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Headlines matching 'ton'
Thu February 09, 2012
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(Some Guy) Obvious In a story that would have been interesting in 1987; Elton John reignites feud with Madonna  (hlntv.com) (39)
(Washington Post) Stupid Because blowing the entire team's budget to acquire single big-name talent has worked so well for them in the past, the Redskins should offer "whatever it takes" to get Peyton Manning. Can Dan Snyder be included in a trade?  (washingtonpost.com) (40)


Wed February 08, 2012
(Some Guy) Fail GM Europe still losing money by the metric ton, may cut several car brands  (blogs.detroitnews.com) (23)
(HitFix) Cool Denzel Washington headed for more action in '2 Guns' opposite Mark Wahlberg. Chances of a He Got Game sequel featuring the Funky Bunch remain remote  (hitfix.com) (40)
(Bitten and Bound) Cool The cast and crew of Two and a Half Men are recovering from an overdose that occurred yesterday while celebrating Ashton Kutcher's birthday. (pic)  (bittenandbound.com) (19)
(Washington Post) Spiffy Attention whoring makes strange bedfellows: Al Sharpton comes out for gay marriage  (washingtonpost.com) (49)
(SportsChump) Sad Are we in the middle of an image change? A closer look at the Peyton Manning saga  (sportschump.net) (44)


Tue February 07, 2012
(Daily Stab) Strange Robert Downey Jr. jumped on the crazy baby name train in Hollywood naming his new baby boy: Exton  (dailystab.com) (87)
(Ars Technica) Fail Journalist arrested for "resisting arrest" has his video of incident deleted by Miami PD, however the cops didn't know the difference between deleted and tomb-stoned  (arstechnica.com) (221)
(My Fox DC) Strange Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, able to climb a bronze statue of George Washington riding a horse and sit in the saddle for 45 minutes before the cops get him down  (myfoxdc.com) (12)
(My Fox DC) Asinine Fed up with the decline of his favorite team, the Washington Redskins, former DC Mayor Marion Barry pledges to work with the owner to help get them back in the championship - just kidding, he Tweets REDSKINS SUCK during the Super Bowl  (myfoxdc.com) (61)
(Yahoo) Interesting First they killed off Clippy, and I didn't speak out because I didn't need help writing a letter. Then they came for the Start Button  (news.yahoo.com) (140)


Mon February 06, 2012
(Cincinnati Enquirer) Stupid Off-screen voice: Chad Ochocinco, your team just lost the Super Bowl. What are you going to do next? Chad: I'm going to the Hamilton County Courthouse  (news.cincinnati.com) (40)
(Bleacher Report) Cool Have too many limes left over from your Super Bowl party? Save them for Monday Night RAW, tonight at 9pm EST  (bleacherreport.com) (lots)


Sat February 04, 2012
(Huffington Post) Spiffy Huffington Post gives its readers a chance to beat the scores of the FARK regulars in The Fark Weird News Quiz (link goes to the Easy version)  (huffingtonpost.com) (9)
(Washington Post) Fail Sunoco CEO steps down after company posts $660 million loss. An oil company losing money? It's almost as inexplicable as a cotton candy stand in a carnival going broke  (washingtonpost.com) (35)
(hampton roads) Spiffy Hampton Roads (Virginia) thinks that their recent odd news deserves a dedicated FARK icon, just like Florida (10th paragraph)  (hamptonroads.com) (5)


Fri February 03, 2012
(Some Guy) Dumbass Because he hasn't said anything stupid for almost 24 hours, Jim Irsay would like to remind everyone that he remains close with...Parson? Patton? Peyote? What was that kid's name again?   (profootballtalk.nbcsports.com) (48)
(Stuff.co.nz) Followup Utah prosecutors clear police of all charges for using pepper spray and batons on a group of Polynesian students performing a haka at a football game, because no one in Utah can be expected to have the slightest idea what a haka is  (stuff.co.nz) (73)
(Some Shoggoth) Followup Group of scientists searching the Antarctic for a lake buried for tens of millions of years suddenly stop responding to colleagues, Miskatonic officials  (globalpost.com) (311)
(Dallas News) Sad With two weeks until pitchers and catchers report, Texas Rangers outfielder Josh Hamilton already in mid-season drinking shape  (rangersblog.dallasnews.com) (87)
(Daily Mail) Stupid Is Hillary Clinton styling herself to be the next Bond villain?  (dailymail.co.uk) (133)


Thu February 02, 2012
(io9) Wheaton Wil Wheaton, Prince of Darkness  (io9.com) (45)
(Dlisted) Weird Love^2/1+Crack*Love=2*Newtons   (dlisted.com) (19)
(Buzzfeed) Amusing After tonight, don't expect Howard Stern to appear on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno ... ever (w/video)  (buzzfeed.com) (95)
(SBNation) Sad Much like Peyton Manning, Roy Oswalt is in search of a home for after rehabbing from an injury that could jeopardize his career. To really drive the similarity home, we have an pic of Oswalt making a Manning face  (mlb.sbnation.com) (38)
(Fox News) Interesting Tony Dorsett sues the NFL because he chose to play football  (foxnews.com) (70)
(The Smoking Gun) Strange Tonight on Hoarders: Top secret  (thesmokinggun.com) (32)


Wed February 01, 2012
(Huffington Post) Obvious The Super Bowl is almost here, so here's Huffington Post to rain on your parade by telling you that your gametime snacks are going to kill you  (huffingtonpost.com) (23)
(BBC) Cool How did your team do on Transfer Deadline Day? Can Arsenal beat a strong Bolton side at home? Will the Magpies stomp the hapless Rovers? These discussions and more in this bumped EPL thread  (news.bbc.co.uk) (194)
(Think Progress) Stupid Constitutional "Scholars" in Washington state proposed a bill that would forbid the state government from using any legal tender other than gold and silver coins. At last, those commemorative 9/11 coins will finally be worth something  (thinkprogress.org) (113)
(Washington Post) Silly Washington, D.C. desperately needs a groundhog. No prairie dogs need apply  (washingtonpost.com) (17)
(Houston Chronicle) Misc Houston faces penalties over 1970's smog limits, 1970's Astros uniforms  (chron.com) (20)
(Science Daily) Spiffy Not to alarm anyone, but deep space particles are invading the solar system. And they're definitely not self-assembling near Jupiter into an autonomous, horrifying death ship of staggering power  (sciencedaily.com) (28)


Tue January 31, 2012
(Talking Points Memo) Fail Wow, Newt Gingrich is just like Hillary Clinton Except not at all In any way  (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com) (67)
(Townhall) Hero I'm voting for Newt today, just as a protest vote against the sleazy and Nixonian liberal RINO Willard Mittons  (townhall.com) (164)


Mon January 30, 2012
(USA Today) Obvious Colts owner on Peyton Manning's future with the team. "I can't be sentimental. This isn't fantasy football"  (content.usatoday.com) (116)
(Some Guy) Fail CBS decides to make a sitcom out of yet another internet fad  (businessinsider.com) (85)
(Guardian) Obvious Now that they are done searching Megaupload's servers, can the Feds resist pushing the big red button? The jolly, candylike button?  (guardian.co.uk) (39)
(Some Guy) Amusing Ford still owns 12% of Aston Martin, which corresponds to 12% of the new Fusion being an Aston Martin. Can you guess which 12% that is?  (ford.com) (50)
(Washington Post) Obvious This just in: Republicans don't like Obama. As in, "hate him with the fire of a thousand suns" dislike. In other news, Bill Gates is rich, Elton John is gay, and the Pacific Ocean is like, wow, really big  (washingtonpost.com) (235)


Sun January 29, 2012
(ESPN) Misc Will the NFC defeat the AFC again? With a decent team around him, will Cam Newton prove he's the best in the world? Will this game matter? WHAR TEBOW, WHAR? It's the NFC All Stars vs. the AFC All Stars in the Pro Bowl, 7 PM ET on NBC  (scores.espn.go.com) (807)
(MetroWest Daily News) Fail Boston to boost the attractiveness of public transportation by raising prices 40% and eliminating night and weekend service  (metrowestdailynews.com) (146)
(io9) Scary George Washington may have been America's first president, but was he nearly America's first zombie-in-chief?  (io9.com) (44)
(Fark) Sad I had to decide to stop the doctors from feeding my dad tonight. Want to say if you Farkers have dads-bad or good, call them and say, "Hello,"; it'll be important in the end  (fark.com) (427)


Sat January 28, 2012
(Steaming Pile of Shizzle) Scary Paris Hilton and Snoop Dogg to collaborate. No good will come of this  (digitalspy.com) (40)
(Discover) Cool Blasting out a billion tons of matter didn't satisfy the Sun last week, so it did it again. Twice as big  (blogs.discovermagazine.com) (47)
(Huffington Post) Followup Huffington Post once again tests their readers' off-beat IQ, with a link to the Fark Weird News Quiz (the easy one)  (huffingtonpost.com) (10)
(MSNBC) Sappy A dying child, a rescued dog... Damn, it's dusty in here tonight  (today.msnbc.msn.com) (24)


Fri January 27, 2012
(Some Guy) Amusing If you have $9 million dollars, you too can own Tony Stark's Car from THE AVENGERS movie  (collider.com) (29)
(IndyStar) Obvious Jim Irsay: Peyton's a politician who should keep his concerns "in house." Translation: Peyton's done in Indy  (indystar.com) (94)
(WRAL) Asinine Another politician learns the valuable lesson on the difference between the "reply" button and the "reply to all" button  (wral.com) (184)


Thu January 26, 2012
(Washington Post) Obvious Hillary Clinton quitting government after the election ... until 2016, of course  (washingtonpost.com) (90)
(Media Matters) Obvious The elite liberal MSM media spent most of its coverage of the Keystone XL pipeline regurgitating energy industry propaganda  (mediamatters.org) (74)
(NJ.com) Obvious Obvious For the 75th year in a row, the Chamber of Commerce train leaves New Jersey for its yearly 'Walk to Washington' event. Otherwise known as the schmooooooooooooooze train  (nj.com) (10)
(Slate) Unlikely Tired of seeing people wearing their PJ's to the store? If one man had his way, we'd be wearing them all day, everyday, everywhere. Subby just hopes his button-back flannel onesies don't come loose on the subway  (slate.com) (73)
(Yahoo) Asinine House GOP last month: Obama this bill will FORCE you to decide on the Keystone XL pipeline. Obama: Okay I've decided and my answer is "no". House GOP this month: THIS bill will make the decision not up to you anymore  (news.yahoo.com) (125)
(CNNGo) Sappy There are 4,400 Google searches every month for the phrase "met on a plane". Ergo wemetonaplane.com  (cnngo.com) (5)
(SeattlePI) Sick Feds believe Washington pharmacies gave used drugs to nursing homes. Man, I hope they at least cleaned the suppositories first  (seattlepi.com) (17)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 351: "Stoned". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net) (198)


Wed January 25, 2012
(Daily Mail) Dumbass Whitney Houston didn't realize crack was so expensive  (dailymail.co.uk) (45)
(Some Guy) PSA Doing 90 in a school zone while you're stoned and naked? You can forget about that job at Bank of America  (palicense.blogspot.com) (25)
(Gothamist) Sad Teenage boy died on his birthday evading six young women trying to give him kisses. It even says so on his headstone  (gothamist.com) (79)
(Tech Dirt) Wheaton Wil Wheaton says Chris Dodd is lying about lost jobs; says MPAA accounting creates more losses than piracy  (techdirt.com) (56)


