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| Sun September 07, 2003 |
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Man -- who tossed trash can through pub window, then ran to police station to avoid ass-kicking -- called "easiest arrest ever" by officials
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Man's dog ate his hearing aid and false teeth while he slept. Dog soon to bark out his butt
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Woman who failed to dial emergency number while her daughter died now employed as emergency call operator
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Woman crashes her car on interstate highway. Four hours pass before someone stops to investigate overturned car
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Family maintains chain letter started in 1916
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Man dies after vicious magpie attack. Bling-bling blamed
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Part of downtown highway to be closed "because film crews are shooting a movie that will involve pyrotechnics." People urged to stay away
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| (Some Guy) |
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Laetitia Casta, 57 pics. NSFW banner ad
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Hollywood's love affair with con men
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop Doc Ock from Spiderman 2
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| (Duluth News Tribune) |
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Playboy is responsible for the baring of different body parts of American women, regardless of size
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New study shows alligator chomp second to none
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| (Some Guy) |
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A frightening look into America's most frightening pastime: Dungeons & Dragons
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| (R.S) |
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Kurt Cobain was a better guitarist than Eddie Van Halen -- at least Rolling Stone thinks so
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| (Bozeman Daily Chronicle) |
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Business at bars near colleges goes up 25 percent when school starts
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Mom, Dad, I've decided to major in video games
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Dennis Miller: Here's one way we can solve our border problems: "Why don't we just buy Mexico and Canada? I mean the continent is already called North America. Somebody was trying to tell us something"
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Only known tape of both plane crashes in WTC attack surfaces near second anniversary of 9-11
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| (Some Guy) |
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Dr. Claw's face... revealed at last
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| (The Day) |
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"Vertical soccer" is like bungee tetherball and it's stopping traffic in Tokyo
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| (Grand Moff Joseph) |
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Farker Grand_Moff_Joseph turns 21 in less than a week and wants to buy ONE drink. What should he buy? Voting enabled, link goes nowhere
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| (Magic Eye) |
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Magic Eye pic of the week
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Google is five today
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| (Some Guy) |
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Japanese eye tricks (ARGH! My head is going to explode.) Not safe for hangovers
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| (LEGO) |
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Junkbot: Shockwave game. Solve puzzles by building with LEGO bricks. For ages four and up (requires shockwave)
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Magical box of Sumerian power up for auction. Too bad we invaded them already
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Mushroom collectors ruin Latvian army
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Family of slain Tennessee man sues makers of "Grand Theft Auto" because they claim it inspired asshat teenage murderers
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| (Scripps Howard News Service) |
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Ten percent of Americans are substance abusers, 94 percent of them said they didn't need treatment. Hundred percent said they'd like some drugs, please
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Fisherman's head impaled by six-foot hook
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Ugly-ass, rare, endangered snow leopard kitten setting new records for ugly-assedness (with pic)
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Dogs dressed as nuns snarl Berlin traffic
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Man being sentenced for letting mobile phone ring in court has proceedings interrupted when policeman's mobile phone goes off in court
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Naked photographer strikes again in Ohio (with scary composite pic)
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One in 10 female army recruits has chlamydia. Purple heart surrenders to green genitals
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| (clickondetroit.com) |
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Two golfers arrested after attacking slow foursome ahead of them with golf clubs. Also charged with failing to replace ear divots
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Article wonders why on earth guys might like to watch girls kiss (post your fave SFW girls kissing pics)
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If you're innocent and in prison, check to see if your buddy actually committed your crime. Elmo Blatch surrenders
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Norwegian man shatters world record by eating 187 oysters in three minutes
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NASA satellite takes cool photo of Hurricane Fabian as it smashes Bermuda
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Dogs now legal and affordable in China. Your dog no longer wants steak, just wants you to put down the fork
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| Sat September 06, 2003 |
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Actor waving sword around near off-duty cop arrested just before play begins
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Scandinavian school appoints first professor of parapsychology, hypnology and clairvoyance. Doctors Venkman, Spengler and Stantz rejoice
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Russia working on world's largest salad. Bush declares lettuce gap, starts crash program to develop invincible Death Tomato
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| (The Union) |
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Holy Fark batman, drill-bit guy gets fark another blurb... or fark gets drill-bit guy another blurb... who's counting?
