A 6.3 magnitude quake hits central Italy. Residents exclaim, "Hey, whoosa shakin da ground?"	(7)
(Some Guy)		What would you tip this waitress? What if her customer service involved picture # 11?	(2)
		So Republicans ARE smarter than Democrats	(10)
(Some Guy)		Muriel has a big heart and wants to have a meaningful relationship with a good man. Really. Just look at picture # 12	(0)
		Photoshop CS4. 4-star editor rating from CNET, 5-star dictator rating from Kim Jong-Il	(0)
(GameSpot)		Part one of a GameSpot article on gaming addiction. To see part two, press X-X-Y-B while holding the left trigger	(0)
		Next time you complain about a spending ticket, just think it could be $37,454.54 more	(0)
(Some Guy)		Busty Gabriella makes me want to be the cream in her coffee	(0)
		Braves ruin Phillies' Opening Day celebration, 4-1. This puts Atlanta on track to win 162 games this season, an MLB record	(0)
		"Anyone up for curing cancer?". "Nah, sounds like hard work, how about this instead?"	(1)
(Some Guy)		"What Karina Hart is famous for." With tits like these, it is ok to end a sentence with a preposition	(0)
		The New York Times picks Royals to win their division. In related news, the old gray lady last seen with 23 cats and eight years of magazines stacked to the ceiling	(46)
		Old & Busted: Snakes under your car's hood. New Hotness: Woodchucks under your car's hood	(0)
(Some Guy)		Skype downloads on iPhone soar; FCC called in to oversee regulations	(2)
		"Dive with sharks on the cheap" How about "NO"?	(0)
		GOP Chair who compared Obama to Osama now compares his removal to a lynching	(1)
		Even amidst this devastating economic crisis, parents can still afford the bare necessities, like sending their overprivileged snowflakes on a week long booze-fueled sex romp in Mexico	(0)
(Some Guy)		World's Strangest Laws	(0)
(Some Guy)		Obama Presented the Queen of England a Personalized iPod	(10)
		Nevermind "Verse Chorus Verse," Something In the Way Smells Like Teen Spirt. Rape Me	(10)
(Israel Matzav (with pictures))		Pro-Palestinian groups in Toronto organized a boycott of Israeli wine and demonstration in front of liquor store. The Jewish community went and bought all 500 cases in 30 minutes, making the demonstration pointless so the protesters left	(3)
		Braves win season opener. Jordan Schafer homers in first major league at bat and gets intentionally walked in his third. Its like a walking advertisement for HGH	(0)
(Some Guy)		Apple Rumor: iPhone 3.0 with 3.2 mega-pixel camera	(0)
(Some Guy)		Reason #142 to drink beer: Your teeth will thank you	(0)
(Walking Tfette)		Cool dudes and dude-ettes doing good works	(3)
		Winter storm that hit part of the midwest today might mean the Cubs will lose in the snow on opening day	(1)
		I see your Avery lovetap, and raise you REAL unprovoked slash after a play. Bonus: By a goaltender	(1)
		No, White Sox fans, you can't have an Opening Day game, not yours	(0)
		Lowned	(0)
		Cop arrests firefighter for doing his job	(6)
(Democrat & Chronicle)		News: Rich guy dies suddenly while receiving award for community service. Fark: Rich guy who owns several McD's dies at Ronald McDonald charity dinner waiting for his own award. Ironic Tag eats Sad Tag for Lunch	(3)
(Daily Bulletin)		Apparently you can't point a loaded .44 at your neighbor while drinking an alcoholic beverage. Unknown if it was a Colt 45 or Coors Silver Bullet	(1)
		Recessions apparently quite annoying to high maintenance people	(0)
		Five great and five lousy book to movie adaptations. Harry Potter makes both lists (no slideshow)	(0)
		Pope attempts to imitate Michael J Fox	(11)
		Get ready 4 Fast and Furious	(0)
		Japanese child robot mimicks infant lear..HOLY CRAP THAT THING IS FREAKY	(97)
		Southern restaurant in Tennessee under fire from nearby mosque for serving alcohol. Mutaween show up for your uncool niece in 5,4,3,2-	(0)
		Jessica Hart has one body part that's just "too big" - her diastema	(1)
		NASA looking into fire extinguishing system in space. Apparently, fire in space is round, which brings a whole new meaning to the term "Space Balls"	(0)
(Some Guy)		Is 60 seconds with Jeri Ryan really worth $70? (Before you say yes: there's a table between you, and an audience present)	(0)
(theGauntlet)		Bon Jovi sues all female tribute band	(0)
(Some Guy)		Guam congresswoman says to North Korea about missile launch to wake me up before you go go	(0)

(Some Iconic Mustache)		Ric Romero shows you how tackling your credit score is a lot like playing sports. Wait...what?	(0)
		Man kills his five kids and then himself. Why do they always do it in the wrong order?	(0)
(Like Maverick Through a Goose)		Pilot B: Uh, I just did something totally uncool. Pilot A: What, did you piss yourself? Pilot B: No, but my flight suit is a mess. Pilot A: Man that stinks. HA HA Not safe for work language	(5)
(Some Guy)		What's that, honey? There's a guy driving the wrong way on the freeway? I can't talk now, honey, they're ALL driving the wrong way	(0)
		I'll see your Rachel Ray moaning and raise you Raising Arizona screaming	(0)
(NBC Bay Area)		Raider players to invest in soap on a rope	(0)
		Suicidal thoughts, high blood pressure: Two reasons insomnia will keep you up at night	(0)
		From"Sex" to "Rings", movie location tours becoming popular worldwide	(0)
		How much milk would you drink to kiss a giant japanese schoolgirl?	(0)
		Not news: Police break up fight. News: Pillow fight. Fark: Confiscate the pillows...but not the pillowcases	(0)
		Gunfire erupts at Brady wedding. Authorities on the lookout for estranged houskeeper and her butcher accomplice	(32)
(Some Sad Brother-in-law)		Patriot Guard Rider dies returning from mission. Rest in Peace, Bro	(2)
(Some Guy)		Riddle me this riddle me that .. whose afraid of the big black bat... riddler to be villain in next batman	(0)
		Rick Moranis might be coming out of retirement to be in the next installment of Ghostbusters. Vinz Clortho The Keymaster, minion of Gozer unavailable for comment	(0)
		New Israeli Foreign Minister interviews for lateral transfer to Obama's Cabinet	(0)
		The United States sets another record - USA USA USA - oh, wait, are credit card defaults recognized in the Olympics?	(0)
(Some Guy)		Next time you talk to your grandpa, remember that it was a damned miracle he survived his childhood	(0)
		Dog falls from ship during storm, swims five miles to island and survives for months before being reunited with owner. Your dog wants Cast Away on widescreen	(0)
		After months of ducking investigating questionable financial dealings, sweetheart mortgage deal, and illegal campaign contributions, the House Ethics Committee looks into a speeding ticket	(0)
		Yeast infections worsening in my species? It's more likely than you think	(0)
(Some Guy)		"Man found dead in Red Deer". Authorities still trying to figure out how he got in there in the first place	(1)
(Some Guy)		Truck runs over horse and rider, horse dies, rider OK, driver is on the run, didn't even equus himself	(0)
(Some Guy)		The government may fire the failed CEOs of failed banks that it pretends not to own. I'm sure they'll be devastated to watch security come to clean out thier office and carry thir wheelbarrows of bonus money to the door	(0)
		WFC Phillys lose opener. Going for standard strategy of barely beating out the Mets sometime in September	(1)
		Fux scores shootout winner. Very nice	(0)
		60% of US voters view the leader of the free world unfavorably	(5)
		In yet another fair and balanced report, the Daily Kos says conservatives like to shoot cops	(8)
		UN Security Council unable to agree on response to North Korean missile launch. In related news, Sun to rise in East tomorrow, water wet	(0)
(Some Time Traveler)		Fire up the DeLorean Marty. Let's go back to the 80's without leaving 2009	(0)
		Dare you not to laugh: Tom Cruise farting	(1)
		When Mother Jones and Jules Crittenden agree, isn't that a sign of the apocalypse?	(0)
(MeeHive)		Terrorist eludes US in Iraq. Authorities searching for your Uncle Marty	(0)
		Dog pees, 3 cops die	(0)
(Some designer named Wang. Heh, Wang)		It's nice that the prom dresses are floor-length this year. So much less slutty	(0)
		New Yorkers butthurt over anti-smoking ad showing kid crying when separated from mother, paying 10 bucks for a pack	(233)
		Robot doctors can think for themselves, fill perscriptions for Sarah O'Connor	(0)
		"So You Think You Can Rape"	(0)
		Sean Avery slashes Tim Thomas's mask	(104)
		The newest cosmetic treatment for people with more money than sense: anal bleaching	(4)
		Bad weather delays return of U.S. space tourist. Expect him to buy the weather for his next big adventure	(0)
		COULD Google buy Twitter? Well if we look at it rationally you will see the price earning rati...NERD WAR	(0)
		Good thing the administration's standing up to those greedy businessmen	(0)
		Line jumper causes long wait for firemen at Lone Star	(0)
		Ex Klansman seeks forgiveness from those he beat up so he can make peace with himself. Just kidding, he wants to go to heaven	(0)
		Who is naughty and who is naughtier? Check out this year's "Dirty Thirty"	(0)
		AfterSHOCKING NEWS: Italy rocked with 6.7 magnitude earthquake	(0)
(Some Storm Guy)		Storm chaser realizes dream, builds Super Fabulous Tornado Penetrator	(0)
		Since when did Muslims have rabbis?	(2)
(Some Guy)		Active Thermitic Material Discovered in Dust from the 9/11 World Trade Center Catastrophe	(13)
(Harvard Magazine)		Megan Fox wants to have sex with me	(2)
		Xerox copying jobs to India, thus shredding original ones	(0)
(Some Guy)		6.3 magnitude earthquake hits central Italy	(0)
		Son of Ryan O'Neal and Farrah Fawcett arrested for trying to smuggle drugs into prison. At least he'll be familiar with his new surroundings	(0)
		Farrah Fawcett admitted to LA hospital	(1)
(Some Guy)		Not News: Congressmen move to cap rates on payday loans. FARK: To 391% APR	(0)
		Jew receives stiff sentence for bribing Chinese businesses	(0)
		Rule 34: Kitten mounting a watermellon	(0)
		IBM pulls offer. Sun is no longer there	(0)
		Crocodile tears are real, but only when they chomp down on your ass	(0)
		IBM ends discussions, goes back to Armonk. Sun won't be there	(0)