Tue January 24, 2012
(SFGate) Obvious Warren Buffett's Burlington Northern railroad comes up a winner from the Obama administration's decision to reject the Keystone XL oil pipeline permit  (sfgate.com) (117)
(Some Girl) Stupid What will your SOTU drinking game rules be tonight?  (blog.zap2it.com) (151)
(ESPN) Interesting New Houston Astros owner may consider changing the team's name. Subby proposes Houston Lastros, Houston Disastros, and Washington Generals  (espn.go.com) (110)
(Deadspin) Video On tonight's Family Feud, the survey said "His Schlong" (safe for work)  (deadspin.com) (37)


Mon January 23, 2012
(CBS News) Florida Oh look, it's a day that ends in 'Y'. That must mean there's a GOP debate tonight. (9pm on NBC)  (cbsnews.com) (lots)
(Baltimore Sun) Unlikely Mike Preston of the Baltimore Sun would like you to know that the Ravens totally aren't playoff chokers. No, seriously. Guys, why are you laughing?  (baltimoresun.com) (179)
(Herald Tribune) Florida Why does first-term (R) Rep. Ben Albritton, a citrus grower from Wauchula and recent chairman of the Florida Citrus Commission hate photography?  (heraldtribune.com) (59)


Sun January 22, 2012
(The Raw Story) Obvious Boehner admits he may hold payroll tax cut hostage to get Obama to approve the Keystone XL pipeline. Holding something hostage unless your political demands are met? I believe there's a word for that  (rawstory.com) (362)
(Cracked) Amusing Historic Sex Scandals that put Bill Clinton to shame  (cracked.com) (43)
(Daily Mail) Sappy At the age of 42 Jennifer Aniston may have finally missed her friend  (dailymail.co.uk) (153)
(The New York Times) Scary Here's Steve Jobs as the Ghost of Labor Day Future. You really don't want to read the headstone he's pointing to  (nytimes.com) (244)
(The New York Times) Spiffy Tombstone, AZ replacing its old-timey wooden trash barrels with solar-powered compactors, the young guns of the waste disposal industry  (nytimes.com) (43)


Sat January 21, 2012
(Washington Post) Spiffy Billionaire gives $7.5 million to help Washington recover from earthquake damage, crack problem  (washingtonpost.com) (37)
(YouTube) Spiffy Cell phone goes off during a classical concert? No problem, just improvise a tune based on the ring tone  (youtube.com) (39)
(Huffington Post) Spiffy Huffington Post gives its readers a chance to test their awareness of offbeat news with a link to the Fark Weird News Quiz  (huffingtonpost.com) (1)


Fri January 20, 2012
(Fox Sports) Obvious Peyton Manning could be mulling over retirement, may seek new career as Dan Marino  (msn.foxsports.com) (73)
(Short List) Amusing British TV announcers have been deliberately mispronouncing The Simpsons for years. This would never happen with Downton Abbey  (shortlist.com) (32)
(Some Guy) Obvious With the blockage of the Keystone pipeline project, oil companies are scrambling to find alternative transportation methods. In steps Burlington Northern Santa Fe which, coincidentally, was just purchased by Berkshire Hathaway  (news.investors.com) (83)
(Media Matters) Unlikely The Keystone pipeline would create 8 billion new high-paying, permanent jobs -- or 100, if you believe the company building it  (mediamatters.org) (28)
(ABC) Ironic 1998:Newt Gingrich uses media in an attempt to oust Bill Clinton (D) from office for his affair with Monica Lewinsky. 2012: Newt Gingrich criticizes media for reporting on his love life. Especially that affair he had back in 1998  (abcnews.go.com) (208)


Thu January 19, 2012
(FilmDrunk) Interesting Republicans love Johnny Depp, Democrats love Denzel Washington, and Independents love that guy from "Gymkata"  (filmdrunk.uproxx.com) (35)
(YouTube) Video It's Dolly Parton's 66th birthday and dadgummit - she's earned the right to do Stairway all country-like if she wants to  (youtube.com) (87)
(Detnews.com) Obvious Pistons run out of gas, get eaten by Wolves  (detroitnews.com) (10)
(Some Guy) Asinine Having not paid attention to Iraq or Afghanistan, Iran asks the world's largest military force to kick its ass back into the stone age  (usnews.com) (77)
(ESPN) Unlikely Okay Peyton is coming out  (espn.go.com) (45)


Wed January 18, 2012
(Washington Post) Amusing "Fark.com has gone white - with a tongue-in-cheek message that calls the bills a "perfect excuse" to stop collecting news." Hey, whatever brings shame to SOPA's game (3rd paragraph from bottom)  (washingtonpost.com) (5)
(ESPN) Amusing Washington hires the entire country of Canada to run its offense  (espn.go.com) (18)
(Washington Post) NewsFlash White House announces it will reject Keystone Pipeline. John Boehner really wishes he had control over his investment portfolio right about now  (washingtonpost.com) (357)
(Washington Post) Dumbass WaPo: Wikipedia is irrelevant because it doesn't have a "like" button  (washingtonpost.com) (64)
(Yahoo) Obvious Preview of tonight's Thunder game. Why? Because fark Seattle, that's why  (sports.yahoo.com) (48)
(NewsBusters) Interesting If Pat Buchanan is banned from MSNBC for inappropriate speech, "MSNBC is all but inviting the same litmus test to be applied to Sharpton  (newsbusters.org) (152)
(Some Guy) Hero WIth half the net blank due to SOPA, find out if there is a republican debate tonight   (istherearepublicandebatetonight.com) (45)
(Houston Chronicle) Obvious Houston the fastest growing economy in North America this past year. Of course it is. Guns, gasoline, and cheap illegal labor all good earners y'all  (chron.com) (20)


Tue January 17, 2012
(Fox Sports) Unlikely "And we'd like to welcome you to the Olympic wrestling prelimaries. Competing tonight will be...wait a minute. By gawd, King, that's Kurt Angle's music. What's HE doing here?"  (msn.foxsports.com) (51)
(Fox News) Scary Charter jet carrying the Detroit Pistons sends out a distress call, GM Joe Dumars considers the same action for the season  (foxnews.com) (25)
(Daily Kos) Asinine John Boehner: We need Keystone now....I've got nearly $50K invested in each of the seven firms contracted to build the thing for pete's sake  (dailykos.com) (342)


Mon January 16, 2012
(CBC) Dumbass Man arrested for selling Canadian military secrets. I'm not sure either. Locations of all Tim Hortons? How to de-ice a caribou?  (cbc.ca) (196)
(Bleacher Report) Interesting Will Jericho troll the audience? Will Kane beat his Libertarian platform into John Cena? Can somebody call Brodus Clay's mama? Why will Perez Hilton be appearing? All this and new Tag Team Champions on WWE Monday Night Raw, 9 PM on USA  (bleacherreport.com) (1453)
(The New York Times) Obvious NYC media, 2004: "we're not saying Tiki Barber is going to Canton, but....He's going to Canton." NYC media, 2012: ""we're not saying Tom Coughlin is going to Canton, but....he's going to Canton"  (fifthdown.blogs.nytimes.com) (103)
(USA Today) Cool Centaur skeleton trots into Tucson museum as part of new exhibit  (usatoday.com) (24)


Sun January 15, 2012
(LiveLeak) Scary Don't worry. We can probably guarantee the monkey with the human baby face won't be outside your window tonight, scratching to get in. Well maybe we can guarantee. Who are we kidding? He's out there now  (liveleak.com) (21)


Sat January 14, 2012
(Huffington Post) Spiffy Huffington Post gives its readers a chance to score, with a link to the Fark Weird News Quiz  (huffingtonpost.com) (1)
(chicago tribune) Stupid Fast food addicts in Washington D.C. get a whopper of a surprise   (articles.chicagotribune.com) (48)
(Denver Post) Interesting Stone Cold Steve Austin will happily surrender "3:16" to Tim Tebow if Tebow can successfully throw for 316 yards against the Patriots. Man, Steve, why not just ask Tebow to walk on water, as well?  (denverpost.com) (113)
(YouTube) Cool ✓ Ed Norton ✓ Bill Murray ✓ Bruce Willis ✓ Full of win  (youtube.com) (122)


Fri January 13, 2012
(Daily Mail) Sappy Olivia Newton-John and John Travolta reunited 34 years after starring together in Grease. In the interim, she's lost her boobies and he's grown some  (dailymail.co.uk) (63)
(Buzzfeed) Asinine Rolling Stone writer who broke the McChrystal scandal paints a charming picture of petulant then-candidate Obama in Iraq: "(sigh) Pictures? With the troops? Again? But I already got my photo-op (pout)"  (buzzfeed.com) (125)
(PhysOrg.com) Spiffy Mainstream researchers at Cornell have developed a new breed of strawberry with pineapple overtones, possibly saving us from delicious strawberry death  (physorg.com) (12)
(Some Guy) Strange Not news: College student gets drunk after consuming ten drinks. Fark: And then breaks into a museum and tries to steal a claw from the real 20-foot skeleton of a giant ground sloth  (dispatch.com) (48)
(Dayton Daily News) Scary "So I figured, when's the next time I'm going to be in Dayton, Ohio?"  (daytondailynews.com) (102)


Thu January 12, 2012
(With Leather) Spiffy Kate Upton did something with kids...there may have been a rodeo....hell I don't know  (withleather.uproxx.com) (65)
(Starpulse) Amusing Steve Carell goes all 'Sigfried & Roy' for his new movie, "Burt Wonderstone"  (starpulse.com) (43)
(MSNBC) Stupid Mitt Romney picks up a key endorsement from John Bolton. Wait, this is supposed to be good news for Romney?  (firstread.msnbc.msn.com) (43)
(USA Today) Interesting Colts hire ex- Philadelphia Eagle director of player personnel Ryan Grigson as new GM. Will immediately report to Jim Irsay, Peyton Manning  (usatoday.com) (47)


Wed January 11, 2012
(SeattlePI) Amusing Washington State Supreme Court to rule on landmark case "Emotionally Distressed Cop vs. Burger King Employee Who Spit In His Whopper"  (seattlepi.com) (78)
(The Hill) Spiffy Mr. & Mrs. Smith go to Washington   (washingtonscene.thehill.com) (29)
(Fox News) Ironic Dolly Parton, who owes her career to her huge rack and once starred in a wholesome movie about a whorehouse, decries the decline of morals in America  (foxnews.com) (164)
(Guardian) Amusing If you need ideas for the bedroom tonight, do you c) ask a German football team?  (guardian.co.uk) (54)
(Some Baller) Strange Two drunks end up on Maverick's bench during game with Pistons, still manage to act like less of a douchebag than Mark Cuban  (badjocks.com) (17)
(New York Daily News) Interesting This team wants its young quarterback traded away and want Peyton Manning on their team. A: Who are the New York Jets?  (nydailynews.com) (109)
(Break) Video Hottie shows what she can do with her tongue. (SFW)  (break.com) (57)
(Fox 4 KC) Amusing Tonight on Real Churchwives of Kansas: Pastor Joe marries second wife while still married to first, after first wife used online cheating site to profess love for another man. Jesus  (fox4kc.com) (40)
(MSNBC) Misc Our long national nightmare is finally over as Southern Indiana limestone workers end their strike. Finally, we can buy some fresh limestone again. Build limestone houses and furniture. Drive limestone cars  (msnbc.msn.com) (51)
(PFT) Interesting Tony Sparano hired as offensive coordinator of the  (profootballtalk.nbcsports.com) (94)


Tue January 10, 2012
(Some Guy) Interesting Gay marriage bills are so passé, gay divorce bills are the new cause célèbre for Washington DC  (washington.cbslocal.com) (126)
(Detroit News) Photoshop Photoshop this Detroit to Daytona hitchhiker  (multimedia.detnews.com) (40)
(BBC) Cool Matilda has yellow skin, green eyes, and would love to slip you some tongue  (bbc.co.uk) (18)
(TMZ) Followup Beyonce says Blue Ivy's birth was natural, not one of those weird pod ejection things like the Tenctonians in Alien Nation did  (tmz.com) (56)
(Telegraph) Sad Ex-Fleetwood Mac guitarist Bob Weston dies at 64 - and if you're wondering 'who?' it's because he slept with Mick Fleetwood's wife, got kicked out of the band, and wound up working with Murray Head  (telegraph.co.uk) (52)


