Source	Fark Headline		Comments
		McDonald's in Washington, DC receives order for 212 waaaamburgers with 212 sides of french cries  (msnbc.msn.com)	(¼)
		Tonight's House vote on healthcare is meaningless because it is illegal according to the Congressional Parliamentarian, and will have to pass both the senate and the house again  (blogs.abcnews.com)	(168)
		U2's new record turns out to be a remix of their last album, not that fans will really hear a difference: Bono will sing inanities, The Edge will still be redundant and Clayton will still be playing the same 4 -5 notes endlessly  (guardian.co.uk)	(25)
		Houston area church prefers its "stations of the cross" themed art show entries to depict that part of the Passion where Christ was given Starbucks, and a foot massage  (chron.com)	(57)
		Tim Burton believes Hollywood will oversaturate the market with 3-D films, given filmmakers have a tendency to run every idea into the ground. Like using Johnny Depp for every f*cking film they make  (contactmusic.com)	(52)
(Some Guy)		President Obama settles up Canadian beer bet with case of Yuengling. Furious Sam Adams storms off to join Boston Tea Party  (nbcphiladelphia.com)	(148)

(Some Woodpecker from Mars)		New Mike Patton site encompasses everything Patton, music-wise. Worth it for 2010 pic of Faith No More with a heavily tanned Tom Jones  (etl.hu)	(40)
		Mick Taylor is back in the studio with the Rolling Stones. Unfortunately, it's to re-record guitar licks for a new mastered version of "Exile on Main Street"  (contactmusic.com)	(16)
		Emma Bunton, humanity at large, not ready for a Spice Girls reunion  (contactmusic.com)	(17)
(Brantford Expositor)		When in Yellowstone Park you are most likely to be injured by (a) bear, (b) deer, (c) squirrels  (brantfordexpositor.ca)	(48)
(NME)		Big Star will play a show in honor of Alex Chilton at SXSW...alongside modern rockers R.E.M. Talk about a fitting tribute  (nme.com)	(31)

		Rangers manager Ron Washington admits he used various drugs as a player. "I'm not proud of it," he said, "but I want everyone to know that these were isolated incidents. Thousands and thousands of isolated incidents."  (sports.yahoo.com)	(21)
		Depending upon how tight-assed your state is, that basketball bracket you filled out at the office could land you in the stoney lonesome, you criminal  (npr.org)	(17)
		Rep. Steve Cohen (D-Tenn.) educates all the old squares in Congress and all the emo whippersnappers on You Tube with an emotional tribute to his friend Alex Chilton on the House floor  (youtube.com)	(22)
(Hold Me Like You Did on Naboo)		Natalie Portman's career has finally hit rock bottom: she's starring in a romantic comedy alongside Ashton Kutcher  (digitalspy.com)	(75)
		Ugly-ass baby squirrel monkey born at Edmonton's Valley Zoo. (With "awwww" pic)  (cbc.ca)	(25)
(Some Guy)		If you live in the northern tier of US states, there is a chance of seeing Northern Lights tonight and tomorrow night  (swpc.noaa.gov)	(101)

		Old and busted: finding an image of Jesus in your toast. The new hotness: finding the skeleton of Natalee Holloway in your vacation photos  (blog.al.com)	(161)
		Tim Burton to make a stop-motion, 3D Addams Family movie. Subby will give you three guesses at who plays Gomez and Morticia, but you'll only need two  (slashfilm.com)	(126)
		Behold the horror that is the Steve Jobs cheese head. Good luck trying to get to sleep tonight  (gizmodo.com)	(91)
		This is a custom homemade Bill Paxton pinball machine, and yes, it is as awesome as it sounds  (youtube.com)	(47)

		♪ Lonely days are gone, he's a going home ♪. Alex Chilton dies on the eve of South by Southwest tribute  (blogs.suntimes.com)	(90)
		Scientists establish leech as a model for study of reproductive behavior, a psychological profile of your stoned-off-his-ass roommate  (sciencedaily.com)	(14)
		Washington apologizes for cocaine use. Now if only they would apologize for slutting around with lobbyists, we might be getting somewhere  (mlb.mlb.com)	(19)
		Crooks & Liars claims firsthand knowledge of RedState commenters being blocked by CNN web site because they were paid to troll during Clinton impeachment. Difficulty: RedState didn't exist until 2004  (crooksandliars.com)	(85)
(some Who Dat)		What's worse than getting kicked off the Saints as the team heads to the Super Bowl? Getting sued by Sean Payton for alleged financial fraud after he kicks you off the team  (wwl.com)	(13)
		US kids now getting stoned on Spice, apply for summer Guild Navigator jobs  (abcnews.go.com)	(225)
(Digitalspy)		Toni Braxton is planning a comeback single in hopes to unbreak the pop charts  (digitalspy.co.uk)	(11)
		Rolling Stones week on AI spawned a female Adam Lambert. Her 'Paint It Black' scream was dope. (vid)  (bittenandbound.com)	(54)
		Father of the year candidate gets so drunk and stoned that he leaves his baby in the oven overnight. Authorities report that the child is safe, moist, and tender  (cnn.com)	(149)
		Jennifer Aniston: My terrifying near-death experience  (ok.co.uk)	(89)

(Some Guy)		There's a push to make movie theater snacks more healthy. It sounds reasonable until you find out it's being helmed by Bill Clinton  (mnn.com)	(140)
		Mickey Rourke quits the new Conan movie. Tilda Swinton preparing for her audition  (contactmusic.com)	(54)
		Photoshop this Korean cotton picker  (inapcache.boston.com)	(35)
(The Cairns Post)		A: Cow's tongue, rump steaks, lamb chops, limes and onions. Q: What's that in your pants sir?  (cairns.com.au)	(23)
		Ringtones help cure hangovers. In other news, ringtones help aggravate hangovers  (thesun.co.uk)	(3)
		Young, black men should avoid changing license plates in public in Carrolton, Texas. Even if they are a car dealer and are required by law to do so after a sale. Trust me on this one  (dallasnews.com)	(326)
		Let those of you who have never stolen a severed hand from a bar cast the first stone  (telegraph.co.uk)	(43)
		To Americans who don't fully grasp how popular Tim Hortons is in Canada, this pretty much sums it up  (torontosun.com)	(216)

		Washington Caps star Alexander Ovechkin suspended two games for boarding and injuring Blackhawks defenseman Brian Campbell  (tsn.ca)	(127)
		The China-US relationship is no doubt symbiotic, but a clash would not be "mutual assured destruction", as often claimed. Washington would win  (telegraph.co.uk)	(75)
(Patriot Update)		"The media paint Tea Partiers as radical, but average Americans see through this bias" says the creator of the Dukakis/Willie Horton campaign ad  (patriotupdate.com)	(284)
		The secret to why Indian food is so delicious is finally revealed: it's the aromatic, subtle undertones of lead  (abcnews.go.com)	(162)
		Florida vampire who claims to be the direct descendant of Vlad the Impaler announces his candidacy for president. Would be a refreshing change from the bloodsuckers already in Washington  (wtsp.com)	(128)
		Camp Pendleton invaded by shawarma, pita, hummus, and falafel  (online.wsj.com)	(131)
		Raising the bar when it comes to tackiness, company launching talking headstones  (abcnews.go.com)	(94)

		Who saw this one coming? Peyton traded for Brady  (azcentral.com)	(65)
		Improptu Austin Fark Party Tonight (with Drew in attendance) at Peche  (fark.com)	(12)
		Adam Clayton, bassist for one of the greatest rock bands of all time, U2, is 50 today. Here's the four lads from Dublin with "One."  (youtube.com)	(59)
(Finally, a Good Creed)		An interview with Creed "Yes, I'm in The Office But I'm Also a Musician and Was a Founding Member of The Grass Roots" Bratton  (spinner.com)	(73)
		After a night of binge drinking and strippers, young Britons are being invited to work off their hangovers with lap dancers at a Nazi death camp  (timesonline.co.uk)	(61)
		On this day in 1965 The Yardbirds take on Jeff Beck, replacing Eric Clapton  (youtube.com)	(12)
		Adam Sandler hires Heidi Montag for his next film, which already features Jennifer Aniston, Nicole Kidman, and-- presumably-- Rob Schneider. How this thing isn't titled "Box Office Poison", subby will never know  (examiner.com)	(54)
		Washington defeats conference leading Cal to join USC as the only two Pac-10 basketball teams with undefeated post-season records  (sports.espn.go.com)	(10)
		Elton John's lover committed suicide after struggling to come to terms with sexuality, British food  (telegraph.co.uk)	(69)

		Scientists discover evidence of massive climate shift that almost wiped out Norse Iceland and Greenland. Which is ridiculous since we all know Climate Change began 40.04 years Before Clinton  (news.discovery.com)	(56)
		In one of those stories where it's hard to feel sorry for anyone, a Houston lawyer gets scammed out of $182,000 then sues Citibank for 'letting it happen'  (khou.com)	(80)

		Hillary Clinton to Israel: Demonstrate that you want peace or we'll unfriend you with extreme prejudice  (washingtonpost.com)	(36)
		The Washington Capitals are the first team to clinch their division...with just over 80% of the season finished  (nhl.com)	(122)
		Owners lock would-be car thief inside vehicle until cops arrive. "So every time he tried to get out of the car, the owners just kept hitting the lock button on their key fob, and eventually he gave up trying to get out"  (upi.com)	(94)
		Huh...Dr. Seuss did War propaganda? Okay, interesting, I guess. Isaac Newton invented the doggy door? That's kinda cool. HOLY CROWS James Lipton wrote the Thundercats theme? Wicked  (cracked.com)	(70)
		RIAA amps up their efforts to squeeze more blood from the stone that is terrestrial radio  (nytimes.com)	(253)
		Jesus freak, out in the street, creating websites threatening Elton John's life  (ajc.com)	(119)

		Coming this June: Green Day Rock Band. Even on Expert level, you'll only need to use two of the buttons    (kotaku.com)	(67)
(Some Strutter)		U2, Rolling Stones challenged to a "stadium duel" by KISS. I assume the duel is which longstanding, out to pasture rock group can still play. In other news, KISS duels require three participants and U2 will win  (spinner.com)	(34)
		California can no longer afford to build massive housing development in Boston, Massachusetts  (boston.com)	(23)
		Your WTF video comes early today, with Roger Staubach, Tony Romo, Brett Hull, Jerry Jones and more singing Faith Hill's "This Kiss." BADLY  (youtube.com)	(28)
		Small B.C. surf town of Tofino takes stand, moves to ban McDonald's, Starbucks, and Tim Hortons from wrecking its radical character  (vancouversun.com)	(128)
		Now that Milton Bradley is far from Chicago, Jim Hendry fires back at the showboat, who will undoubtedly play better now that he's left the Cubs and their 102 years of consistent failure  (suntimes.com)	(53)

