Source	Fark Headline		Comments
		Thief makes off with Starbucks tip jar containing $25, or enough to buy about half a latte  (ultimateclearlake.com)	(128)
(Missoulian)		If you still can't get credit to buy a home, there's good news: God's issuing mortgages in Montana  (missoulian.com)	(34)

Local man shocked, SHOCKED at penalty for stealing copper  (clickondetroit.com)

(103)

		Thieves steal beloved hamster from school for children with autism. Students describe hamster as 18.375 cm long, weighs 197.901 grams, eats 10.34 grams of sunflower seeds per day, and has 15,728 hairs on its body    (nydailynews.com)	(95)
		Suspect in Auschwitz sign theft to be extradited to Poland, where he will hopefully be able to work off his sentence somehow  (thelocal.se)	(31)

(Providence Journal)

300-pound bronze female sculpture disappears in Rhode Island, possibly headed to the Jersey shore  (projo.com)

(49)

(Some Guy)

FTC reports ID theft complaints drop. Fail to note impossibly long task of cleaning up your credit as primary reason  (redtape.msnbc.com)

(45)

Two pigs stolen from a pub are being held for ransom. Police say they will not negotiate with bacon thieves, have a crack squad of butchers, eggs and toast, on standby  (thesun.co.uk)

(28)

Police looking for a man who stole seven bottles of shampoo from store. With 'Head and shoulders and no neck' mugshot  (buffalonews.com)

(29)

(KYW 1060)

Your mama's so dumb, she got caught shoplifting from QVC  (kyw1060.com)

(82)

		Farmer upset by thefts of potatoes from his fields plant new crop of (a) carrots (b) cabbages or (c) landmines  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(71)
		Auschwitz sign theft suspect arrested in Sweden, prays that work release programs have improved in Poland  (torontosun.com)	(42)
		Cool: Using a front-end loader to clear all your friends' driveways after a big snowstorm. Dumbass: Yeah, he stole it  (baltimoresun.com)	(36)

		Over the highway and into the woods, it's grandmothers crack we smoke  (seacoastonline.com)	(26)
(Some Guy)		Dennis Kucinich urges America to adopt single-payer healthcare, quit stealing his Lucky Charms  (washingtonindependent.com)	(207)

A man, a pickup truck, a theft, a chase, a hospital stay, Panama  (mcall.com)

(51)

(Lancashire Telegraph)

Homeowners capture creepy dude sneaking into bedrooms and masturbating into womens' panties. Bonus: He's the mayor and judging from the mugshot, mayor of Hydrocephalic City  (lancashiretelegraph.co.uk)

(83)

(Bozeman Chronicle)

Police officer delivers stern lecture to man after arresting him for shoplifting school supplies for his kids. Just kidding; after citing and releasing the suspect, the officer used his own money to buy food for the guy's family  (dailychronicle.com)

(229)

Pro-tip: If you're in the military and decide to go AWOL, don't steal an identifiable military Humvee. Pro-tip Bonus: Don't run out of gas  (orlandosentinel.com)

(37)

Thieves sought in massive hay theft. Bale expected to be very high  (wgal.com)

(32)

Police in New Zealand are investigating reports that a boisterous teenage dolphin with a reputation for stealing surfboards and balls from swimmers. Ouch  (cnews.canoe.ca)

(29)

(Some Guy)

Thieves allegedly steal over one million dollars from Usher. I had no idea those dudes made that kind of money  (accesshollywood.com)

(57)

		Mumbai condom vending machines hit by burglars and vandals. Inconceivable    (news.bbc.co.uk)	(97)
(Some Guy)		Some leave office and lead productive lives in the private sector, some get cited for stealing crackers  (fox8.com)	(44)

(OC Register)		Pair suspected of stealing cavity fillings, which authorities claim caries stiff penalties  (ocregister.com)	(62)
		Swedish police bust international ring of left shoe stealing thieves. Daniel Day-Lewis unavailable for comment  (thelocal.se)	(30)

Driver gets ticket from red light camera, sues city for theft. Fark: the lawsuit actually makes sense  (thenewspaper.com)

(295)

		Gallery officials shocked that a $48 million Degas painting was stolen despite such state-of-the-art security procedures as "screwing it to the wall" and "locking the museum doors"    (news.com.au)	(63)
		Gunmen too weak to steal ATM after failing to convert dollars to pounds  (suntimes.com)	(31)

FBI investigates alleged hacking and online theft at Citigroup. Spokesman for Citigroup flatly denies that any of the $24.37, two rubber bands and a bent paper clip has been stolen from Citi's coffers  (google.com)

(57)

If you're traveling through Denver International Airport and find $170,000 laying around, can you give the cops a call? kthxbye  (thedenverchannel.com)

(43)

NJ pharmacist charged with stealing 3,670 Valium. Asked to comment, he said, "Mmmrrrphhlll" and lolled his head around  (nj.com)

(49)

(Some Guy)

DUI suspect at hospital for BAC test gets bored, decides that stealing an ambulance and leading cops on a 50 mile chase would be more fun. w/ yeah, you'd drunkenly hit it mugshot  (ktul.com)

(82)

If you stole the 2400 different ecstasy pills a dutchman painstakingly collected over two decades, don't take the red-and-white ones  (google.com)

(254)

Taking advantage of a city gripped by football fever, thieves launch daring $6m raid. Somebody should really make a film out of this  (news.bbc.co.uk)

(24)

(mlive.com)

Charges against man accused of stealing 3906 bags of stuffing have been sagely dismissed  (mlive.com)

(27)

(VillageSoup.com)

Man gets all fired up from a Clint Eastwood movie and exacts revenge on a hobby store. Get three coffins ready  (knox.villagesoup.com)

(58)

(WBAL Baltimore)

Baltimore Mayor Sheila Dixon convicted of stealing gift cards intended for the poor  (livewire.wbaltv.com)

(169)

(Some Guy)

Not News: People steal video-game account information. News: It's a crime. Fark: The police arrest someone for it  (sophos.com)

(38)

Stealing £315,000 from your quadruple amputee niece's trust fund to buy vacations and jewelry is no way to save your marriage  (dailymail.co.uk)

(74)

		RCMP looking for millions in gold missing from Canada's mint have concluded that there was no theft involved, which leaves a relieved nation with only two alternate explanations: magic or gross incompetence  (canada.com)	(72)
		While you wait in those lines this Friday for bargain deals, thieves are stealing your delivered packages off the porch  (myfoxdc.com)	(98)

Recent immigrants to Canada more likely to be male, younger, better educated, work for smaller companies and undercut wages by $2.28 per hour compared to their Canadian-born counterparts, which explains why they're stealing all the jobs  (cbc.ca)

(131)

Man attacked by assailants intent on stealing loaf of bread. It's a wonder he survived  (signonsandiego.com)

(105)