Mon January 09, 2012
(ESPN) Asinine Tonight ESPN brings you the rematch of the century. Will a touchdown be scored? Will the honeybadger get a cooler nickname? Will the Tide win the undisputed national championship by going 1-1? SEC SEC SEC  (espn.go.com) (1475)
(Some Elevated Guy) Sad Woman rides elevator to Death. Wow, I've never noticed that button before   (centralillinoisnewscenter.com) (102)
(Slate) Dumbass "You know, something may be going down tonight, but it ain't going to be jobs, sweetheart." -Gov. Chris Christie to your mom  (slate.com) (294)


Sun January 08, 2012
(Hollyscoop) Interesting Paris Hilton to rent out her spacious hole for $16K a month. No, not that hole  (hollyscoop.com) (24)


Sat January 07, 2012
(Washington Post) PSA Tonight, the remaining GOP candidates square off in preparation for the New Hampshire primary. Will Santorum blast Romney? Will it be worth watching since Bachmann is gone? The derp begins at 9pm ET on ABC  (washingtonpost.com) (1164)
(Philly.com) Amusing Scientists studying pot never noticed how cool the shape of their belly button was before just now, man  (philly.com) (35)
(ESPN) Cool Will anyone watch Texans-Bengals? Will either defense make a stop in New Orleans? Most importantly, will The Jake Delhomme Era resume in Houston? The answers and more in the Wild Card Weekend: Day 1 thread (NBC, starting at 4:30 PM EST)  (espn.go.com) (lots)
(Herald Scotland) Interesting Old and busted: Stonehenge. Older and busteder: Orcadian temple on Orkney  (heraldscotland.com) (37)
(YouTube) Cool 5 people, 1 guitar, tons of talent  (youtube.com) (90)
(The Hollywood Reporter) Interesting Tim Burton wants Robert Downey, Jr to play Geppetto in a live action Pinocchio movie. I've got wood  (hollywoodreporter.com) (32)
(Daily Mail) Silly Paris Hilton dons brunette wig in bizarre artificial intelligence experiment, raising frightening "sort of want" feelings among Farkers everywhere  (dailymail.co.uk) (58)


Fri January 06, 2012
(ESPN) Cool Cotton Bowl discussion thread. ArKansas St. plays themselves on FOX  (espn.go.com) (443)
(LA Times) Cool For sale: One slightly used nuclear bomb-proof space station in Carmel Valley, California. For only $4.2 million you can get great TV reception and still have a basement that will withstand a five-megaton nuclear blast. Serious inquiries only  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (84)
(Fark) FarkParty Impromptu Twin Cities Fark Party. Because YOU asked for it. Jan 6, TONIGHT at Psycho Suzi's  (fark.com) (180)
(Mirror.co.uk) Amusing Britons' top health complaints include being "bald and toothless", according to census. This is a repeat from 1911  (mirror.co.uk) (17)
(Yahoo) Interesting Josh Hamilton got a new accountability-buddy. Who was also an addict at one time. I bet this will end just OH MY GOD SPIDERS  (sports.yahoo.com) (23)
(My Fox DC) Asinine Let's go over the minutes from the last meeting - the mayor, the city council president, and the city councilman are being investigated by the feds. Okay, next order of business - more rights for the city of Washington DC  (myfoxdc.com) (32)
(Some Beachcomber) Florida Today's weird crap washing up on the beach brought to you by pig carcasses in Bradenton  (bradenton.wtsp.com) (8)
(YouTube) Interesting It was a concrete bunker in the middle of Trenton, New Jersey. It was in a downtrodden area, and it was filthy and the most dangerous venue to visit. And if you got in--you were lucky  (youtube.com) (22)
(Boston Globe) Amusing Boston Globe passes over Mitt Romney and endorses Jon Huntsman. Awkward  (bostonglobe.com) (83)


Thu January 05, 2012
(SeattlePI) Scary Man dying to use the carpool lane buckles up a plastic skeleton in the passenger seat (w/ pic)  (seattlepi.com) (50)
(truTV) Amusing A journalist's experience in Iowa. "One elderly woman told me to 'go away' when I asked her about her Romney button, and another flipped me the bird. I even tried holding a baby"  (blog.trutv.com) (69)
(USA Today) PSA Las Vegas Hilton Hotel changes name to the Las Vegas Hotel and Casino, as Hilton name is now too sinful even for Las Vegas  (usatoday.com) (18)
(NYPost) Followup O, the painful travails of a Democratic 1%er - whether to buy back his old $44M place in the Hamptons or settle for a château in the south of France  (nypost.com) (16)
(Science Daily) Obvious What if Virginia lifts ban on uranium mining? Well, radioactive large cocktail peanuts, glow in the dark Chincoteague ponies, mutants raging through the streets of Arlington and Alexandria... wait that last one is a good thing  (sciencedaily.com) (30)
(Yahoo) Strange Jack Abramoff is speaking out against corruption in Washington and wants to work with the Occupy Wall Street movement. Read that sentence again, slowly. Enjoy your aneurysm  (news.yahoo.com) (60)
(Boston.com) Obvious In pushing for quick approval of the Keystone pipeline, the oil industry's top lobbyist tells Obama that he's got real nice presidency there, it'd be a shame if something happened to it  (boston.com) (126)


Wed January 04, 2012
(Huffington Post) Fail George Washington: Make the most you can of the Indian Hemp seed and sow it everywhere. Newt Gingrich: I think George Washington would have rather strongly discouraged you from growing marijuana  (huffingtonpost.com) (79)
(Cincinnati Enquirer) Interesting Houston sportswriter: "Here is a list of 12 reasons why the Texans will beat the Bengals this Saturday." Cincinnati sportswriter: "Aw, hell naw"  (cincinnati.com) (129)


Tue January 03, 2012
(Discover) Cool Suffering from heavenly body odor? Maybe tonight's meteor shower can wash that away  (blogs.discovermagazine.com) (37)
(The New York Times) PSA Embattled Sears hires former Brookstone CEO. Because if anyone can convince people to buy useless crap like USB-powered nose hair trimmers with integrated coffee mug warmer, it's Brookstone  (nytimes.com) (42)
(Spinner) Followup Missing for over 30 years after a plane crash, Peter Frampton's guitar has been found  (spinner.com) (112)
(Washington Post) Interesting Congress wins Washington Post's praise by doing nothing, which let electric vehicle tax credit, subsidies for ethanol expire  (washingtonpost.com) (194)


Mon January 02, 2012
(ESPN) Cool Houston vs Penn State, the Big 10 vs SEC, Oklahoma State vs Andrew Luck and friends, and in the Granddaddy of them all Ducks vs Badgers. It's your New Year's Day +1 College Football Bowl discussion thread  (scores.espn.go.com) (1650)
(My Fox DC) Interesting Moe Love tattoo, long-johns with buttons now qualify as dapper  (myfoxdc.com) (33)
(Cincinnati Enquirer) Obvious Peyton Hillis believes in curses  (news.cincinnati.com) (38)


Sun January 01, 2012
(MSNBC) Fail The Top 10 technology flops of 2011. Suspiciously missing from the list: huge blue buttons marked "SMART" and "FUNNY". Just kidding, Drew  (technolog.msnbc.msn.com) (186)
(Daily Mail) Interesting War Horse: Winston Churchill's mission to rescue the war horses and how he made officials bring tens of thousands of them home  (dailymail.co.uk) (58)
(Some Guy) Weird "The fine on her is non-negotiable (one carton of beer and a she goat). In the past, she was also immersed in ground charcoal and made to dance nude round the village"  (nigerianobservernews.com) (42)
(LiveLeak) Spiffy Rule 42: If enough stoned people post videos to the internet, eventually one will be a guy playing guitar with a Jack Russell puppy on his head  (liveleak.com) (15)


Sat December 31, 2011
(YouTube) Video Today is Burton Cummings of the Guess Who's birthday. Here's the Stacheman singing if Gordon Lightfoot sung "Maggie May"  (youtube.com) (22)
(YouTube) Cool Slingshot vs. Ballistic Gel: Teutonic Edition  (youtube.com) (28)
(Some Guy) Sad Key West -- which writers Ernest Hemingway, Tennessee Williams, Robert Frost, Judy Blume, Robert Stone, Jim Harrison, Maria Bishop, Mark Childress and others have called home -- is down to one bookstore. Sad easily trumps Florida  (keysnet.com) (142)
(CBS News) Obvious Jon Huntsman says Ron Paul is "unelectable". In similar news, Paris Hilton says Kim Kardashian can't act  (cbsnews.com) (237)
(Washington Post) Interesting This New Year's Eve, the Washington Post asks: Who should really be blamed for inflicting Auld Lang Syne upon us?  (washingtonpost.com) (36)
(ARL Now) Spiffy ARL Now (Arlington, Virginia) thanks FARK for calling attention to their top rated news story of 2011. "...a story that received national attention from websites like Fark.com"  (arlnow.com) (2)
(CBC) Cool NHL's current longest serving captain scores milestone 400th career goal in overtime victory against Calgary  (cbc.ca) (16)


Fri December 30, 2011
(Washington Post) Scary Washington likes to dump its bad news late on Friday...but for the -really- bad news they wait until late on Friday right before Christmas: "And a $4.2 trillion deficit is something that Americans need to know about"  (washingtonpost.com) (94)
(ESPN) Cool Thierry Henry is coming back to Arsenal. Now all they need is Tony Adams, Steve Bould, Martin Keown, Lee Dixon, Nigel Winterburn and time machine, and they're in business  (soccernet.espn.go.com) (90)
(Chicago Tribune) Interesting Neckbearded former QB for the Bears and Broncos sues over bad investments. DAMMIT ORTON  (chicagotribune.com) (22)
(KIRO) Interesting Washington DOT measures how fast drivers go over bridge, but won't tell anybody except in response to a subpoena or over Twitter  (kirotv.com) (52)
(Daily Mail) Sappy Eight months after Peyton Manning's wife gives birth to twins, Colts' QB Dan Orlovsky becomes father of triplets. Andrew Luck suddenly rethinking senior year plans  (dailymail.co.uk) (12)
(TMZ) Fail Wife of legendary car salesman Cal Worthington realizes she has a lemon, wants to trade up from the '91 model  (tmz.com) (40)


Thu December 29, 2011
(Bleacher Report) Obvious Does Cam Newton blame former QBs for lack of respect? Darn tootin'  (bleacherreport.com) (50)
(TMZ) Hero Paris Hilton unbanned from Vegas hotel. Finally, peace on Earth has been achieved  (tmz.com) (40)
(USA Today) Obvious Boston No. 1 'drunkest city' in ameriFARKDEMFARKINGYANKEEEEES ... *hick* ... TOMBRADYISMYHEEERO ... *belch* ... WICKEDPISSAHHH  (content.usatoday.com) (112)
(The New York Times) Obvious President refuses to glad-hand and schmooze Washington insiders, clearly he's aloof and perfunctory. President loves to glad-hand and schmooze Washington insiders, clearly he's corrupt and pandering  (nytimes.com) (41)
(Huffington Post) Interesting Robert Reich's prediction for 2012 (based on absolutely no inside information): Hillary Clinton and Joe Biden swap places, Biden becomes Secretary of State - so get ready for a Obama-Clinton Presidential ticket  (huffingtonpost.com) (83)
(SeattlePI) Interesting Body found in Port Townshend, Washington leaves police asking "Who Are You?"  (seattlepi.com) (35)


