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Newly elected Socialist government to attempt radical new policy of trying terrorists in criminal court and withdrawing troops from unrelated invasion |
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Russia condemns NATO's expansion into Eastern Europe |
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Ken and Barbie break up after four decades of dating, proving that for every pretty, unrealistic doll, there is a hotter female doll sick of his shiat |
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How to dispose of £20 million and not get caught |
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Hundreds of Harvard students have signed up for Mark Zuckerberg's new "Facebook" service. Zuckerberg hopes that one day every Harvard student and alum will sign up |
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After cruising to reelection, President moves to centralize authority by eliminating local elections and appointing all governors himself |
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Britney Spears gets married; this one's for life, y'all |
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President urgently calls for same-sex marriage ban on Constitutional grounds |
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Yankees going on trial over outrageous $183 million payroll which they will use to win the World Series again this year |
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It's embarrassing to get stuck in the mud while making a U-turn. It's way worse when you're driving a full passenger jet at the time |
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Ceasefire declared in Sudan. Looks like that's all wrapped in a nice little package, then |
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I feel pretty |
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Bush administration finds proof Saddam Hussein was funneling billions from Iraq oil-for-food program |
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Superbowl half-tit show (Not safe for work) |
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"What did the doctor say?" "Farker, he said, you're gonna die" |
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Trust us, it'll stick. It's Blood Gulch Chronicles, Season 2, Episode 2. "I can't believe Church shot me." "Oh, don't even START, Caboose" |
| (Register Guard) |
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Judge determines unsolicited finger in anus is crude, but not criminal |
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Outspoken chairwoman of the Alaska Oil and Gas Conservation Commission steps down, is now unlikely to challenge for a senate seat with this scandal surrounding her |
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Firefighters injured after children underestimate the power of the hose |
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Russian woman can see her past lives from her house |
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NASA confirms that the Spirit rover is operational on Mars, hopes that it can complete its 90-day mission without breaking down |
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Relative unknown senate hopeful from Illinois addresses the DNC. In another 12 years or so, he may be capable of running for president after Hillary |
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"Cosmic" bakery fights construction of cell-phone tower. Says radio waves will disturb the subtle forces involved in making its bread |
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Ronald Reagan body has failed at age 94, brain at 74 |
| (Boston Herald via NMA) |
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Not news: Farker complains about low speed limits. Fark: State police give him official permission to speed |
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Tomato Committee says Florida tomatoes are too ugly to be sold out of state |
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Munch's "The Scream" stolen from museum. If only there were some expression of disbelief to illustrate the temerity of this crime |
| (Some Guy) |
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Okay, killing your cousin for "accidentally" touching the bride's butt we get. But cooking and feeding him to wedding guests? |
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Family dismayed to discover that the wholesome movie they thought they bought is actually an educational movie. Specifically, Slut Queens |
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Sad: owner can't find homes for puppies. Sadder: owner decides to euthanize them with a gun. Fark: puppies shoot back |
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"Dear Strongbad: Will you write my Englilsh paper for me?" |
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Google Inc., the world's No. 1 Internet search provider, plans to begin testing a free search-based e-mail product called Gmail, as it battles rivals Yahoo Inc. and Microsoft Corp.'s MSN |
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Virgin Mary grilled cheese sandwich sells for $28,000....no, that isn't for the right to take her virginity |
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Bear guzzles 36 beers, passes out at campground. Drew still unbeaten in drinking games |
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'Spermodynamics' flashes frickin' laser beams through your 'guys' to test potency. Which is marginally better than the wind tunnel test |
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California finally has enough water |
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Dracula's only living relative says his forefather should never have been linked with Welsh "vampire" murderer Mathew Hardman |
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Georgian president hates Russian underwear |
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Turtle attempts suicide, damaging taxi in the process |
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The hazards faced by Naked Yoga Guy |
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Record-breaking snake apparently susceptible to shrinkage |
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Safecracking for Dummies. Pictures included |
| (Some Guy) |
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Customs officers seize 263 "Fart Bombs" |
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Forget beer goggles. The real reason why women look better in bars. Here comes the science |
| (Some Guy) |
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How to build your own "kegerator" |
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Truck carrying chocolate overturns on highway. Emergency peanuts and nougat on the way |
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Man convicted of smuggling marijuana and squid |
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Parents paint peanut butter on their kids |
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Timothy, the alcoholic war-hero tortoise, has died |
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No. 1: Purchase pillow for $1.99 from thrift store. No. 2: Find cashier's check inside. No. 3: Profit |
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"Dead" man walking, morgue staff running |
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England scores some sweet Cypriot ass |
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Swedish Navy testing stealth ship |
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Norway presents the world's first penis atlas |
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The Official Church of Spongebob Squarepants |
| (Some Guy) |
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Book of Mormon action figures |
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Spring's hottest color trend is men's pink |
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Fran Drescher talks about her vagina |
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Girls can't play guitar. Here comes the science |