(Houston Press)		Man gets drunk at company dinner. Then things get all penisy	(0)
(ScienceBlogs)		Birds are better at reading human eye gaze and body language than dogs or even chimps, so be careful about where and how you hide your lunch when picnicking	(0)
		A-Roid says that he could be back by the end of April. It's almost as if there were some sort of magical drug that helps you get better faster than most people	(0)
(Some Guy)		Except for the 14 dead, police come to the conclusion that terrorism wasn't involved in Binghamton shootings. You still need to take your shoes off for screenings	(0)
		Sunset	(0)
		"It burns, it BURNS"	(3)
		Yet another accomplishment: Obama now speaks Austrian	(19)
(Nashville Scene)		The highs-and oh so many lows-of dating a musician	(0)
		In Canada, breaking tables and chairs will get you labelled a terrorist	(1)
(usnews)		US government: GM is full of airheads living in a dream world, The Volt is expensive and ugly, Saab could vanish, and Chrysler doesn't have a prayer, or as the auto industry calls it, Wednesday	(0)
		The coolest soccer goal you'll see all week	(33)
(Some Guy)		The greatest collection of original art featuring cheerleaders, truckers and bulldogs you'll see today	(3)
		"I'll wager that within a year or so Obama be marked down as a wind-bag"	(0)
(Archie)		Impish little blonde shows off. (Not safe for work)	(0)
		Hooch kills atleast 27 in Delhi. Police suspect it may have something to do with subpar cheese placement. Tag for families	(0)
		Step 1: Promise to win national title or give up scholarship. Step 2: Lose in Final Four. Step 3. Profit???	(0)
		Obama: "I can see Austria from my living room" Or something like that	(0)
		OU Star out $64,000 big ones as OU chokes again	(0)
		Megan Fox wants to be known for her acting skills and Lindsay Lohan want to be a role model for young girls	(0)
		Flashback: NYT scolded Bill Clinton for *almost* bowing to royalty. Those were the days, eh?	(0)
		Muslims discover they've been praying in the wrong direction for centuries as some 200 mosques don't face toward Mecca -- in Mecca	(330)
		French Horses do not surrender	(0)
		Say hello to Hezb'allah for us	(0)
(cantonrep.com)		Today's "woman runs her car into a Dollar Tree after the accelerator gets stuck" story brought to you by the Canton Repository (w/ pic)	(0)
(Spikes Mag)		It's just not your day when you rob a supermarket and flee on foot...right in front of a professional track star on a training run. 'Cause he's gonna run you down	(0)
		Dog reunited with owners after four-month island goat feast	(1)
		Pfizer to pay pittance for using human guinea pigs	(0)
(Some Guy)		BBQ, beer, and Blazing Saddles.. This is why the Alamo Draft House is the best movie theatre in the country	(0)
		'Obama attacks America'	(0)
(Journal Star)		♪ Snow there, over the rainbow, tornados thrive ♪	(0)
		Teen kills self when caught when he learns that he'd be expelled from the entire school system for smoking pot. Take that War on Drugs, we're winning	(2)
(starcasm.net)		24 days in the life of Lindsay Lohamlet: A Shakespearean Tragedy	(0)
		Gingrich says we should have used a preemptive nuke air burst on Kim to cook his 2 computers running Windows 95. Hit a camel in the butt	(3)
		IBM buyout talks go Nova. Looks like the Sun will not be there unless they can hash out a deal over a nice cold Corona	(0)
(Some Guy)		Forget Madoff, is the United States the world's largest Ponzi Scheme?	(6)
(Some Guy)		Man arrested for trading guns and explosives for drugs without the express written consent of the CIA	(0)
(Some Guy)		It's always nice to know that in this crazy day and age, you can still count on communist solidarity	(0)
		Move boat or i will hit you with a fish	(1)
		Researchers say warmer weather means more girls, less clothing	(0)
		Beer can save the environment	(0)
		It's that time of the year, yes, it's seal clubbing time in Canada	(2)
		Would the NJ massacre of 13 immigrants be getting more play in the media if it were 13 white coeds?	(7)
(Uncle Fed)		Having solved all the world's problems, Uncle Fed now provides free cell service	(0)
		Ask A Ninja dude throws down on the Nin/Ja 2009 tour. "How many guitar licks does it take to get to the centre of Perry Farrell?"	(0)
		Chris Cornell defends his Timbaland-produced album: "Experimentation leads to unpredictability. Most artists stay in their comfort zone -- not me." Translation: "I'm too old to rock"	(103)
		Following in Uncle Ronnie's footsteps, Obama wants a "nuclear-free" world	(0)
		Obama arrives in Turkey for "first" visit to Muslim country	(0)
		Courtney Paris owes the University of Oklahoma a lot of money	(1)
		Out of a job? House getting foreclosed? Creditors banging down your door? Forget Obama, sell an app for the iPhone	(0)
		In a move sure to increase ridership and profits, Atlanta's rapid transit authority proposes stopping service on Fridays due to budget shortfalls	(0)
		MLB Opening Day thread, anyone?	(0)
		Hugo Chavez would like to add the US as a friend. Accept or deny?	(0)

		Obama is the most polarizing President in their first 100 days according to PEW PEW PEW	(0)
		Zero tolerance drug policy leads to 2 week suspension for girl; for taking her birth control pill	(14)
(Durant Democrat)		Hotel TV thief not the brightest criminal in the world, but he did stay at a Holiday Inn Express	(36)
		From the "Don't you people EVER learn?" files: 57% of Americans favor a 'military response' to North Korea's missile test	(2)
		Poor people become brain damaged. Here comes the science	(125)
		Handwriting expert determines a match between Zodiac Killer letters and suspect. Thanks for the speedy conclusion, sir	(0)
		"Bush Bowed Too." Charles Johnson displays his liberal agenda	(0)
(Leader Newspapers)		Man flees brothel in a hurry after making a mess	(0)
(News Tribune)		Rogue motorcycle gang terrorizes neighborhoods with obnoxious noise, pushing their product to kids. That's just cold	(0)
(Some Snowflake)		More snowflakes are abused by unemployed mommies and daddies in these times	(0)
(Some Guy)		What's the best license plate for a personal injury lawyer? SUE 'EM	(2)
(Some Guy)		Facebook: it's getting to be like the advice I got just before I got married- 'the farking you're about to get, isn't worth the farking you're about to get'	(0)
(Some Guy)		IBM bails. The Sun is no longer theirs	(0)
(Raving Toy Maniac)		If you enjoyed last year's Steam Punk Star Wars, you're gonna love Steam Punk Avengers	(0)
		Big Ten commissioner Jim Delaney, in one of the most Romero-esque moves ever, claims that ESPN and CBS have an "East Coast bias" in college basketball. He can't name names, but "THEY" suck	(0)
(Some Pork Eater)		Holy of Holeys? Jellyroll Jihad looms as discriminatory Dunkin Donuts schmoozes Jews, tells Muslims they can go to Halal	(0)
(Some Guy)		The videogame Alamo standoff	(0)
		Meet your newest YouTube meme. Just don't call him a homo or he'll get really mad. For serious	(0)
(Some Guy)		Iran, so far (away)	(0)
		Is There a Chemtrail Conspiracy?	(0)
		Two Canadian politicians, one beaver	(0)
		IBM withdraws their $7 billion offer. Sun is not theirs	(0)
		TV announcer reports death of "Gilligan's Island" composer, laughs uncontrollably	(0)
		Hallelujah	(0)
(Some Guy)		"Cocaine bomb explodes in Gujrat." Authorities are sniffing out the perpetrators	(0)
		Remember the guy who killed 3 Pittsburgh cops because he was worried about Obama's stance on gun control? Turns out, he was just mad because he got into an argument with Mommy	(0)
		Fight over urinating dog precipitated pissing match between Pittsburgh gunman and police	(0)
		Leonard Nimoy gets pissed at Tom Snyder for insinuating that he wasn't making a living as an actor before "Star Trek"	(2)
		God blasts cross off top of church steeple, just in time for Palm Sunday services	(3)
		Fox News fires entertainment editor Roger Friedman for watching and writing about pirated Wolverine movie. Still no cure for Glenn Beck	(0)
		Having concluded that GM makes a wide variety of reliable, fuel efficient vehicles, David Gregory discovers why the company is failing: they have employees	(0)
(Baseball Mogul)		Even with steroids and hip surgery, A-Rod still has a 0.63% chance to win the MVP award	(0)
(Queens Courier)		Mets quietly ditch bulk-rate discount for Little Leaguers, freeing up room for biweekly "Thieving Corporate Weasel Night" promotions. Karma once again pencils Mets into her schedule for late September	(0)
		Opening Day.....Braves vs Plillies	(1)
(Some Guy)		Does this picture of a Street View car violate Google's privacy?	(0)
(IndyCar)		Last week he was an out of work IndyCar driver. This week Ryan Hunter-Reay stands on the podium of the season opening GP of St Pete	(0)
		The world economy crashes. Where do you bury the survivors?	(0)
		"Palestinians pessimistic." The rest of the article's title seemed redundant	(0)

(Some Guy)		New 2010 Terrain looks like a cube	(0)
		The only man on the planet who has never seen Star Wars finally gets around to watching it	(0)
(Poughkeepsie Journal)		Former knuckleheaded GOP congressman (forgive the multiple redundancy) popped for felony DWI, blowing a BAC so high he thought he was a Kennedy and could get away with it	(3)
(ECOVIEWS)		When you get hare on your lynx it may cause a woodpecker	(0)
		Burglar steals $850 in coins. Police currently looking for world's strongest man	(3)
		A photo of England's largest wild cat...awwww. Or is it a furry toy? awwwww	(4)
		Not news: Son's dog pees on the floor. News: Mother calls police on the son. Fark[ed up]: Sons kills 3 officers and shoots up 3 more. Fark: Mother says son " only liked police when they were not curtailing his rights"	(0)
		House Ethics Committee finally springs into action to deal with the grievous offense committed by Rep. Zach Space (D-CT): a speeding ticket for doing 65 in a 50 zone	(0)
		Woman divorces husband for cleaning too much	(0)
		In the history of Tee Shirts... There has never been one... That so completely represents us... The Farker... They earned this... Thank you Onion	(0)
		When you're driving, try not to breastfeed. Especially if you're drunk	(0)
(Subversive Engineer)		10 famous people you probably didn't know were engineers. Bonus: not a slideshow. Double bonus: not a Cracked list	(13)
		Which Libertarian™ Farker is this? "Mrs. Poplawski reported that her son only liked police when they were not curtailing his constitutional rights, which he was determined to protect" [VE]	(0)
(Some Angry Photographer)		According to the picture, Amazon.com is not too wild about selling you a Mig	(0)
		Mickey Rourke to soon return to playing temperamental drug dealers in crappy low-budget movies, considers "Wrestlemania" appearance	(0)
(Brassy)		Hot blonde babe Cikita shows off her sexy curves. (not safe for work)	(0)
		CNN Reports: Gays In Iraq Targeted for Murder	(0)
		Don't let the Sun go down on me, although I've searched myself, it's always someone elses company I see. I'll just allow a fragment of this SPARC chip to wander free	(0)
		'Fast & Furious' shatters box office records. Yes, you read that correctly	(0)
(Gaston Gazette)		As far as legal strategies go, breaking into the home of a witness & threatening him the morning of your trial ranks near the bottom	(0)
		Scientists film one of the largest gamma-ray bursts ever seen. Pic shows smashing detail	(1)
		FBI links long haul truckers with massive serial killings all across the Usa	(0)
		This guy really needs help getting his rocks off	(41)
		Media will cover return of US military coffin to US soil for the first time in 18 years. Tag is for the Airman returning home	(460)
		IBM pulls out after it learns Sun won't be exclusive, they should have at least gotten some pics first	(0)
		Get Fired or Laid Off? Keep Your Chin Up...So Did John Wayne. Employers Make Mistakes	(0)
		While Farrah Fawcett is in hospital fighting for her life, surely her son is by her bedside, right? RIGHT? Nah, he was caught smuggling drugs into a California Jail	(0)
		I can't do it... the headline is just too easy	(2)
		Mother of the year: driving while drunk, unlicensed and breastfeeding	(0)
		While his mother is in the fight of her life, Farrah Fawcett's son Redmond drives to detention - with narcotics in his car	(31)
		Felines of Fury	(1)
		Sarah Michelle Gellar in talks to bring Buffy back to kick ass on the big screen	(0)
		Brits laugh just six-times-a-day. If they don't cheer up soon, they're all going to die of melancholy	(0)
		Four times must be the magic number for victims because LA police have finally charged a well known dance choreographer with rape. He's apparently been getting away with it for six years	(2)
		Walking your dog without a leash in a deed-restricted community? That's a foreclosin'	(8)
		TV racing presenter forced to apologise after telling jockey he has terrible teeth in front of 600 million viewers in 168 countries	(23)
		Ah Britain, where two-year-olds are force-fed fried chicken. Still, at least their teeth will be ok	(1)
		Ice shelf the size of a Caribbean island is melting	(0)