Wed December 28, 2011
(Huffington Post) Silly Bon Iver making the first workout DVD targeted exclusively at hipsters. Exercises will include intense plaid shirt buttoning, repetitive beard stroking, and coffee cup curls  (huffingtonpost.com) (46)
(Bleacher Report) Scary Randy Orton RKOs himself out of Wrestlemania 28  (bleacherreport.com) (111)
(Some Guy) Obvious As Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, and others fall out of fashion, so does the trend of 'designer handbag dogs'. This brings up the question, what do you do with these annoying little furballs?  (environmentalgraffiti.com) (78)
(CNN) Interesting From frontal assaults to Washington, to full-blown kamikaze strikes to all of the GOP, Candidates turn negative in multimillion dollar Iowa television ad bombardment  (cnn.com) (37)
(Some Guy) Stupid Could Geico really save you hundreds on your car insurance? Do they owe $7.5 Million to customers in Washington for overcharging?  (kpbj.com) (35)


Tue December 27, 2011
(Huffington Post) Amusing The Huffington Post lifts a glass to Fark for directing their attention to a story about someone who enjoyed marshmallow vodka a bit too much  (huffingtonpost.com) (0)
(The Atlantic) Stupid Someone wrote something in the Washington Post. George W. Bush said something 6 years ago. Coincidence? It also turns out this phone number spells out "Mad dag 911G" I'm telling you, we're on to something  (theatlantic.com) (29)
(Some Guy) Unlikely Rex Ryan claims that he would not be interested in Peyton Manning, then excuses himself to powder his growing nose  (nfl.com) (30)


Mon December 26, 2011
(Forbes) Interesting San Antonio leads list of best US economies, probably because they don't bother with salsa made in New York City  (forbes.com) (69)
(TMZ) Sad With "Creative" panicking over ratings, will CM Punk be treated like John Cena's roofer? Will Randy Orton bag himself another title run? Will illogical hotshotting drive away more fans? It's WWE Monday Night Raw, 9 PM on USA  (tmz.com) (lots)
(WOODtv.com) Interesting I'll see your 800-year-old stone and raise you an 8900-year-old piece of wood  (woodtv.com) (64)
(Daily Mail) Cool 800 year old stone found in Scotland that looks like Homer Simpson  (dailymail.co.uk) (67)


Sun December 25, 2011
(Mental Floss) Cool Brew up some eggnog fit for George Washington. Don't call it a comeback, the drink's been here for years  (mentalfloss.com) (31)


Sat December 24, 2011
(CBS News) Followup Newt Gingrich declares war on Virginia. Much like our Lord Jesus who fought alongside General Washington to defeat the Decepticons for control of the New World  (cbsnews.com) (243)
(Fark) FarkParty Christmas Eve, Lexington KY, Chase Tap Room, 9pm  (fark.com) (3)
(Daily Mail) Stupid "By using a five-foot-tall cannabis plant as a Christmas tree, Richards showed a total disregard for the law." (w/stoner Christmas pic)  (dailymail.co.uk) (90)
(Captain Steroid) Photoshop Captain Steroid brings you his 2nd Annual X-Mas Photoshop Contest. Theme: Polar Bear Bleh. 1st Prize: 1 month of sponsored TotalFark for the winner. Difficulty: No TFers allowed. Contest ends tonight @ Midnight CST on X-Mas Eve. Have fun :D  (img339.imageshack.us) (45)
(USA Today) Obvious Obama denies being "Spock-like". Clinton celebrates being Kirk-like. Biden celebrates being one of those red-shirt guys  (content.usatoday.com) (69)


Fri December 23, 2011
(News Times) Sad Applesauce Acres Alpaca Attack leaves neighbors appalled, tongue-tied  (newstimes.com) (37)
(Daily Mail) Interesting People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, unless they bought it for $14.1m. Then they can do whatever the hell they want  (dailymail.co.uk) (52)
(The Consumerist) Sad In the worst tragedy on American soil since 9/11, vegetarian's life completely ruined because some stoned teenage windowlicker wouldn't make her a veggie sub. 10 years from now, we'll all remember where we were when we read this  (consumerist.com) (192)
(CNN) Fail The ballad of Swiss soccer club Neuchatel Xamax, or: What happens when someone who played SimCity and wouldn't stop clicking the disaster buttons decides they want to own a sports team  (edition.cnn.com) (19)


Thu December 22, 2011
(ESPN) Amusing Will the Colts continue to ruin their draft position? Who is TJ Yates? Find out tonight on your Thursday Night Football thread. Colts vs. Texans. 8:20 PM ET. NFL Network  (scores.espn.go.com) (759)
(Al Jazeera) Obvious "Like Clinton before him, but even more so, Obama is a neo-liberal, not a New Deal liberal, and the difference between the two is as big as the difference between night and day"  (aljazeera.com) (120)
(CNN) Cool Stone Temple Pilots' Scott Weiland releasing Christmas album. Plans to give a new personal interpretation of "White Christmas"  (edition.cnn.com) (18)


Wed December 21, 2011
(New York Magazine) Stupid Candy store Sugar & Plumm Purveyors of Yumm learns the hard way the Upper West Side doesn't like cute store names, bright layouts, or fun. "The whole thing needs toned down. The coolest places in New York have no signs"  (nymag.com) (163)
(TheXLog.com) Interesting Orton's Revenge  (thexlog.com) (70)
(Yahoo) Dumbass Ed Wade returns to the Phillies as a special consultant. Houston Astros fans confused since they're pretty sure he's been working for Philadelphia the past five seasons  (sports.yahoo.com) (12)
(Yahoo) Interesting Researchers have pinpoint the origin of the rocks used to build Stonehenge to a quarry nearly 100 miles away from the site; think that most of the workmen who delivered the stones didn't even know where they lived anymore  (news.yahoo.com) (28)


Tue December 20, 2011
(SeattlePI) Interesting Jennifer Aniston says she was a goth in her youth. I thought that was just the normal look in the Victorian Era  (blog.seattlepi.com) (113)
(Atlanta Journal Constitution) Obvious Button-down high school with a reputation as being too serious decides to cut loose and not be lame, succeeds in a bunch of normal high school pranks that make it look like it's trying too hard. Lame  (ajc.com) (16)


Mon December 19, 2011
(Bleacher Report) Cool Could Big SHHOOWWW open a can of peas on Mizark? Is it Game over for Kevin Nash's quad? Is the Winter of Punk still on? WWWYKIt's RAW at 9pm est tonight, Sucka  (bleacherreport.com) (386)
(Pravda) Interesting Russia does not mind US missile defense system, but it works on a monster 100-ton missile to be on the safe side  (english.pravda.ru) (100)
(Fox News) Sad Just to show you how far she's fallen, here's Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton in bikinis... and Paris looks better  (foxnews.com) (72)
(PFT) Cool Ben Roethlisberger to take enough painkillers to kill an elephant and start against the San Francisco 49ers tonight on MNF  (profootballtalk.nbcsports.com) (193)


Sun December 18, 2011
(Ace Weekly) Spiffy Ace Weekly ("Lexington's Weekly Newspaper") does a well-deserved profile of FARK's Drew Curtis  (aceweekly.com) (7)


Sat December 17, 2011
(Atlanta Journal Constitution) Sad The murder of rapper Slim Dunkin is as mysterious as the lack of Tim Horton's in the United States  (ajc.com) (56)
(Some Guy) Spiffy During an opening monologue from 1998, Jimmy Fallon predicted he would one day host SNL. Tonight that prediction comes true, missing the exact date by less than a week  (nbc.com) (17)
(BBC) Interesting New study says that bedbugs are repelled by hairy humans. Robin Williams sleeping soundly tonight  (bbc.co.uk) (29)
(Fark) FarkParty Late-notice DC Fark Party at Four Courts in Arlington.  (fark.com) (35)


Fri December 16, 2011
(CBS) Dumbass Two people hunting for scrap metal at nursing home score a ton of building supplies  (detroit.cbslocal.com) (59)
(St. Petersburg Times) Cool Like totally awesome: 10 women from the '80s who are still better looking NOW than Jennifer Aniston  (tampabay.com) (213)
(The New York Times) Asinine Benton Harbor, Michigan is a model for the future. A future where corporations get millions in tax breaks to build their headquarters and private golf courses on public land and the mayor and city council can be fired by the governor on a whim  (nytimes.com) (86)
(New York Daily News) Sad Joe Simon, co-creator of Captain America, canceled at 98. That's just like modern comics... they wouldn't even let him get to the big milestone #100  (nydailynews.com) (29)


Thu December 15, 2011
(Labspaces.net) Interesting African ant can paralyze and kill prey without even touching it. Don't worry -- there's almost zero chance that one of them will crawl into your nose tonight as you sleep  (labspaces.net) (24)
(Fox News) Interesting Newt loves Iowa like a mistress, Santorum's frothing at the mouth, PAUL is Fed up, Huntsman is invisible, Romney's undies are laced up tight, Bachmann's still mayor of Crazy Town, and Perry...I forgot. Tonight...we debate in hell  (foxnews.com) (830)
(CNN) Interesting Victoria's Secret under fire for use of child labor in cotton fields, spandex orchards and sequin mines  (cnn.com) (90)
(Discover) Cool Staggeringly beautiful Hubble pic of a tantrum being thrown by a 30 octillion ton baby  (blogs.discovermagazine.com) (40)
(Yahoo) Interesting Six Walton family members have more wealth than the bottom 30% of Americans. OCCUPY MARY ELLEN  (news.yahoo.com) (287)


Wed December 14, 2011
(ESPN) Asinine MLB's new labor agreement includes more replay, longer All-Star break, longer lines at the concession stands, more Houston Astros games  (espn.go.com) (73)
(The Daily Caller) Followup Ten women who are hotter than Jennifer Aniston  (dailycaller.com) (150)


Tue December 13, 2011
(WWL) Amusing Saints Coach Sean Payton reveals what was behind the "phantom whistle" at the Titans game  (wwl.com) (106)
(Some Heisenborg) Spiffy Researchers may have created a quantum photonic chip  (tgdaily.com) (47)


Mon December 12, 2011
(SeattlePI) Sad How boring is the match up in tonight's Monday Night Football game? Even degenerate gamblers don't want to bet on it  (seattlepi.com) (1118)
(SFGate) Strange 50 tons of corn stolen from moving train. Police to charge culprits with theft, stalking  (sfgate.com) (29)
(Palm Beach Post) Obvious US Coast Guard issues stern warning about overweight American's gross tonnage  (palmbeachpost.com) (55)


Sun December 11, 2011
(NYPost) Fail Lean Over: The Rev. Al Sharpton's nonprofit paid him nearly $242,000 - even as it carried $1.6 million in debt. Most of the money woes stemmed from more than $880,000 in unpaid federal payroll taxes  (nypost.com) (75)
(Boston.com) Amusing From the looks of things, Boston's 2011 Santa Speedo Run was full of Ho Ho Hos  (boston.com) (61)
(The Raw Story) Sick Watch as this conservative GOP audience cheers for child labor, as Upton Sinclair spins in his grave  (rawstory.com) (300)
(YouTube) Video Montana State Bobcats got murdered by Sam Houston State today, but that didn't stop 'Cats receiver Elvis Akpla from making what could be the greatest catch of all time  (youtube.com) (70)


