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| Sun February 01, 2004 |
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Arizona prison standoff ends
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this cage-type thing
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| (BME) |
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The latest trend: Goldfish with body piercings
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| (Some Guy) |
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Inspired by his own ADD, writer creates short short fiction for hey that dog has a puffy tail
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Janet Jackson gets "breast in show." CBS apologizes
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| (Reebok) |
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Terry Tate takes some sensitivity training
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Lucy finally lets Charlie Brown kick one in. Patriots win by three
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| (Sunday Times ZA) |
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South African geezer brothers blown into little bits by homemade hyperbaric chamber
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Where is the Super Bowl streaker thread?
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Janet Jackson stunt was approved by CBS
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| (Some Gal) |
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Twenty-six pages of Brazilian hotness. (Not safe for work)
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| (ReplayTV) |
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Janet Jackson flashes over 140 million Super Bowl viewers. (Not safe for work. Link re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-fixed; not Yahoo anymore)
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| (Some Guy) |
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LOTR, if it was written by someone else
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Old people hate "complicated gadgets." Inspector Gadget surrenders
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Single, 636-pound gal, lives in SF -- she's a keeper, seeks match with male for possible LTR. Any of you Farkers man enough?
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CarTalk no longer buffering... buffering... buffering...
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| (Conn Post) |
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Hospital offers meals from local restaurants. Fruit cup surrenders
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Russian and American scientists create the 115th and 113th elements. Your dog wants unununium
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| (Missoulian) |
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Scientists get $6 million grant to examine the effect of climate on snow. Another satisfied customer for Matthew Lesko
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Camel stops traffic in eye of Sweden snowstorm
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THC/PCP lollipops are a big hit in the Windy City
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| (Magic Valley) |
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Woman sues after breaking a tooth eating Frosted Flakes
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| (Some Guy) |
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MIT researchers develop nano ruler that measures in hundred-billionths of a meter. Cal Tech penis jokes ensue
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| (Some Guy) |
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Blonde beauty Sydney Moon (not safe for work)
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| (tennessean.com) |
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Neighbors refuse electricity to man who bought land without power. Naturally, man battles back with Pink Jesus
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More fun with the Second Amendment
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Mob social club not very social
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City holds off naming annual festival after James Brown
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| (Duluth News Tribune) |
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How to name a geographic feature
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Researchers come to the stunning conclusion that attractive and wealthy people seem more attractive
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| (Some NYC Farkhead) |
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Pics from the NYC Porno Jim Fark Party
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| (Some Barbara) |
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The girl or the chair? (Not safe for work)
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| (Aberdeen News) |
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South Dakota thinks a grain palace will attract tourists to visit
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Earth opens up under cricket player, scalding ensues
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| (EurekAlert.org) |
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Mosquito-borne virus only attacks cancerous tumors. Still no cure for... malaria
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Britain begins random drug testing of pub customers, but oddly skip testing for the most likely drug -- alcohol
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Photoshop Clark supporters trying to spell his name
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| (Grand Island Independent) |
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When Wal-Mart cannot put local businesses out of business with one store, they build a second
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| (Punxsutawney Phil) |
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Official site to see Punxsutawney Phil make declaration on Ground Hog Day (Feb 2nd). Bill Murray said to participating, per usual
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| (Daily Interlake) |
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Man creates robots from old TVs, VCRs and computers
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Build some Super Bowl hype here at Fark!