		Boston Farkers REMINDER: 4th annual Farkers St. Patrick's Day pub crawl in Cambridge this Saturday 3/13. Meet at the Field at 1pm  (fark.com)	(1)
		Next stop on the Failboni thin ice pond tour - Keystone, CO (with sinking zamboni pic)  (denverpost.com)	(62)
		From the state that brought you the Clintons and Mike Huckabee comes the weirdest beauty pageant EVAR  (blogs.nerve.com)	(12)
		Comic books fans order a ton of graphic novels Amazon.com accidentally lowered in price; are outraged when Amazon cancels their order and gives them a $25 gift card. Amazon forgets that there is no outrage like nerd outrage  (consumerist.com)	(64)
		County Clerk budgets vary quite a bit in Georgia. Dekalb county - $452,915, Cobb county - $397,049, Gwinnett - $107,464. For some reason some people have a problem with Fulton county's more than than $1 million budget  (ajc.com)	(36)

		Water consuption in Edmonton during the Gold Medal hockey game; the beer consumption chart would probably look the same, but upside down  (blog.canoe.ca)	(118)
		To teach Canadians a lesson about the importance of controlling government spending, Canadian finance minister spends $3,100 of taxpayer's money to fly to a Tim Horton's coffee shop and back  (cnews.canoe.ca)	(72)
		Not only is baseball a slow, boring battle between NY and Boston every year, Selig is now considering a complex scheduling system that would make the IRS proud  (sportsillustrated.cnn.com)	(108)
		Patton Oswalt to write "Firefly" comic book, right after completing his "At Midnight I Will Kill George Lucas With a Shovel" project  (thrfeed.com)	(88)
(news4jax.com)		Well, NOW where am I supposed to take this Grade-3 Plutonium runoff?  (news4jax.com)	(26)
		Headline: "Spring Music Preview: Get the Lowdown on the Season's 40 Big Albums" First album: Justin Bieber. I'd call Rolling Stone a bunch of whores, but their readers will get grounded for using that language  (rollingstone.com)	(26)
		Andrew Lloyd Webber reveals the sequel to Phantom of the Opera: Creep of the Honkey-Tonk  (hosted.ap.org)	(23)
		Write that on the tombstone: Second person nationwide ever to die in static-sparked fire at a fuel pump  (pennlive.com)	(52)
		"American tradition of zealous representation of unpopular clients is at least as old as John Adams' representation of the British soldiers charged in the Boston Massacre"  (washingtonpost.com)	(91)

(news sun)		"'Meats wants to beat produce,' he confides, before he cheerfully announces store news." Huh. Is it Bulwer-Lytton season already?  (suburbanchicagonews.com)	(14)
		Brtiain's MI5 monitored Hitler Youth cycling tour of England in 1937, despite their agent falling off near Budleigh Salterton when the pump caught in his trouser-leg, badly crushing sandwiches and getting grit all over his fruitcake  (timesonline.co.uk)	(74)
		Yellowstone Park's Druid wolf pack is gone. Nobody knows who they were, or...what they were doing. But their legacy remains, hewn into the living rock...of Yellowstonehenge    (helenair.com)	(75)

		Archaeologists ponder discovery of 18,000-year-old hobbit skeleton in Indonesia, speculate hobbits evolved separately from Homo sapiens and likely had tastier diet than po-ta-toes  (azcentral.com)	(28)
		I see your 'greatest performance ever' and raise you a performance so great, that the Rolling Stones refused to let anyone see it for 10 years  (youtube.com)	(48)
		"Lost" producers Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse use Twitter to fire back at critics of their show. And, just like in their scripts, their rebuttals make no sense and go off on several tangents  (io9.com)	(53)
		Despite being Tim Burton's second-worst movie after "Ed Wood", "Alice in Wonderland" has smashed March box office records  (hollywoodinsider.ew.com)	(108)
(Some Actress)		Jennifer Aniston is sponsoring a naming contest for her womanly scent. Let's help her out, Farkers. (Voting enabled)  (okmagazine.com)	(183)
		Virginia AG tells colleges to strike language protecting gays from discrimination. Well, Virginia, these past few years have been fun, welcome back to the Stone Age  (google.com)	(234)
		Tim Burton's new Alice in Wonderland: "A blasted place out of Peter Jackson's Middle Earth, where savage beasts rampage through mushroom jungles, as if Burton had injected a hefty dose of bad acid into the Avatar forest"  (independent.co.uk)	(63)
		The Clinton family thinking about putting their little one into a Jewish Marriage Ceremony. Bill reminded the last time he put his little one into something Jewish, it didn't turn out so good    (google.com)	(44)
(Some 80s Cartoon Fan)		Thundarr the Barbarian, Dragon's Lair, Flintstone Kids, and Mister T. are among the eleven cartoons that will appear on one of the best DVDs ever  (tvshowsondvd.com)	(92)

(MassLive)		Tractor trailer containing 30,000 pounds of yogurt rolls over on I-91 in Northampton. Culture comes to Western Massachusetts    (masslive.com)	(54)
(Some Grey Seal)		The most awesome collaboration you'll ever see in your lifetime: Neil Young and Elton John are recording an album together  (nme.com)	(38)
		Brit tries to answer readers' burning questions about American TV cliches: do cops really eat doughnuts, how come women eat ice cream from the carton, what are those metal thingies in school hallways, and so on  (guardian.co.uk)	(150)
		Piston Rodney Stuckey collapses on bench during game rushed away in ambulance  (chicagobreakingsports.com)	(38)

		In 2032 all restaurants will be Tim Hortons  (thestar.com)	(34)
(Some Guy)		Blogger who said Tillicum should have been euthanized, according to the Bible, protests that he never said the whale should be stoned to death. "Even if you wanted to stone a whale, I'm not sure how you'd go about it"  (afa.net)	(132)
		Jane Fonda had workout videos in the '80s, so why not Milton Berle, too?  (tv.gawker.com)	(8)
		NBC adds a laugh track to Sarah Palin's Tonight Show appearance. Turns out Palin is about as funny as Jay Leno after all  (dailykos.com)	(90)

		Ex-Cub Milton Bradley: "I go to Chicago, not good. I've been good my whole career. So, obviously, it was something with Chicago, not me." It's the "Chicago made me a total douche" defense  (bats.blogs.nytimes.com)	(85)
		When Al Sharpton is convening a meeting to determine whether you are too big of an embarassment to continue in the public spotlight, it really is time to resign  (abcnews.go.com)	(89)
		Sarah Palin Tonight Show standup review: Stewart liked it (with Palin standup goodness)  (thedailyshow.com)	(133)
(Some Guy)		Boston St Patrick's Day Pub Crawl 2010. March 13th. 1pm. DIT. LGT Facebook event. Please leave your mooninites at home  (thefieldpub.com)	(75)
		Washington is working just fine. It's us that's broken  (newsweek.com)	(69)

		Michelle Bachmann vs Alan Grayson debating health care on Larry King tonight. Popcorn in lap, comments to the right  (huffingtonpost.com)	(562)
		"I had heard early reports that Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland was unwatchably bad, an unmitigated disaster. It's not - it's just regular terrible"  (chud.com)	(151)
		Dear Unemployed Masses in the Flyover States, thanks a bunch for the bailout dough, we're fine now, heading out to the Hamptons in a few. Hope things work out for you on your farm-thing or whatever. Love, NYC  (cnbc.com)	(48)
		Despite its long-held belief that it is inappropriate to blame free-market economic policy for our current recession, the Wall Street Journal feels pretty comfortable declaring that Milton Friedman saved Chile on Saturday  (online.wsj.com)	(50)
		In honor of Tone Loc's birthday, the dumbest Irish-alternative version of "Funky Cold Medina" you'll hear in the next four minutes or so  (youtube.com)	(20)
		Religious group wants "Killer" whale punished biblically... and they've got the stones to do it  (huffingtonpost.com)	(264)
		Washington Nationals beat reporter, out of a job after the Times closed its sports section goes to Florida to cover Spring Training anyway. Bonus: his travel budget is covered by donations to his blog  (sports.espn.go.com)	(25)
		Tim Burton may bring Seth Grahme-Smith's awesome Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter to the big screen. And yes, the book is awesome  (io9.com)	(91)

		Crisis in Chile is finally over after Hillary Clinton delivers 25 phones  (abcnews.go.com)	(31)
		Detroit Lions highly unlikely to complete a trade for Antonio Cromartie because they don't want to give up a 30 year old backup  (sports.yahoo.com)	(26)
(Times Tribune)		"A Scranton man who told police three men jumped him and assaulted him with a razor blade Sunday morning actually cut himself by running through the woods shirtless and punching trees, police said"  (thetimes-tribune.com)	(87)
		NASA reports additional discovery of 600 million metric tons of water ice on North pole of Moon, or roughly the equivalent of 6.72 Kirstie Alleys  (news.smh.com.au)	(47)
(Some Guy)		If Mythbuster Grant Imahara gets 100,000 followers on Twitter he will build Craig Ferguson a Robot Skeleton Sidekick, and he's only 8,000 away. Perhaps Fark could help make this a reality  (twitter.com)	(273)
		56 years ago today, the US detonated its largest nuclear bomb. Fark: It was almost three times more powerful than the scientists thought. Umm, sorry about your island  (youtube.com)	(62)

Old 'n' busted - Eli Manning autographing the wall in your new billion dollar stadium after beating your team. New hotness - Sean Payton drinking your bottle of wine in your restaurant and autographing the label. WHO DAT  (sportsillustrated.cnn.com)

(66)

		Brian Jones would have been 68 today. Here's the Rolling Stones with Under My Thumb  (youtube.com)	(20)
		Manchester United vs. Aston Villa for the Carling Cup Final. Your dicussion thread is here  (telegraph.co.uk)	(45)

		We secretly replaced every Boston Celtics player with random members of the audience. Lets see if anyone notices  (usatoday.com)	(19)
		Strawberry Alarm Clock founding member Lee Freeman hits the permanent snooze button  (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(16)
(Mother Jones)		Birther, Truther, Tea Partier, Oath Keeper, freeper, Christian, and Fark Independent® named "Pray" prepares for the day "Hitlery" Clinton or Barack Hussein "Osama" declare martial law, unmask as lizzard people  (motherjones.com)	(188)
		Can Chelsea restore their four point lead at the top? Will Arsenal lose to Stoke yet again? Will Manchester United or Aston Villa win the season's first trophy?  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(56)

		The Rolling Stones to reissue their best album, "Exile On Main Street." with 10 never-before-heard tracks  (rollingstone.com)	(59)
		In the world of belly-buttons, there are innies, outies, and "GAAH What the hell is THAT THING?" as modeled by fashion designer Michael Kors [scary photo]  (tmz.com)	(76)
		The first ever film version of Alice in Wonderland from 1903 on Youtube, tells Tim Burton to get off it's lawn  (youtube.com)	(48)
(dcist.com)		For the first time in... well, ever... the Washington Nationals' baseball stadium could be the host of an interesting game  (dcist.com)	(71)

