FARK.com: This week's archives

If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

Not News Sports Business Geek Showbiz Politics Music Video All

Thu July 02, 2009

Source	Fark Headline		Comments
		You know you're a redneck when: C) Inspired by the recent movie UP, you take to the sky in a balloon-bouyed lawn chair (wired.com)	(66)
		Newly-discovered Australian dinosaur was bigger, faster and more terrifying than a velociraptor. So let's call it Banjo (news.com.au)	(106)
		If you're over 55 you're having the time of your life, but spare a thought to those under 25 who are cleaning your toilet - if they're lucky (dailymail.co.uk)	(219)
		Two women make a smooth getaway with $1000 of stolen razors (tennessean.com)	(49)
		"I love how it's not mushy like Play-Doh; it has an unyielding consistency and a good wide girth" (shine.yahoo.com)	(79)
		Fortune teller convinces teenage girls that having sex with him will make wishes come true. Of course, he didn't say whose wishes (philly.com)	(110)
(KCCI)		For the last time, when driving a car loaded with 60 pounds of hallucinogenic mushrooms, make absolutely certain to obey all traffic laws (kcci.com)	(54)
		Local businessman punches out photographer for taking his picture at a strip club "because of his standing in the community." Ending up on Fark probably not what he had in mind (nwfdailynews.com)	(22)
(Shreveport Times)		16-year old girl hears her mom scream and thinks she's being assaulted, so she and her friends come to her rescue with a baseball bat. Turns out mom was with her 25-year old boyfriend. Awkward (shreveporttimes.com)	(102)
(Some 1908 Bleriot XI)		Photoshop this airborne antique aircraft (s.wsj.net)	(46)
(Some Guy)		Catching your estranged husband in a tryst and threatening to "whomp some ass" with a baseball bat may not be the most romantic way to woo him back. It'll also cost you $981 (billingsgazette.com)	(18)
		The Friday Mugshot Roundup, one day early to allow holiday celebration goodness. Subby is proud to be an American (thesmokinggun.com)	(150)
		Today's great moment in breakfast food marketing is brought to you by Hardee's (youtube.com)	(70)
		Work begins to fix NJ Turnpike Bottleneck. This is not a repeat from 1951, 1952, 1956, 1966, 1968, 1970, 1982, 1990, 1998, 2004, 2007 (philly.com)	(61)
		Urine tester caught taking bribes. Authorities are pissed, say he's whizzed his life away. Suspect unsure how news of his corruption leaked (chron.com)	(52)
		Charges dropped in "pizza delivery driver helps rape victim case" due to the biatch being a liar (guardian.co.uk)	(75)
		Gary Coleman's short-tempered wife arrested for domestic battery, tells arresting officers that she has a small problem (with EEEK mugshot) (tmz.com)	(68)
(Some Guy)		A man carrying a sandwich was attacked by a black bear in his driveway. With pic of what it might look like if you got biatchslapped by a black bear for a sandwich (kare11.com)	(76)
		From the people who brought you The War on Christmas™ and The War on Easter™ comes this summer's blockbuster new sequel. Yep, you guessed it: It's The War on the 4th of July™. Here we go again.......AGAIN (corner.nationalreview.com)	(204)
		Cop arrested for beating his wife, even though it was in the contract (denverpost.com)	(58)
		"Top 10 Ironic Ads From History", including such classics as Bayer Heroin and Dutch Boy lead paint (consumerist.com)	(92)
		Police said man made obscene calls to deaf for fun of it (mcall.com)	(58)
		Officer tasers Waffle House employee because it's fun to taser Waffle House employees (ajc.com)	(79)
		"She appeared to be bouncing up and down on the driver's lap in a very vigorous motion," police reported. With photo goodness (thesmokinggun.com)	(152)
(Politifact)		"Back on June 27, 2008, PolitiFact published a story we hoped would put the whole Obama birth certificate controversy to rest. Oh, how naive we were." (politifact.com)	(690)
(New4Jax)		Man attacks realtor with hammer. Good Samaritan returns fire with paperweight. If only there was a tag to tell where this happened (news4jax.com)	(25)
(Free Republic)		Three-way sex leads to double-stabbing. At least the sex-to-stabbing ratio is still greater than 1 (freerepublic.com)	(80)
		Man passes the bar exam on his 4th try. Bar examiners deny him a license because he hasn't made a single payment on his $400,000 student loans in 26 years (dailykos.com)	(195)
(ScienceBlogs)		New poll shows that Americans have as higher level of understanding of evolution than any other country in the world (scienceblogs.com)	(314)
		For those in the Northeast who read Fark: How to build an ark (boston.com)	(149)
		Although chasing your girlfriend around with a machete while drinking a cold Keystone Ice may seem perfectly reasonable to you, it's still against the law. Even in Florida (tcpalm.com)	(68)
		Who shot Neda? Iran says doctor on the scene saw who did it, Interpol is seeking him. Interpol: "We're doing what?" (cbsnews.com)	(107)
		I cheated on my husband and destroyed my marriage. Obviously the problem is that I didn't have enough husbands, and a community of women to communally care for my children (msnbc.msn.com)	(495)
		Since 1975, 274 children have died in this country because their parents thought prayer, not medicine, would cure them. God bless America (msnbc.msn.com)	(441)
(Some Guy)		The evil Rupert Murdoch claims he's not interested in buying The New York Times, but we know better than than, don't we? (poynter.org)	(58)
		If you always wanted to spend your Fourth of July holiday at O'Hare Airport, you're in luck if you're flying United today (wbbm780.com)	(38)
(Some Bennie)		New Jersey man sees Wisconsin man's nine DUIs, raises him six more (phillyburbs.com)	(49)
		CFL receiver in trouble after celebrating touchdown by pretending to be a dead Michael Jackson. "I made the mistake of telling him that once he got to the end zone I didn't care what he did," says coach (cbc.ca)	(189)
		Ten people banned from visiting the UK, including Martha Stewart, Snoop Dogg, and some Brazilian tart with a suitcase full of sex toys (online.wsj.com)	(92)
		Photoshop these big brims (s.wsj.net)	(36)
		Strip club shooting suspect arrested in Atlanta, tries to post bail with ones (ajc.com)	(41)
		In case you were wondering, a Porta John tipping is a news worthy event in Central Pennsylvaina (pennlive.com)	(119)
(Gainesville Sun)		Father of toddler crushed to death by his eight-foot Burmese python described as "a great dad" (gainesville.com)	(368)
		If you've stolen over 5,000 pounds of commercial grade fireworks, the Chicago police would like to celebrate the 4th of July with you (suntimes.com)	(43)
		People who are unsure of their own beliefs are less open minded. Suck it agnostics (news.yahoo.com)	(844)
		Just in case you need another reason to be scared to go to the dentist (msnbc.msn.com)	(43)
		Flock of seagulls mourn after being hit by two short range missiles fired by North Korea today. Iran's so far away (abcnews.go.com)	(132)
		Massachusetts ups greed level by charging $25 fee to plead not guilty to traffic tickets (telegram.com)	(235)
		Poll: 64 percent say too much Jackson coverage. The other 36 percent says that it's nice to hear 'Billie Jean' back on the radio (news.yahoo.com)	(220)
		Major heist thought to have occurred at Canadian mint, silly robbers no country south of the US has anything of value (upi.com)	(84)
		India decriminalises consensual gay sex. Sex with eight armed elephant gods still illegal (google.com)	(60)