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| (Some Guy) |
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Blonde cutie. I feel no sorrow for kittens
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| (Omaha World-Herald) |
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Rabbit knocks out power in western Iowa. "When repair crews checked the substation they found a small fire and the remains of the rabbit"
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| (Santa Rosa Press Democrat) |
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Liberals whine after CBS refuses to air Bush-bashing ads during Super Bowl
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| (KOCO ChannelOklahoma.com) |
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Seventeen-year-old arrested for the 69th time
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Fark gets mention in Washington Post article about online writing. Calls Fark "vibrant," "visionary," "the feel-good film of the year"
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Genetically modified rice designed to stop diarrhoea. No shiat
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| (tennessean.com) |
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Guitar maker says digital is the way of the future for the instrument
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| (Mental Discharge) |
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A detailed, visual, easy-to-understand guide to the various types of farts
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MyDoom knocks out SCO
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The 244 Muslims killed during stampede at annual pilgrimage was "God's will," event organizer said
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| (kolnkgin.com) |
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Two college boys have their dorm room out in a barn. Dude, that horse can drink a lot of beer
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Singing dingo howls his way into Aussie history (with pic)
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| (Billings Gazette) |
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Twenty-seven hours later, three people still standing with hand on Harley prize. Twenty-seven hours standing in the parking lot. During winter. In Montana
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| (NewInd Press) |
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Indian minister's goat gets AIDS
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| (wcjb.com) |
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Super Bowl XXXVIII tips on how not to burn your face off during BBQ festivities. Real men violate three-quarters of these rules
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"Activists" confuse science fiction novels, research
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U.S. officials knew in May that Iraq possessed no WMDs
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| (ksl.com) |
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Today's "I went to Wal-Mart and a brawl broke out" brought to you by Salt Lake City
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| (Corpus Christi) |
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Gag order issued for sex-toys case
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Another, let your car coast up the hill sites, caused by a misrepresentation of the eye level relative to gravity caused by the presence of contextual inclines or of a false horizon
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| (Some Guy) |
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Lies my leftist professors told me
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AudioEdit something you would like to see happen at the Academy Awards
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| (Some Evil Bastard) |
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Rathergood's Spongmonkeys sell out to corporate sandwich makers
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| (Some Conspiracy Theorist) |
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European pictures of Mars contradict NASA pictures
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| (Yo' momma!) |
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Photoshop a "Yo' momma" joke (link goes to inspiration)
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Insanely decorated kid's bedrooms from 1970 fit for young serial killers
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| (Some Gal) |
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The mother lode of weeners. not safe for work
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| (KEYE) |
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Texas A&M University is proposing a 21 percent tuition increase for the fall semester
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| (Some Bootknocker) |
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A few pics of last night's Colorado Springs Fark meetup
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There is a reason why farmers markets are more likely targets than fish markets. Here comes the science
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Mind foundation has awarded grants of $15,000 to $30,000 to the study of ESP, still no cure for cancer
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Welsh make whisky, and call it Welsh Scotch, can we have American Scotch then?
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U.S. troops in Iraq will watch Super Bowl on movie theater-sized screen in Saddam Hussein's palace, complete with chicken wings, hot dogs, and hamburgers
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| Sat January 31, 2004 |
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Cat found frozen to the ground now OK
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Nerf footballs recalled because of chance of injury
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"Internet pirates" threaten online sports betting sites with DDoS attacks unless they pay protection money. Bookies surrender
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| (Amazon.com) |
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Amazon has free shipping on Presidential candidates.
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Nostalgia fills Gen Xers as Russia prepares for largest military maneuver in two decades to simulate 'all-out nuclear war'
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South Park season finale is aboot a trip to the Great White North, eh
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California Assemmblyman wants to add feng shui requirements to building code
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| (A Fortunate Son) |
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TFer Dancin_In_Anson's father (and hero) turns 81 on Feb 3. Photoshop him in the classic pose from 1944 (he's on the left). Happy Birthday, Pop!
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| (Some Guy) |
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Magic Stick by Lil' Kim and 50 Cent translated into plain English
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| (BostonHerald.com) |
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Finding that his own state has no death penalty, Massachusetts judge sends killer to New Hampshire
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| (Tallahassee Democrat) |
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Dozens of dead and incarcerated Floridians have received unemployment checks over the past two years. Do we know how to take care of our citizens or what?
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| (KPIX) |
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Dog starts fire, nearly perishes with hamster
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NFL forces Vegas casinos to cancel Superbowl parties over intellectual property rights. RIAA surrenders
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| (Miami.com) |
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Actual Headline: "Intelligence Probe Would Be Risky for Bush". Take from that what you will
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| (SanDiegoChannel) |
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Copious Cheeto-powder leads police straight to car theif suspect. Scooby, Shaggy released after questioning
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Wonder how a husband wife team would do on Mars? NASA found out.
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| (SJ-R.com) |
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Slow news day, 8th grade food-fight makes the paper
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Fark Super Bowl Party in Vegas tomorrow. Come join Drew and Brooks with the SbB girls
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99-pound woman wins chicken-wing-eating contest. Don't stand between her and the restroom.
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| (Strategy Page) |
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Air Force studies colors that best camoflauge a plane in flight. The best color turns out to be a shade of pink.