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| (Some Gal) |
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From A to Z: Classic bodybuilders of the golden era. Safe for work
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| (Washington Times) |
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Asshat crashes car after: 1) talking on cell phone, 2) snorting cocaine, 3) drinking beer, 4) dancing with broken toe
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"Where else would a fat, lazy, shrewd, pampered and thoroughly obstreperous goat be but luxuriating in a fleecy patch of shade?"
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| (via Geekpress) |
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Collection of whip-ass ASCII movies
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| (Silicon Valley) |
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HP and Compaq expected to break up, logic just doesen't make sense. One crappy company + another crappy company does not = good company
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| (Some Guy) |
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Relive all the crazy fads from 1920 to 1990
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Lucky kids in Japan get to go to "summer homework solution camp"
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The cast of Full House tops the list of the "50 Most Hated TV Characters List." Danny Tanner still wants to hug you
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Red Sox destroy Yankees in 11-0 rout at Yankee Stadium. Yankees suck
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Apparently Google knows the answer to life, the universe, and everything... and it is 42
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| (AutoNews.com) |
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"Dude, you're getting a Saturn." Underpowered, plastic-paneled appliance company seeks to give away same with purchase
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British holiday maker bites off a Greek man's nose
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| (myinky.com) |
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From the tit-for-tat department: Stripclub owner sues over county's Ten Commandments monument
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New collectible, limited-edition "extreme beer" that comes in at 25 percent alcohol by volume -- more than five times the figure for Sam Adams Boston Lager
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| (ThisisGloucestershire) |
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Ad agency uses pregnant women's stomachs for advertising space
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In "14 Alone," a group of 10 14-year-old boys and girls spends five days and nights in a house with no adults except a film crew. WTF??
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| (This is Devon) |
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If you're going to watch a riverside fireworks display, don't try to stand on the water
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| (hartfordadvocate.com) |
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Victimized by satanic cults and the CIA or just plain crazy? A look at the recent SMART conference at Windsor Locks
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Photoshop these kids throwing fireballs at each other (Difficulty: Bloody hard)
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Could the NFL get any better? It's considering extending season by two games
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| (Omaha.com) |
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There will be no traffic control after University of Iowa football games
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| (Idaho Statesman) |
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Idaho is now getting their own Homeland Security Department
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Gandolf wounded in Gaza Airstrike (pics)
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Agassi still packin' them in considering he is 92 in tennis years
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Palestinian Prime Minister Abbas submits resignation
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Yoko Ono to get nekkid for world peace again
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High school loser sprays nitric acid in other student's face
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| (Some Guy) |
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Bicycle shop owner foils Nigerian email scam
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Christina Applegate gallery. Can you believe Kelly Bundy is 32 this year? (safe for work)
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A man walks into a bank, takes off his pants and falls asleep on a sofa
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Seattle restaurant owners make you sign "No Fat Lawsuit" before trying their new dessert, in response to pudgy asshats suing McDonald's
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Man calls telemarketers at 4am with prank telemarketing calls
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| (The Nation) |
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Job growth numbers from Truman to the present
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Queen Elizabeth planning to visit Ireland. Stay tuned for ensuing hilarity
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| (Newsweek) |
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Name a modern gadget you simply could not live without. Link goes to "10 Inventions That Will Change Your World"
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| (Montana) |
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Awesome pics of lightning that started fires in Montana
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| (Some Guy) |
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Papa John's fills soldier's unusual order: 40 pizzas to Iraq
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Photoshop how you'd like to die. Link goes example
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| (Air & Space) |
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Missiles, shmissiles -- the Air Force is just about ready to field an airborne laser gun (Kent, stop touching yourself)
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Hacker Adrian Lamo calls The Screen Savers while on the run from the feds
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Samurai-sword killer avoids jail term
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| Fri September 05, 2003 |
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In world's biggest case of bogarting, Omega Pharmecuticals to become sole distrubtor of medicinal marijuana in Netherlands
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| (KOBTV) |
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Hallucinogenic tea likely to gain religious exemption. In other news, hundreds of students suddenly discover God
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| (Omaha.com) |
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Waterloo, Iowa's rush hour comes to a freezing halt
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Naked newspaper delivery man arrested; confesses he's been "delivering" nude for weeks
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| (Some Meter Maid) |
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City unveils four "homeless contribution meters"
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British Airways considers arming its planes with anti-missile systems
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Mormon Church has no objection to elimination of firing squad in Utah
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Photoshop John Kerry stinkin' drunk on his campaign plane
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| (Screech) |
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Saved by the Bell, seasons one & two on DVD
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| (Some Guy) |
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Danish man decides second-floor apartment is a good place to keep his horse
