Drew Curtis' FARK.com -- Archives for 2002-06-09

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Sun June 09, 2002
(Miami Herald)	Dave Barry's advice for Father's Day gifts source: miami.com \| share:	31
	Tawny Kitaen: "All of my daughter's friends think I am the coolest mom in the world." source: sportsbybrooks.com \| share:	27
(Some weird Guy)	Are you out of Horse Sperm? then have it shipped right to your door (have some sent to Drew) source: shippedsemen.com \| share:	58
(Some Guy)	Contacts that you can live in ALL month long. source: nightanddaycontacts.com \| share:	41

	Caption Chris Rock and Anthony Hopkins, in "Bad Company" source: us.news2.yimg.com \| share:	90
(Some Guy)	For all of us who love those girls in jeans and t-shirts (SFW) source: terababes.com	41
(hackernetwork)	Two words: Charisma Carpenter source: hackernetwork.bla-bla.com \| share:	46
	According to teens: Sex is merely a physical activity source: washingtonpost.com \| share:	129
	AD&D Guide to Character Sex (where's the "Saddest" tag?) source: sacredchao.net \| share:	27

(zfilter)	How not to get laid: lame pick-up lines used on net girls. source: internetgossip.net \| share:	101
(Some guy with bad hearing)	Misheard Lyrics. "I don't think you're ready for this jelly." in Destiny's Child's Bootilicious was misheard in 50 different forms. source: amiright.com \| share:	130
	Italy will build the world's longest suspension bridge source: news.excite.com \| share:	58
(Techdirt)	DRM Helmets. The ultimate solution for the music and movie industry to plug that analog hole source: oreillynet.com \| share:	30
	Photoshop Brad Pitt with a beer and a beard source: us.news1.yimg.com \| share:	217
	Cheating in online games has become such a problem that game companies are looking into "military grade" security to preserve a pleasant gaming experience. source: news.com.com \| share:	121
(Digitalpress.com)	Girl strips for old console games source: digitpress.com \| share:	214
	Energy trading companies facing similar situation as O.J. Simpson - how to look innocent in spite of overwhelming evidence to the contrary. source: chron.com \| share:	33
	AIM+ creators delete "spyware" feature source: news.com.com \| share:	63
(Chicago Tribune)	Turtle ramps built near railroad tracks source: chicagotribune.com \| share:	42
(Some Guy)	Festival of Inappropriate Technology starts today in London source: xcom2002.com \| share:	23
(Ktul.com)	Overturned tanker truck spills 4000 gallons of fuel near downtown Tulsa, shutting down part of city source: ktul.com \| share:	64
	Scientists Zeroing in on Earwax gene source: story.news.yahoo.com \| share:	41
	Russians use soccer as excuse to tear their country apart source: worldcup.espnsoccernet.com \| share:	32
(Some Guy)	AD&D Comedy source: fortunecity.com \| share:	93
(Some Guy)	CONSPIRACY THEORY 101 This should be interesting. source: warontyranny.com \| share:	171
	After that spicy single MILF next door? Need to play "Mr. Sensitive?" to bag her? Here's some stuff she may be concerned about. source: msnbc.com \| share:	67
(knoxstudio.com)	Star Spangled Banner replaced by World Anthem at graduation source: knoxstudio.com \| share:	83
(Jeff Rense)	Little green men running around and killing cows in Argentina. Oompa Loompas reported missing from Wonka plant source: rense.com \| share:	33
	Philippine forces launch attacks on three southern islands in an effort to wipe out the guerrillas who held a U.S. couple hostage source: washingtonpost.com \| share:	30
(Kuro5hin)	Superstring theory for the layperson. source: kuro5hin.org \| share:	84
	Lewis whomps Tyson's ass source: story.news.yahoo.com \| share:	118
(Some Guy)	Redwings beat Hurricanes in 3rd overtime source: detroitredwings.com \| share:	61
(Some Guy)	Adam Carolla, I know you're here. The gig is up. Your 'the terrorists have already won' joke tonight gave you away. Fess up. [link has no article] source: themanshow.com \| share:	174
	Physicists test Einstein's theory of relativity in space source: news.bbc.co.uk \| share:	37
	74% of women are happy with their breasts. 100% of farkers are happy with any breasts. source: cosmiverse.com \| share:	81
	Mick Jagger to be knighted. And no, this is not satire. source: enjoyment.independent.co.uk \| share:	42
(fametracker.com)	Top 10 least essential films of the summer source: fametracker.com \| share:	155
(dilbert.com)	Photoshop a dilbert comic source: dilbert.com \| share:	73
	Photoshop some Jones Soda lables for Fark(voting enabled) source: jonessoda.com \| share:	158
(Some Femme)	Hot male models. safe for work. source: zetgroup.co.uk	32
	New stamp honors Ground Zero firefighters source: cnn.com \| share:	81
(heraldsun.com)	What to do when you have an unsolved murder? Hey, how about DNA-testing an entire town? source: heraldsun.news.com.au \| share:	73
(GeekPress)	try your hand at some open heart surgery with this online simulator source: cosi.org \| share:	45
(Some Guy)	Everything Computers radio show/website gives FARK a plug source: everythingcomputers.com \| share:	36

Sat June 08, 2002
(Some Guy)	The 2002 Crop Circle Season has officially begun. source: cropcircleconnector.com \| share:	115
	Since you farked the thong link - go here for boobie sites source: fark.com	101
(Some Guy)	Thong contest. source: teenrave.org	52
	No Triple Crown for War Emblem, 70-1 shot wins Belmont source: story.news.yahoo.com \| share:	41
	Couple changing tire in emergency lane killed by lady driving in that lane. Police sergeant recommends that people not use emergency lane to change tires. source: abclocal.go.com \| share:	224
(Jacksonville.com)	Florida quarter fun. Help pick it. Or Photoshop a new one. source: jacksonville.com \| share:	119
