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Source	Fark Headline		Comments
		This farmer thought he had only lost 99 cows, but then he rounded them up  (buffalonews.com)	(33)
(Some Guy)		You know that sugar scrub you see offered on backpage? Turns out they are real things. Subby thought it was a euphemism for something else. Anyway, here's how you can put one together, maybe to give on Father's Day  (thelook.today.msnbc.msn.com)	(37)
		Finally, someone sings the Star Spangled Banner at a baseball game carefully, slowly, without vocal inflections, gymnastic melodic lines and theater gestures. Thank you ... Bob Saget?  (deadspin.com)	(52)

(Some Guy)

15 celebrities who are older than you thought...Jennifer Tilly is 53?  (guyism.com)

(115)

		Seniors "flash mob" to the music of "The Wobble." To be fair though that's pretty much the way they move anyway. Bonus: Cute video  (blog.chron.com)	(11)
		Woman complains her husband needs porn on TV to get him in the mood for sex - without once describing in detail the porn in question  (mirror.co.uk)	(99)
		Man subpoenas K-9 officer to testify in his defense, "I was hoping that they would let me plant marijuana in the courthouse to see if he could find drugs"  (wtsp.com)	(19)

(Some Guy)		Does a bear shiat in the woods? Usually, but if he wants to use the outhouse he won't wait for his turn  (winnipegfreepress.com)	(39)
(U.S. Geological Survey)		Tahoe's earthquake risk is quite a bit higher than we thought as the gov't finds new faults  (usgs.gov)	(15)
		Wingsuiters have figured out how to land without a parachute. We're this much closer to flying  (newser.com)	(133)

		CNN: Obama only lost Arkansas and Kentucky because they aren't and never have been Democrat strongholds even though nearly every election since 1900 they went Democrat including 1996 and Obama beat Hillary there in 2008  (newsbusters.org)	(120)
		As god is my witness, I thought hot dogs could fly  (abcnews.go.com)	(44)
		How to destroy the internet? Thought Nyan cat took care of that years ago  (gizmodo.com)	(24)
		Barclays bank customers suddenly find that their credit card numbers have thousands of followers on Twitter  (thesun.co.uk)	(1)
		Just when you thought The Beef couldn't sound any douchier, "I think I've become less corporate"  (apnews.excite.com)	(30)
(Physics World)		Quantum teleportation record broken... again. This is everything all at once while being nothing at the same time as something else is other than the thing it is while being in the exact same space as another without touching. Makes sense  (physicsworld.com)	(39)
		6 in 10 consumers have cut back on non-essential spending due to high price of gasoline. Of course, without a job or car, gasoline also becomes non-essential  (marketwatch.com)	(36)
		Ex-James Bond actor is pissed the new 007 sold out and replaced the signature martini with beer. Well duh. You must be some kind of idiot to endorse Heineken without some serious kickbacks  (tmz.com)	(113)

(Some Guy)		You will live forever...although you'll look creepy and speak Russian  (radio.woai.com)	(264)
		Mitch Daniels really doesn't want to be Romney's VP nominee. "If I thought that call was coming, I would disconnect the phone"   (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(106)
		Democrat's Wisconsin recall fail not only a disaster for organized labor, it could put Mitt Romney in the White House. The bratwurst is still great though  (washingtonpost.com)	(191)
		Hundreds of thousands of Canadians still using dial-up. I wish there was something funny I could say about this but I'm one of them and I pray for death every day  (cbc.ca)	(129)

		Graduating from UT Austin? Check your program. Commencement may be more interesting than you thought  (news.yahoo.com)	(36)
		Not News: Loner cannot get a date to the prom. News: Track coach feels sorry for him so she escorts him there. Fark: She gets canned even though no shenanigans took place  (dailymail.co.uk)	(96)
(Some Relaxed Fit Guy)		In another "Who thought up this study?" study, skinny jeans found to be a health risk if worn incorrectly. Surprisingly the risk wasn't throwing your back out trying to yank them up over your butt  (wcpo.com)	(66)
		Duncan and the Spurs finish off the Clippers. Holy crap...am I the only one that thought Tim Duncan retired?  (nbcsports.msnbc.com)	(40)
		Happy birthday, Animated GIFs. This thread is useless without you  (kotaku.com)	(203)
(WCPO)		Concluding yet another "Who would have thought that?" study, CDC discovers that overweight teens are most at risk for future heart related problems. Next on their list, do glasses help people see better?  (wcpo.com)	(41)
		The Skyfall teaser trailer is everything a teaser trailer should be but without that damn Inception noise  (shortlist.com)	(53)

		CBS greenlights a sitcom based on Groupon. And you thought the industry was running out of original ideas  (uproxx.com)	(44)
		Survey says vacation sex is better. Doesn't mention if that is with or without your regular partner  (upi.com)	(56)
		Translation: At first I thought it was a UFO, but it was too close to the ground  (liveleak.com)	(6)

(Fedro)		Can Barnett get past Cornier without pissing his pants hot. Can the "Black Fedor" break his hand against the WarMaster veteran and win the Tournament? Strikeforce Barnett Vs Cornier tonight on Showtime Extreme, 8:00 PM ET  (mixedmartialarts.com)	(287)
		Russian 'Skywalkers' scale 1000-foot bridge without safety equipment for fun  (youtube.com)	(23)
		Penthouse sells for $90 million. Subby remembers when you could buy them for $5 at the 7-11  (money.cnn.com)	(45)

		Don't you hate it when you're out having a few drinks with people you know and you end up standing on a table without your pants, cursing at people? Tends to ruin your sister's wedding, you know?  (huffingtonpost.com)	(56)
		'9/11 dust' is thought to have killed Donna Summer  (thesun.co.uk)	(104)
		Daily Kos diarist blasts Democrat running for congress, even though they can only cite one position for their disagreement. And yes, it is teh abortion issue  (dailykos.com)	(80)
		Female reporters and anchors at a television station go on-air without their makeup to encourage girls to embrace their inner beauty  (azfamily.com)	(50)

(Some Guy)		Did you know there were bacteria where the cells only subdivide once every 100,000+ years, and that there were viruses that appear to have survived for 50 million years in crystal inclusions without ever dividing? Hold me (after the Purelle)  (moreintelligentlife.com)	(33)
		More than 53,000 dead people found to be on Florida's voting rolls, most thought likely to vote for BRAAIIINNNSSS  (miamiherald.com)	(215)
		First person to ever win NBA rookie of the year, player of the year, coach of the year and now executive of the year. Argument is valid even though it is a Bird  (sportsillustrated.cnn.com)	(27)

		Just when you thought all the polling data was swinging Romney's way, here's a poll that favors Obama. A Fox News poll  (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(121)
		Facebook discovers there's a lot more suckers out there than previously thought  (news.cnet.com)	(8)
		Take-home HIV test approved by FDA in unanimous vote could prevent thousands of transmissions, frat house gang bangs, annually  (nytimes.com)	(34)
		It just wouldn't be a fitting Tim Wakefield tribute without Doug Mirabelli arriving in a police car  (nesn.com)	(22)
		67-year-old man dies after receiving lapdances. That's one way to get 10 dances in a row without paying (NSFW images below article)  (dailymail.co.uk)	(59)

