more" leaders, not "foreign leaders." In other news, Bush said, "My mom does crunches for ab reduction," not "Saddam has weapons of mass destruction"
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Jim Caviezel asks J-Lo to put some clothes back on before a sex scene. "The only bare breasts I want next to me in my life belong to my wife"
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| (Omaha World-Herald) |
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Kids find suspicious bones. Your dog needs to stop eating people
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Jessica Simpson to Secretary of the Interior Gale Norton: "You've done a nice job decorating the White House." (Half way down)
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Disco singer Edmund Sylvers dies. Possible causes include Boogie Fever
|
| (Some Boy Scout) |
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Theme: Photoshop a new Boy Scout activity that has not been done yet. Link goes to examples
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Whitney Houston enters rehab, probably because her main connection is serving 60 days
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Al Sharpton endorses Kerry but stays in race because the money is just too darn good
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Man in hospital with erection lasting six days becomes tourist attraction
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| (Tennessean.com) |
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Man develops "intestinal ailment" after eating at Krystal. Jury gives him $100,000
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If you can't afford marriage, get a hooker, not a donkey
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| (WCNC) |
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Warm, golden buttery flavor worker gets $20m settlement
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Crazy redhead MILF and Friend of Fark Sherry Davey makes a return appearance to Comedy Central's "Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn" tonight at 11:30pm EST
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| (wkyt.com) |
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Clear Channel hasn't paid their city taxes in Kentucky
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Beatles to sue Apple for going into the music business. Winners of American Idol should be sued for same reason
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White House hired actors to create "news reports" praising new Medicare law
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| (www.ktul.com) |
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When calling to set up a drug deal, make sure you don't call your probation officer by mistake
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Survey of Iraqi people shows them to be happier, better off, looking for a strong leader and overwhelmingly opposed to an Islamic state
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This is a sketch of Martha Stewart's probable living quarters for the next 10 to 16 months -- spruce it up a bit
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| (KATU) |
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Beaverton police officers forbidden from eating at Hooters while on duty
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Soul-Aids, Champale, Stay-Sof-Fro and other hilarious vintage ads from Ebony magazine
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Will Ferrell is the best cast member to ever grace the SNL stage
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Woman is crusading to allow teenagers to have "learner's permit" for beer
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The best way to promote your strip club to the media is to give out the stripper's phone numbers to the single reporters. STDs not included
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Firefighters take on-call fire truck mud bogging. Hilarity ensues
|
| (The News-Review) |
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Boys win first place in fashion show by dressing up as duct-tape superheroes. With pic
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| Mon March 15, 2004 |
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Justice Department to require ISPs to pay for adding back doors to all Internet communications. Will be impregnable to hackers just like Outlook
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| (Yorkshire Post) |
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Fear of ghosts make British rethink building wind turbines
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Ass visits nursing home. "It's really good therapy"
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Studies find that female execs are more ethical than male execs, and also have nicer racks
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Ariba. Un hot brunette, por favor? (Not safe for work)
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| (The Age) |
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Finally, a boxer gets knocked out after dropping his hands to taunt his opponent
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Boy, 13, threatens parents with kitchen knife after Dad unplugs his videogame
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Cause of death of man struck in the head with a hammer baffles investigators
|
| (10tv) |
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Suspect named in Ohio highway shootings
|
| (Some Photoshopper) |
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Re-post the photoshop entry that was your "technical best" -- the one with the biggest changes which looks least photoshopped. Show source pic AND result. Link goes nowhere
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One-hundred million UK birds crash into windows each year. Microsoft surrenders
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Pavarotti says "goodbye" to opera. "Goodbye" to hot wings not in immediate future
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| (CSPnet.com) |
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Man takes convenience store to court over $2.40 cup of ice, runs up $4500 in legal bills (link fixed)
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Fraud victims bail out the guy who scammed them, thinking that because they are nice, he'll pay back all $3.6 million he stole
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Fark cliche stocks surge after France claims to have almost captured bin Laden
|
| (Some Guy) |
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"Master builders" sneak risque scenes at Legoland
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Man uses purchased corpse to fake own death in fiery car accident. Might have worked if the corpse hadn't been of a woman who died in childbirth
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Astronomer claims there is no alien constructed face, mile-long worm or ugly-ass bunny hopping around on Mars. Pseudoscientist disagrees (w/pics)
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Late-model cars frustrate mechanics
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Man attempting to steal clothes donated to charity gets stuck in collection bin (with pic)
|
| (News4Colorado) |
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Sharpton floppo pu, Kerry boffo bu
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AudioEdit a very persistent hotel employee making sure the wake-up call wakes you up
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Powell to Kerry: "What foreign leaders are backing you over Bush?" Kerry to Powell: "That's none of your business"
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