(Some Guy)	Amy Weber (mostly safe for work) source: hackernetwork.bla-bla.com	37
(Some Guy)	Why it sucks to work or even shop at Comp-USA source: sources.redhat.com \| share:	187
	People in Ft. Lauderdale must register their bikes to prevent them from being stolen, or the police will seize their bike and give it to poor people source: foxnews.com \| share:	66
(Farker with farked eyesight.)	Everything you want to know about the dangers of LASIK eye surgery, Posted by a farker with experience of botched surgery. source: surgicaleyes.com \| share:	95
(Some Guy)	Thiffany Amber Thiessen source: rare-naked-celebs.com	73
	Stuy shows that instructors know less about computers than their students. source: fyi.cnn.com \| share:	52
(WKRC)	Sosa leads homerun race with 21 source: wkrc.com \| share:	36
(Channel OK)	Mayor gets teens drunk source: channeloklahoma.com \| share:	106
(Abilene Reporter News)	Texas town celebrates 75-year-old mummified horny toad with annual festival. source: reporternews.com \| share:	40
(Surfmetro)	Return of the Revenge of the Stupid Lawsuits 3 source: surfmetro.com \| share:	35
(Some Guy)	Couple hold wedding reception at McDonalds source: icnewcastle.icnetwork.co.uk \| share:	56
	Britain�s first foosball tournament starts today. source: news.scotsman.com \| share:	28
(Some Catholic School Guy)	Nuns facing recruitment crisis source: guardian.co.uk \| share:	52
	Your children's childhood will not be stolen by watching Spirit : Stallion of the Cimarron in theaters. source: capalert.com \| share:	70
	Messy roommates? Noisy neighbors? No down payment? No Problem--government giving away lighthouses. source: nandotimes.com \| share:	34
	Online Scanner: Listen to Arizona cops and firemen - childbirths, parole breakers and donut breaks. source: azcentral.com \| share:	19
(St.LToday)	Police bust teen at pez convention for selling $3 dispenser without permit. Meanwhile, violent crimes continue to rise. source: stltoday.com \| share:	30
(Some totalFarker)	totalFark Poll - Which icon should we use? source: pub.alxnet.com \| share:	109
(Some Guy)	Want to work at the International House of Pancakes? source: ihop.com \| share:	49
	College graduate gets $22,000 to go "explore the world" source: csmonitor.com \| share:	16
	Original Starship Enterprise's chair for sale on eBay. Shatner surrenders. source: cgi.liveauctions.ebay.com \| share:	52
	Britney sued for 2 stolen songs source: azcentral.com \| share:	60
(Modesto Bee)	Bush asks for "justice" after American hostage death in Philippines, which is Texan for "lots of dead people." source: modbee.com \| share:	65
	Cabbie drops charges against Woody Harrelson source: thesun.co.uk \| share:	18
	Dead Norwegian's database password cracked. In other news hacker is currently playing Global Thermonuclear War. source: story.news.yahoo.com \| share:	31
	Skateboarder Tony Hawk makes $10M per year in endorsements, just shot sitcom pilot for WB and Disney, now planning movie about his life source: sportsbybrooks.com \| share:	62
(Some Trekkie Geek)	A real tractor beam is invented source: theregister.co.uk \| share:	58
(Some Guy)	For the farkettes: Vintage Weeners (not safe for work) source: lavenderlounge.com	158
	It's not TotalFark.com it's Total I-mockery.com source: i-mockery.com \| share:	21
	Piazza, J-Lo, and Evel Knievel in the latest Entertainment Weakly source: retrocrush.com \| share:	33
	Some US soccer fans source: story.news.yahoo.com \| share:	112
	Yahoo forced to upgrade World Cup website servers to handle 80 million page views per day source: sportsbybrooks.com \| share:	47

Fri June 07, 2002
(via Right Wing News)	If you want to rebuild the World Trade Center, you're a real American. If you don't, you're a liberal. source: worldnetdaily.com \| share:	337
(IFilm.com)	Triumph poops on Hollywood Squares...and more source: ifilm.com \| share:	58
(Some Guy)	Will the casino industry eventually be held responsible for peoples' screwed-up lives just like the tobacco industry? source: hotel-online.com \| share:	66
(Oasis News)	Amish protest red safety triangle requirement for buggy, would rather be run down by an SUV source: oasisnewsfeatures.com \| share:	69
	A lost child: America's missed opportunities in Iran source: yellowtimes.org \| share:	72
	Photoshop this martial arts demonstration--and read the perplexing description of what he's doing source: sfgate.com \| share:	122
(schwarzenegger.com)	Someone asks Schwarzenegger's "Dear Arnold" column who would win in a fight between a vampire vs. a werewolf source: schwarzenegger.com \| share:	83
(Canada.com)	Good reason to do some spring cleaning. Woman finds winning lotto ticket from last October. source: canada.com \| share:	30
(Some Guy)	Don Ho chokes out a rendition of Peter Gabriel's "Shock the Monkey"...dogs from 3 miles around begin to howl source: desmoinesregister.com \| share:	36
(Some Guy)	Anna Kournikova turns 21 today source: abstracts.net \| share:	84
	NASCAR driver Jeff Gordon's ex has "highly sensitive and confidential" photos/video he doesn't want her to have source: thesmokinggun.com \| share:	54
	Could we be headed for a constitutional dictatorship? source: robots.cnn.com \| share:	214
(Ha'aretz)	Seven year-old earns advanced Microsoft certificate. source: haaretzdaily.com \| share:	180
(Las Vegas Review-Journal)	Nevada nukes mushroom cloud license plate. Fallout expected. source: lvrj.com \| share:	43
	After school forces coach to quit, they find out he really did tell the truth on his resume source: msn.espn.go.com \| share:	30
(KLAS)	Amazing Kreskin claims he won bet, saw UFOs in Nevada Skies last night source: klas-tv.com \| share:	60