		He likes his women like he likes his cheap whiskey: six years old and mixed with coke (boston.com)	(216)
		45-year-old Colorado mother accused of having sex with 16-year-old boy who also was part of a group that enjoys dressing up as animals. Then it gets weird (denverpost.com)	(86)
		Hollywood scrapes the bottom of the barrel and comes away with "Asteroids: The Movie." PEW, PEW, PEW (aintitcool.com)	(229)
		Stress camp for kids helps the precious snowflakes deal with the pressures of not having to work, summer break, eating anything they want, going to the movies and wondering if Jimmy just likes her or if he likes her likes her (myfoxdc.com)	(61)
		After 26 years, DNA evidence finally gets man charged with murder in DC. Because the other evidence like the murder weapon, crime scene photos, hairs, fibers and 21 stab wounds to the back were lost during the original investigation (myfoxdc.com)	(23)
		North Korea continues its assault on the Sea of Japan (edition.cnn.com)	(81)
		If you're a 5th grade teacher, make sure you don't accidentally put your personal sex tape onto the DVD you're giving your students at the end of the year. (article includes said video) (cbs13.com)	(205)
		Illinois police looking for hot, crazy brunette. Who isn't? (chicagobreakingnews.com)	(48)
		Now that the real protestors have been put down and the online protestors have gone back to their WoW raids, Iranian hardliners want Mousavi arrested for being a rabble raiser (reuters.com)	(70)
		Wrestling midget brothers found dead after hooker romp. The Sun is there. Hero tag cuz that's how we all want to go out (thesun.co.uk)	(47)
		Sen. Franken may be spoofed on SNL, a show he use to be on, were he spoofed a senator once on a committee he may actually serve on (saved you six paragraphs of reading there) (msnbc.msn.com)	(241)
(Some Guy)		Vietnam sees alarming rise in boy births vs girls. You'd be alarmed too if you saw a boy giving birth (centredaily.com)	(41)
		Is your office dull and boring? Are you suffering from a lack of employee morale? What you need is a "naked Friday" (telegraph.co.uk)	(150)
		John "The 'Stache" Bolton: Israel, it's time for you to do what you do best against Iran (washingtonpost.com)	(268)
		Washington Post selling access to DC power elite, reporters for as much as $250,000; gets scolded by lobbybist for dubious ethics (politico.com)	(45)
		The Boston Herald is outraged that Massachusetts turnpike workers don't have to pay tolls on their way into work. The paper's next target: freeloading baseball hot dog vendors (bostonherald.com)	(43)
		Man hit by train at 100mph, survives: "I'm not a hero, I'm an idiot." QFT (telegraph.co.uk)	(46)
(Findagrave.com)		Allah might have had 72 virgins waiting for Ayatollah Khomeini, but apparently he was a bit short on green chandeliers. With photo ostentatiousness (findagrave.com)	(41)
		Obama expands assistance to poor decision makers (usatoday.com)	(86)
		Want to strip then write a book? Here are common themes: You're someone we'd least suspect. But stripping feels strangely natural. And you're not like the ones doing it for meth (doublex.com)	(91)
		Some may think that forwarding a child porn to your friends for the purpose of identifying the molester is good idea, but the authorities disagree (11alive.com)	(153)
		You know your boyfriend really loves you when he's willing to cut off one of his penises for you. Wait, what? (metro.co.uk)	(89)
		OK kids, we're only gonna give you 5 chances to screw up before we take your license from you. No, wait, 10 chances, and that's it (myfoxdc.com)	(32)
(Some Guy)		Once again a massive search is launched after someone leaves a bike/car on a Seattle ferry (kitsapsun.com)	(14)
(Madison.com)		Man gets charged with 9th DUI while serving time for 8th DUI, gets crowned king of Wisconsin (madison.com)	(45)
		Most traffic infractions end with a ticket, a fine, and a court date. Others end with a priest being tasered, 40 parishioners being pepper sprayed, and the door of the church being kicked in. The holy trinity of Texas law enforcement (myfoxdc.com)	(110)
		Online advertisers adopt seven core principles designed to give you more control over enhancing your penis size (usatoday.com)	(13)
		Cemetery authorities: Famous prostitute's gravestone 'too slutty' (thelocal.de)	(50)
(Chicago Reader)		It costs $900 to haul a dead body to the morgue in Chicago - not including cab fare to the voting booth (blogs.chicagoreader.com)	(19)
		Movie studios fail to realize that all you have to do to market to hipsters is tell them the movie sucked (reuters.com)	(147)
		Parking deck collapse is a puzzle for engineers, pile of rubble and crushed cars for everone else (ajc.com)	(38)
(Some Guy)		She tugs at his shirt sleeve with her teeth. He caresses her right cheek. She kisses his neck repeatedly. If it just wasn't for the dash cam he wouldn't have had to abruptly resign as Chief of Police (w/you'd hit it video) (cantonrep.com)	(88)
		National Rhinoceros Beetle Sumo Championship ends in chaos as finalist flees, earns instant DQ (mdn.mainichi.jp)	(12)
		Ric Romero reports: pets and fireworks don't always mix (mercurynews.com)	(22)
(WATE-TV)		Having a name suited only for Tennessee, former UT backup quarterback Jim Bob Cooter arrested (wate.com)	(25)
		62 sex offenders mistakenly let loose in Michigan.Police return them to prison, then release some again. It's an odd catch and release program, but Michigan seems to be enjoying it (foxnews.com)	(17)
(Franklin Avenue)		Casey Kasem's "American Top 20" goes the way of a little dog named Snuggles (franklinavenue.blogspot.com)	(120)
		Possible AIDS vaccine to enter human trials, needlessly tempting high risk demographics away from their abstinence pledges (cbc.ca)	(88)
		Scientists prove that vegetarians have weaker bones. Suck it brittle bones (fe18.story.media.ac4.yahoo.com)	(243)
		Five time marathon winner touts the benefits of a Waffle House breakfast, says it will certainly give you the runs (ajc.com)	(47)
		Woman calls fire department because her TV is on fire. Firefighters quickly save the day when they discover it was tuned to a broadcast of a fireplace (mcall.com)	(92)
		USA Today publishes a helpful guide highlighting the major differences between the three vampire worlds (usatoday.com)	(116)
		Iran crushed by the United States. Suspiciously, no Twitter coverage of the deadly-accurate U.S. shooting (startribune.com)	(34)
(News 14 Carolina)		Investigative journalism gets to the bottom of the most horrible thing you will ever see with your own eyes (news14.com)	(104)
(Some Guy on the ground)		Photoshop this guy on the ground (i35.photobucket.com)	(32)
(Some Guy)		Sea lion 1, cops not so much (ktla.com)	(41)
		Man bitten by snake in Florida. Come for the story, stay for the picture of a Rattlesnake attacking its own tail (firstcoastnews.com)	(86)
		The Great Sofa Round-up, where people traded 600 sofas last year, has been cancelled this year due to fear of bedbugs by officials. "The Department of Public Health says it has no bedbug reports this year." (denverpost.com)	(53)
(Some Chick)		Apparently Tuesday was "Bring Your Granddaughter to a Drug Deal" day (wlwt.com)	(28)
		Sequel to American classic "Catcher in the Rye" banned, possibly for steroid use (news.bbc.co.uk)	(184)
		Theme of Farktography Contest No. 217: "In Memoriam: Thar Be Dragons" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (farktography.net)	(115)

