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Source	Fark Headline		Comments
		As one of the only folks wearing clothing in the nudist resort, Hodges was easily spotted by deputies who arrested him at gunpoint after robbing two clerks at a nearby home improvement store and then stealing a golf cart  (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com)	(35)
(Some Guy)		In an effort to get more loyal customers, bar will serve you a free steak if you buy a drink worth $4 or more. Your dog wants in on the next pub crawl  (dailytelegraph.com.au)	(48)

		Pollsters ask people in Florida who's their favorite baseball team. Survey says: The New York Yankees  (blogs.orlandosentinel.com)	(29)
		Come listen to a story about a man named John / A poor farmer, barely kept his family fed / Then one day he was growin' up some food / And up from the ground came a bubblin' crude / Oil that is, black gold, Kansas tea  (money.cnn.com)	(36)
		With the bases loaded, what do you do against a pitcher that's daydreaming? Triple steal, of course  (deadspin.com)	(20)
		More and more members of Generation Y are discovering that instead of having mom and dad pay for their rent each month, it makes more sense to have mom and dad buy them a house  (couriermail.com.au)	(119)

		One man's insane 17 year quest to change the name of the St. Louis Rams will come to an end when the team moves in a few years  (stltoday.com)	(25)
		The Seattle Sounders are outdrawing 12 English Premier League teams. But they'll totally give that soccer thing up once the Mariners or Seahawks get good again, right? RIGHT?  (espn.go.com)	(140)
		Mitt Romney says teachers are wrong that smaller class sizes help children, also needs your help to find door through maze of desks and drooling kids looking for the overworked teacher curled up in the corner sobbing  (philly.com)	(279)

		Not news: Bill Murray turns down fan's request for autograph. Fark: Bill Murray agrees to star in his short film instead  (gawker.com)	(45)
		Will Zach Parise book his team a ticket to the Stanley Cup Final? Will Ryan Callahan pull a Mark Messier? Are the Kings getting a nice tan while awaiting their opponent? Devils-Rangers Game 6 from the Prudential Center (8:10pm, NBC Sports)  (nhl.com)	(666)
(Lincoln Journal Star)		Old news: Nebraska man convicted of driving while drunk and naked, with truck full of naked passengers. New News: Arrested for stealing 2700 gallons of jet fuel to run his farm equipment. Fark: 1400 gallons of it remain missing  (journalstar.com)	(47)
		UConn Hockey: No matter which team you play for, you can play for our team  (espn.go.com)	(22)
		"NFL locker rooms could be more than ready to not only accept, but embrace homosexual teammates"  (content.usatoday.com)	(126)

		After stealing an iPhone, the best thing to do may not be to post your picture on the Facebook page of the girl you stole it from  (myfoxdc.com)	(69)
		Winless team captures Canadian soccer championship  (tsn.ca)	(49)
(Some Guy)		Worried about thieves stealing your pot stash? Easy solution: invest in a pair of guard-alligators  (local12.com)	(22)
		TeaParty freshmen in congress already received $600k in contributions by banks. Change you can believe in  (dailykos.com)	(65)
		Sources say the Steinbrenners may put the Yankees up for sale. But would they be able to find someone with enough ego to buy the team?  (nydailynews.com)	(44)

		In today's big fat American news, CDC publishes "new (ab)normal" portion-size infographic, featuring bloated pedestrian icons of now instead of trim pedestrian icons of the 1950s  (theatlantic.com)	(74)
		"Child Hugging Priest" told to knock it off, plans to fist kids instead  (big1059.com)	(28)
		The GOP decides it doesn't like tea that much after all  (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(58)
		Subby got a warning, instead of a ticket this morning. Have you ever talked your way out of a ticket before? How? What were you doing wrong?  (fark.com)	(313)
		Orioles' Brian Roberts to begin rehabilitation assignment after spending more than a year recovering from concussion, waiting for rest of team to suck less  (espn.go.com)	(38)
(MyFaceSpacedIn)		PROTIP: IF you are a Disney CM stealing an iPhone from a passenger on the cruise ship, best not take pictures of your fellow CMs, especially if the iPhone is loading directly to Facebook. BONUS: read the comments for added hilarity  (facebook.com)	(102)
		"At least I didn't do the students," says California teacher who was fired after her X-rated porn past was discovered. Bonus: 2-minute clip from one of her films  (thesmokinggun.com)	(80)
(wjhg television)		Embarrassed at getting caught stealing a shopping cart, our intrepid hero tries to redeem his street cred by stealing the clock off the police station wall  (wjhg.com)	(7)
(La Crosse Tribune)		If YouIntroduce yourself on a video where YouAdmit to the crime of stealing a video camera, don't upload it to YouTube, YouWill go to jail. And the article will post the video that YouMade of YouDoing this. YouDumbass  (lacrossetribune.com)	(11)
		Remember how you said Hollywood has run out of ideas? Grant Morrison and Barry Sonnenfeld are teaming up to bring you Dinosaurs Vs Aliens. Suddenly that Gilligan's Island reboot doesn't seem so bad does it?  (io9.com)	(57)

(Some Guy)		Want to know what your kid's teacher gets paid? Ask Citizens for Responsible Government. Want to know who put the salaries of 325 teachers on your windshield? Don't expect an answer from Citizens for Responsible Government  (host.madison.com)	(141)
		Today, in the annals of careers you really should have chosen instead of the one you're doing right now: diet-book writer. A 7 figure deal was made for advice like skipping breakfast and eating broccoli  (newser.com)	(40)
		This nerd could have used his skills to save the world. Instead, he stole some Legos  (betabeat.com)	(36)
		Big Ten Network, which debuted with promise of showing up to 60 hours per week of Big Ten-related academic programming when not televising sports, shifts course, will show 60 more hours of sports instead  (google.com)	(39)
(Some Guy)		Today is World Goth Day. Be sure to not wish any of them a 'Happy' day. Perhaps a 'Have a melancholy, bittersweet day full of tears and poetry' Day  (huffingtonpost.co.uk)	(230)
		Tea Party Patriots' latest IRS filing indicates that they may have filled their fundraising boat with too much money  (motherjones.com)	(26)
		"Game of Thrones" videogames suck, so try spiking these mods on your walls instead  (kotaku.com)	(50)

		There may be good matches on WWE Monday Night Raw. CM Punk and Daniel Bryan may tear the house down again. Christian may make his triumphant return. But it'll all go to hell with Johnny Ace, John Cena, and a crying Giant. 9 PM on USA  (bleacherreport.com)	(lots)
		Grantland's MLB Rankings, Week 7. "You can't call it East Coast bias if AL and NL East teams are categorically better"  (grantland.com)	(75)
		China tests its second 5th-generation stolen stealth fighter with Russian engines that looks like F-22 Raptor  (english.pravda.ru)	(101)
		The Skyfall teaser trailer is everything a teaser trailer should be but without that damn Inception noise  (shortlist.com)	(53)
		YouTube video producer (a/k/a Idiot Teen) filming Hell's Angels on the highway tries to get a close, tight shot. Instead of using camera zoom he uses his accelerator  (abcnews.go.com)	(133)

		Gingrich campaign is currently $5,000,000 in debt, and that's likely to rise after factoring in the cost of jewelry from Tiffany's, fresh souls for Callista, jowl massage, neocon tear transfusions, and daily injections of whine  (nationaljournal.com)	(52)
		16-year veteran QB Jon Kitna now coaching and teaching math in Tacoma's poorest high school, which was his original career aspiration   (seattletimes.nwsource.com)	(37)
		To help Japan and world see "ring" in all its glory, Panasonic team scales Mount Fuji with special equipment to broadcast event live  (google.com)	(9)
		Middle school teacher writes on his Facebook page that homosexuality is tantamount to murder. What, he shouldn't have said that?  (huffingtonpost.com)	(250)
		Japanese officials to small NJ town: "We'd be much obliged if you'd tear down your memorial to abused 'comfort women' of WWII." NJ town: "How about 'NO'... and btw, welcome to the Streisand Effect"  (japantoday.com)	(198)

		School board takes courageous stand, says "it's up to teachers to decide whether students' clothes or haircuts are appropriate"  (nydailynews.com)	(64)
(WSVN)		Who wants to volunteer to teach TSA employees to not play with the pepper spray they've just confiscated?  (wsvn.com)	(28)
		Man steals swan eggs and scrambles them, now finds goose cooked  (clickorlando.com)	(66)
(Some Guy)		SWAT team arrests Chicago protesters for the heinous crime of...making beer. Glad we're safe from THAT particular scourge  (chicago.cbslocal.com)	(241)
		The reason so many men these days aren't vegetarians is because Charles Bronson and John Wayne spent so much time eating bloody steaks and charred burgers while sitting around in bacon-stitched robes  (mnn.com)	(110)

		'Nuff people say, you know they can't believe, Jamaica, we have a hockey team  (sports.yahoo.com)	(32)
(Some Guy)		Seriously, who is able to steal 110 feet of railroad tracks?  (abc27.com)	(105)
		TV news anchor accused of stealing his neighbor's patio chairs, carpet, and scotch  (sun-sentinel.com)	(20)
		The Tao of John Tortorella: Yes. No. Plenty. We'll keep it in the room. Next question. It just does. We're fine. This isn't golf, this is a team sport. That's ridiculous. No. It just does  (sports.nationalpost.com)	(29)
		The Baltimore Orioles are the first team in MLB to reach 25 wins. Raise your hand if you saw that coming. You don't count, Mr. Showalter  (scores.espn.go.com)	(74)
		Florida evangelist "Apostle Tito" is targeted by members of "Satan's team", or as the rest of us would put it, is arraigned in federal court on child molestation charges  (clickorlando.com)	(54)

		Not news: Bartender walks female patron home. News: Thief tries to steal her purse. Fark: Bartender fights him off, gets stabbed eight times. Totalfark: He has no health insurance; the bar is hosting a fundraiser to pay his bills. Can we help?  (wtop.com)	(132)
		Greek government denies there is a run on the bank as everybody looks to cash out euros now instead of taking drachmas later  (usatoday.com)	(65)
		Team trainers to player hit by wild pitch: "Who are you?" Player to trainers: "I am Batman"  (tampabay.rays.mlb.com)	(73)
(The Big Picture)		Brief history of how lobbyists and banks whittled away at Glass-Steagall over time until it was gone. Kind of like Lisa and Bart saying "Can we have a pool, Dad?" until Homer relents  (ritholtz.com)	(74)
		A steal of home plate is great. It's even better when it gives you a walk-off win (w/video)  (deadspin.com)	(57)