Sat December 10, 2011
(People Magazine) Asinine Jennifer Aniston named Sexiest Woman of All Time by Men's Health readers, proving that Men's Health readers are 40-something single bald guys who wouldn't recognize real humor if it kicked them in the nuts  (people.com) (149)
(NPR) Followup Former governor and ambassador John Huntsman was removed from tonight's debate as he is no longer considered a "viable candidate" while professional crazy person Ron Paul and The Human Google Bomb Rick Santorum are still invited  (npr.org) (107)
(Des Moines Register) PSA Tonight at 8PM, the remaining GOP candidates square off for a debate in Des Moines, Iowa in an attempt to be the last seated when the music stops. Here's a handy rundown of the hopefuls, from RON PAUL to the corndog lady  (caucuses.desmoinesregister.com) (882)
(Rolling Stone) Cool Rolling Stone picks their 50 best albums of 2011, and damned if they didn't get #1 right  (rollingstone.com) (199)
(Huffington Post) Spiffy Huffington Post gives their readers a chance to outdo the FARK regulars with a link to the FARK Weird News Quiz  (huffingtonpost.com) (0)


Fri December 09, 2011
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida Sleep easy tonight, Florida. Instead of catching murderers the police are cracking down on pizza flyer deliveries  (orlandosentinel.com) (39)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Grinch steals holidays from Boca Raton  (sun-sentinel.com) (42)


Thu December 08, 2011
(Pajiba) Cool Tonight, NBC will air the last episode of Community, perhaps ever. In its honor, here are the top 10 episodes of one of the funniest and most innovate comedies of the past few decades  (pajiba.com) (213)
(Showbiz Spy) Obvious How does Charlize Theron get through her love scenes with Patton Oswalt? Booze. Lots and lots of booze  (showbizspy.com) (73)
(Yahoo) Dumbass Archie Manning: "I talked to Andrew Luck's father and we both think it is best for everyone if Peyton Manning and Andrew Luck were not playing on the same team"  (sports.yahoo.com) (94)
(Some Guy) Amusing Thanks to GIS, we know how big Bill Clinton's penis is. We know how big George Bush's penis is. We know how big Barack Obama's penis is. And now in ASL, Michelle Obama tells us, well, you know  (ragn.tumblr.com) (31)


Wed December 07, 2011
(New York Daily News) Sad Hubert Sumlin, electric blues guitar giant who influenced Richards, Clapton, Page and Hendrix, reaches the double bar line  (nydailynews.com) (28)


Tue December 06, 2011
(CBS Sports) Cool Apparently, signing Jeff Garcia as the third-string quarterback is what Houston needed to do to get a thread. Happy now, Texans fans?  (cbssports.com) (52)
(Guardian) Interesting In this week's episode of "Really Tough to Figure out Who to Root For", BP accuses Halliburton of destroying evidence in Deepwater Horizon spill  (guardian.co.uk) (28)
(Some Guy) Scary Ski area owner run over by nine-ton snow grooming machine is recovering nicely, feeling groovy  (pressherald.com) (31)
(Huffington Post) Obvious Hillary Clinton says that Russian elections were rigged, suggests they try using Diebold voting machines next time  (huffingtonpost.com) (24)
(I Heart Chaos) Hero Since no one in Washington seems interested in building a case against the corruption on Wall Street, 60 Minutes is all like "Step aside biatches, we got this"  (iheartchaos.com) (270)
(96.1 Kiss) Video Weatherman says he'll wear wife's Colts panties if they lose another game. Now would be a good time to come back Peyton  (961kiss.com) (34)


Mon December 05, 2011
(HelenaIR.com) Cool Five-ton stash of 220,000 Eisenhower dollar coins worth more than $1 million discovered in bank vault. Someone really liked Ike  (helenair.com) (61)
(ESPN) Cool Patriots fans throw snowballs and batteries at Peyton Manning in Foxboro ... just kidding, they're disappointed he wasn't playing and wished him a speedy recovery. This isn't Philadelphia, after all  (espn.go.com) (85)
(Short List) Scary 'Creepy Crypt' tourist attraction discovers fake skeleton isn't actually fake. Same goes for that ghost then  (shortlist.com) (35)
(YouTube) Cool The most incredible Jack Skellington costume you'll see EVER. Everyone hail to the pumpkin king  (youtube.com) (38)


Sun December 04, 2011
(Ace Weekly) Spiffy Ace Weekly ("Lexington's Weekly Newspaper") goes to University of Kentucky Tech Week and photographs FARK founder Drew Curtis (bonus: 5 spiffy photos)  (aceweekly.com) (2)
(The Weekly Standard) Interesting Why we need Newt as president according to.....Ariana Huffington. Courtesy of 1995  (weeklystandard.com) (51)
(Washington Post) Followup Just another Sunday in Germany - concerts in the park, boating on the Rhine, experts detonating a 1.8 ton WWII bomb  (washingtonpost.com) (53)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Police report says a man charged with assault walked up to a woman in a bar and "kissed her and put his tongue down her throat against her will." I'm sure the plan sounded much more smooth and sexy in his head beforehand  (nwfdailynews.com) (41)


Sat December 03, 2011
(Huffington Post) Spiffy Huffington Post runs a link to this week's FARK Weird News Quiz, but you still don't get a chance to take it again  (huffingtonpost.com) (0)
(Some Guy) Strange Occupy Boston protesters trying to winterize their encampment have brought everything but the kitchen sink, and only because the cops confiscated that  (boston.cbslocal.com) (256)


Fri December 02, 2011
(Washington Post) Spiffy Washington Post writes an article about Reddit ... and still mentions FARK (6th paragraph)  (washingtonpost.com) (0)
(Some Guy) Amusing In other news, Hillary Clinton gets groped in Myanmar  (l3.yimg.com) (64)
(Boing Boing) Cool Trying to decide where to eat tonight? Check out "A Consumer Guide on the Working Conditions of American Restaurants." Once again, Five Guys beats out In-N-Out, and Olive Garden found yet another way to suck  (boingboing.net) (238)
(Forbes) Dumbass Why blog for the Huffington Post for free when you can pay five grand for the privilege of fetching Arianna's coffee?  (forbes.com) (36)
(Fark) FarkParty Last call for Indy Fark Party tonight at Frontpage on Mass Avenue. Despite numerous requests, you may NOT bring your own moonshine  (fark.com) (71)
(ESPN) Followup Peyton Manning given green light to increase activity. Injury becoming less of a pain in the neck  (espn.go.com) (14)


Thu December 01, 2011
(Some FreeThoughtBlog) Misc Culture War correspondent Ed Brayton admires Fark's take on Romney's immigration stance  (freethoughtblogs.com) (0)
(Slate) Interesting Science asks: Is it more dangerous to drive drunk or stoned? Subby's own near-exhaustive experimentation with Mario Kart indicate we should probably just have the damn pizza delivered  (slate.com) (56)
(Entertainment Weekly) Amusing Trey Parker and Robert Lopez on "Book of Mormon" Grammy nod: "The Tonys, I went kind of classy, but a little rocked out, but Grammys, I don't know. It might be like a chicken outfit or something? A chicken costume?"  (music-mix.ew.com) (21)
(Some Guy) Interesting The Muppets has a 98% approval rating on Rotton Tomatoes, a rare 'A' CinemaScore rating and is one of the best movies of the year. So does it have a chance at the Oscars? The answer is 'probably not, except for the songs'  (thewrap.com) (84)
(Some Guy) Misc The "Stonewall Jackson Prayer Tree" once feared lost has now been found. Still blind, still cannot see  (newsleader.com) (18)
(Showbiz Spy) Obvious Jennifer Aniston's high-maintenance tendencies might send Justin Theroux running for Angelina Jolie and/or Brad Pitt  (showbizspy.com) (22)
(Yahoo) PSA My dad was right: The safest vehicle for a teenager is a multi-ton land barge  (autos.yahoo.com) (85)
(Short List) Interesting Sold for $2.16m to the bald-headed megalomaniac carrying Kryptonite  (shortlist.com) (11)


Wed November 30, 2011
(Topless Robot) Followup William Shatner fires a photon torpedo at Carrie Fisher  (toplessrobot.com) (358)
(YouTube) Fail Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to show up at a Target store in Dayton and act like a total retard. Welcome to Operation Fleabag  (youtube.com) (88)
(Wonkette) Dumbass Obama accidentally refers to UK embassy as "English," which means Sarah Palin is automatically president and Obama will be chased out of Washington by Braveheart extras  (wonkette.com) (332)
(Salon) Unlikely "Cain's innocent because he never harassed me, and I'm a stone cold hottie" With "Do not want" pic  (salon.com) (151)
(ESPN) Sad Al Davis drafts Chester McGlockton again  (espn.go.com) (25)
(Daily Mail) Sappy Peyton Manning shows off his eight-month-old son. Five NFL teams make preparations to go 0-16 in 2032  (dailymail.co.uk) (40)
(truTV) Interesting Kate Middleton is pregnant with a bloodthirsty Dracula Antichrist reptilian cannibal, if all the rumors in this slideshow are true  (trutv.com) (60)
(TheSpec.com) Strange The mayor of Hamilton, Ontario, Canada hires a Senior Military Advisor, plans invasion of other Canadian cities you've never heard of  (thespec.com) (44)
(ESPN) Followup Coach K: "Tonight, my butt's sore". Duke sucks  (sports.espn.go.com) (59)
(YouTube) Cool Happy Birthday Mark Twain: In celebration, here's Hal Holbrooks Mark Twain Tonight. Timeless  (youtube.com) (11)
(Life.com) Cool Hell-bent for leather: Daytona Beach edition  (life.com) (11)


Tue November 29, 2011
(YouTube) Video Fire alarm goes off during tonight's live NBC Nightly News broadcast. No, it wasn't a bullshiat detector  (youtube.com) (18)
(Some Guy) Amusing Someone at reference.com doesn't care for Luton, England (Not safe for work language)  (reference.com) (23)
(Bleacher Report) Interesting Can a steel cage contain Mizark's hatred of peas? Will Randy Orton do to Cody Rhodes' bag the same thing he did to Mickie James's? Will Santa Foley have a Socko Elf? It's WWE Smackdown, live at 8 PM ET on SyFy  (bleacherreport.com) (1349)
(Starpulse) Spiffy Victoria's Secret fashion show tonight: It's the closest you're going to get to porn on CBS  (starpulse.com) (73)
(BBC) Cool Two new "sun worship" spots found at Stonehenge, probably used before stones were erected  (bbc.co.uk) (38)
(Celebslam) Stupid Paris Hilton buys $300,000 Ferrari. Pardon me, I need to go occupy something  (celebslam.celebuzz.com) (75)
(Bitten and Bound) Ironic Kelly Preston shed 39 pounds after giving birth at 48. Her secret weapon .... Kirstie Alley  (bittenandbound.com) (28)
(The Tennessean) Spiffy "A quarter-ton of roofing shingles, 5 tons of construction debris, gasoline and diesel fuel, a dead deer and an armadillo." Redneck 12 Days of Christmas? Close, but nope: The 10 weeks of microbial composting  (tennessean.com) (18)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Kate Middleton is taking fashion tips from Camilla Parker-Bowles. Will have the nicest saddle of all the Royals. (with pic that gets funnier the more you stare at it)  (dailymail.co.uk) (49)
(YouTube) Amusing Orton says goodbye to Denver  (youtube.com) (125)
(CNN) Interesting Should Supreme Court justices Antonin Scalia, Clarence Thomas and Elena Kagan recuse themselves or pull out of the upcoming health care ruling?  (cnn.com) (260)
(I Heart Chaos) Stupid Because he's always full of good ideas when it comes to the internet, Joe Lieberman now thinks Blogger should come with a "terrorist flag" button. Surely this would only be used by responsible adults for real terror threats  (iheartchaos.com) (93)