Wed July 01, 2009

	When asked if it's funny being arrested for fondling underage girls, don't say: "Yeah, it's funny. I'm a handsome dude. I don't need to be fondling little girls." (wesh.com)	(161)
(Some Guy)	Five people arrested at a going away party they threw for a relative leaving for jail. -- So what, that's like... FIVE MORE PARTIES, YO (itemlive.com)	(58)
(WFMZ)	Man riding bike across Pennsylvania to raise money, awareness of people who actually want to ride a bike across Pennsylvania (wfmz.com)	(32)
(Tacoma News Tribune)	What could possibly be wrong with a bikini fireworks stand? (thenewstribune.com)	(137)
	Sears Tower opening subby's worst nightmare on Thursday (msnbc.msn.com)	(225)
	Photoshop this siesta in the sun (s.wsj.net)	(57)
	Faced with the prospect of returning to Staten Island, operator drives his ferry into a pier at full speed (cnn.com)	(38)
	FDA: Anti-smoking drugs can make you crazy. How does the FDA know that these crazy people are not just jonesing for a cigarette? (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(90)
(NWA homepage)	Not News: Murder victim shot in head. News: accidentally. Fark: by police responding to her 911 call (nwahomepage.com)	(258)
	Georgia foster care system tries to dump problem teen in Guatemala, despite the fact that he's never been there and is a US citizen (msnbc.msn.com)	(133)
(Some Chef)	Man arrested and tazered for illegal pork chop recipe (wptv.com)	(59)
	Stephen Colbert declares soccer the new American sport. You've been warned (colbertnation.com)	(329)
	Now they are making dresses out of bacon. God bless America (stltoday.com)	(79)
	Cats in Minneapolis are putting their paws together for Hoppy the dog-terrorizing cat. City officials have deemed him "potentially dangerous", but he's just making sure no stupid dogs ruin his Caturday fun (startribune.com)	(100)
	Todays Republican whinge: 60 vote Democratic majority in the Senate means America will start using the metric system. C'mon guys, is that really the best you can do? (edition.cnn.com)	(526)
	Greece, where cigarettes are allowed in hospitals and 37% of the people light up, has adopted a new public smoking ban...for the 3rd time...in the last 10 years. Exceptions have been made for mental patients and gamblers (myfoxdc.com)	(48)
	Man concerned that his wife will be embarassed by his arrest in women's underwear. Is it the arrest or clothing choice that will embarass her more? (w/ pics) (wtam.com)	(76)
	California reduced to the Lloyd Christmas and Harry Dunne method of finance (latimes.com)	(91)
	The UK now has 85 Sharia courts, which are just awesome and peachy and if you don't agree you'll get treated like a disrespectful Muslim wife (guardian.co.uk)	(139)
	California's governator has a carpeted, furnished tent outside his office just for smoking his cigars in. Unfortunately due to term limits, he won't be back (nytimes.com)	(171)
	Russia forces all casinos to close down and relocate to far-flung regions. What happens in Krasnodar and Rostov, stays in Krasnodar and Rostov (washingtonpost.com)	(31)
(Business Insider)	CNBC host complains "anonymous bloggers" have been mocking him and his show, saying he looks like Beaker from the Muppets. Ends up in a train wreck of a rant that... MEEP, MEEP, MEEP, MEEP, MEEP (businessinsider.com)	(116)
	Karl Malden finally leaves home without it (latimes.com)	(329)
(Tacoma News Tribune)	The good news: Washington's state run liquor stores will be open on the 4th of july for the first time ever. The bad news: they face liquor shortages because they forgot to order enough booze (blogs.thenewstribune.com)	(45)
	Cheekily self-aware Reuters headline: "Probe fingers 1,800 American Apparel workers" (fe13.story.media.ac4.yahoo.com)	(55)
	Church bans inflatable rides at Ohio festivals.....stops short of banning 11 year old boys (daytondailynews.com)	(46)
	Missing cat shows up on BBC political debate. Read my lips, no new veterinarians (telegraph.co.uk)	(50)
	News: Gas station robbed at knifepoint. Fark: Two idiots busted less than a mile away from said gas station after running out of gas (abc2news.com)	(15)
	Annoyed that Southern Waffle Houses are getting all the Fark headlines, Arizona legislature passes the Drunken Redneck Shootenanny Act (sfgate.com)	(160)
	Rush Limbaugh: "Michael Jackson flourished under Reagan and Bush, and died under Obama" (mediamatters.org)	(625)
	Return your tray tables and seat backs to their upright positions - Oh, and put your clothes back on too (with pics) (abclocal.go.com)	(61)
(Some Guy)	During elementary school demolition workers discover numerous VHS porn tapes, women's panties... wait, what's a VHS? (khq.com)	(75)
	Public health insurance option would destroy private insurance, just like Social Security annihilated private pensions and FHA vanquished private mortgate lenders (tnr.com)	(542)
	It's hard enough to moonwalk as is, these critters do it on all fours (huffingtonpost.com)	(42)
	Theme: Photoshop/Farktography Mash Up. Combine two or more images from Farktography contest "Homeless images" (fark.com)	(104)
	"Let's screw up the entire Internet to save newspapers" (valleywag.gawker.com)	(164)
(Some Guy)	"He wanted to make a phone call, did a handstand and refused to obey. The officers put a padded helmet on him and transferred him to the jail," (floridatoday.com)	(26)
	The creepiest Disney branded product you'll see today: The Mickey Mouse gas mask (consumerist.com)	(83)
	Man who currently lives in Michael Jackson's boyhood home has a little difficulty doing yardwork these days (with pic) (chicagotribune.com)	(103)
	Russia conducting a huge military exercise near Georgia, causing worried citizens to back up traffic all the way to Macon (timesonline.co.uk)	(97)
	PROTIP: When planning your Independence Day celebration, consider whether launching fireworks in a war-torn African country is really the best way to go (news.yahoo.com)	(70)
(Tribtoday.com)	Tough economic times? - Check. Having to steal to make ends meet? - Check. Stealing copper from a high voltage electrical substation? - Check. One electrocuted repeat offender identifiable by tattoos only?. - Check (tribtoday.com)	(122)
	Baltimore deaths from alcohol and drug overdoses fall two years in a row, except for marijuana overdose deaths, which stubbornly remain unchanged (baltimoresun.com)	(432)
	NYC Strong Beer Festival Jul 7th 7pm, clicky for details (fark.com)	(68)
	Chicago Fark Parties are back: Saturday August 8th at 8pm. Yes, that's Lollapalooza weekend (fark.com)	(130)
	Canada celebrates its 142nd birthday and wants the world to know: "We're inferior no more. We not only know who we are, but we like who we are." Happy Canada Day (theglobeandmail.com)	(328)
	If I had to guess, i'd say your first mistake was taking a photo of yourself with a mobile phone in the house you were robbing, and your second mistake was leaving it behind (metro.co.uk)	(21)
	The Fattest US States are in, and y'all will never guess which part of the country wins (health.yahoo.com)	(621)
	Scientists find sex effective against childlessness (reuters.com)	(57)
	Seriously, what does it take to lose your driver's license in New Jersey? (wcbs880.com)	(88)
	Annapolis alderman that was cured of homosexuality and stopped beating his wife has suffered a setback in both areas (baltimoresun.com)	(75)
	Awkward moments in the workplace, number 21: Having to explain that you gave someone a vasectomy by mistake (thelocal.se)	(58)
(The State)	Get ready to guess who farted, y'all: introducing your Miss South Carolina 2009 contestants (thestate.com)	(974)
(Some Guy)	City councilman who led drive to ban pitbulls awaits decision whether his labrador retriever will be euthanized for biting neighbor (siouxcityjournal.com)	(323)
	Man falls asleep in church. While robbing it (3news.co.nz)	(32)
	Not news: Boy arrested for stealing. News: For stealing an oxygen tank and sensor. Fark: From the ambulance while paramedics treated his mom. Total Fark: And a purse from one of the medics (news.yahoo.com)	(82)
	Italian ice cream company runs ad campaign portraying "forbidden Italian temptations", including a priest and a nun in a "seductive pose". Surprisingly, some people had a problem with this (telegraph.co.uk)	(134)
	Today's Fark-ready story: Swedish docs cleared over misplaced colon (thelocal.se)	(47)
	When giving a presentation to the board of your company, it's always worth trying not to bring up your favourite porn website by mistake (thelocal.se)	(86)
	If you know anything aboot a half-ton of gold, missing from the Royal Canadian Mint and worth $US 13 million, the Mounties would like to have a word with you (news.bbc.co.uk)	(86)
	Latest way to get bored passengers to pay attention to the safety briefing? Flight attendants covered in body paint. Note that on US Air, eye bleach is now $25 (seattletimes.nwsource.com)	(104)
	Photoshop these hymnists (flickr.com)	(30)
	BBC is freaking out because a teenager bought a machete, which could potentially be used as a weapon. Next thing you know, they'll be letting kids buy a baseball bat without carding them (news.bbc.co.uk)	(268)
	As the Iranian authorities warned the opposition on Tuesday that they would tolerate no further protests over the disputed election, reports indicate that they have secretly started hanging arrested Mousavi supporters (jpost.com)	(610)
	It is once again time for the annual Royal Counting of the Swans, when the Swan Marker rows up the Thames for five days, weighing and measuring swans and cygnets, to find out how many the gypsies have eaten (stuff.co.nz)	(32)
	Would-be burglar gets face rearranged after breaking into home of 71yo retired Army boxer. Judge's comments: Nice work (news.com.au)	(59)
	"The security guard approached the 44-year-old yesterday at a Dapto supermarket and demanded he produce the meat from within his pants." (abc.net.au)	(31)
	Newspaper urges drivers to throw away red light camera tickets because the program is an accident-causing scam (washingtontimes.com)	(229)
(Some Guy)	Fark ready headline "Woman Steals $650 In Gum From Hospital Gift Shop" with photo goodness (10tv.com)	(41)
(Montana's News Station)	Today's FAIL pic brought to you by this Bud Light truck and railroad overpass (montanasnewsstation.com)	(111)
	Amber alert, well, greenish-amber alert, for missing giant lizard (w/ pic) (wbbm780.com)	(33)
	Dry Academia, meet Pure Stupid. Pure Stupid, meet Dry Academia (nytimes.com)	(177)
	Roger Ebert gives two thumbs down to our culture of doom gloom and fear and the Nanny State mentality that has taken over our lives (blogs.suntimes.com)	(150)
	6 at 6 for $6: Cheap-ass domestic beers face off in a blind taste test showdown (voices.washingtonpost.com)	(184)

