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Fri August 29, 2008
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That candy bar you are eating is probably six months old | (174) |
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"Women can't plan their child's birth like a dinner party" | (134) |
| (Gazette.com) |  |
You're a cop; you pull over a woman who is crying, bleeding, half-naked and who claims she was just raped. You C: Give her a ticket, tell her to slow down, and let her finish driving to the hospital alone | (244) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Karaoke - definitely a good reason to show up drunk in court | (34) |
| (Some Steely Guy) |  |
Photoshop this Bessemer converter | (53) |
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10 photographs that changed Canada. Bonus: Includes football in the groin | (141) |
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Organ donation: The gift that keeps on giving, and taking away, and giving, and taking away | (46) |
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Quebec cheese has evolved, and is now able to kill people without the assistance of fries and gravy | (75) |
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French surgical team unveils new technique for fighting brain cancer, destroys tumor on conscious patient with high-precision laser through the skull. Suck it, Skywalker | (72) |
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Meat store gives family the finger | (43) |
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Turning Guyanese, I think I'm turning Guyanese, I really think so | (25) |
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Man decides to surf on motor home, with predictable results | (53) |
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Want to know what you're going to be seeing on CNN for the next week? Hours and hours of footage of Anderson Cooper getting blown | (96) |
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☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺ | (229) |
| (Some Guy) | |
I'll huff and you puff and we'll blow the car up | (25) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Reason #473,665 why GM sucks: they just recalled one million vehicles . . . because the WINDSHIELD WIPERS CATCH ON FIRE | (135) |
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Not news: Man cycles to work. Fark: 180 km every day | (91) |
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That's right, it's time for the weekly roundup LGT the hottest arrestee you'll see for the next 26 minutes (#1) | (266) |
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New Bishop of Green Bay breaks into song during installment ceremony. No, not "Ave Maria", but rather "Drop Kick Me, Jesus" | (25) |
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Blur for jeffness cow within bleach | (94) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Chinese man swears to God that he doesn't owe money to a neighbour, gets hit by lightning a minute later. God doesn't like a Fuqing liar | (63) |
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Three droogs trying to make up their rassoodocks what to do with the evening settled for some of the ol' ultraviolence. Monks were kicked in the gulliver and guttiwuts, real horrorshow, then off for some Ludwig Van | (147) |
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Indianapolis Fark Party--Saturday August 30th. Pre-party book signing with Drew and Joe Peacock at 4pm. LGT signing info | (106) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Grandmother of missing toddler Caylee Anthony suggests DNA evidence of rotting body in trunk belonged to a different body. If you're trying to help your daughter, you're doing it wrong | (247) |
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Presenting the John McCain Attack Ad Generator | (137) |
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Happy 50th birthday: Top 5 media moments for Wacko Jacko | (96) |
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Author says that just because her "memoir" of surviving the Holocaust by living with wolves was total bullshiat, that doesn't mean her publisher shouldn't pay her more than $30 million | (104) |
| (Vroom! Vroom!) | |
Photoshop this motorcycle man | (71) |
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Man claims to know Zodiac Killer's identity and has zodiac mask, bloody knife and creepy photos to prove it (Video showing off evidence included) | (166) |
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Unsettling footage has scientists concerned about the kind of sunshine that covers Europe, fearing that this may have deep implications. Will things ever be the same again? | (452) |
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Higher-income Canadians: "Our kids like Kraft Dinner, so let's donate it to food banks, eh?" Lower-income Canadians: "Thanks, but Kraft Dinner sucks, eh?" Americans: "What the Fark is Kraft Dinner?" | (399) |
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Three people summoned by police after taking a naked plunge in front of a restaurant full of people. Fark: The people in the restaurant gave each dipper around $150 to cover their fines, genitalia | (36) |
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Six reasons Prime Minister Harper should call an election | (246) |
| (Provincetown Banner) | |
Author of book critical of police faces 10 years in prison after those same police discover that his good-for-lifetime gun permit has expired | (159) |
| (www.vpilf.com) | |
Not News: VPILF.com News: NOT a porn site Fark: Mainstreaming the meme | (470) |
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Atlanta zoo reports giant panda is pregnant. Birth, comical sneeze expected soon | (23) |
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Best tagline of the newsflash storm: To hammer home the message that 47 year old, first-term senator Obama is too inexperienced to be president, John McCain picks 44 year old first-term governor Sarah Palin as his running mate | (1733) |
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Canada's only cowboy hat wearing Member of Parliament won't be running for reelection | (33) |
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Rapper DMX pleads guilty to drug charges in Florida, gets time served and will be extradited to Arizona for drug charges there as part of his "50 States, 50 Drug Charges" tour | (37) |
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Come for the corndogs, stay for the live neutering | (23) |