(TSP)		Man visits campus on a stolen bike, steal sodas, says he's going to the library to study but can't remember what he's studying, later found on another bicycle with a stolen sandwich, gets arrested. The circle of dumbass is complete  (thestarpress.com)	(11)
		Alcoholidays, mirthquakes, and other portmanteaux that sadly did not catch on  (mentalfloss.com)	(31)
		"You go vertical into the light, and suddenly, instead of gray and dark, it's light and blue. You are totally connected with the elements. You are in another world. I want to live that again"  (sportsillustrated.cnn.com)	(21)
		Let's face it, staycations are so last year. How about a nakation instead?  (travel.usatoday.com)	(76)
(Some Guy)		Mother outraged that a teacher allegedly molested her 16-year-old son. Father also complains that his shoulder is sore from all the high-fiving  (northjersey.com)	(36)
		Sacha Baron Cohen may not be your cup of tea, but you have to admit he commits to a character 100% when promoting his movies  (telegraph.co.uk)	(58)
		Student: It's hot, can we turn the AC on? Teacher: Of course - just one question - what is equal to the sum of the squares of the two legs of a right triangle?  (myfoxdc.com)	(85)
		Four Alabama men fined for stealing cultural artifacts. In other news, proof now exists that at some time in the remote past, there was actually some culture in Alabama  (wrcbtv.com)	(40)
		Has YOUR President scored the game-winning goal against a team of Russian Hockey Legends? Pootie-Poot has  (video.msnbc.msn.com)	(37)
		You are the home plate umpire, and you are restarting a game after a rain delay. Here's your checklist: 1. Home Team on the field 2. Visiting team at bat. 3. Mask. 4. Indicator....oh, thats right, 5. The rest of your crew  (mlb.mlb.com)	(6)
		After getting caught shoplifting an 18 pack of Bud Light from a store, man admits to the cops that it was "a bad decision." No word if he's talking about the act of stealing or the type of beer he stole  (nwfdailynews.com)	(61)
(Some Player)		Church Softball team dropped from league because preacher plays for both teams  (ksdk.com)	(85)
		New cut of beef discovered: "The flavor is comparable to the New York Strip Steak. It does not require aging or marinating to achieve tenderness." Kinda makes you wonder... What else have those damn cows been holding out on us?  (gizmodo.com)	(195)

(Houston Press)		Teacher fired after rant about Jesus, Mary Magdalene, UFOs and the Apocalypse, none of which was on the standardized test  (blogs.houstonpress.com)	(89)
		ESPN relaunches 30 for 30, this time with short films instead of full length documentaries. They start out with the most depressing goddamn film they have - a day in the life of Pete Rose  (grantland.com)	(183)
		What does a judge say to a 26-year-old who abandoned children to have sex with a 13-year old? a) life without parole. b) chemical castration. c) if you were male, I'd send you to prison, but instead here's a little probation  (mysanantonio.com)	(168)

		Eighteen-year-old hottie makes incredible recovery from brain tumor operation which left her unable to walk, talk or eat. She's now studying to be a teacher, presumably to have sex with her students (w/pics)  (thesun.co.uk)	(85)
		To the distant, tearful strains of the world's smallest violin, we learn that Facebook is cutting into the hard-earned SMS profits of carriers  (news.yahoo.com)	(31)
		Ne-Yo says he did not steal from The Game, though we all just lost it  (tmz.com)	(18)
		Dale Hunter steps down as coach of Washington Capitals. Team captain Alex Ovechkin looking forward to playing more than 15 minutes a game  (washingtonpost.com)	(43)
(Some Guy)		New pro-vegan children's book teaches that eating meat will destroy the Earth and everyone we love. Naturally, some experts have a problem with this  (kripalu.org)	(377)
		As we have sanitized our public schools from prayer, from displays of the Ten Commandments, from any teaching that can be associated with biblical sources, we've put government monopoly power behind moral relativism  (townhall.com)	(179)
		The Tea Party may throw Mitch McConnell out of his leadership post for being too compromising with the Democrats  (salon.com)	(101)
		If you can't argue with Paul Krugman on economics, why not complain about how he doesn't like your opinion instead?  (thedailybeast.com)	(263)

		Powdered Toast-Man would be on the team  (io9.com)	(18)
		Team of specialist archaeologists spend three months creating replica of Bronze Age boat, only to work out that a boat specialist may have been fractionally more useful  (bbc.co.uk)	(41)

		You're a dedicated copper thief if you can steal four miles of the stuff  (seattlepi.com)	(69)
(Some Guy)		Welcome to the world, Benjamin Holtby. Will the CAPS netminder secure a spot for his team in the NHL Eastern Conference Finals? Or will the Rangers end a 15-year drought? We shall see tonight at 7:30pm ET  (m.nbcwashington.com)	(lots)
		Author correctly identifies Instagram as the Country Fried Steak of photography  (pcmag.com)	(130)
		Georgia's top racketeering investigator assigned to investigate kids cheating on school tests. All other organized crime to be solved by that mean old lady who teaches third grade  (ajc.com)	(42)

		Indiana Pacers coach Frank Vogel becomes America's favorite basketball coach by saying nine little words about the Miami Heat - "They are the biggest flopping team in the NBA"  (espn.go.com)	(83)
		Man crashes Bobcat loader into store to steal deodorant. Police plan to charge him with first degree theft and encouraged the store to ban him for life  (chicagotribune.com)	(52)
		Assemble a team of superheroes for a rip-off movie of The Avengers  (google.com)	(29)
		Orioles' wacky, unusual season continues as they become first team in AL history to open a game with three straight home runs, beating Texas 6-5. FARK: Orioles team gets only five hits--all home runs  (mlb.mlb.com)	(45)

(WLKY)		Students use phone to video under teacher's dress, then post it on YouTube. This is definitely going on their permanent record  (wlky.com)	(104)
		Tea Party-backed candidate who defeated Dick Lugar (R-IN) in GOP Senate primary says that bipartisanship is "Democrats coming to the Republican point of view"  (thinkprogress.org)	(129)
		Virginia Attorney General and Tea-Party darling Ken Cuccinelli has heated interview with Bill O'Reilly. Who do you think is the 'winner'?  (wtkr.com)	(60)
		Catholic high school baseball team chooses to forfeit the title game rather than play against a team that has a girl on the squad. Seriously. "They believe that a girl's place is not on a field"  (azcentral.com)	(412)
		Republicans: Hey Dems, we want to keep student loan interest rates low too, we just want to take the money from preventative cancer screening programs instead of the wealthy, why are you so obstructionist?  (forbes.com)	(105)
		Lin case there were any Lingering doubts, Lin will be an Linportant part of the Knicks team next year  (espn.go.com)	(40)
(Some Guy)		To the untrained ear, Barkley was making a playful jab. But to the expert that is earus teabagus, one hears the truth: Charles Barkley wants to kill the next POTUS and rape his children, because they're white  (godfatherpolitics.com)	(103)
		Vegas now has point spreads for 240 of the 256 games of the upcoming NFL season. See how many wins Vegas predicts your team to have (or not, if you're a Browns fan)  (sports.yahoo.com)	(92)
		Sixth graders made porn video at Mexican school. As this happened in Mexico and not the U.S., no teachers were involved  (hosted.ap.org)	(99)

		Apparently, the idea of making misbehaving students wear those cone thingies that dogs wear so they don't chew themselves to death hasn't gotten old for teachers in Florida. Dug surrenders  (wtsp.com)	(59)
		When Breitbart blogger told a Tea Party crowd they had to kill Sen. Claire McCaskill (D-MO) because she's an "evil monster," he didn't mean they had to actually KILL her. Why do you libs have to take everything so seriously?  (mediamatters.org)	(147)
		Health workers are advised that calling overweight patients obese could be seen as "derogatory". Instead it might be better to suggest they obtain a 'healthier weight'  (thesun.co.uk)	(175)
(Northern Star)		Rugby player runs down thief attempting to steal his ute. What is a ute?  (northernstar.com.au)	(50)
		Tennessee tow-truck maker finds out Scottish soccer fans aren't as welcoming as had been promised, changes mind about buying team. Glasgow Rangers fans rejoice with their nearly £200 million debt  (wrcbtv.com)	(13)
		Dick Lugar does not go gently into that good night, lashes out at the Tea Party upstart who defeated him, giving Democrats plenty of ammunition for the November election  (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(147)

		Teabagger puts Dick down  (cbsnews.com)	(438)
		Industries dependent on massive government handouts to even pretend that they make a profit, upset at these Tea Party people think that the government shouldn't prop up failing industries in favor of successful companies  (hotair.com)	(73)
(Some Guy)		Cool: Mark Reynolds hits his first home run of the year. Cooler: Teammates give him the silent treatment. Fark: Reynolds leaves his coach hanging  (camdenchat.com)	(39)
(Chronicle of Higher Education)		How's that Ph.D. in medieval history workin' out for ya? "I find it horrifying that someone who stands in front of college classes and teaches is on welfare"  (chronicle.com)	(485)
		On this day in 1886, someone looking for a pain reliever instead found the recipe for the most disgusting pop on the market, Coke  (wired.com)	(175)
		Bowling alley bandits steal $30,000 in brazen robbery. Article has devastating puns-per-paragraph value and mugshot you can add to your collection  (huffingtonpost.com)	(34)

		Beyonce: "My biggest thing is to teach Blue not to focus on the aesthetic." But first, this L'Oreal commercial  (celebitchy.com)	(70)
		I think every Monday should start with Felicia Day trying on steampunk fashions  (youtube.com)	(70)
		MLB power rankings. Come for the Orioles at #3, stay for the four NL Central teams in the bottom 10  (grantland.com)	(59)
(IBD)		Right-wing blogodome outrage du jour for Monday, May 7: Obama congratulated newly elected French President Francois Hollande after his victory yesterday instead of nuking Paris and killing Jerry Lewis  (news.investors.com)	(285)
		ABC, Univision to create Hispanic news channel. Prime-time dream-team lineup would include 1970's Charo, that guy from the Dos Equis commercials, Bumblebee Guy from the Simpson's and Glenn Beck  (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(153)
		Man breaks into house, steals homeowner's gun and wakes him up with it. Homeowner is an ex-MMA fighter. You already know the rest  (azcentral.com)	(138)
		Nationals' Bryce Harper demonstrates how to steal home ... during a pickoff  (deadspin.com)	(82)