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| (nbcsandiego.com) |
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Man arrested for repeatedly flashing Amish folk
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What the under-eights think of classic rock: "It sounds like when your wee goes back up"
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Chingiz khan is to blame for Russian drunks
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| (richarddechazal.com) |
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Artsy erotica. not safe for work
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Drinking beer seems to protect against colon cancer in rats, new research shows
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| (Some Guy) |
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Create hi-tech devices from common-but-unlikely objects (for example: a coconut, a car battery and a plastic spork)
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Russell Crowe injured on movie set, and for a change it wasn't a woman kicking his ass
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Al Franken body slams Howard Dean protestor, then walks around victim with a 2x4 in one hand screaming "U-S-A U-S-A Hiiiooooo."
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| (Canadian Press) |
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New York state jail employee busted for stealing $13,000 worth of prisoners' underwear
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Pub offers regulars beer and a place to die
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| (Cartoday.) |
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Subaru to unleash foreign-market Forester STi that should humble a Porsche Cayenne for about 1/3rd of the money. Schadenfreude ensues
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Man commutes 9 hours round trip to work in Boston every day.
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Men robbing monastery make priest swear on the Bible that he handed over all cash in the building
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Alex Trebek falls asleep, crashes car
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| (Some Guy) |
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Girl or the car? not safe for work
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Students get arrested after high school coach is punched in face at end of basketball game (with fight pic)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Nice Playmate plays. not safe for work
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Portuguese hospital turns to zoo for help with fat pigs
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British Airways cancels 3 U.S. flights
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A single injection of a new drug can cure your heroin addiction. Freebase it hourly for even better results.
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Scientists discover that men and women look for different things when buying cars
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| (Link goes nowhere) |
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Embarrasing 911 calls
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| (Some Guy) |
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Theme: If your favorite movie was set in a completely different time period...
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| Fri January 30, 2004 |
| (dr.Croft) |
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Angelina Jolie so hot yet so weird not safe for work
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| (Times of India) |
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Woman gives birth to her own grandchildren, making the newborns their own parents
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Man found frozen to death may be the same man seen running down the street nude
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| (Mobile Register) |
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Adult novelty shop fined $500 for being located 62 feet from a church
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| (WBAL) |
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Strange odor causes BWI airport to shut down. Further inspection reveals smell as old paint. Code yellow, presumably.
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| (Some Farker) |
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Farker is going to propose to his girlfriend, needs photoshops of them for a scrapbook
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16-year-old boy has weeklong series of parties climaxing with him burning the $380,000 house down to avoid having his parents see the damage.
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New BellSouth phone book misdirects community concerns directly to mayor's office. Also leaves out nearly an entire town, the biggest United Methodist Church in the state, and the rival telephone company
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| (Studio8.net) |
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Britney Spears' nipples take the night off
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| (Some Guy) |
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Fark's favorite drunk, Henry Earl purportedly now receiving "rock star" treatment in Lexington bars and clubs
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Giant snowball stops train. Frosty the Snowman being sought for questioning
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Holy man is rolling 1,500 miles to Pakistan to talk with president (with rolling pics)
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14-year-old armed with sword tells prison escapee: 'Come out, or I'm going to stab you'
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| (The Nation) |
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John Kerry, Howard Dean take second, third place respectively in NH Republican Primary as write-ins
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Home owners may not like Maryland's eroding cliffs, but paleontologists couldn't be happier
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Spirit finds 19 etched on Mars. Time to break out the foil hats
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"Secret Russian weapons" still terrify Americans
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Man pretends to be cop to get freebies from hookers. Caught with pants down by real cops
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| (Diamondback) |
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University of Maryland administration not too happy with the F--- Duke chants
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| (NBC San Diego) |
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Man sends in credit application for his dog as a joke, receives credit card for Clifford J Dog. Your dog wants airline miles
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Bill Parcells and Jerry Jones to join NFL stars and sing "Tomorrow," from Broadway musical Annie, in commercial for NFL Network. (middle of page)
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| (WBBM-780) |
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City of Chicago buys parking meters that don't work when it's cold outside
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| (AVN) |
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Swedish vets say bestiality is bad for animals
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| (Times of India) |
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Islam overtakes Christianity in the UK. Both still second to religious apathy
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Fark Super Bowl Party in Vegas this Sunday. Come join Drew and Brooks with the SbB girls
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| (Billings Gazette) |
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Qwest Communications shows its awesome programming skills by routing emergency calls to private home. Fortunately, resident is former police dispatcher
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"Psst. I have a gun" "What?" "Psst. Give me all of your money." "Huh? Speak up"
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| (BostonHerald.com) |
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Boston bookies are hurting. Everyone in the Boston area is betting the Pats and they keep winning with no end in sight
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| (davezilla.com) |
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Photoshop your favorite cartoon character as your favorite deity
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Vietnamese children mistaking country's new coins for candy