Tue June 30, 2009

(NY Magazine)	Hundreds of dolphins appear in Long Island Sound, delighting the oblivious guido boaters who have no idea the Vogons are about to destroy the planet (nymag.com)	(70)
	Construction worker w/ ginomous brass ones pulls drowning woman from the roiling waters of a low head dam while dangling in a harness from a crane (pics) (desmoinesregister.com)	(101)
	Fark's favorite state has moved the seatbelt law to a primary offense. This is obviously to keep drivers safe (wftv.com)	(173)
	The "top prostitutes" of Knox County Tennessee with mugshZOMG KILL THEM WITH FIRE (knoxnews.com)	(215)
	Oshkosh gets contract to build mine resistant vehicles for military. Yes, that Oshkosh (cnnwire.blogs.cnn.com)	(108)
	Oil analysts who predicted $200 oil last year, $25 oil then $100 oil this year now predict $55 per barrel oil. Seriously, people get paid for this? (finance.yahoo.com)	(79)
	Colbert: "Jeff Goldblum is dead at the age of 56." Goldblum: "I don't want to go on the cart" (colbertnation.com)	(99)
	Tire factory hit with bomb threats two days in a row. Goodyear? The worst (thelocal.de)	(30)
	Communities axing Fourth of July fireworks. Why? I don't know, maybe you should axe them yourself (hosted.ap.org)	(74)
(Some Guy)	Midvale School For The Gifted graduate fails at robbing bank (king5.com)	(33)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop this man going downhill fast (img81.imageshack.us)	(42)
	2,252 days since major combat operation were declared over in Iraq, major combat operations have officially ended in Iraq. Mission Accomplished (reuters.com)	(437)
(FOX43)	Woman says stress over MJ's death, not intoxication, impelled her to commit arson in Ohio bar (fox43.com)	(59)
	Arcade game experts rate Michael Jackson's collection: "Crystal Castles is a game for stoners, so I'm not sure why Michael Jackson has this" (gadgetwise.blogs.nytimes.com)	(195)
	Wondering where Michael Jackson's chimp Bubbles has been? Wonder no more (wtsp.com)	(135)
	Truck carrying hogs to slaughter overturns, one surviving pig lives on its own in wild for a week, ends up in woman's swimming pool, no longer usable as sausage due to unknown diet. Ta daa (news.yahoo.com)	(47)
	Soon it will be news when people aren't shot in Detroit (news.yahoo.com)	(114)
	Russian president to his fellow countrymen: "Say no to vodak". Russians: "Bleargh" (uk.reuters.com)	(64)
(Lincoln Journal Star)	Relative holds $10 Mr. Coffee hostage in exchange for $48 "house watching fee" (journalstar.com)	(44)
(ktvb.com)	Not News: Falcon takes first flight. News: Hits a parked car. Fark: Webcam caught it all (ktvb.com)	(59)
	Did Geraldo Rivera just ask the Fox News viewers to kill a child molester? (gawker.com)	(356)
	Crew of Boeing 757 reports near miss with lawnmower (independent.co.uk)	(59)
	Obama announces plans to vacation on Cape Cod this year instead of making usual pilgrimage to Mecca (politico.com)	(185)
(Some Guy)	Walkers and canes pose injury risk for those using walkers and canes (dbtechno.com)	(52)
(The State)	Biggest reason why Mark Sanford will survive the rest of his term? Because Sanford's probable successor is even crazier than he is (thestate.com)	(128)
	Reporter who's never visited Snopes.com: "Sneakers hanging on a power line are a sign to tell people that illegal drugs are available in a given area" (pennlive.com)	(227)
	Pictures of Michael Jackson's tour rehearsal, just two days before his death. He actually looked good (starpulse.com)	(185)
	Toddler who survived the Yemeni Airline plane crash now 14 years old. Man, they sure grow up fast (and change sex) these days (cbc.ca)	(60)
	"Stuart Smalley Goes to Washington" greenlit by MN Supreme Court (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(886)
(Some Polaroid Nut)	It's been a while since the last Polaroid Photoshop Contest. Photoshop this one (img.photobucket.com)	(71)
	Having grown bored with swine flu, media now warning that summer is kidney stone season: "It's truly ghastly - probably the worst pain most people will ever experience. I've seen big hulky men reduced to tears on the floor" (guardian.co.uk)	(237)
	You might want to get some new drinking buddies if they throw you in the Mississippi River when you pass out (kansascity.com)	(59)
	Michael Bay's latest film is so bad it's caused a power outage in Newark (foxnews.com)	(80)
	Howard Stern "wack packer" nabbed for secretly taping Bernie Madoff sentencing (thesmokinggun.com)	(144)
(ktvb.com)	Doing her part to perpetuate the stereotype, woman parks on roof (ktvb.com)	(63)
	British family told to remove the trampoline from their back garden in case thieves use it to jump into their neighbours windows (telegraph.co.uk)	(47)
	Washington Post looks at the "celebrity death rule of three." Which recently became a rule of five (washingtonpost.com)	(110)
(Some Guy)	"I really want to put out the message that cows can't be trusted. I think a lot of people don't realise how dangerous cows can be" (fwi.co.uk)	(113)
	DBWI: Man arrested for driving bulldozer while intoxicated (thesmokinggun.com)	(46)
(Some Guy)	The media covers the final act of Michael Jackson's death by reporting that the wall-to-wall media coverage is receding (centredaily.com)	(182)
(Some guy)	Mother of the year candidate leaves infant home alone to go drinking. In her defense you can't take an infant to the bar, thats just bad parenting (dailyitem.com)	(116)
	Playboy Bunnies close to extinction. EVERYBODY PANIC (blogs.discovery.com)	(123)
	Man tries to circumsize himself using nail clippers. "This is something we would advise men never to attempt." (telegraph.co.uk)	(118)
	Woman gets hit by train while trying to clear her thoughts. I guess she had a one-track mind (boston.com)	(61)
(Some Guy)	We regret to inform you that your Czechs have bounced (ceskenoviny.cz)	(80)
	Rather than concentrating on repairing downtown sewage treatment plant, city hangs up giant air freshener (cbc.ca)	(91)
(Timesherald)	Hint: When arguing over a bill, the first rule is to not point the loaded hunting rifle at your son (timesherald.com)	(129)
	Jerry Springer feels pangs of remorse over how awful his talk show is: "We've been doing this show for 19 years now and I'm really sorry for that" (contactmusic.com)	(196)
	Miracle child found alive in Indian Ocean plane crash. Undetermined whether Madonna or Michael Jackson's mother will win custody (usatoday.com)	(160)
	You know it's going to be a bad day when your train full of liquified petroleum gas derails. That's just a hard one to come back from (reuters.com)	(38)
	Two federal lawsuits allege using a dog's discerning crotch-sniffing ability to identify suspects in "scent lineups" is nothing more than junk science (usatoday.com)	(53)
	Here's how it works. They threaten you, you beat them around the head with a violin. That's the New Zealand way (stuff.co.nz)	(33)
	A horse is a horse, of course, of course, unless it's the main course (salon.com)	(359)
	Everybody knows how much fun nitrous can be, but you should probably think twice if you're a doctor in an emergency unit (news.com.au)	(40)
	Public Works misspell "school" on crossing near a school. Scohol may have been involved (myfoxtwincities.com)	(95)
	Oregon man gets back wallet that was missing for 63 years, is happy to be able to buy alcohol again (news.yahoo.com)	(17)
	All aboard for Amcrack (cbs13.com)	(41)
	Photoshop this paramilitary policeman under pressure (s.wsj.net)	(27)
	Nanny State bans swimming goggles because the precious snowflakes might injure themselves with them. Doesn't Nanny know the goggles, they do nothing? (telegraph.co.uk)	(141)
	Japan Airlines cancels morning flight after copilot gets wasted evening before, then walks outside hotel to pee behind tree where Hawaii police spot him (search.japantimes.co.jp)	(43)
(Some Yellowhammer)	Caption this bird (wildaboutbritain.co.uk)	(81)
(Some Guy)	Man trapped in elevator tries to kick his way out, is arrested for damaging elevator. Alcohol was involved (wsbtv.com)	(31)
(Some Dark and Stormy Night)	You submitted this--yes, caressing your keyboard like the trigger of a heavy, blued snub--with a more lachrymose, turgid, labyrithine headline (bulwer-lytton.com)	(89)
	Veterans to receive $250 stimulus checks soon. Bet Dick Cheney, Rush Limbaugh wish they hadn't dodged the draft now (blogs.stripes.com)	(159)
	Miss Georgia 2009 was crowned Saturday night and quit on Sunday. No scandal is apparent...more likely a serious case of 'I hate county fairs'. (pics) (bittenandbound.com)	(99)
	France may be in trouble for not protecting hamsters (nzherald.co.nz)	(44)
	Most decorated U.S. Marine Corps aviator in history, vet of three wars and the guy who, "when his guns froze, he flew his fighter into the Japanese observation plane, hacking off its tail with his propeller." dies at 89 (oregonlive.com)	(194)