(Yo Gabba Gabba)

Set your DVR's. Anthony Bourdain to appear on Yo Gabba Gabba as "Dr. Tony"  (seriouseats.com)

(82)

		You may be able to treat sleep apnea by stimulating your tongue. Giggity  (news.cnet.com)	(112)
		Mirai Nagasu's nose bled at the end of her Olympic figure skating routine last night: was it the cold air, time travel, cocaine or Tonya Harding? An investigation ensued  (tv.gawker.com)	(25)
		Mike Patton: "Nothing's doing it, Im not going to blame anybody... I go in the record store and look for like 2 hours and usually just end up going to the soundtrack section... It's pretty sad"  (youtube.com)	(94)
		Concertgoer, on Whitney Houston's recent Brisbane performance: "She couldn't entertain a dead rat"  (cbsnews.com)	(36)
		Matt Damon and Jake Gyllenhaal turned down Sam Worthington's role in "Avatar." Damon I can see, he's got a career, but Jake, man, when James Cameron calls you, you need to answer it  (cinematical.com)	(107)

(seriouslyomg)		Tonight's Late Late Show will have no monologue, no sketches and no studio audience. In its place will be 1 hour of Craig Ferguson talking to Stephen Fry  (seriouslyomg.com)	(107)
		Note to Paris Hilton: When you're comped 5 bottles of champagne, you should probably leave a tip  (celebslam.celebuzz.com)	(54)
		Tim Burton reveals that his White Queen character in "Alice in Wonderland" is thin veil for celebrity chef Nigella Lawson, queen of food porn. "Even if somebody is good, there's something wrong with them"  (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(56)
(Some Tin-Foil Guy)		Colts fans have become convinced that Peyton Manning threw the game-deciding interception on purpose, because it somehow makes more sense than he choked  (nfl.fanhouse.com)	(80)
		Physicist calls on Hollywood to tone down the fanciful science in movies and restrict themselves to just one scientific flaw per film. Also have intermissions every 12 parsecs so people can use the restroom    (news.bbc.co.uk)	(88)
		John Bolton is concerned that Obama's recent successes in Afghanistan are sending a signal of "weakness"  (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(185)
		Hilton employees settle lawsuit after being fired for witnessing hotel execs in a huge drunken sex dogpile in the aptly named ballroom  (startribune.com)	(147)
(Some Band)		Deftones say their forthcoming album will be dedicated to "Chi Cheng." Now, come on, why would you come out and say you're dedicating it to the sound of a cash register?  (digitalspy.com)	(24)
		Ole Miss to vote on a successor to school mascot Colonel Reb. Possible contenders include Kaptain Klanny, Donnie Darkie, and Clayton Bigsby  (latimes.com)	(94)
		"Keeping Up with the Kardashians" finale draws more viewers for E Network than "Hervé Villechaize: The E True Hollywood Story" or that episode of "The Soup" where Whitney Houston yells "KISS MY ASS"  (hollyscoop.com)	(43)
		Swedish stoner dude flippers out and turns to cops for help as cannabis turns his girfriend into a dolphin  (thelocal.se)	(107)

(Medialite)		Take bad. Put it in a box of bad. Now put a suitcase full of bad next to it. That still doesn't begin to describe how bad the Jay Leno Tonight Show guest lineup is  (mediaite.com)	(118)
		Today marks beginning of Beer Week in Sacramento. Meanwhile, Stockton gears up for Meth Week  (sacbee.com)	(57)
(WLBZ2.com)		And the winner of the 2010 Maine Chevrolet Sebago Ice Fishing Derby is Bert Enni, for pulling a 2 ton, 180 inch Chevy Silverado out of the ice  (wlbz2.com)	(30)

(538)

Fact: Looking at the past 30 years, deficits increase under Republican administrations and decrease under Democratic administrations, and only Clinton ran a surplus. Conclusion: both sides are bad. Wait, what?  (fivethirtyeight.com)

(155)

		US Olympic snowboarders turn out to be PR nightmares after winning medals. Who would have expected that from a sport loaded with slackers and stoners  (grindtv.com)	(82)
		There will always be the necessary materials to make baseball bats and footballs. But one day the world will run out of the special granite used to make a proper curling stone  (sports.yahoo.com)	(55)
		Dead skin, carpet and upholstery fibers, and dirt from outside. If you said "What's currently in Paris Hilton's cha-cha", you're probably wrong, but definitely a Farker. It's "what is dust?"  (labspaces.net)	(21)

		Sir Elton John says Jesus was a superintelligent gay man. Also said he did not like being a celebrity any more because "fame attracts lunatics"  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(22)
(Spinner)		Pearl Jam set to appear on SNL next month to play music from their new album. That reminds the submitter: Who're you gonna vote for in the fall, Clinton, Bush, or Perot?  (spinner.com)	(48)
		If you're standing at the Washington Monument and looking at the Washington Monument and you don't know it's the Washington Monument then you're on your own  (myfoxdc.com)	(122)
		Two birds, one stone: have Obama nominate himself to sit on Supreme Court  (washingtonpost.com)	(259)
		The clanging of the giant brass balls rings much quieter tonight as Canada's last WWI vet passes away at age 109  (cbc.ca)	(84)

(Some Guy)		No matter how funny you think it is, the police will not be amused if you blindfold your young son and film him running into walls (w/ "Dude, I am so stoned" mugshots)  (charlotteobserver.com)	(77)
(Some Guy)		"Cock Got Your Tongue? 'Rooster Fighting' story leaves local news anchor at a loss for words"  (blogs.riverfronttimes.com)	(37)
		Bill Clinton blames heart problem on stress, sleepless nights of dealing with Haiti. Pay no attention to the mound of Big Mac wrappers in his trash can  (news.yahoo.com)	(58)

		Coming soon: George Washington was a libtard  (tpmlivewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(158)
		Marvel to make X-Men, Spider-Man "Astonishing" again  (io9.com)	(47)
		The State Department sends their newest government diplomat to strengthen and broaden ties between the United States and Russia. Ashton Kutcher ??.....*facepalm*  (news.cnet.com)	(53)
		Poll shows that Britons wash their sheets as often as they brush their teeth  (upi.com)	(79)

		The first pictures from the set of "Twilight: Eclipse" are going to lead to some heavy petting tonight for the Twihards  (cinematical.com)	(122)
(Socialite Life)		At a point in her young, train-wreck of a life where she just doesn't give a good crap anymore, Mischa Barton smokes a doob in public (pic)  (socialitelife.celebuzz.com)	(50)
(KCFreePress.com)		Journey, Styx, Kansas and Boston are the four crap bands of the apocalypse  (kcfreepress.com)	(347)
(Political Wire)		Clinton: "I hope I'll have two asterisks: one is 'they impeached him,' and the other is 'He stood up to them and beat them. And he beat them like a yard dog.'"  (politicalwire.com)	(214)
		News: Lawyer for crook calls detectives to turn in item his client stole. Fark: a 30" Newtonian reflector telescope  (ksat.com)	(75)
(Some Guy)		Candidate accuses White House, party officials of rigging election. Stupid paranoid Republica...wait, it's another Democrat?  (dailycaller.com)	(81)
		Winter Olympics receive their highest TV rating in the USA since the year Tonya Harding sent Nancy Kerrigan on a trip to Disneyland  (vancouversun.com)	(40)
		Obama administration steers $100,000 straight into the gaping maw of Clinton friend in no-bid contract scandal  (foxnews.com)	(206)
		Florida man, dressed in gold necklaces and driving a Lexus, wonders why no one accepted his family in Hazelton, North Dakota. "People thought I was a drug dealer"  (abcnews.go.com)	(240)

		Photoshop these long tongues  (inapcache.boston.com)	(36)
		Poet and two-time Pulitzer Prize finalist Clifton is dead. Andy Kaufman unavailable for comment  (upi.com)	(30)
		Obama to ask Clinton to ask Saudi Arabia to ask China to pressure Iran on its nuclear program  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(41)
		"Family Guy" made fun of Sarah Palin's mentally disabled son tonight, and Facebook prepares for the Kanye West-level rant that she is about to unleash  (tv.gawker.com)	(258)
		Jamie McMurray overcomes two pothole delays to win the 2010 Daytona 500  (sports.espn.go.com)	(81)

		Moscow ridicules Washington's winter woes: "News about the weather totally displaces news about anything else happening in the world. As if this is a tornado or a hurricane, and not just simply snow."  (nytimes.com)	(107)
		The Royal Society for Stacking Things On Top of Other Things turns its attention to photons  (physorg.com)	(13)
		Choose your stupid: a) "We want to keep ducks as pets" b) A 62-year-old woman fighting with the zoning board to make the owners get rid of them or c) The Boston Globe finding this newsworthy  (boston.com)	(59)
		The venerable ABC news/entertainment people recommend that Jennifer Aniston make a sex tape in order to save her career. ABC .... I think I speak for all Farkers when I say, "I love you guys."  (abcnews.go.com)	(43)
		For all of you procrastinators out there, Cracked has some excellent music choices available for tonight's obligatory sexual acts  (cracked.com)	(82)
		The Department of Homeland Security has disclosed that it will be monitoring the comments and posts on websites. It will be watching the Drudge Report, the Huffington Post, Twitter, Google. So, Farkers are safe for now. Right ??..... RIGHT??  (abcnews.go.com)	(282)
		The sorta, kinda, maybe, semi-official, football is over, tired of snow everywhere except at the Olympics, thank god the season is finally here Daytona 500 discussion thread  (sports.yahoo.com)	(1467)

		And the gold medal for "Silliest Comma Placement in a Headline" goes to the Dayton Daily News  (daytondailynews.com)	(114)
		Lexington Fark Party with Drew, Tucker Max and KY Sportsradio Feb 13th  (fark.com)	(233)
		Can Danica hang with the likes of Earnhardt Jr or Tony Stewart? Your Drive4COPD 300 at Daytona discussion thread  (nationwide.nascar.com)	(176)
		Saturday's edition of Mad Libs: Bill Clinton "keen to _ _ _ _" after surgery. (voting enabled)  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(90)

		If you are a smoker in Washington DC and you want a free Blackberry, a $1 million stimulus program has got you covered (LGT video)  (cnn.com)	(76)
		Semin not shooting blanks as he nets a hat trick in Washington Capitals loss  (tsn.ca)	(53)
		The world's living guitar gods will unite at Eric Clapton's Crossroads festival later this year. For some inexplicable reason, they've invited John Mayer, though  (rollingstone.com)	(71)
		Michelle Malkin: Under Obamacare, Bill Clinton's heart would've shot out of his chest and exploded, killing him and everyone he loves. And small business owners would be taxed to pay for it  (michellemalkin.com)	(118)
(Some Guy)		Hospital staff, nurses, discovering that you can't keep Bill Clinton down  (www1.voanews.com)	(24)
		Hindu nationalists tear up movie posters and stone movie theaters in protest of a Bollywood superstar who supported Pakistani cricketers. If only there was some way to curry their favor  (sacbee.com)	(17)