	Ford Focus: Unsafe at any speed source: story.news.yahoo.com \| share:	242
	Best sports weekend ever? source: usatoday.com \| share:	47
	Laker coach Phil Jackson: he'd take Jordan over Shaq right now in building championship team source: sportsbybrooks.com \| share:	150
	HS anarchy club fights system by suing school district source: washingtonpost.com \| share:	109
	Leader of the free world visits pork expo source: washingtonpost.com \| share:	19
(Some Farker)	Charges dropped against man accused of stabbing friend 20 times in argument over who was the "real" Alaskan source: juneauempire.com \| share:	22
	Beijing paper bites on Onion article. Hilarity ensues. source: story.news.yahoo.com \| share:	71
(JonnyGlow)	I can see where to pee! (listen to the theme song!) source: jonnyglow.com \| share:	23
	Why do men put off going to the doctor? source: abcnews.go.com \| share:	83
(Hammurabi)	Hammurabi's Code of Laws source: eawc.evansville.edu \| share:	73
(Some Guy)	Photoshop some farker's freind at Million Man Lan source: home.swbell.net \| share:	85
	Japan's Justice Minister reverses earlier ruling and will allow drug-addled soccer great Maradona into country for World Cup source: sportsbybrooks.com \| share:	34
	Photoshop England's David Beckham moments after scoring a goal. source: us.news1.yimg.com \| share:	150
	Fark will be down Saturday morning at 5am for about an hour for RAM upgrades. We'll be stress testing Monday with a call for Farkette T-Shirt models so get your pics ready. This link doesn't go anywhere source: bobandtom.com \| share:	330
	War Emblem's chances for the Triple Crown are pretty good source: kentucky.com \| share:	38
(Fort Worth Star-Telegram)	Anti-drug DARE program ending in Fort Worth. Seemed to keep 5th graders off drugs, until they made it into middle school. source: dfw.com \| share:	95
(Some MUD Wiz)	Check out one of the old text muds source: frontiersmud.org \| share:	86
	Monkey with electrodes moves cursor around screen. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? source: story.news.yahoo.com \| share:	186
	Photoshopped Game and Movie Posters source: somethingawful.com \| share:	38
	13 year old spitball felon avoids 8 year jail sentence. source: cnn.com \| share:	52
	Rednecks name their child Winston IROC NASCAR Yerian. source: lancastereaglegazette.com \| share:	106
	Actor Woody Harrelson arrested after bizarre taxi chase in London source: reuters.com \| share:	67
	Pest control company removes 20-foot beehive from home, says it's a little bigger than they usually see. source: abclocal.go.com \| share:	58
(webfin.com)	Development of Cyc, the computer with common sense going very well. source: webfin.com \| share:	89
	Spitball felon, 13, avoids 8-year jail sentence source: cnn.com \| share:	65
	Kennedy family member Michael Skakel found guilty of 1975 murder. source: story.news.yahoo.com \| share:	93
	Strip club owner fined $9200 because dancers were rubbing their breasts in men's faces in an "act of prostitution". source: canoe.ca \| share:	90
(Some Guy)	Woman celebrates being the first person ever to work 60 years at White Castle. source: columbus.bizjournals.com \| share:	91
	Italy, where "Calendar" means "Naked Chicks" (not safe for work) source: excite.it	81
	Judge frees man because of illegal search, man walked up to police officers with gun sticking out of pants source: nypost.com \| share:	54
(Boulder Daily Camera)	Archaeologists discover 2,000 year old canal system built by Native Americans in Florida. Thought to be the state's last intelligent occupants source: bouldernews.com \| share:	79
	England beat Argentina. Entire country's average blood alcohol content right this moment: .35% source: news.bbc.co.uk \| share:	234
(kmov.com)	Bus plunges off bridge, lands in mattress store source: kmov.com \| share:	47
(Some Caffeine Junkie)	New York's answer to the new Jolt Espresso source: manhattanspecial.com \| share:	33
(San Antonio Express-News)	People who insure their pets choose people names for them source: news.mysanantonio.com \| share:	42
	Tyson weighs in fatter than expected source: sports.excite.com \| share:	86
	Lewinsky excused from jury duty. In other news, thousands of citizens line up to blow Clinton in order to avoid jury duty. source: azcentral.com \| share:	48
(WTOL)	Overzealous Red Wing fans name their kid Joe Louis Arena source: wtol.com \| share:	60
(Some Guy)	I slit the sheet, the sheet I slit, and on the slitted sheet I sit. source: thinks.com \| share:	49
(BrockLanders)	Photoshop this farker giving thumbs up for the medical emergency. source: creativehorizon.com \| share:	127
	US hostage killed in Philippine rescue attempt source: cnn.com \| share:	127
(iWon)	Red Wings win game 2 source: sports.iwon.com \| share:	68
	6 pages of exercise to uplift sex source: thesun.co.uk	24
(Some Catholic)	DaimlerChrysler creates new Popemoblie source: catholic.net \| share:	49
(smithsonian)	if birds can regnerate their brains, maybe humans can too source: smithsonianmag.si.edu \| share:	21
	Photoshop Pakistan's Ministry of Silly Walks source: story.news.yahoo.com \| share:	79
(Some Guy)	Gentlemen, if you are wondering what to wear at the beach or pool this year, wonder no more. source: koalaswim.com \| share:	114
	The so-called "Great One" Wayne Gretzky, gets schooled in Bubble Hockey 3-0. source: biz.yahoo.com \| share:	16
	Company plans to use oceans' waves to create energy, thereby saving the world. source: dailynews.yahoo.com \| share:	38
	House approves doing away with estate tax, but tell grandma to hold on a bit longer because Democrats in Senate plan to reject it. source: chron.com \| share:	60