(Some Guy)		"Just because I'm a member of the Ku Klux Klan, anti-negro and anti-Jew, and want to hang sexual perpetrators without benefit of trial, doesn't mean that this would impact my performance as sheriff. Now please vote for me"  (opposingviews.com)	(74)
		Ever notice that when you yawn, your dog yawns with you? Now there is science to back it up. Also, bet you can't finish reading this article without yawning  (washingtonpost.com)	(53)
		What does a judge say to a 26-year-old who abandoned children to have sex with a 13-year old? a) life without parole. b) chemical castration. c) if you were male, I'd send you to prison, but instead here's a little probation  (mysanantonio.com)	(168)
		Just when you thought President Obama couldn't get any gayer  (gawker.com)	(118)
		The Obama Administration is threatening states who voted against him by using their water supply against them, claims someone who just watched Dr. Strangelove and thought it was a documentary  (wnd.com)	(34)
		Judge reinstates Apple's suit against Samsung tablets. Thousands of lawyers rejoice  (reuters.com)	(42)
		Having already built up a 6-game lead in the NL West, the Los Angeles Dodgers decide to even things up by playing without Matt Kemp for 15 days  (espn.go.com)	(11)

(Sports Pickle)		Youth football coaches complain that anti-bullying campaigns are leaving them without linemen. Don't worry, guys. It gets better  (sportspickle.com)	(83)
		Ne-Yo says he did not steal from The Game, though we all just lost it  (tmz.com)	(18)
		I guess smoking is bad for you in more way than you thought with mugshot goodness  (jacksonville.com)	(19)
		Josh Hamilton is on pace to win the triple crown. Only one problem, he has never finished a season without an injury. Will he do it this year? Taking bets to the right  (espn.go.com)	(66)
		Mitt Romney wants to make it legal for you to hunt, shoot, and protect your family. You probably can't do all three at once though  (i.imgur.com)	(95)
		Thousands march in Spain to protest austerity, unemployment, running of bulls being changed to running of the calves  (cbsnews.com)	(107)

		There's ordinary dumb. There's "busted for cooking meth" dumb. And then there's "busted for trying to cook meth without even having the right ingredients" dumb  (ajc.com)	(32)
		Almost all spiders are solitary, and very few hunt together in groups of thousands, cooperating to kill and eat prey thousands of times their own size. Very few  (io9.com)	(108)

(Some Drinker)		Friday Night NASCAR drinking game: Every time they mention Danica Patrick or Travis Pastrana without them being near the front of the field, take a drink. Finish your drink whenever they earn a Darlington stripe. Live at 7:15 PM ET  (autoweek.com)	(91)
		"I lasted less than half a day... and it was hell." a) Hiker trying to traverse Death Valley on foot, b) Embedded reporter in Afghanistan, or c) tech writer trying to go a day without Google products?  (slate.com)	(24)
		DC's mayor wants you to know that, sure, he's given his son and daughter thousands of dollars worth of Verizon Center Sky Suite tickets to see acts like Jay-Z, Kanye West, and Britney Spears, but that was all totally to help the city  (wtop.com)	(50)

Although the CIA says waterboarding is not torture, it still wouldn't demonstrate the technique on Sen. Bill Nelson because he might die and stuff  (washingtonpost.com)

(142)

		Anna Faris: "I probably won't star in Scary Movie 5." She should have thought of that four Scary Movies ago  (digitalspy.com)	(62)
		Vogue editor Anna Wintour banned Kim Kardashian from Met Ball, although the narrow door would've taken care of that for her  (starpulse.com)	(56)
		Report: Thousands of hot blooded foreigners voting in elections. Doesn't feel like the first time this has happened  (610wiod.com)	(51)
(The Big Picture)		Gas prices are falling - that's good. But it's likely because the economy is faltering as well - that's bad. If you still want to vote for Obama you can get your free frogurt, though everyone should know by now how cursed it is  (ritholtz.com)	(66)
		If you thought Oprah Winfrey was too big to fail, guess again  (huffingtonpost.com)	(57)

		"Community" might be coming back. There's a catch, though  (warmingglow.uproxx.com)	(98)
		Your made for Fark headline of the day: Once Upon A Time can't swing a dead fairy without hitting more tasty cheese  (io9.com)	(51)
		The only time left-wingers have taken charge in the last 40 years without decimating the economy was during the Clinton years when Republicans in Congress balanced the budget  (townhall.com)	(80)

		MLB imposes 100-game suspension on SF Giants reliever Guillermo Mota after he tests positive for a "performance enhancing drug," though with a 5.06 ERA I'm not sure it enhanced his performance  (sports.yahoo.com)	(33)
(Some Guy)		"They got away with at least $4-thousand worth of high-end corsets, leather items, and expensive massage lubricants before sheriff's deputies could respond"  (940winz.com)	(137)
		Political pundit Sir Charles Barkley to Romney: We will beat you like a drum in November. Although you seem like a nice guy and all. No offense. You're going down, bro. Eat like a man. Weight Watchers   (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com)	(47)
		Fans at Fenway went 10 innings without beer  (scores.espn.go.com)	(133)

Wealthy homeowners who thought Johnny Depp was moving in next door wake up to a very nasty surprise (with bonus pic of unappealing new neighbors)  (dailystar.co.uk)

(128)

(Some Guy)		Top 10 metal albums of 2012 (so far). What does the list fail without, or is this just a bad year for metal?  (loudwire.com)	(147)
(Some Guy)		Yes you would, every one of them, even though the crazy clearly is strong and abundant  (ranker.com)	(220)
		Suggested retail price for five days in a DEA cell without water is $20 million. Let the bidding commence  (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(167)
		Loch Ness Monster ordered to leave Wisconsin river with or without tree-fitty  (seattlepi.com)	(30)
		It's like a thousand voices sang out for four minutes and then were suddenly silent  (youtube.com)	(27)
(Some Guy)		Hey guys check out this 'Chick Cam'. Be careful if you are at work though  (courantblogs.com)	(44)
(Some Guy)		Let's assemble the five worst superhero movies of all time. List fails without your pick to the right  (theindychannel.com)	(148)
		The alcohol bra, flask sandals, and other devious ways teens sneak alcohol into prom. Not me though. I just snuck it in using my stomach  (dailymail.co.uk)	(68)

		When "The Pick of Destiny" was released it was a bomb, and all the critics said that The D was done. The sun had set and the chapter had closed, but one thing no one thought about was The D would rise again just like the phoenix  (youtube.com)	(45)
		"Wouldn't it be awesome though if [suspending a campaign] did mean suspending citizenship? Like if you lose a presidential primary, you're deported. Wouldn't that be awesome?"   (entertainment.msnbc.msn.com)	(64)
(Some Guy)		Horrifying: 1200 people receive the same jury summons for the same day causing a massive traffic jam. Fark: Courthouse clerk failed to update the system causing the "glitch". Milton Waddams said to be unimpressed  (sacramento.cbslocal.com)	(55)
		Omar Vizquel succeeds in getting the rare dugout ejection without being in the lineup (w/video)  (deadspin.com)	(18)

