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Thu May 08, 2008
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Three quick thinking heroes save a woman's life in Walgreens using OJ and sugar. Store manager then demands payment | (174) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
"We think that they broke in with the intention of probably stealing a monkey or two, then things went a little bit wacky" | (81) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Ugly-ass giraffe born at Jackson Zoo. Actually the long-necked freak is cute as hell | (35) |
| (A Genius) |  |
The greatest idea any one has ever had about anything ever | (192) |
| (Some Inner Child) |  |
Photoshop some Little Golden Books that never made it. (LGT inspiration) | (142) |
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Reason to panic # 19285: Opening schools for use as polling stations puts our precious snowflakes in mortal danger | (87) |
| (Some██ █) |  |
███Man██creates████poems by██blacking ████out█words████in the New████York Times | (111) |
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You want to sell it, your customers want to buy it, and it's perfectly safe to eat, but state and federal governments say "Nope." | (252) |
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Even if you're drunk, the cops can't pull you over for revving your engine in response to your friend mooning you at a traffic stop. Good to know | (66) |
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One of the worst railroadings in history, courtesy of the War on Drugs. That's some really fine police work there, Lou | (419) |
| (Rome News-Tribune) |  |
News: School locked down after man with gun spotted. Fark: Man was World War II veteran with a plugged rifle coming to speak at a social studies class | (57) |
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"Meanwhile, the iguana was discovered. It did not survive." | (34) |
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Only a few days left for the May 10th NJ Fark Party. Plenty 'o links in the first post | (35) |
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An "Undie Run" during finals causes the University of Texas police to investigate the scene. A bust? That's very impressive | (58) |
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23% of Florida tenth graders can't pass easiest part of standardized tests... which is like half of them | (145) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Worst. Musician. Evar. Bonus points for the hilarious comments | (318) |
| (WWL) |  |
73-year-old contractor (and Katrina victim) waits 4 months to claim $97 million lotto prize, because he didn't want to leave his construction customers in the lurch | (92) |
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Holy cow - British Airways takes beef of the menu to avoid offending Hindus, promises not to offer their god a peanut | (190) |
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Teddy Roosevelt was an idiot for naming the White House because that sounds too much like White Castle. Also says Dr. Seuss should have named it instead. Then the article gets a little weird | (127) |
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"Great tits cope well with warming" | (327) |
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A group of crazy unknown economists, Goldman Sachs, estimates a barrel of oil to be $150-$200 shortly. That's about another $2 per gallon, or another $80 to fill the towing truck coming to repossess your BMW tonight | (418) |
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Asshat teenager drives onto baseball field full of players and fans. Since he didn't hit anything police suspect he was a Detroit Tiger fan | (67) |
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Todays teacher having sex with FOUR students brought to you by Florida. Followup tag wins, since we keep discovering new "victims" of her "abuse" | (285) |
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Cool: Police force says it won't break up illegal raves. Nanny State: Because it's too dark and therefore a health and safety risk to the precious snowflake officers | (90) |
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Man spends $3.2 million in three months. He bought five Dodge vehicles, two ATVs, two houses and land, all on a photocopy of his brother's driver's license. Dumbass tag for everyone who accepted a photocopy as a valid ID | (139) |
| (iht.com) |  |
It's not news, its TEST news. Oops | (88) |
| (The Daily Galaxy) | |
Renowned scientist: "Before this century is over, billions of us will die, and the few breeding pairs of people that survive will be in the Arctic." | (264) |
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Third wife comes forward in North Carolina bigamy case. Married once, shame on her. Married twice, shame on him. Married three times, dude you're doing it wrong | (60) |
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Come one, come all, it is a DFW Fark party | (78) |
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Camera vans to ticket speeders on Colorado freeways. Non-speeders to be ticketed for not "moving over" for camera van. Lane-changers to be ticketed for not signaling. In other words, avoid Colorado | (287) |
