Headlines matching 'wil'
Mon May 28, 2012
Sun May 27, 2012
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Can Kevin Durant and the Thunder put an end to San Antonio's 18-game winning streak? Will the Spurs have an answer for Westbrook and Harden? It's the Western Conference Finals, Game 1, 8:30 EDT on TNT (nba.com)
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This week's SHMHC will push you, pull you, and destroy you (youtube.com)
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How can you tell when one party thinks it will lose an election? When it begins to argue that the election in question doesn't really matter (latimes.com)
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The Death List: Cars that aren't coming back for 2013. Subby will sob for Saab, the rest shall not be missed (autos.yahoo.com)
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Will the Nats extend the Braves misery? Can a KC/Baltimore game have real meaning? Will the Cubs find another new way to lose? Does anyone not on the West Coast care about Angels or Mariners? Your Sunday MLB thread (mlb.com)
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Will Helio get his fourth? Will Andretti slow on the backstretch? How dusty will it get during the Dan Wheldon tributes? It's your official 96th Indianapolis 500 race thread (11am ET, ABC) (indystar.com)
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"One dolla bid, now two, now two, will ya' give me two? Two dolla bid, now three, now three, will ya' give me three? Threedollathreedolla, going once...going twice...SOLD - to the evil banker scum in the plaid jacket" (thestar.com)
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It's the most open F1 season for over a decade with Alonso dragging an ok car to points, Vettel showing he can race, McLaren finding new and inventive ways to lose points and Williams making a blazingly fast car (bbc.co.uk)
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Unnamed cable reality show trolling Craigslist for South Floridians who have "atypical relationship with food." The things people will do for an Emmy (blogs.browardpalmbeach.com)
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The candidate, from a Dakota state who vowed to advocate, claims no time to allocate, can't seem to delegate, won't abdicate, so the opposition will nominate someone they hope can legislate (siouxcityjournal.com)
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Sat May 26, 2012
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Will Junior dos Santos KO Alistair Overeem? Oh, wait, drug testing already KOed Overeem. Well, anyway, it's dos Santo vs. Frank Mir at UFC 146, prelims begin at 6:45 PM on Facebook, 8 PM on FX, with the main card at 10 PM ET on PPV (withleather.uproxx.com)
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One man's insane 17 year quest to change the name of the St. Louis Rams will come to an end when the team moves in a few years (stltoday.com)
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Paleoanthropologist predicts that evolution deniers will become extinct within 30 years (nytimes.com)
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When you order tomato soup, SIRI saves the conversation, and it will be used against you in a court of law (technorati.com)
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Jackson, MS, schools will soon stop shackling students... well, most of them, anyway (usatoday.com)
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Fri May 25, 2012
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STOP THE PRESSES: Black Eyed Peas frontman Will.i.am admits he can't sing (news.com.au)
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I've played this vid so many times in the last two days I think I'm getting brain damage. And, as anyone who clicks will know, ain't nobody got time for that (youtube.com)
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Will Zach Parise book his team a ticket to the Stanley Cup Final? Will Ryan Callahan pull a Mark Messier? Are the Kings getting a nice tan while awaiting their opponent? Devils-Rangers Game 6 from the Prudential Center (8:10pm, NBC Sports) (nhl.com)
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In a publicity stunt that could be in no way misinterpreted, the Daily Caller blog will be giving away one a gun a week to its readers--but only through Election Day (news.yahoo.com)
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"People unwilling to work seems to be a real moral quandary, as reflected by the Fark comments on the story. Some don't have any sympathy, some think she needs more help." That's Fark for you (3rd paragraph) (businessinsider.com)
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'Expert' claims aliens wouldn't want to eat or enslave us - the first ones we meet will be far too civilized, and will probably want only to serve man (dailymail.co.uk)
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Jon Huntsman, the former U.S. Ambassador to China, calls Romney's talk on China 'typical', and suggests his views will change once he is elected (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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Doctor Who will carry the Olympic torch to Cardiff on Saturday, stop at the shop afterwards for some Jammie Dodgers (digitalspy.com)
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Wilmer Valderrama sued by neighbor for having loud parties, nailing every hot young starlet he can find (tmz.com)
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"We will not let a tornado ruin our wedding, FARK you tornado" (newsok.com)
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Susie Wheldon returns to the Speedway, Will Power tries to willpower his way to his first 'big' victory, Ryan Briscoe is confused by a question from his wife. It's your official Indianapolis 500 Carb Day thread (indystar.com)
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Donald Trump and Newt Gingrich will campaign with Mitt Romney in Las Vegas in what is already being called "the worst 'Hangover' remake ever" (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Judge approves extradition for L.A. arsonist's mother, whose photo will now be attached to every "your mom" Fark headline (mega949.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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In a move that will make you want to vomit split pea soup, The Exorcist is slated to be remade as a TV mini-series (theclicker.today.msnbc.msn.com)
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New SKA telescope will not be built in the Carribean. Jimmy Cliff inconsolable (bbc.co.uk)
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President Obama tells graduating cadets that the military will withstand budget cuts. Promises to keep it down to just one war at a time (bendbulletin.com)
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Got an hour and a half to kill? Want to hear Star Wars as performed be Jake the Dog, Pinky and the Brain, Philip J. Fry, Batman and Twilight Sparkle? (youtube.com)
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Nicole Kidman will semi-erotically pee on Zac Efron in actual scene from actual movie that is real (gawker.com)
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Bizarre legal case involving a mysterious billionaire could force 1 million Quebecois to be married, against their will. Quebecois? (slate.com)
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Thu May 24, 2012
Wed May 23, 2012
Tue May 22, 2012
Mon May 21, 2012
Sun May 20, 2012
Sat May 19, 2012
Fri May 18, 2012
Thu May 17, 2012
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Thumbs, Dolphins And 98 Other Things That Will Not Exist In 1,000 Years (teamcoco.com)
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ATTENTION DC FARKERS: Betty White will be at the National Zoo tomorrow. Line up and take your best shot, boys (csmonitor.com)
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Will Smith's kung fu son gets right to the point and asks President Obama about the space aliens (popwatch.ew.com)
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Team trainers to player hit by wild pitch: "Who are you?" Player to trainers: "I am Batman" (tampabay.rays.mlb.com)
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Newest urban scourge? Geese. Department of Natural Resources: They'll be handled by the coyotes, which will be handled by the gorillas, which come winter, will simply freeze to death (ajc.com)
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In the near future, people will read this article to learn more about the debacle of Men in Black III, which only exists because Will Smith had an idea for a time-travel movie (latimes.com)
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Uh, North Korea, just a little tip? When there is only one country in the whole world that will even speak to you, it's probably best not to hijack their fishing boats and hold their crews for ransom (washingtonpost.com)
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If Universal and EMI merge, they will own 40% of the music industry, turning them into the Borg Collective of music (theatlantic.com)
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Wed May 16, 2012
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Group of clowns to assault police at NATO summit with pies. Guess we will find out if clown death is in fact funny (chicago.cbslocal.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Snooki promises to give up tanning while pregnant, will name the baby Mel ... for melanoma (usmagazine.com)
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I will set your skirt on fire. Is this understood, gypsy? (blogs.discovermagazine.com)
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All the toaster strudels will look up and shout, "Frost us" and I'll look down and whisper, "No" (gammasquad.uproxx.com)
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Not that it will change the opinion of a single person one way or the other, but the prosecution's own records show the Zimmerman had two black eyes, a broken nose, and two cuts on the back of his head the night Trayvon Martin was shot (azcentral.com)
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Haitian immigrant, rescued at sea by the Coast Guard as a 6-year-old boy, will graduate from the US Coast Guard Academy 18 years later (ap.stripes.com)
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If you like dogs, you will love giant dogs (NSFW images below article) (dailymail.co.uk)
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Seattle Police Department claims Justice Department proposal is unreasonable, says it will be too expensive to stop its officers from randomly bludgeoning innocent people (seattlepi.com)
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If you left $15k at Goodwill by accident, so did everyone else (stltoday.com)
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Tue May 15, 2012
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Goodwill gets a new CEO. Early reports suggest she was lured in by an extremely generous used sweater and broken TV compensation package (jsonline.com)
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Completing the somewhat rare Fark Hockey Greenlight Trifecta, at 9pm (Eastern) tonight the LA Kings try to go up 2-0 over the Phoenix Coyotes. Will they or will Phoenix even things up going into game 3? (tsn.ca)
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Will Smith finally confirms that he is not a Scientologist (news.yahoo.com)
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Government mouthpiece China Daily: "Will [popular US ambassador] Gary Locke please disclose his personal assets?" China Daily readers: "Um, here's his financial disclosure statement, right here" (csmonitor.com)
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Sami Nasri (IAC) gives a special shout out to all the Arsenal fans during the EPL victory celebration: "They should celebrate their third-place achievement and I will focus on winning titles" (mirror.co.uk)
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Alex, I'll take "Chris Matthews will bomb on this show" for $200 (newsbusters.org)
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Ousted Yahoo CEO Scott Thompson will not receive any severance package for being forced to resign, and will have to make do with only the $7 million in cash and stock options he got paid four months ago (money.cnn.com)
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President Obama: Economy, not gay marriage, will decide the vote. You Sir, are out of here (hosted.ap.org)
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MSNBC therapy column tries to explain why women don't like nice guys. Meanwhile, Twilight BDSM fan fiction continues to be a bestseller thanks to women living out their fantasy of....bad writing (today.msnbc.msn.com)
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CapCom will re-evaluate how to block on-disc content so they can sell it to you later (ign.com)
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"I predict in the year 2020, New York and other enlightened states will decriminalize the world's oldest profession, namely prostitution. And I'd like to give a shout-out to Billy Ray Cyrus" (myfoxdc.com)
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Will Smith weighs in on French tax policy. Yes, that Will Smith (slate.com)
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You won't BELIEVE what we packed into this video. CEOs Gone Wild. Watch in horror as old white men do lines of coke off a hooker's ass (cnbc.com)
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Serena Williams calls other male tennis players "weenies" (msn.foxsports.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Actual headline: "Vatican mystery intensifies: Bones found in grave." Oh, sure, it may seem obvious to everyone here on Fark, but Dan Brown will be laughing all the way to the bank (staradvertiser.com)
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Comic art legend Neal Adams to draw X-Men prequel mini-series starring Wolverine and a Nazi-hunting Magneto. No word yet whether the Expanding Earth Theory will be involved (io9.com)
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Mon May 14, 2012
Sun May 13, 2012
Sat May 12, 2012
Fri May 11, 2012
Thu May 10, 2012
Wed May 09, 2012
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"Whether it is today or tomorrow or next year or the next, we will win. Gay and lesbian couples in this state will have full protection under the law. We all know it, and everybody in this building knows it" (denverpost.com)