	Chick reminds World Cup stars to listen to Jesus or get cancer source: chick.com \| share:	144
(Some Guy)	2002 Scientific American Web Awards. No FARK, maybe next year. source: sciam.com \| share:	22
(The Star)	One of Britains hottest Page 3 girls. Yum. (not safe for work) source: scripts.megastar.co.uk	99
(MTV)	Lord of the Rings wins best movie at MTV Movie Awards source: mtv.com \| share:	82
(darkpark.com)	What would you do if you owned darkpark.com? Farker Aeonite taking serious suggestions. Voting enabled source: darkpark.com \| share:	164

Thu June 06, 2002
	Lost Incan city found after coca plants cleared away source: cnn.com \| share:	49
(Think Geek)	Old fashioned Jolt not good enough? Here's New improved Jolt Espresso. source: thinkgeek.com \| share:	47
	Now that there IS global warming and ice sheilds are melting interesting things are being found in the melted ice, including a 500 year old man. DNA tests will tell us about him if the "First Nations" people will let us. source: washingtonpost.com \| share:	114
	ABC bleeps 'The View' cohost thanking Jesus source: startribune.com \| share:	142
	Pravda.ru readers talk to the person who found the Map of the Creator source: english.pravda.ru \| share:	37
(ifilm.com)	What's all the fuss about? Watch the banned Xbox commercial here. source: ifilm.com \| share:	103
	New and improved Hubble Telescope sends back first images (incredible photos) source: cosmiverse.com \| share:	55
(Boing Boing)	Why there aren't any B-cell batteries. B size breasts still available though. source: exn.ca \| share:	66
(wwn)	Woman keeps dead husband in car so she can drive HOV lanes. source: weeklyworldnews.com \| share:	65
	Kicker for Orlando's arena football team bench-presses 335 pounds, has a 34-inch vertical leap , and only has one arm. source: sportsbybrooks.com \| share:	52
(Baltimore Sun)	Man arrested because he called a Maryland State Trooper "Hon." But there are two sides to every story. source: baltimoresun.com \| share:	230
(Frontpage.com)	Why Islam Hates Democracy source: frontpagemag.com \| share:	239
	Don't let the court jester invest your nation's savings source: bayarea.com \| share:	36
	Asshole doctors responsible for nurse shortage. source: story.news.yahoo.com \| share:	128
(arabnews.com)	Arabnews calls Detroit a "city of culture" source: arabnews.com \| share:	89
	Senator calls plan for Backstreet Boys to testify at Senate hearing on strip mining is a "joke." source: foxnews.com \| share:	73
(Some Guy)	Disney's demands for digital devices apparently inspired by Tron's "Master Control Program." source: oreillynet.com \| share:	40
	Fans will get to play Fenway Park on Father's Day source: dailynews.yahoo.com \| share:	37
(The Daily Triplicate)	"He was sensible, smart. He wasn't stupid," Mom says of kid who died lying in the road playing chicken. source: triplicate.com \| share:	192
	Woman claimed her haircut made her look like Osama bin Laden not Julia Roberts. source: asia.cnn.com \| share:	68
	Leaving children in hot vehicles considered OK by 20% of young parents. source: sfgate.com \| share:	120
(Some Guy)	Penelope Cruz source: rare-naked-celebs.com	113
	Comet Cursor sets things straight. They aren't spyware, all they do is track where you go, force advertisments on you and record your credit card numbers source: wired.com \| share:	73
	Dartmouth losers ticked that Mr. Rogers will give commencement source: abcnews.go.com \| share:	142
(Some Guy)	A lesson in semantics: Why Americans call football "soccer" and why the rest of the world gets so upset about it. source: dottwo.co.uk \| share:	280
	Pooty Poot hoping for WTO membership. Can't wait to be protested by a bunch of uninformed slackers source: abcnews.go.com \| share:	54
	Dee Dee Ramone has died source: story.news.yahoo.com \| share:	207
(The Straight Dope)	The significance of the Monopoly tokens revealed source: straightdope.com \| share:	64
	Foreign journalists piss and moan over US World Cup victory source: espn.go.com \| share:	86
	World War II vets commemorate 58th anniversary of D-Day. source: abcnews.go.com \| share:	91
	Pics from the Chicago FarkParty exist in abundance, but we don't have a server to host them. Anyone got bandwidth? source: snark.com \| share:	53
	Wonder Twin powers activate. Form of: another crappy Hollywood movie. source: story.news.yahoo.com \| share:	99
	Houston fans really like the name "Minute Maid Park" source: chron.com \| share:	55
	54 percent of all teachers rely on students to provide technical assistance for computer systems. In other news, student GPAs are up across the board source: suntimes.com \| share:	92
	If proposed tire-safety standards are adopted, over half the tires on the road today would fail source: boston.com \| share:	33
	Special thanks to Lowtax for Fark's long-overdue new redesign. Check out SA too, Drew's favorite website source: somethingawful.com \| share:	91
	Photoshop FBI director Robert Mueller talking to reporters. source: story.news.yahoo.com \| share:	139
	Plankton, kelp and seaweed may be as bad as cars in producing aerosols. Tree-huggers choke on their tofu. source: nando.com \| share:	71
	The Amazing Kreskin bets $50,000 that UFOs will land in Vegas tonight source: azcentral.com \| share:	110
(Boulder Daily Camera)	Man who declared himself the Abominable Snowman, stole a street-sweeper, and drove it to Canada is now officially insane. source: bouldernews.com \| share:	32
(Some Guy)	Defendant tells judge "I am God." source: seacoastonline.com \| share:	82
(Some Guy)	Read the picture - those aren't Jennifer Anistons - the name is right there - Eva Tremila source: eliforever.com \| share:	56