		HBO's Magic City had so much trouble finding natural women without implants or bags of bones they had to place ads and proposition strangers on the beach  (dailymail.co.uk)	(123)
		Though it only came out a handful of years ago, we're already getting a Van Helsing reboot...starring Tom Cruise  (insidemovies.ew.com)	(107)

		"After punching a man several times in the face without provocation, Juarez got off the bus and got back on to throw a garbage can"  (big1059.com)	(22)
		Dear Judge: Eddie didn't mean to steal that seven thousand dollars from those children. He just had a brain tumor. Thanks for understanding. Sincerely, Eddie's doctor  (mysanantonio.com)	(28)

		What do former presidents Bill Clinton and George H.W. Bush have in common? Their disdain for Jimmy Carter, because he went rogue and conducted foreign policy after leaving office without any authority from the White House  (nypost.com)	(141)
		Remember how Google was caught illegally tracking users without their consent? Turns out it never happened. Just kidding, it did and was "authorized at the highest levels"  (nytimes.com)	(66)

		University of Texas-San Antonio football: "On second thought, the WAC does not sound good for our program, let's go to Conference USA"  (espn.go.com)	(21)
		London council to residents: "Thanks for all your complaints about drug addicts causing problems. Due to an administrative error we have given your names and phone numbers to the drug addicts....we're good though, right?"  (bbc.co.uk)	(73)
		Council tells woman with twins who haven't been separated since birth to take them to different schools two miles apart...even though she has no car  (express.co.uk)	(84)
(Daily Finance)		Five American companies doing it right. List fails without Costco...oh, wait, there it is  (dailyfinance.com)	(58)
		Jury finds that cop who beat up a legally blind doctor, from behind and without provocation, is a total prick. Bonus: police internal affairs cleared the cop and recommend the man be charged after defending himself  (cbc.ca)	(166)

		Just in case you were losing sleep over the thought, Michelle Obama says she won't run for president  (weeklystandard.com)	(263)
		Men charged with stealing thousands of dollars worth of printer ink. Police say both cartridges were successfully recovered  (sltrib.com)	(56)
		If you ever thought to yourself "Gee, why doesn't anyone do Talking Heads cover songs with traditional Chinese instruments?" then today is your lucky day  (youtube.com)	(43)

		Thoughts of bordellos has tongues wagging, businesses lining up for get some. Stiff opposition expected from the usual jagoffs  (torontosun.com)	(20)
		How do Norwegians send an extra-special Fark You to a mass-murdering psychopath? Forty thousand of them marched to Oslo singing the song he claims is an example of Marxist indoctrination  (csmonitor.com)	(117)
		You still have the right to run through the streets naked and high on meth without being charged with a crime. USA USA USA  (clickondetroit.com)	(64)

		Marathon runner stops 800 yards from the finish line to propose to his girlfriend. You know, he could have done all that without the running  (thesun.co.uk)	(32)
		Some of the Secret Service Agents did not have sex with the hookers because they were too drunk. Also, Secret Service Agents on Bill Clinton's detail went to a Brazilian strip club, though that was part of their protective duties   (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(64)
		Howard Johnson to offer free hotel stays to men named Don Draper. You'll have to pay for your own martinis, though  (cnews.canoe.ca)	(38)
		For every thousand videos where things like this end badly, one manages to pull it off  (liveleak.com)	(38)

		Judge texts shirtless photo to bailiff. It's just like "Night Court," but without the laughtrack  (news.com.au)	(60)
		Girl so mad school wouldn't let her go to prom just because her Confederate flag dress was "inappropriate and offensive" even though they totally told her that beforehand  (wonkette.com)	(363)
		Artwork and character designs for Before Watchmen have surfaced, and they just look great, though artwise it's hard to top Dave Gibson. Storywise, though, it won't be a problem  (comicsalliance.com)	(39)
		Good morning, class. Today we are going to review the complete history of The Simpsons' dissing the Fox network, even though we can all agree than the disses after season 12 weren't as good  (slate.com)	(22)

		List fails without Drew  (gizmodo.com)	(66)
		"The Avengers" is tracking 96% on Rotten Tomatoes. HULK SMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASH ARTHOUSE CRITICS  (filmdrunk.uproxx.com)	(88)
		Dean Potter walks a 130-foot slackline 6,000 feet above windy Chinese gorge--without safety net, harness, or BASE rig--and it's all captured on testicle-shrivelling video. Suck it, Super Bowl slackline dancer  (telegraph.co.uk)	(27)
(Some Guy)		Mexicans were lined up along the streets to glimpse the Pope. This little dog thought the crowds were for him  (slyoyster.com)	(67)
(Some Guy)		If you are hunting and you mistake your girl friend for a hog and shoot her, do not admit you thought she looked like a hog  (wokv.com)	(37)
		Author of article "how to delete yourself from the Internet" apparently thinks that's possible without setting off EMP devices to fry every Internet connected computer on earth simultaneously  (news.yahoo.com)	(21)

(Some Guy)		"Even though I spent over $500, I probably will have to go to the grocery store tomorrow." Why yes, we ARE talking about Costco  (lifeinc.today.msnbc.msn.com)	(280)
		Want to see what "The Avengers" would look like without the $100 Million budget? Well here's your chance  (youtube.com)	(27)

		A hen has a chick without laying an egg. I don't know what this means, and I'm VERY afraid  (upi.com)	(53)
		Hundreds of thousands may lose Internet access in July due to hackers. Take off your tinfoil hat, the FBI is here to help and wants to keep you online  (news.yahoo.com)	(105)
		Police arrest four businessmen on the always nebulous "scuba diving at night without a license" charge  (philly.com)	(19)

Past marijuana use will not cause the Detroit Lions to hesitate in...um...I forget. It was really funny though  (mlive.com)

(14)

(Some Guy)		"A Korean fishing boat sank in New Zealand waters nearly two years ago because it was not watertight, an expert witness testified." What would we do without experts?  (tvnz.co.nz)	(28)
		Jennifer Love Hewitt without make-up looks plainly refreshing  (dailymail.co.uk)	(85)
(Some Guy)		Hey hoser, why can't we get some of that Clintonville booms publicity action up here in McAdam, eh? We'll need a new angle though. How aboot throwing in ball lightning? Skookum  (news.gather.com)	(19)
		Utah man arrested for giving "the worst tattoo ever" for drugs. It was either a moobtat, tramp stamp, barbed wire on biceps, Japanese letters you hope are what you wanted, or anything you can't see without a mirror, or necktat  (denverpost.com)	(95)

		You might think you'd be better off without the bacterium that causes acne. You'd be wrong  (discovermagazine.com)	(16)
(Some Guy)		Insane mom of a Toddlers and Tiara "star" works at a wing place, still manages to spend "$100,000" on the beauty contests, divorces husband (who is a turtle farmer) because he thought the spending was ridiculous. Phew  (theclicker.today.msnbc.msn.com)	(158)

It's Tax Day, Farkers; have you gotten your refund (or bill) yet? Or are you filing for an extension in hopes to avoid huge tax penalties? One thing's certain, though; you'll want to avoid the Post Office  (sun-sentinel.com)

(243)

