Drew Curtis' FARK.com -- links tagged 'tom'

Headlines matching 'tom'

Wed May 22, 2013

Source	Fark Headline		Comments
		Victoria's Secret decides that when it comes to making a profit from a mastectomy bra, the cup is only half full source: cbsnews.com \| share:	(8)

Tue May 21, 2013

		Someone finally takes an interest in South Dakota. Shame it had to be Harry Reid and Tom "What the hell glasses are you wearing, grandma?" Daschle source: politico.com \| share:	(10)
		OK Sen. Tom Coburn (R-heartless): No disaster aid for my constituents until budget cuts are made to compensate source: livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com \| share:	(288)

Mon May 20, 2013


		"A president actually in command of his administration would bring in a new chief of staff and new communications personnel, and figure out how to at least appear interested in getting to the bottom of these issues" source: washingtonpost.com \| share:	(205)

Sun May 19, 2013

American scientists pumped to have fully operational $239 million laboratory at bottom of Pacific Ocean by 2015, are tempted to dub it SeaLab 2015

source: seattlepi.com | share:

(58)

Sat May 18, 2013

		Now that the American economy has been reignited, Wal-Mart is losing customers left and right. This is bad news... for no one, really source: slate.com \| share:	(194)
		Artist paints Lichtenstein's pop art and pre-Raphaelite masters onto nude bottoms -- just the sort of art subby can get behind. (probably not safe for work) source: dailymail.co.uk \| share:	(27)
		It's the bottom of the 9th. Two outs. Bases loaded. 3-2 count. The game is tied 4-4. The batter hits a routine pop fly and Larry, Curly and Moe converge on the ball to make the final out source: mlb.mlb.com \| share:	(67)

Fri May 17, 2013


		Even though he saw her two days prior, Jon Voight learned about his daughter's double mastectomy from the New York Times source: guardian.co.uk \| share:	(21)

Thu May 16, 2013

Was that a fart on ESPN? Deadspin embarks on groundbreaking journalism to get to the bottom of Fartgate

source: deadspin.com | share:

(23)

Wed May 15, 2013

		Oklahoma microbrewery raided, equipment seized and manager facing charges...because customers complained that their beer was too strong source: kjrh.com \| share:	(150)
		Nuclear device falls off the back of a truck somewhere in WV or PA. Police on the lookout for radioactive rednecks or atomic Amish source: jalopnik.com \| share:	(46)

Tue May 14, 2013

Angelina Jolie has double mastectomy. Can't really justify the Boobies tag on this one

source: nytimes.com | share:

(260)

Mon May 13, 2013

		Man arrested at airport with pressure cooker. "He is believed to have... lied to a federal customs agent about why he brought the pressure cooker." Really, how hard is it to keep your story straight about why you have a pressure cooker? source: livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com \| share:	(161)
		A Farker posted this video for Chris Hadfield last week, and Chris thought it was great. Welcome home, Major Tom source: youtube.com \| share:	(22)

Sun May 12, 2013

		Four-year-old with cancer gets surprise limo ride. Returns home to find foundation has built sweet custom playground in his backyard. Too bad they didn't clean up the dust source: wtkr.com \| share:	(24)
		Ranking all the comic book films based on an aggregate data from Rotten Tomatoes, Metacritic, and IMDB user ratings. Can you guess the three films that are actually rated worse than Superman IV? source: darkhorizons.com \| share:	(153)

Sat May 11, 2013

		Mother's day -1 playoff hockey thread... GO NOW get her some flowers, or a card or something NOW before the game, tomorrow got busy Just the one NHL playoff game tonight hockey fans... Can the Isles conflict their mothers? 7 eastern source: nhl.com \| share:	(651)
		Comedian Stewart Lee breaks down the 'It's just a joke' defence, stomps on it, piddles on it, and inserts a clockwork up its bum to animate it like a Mechanical Turk so he can continue to ridicule it. (Yes, some Not Safe For Work language) source: youtube.com \| share:	(45)
		"It's a fashion party. And then Tom Brady and Gisele walk in and you're like, 'You win. We get it.'"- John Krasinksi source: people.com \| share:	(17)
		Stomping on the American flag in South Carolina? That's a shooti....er, it's worth $85,000? source: washingtonpost.com \| share:	(92)

Fri May 10, 2013

		Romney scrapped Benghazi ad in final weeks of campaign. And, as a result will be free to see 'The Great Gatsby' this afternoon and probably 'Iron Man 3' tomorrow. Really looking forward to new Star Trek source: thehill.com \| share:	(217)
		Nothing to see here, just 40 pictures of delectable food photography. Are you hungry yet? (some possibly Not safe for work images on sidebar & bottom of page) source: thechive.com \| share:	(28)

Thu May 09, 2013

		Building superintendent mistakes tomato plants for pot plants on rooftop, calls cops. Cops come and mistake tomato plants for pot plants. That's some fine police work there, Officer Lou source: nydailynews.com \| share:	(63)
		Carnival Cruise line continues to lose paying customers source: cnn.com \| share:	(75)
		Elizabeth Warren introduces legislation to make student loans have the same rock bottom interest rates as government loans to banks source: politico.com \| share:	(213)

Wed May 08, 2013

		Sure a lot of customers were burned by SimCity, but no one's stopped to think about the real victims in all this: the sims who live there source: kotaku.com \| share:	(35)
		Scientists find ancient DNA at the bottom of a section of sea long bereft of life, thus summoning forth the Old Ones source: news.sciencemag.org \| share:	(17)
		Abercrombie and Fitch CEO tells prospective larger customers to go be fat somewhere else source: businessinsider.com \| share:	(64)
		Why does the back of your lower leg have the same name as a baby cow? How come the bottom of your foot has the name of a fish? source: mentalfloss.com \| share:	(20)