		Bush Administration steered workers into high risk investments before market crash	(0)
		Star Trek porn you say? It's been done. The money shot would make Peter North jelous	(3)
		Whitney Houston paid $400,000 not to have Bobby Brown murdered	(36)
		MLK would be proud: Binghamton shooting victims came from 8 nations	(0)
(Some Guy)		FauxNews Fiasco Followup: Fox Fires Friedman over Film Faux pas. In related news, Wolverine prequel still looks like suck	(0)
		Problem: Father killed five children because his wife was leaving him. Solution: Outlaw wives	(0)
		Columnist fired over review of pirated Wolverine. Pirate wolverines? Yup, we're farked	(0)
		Protests and Porn at Univeristy of Maryland. Sounds like subby's kind of party	(0)
		Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr give benefit concert to raise money for kids. Not to help cure cancer or hungar but so all children may learn the wonderful art of Transcendental Meditation	(2)
(Blabbermouth.net)		You know how I know you're gay? You can tell when Paul Stanley's costume is different	(0)
		Obama supports bringing Turkey into the EU, ignoring customs at airports	(0)
(Some Guy)		Geithner says US jobless rate likely to climb, water likely to stay wet, and mods likely to redlight this submission	(1)
		White House staff discloses more ties, and gobs of money, from banks and hedge funds. Bonus: one WH staff member represented the murderer of a US soldier and another is a member of the Trilateral Commission and the Bilderberg Group. Yeah Change	(15)
(Some Guy)		Danish premier, once hailed as free speech "hero" for standing up for Mohammed cartoon publisher, will apologize to Muslims to become NATO secretary general	(0)
		New 'paradise' cult gaining followers	(0)
		Urinating dog triggered argument resulting in 3 officers' deaths. Your dog wants no stake in this	(4)
		First Obama came fer my gunz, now he's coming fer my innernets. Get a rope	(20)
		Today's Engrish headline: "Indonesia turns to sex workers to boost election"	(0)
		Rupert Murdoch says the U.S. news industry needs to start charging for its content, if it wants to stay as relevant and successful as the companies who still use sharpened rocks to etch their news onto triceratops bones	(0)
		Best car vs rockslide photos you'll see today	(0)
		IBM withdraws acquisition offer. The Sun is not there	(27)
		Paedophiles are always welcome in the Army	(0)
		When 140 characters is just too wordy, try nanoblogging	(4)
		British government accidentally turns off the TV transmitters	(0)
(Some Guy)		Vietnamese traps and tunnels	(0)
		Just because your fake ID wasn't good enough to buy beer doesn't mean you should leave it at the beer store with your real name and photo on it	(0)
		Woman with breasts to attend Cannes Film Festival. The Daily Star is there [pic]	(0)
		Courtney Love "is beside herself" after someone throws one of her works of art in the trash. In related news, Courtney Love buys art	(0)
(Some Guy)		Ever wonder what a normal day in the life of your boss is like? Here's the Lonely Island with their new video "Like a Boss"	(0)
(WWE.com)		Orton vs Triple H, Undertaker vs HBK highlight your Wrestlemania 25 discussion thread	(1)
(CBSSPORTS.com)		Ride him out of town on a rail, tar and feather him, make him watch Ishtar til his eyes bleed Zambrano says Wrigley Field should go	(0)
		The incredible new weapon to fight the Taleban: They're called...shotguns	(0)
(Some Guy)		The freakiest helicopter you'll see today	(7)
		Danica Patrick angrily confronting another driver on raceday? Inconceivable	(0)
		Indycar kicks off racing season without cars built with government bailout money...fans...interest	(0)
		Badger babies join the ranks of ugly-ass springtime creatures. awwwwwww	(66)
		Lady Gaga signs man's genitals, no word on whether he tried to Poker Face at the time	(0)
		Today's "could be nothing, could be something" story brought to you by 67-year old Stephen Hawking cancelling a speaking engagement at Arizona State University due to health-related issues	(0)
		"Fast & Furious" shattered all kinds of box office records with it's $73 million dollar opening weekend getaway	(0)
		A contrite, remorseful Plaxico Burress prepares for a possible prison sentence and NFL suspension by avoiding police encounters. Just kidding. He allegedly F-bombed a Florida deputy on March 18	(0)
		It's 'Jesus-Jitsu	(0)
		Freedom of speech must include the right to "defame" religions. "It is not possible to systematically protect religions or their followers from offence without infringing the right of individuals."	(3)
		Porn screening at U of M shot down. Dateless students promptly return to their computers	(0)
		Apple more form then function	(9)
		Today is Palm Sunday, an important holiday for Catholics and bachelors	(5)
		AT&T contracts expire without agreement, employees switching to Verizon	(0)
		Jula loves getting naked for you (Not safe for work)	(0)
		Old and busted: Twitter. New hotness: Flutter	(24)
		NOOOOOO NASA has seen the cosmic hand-- now the Guardians are going to have to start a whole new Green Lantern Corps	(0)
		Hip hop honey Lola Luv showing her juicy booty in bikini	(0)
		Urinating dog triggered argument resulting in 3 officers' deaths. What a pisser	(0)
		When it's time to party, Keira Knightley probably won't party hard	(0)
		Sean Hannity has never, ever seen porn. Well, straight porn anyway	(166)
(Some Guy)		"Those who unknowingly fall into the trap of scientism act as if hard science is the only way of knowing reality."	(1)
		Ugly-ass offense against nature, tiniest dog ever. awwwwww	(76)
		Polish fashion model Malgosia Bela is topless in i-D magazine	(0)
		Jeff Gordon snaps 47-race winless streak, takes checkers at Texas Motor Speedway, leaving Miami-Homestead as his only winless track on the Cup circuit	(53)
(WWE.com)		Official discussion thread for WWE WrestleMania XXV - because even pseudosports like WWE, Nascar, and golf deserve threads	(156)
		Nika - Sexy Elegance (Not safe for work)	(0)
		Young latina babe Carina is posing naked outdoors	(0)
		Finally, we get more than a quarterly glimpse at a sideline reporter	(0)
		"What is Porn really for?" Its not news, its BBC	(0)
		Obama in Turkey for first visit to Muslim country. Hannilarity to commence in 3...2...1	(0)
		Hugo Chavez tells Venezuelans that he may need to raise price of gasoline--which currently sells for 12 cents per gallon	(0)
		How are a swollen prostate and Malaysia's harsh political climate alike? They both make the job of number one very difficult to do	(17)
		Tornado Chasers Get a Bit Too Close For Comfort - 04/05/09	(0)
(website)		Double standard? Society has treated women differently than men when accused of molesting teens. In some ways that's changing	(0)

(Some Pirate)		Remember the reviewer that illegally downloaded Wolverine then reviewed it worked for Fox News? Yeah, about that	(0)
(Some Guy)		Heidi Klum is holding on to her boobies for dear life	(0)
		Mavericks beat Suns 114-84. At the end of the third quarter	(1)
		A centuries-old ice bridge holding back ice shelf 'the size of Jamaica' snapped in Antarctica last night - but you'd be a pinko atheist lieberal to suggest it was due to anything other than the warmth of God's love	(629)
		My baseball predictions for the year	(0)
		Peaches Geldof: "I love dorks. And weirdos. And misfits. These Dungeons And Dragons-loving, Einstein-quoting, chunky spectacles-wearing guys are the true catches." In related news, Peaches was last seen running away from Fark.com	(0)
(Some Guy)		10 best spam email subject lines of all time	(0)
		Britain to build world's largest wind turbine. Bonus: article can't describe its dimensions without using the word "gobsmacked"	(0)
		Photoshop this Baja-baked bus	(0)
		Hands off the hair, Chicken Queen	(1)
		Ashley Schaeffer BMW: You'd have to be borderline retarded to shop anywhere else	(0)
		To celebrate the possible return of Pyramid, here's Nathan Cook guessing "things that are enshrined" for $100k	(0)
		This is not the greatest video game ever made. It is just a tribute	(0)
(Some Guy)		"Seriously, Marvel, WTF? At what point did Spider-Man having radioactive sperm ever seem like a good idea? At what point did anyone even think that he killed her with his radioactive spider-spunk should ever be allowed in a comic?"	(3)
		Arctic Ocean can melt 60 years earlier than previously thought. Thats hot	(1)
		Newslyweds can have sex for the very first time with each other on Saddam Hussein's bed, starting at just £150 a night	(0)
		GM decides to sit there and take it like their customers have been for decades	(0)
		President Obama skips right past assault weapons, calls for total nuclear disarmament. Still no word on how the US, pop. 300 million, will fare against the other 5.3 billion	(9)
		Toronto will call in the army tomorrow, eh?	(0)
(Some Guy)		How to use bacon to make your life incredible and amazing	(0)
(Some Guy)		The '09 World Series Champion Pittsburgh Pirates wait...what?	(0)
		Like a Boss (Not safe for work language)	(0)
		A celebration of beautiful cleavage, which has to be some sort of proof of a loving god. (Not safe for work)	(0)
		The Virginia Board of Funeral Directors and Embalmers has a coffin fit over a funeral home storing as many as 200 unrefrigerated corpses for months on end	(0)
		Lady GaGa tops both the UK album and singles charts, which begs the question: who the fark is Lady GaGa?	(0)

		In honor of "Fast and Furious" having a $75 million take this weekend here's the spoof from SNL last night. It's pretty much like the movie, only slightly gayer	(0)
		Bluesman Buddy Guy lends his vocal and guitar talents to Sweet Home Chicago	(0)
(Tales Of Hentai)		Hardcore Bleach drawn porn featuring all characters (Not safe for work)	(1)
		It looks like it will be a mediocre year for the San Francisco Giants this year. (My Giants preview)	(0)
(Some Guy)		Undertaker chops corpse's legs off so he can fit body in coffin. Just two more to go and it's a full draw and quarter	(0)
		Farrah Fawcett in hospital with cancer; in serious condition. Steve Martin asks everyone to hold up her poster with one hand	(1)
(Some Guy)		Generic drugs rx	(3)
		Some banks, concerned about government control, are trying to repay the TARP money they took. Obama refuses to accept repayment; tells banks to pray he does not alter the deal further	(3)
		Isabella Rosselini's next role: The Incredible Miss Limpet	(0)
(Some Guy)		Toronto's 'Busker of the Beaches' attends his own funeral: ""I didn't want to miss people saying good things about me by waiting until I died" (pic)	(20)
		Big chunk of ice gets warmer, melts. Jury continues intense deliberations as to how this could be possible	(0)
		Irritated Alaskans say Mount Redoubt turning into a huge pain in the ash	(0)
(Some Hawk)		The JournoList, it's teh awesome	(0)
		Twitter: Not Just for Geeks Anymore	(0)
		Airport facial recognition software "can't tell the difference between Osama bin Laden and Winona Ryder"	(0)
		Five year-old boy spends his free time on the weekends with the residents of a rest home's dementia wing, just so they can "have fun."	(0)
		Braves and Phillies set to open the MLB season. Opening day predictions to the right, voting enabled	(5)
		Photoshop this manufactured mound	(0)
		Braves to retire Greg Maddux's number	(0)
(Some Guy)		Caption this scene from a bar last night	(2)
		Yahoo "experts" all pick the Cubs to win the NL Central and the Red Sox to represent the AL in the World Series. Book it. Done	(0)
		Zimbabwe's new government to restore human rights, fix economy. Zimbabwe Dollar rises from kindling to bird cage liner	(1)
		Chris Brown wants to make a deal. Monty Hall, he is not	(0)
		Photoshop this collection of Calder	(4)
		2:46 of Rachael Ray moaning. People need to find hobbies	(53)
		Sure, we have a working vaccine for Ebola, but short of an act of Bio-terrorism, no one's going to fund the distribution of it	(0)
(Some War Nerd)		US aircraft carriers have no defense against the Dong Feng. "All our ships are going to subs, one way or the other."	(0)
		Welcome to the bonus 19th hole. It's a par 3 with a 830 meter drop. To your right is the helicopter that will take you to the tee	(0)
(Some Guy)		Usa drugstore sitemap	(0)
		Kiddie showbag checklist: Toys, candy, erotic novel	(0)
		"Nude models slathered with vegetable oil to the rescue." I could have made up something witty but you have already stopped reading this and clicked the link. SFW	(0)
		If you're drunk and need to breastfeed your child, doing it while driving out of the pub carpark is probably not the best time	(0)
(Some Guy)		Actual Headline: Japanese singer in pineapple suit beaten in Sweden	(0)
(Some Guy)		Barbara Mori	(0)
(Some Guy)		Photoshop this soda fountain	(0)
(Press of Atlantic City)		Today's teacher['s aide]/middle-student hookup brought to you by some butterface from New Jersey	(0)
		Cyclist Devolder wins back to back Tour of Flanders, has trouble holding the trophy since Devolder is right-handed	(0)
(Death Aid 09)		In the 80s it was We are the World. In the 2000s it is God Hates the World. Please sing along	(0)
		"Fast & Furious" makes $72.5 million over its opening weekend. STOP IT AMERICA	(267)
		Do NOT call this kid a homo, or you'll be sorry	(0)
		This guy is looking for a girlfriend. What is his Fark ID? (Not safe for work language)	(0)
		Woman calls 911 because she locked herself in her car. You read that correctly. In her car	(0)
		The relationship between the multibillion-dollar porn industry, compulsiveness and sexual appetite has become like the relationship between agribusiness, processed foods, super-size portions and obesity	(0)
		There's some strong chlorine in the gene pool of Todd Palin. His sister robbed a house of $400, and 2 days later, she decides to try it again. At the same house. Foiled by homeowner, footprints	(0)
		Six geniuses who saw their inventions go terribly, terribly wrong. Sorry, uh...science	(0)
		'Cyber-girl's sex lie drove me to suicide'	(0)
		Storm hits Corn Belt with heavy snow, strong wind. Frozen niblets ensue	(0)
		Victoria Beckham to guest star on SpongeBob. Subby's guess is that the episode will have something to do with the origin of the Krusty Krab	(0)
		Drew seen crawling home last night	(0)
		Floundering sales cause fishy supermarket chain to try baiting customers by switching pollack's name to Colin. Polish immigrants rejoice	(0)
		Michael J. Fox almost fell of a cliff and nearly lost a finger on a recent trip to a monastery in Bhutan. He's doing okay though; he was only a little shaken up	(31)
		Man returning from Ron Paul event detained by TSA inside US borders...for carrying $4,700 in cash. In other news, there are apparently still Ron Paul events. RON PAUL	(0)
(TOROmagazine.com)		The world's sexiest comedian reads her fan mail. Her fans ain't so classy but she is sexy - in a potty-mouth Barbie sort of way	(0)
(Some Neocon)		Joe the Plumber becomes Joe the Scammer, launches website where for only $.99, users can vote on whether or not they think the IRS should be abolished	(0)
(Some Guy)		Please God, tell me this Viagra ad is fake (Not safe for work)	(2)
(Autoblog.com)		Unable to sell cars to consumers, GM resorts to selling a clubhouse on wheels to kids that includes such novel features as built-in whiteboards, scooters, walkie-talkies, and an in-door hand sanitizer dispenser	(6)