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Will tonight be the night we find out if the Eastern Conference Finals will be a 1994 redux, or will the Caps force a Game 7? Your Rangers - Caps Game 6 thread (nhl.com)
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Tonight: Obama to endorse gay marriage Tomorrow: will divorce Michelle. Friday: will marry Biden (guardian.co.uk)
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Grateful Dead drummer has book deal. Chapters will go on endlessly but people are encouraged to make free copies (news.yahoo.com)
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Will Smith is big in Mexico. BIENVENIDO A EARF (showbizspy.com)
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Anyone else hear Joey from Friends when you read "What you talkin' 'bout, Willis?" Well, you will from now on. Anyway, you should be able to buy Gary Coleman's ashes on eBay soon (sltrib.com)
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Care to have a drink while at Disneyland? Today's your lucky day, as Disney opens membership in the legendary, secretive Club 33 to 100 lucky people willing to pony up $25,000 + 10k a year (latimes.com)
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The real reason Fox is somehow "America's Poison" is because of its willingness to go around the liberal censorship wish list and define what is "fit to print" in a different way (townhall.com)
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Murdering your wife and then claiming that she shot herself will not hold up in court if your wife is paralyzed and can't hold a gun. You probably should have known this, being a judge and all (cbc.ca)
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Andy Pettitte gets called up to AAAA ball, will start against Seattle on Sunday (msn.foxsports.com)
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Tue May 08, 2012
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In news that would have been welcomed in 1997, Gwen Stefani announces the new No Doubt album will be released this September (spinner.com)
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Well the Western Conference Finals were finalized last night with Phoenix's win. Tonight the Devils have a chance to earn a spot in the Eastern Finals. Will that happen or will the Flyers force a Game 6? The puck drops at 7:30 Eastern (tsn.ca)
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Fox confirms Prometheus will be rated "R" for Rehash of Alien (deadline.com)
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New study claims 42% of American adults will be obese by 2030, assuming they live that long (latimes.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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"Sir, for the last time, I will not talk dirty to you. What is your emergency?" (940winz.com)
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Twilight star Kristen Stewart channels a 1980s prostitute at the Met Ball (ok.co.uk)
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Will Smith supports President Obama's call for higher taxes on the wealthy, says that more taxes should be paid by the rich people of Earf (insidemovies.ew.com)
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If Chris Christie gets the VP nod from Romney, it will spell doom ... for online gambling (philly.com)
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Will Wisconsin decide to Falk Walker? Or will Democrats choose to grin and Barrett? Your Wisconsin primary election day thread discussion to the right -- (jsonline.com)
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Vikings release their highest scorer, because clearly there's something wrong with him if he's willing to be a part of such a spectacular failure (espn.go.com)
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This campaign "will be disappointing, embarrassing, and over very quickly, like a hand job in a Bangkok bathhouse" (rollingstone.com)
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Where the wild things were (nytimes.com)
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Mitt "Let Detroit Go Bankrupt" Romney will "take a lot of credit" for the auto industry recovery (huffingtonpost.com)
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"People were even willing to forgo money in order to talk about themselves" (myfoxdc.com)
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When you drink, you pass out in the yard. When you pass out in the yard, your party guests can't see you. When your party guests can't see you, one of them will drive over you. Don't let your party guests drive over you (wrcbtv.com)
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Will Ferrell and Zach Galifianakis unveil competing campaign ads (huffingtonpost.com)
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Mon May 07, 2012
Sun May 06, 2012
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Once again Warren Buffett is a lone voice of reason in the wilderness, standing apart from the small but powerful group of which he is a member. But why the hell is this in the Sports tab? (espn.go.com)
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A stream of highly charged particles from the sun is headed straight toward Earth. On the good side, you are probably going to die. On the other side, you probably will wish you did. It's not time to panic yet, but you should be ready to (latimes.com)
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Tucson news station brags about their new Skynet surveillance system going online; anticipate it will become self-aware on August 29th, find Sarah Connor shortly thereafter (azstarnet.com)
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Soon, it will begin (politico.com)
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Can the Orioles continue to dismantle the Red Sox? How far will the Phillies fall? If the Marlins reach .500 and there are no fans around to see it, does it count? It's your Sunday Afternoon MLB Discussion Thread (scores.espn.go.com)
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Will the brooms come out in LA this afternoon? Will the Prudential Center burn down because of all the candles on Brodeur's birthday cake? These questions answered along with a couple good hockey games at 3:00 & 7:30 Eastern today (tsn.ca)
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Will Michael Waltrip re-live his glory days, or make the race official on lap 1? Will Dale Earnhardt Jr. snap his losing streak? What lap will The Big One occur? Its Talledega, on Fox at Noon ET (nationwide.nascar.com)
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If the awesome pizza and superior hot dogs didn't convince you to come check out Chicago, perhaps this will (chicagotribune.com)
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Porn is so easy to find on the internet these days, the leaders of tomorrow will be known as Generation XXX (couriermail.com.au)
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The coolest images mixing photography and pencil drawings you will see all day (mirror.co.uk)
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Sat May 05, 2012
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"Often, a patient will say to the chaplain, 'No thanks, I am an atheist,' and yet when given the opportunity, will be happy to talk for some time" (ctpost.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Chelsea want to turn Battersea Power Station into a football stadium. Yeah right, that will happen when pigs fly (chelseafc.com)
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TBS says it will pick up Cougar Town if ABC cancels it (deadline.com)
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With Nate Diaz vs. Jim Miller headlining, will UFC's third outing on FOX offer a one round knockout or a five round decision? It's UFC on FOX 3, Prelims begin at 4 PM ET on Facebook, 5 PM ET on Fuel, with the main card at 8 PM on FOX (withleather.uproxx.com)
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| (wmur) |
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Think your flowers will make this Mother's Day special? This man raised the bar so high we may never use the term "momma's boy" again (wmur.com)
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TNT will give us another season of Southland (insidetv.ew.com)
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How many overtimes will get cut off by old ladies in hats? Eastern Conference action: Rangers/Capitals 12:30 EST (sports.yahoo.com)
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RIM announces it will still include physical keyboards, rotary dials on its new line of wireless phones (finance.yahoo.com)
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Trebek: "And the answer is, 'This longtime game show host will be retiring after 30 seasons on the air' (huffingtonpost.com)
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Pima was born in a dumpster, and is now a pampered house cat. But she obviously has not forgotten her roots as she reaches out (literally) to make friends with a wild bobcat. A sweet video just in time for Caturday (abc15.com)
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Fri May 04, 2012
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Will Rondo "trip on" another ref? Will the Bulls remember to play a second half against the Sixers? Will the Nuggets keep the Lakers under 100? Friday night NBA playoffs discussion thread? Why not? Games start at 7:30 ET (espn.go.com)
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TSA complaint levels are down - because the TSA sits on complaints for four years hoping the complainants will simply go away (propublica.org)
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Old and busted: 640k is all the memory anyone will ever need. New hotness: No one wants to watch DVDs on their computer (theregister.co.uk)
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If you live in AR, CO, FL, KY, LA, MO, NV, OH, TN or WV, it will suck to be you this fall. Prepare to be ground zero in the upcoming Citizens United-fueled presidential ad onslaught (electoral-vote.com)
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Romneybot: update Medicaid.exe / WARNING: updating Medicaid.exe will cause Romneycare.exe to crash; do you wish to continue? (y/n) / y (thinkprogress.org)
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| (Jayski) |
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At Talladega this weekend, NASCAR driver Kurt Bush will drive Ricky Bobby's "ME" scheme from Talladega Nights. LGT photos of car (jayski.com)
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The new Spider-Man trailer confirms that it will definitely be the summer's third best superhero film (shortlist.com)
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Thu May 03, 2012
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Goodwill Industries shows their good will and returns what might be may be 1,000-year-old Native American artifact to the Caddo Indian Nation (news.yahoo.com)
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Biologists turn back the clock to understand evolution of sex differences. Cavewomen be SPAWNIN'. Cavemen be huntin' and gatherin' like zombies all up in the wilderness (phys.org)
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Whoever wins the 2012 NBA championship, they will undoubtedly hear "yeah, but." In that vein, Bill Simmons ranks the 20 NBA championship that deserve footnotes, and yes, he gets #1 right (grantland.com)
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Pepsi advertising may only be partially responsible for Michael Jackson's death, but will be fully responsible for his resurrection (hitfix.com)
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When will U.S. house prices recover? Around the same time that you'll get over it (marketwatch.com)
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Carson Palmer will be protected by a giant Wang (silverandblackpride.com)
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Unclaimed bodies piling up in morgue. What will they do? Remains to be seen (kplctv.com)
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One in 10 believe world is ending in 2012, one in seven believe it will end in their lifetime (nydailynews.com)
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Iron clad proof that America will always have a two party political system (dailykos.com)
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Not only will "The Avengers" have a post-credit sequence, but it will also have a post-post-credit sequence (chud.com)
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Hate group claims victory in firing of gay Romney spokesman, says "Romney will do the right thing if it's politically expedient" (pensitoreview.com)
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Sir Mervyn King admits that the financial crisis has indeed a single cause - deregulation of banks. No worries dear chap, your successor will surely make everything hunky dory (guardian.co.uk)
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Watch Steve Jobs play FDR the way you'd imagine Ashton Kutcher will play Steve Jobs (networkworld.com)
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If you're going to demolish a house, a German tank will most likely get the job done (huffingtonpost.com)
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The Harley motorcycle found washed up in Canada has been claimed. Harley Davidson will restore for free and return it... Excuse me, I got motorcycle dust in my eyes now (news.blogs.cnn.com)
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Miss a day, miss a lot. Not only were there 3 games last night (NYR/WAS, NAS/PHX, NYR/WAS (2nd game)) but they were done in time to see the last two innings of the MLB no hitter. What will tonight bring? PHI/NJD @ 7:30 & STL/LAK @ 10:00 (tsn.ca)
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Google is making a huge and annoying mistake: Pissing off Wil Wheaton (gizmodo.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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William Orders, a hang glider pilot, stands accused of swallowing key evidence in a young woman's death. For once, police are closely following Orders (huffingtonpost.ca)
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Wed May 02, 2012
Tue May 01, 2012
Mon April 30, 2012
Sun April 29, 2012
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Will the team of John Cena and Diverticulitis defeat Brock Lesnar? Can CM Punk quit crying and cutting himself long enough to face Chris Jericho? Will Daniel Bryan's match last more than 18 seconds? It's WWE Extreme Rules, 8 PM on PPV (sports.yahoo.com)