		An important, well researched article on how America conducts its aerial wars and assassinations in secret, though it drones on for a bit  (rollingstone.com)	(104)
		Romney offering "preferred status" to Inauguration for donors who cough up $50,000. Still unsure where the party tent will be set up to get a good view of Obama's swearing in, though  (buzzfeed.com)	(98)

(Some speed reader)		A well thought out and exhaustive article on a controversial situation. This well articulated article is not to be missed if you want in depth and substantive analysis on the hopes, prayers, and the concerns of a vast number of our citizens  (montgomeryadvertiser.com)	(126)
(Some Guy)		Two massive pyramids are discovered in the Bermuda Triangle. Still no explanation for disappearing planes and boats and Florida though  (apparentlyapparel.com)	(209)

		Study finds correlation between number of Walmarts in a county and number of local hate groups -- although to be fair, some of the groups might just hate Walmart  (newser.com)	(19)
		After an elaborate operation led by French customs, the Social Security dept., the police transport division, and months of surveillance, French police arrest souvenir shop owners for selling mini Eiffel Towers without a permit  (daytondailynews.com)	(42)

		Problem: night raids are the most effective tactic used by the US in Afghanistan, but it outrages Afghans because soldiers sometimes see women without their veils on. Solution: train Afghan women as commandos  (news.yahoo.com)	(159)
		Apparently supermarkets haven't thought their cunning plan to save money by firing cashiers and replacing them with self-scanning stations all the way through  (news.yahoo.com)	(171)
		In another blow to Romney's chances in the fall, Barack Obama wins the coveted Michelle Obama endorsement, though there is still hope as Bo is reportedly waiting until the convention to announce who he's backing  (abcnews.go.com)	(24)

		According to new Quinnipiac survey, the people of New Jersey like the job Gov. Chris Christie is doing. Keep in mind though, these same people like New Jersey  (nypost.com)	(33)
(Outside)		Wild parrots are learning English from escaped pet birds, though the Norwegian Blue remains strangely mute on the subject  (outsideonline.com)	(82)
(Edububble)		Harvard holds secret, closed-door meeting to combat the way that kids are learning without paying high tuition  (edububble.com)	(91)
		Iran announces that it is not going to turn off the internet in its country, it is in fact going to build a better internet itself, one without blackjack and hookers. Good Luck with that  (gizmodo.com)	(47)

		You know those "non-partisan" ABC/WaPo polls everyone quotes? Well they add a 7 point Democrat/Liberal cause advantage. Though by MSM standards that's practically right-wing  (hotair.com)	(118)
		Obama comes out against Minnesota Republicans' drive to pass a gay marriage ban, even though it's already illegal, but this woman's protest sign sums the issue up better than Obama ever could  (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(182)
		7th Grader saves bus from crash after driver has heart attack. School to suspend him for driving without a license  (cbsnews.com)	(46)

		Isn't it truly inspiring how a small school like Baylor can become so successful in college sports without cheating?  (espn.go.com)	(76)
		I always thought nude ferry riots were something you would see at Burning Man  (thesun.co.uk)	(46)
		The reappearance of a savior draws thousands on Easter Sunday  (espn.go.com)	(49)

		Challenge: use the term "beef flap" in a headline without it appearing on Fark  (desmoinesregister.com)	(83)
		British child finds hand grenade during Easter egg hunt. Everyone runs when he says, "And first, thou shalt take out the holy pin"  (foxnews.com)	(60)

I don't know what the hell a Phyllis Schlafly is, but she is telling young men "Don't date feminists", even though "some of them are pretty"  (newser.com)

(251)

		After a Vegas bender last week, the Fark Weird News Quiz is back. Still not sober or respectable, though  (fark.com)	(32)
		College chess team wins national title and then the coach immediately announces she is leaving for a better deal at another school, and is taking the entire team with her. And you thought SEC football dealings were shady  (content.usatoday.com)	(18)
		Ride a horse to school? That's a suspension ... even though it's not against school rules, and the students all made opening bell  (wrcbtv.com)	(91)

		10 signs the movie you are watching was made in the 1980s. List fails without Stewart Copland techno soundtracks  (denofgeek.com)	(87)
(Some Guy)		You thought I was crazy to build an anti-Russia bunker. You thought I was crazy to prepare to fight zombies. Well, who's crazy now?  (heraldsun.com.au)	(42)
		If you thought Gunther von Hagens' Body World art exhibit was creepy but cool, wait until you get a load of "Animal Inside Out" at the Natural History Museum in London  (telegraph.co.uk)	(62)
		Just when you thought we'd reached the nadir of Adam Sandler films, a sequel to Grown-Ups is in the works, and the human alpaca that is Taylor Lautner will be in the cast  (huffingtonpost.com)	(60)

		"We arrived to find intoxicated men putting their clothes back on, and realizing that the best decisions aren't made while drunk and at a car wash without a car in the middle of the night"  (blog.seattlepi.com)	(37)
		McDonalds Millionaire-to-be Marlinde Wilson now says the winning ticket is hidden in the restaurant. Next: Thousands of dollars in damage caused to trashed McDonalds in Maryland  (foxnews.com)	(195)
		Tennessee trying to intelligently design an anti-evolution bill without the creation of a controversy. This is not a repeat from 1925  (news.yahoo.com)	(247)
		One billionaire doesn't like another billionaire's suggestion that billionaires should pay higher taxes. Both agree on sticking it to millionaires, though. Those guys are losers  (forbes.com)	(51)
		Why Ford has been succeeding without a 2008 bailout (and in spite of the EcoSport)  (finance.yahoo.com)	(68)
		Protip: If you're a police sergeant you probably shouldn't try to set up a meeting with a prostitute in a neighboring city without first checking to see if that city's police are running an escort sting operation  (wtkr.com)	(43)
		Ryan Gosling just saved a woman's life, presumably while playing piano, searing a perfect piece of tuna, and without moving a single hair out of its perfect place  (jezebel.com)	(118)

		Life Without Sex: Asexuality Movement says it's ok and you are not alone. Even though you are alone  (theatlantic.com)	(259)
(Some Guy)		Nike unveils new NFL uniforms, though April Fool's joke on Seahawks a bit too much (pic)  (sbnation.com)	(99)
		You have 5000 old floppy disks with information you want to keep. How do you load that information into your computer without spending weeks/months of your life doing so?  (youtube.com)	(214)
		Scary new study shows that the obesity problem may be even worse than we thought. So the answer is obvious: we need to change the BMI ratings  (cnn.com)	(167)
		Around 7000 students learn a valuable lesson in life. If thousands of dollars are mistakenly deposited into your account, you don't get to keep it  (consumerist.com)	(40)
		Facing a tough re-election campaign, Scott Brown (R-Mass) is trying to get some of the Luck o' the Irish by importing a few thousand of the Unemployed o' the Irish  (edition.cnn.com)	(81)