Tue May 07, 2013

Tactical Response would like you to know that just because the Ohio shooter had their training material, doesn't mean he was a student or a customer of theirs. He just....fark, I dunno. WE'RE NOT RESPONSIBLE

source: livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com | share:

(98)

Mon May 06, 2013

		A franchise-desperate Tom Cruise signs on for Mission: Impossible 5 source: deadline.com \| share:	(88)
		After hitting rock bottom in March 2011 with his anti-union legislation, Republican governor of Ohio, John Kasich 2.0 is having a remarkable renaissance source: motherjones.com \| share:	(67)
		Holy mackerel, some bottom feeder was arrested hook, line, and sinker for stealing her grandfather's fishing poles. I don't mean to keep carping, but this sea hag really has no sole source: nwfdailynews.com \| share:	(24)

Sun May 05, 2013

		In-car internet has automakers salivating: get ready for Your Odometer, Brought To You By Tostitos Hint of Lime And Geico Insurance source: chicagotribune.com \| share:	(83)
		It's getting squeaky at the bottom. West Brom Vs Wigan, Norwich Vs Villa and Newcastle Vs West Ham in a thirteen game epic round of EPL matches source: guardian.co.uk \| share:	(192)

Sat May 04, 2013

		No one actually likes Patrón. They just buy it and try to stomach it because they love the bottle so much source: slate.com \| share:	(62)
		Bill and Hillary Clinton National Airport formally dedicated today. Lewinsky Memorial Lost & Found to be located underneath the customer service desk source: arkansasonline.com \| share:	(114)

Fri May 03, 2013

		April was a good month for US automakers. May expected to be a fantastic month for US auto mechanics source: 630wpro.com \| share:	(7)
		Justice Pot calls President Kettle an Uncle Tom source: nation.foxnews.com \| share:	(55)

Thu May 02, 2013

		JC Penney tries to lure customers back with an apology, plus-sized clothing for Leon source: nbcnews.com \| share:	(34)
		Tommy Lasorda Is not amused by Psy (w/video) source: deadspin.com \| share:	(24)

Wed May 01, 2013

		Teacher sends home geometry assignment incorporating references to serial killer Ted Bundy and peeping toms. Apparently some parents have a problem with this source: kfor.com \| share:	(55)
		Starbucks barista out of touch with latest female naming trends, identifies customer the only other way he knows how -- "Vagina" source: foodbeast.com \| share:	(155)
		Undercover TV reporter in Denver buys several semiautomatic guns from private sellers in just hours, no questions asked, in places like Babies R Us parking lots source: nydailynews.com \| share:	(316)
		IBM creates world's smallest movie using just a few atoms, fails to fulfill Rule 34 source: slate.com \| share:	(21)

Tue April 30, 2013

		One big difference between the Mig-35 and the F-22 is that one of these has customers source: janes.com \| share:	(68)
		"Tom Cotton, the last, best hope for GOP hawks." Cotton? Well, somebody's gotta pick the Cotton source: politico.com \| share:	(39)

Mon April 29, 2013

		The 2011 Somali famine killed an estimated 260,000 people, half of them age 5 and under .... Hold on Tom, we're getting word that Jennifer Aniston is helping Will Forte get through a bad breakup source: news.yahoo.com \| share:	(124)
		Budweiser invents beer glass that automatically connects you to Facebook, because alcohol and social media is such a great combination source: thedrum.com \| share:	(19)
		From the tombs of King Midas to ancient Persia to the wine of Chinese dynasties, "Our history as a human species is...the history of fermented beverages." Meet the Indiana Jones of booze source: thedp.com \| share:	(47)
		Tom Brokaw: The idea behind journalism, you water-carrying hacks, is to afflict the comfortable - not schmooze them while taking advantage of the open bar. WHORES, ALL OF YOU. WHORES source: politico.com \| share:	(53)

Sun April 28, 2013

		Businesses are learning that by downsizing the workforce they are, in effect, destroying their bottom line source: business.time.com \| share:	(162)
		Michael Bay's Pain & Gain wins a painful weekend at the box office with $20 million, Tom Cruise's rehashed Oblivion was a fitting #2, while Robert DeNiro's The Big Wedding was a big flop source: deadline.com \| share:	(46)

Fri April 26, 2013

Final warning: stocks set to collapse tomorrow on inaccurate Q1 GDP estimates. Forecasts average 3.2%. Reality is zero growth. Investors will crowd the exits in a mass panic

source: cnbc.com | share:

(47)

Thu April 25, 2013

		Ryan Lochte joins Bottom 10 list of worst athlete reality series of all time. T.O., Ochocinco, and Pete Rose appreciate the company source: awfulannouncing.com \| share:	(48)
		'Lone Ranger' Armie Hammer to star in 'Man From U.N.C.L.E.' big-screen adaptation. Bad news: He has to co-star with Tom Cruise. Worst news: Guy Ritchie is set to direct source: deadline.com \| share:	(47)

Wed April 24, 2013

	College in Scranton loses its nursing accreditation. Tomorrow's class was supposed to teach how to treat burns from George Foreman grills source: nbcphiladelphia.com \| share:	(28)
(Some Guy)	Farker Bondith has been named a finalist in the Flame Challenge II. Not soliciting votes, just humblebragging (scroll all the way to the bottom) source: centerforcommunicatingscience.org \| share:	(5)
	Pizza Hut franchise tapes letter to boxes begging customers to give them perfect service scores source: consumerist.com \| share:	(80)
	Bad: Walmart refuses to honor price match guarantee for regular customer. Understandable: He kept buying Vanilla Diet Pepsi, which is apparently still a thing source: consumerist.com \| share:	(106)

