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| Sun March 14, 2004 |
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AudioEdit a wine snob reviewing Franzia "wine-in-a-box"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Rebellion in northern Iran over recent rigged elections. Pittsburgh getting No. 3 seed
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Jesus Chainsaw Massacre clears $250 million. Christ, that's a lot of money
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In an effort to allow Vinnie more time to pass the bar, science attempts to pause biological clock
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| (Rolaids) |
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Photoshop how you spell "relief"
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NCAA tournament brackets select No. 1 teams: Kentucky, overrated Stanford, overrated St. Joseph and Duke sucks
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Seeing-eye-dog expo blocks man with seeing-eye dog from entering restaurant
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| (Lincoln Journal Star) |
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Recent high school grad makes a music video with her boyfriend for a contest
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| (Duluth News Tribune) |
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More and more people are drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon again
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Spanish voters determine that the ruling Popular Party is now neither ruling nor popular
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Latest attempt to reduce obesity will result in new labels that will continue to be ignored
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Duke sucks
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NASCAR tells team to remove sponsor decals for redneckparts.com. Beer, casinos and weener-stiffening pills still allowed
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Bush marks International Women's Week by citing accomplishments of several "women reformers," not realizing that one of them was a man
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| (Some Guy) |
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A gun that shoots boogers
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Writer puzzled why teens keep having sex when the government keeps telling them they shouldn't
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| (Omaha World-Herald) |
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Warming temps have awakened hordes of soybean-sized Asian lady beetles in Nebraska, and they like to bite
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Chicago intrigued by same-sex public school system. Angry teens not so much
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Ty Law: I no longer want to be a Patriot. I can't even see myself putting on that uniform again
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NCAA basketball conference championships -- discuss. Duke sucks
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| (Pioneer Press) |
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The new water fad may soon be drinking old rock quarry water
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| (WJXT News4Jax.com) |
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Bomb scare shuts down main thoroughfare. Turns out to be GPS box on the bottom of a Lexus placed there due to a custody battle
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MIchigan's "Nimrods" t-shirts selling like hotcakes. In other news, Wisconsin considers changing from "Badgers" to "Cock Knockers"
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Russian Red Square on fire
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| (NBA.com) |
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Pistons fans will attempt to set the Guinness World Record for "Most Afro Wigs Worn in a Single Venue" next Friday, March 19th. Come and show your support
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China's textbooks due for a re-revision as Gene Cernan says yes, he could see the Great Wall from outer space
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Pope reaches No. 3 in Top 10 list
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| (WISC Channel3000.com) |
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"Puppetry of the Penis: The Ancient Art of Genital Origami" threatening moral fiber of Wisconsin
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Does this mean you have to file an enviromental impact statement if you want to drill Nicole Kidman?
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People in small towns will find any excuse to get drunk, and it shows
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| (Daily Camera) |
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Fourth annual "Frozen Dead Guy Festival" resurrects a small mountain town
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Neil Armstrong endorses Bush's space plan. Bush thrilled to be getting support from jazz community
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Photoshop this woman and her sled dogs
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Donald Trump "Apprentice" soundbites remixed into dance track
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Rolling Stones' Ron Wood and his 30-fags-a-day habit admit he's lucky to be alive. Keith Richards seen nearby stifling laugher
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| (Patriot News) |
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Man caught stealing a ton of beer from his warehouse job
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Man gets trombone back after being swept away in a flood 32 years ago
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North Korean tyrant Kim Jong Il has offered to shut down his nuclear arms program if he's given a sneak preview of Star Wars Episode III
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| (NASA) |
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NASA to hold briefing on mysterious object in our solar system. Your Rama wants a rendezvous
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| (nydailynews.com) |
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Defendant finds out that the judge can send him to jail and size his manhood
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Photoshop this bizarre Indonesian political demonstrator
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Plane lands in the back of a pick-up truck
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Museum plans to display decomposing human body
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China opens sex museum, complete with "penis-like" rocks, "vagina-like" caves
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Amnesiac returns to job he can't remember
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Traditional western Pacific island state continues to use stones as tall as three and a half metres for money
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Even the mafia is outsourcing its jobs
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| (Haaretz) |
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Airline security accidentally leaves gun in passenger's suitcase after training exercise
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| (local10.com) |
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Fake lawyer about to find out how much a real one charges
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| (US News) |
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A brief bit about barrel-aged beer
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Sexy thongs are a big turn-off in the office, incredibly stupid work experts have warned (pic)
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Business with funny names like builder "Uplifting Erections" doing well in Queensland
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Professional clown dials wrong emergency number after being mugged and doused with acid by a gardener
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| Sat March 13, 2004 |
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Man hits sheep, is told to bring sheep's ears to police station as proof
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| (Kathleen Turner Overdrive) |
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Theme: Fictional musicians or bands. Difficulty: Nothing icy or hot...