		Bill Clinton rushed to NY hospital with heart problem. Details, updates, Clinton expected to come soon    (abcnews.go.com)	(406)
		Marines in Afghanistan deploy 72-ton 40 foot long mine clearing vehicles nicknamed "The Joker". After one look Taliban won't have any trouble determining whether the marines are serious  (abcnews.go.com)	(267)
		The ten most epic love stories in science fiction. Come for Han and Leia, stay for Wall-E and Eve, John Crichton and Aeryn Sun  (io9.com)	(118)
		Cubs outfield this summer may consist of Elton John, Billy Joel, and Dave Matthews. When the new owners said no more high priced talent, someone didn't get the memo  (670thescore.com)	(37)
		Washington Capitals winning streak gets Montreal Canadipwn3d  (sports.espn.go.com)	(109)

(Some Guy)		It's official: all 3 major climate sites in the Washington DC-Baltimore area are recording the highest cumulative seasonal snowfall in 126 years  (forecast.weather.gov)	(68)
		Details of Conan's "Tonight Show" contract exposed, revealing a morass of a quagmire of a mess of legalese that neither he nor NBC lawyers wanted to test in court  (thresq.com)	(48)
(Billboard)		"My d--k is sort of like a white supremacist," Mayer went on. "I've got a Benetton heart and a f---in David Duke cock." Ummmm.... OK?  (billboard.com)	(109)
		Arsenal v Liverpool, Everton v Chelsea, and Aston Villa v Wayne Rooney are the main matches in the EPL today  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(129)
		Iraq War veteran Lt. Dan Choi, who came out to Rachel Maddow, has been reinstated in the United States Army. You are all safer tonight  (cbsnews.com)	(270)

(Some Guy)		Sean Peyton disregarded a "gentlemen's rule" of football, just like those old soldiers who decided not to walk up to the enemy and kindly be shot at  (bleacherreport.com)	(344)
		Andrew Bynum vs. San Antonio Spurs - ESPN Los Angeles  (sports.espn.go.com)	(9)
(Some Guy)		New Super Bowl ratings record faces first test as tonight is the last episode of 'The Jay Leno Show '  (tvsquad.com)	(44)
(The Daily Beast)		"Thank you for your service, Justice Ginsburg, and good luck in your retirement. But before you go, please join me in welcoming your replacement, Justice Hillary Clinton"  (thedailybeast.com)	(249)
		Tony Todd sits down for an interview and discusses his performances on shows like "24" and "Chuck," his work with Michael Bay and Oliver Stone, and his most famous role as Candyman. Candyman. Candyman. Candyman. Candym-  (denofgeek.com)	(44)
		On the strength of a franchise record 14 game winning streak, the Washington Capitals skate to the top of this week's NHL power rankings  (espn.go.com)	(89)
		Vancouver's famous "Japadog" street vendor unveils sausage in honour of Olympic figure skater Mao Asada: a $10 Kobe beef dog covered with tonkatsu sauce and tofu-skin maple leaves  (vancouversun.com)	(32)

		Peyton being criticized for walking off field immediately after loss without congratulating the Saints. Cuz you know, he should hang around and help them celebrate  (sports.yahoo.com)	(107)
		Ordering three kinds of beverages for lunch because "multiple drinking is the way to a balanced diet," Helena Bonham Carter explains that she and Tim Burton are a bit strange  (guardian.co.uk)	(32)
		Think Washington is full of people with the class of used car salesmen already? Well don't look now but the Republican Party is recruiting used car salesmen to run for office this year  (online.wsj.com)	(35)
		Apparently, you can draw Lady Gaga over a George Washington dollar bill and the likeness is uncanny  (gigwise.com)	(38)
		A New-Age douchebag beloved by Oprah, Arianna Huffington, and other cementheads who believe quantum theory allows them to create unicorns just by thinking of them, Deepak Chopra is a terrible human being  (americanthinker.com)	(106)
		God of Nerds Alton Brown picks the five cookbooks you should have right this very instant  (online.wsj.com)	(261)
		Tim Hortons finally quiets complaining customer -- by banning his whiny ass from the store  (cbc.ca)	(175)
		Cool aerial photos of Washington, D.C. covered in snow  (myfoxdc.com)	(136)
		"Peyton Manning and the Colts are the Atlanta Braves...greatest quarterback of all time? Not even close"  (cbssports.com)	(386)
		In honor of the Saints Super Bowl victory, it's JJ Cale and Eric Clapton with "Call Me the Breeze"  (youtube.com)	(10)

(Coco)		Behold, the carnage that was Conan's Tonight Show studio  (aaronbleyaert.tumblr.com)	(89)
		Democrat shows up at event wearing Army General's uniform with "more medals than George Patton," may end up spending the next 3-5 defending his Privates  (chron.com)	(201)
(mediaite)		After all the sturm und drang, the Tim Tebow Super Bowl ad is astonishingly anti-climactic (with video)  (videos.mediaite.com)	(67)
		Spitzer madam Kristin Davis plans run for NY governor - with backing of creepy GOP strategist Roger Stone, California pot growers, 50 Cent's entourage, and four Penthouse Pets to take petition signatures  (nydailynews.com)	(37)
		NASA scrubs space shutle launch, will try again Monday, when the entire crew and launch team is super hungover after tonight's Super Bowl  (cnn.com)	(69)
		Ashton Kutcher: "I think every day should be a day of romance. Then, on Valentine's Day, you should get to tell whoever you hate that you cannot stand them." I don't think you'll have any trouble with that last part, Ashton  (nowmagazine.co.uk)	(24)

		NBC wants you to forget that Conan O'Brien ever hosted the Tonight Show, so it has deleted all content related to "conan o'brien" from its website. CLASSY  (gawker.com)	(90)
		Mark Martin wins the pole for the 2010 Daytona 500, tells young whippersnappers to get off his racetrack  (nascar.com)	(167)
		Struggling screenwriters everywhere about to be pushed over the edge by news that the "Stretch Armstong" movie is about to be made, starring one of those sparkly monster kids  (aintitcool.com)	(21)
(Some shrubber)		Ancient Stonehenge was surrounded by a Shrubbery and was presumably abandoned after the blasphemy of Ecky ecky ecky ecky pikang zoom boing mumble mumble  (news.oneindia.in)	(42)
(Some White Stripers)		Jack White to record with Dolly Parton. That's gotta be one helluva recording studio to contain three boobs that big    (digitalspy.com)	(41)

		We've all heard "My Guitar Gently Weeps." But never have we heard it with George Harrison, Ringo Starr, Elton John, Phil Collins, and Eric Clapton  (youtube.com)	(43)
		Tony Dungy says the Colts will win the SB and it won't be close. Also he calls Bill Belichick a nancy boy for not punting to Peyton and says he'd punt to Brady with one minute left  (sports.espn.go.com)	(95)
		Peyton Manning, idiot savant of football  (slate.com)	(76)
		Guys, next time you get mad at your woman for taking so long to put on her makeup, be thankful she doesn't get up at 3AM to start the whole process like Dolly Parton  (contactmusic.com)	(66)

		What's causing a rift between Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie... besides Jennifer Aniston standing outside their window and screaming "BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAD"  (nowmagazine.co.uk)	(56)
(Some Guy)		Federal agents conduct immigration raids in Houston called 'Operation Night Moves.' Plans for next week: 'Operation Against the Wind.'  (39online.com)	(130)
		The nomination for Cook County Board President goes to Toni Preckwinkle, who now must endure constant snickering every time someone says her name  (chicagotribune.com)	(24)
(Some Farker)		Bi-national Fark Party - Niagara Falls NY & Canada. Barrels, Clifton Hill Crawl optional. DIT LGN  (fallsviewcasino.ca)	(11)

An "American Psycho" play with music by Phil Collins, Whitney Houston and Huey Lewis? "Really, what could be more subversive fun than murderous bankers breaking into song?"  (latimesblogs.latimes.com)

(41)

		Boston Legal star Justin Mentell dies at 27. It's a Jeep thing  (mtv.com)	(108)
		"In summary, you must've either had your heart removed by corn tongs or be in the Manning family if you're not pulling for the Saints. Betting on them? You must've had your brain removed. "  (sports.espn.go.com)	(196)
		Won ton vehicle slams into building  (myfoxdc.com)	(37)
(Some Guy)		Indiana looking to pass a law that lets your parents sue you to force you to let them see your kids  (indianalawblog.com)	(93)

		Fearing that this week's football game might overshadow His Peytonness, ESPN gives us "18 Things You Didn't Know About Peyton Manning"  (sports.espn.go.com)	(55)
		Joe Johnston, director of "The First Avenger: Captain America," sits down an reassures fans that the movie will start off during WWII and thankfully skip the 60's and 70's storylines  (cinematical.com)	(79)
		Steven Tyler to sue Aerosmith if they even plan an audition for a different pair of lips: "Can you imagine the manager of the Rolling Stones calling for the replacement of Mick Jagger? Steven is Aerosmith"  (rollingstone.com)	(38)
(Some Guy)		Second largest swarm of earthquakes ever recorded at Yellowstone...and with December 2012 just around the corner too  (missoulian.com)	(97)

Former Washington Redskins coach Jim Zorn hired to ruin Baltimore Ravens QB Joe Flacco  (usatoday.com)

(23)

		Unable to find anyone to throw the first stone, Republicans back away from "purity test"  (blogs.abcnews.com)	(73)
		Residents of Mattapan neighborhood of Boston asked for library to give teenagers something to do. Years and $17 million later they're afraid to go to new library because it's full of teenagers  (boston.com)	(83)

		Rolling Stone guitarist Ronnie Wood checks into rehab for the eighth time. Keith Richards heard chuckling from the corner, "rookie"  (dailymail.co.uk)	(10)
(Spinner)		Charlie Watts admits being more of a jazz fan, thinks The Beatles and Elvis suck: "The Stones are merely an annoying pastime"  (spinner.ca)	(18)

The duet you know you want to see will be happening at the Grammys; Elton John is teaming up with Lady Gaga  (contactmusic.com)

(31)

		Sensing an opportunity, Hillary Clinton says she won't serve two terms as Secretary of State and will have plenty of time from 2012 on if America wants her to do, you know, stuff  (politico.com)	(61)
(Some Fat Cat)		In the saddest story of the recession yet, the price on Ken Lay's luxury Houston apartment is down to $11.9M (w/ pics)  (swamplot.com)	(38)
		Bill Gates caught table-dancing "Paris Hilton style" at Sundance. Top THAT, Steve Jobs  (news.cnet.com)	(39)
		NBC didn't think Conan O'Brien's feelings would be hurt from being fired from "The Tonight Show," proving yet again that NBC is run by Lizard People from the Planet Facepalm  (mediadecoder.blogs.nytimes.com)	(83)