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More proof beer is good for you: meet the man who missed the Pan Am Flight 103 disaster by minutes because he was drunk | (38) |
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Attention disgruntled Hillary voters: John McCain just made things interesting by picking Alaska Governor Sarah Palin as his running mate | (3068) |
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Man who robbed rail passengers and hid money between buttocks is banned from whole of London | (31) |
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If you can't be a Viking, this is a good way to be sent off | (25) |
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British culinary delicacies are now available in assorted ice-cream flavors. The haggis is there | (64) |
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Dave Barry recounts Obama's 67 yard field goal last night, and other things you need to know about the convention | (170) |
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Why do Starbucks' "fun ways to offer value" always include some K-Y Jelly and a tire wrench? | (61) |
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You are 55 years old, still living at home and your mother does not have dinner ready on time you A) Threaten to beat and kill your mother. B) Threaten to kill the President. C) Both A and B | (86) |
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Driver makes a move on the road that's so absolutely idiotic that the traffic helicopter guy mocks him for almost two minutes | (178) |
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McBain, who was rather dense / caught his balls in a barbed-wire fence / spent the night upside down / like a fecking drunk clown / with his sporran dangling in offense | (39) |
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Man faces 12-year prison sentence and $24,000 in fines because his 25 beagles and basset hounds won't stop yapping | (98) |
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Guardsman convicted of beating Phillies fan into coma gets unique punishment; "Take him to Iraq" | (86) |
| (wistv.com) | |
Angry telemarketer calls man back and berates him for hanging up on her (w/video containing audio transcript of call) | (275) |
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McCain campaign misuse's apostrophe on product for student's. My friend's, when I was a POW we didn't have punctuation mark's | (154) |
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Police in Maine on the lookout for a man that left his burning pants lying, lying on the side of the road. Honest | (29) |
| (Leamington Spa Courier) | |
Daffy dog winged to vet after going quackers, swallowing rubber duck. Ernie unimpressed, faces lonely bathtime (with X-ray goodness) | (21) |
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Ever wondered what happens to your cancelled checks? Texas bank sells them to cannery as packing material | (56) |
| (nbc17.com) | |
♫♫ Praise God From Whom Unleaded Flows..♫♫ | (75) |
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#1 on the side and don't touch the back, #6 on the top and don't cut it wack, Jack | (43) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop theme: What's under your couch or in the cushions? LGT couch pictures | (58) |
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GOP considers delaying convention until after hurricanes Gustav and Barack pass | (196) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Vice President Dick Cheney plans to travel to the Republic of Georgia next week and shoot Putin in the face | (87) |
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Not News: Explosion rocks Institute, WV. News: It wasn't a meth lab. Scary: It's the Bayer Chemical plant | (133) |
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1. Become a college president. 2. Get photographed drinking with your students. 3. Profit | (60) |
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Public schools to add new 90-minute test to assess students math skills, in kindergarten | (66) |
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David Duchovny enters rehab for sex addiction. Enters, heheheh | (299) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Woman mixes pool chemicals in her kitchen with predictable results | (73) |
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Thank you for choosing Comcast high speed internet. Now don't use it that much or we'll cancel your service | (367) |
Thu August 28, 2008
| (Newsjournalonline) | |
Two geezer former mayors get in fight after primary, activate their LifeAlerts, end up in hospital with chest pains | (21) |
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Old and busted: Crazy Cat Lady. New hotness: Crazy Cobra Dude | (33) |
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Baby in 30ft fall horror saved by his dirty diaper | (57) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Woman sues PA town after being denied permit to open a pole-dancing studio | (73) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this blind pianist | (95) |
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Fat cat Prince Chunk not so chunky after all. Only 22 pounds. Another tubby tabby, Shamu, much more of a whale | (76) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Emotional pain "hurts more than physical pain", claim scientists who have never taken a hard one to the nads | (270) |
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Fake $3 bill with Obama in an Arabic headdress? Check. Openly racist text on said "currency"? Yup. Party chair having no idea how the bills got in the GOP booth ? You betcha | (627) |
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Woman spots cancer in a baby through an online photo, informs the mother | (118) |
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Women's rights in Iraq - "Hey we can blow people up just as good as men can" | (62) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Experts warn that rising sea levels could create millions of "environmental refugees" - in New Orleans' case, possibly as early as Monday | (155) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Study indicates car accidents are the leading cause of dropped cell calls | (46) |
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The most important rule when throwing a firebomb from a moving car? Make sure it explodes OUTSIDE of the car | (82) |
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Shawn Johnson: "It makes my taco pop" | (307) |