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Julia Roberts, the 96-year-old crack dealer, denies knowledge of stash discovered in her wheelchair
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Boriska-boy from Mars
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AudioEdit a conversation between CIA recruiter and potential recruit
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$250,000 paid for "Rembrandt" photocopied at Staples from an art book
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In an effort to curb the phenomena of professional student, Texas Tech offers the "get the hell out of school on time and get a real job" program
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Woman has crappy day as she gets stuck in her toilet
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| (mirror.co.uk) |
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Snoop Dogg fainted at his son's birth
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FBI to investigate the purported deathbed confession of former Pennsylvania Teamsters official that says he helped dispose of Hoffa's body
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| (thisisbath.com) |
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Historians find amber liquid hidden in a wall. One theory is that it was part of a superstitious practice to ward off witches, another is it was too far to the bathroom
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Former Fark favorite, the Chinese snakehead fish, becomes made-for-TV movie on Sci-Fi network (with cool pics)
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150 Mile DARPA Robot Race ends as all vehicles either break down or get disqualified. The furthest distance traveled - 7 miles
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Man found encased in concrete, Bill Bonanno refers all questions to the Teamsters
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| (Firehouse) |
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One Pittsburgh firefighter dead, 26 injured
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Probably the sharpest photo of a breakdancer ever submitted. Photoshop it
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Ninety-four-year-old retired farmer who "never spent more than he needed to" leaves $11-million inheritance to his neighbors
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| (Post-Tribune) |
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"Milk spill curdles traffic" -- headline writers now putting out Fark-ready material
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| (EDP24) |
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In a billion-to-one chance, four ugly ass calves are born (with pic)
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Goodbye "Newlywed Game." Hello "World Series of Poker"
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| (New York Daily News) |
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Tom Cruise fires his publicist for discouraging him to obsess publicly over Scientology
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| (Some Guy) |
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The mystery of Bruce Lee's death
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| (Daily Record) |
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Man gets revenge on ex-girlfriend by forcing his way into her house covered in hamburger
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Man shot in head chases down shooters until deciding to return to work
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Bombing suspects arrested in Madrid
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| (The Age) |
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How to make a successful kids' movie. Step 1: Kill the parents
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| (Some Nimrod) |
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Speaking of Nimrods, here's proof that the ancient Tower of Babel was really an ancient hydrogen bomb rocket
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| (NY Daily News) |
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Twenty-by-20 foot section of brick wall breaks loose from the 14th story of a NYC Days Inn, crashes through the roof of an adjacent building like a ton of bricks
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Cool cats covet colorful claw caps
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Parents have become so violent at youth hockey games that the league may require armed cops at rink
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| (News & Observer) |
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Cop shoots self in butt while celebrating score during ACC tournament
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Time for a new war. "Operation Mountain Storm" commences in Afghanistan
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Twenty-two dolphin deaths in Florida bay. Ace Ventura on the case
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Man found stuffed head first into tree stump. Presumed not placed there by French resistance
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| (The Business) |
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Meet Packer, Bender's great-great-great-great-great-granddaddy
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Dumb: Taking a piece of the plane that hit the Pentagon. Dumber: Being Donald Rumsfeld. Dumbest: Getting busted by the Justice Department
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| (Some Guy) |
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Farker's friend gave her kid a skateboard for his birthday and took a sweet picture of him on it
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| (Stevens Point Journal) |
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Youth hockey wants to add beer sales
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| (Some Guy) |
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Sunday is Steak and BJ Day
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Janet to perform on Good Morning America. *Sigh*
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Police officers at a house find nine bodies stacked and intertwined in a pile of clothes, 10 coffins and a 57-year-old man they believe is responsible
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| (thehometownchannel.com) |
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Minnesota food-stamp recipients may be banned from purchasing candy and junkfood
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China finally admits Great Wall can't be seen from space
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L.A. considers selling naming rights of the city to the highest bidders. Welcome to Microsoft, CA
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| (NewsForge) |
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How to bring offshored jobs back to the U.S.
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| (Some Guy) |
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Susana Spears: Because there have been no boobies today (NSFW)
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| (Arizona Daily Wildcat) |
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Juggling flaming cotton balls found to be "too hot." Property damage ensues
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| (Some Q) |
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Chicago, IL Fark Party Sunday @ South Side Irish Parade (see comments for details) (where u gonna be?)