Tue April 23, 2013

Mon April 22, 2013

		With the title potentially locked up as of Monday, the focus goes to the bottom of the table, where 9 teams find themselves in a relegation scrap. Who will make the push to stay up, and who's going down? All this and more in this week's EPL Thread source: bbc.co.uk \| share:	(324)
		Xenu ensures Tom Cruise's Oblivion is the #1 film at the box office, bringing in $38 million and giving Cruise one of his biggest openings ever. Meanwhile, 42 was #2 and everyone has forgotten about Evil Dead source: insidemovies.ew.com \| share:	(102)

Sun April 21, 2013

Royal Caribbean to attract customers to its cruise ships with soaring glass observation pods like the London Eye, skydiving attractions, virtual balconies on interior cabins, and of course, norovirus

source: blog.sfgate.com | share:

(27)

Fri April 19, 2013

		Friday Night MMA: As an appetizer for tomorrow's UFC fights, it's XFC 23; Louisville Slugfest, featuring Shamar Bailey vs Luis Santos. Main card starts at 9 PM ET on AXS TV source: axs.tv \| share:	(82)
		Police car in Boston stolen, reports of grenades, automatic weapons and explosives at scene coming in on the scanner, police ordered to retreat from the scene source: tunein.com \| share:	(4037)

Thu April 18, 2013

		Jeff Bridges as Tommy Lee Jones. Ryan Reynolds as Will Smith. In: "No, it's not Men In Black... It's R.I.P.D" source: youtube.com \| share:	(48)
		A fairly comprehensive chart of time travel in movies (Mods possible repeat from tomorrow.) source: laughingsquid.com \| share:	(86)
		Leaning inside their car, swearing and pointing your gun at them is no way to express your annoyance with another McDonalds drive-thru customer, Officer source: wsbtv.com \| share:	(49)
		Google to customers: You don't own the things you buy from us, we own you source: boingboing.net \| share:	(58)

Wed April 17, 2013

		Why is it these days that the descriptions of exotic new particles physicists are discovering read more and more like dating profiles on Adult Friend Finder? I mean really: "up, down, strange, charm, bottom and top"? source: news.yahoo.com \| share:	(39)
		The ACLU files a complaint with the FTC accusing major wireless carriers of deceptive practices for not updating customers Android phones to the latest version of the OS. Who knew having Jelly Bean was a basic civil right? source: washingtonpost.com \| share:	(48)
		Thousands of people sign up to become Major Tom source: foxnews.com \| share:	(240)
		The early bird catches the worm. The early pantsless shoplifter wearing only cherry tomatoes catches the frozen sausage sandwich source: komonews.com \| share:	(23)

Tue April 16, 2013

Customer: "Hi, I'm looking for a Bible for my mother but I'm not quite sure who the author is"

source: dailymail.co.uk | share:

(116)

Mon April 15, 2013

		"We will win the World Series. Book it - DONE." - Chicago Cubs owner Tom Ricketts source: chicagotribune.com \| share:	(42)
		New CEO of McDonald's sees his pay triple, much like the waistlines of all the regular customers source: articles.chicagotribune.com \| share:	(26)
		Man who is fighting cancer gets a customized "F Cancr" license plate, claims the "F" stands for fight. Surprisingly some people have a problem with this source: 14news.com \| share:	(103)

Sun April 14, 2013

	Restaurant posts "Beer should be like violence: domestic" on marquee outside, is utterly baffled by the lack of laughs from angry customers. Bonus clueless points: It's an organic, vegetarian restaurant source: blogs.houstonpress.com \| share:	(233)
	Soviet-era automotive history comes to an end as the last Lada Classics hit the showroom. That's not tears I'm shedding, that's leaking coolant source: gma.yahoo.com \| share:	(43)
(That's Heavy)	You made a time machine? Out of a De Tomaso Mangusta?? What the Back to the Future time machine would look like if it was made today source: gearpatrol.com \| share:	(20)

Sat April 13, 2013

(Geekette)		Presenting the Pulp-O-Mizer, the custom pulp magazine cover generator. Submit your creations in the thread source: thrilling-tales.webomator.com \| share:	(52)
		Once you've got over your mid-life crisis you have a later-life crisis to look forward to. Symptoms include buying ridiculous wheelchairs and shacking up with cougars source: bbc.co.uk \| share:	(26)

Fri April 12, 2013

Thu April 11, 2013

		Jason Bateman revealed some interesting notes on Arrested Development last night, but only after he admitted to being a peeping tom child actor source: uproxx.com \| share:	(39)
		To celebrate National Grilled Cheese Day tomorrow, something horrible has happened to a sandwich source: shortlist.com \| share:	(199)

Wed April 10, 2013

		Customers like Windows 8 so much, they've driven the PC market to the worst sales since tracking started in 1994 source: komonews.com \| share:	(151)
		"Remove all the space within the atoms making up the human body, and every person that's ever lived would fit inside a baseball" source: io9.com \| share:	(68)
		"Boxers work to knock out Parkinson's symptoms" Briefs, however, kill your sperm and leaves you shakin' with regret source: seattlepi.com \| share:	(24)