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The real reason Jim Delany has opposed a playoff: it will magnify the Big Ten's failure to become a consistent national title threat and diminish the league's Rose Bowl consolation prize (omaha.com)
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Can Power win for the 3rd year in a row? Will Lotus be able to find replacement hamsters in Brazil? It's the Sao Paulo Indy 300 (Coverage starts at 11AM ET on NBC Sports Network) (espn.go.com)
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Bob Dylan will receive the nation's highest civilian honor, the Presidential Medal of Freedom, for his contributions to the arts as both a singer and songwriter. Smart move, President Obama (rollingstone.com)
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IBM to eliminate 78% of its American jobs, leaving behind only executives, salespeople, and employees working on US government contracts that require workers to be US citizens. Everyone else will be gone. Everyone (betanews.com)
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Opera glasses used by Abraham Lincoln at Ford's Theater could bring $700,000. Auction house desperately hoping someone will take a shot at it (bloomberg.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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When robbing a store for diapers and beer, be advised that some cab drivers will NOT drive you on your getaway (with Son, you got a panty on your head picture goodness) (salem-nh.patch.com)
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Savannah Sampson says she does it all for her son, but if her 10-year old finds pictures and videos of what she does, she'd be mortified. Hey, he's 10 with internet access, how long do you think it will last (dailymail.co.uk)
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Sat April 28, 2012
Fri April 27, 2012
Thu April 26, 2012
Wed April 25, 2012
Tue April 24, 2012
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Ron Paul backs CISPA, believing the cybersecurity bill will protect his medication from robots (idealab.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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Unreleased track featuring Lisa "Left-Eye" Lopes will be made available to mark the 10-year anniversary of her death. In related news, Lisa "Left-Eye" Lopes died 10 years ago (contactmusic.com)
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Two men arrested for trying to steal soda machine, will be sent to Pound-Me-in-the-Can Prison (cfnews13.com)
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The Top 10 craziest fights in NBA history: The Punch, Will Smith checking Nash into the boards, Metta Ron-Ron World Peacetest, and 'Melo suckerpunching a cat then moonwalking like Jacko made the list (guardian.co.uk)
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It's official - There will be a French GP next year (en.espnf1.com)
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Here's what will NOT get you fired from the Fargo, N.D., Police Department: a) Having sex with a teenager in your squad car, and b) leaving your squad car unlocked, allowing a thief to steal handcuffs, Taser, ammo and bulletproof vest (duluthnewstribune.com)
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Flying Burrito Brothers bassist Chris Ethridge dead at 65. He will be topped with refried beans, guacamole, sour cream, cheese, and salsa, wrapped in a giant flour tortilla (rollingstone.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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When you're on the run for killing an armored truck guard and stealing $2 million, don't brag about it in a crack house, especially in, well, take a wild guess (cbspittsburgh.com)
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Louis C.K. will have a sitcom on CBS. That's good. It will star something called "Ashley Tisdale". That's bad (avclub.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Tweet: "I still got a warrant in Pearland...Those pigs will never catch me!!!NEVER!" lands woman in the # (wiod.com)
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Oriole starter Dontrelle Willis, assigned to AAA bullpen duty, decides to: A) work harder B) throw extra batting practice innings C) go AWOL (deadspin.com)
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Captain's Log, stardate 424.12. Weather permitting, this is the final cruise of the Space Shuttle Enterprise. This ship and her history will shortly become the care of the Intrepid Sea, Space and Air Museum in Manhattan (nj.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Ceiling cat may watch you masturbate, but high-tech blanket will watch you sleep and create a real-time 3D model of you (futureoftech.msnbc.msn.com)
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Some of the coolest yet saddest pictures of life in the Appalachians you will see today (dailymail.co.uk)
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Mon April 23, 2012
| (Boomstick Comics) |
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The Stanley Kubrick 'The Shining' documentary, 'Room 237' will be released to confuse us all (boomstickcomics.com)
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Ex-NFL players will announce the second round picks of this year's NFL draft, which may give you a reason to even care about it (espn.go.com)
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Will the Brock Lesnar/John Cena contract signing end with the usual brawl? Will Vince order crowd reaction muted yet again? How will two hours of material be stretched into three hours of show? Find out on WWE RAW Supershow, 8 PM ET on USA (withleather.uproxx.com)
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| (Political Wire) |
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Charles Krauthammer: "If Rubio passes the vetting process, I think he's the obvious choice. And if he says he doesn't want the office, he'll find a horse's head in his bed. The next day he will accept" (politicalwire.com)
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Man pleads guilty in 2010 Wrigleyville Bomb plot. No word on the sentence Mr. Piniella will receive (chicagotribune.com)
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The disaster that is Obamacare will save Medicare beneficiaries $208 billion and Medicare itself $200 billion (usatoday.com)
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You will believe..that a woman can fly (lens.blogs.nytimes.com)
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Happy birthday William Shakespeare - born today (we think) in 1564. His later years seemed to have just gone from Bard to verse (huffingtonpost.com)
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Cynthia McKinney has returned home looking for her old Congressional seat, and is willing to capsize incumbent Hank Johnson to get it (ajc.com)
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Extremely rare adult white killer whale spotted in the wild with his black counterparts. The whale appears to be healthy, socialized, not followed by mall security (bbc.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you have a maid, please remind her she doesn't have to clean the outside of your windows, especially the ones above the ground floor. "Once they do that, I think, we will be able to save a lot of lives" (asiaone.com)
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The worst police wanted posters you will ever see. EVER (mirror.co.uk)
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Sun April 22, 2012
Sat April 21, 2012
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Sup dawg, I herd you like weed, so we unveiled a statue of Willie Nelson at 4:20 on 4/20 so you can smoke while you smoke. Dude (philly.com)
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Orrin Hatch falls to the Tea Party, will now be forced to run for reelection (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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Can young Rory Calhoun McDonald KO Che Mills? Will the Martian Manhunter take down Rashad Evans? It's UFC 145, Prelims begin at 6:30 PM ET on Facebook, 8 PM ET on FX, Main card at 10 PM ET on PPV (withleather.uproxx.com)
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Doomed: Eight products the Facebook Generation will not buy (finance.yahoo.com)
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The good news is the "Twilight" generation may finally find out who Joni Mitchell was. The bad news is they'll think she sounded like Taylor Swift (abcnews.go.com)
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What secret is Princess Cadance and Shining Armor hiding from Twilight Sparkle? Did Pinkie Pie plan the wedding reception? Will Derpy bring muffins? It's the Royal Wedding season finale of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, 1 pm on The Hub (nydailynews.com)
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Paul McCartney, David Bowie, and Phish will be releasing limited edition 45s today for Record Store Day. Tomorrow, those same artists will be releasing limited edition coachwhips for Buggy Whip Store day (entertainment.msnbc.msn.com)
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Liquid concrete accidentally floods upscale New York hotel. Officials predict that removing it will only get harder and harder (upi.com)
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Self-driving Cadillacs may be coming by the middle of the decade. Unfortunately, they will only want to drive themselves to the Old Country Buffet and through the middle of crowded farmer's markets (foxnews.com)
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Fri April 20, 2012
Thu April 19, 2012
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Not content to rest on their laurels after developing artificial intelligence that will soon surpass humans at the same time as they're building hunter-killer drones, scientists have now invented synthetic DNA that replicates and evolves (io9.com)
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Oklahoma House Democrats will not hear proposed personhood bill, fearing it would lead to bans on birth control and in-vitro fertilization. Wait, that's not right, that was House Republicans, not House Demo...wait, what? (newsok.com)
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Day 9: Four good games that will have less total goals than Pennsylvania did last night. FL v. NJ @ 700ET, Bos v. Wsh @ 730ET, Phx v. Chc @ 800ET, and StL v. SJ @ 1030ET (nhl.com)
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Opinion from 2007: "The iPhone will not substantially alter the fundamental structure and challenges of the mobile industry." Ya, about that (bloomberg.com)
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Chicken industries will now be doing their own inspections of chickens before they leave the factory. I'm okay with this because big business has never cut safety measures or regulations in the name of profits (news.yahoo.com)
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Greeks upset that their warship will not be allowed to storm London (telegraph.co.uk)
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Instead of teasing fans over the course of ten weeks, Netflix announces it will stream every episode from the new season of Arrested Development at once. See? There is always money in the banana stand (deadline.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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NY Subway cars are bastions of good will, especially for pregnant women. Unless they're Red Sox fans (940winz.com)
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| (Business Insider) |
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Starting in 2015 your car will record every action you take. The government and police will never ever abuse this data or use it for personal reasons. Pinky swear (businessinsider.com)
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You have the right to speak to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you right after I lick your hair. Do you understand these rights as they have been read to you? (myfoxdc.com)
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Dell discontinues 11.6-inch gaming laptop after finding all the hardcore gamers who will play on a cramped system that weighs almost twice as much as other laptops its size, and selling it to both of them (engadget.com)
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Levon Helm, drummer for The Band, is in the end stage of terminal cancer. Subby wonders if Robbie Robertson will take all the credit for this, too (cnn.com)
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Researchers turning cell phones into devices that can see through walls and other solid objects. Oh yes, that will be just spifferistic awesometastic (sciencedaily.com)
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California grape shortage will make consumers wine (cnbc.com)
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After 38 years, 1000+ victories, and essentially creating NCAA women's basketball, Pat Summitt steps down as the head coach at Tennessee. There will never be another one like her (espn.go.com)
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Wed April 18, 2012
Tue April 17, 2012
Mon April 16, 2012
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Cybercrime statistics are wildly overblown, which means we've all been lied to about the need for additional Cyberpolice funding (theatlantic.com)
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Tea Party speaker: "We will not be silenced by f*ggots." Clearly this is a tea-party colloquialism that somehow relates to economic issues. Perhaps he meant "Keynesian acolytes" (huffingtonpost.com)
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President Obama says something that every man, woman, and child in this nation can agree with, will now win 2012 election by a landslide (freep.com)
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Scientists build a five-story building on top of a shake plate to simulate earthquake damage. Engineers say the Sybian Building will help them determine how quakes affect modern structures (utsandiego.com)
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Google co-founder rips Hollywood's anti-piracy effort for missing the point. "When you go on a pirate website, you choose what you like, it downloads to the device of your choice and it will just work" (today.msnbc.msn.com)
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Romney offering "preferred status" to Inauguration for donors who cough up $50,000. Still unsure where the party tent will be set up to get a good view of Obama's swearing in, though (buzzfeed.com)