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New system at airport funnels passengers into three aisles: green for beginners, blue for intermediate travelers and black for advanced passengers | (292) |
| (Some Fisherman) | |
Swiss adopt new "humane" methods of catching fish... which basically means that you now have to kill what you catch instead of releasing them. Then it gets confusing | (146) |
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Fewer than one in four Republicans now think the economy is doing just fine. Randolph and Mortimer unavailable for comment | (248) |
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Arizona legislator has proposed a bill that would make it illegal to lie about your age on the internet. But only if you’re an adult pretending to be a teen, as teens are apparently still free to lie about their age | (112) |
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Tough: surviving a 1000-lb grizzly chewing on your head and jumping up and down on you. Hardcore: driving yourself to medical attention afterwards | (152) |
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Man sues the U.S. Secretary of the Treasury, seeking recognition of 10 men he says served as president before George Washington | (152) |
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So you've managed to escape the collapsing bridges and crumbling roads that define American infrastructure, right? Well, good luck with the sewers | (127) |
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Be on the lookout for a well-dressed man reportedly hanging around gas stations handing out cash to strangers | (61) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this cafe smoker | (59) |
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Take the five second stress test and see how stre…what...same to you jerk..would somebody please pick up the phone???...sure I can work late tonight, you miserable $#@^%*...anyway, and see how stressful your world has become | (220) |
| (Some Guy) | |
"The man took a snooze in the early evening and woke up to feel molten plastic dripping on his hand" | (42) |
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Gasp... awwwww... baby hedgehogs... awwwww | (144) |
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Man in Germany has been paid compensation by Volvo after he found his feet were too big to drive one of their cars | (84) |
| (The Local.se) |  |
Saab admits to using human cadavers for crash testing. Mmmm mmm mmm mmm | (235) |
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Not news: Driver clocked over for doing 154 kph in 100 kph zone. News: Driver hits 210 kph in ensuing chase. Fark: "That's nothing, I had 'er up to 260 at one point" | (93) |
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Toy dinghy? Check. Paddles made from oil drums? Check. Commercial shipping lane? Check. Lifejacket? Well, what could possibly go wrong | (26) |
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Today is VE day, spare a thought and give thanks to all those people who gave their lives so we could be free | (709) |
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The five mistakes that doomed the presidential campaign of Hillary Rodham Clinton | (465) |
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Woman fired from Tim Horton's after giving a baby a freebie Timbit. Yeah, we take our coffeeshops effin' seriously up here | (148) |
| (The London Paper) | |
Working from a set of plans from his great-grandfather's attic, British engineer is about to complete a tunnel from London to New York | (35) |
| (Al Qaeda Book of Pranks) | |
Homeless man breezes through airport security, takes nap on plane. Feel safe yet? | (40) |
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Not news: state Attorney General has affair. News: Other politicians want to impeach him. Fark: they must ask said Attorney General for advice on how to impeach his adulterous ass | (19) |
| (Dub Dub Dee En) |  |
Hillary Clinton: The psycho ex-girlfriend of the Democratic Party. Wheatowned (not safe for work language) | (531) |
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Britney Spears has been giving pregnant little sis Jamie Lynn advice on motherhood. What could possibly go wrong? | (94) |
| (myfoxphilly.com) | |
Woman sets world record for biggest breast implants but are they really bigger than Pam's? | (225) |
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NASA offering $17,000 to anyone lazy enough to lie in bed for 90 days straight | (136) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this chair | (60) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Guy explains to emergency room staff that he was showing some friends how to shoot his new gun | (61) |
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Speed limits are going up in places Farkers wouldn't want to live anyway, even if... wait, 85? | (138) |
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No one knows why man is building giant ark on side of I-4, next to Dinosaur World, and he's not saying (w/ pic) | (122) |
| (3TV) | |
Talk about a hair-raising experience. Customers in a salon have a close shave as a SUV plows into the building. Luckily, nobody dyed | (31) |
| (Some Guy) | |