Tue April 09, 2013

		Stabbings reported at Lone Star College in Texas. A suspect is still on the loose and in possession of at least one fully automatic assault knife source: usnews.nbcnews.com \| share:	(533)
		Just like the skirmishes in "bloody Kansas" provided a preview of the Civil War, the battle in Iowa over who will run to try to ocupy Tom Harkin's soon-to-be-vacant Senate seat are a dress rehearsal for the coming GOP war with the Tea Party source: huffingtonpost.com \| share:	(90)
		Worst strike three call in the history of baseball ruins Rangers-Rays game, but we can't automate balls and strikes even though we have the technology because robots are strong and they eat old people's medicine for fuel (with vid) source: fangraphs.com \| share:	(144)

Sun April 07, 2013

		Our long national nightmare is over, Tom Arnold has produced an heir source: todayentertainment.today.com \| share:	(12)
		Evil Dead remake scares up a #1 finish at the box office, with GI Joe: Retaliation fighting for #2. Jurassic Park 3D roars into the #4 position, unable to stomp over the Croods source: deadline.com \| share:	(33)
		Mom & Dad getting to see you hit the game-tying homer in the bottom of the 9th is pretty nice. When your brother follows up one out later with the walk-off game winner, that's really something special source: sports.yahoo.com \| share:	(43)

Sat April 06, 2013

(Chockadoc)

A documentary about hypertext? Yawn... By Douglas Adams and featuring Tom Baker? SOLD

source: chockadoc.com | share:

(11)

Fri April 05, 2013

		Friday Night Women's MMA: Invicta 5, featuring Jessica Penne vs Michelle "The Karate Hottie" Waterson for the Atomweight Championship. Plus the return of the totally not 'roided Cyborg Santos. Stream starts at 7 PM ET source: invictafc.com \| share:	(292)
		Semi-automatic rifle used by Adam Lanza during Newtown school shooting upgraded to fully automatic weapon by President Obama source: whitehouse.gov \| share:	(574)
		Pro Bowl likely to shift to 'draft' format in 2014. Looks like Tom Brady will finally be a first round pick source: tracking.si.com \| share:	(54)
		The folks at national pretzel sellers Auntie Anne's want their customers to know that an incident last week involving an employee who flung nacho cheese at some customers was not part of the chain's 'pretzel perfect' experience source: detroitnews.com \| share:	(41)

Thu April 04, 2013

		Mexican restaurant replies to dissatisfied customer on Facebook: "I thought fat people were supposed to be jolly" source: blogs.houstonpress.com \| share:	(130)
		Tonsillectomy now recommended for adults with recurring sore throats, once again giving Americans an excuse to go on an all ice cream diet source: webmd.com \| share:	(31)

Tue April 02, 2013

		Geez ... you guys act like you've never seen a man armed with a semi-automatic weapon riding a bulldozer before source: wpxi.com \| share:	(81)
		Despite the usual blaming finger people love to point at the Patriots' defense, the real culprit in their recent postseason losses has been that heralded, Tom Brady-led offense source: sportige.com \| share:	(65)
		Guy turns into Stompy McWindshieldsmash. after finding out his girlfriend cheated on him. (Not safe for work language) source: liveleak.com \| share:	(37)

Mon April 01, 2013

		Edwin Mellen Press sues customers who post criticism of Edwin Mellen Press, apparently because Edwin Mellen Press is unfamiliar with the Internet. Edwin Mellen Press source: insidehighered.com \| share:	(29)
		Ohio man hits bottom again source: fox45now.com \| share:	(86)

Sat March 30, 2013

		Growhouse gets raided by police in Kansas, only nets 6 plants. Tomato and squash plants source: news.yahoo.com \| share:	(169)
		Lesson not in the dad handbook: how to retrieve your son's severed finger from your dog's stomach source: mysuncoast.com \| share:	(116)

Fri March 29, 2013

Doctor, I have stomach cramps. Doctor: No you have baby cramps

source: dailymail.co.uk | share:

(53)

Thu March 28, 2013

		Walmart planning to "crowd-source" parcel delivery by letting the customers who shop in the store sign up to deliver packages to those that order things online. Also swear they've thought their cunning plan all the way through source: reuters.com \| share:	(159)
		Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor makes the best argument for the defeat of DOMA in a single question to a stumped attorney source: huffingtonpost.com \| share:	(232)

Wed March 27, 2013

		I Can't Drive 55 ..... Miles: Abolishing the U.S. gasoline tax and replacing it with a levy based on miles driven could happen "tomorrow" regardless of hurdles source: bloomberg.com \| share:	(372)
		World's smallest implant tells your smartphone when you're about to have a heart attack. Finally, something for AT&T customers who have just had their tenth straight call dropped source: extremetech.com \| share:	(8)
		Ground control to "agent" Tom: FBI's hugely popular UFO file stirred controversy but proved nothing source: networkworld.com \| share:	(3)
		If you're going to rack up a $35 tab at Denny's, make sure you have more than $8 on you, and most certainly don't threaten other customers for refusing to pay for you source: sun-sentinel.com \| share:	(48)

Mon March 25, 2013

		Store upset at customers using it as a showroom is now charging a $5 "Just Looking" fee, which surely won't backfire source: consumerist.com \| share:	(128)
		Lululemon's policy for issuing refunds for recalled yoga pants is to have the woman bend over while wearing their pants so the clerk can determine if they are sheer enough to qualify. That, or Lululemon has the most gullible customers on the planet source: dailymail.co.uk \| share:	(117)

Sat March 23, 2013

		Web sites that collect customer reviews of services are a good thing, right? Well, hospital overseers don't seem to think so. But then again, most reviews of plumbers and babysitters don't involve anyone dying source: thecourier.co.uk \| share:	(44)
		Urology clinic throws in a free pizza with all vasectomies, gives a few slices to make up for the cut source: abcnews.go.com \| share:	(70)