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Hockey 101: If you throw a high hit to the head during the course of a play, that's a three game suspension. If you headlock an opponent unwilling to fight and then sucker punch him eight times to the face, that's only one (espn.go.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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2Pac swears his "hologram" performance at Coachella last night will be his last (soundblastr.com)
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"Romney sticks to broad attack on Obama in NRA speech." Will the GOP ever stop disrespecting women? (firstread.msnbc.msn.com)
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Eli Manning to follow in his brother's footsteps once again when he hosts Saturday Night Live, will wind up hosting twice and finally be regarded as the superior host (seattlepi.com)
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When will people learn that you never bring a kayak to a swan fight? (suntimes.com)
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Sun April 15, 2012
Sat April 14, 2012
Fri April 13, 2012
Thu April 12, 2012
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Boing Boing thanks FARK for the very safe story of wildlife crossing a highway (boingboing.net)
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Obama blasphemes Holy St. Reagan, says the modern GOP would denounce him as a "wild-eyed, socialist, tax-hiking class warrior". Which is ridiculous because Reagan wasn't black (news.yahoo.com)
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| (Crystal Ball) |
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Larry Sabato releases his first slate of possible VP contenders. Will Romney choose an exciting, unvetted choice or the solid, safe choice which would make the ticket a white bread sandwich? (centerforpolitics.org)
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| (Some Guy) |
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NCAA will not initiate further action against Baylor, correctly assuming that being in Waco, Texas is punishment enough (cbssports.com)
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CIA's secret fear: biometrics used at the border will blow their agents' covers (wired.com)
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Ron Paul is not planning on endorsing Mitt Romney anytime soon. And by anytime, we mean never. As in, "From hell's heart, I stab at thee. For hate's sake, I spit my last breath at thee. To the last, I will grapple with thee" (wrcbtv.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Former fiance of Petrino's mistress gets first class ticket out of Fayetteville, but she will only ride coach (opposingviews.com)
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Meet the Chork: The unholy lovechild of a fork and chopsticks that will prevent WWIII (gizmodo.com)
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Wed April 11, 2012
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Former child star Anna Chlumsky has grown up in a most satisfactory way and will star with Julia Louis-Dreyfus in a new HBO sitcom. (then and now pics) (bittenandbound.com)
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Prosecutor confirms Zimmerman will be charged in the Trayvon Martin shooting, assuming they can find the guy (nymag.com)
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| (Outside) |
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Wild parrots are learning English from escaped pet birds, though the Norwegian Blue remains strangely mute on the subject (outsideonline.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Moms, if you cannot afford to buy your kids a game of Jacks, giving them percocet pills, burning marijuana and a knife will suffice (with 'that's a woman?' pic) (newsnet5.com)
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AG Eric Holder will give The Martin/Zimmerman case a thorough review, likely with the same level of care and attentiveness that was applied to the "Fast and Furious" program. Nothing like kowtowing to Sharpton in an election year (news.yahoo.com)
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I know you stabbed me in the back with an 8-inch kitchen knife, but will you still marry me? (telegraph.co.uk)
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New report claims more repeats will be greenlit in the future (dailymail.co.uk)
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NY conservatives to pro-same-sex-marriage Republicans, 2011: YOU WILL PAY, RINO VERMIN. NY conservatives to pro-same-sex-marriage Republicans, 2012: WE GOT NOTHIN' (nytimes.com)
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Mexican villagers concerned nearby clothing-optional swingers resort will hurt tourism - because the drug cartels, natural disasters and travel warning have just been working wonders (myfoxdc.com)
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Prepare yourself: The Special Prosecutor in the Trayvon Martin case will release new information on the case within 72 hours (nytimes.com)
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A Shakespeare expert thinks the likes of Will.i.am and Jay Z are modern day Bards. "The man that hath no music in himself" (mirror.co.uk)
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Tue April 10, 2012
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Candidate for the most Grandma friendly story submitted to Fark: Tom Hanks will play Walt Disney in new film about the creation of Mary Poppins (hitfix.com)
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Will Vince shove poor Tony Atlas in the Saba Simba gimmick? Who will go messin' with that country boy, Hillbilly Jim? Can Dusty Rhodes' splotch beat Pat Patterson's skidmark? It's WWE Smackdown: Blast From The Past, 8 PM on SyFy (bleacherreport.com)
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Ronnie Wood says The Rolling Stones will begin recording new material this month, assuming they can remember where the studio is (nme.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man sentenced to 7.5 years for making Wild West theme park more genuine (rapidcityjournal.com)
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"I think this will be a process, a process of dialogue, of debate, and in the end I see no other path than decriminalization...as long as the demand exists" (washingtonpost.com)
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| (LAist) |
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Vandal trashes Octomom's car & leaves note "LEAVE CALIFORNIA OR YOU WILL DIE" ...probably not of embarassment (laist.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Assistant drama coach, whatever the hell that is, caught re-enacting Twilight movie with fourteen year old (newsnet5.com)
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Piers Morgan challenges Samir Nasri to a £10,000 bet, saying Arsenal will win a trophy before Manchester City. Nobody wins, because they're both losers (soccernet.espn.go.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Apparently in Iron Man 3, Iron Man will be battling Gandhi (collider.com)
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 |
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Most Asian airlines say they will divert planes from the intended flight path of North Korea's 'satellite' launch because there could be the potential for additional launches if it's a disguised missile test (news24.com)
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| (Some Willis) |
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Joseph Gordon-Levitt made up to look like a young Bruce Willis looks weirder than the hairpiece they put on Bruce Willis whenever he's trying to play a young Bruce Willis. Bruce Willis (filmsponge.com)
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Wisconsin Republican Gov. Scott Walker signs bill to take DNA from felony arrests pre-conviction and create a DNA database. No word on how this will create jobs and make government smaller (jsonline.com)
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Team Obama: "We want Romney to release 23 years of his tax returns", Reporter: "Will you release 23 years of tax returns?", Team Obama: "Uh, no" (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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Mon April 09, 2012
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|
An interview with Darwyn Cooke, the man who will make the Watchmen prequels better than the original story (rollingstone.com)
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 |
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The Three Stooges are hosting WWE Monday Night Raw, because that's the best way to follow up the return of Brock Lesnar. Hopefully, Bret Hart will smack Will Sasso around again and tell him to quit pretending to be Curly. 9 PM on USA (examiner.com)
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| (Some Well Done Zombie) |
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New restaurant in Mesa, Arizona to open on Friday the 13th and will offer dinner, drinks and the undead, cooked to your liking (myfoxphoenix.com)
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| (Charlotte Observer) |
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Citing her job, Hillary Clinton will skip the National Democratic Convention. Presumably, she's referring to her job as president in 2016 (charlotteobserver.com)
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Your mama's so fat, her kids will grow up to be computer programmers (vitals.msnbc.msn.com)
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Why this country is doomed: People are flocking to the Thomas Kinkade "gallery" at their local malls and buying out their mechanically reproduced prints, convinced they will soar in value now that the "artist" has died (news.yahoo.com)
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Listen, and understand...Santorum is still out there. He can't be bargained with. He can't be reasoned with. He doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And he absolutely will not stop, ever. Well, at least until the convention (politico.com)
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Microsoft will buy over 800 patents belonging to AOL for $1 billion. The last thing we need is for Microsoft to have access to the YOU'VE GOT MAIL voice (chicagotribune.com)
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Nanny state ready to give graphic music videos an 18 rating to keep children watching them. Yeah that will stop them alright (dailymail.co.uk)
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Sun April 08, 2012
Sat April 07, 2012
Fri April 06, 2012
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Steve Gleason: "I didn't okay the release of the Gregg Williams audio". Everyone else: "We don't really think it friggin' matters whether you authorized it or not" (nfl.com)
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William, Shatner, is, a, cyborg, and, other, William, Shatner, myths, and, conspiracy, theories (trutv.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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X-Files writer wants to believe there will be a third movie (screendaily.com)
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Republican lawmakers receive a knitted uterus in the mail as a form of protest---sort of an "If I give you one, will you stay out of mine?" gesture (news.yahoo.com)
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Thu April 05, 2012
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Captain America will return to throw his mighty shield on 3 April 2014 (deadline.com)
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Nothing will one day let a grown son get to know his dad, dying of ALS, than a defensive coordinator urging his players to injure players. Sad tag trumps follow-up (profootballtalk.nbcsports.com)
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Jon Huntsman, who endorsed Mitt Romney after dropping out, will not campaign for Mitt Romney in the general election (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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Protip: If you are going to spend £10billion on refuelling planes make sure they will work on your fighter jets (dailymail.co.uk)
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Three SNL cast members who obviously have never watched a Chevy Chase movie will quit to pursue film careers (nydailynews.com)
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| (Some Stat Geek) |
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Baseball Reference adds 350 verified Twitter accounts to its invaluable player pages. For the record, Ted Williams' head can't tweet (sports-reference.com)
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| (Boomstick Comics) |
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HBO creates new series based on This American Life segment. Owen Wilson involved (boomstickcomics.com)
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The underlying question behind this years' otherwise entertaining GOP primary season is when (not if) the religious right will move on from the Republican-in-name-only Republican Party (thedailybeast.com)
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Terror leader dares the US to come and get him, at a public press conference: "I will be in Lahore tomorrow. America can contact me whenever it wants to," US Special Forces: "Challenge accepted" (news.yahoo.com)
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This may come a a shock to you, but legal experts say that the federal judge who ordered the administration to "clarify" Obama's remarks on judicial review , is a partisan hack who has wildly overstepped his authority (cnn.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Threatening the president will get you a $250,000 fine, five years in jail, no bail, a mental exam, and funny lips (thedaleygator.wordpress.com)
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| (Times Free Press) |
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Is this the end of the American Gold Rush? If so, will Glenn Beck have to be put on suicide watch? (timesfreepress.com)
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10 reasons naked mole rats will inherit the Earth. Apparently looking like a wang is an evolutionary advantage (io9.com)
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Will Paul Ryan be the new Sarah Palin? Depends on how good he looks in an American Flag bikini while toting a rifle (nytimes.com)