		The one question Tony Stark can't answer in Iron Man 2. Caution: spoilery  (io9.com)	(41)
		Washington to deport two native-born Americans to China to be a part of a forced breeding program  (gawker.com)	(41)
(Some Guy)		Wheaton's gassy manhole explodes, striking woman in the face  (nbcwashington.com)	(134)
		Tim Burton to head the Cannes jury this year. Jury now expected to feature Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter with music from Danny Elfman  (cbsnews.com)	(30)

		"If corporations are persons, they are - if they behave as Milton Friedman wanted them to - persons with mental and emotional impairments so severe that any decent judge would feel entirely justified in declaring them incompetent."  (voices.washingtonpost.com)	(178)
		This week's NHL Power Rankings. I think Edmonton is into the wine down there  (tsn.ca)	(123)
		If just some of those hipsters wearing "I'm With Coco" T-shirts over the past two weeks had been watching Conan from the start, he'd still be hosting "The Tonight Show"  (nytimes.com)	(157)
		Nancy Kerrigan's brother goes all Tonya Harding on their father  (thebostonchannel.com)	(103)
		Peyton Manning lays to rest rumors that Archie Manning and Ted Williams will be roommates  (content.usatoday.com)	(118)
		Nutbar director Oliver Stone thought he would be "respected" for his goofy conspiracy movie, "JFK," and says that Oswald acting alone is a "national fairytale"  (nytimes.com)	(216)
(Some Guy)		After hearing story of two-year old girl killed by a truck, Oregon inmates donate most of their earnings to buy a headstone. These dark cells won't let you see the tear in subby's eye  (katu.com)	(129)

		Dear editor: Give Obama a chance. Signed Ellie Light of Philadlephia, PA, Daly City, CA, Mansfield, OH, Three Rivers, NM, Myrtle Beach, SC, Staunton, VA, etc etc etc  (cleveland.com)	(193)
		$500,000 spent on Tom Hanks walk-on music on the last "Tonight Show". All 10 seconds of it  (huffingtonpost.com)	(114)
(Some Guy)		Mt. Washington 231 mph wind gust record officially blown away by Barrow Island at 253 mph. Your mom still sucks  (worldclimatereport.com)	(44)

		Mark Sanchez likened to Obama and Peyton Manning seen as Hillary, that's what happens when The Atlantic does sports coverage  (politics.theatlantic.com)	(48)
		Naked woman withdrawn from bank in Farmington after collecting crazy interest    (twincities.com)	(34)
		Ten NBA players to donate $1,000 each per point scored on Friday night to Clinton Bush Haiti Fund. Antawn Jamison, averaging 22.2 points a game this season, puts up 8 against Miami  (sports.yahoo.com)	(34)
		This week's bank failures are brought to you by Florida, Missouri, New Mexico, Oregon and Washington  (reuters.com)	(21)

		Here it is, ladies and gentlemen, your offical discussion thread for the final episode of "The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien". LGT Gawker recap  (tv.gawker.com)	(799)
		NBC Universal's earnings have dropped 30%. But don't worry Comcast, they're moving Jay Leno back to the Tonight Show  (variety.com)	(34)
		Tim Horton does its best to ruin its rival's name by sexually assaulting a 16-year old barista in a Starbucks  (abcnews.go.com)	(144)
		Conan's Thursday night Tonight Show gets astonishing 2.6 rating, over 1 point higher than Leno's primetime show. Looks like NBC finally found themselves a late-night ho-- whoops, it seems they didn't  (thrfeed.com)	(212)
		Peyton Manning yelling at Donald Brown midplay. "GODDAMMIT DONALD"  (youtube.com)	(41)
(Some Guy)		Hottie bubble physicist Helen Czerski: "Farting phytoplankton affect the climate"  (eurekalert.org)	(34)
		British comedy sensation Marc Wootton goes undercover as an average talentless filmmaker in Hollywood. And it's even better than you expect (Sponsored link)  (sho.com)	(50)
		The Tea-party movement has turned its grass-roots rage on an inside Washington, Fat-cats only, event where polticians will pocket $100,000 speaking fees, and the cheapest ticket is $500. Unfortunately it's their own party convention  (news.yahoo.com)	(295)
		Ceres: 15, Lorton Virginia: love  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)	(14)
		Nobody's died on live TV in a while, and ratings are down, so NASCAR's going to increase horsepower at Daytona and let drivers mix it up a little  (sports.espn.go.com)	(66)
		The second to last night of the Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien features Pee Wee Herman, a Kentucky Derby winner and Robin Williams. It's your next-to-last late night wrap-up thread  (tv.gawker.com)	(142)

		Less than 48 hours after being elected, Huffington Post breaks huge scandal for Scott Brown as they unearth a photo of him with his daughters who are WEARING BIKINIS  (huffingtonpost.com)	(163)
		Study says Britons think bacon comes from sheep, teeth from a glass  (upi.com)	(47)
		NBC names Monday, March 1 as its "Welcome Back, Jay Leno" episode of Tonight Show, hopes you'll happily greet return of an old friend who has the same old comedic bits he's always entertained you with  (mediadecoder.blogs.nytimes.com)	(277)
		Just like everything else in Detroit, the Pistons may be going up for sale. Package may include Palace of Auburn Hills, DTE Energy Music Theatre, and Meadow Brook Music Festival so potential buyers could get something useful out of the deal  (sports.yahoo.com)	(35)
		Mornington Crescent goes galactic  (telegraph.co.uk)	(100)
		"Somehow, in the last 12 months, we allowed the party of Bill Clinton and Barack Obama to morph into the party of George McGovern"  (online.wsj.com)	(184)
		The only person who seems unable to make a good joke about the Tonight Show situation is Jay Leno. Here's Wednesday Late Night video recap thread  (tv.gawker.com)	(324)

		Tim Burton to remake Sleeping Beauty. This means more farked up swirls, a lack of sunlight, and probably Johnny Depp as a mirror or something  (inentertainment.co.uk)	(77)
		Fran Tarkenton, who led Minnesota to three Super Bowl defeats, is afraid Favre will do what he couldn't  (bloomberg.com)	(69)
		John Mayer's reason for breaking up with Jennifer Aniston is the strangest rationalization you'll ever read  (starpulse.com)	(83)
		The Washington Capitals are able to beat the Red Wings, despite being outshot 46-23, due to the almost super-human goaltending of Jose Theodore. No, really  (nhl.com)	(72)
		On Friday, Conan O'Brien will leave the Tonight Show for good. Here's video of the last time someone did that  (youtube.com)	(106)

		Back-to-back Cy Young winner Tim Lincecum shows up in court looking like even more of a bong-drooling stoner than usual; accepts $513 non-criminal fine for last year's pot paraphenalia bust  (sfgate.com)	(52)
		Finally, an understandable explanation of the entire Tonight Show mess... from the Chinese, no less  (youtube.com)	(45)
		Does Downey Jr.'s Tony Stark Goatee at Golden Globes Mean 'Thor' Cameo?  (backseatcuddler.com)	(33)
		Boston Globe declares Coakley winner, blames glitch on AP providing ACORN data early  (bostonherald.com.nyud.net)	(304)
		Anton Oparin shreds at NAMM 2010  (youtube.com)	(57)
		Meat packing company recalls 390 tons (one metric Your Mom) of ground beef  (reuters.com)	(57)
(That's Racin')		"Asked how he feels about the contact he'll have with open wheel media star Danica Patrick, (Kyle) Busch says: "Right now it will only be when I lap her." That's a slip of the tongue    (thatsracin.com)	(81)
		Clearly, Tony Stark is a major alcoholic, because there's no other explanation for the sheer number of ridiculous Iron Man armors he's had over the years  (io9.com)	(99)

		In today's "Proof that Hell Has Frozen Over" news, Paul Weller and Bruce Foxton are reuniting and recording new material. Yes, kids, this is just as important as any Beatles reunion  (contactmusic.com)	(67)
		It was 20 years ago...Rolling Stone's best new artist of 1990 and their first single. Bonus: It rocks  (youtube.com)	(68)
		Dave Mustaine wants a Megadeth Guitar Hero game. Activision would have to make a special Megadeth-Edition guitar with one button  (contactmusic.com)	(62)
(Some Guy)		They used to be filled with banana creme until WW2 when bananas were scarce and other things you didn't know about Twinkies (w/ Twinkie wrapped in bacon Stonehenge pic)  (todayifoundout.com)	(129)
		Pete Wentz proves he's the lesser of two douches after apologizing for comments he made about Perez Hilton  (contactmusic.com)	(20)
(Some Guy)		"Thanks for that update, Jane. Now we go to live to the scene of an assault on Sir Isaac Newton with a piece of fruit"  (tgdaily.com)	(23)
		"Welcome to one more installment in Washington's year-long crusade to revive private business by assailing and soaking it."  (online.wsj.com)	(132)
(Some Guy)		Ten celebrities who will boycott a Jay Leno Tonight Show until they have something they have to promote on a Jay Leno Tonight Show  (movieline.com)	(103)

		Landlord sues Milton Bradley for $44,000. That's just Monopoly money to him  (mlb.fanhouse.com)	(38)
		With everyone in Briton snowed in, economists are predicting a baby boom this autumn. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. Know what I mean, eh?  (telegraph.co.uk)	(52)
		Half-ton pot stash washes ashore. Cops recover the 800 lbs.of marijuana and transport it to police station. Officials say the 400 lbs. have a street value of $500,000 and that once the investigation is complete all 100 lbs. will be destroyed  (myfoxdc.com)	(71)
		Party-boy Corey Worthington has landed a part in a Hollywood movie, which just goes to show you how much Hollywood sucks  (smh.com.au)	(84)
		Whitney Houston kept out the cold in her new velvet and fur coaWHOA...WTF IS THAT?  (dailymail.co.uk)	(36)

(Some Guy)		Free to a good home: one eight-foot grizzly with compulsive self-pleasure habit, one automated pimp, and one sharp-tongued miniature Pinscher  (thrfeed.com)	(93)
		From June 11th, 2009, it's Rolling Stone's interview with Jay Leno, who says, "If you don't want to see me, I'm gone. It's over. Thank you." Aaaaaaawkward  (rollingstone.com)	(51)
		What's on the iPod of the world's most evil men? While Osama is into B-52s and Whitney Houston and Kim Jong-Il is more of a Clapton fan, Colonel Gaddafi reveals that, like camels and couscous, Lionel Richie is huge in Libya  (guardian.co.uk)	(13)
		A tribute to The Tonight Show (before Leno ruined it). Bonus: Dave's last appearance with Johnny (May 15, 1992) Added bonus: Clint Eastwood  (youtube.com)	(28)
		Remember last week when Seattle offered Tony Dungy the job of team president? Reports now indicate that it was "clear tampering" since he is still under contract with the Colts  (indystar.com)	(21)