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| (SiliconValley.com) |
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Robots to race 250 miles across the Mojave Desert. Skynet is born
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Bud Selig punk'd on radio show in Canada, ESPN is there with a transcript
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Cops call Ghostbusters
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| (NewsNet5) |
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Man test-driving motorcycle without helmet flies head first into telephone pole after accident
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| (Some Guy) |
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Italian winemaker says a line of wine featuring Nazis on the label has been a "great marketing success"
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Monk gives young boys tattoos to make them invincible, couple swigs of Pimp Juice to get their mack on
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Drug lab set up at vacationing deputy's home
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Game Show Network to air California recall debate
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Man jailed for 176th time, a day after being released from prison early
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Now you can block those pesky RIAA spies
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| (Modbee) |
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High school cancels football game over fear of rival adult violence
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Prisoner on suicide watch commits suicide while guards watch
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1 dead, 11 injured on rollercoaster crash (with helicopter video)
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It's good to be king: 50,000 young Swazi women dance topless for king in the hopes of becoming one of his wives
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| (Bizarro Drudge) |
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Britney's stupid new look (with pic) (site NSFW)
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| (Some Guinan) |
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Beam down these Star Trek sounds and AudioEdit your own exciting episode. Watch it repeatedly in reruns
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| (Some News station) |
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German brewery donates 600 cases of beer to American soldiers. Soldiers don't mind
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Beautiful new Hubble Telescope photo shows giant galaxy surrounded by hundreds of smaller ones (with pic)
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Telemarketer sued for violating "do not call" list
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Microsoft to produce leather-clad mouse. Also available in lace thong and high heels
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New lottery millionaire is 91 and says he lacks nothing -- except maybe a wife
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| (This is Derbyshire) |
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Man tells everyone that friend is a pedophile, then goes drinking with him. Hilarity ensues
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X-E reviews everything on Wendy's 99-cent "Super Value" menu...
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Teen sets stinky cat on fire to get rid of odor
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| (Thestar.com) |
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Icelandic professor goes to Canadian arctic to collect spit in search of long-lost blonde eskimos. Bjork concept album in the works
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Elderly man unable to leave restaurant without ramming into six cars and one building
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| (Magic) |
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Photoshop this Magic the Gathering champion
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College basketball coaches must attend an ethics summit or lose their free tickets to the 2004 Final Four
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Montana nude bordello dancer in mural resembles governor
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Caldera volcano under Yellowstone's gonna blow, so don't worry about 2014 asteroid
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Because it's the second time he's been charged, Marilyn Manson should probably stop grabbing security guards' heads back toward his crotch and gyrating
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Pantyhose perv picks prey per pantaloon paucity. Police propose perp probably puss
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MTV Real World chick kicks a Marine's sorry ass. The Smoking Gun there as usual
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| (Some Guy) |
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A few model videos to wrap up your work week (sfw)
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Huge silo filled with treated human feces explodes. Sends unpleasant wave of burnt fecal odor into The Bronx, which, surprisingly, is noticed fairly quickly
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First ever Fark Moving Picture contest deadline extended to Sept 12th. Win $1000 for designing a moving-picture promotion for this new website. We'll run another link so you can post submissions that day
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Drew's looking for folks living in the Spartanburg/Greenville SC area to have a beer with Tuesday night. Email drew at fark.com
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RIAA to offer amnesty to file traders, if... (insert ridiculous rules written by lawyers). And you could still get sued by others
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Kansas City Fark Party and Rocky Horror Picture Show, Sept 13th
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| (Daily Californian) |
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"For those who still feel a little funny immersing their fingers in the poop chute...." Learn all that and more by reading UC Berkeley's school newspaper (article may be not safe for work)
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| (ThisIsLincolnshire) |
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Female golfers bare all for charity calendar (with sfw pics)
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Geri Halliwell's bust makes "a rather sudden return"
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Sting's tales of five-hour tantric sex aren't true
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Turtles lured to disco death
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If you're going to impersonate NFL player, at least claim you're someone people have heard of
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In case you needed to know: Study shows crows prefer mayonnaise to bread
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Atlanta store to revive tradition of letting customers ride the Pink Pig during holiday season (with pic)
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Illegal Internet pharmacy run out of mother's bedroom generated $1.3 million in sales after operating less than a year
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| (adn.com) |
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Two men walk into car dealer, write $250,000 in bad checks and walk out with two Hummers and a Cruiser. Now said to be cruising through downtown, luring hookers with monopoly money and free beer
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Theme: Photoshop what the world would be like if dinosaurs existed today
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Phoenix Pharkers Pub Palaver and "Phuck Philly" Proclamation at the George, 6pm today
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Depp-ah-di-doo-dah, depp-ah-di-ay, those weren't the words he meant to say
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How should education be funded?