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Pre-game locker room audio from Saints v 49ers. Before final game, Gregg Williams urged Saints to injure 49ers. This is more than just a pep talk folks. (Not safe for work Language) (youtube.com)
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Just when you thought we'd reached the nadir of Adam Sandler films, a sequel to Grown-Ups is in the works, and the human alpaca that is Taylor Lautner will be in the cast (huffingtonpost.com)
|
Wed April 04, 2012
Tue April 03, 2012
Mon April 02, 2012
 |
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Maryland car dealer will install $8 door guards on your new car for you. For $1,495 (jalopnik.com)
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| (Some Joker) |
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I demand payment of 1 million dollars or I will blow up the hospital. I'm the goddam Batman (bangordailynews.com)
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AFA Foods, known better as the company that produces the perfectly tasty but unfortunately dubbed pink slime is filing Chapter 11 because some asshole TV chef started a completely fabricated frenzy. Thousands will be jobless as a result (chicagotribune.com)
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"I want to go back to Yellowstone. I don't think my husband will ever want to go back there, so I'll have to wait until he croaks," says toughest woman in the world (slate.com)
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ICE operation nails 271 alien arrests. Will it ever stop? Yo, I don't know (articles.orlandosentinel.com)
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In a move totally not due to Tim Tebow, the Jets will be on HBO's Hard Knocks again (espn.go.com)
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Calif. set to release $68.4B high-speed rail plan because it will help (a) the impoverished travel affordably between SF and LA, (b) the environment, as people will choose this over their cars, or (c) the contractors (abcnews.go.com)
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RNC Chairman Reince Priebus claims the recall in Wisconsin of a Republican will turn the state against Obama (politico.com)
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Amazon won't be able to offer cheap tablets forever, except that they will, and they'll lose money on them except when they're making money off them (computerworld.com)
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On Monday, 10 new items will mark Burger King's biggest menu expansion since the chain opened its doors in 1954. Where is your god now? (courant.com)
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Ashton Kutcher will play Steve Jobs in an upcoming biopic (huffingtonpost.com)
|
Sun April 01, 2012
| (Some Guy) |
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There are 1.3 billion cattle in the world today, and they all descended from a small herd of 80 wild ox domesticated about 10,000 year ago (summitcountyvoice.com)
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Will Big Bossman's ghost help Jericho drag CM Punk's daddy's coffin away? How many hours will Undertaker's intro take? Can Sheamus become World Heavyweight Fella? Will Brock Lesnar appear? It's Wrestlemania 28, 7 PM on PPV (bleacherreport.com)
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Administration lawyers are concerned about an activist Supreme Court. Reagan Administration lawyers. And they are worried that an activist court will throw out Obamacare (latimes.com)
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| (Boomstick Comics) |
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Lucas will finally release the unaltered original Star Wars films on bluray. Nerds rejoice (boomstickcomics.com)
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Nudists campaigning for beach near the home of Prince William and Kate Middleton to be officially recognized as a nudist beach. However, like most nudists, they are having serious issues with sagging support (thedailybeast.com)
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Can Helio continue to win? Will Lotus need a new supply of hamsters in wheels to keep their engines running? Find out today at the Honda Indy Grand Prix of Alabama starting at 2PM EDT (espn.go.com)
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The most terrifying video you will see all day: the evolution of Lindsay Lohan's face over the years. Safe for work, but not your soul (huffingtonpost.com)
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The best cover of Hall and Oates 'I Can't Go For That' that you will hear today (youtube.com)
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Create your own dream band. Vocalist, lead guitar, rhythm guitar, bassist, drummer, and a wild card if needed (thinkgeek.com)
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Hide or this storm will farking kill you (kansascity.com)
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Sat March 31, 2012
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Man buried in bogus parking tickets by estranged wife's cop friends will be allowed to sue police officers and city (thenewspaper.com)
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I don't know what the hell an MTV is, but I do know that Florence + The Machine are getting "Unplugged" for it. I also know that Queens of the Stone Age's Josh Homme will join Florence for a cover of "Jackson" (news.yahoo.com)
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Famed ultramarathoner Micah True, featured in "Born To Run", missing in New Mexico wilderness. Tramps like us, babe (huffingtonpost.com)
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On April 7, at age 49, Jamie Moyer will start a game for a team that didn't exist until 7 years after he was drafted (sports.yahoo.com)
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Spaceman candidate allowed to call himself 'astronaut' on ballot. Other candidates protest, fearing they will be required to list their occupations (space.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Games Workshop cancels the Warhammer 40k MMO and decides that it will no longer support Warhammer tournaments, the main way it promotes its overpriced products (theback40k.blogspot.com.au)
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Someone in Maryland will soon realize that they are the most popular person on the entire planet, and if they were smart, we'd never ever hear of them again for the rest of their natural life (wrcbtv.com)
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Fri March 30, 2012
Thu March 29, 2012
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For 12,000 dollars, a Houston restaurant is offering a 10 course meal based on what Titanic passengers ate during the maiden voyage. Ice and Saltwater will be served after dessert (news.yahoo.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Horse-drawn buggy rear ends a school bus. When will this rein of terror end? (news-leader.com)
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| (KAAL) |
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13 year old boy who killed his mom also sexually assaulted her. For an encore, he will gouge his own eyes out (austin.kaaltv.com)
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Bored of burning money, cars & servants, this year, tomb sweepers will be mostly burning iPads. Because the dead like their tablets (theregister.co.uk)
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The Rise Of Draw Something. It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you draw 'dead' (shortlist.com)
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Robot will help stroke patients. I just hope the nurse tells it to be gentle (physorg.com)
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| (IEEE Spectrum) |
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RoboBonobo: giving apes control of their own robot. This will end well (spectrum.ieee.org)
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Pack of wolves vie for a woman's attention. Still a better love story than Twilight (youtube.com)
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The creepiest real-life Barbie that you will see today (w/creepy-ass pics) (buzzfeed.com)
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Carson Daly ensures he will never work in Hollywood again (tmz.com)
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Friends will help you move. Real friends will help you move by hauling all your possessions across town using only bicycles (seattlepi.com)
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Wed March 28, 2012
Tue March 27, 2012
Mon March 26, 2012
Sun March 25, 2012
Sat March 24, 2012
Fri March 23, 2012
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People, forging IDs, disturbing the peace, resisting arrest and thieving is no way to go through life. But it will land you in this week's Mugshot Roundup (thesmokinggun.com)
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The rise of e-readers will reduce one specific sort of snobbery: sneering at your neighbor's reading choice on public transportation (blogs.telegraph.co.uk)
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| (GBTV) |
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One of the dumbest discussions you will ever witness: Glenn Beck and Jerry Boykin discuss how "Kony 2012" is a Soros-backed effort that will turn Kony into a Che Guevara-like figure (web.gbtv.com)
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If Obama and the Democratic Party will not use their power to close the inequality gap right here in their own playpen, how do they remain credible in Middle America? (realclearpolitics.com)
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Rays player charged with DUI, hit-and-run. No witnesses, lawyer unwilling to cross bridge (content.usatoday.com)
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Soon Google will be tailoring advertisements to the background noise on your cell phone calls. This could prove to be interesting during those trips to the strip club (dailymail.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
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The Hangover Part III will be the merciful end of the series, until the producers realize they can make more money should they make a fourth movie (vulture.com)
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Rod Blagojevich's hair will turn gray while he's in prison, hopes his new cellmate is not there just for men (nydailynews.com)
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Dopes and Changes for the worse: "The U.S. intelligence community will now be able to store information about Americans with no ties to terrorism for up to five years under new Obama administration guidelines" (npr.org)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Protip for the disabled - Do not leave your wheelchair unattended. Society HAS crumbled and your wheelchair WILL be stolen (bangordailynews.com)
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The next Star Wars novel by Timothy Zahn, Scoundrels, will focus on Han Solo and have a Usual Suspects vibe (shelf-life.ew.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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♫ And IIIII-eeee-IIIIII -eeee-IIIIIIII will alwaaaays ....glrrrrblgluh glrrrbity glrrrb ♫ (todayentertainment.today.msnbc.msn.com)
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Thu March 22, 2012
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"American media terrorizes people far more than the actual so-called terrorists" Says Glenn Greenwald. But be sure to check out his other article "Obama is a murderous sociopath" who will kill you in your sleep (salon.com)
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For all you iFanbois who just bought the last iPhone, the next one will be bigger and better, so there (reuters.com)
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Nine years and 150 pounds after appearing in Playboy, Carnie Wilson had her stomach reduced to golf ball size yet again. She hopes to land another photo shoot with the men's mag and/or live to see 50. (w/pics) (bittenandbound.com)
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Reason #4080 why Congress gets nothing done: Senator promises filibuster over US Post Office changes while Maryland and Delaware fight over which side of the state line their west bumfark post office will be (baltimoresun.com)
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Mike Wallace looking for Larry Fitzgerald money. I really doubt 60 Minutes will meet that demand (profootballtalk.nbcsports.com)
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| (Heritage Foundation) |
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Good news for business owners and taxpayers. The 120 new federal regulations enacted last year will only cost you $1 billion a year for the next 15 years. Bonus: The Department of Justice says "You'll get over it" (blog.heritage.org)
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Well, at least Rex Ryan will probably have a couple weeks grace period before somebody 'Tebows' him...oh...nevermind (w/ video) (myfoxdc.com)
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Safeway will no longer sell "pink slime" beef products. Gray holographic shimmering pork still available (big1059.com)
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Chipper Jones will end his Hall of Fame career after this season (blogs.ajc.com)
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Welsh sheep are no longer radioactive, the government announces, which is good news for locals who will no longer have to explain why their crotches are glowing (bbc.co.uk)
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Listen, and understand. Goldman Sachs is out there. They can't be bargained with. They can't be reasoned with. They don't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And they absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are fired (cnbc.com)
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Ben Bernanke says the gold standard would not solve U.S economic problems. Finding a gold mine with $15 trillion in bullion, however, will (reuters.com)
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You will believe a man can fly (youtube.com)
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| (Kentucky Forward) |
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Kentucky Forward notes that LexCon 2012 will have appearances by nerds, comics, toys and everyday people including FARK's Drew Curtis (kyforward.com)