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How to avoid a heat-seeking missile
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| (wjla.com) |
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FCC fines another Clear Channel morning show for indecency
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| (The Austrailian) |
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Pesky polluting pale parrot population plagues province
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Photoshop this picture of John "Happy Jack" Kerry serenading the press on his acoustic guitar. In other news, John Belushi unavailable to smash guitar to pieces
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| (Rolling Stone) |
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Starbucks decides that overpriced in-house music downloads tie in nicely with overpriced coffee
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Oregon Vortex for sale for $2 million. Unexplained phenomena included
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Unlicensed driver's excuse to police: "My cousin was about to (have sex with) this girl and he needed his bum bag because it had his condoms in it." Judge agrees that this is a damn good reason, fines him just $100
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| Fri March 12, 2004 |
| (Z) |
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The unattainable is unknown
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Identity-theft victim sued by bank for not discovering theft in timely fashion
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| (Some Guy) |
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Lonely Russian makes love to a padlock. Hilarity ensues
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State maintenance worker suspended after displaying sign with the word "traitor" on snowplow while helping provide security for President Bush's motorcade
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| (Some Science Guy) |
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Photoshop something that would renew NASA and public interest in the Hubble space telescope. Link goes to inspirado (doesn't have to be the original)
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| (mytelus) |
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ESPN spots for "Nimrods" basketball team leads to over $35,000 worth of school merchandise sales. Fighting Whites surrender
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Dang it to heck! Radio NASCAR announces plans to begin broadcasting on seven-second delay
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Reporter -- trying to get comments from enthusiastic audience after Bush speech at USA Industries -- met with "No speak English," "Sorry, no English," "He nice"
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Your computer is dirtier than your toilet. Welcome to the bacteria cafeteria
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| (CTCentral) |
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Man makes $800k buying items at discount stores and returning them for refunds at upscale retailers across the country
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| (NY Daily News) |
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Fifteen-year-old runaway who was forced into prostitution released from jail into custody of pimp while mother is on her way to get her
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| (springfieldnewssun.com) |
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Japan, Mexico sign trade agreement. Coming soon: Taco-flavored sushi, tentacled rape demons wearing sombreros
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| (Some Guy) |
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AudioEdit a long doorbell chime likely to be heard at a rich person's house, with voice or not. Link goes nowhere
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| (eurekalert) |
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Scientists study several liters of Guiness, claim bubbles float down
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French farmer, cutting down tree with chainsaw, finds cache of World War II grenades and explosives hidden inside
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| (("East Bay" is Pig Lat) |
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Mark your calendars -- Berkeley Fark Party on Friday, March 26th, 6:30 PM to whenever. Downtown at Beckett's Irish Pub (link goes to details)
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| (The Maui News) |
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Drunk Hawaiian gets $100 bills wet, puts on dash to dry, only to have them blow out the windows while driving erratically. DUI hilarity ensues
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| (Las Vegas Sun) |
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PETA hands out chicken-killing-themed trading cards to elementary school kids
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| (thewpbfchannel.com) |
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Cops giving motorists baseball tickets for breaking the law
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Eight-hundred kiloton nuclear missile defeated by ladder
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Church shows bootleg version of Jesus Chainsaw Massacre. Fears wrath of God and lawyers, not necessarily in that order
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Wife nags man into returning stolen cash
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Angelina Jolie lifts alleged self-imposed two-year celibacy, currently banging a string of unnamed men in a hotel near you (with haughty pic)
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"Souped up ATV" woman was riding when she died is actually a motorcycle. With pic
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Troublesome Paris airport bunnies to be relocated
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God threatens newspaper for taking his name in vain
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| (Register Guard) |
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Judge determines unsolicited finger in anus is crude, but not criminal
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Armed with M-16s and grenade launchers, Papua New Guinea police hunt down possible real-life dinosaur. Keith Richards swears he's never been to PNG
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There were 911 days between the Madrid terror attacks and Sept. 11, 2001
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Businessmen bail out conmen in bid to get money back. Yeah, that oughta work
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Libya spilling the beans on who helped them with their nuclear program. You might be suprised
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| (Western Daily Press) |
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Burglar breaks into school and writes apology on whiteboard
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Uranus problems are solved. No word yet on Urbaldness
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| (www.sfstation.com) |
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SF Bay Area Farker get-together at Zeitgeist, Saturday at 6 pm