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Comcast tells man to stop using so much of its "unlimited" Internet service
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You can get 100 elephants to play soccer, but you can't make Americans watch it
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| (Animal News Center) |
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Feline Advisory Board releases "Cat Personality Report." Still no cure for hairballs
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| (Dyersburg State Gazette) |
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Drunken dog sleeps it off in animal shelter. You dog wants beer
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George Best arrested for drunk driving
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| (sushi town) |
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Sushi racing game, reminiscent of RC Pro Am. Very addictive
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Snore too much? Tongue stapling might be the cure
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| (tennessean.com) |
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Ad writer thinks Johnny Cash's "Ring of Fire" would make for a great Preparation H jingle
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| (OregonLive.com) |
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Former Boy Scout leader takes his crack pipe and his prostitute to the bank to make a withdrawal from someone else's account. Jailarity ensues
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Detroit Red Wings honor 20,000,000th fan with a year's supply of ice cream, pizza, soda, and chips. . . and a health club membership
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Chicago Bears ban Brian Urlacher from becoming pro wrestler
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| (Twin Cities.com) |
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Lows of -25 in Minneapolis not national news; -5 in New York is national news. Wussies
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Fisherman hooks a couple good-sized trout by casting his line in the middle of the road
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The next Samurai hails from Sullivan, MO. Criminals beware
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Idiots who painted "NO WAR" on the Sydney Opera House fined AUS$110,000 and sentenced to nine months periodic detention
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Broke college students figure out textbook publishers are ripping them off. Public pressure ensues
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390,000 jedi recorded in UK Census
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High on his own wares, man who smuggled 9,000 ecstacy tablets past Thai customs officers arrested for not wearing a shirt
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| (Somerville Journal) |
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Burglar's lawyer calls for arrest of man who shot her client during burglary
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NYC Fark party tonight
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Attorneys debate whether client is "flight risk" moments before defendent bolts toward door
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Medicare overhaul law projected in budget to cost a third more than when Congress passed the bill last year
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An eye for an eye: Israeli military blows up bomber's home
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Cannibal guilty of manslaughter. In other news, German prison population expected to fall in next 10 years
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop what thieves are doing with stolen SUV seats. Link goes to thread
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Microsoft offers $250K bounty on MyDoom.B author. SCO to sue Microsoft for stealing their idea
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Castro vows to die with a gun in his hand when America comes to invade
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FBI fugitive caught after his date Googles him
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Televised poker has become so popular, NBC plans on airing tournament to counter Super Bowl pre-game coverage
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Caption Kerry and Dean between a commercial break
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Giants fans upset that Pac Bell Park has been renamed SBC Park
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| (SciAm) |
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SARS evolution traced. Georgia schools claim it was "intelligently designed"
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| (dcmilitary.com) |
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High-end steakhouse near Walter Reed hospital makes Friday nights special for wounded soldiers and their families by dishing out free dinners. Your soldiers are getting steak
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High school freshman who left weightlifting session after being called "weakling" rescues elderly man from pond minutes later
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Chicagoans react to Clear Channel's promotional deal that replaces O'Hare with Allstate Arena in traffic reports. Ditka -- 242, Clear Channel -- 7
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| (Some Guy) |
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AudioEdit how your favorite superheroes get dates when off the clock
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Singapore cut nude scene from "Titanic" but will keep 10 minute rape scene in recent French film
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Fire breaks out on teacher's desktop. Heat causes fish bowl on desk to explode, water puts out the fire. Fish OK
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Fox to debut dwarf dating show. Orcs, elves and hobbits demand equal time
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Mercedes-Benz and Cadillac in a pissing contest over who can outbling whom. Tasteful restraint surrenders
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| (Some Guy) |
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RIAA begins seizing DJ mix disks. Ravers nationwide oblivious to lack of music
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Photoshop Geddy Lee of Rush on a toboggan
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Policeman fired for selling videos of himself masturbating on eBay
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| (Some Farker Guys) |
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Fark meetup: Colorado Springs, Friday 6pm at Jack Quinns Irish Ale House and Pub. Your host "Unfreakable" and guest "rrtt22"
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| (The Journal) |
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All hail the Iowa Pork Queen, Courtney Knupp! Long may she... uh, pork
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Nobody saw this coming: Crystal ball starts house fire in Oklahoma
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| (The KCRA Channel) |
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Car thief dies from hypothermia after deciding to hide from police in 50-degree water
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| Thu January 29, 2004 |
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Move over FedEx and UPS: California company touts moon delivery service
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Pissed-off customer releases deadly snakes in bank, figures the money counters could use some adders
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| (Washington Bureau) |
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Wild boars running rampant in Berlin to delight, fear of Germans
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This guy continually sells NOTHING and people are buying
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| (Mazda) |
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Mazda designs RX-8 Autobot for Auto Show
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| (Tennessean) |
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Rallies for Ku Klux Klan, Democrats planned in Nashville on same day. Neither expected to support Sharpton
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Exploding whale *finally with pic*
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| (Orlando Sentinel) |
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Judge insults rape victim while looking at her photo in court and asking, "Why would he want to rape her?"