		Jobs available at Houston furniture store: sales, accountant, monkey handler, warehouse manager. Monkey handler?  (chron.com)	(28)
		Before tomorrow's epic Ravens beatdown on the Colts, here's a hilarious look back at Peyton Manning turning into a crybaby and screaming at his teammates. What a pro  (youtube.com)	(263)
(Some Guy)		FINAL REMINDER: CT Fark Party, 7pm, Saturday, Jan. 16th, 2010, Southington, LGT location  (woodntap.com)	(8)

(Digitalspy)		Sarah Jessica Parker has been offered a top-level job with fashion designer Halston. First, it was success with Square Pegs, then Sex and the City, and now this; looks like she's finally completed her very own Triple Crown  (digitalspy.com)	(36)
		In 1992, amidst declining "Tonight Show" ratings, Jay Leno said he'd leave NBC if they moved his show to 12:30 or gave his job to somebody else  (nytimes.com)	(74)
		Olbermann: "Mr. Robertson, Mr. Limbaugh, your lives are not worth those of the lowest, meanest, poorest of those victims still lying under that rubble in Haiti tonight. You serve no good, you serve no God." With video goodness  (rawstory.com)	(389)
		It's been 50 years since someone quit the Tonight Show. Here's the story of how Jack Paar quit because they wouldn't let him say 'water-closet' on the air  (history.com)	(16)
		New Orleans Saints coach Sean Payton wins his second Coach of the Year award and fourth straight Lee Harvey Oswald lookalike contest  (espn.go.com)	(37)
		Hitler reacts to Conan O'Brien losing The Tonight Show  (youtube.com)	(95)

		Anti-vaccine nutbar sues scientist who dared to disagree with her, then calls for open debate about vaccines just before she gets crushed by a 16-ton weight with the word "Irony" written on it  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)	(126)
		Hey, remember when scientists found Earth II? Well, turns out it's more like Krypton. No word yet if a baby, or his smoking hot cousin, have been sent to Kansas  (io9.com)	(30)
		Jim Haslett will become Washington Redskins defensive coordinator, crippling the chances of the Florida Tuskers reaching the UFL championship for a second straight season  (stltoday.com)	(28)
		Who could have guessed that the two greatest guitarists of our time, Jeff Beck and Eric Clapton, wouldn't get along?  (contactmusic.com)	(112)

		Washington state lawmakers at hope of looking like complete idiots  (msnbc.msn.com)	(170)
(Some Guy)		The Cure's Robert Smith and Tim Burton have officially made a Disney film for middle-aged goths  (twentyfourbit.com)	(20)
		"Clinton seeks answer to sticky dispute." No, this is not 1998  (hosted.ap.org)	(12)
		Sharpton disturbed by coffee remark. On what grounds?  (myfoxla.com)	(218)
		Boston police would like to remind everybody that it is a felony to use your cell phone to record them roughing up a suspect  (boston.com)	(294)
		In one of the most uplifting sports stories in recent memory, former St. Louis Blues player Mike Danton is going back to college hockey in an attempt to eventually break back into the NHL after an unexpected 5-year absence  (sports.yahoo.com)	(60)
(Some Guy)		50 years ago Belafonte, Brando, Heston, Poitier and Baldwin (no, not that one) had a civil discussion about civil rights (30-minute video)  (sling.com)	(20)

		Plastic Ono Band to perform first gig in 40 years and be joined onstage by Eric Clapton and Paul Simon. ♫ Are you going to Scarborough fai--YAAAA-YAYAYAYA-YAAAAAH YAAHHH ♫  (contactmusic.com)	(74)
(SILive)		If you recently stole 22 tons of tilapia from NYC port, the authorities would like a word with you and would recommend a tanker of California chardonnay to pair with your haul  (silive.com)	(109)
		Best news you'll get on a Monday: Pussycat Dolls singer Nicole Scherzinger back on market after splitting from F1 driver Lewis Hamilton. Subby would pit it, fuel it from his nozzle in under ten seconds  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(43)

		Rolling Stones, Pink Floyd, New Order, Coldplay and David Bowie get their own stamps. If you lick the Rolling Stones one, you can't drive or operate heavy machinery for at least two days    (rollingstone.com)	(28)
		Elton John turned down Courtney Love's Hole  (contactmusic.com)	(35)
(Some Guy)		Oliver Stone making a mini-series that's going to "Put Hitler in context."  (thrfeed.com)	(102)

		Not News: Somebody makes a racist comment about Obama. News: It's a Senator. Fark: It was Democrat Harry Reid who talked about Obama's skin tone and "lack of negro dialect."  (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com)	(750)
		Bill Paxton enthusiastic about a "Twister" sequel. That makes one of him  (contactmusic.com)	(43)
(Goat Riders of the Apocalypse)		Both were products of broken homes and hard lives, so why was Andre Dawson able to turn his struggles into a Hall of Fame career while Milton Bradley continues to self destruct?  (goatriders.org)	(39)
		Christmas break over. FDIC seized Horizon Bank of Washington today. Georgia better step it up if it wants to retain the title  (reuters.com)	(26)

		NFL quarterback pens article for the Washington Post, giving in-depth analysis of antitrust law as it pertains to free agency  (washingtonpost.com)	(37)
		Hot air coming out of Washington D.C. is so bad it's fouling the air in Baltimore  (baltimoresun.com)	(26)
		CT Fark Party 1/16/10, 7pm, Wood-N-Tap in Southington  (fark.com)	(18)

		The best time of the year wraps up tonight with the BCS title game. Will Alabama win their first national title since 1992? Will Texas win and Alabama claims the national title anyways? This is your BCS title game discussion thread  (scores.espn.go.com)	(2651)
		Tony La Russa hints that if the Cards make the playoffs next year, hitting coach Mark McGwire will be on the active roster to occasionally fly out  (mercurynews.com)	(46)
		Rolling Stone interviews Jack White about the decade in music, which is a lot like interviewing Uwe Boll about the decade in film  (rollingstone.com)	(144)
		Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland just got 100% more Wentzy  (contactmusic.com)	(35)
		And so it begins: Poorly tattooed Asian Myspace dwarf-slut Tila Tequila fights with Nicky Hilton and Bijou Phillips over Casey Johnson's dogs  (eonline.com)	(104)

		The last B. Dalton's is closing. Subby toasts their memory with his Orange Julius    (startribune.com)	(110)
		New HDTV designed for seniors. It shuts off if you fall asleep, the remote has only six buttons, and half the channels run "Murder She Wrote"  (nypost.com)	(41)
		Scientists find group of stars which have an incredibly dense core and imitate the big bang, a discovery they've decided to call the "Hilton/Kardashian effect"  (newscientist.com)	(9)
		Astronomers don't want you to lose any sleep over the star that could go supernova and destroy our ozone layer with the force of 20 billion billion billion megatons of TNT  (thesun.co.uk)	(108)

		MTV's self-fulfilling trifecta of cosmic stupidity: Tila Tequila, Lindsay Lohan, and Paris Hilton's reaction to Casey Johnson's death  (mtv.com)	(153)
		Rolling Stones have opted to gather moss in 2010  (contactmusic.com)	(21)
(Some Guy)		A year after the biggest bailout in US history, Wall Street lobbyists don't just have influence in Washington. They own it lock, stock, and barrel  (motherjones.com)	(78)
		You own a Mexican restaurant and need promotion. You: C) pay two stoners $100 to film a commercial with the theme "drunken revolutionary", encourage the use of robots, and then happily put it on the air  (examiner.com)	(58)
		Friday it will probably be colder in Houston than McMurdo Station in Antarctica  (chron.com)	(243)
(You Major In What?)		Screengrab from tonight's Fiesta Bowl shows the importance of a quality education (pic)  (imgur.com)	(53)
		2010: Jennifer Aniston helps shape new paparazzi law. 2020: Jennifer Aniston, miffed at lack of attention from photographers, to pose naked for Playboy  (examiner.com)	(54)

Old news: Chia pets and pet rocks. New: Designer rings with live plants growing inside them instead of precious stones  (telegraph.co.uk)

(69)

(WOAI)		It may soon be illegal to buy someone else a beer in San Antonio, TX (with picture of what someone really wanting a beer might look like)  (radio.woai.com)	(108)
		The "radical Muslim" who tried to kill the Danish cartoonist who made fun of Allah? Yeah, he was arrested last year for trying to kill Hillary Clinton. But apparently that wasn't serious enough to keep him in custody  (upi.com)	(120)
		Can Miami keep the defending Super Bowl champs out of the playoffs? Will Mangini have a job come January? Is that Peyton Manning in the popemobile? It's your week 17 NFL discussion thread  (sports.espn.go.com)	(3826)
		Following Bill Belichick's advice, Boston Bruins sign a deal with the devil. Red Sox, Celtics nod approvingly  (nhl.com)	(60)

		New statue featuring Winston Churchill, Malcolm X, Harvey Milk and Mother Teresa to have something to offend everyone  (sfgate.com)	(118)
		Eminem's get-sober "sponsor" is Elton John  (news.yahoo.com)	(31)
		You send us lead-painted toys, we send you 8,500 tons of used tires. It's the American way  (upi.com)	(45)
		Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper's suspension of Parliament has apparently upset at least a few people. Canadian Farkers click to the right, the rest of you move along and stop coveting our Tim Hortons  (upi.com)	(100)
		Man arrested for dragging several hundred pounds of coke behind his truck. Tony Montana says he's doing it wrong  (liveleak.com)	(9)

		January 1st, 1953---Hank Williams catches his last case of Honky Tonk Blues  (youtube.com)	(21)
		Nebraska band can't travel to their bowl game tonight because of bad weather. High school band from Lincoln, already in San Diego, gets the call, has one day to learn fight song  (omaha.com)	(83)

The Phoenix Suns prove they are a force to be reckoned with, sweep the season series with the Boston Celtics  (azcentral.com)

(46)

90 years ago this week, the Boston Red Sox sold some lady named Ruth to the New York Yankees  (newyork.yankees.mlb.com)

(68)

		Jason Bay agrees to a four year, $66 million contract with the Mets. Suck it, Boston  (sports.espn.go.com)	(62)
		While the Shuttle program winds down and NASA sees an uncertain future, a small half-ton probe crosses the halfway point to Pluto on its way to interstellar space  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)	(56)
		Tony Parker and Eva Longoria reenact the "Summer Nights" scene from "Grease", lip-synching in costume on location  (barenucks.com)	(37)
		Could custody battle between Bristol Palin, Levi Johnston over son impact her mother's 2012 aspirations? Be with us next time for "Sarah Lee's Baked Alaska" or "What A Long, Strange Tripp She's Been"  (courant.com)	(93)

		The dazzling deductive skills of the Northhampton, MA police have led them to label as "suspicious", 9 fires that all broke out between 2 and 3am, within a block or two of each other  (abcnews.go.com)	(69)
		Most altitudinous hockey goal you will see tonight  (youtube.com)	(49)
(Some Guy)		Arsonist sets 22 fires in Houston neighborhoods in an apparent attempt to beautify the city  (apnews.myway.com)	(80)