(Some Guy)	Another insane Princeton student eats 32 White Castles. Ties record. Does not die. source: princeton.edu \| share:	117
(Some Guy)	Uruguay calls Argentina names. Paraguay wants to stop for ice cream. Brazil threatens to turn car around. source: nandotimes.com \| share:	39
(EW)	Were Steven Seagal movies produced by a mobster? You'd think former CIA operative Seagal would have noticed source: ew.com \| share:	85
	French Men unable to score source: story.news.yahoo.com \| share:	39
(wweek)	The real Star Wars myth was that the films were ever good source: cgi.newcity.com \| share:	131
	Class clown inhales helium from a balloon during class, gets suspended source: dailynews.yahoo.com \| share:	88
	'Conspiracy researcher' claims Russian mind control satellites will destroy the US source: downtoearth.ncbuy.com \| share:	43
(Lehigh Valley Morning Call)	Teenage 'pimp 'n' ho' party cancelled source: mcall.com \| share:	89
(San Antonio Express-News)	Authorities finally clue in that county clerk with six Ferraris might be stealing money. source: news.mysanantonio.com \| share:	49
	Company asks people to hack thier web site because the only guy who knew the password died source: wired.com \| share:	152
	Government will begin fingerprinting Arab men when they enter the U.S. source: story.news.yahoo.com \| share:	795
	Jackie Chan's goldfish, recognized by Guinness as the world's longest goldfish, to become an ambassador for Hong Kong source: reuters.co.uk \| share:	65
	Governer Gray Davis says he wants to "shake Ross Perot by his big ears" for his company's role in California power crisis. source: azcentral.com \| share:	67
(Waco Tribune Herald)	NATO concerned about disproportionate gap between U.S. military might and everyone else. source: wacotrib.com \| share:	101
	Why Conservatives Should Oppose the Death Penalty source: foxnews.com \| share:	207
(Modesto Bee)	Landlady who buried seven tenants in backyard should be set free, says lawyer, who has no plans to live with her to ensure she's not nuts. source: modbee.com \| share:	21
(phrainq.com)	A complete listing of bands from yesterday's band submission source: phrainq.com \| share:	62
(Some Guy)	Barry Bonds takes sole possession of 4th on all-time home run list, is still a huge douchebag source: sportsline.com \| share:	101
	India to invade in two weeks. source: telegraph.co.uk \| share:	181
	15 injured in cheese rolling competition in England source: thesun.co.uk \| share:	38
	MIT accidentally invents cellular sex toy source: newscientist.com \| share:	47
(Ohio Round Table)	Volunteers plant trees in memory of dead kid; union janitors file overtime complaint source: ohioroundtable.org \| share:	63
(Charlotte.com)	Krispy Kreme is planning to open stores in Australia and New Zealand. source: charlotte.com \| share:	66
	Mugshot and invitation prisoner received, mistakenly, for a dinner with George W. Bush source: thesmokinggun.com \| share:	34
	Robber eludes police distracted by veteran's salute source: startribune.com \| share:	35
	Corporate Mofo would like to remind you to write Fark in for a Webby source: corporatemofo.com \| share:	36

Wed June 05, 2002
	Japanese soccer team sex ban "is going to ensure the only forward thrusts the players make will be on the pitch" source: mdn.mainichi.co.jp \| share:	21
(Some Guy)	Princeton's valedictorian is a nutcase source: princeton.edu \| share:	133
(CHUD)	Sarah Michelle Gellar doesn't want to make a "Buffy" movie: feels "Scooby Doo" is more worthy of her talents. source: chud.com \| share:	105
(ABC local news)	K-9 Units, SWAT team, State Police and every local policeman in Woodbridge surround a hostage taker and he gets away source: wtnh.com \| share:	27
	Man attempts to cash a $22mm dollar check drawn on a bank he created. In his apartment. source: thesmokinggun.com \| share:	45
	"Survivor" winner says $1 million hardly buys jack anymore. source: nypost.com \| share:	73
	"Smart guns" will prevent the irony of people killing you with your own gun. source: story.news.yahoo.com \| share:	55
	Scavenger hunt's 10 page list source: thesmokinggun.com \| share:	49
	Jennifer Aniston paparazzi boobies (not safe for work) source: klik.hr	73
(The Straight Dope)	Here's what Queen Elizabeth carries in that purse source: straightdope.com \| share:	35
	Sex among the elderly is the greatest scourge of American nursing homes source: chicagotribune.com \| share:	80
(Abilene Reporter-News)	Cop responds to accident scene, driver in accident goes to hospital, cop eats driver's McSandwich source: texnews.com \| share:	51
	Viagra: the lethal weapon source: english.pravda.ru \| share:	22
	Jimmy Buffett is now officially a terrorist source: mycfnow.com \| share:	56
	Bush to Brazilian president: "Do you have blacks in Brazil, too?" So did he say this or not? source: washingtonpost.com \| share:	83
(Philly.com)	Evidence that the Philadelphia Daily News has too many reporters with nothing to do: speculation about what the Queen of England carries around in her purse. source: philly.com \| share:	34
	For those of you looking for the 200,000th link (submitted just today), it's in the classifieds section. This link doesn't go anywhere source: fork.com \| share:	53
(globeandmail.com)	Canada and Mexico discuss their common problem neighbor. source: globeandmail.com \| share:	161
	We get tons of requests to link to Farker's band websites. If you're in a band, hype it in the comments here. This link doesn't go anywhere source: whitehouse.gov \| share:	405
	The Smoking Gun makes a pathetic plea... source: thesmokinggun.com \| share:	48
(Cleveland.com)	Cleveland Indians lose 23-2. Worst Indians loss since 1901. Wild thing, I think I love you. source: cleveland.com \| share:	55