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| (Scientific American) |
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Why do people get goosebumps?
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| (Houston Chronicle) |
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Bill Cosby goes to Baylor to boost morale
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| (Gamespot) |
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Dr. Pepper partners with Nintendo for gimmicky game gimmick
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| (SPR.org) |
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RIP, federal "Pound Me in the Ass" prison
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Such a huge culture gap exists between students and professors that some professors have to use a manual to communicate
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Kansas City Fark Party and Rocky Horror Picture Show. September 13, 10:30pm
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| Thu September 04, 2003 |
| (NBC4) |
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Pornsite operator charged with secretly taping tenants having sex
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Eric Clapton was too lazy to play with the Rolling Stones, says Keith Richards in between blood transfusions
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South Koreans steal nearly $1.5 million worth of U.S. military beer through secret tunnel
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| (ChannelOklahoma) |
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In attempt to shed their redneck image, Oklahoma State University renames their football stadium to "Boone Pickens Stadium"
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| (Some Alcohol Olympian) |
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Photoshop farker's friends at their Alcoholympics
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To celebrate highest unemployment rate in 30 years, Congress set to give itself pay raise
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Security at a New Zealand rugby match tonight is on sharp boobie watch. One player has offered $2000 to any woman streaker who makes it past security
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Prince Charles visits hospital, promises 84-year-old woman who was told she couldn't have booze after surgery that he'd see if he could slip her a glass
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| (St Cloud Times) |
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Woman has 40 flutes stolen from her car -- nearby band camp can't be found for comments
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"Women's underwear became a flawless weapon to gain men's attention"
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Finally, scientific evidence for the health benefits of hot beef injections
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| (wnbc.com) |
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Python bought over Internet shipped to buyer in a box and sent via UPS. Hilarity ensues
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IRS workers give complete and correct tax information 45 percent of the time
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Estrada withdraws name from consideration for Court of Appeals; will return to CHiPs
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Mugshots of former WorldCom CEO Bernie Ebbers
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Hit shows for fall of 2003
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| (Korea Times) |
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World's first Pizza Hut Plus opens in Korea. Once again, the power of fast food overcomes all political difficulty
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| (University of Illinois) |
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Since the time of Genghis Khan, people have wondered about the validity of the beloved "5-second rule" for eating food dropped on the ground. Link goes to findings of new study
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| (Greenville Online) |
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Man apparently short on cash fires gun in bar and flees instead of paying $8.25 bill
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NASCAR canine mascot killed by truck. 10,000 new country songs immediately written
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Non-Asians have taken to tattooing Asian characters on their body, despite the fact that many don't understand what the symbols mean. One woman has tattoo that reads "beautiful man"
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Secret weapon found in neck-bomb pizza guy's car was a "cane gun"
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Supercows: Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, able to give over 14,000 litres of milk in a single lactation
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| (Pittsburghlive.com) |
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If you're in Pittsburgh tonight, don't be scared by the naked bikers
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Digital bugle approved to play at military funerals. Skin flute still "don't ask, don't tell"
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| (Bucks Free Press) |
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Three-day topless chocolate wrestling fundraiser only raises £2,734
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Mayor of Rome says all dogs must be "corked"
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Photoshop President Bush dropping his dog, Barney
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Skimpy swimsuit not appropriate attire for men in Taco Bell
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Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions and a thrown-out obesity lawsuit
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| (NBC) |
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Computer glitch may leave Philadelphia liquor stores empty