(Some Guy)		Artist mapping which engagement rings can be purchased for two-months salary for various occupations discovers that they all look the same	(283)
(Autoblog.com)		Museum. THE Museum	(0)
(Pittsburgh Post-Gazette)		Turns out the Pittsburgh cop-killer, the one with the last name "Poplawski", frequented neo-Nazi website Stormfront. Umm, you're doing it wrong	(0)
		I'm not sure if this is cool or lame	(0)
		Vin Diesel's new movie makes a fast $72.5 million. Subby furious about tastes of the modern moviegoer	(0)
(Autoblog.com)		You will soon be able to purchase Burt Reynold's very own Trans-Am. Screaming Chicken comes standard, but oddly, chicken legs Sally Field does not	(0)
		Photoshop this fluffy chicken	(0)
(Voice of America)		Obama: "Today....I seek a world without nuclear weapons." -- [WHOOSH] -- North Korea: "Oops....my bad."	(0)
(Autoblog.com)		Unable to sell cars to consumers, GM tries a new strategy - converted Brinks armored cars	(0)
(Some Brute)		Bored? Beat the living Fark out of someone, all without jail	(0)
(Brickshelf)		Bless the Maker and His Legos. Bless His coming and His going. May His passage cleanse the world. May he keep the world for His little plastic people	(0)
		Canadian military helicopter thwarts pirate attack with a stop sign	(0)
		Angry Turk is angry (Not safe for work audio)	(0)
		Hello, boils and ghouls. Tonight on "Tales from the Crypt," I have a bone to pick with these vandals who toppled centuries-old headstones. Of corpse, the whole thing could give me a coffin fit	(0)
(PureStyleDC)		Slamming Sunday's | Ring of Honor	(0)
		Old and busted: passive smoking. New and stupid: passive drinking. Asinine tag used because Beer tag still brewing	(154)
		57% of Americans favor military intervention with North Korea to prevent further missile tests	(0)
(Some Guy)		Promotional Apparel	(0)
		Japanese pop star dressed as a pineapple beaten and robbed, presumably not of his dignity	(0)
(Some Lulu)		You've seen the 19 worst drive-thru foods, now witness the worst cookbook ever, featuring an ingredient Foobies lurkers have plenty of	(4)
		Gwyneth Paltrow suggests shampoo causes cancer; scientists call her "loopy", blame overexposure to Coldplay	(0)
		Devolder wins the Tour of Stupid Sexy Flanders	(0)
		Research shows that the easiest thing couples can do to strengthen their relationship is to call each other "schmoopie" --- a LOT	(161)
(Me and I)		Buoyed by a coterie of admiring friends and associates someone with a mild-to-moderate case of narcissism can float through life feeling pretty good about himself	(0)
		Man's stolen bass guitar resurfaces at his local church	(0)
		Shroud of Turin still fake, but now it was protected by cross-spitting-on gay Knights Templar: Vatican	(0)
(Geno's World)		Britney Spears brings you behind the scenes of her Candie's commercial. She says something and then something....just turn the volume off and watch her shake it in a bikini	(0)
		The Brady-Bundchen II: Electric Boogaloo	(1)
(Some Guy)		'Passchendaele' named best picture of the year in Canada, narrowly edging out 'Aboot A Boy' and 'Hinterland Who's Who'	(0)
		Trainwreck Brittany Murphy now has an Irish accent, which might also explain why she now resembles "Rawhead Rex" What's Gaelic for "Do Not Want"?	(115)
		On the possible anniversary of his death, here is the way Layne Staley should be remembered	(1)
		Border guards find 90lbs of marijuana hidden in paintings during random traffic stop; owner says he was framed	(0)
		Madonna leaves Malawi after adoption setback, checks to see if Dennis Rodman is availble	(0)
		In a move bound to please both basement-dwellers and fanfic readers alike, Hustler set to make Star Trek porn film	(56)
		Whitney Houston got so emotional when she paid a $400,000 ransom for Bobby Brown	(0)
		We hate to keep harping on about the Nanny State, but when Britain orders firefighters to test smoke alarms with poles because it is too dangerous for them to climb ladders, you Brits are gonna have to get used to it	(101)
		Barney Frank eats a banana	(3)
		Wanna be an extra? Get in the (very long) line	(0)
(Some Guy)		Put down your Cadbury eggs. We all can have bacon eggs now	(0)
		Otter is 'traumatized' when it has to find an-otter friend	(0)
		Between the recession and the new gun grabbing paranoia, America is turning into the more interesting parts of Escape from New York	(0)
		Ugly ass dog cares for ugly ass baby critters. These allergies are really messing with my eyes	(73)
		Pooch pinches purveyor of paintings that packed pot at the perimeter. Customs cops chuckle at the clueless crook	(17)
		Cavaliers release Snow on the grounds that his knee is a licky boom boom down and it ain't gettin back up	(40)
(Rkfd Register Star)		Prostitution suspect gives false name. Now why in the world would she want to do that?	(0)

		NYU sends 489 false admission emails on April Fools Day	(0)
		Parents are asking WTF after kids got a lesson in swear words at school	(61)
		"Fast & Furious" cruises to a first place finish at the box office, shatters several records along the way	(0)
		Why liberals are the last, best hope of free-market capitalism	(6)
		Racist "scared of no one, or nothing" fears God toward the end of his life	(4)
(Some Guy)		"Terminator" series "Terminated."	(1)
		85 86's his 250k bonus	(0)
		RCMP politely arrest music store owner for selling bootleg music because it is illegal even if everybody does it and you've been doing it for 30 years	(0)
		How to revive Iraq's tourism industry - offer newlyweds the opportunity to sleep in the bed of Saddam Hussein. Fail tag required?	(0)
(Some Guy)		Um, honey do you remember that old debt we paid off 10 years ago?	(0)
		Woman pulled onto freeway shoulder with flat tire steps into oncoming lane to flag down assistance, Darwin forgives her...well, the first time, at least	(0)
(Paleofuture)		The coming battle between young and old. And by battle we mean our kids get to pay for our debt. Bonus: it's from the 80's	(0)
		NRA: "Australia experiences mass murder despite gun control." The mass murder in question? The Victorian brushfires	(0)
		Robber quickly learns that there are literal AND figurative meanings of the phrase "use your head"	(0)
		"Psyching" can take many forms. Apparently flatulence can now be added to the list	(0)
		Soccer player carded for farting during a game. Even opposing team thinks the call stinks	(0)
(Some Guy)		A summary on the nature of bailouts	(0)
		Allegorical tumbleweeds are a plague on the US but still make allegorical ghost towns spooky	(0)
		"When Republicans distinguish themselves from Democrats, they do well. When they try to do Democrat-lite, they do poorly."	(14)
(Some Guy)		Female teacher sexual transgressions "rare", "hot"	(64)
		"My administration, is the only thing between you and the pitchforks." That's political speak for "STFU, John Galt"	(2)
		For the first time since 1991, F1 race called off due to heavy rain. It is the fifth time that half points were awarded, and Brawns second consecutive win. They must not have brought enough paper towels	(1)
		200 mosques point the wrong direction for prayers. Fark.com: In Mecca	(0)
		If your police doggy decides to go maul some random dude leaving him deaf and causing nerve damage to his hand, don't be surprised if you have to fork over 1,8 million bucks	(0)
		It doesn't matter whether you win the box office competition by a penny or $72.5 million. Winning is winning	(0)
		The Iraqi gay community was shot dead today	(6)
		With nothing else to investigate, Detroit police crack down on the scourge of organised pillow fighting	(0)
		Paid to Make his Friends Wife Pregnant.. and Failed (Not safe for work)	(0)
(Michael Peterson)		How badly can you make someone fall down the stairs? Beat submitter's score of 303	(21)
(Some Bird)		Bird love Ray Charles	(0)
		The Girls of DOMAI (Not safe for work)	(0)
		Armed and comfortable, massive pillow fight shut down by d-town cops	(0)
		Prince Charles to meet Pope, tiptoe around the whole 'Sacrament of Marriage' thing	(3)
		With all major crimes solved and city blight eliminated, Detroit cops shut down planned pillow fight, confiscates pillows	(0)
		NASCAR Samsung 500 from Texas Motor Speedway discussion and BBQ thread	(4)
(Eagle Tribune)		Facebook is the new MILF hangout. (pic)	(0)

		Monsters and aliens are no match for Vin Diesel and his souped-up ride	(7)
(Some Guy)		Baby showers are serious business as three baby shower crashing thugs get stabbed	(1)
		Florida, for one, welcomes its new purple swamphen overlords	(0)
		PM McSweatervest's War on Science is paying dividends	(0)
		Lawsuit agains Jetblue is gonna be da bomb yo	(0)
(Some Guy)		Hey, let's put baby powder into 79 envelopes and see if anyone thinks it's funny	(0)
		An unusual witness is summoned to appear in court: "He knows something is going on and he's very scared. I'm afraid he's going to get hurt." The witness in question? A parrot	(0)
		If you're raped in a NYC Subway, don't expect anyone to come to your help, specially the booth clerks who can hear your cries for help	(0)
		It sucks go be gay... in Iraq	(0)
		663-square-foot condo in Boston sold in February for $457,000. How do you price these things? Well look no further, here's how you do it	(0)
		Pittsburgh cop killer an antisemite, Alex Jones conspiracy theorist, member of Stormfront; IOW, one of those nuts who though Ron Paul was too left-wing	(2)
		In Fairfax County, Virginia schools, taking a birth control pill is as bad as bringing a gun	(0)
		This years duct tape prom dress story is out right on time	(0)
(Deadline Hollywood Daily)		Vin Diesel sells his soul, 'Fast and Furious' gets the biggest April opening ever with $72.5 million	(0)
		Newt Gingrich says if he only had the chance he'd be more than happy to start World War Three	(5)
(Some Guy)		Dear (Western Christian) God, Palm Sunday is MUCH better	(0)
		Chile con queso, no deseo pesos	(0)
		Soon heard from men everywhere: "It's ok I'm on the pill."	(19)
(Some Guy)		Fark has found its religion, the Hell Yeah Church of Love and Miracles which mixes music, booze and spirituality	(3)
		Diesel-powered "Fast & Furious" runs over the box office competition	(0)
		People who knew the gunmen who opened fire at the Binghamton Immigration Center say they always knew there was something wong with him	(0)
		North Korea fails to activate Photoshop, resorts to MS Paint with predictable results	(0)
		Farrah Fawcett Hospitalized	(0)
		Researchers discover that gradually quitting smoking can help you quit smoking. Still no cure for lung cancer	(0)
		Sarah Palin's sister-in-law arrested for burglary, white trashery	(0)
		Newborn tested for Hepatitis C and HIV after being breastfed by the wrong mom in a hospital mix-up	(0)
		Women's Hockey has made enormous headway this week because of ESPN publishing an article informing people there is such a thing as women's hockey	(0)
		More reasons to worry about insomnia. Its not news, its CNN.com	(0)
		Obama's secret recipe?	(0)
(wwe.com)		The Undertaker puts his 16-0 Wrestlemania win streak on the line tonight at Mania 25	(3)
		According to his friends, the white supremacist cop-killer and Obama paranoiac in Pittsburgh was just doing, "what his forefathers told him to do." Considering his forefathers were probably also forecousins, this may be the case	(0)
		Hello Obama, Goodbye Free Market	(11)
(Washington Monthly)		Fragments of the Religious Right are starting to realize they have the word 'religious' in their name	(0)
		The Wheels on the Bus Run Over the Drunk, Over the- Wait, What?	(0)
		Houston PD continue to realize the wonderful benefits of no-knock raids	(1)
		CEO of French oil giant Total says there would be little point cutting his salary to satisfy critics of high executive pay - since even if it was halved it would still be seen as too big	(0)
		Farrah Fawcett admitted to hospital in critical condition. You can't see him right now, but Charlie is beside himself with grief	(50)
		And so it has begun: The gunman who killed three Pittsburgh police officers was afraid Obama would ban guns	(4)
		I'll see your Beck/Page instrumental and raise you Beck, Page, Joe Perry and Metallica jamming to 'Train Kept A Rollin''	(0)
		Obama outlines his goal to rid the world of nuclear weapons. Amazing Grace and Chuck unavailable for comment	(0)
		SNL's "Like a Boss" -- Samberg gets more milage from his white rapper act by mixing it with "Office Space"	(0)
		Photoshop theme: Celebrities' desktops	(2)
		Reutimann's on the pole; could it finally be his day? Samsung 500 at Texas discussion thread	(292)
		Coca-Cola makes you fat, rots your teeth, and is loaded with caffeine says Australia's Ric Romero	(53)
		Inbreeding takes toll on Michigan workers... wolves... I meant wolves	(0)
		Makers of crappy speaker wire company sue family owned mini golf place for infringing on "Monster" trademark	(7)
		Polly want a lawyer	(0)
		Chile volcano eruption revs up. Sounds like subbys middle school science project	(0)
		Gay marriage will be allowed in every state by 2024	(3)
(MyMoneyBlog)		Dumbest April Fools joke ever: Brokerage firm shows its online customers that they have millions of dollars in their accounts, and lets them make trades with it	(0)
		Two deer walk into a liquor store	(0)
(Consumer Energy Report)		Caught on Tape: Man Explodes Gas Pump, Engulfs Himself in Flames	(3)
		You've asked and they've listened... Vanilla Ice, MC Hammer to launch world tour	(0)
(Some Guy)		Budapest Proclaimed the 'Paris of Europe' - What Happend to Paris?	(0)
		101 uses for a deserted mall includes water parks and wave pools. Not mentioned: crash derby	(0)
		"Miley Cyrus says engagement was a wind up" says this informative article	(0)
		It seems Obama was prepared to take that early morning phone call. Suck it, Hillary	(13)
		Group in Sweden assures we will all have more air to breath	(0)

