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Wed July 15, 2020
(Fox2 Detroit)
 
 
 
Michigan jeweler decides to help the MICHIGAN tag. FOLLOWUP tag standing by
source: fox2detroit.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Doctors remove NOPE from woman's tonsil
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Age (Melbourne))
 
 
 
Australian ICUs are saving 85% of their COVID-19 patients. But you wouldn't want to live there, because we all know nationalised healthcare is the worst, amiright?
source: theage.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Teens are dressing up as mask-wearing grandmas to score alcohol, bootleg Matlock Blu-rays
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Green Bay Press Gazette)
 
 
 
Usually in Milwaukee ordering a "Tactical Gas Delivery system" means having the sauerbraten and a large ale at Kegels
source: greenbaypressgazette.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
What happened, South Dakota? You used to be cool
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
A fish in the talons is worth two in the bush. So what is a red winged blackbird doing hitching a ride on the back of a bald eagle who just caught a fish? Damn right there is a pic
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Board of Education thinks there are too many children living in Orange County, vote to do something about that
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AP News)
 
 
 
First COVID-19 vaccine tested in US poised for final testing. Available soon for $8200 per dose
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bristol Post (UK))
 
 
 
Fark ready headline: 'Leave me alone when I go to the shops' says Bristol man with fire-spouting disco shed for a head
source: bristolpost.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue July 14, 2020
(SeattlePI)
 
 
 
The most dangerous job in Vegas? Marijuana delivery driver
source: seattlepi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC 15)
 
 
 
You must be well grounded to swim in this lake
source: abc15.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNBC)
 
 
 
CDC says we can get COVID threat under control in 1-2 months if everyone wears a mask
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFAA Fort Worth)
 
 
 
Sorry, Ft. Worth Farkers, despite a massive increase in COVID cases over the past two weeks, your city council has decided that spending Federal funds to track and treat new cases is just too difficult to accomplish
source: wfaa.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(LA Times)
 
 
 
Masks reduce viral load, meaning you're much better off in case of COVID exposure. As for Tantrum McDiaperbabies, let's just tell them that George Soros' 5G mind control rays enter through the nose and mouth and will turn them all into gay frogs
source: latimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
In case you thought mortgage brokers were classy...hey, stop laughing, this isn't a humorous headline
source: themortgagenote.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News-Gazette)
 
 
 
Man shot in the buttocks. No word on if he mooned LBJ
source: news-gazette.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNY Central)
 
 
 
It's been 10 days since all the 4th of July parties. Let's see what the good book says about how the best-performing COVID-19 state, NY, is doing. Here it is... uh-huh. I see. That certainly makes sense. We're boned
source: cnycentral.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Politico)
 
 
 
Governor of NY to charge out-of-state visitors from high-infection states $2000 if they're being idiots
source: politico.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Imgur)
 
 
 
Photoshop this Venice voyage
source: i.imgur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Here's a headline you probably didn't see coming: "How Koalas With An S.T.D. Could Help Humanity"
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Today's gift from the 2020 Advent Calendar of the Apocalypse? Suicidal bus drivers
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Researchers in Singapore invent something for people who've never heard of a window fan
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Buzzfeed)
 
 
 
Gather 'round, millennials and Gen Z, it's time for a quiz and there will be no participation medals given. Gen X, you got this
source: buzzfeed.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
This is what police SHOULD be making headlines for
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Detroit Free Press)
 
 
 
Harper Woods dean of students shot and killed. That's a very specific job title and a very violent school
source: freep.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(STLToday)
 
 
 
Missouri organ donation centers prepare for influx of only slightly-damaged organs because helmets are no longer required for motorcyclists. With helpful picture of why this is stupid
source: stltoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
Sure, lock us down while there's a major coronavirus spike - but shopping spree first, yeah? (possible nsfw content on page)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
Today's Slatesplanation: How to have a picnic
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 35 Orlando)
 
 
 
About those Florida Covid-19 positive test results: decimal point placement matters
source: fox35orlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Indy100)
 
 
 
Why people (and animals) hate PETA, part 793
source: indy100.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
Welcome to the internet. If you do not choose a username, one will be selected for you (possible nsfw content on page)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SFGate)
 
 
 
If you had 'angry otters' in the 'what else could go wrong?' pool for July, come by and get your prize
source: sfgate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Tech Crunch)
 
 
 
Photoshop this network
source: techcrunch.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Don't interrupt a bear making porridge in your kitchen
source: yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNBC)
 
 
 
No bail for you, Ghislaine
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Action News Jacksonville)
 
 
 
Can you spot the error in this picture's caption? Update: Black Lies Matter changes to Black Lives Matter
source: actionnewsjax.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Forbes)
 
 
 
"California rolls back reopening." No word on where salmon nigiri stands on the issue
source: forbes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitch.tv)
 
 
 
3pm Eastern - it's the Fark News Summary Livestream. Somehow we hit One Million views since March, no idea how that happened. This one's gonna be shorter because apocalypse Tuesday was cancelled. However we will have some Kanye West updates
source: twitch.tv   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Brazilian President Bolsonaro called his isolation from the coronavirus "horrible" and was shortly afterwards bitten by an emu
source: web24.news   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Scottish Sun)
 
 
 
'Hellboy' emerges from the Florida sea a little redder after taking in a 'little' too much sun
source: thescottishsun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
Russia using Real Doll to cut government red tape, prostitution
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Everyday, doom's a-gettin' closer/ Covid's faster than a roller coaster/ increasing by a million cases every five days/ A-hey, a-hey hey
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
So it turns out that the children's book "If You Give A Mouse A Cookie" might not, in fact, be a deeply symbolic parable of the welfare state's questionable role in our modern society and, instead, is just a story about a mouse who likes cookies
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Local10 WPLG)
 
 
 
Florida survival dependent on people behaving better. So, we're all doomed
source: local10.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TC Palm)
 
 
 
"It Came From Outer Space" is a 1953 sci-fi movie. "It Came From Her Anus" is a 2020 chapter in the Florida Man chronicles
source: tcpalm.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Daniel Lewis Lee becomes first Federal prisoner executed in 17 years following compelling performance in "There Will Be Blood"
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Asheville Citizen-Times)
 
 
 
Human dumpster fire meets karma
source: citizen-times.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Darts are meant to be thrown at a dart board, not inserted into your anus
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MLive.com)
 
 
 
Welp, we've got a full COVID-mask-argument/police violence crossover
source: mlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
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