(globeandmail.com)	Animal protection law could fine farmers $10000 for branding a cow source: globeandmail.com \| share:	65
(Sportsline)	USA's World Cup odds cut to 100-1 source: sportsline.com \| share:	69
	Jesse Jackson is a hypocritical communist race-bater source: newsmax.com \| share:	142
(Some Guy)	Irish soccer fans seek darkened room in which to lie down after World Cup drama source: football.guardian.co.uk \| share:	43
(Some Dog)	Running boobies to music (quicktime required, mostly safe for work) source: boardsmag.com	50
	Man shot three times by boyfriend and twice by police who thought he was doing it wrong source: startribune.com \| share:	70
	Tropicana Field beware: Astros Field now Minute Maid Park source: msn.espn.go.com \| share:	45
(The Flint Journal)	Pest control hired. Raccoon removed. Pest control not paid. Raccoon restored source: mlive.com \| share:	50
	Woman arrested after riding naked on top of the car. Mug shot in Doc.of Day. source: thesmokinggun.com \| share:	96
	Mother of ticketless baby gains admission to soccer game, but baby still not allowed. Mother leaves baby with ticket volunteer. Mom wins covetted "biggest dumbass" award from previous thread source: reuters.com \| share:	32
(Some Guy)	Photoshop Mexican pop star Paulina Rubio source: images.pollstar.com \| share:	122
(cincypost)	Vampire violates probabtion by stealing vial of blood source: cincypost.com \| share:	34
	McDonalds to Hindu's and Vegetarians, "Sorry about all that Cow". source: money.cnn.com \| share:	151
	Massive hunt to eradicate 15,000 deer in Wisconsin begins on Saturday. source: jsonline.com \| share:	68
(Some Guy)	Bush-Guiliani '04? source: observer.com \| share:	120
(Brass Knuckles)	The top 14 reasons airport managers are crying foul over new regulations. #14) Federally-sanctioned breast-groping isn't all it's cracked up to be. source: brassknuckles.net \| share:	36
	Thief robs pastry shop in Mexico City four mornings in a row, steals chocolate cake each time. Since he came in every morning at exactly 8 AM, the police knew exactly when to catch him. source: reuters.co.uk \| share:	50
	German, Irish fans hold impromptu match in parking lot; "It went on and on and on; we were blind drunk and couldn't see a thing." source: uk.news.yahoo.com \| share:	38
	Can we stop script kiddies? source: msn.zdnet.com \| share:	75
	Roller coasters causing brain damage source: msnbc.com \| share:	92
(Adoredcelebs)	Doritos Girlie Ali Landry. Makes ya crave those little spicy triangles doesn't it? SFW source: adoredcelebrities.com	91
	More missing lawn gnomes -- this one's a 400 lb moose source: startribune.com \| share:	34
	School not amused by Chris Farley schtick at graduation source: startribune.com \| share:	94
(Rolling Stone)	Vote for the hottest Natalie Portman Rolling Stone photo (SFW) source: rollingstone.com \| share:	113
	Bus driver survives fourth suicide bomber attack source: usatoday.com \| share:	197
(soxsuck.com)	History of amazing Boston Red Sox kosses, remarkable collapses and other record breaking feats source: soxsuck.com \| share:	93
	Brazilian Soccer player fined for not knowing the difference between his face and legs. source: sportsillustrated.cnn.com \| share:	75
	The dreadful record of the FBI source: yellowtimes.com \| share:	76
(Post Gazette)	Toddler locked bank vault freed after 7 hours source: post-gazette.com \| share:	63
	Detroit mayor calls wrong NC city to congratulate them on NHL win source: freep.com \| share:	65
(Herald Dispatch)	48% of West Viriginia seniors have no teeth source: herald-dispatch.com \| share:	51
	Since it's been a while, Photoshop President Bush source: us.yimg.com \| share:	197
(The Star)	Pakistanis not really sure what 'nuclear war' means. source: thestar.com.my \| share:	168
	June wedding season turns mild mannered women into Bridezilla source: ncbuy.com \| share:	76
	US soccer team plays Portugal, don't click if you plan on watching the delayed broadcast later today source: news.bbc.co.uk \| share:	135
	Courtside tickets to Lakers/Nets Game 1 costing up to $27K a pair source: sportsbybrooks.com \| share:	30
(kevin kelm)	Guide to bumming drinks source: triggur.org \| share:	43
(Some Guy)	Drown yourself in dozens of 70's commercials (audio & video) source: dt.prohosting.com \| share:	36
(Eeggs.com)	Still confused by Memento? Here's how you can watch it in chronological order. source: eeggs.com \| share:	84
	Nickelodeon brainwashing kids with Homosexual propaganda, will Spongebob and Squidward become more than just friends? source: newsmax.com \| share:	377
	Who will win the NBA championship? It depends on which team bought the Jesus coach statues source: sfgate.com \| share:	38
(Some Guy)	Say thanks to the Masai villagers who donated the cattle. source: rjk-comm.com \| share:	57
(Some Gal)	Tired of Dolphins? Here's directions for mating with realdolls. not safe for work source: realdoll.com	111
	The Incredible Hulk in his 1982 animated series. source: x-entertainment.com \| share:	32
	Remember the one kid Florida social services lost? Turns out it's more like 1000 source: cnn.com \| share:	48
	Having demolished the Avalanche, here's 5 reasons why the Red Wings will win. source: msn.espn.go.com \| share:	101
	Andrew Marlatt of Satire Wire discusses his new book source: bbspot.com \| share:	20
(johnny carson)	Classic Johnny Carson clips source: johnnycarson.com \| share:	47

Tue June 04, 2002
(Some Guy)	New study reveals studies aren't that reliable. source: thekcrachannel.com \| share:	53
	Add "public nudity" to the nightmare scenarios associated with terrorist attacks. source: seattletimes.nwsource.com \| share:	52