(Some Guy)		"My son found my special toy". With completely relevant pic of amused infant (safe for work)	(0)
		Cavaliers release Snow, his 13 year NBA career is likely over. Snow finishes with 846 games, 5,791 points, and 3,594 licky boom boom downs	(0)
		Engineers pleased that straw bale house survives earthquake testing. Less pleased when it collapses under wolf huffing, puffing, blowing test	(0)
(Some Single Guy)		I suppose if you must get a divorce attorney, getting one who was a Playboy Playmate would be okay (w/SFW pic)	(0)
		With Michael Jordan set for Hall of Fame, Rod Thorn rememb... WHAT? Who the hell is this Jordan guy?	(0)
(Psych Today)		Narcissism "isn't just a cOmBinAtion of MonumentAl self-esteem and rudeness."	(0)
		Q: What do Lindsey Lohan behind the wheel and North Korea have in common? They're both pathetic, but very dangerous	(0)
		Apple admits its iPhone marketing is bullshiat	(3)
(Some Guy)		In honor of his team reaching the NCAA basketball final, caption this picture of MSU coach Tom Izzo	(1)
(Walter A)		Stuck up rich pricks are not popular today	(0)
		100 tigers killed in Sri Lanka. PETA calls emergency press conference, announces that they just realized it was "Tamil Tigers", who are humans, so they don't give a flying fark	(82)
		Japanese child robot mimics infant learning, will haunt your nightmares forever	(1)
(Some Guy)		PETA hears rumor from someone who heard from someone's siter's babysitter's dog groomer that Iditarod racer killed dogs, runs with it as fact	(0)
		Protip: If you wish to commit suicide, don't post your plans on Facebook	(0)
		Where is your god now?	(0)
		Fairfax County VA school drug policy: 2 weeks suspension for taking a drug prescribed for you at school. High on LSD or heroin? A lesser offense -- with a five day suspension	(0)
		Gabriel Byrne talks about the difficulties of filming "In Treatment," drops some hints about what to expect in Season Two	(0)
		You and your female lover, both fire.. err, people, are accused of sexism by the Fire Service. The natural solution to this of course is to kill your lover and then yourself	(0)
		Japan space council unveils plan to put "two-legged" robot walking on moon by 2020. Japan observers excitedly speculate it must be a girl robot	(0)
		Pornography is to "keep one's mind off sex while one's partner is absent"	(0)
		N. Korea launches missile and the world reacts by...doing nothing. That'll teach 'em	(0)
(Some Palin Fan)		Why They Hate Sarah Palin So Much	(32)
		Robert Delford Brown, best known for his 'Free Cat' artworks, drowns in the Cape Fear River while scouting a location for his next art project	(0)
(Some Guy)		This foreclosure brought to you by a HOA for... wait for it... walking your dog without a leash	(0)
		Social worker, Idris Herring, tackles 17-year old gunman at school. "It was like shooting fish in a barrel"	(0)
(Some Guy)		Viewers shocked and appalled to discover that Playboys new channel contains pornography	(1)
		Stop eating grapefruit, you will lose your legs	(0)
		Obama pitches nuke-free world. Hey, we're just happy he can say "nuclear"	(0)
		You know that papermill smell? It can kill you	(0)
(The Garlic)		Play Ball ... The Best Baseball Primer Is Here	(0)
		Catholic church encourages illegal immigration so they can do the worshiping that Americans won't do	(0)
		Another Freaky Day In Florida	(0)
		Canadian warship dispatches sea king helicopter to thwart pirate attack. Wait, we're still using sea kings?? Arrr	(1)
		"You're F*cking Out, I'm F*cking In" by Kenny Powers (read by Kenny Powers)	(0)
(Some Guy)		Town names streets after characters and places in Terry Pratchett's Discworld books in hopes of appealing to fans of her work	(9)
		Farrah Fawcett in hospital due to cancer, hopefully will not become a Charlie's Angel anytime soon	(0)
		Tragic shooting deaths of three Pittsburgh police officers all started over a 911 call from the gunman's mother over a dog urinating in the house	(1)
		Farrah Fawcett's battle with anal cancer takes a turn for the worst as she's been admitted to the hospital and is unconscious and in critical condition. Buttsecks	(0)
		Iowa sex offender abuses other sex offenders; mugshot abuses your eyes	(1)
(Some Guy)		Todays OMG WTF rumor - Octomom may be pregnant again	(3)
(Some Guy)		Killary	(1)
(Some Gaiman)		Wondering what's wrong with rock these days? Well, here's your answer	(0)
		There but for the grace of God,...?	(0)
(Some Guy)		Last item in this training session. Remember to type the identifying customer info in the MEMO field. Now, here comes Bankrupt Deadbeat and AIDS Crackwhore, let's see how you do	(5)
		Sex researcher stirs worldwide feminist outrage with new book "Just Do It," in which she claims it's OK to say yes to sex even when you don't feel like it	(0)
		Your facepalm for the day FBI agents that have never had to poop at a shady rest stop at 3AM in BFE thinks there might be a link between truckers and serial killers	(0)
(The Business Insider)		Canada's secret plan to save figure skating: Make it seem less gay	(3)
		Seven British MPs slammed for lavish fact-finding trip to New Zealand to investigate binge drinking. "[They] said they had worked hard, with little free time between meetings with experts on alcohol, health and accident compensation"	(0)
		In order to educate the public about rape, Ventura county celebrates Sexual Assault Awareness Month. Rape	(0)
		Office worker addicted to strippers blows £50,000-a-year in lapdance clubs: 'I just have to indulge' [Not safe for work pics]	(0)
		Tom Brady and Gisele Bündchen say, "I Deux"	(0)
		Your Sunday heavy metal house call. Opeth "The Drapery Falls" live. The best song you've never heard	(3)
(Some Guy)		The Tibetan fox thinks he's better than you (Language Not safe for work)	(0)
		Chicago hosts Olympic Committee, snowstorm on Sunday	(0)
(Some Guy)		Billboard showing three praying and one woman smiling with "ANAL BEADS" caption has Christians' panties in a bunch (w. pic of billboard sfw)	(6)
(Concerned Christian)		Doomsday sex cult warns of apocalypse in three months. Waco-style raid to follow in 3...2...1	(0)

(PoliGazette)		"To the dismay of religious conservatives who long to see their faith more fully expressed in public life, Christians are now making up a declining percentage of the American population."	(789)
		"Is porn damaging your emotional health?" Exhibit A can be found to the right	(1)
		Debating evolution in the aftermath of the Texas school board decision: is it really fair for governments to force kids to go to a specific school and give them no choice in what they teach?	(12)
		Sean Avery needs to know this is not Nam'	(1)
		Soccer player given yellow card for farting during game	(0)
		Christian dating site + retired minister = "You look like a bearded lady and probably have pay for sex." Alcohol may have been involved	(0)
(Some President Madagascar)		Madagascar environment threatened by civil war, pandemic	(0)
		Newspaper so desperate for business, executive editor writes "story" defending hairy furniture salesman in bikini	(0)
		Fark really needs a PALIN tag	(2)
		Home fit for a Sc-Fi fan - names of streets on new housing estate inspired by Discworld books	(2)
(College News)		Having two orgasms a week can increase your life span. That's why teenage boys think they'll live forever	(0)
(Some Guy)		Off duty meter maid brings home the bacon	(0)
(Ifgirls)		Peaches poolside (not safe for work)	(0)
(Some Guy)		So you think you can bang?	(0)
		The full bodied flavor of Luisa (not safe for work)	(0)
		British town names roads after Terry Pratchett's Discworld books, so if you find yourself at the corner of Hack Street and Crap Crescent, you'll know why	(0)
(Some Guy)		A-Rod stiill sucks. But his team has a 5.17% chance of winning the World Series	(0)
		Naked rock climbing (not safe for work)	(0)
(Bonk)		"The situation in London where my husband and I had sex in front of Dr. Deng goes beyond the definition of awkward."	(1)
		Obama administration's staff raking in millions from firms receiving TARP funds. What could possibly go wrong?	(0)
(Some Guy)		Tampa Bay doesn't suck. Submitter is only referring to the baseball team	(0)
		You scream, I scream, we'll both do time for ice cream	(29)
		Oh, THE JUNIOR U. MANATEES	(0)
		'So You Think You Can Dance' choreographer Alex Da Silva arrested, accused of 4 sex assaults	(0)
		The other thing you can do with sheep	(0)
		Only in Florida: RoboCroc the Crocodile dies 2 weeks after surgery after car hits it	(0)
		Hey, truckers, blow your airhorn if you're a serial killer	(0)
(Some Guy)		"Barack Hussein Obama used the G-20 conference to begin his turnover of USA sovereignty to internationalists and start the move toward a one-world government"	(12)
(MOAA)		The Week in Review at BotB: Summary: We're Screwed	(0)
		Oral sex causes tonsil cancer. Now she has another excuse	(243)
(Some Guy)		Hey dude, don't worry, this .357 revolver is not loaded. See? I already fired it five times and all the chambers were empty	(0)
(Some Guy)		If Sarah Palin farted into a balloon and then put a wig on it, that would be you	(2)
		North Korean satellite successfully lands in Pacific Ocean	(0)
(Some Guy)		Elderly couple gets car stuck in the mud while driving through the town of Bellair. What would Uncle Phil do?	(0)
		About 25% of people aged 75 to 85 are sexually active. Good luck getting that image out of your head	(0)
		Having Tommy John surgery could extend pitchers' careers - whether they need it or not	(0)
(Some Guy)		Scientists rewrite "theory" of evolution to make fiction more closely resemble fact	(3)
		Obama threatens N. Korea with MS Paint for failing to properly deploy CS4	(0)
		Breast-feeding protest goes tits-up	(0)
(Some Guy)		Former Chicago Bear defensive lineman Ken Anderson dies of a heart attack	(1)
		An explanation of math in song, that may have actually helped me	(0)
		The government of Great Britain is to pay the government of Great Britain a £150,000 fine for its comedians offensive actions	(0)
(Some Guy)		Note to self. Self: If you punch a woman, don't be surprised if you get your sorry ass beat to death. End note	(0)
(Some Guy)		Man who huffs aerosol deodorant gets Axe of death. Now he has a body Tag	(102)
		Should Tommy John surgery be considered a performance enhancing procedure, akin to taking steroids?	(42)
		Uncle Jesse heads to Broadway for revival of "Bye Bye Birdie"	(0)
		Hospital gives newborn to wrong mom for breastfeeding. Hospital officials "don't think that this is a big deal type of thing"	(3)
		Geologist dies in gold pit. Scrooge McDuck taken in for questioning	(42)
		Sunday Heavy Metal House Call goes old school - Black Sabbath, "N.I.B." Live in Paris, 1970	(139)
		Feeling a bit of California driveby envy, eight year old Florida girl dies in her sleep from shots fired into house	(0)
(QCOnline)		After learning she has ovarian cancer, an illegal Mexican immigrant steals a convicted criminal's ID in order to receive Medicaid	(0)
		Sunday Heavy Metal House Call: Cry Me a River	(0)
		Hugo Chavez takes a break from cozying up to Iran to ask "ignorant" Obama for a reset button	(0)
		Obama promises to lead the world into a future that is free of nuclear weapons. But someday they will build a board with a nail in it so big that it will destroy the world	(0)
		Sunday Heavy Metal House Call: Cryptopsy - Mutant Christ	(0)
		U.S. to use UAV for Michigan-Ontario border patrol. They also will figure out if those blips are entering for fleeing Michigan	(0)
		Dog does Yoko Ono impersonation	(0)