		AFA Foods, known better as the company that produces the perfectly tasty but unfortunately dubbed pink slime is filing Chapter 11 because some asshole TV chef started a completely fabricated frenzy. Thousands will be jobless as a result  (chicagotribune.com)	(524)
(TG Daily)		An app that allowed men to stalk women in their vicinity has been pulled from the iTunes store - although the developer says he can't see what all the fuss is about  (tgdaily.com)	(35)
(Some Guy)		Bar patron gets kicked out after getting caught having sex in bar. Does he: A) Apologize and leave bar without incident. B) Plead ignorance and claim that he was not aware that kind of thing was frowned upon. C) Bite off bartender's finger  (timesunion.com)	(86)

Taco Mac shows how to alter a customer's receipt without saying something insulting  (gizmodo.com)

(92)

Competitors are desperately trying to keep up with Costa Cruises' unique "drifting without power" on-board experience. 1,000 people currently sweating just off the Philippines  (bbc.co.uk)

(61)

		Without a hint of irony, RIM announces plans to re-focus on what they're good at. Eviscerating its stock strangely absent  (google.com)	(42)
		"Ninjutsu is practiced by some three thousand women throughout Iran" (includes pic of what some hittable Iranian lady ninjas might look like)  (huffingtonpost.com)	(69)
		Today, someone in Hollywood woke up and thought to themselves, 'We need a sequel to the Schwarzenegger and DeVito film Twins. And let's bring Eddie Murphy in and call it Triplets'  (hollywoodreporter.com)	(87)

		Foot-and-mouth disease hits Egypt, though many remain in de Nile  (upi.com)	(22)
(Some Guy)		They say Da Vinci was a genius, but did Da Vinci ever invent an instant table top picnic bar? Thought so  (slyoyster.com)	(15)

		Subby never thought an Alicia Silverstone vid could be categorized as creepy and disgusting, but here we are  (tmz.com)	(119)
		First probe since the 70s to reveal secrets of Mercury. Uranus still unremarkable though  (washingtonpost.com)	(29)
		World's biggest superpower set to unveil sweeping new laws authorizing surveillance, torture, and long-term secret detention without trial for citizens accused of terrorism  (guardian.co.uk)	(47)

		It is what we thought it was  (sports.yahoo.com)	(81)
		How are your supplies of bottled water and ammo these days? Mysterious disease literally turning thousands of children in Uganda into zombies, and not only is there no cure, but they aren't even sure of the CAUSE yet  (rawstory.com)	(152)

		Thousands of New Agers head for the mother ship to escape the coming apocalypse. Yeah it's a mountain, but you've got to believe  (independent.co.uk)	(133)
(Some Guy)		Exceptionally creepy looking child molester denied appeal after convic... wow that dude's creepy looking... conviction for molesting children who "wanted to be touched" by him... seriously though, that's one creepy looking fark  (magicvalley.com)	(153)

		I was going to take my little nephew to DisneyLand, but I drove him to a burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said, "DisneyLand burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke  (blogs.scientificamerican.com)	(72)
		You now can not use the words "face", "book", or "wall" without prior written permission from Facebook  (wired.com)	(165)
		Sixty-seven books every geek should read to their kids. I see that crappy one that's had a special place in your heart since childhood didn't make the cut though  (wired.com)	(169)
(Some Guy)		A road opening in 1949 was not registered properly at the city's courthouse. Do you: c) claim ownership and put up barricades? "I'll tell you what--if they want it back, they know where the court house is"  (kwch.com)	(106)

(WHP 21)

Sheesh. It's getting to be you can't spread the word of the Lord to kids by abducting them, putting pillow cases over their heads, taking them to your van and interrogating them anymore without their parents getting all pissy  (whptv.com)

(134)

		Roommate of gay Rutgers student who killed himself isn't sorry he Tweeted jokes about, posted video of, and bullied Tyler Clementi. He's really very sorry he has to pay for his actions though. Very very sorry  (usatoday.com)	(210)
		Usually, the answer to a question headline is "no". Occasionally, though, the answer is "No shiat, Sherlock"  (content.usatoday.com)	(9)
(FiFi)		Judge asks defendant what the fark the guy's poodle was doing in his court. Man threatens to burn down the courthouse and the judge in it if he doesn't back off asking poodle questions (take the fifth, FiFi)  (kbkw.com)	(65)

		That former Florida quarterback with the spotty pro record is without a team at the moment. No, not that one  (jacksonville.com)	(33)
		GOP race awaits winner, energy, fervor, rational thought  (wrcbtv.com)	(72)
		Arizona GOP legislator says women should have to watch an abortion before having one, though the state doesn't currently have the funds to buy that many "According to Jim" DVDs  (huffingtonpost.com)	(514)

		And thus we begin a new trend of lazy journalism: the "What would Steve Jobs have thought?" article about any new decision by Apple. Someone should write a book  (washingtonpost.com)	(5)
(GQ)		Republican presidential candidates' Secret Service code names revealed; Romney's is "Javelin", Santorum's is...what? Ew. I thought the word Cleveland went before that, but whatever  (gq.com)	(150)

		For the amount of money Disney lost on the debacle that is John Carter, you could've sent someone to Mars (though they'd have to find their own way back)  (news.yahoo.com)	(116)
		Richard Gere regrets Pretty Woman because it glorifies bankers. Hookers are cool though  (dailymail.co.uk)	(84)
		Meet Brenden Dowden, who thought it would be a good idea to brag on Facebook about starting fires and flipping news vans over  (theglobeandmail.com)	(34)
(Some Guy)		Well, good for Garry Trudeau. It kinda makes you wonder though... what would it look like if other newspaper cartoonists ran abortion stories? Hmmmmm.... I wonder... what would that look like... *cue harp*  (blogs.houstonpress.com)	(73)

		Bigfoot is alive and well and plays viola for the local symphony, and once a year you can hunt him under the full moon--where you may also capture a couple of Rainiers. Yes, this was thought up by a bunch of Stoners  (helenair.com)	(26)
		So, you thought the idea of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter sounded awful? The newest trailer might change your mind  (youtube.com)	(124)

"Danny Boy", as only the Muppets could perform this classic without reducing us all to tears. Thank you Beaker  (youtube.com)

(11)

		"Video games allow us to explore our dreams, our fears, our thoughts, our morals, and engage with each other in a way that no other medium allows."- Chris Melissinos, curator, 'The Art of Video Games' exhibit. Opens 3/16  (networkworld.com)	(85)
		Arizona GOP pushing a bill that would bar women from purchasing birth control for the purpose of preventing pregnancy. Acne prevention though? Go right ahead  (news.yahoo.com)	(501)
(LA Weekly)		Stop-sign cameras have issued 70,000 tickets in the Santa Monica Mountains, generating thousands in tax dollars and saving dozens of raccoon lives  (laweekly.com)	(100)

Dwight Howard to Orlando Magic: "On second thought I think I would like to stay in Orlando now"  (espn.go.com)

(118)

		One killed in courthouse shooting in Texas. That doesn't sound like Texas. "This guy was driving crazy, and he was shooting, and we were shooting, and people were ducking under cars." Okay, NOW it sounds like Texas  (cnn.com)	(83)
		You can't spell "I blew a 25 point lead" without IONA  (nydailynews.com)	(47)
(Retronaut)		In 1953, Life magazine published a highly irresponsible work of journalism, which resulted in the deaths of thousands of kittens worldwide  (retronaut.co)	(193)
		Autonomous robots swim from California to Hawaii without carrying fuel, just in case Sarah Connor happened to be floating out there somewhere  (msnbc.msn.com)	(11)