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| (This Is Lincolnshire) |
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Ambulance worker may have used mobile phone to photograph dead accident victim
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Drunk man passes out on train tracks, survives 114 coal cars passing over him
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| (ClarionLedger.com) |
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If you're going to fondle women, don't keep a diary or write songs about it
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Britney says she'd do it again but "I mean I don't go home and have orgies or anything like that"
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Russian icon of Christ removed from museum after claims its "energy field" is killing staff
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Mayor hires private investigators to watch city workers. City workers discovered to be doing pretty much everything but work
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Norwegian politicians no longer punching opponents, now mocking the blind and making children cry
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| (This Is Gloucestershire) |
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Scriptwriter admits faking porn blurbs for videos he never watched
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Celebrity ape closer to rescue by monkey love
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One hundred girls rate sex acts. Includes the phrase: "During foreplay, he licks her eyeballs"
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Lucy Liu open to lesbian possibilities
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Boy George morphs into evil clown
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Women file lawsuit so they can go topless in public
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| (Christ I'm old...) |
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Farker Gus_283 turns 28 today, where the fark did you think you be when you got there and where are you now Hookers and blow jobs aside
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Strip club in Windsor, Ontario offers to pay tuition for students who strip to go to school
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55-year-old man leads police on brief chase around his yard after holding neighbor's cat for ransom
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Canadian postmen selling their routes for cash so they can leave work early to play golf
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Minister fears "nation of super engergized, drunk pimps" growing from Nelly's new energy drink
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Overlooked loophole could reverse NY smoking ban
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Abbas says U.S. should do more to pressure Israel, also reminds U.S. that it is a dancing queen
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| (Some Guy) |
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"Shh. Be vewy, vewy quiet. I'm hunting wabbits." Say your pwayers and AudioEdit Elmer Fudd
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"But officer... my Lamborghini Diablo starts to shake when I hit 70 mph. You couldn't possibly have clocked me at 182 mph"
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Paraplegic attempts 42-mile swim to island. Friends to nickname him "Bob"
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If you're going to start a marijuana-growing, get-rich-quick scheme, don't do it next to the police station
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| (phuket-guide.net) |
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What else is needed to attract some business to this Phuket Town area beach?
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Only in West Virginia: Town takes action after being plagued by bevy of roosters on 'roids.
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| (This Is Kent) |
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Lads' mag finds 20 soccer-supporting models to "play" each other, winner of tournament will strip (with sfw pic)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Use real physics to make your Nerf guns hurt more
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| (BadJocks.com) |
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Michigan State women's soccer team "initiation" turns freshman into "giant tampon"
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Neighbours hear screams after teen locked out of house decides to climb down chimney
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| (Illawarramerc.com) |
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Horrific accident prompts officials to warn public: Please refrain from sticking lit fireworks in your butt
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Open briefcase on roof + German autobahn = highway hilarity
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| (Thomas Rifter) |
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Enjoy this bevy of Suze Randall beauties (not safe for work)
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Cruise, Travolta and other Scientologists may have signed away many of their basic American rights
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New half-boat sportscar promises plenty of onlookers when it melts into huge puddle of rust after first time in ocean
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| (Tonybleak.com) |
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Due to popular demand, Tucson Fark Party moved to The Shanty, 401 E. 9th, on Sept. 13 @ 7:30pm
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Scientists find more evidence that there is life on Jupiter's moon Europa
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Photoshop this tennis player in deep thought
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| (Beloit College) |
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The Beloit College 2003 Mindset List: What don't the incoming freshmen of the class of 2007 know?