	Red Wings lose Stanley Cup finals opener, like the whining babies they are source: sportsillustrated.cnn.com \| share:	154
(Some Guy)	Hayden Christensen (Anakin) SFW source: hayden-christensen.com \| share:	61
	Scientists find a way to have wool simply fall off the sheep. Still no cure for cancer source: cnn.com \| share:	32
(Playboy)	Don't date sluts, says Playboy. Mousy girls are more likely to sit on your face (site not safe for work) source: playboy.com	129
(CBS)	Ohio inmate mistakenly invited to dinner with President Bush source: cbs2.com \| share:	48
	Kansas repeals law banning Asians from inheriting property. Now only Florida and New Mexico have this law still on the books source: boston.com \| share:	92
	Meat goats are all the rage here in central Kentucky source: msnbc.com \| share:	31
(Some Guy)	Angry tech support caller a transexual running for Louisville council source: radio.weblogs.com \| share:	43
(Some Guy)	CNN apparently mistaken about India/Packistan meet in Russia. India did not say "invite me." They said "bite me." source: timesofindia.indiatimes.com \| share:	44
(Some Guy)	Speed Racer Ashley Judd (not safe for work) source: fortunecity.co.uk \| share:	78
(Mirror)	Ozzy demands new TV show contract be signed in blood source: mirror.co.uk \| share:	64
(Philly.com)	Court rules woman no longer has to wear a 4- inch badge reading "convicted shoplifter" whenever she walks into a store. source: abclocal.go.com \| share:	66
	Malcolm X complained that his wife wanted sex more than he did source: pagesix.com \| share:	52
(Some Guy)	All of the GI Joe 'Knowing is half the battle' endings source: joeheadquarters.com \| share:	55
(PennLive.com)	Couple arrested after husband accidentally drops bag of pot at police station. Police also find 46 bags of crack source: pennlive.com \| share:	76
(Some Guy)	Photoshop a classic NES game. Examples given. source: atarihq.com \| share:	174
	Bush sure does talk about "the American people" a lot source: washingtonpost.com \| share:	107
	Photoshop Kermit the Frog and Ozzy source: a1022.g.akamai.net \| share:	113
	Fire station's beer machine questioned. source: dailynews.yahoo.com \| share:	87
	Please click on the banner ads, help support our sponsors. This link doesn't go anywhere source: fark.com \| share:	95
(Some Guy)	Encyclopedia of cartoons of yesteryear. Show today's young punks what cartoons are really like. source: toonopedia.com \| share:	68
	Utah's gay rodeo includes strapping bikini shorts to tethered goat source: azcentral.com \| share:	66
	Evel Knievel is back and wants to jump again source: reuters.com \| share:	59
	Scientists hope kangaroos will teach cows and sheep how to fart less source: downtoearth.ncbuy.com \| share:	27
	India and Pakistan agree to talks in Russia source: robots.cnn.com \| share:	86
	The first hurricane of the season is named Alma (with pic) source: cosmiverse.com \| share:	41
(Some Guy)	Worst tech support call ever from man running hummer business. not safe for work source: teamoverkill.com	143
	Roman Catholic Church tells molesting priests "the first one is free." source: thedenverchannel.com \| share:	66
	South Korea wins first ever World Cup match in front of home crowd. source: canoe.ca \| share:	36
(news24)	Elephants raid villages looking for beer source: news24.com \| share:	16
	The midwest is full of racists, gun nuts, and religous kooks source: yellowtimes.org \| share:	128
(Some Guy)	Tyra Banks (safe for work) source: rare-naked-celebs.com	82
	SatireWire returns to the dark ages, releases book printed on paper source: satirewire.com \| share:	24
	Terror war must target 60 nations source: timesonline.co.uk \| share:	171
	Fenway park may put seats on top of Green Monster. Gives Sox diehards a great perch from which to jump each and every August. source: boston.com \| share:	58
	Offended fans have bone to pick with local radio station because of penis enlargement ads on Reds' baseball broadcasts source: sportsbybrooks.com \| share:	71
(Sacramento Bee)	CHP gun down six loitering cows, California now crime free. source: sacbee.com \| share:	76
(National Review Online)	Why does the media coverage of intelligence failures always stop at the year 2000? source: nationalreview.com \| share:	116
	Women are better liars than men source: cosmiverse.com \| share:	493
(The Anderson News)	Ashley Judd & Speed Racer can't sweet-talk a KY state trooper out of a speeding ticket source: theandersonnews.com \| share:	112
(Newsday)	Pending law on Long Island requires athletes, parents and coaches to be nice source: newsday.com \| share:	50
(Charlotte.com)	Newspaper tackles the hard hitting issues on everybody's mind. Today, it's speed humping, better known as sex on methamphetamines source: charlotte.com \| share:	63
	When asked why he will not renounce first use of nuclear weapons, Pakistani President says it's because he plans to use them at some point, just like any other country that has them source: story.news.yahoo.com \| share:	137
(Some Drunken Montanan)	Drunk Montanan gets 11th DUI 5 days after getting out of jail for his 10th. source: greatfallstribune.com \| share:	81
(Some Guy)	Animal activists going ape over swap meet chimps source: klastv.com \| share:	43
(Arabnews)	Local Arab media blames local Arab media for 8-0 loss against Germany source: arabnews.com \| share:	46
(activedayton)	Ohio man says he abused his wife because she was a vampire source: activedayton.com \| share:	79
(Some Guy)	Should you be seduced by the horny dolphin, here's a guide on how to mate properly with it (repeat) source: dolphinsex.org \| share:	101