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Bad: Troy, NY school officals are now testing four-year-olds for cocaine. Worse: One test came back positive.
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"If we could land on the moon, fill the cargo with canisters of helium-3 mined from the surface and bring the shuttle back to Earth, that cargo would supply the entire electrical power needs of the United States for an entire year"
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Rick Pitino is back to coaching
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New onboard breathalyzer stops car from starting when you've had a few too many -- still no cure for hangovers
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Legalizing the practice of screwing people out of overtime results in companies screwing people out of overtime
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Karl Malone's feelings hurt by Utah Jazz mascot -- forgets he's sitting on piles of their money
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In honor of all the Super Bowl hype, relive some of its greatest player scandals and meltdowns
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| (ITV) |
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David Hasselhoff upset that Berlin Wall museum doesn't include him
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Photoshop what Matt Damon is holding between his hands
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Cable rates increase twice as fast as inflation
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Hormel recalls chili. Fark submitter skips obvious joke in favor of more true details: The chili had calculator parts in it
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Ctrl + Alt + Del inventer retires after 28 years at IBM, reportedly going home to crash
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| (THC) |
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Swedish chef fired for being too good at his job. Releases statement: "Bern dee bern dee bern dee bern BORK BORK BORK"
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| (Cinescape.com) |
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Rumors spread to take out Rick Berman from Star Trek production for good. Basements set ablaze as victory party ensues
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| (Other guy) |
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Pixar dumps Di$ney
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Man douses crying baby on flight to Brazil. "I think I overreacted a little"
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Britney Spears eyeing role in new Dukes of Hazzard movie, thinks she'd be a perfect "Cooter" (bottom of page)
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Georgia may shun "evolution" in schools. There goes the science
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Military chopper involved in accident with rooftop elevator. Headline blames the elevator
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Pamela Anderson's breasts to become national landmark(s)
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Fark Super Bowl Party in Vegas this Sunday. Come join Drew and Brooks with the SbB girls
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| (Virginian-Pilot) |
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Speeding + drunk + refuse sobriety test = no charges. Turns out the driver was the sheriff. And head of the city's Democratic Party
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Fiscally conservative republicans submit budget with $540 billion deficit
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Robin Givens runs down old lady. In other news, Mike Tyson is still broke
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Game of Taboo turns sour when losing streak leads to outburst of handguns. Three men were arrested for this trivial pursuit; later said they were sorry
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At least 13 bills that would ban offshore outsourcing are now winding their way through various state legislatures
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| (Quad-City Times) |
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Which is worse: Being convicted of indecent exposure, or having your wife testify that your erection is not visible from 35 feet away?
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Rick Salomon agrees to drop case against Paris Hilton if she'll allow him to distribute the sex tape on a "pay-per-view basis"
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Some kid's site MikeHuntSoft.com sued by porn company
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Anti-drug commercial comes to life when two stoners play with a handgun.