		Scientists make important step in a cure for aging and death. Still no cure for balding, though, just like in the Star Trek Universe  (sciencedaily.com)	(69)
		"Even the mayor of Hokitika, Maureen Pugh, didn't shy away from the stallion juice: 'I thought it would be creamy and curdled. The grossest part was it hitting me in the face'"  (stuff.co.nz)	(60)

What happens when everyone has a lie detector app on their phone and no one can lie about anything ever again? Has anyone thought this through?  (physorg.com)

(65)

(Some Guy)		A picture is worth a thousand snarks. Just click the link and try not to laugh too loud  (tecca.com)	(66)
		♪Real men of genius♫ Today we salute you, Mr. Guy-Who-Created-Brunch. Yes, thanks to you it's finally cool to drink during breakfast without looking like a functional alcoholic  (mentalfloss.com)	(69)

(wkyt-tv)

Seven different home surveillance cameras capture the West Liberty, KY tornado, without CB radio dialogue  (wkyt.com)

(32)

		Running a daycare seems like perfect fit for woman charged with armed burglary, driving on a suspended license, aggravated battery, and driving children without seat belts  (wftv.com)	(16)
(Some Guy)		Woman rescues a bald raccoon. And you thought they were cute with fur  (cottagecountrynow.ca)	(68)
		Two women to go 100% natural without makeup, hair styling, shaving for 60 days to experience rejuvenation, confidence, celibacy  (dailymail.co.uk)	(106)
		Mormon leaders restrict genealogical database to anyone who attempts to access names of hundreds of thousands of Holocaust victims the church has agreed not to posthumously baptize. But we all know Mormons have nothing to hide...right?   (seattletimes.nwsource.com)	(266)
		Toyota recalls 681,000 U.S. cars for various problems. This year the only thing Toyota can't recall is the last time they made a car without any defects  (huffingtonpost.com)	(54)
		Obama's secret economic recovery plan according to Sarah Palin: force black people to pick cotton without pay  (mediamatters.org)	(253)
		Thought you could hide behind your 501(c)(4) and anonymously donate huge sums of money to your favorite PAC? The IRS would like a word with you  (huffingtonpost.com)	(30)
(Some Idiots in Utah)		It's so obvious; if we just teach kids not to have sex then the teen pregnancy rate will drop. Why has no one ever thought of this before?  (theblaze.com)	(202)

		$7.5 Million in renovations later, a New Jersey courthouse is declared "constitutionally defective" by a Judge  (nj.com)	(52)
(Some Guy)		No man is an island. This man is a union, though  (detroitnews.com)	(17)
		Punish the bankers? I thought you meant fellate the bankers  (marketwatch.com)	(9)

(9 News Now)		Coconut spotted in Maryland courthouse. Shut. Down. Everything  (wusa9.com)	(46)
(Las Vegas Sun)		You have to play a football team that outscored its regular season opponents 639-156 and won the state championship 72-28. Since practice and grit take effort, it goes without saying you try and get them excluded from post season play instead  (lasvegassun.com)	(51)
		If you have a .com, .org or .net domain name, feel secure in the thought that the US Government can seize it whenever they feel like it, even if registered overseas  (wired.com)	(55)

		It's even worse than we thought: Obama is intentionally increasing the cost of gas to sabotage his own re-election because he wants America to fail  (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(85)
		10 weird stories about Higgs Boson fails without mention of the strange effect stories of it have on Fark timestamps  (io9.com)	(32)
		Pardon sir, but we would like to stay at your farm as the rest of this area is flooded. I hope you do not mind that we are THOUSANDS OF SPIDERS  (bbc.co.uk)	(301)
		Astronomers find an asteroid that has a 1 in 625 chance of hitting the Earth in 2040. Do they a) call Bruce Willis, b) panic, or c) thoughtfully debate what to do about it?  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)	(243)
		Subby never thought he would see the phrase "steps to prevent battery ingestion" but dammit, there it is  (omaha.com)	(20)
		If you get pulled over for driving without your lights on, don't try to high-five the officer if your blood alcohol level is 2.5 times the legal limit  (daytondailynews.com)	(17)
		"Can I go on a healthy gluten free diet without becoming annoying?" Short answer: no. Long answer: no you cannot  (salon.com)	(155)

		Man has spent the past 44 days living without using cash. Well then how does he tip at Starbucks?  (slate.com)	(230)
		White House to House and Senate Democrats: No money for you, not yours. It's about that $1 billion we thought we had, well we need to watch the bottom line. You're on your own  (politico.com)	(59)
		The Obama administration is finally going to make a public case for why it should be allowed to kill American citizens without trial. Better keep working on that apology, Limbaugh  (washingtonpost.com)	(181)
		Kirk Cameron has the opinion on gay marriage that you thought he did  (newser.com)	(207)
		From Belarus with love: "I thought to myself: better to be a dictator than gay"  (thelocal.de)	(33)

		Thousands of people see "bright light or a fireball" in the sky. The Sun is there  (thesun.co.uk)	(85)
		If you're going to ditch a restaurant without paying your bill, don't do it during a police fundraiser when the waiters are cops  (consumerist.com)	(66)

(CBS Dallas)

Woman lives without water for six years because she couldn't afford to fix a leak or pay her bills  (dfw.cbslocal.com)

(123)

		How to see your DNA without the use of tissues or socks  (gizmodo.com)	(36)
(Some Guy)		"Who would have thought the polygamist in the race would not be either of the two Mormons?" Is this quote from A. Jon Stewart B. Bill Maher or C. Republican Indiana Governor Mitch Daniels  (thestarpress.com)	(54)
		10 computer screensavers from the 90s which you thought impressed your co-workers  (mentalfloss.com)	(159)
		Even though a judge asked if they'd like to come to a settlement, lawyer for bankrupt Chinese company reports Apple hasn't come groveling just yet  (washingtonpost.com)	(42)
		Obama says he's proven "Democrats are not weak on defense" though he admits they do have some concerns in the secondary that they hope to address either in the draft or the free agent market  (news.yahoo.com)	(218)
		The "suspicious package" at Limbaugh house turned out to be some insane variation of the "Big Mouth Billy Bass" dealing with the Lincoln assassination that a dittohead thought would be a great business idea  (news.yahoo.com)	(110)
		Daytona Beach police on 16-month-long Operation Chum Bucket: "It hasn't been cleaned in over a thousand years. It's skanky. It's filthy. If I was a roach, I wouldn't live inside. It's a whorehouse" (w/ mugshots)  (orlandosentinel.com)	(102)

(Some Celluloid Lover)

Dandy wide-screen travelogue of 1955 San Francisco. Vintage auto and fashion buffs will enjoy it, though I understand things have changed a bit here & there  (archive.org)

(17)

		You didn't really think the bird flu threat was going to go away without appointing a new superflu to take its place, did you?  (blog.trutv.com)	(36)
		Planned Parenthood gives out thousands of condoms with QR tags so that users can "geotag" their encounters. Insert "your mom's house" joke here  (nerve.com)	(84)
		Scientists discover giant bug, long thought extinct, on supervillian's island lair  (npr.org)	(128)
		Even though he turned down trying out for the role of the Eleventh Doctor, Benedict Cumberbatch may still appear on Doctor Who... as the Master  (express.co.uk)	(83)