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Bush's pick for Manufacturing Czar bows out, has nothing to do with Kerry's revelation that he outsourced his firm's jobs to China
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Recycling worker needs to recycle his underwear after finding a crocodile in the garbage
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Chicago Fire Dept under investigation for using racial slurs over radios. Spokesman blames outsider hacking into radio frequencies
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Mason initiation gone bad included guillotine, bear trap, a plank and old guys with hocking coughs
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| (ja3021) |
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Farker ja3021's car got totalled last weekend. Make him feel better by photoshopping it in amusing situations
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| (click 10) |
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Police looking for "hard-hat bandit." Last seen hanging out with cowboy, cop, sailor, Indian and some biker-looking dude with a big mustache (w/pic)
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At first glance, the article talking about greasy poles, girls and missing underwear makes you really excited. Turns out to just be about an almost 400-year-old tradition of people kicking each other in the shins
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| (Tallahassee Democrat) |
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Guy's home gets invaded. Guy calls cops. Cops bust guy for $10k worth of drugs
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A bored Walter Cronkite wishes he'd stayed with the CBS Evening News, had no freakin' idea he'd live this long
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| (WPVI Philadelphia) |
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Student cited for truancy due to poor attendance at school he was never enrolled in. Also received grades for classes he never took. Teachers described his behavior as "satisfactory to excellent"
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United Nations discovers black box sent from Rwanda after 1994 plane crash -- which unleashed genocide in African nation -- locked away in filing cabinet. Plans to issue written apology
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Spirit takes snapshot of Earth. Earth refuses to smile for camera, citing bad teeth and general grumpiness. In other news, there is a giant triangle thing coming right for us
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A-Rod finds that, yes, the money and the attention and the pinstripes are good, but so's that high-quality Brazilian stripper at the VIP Club
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| (Some Hopeful Guy) |
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Photos and information on missing college student Maura Murray -- take a minute to see if anything looks familiar
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Woman who refuses C-section faces murder charges. With picture that will haunt your dreams for years
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| (smh.com.au) |
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Don't drink and legislate in parliament. Drinking and legislating Fark still okay, though
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| (Some Guy) |
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The Price Is Right beginning its 33rd season -- photoshop some new games to replace Plinko. Link goes nowhere
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Police give 11-year-old boy grilled cheese sandwich for driving drunken father
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| (TheHook) |
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UVa's G-Spot article removed after Fark drives 69K hits toward site. Mostly looking for pictures of sorority girls
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Japanese horse loses 105 races in a row, wins country's heart
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Man brings a baseball bat to a gunfight, wins
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| (Center Daily Times) |
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Bumper crop of 17-year cicadas set to return this spring, coupled with 13-year brood in some states. Time to stock up on wiper fluid
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New study using Clint Eastwood film proves that we pretty much agree on what is "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly." Gandhi, Lorena Bobbitt and Anna Nicole Smith surrender in order
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Man beats murder rap with vampire defense
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With remarkable efficiency, FCC sets a "late 2004" deadline to determine what, if anything, to do about cell phone spam
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| (KRT Wire) |
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800 cups of rice, more than 1,300 slices of Spam and almost 600 feet of seaweed wrap -- that's good eats
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| (The Herald Online) |
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1200-year-old Viking graffiti discovered. No word yet if Magnus Kilroyson was there
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Former Buffy star Charisma Carpenter to pose for Playboy
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| Thu March 11, 2004 |
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Krispy Kreme to offer low-sugar, low-taste donut
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South Korean Parliament votes to impeach President
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Hitachi makes 400-gigabyte hard drive, still not enough for the average farker's pr0n collection
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Man unearths 20,000 Roman coins while digging garden pond (w/pics)
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Dueling primos battle to a fatal tie
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Review of Britney Spears' latest tour. Includes the phrases "sci-fi apocalypse hookers" and "masturbation mime" (82 pics)
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Win a date with TechTV hottie Laura Swisher
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Hi, I'm "Democratic Congressional aide was also a spy for Saddam regime," and I'll be your political flamewar fodder for today
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Feeding some asshat's neglected dog is apparently illegal
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Kerry refuses to apologize for comments about Republicans. If history is any indication, he will reverse his position in two weeks
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| (NYU News) |
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NYU busts students who installed a 400-gallon pool in their sixth-floor dorm room
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop what Spock was always looking at through his viewport. Difficulty: No BSOD or pr0n
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| (my Stuff and News) |
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German Playmate Tina Eder (not safe for work)
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| (KSBW 8) |