It sucks when you divorce your wife and she gets to keep the house. Especially when your house is the Governor's Mansion and you're the governor | (57) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Prospective juror in pot case busted for smoking joint during break outside courthouse (w/mugshot) | (75) |
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Massive sinkhole continues to expand in Texas--threatens to swallow oil field, milkshake | (110) |
| (KWES) | |
Storm chaser arrested for chasing storms and relaying tornado reports to the National Weather Service. My God, the tornadoes have a mole in the Crane County Sheriff's Department | (115) |
| (Farktography) |  |
Theme of Farktography Contest No. 157: “Abandoned Things" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme | (226) |
Wed May 07, 2008
| (KHOU TV-11) | |
Teen busted for selling pot-laced brownies at school (with "dude... I'd hit it" mugshot) | (126) |
| (CrunchGear) | |
Pope to text prayers to faithful. to: god n hvn: u r kool. we want kool & 4 earth 2b like hvn. giv us food 2day & 4giv r sinz like we 4giv sinz. lol save r souls, cuz we kno u r tight, u r strong & u r kool 4evs. werd | (93) |
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Hillary's lead strategist: "We think the results last night strengthen the case that she will be the strongest candidate for the Democratic Party in November." | (217) |
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By Farker demand... Super Deluxe bites the dust | (437) |
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Rush Limbaugh is now supporting Obama to be the Democratic nominee...wait, what? | (635) |
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Remember when Charles Manson leaped from his chair and lunged at the judge during the Tate/LaBianca trial? Well, this guy did it through a third-floor courtroom window | (55) |
| (Central Florida News 13) | |
Global warming strikes again. 4th shark bite in a week in Florida | (54) |
| (WaterCooler) | |
Man sees Virgin Mary in his scab. This story is sure to get picked | (51) |
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Today's prostitute round up brought to you by Clearwater. Warning: Get the eye bleach | (118) |
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Music teacher accused of fondling 4th juvenile organ. Pianist | (62) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Caption what Bush is trying to say to Putin | (157) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop these blowing petals | (48) |
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American Association of Medical Colleges bans drug company swag. Your Starving Med Student wants a Lipitor wall clock | (217) |
| (Oregon Commentator) | |
Bar gets fined for its shrubbery. Ni | (142) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Man volunteers at a store, to see how your dress looks from the floor. He used a floor mirror, the better to see her, then quit and walked out the door | (42) |
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CNN explores the myth of Jack Daniels, It's not news, it's smooth and delicious | (166) |
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Story about "gay" penguin family tops the list of nation's most objectionable books | (283) |
| (abc13.com) | |
In the Dallas suburb of Carrollton, the biggest issue is whether or not the mayor was ever engaged to Don Henley. All other problems presumably solved | (49) |
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Today's teacher/student sex story brought to you by Lenoir City, TN. Bonus: video on how to make a coconut smoothie with ground nutmeg | (99) |
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The US has 10 million vegetarians and 290 million normal people | (1096) |
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15-year-old gets head start on college life by having a blood alcohol level of .578 and survives | (215) |
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This is why Fat Bottomed Girls make the rockin' world go 'round | (810) |
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You need coolin, baby, I'm not foolin, I'm gonna send you back to schoolin, way down inside honey, you need it, I'm gonna give you my... roller coaster? | (118) |
| (Hennessy) |  |
Enter for a chance to flaunt your taste at the Maxim Hot 100. (Sponsored Link) | (64) |
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Man -opes that oper-tion will cur- him of his -iccups | (49) |
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Not quite as terrifying as the Loch Ness Monster, meet Pepie the Lake Pepin "monster" (with cute artist rendition) | (91) |
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Cyclone victims face food shortages, harsh realities of living in a ragtag fleet searching for the legendary 13th colony | (198) |
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Cannabis raised to class B drug with maximum 5 year jail term for users in Britain. Bummer | (282) |
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Girls Gone Wild has run out of girls? Then just get more wild | (348) |
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Video games then: Pole Position. Video games now: pole dancing | (103) |
| (Some Clown Fearin Guy) | |
Proof positive that people should dislike or even fear clowns.... AND never underestimate the creepage factor | (116) |