		Small portions of unidentified human remains recovered from the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attack were incinerated and ultimately dumped in a landfill. And you thought you were down in the dumps  (washingtonpost.com)	(140)
		84 year old driving instructor still going strong, has taught thousands of students to drive with blinker on, accelerate through farmers markets  (telegram.com)	(17)
		Strangely even though Santorum and Romney are locked in a do-or-die struggle to win Michigan, for some strange reason, both seem to be studiously avoiding courting Muslim-Americans who are a major GOP voting bloc in the state  (news.yahoo.com)	(74)
(NBCNewYork.com)		United Flight 5124 makes an emergency landing at Newark airport without its nose landing gear. The flight arrived at Gate 21.... 22.... 23.... 24  (nbcnewyork.com)	(81)

(WINK-TV)		Need a restraining order because you're afraid for your life? Courthouse: Sorry but we've already hit our limit for restraining orders today. Come back tomorrow  (winknews.com)	(39)
		Three economists predict gloomy apocalyptic economic future...sadly, without Mel Gibson driving the last of the V8 Interceptors  (usatoday.com)	(74)
		Congressman apologizes for his "joke" about gunning down a few Senators to break the gridlock in Washington. Besides, Robert's Rules of Order specifically forbids murder of a legislator without a proper Motion to Recommit  (news.yahoo.com)	(37)
		Guess which cruise company has 1,000 passengers adrift without power after an engine fire?  (bbc.co.uk)	(79)
(Some Guy)		Those who thought they caught a flash of Jennifer Lopez's nipple through her sheer gown at the Oscars are a) extremely sad, lonely, people b) mistaken  (ivillage.com)	(24)
		There's a new trend sweeping the nation: Little free libraries. Though you've probably never seen one. That's too bad, because they seem pretty cool. Keep looking, but they'll probably be old news by the time you find one  (usatoday.com)	(66)

(Some Guy)		This essay analyzing and deconstructing the Death Star's trash compactor is lucid, thoughtful, well-reasoned, and will have geeks arguing for decades  (mcsweeneys.net)	(78)
		And now, a thoughtful commentary from DailyKos  (dailykos.com)	(228)

		Ben and Jerry's: On second thought, perhaps fortune cookie pieces wasn't the best choice in our 'Lin-sanity' ice cream  (sports.yahoo.com)	(112)
		Pope Benedict XVI tells infertile families that they are sinners for trying to get pregnant without sex  (usatoday.com)	(568)

		Wait a minute, I thought YOU had the loot  (hosted.ap.org)	(6)
		WHERE art thou?  (techeblog.com)	(22)
(Some Guy)		"14.4k modems are on the way out and 28.8 is in. I'd tend toward 28.8 for about an extra $100, but a 14.4 is pretty quick and will capably handle email." And you thought you Comcast connection was bad   (therelativelyinterestingblog.blogspot.com)	(118)

(City Pages)		Over 100 police officers violated a woman's privacy by looking up her driver's license just because they thought she was hot. (With driver's license goodness.)  (citypages.com)	(107)
		Oh, you thought that foreclosure settlement money was going to help people who got screwed over by the banks? That's just adorable  (huffingtonpost.com)	(79)
		Gas prices are rising so fast reporters can't even get through a report about how fast gas prices are rising without the price of gas rising  (abcnews.go.com)	(129)
(nbc)		Just when you thought he couldn't get any worse... Tebow takes a nine-year-old cancer patient to the Cartoon Network awards show  (offthebench.nbcsports.com)	(74)

		Cash-strapped Italy sells its lighthouses. Will no longer get +1 food from water tiles  (news.yahoo.com)	(60)
		I thought that was called "college"  (theatlanticwire.com)	(30)
(Some Guy)		Mark Cuban saves St. Patrick's Day parade. "I just thought it was fair that other people should be able to kill as many brain cells on Greenville Avenue as I have in my life"  (irishcentral.com)	(26)
		...proving that the BBC is without a doubt the last bastion of truth & journalistic integrity (Not safe for work language)  (youtube.com)	(27)
		Unpasteurized milk, which many foodies will tell you is the Greatest Health Drink EVAR, is 150 times more likely to kill you than regular milk. But where's the reward without a little risk, amiright?  (yourlife.usatoday.com)	(301)
		If you thought no-one would have the balls/insanity to perform LMFAO's "Sexy and I know it" alone in public, you haven't been to Australia  (youtube.com)	(23)
		Newly Discovered Legless Amphibians Are Horrifying... without a proper dipping sauce  (news.yahoo.com)	(18)

		Gun accident leaves pastor's daughter holier than thou, LHC goes to ludicrous speed, and a bison as a best man, Tatonka very much: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week from 2/12 - 2/18  (fark.com)	(9)
		New research suggests that human beings are not 'nasty' by nature, though scientists who have ever been on the Internet disagree  (news.discovery.com)	(77)

		Yankees acquire Ibanez. With their money, I thought they would buy Fender or Gibson  (espn.go.com)	(63)
		Do you have an intense fear of being without your cellphone? There's no app for that, but there is a name  (latimes.com)	(69)
		Students calculate the true cost of the Death Star. Without the help of marijuana  (shortlist.com)	(114)

Two hundred thousand years ago, the world's most powerful predator arrived: Humans. So why haven't animals evolved effective defenses against us? Here's why  (bbc.co.uk)

(200)

		FBI foils a plot by a man to bomb U.S. capitol. Arrested him as he was on the way to the building, with a vest full of what he thought were explosives   (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(296)
		Who would have thought a giant national mortgage settlement would have drawn scammers within hours of the announcement?  (wtop.com)	(27)
		Danica Patrick says she would rather be "pretty" than "sexy." Nothing about being a good race car driver, though  (usatoday.com)	(73)

		Britain's fattest woman weighs 560 lbs and hasn't left her house in four years. She can still post on Fark though, which is nice  (dailymail.co.uk)	(222)
		One in ten US kids is being raised by a drunk. This is great news for police, social workers, and anybody else whose job security depends on an endless supply of idiots with active reproductive systems. Not so great for kids, though  (health.usnews.com)	(173)
(The Hindu)		Breezes emanate from this guy's peacock fan 14 hours a day, while he helps sweat-drenched temple-goers without a single day off for 52 years  (thehindu.com)	(29)
		Borrowers defaulting on their payday loans? Send them fake court papers and wait for them at the county courthouse. The real courthouse people won't mind, will they?  (chattanoogan.com)	(85)

Mormon Glenn Beck launches "We Are All Catholics Now (but after you die we will proxy baptize you)" movement to protest birth control without copays   (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)

(459)