Chelsea and Liverpool try and prove the seasons isn't a complete loss, a Manchester team slips up and Wenger flaps his arms. Its a joint FA Cup Final and weekend EPL thread. Let the banter commence  (bbc.co.uk)

(416)

Disabled vet is told he'll never walk unassisted again, gives up and turns into huge fatty. Along comes a yoga instructor who proves doctors wrong.. All right, who set off the tear gas canister in here?  (liveleak.com)

(79)

		Dick Lugar (R-eally wishing his party wasn't crazy) losing to Tea Party challenger   (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(105)
		France surrenders 7 goals as US hockey team skates to victory  (espn.go.com)	(99)
		After being completely ignored because of Wednesday's 3OT game in Washington, both Nashville & Phoenix agree to do the smart thing & be the only teams playing tonight. Faceoff @ 7:30 Eastern  (tsn.ca)	(318)
		Clear your desks, get out a sharpened pencil, and get off your hot teacher for a moment--it's time for this week's Fark Weird News Quiz  (fark.com)	(24)
		Reading and Southampton have already joined, and now West Ham, Birmingham City, Blackpool, and Cardiff fight to be the last team promoted to the Greatest Show on Earth. The Championship playoffs start today, here's your thread   (footballleagueblog.dailymail.co.uk)	(55)
(Some Guy)		Argentine's Field Hockey team upset someone slipped one into their goalie  (digibet.info)	(30)
		George Zimmerman's legal team advised him to shut down his donation site... until they realized that they could scam boatloads of money from dumb racists and have put the website back online   (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(337)
		When committing a felony burglary, you might as well blow it out and steal only the most expensive stuff. A couple of rolls of toilet paper, for instance  (blogs.tcpalm.com)	(19)
(Some Valedictorian)		Hot teacher took 16-year-old boy's virginity in classroom closet, refused to give him extra credit in her class  (dumbassdaily.com)	(181)
(Some WV Guy)		If you're going to steal copper wire, make sure it's not connected to the police department  (wvgazette.com)	(29)
		Species of bee that likes to drink human tears recently discovered in and around Politics tab  (dailymail.co.uk)	(53)

		Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul film first promo for Breaking Bad's fifth season, and yes, it's the cruelest kind of tease imaginable  (warmingglow.uproxx.com)	(50)
		Tea Party candidate dies during forum at Homer's Smorgasbord. That is all  (610wiod.com)	(118)
		Nothing to see here, just a dead retired Teamster with $180,000 in cash in a backpack. Happens all the time  (nj.com)	(29)
		The Prodigy's new album to be titled "How to Steal a Jet Fighter." Between that and starting all those fires, they're not very responsible  (nme.com)	(20)
		Popular restaurant often used to host political fund-raisers hasn't paid its utility bills since opening. The city has been "mistakenly" picking up the tab instead. "There is no inside job" says the restaurant owner  (philly.com)	(19)
(Right Wing Watch)		Remember David Barton's appearance this week on The Daily Show? When he spoke about a five year old who was yelled at by a teacher for praying before eating his lunch in the school cafeteria? Yeah, about that  (rightwingwatch.org)	(192)
		Coach with speech impediment named to head England's national soccer team. The Sun is thewe  (smh.com.au)	(13)

		Cop steals from car at Disney World, will be sentenced to five hours on "It's a Small World"  (news.com.au)	(61)
		Green Mountain stock now a steaming pile of brown  (marketwatch.com)	(25)
		Why does god hate the 1994 Chargers? Seau is the 8th member of that team to die before age 45. One teammate was killed after being struck by lightning, twice  (deadspin.com)	(34)
		Home health aide guilty of stealing nearly $800K from elderly woman. Thank you for being a fiend  (nypost.com)	(70)
(Some Future Ditch Digger)		Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning not to assault and attempt to rob a teacher in the school cafeteria?  (owingsmills.patch.com)	(75)
(Some Guy)		Missouri's GOP-controlled Legislature: we want to pass a "Don't say gay" bill. MO Republican lawmaker: Then can I say "I AM gay" instead? Because I just did  (columbiatribune.com)	(185)
		Major donors to Scott Walker's re-election campaign include a Vegas casino mogul, big players in the financial industry, and an NBA team owner. Very few actual Wisconsinites however  (businessweek.com)	(130)
		Good news: City Comptroller did not steal $30 million from the city over the course of ten years. Bad news: City Comptroller stole $53 million from the city over the course of twenty years  (qctimes.com)	(127)

		Boston Celtics hope to level in Atlanta, a Rose-less Chicago Bulls will try to stay ahead of Philadelphia in the series, and Denver will try to steal a game from the Lakers. It's your occasional NBA playoffs thread. Games start at 7:30pm EST  (espn.go.com)	(174)
		With the rest of the world resting the Devils went down to Philly, looking for a win to steal....Not in a bind but they were one behind and looking to make a deal. Devils at Flyers, 7:30PM ET  (nhl.com)	(542)
		Bank robber admits to stealing silver chalice. He chose... poorly  (nj.com)	(44)
		So you know that impending student loan rate crisis that's about to destroy our nation and has both parties tearing each other apart (again)? Yeah, turns out it's not really much of a crisis at all  (usatoday.com)	(147)
		Instead of making a crappy movie based on fake events, why didn't Hollywood use a real story of Edgar Allan Poe's art being imitated by life?  (ramblingbeachcat.com)	(24)
(WJLA.com)		"Hello, 911? Yes, I'm calling to report a home robbery." "Okay, sir, what did they steal?" "My weed." "Your what?"  (wjla.com)	(20)
		Dear Judge: Eddie didn't mean to steal that seven thousand dollars from those children. He just had a brain tumor. Thanks for understanding. Sincerely, Eddie's doctor  (mysanantonio.com)	(28)
		Teacher facing charges after dragging boy, 12, under table saying 'This is what the Nazis do to Jews''. Her lawyer contends it was simply a Holocaust lesson gone bad  (dailymail.co.uk)	(90)
(Some Guy)		Not news: Geek who never missed a day of school since kindergarten is graduating soon, valedictorian, and wants to study engineering. Fark: She's also captain of the cheerleading team, and yes, there's a photo  (westhawaiitoday.com)	(240)

		Actual quote from man held hostage by German Nymphomaniac. He fought back tears to tell them: "I met her on a bus. She invited me back here. It was hell. I can't walk. Please help me"  (thesun.co.uk)	(209)
		Not news: Clippers go down 27. News: To Memphis. Fark: Both teams actually made the playoffs. HOLY MOTHER OF FARK: Clippers come back to win  (sports.yahoo.com)	(120)
		Three weeks ago, a nurse told Woody Roseland that he was cancer-free, and Jeremy Guthrie had no one to throw the ball around with. A few tweets later, Jeremy's teaching Woody how to pitch dust right into submitter's eye  (espn.go.com)	(18)
		Khloe & Lamar pull the plug on their spin off reality show, plan to focus on Animal Planet's "Finding Bigfoot" instead  (tmz.com)	(24)
(Some Guy)		In the NHL playoffs, Canada's Team is the Phoenix Coyotes  (vancouversun.com)	(77)

		Not wanting to be left out of the fun a teacher's aide has been arrested for sending nude photos to 16 year-old students because she 'enjoyed the attention'. With you'd hit it with your ruler picture  (dailymail.co.uk)	(104)
		Will the team of John Cena and Diverticulitis defeat Brock Lesnar? Can CM Punk quit crying and cutting himself long enough to face Chris Jericho? Will Daniel Bryan's match last more than 18 seconds? It's WWE Extreme Rules, 8 PM on PPV  (sports.yahoo.com)	(lots)
(Some Guy)		All that hubub last week about the new Google Drive ToC allowing them to steal your stuff? Turns out their competitors all do the same thing, just with "more artful language"  (informationweek.com)	(14)
		The Orioles are one of the best teams in baseball? Well played, Mayans  (baltimoresun.com)	(45)

		Turns out that dark matter may be giving us a stealth ass kicking  (msnbc.msn.com)	(48)
(Some Guy)		Rep. John Dingell (D - Michi...Wait..It means what?) We switched the meaning of the familiar political term of "teabagger" to another, alternate meaning. Let's see what happens  (thedailydolt.com)	(106)
(Some Guy)		The face of the Tea Party in PA  (post-gazette.com)	(253)
		How far will Lamar Miller's draft free fall take him? Who will be the 2012 Mr. Irrelevant? Which teams will be talking about Colt McCoy? NFL Draft: Part III - Rounds 4-7 (Begins at 12:00 PM ET)  (espn.go.com)	(754)
		Teacher arrested after losing his iPad in a Wal-Mart. Apparently, the iPad had all his videos of 8th grade girls changing in the locker room  (clickorlando.com)	(120)

		The US is quietly positioning a lot of stealth aircraft near Iran. October surprise anyone?  (wired.com)	(459)
		One heck of a first round wasn't it? While the Senators & Panthers are dusting their golf clubs off, the eight surviving teams stagger forward once more. NHL Playoffs Round Two starts tonight, Nashville vs. Phoenix 9pm (Eastern)  (tsn.ca)	(580)
		What do a bikini, a Domino's pizza, Mountain Dew pajamas, a baseball glove, and Pokémon trading cards have in common? Play TSG's 'match the shoplifter with the item they attempted to steal' and find out  (thesmokinggun.com)	(45)
		Men charged with stealing thousands of dollars worth of printer ink. Police say both cartridges were successfully recovered  (sltrib.com)	(56)
		How meaningless is the final week of the NBA regular season? Golden State Warriors become the first NBA team in modern history to start five rookies in one game  (sfgate.com)	(74)
		Hot teacher wants to be fruitful and multiply, forgoes the bang-a-student route and instead pursues IVF with her husband. Ends up fired by her Catholic employer. Bonus points: still hot. Lightning round: suing the diocese. (tag for the employer)  (cnn.com)	(422)
		Team behind Tupac hologram consider a Bieber/Elvis duo. In other news, entire state of Tennessee being powered by spinning grave  (mtv.com)	(52)

