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[Main] Murderous editors, billionaires paying off underage prostitutes with cocaine, ties to the Church of Satan and illegal predatory pricing schemes: just another day in the San Francisco alternative newspaper business (thestranger.com)
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[Main] The RCMP are unhappy with the Olympics Closing Ceremony's depiction of Mounties as people who put on women's clothing and hang around in bars (cbc.ca)
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[Sports] White Sox closer Bobby Jenks experiences "minor irritation" in his last appearance. Domino's Pizza says they'll work harder to get his post-game meal deliveries to him on time (sports.espn.go.com)
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[Main] Like shooting fish in a barrel. Very slow and giggling fish (seacoastonline.com)
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[Main] Parents in "bicycle-friendly" town won't let children ride to school because they don't trust parents who drive their kids to school (boston.com)
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[Business] Tanning salon fans upset that they will have to pay a vanity tax on tanning beds to help fund the health-care overhaul bill starting this summer. If only there were a natural place they could lay and absorb rays from the sun for free (nydailynews.com)
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[Showbiz] Bounty Hunter, Wimpy Kid no match for Alice, The Mad Hatter, or The White Queen (variety.com)
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[Business] The problem of out-of-control acceleration in Toyotas, "almost always lies with drivers who step on the wrong pedal." (latimes.com)
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[Showbiz] Actress said she "wanted to die" while filming Twilight: Eclipse. Yeah, but making that film is a decision that will follow you to your grave, sweetheart (people.com)
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[Main] Analysts believe gas prices won't bend you over like in the Summer of 2008, but expect to be felt up like the town pump wearing a tube top before an Independence Day picnic (chron.com)
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[Showbiz] Tim Burton believes Hollywood will oversaturate the market with 3-D films, given filmmakers have a tendency to run every idea into the ground. Like using Johnny Depp for every f*cking film they make (contactmusic.com)
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[Politics] Protesters called for the resignation of Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin in rallies held across the country, completely ignored by American media because they lack a cute "party" name (upi.com)
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[Showbiz] Why Tina Fey is the 'the sex symbol for every man who reads without moving his lips' (dailymail.co.uk)
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[Showbiz] Robert Pattinson happy to be free of makeup, dignity after "Twilight" (nowmagazine.co.uk)
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[Sports] Not wanting to jeopardize his streak of pitch-less innings, Cleveland Indians' closer Kerry Wood may miss the first two months of the season (seattletimes.nwsource.com)
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[Main] Restaurant closes after serving your mom (cnews.canoe.ca)
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[Geek] Russian math whiz who solved Poincare Conjecture may not show up to accept $1 million Millennium award. Award presenter says there's nothing to sphere (nytimes.com)
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