Mon June 29, 2009

	Stories made for Fark: Tranny clown robs Beer Emporium store (thedenverchannel.com)	(57)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop this bug-eyed bureaucrat (shorpy.com)	(56)
	The most fantastic set of photos of dirty hippies you will see all week (boston.com)	(180)
	The Indian Ocean, feeling left out, gets its own plane to crash into it (cbs3.com)	(411)
	Accused burglars break into nine vehicles, dance for a cop, then ask the cop for a ride home. Strawberry pop tarts are also involed. Then it gets weird (wesh.com)	(32)
	Thanks to the 56,000 Americans per year that can't follow simple instructions, NyQuil and other medications that combine acetaminophen with other ingredients may be taken off the market. Dennis Leary already getting the DT's (healthzone.ca)	(228)
	Party-pooper sues Seattle to stop fireworks over lake, say that there should be "some kind of review to make sure it doesn't hurt fish" (seattletimes.nwsource.com)	(123)
	Collecting rainwater is finally legal in Colorado (denverpost.com)	(127)
	Tim Hortons to become a Canadian company. Because apparently it's not (cbc.ca)	(128)
(Some Guy)	Missouri inmate uses cardboard toilet paper holder to escape from jail. Had previously escaped by climbing through ceiling. Next: Will dig 50 foot hole to freedom (officer.com)	(56)
(NBCConnecticut)	Only great news stories start with "it was a simple request: Don't defecate on my lawn" (nbcconnecticut.com)	(90)
	Legislating against climate change: it's just like Vegas, except no jackpots or showgirls. Oh, and you have to be willing to put up all of your future earnings as collateral (corner.nationalreview.com)	(594)
	The virus has mutated. EVERYBODY RE-PANIC (foxnews.com)	(132)
	Consumer group finds that nearly 18 percent of the Italian population trusts sorcerers (news.yahoo.com)	(83)
	Media Fearmongering Headline of the Day - "Beware of the Killer Bikini Wax" (health.msn.com)	(96)
	Yep, men will say anything during sex. Sometimes it lands them in jail (news.bbc.co.uk)	(66)
	Woman's cancer vanishes after prayers to 19th-century priest. Church to consider "Post hoc ergo propter hoc." (baltimoresun.com)	(140)
	Hinting that perhaps this recession is worse than previously thought, Wall Street Journal tastes and ranks cheap jug wines to help its readers choose wisely (online.wsj.com)	(104)
(RWW)	Oklahoma Rep. Sally Kerns introduces legislation formally blaming "gays and abortion" for the nation's economic woes. With video (tips-q.com)	(393)
	Unless you like falling down, getting the wrong drugs, and having surgical equipment sewed up in your body, stay away from Utah hospitals (sltrib.com)	(49)
	Lunatic fringe: blow up the moon because it's gay (examiner.com)	(229)
	Parking desk collapses at Georgia Tech, a college of engineering (ajc.com)	(191)
	Man who took advantage of Nebraska's Safe Haven law when he dumped all 9 of his kids on the state after his wife died claiming he had "lost the will to be a parent" is now expecting a baby with new girlfriend. Congrats, man (omaha.com)	(212)
	Motorcycle clothesline.... You've thought about it (denverpost.com)	(521)
(Some Guy)	Morons wounded trying out their new gun. "Police say the couple simply didn't know how to operate the gun properly." (post-gazette.com)	(170)
	Scientist determine that people in New York do actually have bigger heads than people in Nebraska. Expect the next study will be to determine what's in it besides delicious goo (kansascity.com)	(67)
	According to the autopsy, Billy Mays should have been pitching Lipitor (cnn.com)	(223)
	Iran's Guardian Council confirms Ahmadinejad's victory. So I guess that settles that, then (news.bbc.co.uk)	(726)
	Man stabs girlfriend with gardening tool. Hoe? (suntimes.com)	(66)
	Photoshop theme: The secret life of reptiles (fark.com)	(37)
	Utah to its many rednecks: Don't shoot your old tube TV, morans (digtriad.com)	(156)
	Surprisingly, only 1 in 6 teenagers is a totally mopey emo douche (foxnews.com)	(91)
	Michael Jackson's parents file for custody of his three kids because they did so well with the first go round of child rearing (cnn.com)	(137)
(Drew)	Drew talks about the media frenzy surrounding Michael Jackson's death and also shares some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week 6/21 - 6/27 (fark.com)	(69)
(Delaware Online)	...iGive (delawareonline.com)	(102)
(WLFI)	Catholics cease drinking blood together over H1N1 fears (wlfi.com)	(343)
	Lyndie England still looking for work two years after getting out of prison. Hasn't she tried being a dominatrix before to some critical acclaim? (foxnews.com)	(223)
	Oxycontin, Valium, Vicodin and Ritalin are being withheld from Virginians because of a hacker's attack on the state prescription drug database. Should make for an interesting couple of days (myfoxdc.com)	(116)
(Roll Call)	Cop who wrote tickets as the US Capitol was being evacuated and the World Trade Center burned retires after 34 years of being an asshat (rollcall.com)	(138)
	News: suspected terrorist imprisoned. Fark: claims he was roleplaying in hopes that he would gain street cred by doing hard time (news.bbc.co.uk)	(57)
	Bernie Madoff sentenced to 150 years of having massive amounts of capital injected into his backdoor hedge fund (foxnews.com)	(167)
	Dear North Korea, thought you'd like to know our ICBMs still work. See you soon, the US Air Force (news.yahoo.com)	(274)
	How Facebook plans to bring down Google (wired.com)	(208)
(My Fox)	8,000 bees wander through NYC streets. You probably weren't going to sleep soundly tonight anyway (myfoxatlanta.com)	(124)
(Some Guy)	Horse elephant disease infects the birds from X-Men or something (tallahassee.com)	(37)
	A fool and his money are easily Feng Shuied (news.com.au)	(52)
	Whitey sticks it to the Man (abcnews.go.com)	(1640)
	#1 rule of open heart surgery. Don't throw heart tissue at the nurses during the procedure (myfoxdc.com)	(80)
	Not news: man left hanging on the phone. Fark: it was the only thing keeping him from plummeting 700 feet to his death (thesun.co.uk)	(41)
	If you're going to take your very young children to a war zone, make sure their passports aren't about to expire (washingtonpost.com)	(62)
(NewsNet5)	"The detective sat amazed as the woman continued the conversation while tucking the squirrel into her cleavage." (newsnet5.com)	(63)
	Man dies in his sleep, which frankly should be expected from a guy sleeping on train tracks (poconorecord.com)	(37)
	"This is a 911 emergency. McDonald's robbed me of eight dollars" (komonews.com)	(250)
(Some Crispy-Spicy Guy)	The epidemic grows: "We're not exactly sure why he decided to take his clothes off and run through the woods and try and break into a neighbor's house" (adn.com)	(26)
	Orlando's Holy Land Experience theme park gives away free admission one day annually, in order to have religion-based property tax exemption. But only God knows when it is (orlandosentinel.com)	(218)
(Some Guy)	Caption this underwater screamer (i303.photobucket.com)	(74)
(Pretty in pink)	When the police found the man that had left his shirt, pants, and wallet and the crime scene, he was covered in Pepto-Bismol (morningsentinel.mainetoday.com)	(34)
	Catholic school invites Muslim pupils and their teacher for visit to promote interfaith understanding. So of course they demanded they remove their face veils before entering. Fatwa in 3... 2... 1 (dailymail.co.uk)	(177)
	Finally, someone makes Flintstone Vitamins for grown-ups (kansascity.com)	(64)
	Photoshop this escaped frisbee (flickr.com)	(30)
	Because the big dig was such an affordable success, Philly wants their own (philly.com)	(126)
	Michael Jackson's kids with Debbie Rowe aren't his kids."I was just the vessel. It wasn't Michael's sperm. Just like I stick the sperm up my horse, this is what they did to me. I was his thoroughbred." (dlisted.com)	(256)
(Some Guy)	Four arrested after golf club wielding crowd go after deputies who were trying to arrest drunk guy at "Manna Christian Mobile Home Park." (news-press.com)	(45)
(Some Ignoramous)	Aussie adults fail spelling bee. How embaras- embarrras- shameful (skynews.com.au)	(75)