		Welcome to Walmart. May I help you steal some televisions?  (wftv.com)	(76)
(Some Guy)		New high score set for speed on highway to hell: Convicted sex offender sent to prison for stealing video games from a children's cancer ward  (charlotteobserver.com)	(47)
(MyrtleBeachOnline)		Someone breaks into woman's apartment, steals movie and eats her doughnut. Cop said the burglar did her a favor since it was a Tyler Perry movie that was stolen, but they will definitely be investigating the missing doughnut  (myrtlebeachonline.com)	(28)
		Sean Payton will coach his son's football team; no word yet on ACL for Gummi Bear scandal  (nola.com)	(29)
		NFL Pro Bowl to be cancelled, but teams will still honor Pro Bowl incentives. Captured on video, this would make a better 3.5 hours of television  (nfl.com)	(56)
(Some Sahd Bahstan Folks)		Bruins fans react to their team's elimination in the Stanley Cup with dignity and grace. Just kidding, they go on a Twitter rampage, calling the game-winning goal scorer "the n*****"  (chirpstory.com)	(277)
		Chandler Jones' draft stock has been steadily rising recently, and might go in the first round tonight. It can't hurt that one older brother is an NFL lineman and his other older brother is Jon Jones  (sports.yahoo.com)	(12)
		Marlins become first team in MLB history to walk four consecutive batters with four different pitchers  (sports.yahoo.com)	(20)

		Fox & Friends wonder why President Obama didn't "soft rock" the news instead  (huffingtonpost.com)	(234)
(Fox Sports)		Minor league team runs promotion offering free tickets to fans who can throw harder than Jamie Moyer. More than 80 try, none succeed  (foxsportsnorth.com)	(105)
		It's not bullying when teachers do it, right? Bonus: autism. Super secret bonus: audio  (shine.yahoo.com)	(273)

(cfnews13.com)		Two men arrested for trying to steal soda machine, will be sent to Pound-Me-in-the-Can Prison  (cfnews13.com)	(30)
(Some Guy)		Teams told not to announce picks before podium announcement  (macsfootballblog.com)	(4)
		Here's what will NOT get you fired from the Fargo, N.D., Police Department: a) Having sex with a teenager in your squad car, and b) leaving your squad car unlocked, allowing a thief to steal handcuffs, Taser, ammo and bulletproof vest  (duluthnewstribune.com)	(90)
(Some Guy)		When you're on the run for killing an armored truck guard and stealing $2 million, don't brag about it in a crack house, especially in, well, take a wild guess  (cbspittsburgh.com)	(27)
(Some Guy)		If you ever wanted to see Stephen Colbert completely eviscerate a man and feast on his still-steaming entrails, all while wearing a smile, here it is  (colbertnation.com)	(182)
		How to make your own infused vodka in days ... instead of weeks  (lifehacker.com)	(38)

(q13)		Aside from the seven-month winters, douchebag cyclists, crappy interstate, useless sports teams, liberal politics and water, Seattle is pretty popular  (q13fox.com)	(124)
		The Donkos, Ravens, and Buccaneers are using iPads instead of the traditional hard copy playbook. So far the most used play is "Angry Birds Split Option Z Left"  (denverpost.com)	(77)
		Assistant principal, teacher, college access advisor, registrar, and three guidance counselors suspended from school for drinking. While on the senior trip. On a cruise. In the Bahamas  (wrcbtv.com)	(86)
		Texas Mom who put an ad on a billboard in an unsucessful attempt to get her daughter elected prom queen now says her daughter is being "harrassed" and teased by fellow students. Gee, who could possibly have forseen that?  (abcnews.go.com)	(75)
		When a high school teacher pulls a handgun and fires blanks at students to get their attention, it might be time for him to think about retirement. Just sayin'  (newser.com)	(80)
		Not News: Guy arrested at McDonald's. News: He was charged with a felony and faces five years in prison. Fark: He was arrested because he asked for a cup of water, but put soda in it instead  (wptv.com)	(264)
(Some Guy)		Bad: Getting arrested for stealing scrap metal. Worse: Getting arrested for stealing scrap metal twice in one day. Fark: Posing for this picture after getting arrested  (norwichbulletin.com)	(36)

		If you're going to steal an airplane, be sure to fully untie it first  (nbclosangeles.com)	(62)
		Where to get the best steaks in the US. What, no Sizzler? (warning: slideshow)  (foodandwine.com)	(233)
		35-year-old Milf cries tears of diamonds. The Sun is there, making her eyes all sparkly (w/pic)  (thesun.co.uk)	(167)

		Orrin Hatch falls to the Tea Party, will now be forced to run for reelection   (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(79)
		New study suggests lengthening the school day. Teachers immediately cite 8th Amendment, covering cruel and unusual punishment  (washingtonpost.com)	(132)
(Some Guy)		Man becomes irate after learning the officer coming to his aid was not the Son of God, steals his car  (jacksonsun.com)	(11)
(MSNBC)		California State university student gets a head start on his career as a politician by stealing 700 voter IDs to win President of Student Government  (technolog.msnbc.msn.com)	(30)

		Tom Davis (R-ret.): There are still centrist Republicans out there, but I won't name a single one because they'll probably lose their next primary to some Tea Partier  (washingtonpost.com)	(120)
		LMFAO sued by former management team ROF  (starpulse.com)	(37)
		In a world where America fights to remain in front: Talking pineapple question on state exam stumps Students, Teachers and Principals  (nydailynews.com)	(338)
		George Zimmerman bail set at $150,000, or about 75,000 bags of Skittles and cans of Arizona Iced Tea  (news.blogs.cnn.com)	(1335)
		Fark ready headline of the day (and future motion picture): "Friends 'broke into zoo, stripped to their underwear to swim with dolphins before stealing a penguin' on drunken night out"  (dailymail.co.uk)	(50)
(Some Guy)		Why is it all tourist videos show the chunky guy in shorts going for a dip instead of the hot babe in a bikini? And, oh yeah, accidental UFOs  (news.gather.com)	(110)
		Rupert Murdoch's method to deal with bugging scandal? Bug Rebekah Brooks' office and have a team of reporters spy and try to dig up dirt on her. Excellent Smithers  (thestar.com)	(33)
		"...dudes actually become even more dude-like while watching their beloved teams compete"  (bodyodd.msnbc.msn.com)	(6)
		NCAA seeks to rename University of Oregon football team the Smokin' Ducks  (espn.go.com)	(21)
(Some Guy)		One man tries beating recession by stealing only pickup truck tailgates. Cops helpfully point out they can be resold for as much as $4,500 and can be popped off in 15 seconds  (calgaryherald.com)	(75)

(Some Fan)		Best football coach of best college football team gets 5 year, $11.7 million dollar contract. Duke sucks  (ktvb.com)	(59)
		California school board fires high school science teacher, deciding that her appearances in Big Sausage Pizza videos were not the equivalent of a master's degree (Borderline NSFW images in article)  (thesmokinggun.com)	(546)
(NJ101.5)		There's no harm in telling a girl she's "too sexy" for the gym right? Unless he's 40, she's in second grade and you're her teacher... Then you're uh, suspended  (nj1015.com)	(91)
(Redneck Riviera)		Number 1 thing to do in Myrtle Beach: Steal a reporter's mic during a live television broadcast and shout out the "N" word for your homies. With mug shot goodness  (myrtlebeachonline.com)	(101)
		Instead of teasing fans over the course of ten weeks, Netflix announces it will stream every episode from the new season of Arrested Development at once. See? There is always money in the banana stand  (deadline.com)	(61)
(Some Guy)		"I realize it is 2012 and you run out of things to write about, but we should be in a position where we are trying to help and lift up and support a player like Tiger Woods, instead of tearing him down"  (geoffshackelford.com)	(40)
		How do you stop Christiano Ronaldo and Real Madrid? Steal the best player's shoes right before the match, that's how  (telegraph.co.uk)	(11)
		Democratic strategist to Tea Partier live on Fox News "You don't know what the F**K you are talking about"  (youtube.com)	(260)

		Romance between 41-year-old teacher, and his 18-year-old student that was on, then off, is now back on. Charges of abusing another girl cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while  (azcentral.com)	(88)
		Yankees finally give in, will be the last team in the four major sports to wear a throwback uniform when they play in Boston on Friday  (nj.com)	(52)
		For most MLB teams, a six run inning resulting in a seven run lead midway through the ballgame would almost guarantee a victory. The Seattle Mariners? They can't even hold that lead into their next at-bat  (scores.espn.go.com)	(28)
		Security guard arrested for stealing Tom Petty's guitars. Police say he ran from them, but after yelling "Hey, give it up--stop" the man complied  (huffingtonpost.com)	(62)
		Shouldn't everyone be smart enough to NOT steal the bait car that's been blatantly set up mere feet away from a squad of several cop cars that are in plain sight? Yes, but this guy isn't everyone  (trutv.com)	(67)
		Huffington Post gives FARK a hat tip about a man accused of stealing the ashes of a woman's dead sister and threatening to "snort them"  (huffingtonpost.com)	(0)

		Day 7: Two teams look to even things up, while one series gets a change of scenery. FLA/NJD @ 7, NSH/DET @ 7:30, and PHX/CHI @ 9:00 EDT. It's your Stanley Cup Discussion Thread  (nhl.com)	(1454)
		Batman and Jay-Z team up to solve 99 problems  (comicsalliance.com)	(41)
		Man steals woman's purse at funeral, puts items in his underwear (with 'he was obviously on drugs' mug)  (wishtv.com)	(9)
		Upon realizing they have no other option, the Tea Party is starting to warm up to Mitt Romney  (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(202)
(Guitar World)		In a market saturated by cheap Chinese instruments, Guitar World magazine lowers the bar even further by teaching guitarists how to make their own guitar for $25 from a cigar box and stick  (guitarworld.com)	(191)
		Apparently so many teachers are having sex with their students that the U.S. Fish and Wildlife office has had to start busting pervs  (katu.com)	(47)