Columnist marries Paris Hilton in Las Vegas for a reality show. Yet conservatives still insist it's the gays who are ruining traditional marriage  (dailymail.co.uk)

(195)

		Washington influence peddlers on track to shatter last year's record $3.3 billion spent lobbying Congress. That's change we hoped we wouldn't have to believe in  (politico.com)	(41)
(NYCAviation)		What do you do when your 200-ton Soviet-era cargo jet gets stuck in the mud? GUN IT  (nycaviation.com)	(41)

Investigation underway whether Washington Wizards Gilbert Arenas stored firearms in his locker against league rules. That's NBA rules, not NRA  (sports.espn.go.com)

(13)

Reminder: Canton, Ohio Fark Party at Fiddlestix Billiards Dec 26th  (fark.com)

(3)

		If Rolling Stone had any credibility left, they lost it with their list of the 25 best songs of 2009  (rollingstone.com)	(106)
		Pro tip: Don't piss off the gas station manager working 18 hour days by trying to rob him -- especially if he has a panic button that can lock you in the store until police arrive  (nydailynews.com)	(52)
		Orlando Fark Party tonight, Wednesday December 23 at 7pm. LGT pevious thread, DIT  (fark.com)	(1)
		American Airlines flight 331 from DC arrives in Norman Manley International Airport in Kingston, Jamaica, at gate 8, gate 9, gate 10  (foxnews.com)	(192)

		San Antonio River Walk to be more wheelchair friendly, hey that's great bec.... spalsh  (chron.com)	(168)
		Boston mother, who is apparently unaware of how to use a power plug, circuit breaker, or hammer, is forced to call 9-1-1 to get her son to stop playing video games  (news.yahoo.com)	(223)
		Engaging the X-Drive: Ten ways to traverse deep space. Dr. Richard Seaton unavailable for comment  (newscientist.com)	(98)
		Paris Hilton shares her bed with a pig. Eventually, her STDs will combine with swine flu to form the Voltron of infectious diseases  (contactmusic.com)	(26)
		Harry Reid (D-ork) defends bribes to Senators to pass health care, saying failing to hold out for a payoff "doesn't speak well" of Senators who supported his bill without one  (politico.com)	(225)

		Mexican army finds 3 tons of marijuana in truck. After confiscating the 2 tons of marijuana, local police need several vans to haul all 800 pounds of it; say the 50 pounds placed in evidence is worth almost 50,000 pizzas. I mean, dollars  (elpasotimes.com)	(102)
		Everyone seems a little down today. Here's some Neil Diamond to cheer you up (bonus: Glastonbury performance from 2008)  (youtube.com)	(10)

		Fly-covered goat and horse carcasses in uninspected, unlicensed slaughterhouses lacking basic sanitation. This is not a repeat from 1906. Upton Sinclair unavailable for comment  (sun-sentinel.com)	(54)
(Irish Times)		U2 bassist Adam Clayton claims his housekeeper stole $2.5 million from him. Guess she desired a little too much and got stuck in a moment she couldn't get out of  (irishcentral.com)	(52)

(WJLA-TV)		He pulls a snowball, you pull a gun. That's the Washington, D.C. way  (wjla.com)	(163)
(Politics Daily)		Lewinsky delivers Clinton another blow  (politicsdaily.com)	(106)
		One of the great lies in Washington is that only left and right have ideologies. The reality is that the ideology of centrism is just as stringent and far more uncompromising, and it damages almost everything it touches  (yglesias.thinkprogress.org)	(125)
		In order to reduce their carbon footprint enroute to Copenhagen, Prime Minister Brown, Prince Charles and their aides all shared one fuel efficient bus...nah, just kidding, they each flew in separate chartered planes, generating tons of CO2  (dailymail.co.uk)	(62)

		Obama leaves global warming conference in a rush so he can get back to Washington before it gets hit by one of the biggest blizzards ever  (forbes.com)	(231)
		Add Mt. Milton Bradley to the list of volcanoes likely to erupt in the Pacific Northwest  (sports.espn.go.com)	(70)
		Astonishingly, there *still* doesn't seem to be anyone actually vetting Obama nominees  (community.fox4kc.com)	(109)
		There has been a Tiger Woods sighting near Houston. Wait what? Oh someone saw a tiger in the woods near Houston. Ohhhhh. Well, I'm sorry. Never mind  (chron.com)	(52)
		Players freebasing cocaine, locker room brawls, fans punching players, and little Peyton Manning asking if he can boo his dad. Meet the 1-and-15 Saints of 1980  (nola.com)	(58)

		The national debt has, "at least numerically," surpassed the new limit set by Congress just last week. "At least numerically"? Do we owe New Zealand a couple billion tons of sheep or something, too?  (cbsnews.com)	(165)
(Some Guy)		Wiring Christmas lights in your car and hanging cotton balls from the ceiling apparently is not just news, but makes your vehicle a "Snow Globe" (w/pic of 12VDC to AC inverter)  (newsnet5.com)	(52)

		Clinton Portis says that his concussion isn't career ending; You're holding up three fingers, and he'll still be able to fight crime and catch Penguin and the Riddler  (sports.espn.go.com)	(31)
		Alice goes back to Wonderland. Here's the trailer. Tim Burton directed. Yes, it's strange. Spiffy, indeed, but very, very strange  (denofgeek.com)	(153)
(Some Farker)		Reminder: Joint Mentally Incontinent, Fark book signing and Fark Party- downtown Indianapolis tonight  (downtowncomics.com)	(101)

		Children and jobless stoners rejoice as Nickelodeon orders 26 more episodes of "SpongeBob SquarePants"  (nydailynews.com)	(78)
		"After claims last year of cough linctus in the gravy, Wigan event sees anger and a walkout over switch to Adlington pies"  (guardian.co.uk)	(66)
		Being a glutton for punishment is one thing. Going from Kyle Busch to Kurt Busch is downright insane  (sportsillustrated.cnn.com)	(19)
		Pilots With Altitude: Compton general aviation airport teaching kids to fly in exchange for volunteer community service hours  (latimes.com)	(45)
(Iu viro)		Google festas Esperanton ial  (esperanto-usa.org)	(67)
		Wells Fargo repays the U.S. government for their TRAP money. Unleash the Pinkertons  (marketwatch.com)	(54)
		And now for something completely different, Red Skelton  (youtube.com)	(22)
(Some Girl)		Photoshop these standing stones  (ballybegvillage.com)	(35)
(AMERICAblog)		2009 Poll: 33% of "morals and values" voters in South Carolina want Mark Sanford to resign. 1998 Poll: 88% of "morals and values" voters in South Carolina want Bill Clinton to resign  (americablog.com)	(188)

		The Gin And Titonic Ice Tray lets you make four icebergs and one ice-replica of the Titanic. "Sick and distasteful."  (dailymail.co.uk)	(155)
		RNC Chair Michael Steele: "The Democrats are accusing us Republicans of trying to delay and stonewall their government takeover of health care. You know what? They're finally right."  (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(171)
		Estonians recreate "The Simpsons" opening in painstaking, live-action detail, and that's awesome. But then the Spaniards come in and get all creepy about it  (examiner.com)	(23)

		Nevada brothel aims to offer first male prostitutes; Ashton Kutcher unavailable for comment  (hosted.ap.org)	(136)
		Rolling Stone list of 100 Best Songs of the Decade. Nothing to see here, move along  (rollingstone.com)	(123)
		Madonna dropped as the spokesgristle for Louis Vuitton  (contactmusic.com)	(42)
		North Korean cargo jet forced to land in Thailand; 35 tons of weapons onboard. The plane's destination? Pakistan's tribal areas. This should end well  (msnbc.msn.com)	(86)
		Houston becomes the first major US city to elect a lesbian mayor, proving that Texans can't get enough bush  (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(291)

		Cardinals fans can look forward to Tony LaRussa as coach despite his eligibility for retirement after next season. Alternatively, Cubs fans can look forward to blaming Lou Piniella for the 103rd straight disappointing season  (chicagotribune.com)	(18)
		Harvard, Dartmouth, Cornell and Boston College reduced to making Hogwarts comparison to pimp themselves out. Cornell quarterly: "Bring your wand and broomstick, just in case"  (gawker.com)	(94)
		REMINDER- Greensboro Fark Party tonight LGT previous thread  (fark.com)	(40)
		Sarah Palin reads from William Shatner's autobiography on The Tonight Show. Awesomeness ensues  (youtube.com)	(329)
		Manchester United v Aston Villa, Liverpool v Arsenal, and Chelsea v Everton. Its your EPL discussion thread  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(80)
(Some Guy)		Someone, somewhere, has a $10,400 Christmas tree in their living room and the Washington Botanical Gardens would like it back  (mynorthwest.com)	(42)

		Seattle Times Sideline Chatter enjoyed Fark's Danica Patrick fragrance headline  (seattletimes.nwsource.com)	(1)
(Some Edmonton Farker Guy)		Edmonton Fark Party. Final Reminder DIT. LGT Map  (maps.google.ca)	(85)
		Full bodied, with hints of blackberries and oak and a subtle overtone of blackmail  (smh.com.au)	(11)
(Some Tusk)		Fleetwood Mac may head the Glastonbury festival. Take the rumour with a grain of salt, as it's second-hand news  (nme.com)	(33)
		Okay mac, just gimme all your corduroy jackets with missing buttons, out-of-style belts, 10-year old National Geographics and Flowbees with missing attachments and we'll all walk away from this and no one will get hurt  (myfoxdc.com)	(65)
		Good news, Dallas Cowboys fans: Tony Romo is once again your snap holder  (sports.espn.go.com)	(146)

		What looks like a Super Mario Brother and is back for the holidays? Tony the dancing cop  (youtube.com)	(14)
		Angered TV anchor: "Yours truly have been here long before Perez Hilton upchucked his way onto the scene and we will be here long after he slithers away" (with vid)  (celebitchy.com)	(69)
		How many bands have a Tuvan throat singer? 'A moment so close' by the Flecktones featuring Ondar  (youtube.com)	(23)
(VOR)		First proton smash in Hadron Collider sounded like 'Zzzzt', says scientist  (thevoiceofreason.com)	(68)
		James Lipton uses the power of the beard to caution teens against sexting in this awesome PSA ad  (blogs.ajc.com)	(44)

Rolling Stone publishes their list of the top 100 albums of the decade, as chosen by a selection of artists and critics whose taste pales in comparison to your own  (rollingstone.com)

(210)

		An armed man speaking in tongues who says he was trying to protect his mother from vampires has one question for police: "How long does PCP stay in your system?"  (blogs.kansascity.com)	(49)
		Proving their love of alliteration, Washington Redskins release Shaun Suisham, sign Graham Gano  (sports.espn.go.com)	(49)
		Mischa Barton declares herself an embarrasment. Well, knowing is half the battle  (contactmusic.com)	(19)
		Edmonton Fark Party Reminder. DIT  (fark.com)	(15)

