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Thu March 21, 2019
(Click Orlando)
 
 
 
FDOT to shut down innerstate to fix mispelled sine
source: clickorlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
America's new inland sea, previously known as Nebraska, is still growing. "The Missouri is miles wide in places now"
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Hello 911? A woman was filming me when I didn't pick up my dog's poop, so I hit her and stole her phone and brought it home with me. How soon can you get here?
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TwinCities.com)
 
 
 
Man dressed as city worker pulling copper from streetlights might have gotten away with it, except most city workers don't have heroin in their toolbox
source: twincities.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
Police repeatedly shoot teachers with plastic pellets during active shooter drill at Indiana elementary school, tell them "this is what happens if you just cower and do nothing". Scary tag steps in after Fail and Dumbass tags forget to duck and cover
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Atlanta Journal Constitution)
 
 
 
Man with knife threatens to hurt himself. Police with guns beat him to it
source: ajc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
Hate the look of crisp, clean sneakers but don't have the time to wear them in on your own? Good news -- for only $870, you can now buy pre-distressed sneakers from Gucci that take care of the wearing in process for you
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 8 Cleveland)
 
 
 
Doctors can now transplant organs infected with Hepatitis C, then cure the Hepatitis in you. The downside is your grandchildren will have to sell their own organs to pay off your medical debts
source: fox8.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Newly prescribed ADHD medications may cause psychosis, but at least you'll be a focused psychotic
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Business Insider)
 
 
 
Russian Troll Farms as seen from the Inside
source: businessinsider.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Esquire)
 
 
 
Florida Man archives from 2015. Also, if you Google Florida Man + your birthday you will get incidents on or about your birthday because Florida Man does something weird or stupid almost every day
source: esquire.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(LA Times)
 
 
 
"Fentanyl overdose deaths in the U.S. have been doubling every year." The eventual objective is that the entire US population can be peacefully put down, which is honestly great news for the rest of the planet
source: latimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News 13 Orlando)
 
 
 
Family offers to pay $53K for a part-time nanny willing to dress up as a Disney Princess. Pretty sure you can find someone on Craigslist willing to do that for less
source: mynews13.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Atlanta Journal Constitution)
 
 
 
Problem: your 24ft wide townhomes are pricing buyers out at $500,000. Solution: cut the width in half and charge $260,000
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(Reuters)
 
 
 
What are the happiest countries in the world? If you said South Sudan, uh....that's a big nope. Congratulations Finland. (U.S. is ranked 19th of 156 countries)
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KFOR Oklahoma City)
 
 
 
Injured chicken gets wheelchair at sanctuary. No, this does not belong in the food tab
source: kfor.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
New York man accused of selling sharks out of his home. No word on if they come with frickin' laser beams
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(United Nations)
 
 
 
Roses are red, violets are blue, it's World Poetry Day, and so are you. Uh, yeah, I'll go with that one
source: un.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 59)
 
 
 
If you left the seat from a Jeep Wrangler in an parking lot covered with blood and adult teeth, the Noblesville Police Department would really like to talk to you
source: fox59.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
You'd think a safety feature that would keep a plane in the air would be standard but Boeing kept that as a dealer add-on
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Sacramento)
 
 
 
🔥🏠 🔥🚗 👮🚨 😒
source: sacramento.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
So it now looks like the captain of the Ethiopian Airlines crash had not even been trained on a 737 MAX simulator. "Boeing did not send manuals on MCAS"
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTVR)
 
 
 
Bad: Cops raid your home in a child porn investigation. Better? They only arrest you over the illegal marijuana grow operation they found
source: wtvr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop this store celebration
source: siteenvirodesign.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNBC)
 
 
 
This 19-year-old is paying her way through college by naming over 677,000 Chinese babies. A heavy workload, sure, but still a real crib course
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Medium)
 
 
 
What? No, you can't have a break to pump breast milk for your infant daughter. Breast milk is for closers
source: humanparts.medium.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Twitter unites with stories of spilled food when a worker takes 22 quarts of ranch to the face. There's a joke to be made here but I'll let you guys take care of that
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(NPR)
 
 
 
New Zealand bans military-style weapons less than a week after mosque attack, claims it's too soon to start discussing thoughts and prayers
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Stayed in a hotel in South Korea recently? Then you might have starred in your own online live stream
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Week UK)
 
 
 
Apparently Brits can't handle all the alcohol they're drinking to try to cope with Brexit
source: theweek.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Abc.net.au)
 
 
 
The gender gap in China after their One Child policy is working out as horribly as you could possibly imagine
source: abc.net.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Jalopnik)
 
 
 
Volvo sales set to plummet in Wisconsin. Drink Wisconsibly people
source: jalopnik.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(My Fox 8 Greensboro)
 
 
 
Man arrested for possession of 216 Venus Flytraps. Dr. Johnny Fever unavailable for comment
source: myfox8.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Bikini babe climbs pole until it's no longer erect. Pole
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Albuquerque Journal)
 
 
 
'Simulated doobies' lead to real fire and arson charges. This story gets dumber as you read it
source: abqjournal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Sacramento)
 
 
 
California state employees notice new elevator button labeled "riot." Yeah, nothing to see here
source: sacramento.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
It's all fun n games til someone sets your pants on fire
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Farktography)
 
Farktography
 
Theme of Farktography Contest No. 724: "Office Space 2". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
source: farktography.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed March 20, 2019
(Miami Herald)
 
 
 
To prevent other John Does from reading about minors' briefs, mysterious John Does file minor legal briefs to limit the release of documents in Jeffrey Epstein case
source: miamiherald.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WNEP Scranton)
 
 
 
X-rays reveal secrets of mummy stored at Pennsylvania museum, script for crappy sequel
source: wnep.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Drive)
 
 
 
When you're an obscure North Korean resistance group looking to overthrow one of the most stable dictatorships on Earth, you target their obvious weak point. That's right, their Embassy in Spain
source: thedrive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Daily Beast)
 
 
 
New drug approved by FDA to treat postpartum depression, which affects 1 in 7 new mothers, can be afforded by 1 in 50 new mothers
source: thedailybeast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(LA Times)
 
 
 
To be fair, what bus driver hasn't wanted to torch the whole busload of kids
source: latimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 5 Las Vegas)
 
 
 
Feeding gummy bears to a handcuffed person, while making plane noises is no way for a young female officer to behave. Neither is recording a man's genitals
source: fox5vegas.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WHO TV Des Moines)
 
 
 
Bodycam shows police catching kids dropped from third floor by mom to escape fire
source: whotv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Fark NotNewsletter: Nature's greatest spectacle
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(Manchester Evening News)
 
 
 
In the ongoing series of "things that are likely to kill you," today's episode is "lanyards"
source: manchestereveningnews.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chicago Tribune Images)
 
 
 
Photoshop these basins
source: trbimg.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(US Naval Institute)
 
 
 
Heads up sharks with lasers and other foes of the U.S., the Navy is ready to 'burn boats' with mounted lasers on their destroyers
source: news.usni.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WHNT Huntsville)
 
 
 
Northeast Alabama Hep A is my sleeper March Madness upset pick
source: whnt.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
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