		Tea Party speaker: "We will not be silenced by f*ggots." Clearly this is a tea-party colloquialism that somehow relates to economic issues. Perhaps he meant "Keynesian acolytes"  (huffingtonpost.com)	(503)
		Tips for aspiring thieves: 1) Bring a getaway car so you don't have to steal one when cops are running after you, 2) leave your bong at home, and 3) take something more valuable than frozen fish  (blogs.tcpalm.com)	(43)
(WHNS)		Middle school suspends 13-year-old girl for red hair. Was it non-human red? Only her gym teacher knows for sure  (foxcarolina.com)	(276)
		Dwyane Wade in post-game interview discusses the game, his teammates, and the particular shade of dress the sideline reporter is wearing  (youtube.com)	(16)
		Today's HOT teacher that 'had sex with a student while her daughter slept in the same bed' comes to you from White Hall, Arkansas  (dailymail.co.uk)	(110)

(Some Guy)		Will Team Bischoff defeat team Bischoff? Will Robert Roode run outta luck? Will the Motorcity Machine Guns become tag champs once again? It's TNA Lockdown, where every match is in a cage. Live on PPV 8 pm  (impactwrestling.com)	(414)
		While the media was obsessed with #Occupy's antics, the tea party was busy with the -really- freaky shiat: meetings. Going over legislative records, following debates, arguing with each other, preparing candidates. And no drum circles. Ew  (newser.com)	(280)
		Former TSA chief thinks passengers should be allowed to bring knives onboard planes. "It is time to end the TSA's use of well-trained security officers as kindergarten teachers to millions of passengers a day"  (dailymail.co.uk)	(228)

		Senator Orrin Hatch (R-eally pissed) is "doggone offended" by "radical libertarians," threatens to punch them in the mouth. Ah, the sound of a neo-con where the tea party is challenging his incumbency  (reason.com)	(232)
		Don't be Blue St. Louis, it happens to every team. NHL Playoffs day 4, SJ @ STL (7:30), WAS @ BOS (3:00), OTT @ NYR (7:00), CHI @ PHX (10:00) ET  (nhl.com)	(1777)
		Romney adviser says his "private views" aren't necessarily the same as what he professes in public. How do you like your nominee now, Teabaggers?  (washingtonpost.com)	(132)
(Some Guy)		Cool: Teacher prevents kid from getting beat up. Fark: Kid tries to hug the teacher and gets written up for it. UltraFark: Teacher grabbed student so roughly to avoid getting hugged that a police report was filed for the marks she left on him  (charlotte.cbslocal.com)	(162)

The problem with the "Buffett Rule" isn't that Warren Buffett's secretary pays more in tax than he does, it's that she's being called a "secretary" instead of an "administrative assistant"  (edition.cnn.com)

(291)

		Court rules it is impossible to steal computer code  (gizmodo.com)	(395)
		Woman steals towel from hotel. And a bedspread. And picture frames, an iron, the ironing board, some rugs, a trash can and the curtains. Oh yeah, and a TV  (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com)	(64)
(Some Guy)		Dear teacher: Even if the student says that the first head-butt didn't hurt, don't do it again  (1035superx.com)	(34)
(Bozeman Comical)		Grad students vote to unionize, say they're employees, not students. Football team points, laughs, tells them to let them know how that works out  (bozemandailychronicle.com)	(167)
		29-year-old teacher hottie arrested for sex with student. Bonus: She's a newlywed (w/mugshot)  (dailymail.co.uk)	(171)

		"Coach of the Year" fired for becoming "Unwed pregnant teacher of the year"  (610wiod.com)	(301)
		Red Sox: Hey, sorry about when you quit and we released a story saying you lost control of the team and you were hepped up on goofballs; please come back for our Fenway 100th birthday party? Terry Francona: LOLNO  (espn.go.com)	(124)
		Teacher loses battle to display "In God We Trust" and "God Bless America" signs in classroom after SCOTUS refuses to hear case. FARK: They've been hanging there since 1982  (big1059.com)	(534)

		Miami Marlins fail to realize that the cold war ended decades ago. Suspend Ozzie Guillen for pro-Castro remarks. Guess the Marlins support the brutal military dictatorship of Batista and old system of racial serfdom instead  (espn.go.com)	(271)
		Anonymous announces plans to tear down several posters belonging to the UK intelligence services  (theregister.co.uk)	(24)
(Some Guy)		Open Letter To My Son's Teacher And Principal  (mushroomprinting.com)	(365)
		CIO for company that specializes in giving drunk drivers a ride home gets arrested for...wait for it...yeah, you guessed it. Sports tag because he's a former All-Pro NFL fullback who's probably played for your team  (espn.go.com)	(18)
(Some Guy)		Spectator tries to steal a beer cup full of sand from the Masters, learns Augusta needs all that extra sand for their vagina  (chronicle.augusta.com)	(53)
(Some Guy)		While on a 9 hour layover in Nashville, guy decides to rob and shoot up the slaughterhouse, set it on fire, crap all over a law office, steal a couple cabs, impersonate a female housekeeper at a hotel, rob some people while crying and then some  (wsmv.com)	(125)
		Team Obama: "We want Romney to release 23 years of his tax returns", Reporter: "Will you release 23 years of tax returns?", Team Obama: "Uh, no"  (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(304)

		You know times are tough when drunks are beating up cripples and stealing their Playboys  (wtsp.com)	(23)
		Can this video help bring to justice a bunch of thugs who beat, punched, kicked, robbed, stripped, and tea-bagged a St. Patrick's day reveler in Baltimore? (not safe for work)  (thesmokinggun.com)	(587)
(MiamiMarlins.com)		The Miami Marlins forgot one thing when they renamed the team  (miamimarlins.com)	(109)
		Thieves steal disabled children's ponies. What were they doing riding disabled ponies anyway?  (theage.com.au)	(95)

		Hot chick quits Facebook because "peer pressure". *hands out jars* Come Farkers, let us collect her tears and savor their sweet, savory salty taste  (katu.com)	(243)
		Tears, sneers, and a guy with a head like a potato. It's this weeks Mugshot Roundup  (thesmokinggun.com)	(170)
		I PITY THE FOOL who orders their steak well done  (nwfdailynews.com)	(155)
		Teachers threaten to boycott standardized tests for five year olds  (bbc.co.uk)	(71)
		Neil Patrick Harris was almost in Friends. Fortunately, he passed on the offer and managed to have a stellar career instead, unlike the three guys in Friends  (popwatch.ew.com)	(153)
		Dubliners tenor-banjo master Barney McKenna dies at 72 while drinking...tea. See what happens when we Irishmen lay off the sauce?  (telegraph.co.uk)	(22)

		Eighteen-year-old breaks up with former teacher when she finds out she wasn't such a special snowflake after all  (usatoday.com)	(112)
		I'm sure the poor will definitely appreciate cosmetics instead of food  (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(27)
		3rd grader hits half court buzzer beater to make the score 21-4. Team gets victory, coach gets award for lack of sportsmanship  (break.com)	(16)
		15-year-old arrested for trying to steal a Wonder Bra. It was some kind of bust  (nwfdailynews.com)	(50)

(kcra.com)		The former teacher who quit his job and left his family to move in with an 18-year-old student was arrested Friday on a sex charge  (kcra.com)	(88)
		Catholic art teacher fired for posting nude photos online. The diocese won't comment on how they found the photos, but we all know how they found the photos  (cleveland.com)	(56)
		Tennessee governor says all the attention on the asinine legislation his state has been proposing -- everything from not allowing teachers to mention homosexuality to banning lowrider pants -- is obviously the fault of the media  (wrcbtv.com)	(86)
(Some Guy)		Tons of free steaks available in Ontario. Difficulty: Well done  (tbnewswatch.com)	(48)
		College chess team wins national title and then the coach immediately announces she is leaving for a better deal at another school, and is taking the entire team with her. And you thought SEC football dealings were shady  (content.usatoday.com)	(18)
		Ryan Gosling saves British reporter from being run down by a cab in NYC. So of course, instead of thanking him, the reporter uses the opportunity to criticize America's obsession with celebrity culture and its anti-feminist attitudes  (news.yahoo.com)	(132)
		Woman looking to fulfill her "cop fantasy" get DUI charge instead  (azcentral.com)	(32)

		There's 14 games tonight and we may know who the 16 teams to play in the Stanley Cup Playoffs are by the end of the night. That's reason enough for a hockey thread, right? (Puck drop- 7pm EDT)  (grantland.com)	(306)
		John Calipari says he is not interested in coaching another professional basketball team  (tracking.si.com)	(27)
(Some Guy)		If you are going to ask a female student for naked pictures for a better grade, at least do it verbally so you can at least deny the accusations. Silly teacher, texting is for kids  (wfmz.com)	(232)
		Nike: And here are the new uniform designs for all 32 NFL teams. Green Bay Packers: Yeah, about that  (nesn.com)	(66)
		Armed Forces Tea Party, for when your politics are more important than your service  (cbsnews.com)	(199)

		In honor of the recent announcement about a sequel to "Anchorman: the Legend of Ron Burgundy," a local NBC affiliate actually assembles a news team  (youtube.com)	(33)
		"Justified" executive producer Graham Yost teases the upcoming season finale. That's better than teasing an angry Raylan Givens, I suppose (spoilers)  (insidetv.ew.com)	(86)
		This week's "I have crazy eyes" teacher/student sex scandal brought to you by Oregon. With crazy eyes photo included  (katu.com)	(51)
		Federal Appeals Court orders the Obama Administration to have the Constitutional Law Professor President give the judges a teaching moment to explain why 200+ years of precedent is wrong  (cbsnews.com)	(425)
		Rick Santorum claims University of California colleges don't teach American history. Let's see what the (Republican) chair of the history department has to say about that  (gawker.com)	(107)
(Some Guy)		The Baltimore Orioles lose to a community college team. Seriously  (bradenton.com)	(45)

		Forty-three brain-teasers for baseball fanatics. Answers at end of quiz  (nypost.com)	(83)
		Want to see the Tea Partiers have a GOPasm, and watch the Obama campaign go crazy at the same time? Put Condi on the ticket  (realclearpolitics.com)	(291)