Sun June 28, 2009

	Born again Christians arrested for handing out bibles at Gay Pride festival (wcco.com)	(½)
(Some Guy)	Sleeping woman surprised by morning wood (wsbtv.com)	(83)
	Photoshop this yellow stagshorn (flickr.com)	(32)
(Times-Dispatch)	Sure clotheslines may save money and might be good for the environment, but few things are worse for neighborhood property values than visible evidence of normal human activity (timesdispatch.com)	(384)
	Nation's oldest MOH recipient celebrates 100th birthday. Tells Death to stay off his lawn (www3.signonsandiego.com)	(86)
	Men find thin, seductive women most attractive. In other news, Atlantic Ocean found to contain vast amount of water (news.com.au)	(652)
	Three people stabbed in bowling alley melee, but all were spared. Five turkeys taken into custody before they split, claim they were framed. Police trying to decide which one to pin it on (nbcactionnews.com)	(77)
(Some Guy)	Sad News: Mother describes the loss of her 9 year old daughter to H1N1 Flu. Hero: She encourages everybody not to panic and refuses to blame public health officials, doctors or her child's school despite prodding from reporters (wgrz.com)	(91)
	Britain's weather office issues heatwave alert as temperatures look to hit a sweltering 86°F. Rest of world scratches its collective head, asks "SRSLY?" (news.bbc.co.uk)	(284)
	Artist wins £20,000 grant - to look at women's butts: "The project is taking on the issues around the bottom and how it is viewed in contemporary culture and viewed by the male" (thesun.co.uk)	(132)
	Sighting of party balloons spots massive search and rescue effort (news.bbc.co.uk)	(24)
	Brigham Young joins 21st century, lifts campus-wide block on YouTube (foxnews.com)	(113)
	Nanny state bans coffee mornings at public library because somebody might spill hot coffee on the children. At least they're thinking of the children (dailymail.co.uk)	(72)
(US129)	Photoshop this biker (i307.photobucket.com)	(62)
	Most smokers have decided to quit smoking when the cigarette taxes went up. Not the guy in this article (ohio.com)	(144)
	Who can take a rainbow, ink it on your thigh, give you a dandy tramp-stamp to show off to all the guys, the Tatoo Man can, the Tatoo Man can 'cause he's goin' door to door to make the kids look good (wbbm780.com)	(91)
	Protip: Don't go to porn sites at your in-laws' house on every visit. Bonus- AOL can change your account password withour your permission because your wife asks to (lifestyle.msn.com)	(179)
	Five pathetic groups that people think rule the world (cracked.com)	(260)
(Andy Dufresne)	I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged (wgme.com)	(57)
	KABOOM - Billy Mays dead at 50 (foxnews.com)	(lots)
	RIP Badass Doctor -- Dr. Jerri Nielse, stationed in Antarctica in 1999, diagnosed her own breast cancer, performed her own biopsy, and administered chemotherapy drugs dropped to her by parachute (upi.com)	(68)
	Not news: Man has to be rescued from stuck elevator. Still not news: For the second time in weeks. Really still not news: "He had a bicycle with him." Fark: That's it (lep.co.uk)	(24)
(redding.com)	Shasta County teen birth rate hits four-year high because so many kids are doing the McNasty without protection (redding.com)	(104)
	US to stop targeting opium growers in Afghanistan, since it wasn't working. Still targeting marijuana growers in US because we can take their houses (news.yahoo.com)	(92)
	A chicken in every pot? The recession has lead to the rise of urban farming (baltimoresun.com)	(117)
	And now a word from our class valedictorian. All 18 of them (buffalonews.com)	(200)
	10-year-old girl wins World Worm Charming Championships; no word on how much spice was used. In related news, there are World Worm Charming Championships (telegraph.co.uk)	(62)
	Iran seizes embassy workers. This is not a repeat from 1979 (cnn.com)	(311)
	Headache? Perhaps you got shot in the eyebrow from a mile away (cbs2.com)	(29)
(Some Guy)	Midgets hold 52nd annual national conference in New York City. You submitted this with a shorter headline (sundayherald.com)	(60)
(Some Green Room)	Photoshop this cute coquette (img-fotki.yandex.ru)	(19)
(Bakersfield.com)	Woman has given 25 gallons of blood during period lasting 90 years (bakersfield.com)	(67)
(Some Guy)	If you want your canoe back meet me with 30 cans of beer. You will receive a call in the next few days with more details. Remember, no cops (redding.com)	(31)
(KSL.com)	Man stops drunk driver at intersection by hopping out of his car, opening the drunk's passenger door, removing the keys, removing the man out of the car, and holding him on the sidewalk until police arrived (ksl.com)	(79)
	NASA discovers lost tapes of the first moon landing (express.co.uk)	(247)
(Some Guy)	Fixing a downed powerline with a chainsaw is probably not a good idea (cbsatlanta.com)	(25)
	Getting the tattoo of your ex's name blacked out may make your new girlfriend happy, but it won't stop your ex from recognizing it in the surveillance video and turning you in (sfgate.com)	(35)
	Meet the winner of the 2009 World's Ugliest Purebred contest (warning - she's a real dog) (dailymail.co.uk)	(77)

Sat June 27, 2009

	Not news: Dog bites man. News: Man bites dog. Fark: Man & dog fall through airport floor into lagoon of excrement (theregister.co.uk)	(74)
(Some Guy)	PK arrested (iran.whyweprotest.net)	(868)