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The McCain campaign - "Um, that guy who said everyone's got health insurance because they can go to the ER? Yeah, he's totally not an official campaign adviser" | (250) |
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Yahoo: McCain has chosen running mate, but isn't saying who. AP: McCain has not yet chosen running mate. Slap fight to ensue | (158) |
| (Some Guy) | |
The good news is that wind energy is getting easier to produce. The bad news is that there's nowhere to put it | (94) |
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It ain't a Democratic Convention 'til the hippies in giant papier mache puppets show up | (142) |
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If you go out to the woods to do some plinkin', try not to fire INTO a National Guard Firing range. Oh, and don't be drinkin' when you do it | (40) |
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DNC has first major PR nightmare as J.Lo and Ben Affleck show up, leading to impromptu Gigli reunion | (72) |
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Did Wellesley College throw a multimillion dollar painting in the garbage? | (80) |
| (Stormpulse) | |
Undeterred by Gustav, tropical storm Hanna looks to open up a second front of doom on the East Coast | (65) |
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FBI test results are back. Caylee was in the trunk of her Mom's car and is now presumed dead | (474) |
| (Roll Call) | |
Romney's sister gets a visit from the Secret Service, his seven wives are next | (264) |
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Russia: Join us in our support of separatist movements in the Caucasus. China: Er, yeah, about that | (53) |
| (AJC) | |
Clayton county in Georgia becomes the first US school district to lose accreditation in 40 years. Their is nothing funny about this headline | (170) |
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Fewer Japanese women having babies because they don't want to get married to childish Japanese men. Also, babies are expensive, and why bring a child into a world with a looming threat of Godzilla? | (252) |
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Proof God hates the GOP: A massive hurricane is going to land on the anniversary of Katrina as Bush takes the RNC stage | (499) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Family that keeps dog that killed their cat gets free kittens in compensation. What, are they snacks? | (111) |
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If you're going to rob a drug dealer, don't bring a plastic AK-47 to do the job | (103) |
| (the alligator) | |
Woman charged with throwing deadly missiles at a car. By missiles, we mean ballistic spaghetti, a surface to air duffle bag, and anti-vehicle dinner plates | (61) |
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The Guardian posts the results from their DNC speech drinking game. The people who picked to drink when they heard the word God wound up being the designated drivers | (162) |
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Ramming the gates twice in two weeks with a car won't get you into the Playboy Mansion | (52) |
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So Pooty was all "Biatch, you made Georgia do it," and the US went, "Uh-UHH, you crazy?" and Pooty went "I seen you was there," and the US was all "Damn, you ARE crazy, I can't talk to your dumb ass." | (257) |
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Arguments flare over what to do about cracks in the Tomb of the Unknowns at Arlington National Cemetery, despite the daily-increasing risk of an Unknown Zombie escape | (75) |
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If the DC city bus driver manual doesn't cover "no double-parking" and "no shooting guy in the head for complaining about double-parking," maybe it should | (54) |
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This just in: Steve Jobs has been eaten by wolves | (220) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Albequerque police investigating suspect accused of sodomizing dogs at animal shelter. Milk bone underwear was the first clue | (142) |
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Thai courts try to bring peaceful end to armed takeover of Prime Minister's compound, but protesters Phuket up | (47) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Man celebrates birthday in best way possible: drunk, swimming naked in river, screaming at himself, spitting on police boat, and then claiming he's Jesus Christ. Judge: "Get a cape next time" | (34) |
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13-year-old boy accused of killing neighbor with ballpoint pen. Suspect has write to remain silent | (109) |
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Rap group that wrote 'Kill Bill O'Reilly' song don't know what alarms them most - the death threats from his fans, or the fact none of them can write: "They all get about a D-minus in grammar and spelling" | (409) |
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Business at Denver strip clubs lackluster during the DNC. Why don't the Democrats support single moms? | (117) |
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Hard-hitting CNN report on bad reasons to have sex includes "Losing Weight" | (307) |
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HIV is spreading through New York at three times the national rate, which makes for a nice addition to all the herpes | (137) |
| (Naples News) | |
Dumbass teen thief claims ignorance of stolen debit card in his pants pocket because the pants weren't his--he just found them in his van. Dumber yet: His spending spree with the card was at McDonalds and 7-11 | (49) |
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Weather on rollerskates? Not always a great plan. A local tv weatherman tries his hand at roller derby and it goes about as well as you might think. Let the jokes begin | (87) |
| (CJR) | |
Columbia Journalism Review numerically breaks down what the media are doing at the DNC: "4,021 are smugly bad-mouthing the convention and its participants. 1,026 are drunk. This is as it should be. " | (66) |
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Your girlfriend repeatedly turns down your request for sex. Do you A) punch her B) arm yourself with a machete C) go to a different home and steal speaker equipment D) all of the above | (126) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this Wonder Woman into someplace interesting | (84) |