		A relatively unproven Patriots backup QB is probably just what this down-and-out AFC team needs. Wait, where have I heard this before?  (bleacherreport.com)	(20)
		In what universe are the Yankees the best team in baseball? In ESPN's universe, of course  (espn.go.com)	(78)
		School system: "We'd like to look at your Facebook account." Teacher's Aide: "No." School: "You are suspended for violating our 'We want to look into your private business' policy"  (dailymail.co.uk)	(191)

		Perhaps it's better she became a nun instead of continuing to teach high school science  (kansas.com)	(75)
		Kentucky fans riot in Lexington after their team defeats Louisville. Drew Curtis, "I have an alibi. I was in Vegas. There are lots of unreliable witnesses"  (content.usatoday.com)	(32)
		St. Louis Blues, #1 in the Western Conference, clinch the Central Division title...by losing to the last place team in the league  (nhl.com)	(95)

		Liniscus tear  (newsday.com)	(48)
		Since the economy is running smoothly and nothing else for them to do, Senators from Ohio decide to spend their time trying to get a bad pitcher back in the country to play baseball for a bad team  (cleveland.com)	(10)
		Smoking hot 31-year-old English teacher arrested for giving anxiety pills to student, presumably to have sex with them (w/mugshot)  (foxcharlotte.com)	(116)
		Because when you see a baseball game, you definitely want your stadium food to include Cuban dishes like shrimp burgers and spicy lobster rolls instead of hot dogs and nachos  (sun-sentinel.com)	(72)
		"What Game of Thrones can teach us about fatherhood." That's like getting marital advice from Curb Your Enthusiasm or career advice from Extras  (salon.com)	(124)
		On April 7, at age 49, Jamie Moyer will start a game for a team that didn't exist until 7 years after he was drafted  (sports.yahoo.com)	(73)
		Florida hoops player arrested "after a foot chase that also involved several police cars" for allegedly: A) assaulting someone, B) attempting to purchase drugs, C) stealing a $3 taco  (espn.go.com)	(25)
		Ah, the Teamsters. Always standing up for the little guy, calling strikes to battle big, greedy corporations like...the American Red Cross Blood Services?  (mlive.com)	(30)

		Why fantasy movies always lean toward British accents for characters, instead of thick Boston or Deep Southern dialects: 'A British accent provides a "splash of otherness"'  (bbc.co.uk)	(110)
(Some Guy)		You're late to class and the teacher calls you out on it. Do you: a) apologize and take your seat, b) accept a detention and be quiet, or c) strangle your teacher with his own necktie and flee?  (thedailystamford.com)	(92)

(Some Sedimentarian)		Photoshop this orange and teal masterpiece  (genx-stream.net)	(25)
		If you go to see Bruce Springsteen in concert, he just might steal your seat and drink your beer  (youtube.com)	(39)
		No longer News: Teacher has sex with student. Sometimes News: Teacher is hot. Go directly to FARK: Teacher is a Cincinnati Bengals Cheerleader...and she's doing you, kid. +1  (news.cincinnati.com)	(263)
(Inquirer)		Catholic school prevents girl from joining her class graduation after she burned down the entire school while doing meth and having sex with two teachers. Just kidding, it's because she posted pics of herself in a bikini on Facebook  (newsinfo.inquirer.net)	(112)
		Smoking hot 25-year-old Baptist school teacher arrested for sex with student, prays she gets probation (w/mugshot)  (dailymail.co.uk)	(172)
		This story has it all. Middle school teacher, her young young female student, cleavage, and a ruler. And yes, Florida   (articles.orlandosentinel.com)	(93)

		News Corp. shopping an all-sports network to rival ESPN. No word yet on how they plan to present stats and scores in such a way so that it always looks like the team they like is the one that's winning  (deadline.com)	(54)
(Brockton Enterprise)		Semi-hot teacher who had sex with teenage boy 300 times gets 29 months in prison for destroying his life  (enterprisenews.com)	(257)
(96.1 Kiss)		Michigan boy gets pet pig taken away due to city law, news cameras are there to capture his tears and one of the greatest child mullets ever seen  (961kiss.com)	(119)

		Colts insist that Dwight Freeney is still with the team. Which means the current Colts roster includes Freeney, Robert Mathis, the former Jets backup Quarterback, and the Butler University school mascot  (indystar.com)	(16)
		South African rugby team which liked to practice on the beach gets into fatal scrum with strong currents; six tackled and presumed drowned  (hosted2.ap.org)	(14)
		Real-life Hamburgler steals $20 worth of McDonald's food as it is handed to a customer. Cops unclear how anyone spends $20 at McDonald's but estimate the street value at $0.47  (foxnews.com)	(95)
		Brandon Lee steals Microsoft co-founder's identity. Then it gets weird  (philly.com)	(26)
		Writer laments that the advent of more secure wifi connections makes it harder for him to steal access  (pcmag.com)	(52)
(Some Guy)		While the TSA feels up your grandmother at the checkpoint, it's okay for baggage handlers to steal stuff from your checked bag  (newyork.cbslocal.com)	(82)

(Calgary Herald)		Old and busted: stealing painting from art museum. New hotness: smuggling painting into art museum  (calgaryherald.com)	(43)
		Instead of shooting the pit bull during standoff, police went against current policy and gave it treatment for tear gas exposure  (wftv.com)	(44)
		"Duke was a good team," Drew said, "but Kentucky is better"  (news.yahoo.com)	(57)
		Latest anti-immigrant bill in Georgia would make it illegal for them to get (gasp) sewer services. Yeah, that'll teach 'em to sneak across the damn border  (wrcbtv.com)	(150)
(Some Guy)		'Bee-stung lips' are SO 2011. Try using this 2.5 inch wasp instead. 2.5 INCHES  (trebuchet-magazine.com)	(49)
		Can Britain call time on 1,000 years of boozing? As far back as 1362, the Archbishop of Canterbury said: "The tavern is worshipped rather than the church, gluttony and drunkenness is more abundant than tears and prayers"  (mirror.co.uk)	(69)
		Instead of paying Chad Ochocinco $5m to stand on the field and watch Rob Gronkowski catch footballs, the Pats will pay Chad Ochocinco $1m to sit on the bench and watch Brandon Lloyd catch footballs   (profootballtalk.nbcsports.com)	(37)

(Some Guy)		Tag is for MHSAA rules that prevent high school student with Down Syndrome from playing on his school's basketball team  (uppermichiganssource.com)	(132)
(Some Gal)		Submitter wants to mess with her husband's auto-correct (shortcuts) on his iPhone tonight. When he types "ok," the phone will change it to "donkle" instead. Suggest other ideas  (techchoices.co.uk)	(247)
		It's official: The Hunger Games has beaten Twilight at the box office and proven itself to be the better franchise in many ways. TEAM NO SPARKLY VAMPIRES  (deadline.com)	(158)

(Some Guy)		Thirty-year-old hottie teaches 14-year-old not to tell his mother what they did. Since this is on Fark, it didn't work out that way. With pics and YES you would  (wistv.com)	(134)
		Tryouts for a Canadian lingerie football team takes place to the drooling of a nearly all male audience. Yes, there's a video  (cbc.ca)	(36)
		MLB team in a small market set to welcome 3 million fans for the season. Ownership to pay for talent. In other news this is happening in Milwaukee. FARK: Team owner will profit. SuperFark: It might work  (jsonline.com)	(51)
		All of the Miami Heat players don hoodies for picture in support of Trayvon Martin's family. Except for the one white guy on the team, he wasn't there that day  (espn.go.com)	(123)
		America's wackiest, ugliest televangelist couple accused of stealing $50 million in charitable funds to pay for lavish lifestyle, sex scandals, and the world's most hideous wigs. Includes kill it with fire pics  (dailymail.co.uk)	(174)

		Protip: When you're out stealing 700 pounds of scrap metal, don't butt-dial 911  (courant.com)	(17)
(Some Non-Redneck Guy)		If you're going to steal a NASCAR driver's car, take the cool one. You're going to prison anyway, so you might as well make it worth it  (wsmv.com)	(55)
		Kazakhstani athlete serenaded by Borat anthem instead of national anthem during gold medal ceremony  (filmdrunk.uproxx.com)	(16)
		Noted fiscal conservative Tea Partier Michele Bachmann Owes $1 Million In Campaign Debt  (huffingtonpost.com)	(133)
(KWQC)		Two men accused of stealing $25,000 worth of gas over the course of nine months. No word on what they did with the 600 gallons  (kwqc.com)	(24)
		MLB team plans to sell a hot dog for $26 this season, and it's not the Yankees  (deadspin.com)	(59)
		Joshua Tree employees stricken by unknown illness. Hazmat teams conduct search for cause, but they still haven't found what they're looking for  (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(77)
(Some Saint)		From the team that brought you "Randy Moss Hood Ornament Night", and "Michael Vick Chew-toy Day", comes their latest creation: "Bounties for Big Hits"  (saintsbaseball.com)	(7)
		When you go to an event described as "500 acres of mud and party" with your wife to see strippers, you know it can only end in blood and tears  (wptv.com)	(66)
(Some Guy)		Elementary school teacher fired after third graders found to be having oral sex in her classroom. "The principal felt that she was not monitoring the classroom adequately"  (thenewsstar.com)	(123)

		"James O'Keefe's Panty-Stealing 'Rape Barn' Sex and Racism Scandal"  (gawker.com)	(193)
		Stop me if you've heard this one before; Boehner confident he has votes for DOA Ryan budget despite the Tea Partiers and Dems voting against it  (washingtonpost.com)	(43)

		That former Florida quarterback with the spotty pro record is without a team at the moment. No, not that one  (jacksonville.com)	(33)
		Twitter turns six today. Instead of focusing on Kim Kardashian's 14 million tweets, here are some of the most memorable tweets since 2006  (shortlist.com)	(59)
		With the Dolphins' QB situation far from settled, Dolfans picket in front of team's training site. Bonus: First-place Florida Marlins staff shows up, trolling for would-be hockey fans  (miamiherald.com)	(20)
		Teacher hottie arrested for banging student. Just kidding, she pulls two kids from a burning car (w/pics)  (dailymail.co.uk)	(84)