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Man arrested when he leaves his child pornography laden MP3 player at Denny's. Oops | (178) |
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Animal rights groups are working to save an agressive invasive species that carries disease and kills native birds and small mammals | (193) |
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There's hating your customers, and then there's requiring them to re-authenticate their game purchase online every 10 days. That's EA for you - always willing to go the extra mile | (404) |
| (Some Mason) | |
If you feel you must throw bricks at passing cars from your vehicle, try not to hit a state trooper. They tend to frown on those sort of shenanigans | (88) |
| (Post Chronicle) | |
Weather Channel's Bob Stokes overt interest in the humidity level of Hillary Andrews' panties is causing the network more than their fair share of barometric pressure | (143) |
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Faced with having to apply for planning permission to build a small shed on a farm, architect responds in the way only the British can | (93) |
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Georgia one-ups Texas, performs first execution since SC decision. Texas laughs, asks if they're only capable of doing one at a time | (115) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this cheerful candy man | (48) |
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Concert violinist leaves 285-year-old Stradivari in taxi. Cabbie finds it, returns it. Violinist rewards him by holding concert for 200 cabbies in Newark parking lot with Kevin Bacon's brother | (106) |
| (The Local) | |
You say tomato, I say tom-ah-to. You say potato, I say symbol of Christ's death and resurrection | (62) |
| (Charleston Gazette) | |
78-year-old magistrate tells woman in courthouse he would need "a gallon of Viagra" to keep up with her, which is probably not a good comment to make when running for re-election | (42) |
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Crime-fighting citizen feels his spidey-sense tingling, uncovers card skimming scam. Yes, that is actually in the article | (51) |
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Man who ran over couple's dog now suing the couple -- for damage done to his car | (264) |
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Roman Catholic church opposes festival of nudity, because God created us fully clothed and the naked human form is a tool of the devil himself | (151) |
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Iran's illiteracy rate approaching that of Detroit | (253) |
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Father sacrifices himself, lifting his four-year old daughter out of path of a runaway car | (339) |
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New hospital superbug resistant to all antibiotics is killing hundreds of patients. EVERYBODY PANIC | (152) |
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"But it seems the vicar just thought Jemma was too hot and that her boobs were too big" | (112) |
| (The Local.se) | |
Mani majestic møøse die at løveli møøse park opening. Sisters everywhere breathe sigh of relief | (48) |
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'Saddam's jail diaries' published. They say the end leaves you hanging | (62) |
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A brick wall nearly toppled over in London last night - luckily, Kelly Osbourne was there to stop it | (127) |
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Bud Selig orders Chicago White Sox to remove supposedly unviolated inflatable dolls from the clubhouse | (138) |
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Well here's your problem- someone replaced your distributor cap with a pitbull | (79) |
| (The Local.se) | |
"... and she was fired for sitting on his nose, yelling 'lie, lie'" | (33) |
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One in three employees admitted they have been to work with a hangover and more than one in ten has been drunk at their desk. You are reading this with a headache, goddammit, where's the Tylenol | (158) |
| (Some Guy) | |
The September 11 television archive. Pick an hour, pick a channel, watch it as it happened | (384) |
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It's tough to explain to the police why you have an ATM in your backseat, so you might as well run | (15) |
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In case you hadn't already figured this out for yourself, here are five psychological experiments that have proven the human race is doomed | (164) |
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For UK Farkers: How well do you know your country? Take the quiz. Difficulty: No questions about alcohol, vomiting or passing out | (87) |
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Child virus spreading through China. And here we always thought children were sexually transmitted | (83) |
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You'll never reach into an airline seat-back pocket again after reading this | (132) |