		"She's so cold cold cold, like an ice cream cone." Because there is never NOT a good time for The Stones	(19)
		Imxlnt2 Classics 12 & 13: Secret File Albert & Dan	(0)
		Next time you book a flight into Florida, you may want to skip Orlando	(0)
(Some Guy)		Local families discover their water catches on fire. Wait... What? With video goodness	(2)
		The Obama adminstration is crafting ways for executives to bypass congressional restricitions and keep their bonus	(1)
		Newspaper survey of the city's four leading local networks found their 11 p.m. newscast meteorologists were off an average of 5 degrees in both high and low predictions for extended forecasts	(0)
		Farrah Fawcett has been hospitalized last Thursday. Sources claim it's her cancer, but it may just be a cover for more plastic surgery	(0)
		NC State Undergrads develop TB test for that diagnoses instantly, can be read by laypersons, costs less than $1, could have applications for HIV and malaria. Still no cure for drug companies	(63)
		If you're using a tanning bed set up in the shed behind some creepy guy's house, you've just got to accept the fact that he may very well be secretly recording you strip	(26)
		Today's woman driver video	(0)
		Huge waiting list for NH sex offender program	(0)
		Couple who hosted porn site given license to provide fostercare, subby plans on running away just to get placed there	(0)
(Some Guy)		Another Ric Romero wanna-be, this time in Wisconsin, discovers a new-fangled Internet thingy called Skype	(0)
		Bank robberies are up in NYC. Recession, large population, easy get-away aren't the culprits, friendly looking banks are	(0)
		A serious expert on North Korea is seriously predicting an international reaction based on 'Team America: World Police'	(2)
		Now a British politician claims a barbeque on expenses	(0)
		So, just to clarify, you're saying you're a truck driver. Damn it. Really?	(0)
		In this time of economic crisis, the media would like you to remember they are still working on the big stories: Shark bites	(0)
(Some Predator)		Every two minutes, someone in the US is sexually assaulted, which means that Chris Hanson and "Dateline" have an endless supply of stories	(0)
		Celebrity choreographer accused of sexual assault. Apparently, his box step is full of rape	(0)
		North Korean rocket experiences mysterious "failure," crashes into the Pacific Ocean	(0)
		She's from the same planet as the alien chick from Total Recall (Not safe for work)	(6)
		Jimmy Fallon gets in fistfight and is kicked out of NYC restaurant. Immediately does the sensible thing, updates his Twitter account	(38)
(Some Guy)		Pink lips	(0)
		Sunday Heavy Metal House Call - Progressive Metal band Symphony X doesn't let age slow them down and continues to release some of the best face melting melting Metal in the world. Get off of their lawn with "Set the World on Fire"	(1)
		Texas School Admin floor evacuated, while "pro-evolutionist" woman "escorted" to clear out her desk then GTFO	(0)
(LOST Blog)		All of Jimmy Kimmel's "Secrets of LOST"	(0)
(Some Guy)		She makes eating a popsicle super hot	(0)
		Photoshop this LLRV flying	(7)
		US government spends more than $500,000,000-a-year protecting mobsters from...the mob	(0)
		Detroit Police stop fight organized by armed thugs, confiscate weapons without permits	(0)
(Armor Games)		Your addictive game of the day: Redstar Fall	(150)
(Psychology Today)		A Field Guide To Narcissism: The people responsible for making the world a living hell	(1)
		Soccer player given yellow card for farting	(0)
		"Why call it baseball? Granted there are bases out there, but they're only a means to an end. Nothing counts 'til you get back to home plate. That's a run. So why isn't it runball or homeball?"	(52)
		Dr. Wang jokes with the new parents- "I understand you may want to have a circumcision for your baby."	(0)
		Metallica inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Will anyone post the Armani picture? Anyone???	(4)
		Gordon Ramsay forced to shelve plans for new restaurant in Berlin. C'mere DONKEY, you could have KILLED SOMEONE YES	(0)
		Afghanistan, liberated from the Taliban by the West. What to do with those new freedoms? Oppress women with Sharia law, of course	(0)
		Jeff Beck & Jimmy Page join forces on Beck's "Bolero" At Rock HOF, throw in some instrumental "Immigrant Song" just because	(33)
		US military says North Korean rocket did not enter orbit; "the melodies of the immortal revolutionary paeans 'Song of Gen. Kim Il Sung' and 'Song of Gen. Kim Jong Il' are playing somewhere in the Pacific Ocean	(0)
		Photoshop these meditators	(0)
		Where not to look when robbing a 7-11. Right into the surviellance camera	(0)
		Not enough spots for N.H. sex offender program, making for creepiest waiting list ever	(0)
(Some Guy)		Snuffleupagus the seal released after two months of rehab, veterinarians noted that we're never gonna survive unless we get a little crazy	(0)

		UConn's Geno Auriemma: "White [athletes] are always looked upon as being soft." On the other hand, they are frequently credited as working harder and having more heart and desires than other athletes	(0)
(Pharyngula)		Lesbian nurse failed from class required to graduate by homophobic teacher. I'd say more, but you clicked as soon as you saw "lesbian nurse" anyways	(0)
		Good news, Pocono residents. Despite complaints, state food inspectors found no cats roaming inside the China Pearl restaurant	(1)
		Two men arrested after a heist totaling $110 in ice cream sandwiches	(0)
		How logic can get you into trouble, romantically and financially. Spock unavailable for comment	(83)
		There was once a time in America when being a trucker meant you had a cool 18-wheeler, a CB radio, and maybe a monkey. Times have changed	(0)
		"Breaker, breaker one nine, this here's the Rubber Duck. How many folks you killed this week, come back"	(59)
		Fox is FURIOUS that anyone would illegally download a copy of its yet-to-be-released Wolverine movie. Unless it's a Fox movie critic, giving it a glowing review	(72)
		North Korean Photoshop contest fails to achieve desired goal. Maybe they should use GIMP instead	(0)
		One often overlooked positive aspect of legalizing gay marriage: it's a boon to the state economy	(155)
(Geno's World)		Seth Rogen stars in "The Fast and The Bi-Curious" on Saturday Night Live. Two-minute clip is probably more entertaining than the real piece of garbage taking in millions	(96)
(website)		The Pittsford Lynch Mob	(0)
(TMCnet)		"In related news," noted Drew Curtis of Fark.com, "fire might be hot, water might be wet."	(7)
(Some Cringely)		The nuclear accident at Three Mile Island 30 years ago was due to ... bad user interface design?	(0)
		The Blackadder escapes the West End production of Oliver after coming up with a cunning plan...a hernia operation	(0)
		Governments look stamp out "passive drinking"; still no cure for the passive-aggressive Nanny State	(0)
		The most inappropriate headline/picture combination. Ever	(0)
		Scientists find active 'super-thermite' and tinfoil hat particles in WTC dust	(10)
		Star Trek: The Porno	(0)
		Tsvangirai loses another family member to an 'accident'. Robert Mugabe walks off, whistles innocently	(0)
		Sunday Heavy Metal House Call - Unleashed has been around for many years now and if they have proven one thing, it's that they still know how to make kick ass Death Metal. This is "Black Horizon"	(0)
(Some Guy)		Massive natural melons out in the sunshine	(1)
		Woman spends an unhealthy amount of time watching Demi Moore movies...and then tries to kill herself	(0)
		After getting the crap kicked out of them at the New Yankee Stadium, Carlos Zambrano thinks its time to take the wrecking ball to Wrigley Field	(39)
(TheROCKradio.com)		It's been 15 years since Kurt Cobain died. In other news, you're old	(3)
		It takes 30sec to lower the bridge, one minute for the boat to pass under	(0)
		97-year-old jumps out of a plane at 10,000 feet...and his cheeks are right behind him [pics]	(0)
		'Hey, fellas, rather than buying a bigger coffin why don't we just cut this guy's legs off?'	(0)
		Gay men being killed in Iraq.. not that there isn't anything wrong with that	(0)
(Some Guy)		Rating of the most ridiculous sexual distortions	(0)
		Caption this intimate moment between heads of state	(0)
(website)		Authorities: Cop impersonator extorts money from sex offenders	(0)
		Russell Brand blames the media for giving Jade Goody a terminal illness: "That poor young woman would not have developed cancer had she not been the focus of such intense hatred - malevolent hatred - for such a long period of time"	(0)
		Caption this hailing Hillary	(0)
		Photoshop this warranted wand wave	(0)
		Zafira strikes some poses in a beautiful pool (Not safe for work)	(0)
		Another member of the Zimbabwe opposition leaders family dies in an unfortunate "accident"	(0)
		How do you turn Iowa into a tourist attraction? Turn it into a gay mecca	(2)
		Sunday Heavy Metal House Call presents Slayer - "Raining Blodd/Black Magic" Live. Now quit bleeding on my lawn	(0)
(Some Guy)		Lady Gaga: poke her face of butterface?	(0)

		In case you missed it, here's Michigan State's Durrell Summers throwing down a ridiculous dunk against UConn	(0)
		Floating City - The World Largest Cruise Ship	(0)
		Sorority suspended for "severe paddling" hazing. No word on why it's wrong for college girls to spank each other	(0)
(Some Guy)		Employee catches teenage girl shoplifting. Thats a beating	(0)
(website)		Oklahoma sex offenders decry classification system	(0)
		"This meal has the caloric equivalent of 13 Krispy Kreme Original Glazed Donuts; the saturated fat equivalent of 52 strips of bacon; and the salt equivalent of seven and a half large orders of McDonald's French fries"	(0)
(Torrent Freak)		For today's episode of "Who does Fark hate more?" In the red corner: the RIAA. In the blue corner: Radiohead	(0)
(Some Guy)		Step 1: Potentially expose more people to hepatitis than Kid Rock. Step 2: Get a law passed limiting your liability, using comparitively paltry money. Step 3: Profit	(0)
		Suicidal UK teen saved by American Facebook friend, experts say wouldn't work with MySpace as all members appear suicidal	(0)
(The Dollhouse)		It's a lovely afternoon for a snack (Not safe for work)	(0)
		FBI finds possible link between 500 murders and truckers	(2)
		Philly cops enter store and arrest owner for selling small plastic Ziplock bags. Unfortunately for them, the owner backed up his security cameras on a hard drive and caught them cutting the cables with a knife. Now $10k is missing from store	(375)
(The Morning News)		"My favorite thing about the recession is that I'm using all my free time from not going out and spending money on fancy dinners and frilly cocktails toward something worthwhile: organizing my closets"	(22)
		But From Nothing Came Something: Jonathan, Just Because. Four young unemployed New York City artists make a romantic short film with a budget of zero dollars, zero cents	(0)
		The Dark Knight Animated Illustration	(0)
(iTWire)		Enquiring minds want to know: why no Linux for NSW schools?	(2)
		Coldplay: Violet Hill Animated illustration	(0)
(Plug In Music)		Oregon Commission on Asian Affairs pulls funding from Asian American Youth Leadership Conference because of band named The Slants. That's a real eye-opener	(0)
		It sure is nice to know that, through it all, Sean Avery never forgot who he was	(0)
		Wu-Tang Mural	(0)
		Teachers tell parents they're to blame for problems in UK school, given that their children show up "socially undeveloped, increasingly unable to dress themselves, unable to use the toilet properly and unused to eating at a table"	(0)
		Heroes Art	(0)
		As the NY Mets and Yankees open their new ballparks, a NY Times op-ed piece notes that baseball stadiums are rarely good investments. This IS a repeat from 1996	(19)
		Pulp Fiction Animated Illustration: Jules/Samuel L Jackson	(0)
(Some Guy)		New law gives Obama the power to shut down the Internet. Don't worry - it's one of those things that's only wrong when Republicans do it	(4)
		Politician is not against free speech, he just wants to shut down community cable show that criticizes him	(0)
		Kim Jong-Il: "Don't you think that I look like a midget's turd?"	(0)
		Colorado man coughs up 30-year-old nail he doesn't remember swallowing: "I'll probably frame it"	(1)
		Web site lets you rank neighborhoods by how many annoying people would walk past your house	(76)
		Quantum mathematics could refine web searches: "Often great discoveries are made when techniques from one discipline are tried in another"	(34)
		Bat killing fungus on Maryland's doorstep. Grant Morrison calls state to tell them they are too late, demands 100 billion dollars	(0)
(Some Guy)		How to grow grass in your cube at work, using LED umbrellas	(0)
		Five, Six, Seven, Eight, step, step, bend, thrust, thrust, and I'm done. Take a break	(0)
(Some Guy)		Canada ready to pull troops out of Afghanistan after President Hamid Karzai unveils 40lb box of rape	(1)