	13 things a person who makes minimum wage carrying plates of food 30 feet feels entitled to whine about (shine.yahoo.com)	(740)
(SF Scope)	TSA goes full Kafka, detains man for comic book script about who gets wrongfully harassed by the government for writing fiction about terror attacks that come true (sfscope.com)	(203)
	A few Iranian protesters protect a large group of cornered riot police from more angry protesters. "We are all Iranian" (youtube.com)	(145)
	Shanghai high-rise rolls over onto its side and takes a nap (in.reuters.com)	(157)
(Some Guy)	United States Postal Service to close up to 3,200 post offices. Pretty soon, there's gonna be no one left to go postal (articles.moneycentral.msn.com)	(121)
	You know you've got too much time on your hands when you spend three days stalking a 79-pound carp with a bow and arrow (desmoinesregister.com)	(61)
	Photoshop a skunk, a monk, and a trunk (images.google.com)	(22)
(TC Record Eagle)	What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs who cuts himself shaving? (w/pic) (record-eagle.com)	(107)
	Photo tour of Cheyenne Mountain, home to NORAD, Strategic Command, Space Command, Stargate Command, and the WOPR (news.cnet.com)	(91)
	Paris Match award for student journalism goes to hoax intentionally packed with clichés, lampooning of voyeurism, gullibility of the press (independent.co.uk)	(36)
	After a fan makes a comment about steroids use to him, Phillies pitcher does the logical thing and attacks him in a fit of a roid rage. "How about you get me some juice?" (tampabay.com)	(60)
	Police pin purported pie prank plot perp. Poorly prosecuted perp presently prevailing plaintiff (business.timesonline.co.uk)	(39)
	Grumpy old amputee helps young boy who also had a leg amputated. Hero tag steps in for sappy tag, which has something in its eye (tampabay.com)	(69)
(The Pulse)	Tennessee legislature wants to allow gun-toting rednecks access to bars and public parks. Surprisingly, at least one cop doesn't seem to have a problem with this (chattanoogapulse.com)	(185)
(The Union Leader)	Local police turn to Twitter to help collar a serial litterbug. Twitter- is there anything it can't do? (unionleader.com)	(64)
(The Pulse)	Ugly-ass baby macaroni penguin born at the Tennessee Aquarium (chattanoogapulse.com)	(32)
(Pringles)	The best banner ad in the history of the Internet (awardshome.com)	(271)
	Where all the White Anglo-Saxon Protestants at? Damn you multiculturalism, damn you to hell (fe22.story.media.ac4.yahoo.com)	(287)
(Cambridge News)	Not News: Rival salsa bars open side-by-side. News: A defection, then criminal charges of "improperly licensed dancing." Fark: The other bar's manager is the prosecuting attorney. Then it gets weird (cambridge-news.co.uk)	(38)
	New study finds women "happiest at 28" as it marks the short time between them losing the self-doubt of youth and the beginning of the time when they can hold a weeks' worth of rain in their face (telegraph.co.uk)	(155)
(Some Guy)	The 10 strangest things lost in the mail, including dead animals, car doors, artificial limbs and traffic lights. No wonder your mailman is about to snap (timesbusiness.typepad.com)	(34)
	Man fired after posting things like "thank goodness my boss is making things easy, he told me to pretend to do work" to his Twitter account (washingtonpost.com)	(43)
(Some Guy)	As if we haven't heard enough bad news Walter Cronkite's family says "He's not expected to recuperate" (gabbybabble.celebuzz.com)	(110)
	England is running out of eels to make their traditional eel pie. Have they thought to look in the hovercrafts? (telegraph.co.uk)	(39)
(Some Guys)	Photoshop these paddle pals (s.wsj.net)	(31)
	Puppy missing after carjacking, arrest warrant issued for Toonces (news.com.au)	(13)
	The world's coolest castles. Yeah, it's a slide show, but it's about castles (msnbc.msn.com)	(113)
(Charleston Daily Mail)	If a stranger asks if you want to smell his weed, just be polite and smell his weed (dailymail.com)	(36)
(Some Guy)	Pelham middle school teacher meets horny 15 yr-old online, thinks taking her virginity will be easy as 1 2 3 (lohud.com)	(135)
	Just the old familiar story of boy meets girl, boy marries girl, boy gets into knife fight with girl after wedding ceremony, girl gets restraining order against boy, boy spends wedding night in homeless shelter (stuff.co.nz)	(26)
	"Ummmm... S-U-S-S-E-X E-Y-E-C... H-O-L-Y C-R-A-P" (dailymail.co.uk)	(53)
	Not news: 2 week old kitten undergoes emergency surgery. News: kitten defies all odds and survives. Fark: at just 6 weeks of age, Tripod the kitteh is ready for a new home in just time for Caturday (dailymail.co.uk)	(413)
(LGT Pic)	Photoshop this sumo wrestler (imgur.com)	(22)
	"A former mayor found sitting naked and holding a beer at a Rabun County campsite told police he wasn't the same naked man seen walking around earlier." (ajc.com)	(53)
	Woman arrested for her 7th DUI. That's one for each decade she's been alive. (w/ mugshot goodness) (abcactionnews.com)	(41)
	Let me be brief: the homeless need your underwear (cbc.ca)	(49)
	Duke sucks (abcnews.go.com)	(258)
	Man riding bus announces Michael Jackson died. Driver chimes in saying he should have been in jail, passenger declares that he was a musical talent, someone else gets pissed and then the knife comes out (in.reuters.com)	(174)
	Boston hospitals promise better accessibility for the disabled by installing forklifts, cattle scales and x-ray machines large enough for a whale (msnbc.msn.com)	(89)