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| (undercover.com) |
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Eminem plays Willie Wonka
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| Wed September 03, 2003 |
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Cameron Diaz breaks nose surfing. Bosley and other Angels praying for quick recovery
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| (Arkansas NBC) |
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Sherriffs deputies say what appeared to be dead body actually just bones from large-hooved animal. Unclear why it was wearing red flannel shirt and hiking boots
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The NFL has a plan to tackle the fat-kid epidemic in America
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Universal finally takes nod and cuts CD prices by 30 percent. Making music not suck is next focus
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A whole new level of rice: Meet the wooden CRX
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Photoshop a very angry Coach Larry Brown
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Scientists discover that social class effects IQ for the poor, but that heredity effects IQ for the rich
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| (Pizza Guy) |
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Beer now delivered with pizza in Japan
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| (Some Guy) |
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Farker needs ideas for sabotaging sworn enemy's school locker
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Arnold egged during speech. Culprit as been targeted for termination (pic)
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| (Some Fanboy) |
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Babes of DragonCon (SFW)
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| (Sierra Sun) |
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Sierra Sun gives Fark a plug in drill-bit guy story
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Worm suspect tells authorities he didn't write the worm on his computer. Also tells mom that someone else must have downloaded that porn
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Woman who caused fatal DUI to be jailed every year on anniversary of crash
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Add Johnny Depp to the list of celebrities who disapprove of USA but would still like you to spend your American dollars on them
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Florida to kill a man who killed a man who kills little men to send a message to killers that killing people who kill people is wrong
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Pizza delivery neckbomb bank robber apparently had another "unique" weapon in his van
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Q: How much does a cloud weigh? A: One hundred elephants
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Not content to just interrupt your life, now telemarketers will call you collect
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Howard Dean demands Israel's withdrawal from Poconos
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Old and busted: Drive-by shootings. New hotness: Throwing refrigerators off highway overpasses
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| (twincities.com) |
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City officials run into some problems when they attempt to memorialize brewery ad campaign
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| (Newsfilter.org) |
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The most awesome set of natural cans ever in Playboy's history: Petra Verkaik (not safe for work)
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| (This Is North Scotland) |
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Vandals scrawl "The Famicom" on church wall, baffling locals and police
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| (This Is South Wales) |
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Brazilian woman driver confuses forward and reverse gears, demolishes restaurant
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| (Ragazz) |
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Manuela Arcuri offering a little international flavor (not safe for work)
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Chimp tires of his smoking, tea-drinking ways; moves back to Africa
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Farker is scanning a friend's huge collection of slides from the 70's. Thought he'd share this one
|
| (Herald Sun) |
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Inmate sues prison after he falls out of his bed
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The list is complete, check out who the top babe is for 2003 (safe for work)
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Golfing grandma grabs two hole-in-ones in same round
|
| (Boston Herald) |
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Restaurant's fat-boy statue found mutilated and floating off Cape Cod
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Uma Thurman and Ethan Hawke calling it quits. Say Hawke's romance with 22-year-old Canadian model may have something to do with it
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If you study at Oslo University, wear a helmet
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| (This Is North Scotland) |
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Woman told she'd go to hell if she left religious group that denies being a cult
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Man claims to be completely unaware of body hidden in his freezer
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Terrorists recruiting zombie army to invade U.S.
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Man lived for almost 60 years with WW2 shrapnel in his head
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Put your shirt on Britney: Bare is a Bore (actual headline)
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The 20 worst film titles of all time
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Serena wears a see-through top. The Sun is there (safe for work?)
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Bruce's Willie hangs out while getting revenge on Demi Moore
|
| (Washington Times) |
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Polish troops take control of part of central Iraq. Division includes two battleships with glass bottoms and a submarine with a screen door
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Dutch customs intercept shipment of baboon noses
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Drill-bit guy finally ends up on CNN
|
| (Daily Camera) |
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Man tries to hang woman, gets kicked out of house, so naturally he shoots himself and sews up the wound
|
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One woman's natural landscape is another snooty neighbor's weeds
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Striped uniforms making comeback for prisoners because solid orange uniforms are too easily confused with clothes worn by trendy teens
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Texas Democrat flees New Mexico. Could provide GOP with redistricting go-ahead
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More than half of Miami's population was born outside of the U.S.
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Scientists launch search for Britain's dirtiest cup
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How much water do you have to drink to compensate for the dehydrating effect of alcohol?
|
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Can't stand waiting in line to pray to Ganesh? Try an SMS. Apu and Manjula Nahasapeemapetilon rejoice
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Reminder: First ever Fark Moving Picture contest. Win $1000 for designing a moving-picture promotion for this new website. Deadline September 5th -- we'll run another link so you can post submissions that day
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One quarter of Britons believe Princess Diana was murdered
|
| (Las Vegas Sun) |
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If you switch beds in a hospital, hilarity may ensue
|
| (This Is Grimsby) |
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Grumpy loner spends lifetime chasing away kids playing on his land, dies and leaves £7.5 million to build a children's playground
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Theme: Photoshop a picture of yourself, old or new, into your favorite movie. Link goes nowhere important
|
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Asteroids will NOT strike the earth in 2014. Turns out asshat scientists wanted some attention
|
| (PistonHeads.com) |
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Brits put speed limits on its fire trucks. New limits lower than recently imposed parameters for everyday traffic on same roads
|
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British Farker wants to know about Fark parties in the UK (Link goes nowhere special)
|
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Prague Fark Party, Sept 13, 8pm
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D.C. sniper brags about shootings. Prison guard's testimony admissable. Hilarity ensues
|
| (This Is Devon) |
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Plumber trashes house when homeowner complains about job quality
|
| (News Shopper) |
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Ex-policewoman given orgasms without warning by aliens
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Don't ask the cops to give you and your stolen fridge a lift
|
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Congo Pygmies drop some lyrics about forest life in their debut CD
|
| (abc7.com) |
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McDonald's picks Justin Timberlake to be spokesperson. If you think that's bad, he's going to rap for them
|
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Man gets job, complains about losing unemployment checks. "If I wanted to start losing my checks, I would have found myself a woman"
|
| Tue September 02, 2003 |
| (411mania) |
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Triumph to join the musical ranks with his first album, Come Poop with Me, due out in October
|
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What if Fox bought TechTV?