		Detroit police disarmed pillow-toting citizens about to participate in downtown fight. Pillows were confiscated from disappointed participants, cases were returned. Police then returned to station, had good nap	(69)
		Photoshop this fading girl	(0)
		Company issues press release claiming two thirds of people want machines to give them traffic tickets. Two weeks later, speed camera ban passes with 86% of vote	(58)
		Causing a fatal car crash because you just had to get that last text in? Six years in jail	(0)
		Japanese dude is wearing a horse head mask, then it gets weird	(0)
		To benefit the David Lynch Foundation, half of The Beatles to reunite for performance at Radio City Music Hall. Unfortunately, it's the half that sucks	(55)
		"The complaints about another Bills game in Toronto remind me of union members who watch their plants close rather than give back some benefits or Rush Limbaugh dittoheads refusing to vote for McCain because of principle"	(24)
(Some Guy)		Children's magazine blasted for claiming that all Christians are Islamophobes, even though it's true	(0)
		Media astonished to discover that in the midst of a global recession, consumers are shopping at dollar stores for everything from food to their insulin	(27)
		Jenson Button win Malaysian Grand Prix, even though the F1 race was abandoned barely halfway through due to a heavy dew	(53)
(Some Martian Guy)		Lazarus Long's home for sale	(0)
		Santana: "Legalize marijuana and take all that money and invest it in teachers and in education. You will see a transformation in Amer.....oooh look a butterfly"	(3)
		How celebrities took over the world, and why we need an exit strategy	(0)
		Trees growing faster due to global warming, could fight global warming. Suck it, global warming zealots	(138)
		Choreographer from TV show "So You Think You Can Dance" arrested for sexually assaulting his dance students. Expected to go to a place where "So you think you can put your feet above your head" is more commonly used	(23)
		Womens shelters ordered to help male victims of domestic violence or have their funding cut off	(380)
(LNU)		Conan O'Brien, Stephen Colbert, and Jon Stewart joking around in between takes during their writer's strike brawl	(0)
(Some worried dictator)		What's Korean for "SPLOOSH"?	(2)
		Man charged with killing of "Blues Brother" actor. He was 106 miles from Chicago, had a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it was dark, and was wearing sunglasses	(2)
		Voters are less enthusiastic about expanded government when the tax bill hits them instead of their children	(0)
(Some Guy)		John Shimkus's (R-Fantasyland): "Since the bible says "the Earth will not be destroyed by a flood," climate change is not a threat." We pay these clowns a quarter million bucks a year, folks	(0)
		Are you ready kids? Who's dressed as a pineapple and was robbed in Malmö? Hideki Kaji	(44)
		The 19 worst drive-thru foods in America	(195)
		Don't you hate it when you wake up drugged in a taxi with $2,000 in your pocket and one less kidney than you used to have?	(1)
		If you are speeding and texting, and then slam into a car causing it to burst into flames, killing its driver ..... what is your punishment? 6 years in prison	(0)
(Some Guy)		Detroit Police confront violent crowd and narrowly avert tragedy by seizing their weapons of choice: pillows	(0)
		What do the airline industry and organized crime have in common? They both prefer to forget about their "problems" in the desert	(58)
		Victoria Beckham to make an appearance in upcoming "Spongebob Squarepants" episode, which is as animated as she can possibly get	(0)
		Suicide bomber targets and kills 20 at a...mosque, I guess for preaching Islam? I don't know, you tell me	(0)

		Boston liberals confront loss of only newspaper in Massachusetts	(0)
		Not News: Man gets a DUI Fark: While driving a motorized barstool	(1)
(Anchorage Daily News)		When your life begins with your mother throwing you into a campfire, you will probably have difficulties adjusting to adult life	(0)
		UNC defeats Villanova, set to face Michigan State in NCAA Championship Game	(0)
		Michigan State upsets UConn, set to face UNC in NCAA Championship Game	(0)
		President Obama condemns North Korea's Photoshop Extravaganza. That'll teach them	(0)
		Clean nails are "not representative of the core values of the Massachusetts State Police"	(0)
		Are you bored with your sex webcam business, and now wish to use the financial fruit of your crotch to watch the fruit of other people's crotches? Minnesota says "come on down"	(0)
		Residents tell government: please go stimulate yourself somewhere else	(0)
(Some Guy)		CSI Hawaii: Cops evacuate beach 4,000 miles away from splash zone of Korean missile	(0)
		Jade Goody still dead, goody	(1)
(Some Guy)		Steal our KFC? That's a boiling	(0)
		Facebook implementing feature where users pay to give "credits" to their friends so they can finally feel good about their pathetic, boring lives	(22)
(Some Guy)		North Korea launches a rocket. Team America nowhere to be seen	(0)
(Some Guy)		Victoria explores dunes (Not safe for work)	(0)
		Don't Say The "R" Word	(0)
		Will Wright says most people are extremely narcissistic and therefore, they really enjoy video games like Second Life where they can feed their ego and have it be all about their precious little snowflake of a life	(34)
(Some Guy)		You can call her "Melisa blue eyes" (Not safe for work)	(0)
(Some Guy)		Keira strips down her dress (Not safe for work)	(0)
		Trains know when you're in a hurry to go to work or get back home and slow down accordingly	(50)
		Having solved the city's crime problem, Detroit police bravely step to the fore and stop a pillow fight	(0)
		"Fark still snarkin' after 10 years." Yeah, snarking your mother	(8)
		What do this woman and Eeyore have in common? Neither were wearing pants when they picked up Pooh	(0)
		New Hampshire invites you to live free or die in their state. Just make sure you're doing the speed limit	(0)
(Some Maineiac)		'It's not a drunk fest, it's a micro-brew tasting event.'	(1)
		Biographies of Massachusetts politicians omit the ages of all but one female lawmaker. Crack investigative reporter corrects the oversight	(0)

		Paris Hilton on "The Hills" cast member Doug Reinhardt: "He's going to be my husband." In related news, the wedding reception will be catered by the Centers for Disease Control	(0)
		Australian Supersports Rider Judd Greedy killed in opening round	(0)
		"There was a wedding reception that apparently went badly. Some people were assaulted with baseball bats." That's some fine detective work, Lou	(0)
		*BOOM* Goes the Pakistani mosque. Cheetara horrified	(0)
		Headline: "I Want Revenge nails Wood Memorial at Aqueduct". Kinky	(0)
		Cleveland Sight Center holds Easter egg hunt for the blind. Coincidentally, Cleveland Sight Center's front lawn is now completely litter free	(10)
		Defiant N. Korea launches long range rocket	(2)
(Some Guy)		Obama's stem-cell decision opens door to immorality. The longer you live, the more he can tax you	(0)
		Soccer referee shows yellow card to player who farted as an opponent stepped up to take a penalty kick - he missed. The ref then sent off a team mate who said he was rubbish and later red carded two of his mates	(0)
		Some April Fool's pranks are funny. One that involves placing 79 envelopes of white powder around town with a note saying 'define anthrax' is not in that category	(1)
(Some Guy)		Funny videos with fat cat playing with box ;)	(0)
(Some Guy)		Perla and her big foobies at the stable (Not safe for work)	(0)
		90-year old woman who shot herself in the chest when faced with eviction won't get her house back after all	(0)
		Lions and tigers and bears, oh my. Oh, and pigs and horses and goats and wolves and birds and the rest of old McDonald's farm, too	(0)

		Internet drug ads are all misleading, and the drugs they're advertising will KILL your children. Farkitrol	(0)
		American UN worker held by Pakistani separatists for 8 weeks found dumped by roadside: Alive	(0)
		Not content to settle for the usual "231 cats in a house" story, a couple ups the ante with 6 horses, 3 goats, 7 pigs, 20 ducks, 1 calf, 5 guinea fowl, 7 chickens, 3 tigers, a wolf hybrid, a lion and an unspecified number of pigeons	(23)
		Study urges coastal wind farms, points to Washington D.C. as a good example	(0)
		Mother of the year drugged her 13 year old daughter so mom's boyfriend could impregnate her. I'd call for the mom to be sterilized, but apparently that's what started this mess in the first place	(0)
(Idaho Statesman)		This just in from the department of the blazingly obvious: Society has treated women differently than men when accused of molesting teens	(0)
		Nicolas Cage sells his Bavarian castle. Your argument is STILL invalid	(0)
		Gordon f*cking Ramsay has crabs. "Boil them off you stupid f*cking donkey."	(5)
(Hulu)		Conan O'Brien tells a story (rehearsal footage)	(1)
		"Neither federal nor state laws require food manufacturers to test the safety of their products"	(2)
		Get up you lazy sod or I'll....aaaack Snakes and hamsters are attacking me because I slept in	(0)
		And he would walk 500 miles and he would walk 500 miles more just to be the man who walked 1000 miles at your door	(1)
		The Mortal Kombat team wants to FINISH THINGS with Midway	(21)
		"Who is the partisan whose deeds are unsurpassed? Who is the patriot whose fame shall ever last? Oh- what a glorious name, General Kim Il-sung"	(0)
		Today marks the 15th anniversary of Kurt Cobain's death. Here's Nirvana surprising the Jonathan Ross show with an unexpected rendition of "Territorial Pissing"	(82)
		Wingnut Ted Nugent and Moonbat Michael Moore agree: Detroit isnt a nice place to be. Obvious tag an obvious choice	(41)
(Pussy)		Sandy Summers pleasures her pussy	(0)
(Pussy)		Kagney Linn Karter takes it all off	(0)
(The TSA's blog)		If you have more than $4699 in your carry-on, you might want to avoid St. Louis Airport	(0)
(Some Guy)		Woman gets 6 years for textint while driving, crashing into a line of stopped vehicles and killing one person. Apparantly that person's last text message was "poop is coming out now"	(0)
(Some Guy)		"Snatch Wars" It's not what you think it is, or maybe it is. (Not safe for work language)	(0)
		If FDR had decided to go after Japan first during WWII, we might all be speaking German	(289)

		MTV quick self-promotion ads from 1982 right up till 1999, when MTV was turned over to the children	(48)
		The game show host from "Slumdog Millionaire" will join the cast of "24" for its eighth season. Jack Bauer will have the chance to phone a friend, but he's RUNNING OUT OF TIME	(0)
		Wwwaaaaattttttttteeeeeeeerrrrrrrrr	(49)
		Protip: If you're going to have an argument with your family, make sure you move off the road before you do it	(0)
		Living Beatles reunite to celebrate life of TM guru Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. Dead Beatles hum jai guru deva om	(0)
		Getting a manicure while on-duty as a state trooper? That's an investigatin'	(1)
		Teletubbies dance to Soft Cell's "Sex Dwarf." "Sweet robot-jesus, why is no one awake at 4am to witness this with me?"	(1)
(PBS)		Banksters: How do they get away with it?	(1)
		China wants to give the US a run for it's money	(0)
(Brassy)		Stunning, slim, puffy babe, posing naked. (not safe for work)	(0)
		Not news: Police investigate New York gunman's motives. News: Neighbors say they weren't surprised that he did it. Fark: his former employer is described as "a company called Shop-Vac, which makes vacuum cleaners"	(0)
		Catholic priests to stop saying "good morning" to their congregation because they've realised that they're not	(0)
(DivineCaroline)		Seven Evolutionary Leftovers in the Human Body	(212)
(Some Guy)		Super Street Fighter II Turbo: HD Remix tips	(0)
		Milk, it does a carton good	(0)
		Chemotherapy, apply directly to the forehead	(0)
(Some Guy)		This weeks SHMHC brought to you by Shadows Fall	(0)
		Face scanners at British airports have been recalibrated down to the point that they couldn't tell the difference between Winona Ryder and Osama bin Laden, even if she did the trick with the ping-pong balls	(0)
(CQ Politics)		Paul Ryan's (R-WI) response to Obama's weekly address. "The Democrats' budget spends too much tax is too much and borrows too much from our kids in their kids"	(0)
(Some Wanker)		Photoshop theme: Other euphemisms for 'choking the chicken'	(0)
		Obama administration crafts new bailout programs to avoid restrictions imposed by Congress	(0)