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Eat a hot dog at the Red Sox's season opener and earn an express ticket to Hell
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Sea Lion grabs fisherman off boat
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| (Trek Today) |
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Chancellor Picard makes first visit to university (new link)
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| (WASV) |
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Man scalds mouth on chicken sandwich, now has problem eating because his head is up his ass
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| (Washington Times) |
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NJ, CA stop same-sex marriages. (Article discusses NJ only)
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Everybody makes more money than you, including horses and dead people
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| (firstcoastnews.com) |
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Ludacris, Chingy play surprise free concert for high school after getting email from student
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| (Some Gal) |
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Tall, dark and handsome (not safe for work)
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Just one day after adding sexual predator to his resume, Powerball winner Jack Whittaker gets robbed for second time
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Teen arrested after attempting to sell drugs to police officers wearing black jackets with "Police" written on them
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Teen hospitalized after falling off parking garage where several teens had gone to photograph each others' butts
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| (ATT) |
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Using a text-to-voice tool, create what the Mars Rover might have said upon discovery of water evidence on Mars (link goes to tool)
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| (New Mexico Channel) |
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Hiding marijuana in your gas tank will cause your car to stall
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Al Qaeda letter indicates attack on US is 90 percent ready, distinguishes between this letter and previous 48 threatening letters. Author says he's "super duper certain," and vows to give up one of his 72 virgins if he's wrong
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FedEx cargo jet blows all eight tires while landing
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| (The Post (Athens)) |
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Damage control tips for when your parents catch you "in the act"
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Forty-five percent of women would let partner have sex with Nicole Kidman
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Al Qaeda claims responsibility for Spanish bombings
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Pork from serial killer's farm may have contained "the other white meat"
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Van containing detonators and Arabic tape found near site of Madrid bombings
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TSG puts a face to tasty snack cakes mobile-meth-lab idiot
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| (J2K.four) |
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Jesus of the Week posts gives shout-out to Fark photoshoppers
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Overrated No. 1 St. Joseph's perfect season ends 87-67 against Xavier. Duke sucks
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BC man castrates himself, runs bleeding down the street screaming, "Repent, fornicators!"
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Robot helps disabled people shave, cook, clean, find Sarah Connor
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| (Rocky Mountain News) |
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Woman rides "custom-made ATV equipped with a Chevy V-8 engine." Hilarity does not ensue
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| (moby.com) |
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Photoshop Moby, win a prize. Difficulty: Vegan
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When stealing a couple of boxes of snack cakes, be sure that you dont have the makings of a meth lab in your car
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Germans think they own property on the moon, don't want the U.S. on their lunar land. "I hope the White House will reply, although I suppose there are more important questions around than property on the moon"
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Your tax dollars at work: Researchers conclude hugging is good for you
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Pub owner kicks out pagans for ordering spirits, and not the ones you drink
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| (Some Guy) |
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Dave Blood of The Dead Milkmen found dead. Younger farkers ask, "Who are The Dead Milkmen?"
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Turkey's army has asked local authorities for information on individuals who could undermine the state, including ethnic minorities, magicians and people who practice meditation. Committee on Unturkish Activities ensues
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With all major health risks taken care of, EPA turns its attention to microwave popcorn
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| (thisis gloucestershire.co.uk) |
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Ninety-year-old can of peas could still prove a tasty treat. History buffs lick lips in anticipation
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One Million Dollar Bill Lady says she believed it was real
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Study shows teenagers more favorable to old-fashioned values (with pic of girl laughing that article was published)
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Paris Hilton's nipple pops out during music awards. The Sun is there (with not-safe-for-work pic)
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| (NHL.com) |
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Bertuzzi out until at least next season... decision on next season to be done during training camp
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| (Business Wire) |
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Viacom and Dish kiss and make up. Viewers can once again watch CSI on channels with poorly compressed video
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Man drinks bottle of whisky, attempts to decapitate self with circular saw, then saws own arm off. Hilarity most definitely does not ensue
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170 people killed in Madrid explosions
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A block of ice, a chainsaw and 100 children
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| (Some Guy) |
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Delight children of all ages with this colorful, plush plagues bag. The bag is filled with 10 stuffed animals representing the plagues -- locusts, pestilence, frogs, cattle disease, etc.