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Wed March 21, 2012
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Have a son or else you will probably get divorced: 7 ways to save your marriage (mentalfloss.com)
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Will Drew Brees suffer another potentially career-ending injury while on a Franchise-Tag? Will Tebow be raptured from the pocket? Will Seabass drink himself into a coma? It's the Madden '13 cover vote (espn.go.com)
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Nationals announce that Stephen Stasburg will get the Opening Day start, blow out his arm five days later (espn.go.com)
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Oh, to tread the hallowed halls of academia, to continue the ancient tradition of Universitas, to get wild-ass drunk and smash an Oldsmobile (youtube.com)
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Little Rock to rename airport in honor of Bill and Hillary Clinton. What will the new name or IATA code be? (news.yahoo.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Some things in life are just inevitable... the sun rises, the seasons change, and FARK's favorite spray paint connoisseur, Patrick Tribett, will be arrested for huffing paint (wvjails.info)
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A fool sees not the same tree that a wise man sees. -William Blake (cdn.theatlantic.com)
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Watch a blond try to reason through how long it will take to travel 80 miles while driving at a rate of 80 mph. Difficulty: involve running time, vehicle weight, tire pressure and "whacking it in half" (youtube.com)
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Florida: Where if the gators, pythons, rabid otters, lionfish, chupacabras, skunk ape, or citizen crime watchers don't get you, the feral monkeys will (mysuncoast.com)
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Tue March 20, 2012
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Tonight at 10: Some washed up TV actor hates gays, and Kim Kardashian takes offense at being called stupid. 46Iraqisdiedinexplosions. NEXT, on Toddlers and Tiaras: Will Honey Boo Boo Child beat Neglected Naomi? (latimesblogs.latimes.com)
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Will Santorum be awash in defeat? Will Romney sweep the state? Will voters remember Gingrich and the other guy? It's your official Illinois Primary discussion thread. No word on who the dead will vote for (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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U.S. dumps toxic mortgages it bought back when we were trying to avoid a recession. Your grandchildren will have to pay off the ... uh... $25,000,000,000 profit the Treasury just landed on that deal. Wait, win? (nytimes.com)
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Public employee unions fear political shift in N.J. Supreme Court. Alternative headline: Public employee unions fear political shift in N.J. Supreme Court will not kowtow to their every whim and give away the statehouse (nj.com)
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Why is Nokia is called Nokia? Is it A) Named after its founders B) Named after a town in Finland or C) The noise you will be making, when you next go for an MRI scan, if they bring magnetic tattoos to market (livescience.com)
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Dr. Ur identifies ancient sites in modern Syria and Iran thru satellite imagery, will continue looking this Sumer (bbc.co.uk)
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Asking for a Brazilian wax will result in a police call if you're wearing blue pantyhose and are male (freep.com)
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Charlie Sheen's character will be coming back to 'Two and a Half Men'...in ghost form...and will be played by Kathy Bates (hitfix.com)
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Apparently, William Shakespeare spoke Amurikun. FARK yeah (telegraph.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Aaron Paul tweets that "Breaking Bad" will return in July. "Make sure u wear your diapers because I'm pretty sure u will (bleep) yourself" (theclicker.today.msnbc.msn.com)
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Mon March 19, 2012
Sun March 18, 2012
Sat March 17, 2012
Fri March 16, 2012
Thu March 15, 2012
Wed March 14, 2012
Tue March 13, 2012
Mon March 12, 2012
Sun March 11, 2012
Sat March 10, 2012
Fri March 09, 2012
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Losing to Northwestern, Penn State, Iowa, and Nebraska may be acceptable in football, but in basketball, you will probably get fired (sportsillustrated.cnn.com)
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In a world where Obama was king... when your life is no longer your own... when everything you know is wrong... a robot renegade candidate will emerge and unite his people in defense of liberty (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com)
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| (digitaljournal) |
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"If you want to make money on the Greek situation, start making bets on which new bit of stupidity will happen next" (digitaljournal.com)
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Ford announces it will help the recent victims of tornadoes in the Midwest, presumably by giving them reliable vehicles like a Camry or 4Runner (wxyz.com)
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Banning corporate campaign contributions will make Washington a glittering beacon of honest dealing, right? Let's ask India about that; they've had a ban for 45 years and hello there, Mr. Law Of Unintended Consequences (washingtonpost.com)
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Wes Anderson's 'Moonrise Kingdom' to debut at Cannes. Come for the Ed Norton, Bruce Willis and Bill Murray, stay for the Tilda Swinton, Harvey Keitel and Frances McDormand (guardian.co.uk)
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Starbucks to join last decade, will sell a single-cup coffee machine starting in the fall (huffingtonpost.com)
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"Welcome to American Airlines Flight 2332. We will serving drinks and snacks shortly after takeoff and our on-board entertainment will be Final Destination 5, performed by the flight crew. Enjoy" (suntimes.com)
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Much like a dying, bloated whale crashing onto a sandy shore to bask in the sun during its final moments of life, only to be stared at by horrified onlookers, Britney Spears will be heading to the judge's table on X-Factor (huffingtonpost.com)
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This last solar storm was pretty much a dud. But don't worry, there will be plenty to panic about soon enough (ca.news.yahoo.com)
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Wednesday March 7th, 2012: The first sighting in the wild of the "If candidate X can't stand up to {name of domestic partisan blowhard} how can he possibly stand up to {name of scary foreign leader}?" line in the 2012 campaign (news.yahoo.com)
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| (Post-Gazette) |
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University study entitled "Censorship and Deletion Practices in Chinese Social Media" narrows down a list of 295 words that will get your message deleted in China including Falun Gong, brainwash, and iodized salt (post-gazette.com)
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| (Some Idiots in Utah) |
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It's so obvious; if we just teach kids not to have sex then the teen pregnancy rate will drop. Why has no one ever thought of this before? (theblaze.com)
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Thu March 08, 2012
| (Mancave Daily) |
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There's a place in Dallas that will let you beat on stuff to relieve stress and, no, it's not the Dallas PD (mancavedaily.newyork.cbslocal.com)
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You have 54 new messages. *BEEEP* Hello, this is the city of Hollywood, Florida. Please remove your obnoxious signs or we will keep calling you again and again and again and again (sun-sentinel.com)
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New fully-operational Death Star given green light to fire at will at anyone. Whoever is manning the helm of this thing must have the best job in the world (washingtonpost.com)
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Reality 'Teen Mom' Amber Portwood will have to explain to the judge why she was suddenly unable to pee on demand when she's been practicing her craft successfully for months (bittenandbound.com)
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The coolest portraits created with soot you will see all day (thesun.co.uk)
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US envoy said to be 'confident' Best Korean food aid will go to those who 'really need it,' like those impoverished, starving generals and members of the inner circle of government (reuters.com)
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Leave it up to Volvo to develop an airbag that will deflect pedestrians when you plow into them (bottomline.msnbc.msn.com)
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| (Syracuse.com) |
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Aaron Sorkin will deliver commencement speech at Syracuse University this Spring. The speech will be delivered during a walking tour through campus hallways and include a lengthy aside about a Gilbert and Sullivan musical (syracuse.com)
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Good news: NBC and YouTube team up to stream every 2012 Olympic event live. Bad news: NBC will probably figure out a way to require you to install Silverlight nonetheless (gizmodo.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Symantec's "lost" cell phone experiments proves one thing: don't lose your phone. Not only will you likely never see it again, but everything on it will get accessed (digitallife.today.msnbc.msn.com)
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Being drunk in a Wendy's drive through and telling the workers that you just saved them from being robbed by three imaginary people will not get you a free burger. It does, however, get you a free jail cell (wptv.com)
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Tony Dungy: Peyton Manning's neck injury first caused by Greg Williams' endorsed "BountyGate" hit in 2006 (indystar.com)
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The fifteen nerdiest Saturday Night Live skits. Say what you will, but Love Boat: The Next Generation starring Captain Jean-Luc Picard could have worked (toplessrobot.com)
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If all truly tolerant Americans do not speak out against the liberals' claim for a special place for the liberal faith in America and vote against the politicians who support this new America, then America will end up being a sharia state (americanthinker.com)
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Dallas Fark Party, TONIGHT at Jack Daniels Bar and Grill. Starts 6PM - Drew will be there - ALL WELCOME (fark.com)
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Whitney Houston's will leaves all assets to Bobbi Kristina. Legal experts hope it's not all in vein (dailymail.co.uk)
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Greece only hours away from defaulting, or if the admins have been drinking, already will have by the time this gets greenlit (theage.com.au)
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Stop me if you've heard this before, but Jose Canseco tests positive for banned substance, will not play in Mexican league (chicagotribune.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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University and corporate licensee hopes new drug delivery system and possible cancer cure will draw your attention away from the "humanized cobra venom" (bigislandvideonews.com)
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Wed March 07, 2012
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Pre-kids: My snowflakes will have no TV, no fast food, no disposable diapers, and no temper tantrums unlike YOUR unruly kids. Post-kids: LOL J/K (huffingtonpost.com)
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"Hey, Temple?" This is the Big East Conference calling, we are sorry that we kicked you out after 2004, but we really need football members so we will let you back in this coming season" (content.usatoday.com)
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Can Arsenal pull off a miracle at the Emirates? Will Zenit try to sneak Arshavin into the match? Could any of us even find Nicosia on a map? All that, plus some Spanish team plays some German team. It's your midweek Champions League thread (bbc.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Kids: You need to MAINTAIN at the party. If you pass out, your drunken friends will carry you to the car and kill you on the way home. Actually, they'll kill you and themselves, along with some other random drunk guy. This story is a mess (hometownannapolis.com)
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There is a new sex tape floating around, and you will never guess which hot celebrity is featured in it (tmz.com)
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Monkees will not attend Davy Jones' funeral. Yoko relieved (huffingtonpost.com)
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There's people who like to talk football, people who will argue about football, and then there's this guy (nwfdailynews.com)
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Laser dad will be charged with disturbing the peace at a hockey game (boston.com)
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| (Athlon Sports) |
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Now that the Colts have released Peyton Manning, here are 16 teams that he will definitely, likely, maybe-sorta play for (athlonsports.com)
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Nanny state tells five-year-old that he will probably become a fat adult because his BMI was a mere 4 points over normal. With pictures of so-called fatty (thesun.co.uk)
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BlackBerry PlayBook now outselling iPad 2.* Also, the South will rise again. *In one chain of stores, in its home country of Canada (theregister.co.uk)