Fri March 22, 2013

		HAL would be jealous: US military wants automated Artificial Intelligence tools to create smart computers faster source: networkworld.com \| share:	(12)
		Chase Bank customers temporarily see '0' balance after computers are accidentally set to "inevitable forecasting" source: nbcchicago.com \| share:	(85)

Thu March 21, 2013

		Octomom investigated for welfare fraud for collecting aid while making more than maximum welfare limit of $119,000. In other news, you can make $118,000 and be on welfare source: omg.yahoo.com \| share:	(83)
		Sen. Tom Coburn has absolutely no interest in learning how much you really hate him or the rest of the Senate source: huffingtonpost.com \| share:	(131)

Wed March 20, 2013

		Beat it Tom Hanks, being an eccentric old kook is Bill Murray's turf source: eonline.com \| share:	(43)
		Obama and Biden are both out of the country right now. This means that Boehner is automatically Preside - oh, wait. It doesn't mean that? source: theatlantic.com \| share:	(81)
		Comprehensive whatever-happened-to listing of your favorite retired NBA stars and scrubs. "Dikembe Mutombo - Recently starred in an amusing and nonsensical Geico advert" source: shamsports.com \| share:	(72)
		Will EA remain reigning champ with its botched release of SimCity? Will Bank of America finally be able to seize the trophy? Will people remember that Carnival literally crapped on its customers? It's your annual Worst Company in America contest source: consumerist.com \| share:	(189)

Tue March 19, 2013

		Scroll down to the bottom of the article to find out why Tiger Woods and Lindsey Vonn are dating source: hlntv.com \| share:	(65)
		Calling on the Power Of Fark(tm). Tomorrow is the final day of Round 1 in the Madden 25 cover vote and we have the opportunity to put The Man...The Myth...The Legend...The Jake on The Cover. Let's do this source: espn.go.com \| share:	(55)
		Tom Brady restructures contract: "What a great guy Tom Brady is". Megatron and Suh restructure contracts: "neither Johnson nor Suh is taking less money, their cap hits are just being pushed forward into the future" source: profootballtalk.nbcsports.com \| share:	(67)
		Tom Cruise and Guy Ritchie are teaming up to remake the Man from U.N.C.L.E. for some reason source: deadline.com \| share:	(44)

Mon March 18, 2013

		River drowning victim identified. Officials say it was the woman at the bottom of the river source: blogs.sacbee.com \| share:	(49)
		Las Vegas "Sew Girls" make custom clothing for wounded veterans, with all the feathers and sequins that they could possibly want source: foxnews.com \| share:	(20)
		While last week's NHL Power Rankings thread went missing in action, nothing has changed at the top or the bottom this week source: espn.go.com \| share:	(100)
		Fark favorite vincent_blackshadow has been hospitalized since Superbowl Sunday. His family is in over their heads with bills and you mothercluckers better give like there's no tomorrow. DIT source: fark.com \| share:	(448)

Sun March 17, 2013

Four-year-old with cancer surprised with custom backyard playset. With 'damn it's dusty' pics of four-year-old

source: wtkr.com | share:

(21)

Sat March 16, 2013

		All hell breaks loose when an overprotective helicopter mom spots a cleaning crew employee in the parking lot of her children's school and automatically assumes he's an armed lunatic hellbent on snuffing the life out of every student source: khou.com \| share:	(290)
		Tommy John surgeon elbows his way into Cooperstown source: mlb.si.com \| share:	(12)

Fri March 15, 2013

		Top 10 weirdest things removed from people's stomachs source: thesun.co.uk \| share:	(86)
		Every plecostomus in the world's eyes just lit up source: techeblog.com \| share:	(92)
		Suffering from stage 3 Lyme disease, it had gotten so bad for Tom Seaver that he'd forgotten how godawful the Mets have been lately. In other news, half of Queens runs naked into the forest in hopes of picking up a few dozen tick bites source: nydailynews.com \| share:	(28)
		Realistically, at this point, the only people confirmed for Episode VII are: me, some guy from customer service, and Steve, who lives next door; and a bunch of other dorks. We'll be known as "The Audience" source: cnbc.com \| share:	(18)

Thu March 14, 2013

Cheeky browser plug-in pokes fun at cloud hype, automatically replaces "the cloud" with "my butt"

source: networkworld.com | share:

(36)

Wed March 13, 2013

		Kaiser Permanente gets highest customer satisfaction in California, coming in just ahead of Kaiser Soze and Kaiser Wilhelm source: bizjournals.com \| share:	(41)
		AT&T pays CEO Randall Stephenson $21 million, which works out to about a nickel for every hour an AT&T customer was put on hold source: usatoday.com \| share:	(12)

Tue March 12, 2013

		The definition of rock bottom is the moment you realize the lady who huffs rats on TLC has a husband and you don't source: 961kiss.com \| share:	(27)
		300-pound crystal stolen in one of the largest heists ever of a solid continuous framework of silicon-oxygen tetrahedra whose constituent atoms are arranged in an ordered pattern extending in all three spatial dimensions source: santacruzsentinel.com \| share:	(33)

Mon March 11, 2013

♫Caring about herself.This is our last monarch. This is our last monarch. This is ourselves. Stomach pressure. (do do do do dodododo) Stomach pressure. (do do do do dodododo)♫

source: bbc.co.uk | share:

(45)

Sun March 10, 2013

United-Chelsea and Tottenham-Liverpool headline the top side matches, but the bottom half begin the race to escape the drop for this FA Cup/Premier league weekend thread, now (hopefully) with less trolls

source: bbc.co.uk | share:

(287)

