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Tue October 16, 2018
(CNN)
 
 
 
Combined MegaMillions, Powerball jackpots now equal almost 1 BILLION dollars. Whoever wins needs to have the BEST. FARK .PARTY. EVAR
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KIRO-7 Seattle)
 
 
 
Please note: when travelling by air, check your luggage when possible, but remember that roasted pig heads go in the overhead compartment to avoid being drooled on by customs dogs
source: kiro7.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Iowa's serial dine and dasher busted at an Applebee's. This has to double suck for him, I mean not only did he get caught, but he got caught at Applebee's. With all his options he could have gone somewhere good like IHOP or Chili's
source: 97x.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 31 Denver)
 
 
 
Helmet cam shows skier barely escaping avalanche. Dumbass then decides to whoop loudly
source: kdvr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(5 News Fayetteville)
 
 
 
Beaver Bridge has a 10-ton weight limit. 35-ton bus attempts to drive across. With bridge-sagging video
source: 5newsonline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
Watch out US Navy, Iran and its arsenal of Photoshop missiles can hit ANY ship in the Strait of Hormuz if Washington tries to strangle Tehran's oil exports (possible nsfw content on page)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WREG Memphis)
 
 
 
Brave deputies enter home uninvited, demand man stop filming him. In. His. Own. Home. Fark: It is not illegal in Mississippi to film a police officer
source: wreg.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
The goalkeeper turned to the crowd behind his goal and shouted "that's my car being towed", which only resulted in chants of "Preston move your car, Preston, Preston move your car"
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTOP)
 
 
 
Don't ride your motorized wheelchair up the escalator, even if the elevator isn't working. That goes double if the elevator is working
source: wtop.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KSTU FOX 13)
 
 
 
Utah appeals court says if your ex shacks up with someone else, you may not have to pay alimony
source: fox13now.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 40 Sacramento)
 
 
 
Old and busted: Giving pot brownies to classmates. New and gross: Giving cookies made with grandma's ashes to classmates
source: fox40.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(5 News Fayetteville)
 
 
 
Man who booby-trapped his backdoor with a shotgun shot himself when he opened the door to feed some squirrels. Fark: Epic pic of warning sign with camera, lights and grammar error on his property
source: 5newsonline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Photoshop John Paul Jones and this really, really large instrument
source: cdn.cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CTV News)
 
 
 
Ever have doubts about the career you've chosen? Flying off to Africa and killing a bunch of baboons may just be a desperate cry for help
source: ctvnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Pix11)
 
 
 
New York City goes an entire weekend without a single shooting for the first time in decades
source: pix11.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Orange County Register)
 
 
 
1999: Guilty. 2018: Yeah, my bad
source: ocregister.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
The bugpocalypse has begun
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Vox)
 
 
 
The world is not ready for another pandemic
source: vox.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Man dies in freak Bronx subway escalator accident. In other news, there's a working subway escalator in the Bronx
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(National Post)
 
 
 
Naked shark tank swimmer had assaulted someone at Medieval Times hours before skinny dipping
source: nationalpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Live Science)
 
 
 
Man dies from extremely rare disease after eating squirrel brains. Relax, it wasn't Drew
source: livescience.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Looks like my plans fell through, Oh Lord, flattened in Lodi again
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(I Heart Radio)
 
 
 
Another day, another child's toy with a phone number that reaches a sex line
source: wsrz.iheart.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon October 15, 2018
(New Scientist)
 
 
 
Analysis of ancient rocks finds earliest ever animal fossil is a 660-million-year-old sponge that reportedly lived in a 660-million-year-old pineapple under the sea
source: newscientist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Maxim Magazine)
 
 
 
Study says more sex protects men from heart attacks - though the number of strokes goes way up
source: maxim.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Al Jazeera)
 
 
 
Macedonian parliament to vote on country name change, after low turnout in referendum leaves many to suspect they're just a bunch of Macedonian nuts
source: aljazeera.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Global News (Canada))
 
 
 
Government announces Canada's national parks will be a lot greener soon
source: globalnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Photoshop this astronaut
source: cdn.theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TuneIn)
 
 
 
On tonight's Paul's Memory Bank (8PM EDT) the song titles will either contain 'walk' and/or 'run' or will concern walking and/or running. Which means some 'run' songs won't concern running on foot
source: tunein.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNBC)
 
NewsFlash
 
Paul Allen blue screens
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KNOE 8 Monroe)
 
 
 
If you have child porn as a slideshow on your desktop, you may want to go ahead and put your fire extinguisher outside your door for your building's annual inspection
source: knoe.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 5 San Diego)
 
 
 
They don't call them "Satan's Winds" for nothing
source: fox5sandiego.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bored Panda)
 
 
 
Photoshop this hipsters shirt
source: static.boredpanda.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mediaite)
 
 
 
Saudis ready to admit they beat a journalist to death in their embassy in Turkey. Ike Turner unavailable for comment
source: mediaite.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Apartment Patty gets fired for being Apartment Patty
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Air Force Times)
 
 
 
Air Force: Hurricane damage to Tyndall F-22s 'less than we feared,' but unknown how many will fly again
source: airforcetimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Ars Technica)
 
 
 
Because Google is American and we were hacked, we're suing you in California court = some Portuguese soccer club. Bonus: leaked documents show the club spent a large sum of money on a witch doctor from Guinea-Bissau to boost the team's performances
source: arstechnica.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
Drunk species of pigeon is named "bird of the year." Unknown if they subscribe to TotalFark
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Pretty much the only house left standing undamaged along the shoreline in Mexico Beach, FL is the one that the owners said "hey, we're building this on a beachfront in Florida, let's build it to withstand the strongest hurricane imaginable"
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
Man ate Tide Pod then destroyed $7,500 of hospital equipment. That ought to clean him out
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC7 Los Angeles)
 
 
 
Be the change you want to see in the world. However, that shouldn't include robbing Coinstar machines
source: abc7.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Ars Technica)
 
 
 
A shortage of beer might not strike you as the most pressing life-or-death impact of global climate change, given the rising sea levels, stronger hurricanes, and the wrath of suddenly sober FARKers
source: arstechnica.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post Canada)
 
 
 
Dead ceiling babies is a great band name, but not a good storage method if you are a funeral home
source: huffingtonpost.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Scottish Sun)
 
 
 
Squirrel with very large breasts spotted at zoo
source: thescottishsun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KING 5 News)
 
 
 
No agency responsible for feral Cannon Beach rabbits, city says. To be fair, no government employee is trained to deal with a foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent armed with a five-pounder and grape shot
source: king5.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(I Heart Radio)
 
 
 
You are now free to expose yourself about the cabin
source: wsrz.iheart.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Naked man decides to swim the full length of a shark tank because what could possibly go wrong? Amazingly, nothing did go wrong
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Al Jazeera)
 
 
 
Trump says "rogue killers" may be behind Khashoggi murder. Well, if they're rogues, you wouldn't expect them to give up backstab damage and be in the front, now would you?
source: aljazeera.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(My Fox 8 Greensboro)
 
 
 
Protip: If you plan on looting after a natural disaster, don't shout, "I'm Looting" while attempting to steal a police car like Florida Man here
source: myfox8.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Ars Technica)
 
 
 
Pretty much every culture on Earth has some version of a vampire myth. Chinese folklore has the Jiang shi, Russian villagers in the Middle Ages often drove stakes into the bodies of suspected vampires upon burial to keep them from rising again
source: arstechnica.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
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