		Adrianne Curry wants you to know that she loves playing World of Warcraft naked and stoned. She wants you to know this so badly she even took a picture. (SFW)  (huffingtonpost.com)	(138)
		"10 Video Games to Cross Off Your Child's Gift List." Just in case you were thinking "Grand Theft Auto: The Ballad of Gay Tony" would be the perfect thing for 8-year-old Susie  (well.blogs.nytimes.com)	(232)
(Some Farkette)		Any Canton, Ohio Farkers want a Fark party?  (fiddlestixbilliards.com)	(28)
		"We're going for it." - New Orleans Saints coach Sean Payton on whether the team will pursue 16-0 or rest starters down the stretch  (sportsillustrated.cnn.com)	(852)
		Older gamers beginning to report more incidences of joint pain, back pain from years of button mashing  (wtsp.com)	(49)
		Happy 94th birthday, Eli Wallach. May you only visit Sad Hill cemetery to look for Arch Stanton  (youtube.com)	(44)

		Washington comes to the aid of New Orleans for a change  (sports.yahoo.com)	(101)
		40 years ago today the Rolling Stones played their infamous show at Altamont, California. From that show, a little Sympathy for the Devil  (youtube.com)	(33)
		Office Space's Ron Livingston sues over internet gay rumors. Watch out for your cornhole, bud  (huffingtonpost.com)	(78)

		Tens of millions attend Glenn Beck's "Christmas Sweater" simulcast in New York, Boston, and DC, making it the highest grossing theatrical release since The Dark Knight  (thinkprogress.org)	(94)
(Some Guy)		Today's headline that you never thought you'd read: "Well known badminton player dies"  (nwemail.co.uk)	(9)
		Because it worked so well for Planet Hollywood, Rolling Stone magazine continues its descent towards irrelevancy by launching a restaurant chain in its name. So rock n' roll, dude  (guardian.co.uk)	(57)

		Ray Winstone, Tom Wilkinson, John Hurt, and Ian McShane are all staring in a movie called "44 Inch Chest," it looks like the kind of comedy that Guy Ritchie might make, only, you know, good  (contactmusic.com)	(37)
		Elton John improvising a song about microwave ovens  (youtube.com)	(19)
		Edmonton Fark Party  (fark.com)	(11)
		Glenn Beck's movie fails spectacularly, selling a total 17 tickets in New York and Boston: "The theater's almost empty"  (rawstory.com)	(248)
		The 2nd Estonian Horse Cavalry Division will be a big help: NATO says 25 countries will send more troops to Afghanistan  (washingtonpost.com)	(96)
		The world's seven weirdest houses. Yes, toilet house is there. So is wall house. And one where the owner levitated huge limestone slabs with magic  (cracked.com)	(96)
(Some Guy)		Not News: commodity dealer trades 28,000 tons of coal. News: a glitch means he orders 28,000 tons of coal. Fark: they deliver  (thedailywtf.com)	(169)

		Alton Brown: "Celebrity chefs are the high priests of the food craze that is partly responsible for the fattening of America. We helped people get into this mess. I don't see why we shouldn't help get them out"  (time.com)	(123)
		Joss Stone: "If my album tanks I'll have to do nude photo shoots" - Best reason yet for buying the new Joss Stone album  (entertainment.timesonline.co.uk)	(107)
(WA Today)		Australian nursing tribunal confirms that "getting stoned and getting laid" is not on the approved list of depression treatments  (watoday.com.au)	(49)
		Chinese news agency does hilarious CGI reenactment of the Tiger Woods incident. Starring Barbie as Mrs. Woods and the love child of George Takei and Denzel Washington as Tiger  (examiner.com)	(87)

		Dad brings home full-size Barbie for daughter's Christmas gift. Soon, she starts moving around on her own, causing car accidents, frightening contractors and inducing gallstones. Then it gets weird  (cnn.com)	(138)
		Oregon scientists work like crazy for 11 years, solve mystery of brain cell glutamate receptor structure. "I am not sure whether non-crystallographers can truly appreciate what an astonishing tour-de-force this is"  (oregonlive.com)	(65)
(Times-Tribune)		YouTube's favorite Scranton city council gadfly, the deluded Ray Lyman, could be featured on Comedy Central. With videos of his greatest hits  (thetimes-tribune.com)	(36)
(Some Ambitious Slowhand)		Eric Clapton and Jeff Beck will play three live shows in North America next year; sadly, two of the three dates are in Canada  (nme.com)	(62)
		Mrs. Keaton comes out of the closet, says she is a lesbian. Alex reportedly shaking with rage  (hosted.ap.org)	(177)
		White House: You're not invited. Uninvited Guests: Great, we'll see you tonight. WH: I don't think you understand. UG: Should we bring anything? WH: Don't come, get it? UG: Perfect, we'll see you around 8 o'clock then?  (myfoxdc.com)	(136)
		A teen panel working with the Boston Public Health Commission has determined that songs by Lady Gaga are the musical equivalent of junk food. Must be Ding Dongs  (seacoastonline.com)	(104)
		Nothing says "embarrassing 16-point loss at home" like gleefully splitting up a bulk order of Louis Vuitton shoes with your teammates in the locker room afterwards  (washingtontimes.com)	(24)

		Armed-sea-creature gap between US and Russia widens as scientists design robotic clams to detonate underwater mines  (livescience.com)	(34)
		Jennifer Aniston is releasing a DVD of herself doing yoga. Porn can't be too far behind  (contactmusic.com)	(59)
		Diagonally-cut sandwiches are superior because they approach the platonic ideal of the triangle and the Holy Trinity  (npr.org)	(107)
		Washington Times catches heat for running "birther" ad featuring three wise monkeys. Cue "That's Racist" kid  (thinkprogress.org)	(375)
(Some Guy)		If an Amtrak train leaving Boston with 48 passengers going 60 miles per hour is due to arrive in Portland at 9:25 p.m., how many whiplash lawsuits will occur when it hits the abandoned car on the tracks at 5:42 p.m.?  (updates.pressherald.mainetoday.com)	(69)
		Some Moran writes about the campaign to save Argleton, the Google maps city that doesn't exist  (guardian.co.uk)	(20)

(ET Online)		Levi Johnston says he'd be happy to appear on "Dancing With the Stars." Actually, he's be happy if you had some spare change you could lend him  (etonline.com)	(26)
		IPCC's new plan for saving us all from Global Warming floods: Build a huge Stone Wall. Yep thats the plan, plenty of stonewalling  (guardian.co.uk)	(448)
		Chelsea Clinton is engaged. Bet her fiance is looking forward to the bachelor party his future father-in-law will be throwing  (gawker.com)	(78)
		Iran announces that it sees "little benefit" in belonging to the nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty. "So Israel doesn't bomb us into the stone age" curiously absent from their reasoning  (washingtonpost.com)	(193)
(TechDirt)		"Get Excited and Make Things" The Wil Wheaton Edition  (techdirt.com)	(8)
		Edmonton Fark Party Planning Thread  (fark.com)	(1)

Four cops shot to death in Washington state coffee shop  (wwl.com)

(895)

		Reverend Horton Heat covering Black Sabbath? Yes, please  (youtube.com)	(26)
		"When Glenn Beck and others talk about an antigovernment revolution, we should recall the 1898 Wilmington race riot."  (csmonitor.com)	(160)

New Obama policy costs hundreds of Washington lobbyists their jobs  (washingtonpost.com)

(220)

		Rare Winston Churchill TV screen test to be shown, get more viewers than "The Jay Leno Show"  (upi.com)	(41)
		Boston Herald headline writers accurately condense 8th amendment lawsuit into five words: "Wife-killing tranny denied electrolysis"  (bostonherald.com)	(56)
		Thirty-two percent of American men are obviously watching Alton Brown more than the Dallas Cowboys this year  (fe2.story.media.ac4.yahoo.com)	(141)

(NBC Sports)		Houston Texans announce that LB Brian Cushing's Twitter account is a fake even though it references his official web page which includes the exact same Twitter feed  (profootballtalk.nbcsports.com)	(9)
		John Bolton has a glorious mustache. Your argument about Iran is invalid, and was so all along  (cbsnews.com)	(122)
(Some Guy)		Another reason China is kicking our ass: Push button boob jobs with instant D-liscious results  (weirdasianews.com)	(1554)
		King Kong's metal skeleton fetches 121,250 bananas at auction  (abc.net.au)	(21)
		2 Michigan State football players dismissed from team. Only 18 more to go, Dan Antonio  (clickondetroit.com)	(22)

		U2 playing Glastonbury in bid to quiet haters. "Bono has the instincts of a perennial suitor, a rock and roll travelling salesman who almost sees it as a matter of pride to be able to sell his wares to the most reluctant customer"  (blogs.telegraph.co.uk)	(6)
		Abe has died in Washington DC. This is not a repeat from 1865  (washingtonpost.com)	(22)
		Even the judge agrees there's nothing wrong with a little tongue  (nwfdailynews.com)	(19)
		Tommy Lee Jones steps down from his actor/director duties on "The Lincoln Lawyer" due to creative differences, Anton Chigurh  (contactmusic.com)	(23)
		Lost: President. Tall and well-dressed, age 48. Enjoys basketball and golf. Has "keen moral clarity." If found, contact the American Left, 1600 Pennsylvania Ave, Washington, DC  (washingtonpost.com)	(122)
		Twelve Iranian couples to be stoned after deciding to give partner swapping a try, demonstrating once again how they do everything backwards over there    (smh.com.au)	(413)
		Sign number 34 the recession is over? Illinois zoo stands to make $16,500 on jewelry made from reindeer crap  (qctimes.com)	(41)

		We might have a Monday Night Football thread. We might also have a football game in Houston that people care about. Probably not though  (google.com)	(305)
		It's the battle of wits of the century: Jessica Simpson versus Perez Hilton. Dozens of brain cells hang in the balance  (contactmusic.com)	(54)
		News: CPSC announces they'll be announcing a crib recall tomorrow. Fark: They're not going to say which cribs yet. Have fun putting your infants to bed tonight  (money.cnn.com)	(80)
(Some Brown Sugar)		On the heels of Susan Boyle's album release, the Rolling Stones reissue original Wild Horses as a single, hope it drags you away  (nme.com)	(32)
		Glastonbury Festival, which has managed to keep U2 out for over 30 years, will see their streak end next year  (contactmusic.com)	(38)
		Apropos of nothing, Joss Stone confesses to smoking weed  (nowmagazine.co.uk)	(30)

		"In the Clinton era it was OK to lie about sex. Under Obama, it seems, it's just fine to lie about running the country"  (telegraph.co.uk)	(258)
		Edmonton Fark Party Planning Thread  (fark.com)	(16)
		The Statue of Liberty. Mount Rushmore. The Washington Monument. And now, Billy Carter's gas station. Wait, what?  (chicagotribune.com)	(31)
		Fun-loving San Francisco cable car decides to give passengers an impromptu reminder of Newton's First Law of Motion  (foxnews.com)	(37)