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In coming years, we'll know Spring will come early when Punxsutawney Phil won't see his shadow due to being swept up by a tornado and smashed into a tree half a mile away (reuters.com)
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Tue March 06, 2012
Mon March 05, 2012
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Gun sales rise because if Obama is re-elected "he will go after firearms in a way we have never seen before." Guess the state, win a prize (cbsnews.com)
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"Oh, I'm afraid the Obama campaign will be quite operational when his Republican challenger arrives" (news.yahoo.com)
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Have you had pre-marital sex? Have you committed adultery? Do you support same-sex civil unions? Will you look at porn in the future? If you answered yes to any of these, congratulations, you can't join the GOP (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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Paul Weller says he thinks he's an alcoholic, which might explain his willingness to do Robocop 2 (nme.com)
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| (Springfield Republican) |
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Poll of Massachusetts residents says Obama will beat Romney by a landslide, Santorum by a tidal wave, and Gingrich by "eew, what's that on my shoe?" (masslive.com)
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Is there room in the market for another game console? Valve seems sure they can pull it off, I seem sure that my 360 will be on Craigslist the day this is announced (iheartchaos.com)
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The GOP is more afraid of Rush Limbaugh than Iran, says George Will (rawstory.com)
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| (Some Frosh) |
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Hot female teacher finds great success helping freshmen become acclimated into high school. If by "acclimated" you mean learning to have sex with the teachers, then yes, she was wildly successful. (w. haunting pic) (dumbassdaily.com)
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Sun March 04, 2012
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Wisconsin warns residents that snowblowers are out there. They can't be bargained with. They can't be reasoned with. They don't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And they absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead (jsonline.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Will the rise of the e-book spell the end of poor writing? No (bbc.com)
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No, asteroid 2012 DA14 will NOT hit us in February next year. NOBODY PANIC (blogs.discovermagazine.com)
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Jake Lloyd says he will never act again after his role in The Phantom Menace, just like subby is never going to sleep with a supermodel again (thesun.co.uk)
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Will Jimmie Johnson get out of the negatives? Will Juablo one up himself by taking out the pace car? Will Krashalotski tweet while driving? It's your Subway Fresh Fit 500K discussion thread from Phoenix, live on FOX @ 3 PM EST (nascar.com)
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"Ohio will be the last important primary." From the people that brought you "Michigan is it", "Florida is the end of the road", and "South Carolina will decide it all" (politico.com)
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Ugliest ass picture of a baby wild pig with a broken leg that you will see all day...man...Germany is remarkably dusty this time of year (thelocal.de)
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Mets' gnarly first baseman Ike Davis is totally buggin. Will he, like, be ready to start the season? AS IF (espn.go.com)
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Sat March 03, 2012
Fri March 02, 2012
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William H. Macy and Felicity Huffman to receive rare double-star on on Hollywood Walk of Fame (popwatch.ew.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Red Sox sign Billy Buckner. Mets immediately sign Mookie Wilson (weei.com)
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For $86,500, you can buy a one bedroom house that will be missing two screws, take forever to build with incomprehensible instructions, and fall apart after one year (newsfeed.time.com)
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Friday Instashop challenge: The people at Breitbart are saying they'll release footage of Obama from his college days. What will the tapes show? (google.com)
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| (WFSB) |
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Boehner condemns Limbaugh for "slut" comments, will apologize to him tomorrow (wfsb.com)
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| (Bangor Daily News) |
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Come to Maine for the skiing, the beautiful landscapes, all the wildlife, and a dose of the winter vomiting disease (bangordailynews.com)
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Fifty years ago, Wilt Chamberlain scored all night. Then he went out and put in 36 field goals and 28 foul shots against the Knicks to set an NBA record (en.wikipedia.org)
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Revenge will be meted out ...shortly (news24.com)
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| (ProBoxing-Fans) |
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If you don't like women's boxing after this, you never will (proboxing-fans.com)
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Australia, where if you dodge the 10,000 deadly animals the watermelon sized pine cones will still kill you (abc.net.au)
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Thu March 01, 2012
| (Some Guy) |
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Exclusive: Oskari Häkkinen on 'Alan Wake', online gaming, 'Twilight Zone' (shadowlocked.com)
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| (CVG) |
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Assassin's Creed 3 cover image leaked, apparently will take place during Revolutionary war. Subby is back to the shower, since he's no longer clean down there (computerandvideogames.com)
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Are you drunk and have a probation appointment tomorrow? Do you have friends that will stab you on command? Problem solved (omaha.com)
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Wilmer Valderrama has a new notch in his bedpost: Minka Kelly. Your move, John Mayer. May I suggest Miss [insert Eastern Bloc country here]? (celebslam.celebuzz.com)
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Jewish high school basketball team will skip going to state so that they may observe the Sabbath, which is totally understandable now that Ozzy is back with the band (religion.blogs.cnn.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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"This customer will never notice the $20,000 withdrawal I'm making on their account" (wiod.com)
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Andrew Breitbart dead of natural causes, not that the MSM will bother reporting this (bighollywood.breitbart.com)
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The Clippers franchise had a great offseason, they're winning, and have earned lots of goodwill with general basketball fans. So what to do with this sudden flood of positive karma? Clue: Remember, they're the Clippers (espn.go.com)
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| (Some Celluloid Lover) |
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Dandy wide-screen travelogue of 1955 San Francisco. Vintage auto and fashion buffs will enjoy it, though I understand things have changed a bit here & there (archive.org)
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Wed February 29, 2012
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The Netherlands now have mobile euthanasia vans that will come to your door. Tipping the driver is not required (abc.net.au)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Delonte West, who has made $14 million in salary over his career and will be paid $850K this season, says he was "basically homeless" during the lockout, sleeping in the Mavs' locker room and his car (sbnation.com)
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Two men arrested for hunting bird, fish, and wildlife from an airplane. With guns. In Iowa (desmoinesregister.com)
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Will a new coach and a new captain lead England over the Netherlands? Will France surrender to Germany? Will Mexico and Colombia turn into a shootout? Can the USA find victory over the Azzurri? This is your international soccer discussion thread (bbc.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Would-be Obama assassin tweets his prediction that he will not be arrested. Secret Service: Challenge accepted (blogs.miaminewtimes.com)
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Netflix CEO says the service will become more and more like a cable channel. They've already gotten off to a great start by alienating most of their customers (hollywoodreporter.com)
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Ever hear the phrase, "Like pouring gasoline on a red-hot wood stove in a garage"? Well the guy who coined it never will (freep.com)
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When the world doesn't end in December of 2012, don't worry, there will be a mega solar storm to kill us all right around the corner in 2020 (gizmodo.com)
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Man says Karma helped him win the lottery, will soon buy an El Camino and start righting his past wrongs (seattlepi.com)
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Meet the Larson sisters. They're hot, they hate 'Twilight' and they perform exorcisms. Wait,What? (dailymail.co.uk)
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Less Arctic sea ice = more US blizzards, therefore polar bears will be roaming Oklahoma by next Christmas (content.usatoday.com)
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Tue February 28, 2012
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Will the Mormons in Mesa and millionaires in Michigan help Romney regain status as the frontrunner? Can Santorum win in a Romney stronghold? Is Newt still in the race? Is RON PAUL still alive? Your Arizona and Michigan primary discussion thread (cnn.com)
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| (Press Think) |
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NPR figures out that "balance" doesn't always make for good journalism, will now aim to be "fair to the truth" (pressthink.org)
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| (Some Guy) |
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"Traffic signals will have to be disassembled, power lines will have to be cut, and ramps built across medians, then everything will have to be reassembled before morning commuters hit the streets" for: (c) a rock (y100.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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In Arizona, they entertain differently. They do a Wild Wild West flavored circus. They also rob differently. They sometimes dress up as a clown at Wild Wild West Circuses and rob patrons at gunpoint (blackjackchamp.com)
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Realizing that the Mets will have an uphill climb this year, ownership A) trades for a power-hitting outfielder, B) acquires a flame-throwing starter, C) buys players Underdog tee-shirts (nydailynews.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Five unanswered questions about The Avengers Super Bowl trailer. Sadly, none are "Will Scarlett Johansson be nude?" (comicbook.com)
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The only player in history to have played in the Little League World Series, the College World Series, the World Series, the Olympics, and the World Baseball Classic to call it a career. Teknically, he will still be with the Red Sox (boston.com)
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When courting you as a customer, drug dealers will often give free samples to get you hooked and make it harder for you to stop once you begin. Then, no matter what, you'll keep coming back. Oh, did I say drug dealers? Sorry, I meant Google (washingtonpost.com)
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Republican Party started out anti-Mormon. Tomorrow will reveal if it still is (sltrib.com)
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The Fox And The Hound real life version. Sadie the dog and Anuska the fox have become great friends. With the most awwww inspiring pictures you will see all day (dailymail.co.uk)
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Mon February 27, 2012
Sun February 26, 2012
Sat February 25, 2012
Fri February 24, 2012
Thu February 23, 2012
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Police officer finally admits what no other police officer will - that cops have an arrest quota (nydailynews.com)
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| (Android Central) |
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Samsung and AT&T unveil new submersible, dust proof and shock absorbent, military grade smart phone for under $100. Which is $300 less than Apple will charge when they "invent" it in two years (androidcentral.com)
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Strange: Man saves a drowning raccoon from the Colorado River. Spiffy: Nicknames it "Sonny" and trains it to sit on his shoulder while out in public. Sad: He gets arrested for keeping a wild animal as a pet (azfamily.com)
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After reporting a $2.4 billion fourth-quarter loss, Sears Holdings announces plans to again rearrange the metaphorical Titanic deck chairs, says it will sell off its hardware outlets and preexisting stores in malls nationwide (latimes.com)
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| (Michael Geist) |
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Canada disputes annual US report that it's full of pirates, beer-swilling hockey nuts, frostbitten hose-heads. Okay, only the first one (michaelgeist.ca)
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Gannet putting a paywall around most of its online papers. Expects to earn tens of dollars from people still willing to pay for eviscerated content they can find for free and in more depth elsewhere (forbes.com)