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Purdue university professor decides to tell everyone he created cold fusion, effectively solving the world's energy problems. World: "show us" Prof: "uh...." | (108) |
| (Outdoor Life) | |
Hottest selling disaster supply item in hurricane-threatened New Orleans? Rifles | (347) |
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Looks like Ray Nagin and his legion of incompetents have learned their lesson and are ready for a hurricane this time | (223) |
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Europe blighted by -- wait for it -- Nazi Raccoons. With an image that could godwin a thread from space | (191) |
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Elderly Swedish lady takes "self check-in" a tad too literally. Hilarity ensues | (47) |
| (Some Guy) | |
The coolest map of the impending doom of New Orleans you'll see today | (290) |
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Proving that violence is an inherited trait, O.J. Simpson is attacked by his own daughter | (110) |
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Chinese police correctly recognize bagpipes as a threat to their country | (50) |
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Note to petty robbers: Next time you rob your local gas station, make sure you are not recognized as a regular, don't fill out a Western Union order before the robbery and above all, make sure they do not have your photo ID on file | (23) |
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Meet the woman who admits she is in love with giant rabbits | (80) |
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64-year-old woman checks out "It's Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex and Sexual Health" from the library and refuses to return it because she says it's "dangerous" to children | (298) |
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Today's "Jesus on a ________" is a moth. This... is CNN | (117) |
| (Lincoln Journal) | |
West Virginia county holds a disaster drill featuring a disease you can catch from eating roadkill. Bon appetit, Cletus | (49) |
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Fat cat Shamu' takes on 44 pound 'Prince Chunk' for fattest cat in same south Jersey animal shelter | (48) |
| (Some Guy) | |
List of TV show marathons airing over this Labor Day weekend | (241) |
| (USGS) | |
6.1 Earthquake on Vancouver Island, eh | (180) |
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Man's marriage proposal triggers UFO alert | (73) |
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U.S. economy ....g.....g.....(what's that word?) ....GREW an unexpected 3.3% in the second quarter | (537) |
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Western nations warn Russia: "hai, you better change course in this Georgia conflict or......or we'll.....uh, warn you to change course again." Putin: "Yeah, we'll get right on that, LOL" | (149) |
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London motorway closed after milk tanker overturns. Trained counselors dispatched to prevent drivers from needlessly shedding tears | (43) |
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Far be it from me to suggest that student's literacy standards are slipping, but what the hell are "escape goats"? | (157) |
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The DA lost her home to forclosure. The mayor, whom she is prosecuting, can't pay his legal bills. Detroit- where the most fiscally responsible are drug dealers | (136) |
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...but I did stab in a Holiday Inn Express last night | (21) |
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"In the history of children's programming, has anybody gotten screwed over more than Grover?" | (210) |
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Eight to top 10 "happiest places to live in Britain" are in Scotland. Behold the power of whisky where it's considered a breakfast food | (98) |
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Swedish sea monster 'caught on film' (with definitive photographic proof) | (132) |
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Concerned about Satanic messages when playing Guitar Hero backwards, Christians release Jesus-themed guitar game. Stryper mysteriously absent from playlist | (275) |
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Eight teams fueled only by cooking oil are competing in the 2,500-mile "Grease to Greece" road rally from London to Athens | (32) |
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The Mumbai City Council resorts to using 42,000 liters of deodorant to overcome the stench from two massive garbage dumps. Anything less would be uncivilized | (34) |
| (Some Lutrinae Guy) | |
Photoshop this otter | (56) |
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A++ great seller. fast ship, great database of secure bank info, would buy again | (44) |
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McCain picks VP. Launches plan to announce via an emerging new technology called "the telegraph" | (353) |
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Woman gives birth on flight from Hong Kong to Australia. Passengers assessed $5 obstetrics surcharge | (32) |
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Note to self: if you ever decide to take hostages, for God's sake, don't send them on a beer run for you. They ain't coming back | (37) |
| (Tacoma News Tribune) | |
Man attempts to siphon gas using electric vacuum | (61) |
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Turns out parents really do have favourite children. If you're reading this from their basement, it's safe to say you're not it | (211) |
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If you're a guy who enjoys sitting through long traffic jams because of your heated car seat, you never have to buy another condom ever again | (69) |
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 173: "Panoramics" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme | (248) |
Wed August 27, 2008
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Portland "green" gym to generate its own energy from rooftop solar panels, patrons' exercise bikes and treadmills, and their inexhaustible supply of smug | (108) |
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Alcohol found to be linked to assaults. I swear to God, if *hic* this doesn't get greenlit, I'm gonna punch someone in the face | (47) |
| (Some Guy) | |
The crane's to blame, it's mainly in the train |