Mon November 28, 2011
(TSN) Obvious Washington Capitals fire Bruce Boudreau. Will be replaced by Dale Hunter. Pierre Turgeon watches his back  (tsn.ca) (79)
(Yahoo) Obvious Houston Astros fire their GM Ed Wade. Subsequently, the Philadelphia Phillies lose the most productive level in their farm system  (sports.yahoo.com) (23)
(The Hill) Followup Newt also picks up the not-quite-as-coveted Bill Clinton endorsement  (thehill.com) (67)
(Starpulse) Misc Hey, remember Paris Hilton? Yeah, no one else does either  (starpulse.com) (124)
(Yahoo) Obvious In a video made at her 19th birthday party, Miley Cyrus refers to herself as a "stoner" who "smokes way too much farkin' weed"  (music.yahoo.com) (139)


Sun November 27, 2011
(WXYZ Detroit) Silly Today's hot-button question: should nursing mothers serve on juries?  (wxyz.com) (61)
(Some Guy) Stupid Police bust man at sobriety checkpoint. Not for driving drunk, but for having untaxed cigarettes in his car. The free world will sleep safer tonight  (syracuse.com) (140)
(Huffington Post) Spiffy Huffington Post sees if their readers have been as observant as the FARK regulars by running a link to the Fark Weird News Quiz  (huffingtonpost.com) (0)
(Some Leftover Eater) Dumbass Man stabs self with turkey thermometer instead of waiting for belly button to pop out  (newportplaintalk.com) (17)


Sat November 26, 2011
(Burlington Free Press) Sad Vermont's Ruth Stone now in the Dead Poets Society  (burlingtonfreepress.com) (16)
(ESPN) Cool Can Alabama Usually Beat Us Red Necks again? Luck or the Irish? Will PSU bugger the Badgers? UCLA @ USC, OK? Virginny's at war, Oregon and Washington are like, divided, and WTF's an Egg Bowl? CFB Rivalry Week - Clean, Old Fashioned Hate  (espn.go.com) (1157)
(New York Magazine) Unlikely Oh holy crap KATE MIDDLETON WORE A TURTLE NECK TO GROCERY SHOP  (nymag.com) (80)


Fri November 25, 2011
(Houston Press) Amusing A roundup of some of the delightfully named people that have graced the Harris County (Houston) Texas crime rolls. Their torment is your gain  (blogs.houstonpress.com) (67)
(Some Guy) Spiffy The gem that Rolling Stone missed: the 12 greatest keytarists in rock  (29-95.com) (57)
(Fox Sports) Spiffy Can the Hogs de-stripe the Tigers and cause a BCS shiatstorm? Can Houston make a Heisman "Case" for Keenum? Did someone say Nebraska was playing today? Here now is your post-Thanksgiving college FB thread. Gobble gobble  (msn.foxsports.com) (583)


Thu November 24, 2011
(Rolling Stone) Fail Rolling Stone readers have picked the ten best Van Halen songs, and it's a pretty good li--WHERE THE F*CK IS LOVE WALKS IN? THAT IS THEIR BEST SONG  (rollingstone.com) (160)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Followup Bears settle for Josh McCown after the Chiefs settle for Kyle Orton  (suntimes.com) (24)
(MSNBC) Weird Taiwanese study says having your partner taking multivitamins can lead to casual sex. Friday night now becomes a case of beer and a bottle of Flintstones chewables  (vitals.msnbc.msn.com) (9)


Wed November 23, 2011
(Rolling Stone) PSA I'll save you 100 clicks -- Rolling Stone Magazine says that Jimi Hendrix is still the greatest rock guitarist, and demonstrates that the guitar is an old man's instrument  (rollingstone.com) (165)
(Daily Mail) Unlikely Rick Hilton says son Conrad was completely sober, merely hit two parked cars because he was trying to avoid a dog that ran in front of him. Then went home to his wife, Morgan Fairchild  (dailymail.co.uk) (45)
(Bloomberg) Spiffy Lloyds pledges to lend over six million tons to UK businesses. That's heavy  (bloomberg.com) (11)
(YouTube) Video The Edward Wellington Mouseripper Society would like to cordially invite you to an evening of classical music  (youtube.com) (6)
(Sporting News) Interesting Forget Newton and Dalton, this NFL rookie class is so great that the article doesn't even get to Marcell Dareus  (aol.sportingnews.com) (56)
(LA Times) Obvious Damn it Orton  (latimes.com) (188)


Tue November 22, 2011
(Huffington Post) Amusing The Huffington Post raises its glass to Fark for bringing their attention to a drunk Russian diplomat  (huffingtonpost.com) (1)
(Washington Post) Spiffy Washington Post thanks FARK for letting them know of Corbin Bernsen's fondness for snowglobes (5th section)  (washingtonpost.com) (0)
(Major League Baseball) Cool Major League Baseball and the MLB Players Association reach preliminary agreement, stick tongues out at the NBA  (mlb.mlb.com) (25)
(CSMonitor) Unlikely "The GOP candidates have appeared on more stages than the road show of 'Cats.' But haven't the debates been great political theater so far? [Tonight's] event shouldn't disappoint"  (csmonitor.com) (221)


Mon November 21, 2011
(New Scientist) Interesting Palaeontologists discover first evidence that dinosaurs ate birds. Those stone buckets from Pangaea Fried Chicken were a big tipoff  (newscientist.com) (10)
(Philly.com) Asinine Dennis Miller says that if we paid attention to what OWS wants "we'd be speaking Cantonese in eight months". The last time I saw logic that tortured it was experiencing Pon Farr  (philly.com) (200)
(Bloomberg) Unlikely Sales of existing US homes unexpectedly increase. Ashton Kutcher's punking us, isn't he?  (bloomberg.com) (16)
(Washington Post) Cool The Washington Redskins' ineptitude on the field also extends to the broadcast booth  (washingtonpost.com) (34)
(ESPN) Interesting Which Tom Brady will show up tonight: the Super Bowl winning legend, or Jake-winning 4 INTs in one game Brady? Great Googly Moogly, it's the New England Patriots vs. the Kansas City Chiefs on Monday Night Football, 8:30 PM ET on ESPN  (espn.go.com) (775)
(Gizmag) Cool Shackleton Energy Company plans to establish first lunar base and gas stations in space. THE FUTURE IS *HERE*  (gizmag.com) (26)
(TSN) Cool Love him or hate him, the poster boy for concussions in hockey returns to the game tonight (7pm Eastern, 4pm Pacific)  (tsn.ca) (171)
(Some Guy) Amusing John Cleese's stand in for The Black Knight scene was Richard Burton, and 19 other things you didn't know about Monty Python, most likely because you're so very stupid. Now go away or I will taunt you a second time  (pajiba.com) (82)


Sun November 20, 2011
(MLS) Cool It's been 36 weeks in the making. The highest paid roster vs. one of the lowest. The primadonnas vs the journeymen. The Fighting Beckhams vs The Alamo Defense. It's your 2011 MLS Cup Final thread. LA Galaxy vs Houston Dynamo, 9PM on ESPN  (mlssoccer.com) (115)
(Yahoo) Spiffy With the Chase down to two drivers - Carl Edwards and Tony Stewart - loyalties could determine the 2011 Cup champion. It's the Ford 400 from sunny Homestead-Miami Speedway, 3:30 ET, ABC  (sports.yahoo.com) (1114)
(Telegraph) Sad Study designed to illustrate just how effeminate Britain has become says men take longer to get ready than women -- including more time cleansing, toning and moisturizing  (telegraph.co.uk) (98)
(News.com.au) Asinine Oliver Stone yells at cloud  (news.com.au) (60)


Sat November 19, 2011
(Huffington Post) Spiffy Huffington Post sees if their readers are as clever as the FARK regulars with a link to the FARK weird news quiz  (huffingtonpost.com) (3)


Fri November 18, 2011
(IOL) Obvious Looks like Demi was sleeping with other women too, so LEAVE ASHTON ALONE  (iol.co.za) (47)
(Japan Times) Cool Guinness World Records certifies that Tokyo Sky Tree beats out Canton and CN as world's tallest tower. If it stands fewer than four hours, seek medical attention  (japantimes.co.jp) (13)
(CNBC) Interesting Debt crisis shows Angela Merkel is the boss. Tony Danza and Bruce Springsteen demand a recount  (cnbc.com) (16)
(USA Today) Asinine Catholic Church buys glass cathedral for $57M, plans to renovate by casting stones in all directions  (content.usatoday.com) (123)
(Celebitchy) Interesting Justin Theroux hates Jennifer Aniston's friendship with Chelsea Handler. This is a sober moment in their relationship... until Chelsea Handler breathes on them, anyway  (celebitchy.com) (21)
(Boston Herald) Followup Occupy Boston protestors are either smarter or less motivated than their counterparts in other cities  (bostonherald.com) (256)


Thu November 17, 2011
(LA Times) Obvious BREAKING NEWS: Ashton Kutcher is divorcing his mom  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (30)
(UPI) Stupid Clinton motorcade egged, drivers forced to scramble  (upi.com) (36)
(News.com.au) Interesting Police find six tons of marijuana in a cross border tunnel, and another three tons in a truck. All eighteen tons have been confiscated. Wait, that's not how the meme goes... Are they F-ing high?  (news.com.au) (94)
(Discover) Followup Rest easy tonight, Sarah Connor  (blogs.discovermagazine.com) (7)
(Deadline) Cool Sharon Stone joins the cast of Lovelace, presumably as "After"  (deadline.com) (18)
(Cyprus Mail) Scary When "seeking a pleasant change that would break the monotony of hard work", do not do it by rupturing your friend's intestine with a blast from an air compressor  (cyprus-mail.com) (65)
(Cleveland Plain Dealer) Spiffy Houston Astros move from the National League as MLB splits into two equal sized leagues. Orioles now become 15th worst team in American League  (cleveland.com) (194)
(Chicago Tribune) Stupid Teacher suspended for exposing his class to The Daily Show  (chicagotribune.com) (258)


Wed November 16, 2011
(wpri.com) Strange Taunton ATM targeted. And I thought they smelled bad... on the OUTSIDE  (wpri.com) (27)
(pro football talk) Followup Peyton Manning denies rumors that he'll be the next coach at University of Mississippi. "Just tell them that I'm 0-10 as an assistant for Indianapolis"   (profootballtalk.nbcsports.com) (97)
(Chud) Weird If a book features the word "peculiar" in the title, you just know Tim Burton's gonna turn it into a movie  (chud.com) (34)
(Washington Post) Obvious The IRS, lawyers, Paris Hilton, and the US becoming a communist nation are all more popular than Congress  (washingtonpost.com) (142)


Tue November 15, 2011
(Huffington Post) Unlikely Glenn Beck says Rick Santorum is the next George Washington. Sorry if you were drinking something when you read that. Subby will get you a new keyboard  (huffingtonpost.com) (109)
(CBS News) Interesting Two Senators (R&D) introduce "STOCK Act" to stop "insider trading" in Congress. Subby will ride his unicorn straight through Washington D.C. if this passes  (cbsnews.com) (75)
(The Destin Log) Florida Deputies reprimanded for failing to find gun hidden in man's fat rolls. Florida tag unbuttons pants, goes back for seconds  (thedestinlog.com) (31)
(Amazon) Florida Casey Anthony Prosecutor Jeff Ashton's Book Drops Today. As far as reviews go, the jury's still out, but I think we can assume they'll get it wrong  (amazon.com) (53)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Hillary Clinton gets a nice Hawaiian surprise (w/photos & video)  (dailymail.co.uk) (76)
(Daily Mail) Weird Kathy Griffin recreates Janet Jackson's famous topless Rolling Stone cover. Handful of issues marked half off  (dailymail.co.uk) (45)
(Talking Points Memo) Followup The latest threat to Mitt Romney? Newt Gingrich. At least, this week. Next week it'll be Bill Paxton or something  (talkingpointsmemo.com) (162)
(ESPN) Amusing All that stuff about the Houston Texans finally making the playoffs? Not so much. Welcome back to The Matt Leinart Era  (espn.go.com) (59)