		During campaign, Obama economic advisers were paid commentators, no word on their status with the IRS	(0)
		Photoshop this spectacle	(0)
		PHHHTT .....A Korean missile	(1)
(Some Guy)		Meet the new Nancy Pelosi. Well, at least her face is new	(0)
		You don't even have to like bourbon to enjoy the American Whiskey Trail, but it helps	(0)
		Tom Waits: "I wonder, what is he building in there? What the hell is he building in there?"	(23)
		The Seattle Times heaps praise upon a Fark headline about the New Yankee Stadium (second section of the article)	(0)
(Archie)		This small breasted blonde may well get the blood flowing. (Not safe for work)	(0)
(Some Guy)		Bacon thief foiled by off-duty traffic warden	(0)
(amazon)		Customers who enjoyed this device also like to agro some hydras (Not safe for work)	(0)
(Some Guy)		Spill a beer on another bar patron? In Georgia, that's a shootin'	(0)
		Buses are the new jets	(0)
		New "Miss Wheelchair California" crowned. Contestants for "Miss Amputee California" practice their victory wave... oh, wait. Sorry	(0)
(Some Guy)		20-somethings "get their news on sites that don't produce news -- they just aggregate it. Google, for example, has an active News section. But so do other, more irreverent sites, such as FARK.com."	(9)
		Christ owes back taxes; appears to have eaten a baby	(0)
		I dunno... We can fire missiles any old time we want to, but Obama condemns the North Korean launch as a threat to the region and to international peace and security	(13)
		Lindsay Lohan's career Kryptonite at work: Hours after letting Lindsay onstage with her, Lily Allen is seen in a catatonic drunken state that required handlers to take her home	(84)
		'He commandeered a beer box, flattened it across the bar and drew a capital D. He drew an e and paused. "Hey" he finally yelled. "How do you spell 'destroyed'?" '	(0)
		Complicated mark-to-market accounting reform explained in four bullet points. Saves you some ammo for when the banks collapse, again	(1)
		Life's still harsh for Ringo Starr: Paul McCartney leaves building to Beatlemania-like hysteria while he can barely muster a "meh" from the crowd (with vid)	(0)
		Hunter trying to remove an arrow from an animal gets impaled by the arrow after he slipped. That's why it's easier just to use a gun	(0)
		86% say GTFO to speed cameras in a special election in Louisiana	(0)
		Experts say you're probably keeping your pet rabbit in unsuitable living conditions	(0)
		Having caused, solved all other problems, Oregon legislators want to make sure beer drinkers who order a pint get the full 16 ounces	(2)
		North Korea launches missile over Japan. Everybody Panic	(0)
		FDA now wants control of advertising, nicotine levels and more warnings and information on packs of cigarette, in case there's someone out there who might be unaware that cigarettes are bad for you	(0)
		Eight homes flooded after a beaver dam bursts. America's infrastructure really is in trouble	(1)

(Some Guy)		How the internet is killing the newspaper business. "People will pay billions for sexual content online, but not even pennies for news -- not even when we write about topless doughnut shops"	(0)
		Wait, I think this is a basketball game. Hold on, no. Maybe it isn't. Wait, yes it is. Actually, I have no idea what's going on in this video	(1)
		Man coughs up 1 inch-long nail despite never remembering having been hammered in the face	(0)
		"Scheduling problems" keep Chris Noth from signing up for the "Sex and the City" sequel. Sarah Jessica Parker wonders what could be stallion the negotiations	(22)
		Rick Rolled	(0)
		Angelina Jolie is too sad to eat and collapses on the set of upcoming "Salt," lifts one trembling hand in the air: "..one...kid... just one more...kid"	(0)
		Man shoots five of his children in their Deer Run Mobile Home Park and then himself near the Mucketshoot casino. Your epic white-trash murder/suicide thread to officially kick off April	(0)
		'Wank' is massively underperforming over the last decade, whilst 'cock' is flat	(0)
		C'mon, Sis. Let's go skinny dippin'. Alright, Paw WTF is wrong with white people?	(0)
		Gwyneth Paltrow declares that shampoo gives cancer to children. Scientist roll their eyes, calling her "loopy" and a result of hanging around Chris Martin for too long	(0)
		This Sunday's Heavy Metal House Call is brought to you by Melodic Death pioneers Dark Tranquillity and their song 'Lost to Apathy'. Not that you care	(0)
		Reality show pays for a woman to get 30 hours worth of cosmetic surgery. Months later, one of her implants pops, leaving her left breast like a shrivelled balloon. Reality show refuses to pay for corrective surgery	(0)
		Numa Numa Redux	(0)
		People of Fark, are you ready to kill? SHMHC gives you Kreator's Pleasure to Kill	(0)
		Cartoon strip aimed at preteens depicts Christian boy as Islamaphobe thug. "Hey, whatever your name is, what are you hiding under your turban?"	(0)
		Make that 2 of the current crop going into the Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame for the Utah Jazz-first point guard John Stockton and now coach Jerry Sloan	(0)
		Movers throw out "work of art" at Courtney Love's house. Turns out to be a dead bird in a box valued at £8,000: "Courtney is beside herself"	(71)
		FDA may soon regulate tobacco, will require full ingredient lists on packages of cigarettes	(3)
		Photoshop theme: Mythical characters in the real world	(0)
		Brazilian Football club is to give players Viagra to help them play better in high-altitude cup matches. It's all fun and games until somebody loses an eye	(14)
		Kiefer Sutherland struggles with fans thanking him for making their plane flights much safer when he's traveling: "I couldn't figure it out. If you've seen 24 you'd know anyone within three feet of me dies"	(0)
		Old and busted: who watches the watchmen? The new hotness: who polices the police cars?	(0)
		The classic instructional video on the art of playing baseball, via Walt Disney and starring Goofy	(20)
		Woman who has taught at the same school for 26 years is not allowed to use any more sick days from the district's 'sick leave bank' to cope with her inoperable cancer. "The bank is not designed to be long-term disability,"	(1)
		I'm ooking for an old GIF and need help. It's basically a bunch of zoom shots of creepy puppets. Besides posting that, post your favorite gifs too	(17)
		Kiefer Sutherland reveals that people feel safe around him because they believe he's actually Jack Bauer: "I couldn't figure it out. If you've seen '24,' you'd know anyone within three feet of me dies"	(33)
		An Astonishing Sea Rescue in Incredible Shrinking Sydney. Remarkable short film shot with amazing tilt-shift, time-lapse photography makes Sydney look like a wee, tiny model city	(3)
		The Red Garland Trio tear it up live on Daahhoud, hard-bop style	(0)
(edmunds)		After being denied bailout funds, General Motors decides to go out in a blaze of glory by unveiling another SUV. Bonus: It looks like shiat. (pic)	(134)
(I shoot near here)		$1.1 million in upgrades set to make airport more comforable and efficient. With "we desperately need to increase capactiy" pic	(0)
		Just when you thought you were safe in your home	(0)
		Here's a cat from England that meows with a British accent. Or maybe he's hungry and trying to say that. Whatever, this cat is farking funny	(51)
		Because money was getting too tight to mention, Simply Red sues EMI for holding back the years, and the paychecks	(0)
(n.s.f.w)		She kinda looks like a younger, slightly thinner. much nuder version of Sarah Silverman. Which some of us find sort of arousing. (Not safe for work)	(0)
		When you talk about blues greats, no one can fail to mention this man: John Lee Hooker, doing Crawling King Snake in Germany 1976	(0)
		Big Brother at work: New law forces service providers to record all your calls, emails and website browsing histories for one year in Britain. That's going to be a lot of "Now poop is coming out" Twitter updates	(0)
		John Stamos to star in "Bye Bye Audience"	(0)
		Heavy metal icons Metallica and rap pioneers Run-DMC are going into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Yes, you read that headline correctly	(1)
		How to keep YouTube users busy for hours	(0)
(Some Stoner)		Conserative California Judge and former federal prosecutor says most harmful thing about marijuana is jail	(2)

		Coolio's fantastic voyage to court isn't very punctual	(0)
(My Fox Phoenix)		US Army steals a man's invention, only to make a cheaper version and then claim that his was crap. No wonder enlistment is down	(0)
		7 things you can learn from Carla Bruni. subby can think of at least 12 things that aren't on the list	(0)
(Some Reporter)		Thanks to his investigation of Amish space heaters, Ric Romero shows why he's known for his hard-hitting journalism: "The Amish community would traditionally shy away from the media and cameras"	(0)
		SRV Sunday	(0)
(Some Guy)		Videogame collectibles -- bringing out our inner kleptomania	(0)
(theGauntlet)		Metallica performs as a five piece with two bassists	(0)
		Rockefeller drafts law to give Obama control over all Internet data and sites. First Amendment self ignites. Illegal power grab calls to mind some forgotten phrase, hmmm, what was it? Nationalistic something Workers Party...?	(9)
(Some Guy)		Graphic Designer billed $18,000 - for his own designs	(7)
		Gay killings on the rise in Iraq, where homosexuality is still illegal	(0)
		The murder-suicide trifecta is complete. Attention all other potential entrants: please for God's sake go get some help instead	(0)
		Robert De Niro's former nanny sues him over back pay, that "Rocky & Bullwinkle" movie	(0)
		Gwyneth: "I fear that shampoo gives cancer to children"; prolonged exposure to arc reactors may cause brain damage, however	(0)
		Rowan Atkinson to undergo surgery. Remarkably, it has nothing to do with that turkey on his head	(25)
		Supreme Court halts release of sex offenders. Isn't that the point?	(0)
		Two Dozen More Bodies Found in Lake Wobegon	(45)
(Not Kurt Cobain)		Top 10 amazing holes--Courtney Love suspiciously absent	(0)
		Today marks the beginning of 'Holy Week' for Christians. Of course, the Jews started celebrating a few days before hand	(0)
(Some Guy)		Man U star Wayne Rooney cops to being a huge fan of Harry Potter, is especially fond of the "Squareheadio Cockbagutus" spell	(0)
(Waco Trib)		Weekly dose of crazy from Uncle Ted	(7)
(Some Guy)		The minivan: As sexy as we make it	(0)
		If you're going to sell your computer, there are ways of determining whether or not your potential buyer is trustworthy. If he pepper-sprays you and steals your computer, he's probably not that trustworthy	(22)
		Sex and the City set to return to the silver screen in May 2010. Divorce rates set to skyrocket April 2010	(0)
		Photoshop theme: Gravity sucks	(0)
		"Dear Mr. Obama, our daddy sent out 300 resumes. We counted. We licked the envelopes"	(0)
		Santa Ana florist shop gears up for artistic Palm Sunday celebration. Single submitter celebrates Palm Sunday every day of the week	(0)
(mlive)		"Evolution is not science, it's an angry fist in the face of the intelligent designer"	(3)
		Obama is set to speak on global arms control. Dr. Strangelove reportedly very excited to hear his theories	(0)
		Jani makes me want to die and be reincarnated as a black leather chair (Not safe for work)	(0)
		Saturday night Truth or Dare	(6)
		♫ Police car man, police car man ♫ Police car man hates bicycle man ♫ They have a fight ♫ Police car wins ♫ Police car man ♫	(109)
(Some Guy)		Morocco seeks to carry out 500 organ transplants a year by 2020, proving that everyone wants a piece of Moroccan body	(0)
		Because the Maher Arar affair was such a resounding success for Canada, the Conservatives decide to do it again	(0)
(Some Guy)		Kansas liberal makes death threat against former president Bush. Unlikely tag for liberal living in Kansas	(0)
(Pensacola News Journal)		PE teacher saves mother, her two kids by pushing them out of path of car, takes full impact himself	(129)
		Farrah Fawcett about to become a different kind of angel	(0)