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George Michael no longer to sell albums -- intends to give them away for free on the Internet. Decides he doesn't need any more of the public's money. RIAA not amused
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| (ViewAskew) |
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Ben Afleck interviews Kevin Smith about dicks, fapping, sex life and Gigli
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France charges 62 activists for drawing mustaches on ads in the subway
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| Wed March 10, 2004 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Theme: A saying as a Rebus. (Link goes to some clarifing information about rebuses)
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Today's cunning stunt: Exploding a watermelon balanced on your head (with pics)
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Everyone disappointed to hear: "The exoskeleton is not going to magically transform people into killing machines"
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Nuclear sub grounded as commander lets trainees drive; covered control panel with post-it notes
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| (wsj.com) |
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Church lets animals receive Holy Communion
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| (ClickOnSA.com) |
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Man on a pink bicycle robs elderly man of $1,000
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Man shot in head, killed during Masonic induction ritual. Business as usual
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"Munchies" research leads to pill that tackles smoking and obesity
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| (Billings Gazette) |
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The more you walk, the smarter and lighter you get
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| (Cincinnati Enquirer) |
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The Web has killed the encyclopedia
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Norway lawmakers face Easter egg crisis
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| (NOLA.com) |
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UCLA cadavers had it good. Donations to Tulane cadaver program used for Army landmine tests. Turns out you had two lives to give for your country
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New product will launch defensive attacks at hackers. Thirteen-year-olds quaking in their Underoos
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| (Some Guy) |
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At long last, a computer simulation of sticking your hand up a cow's ass. Includes fiberglass cow ass for added realism
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Internet-browsing patent annulled -- feel free to click links now
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Tom Jones' son forces him to abandon tight leather fashions
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NHS gets woman a job as a pole dancer
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Scientists may have found "The God Particle." Mel Gibson already in production talks
|
| (Washington Times) |
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CIA Director Tenet warns Congress that al Qaeda is planning "spectacular attacks" against the U.S. Donald Rumsfeld is calling it a "Must see!" Tom Ridge says, "If you see just one terror attack this year... see this one!"
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Pamela Anderson: Naked through the ages. Watch her go from attractive woman to giant fake-boobied freak of nature (NSFW)
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Kerry/McCain 2004? McCain: "No"
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Rogue deer conspire to contaminate iceberg lettuce and sicken the population of Finland
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Drivers spot X-rated films in other car's DVDs. Paradise no longer by the dashboard light
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| (Boston Herald) |
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Kerry's profane website caused by "a virus"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop Farker's sister's dog, Reilly. He is coming for you...
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Sizing up fellow plane passengers and declaring "You're too fat to be an air marshal" turns out to be a great way to have actual marshals meet you at the airport
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| (National Review Online) |
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"Kerry Sweeps Four Southern States." Headlines are every bit as impressive as "Lakers Sweep Japanese Basketball Tournament"
|
| (Newsfilter.org) |
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The hottest redhead ever: Heather Carolin (not safe for work)
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What to do with a professor who freaked out the world by claiming Black Death plague missing from lab? Make him pick up trash on weekends. It's Texas justice
|
| (The Charleston (WV) Gazette) |
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Mom not amused at swearing animatronic dog
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Kerry/McCain 2004?
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AudioEdit two criminals talking while their car is being chased by police
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Endangered monkey endangers himself by clinging to underside of car for 43 miles
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AOL, Yahoo, and Microsoft sue hundreds of spammers for violating new anti-spam law. Spammers promise ISPs a bigger penis, home mortgage and debt consolidation if they drop the charges
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| (Lowell Sun) |
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Tiny 64-year-old whoops state trooper's ass. Jailarity ensues
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UCLA won't offer cadaver program a hand, says they don't have a leg to stand on and they must be cut off
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Mars smells like ass. Putrid, egg-farting ass
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When disparaging your employers' clients in an email to your boyfriend, do not click on "reply to all"
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Wendy's employees photographed bathing in restaurant sink
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Drug-resistant gonorrhea spreading quickly in Massachusetts
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| (nydailynews.com) |
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Man weeps as monkeys, dogs, cats and tarantula are removed from his NY apartment
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| (This is Lincolnshire) |
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Brit town considering whether to accept gift of elephant
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| (Romanesko's Medianews) |
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Jayson Blair may have plagiarized in his new book
|
| (Gazette.net) |
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Malvo gets life for role in sniper shootings