|
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Amazon patents order forms, sues patent office for stealing their technology with patent applications
|
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Charles Bronson dead at 89, not 81
|
| (Via BadJocks.com) |
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Disco music causes rugby star to beat crap out of fellow bar patron during Bee Gee Tribute Night
|
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Tomato hurler met with untimley death by shotgun blast from assaulted motorist
|
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Survivor of lightning bolt strike has renewed fervor to party
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Farker Luckybob343 bowling
|
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Man swerves into police officer, litters road with beer. BAC test ensues
|
| (Tennessean) |
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Man dies of heart attack after 911 dispatchers send emergency crews to various wrong addresses, haggle over whose jurisdiction he's in
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Meet a few of CBS' new Survivor contestants, a drunk, an acid lover and a crackhead
|
| (Bettiepage.com) |
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Betty Page. Not safe for work
|
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Driver caught with unsafe trailer and driving unsafe van has had a suspended licence for 20 years... and other police-stop hilarity from this weekend
|
| (charleston.net) |
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Teens sure do love the hemp
|
| (Pittsburgh Post Gazette) |
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City prepares for week of bad puns as 33rd annual "canvention" of Beer Can Collectors descends on PittsBEERgh
|
| (Boston Herald) |
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College student locked in moving van during bill dispute with movers
|
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If you're going to do a beer-run, make sure you don't get your finger stuck in the display rack
|
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Jesse Ventura's portrait to be unveiled at Governor's mansion. Artist assures public no feather boas used
|
| (uticaOD.com) |
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Dirty hippie collides with pickup and tractor; attempts to leave scene naked, driving ambulance
|
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Georgia Governor Sonny Perdue shows Atlanta residents he cares about traffic problems by flying above the city in a news helicopter and giving early morning traffic reports
|
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Banker steals £2 million to buy parrots
|
| (This Is Nottingham) |
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Robber serves three years in jail for robbing jewelry store. Arrested seven hours after being released robbing same jewelry store (with pic)
|
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Infectious bacteria from outer space could wipe out life on Earth
|
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Day in the life of child virgin goddess in Kathmandu, Nepal
|
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Meet the teen who unleashed the copycat Blaster virus
|
| (WND) |
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If news outlets like WorldNetDaily would just IGNORE Michael Moore, he would GO AWAY
|
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Tiger cubs flown to Africa to learn to hunt, much like American teens go to college to learn to get drunk and have sex
|
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Thai firefighter eats his fishbait each day to prevent sickness
|
| (Some Fat Guy) |
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Farker Parallax's game, "Spank the Fat Guy" (made for TheSpark in 2000), has been found thanks to Fark Classifieds. (Not safe for work level: buttcrack)
|
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Women in Korea are paying to have hair transplated from their head to their pubic region
|
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Eighteen-year-old Parsons of copycat Blast Virus fame actually NOT the dumbest virus writer ever
|
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Penguin thief charged with stealing two expensive fish
|
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Jesse Jackson mugshot: The Smoking Gun was there
|
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Study finds people underrate their attractiveness. Zip on over to the Fark Personals Forum to rate each other.