(Cleveland.com)	Man receives college degree at 98. Now faces a tough job market. source: cleveland.com \| share:	51
	What would we say if ET called us? (voting enabled) source: news.bbc.co.uk \| share:	234
	Convicted killer uses balloon dummy to help him escape source: canoe.ca \| share:	49
	Brazil's Ronaldo could be suspended for faking injury in controversial World Cup match. source: canoe.ca \| share:	61
	McDonalds testing out new "McSpam" burger. Food columninst says they're "McNuts". source: ncbuy.com \| share:	73
(Some Guy)	Bush was warned about pretzel choking hazard source: thebluebrick.net \| share:	22
	1995-97: Mike Tyson spent more on pet pigeons, cats, lawn care, pager, and auto repairs than child support source: sportsbybrooks.com \| share:	28
(Some popup)	Photoshop this annoying popup source: c1.zedo.com \| share:	71
	Priest's website featuring teen male wrestlers in bikini briefs is shut down. Photoshoppers breathe sigh of relief. source: guardian.co.uk \| share:	30
	Buy JimmuTenno.com for only $10 Million Dollars source: cgi.ebay.com \| share:	59
(E! online)	The case of Aniston's breasts vs Celebrity Skin to come to court July 2. source: eonline.com \| share:	56
(Nasa.gov)	Most of North America will see a crescent sunset next monday source: science.nasa.gov \| share:	36
(Some Guy)	Guess who pays Newsmax's bills? source: conwebwatch.tripod.com \| share:	127
	Farker DjRezin8 and Soundgarden singer Chris Cornell exchange words. Hillarity ensues. source: corporatemofo.com \| share:	71
(Right Field Sucks)	Chicago to impose $500 fine on urinating outside Wrigley Field. Here's how to still get away with it source: rightfieldsucks.com \| share:	35
(Economist)	Women are most attracted by infidelity when most susceptible to impregnation source: economist.com \| share:	53
(Some Guy)	Orson Welles outtakes: "Get me a jury and show me how you can say 'IN July' and I'll go down on you." source: reelradio.com \| share:	30
	Dolphin luring swimmers off for a good humping source: reuters.co.uk \| share:	94
	Natalie Portman's Panties source: cgi.ebay.com \| share:	86
(Gay Boy Band Fan)	This site keeps track of how many times your local radio station re-plays a hit song source: radioandrecords.com \| share:	77
(Canada.com)	Man thinks he is about to have a threesome, guy jumps out ties him up and robs him. source: canada.com \| share:	49
	Milky Way caught molesting smaller galaxy. Charges pending. source: cnn.com \| share:	57
	Corporate Mofo tells Osama where to put that nuke source: corporatemofo.com \| share:	37
	Girls say Britney Spears is out and Kelly Osbourne is in. source: bayarea.com \| share:	138
	Supreme Court says U.S. Army gets to keep Hitler's watercolors source: story.news.yahoo.com \| share:	39

Mon June 03, 2002
	California wants to raise smoking age to 21 source: story.news.yahoo.com \| share:	307
(Some Guy)	Pop song lyric generator source: thecoolkids.org \| share:	59
(EW)	Other animals besides featherless chickens that scientists are cooking up. source: ew.com \| share:	73
(Right Wing News)	Conservative calls Bush 'Clinton version 2.0' source: rightwingnews.com \| share:	75
	Thieves replace metal statue by wooden one. No one in museum notices source: canoe.ca \| share:	25
	30-pound piranha outgrows its welcome source: azcentral.com \| share:	45
(rush limbaugh)	Feds misplace $17.3 Billion of our money source: rushlimbaugh.com \| share:	83
(Eastside Journal)	Man pays woman $100 to put on a bikini and have a drink with him. source: eastsidejournal.com \| share:	49
(Detroit News)	Letters blast Detroit Newspaper for saying 'Attack of the Clones' was a racist movie. source: detnews.com \| share:	49
(Vice)	Have you been looking for outtakes of Anna Nicole Smith wasted on prescription medication and Orson Wells shooting a champagne commercial while three sheets to the wind? source: viceland.com \| share:	61
	Buy your groceries, push entire cart under giant scanner, pay with your fingerprint, then continue pushing cart to car source: cosmiverse.com \| share:	35
	C-3PO demands $32 for his worthless scribbles source: us.imdb.com \| share:	81
(Canada.com)	Court ruling expected today on whether or not a host of a party should be held responsible when their dumbass guests take off in their car completely loaded. source: canada.com \| share:	61
	Bush administration finally admits global warming is caused by humans; says we should just adapt rather than reducing greenhouse gasses source: sfgate.com \| share:	212
(FilePile)	Stripper Mom playboy pics. (not safe for work) source: pile.filepile.org	215
(Some Guy)	A whole lot of rubber duckies in St. Joseph source: stjoenews-press.com \| share:	108
	Pop-under ads, spawn of the devil, under review by the patent office. source: story.news.yahoo.com \| share:	79
(Some Guy)	Submit a Prayer Request to Pat Robertson. Voting enabled in comments section source: cbn.com \| share:	141
(thestar.com)	Kenyan tribe donates 14 cattle to U.S. in sympathy of 9/11. source: thestar.com \| share:	145
	Woman conceives child without a brain. Fb- is the father source: robots.cnn.com \| share:	112
	Death Row inmate wins appeal as his lawyer catches some Z's in court. source: cnn.com \| share:	49
	Europe set to tax cow farts source: news.bbc.co.uk \| share:	87
	NFL desperate to move team to LA to avoid losing 'a generation of fans' - Half of LA still unaware they don't have a team source: sportsbybrooks.com \| share:	107
	How to be a protester training sessions being held in preparation for G-7 meetings. Lesson #1, how to handle tear gas. source: novascotia.cbc.ca \| share:	149
	Feds give Wisconsin $3.5 million to blast deer. source: jsonline.com \| share:	50