Mon November 14, 2011
(ESPN) Obvious Will the Packers slaughter the spread tonight? Or settle for merely beating the Vikings into a pulp? It's your Monday Night Football thread (kickoff at 830 ET)  (scores.espn.go.com) (1429)
(VentureBeat) Interesting A sighting of the rare Silicon Valley Unicorn, who has come to share an important thing with us. Namely, that Michael Arrington is missing the boat  (venturebeat.com) (16)
(Life's Little Mysteries) Amusing The world's largest bra is a size 1222B, or approximately 8.4 Dolly Partons  (lifeslittlemysteries.com) (46)
(The New York Times) News Supreme Court to determine whether Alexander Hamilton would have wanted to join an HMO  (nytimes.com) (266)
(Smh.com.au) Obvious Coincidentally, the Iranian arms chief spontaneously detonates. Coincidentally  (smh.com.au) (72)
(The New York Times) Amusing NBC to announce hiring of Clinton as special corespondent. Not that one, the other one  (nytimes.com) (70)


Sat November 12, 2011
(CBS News) Followup CBS and the National Journal will host another Republican Debate tonight, where they will discuss national security, foreign policy and... uh... uhm... oops  (cbsnews.com) (328)
(Huffington Post) Spiffy Huffington Post gives their readers a chance to compete with FARK regulars, by giving a link to the FARK weird news quiz. No ... you can't take it again  (huffingtonpost.com) (0)
(Some Guy) Interesting From "Boop bleep TSHT dit boop bleep TSHT dit boop bleep TSHT dit boop bleep" to "Hullohullohullohullo..." the history of the Casiotone  (generror.wordpress.com) (32)
(Some Guy) Asinine No butts about it, Pippa Middleton broke up with her boyfriend because he made an ass of himself one too many times, that bum  (couriermail.com.au) (91)


Fri November 11, 2011
(New York Daily News) Followup Mariah Carey says pregnancy has made her voice stronger. Drug stores brace for unprecedented run on cotton balls  (nydailynews.com) (26)
(Miami Herald) Florida Most whipped man in existence sifts through nine tons of garbage after tossing wife's ring  (miamiherald.com) (83)


Thu November 10, 2011
(LA Times) Interesting Fast food and obesity have no connection to poverty but rather the middle class. Still doesn't explain why there are more McDonald's in Compton than the rest of the country combined  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (101)
(Skyrim2011 .info) Cool Official Skyrim thread. Game launches tonight at midnight. Haikus, Oblivion stories welcome  (skyrim2011.info) (418)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Bono: "we sucked at Glastonbury because I wore the wrong shoes"  (nme.com) (75)
(Some Hippie) Scary UC Berkeley students protesting tuition increases receive support from police. By "support," I mean "strikes" and by "police," I mean batons  (sfist.com) (124)
(CNN) Interesting Blind man clicks tongue to help him "see". No explanation given as to how he might refrain from tripping over the cats that will inevitably surround his feet  (cnn.com) (65)
(Some Guy) Unlikely Can Mimi Rogers do what Ashton Kutcher can't?  (dailytelegraph.com.au) (96)


Wed November 09, 2011
(Rolling Stone) Cool Rolling Stones announce a London "jam" session, though that's contingent on whether or not the venue is handicap accessible  (rollingstone.com) (14)
(ESPN) Sad HOF basketball player Ed Macauley dies at 83. Was traded by the Celtics for Bill Russell. Boston fans forever indebted  (espn.go.com) (9)
(NJ.com) Obvious Princeton and Princeton come together to form... MEGA-PRINCETON. Naw, but seriously, just Princeton  (nj.com) (53)
(Den Of Geek) Obvious What we know so far about "Iron Man 3." For one thing, it will feature Tony Stark. Also, it will feature Iron Man  (denofgeek.com) (65)


Tue November 08, 2011
(TheXLog.com) Amusing Of all people bashing Tony Romo's relationship status, it shouldn't be Tiki Barber  (thexlog.com) (11)
(Discover) Interesting Stonecutter finds fossil whale in marble slabs, holds back the electric car, rigs every Oscar night  (blogs.discovermagazine.com) (31)


Mon November 07, 2011
(Chicago Sun-Times) Followup Cain denies sexual harassment allegations from fourth woman, even if it does make him look positively Clintonian  (suntimes.com) (235)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Univ. of Charleston announces 22% tuition increase for next year. Wait, 22% cut? That can't be right, I have to check this again  (ucwv.edu) (42)
(wtsp.com) Cool Bill Clinton has a job plan that doesn't blow  (wtsp.com) (39)
(Bleacher Report) Cool Tony Romo will continue to shine, no matter what Jessica Simpson says  (bleacherreport.com) (101)
(NewsBusters) Obvious Kathleen Willey: Hey when I came forward against Clinton, I had evidence, but the media ignored it except when they wanted to smear me to protect Bill, but with Cain, two anonymous women are considered ironclad facts. There is a double standard  (newsbusters.org) (527)
(The Smoking Gun) Fail Florida man whose girlfriend announced her intention to break up with him does the logical thing: tries to commit suicide with Flintstone's vitamins  (thesmokinggun.com) (62)
(Yahoo) Amusing Watch Bills DB Drayton Florence scare the bejeezus out of Mark Sanchez  (sports.yahoo.com) (27)


Sat November 05, 2011
(Cleveland Plain Dealer) Obvious Cleveland Browns players are sympathetic of Peyton Hillis' struggles to get back on the field after an injury. Just kidding; Seneca Wallace is throwing him under the bus  (cleveland.com) (77)
(I Heart Chaos) Interesting Tim Burton wanted Ray Liotta to play Batman, but instead Liotta did some little move called Goodfellas. Never heard of it  (iheartchaos.com) (89)
(Huffington Post) Spiffy Huffington Post gives their readers a chance to compete with FARK regulars, by giving a link to the FARK weird news quiz  (huffingtonpost.com) (0)


Fri November 04, 2011
(Some Puzzled Guy) Strange "Very powerful" unknown force crushes a whole block full of cars in Washington DC. Nobody heard anything and the police don't know anything about it  (wusa9.com) (243)
(Mother Nature Network) Interesting Russian officials are about to open up the hatch to a windowless cell that's been sealed for 520-days as part of a simulaton to Mars. How much you wanna bet all they find the crew all dead and a slug-like alien crawling around inside?  (mnn.com) (76)


Thu November 03, 2011
(IndyStar) Obvious In an extremely shocking bit of news, Peyton Manning says his healing process is 'going slow'  (indystar.com) (74)
(cfnews13.com) Florida Ex-Daytona Beach commissioner sues over bathroom sex sting. He doesn't have a very wide stance to operate from  (cfnews13.com) (27)
(Yahoo) Fail Getting a tattoo of the Super Bowl XLVI Champion Houston Texans on your forearm? That is Texas sized FAIL  (sports.yahoo.com) (58)


Wed November 02, 2011
(LA Times) Sad City of Compton finds itself in full financial meltdown -- despite being solidly in the black only a few short years ago  (latimes.com) (99)
(Telegraph) Interesting "Magical Sunstone", the predecessor to GPS, found in shipwreck salvage  (telegraph.co.uk) (34)
(Washington Post) Obvious Tea Party freshmen are worried that Super Committee won't do what they want. Welcome to Washington, kids  (washingtonpost.com) (57)
(HelenaIR.com) Dumbass Man tricks his girlfriend into believing he'd been kidnapped by men in skeleton masks on Halloween, gets treated to jail cell and multiple criminal charges for tampering with evidence and drug possession  (helenair.com) (13)
(Reuters) Sick Dining tip: When ordering a sandwich in Marlton, New Jersey, never tell the cook to put everything on it  (in.reuters.com) (22)
(STV.tv) Fail Man in superhero costume arrested for motorway incident. Unclear whether it was suicide attempt or Kryptonite-related flight failure  (news.stv.tv) (5)


Tue November 01, 2011
(Deadspin) Silly IF YOU SMELLLLLLL-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA... what Fred Flintstone's COOKIN'  (deadspin.com) (23)
(DCist) Fail Washington DC bans sales of single beers, leading to the completely unforseeable result that companies attach two cans together  (dcist.com) (60)
(CNN) Fail Chiefs win the Monday Night Football game, Philip Rivers wins the costume contest for his excellent Tony Romo outfit  (sportsillustrated.cnn.com) (180)


Mon October 31, 2011
(ESPN) Spiffy The NHL all-star game will be known as the 2012 Tim Hortons NHL All-Star Game  (espn.go.com) (40)
(Topless Robot) Cool Looking for something to watch tonight for Halloween but don't quite know what to see? Here's a list of 10 MST3K episodes that will satisfy your love of horror--and comedy  (toplessrobot.com) (61)
(STLToday) Cool Tony LaRussa just hit a walkoff win, retires  (stltoday.com) (102)


Sun October 30, 2011
(Scientific American) Cool Not even the Stonecutters can hold back the electric car when wireless charging comes to town  (scientificamerican.com) (57)
(The New York Times) Sick NY "foreclosure mill" tones down its Halloween celebrations in light of the terrible economy. Just kidding - they throw a party and dress up as homeless people and mock foreclosed homeowners  (nytimes.com) (430)
(Huffington Post) Spiffy Huffington Post gives their readers one more chance to see if they were paying attention, with a link to the FARK weird news quiz  (huffingtonpost.com) (0)


Sat October 29, 2011
(Some Fight Card) Spiffy UFC 137 discussion thread. Baseball is over, CM is a damn punk. But want not, for tonight we have a competitive showing of great fighters that will soothe even the savage liters. Prelims start at 6, main card at 9pm ET  (ufc.com) (197)
(Some Guy) Cool Chelsea face Arsenal, Manchester United play Everton and there's a bunch of other games. Welcome to this week's EPL discussion thread  (football365.com) (338)


Fri October 28, 2011
(People Magazine) Sappy Comedian Mario Cantone marries his partner of 20 years. FABULOUS  (people.com) (33)
(Entertainment Weekly) Interesting FX picks up Charlie Sheen show, a shiat ton of baggage  (insidetv.ew.com) (32)
(Forbes) Unlikely Sprint CEO explains that having tons of users switch to the new iPhone actually makes it easier to offer unlimited data plans. No, really  (forbes.com) (88)
(ESPN) Cool Houston QB Case Keenum throws 534 yards and 9 touchdowns against Rice, has the defenses of Barley, Oats, and Wheat terrified  (espn.go.com) (68)
(Forbes) Wheaton How to reboot Star Trek for modern TV. Yes, Wheaton is included  (forbes.com) (160)


Thu October 27, 2011
(ESPN) Obvious Indianapolis Colts team president Bill Polian defends Jim Caldwell from criticism and, in doing so, reveals to Peyton fanboys that the team actually isn't "everybody from last year except Peyton"  (espn.go.com) (38)
(New York Daily News) Followup Chelsea Clinton is definitely NOT running for Congress ...yet  (nydailynews.com) (62)
(Houston Chronicle) Dumbass Protip: When writing a book about the 'cheapest places to retire' you should really visit those first instead of using GIS. Who knew South Houston did not have "a ski lift gondola soaring above a snowy pine-studded landscape"  (chron.com) (146)