Sat March 09, 2013

		Volvo launches a new safety system that spots bicyclists and pedestrians. Volvo customers in Los Angeles: "what's a pedestrian?" source: nbcnews.com \| share:	(14)
		How the federal budget cuts could affect you - as in the airline traveler, national park visitor, bathroom visitor, federal employee, friend of a federal employee, Medicaid customer, defense contactor, president, Paul Ryan source: wisconsingazette.com \| share:	(59)

Fri March 08, 2013

Today: South Dakota enacts first law allowing teachers to carry guns. Tomorrow: 15 asshole teachers arrested for waving guns at unruly students

source: huffingtonpost.com | share:

(344)

Thu March 07, 2013

Analysis: Tom Brady is in need of a new bench warmer and helmet holder

source: nfl.com | share:

(46)

Wed March 06, 2013

		Hello out there, Tom's off the air source: cbc.ca \| share:	(84)
		What if this time around in the beginning, Lara Croft was a wimp and you have to build her up to Tomb Raiding badassatude? Oh just shut up and take my money already source: cnn.com \| share:	(134)
		GOP state senator wants law banning sex ed classes from using material published by Planned Parenthood because PP is trying to cultivate future customers source: thinkprogress.org \| share:	(63)

Mon March 04, 2013

		Anheuser-Busch gets to the bottom of how testing could show their "beer" was watered down source: newser.com \| share:	(154)
		President Barack Obama, November 2011: "I will veto any effort to get rid of those automatic spending cuts" source: dailycaller.com \| share:	(123)

Sun March 03, 2013

Microsoft says it will switch around the interface and change all the menus on Office 360 every 3 months, and customers will love them for it

source: slashgear.com | share:

(86)

Sat March 02, 2013

		Apparently trying to get 200 lbs. of chocolate for human consumption through customs in England is alright, but doing the same with 200 lbs. of caterpillars is frowned upon source: myfoxny.com \| share:	(23)
		Breitbart defends Michael Moore against dubious claims by Buzzfeed. Don't worry, the comments prove they will be back chucking boulders of bullshiat in their glass house tomorrow source: breitbart.com \| share:	(60)

Fri March 01, 2013

		Not news: Woman has to use bathroom and stops at restaurant. News: Restaurant charges $5 for non-customers but she doesn't pay. FARK: Sheriff tracks down the woman and the restaurant sends a bill. Double Fark: They won't take her $5 source: shine.yahoo.com \| share:	(149)
		Matt Lauer may be running out of tomorrows at "Today" source: nydailynews.com \| share:	(60)
		Once again, Octomom redefines "hitting rock bottom" source: tmz.com \| share:	(85)

Thu February 28, 2013

		Illinois state Rep. Jim Sacia (R-eally unsure about anatomy) says assault rifle ban is the same as castration. Subby thought all that talk about guns being equated to penises was some sort of phallicy source: rawstory.com \| share:	(71)
		Customer 'felt helpless' during Verizon robbery. It got even worse when three masked gunmen came into rob the joint source: hometownlife.com \| share:	(44)
		PBS has made a cartoon explaining the tongue-eating fish parasite Cymothoa exigua (Not safe for your weak stomach) source: youtube.com \| share:	(28)

Wed February 27, 2013

		Utah lawmakers are considering a bill that would legalize marijuana. Just kidding. But they really may repeal a law that forbids restaurant employees from mixing drinks in front of the customers source: azcentral.com \| share:	(26)
		Take the Beatles, a little early cowboy music, add some punk and a large amount of pantomime, steam-punk, and Sci-Fi/Fantasy gaming and you get these guys (w/video) source: kryptonradio.com \| share:	(17)
		On this episode of Clueless Gamer, Conan reviews the latest installment of Tomb Raider source: teamcoco.com \| share:	(19)

Tue February 26, 2013

		"As President Obama returned from a Florida golfing trip and Congress was on a Presidents' Day break last week, Tommy Bassett, a nuclear machinist, was applying for a backup job at Lowe's" source: washingtonpost.com \| share:	(113)
		Sotomayor puts the smackdown on a U.S. attorney whose remarks were "an affront to the Constitution's guarantee of equal protection of the laws" source: tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com \| share:	(54)
		547 men indicted for buying sex, thanks to feckless pimp who kept apparently unencrypted log book of his customers source: koreatimes.co.kr \| share:	(40)
		"As Tom Brady looked deeply into my eyes, It was like he was seeing right through me. I was naked in front of him, wholly exposed. It was during this visual undressing he told me he had agreed to a three-year, $27 million extension." - Peter King source: bleacherreport.com \| share:	(91)

Mon February 25, 2013

Grocery store recalls flour for giving customers blue balls

source: democratandchronicle.com | share:

(1)

Sun February 24, 2013

Tired of waiting until April for New Doctor Who? Why not try out BBC America's Doctor Who Revisited, with an encore showing of the First Doctor's 'The Aztecs' at 5 PM, Followed by the premiere of The Second Doctor's Tomb of the Cybermen at 8 PM?

source: bbcamerica.com | share:

(56)

Sat February 23, 2013

One case of voter fraud discovered. That means Mitt Romney is automatically president, and Obama has to say "you're welcome" to every person in the country

source: sun-sentinel.com | share:

(64)

Thu February 21, 2013

Co-founder of Tombstone Pizza dies at age 86. Peperony and chease

source: twincities.com | share:

(74)

Wed February 20, 2013

		Lucky bakery customer winds up getting extra dough, after employee mistakenly puts bread in bag with till from cash register source: heraldsun.com.au \| share:	(46)
		TSA says that travelers left $500,000 at airport checkpoints last year. Apparently, after a full body search men automatically feel the need to leave a tip source: nbcnews.com \| share:	(19)
		Police to murder suspect: "Gee, that's awfully nice of you to come by to turn yourself in. But we're closed for the day. How about you go to another police station or come back tomorrow?" source: thelocal.se \| share:	(23)
		Could this be the stupidest Starbucks Coffee customer ever source: nydailynews.com \| share:	(113)