(Some Westminster Kennel Club site)		How will the six new breeds do? Will Dachshunds finally get some love? Can you watch a dog show without thinking of Fred Willard (And to think that in some countries these dogs are eaten)? Here is your Westminster Dog Show thread. *woof*  (westminsterkennelclub.org)	(222)
(McRumors)		When you thought that China couldn't be more of a dick, they pull this shiat  (macrumors.com)	(143)
		Thou shalt not worketh on the Sabbath, unless you receiveth twice and one half pieces of silver. And thou shalt vieweth inappropriate content in the classroom through hard wire connections as the good Lord intended. Amen  (torontosun.com)	(36)
(Some Cactus)		She's 100 years old today and still hotter than hell Dumber than a sack of wet rocks though  (kuriositas.com)	(83)
		Photoshop theme: Valentine's Day gifts, it's the thought that counts  (en.wikipedia.org)	(13)
		Moody's says F the UK, threatens to leave them on the side of the road without an AAA membership  (reuters.com)	(8)

		Without question the best thing to come out of Bon Iver winning the Best New Artist Grammy are the flood of "Who is Bonnie Bear/Bony Bear?" tweets  (uproxx.com)	(70)
		Gun accident in Florida church leaves pastor's daughter holier than thou  (tampabay.com)	(97)
		The GOP can add 10 million jobs and $15 trillion to the US economy without spending a dime  (finance.townhall.com)	(369)

		You can either watch the correct way to pack your dress clothes into a suitcase without wrinkling, or you can suit yourself  (wimp.com)	(41)
		And you thought it was irksome when your co-workers were always talking about their dogs  (usatoday.com)	(68)
		The world's 10 best sandwiches. Presented without comment  (shortlist.com)	(187)
		Valentine's Day won't just be ruined by your thoughtlessness this year; global warming has resulted in a bad year for chocolate  (latimes.com)	(51)

(Some Guy)		Now that gay marriage is legal in California, the state's Health Department thought it was necessary to print a "how to have gay sex" manual  (fox40.com)	(210)
		Scientists create a robot that needs to shiat. Meanwhile, cancer is still without a cure  (shortlist.com)	(17)
		More than $500,000 rare jewels stolen in a jewelry store heist. It involved burrowing through a wall, disabling alarms, and breaking into a safe. Sort of like Ocean's Eleven but without Julia Roberts  (chicagotribune.com)	(34)

		U.S. House passes the STOCK Act insider trading bill, without all those pesky insider trading provisions  (huffingtonpost.com)	(91)
(Some Guy)		Los Angeles may fine you $1,000 if you throw any object besides a beach ball or volleyball on a beach without a permit. Feel free to throw an objectless fit at no cost, however  (losangeles.cbslocal.com)	(86)

		The pilot of thoroughbred horse racing drama Luck on HBO was missing the traditional ASPCA "no animals were harmed during the filming of this program" blessing. PETA thought you ought to know there's a reason for that  (insidetv.ew.com)	(91)
		Fabio Capello resigns as England soccer coach. Who would have thought an Italian would leave a sinking ship?  (dailymail.co.uk)	(42)
(wistv.com)		Bank of America has achieved the pinnacle of capitalism. They can repossess your property, foreclose on your home, and now they can kill you without repercussion. Bow to your corporate overlords and pay tribute so that they may let you live  (wistv.com)	(116)
		RIAA CEO, in a thoughtful op-ed on SOPA opponents, fairly points out that they were probably all criminals  (nytimes.com)	(585)

		Bank of America Plaza, the tallest building in the American south, faces foreclosure auction on the Atlanta courthouse steps today. AMUSING, OBVIOUS, IRONIC line up to bid  (beta.local.yahoo.com)	(44)
(Some Guy)		Evangelical Christian Group: If a man busted for a half-gram of cocaine in 1988 still can't get a job in 2010 without involving lawyers, there's a problem with the justice system  (breakpoint.org)	(114)

		Off-screen voice: Chad Ochocinco, your team just lost the Super Bowl. What are you going to do next? Chad: I'm going to the Hamilton County Courthouse  (news.cincinnati.com)	(40)
		Louisiana congressman thought an Onion story about Planned Parenthood opening an "$8 Billion Abortionplex" was real. Hey, at least he can read  (uproxx.com)	(129)

		New scratch-and-sniff jeans can be worn for months without washing. What's new about that, you ask? These jeans smell like raspberries, not basement damp and Cheetos dust like yours  (mirror.co.uk)	(25)
		Things to do other than watch the Super Bowl. List fails without the most obvious choice  (gawker.com)	(77)
(Some Guy)		Obama's Dilemma: how to dissuade Israel from bombing Iran without alienating pro-Israeli voters in November. So, the Obama admin has told Israel that the U.S. won't support an attack on Iran... quietly  (ipsnews.net)	(247)

		The latest stupid and possibly dangerous internet craze: Filming yourself trying to eat a teaspoon of ground cinnamon, without water, in under a minute  (mnn.com)	(266)
		Girl Scouts now accept credit cards, still won't accept "No" for an answer, though  (latimes.com)	(93)

(Some Guy)		Dejected bank robber wearing shorts on his head, not covering his face, leaves without money when teller nearly laughs at him. With pic of what a shorts-on-head bank robber looks like  (keysnet.com)	(36)
		10 examples of politicians trying to be funny. Complete with cringe-inducing videos. Tumbleweeds missing though  (shortlist.com)	(23)
		Indiana lawmakers pass last-minute legislation making it more difficult for thousands of men to find hookers for the Super Bowl  (foxnews.com)	(36)

		Intent on losing all 10 of its customers, Spirit Airlines unveils a new $2 fee to protest a new rule allowing passengers to change their flight without penalty  (cnn.com)	(97)
		Repulsive gravity, previously thought by physicists to only emanate from your mom, may be key to understanding dark matter  (physorg.com)	(55)
		Russia's fifth-generation Sukhoi PAKFA T-50 fighter jet loses competition without battle  (english.pravda.ru)	(138)
		Just when you thought college football was on the sidelines, Hope springs eternal ....It's National Signing Day, people  (espn.go.com)	(94)
(Some Guy)		Scientists now able to reconstruct words from thoughts. Subject D. Curtis' experiment results reveal "sex sex beer beer sex beer boobies beer boobies sex sex boobies beer sex beer boobies sex beer boobies" occurs 500 times a minute  (news.sciencemag.org)	(32)
		Spider's detachable penis finishes without him. This comes in handy a lot of the time  (msnbc.msn.com)	(26)

		John thought he could casually walk into the supermarket, pour bleach on the chicken and pork, and slip out without anyone noticing. But something - SOMETHING - made him stand out (w/ mugshot goodness)  (myfoxdc.com)	(121)
		Romney plays the "son of a poor Mexican polygamist" card, hoping to woo Latino voters without waking the slumbering dragon of Orly Taitz  (bostonglobe.com)	(110)
		"...although there are some photos of Manning wearing the number 16... which we're guessing is some kind of FARK Photoshop prank to tease fans of the Buccaneers..." (5th section)  (espn.go.com)	(1)

		You thought we were done with the horrible neighbors that taunted the dying little girl? They're on the Dr. Phil show today  (mlive.com)	(180)
		This just in: Republicans don't like Obama. As in, "hate him with the fire of a thousand suns" dislike. In other news, Bill Gates is rich, Elton John is gay, and the Pacific Ocean is like, wow, really big  (washingtonpost.com)	(235)

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