|
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Junk-mail industry thinks that people will grow to love their "formulaic, confusing, wordy, unsophisticated crap"
|
| (freepressed.com) |
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Confused by "fair and balanced" label appearing on cover, FOX viewers mistakenly buy new Al Franken book
|
| (nydailynews.com) |
|
Instead of throwing candy into the crowd, a masked man jumps off parade float and fires bullets
|
| (Some Guy) |
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I love you/you love me/edit the theme/from Barney
|
| |
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Taking away Internet access becomes 21st-century version of "timeout" punishment
|
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Too many jumbo elephants in South Africa. Bob Barker dispatched to control the animal population
|
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Study finds Brazilian women "vainest" in world
|
| (Santa Cruz Sentinel) |
|
Naked man found standing on Highway 9, screaming about aliens
|
| |
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You know it's the Miss Italy contest when the story ends: "...finalists had already been chosen before the rashes flared"
|
| |
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Profile of the government agency DARPA: Researcher of advanced technologies, originator of the hair-brained terrorism futures market, possible foil to Mulder and Scully
|
| |
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Bomb explodes at Baghdad police academy. Steve Guttenberg unharmed
|
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Space-age materials protect NFL players from harm, burning up on re-entry
|
| |
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Bikers and rednecks wait all day for a surprise closing act at Harley's 100th Anniversary Celebration. Elton John is the surprise. Hilarity ensues
|
| (ThisIsGrimsby) |
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"Artist" pushes monkey nut seven miles to Tony Blair's home with nose to clear student loan. Blair says no (with pic)
|
| (The Daily Herald) |
|
Man rides horse onto dance floor, finds himself on business end of fists, feet, belts and metal pipes
|
 |
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TicketMaster to start auctioning off the best seats to the highest bidders
|
| (KHOU) |
|
How a dog named Smut wore out his presidential welcome
|
| |
|
Tuscon Fark Party. September 13, 7pm. Need a theme
|
| (WestPress) |
|
Former diplomat spends £20 million developing amphibious car
|
| |
|
Albany, NY Fark Party. September 13, 7pm. Need to finalize a venue
|
 |
|
Labor Day Strong Bad email
|
| (Calgary Sun) |
|
Apparently there isn't a big enough TV audience to support a channel exclusively devoted to Canadian woman's sports.
|
| |
|
Asteroid two thirds of a mile across and travelling at 20 miles per second may hit Earth on 21 March, 2014. "Could cause devastation across an entire continent." Offer not valid in Saskatchewan
|
| (The Victoria Advocate) |
|
Youngsters and horned toads mix during Kenedy fun event (actual headline)
|
| |
|
Russian skater pulled over for DUI; pleads for leinency because he's a famous athelete, forgetting that ice skating without stick and puck is not a sport
|
| Mon September 01, 2003 |
| (Some Guy) |
|
Share your stories about how you found Fark
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
In case Farkers don't know who Studs Terkel is
|
| |
|
Jesse Jackson arrested at Labor Day march. The Smoking Gun will be there tomorrow, probably
|
| |
|
Operating the wrong "stick shift," bribery and other hilarity from road stops -- all in one weekend
|
| (Global Arcade) |
|
Like the arcade classic Asteroids with a new spin. Stop multinational mergers at the same time
|
| (RvB) |
|
Red vs Blue: New episode
|
 |
|
Canada's basketball team guarantees it won't lose a game at the Olympics
|
| (Pennington Post) |
|
150-year-old farmhouse suffered heavy damage when squirrel carts lit cigarette into the attic
|
| |
|
China to outsource 200,000 of its military to India
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Italian teenage boy hitch-hikes 1,200 miles to see Swedish holiday-romance girlfriend; finds out he's dumped
|
 |
|
An Australian institution falls by the wayside as public drunkeness becomes illegal
|
| (This Is Gloucester) |
|
Driver fills car from petrol can, doesn't bother to put out cigarette. Hilarity ensues
|
| |
|
Vacationers flock to farms for plenty of opportunities to golf, get married, shoot varmints, avoid cows
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Scotland says it invented Gospel music. In other news, Africa says it invented bagpipes
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Farker Linenoise has female neighbor who constantly takes up two parking spaces in his crowded neighborhood. What's the best way to convey his fealings without going to jail?
|
| |
|
60,000 pounds of chicken baked on Georgia highway after crash
|
| |
|
David Blaine's new magic trick: Frightening journalists
|
| |
|
GPS-device thief caught by GPS
|
| |
|
Capitol dome allegedly home to hookers
|
| |
|
Beyonce Knowles declines suggestion to get naked and covered in honey for photo shoot; kittens rejoice
|
| (This Is Gloucester) |
|
Vegetarian piranha among ten new fish discovered by scientists
|
| |
|
Toyota's Prius eliminates the need to be able to parallel park
|
| |
|
Space alien busted for drunk flying
|
| |
|
Former Ghostbuster Ernie Hudson haunted by fans' stories of the paranormal
|
| (Honolulu Advertiser) |
|
Hawaii attorney makes best description of anti-prostitution efforts ever. Puka means hole
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