Tue February 19, 2013

		Octomom checks into rehab. So here's several pictures of her half-naked source: examiner.com \| share:	(94)
		I know that the Sith are evil and all, but it seems beneath them to be robbing 7-11 stores with a small semi-automatic handgun source: cbs8.com \| share:	(18)
		Texas city plans to start automatically charging people who are in car accidents a 'crash tax' to cover the cost of first-responders at the scene. "Don't we pay them to do that already?" source: khou.com \| share:	(81)

Mon February 18, 2013

Boeing tries to win back dissatisfied 787 customers with quick fix for fiery battery problem. Fix includes heavy-duty titanium or steel containment box around battery cells, high-pressure evacuation tubes, and complete set of used rosary beads

source: seattletimes.com | share:

(53)

Sat February 16, 2013

		"Downton Abbey" is available on iTunes and has consistently hit #1 on the charts therefore federally funding PBS is like welfare and Sarah Palin is automatically President source: nypost.com \| share:	(79)
		Thailand couple sets a world's record for the longest kiss, breaking the old mark claimed by George Costanza with Marisa Tomei source: philly.com \| share:	(8)

Fri February 15, 2013

		The world's most expensive BLT: "...rare breed pig bacon, sliced truffles, saffron, a free range egg, and of course, edible gold dust." The world's tastiest BLT: Wonder Bread, canned tomatoes and iceberg lettuce eaten naked at 2:30am source: foodbeast.com \| share:	(159)
		You're traveling to the airport. Did you remember to close the garage? Set automatic lights? Coat your spark plug cables with coyote urine? source: denverpost.com \| share:	(51)

Thu February 14, 2013

Seafood restaurant fines customers who don't finish everything on their plates and gives the money to the fishermen who risk their lives to catch the customers' food

source: soshiok.com | share:

(72)

Tue February 12, 2013

		If you're going to carry an illegal loaded semiautomatic firearm in NYC, it is probably best to not press your luck by trying to beat a $2 subway fare source: nypost.com \| share:	(215)
		Never, never ever trip alone. Or you may wind up in a convenience store asking customers not to eat you source: naplesnews.com \| share:	(15)
		Mysterious coronavirus infects England. Symptoms include kidney failure, respiratory distress, feeling of sand between your toes, auditory and visual hallucinations source: cbsnews.com \| share:	(16)

Mon February 11, 2013

		Judge rules that it's illegal to sell custom Batmobiles because the Batmobile is itself a fictional character. Not sure if serious source: io9.com \| share:	(69)
		Maryland discovers that they can increase the $afety generated by red light cameras if they expand the net a bit. Potential new customers: people who didn't run a red light, people who might have thought about running a red light source: wtop.com \| share:	(142)
		Tom Waits, Keith Richards, Iggy, Dr. John and Shane MacGowan singing sea chanteys? Yes, I think so source: npr.org \| share:	(38)
		Japan's automatic GPS-guided robot snowplow shiats snow bricks, just like Sarah Connor will when it finds her source: inventorspot.com \| share:	(25)

Sat February 09, 2013

Pittsburgh Steelers' Brett Keisel shaves his iconic, massive beard for charity. This is the biggest loss of a beard since Katy Holmes left Tom Cruise

source: nesn.com | share:

(20)

Fri February 08, 2013

		"The Republicans finally have leverage. They should use it. Obama capitalized on the automaticity of the expiring Bush tax cuts to get what he wanted at the fiscal cliff - higher tax rates. Republicans now have automaticity on their side" source: washingtonpost.com \| share:	(187)
		Oklahoma City judge in an effort to stomp out crime, has 59 year old grandmother arrested. Fark: for a ticket from 2001 for not securing her dog. Ultrafark: A dog she never owned source: kfor.com \| share:	(47)

Thu February 07, 2013

CEO of the Phantom console 2.0 says a new, nearly twice as powerful version will be released every year

source: theverge.com | share:

(101)

Wed February 06, 2013

Bad: Natural Gas explosion destroys your business. Worse: While you and a customer are in there. Fark: Your business doesn't have gas service

source: myfoxboston.com | share:

(9)

Tue February 05, 2013

		Have you ever been at your job in the Dollar Store and wanted to spank a customer's misbehaving kid? 25 times? With a belt? source: 11alive.com \| share:	(307)
		If you've ever wanted an anatomy textbook that featured your favorite cyborgs, have we got some good news for you. Your parents also would like you to move out of the basement, but that's a separate issue source: io9.com \| share:	(24)
		PSA: If you are on a 'Reality Show' you really shouldn't tell the subject of that show that you hate all customers, calling them selfish and demanding because that 'Reality Show' just might be 'Undercover Boss' source: dailymail.co.uk \| share:	(84)
		You have to commend the quick customer service at the two banks this woman robbed 15 minutes apart source: myfoxdc.com \| share:	(16)

Mon February 04, 2013

You find a wallet outside a Kohl's. Do you: a) turn it in at customer service, b) take it home with you and try to find contact information for the owner, or c) stand there in front of the surveillance cameras distributing the money to your kids?

source: nydailynews.com | share:

(102)

Sun February 03, 2013

		As of tomorrow, Canada will stop making pennies, so you'll always get a nickel back source: news1130.com \| share:	(83)
		SodaStream customer service thinks it's funny that the Splenda used in their syrups affects one woman's digestive tract source: consumerist.com \| share:	(105)
		If you're reading this on a Mountain Lion OS X computer, for a good time, just type "File:///" (Some Not safe for work language in video at bottom of article) source: thenextweb.com \| share:	(59)