		Not news: UConn women's basketball wins another tourney game. News: The final score was 72-26. Fark: The team they beat was an 8 seed that already won their first round game   (sports.sportsillustrated.cnn.com)	(125)
		Tired of the same old Mickey Mouse, Cinderella, and Goofy? How about watching Spider-Man, Captain America, and Wolverine kicking the Seven Dwarves' asses instead?  (orlandosentinel.com)	(41)
		Italian mothers pull their snowflakes out of nursery school because the teacher is. A) Hot. B) Hot. C) A lingerie model. D) All of the above  (dailymail.co.uk)	(123)

		Six games tonight feature playoff implications for nine teams. The NHL is in the final stretches for the post-season, folks. TOR@BOS 7PM, NJD@NYR/BUF@TBL/WSH@DET 7:30PM, VAN@MIN 8PM, ANA@SJS 10PM. All times EDT  (nhl.com)	(292)
(Some Guy)		Florida Marlins put live fish in fish tanks at the backstops. We know it is safe since the team had 1B Gaby Sanchez bank 84MPH fastballs off them with no breakage, and no pitcher (or batted foul ball) ever exceeds 84PMH  (offthebench.nbcsports.com)	(40)
		Sen. Marco Rubio's (R-FL) memoir, "An American Son," will now be published on June 19 instead of in October, as previously planned. Why ever would he do such a thing?  (politico.com)	(136)
		Low altitude flying may have caused plane crash in Sweden. You see, this is why we have teams of experts  (washingtonpost.com)	(38)

(Some Scientician)		"It's sort of like the way a Russian Sauna works, but instead of hot coals there's a nuclear explosion, instead of steam there's X-rays, and instead of a hut it's a Frigidaire, and also Indiana Jones is dead." Science  (overthinkingit.com)	(77)
		The other fifth Beatle plans a rare concert, talks about his daughters (both not too shabby), and still has time to teach. All at the age of 91  (latimes.com)	(47)

		Photoshop this Olympic torch security team training session  (i.imgur.com)	(20)
		So who is gearing up for some bad decisions today? Team green beer (a lot of exclamation points)  (fark.com)	(96)
		New upscale baby name guides help educated parents who don't even OWN a TV to choose baby names from canon of great Western literature instead of trash television  (nydailynews.com)	(191)
(NBCPhiladelphia)		Customer teaches clerk a lesson for selling only cold sausages  (nbcphiladelphia.com)	(65)
		"Danny Boy", as only the Muppets could perform this classic without reducing us all to tears. Thank you Beaker  (youtube.com)	(11)
		Begun, the Angelina/Lady Gaga soccer team wars have  (dailymail.co.uk)	(40)

		Man steals a vibrating condom, lubrication, and mascara from a drug store. Obviously it was robbed for her pleasure  (blog.seattlepi.com)	(39)
		"The Walking Dead" boss Glen Mazzara teases Sunday's season finale. Oh, yes, there will be blood (possible spoilers)  (eonline.com)	(114)
		Manning enticed by team one fumble away from Super Bowl berth  (espn.go.com)	(110)
		Oh look, another San Diego team is one-and-done in the post-season   (sportsillustrated.cnn.com)	(26)
		Your cat wants steak  (telegram.com)	(68)
		We are Romney. Lower your expectations and surrender your votes. We will add your political distinctiveness to our own. Your Tea Party will adapt to service us. Resistance is futile  (chicagotribune.com)	(35)
		MacGruder uses three hairs, a dog collar, and a tea kettle whistle to defeat Southern Miss. And 30 points  (sports.espn.go.com)	(12)
		Cute special education teacher makes two teens feel VERY special (w/mugshot)  (kxan.com)	(186)

(Some Guy)		25 yr old teacher accused of having sex with 16 and 17 yr old boys. Reasonably hittable if you like them nice and curvy  (click2houston.com)	(266)
		White men in New York vote to steal Indian casino money, offer them beads and trinkets for their land  (reuters.com)	(84)
		Since they've been living in sin for years and have all the appliances they need, more and more newlyweds are asking their guests for honeymoon donations instead of going with the traditional registry  (mnn.com)	(197)
		The best remix of Willy Wonka you will watch today. And I'm not talking about Burton's steaming pile of crap with Depp. I'm talking Willy Farking Wonka  (youtube.com)	(35)

		Little League team turns down donation from strip club. Wants to keep control of their own equipment  (nydailynews.com)	(44)
		Teacher tells student to urinate in a bucket after refusing to give bathroom pass. Parents extremely pissed  (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(135)
		After firing coach Ron Wilson and hiring Randy Carlyle, the Toronto Maple Leafs are on a tear. Just kidding, they are 1-5 since the new coach and are 10 points out from a playoff spot  (cbc.ca)	(51)
		Aging geek laments lack of time to watch new movies, wonders if he should just stick to watching old flicks he already likes instead  (denofgeek.com)	(31)

(Daily Bulletin)		Hockey team holds "Reclaim Local Airport From Los Angeles Oversight Committee Night". Still no match for 10-Cent Beer promotion  (dailybulletin.com)	(19)
		Now there's something you don't see every day; a stolen school bus with flat tires tearing down the highway with police in pursuit  (abc2news.com)	(17)
		I don't know what's the bigger Mitt Romney PR failure- that he once again name dropped friends that own sports teams, or that he tried to pull off mom jeans  (wonkette.com)	(85)
(Some Guy)		There's an alien mothership sucking on the Sun like a teat. But is it just to get enough energy to make an attack on Earth? Or is it absorbing the life killing cosmic rays? That's what friendly aliens do  (news.gather.com)	(75)
		If you're on trial for having sex with a student in your office, and your defense is "no, I was getting head from a guidance counselor in my office", you might want to rethink the whole teacher-career-path thingy  (theledger.com)	(51)
		Are you team Katniss or team Peeta? Hunger Games tracking to have bigger opening weekend than that one about the angsty emo vampires  (movies.yahoo.com)	(233)
		Your 6th grade son's team loses their basketball game. Do you: c) beat the crap out of the opposing team's coach and bite off part of his ear?  (content.usatoday.com)	(46)

		Jeff Bridges to co-write book of Zen teachings. Lebowski fans everywhere abide  (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(34)
		Duke Sucks: The 18 most-hateable moments in Duke basketball history  (slate.com)	(94)
		Rmoney hits a bad goto command, instead attempts to load wittycomeback.exe: "If I'm a weak frontrunner, what does that make Newt Gingrich?"   (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(131)
		Six teams to avoid in your NCAA tournament brackets. Duke sucks  (bleacherreport.com)	(43)
		Angels' Kendrys Morales ready to return to the team after nearly two years, having overcome both a horrific leg fracture and subsequent fear of home plate  (espn.go.com)	(12)

		Only a Redneck would use a deer stand to steal copper  (ajc.com)	(30)
		This record-breaker could be the best steak sandwich in the world  (suntimes.com)	(61)

		Four high school students arrested for breaking into an elementary school and stealing chocolate milk and Trix. Guess they really are for kids  (blogs.desmoinesregister.com)	(32)
		Man gets life in prison for stealing four-carat diamond ring from a 92 year old woman working in a mobile massage unit. Shouldn't getting a massage from a 92 year old woman be punishment enough?  (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com)	(61)
		The Texas Rangers will no longer play the video of Nolan Ryan pummeling Robin Ventura on the Jumbotron. In other news, the Rangers have been playing the video of team president Nolan Ryan pummeling Robin Ventura for the past 20 years. LGT video  (youtube.com)	(84)
		Teen smoking now in epidemic proportions. One in four high school students now smokes regularly, the other three just like to light up after having sex with their teacher  (baltimoresun.com)	(101)
		Good News: Mom and Dad are selling the family homestead. Bad News: For the price they paid in 1973. Worse News: They're moving in with you  (cnbc.com)	(73)

		"He has lived in a dozen caves tucked into sandstone nooks. In the fall of 2002, two years after quitting money, he homesteaded a majestic alcove high on a cliff, two hundred feet across and fifty feet tall"  (theatlantic.com)	(145)
		New reports say Bin Laden's four wives were feuding intensely in the days before the SEAL team raid; meaning that Osama may have actually welcomed the sweet embrace of death  (newsday.com)	(55)
		Announcer: "the world's population is getting fatter." World: *Yawn* Announcer: So fat that Brazil is no longer making tiny bikinis and is instead making bathing suits for fatties" World: "EVERYBODY PANIC"  (latino.foxnews.com)	(23)
		Atlanta vs. Atlanta for the title of best failed Atlanta team  (tsn.ca)	(61)
		"Eight reasons why Peyton Manning and the Dolphins are a good fit." Missing from the list: even with a neck injury, he'd still be the best player on the team  (sun-sentinel.com)	(40)
		Teacher accused of having sex with student 0.316 times per day over the course of two years  (dailymail.co.uk)	(75)
		Britain tries to pull a Seal Team Six and fails. The Sun is there  (thesun.co.uk)	(127)
(Some Idiots in Utah)		It's so obvious; if we just teach kids not to have sex then the teen pregnancy rate will drop. Why has no one ever thought of this before?  (theblaze.com)	(202)

(NBCMiami)		Robbers beat cat trapper, steal his pants  (nbcmiami.com)	(28)
		Extremely hot LSU Homecoming Queen to try out for football team. Scott Bakula seen driving old jeep on I-10 into Baton Rouge  (sports.yahoo.com)	(115)
		Good news: NBC and YouTube team up to stream every 2012 Olympic event live. Bad news: NBC will probably figure out a way to require you to install Silverlight nonetheless  (gizmodo.com)	(35)
(Some Guy)		MLB team owner overheard saying that politicians that approved public funding of his new stadium "aren't the intellectual cream of the crop", which is both embarrassing and embarrassingly true  (940winz.com)	(10)
		British look up from their tea to watch Brazil take their place as world's sixth largest economy, feel they're entitled to fifth  (telegraph.co.uk)	(62)
		What would happen if Manning came to your team?  (nytimes.com)	(87)
		Fark's favorite high school basketball announcer rips his vocal chords once again as team advances in playoffs after coming back from improbable 15-point fourth-quarter deficit (w/video)  (deadspin.com)	(9)
		Cure me, Feed me, Steal me, Fraud me  (dailymail.co.uk)	(15)