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Glasgow's new slogan -- "Scotland with Style" -- replaces the previous one, "I'm Gonna Kick Yuir Heid In, Pal"
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 |
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Fisherman angles for cod, pulls up giant shark
|
| (The Charleston (WV) Gazette) |
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Not satisfied with DUI, being drugged and robbed at a titty bar and threatening to kill a bartender, WV Powerball winner adds "sexual predator" to his Fark tag resume
|
| (ThisIs Somerset) |
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Prize bitch drugged by a jealous rival
|
| (Old Scratch) |
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Photoshop Satan popping up in unlikely places
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You no longer have to go to Tijuana if you want to eat barbequed iguana. Mexican radio accompaniment optional
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Now that's a spicy meatball: Jamie-Lynn Discala (safe for work)
|
| (Grolsch) |
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Get your free Grolsch beer bottle opener to go with that Guiness bar towel you never got
|
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Convicted attempted murderer now lectures in philosophy and medical ethics
|
| (deans planet) |
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Charlize Theron celebrates winning an Oscar by smoking weed thorugh an apple bong (pic)
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Indianapolis hockey team signs Tonya Harding
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Theme: Truth in advertising. For example, McDonald's: "It'll make you fat, but damn if it ain't real frickin' tasty." Link goes to other GIS examples
|
| Tue March 09, 2004 |
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"I, on Saturday, before my hockey game, urinated on the boy... I am sorry. It was a big mistake. I would never do it again"
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Terrell Owens says 49ers violated his civil rights by not letting him become free agent, and actually compares himself to Rosa Parks
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Meet the One-Million-Dollar-Bill Woman, courtesy of TSG
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Actor Robert Pastorelli found dead. "Put dat in you book"
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Menudo to hold open auditions: Michael Jackson reportedly not allowed to attend
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Obesity trumps smoking as leading cause of death. In other news, scientists find link between second-hand calories and smothering
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Survey shows "abstinence" only means tab-A into slot-B. Kids who pledge virginity are still getting STDs
|
| (bunsen [dot] tv) |
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A list of channels OJ pirated from DirecTV. (Second item down)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these "extreme" jugglers
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Child named Diot Coke -- in 1379
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Man who taunted a government official with emails challenging her to "catch me if you can" is caught
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Pepsi goes Atkins
|
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Major League Baseball as serious about testing for steroids as Anna Nicole Smith is about dieting
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Tech TV's Unscrewed presents Best. Computer. Pranks. Ever
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McSalads contain more McFats than McBurgers
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Viacom's chairman: "I don't know about you guys, but to me a woman's breast is not such a big deal"
|
| (WTOP) |
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Indonesia to release militant cleric. Apparently changed alignment from chaotic to lawful evil
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| (KSL) |
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If you're trying to kill your pregnant girlfriend, make sure you hide the pills in something she can't inspect after you leave
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Taiwan president's nose too small for re-election
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School bus driver allows 11 kids to get off the bus, capture a four-foot alligator, and take it home with them
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Police get many would-be claimants for grab bag full of bondage equipment
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Hockey player gets broken neck after cheap hit from Todd Bertuzzi
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| (Golden Shopping Cart Award) |
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Man finds 70-year-old coupon for free breakfast. Sends it in to company. Sappiness ensues. (Halfway down)
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| |
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In one stretch of Colorado, over a third of the highway fatalities were caused by people driving the wrong way on the interstate
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AudioEdit an apartment dweller yelling at their neighbor to quiet down during sex
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Today's incomprehensible story from Wales: Fly-tipping
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| (Citizen Online) |
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Wal-Mart unable to make change for woman's $1 million bill
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Woman calls Cyprus defense ministry, complains that her lover's military service leaves him too tired to invade her
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John Allen Muhammad sentenced to death
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Museum hoping girls will be interested in trading cards featuring Sandra Day O'Connor, Elizabeth Dole and Harriet Tubman
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School's budget is so tight that teacher offers extra credit to any student who brings in box of tissues
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Members of parliment outraged when MP suggests drunks should be tossed out of chambers
|
| (NBC 6) |
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The Fourth Ohio Volunteer Infantry's right flank at Gettysburg takes another hit
|
 |
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Latest Russian military aircraft (slide show)
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Mayor has implemented "ban" on shaving for every man older than 21
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Ashcroft to have gallbladder, stick from butt removed
|
| (Potomac News) |
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Woman's fervent and unwavering belief that God sent her to dealership for free car not endorsed by court
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| |
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Nissan sued in New Jersey for failing to inform customers that their headlights can be easily stolen
|