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Photoshop this hockey player hooking another
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Russians drink as much beer as Americans and British
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| (WTOP News) |
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Bowflex machines recalled: Stops flexing and smacks user in back of head
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Man to use Lotto winnings to buy headstone that shows a champagne glass, a royal flush, a slot machine, a nude woman facing backwards and a stick of dynamite with a lit fuse
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Scientist returning to North Dakota from South Pole claims, "It was balmy compared to here"
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Boston tickets and tows 3,000 during "snow emergency" when hardly any snow fell
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| (Palm Beach Post) |
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Steals statue of Yoda, someone does
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Imaginary boyfriends/girlfriends a big hit on ebay
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| (EvilRobotTed) |
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Translate what Chewbacca might be saying in a given conversation
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Michael Jackson allegedly spiked child victim's Coke with wine, as was mandated in his contract with Pepsi
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| (The Omaha Channel) |
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"Let's be realistic about this," police chief says. "When have you ever seen anyone smoking tobacco in a hash pipe or a bong?"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this breakdancer performing for Pope John Paul II
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Bush budget not DOA
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Gerald Ford used to let off loud farts and blame them on his Secret Service men
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Nobel Laureates create new form of matter. France interested in possible cheese-making applications
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Prisoners in Danish jails have been paying others up to 135 euros a day to serve their sentences for them. College group to organize tours, do a week and earn money to stay two more
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| (Moby) |
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Moby says Al Sharpton is the man for the job
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Top high school football prospect reports on recruiting visits. Hilarity ensues
|
| (twincities.com) |
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Neighborhood group spends $10,000 on stop-peeing-in-public ads around local bars saying: "Go before you go"
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Rev. IM Jolly sadly died today at the age of 79
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Illegal immigrant caught working at government detention facility for illegal immigrants
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| Wed January 28, 2004 |
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Two Vancouver cops fired for taking drug dealers to the park and beating them. The other four who took part will be back keeping the streets safe in mid-February
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All the world's spam is the fault of one cat
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Chicago judge orders R. Kelly to do something the rest of us would do for free: Avoid Michael Jackson
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Pimp gets nine years in jail for advertising in the yellow pages
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| (Some Guy) |
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Theme: I went to _____ and all I got was this stupid ______. Link goes nowhere
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Starting tomorrow, telemarketers can no longer show up on caller ID as "out of area"
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After 17 years of silence, Abba signs a new record deal
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| (WCVB) |
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A man, who claimed violent television made him kill an elderly neighbor, will be getting out of prison a year early
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Rachel Hunter to appear nude in Playboy 17 years too late
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| (TwinCities) |
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University takes recruits to strip clubs
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Child-rearing tip of the day: Don't leave your baby in wet cement
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James Brown's mugshot makes Nick Nolte look like a backstreet boy
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News anchor claims his penis is more important that a pancreas transplant. Transplant recipient undecided
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| (Denver Post) |
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Colorado lawmakers pushing for bill that would see to it that companies which move jobs overseas "can kiss their state contracts goodbye"
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| (KSTP.com) |
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Gopher blows up house. Carl Spackler unavailable for comment
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Congress will pay millions to build a Hooters restaurant in Louisiana, but won't kick in the $5 million to reopen the Statue of Liberty
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Man who lost his finger tip sadly unable to flip off hospital staff
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Woman shoves crack into her hoo-ha. Ten-hour standoff in hospital ensues
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| (Enquirer.com) |
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Archeologist finds 2000-year-old letter from Roman soldier to dad asking for warm socks and boots
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Al Sharpton gets zero percent of the vote in New Hampshire
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| (Attrition.org) |
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"Warning. You tried to send a virus." Why anti-virus firms are intentionally spamming you
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| (New Haven Register) |
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Kidnapped billionaire released for pizza and a promise to pay $40,000 later. Jailarity ensues
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| (WCPO.com) |
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Originally ruled a suicide, cops decide a second opinion is needed for body found shot, burned, wrapped in sheet, buried under floor
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Casino kicks out stroke victim thinking she was drunk
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Faith Evans arrested for drug possession. Looking for the Fark trifecta now
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Teen sentenced to counseling, community service for feeding neighbor's cat to alligator
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| (WIS TV) |
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James Brown arrested on domestic violence charges
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| (Some Guy) |
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Theme: Unlikely snack foods. Link goes nowhere
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Recently cast into the upcoming Superman movie: Beyonce Knowles as Lois Lane, Johnny Depp as Lex Luthor