Fri June 26, 2009

(Experience Project)	10 ways to know your cute dog is pretty ugly (experienceproject.com)	(370)
(Page2Live.com)	Accountant claims to be guardian of Jacko's son Blanket (page2live.com)	(72)
(some ferret)	Charges filed against WHO and Baxter among others concerning a case of exploding "swine flu" vials meant for a research lab. Fark: ....on a busy IC train in Switzerland (naturalnews.com)	(67)
	Bank teller recognizes customer as the same guy who exposed himself to her outside a Starbucks. Awkwaaaaaaaaaard (mcall.com)	(37)
	The Army sniffer dog who swallowed a Taliban bomb... and SURVIVED. Your dog does not want an IED (dailymail.co.uk)	(61)
	Photoshop this blow-up cow on Gourmet Street (travelswithmb.files.wordpress.com)	(31)
(Some Guy)	Oregon legislature votes to change the meaning of the words yes and no (ktvz.com)	(135)
	"...packed up their chickens, a sewing machine and 20 pounds of potatoes and hauled their boat to Minneapolis" pretty much tells you all you need to know (wcco.com)	(59)
	Obama to Ahmadinejad: Suck it (washingtontimes.com)	(467)
	Ethiopian patriarch watches Raiders of the Lost Ark, says ark cannot be shown after all (barthsnotes.wordpress.com)	(107)
	City beefing up police presence for Taste of Chicago, expected to skewer anybody who plays chicken with them (suntimes.com)	(32)
	Mozilla Firefox to Google Chrome : You Suck because you don't respect user privacy (internetnews.com)	(169)
	Portion of 1990's deaths that were alcohol related: Worldwide 4%. In Russia, 52% (news.aol.com)	(64)
(Some Guy)	Man drowns while mowing his lawn. Wait what? (ketv.com)	(48)
	Highlight of Florida barflies' day is gathering around the laptop to view mugshots of latest bookees into county jail. "I see lots of my former students on it. Five in one day - that's my record" (palmbeachpost.com)	(48)
(tallahassee.com)	As safe as banks are, you probably don't want to include cocaine and marijuana in the deposit canister to the teller at the drive-through (tallahassee.com)	(38)
	Two drunk drivers, same car, different times, same night. Only in Newfoundland (cbc.ca)	(44)
	Sri Lankan astrologer arrested for unfavorable political prediction (in.reuters.com)	(30)
(Some Guy)	A Russian luxury yacht company is now offering pirate-hunting trips that promise the chance to be attacked by real pirates for $5000. It's $17.50 a day extra for an AK-47 and 100 rounds of ammo (asylum.com)	(166)
	You'll be red-faced when this weekend's Smoking Gun mugshot roundup catches you red-handed (thesmokinggun.com)	(233)
	If you're going to run your car into a woman talking to your boyfriend, make sure she's actually flirting with him and not just exchanging insurance information after a fender bender (omaha.com)	(143)
	Blagojevich: I'll trade you one sub-par applicant for five sub-par graduates. UofI Law School: OK (blogs.wsj.com)	(64)
(Some Guy)	Why women go for nerdy guys. "I think it's about time someone came to their defense in the great, misunderstood world of relationships" (divinecaroline.com)	(725)
	Mexico misplaces entire island. Frozen Donkey Wheel unavailable for comment (www3.signonsandiego.com)	(65)
(News Democrat)	It happens sometimes. Boats just explode. Natural causes (newsdemocrat.com)	(80)
	Dentist charged with growing pot. It's like pullin' teeth to get some good weed around here (charlotteobserver.com)	(59)
(Some Clueless Couple)	Miss Redneck, in the trailer, with the Cheetos (jhnbrssndn.tumblr.com)	(99)
	Man arrested for decryption of jewelry (lfpress.ca)	(37)
	Normal nicotine fit - yelling at your wife. Fark nicotine fit - driving a lawn tractor into your home and threatening to tear the house down with your wife inside (mcall.com)	(150)
	Problem: Your country has lots of elephants, and not enough pandas. Solution: Paint (dailymail.co.uk)	(95)
	Generation X psychology suffered a crippling one-two punch with the deaths of Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson on the same day. "These people were on our lunchboxes. This is the moment when Generation X realizes they're grown up" (msnbc.msn.com)	(lots)
(Some Guy)	Fox News gets okay to misinform public, court ruling. I know it's not news, but this one is worth repeating (ceasespin.org)	(503)
	"In one experiment, the Canadians had dressed sheep and goats in two layers of battledress material and positioned them in trenches" (news.bbc.co.uk)	(123)
(Some Can Man)	Things you can do with an empty can. Obvious: weed pipe. Not so obvious: awesome long-exposure pinhole camera (asu.cas.cz)	(98)
	It's time once again for Friday Photo Fun from the TSG bunch. Match the mug with the profession. Contest ends at 4pm Eastern (thesmokinggun.com)	(129)
	Indiana seeing an explosion in the turkey population and in the number of hunters trying to kill them (wbbm780.com)	(48)
	Nothing is more refreshing after a workout at the local fitness club than an ice cold can of Diet Opossum (cnews.canoe.ca)	(53)
(Some Guy)	Naked man wielding knife takes a stroll through Danish engineering company, then plows his car into a bus. Tå-dåh (politiken.dk)	(33)
(Fosters.com)	Small fire could have been a big fire had it not been put out, claims Fire Chief Wellduh (fosters.com)	(32)
	You can now add "because it might blow up" to "because it has a crack leaking toxic waste" to the list of problems the Germans are having with storing nuclear waste in their Asse (thelocal.de)	(85)
	Not content with having five of the most dangerous neighborhoods in the US, Chicago polishes its 2016 Olympic credentials by finishing gold and silver in US infection rates for Gonorrhea and Chlamydia (suntimes.com)	(194)
	The coolest Spanish street art you'll see this morning (wired.co.uk)	(69)
	"There are few better places to celebrate the United States and its Independence Day than London." Wait, what? (foxnews.com)	(122)
	Manager fired for sexually harassing a mermaid (tcpalm.com)	(88)
(Ashes to Ashes)	Photoshop this smoke amongst the cinders (s.wsj.net)	(35)
	Photoshop this peppy parade participant (inapcache.boston.com)	(39)
	Twitter creator dismayed to discover that his invention is useful (theonion.com)	(84)
	Mom of a 555 pound teenager is charged with neglect, held on $50,000 bail. That'll help the kid lose weight (wbbm780.com)	(477)
(Some Bored Scientists)	After three years of study, University of Calgary researchers determine that coyotes eat small mammals, plants and berries. Still no cure for spending government money on useless research (ucalgary.ca)	(98)