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Retired Catholic priest claims boys in Eskimo cultures like to be fondled
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"Outrage" over Bush use of 9/11 images in ads generated by small, left-wing group funded by Ms. Heinz Kerry
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| |
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A couple of crackheads from Barstow find Tony Curtis' wallet
|
| (Trek Web) |
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Star Trek II's "Captain Terrell," Paul Winfield, dead at 62 (link fixed--goes to sfgate.com story)
|
| (Dish Network) |
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Dish Network cuts off all Viacom channels over price dispute
|
| (TheAge) |
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Computer-game addict discovered dead at keyboard after playing "Saga" online for 20 straight hours
|
| (Takoma Voice) |
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Vandals attack Subway franchise after it opens, leaving windows cracked. Community rallies to support the victims of the tragedy
|
| (GIS) |
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Photoshop what Marge Schott is up to now in the afterlife
|
| |
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Could you survive the 1860s? Take this quiz
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| |
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Dead penguin proves to be invaluable research tool. Yeti unavailable for comment
|
| |
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British millionaire convinced of the "healing power" of Mozart's music, offers free recital for mothers-to-be and toddlers
|
| |
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Third annual Cedar Point Fark Party, May 16-17
|
| (Some Guy) |
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She's tough, but not too tough (not safe for work)
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| |
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St. Joe's ranked No. 1 for basketball. Duke still sucks
|
| (Hindustan Times) |
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This licence plate brought to you by the number 4
|
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D'oh. Dear Abby punk'd by the Simpsons
|
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American Idol reject gets record contract. He sucks, he sucks
|
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Embarrassment about a small penis makes it impossible for man to use a public restroom to urinate. Stage fright not a laughing matter
|
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California considers lowering voting age to 14. Future Governor Ashton Kutcher ecstatic
|
| |
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Churchgoers are fatter. Reverend Lovejoy tells Homer, "No more donuts"
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| |
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Illegal pigeon race cancelled after 5,000 birds drown
|
| Mon March 08, 2004 |
| (Bostonchannel.com) |
|
Dr. Caulkins arrives for surgery caulked, er, cocked
|
| |
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Twenty-seven kids squeeze into one taxi
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Photoshop Theme: This hairy cow as a reincarnated Eighties rock star
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| |
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NASA believes it must avoid the "F word" when talking about Mars
|
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"Cecil then struck his wife, fetched a handgun and fired a shot into the bed's headboard near Teri to show that he did not like his wife calling him a violent partner..."
|
| (blog.johnkerry.com) |
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Teresa Kerry Heinz distributes and wears "Asses of Evil" button
|
| (National Review Online) |
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"The average salary of a white-collar government worker in D.C. is now $75,483"
|
 |
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Karzai on International Women's Day: "Please, my dear brothers, let your wives and sisters go to the voter registration process. Later, you can control who she votes for, but please, let her go"
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Passionate public kiss in Indonesia could mean jail
|
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John Daly withdraws from golf tournament after slamming car door on his hand
|
| |
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Roman architect wants "someone like Coke" to patch up the Colosseum in brick
|
| |
 |
Craig Parry pulls off lucky shot to win Ford Championship
|
 |
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Five million adults, most of them women, suffer from some form of zits
|
| (KCTalk) |
|
Home Depot sues Old Home Depot for trademark infringement. Nothing else is going on in Kansas
|
| |
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Literate hooligans headbutt man after stealing newspaper
|
| (Redvsblue.com) |
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Red vs. Blue, Episode 26
|
| |
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Confirmed: Spalding Gray's body found "Floating to Brooklyn"
|
 |
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How to get votes in South Texas: Give money to women who harass voters
|
| (Shepparton News) |
|
Wandering cow causes initial collision, dumbass rubber-neckers cause the other three
|
| (wcco) |
|
OJ Simpson accused of pirating satellite TV signals. Last seen hiding in a white Bronco
|
| |
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UFO suspected in destruction of Mars lander, Beagle
|
| |
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For those who don't want to search the thread, Hollybell said yes. Congrats folks -- Drew
|
| (Western Daily Press) |
|
BBC presenter -- forced to apologize for deliberately driving car into tree -- embarrasses bosses by claiming he isn't REALLY sorry
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
To farkette Hollybell from farker Akazanar: WILL YOU MARRY ME? (Yes, this is for real)
|
| |
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Court rules social services do not extend to providing free porn and brothel trips for man who's wife was out of town
|
| (wsj.com) |
|
Tom Brokaw: Democratic vice-presidential candidate?
|
| (X) |
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Photoshop IE's red X showing up in odd locations. Link goes to inspiration
|
| (2theadvocate.com) |
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"Hog dog rodeos" across the South in which dogs are pitted against feral pigs may violate animal cruelty laws
|
| |
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President of Venezuela threatens the U.S. with "100-year war." Forgets that it only takes ten minutes for a nuclear missle to reach Venezuela
|
| |
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Delaware smells like a twelve-gallon bucket of ass
|
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Hold-out's home could end up in middle of parking lot
|
| |
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Aristide declares, "I still rule Haiti"; topples Risk board and kicks everyone out of his room
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