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Defibrillator spark sets patient on fire
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| (Computer World) |
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Newer, more destructive version of MyDoom Internet e-mail worm on the loose. Target: Microsoft
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O'Hare Airport replaced by Allstate Arena in Clear Channel's Chicago traffic reports because of marketing agreement
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| (Billings Gazette) |
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In response to audit, Minnesota lottery director commits suicide
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Wife-fattening farm: "When they are small they don't understand, but when they grow up they are fat and beautiful"
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| (Caledonian Record) |
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Vermont man no longer allowed to masturbate in front yard, mow lawn naked, or put pictures of his wiener on random windshields
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| (Palm Beach Post) |
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Customer suing over Shoney's soup gets just $407. Jury rules that his prior conviction as a pedophile likely caused his "mental anguish" instead
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Third attempt to kill Halle Berry on a movie set fails
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| (NBC30) |
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Man gets taken out by snowplow. Once is not enough
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U.S. to announce cyber alert system. Homeland Security could mimic color-coded terror alerts
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Nurse miffed after official unemployment website offers job as prostitute
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SbB girl appears on Howard Stern TV show; gets booted after five minutes
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| (TechWorld) |
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New Internet Explorer security hole could be unfixable
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| (WhiteHouse.gov) |
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"The illiteracy level of our children are appalling" -- President Bush speech transcript
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| (wsoctv.com) |
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Pizza man's vehicle gets struck by hit-and-run driver, has to borrows wife's car. Runs over toilet in street. Police responding to incident decide to run man's driving record. More hilarity ensues
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| (fredericksburg.com) |
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Today's 134 cats, six dogs and three children living in a feces-saturated home brought you to you by the town of Layton, Utah. The animals are well, children may be euthanized
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| (trivalleyherald) |
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Dog receives a pre-approved Platinum Mastercard with a $1500 limit, plans to blow it all on steak
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Houstonians making illegal left turns and hitting new train. NASCAR offers turning lessons
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| (Herald Sun) |
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Fifty-ton sperm whale explodes on the streets of Taiwan
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Judge rules that $4.5 million "bank loan" to Governator was illegal. Arnold says, "Fantastic"
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| (Billings Gazette) |
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Worried about your mutual fund company's abuses? Don't alert the boss, he might beat you with a brick
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| (Weather.com) |
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Current temperature for Grand Forks, ND
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Leaked Hutton report exonorates government, blasts BBC
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| (Foreigner) |
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AudioEdit a washed-up band trying to drum up support for a concert
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Photoshop this Japanese reporter interviewing a cow
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| (Reebok) |
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Terry Tate is back
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Opportunity discovers bedrock on Mars. NASA scientists reportedly having a yabba dabba doo time, a dabba doo time, a gay old time
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Because your co-workers are full of crap, here's the annual roundup of Superbowl urban legends
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NASA says second Mars rover experiencing problems
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Indians pitcher: Yup, it was me in that gay Japanese porn video. Sorry
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| (Some Guy) |
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Iowa City Fark Party, Sat. January 31. 7:30 pm at the Airliner -- need a list of those who can come
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Cambridge drops plans for animal research lab, for fear of "12 Monkeys"-type terrorism
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Keifer Sutherland calls Angelina Jolie "the smartest woman I've ever met"
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FCC levies record fine agains Clear Channel for a variety of infractions. Fines for playing sucky music waived for fear of bankrupting them
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Ten sure-fire ways to get fired
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Photoshop these crazy Swiss skiers
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| (Movie House) |
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The complete nudity report on the Best Actress and Best Supporting Actress nominees for 2003. (Not safe for work)
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| (PCWorld) |
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Software giant SCO offers $250,000 bounty for mydoom virus author. Boba Fett, IG-88, 4-LOM, Bossk unavailable for comment
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British students tell us how tough life is when you have to pay for your own education
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Seven-million-litre tank of ethanol on fire (pic)
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| (Some Guy) |
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White Tail Ski Resort is burning. And you can watch it on the Web
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Daycare center receives three-ton teddy bear
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| Tue January 27, 2004 |
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Tulane University student's SUV stolen twice in three days
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| (Honolulu Advertiser) |
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People evacuated so 1,250 tons of wheat do not fall on them
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| (The Argus Online) |
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Cow attacks jogger in park. Park officials soil themselves laughing
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Man recovering from minor butt-shrapnel after cell phone explodes while he was sleeping
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| (LodiNews.com) |
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Woman dresses up horse manure. Sells "turd birds" for $20 each and gives them to friendsand family as "gifts"