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Photoshop theme: The lesser-known miracles of Jesus Christ | (105) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Middle school art teacher arrested for bank robbery. Local art critics describe the robbery as "amateurish and uninspired, derivative of earlier efforts, lacking boldness" | (25) |
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Hillary Clinton cancels all morning talk shows and other public appearances on Wednesday | (802) |
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Man marries, then immediately receives 18-year jail sentence. The sentences will be served concurrently | (33) |
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Research: Adopted kids more likely to have mental disorders. Madonna returns half of Africa | (122) |
| (AutoBlog) | |
Funny signs designed to attract attention to the existence of vastly ignored stop signs ordered removed by humorless bureaucrat | (68) |
Tue May 06, 2008
| (Asian off-beat) | |
If you've ever wanted to live with 750,000 people in a giant pyramid while floating on a major earthquake fault line, come to Tokyo | (98) |
| (Some Farker) | |
Pregnant female police officer denied office duty because hey, male officers don't get office duty when they're pregnant | (193) |
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Study links shorter arms and legs with memory loss, inability to get free snacks from vending machines | (40) |
| (Schenectady Gazette) | |
If you knew a woman between the age of 30 and 50 who might have been scalped sometime between 1609 and 1675, authorities would like a word with you | (30) |
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70-year old man mistakes Starbucks for Old Country Buffet, front door for drive-through lane | (48) |
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Clinton wins Indiana, Obama wins North Carolina and the wheels keep going round and round and round | (1376) |
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Britney granted expanded visitation with kids. Kids expected to file appeal | (31) |
| (South Jersey Local News) | |
Cop, already charged with molesting young girls, now also charged with receiving oral sex . . . from a cow | (151) |
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If you have $4.5 million in pot in your house, use some of the money to pay your damn mortgage | (51) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Someone buys up backyards of eleven houses for $1200, threatens to take legal action on homeowners unless they pay a monthly fee to use them | (97) |
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Surprisingly, it's still illegal for parolees to stand on streetcorners, hurl obscenities and make "obscene gestures" while aiming a shotgun at traffic | (42) |
| (Shortnews) | |
You're fighting with your neighbor over how to bury a cow. He throws rocks at you. Do you c) kill him by hitting him in the balls with a 12-ton digger? | (74) |
| (Some lizard lover) | |
Photoshop this spiny, circular Cordylus cataphractus | (56) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Man arrested and strip-searched: For failing to signal, while making a turn. That's some good police work, Lou | (284) |
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Baskin- | (161) |
| (Some Webcam) | |
Not news: Employee works from home for a day. News: Puts himself on webcam to show he is working. Fark: Gets accused of DoS'ing the network with "Live Streaming Video" | (84) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Ugly ass baby jaguar born. With "I'll eat your face" pic | (92) |
| (Some Abductee) | |
At last, we know the real reason the Soviet Union broke up: their psychotronic generators were fatally flawed. Here comes the... well... there are big words, so it must be science | (78) |
| (My Buddy, MY buddy) | |
This is the greatest tattoo ever... stop laughing... I find your lack of faith disturbing | (189) |
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Israel throws itself a 60th birthday, where it is overheard talking about its plans to move to Florida, where its ungrateful children will surely never visit | (274) |
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Step 1: Overuse an election-year cliche. (B) Irritate a Washington Post columnist. Fark: Get thrown under the bus. Duke sucks your dog wants HA HA goodness. O RLY penis. Wait, what? | (363) |
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The New York Times reviews chain restaurants, because you need a critic to tell you that the Southwestern Tuscan Chipotle Sesame Jack Daniels Poppers suck | (493) |
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Tired of being associated with trailer parks and George Bush, South Florida wants to split Florida into two states | (275) |
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Student one month away from getting his master's degree in Homeland Security busted for selling cocaine. Fark: Along with 95 other people | (163) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop the Atomium on its 50th anniversary | (48) |
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Officers believe man tried to deceive when he claimed "it's Aleve". The tests show it's so, and he's free to go, and boy is he ever relieved | (151) |
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If you have never seen pig racing, here's your chance (with video) | (49) |