Wed October 26, 2011
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Dolphins coach Tony Sparano has put his house up for sale, fueling speculation....eh, no one cares. It's just the damned Dolphins  (sun-sentinel.com) (26)
(Now Magazine) Strange Jennifer Aniston: "I'm not marrying Justin Theroux and I'm not pregnant." Everyone else: "We didn't ask"  (nowmagazine.co.uk) (57)
(ESPN) Dumbass Since the Colts are so awful without Peyton Manning, shouldn't he be considered for MVP?  (espn.go.com) (143)
(The Local (Germany)) Silly Russian bear laid hands on Teutonic footballer  (thelocal.de) (6)
(FilmDrunk) Interesting Matt Damon and Ben Affleck to break out the terrible Boston accents for a Whitey Bulger movie. I can live with that  (filmdrunk.uproxx.com) (80)
(ESPN) Interesting John Lackey improves Boston's rotation by deciding to miss 2012 for Tommy John surgery  (espn.go.com) (64)
(OzSoapbox) Asinine Woman in Taiwan clicks Facebook 'like' button, now being sued for defamation. 'Like' this story at your own risk  (ozsoapbox.com) (44)
(CBS News) Sappy Tony Romo finally puts one in the end zone  (cbsnews.com) (45)


Tue October 25, 2011
(Some Guy) Amusing How to get into a Taylor Swift afterparty. YOU WILL NEED: tons of glowsticks; human body wrapped in duct tape; cow  (allermann.blogspot.com) (59)


Mon October 24, 2011
(YouTube) Interesting After last night's collapse of the Vengeance ring, the WWE Universe waits with bated breath to find out if there is anything left of Hornswoggle besides a tiny corpse amongst the kendo sticks. RAW tonight on USA, 9:00pm EST  (youtube.com) (1479)
(ESPN) Cool WHO will have the 3-2 series lead going back to St. Louis? CAN C.J. Wilson follow Holland and blank the Cardinals again tonight? WILL Joe Buck do COCAIIIIIIIINE on air? THIS is YOUR 2011 World Series: Game 5 Discussion Thread. (8 ET on FOX)  (espn.go.com) (862)
(Houston Press) Stupid How far is too far? Is Caesar salad-flavored cotton candy far enough?  (blogs.houstonpress.com) (39)
(Talking Points Memo) Asinine Washington politicians dueling via Twitter hashtags. Your government at work  (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com) (38)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Scientists claim ancient spear lodged in mastodon skeleton proves humans populated North America 1,000 years earlier than previously thought. Still looking for foot-powered cars and record players made from birds  (dailymail.co.uk) (29)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Twenty tons of debris from Japan heading towards Hawaii and should reach there in two years or so, provided there isn't a big wave. EVERYBODY PANIC  (dailymail.co.uk) (65)


Sat October 22, 2011
(Onion AV Club) Scary Tim Burton designs balloon for Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. It looks uncomfortably similar to the Joker's poison gas balloon in 1989's "Batman"  (avclub.com) (43)
(Gawker) Misc Prince Harry dates California cocktail waitress who looks exactly like his sister-in-law Kate Middleton. The aristocrats  (gawker.com) (40)
(ESPN) Cool WHO will break the tie between Texas and St. Louis? WILL the Cardinals pitcher grab a victory or a "Lohse"? HOW many fans will fall out of the stadium tonight? THIS is YOUR 2011 World Series: Game 3 Discussion Thread. (7:05 CST on FOX)  (espn.go.com) (950)
(Spiegel) Interesting A country whose budget is balanced, where politicians aren't corrupt, where you can trust the police? If you guessed Estonia, you were right  (spiegel.de) (80)
(Huffington Post) Spiffy Huffington Post notes that if you are crash landing a plane in a strip mall, astute FARK readers will quickly find the footage (1st paragraph)  (huffingtonpost.com) (0)
(Fox News) Unlikely In case you didn't already have a reason to hate Ashton Kutcher, there's a chance he may the father of January Jones' baby  (foxnews.com) (42)
(seattle times) Sad Washington State Senator Scott White of Seattle dies at age 41  (today.seattletimes.com) (55)


Fri October 21, 2011
(ESPN) Obvious On October 20th, the Leafs started blowing in Boston  (scores.espn.go.com) (26)
(National Geographic) Interesting If you see a 1.5 ton piece of space metal plummeting to Earth this weekend, duck. And don't touch it, it'll be hot  (news.nationalgeographic.com) (43)


Thu October 20, 2011
(FilmDrunk) Scary The search for the most unbalanced Ashton Kutcher fan has ended  (filmdrunk.uproxx.com) (25)
(Major League Baseball) Cool Washington's Gut vs. LaRussa's Brain, Lewis vs. Garcia, Shiner vs. Budweiser. Game 2 of the World Series, 8:05 ET (Fox)  (mlb.mlb.com) (597)
(Some Guy) Interesting Obvious: Herman Cain gets schooled in a debate. Amusing: by Bill Clinton. Fark: in 1994  (washingtonmonthly.com) (87)
(Celebitchy) Obvious Ashton Kutcher despised by Demi Moore's daughters, Bruce Willis, everyone in general  (celebitchy.com) (56)
(Some Guy) Stupid University of Texas at San Antonio is getting the hang of NCAA football. Especially the "jerks running the stadium" part  (ksat.com) (23)
(Politico) Strange What do Bill Clinton, Rudy Giuliani, Al Sharpton and Gary Bauer all have in common? They still have open presidential committees that owe money to creditors  (politico.com) (18)


Wed October 19, 2011
(Some Guy) Interesting Tonight on PBS, how the radioactive exclusion zone around Chernobyl has become a de-facto wildlife preserve  (pbs.org) (51)
(Pizza pizza) Obvious Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia rules against Chicago Deep-Dish Pizza, insisting it should be called "tomato pie," or "cheese pie," or just anything but "pizza." Dissenting opinions to the right  (chicagoist.com) (301)
(ESPN) Cool TONIGHT, the October Classic begins as "Back-to-Back" AL Champions, the Texas Rangers, take on the NL Champion St. Louis Cardinals. THIS is YOUR Official FARK Thread for Game 1 of the 2011 World Series. (8pm EST/7pm CST on FOX)  (scores.espn.go.com) (580)
(Daily Stab) Spiffy Reese Witherspoon has a crush on Jennifer Aniston. I guess she hasn't met Angelina Jolie just yet  (dailystab.com) (40)
(Huffington Post) Misc Well, it's over. Wayne Newton has endorsed a GOP candidate  (huffingtonpost.com) (90)
(Some Guy) News French-Moroccan muslims arrested in San Antonio may have terror link after photographs of courthouses, water systems' from around the US found in the van. Nothing to see here, probably just some judgemental plumbers on holiday  (radio.woai.com) (114)
(Daily Mail) Scary Ashton Kutcher wants Demi Moore to disappear. She dutifully complies  (dailymail.co.uk) (65)


Tue October 18, 2011
(PFT) Obvious While the media's been busy drooling all over their latest rookie sensation, Andy Dalton's been outplaying Cam Newton   (profootballtalk.nbcsports.com) (129)


Mon October 17, 2011
(411mania) Amusing John Laryngitis stole Triple H's job. That's convenient, given that tonight's episode of WWE Monday Night Raw is coming to you from Mexico (9PM EDT on USA)  (411mania.com) (lots)
(ESPN) Scary Payton breaks leg in sideline collision. Sweetness  (espn.go.com) (42)


Sun October 16, 2011
(Fox News) Stupid Lady Gaga finds a way to make the 10th anniversary concert for the William J. Clinton Foundation all about her  (foxnews.com) (31)
(YouTube) Cool Tony Carey, former keyboardist from Rainbow and the brains behind Planet P Project, is 58 today. Here's "Why Me"  (youtube.com) (18)
(The Sun) Unlikely Seems like time for this week's Stone Roses reunion story  (thesun.co.uk) (20)
(ESPN) Interesting Will the Redskins put Michael Vick down again? Can the Carolina Newtons win another game? Will the Lions vs. the 49ers be the best game of the day? It's the NFL Week 6 thread (games begin at 1 PM ET on Fox and CBS)  (scores.espn.go.com) (3405)


Sat October 15, 2011
(Regina Leader Post) Spiffy Regina Leader Post decides that no article about the Boston Red Sox failure is complete without an epic FARK headline (3rd paragraph)  (leaderpost.com) (1)
(Politico) Obvious Transparency: transˈpe(ə)rənsē noun: 1.free from pretense or deceit. synonym: Frank. Antonym: Obama administration  (politico.com) (162)
(NASCAR) Cool Saturday "Save the Admins some time" motorsports discussion thread. Will Ron Hornaday beat Sebastian Vettel into the first turn, or Will Lewis Hamilton wreck Tony Stewart? Trucks at 3:30 PM ET, Cup at 7:30 PM, and F1 at 1:30 AM  (nascar.com) (889)
(Celebslam) Amusing Paris Hilton receives star on the Walk of Fame ... in Poland  (celebslam.celebuzz.com) (17)
(Huffington Post) Spiffy Huffington Post gives its readers a chance to see how clever they are with a link to the FARK weekly quiz  (huffingtonpost.com) (0)


Fri October 14, 2011
(YouTube) Amusing I see your Shake Weight™ and raise you the Tug Toner™  (youtube.com) (26)
(Some Guy) Unlikely Tony Romo promises Super Bowl "at some point." Presumably there will be one on February 5, 2012, and another about a year later  (profootballtalk.nbcsports.com) (75)


Thu October 13, 2011
(Some Guy) Cool Colorado Springs TFers: Anyone interested in a very impromptu Fark party? Tonight @ 10pm. LGT where; DIT  (oldchicago.com) (11)
(Fox News) Obvious Obama had a beer with unemployed construction workers, so that means Sarah Palin is automatically president and Obama must skirt the mouth Eyjafjallajökull with a millstone tied to his leg until freed by the dwarf king Hreiðmarr  (nation.foxnews.com) (74)
(TMZ) Amusing Whitney Houston (crazy diva) refuses to put her seatbelt on for a Delta Airlines flight until crew member offers her a straight jacket  (tmz.com) (51)
(Washington Post) Hero Five liberal Senators ask Clinton to bar Humvee sale to Bahrain. In an unrelated update, if you are an unemployed defense contractor in Maryland, Pennsylvania, Oregon, Illinois, or New Jersey, I have good news for you  (washingtonpost.com) (35)
(Some Guy) Scary In case the Boston collapse wasn't already epic enough, the latest development: Papi's pondering pinstripes  (newyork.cbslocal.com) (73)
(The Hollywood Reporter) Silly Seth MacFarlane talks about his new "Flintstones," why he really wants "Family Guy" to end, and he wants to reboot "Star Trek" for TV  (hollywoodreporter.com) (103)
(Quad City Times) Silly Grocery store recalling its own brand of "Moose Tracks" ice cream because while it shows a picture of ice cream with peanuts, it doesn't say on the carton it contains peanuts  (qctimes.com) (103)
(Wikipedia) Spiffy 108 years ago today, Boston wins the World Series. The first one  (en.wikipedia.org) (43)
(SeattlePI) Interesting Costco has contributed almost 10 million dollars to the campaign to privatize liquor sales in Washington. Hey, who doesn't want to buy a 55-gallon drum of vodka?  (blog.seattlepi.com) (170)


Wed October 12, 2011
(Houston Chronicle) Scary 1001 phone calls, 712 emails, egging his house, shattering several of the windows of his west Houston home, first with a tire iron, and then with a 5-foot sword. Hell hath no fury.....,  (chron.com) (91)
(Huffington Post) Spiffy Huffington Post tests their readers' weird IQ with a link to the FARK weekly quiz  (huffingtonpost.com) (3)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Ashton Kutcher told 22-year-old that he was separated from Demi Moore. In related news, Ashton Kutcher is psychic  (wjrr.com) (60)
(WTOP) Cool Got $185 you're looking to spend? Pop on down to Mount Vernon and buy a bottle of rye whiskey distilled according to George Washington's own personal recipe  (wtop.com) (42)
(USA Today) Interesting Epstein signs with Cubs. No word yet on Barbarino, Washington, Horshack  (content.usatoday.com) (62)

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