Sat February 02, 2013

Ten things you can watch instead of The Super Bowl tomorrow night. Hey, AMC's got a Walking Dead marathon, so at least there will be some action

source: buzzfeed.com | share:

(88)

Fri February 01, 2013

Beyoncé finally admits she lip-synced at the inauguration, which means that Mitt Romney automatically becomes president and Barack Obama has to join Up With People

source: washingtonpost.com | share:

(79)

Thu January 31, 2013

		Man who wears tight spandex pants, pats fellow players on the ass, and winds up at the bottom of a pile of sweaty men for a living says that no gay stuff will be tolerated in the San Francisco 49ers locker room source: tmz.com \| share:	(118)
		Man drowns when no one notices him at the bottom of the pool . . . at a party for 100 lifeguards celebrating no drownings that year source: listverse.com \| share:	(62)
		♪ ♫ The sun will come out tomorrow....♪ ♫ source: liveleak.com \| share:	(15)
		Turns out the $1,400 in counterfeit bills a bank tried to pawn off on a customer weren't counterfeit at all. It's just the other bank he went to apparently has no idea what real money looks like source: boston.cbslocal.com \| share:	(74)
		Coolest beer bottle opener of all time epitomizes the expression "Have another round" source: laughingsquid.com \| share:	(25)

Wed January 30, 2013

		Mafia-like groups of men known as "modesty squads" use threats of violence to enforce religious customs in Tehran. I'm sorry, did I say "Tehran?" I meant Brooklyn source: salon.com \| share:	(283)
		City officials NaCl down on customers dropping salt in parking lots source: thesun.co.uk \| share:	(76)
		LaDainian Tomlinson gives an honest opinion of the San Diego Chargers. San Diego sportswriters predictably have a problem with this source: utsandiego.com \| share:	(21)
		You've got ask where it all went downhill the night you find yourself going to a trailer to have sex with the woman who lives there, but balking when you see her husband pointing a shotgun at another customer running from the residence source: tcpalm.com \| share:	(29)

Tue January 29, 2013

		Sad: Man accidentally runs over his wife, so he calls 911. Fark: When the paramedics show up, he's accidentally stomping on her face source: plainfield.patch.com \| share:	(121)
		In response to a measure banning semi-automatic rifles and large-capacity magazines, a Vermont gun range starts a ban of their own source: foxnews.com \| share:	(536)
		Photoshop this Motomart manager and musical instrument source: pdnphotooftheday.com \| share:	(22)
		Detroit is edging closer to bankruptcy, only unlike the automakers, its chances of getting a federal bailout are almost nonexistent source: m.nbcnews.com \| share:	(175)
		Marine biologists hope to reintroduce large, endangered game fish to Potomac River. Like a sturgeon, stocked for the very first time source: washingtonpost.com \| share:	(41)

Sun January 27, 2013

		Congressman Tom Tancredo, (R-enege), backs out of promise to smoke pot now that it's legal because WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN source: foxnews.com \| share:	(60)
		American automotive service industry: You should definitely change your oil every 3000 miles. American automotive consumers: Uh ... nice try source: edmunds.com \| share:	(129)

Sat January 26, 2013

	Tom Tancredo loses a bet, says he'll smoke pot now that it has been made legal in Colorado. Democrats still trying to figure out what he was smoking before source: thehill.com \| share:	(42)
(Some Thud)	What's a Numberwang? Drop by tomorrow (Sunday for those of you who have trouble with the concept of tomorrow) at 4pm EST to find out and win stuff. DIT source: mirror.uncyc.org \| share:	(35)
	Six matches on tap today and two more tomorrow, featuring Freiburg at Leverkusen. Your Bundesliga matchday 19 thread source: bundesliga.com \| share:	(24)

Thu January 24, 2013

		Don't worry, loyal customers. Burger King is no longer selling horse Whoppers source: news.yahoo.com \| share:	(91)
		It's not all bad for Tom Brady. After three years of construction, his $20 million California mansion is complete source: businessinsider.com \| share:	(38)
		Former Steelers linebacker Jack Ham will be featured as a bobblehead for a Johnstown Tomahawks hockey game January 31. Any cool or rather odd crossover promotions that you have heard of discuss to your right source: tribune-democrat.com \| share:	(28)
		"McDonald's customer says Spicy McChicken is too spicy, calls cops" source: x103.com \| share:	(108)
		After reviewing Sunday's championship games the NFL league office hands out a stiff $10K fine for clearly unacceptable conduct on the field. Tom Brady's attempted groin kick? No, Frank Gore's sagging socks, of course source: sports.yahoo.com \| share:	(41)

Wed January 23, 2013

		Tom Brady fined $10,000 for his Ty Cobb impression after too many people were making jokes that he'd never be fined for anything source: nfl.com \| share:	(85)
		Tom Brady apologizes for trying to end Ed Reed's career; Pats fans source: espn.go.com \| share:	(83)

Tue January 22, 2013

		Southwest finally hits the apex of their business plan. Step 1: Enforce cattle-car boarding. Step 2: Charge $40 per person to avoid Step 1. Step 3: Receive great feedback from easily duped customers source: nbcnews.com \| share:	(73)
		Judges sentence grandmother/mule to death for "damaging the image of Bali as a tourism destination". Those judges to be tried tomorrow for damaging Bali's reputation with their sentence. By induction all Bali judges will soon be executed. QED source: washingtonpost.com \| share:	(149)

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