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| (Slashgear) |
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Neuroscientists say that computers can help reverse schizophrenia. Of course, as long as there's porn on the internet, computers will still be responsible for eventual blindness (slashgear.com)
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| (Democrat and Chronicle) |
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A train is not like a woman. If you're thrown out for being a drunk, it will not listen to your pleas. It will leave you. And if you try to cling to it as it does, it will kill you. Let it go. It's gone (democratandchronicle.com)
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4G mobile service will be really great - unless you're in the UK, where it might also interfere with your television reception and make the penguin on top explode (bbc.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Don Zimmer teddy bear will stare into your soul and eat your children (sportressofblogitude.com)
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Onward the scorpion fled, but he could feel them closing in on him, not far behind, now. His hemolymph ran cold at the sound of that dreaded howl: The Squeak of the Wild (io9.com)
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If you're willing to entrust your back-room boob job to Queen Divas Hair Salon and Spa, then don't be surprised when you end up in critical condition, and doctors aren't exactly sure what was injected into your chest (wfaa.com)
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Wed February 22, 2012
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Former DNC chair to buy the two most prestigious and influential newspapers in a critical swing-state with funds provided by Democratic donors. Of course the newspapers will remain legit and non-parti..Ok I couldn't not laugh (washingtontimes.com)
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"US companies have no more assets to sell and will continue to lay off employees to boost profits" say economic forecasters (blogs.wsj.com)
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Florida lawmaker, an attorney from Miami, sends dirty text messages to Assistant US Attorney spoofing the number by using Yahoo. A Yahoo indeed. Will he resign? Of course not he is a Democrat (tampabay.com)
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Will Smith playing Nintendo in a backwards hat, on a zebra rug, wearing Nike Airs and Zubaz pants, with a Mariah Carey CD on the ground--and 47 other pictures that perfectly capture the 90s (buzzfeed.com)
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"When skeptics complain that global warming activists are apparently willing to go to any lengths--including lying--to advance their worldview, I'd say one of the movement's top priorities should be not proving them right" (theatlantic.com)
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Cash-strapped Italy sells its lighthouses. Will no longer get +1 food from water tiles (news.yahoo.com)
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Sheriff Joe Arpaio will release the findings of his investigation into Obama's birth certificate on March 1 during the season finale of Fox's So You Think You Can Derp (huffingtonpost.com)
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* Note: Your Lenovo laptop computer will not actually slice cannonballs in half (youtube.com)
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Unpasteurized milk, which many foodies will tell you is the Greatest Health Drink EVAR, is 150 times more likely to kill you than regular milk. But where's the reward without a little risk, amiright? (yourlife.usatoday.com)
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Scientists say dino-bots will help them better understand how dinosaurs lived. Transformers already did it (mnn.com)
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Under the new International Standard of Weights and Measurements, a one kilogram bag of potatoes will weigh ... one kilogram (news.com.au)
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'There's just one more thing: Former 'Columbo' star Falk leaves $3M to UCLA, the scholarship's focus will be on aiding undergraduates studying music, those with disabilities and military Veterans (tv.yahoo.com)
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Next week on the Amazing Race: Teams fight for their lives as they try to avoid being poisoned by Uganda thugs. One team member WILL be eliminated (eonline.com)
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Tue February 21, 2012
Mon February 20, 2012
Sun February 19, 2012
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Will Libertarian Hate rise above Adultery? Can Gorilla's namesake use the fingerpoke of doom to win the Big Gold? Will spider stew give R-Truth the ability to Lemonate everyone? It's WWE Elimination Chamber, 8 PM eastern on PPV (bleacherreport.com)
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DARPA's Avatar project will "make James Cameron proud." Nothing could possibly go wrong, etc (engadget.com)
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Duesenberg Motors Inc restarts manufacture of their classic car line with ultimate goal of producing luxury automobiles that will be "a considerable step above a Rolls-Royce or a Bentley." Should be a doozy (twincities.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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I keep seeing enormous squirrels around my neighborhood. They keep eating in preparation for a winter that hasn't materialized. Will there be a big problem with diabetic squirrels soon? Can squirrels get diabetes? Where's Brimley? (mn.gov)
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This week's Sunday Heavy Moloch House Call lives for plunder, and will steal your youth. Beware Mercy's Bane (youtube.com)
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Can Malkin solve Miller? Will Sharks end Wings streak? Will Blackhawks sing the Blues? Will Tim Thomas and Michele Bachmann form a more perfect union? Devils/Habs, really? It's your Hockey Day in America thread (puck drops: 12:30 ET) (nhl.com)
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Activists end sit-in at Piccolo school, but will not be budged from the campus of Contrabassoon University (chicagotribune.com)
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After a gunfight, failed suicide-by-Jaguar, crossing the Atlantic in a rowboat, the Pacific in another rowboat, and a life as an upholsterer, John Fairfax will try to fit in a box. RIP good sir, for you are the stuff Fark headlines are made of (nytimes.com)
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Sat February 18, 2012
Fri February 17, 2012
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This week's Mugshot Roundup guarantees one thing: there will be hell toupee (thesmokinggun.com)
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Will Smith might star in "I Am Legender" (deadline.com)
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Remember folks, always check your email's spam folder. Sometimes important things will get sent there by accident, like membership confirmations, tallies for your primary caucus voting, messages from fami- wait what? (politico.com)
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Maybe Jake and Elwood will get the band back together and save the Dixie Square Mall (businessweek.com)
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| (Air Australia FAQ) |
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With Air Australia bankrupt, how will Australians escape their miserable continent? Bonus: Link goes to the said airline's bankruptcy FAQ, perhaps the douchiest document ever conceived (airaustralia.com)
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Fox 5 New York: "Gary Carter will be remembered as one of the elite pitchers In baseball history" (w/video) (deadspin.com)
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"Immortal devil girl" spreads face-destroying cancer, will affect whole population in 30 years. Surprisingly, this is not a story about subby's ex (msnbc.msn.com)
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Starting tomorrow you will be able to use a pseudonym on Facebook, provided you upload your drivers license, birth certificate and social security card (zdnet.com)
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In the future, your chicken will come from brainless chicken zombies raised in vertical Matrix-like cocoons. Frightening science. It's what's for dinner (iheartchaos.com)
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Rick Santorum, emphasizing the importance of two-parent families in ecomonic recovery, says strong families will help the poor get back on their feet; critics say it will cost too much to provide every single mom with a new dad (chicagotribune.com)
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Thu February 16, 2012
Wed February 15, 2012
Tue February 14, 2012
Mon February 13, 2012
| (some mark) |
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Can the Welsh Corgi beat the Collie for Best Herding Breed? Will a Pug derp its way into being named Best in Show? Find out who wins at the Westminster Dog Show, starting one hour before WWE Monday Night Raw, 9 PM Eastern on USA (wwe.com)
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When you yell "bingo," you better be damn sure you have bingo. Cause if you don't, we will find you (wgal.com)
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History will remember George H.W. Bush for his part in the first Gulf War, the fall of the Berlin Wall, and his fabulously colored socks (chron.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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If it ever occured to you wonder "Who invented 5-hour Energy?". I'd be willing to bet your first answer wouldn't have been "A billionaire Buhddist monk" (dailytimes.com.pk)
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| (Some Numismatist) |
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Due to unpopular demand, the US Mint will make but not circulate Presidential $1 coins beginning with the coveted Chester A. Arthur coin (usmint.gov)
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| (Some Guy) |
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At 4:00 PM, hundreds of Philadelphians (including the mayor) will attempt to break the Guinness world record for longest "Soul Train" line. At 4:15 PM, hipsters will overrun downtown coffee shops (goerie.com)
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Sarah Palin says long, competitive battle for GOP presidential nomination will result in a Republican victory in November, and that a brokered convention could be a good thing. This is what Sarah Palin really believes (firstread.msnbc.msn.com)
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Miami Dolphins willing to play truth or dare with Peyton Manning (sun-sentinel.com)
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Obama's budget heading to Congress where it will [insert your own metaphor for a slow painful death here] (wrcbtv.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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When you think Skrillex will beat you at the Grammys, do you: A) Don't show up, B) Bring a hotter date, or C) Wear a shirt with Skrillex's phone number on it on national television? (exm.nr)
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Sun February 12, 2012
Sat February 11, 2012
Fri February 10, 2012
Thu February 09, 2012
Wed February 08, 2012
Tue February 07, 2012
Mon February 06, 2012
Sun February 05, 2012
Sat February 04, 2012
Fri February 03, 2012
Thu February 02, 2012
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Adrian Peterson will be permitted to change his number, so long as he buys the $1,000,000 worth of existing Reebok jerseys with his current number (startribune.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Red-haired, blue-eyed, fair-skinned Irish guy wins George Clooney lookalike contest, will be attending the Oscars. Pic of uncanny resemblance included (videogum.com)
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Facebook will soon offer a "Premium Subscription Service" that will offer you more, and better ads. Now who wouldn't want that? (news.com.au)
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Wil Wheaton, Prince of Darkness (io9.com)
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Kelly Clarkson confirmed to sing the National Anthem at this year's Super Bowl. In long awaited reunion, Justin Guarini will sweep off the stage when Kelly is done (foxnews.com)
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Will you be flying Qantas or Jetstar? If so, watch the takeoff ... on airfare (news.com.au)
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So, what happens if Obama wins a second term? "We will sentence [our children] to take the first step into 1,000 years of darkness." Welcome to Derpaggedon (slate.com)
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Will Seattle get another professional football team? Wait, they already have one? (blog.seattlepi.com)
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This year, Obama will run not so much on what he really did in 2009 and 2010, but more on what he wanted to do, but was stopped from doing, in 2011 and 2012 (townhall.com)
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California now getting 5% of its electricity from wind. Savvy lawmakers to propose harnessing energy from wild fires, mud slides, earthquakes (articles.latimes.com)
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IPhone commercial which is off the hook, but will never air (langauge Not safe for work) (youtube.com)
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Eight wild proposals to relocate endangered species to locations that aren't my plate (wired.com)
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Deion Sanders' wife says he will only give her money in exchange for sexual favors. So, it's a normal marriage, then? (tmz.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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California nearly bankrupt and will run out of money in less than two months (zerohedge.com)
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Well, Supernerds, the gauntlet has been thrown down. Literally. How will you top this? (gizmodo.com)
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Wed February 01, 2012
Tue January 31, 2012
Mon January 30, 2012
Sun January 29, 2012
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