This Agreement ("Agreement") is entered into on this 1st day of April, 2005, by and between, on one hand,, LLC, its agents assigns, subsidiaries (whether partially or wholly owned), successor corporations, friends (the identification of which is specifically and explicitly reserved to and/or Drew Curtis), drinking buddies (IBID), and Drew Curtis (w00t) (collectively, "Fark"), and, on the other hand, Fark user (hereinafter u-f-luser), specifically sets forth the terms and conditions of u-f-luser's single day access (beginning and ending on April 1, 2005) to UltraFark and the highly confidential and proprietary information contained therein.
- WHEREAS u-f-luser seeks the fame, adulation, instant popularity, elitism, and general sense of superiority associated with access to UltraFark; AND
- WHEREAS Fark seeks additional unpaid volunteers to monitor and moderate the site for FArQ violations, including, without limitation, jarring graphic images (e.g. anal stretching, feces-oriented themes, etc.); blatant trolling, racism, bigotry, attention whoring and dissemination of publicly available yet somehow private information; AND
- WHEREAS Fark seeks to protect its highly proprietary and confidential information and keep its inner workings shrouded in mystery, intrigue, suspense and paranoia;
NOW THEREFORE, for good and valuable consideration (the acceptance and sufficiency of which is expressly acknowledged by u-f-luser), the parties agree as follows:
1. It's not news, it's (enter first, third, and last letters of Fark login)
2. NON-DISCLOSURE AGREEMENT: u-f-luser agrees, in the immortal words of the timeless classic Fight Club, that what happens in UltraFark stays in UltraFark. Specifically, u-f-luser agrees, covenants, represents, warrants, pinkie swears, and further promises not to divulge, disclose, reveal, communicate, or otherwise cause the distribution of any information (of any kind whatsoever) gleaned, gathered, learned or otherwise obtained by this license. u-f-luser expressly acknowledges that this is a subjective standard and grants to Fark the exclusive right to make the determination of what constitutes proprietary and/or confidential information. (enter first, third, and last letters of Fark login)
3. BREACH: u-f-luser expressly acknowledges that any deviation from this Agreement (and the terms contained herein) represents a material breach that will cause irreparable damage to Fark, and expressly confesses to a preliminary damage award of not less than $1,000,000 (one million dollars) for any breach preliminarily identified by Fark or its attorneys.
4. ATTORNEYS' FEES: u-f-luser acknowledges and agrees that Drew Curtis is into beer and boobies, and that's about it, but also expressly acknowledges that his attorneys are humorless, blood-thirsty vultures who will stop at nothing to get him the large cash award he deserves, and further agrees to hold Drew and Fark (as identified herein in Section 1) harmless from any and all claims arising from, without limitation, litigation expenses, costs, fees, attorneys' fees, broken limbs, damages attributable to (ostensibly) UFIAs, and any other action taken by Fark's army of attorneys. u-f-luser further agrees to advance, upon demand, a bond of not less than $1,000,000 to cover reasonable attorney fees and expenses, including, without limitation, photocopying, service costs, transcription, beer, porn, tiaras, traffic cones, stenographers, videographers, travel costs, and more porn should legal action become necessary to enforce the terms of this Agreement. u-f-luser further agrees that under no circumstance will u-f-luser be entitled to counsel should litigation become necessary. (enter first, third, and last letters of Fark login)
5. CHOICE OF LAW: u-f-luser expressly grants to Fark the exclusive right to determine choice of law, which may vary depending on the scheduling of upcoming Fark parties, and further agrees to waive any claim of forum non conveniens and any defense of lack of personal jurisdiction in any of the 50 states of the United States or its territories. (enter first, third, and last letters of Fark login)
Expressly agreed to and consented to by (Fark login name)