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| (Monterey Herald) |
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California police officer once again named nation's funniest cop (sample hilarity included)
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Man awakened during fire by stray cat he rescued, both are fine
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Mike Rowe selling threatening letters from Microsoft on eBay
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Man calls police to tell them he was robbed and his high-quality weed was stolen. "I only want to report the watch, not the money or the weed, because I don't want to tell you how much weed there was"
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Terrorists now disguise themselves as garden gnomes
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| (The Pittsburgh Channel) |
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New Timex watch doubles as a credit card, and invitation to mugging
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| (WHO13) |
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Iowa deli still waiting for $963.01 from Howard Dean
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Lurch projected to beat No Neck, 39 percent to 24 percent, in NH primary
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Ann Coulter talking action figure. Contributes more to society than the real one
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Bored with this year's election, historical group claims Washington wasn't the first president
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| (The Union) |
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Frequently experience dizziness, nausea, headaches? You could be allergic to electricity. Or hung over
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| (Redding.com) |
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Man sleeping in a dumpster ends up in garbage truck
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Lighters, matches about to join list of contraband on airplanes
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Man hasn't bathed for 18 years. Said he was waiting for his first accepted submission on Fark
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Science proves conclusively that Neanderthals did not contribute to the genetic make-up of modern Europeans, British soccer fans notwithstanding
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| (NBC 11) |
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California assemblyman wants feng shui applied to state buildings
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Post office delivers letter addressed to woman "On Top of a Big Hill"
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For the first time astronomers have seen an X-ray echo from a gamma ray burst, possibly from a star collapsing into a black hole
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Cheering crowd eggs on man combing cow dung for diamonds
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Schwarzenegger ruled to have broken campaign finance law. Still unable to pronounce California
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop brain scan of patient
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Hollywood is out of ideas: Adam Sandler will remake The Longest Yard
|
| (Lileks) |
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Lileks reviews a horrible Spider-Man Big Little Book
|
| (Mobile Register) |
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Wal-Mart potatoes, now with 50 percent more venomous snakes
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Washington Capitals owner, showing more fight than team, grabs fan and throws him to ground
|
| (Mirror.co.uk) |
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Tom Cruise annoying Kidman with text messages. "Nic u R a poopie head. LOL"
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| (NC Times) |
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Trial begins in $1.5 million lawsuit over library cat who attacked dog
|
| (twincities.com) |
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Flasher escapes when golf-club-wielding man slips and falls
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Red-haired supermodel Angelica Bridges. Not safe for work
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Police aren't exactly sure why optional third-row SUV seats are so highly prized by thieves
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Norwegian travels to Ghana to meet the woman he fell in love with on the Internet. Turns out she's a real princess, and soon he will become an African king
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Late-night pioneer Jack Paar dies at age 85
|
| (Oscars) |
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Academy Award nominations announced
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Thief breaks into seafood restaurant to steal king crabs, locks himself inside freezer
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Many men opt to live with prostate cancer instead of getting it frozen, nuked or chopped off
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KFC abandons chicken in Vietnam due to bird flu, turns to fish as alternative. Confused Jessica Simpson unavailable for comment
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Exploding undergarments are the new fashion trend hitting Kabul
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Female reporter visits bar to do story after it was named one of "Britain's Toughest Pubs." Hilarity ensues
|
| (Omaha World-Herald) |
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Biggest truck stop in the world celebrates 40th birthday
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Photoshop this cautious chicken worker
|
| (MLive) |
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Radio advertises Kid Rock. Kid Rock advertises a big FU to fans. Jailairity ensues
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Jerry Lewis looks more like himself after dropping 50 pounds due to rehab for steroid abuse
|
| (Omaha World-Herald) |
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Adventures of a Ford Focus in a Nebraska snowstorm
|
| (comicbookthemovie.com) |
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Donna D'Errico sex tape (Not safe for work)
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Clark wins in Dixville Notch. Johnsonburg and Penistown yet to report
|
| (900chml) |
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Inmate racks up $800 in phone sex bills. Warden: "Honest, who'd have thought leaving inmates alone with access to a phone would have resulted in this?"
|
| (archive.org) |
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AudioEdit the State of the Union address, or the Democratic reponse
|
| (Montana Standard) |
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Montana is hosting the first Bartender Olympics
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Scientists genetically engineer plant to detect leftover landmines
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President's little bro rolling in dough, bush
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Fun fact: Number of e-mails Bill Clinton sent through his entire presidency: Two. Another fun fact: One was a test to see if he knew what he was doing
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Man breaks four world records after running 152 miles on treadmill. Steps off treadmill, involuntarily runs through YMCA wall
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XXXVIII wacky facts about Super Bowl XXXVIII
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Today is Thomas Crapper Day
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