		School District to Parents: We've suspended the hot middle-school science teacher who appears in pr0n. Also? It would be helpful if you'd discourage your child from watching her extracurricular activities online  (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(144)
		Can Arsenal pull off a miracle at the Emirates? Will Zenit try to sneak Arshavin into the match? Could any of us even find Nicosia on a map? All that, plus some Spanish team plays some German team. It's your midweek Champions League thread  (bbc.co.uk)	(242)
		Shootings are up but homicides are down in Milwaukee, proving that the Wisconsin State Legislature needs to stop focusing on concealed-carry laws and start teaching these idiots how to aim properly  (jsonline.com)	(47)
(Las Vegas Sun)		You have to play a football team that outscored its regular season opponents 639-156 and won the state championship 72-28. Since practice and grit take effort, it goes without saying you try and get them excluded from post season play instead  (lasvegassun.com)	(51)
(Some Guy)		Man steals giant fiberglass chicken. "The drumsticks were left behind"  (citytv.com)	(27)
(Athlon Sports)		Now that the Colts have released Peyton Manning, here are 16 teams that he will definitely, likely, maybe-sorta play for  (athlonsports.com)	(223)
		Imagine a country where there's: No Obamacare, No income tax, A complete free market, No Unions, No Govt involved in Business, Health Care, Labor matters or pretty much anything else except national security. Here's the Tea Party Heaven  (democraticunderground.com)	(226)
		Meat Loaf talks about turning down American Idol, getting teased as a child for his weight, and why the country is going to hell  (spinner.com)	(48)

		Beer iced tea? Not Sure If Want  (redeyechicago.com)	(21)
(WJXT)		Today's school shooting is brought to you by Jacksonville Florida as teacher shoots principal, then self. Why should the kids have all the fun?  (news4jax.com)	(70)
		If you're a substitute teacher, don't try an endear yourself with the students by showing them 'Jackass Number Two.' "The video clip featured a nearly nude man with a puppet covering his penis"  (postandcourier.com)	(82)
		Boy burned after replacing Wii sensor bar with aftermarket... tea candles  (bbc.co.uk)	(76)
		Math teacher, 29, busted for having sex with 17 yr old female student in her classroom during school hours  (dailymail.co.uk)	(107)

		Norman Rockwell's granddaughter is an artist too, except instead of nostalgic glimpses of Americana snatched from a bygone era, she paints terrorists snuggling kittens  (outfront.blogs.cnn.com)	(75)
		"Steamed Customers Rebel." Baked customers say they don't care  (jsonline.com)	(55)
		Very good: Three teachers pass a student. Very bad: Three teachers pass around a student  (dailymail.co.uk)	(100)
(Some Concerned Friend)		Alice_Liddell is undergoing radiation and chemo after having a large brain tumor removed. Fark brain tumors Please donate to her team w/the American Brain Tumor Association, then pray for her or send her good mojo or whatever it is that you do  (hope.abta.org)	(178)
(Some Frosh)		Hot female teacher finds great success helping freshmen become acclimated into high school. If by "acclimated" you mean learning to have sex with the teachers, then yes, she was wildly successful. (w. haunting pic)  (dumbassdaily.com)	(98)

(Some Guy)		Man steals cookie sale cash box from nine-year-old girl scout. Nine-year-old girl scout PUNCHES HIM IN THE FACE  (kens5.com)	(127)
		Porcupines becoming a rare sight in California, despite the overall number of pricks in the state steadily increasing  (sacbee.com)	(32)
		Hey teachers -- you know how you hate having to explain why Wikipedia shouldn't be used as a reference in term papers? Well, things just got worse  (theatlantic.com)	(157)

		Why does it always have to be a sexy teacher hooking up with her underage student - why can't it ever be a sexy tutor hooking up with her underage pupil? Oh...thanks Florida ( w/ you wish you were failing math so you could hit it pic)  (beatcalls.com)	(105)
		Mormon church sends out strongly worded letter warning congregants to stop stealing peoples souls  (boston.com)	(120)
		It's not bad enough that the cops are stealing from citizens, now they are bragging about it in the paper  (orlandosentinel.com)	(111)
(Some Guy)		Why the NCAA sanctions handed down to USC should only be the starting point when disciplining the Oregon Ducks football team  (cbssports.com)	(42)

		16 and Pregnant "star" arrested for stealing pregnancy test. FARK: and using it before she left the store  (tmz.com)	(89)
(ABC33/40)		Stealing someone's identity is such child's play. Try stealing someone's identity, then their house, pay for renovations with their checks, and, just for laughs, enroll your kids in the local school system as his. Brilliant tag ?  (abc3340.com)	(42)
(Someone With One Hand Free)		In case you were wondering why you might want to buy a Boxee instead of a Roku or an Apple TV, here you go  (techcrunch.com)	(105)

		Female teacher, 26, arrested for having sex with 16 yr old student whom she exchanged 12,000 text messages with. Pic verdict: "Hitable"  (dailymail.co.uk)	(160)
(Some Guy)		Tea Party under attack from (a) Dem. politicians (b) Left wing bloggers (c) The IRS  (mega949.com)	(74)
		Two women looking for junk in the trunk find instead a big snake staring at them  (wftv.com)	(14)
		Italy picks itself up off the grass, wipes away some fake tears and throws up its hands after losing for the first time ever to Team USA  (sports.yahoo.com)	(42)
		'Do we make everyone else happy or do we follow our hearts?" asks 41 year old teacher who leaves his wife and kids to move in with an 18 year old student  (sacbee.com)	(246)
		Jewish high school basketball team will skip going to state so that they may observe the Sabbath, which is totally understandable now that Ozzy is back with the band  (religion.blogs.cnn.com)	(35)
		University of Georgia soccer player charged with stealing hash browns by stuffing them down her pants. Napoleon Dynamite reportedly unimpressed. Bonus: Hash browns recipe video  (huffingtonpost.com)	(70)
		Good idea: heating your home with natural gas. Bad idea: stealing it. Worst idea ever: carrying it home in a giant balloon  (dailymail.co.uk)	(47)
		Idaho man pioneers new eviction method. Sure it tears down the house, and puts him in jail for the weekend, but if you've ever been a landlord you'll know this is worth it  (oregonlive.com)	(47)
		Criminal dresses up like electric company worker to gain access to people's homes and steal their valuables. Wait, check that, it was a police officer looking for marijuana  (tampabay.com)	(44)

		Man steals items from grave sites, gives them out as gifts. Dude, that's cold  (ktla.com)	(31)
		Man stabbed over mistakenly taking bag full of harmonicas instead of taking bag full of tacos. In Florida, this makes perfect sense  (heraldtribune.com)	(20)
		If you're going to steal a smart phone, it's probably best not to show your victim the unique tattoo on your abs just before assaulting him  (chicagotribune.com)	(15)

		Sen. Olympia Snowe (R-Maine) reads the tea, leaves  (dailykos.com)	(190)
		Homeless Tip: make sure the car you attempt to steal doesn't belong to Secret Service  (big1059.com)	(45)
		Victim of Craigslist fraud is offered a spot on the con team to make his money back. Don't be a sissy, man, these guys sound legit  (wsbtv.com)	(48)
(BadJocks)		Kids, recording everything on your cell phone seems harmless, until that video of your high school basketball teammate naked in the locker room goes viral and you're the only one charged as an adult  (badjocks.com)	(44)
		This is why people are having a hard time finding work: "There's just a lot of money having been created that ain't going into plant and equipment and labor, but instead making its way into equities"  (cnbc.com)	(32)
		Not News: Team loses game after opponent hits 2 free throws after a technical foul. News: Technical was for storming the court with 1.1 seconds left. FARK: Against an 8-19 team  (washingtonpost.com)	(20)
		Breathe some new life back into your lungs: have them steam cleaned  (dailymail.co.uk)	(49)

		Good news: Chicago is getting rid of its gang problems. Bad news: they're going into the more affluent suburbs instead of jail  (suntimes.com)	(105)
		Only in Florida do you have to worry about a convicted felon stealing your jewelry, electronics AND your prize winning goat  (wptv.com)	(13)
		Mitt Romney: "I have some great friends who are NASCAR team owners." At this point, it's almost like he's intentionally trying to throw this thing  (cbsnews.com)	(280)
		St Petersburg police use air horns, grenades, 50 officers, and SWAT team to wake up an 75-year-old man. His crime? Not answering the door  (www2.tbo.com)	(54)
		Three elementary school students expelled for playing the ol' "rat poison in the teacher's coffee" prank  (rawstory.com)	(61)
		Dog causes crash that sets truck full of meat on fire. Your dog told you he wanted steak  (pennlive.com)	(19)

Guy asks Taylor Swift to Prom. Not news, she turns him down. Fark: She asks HIM to the ACM Awards instead  (reuters.com)

(69)

		Teacher pleads guilty to changing grades. Fark: At least this is not another smokin' hot teacher student sex scandal. More Fark: At least she is smokin' hot  (wlsam.com)	(212)
		41-year-old female teacher pleads not guilty to having sex with a 14-year-old student. With "no, don't want" pic  (sfgate.com)	(78)
(Some Guy)		Rollerskating husband and wife team performing on the Ellen show. FF to the 2:00 mark for a "DAAAAAAMN" moment  (izismile.com)	(54)
		Bad: Drunk jerk at Mardi Gras parade harasses autistic girl, sends her home in tears. Good: Girl's story goes viral, leading to massive outpouring of support. Fark: New Orleans restages Mardi Gras just for her  (nola.com)	(154)

(The Middletown Press)		Connecticut school teacher sent naked cell phone pictures of herself to male student. With mugshaaaaaawwww, no one wants to see that  (middletownpress.com)	(61)
		Santorum says Obama's college plan is a secret plot to "Indoctrinate" America's youth by teaching them facts and critical thinking skills and all other manner of ungodly stuff  (nationaljournal.com)	(292)
		The movie "Wanderlust" does not do the authentic hippy justice and instead reduces its hippies to caricature, stereotype, and near parody. C'mon, Hollywood, our hippies deserve better than this  (usatoday.com)	(40)
		Officer suspended, charged after police set up sting operation in their break room to find culprit who kept stealing their lunch  (azcentral.com)	(68)
(Some Guy)		Werewolf girl says she's proud to be special, looks forward to leading her high school basketball team to victory   (todayhealth.today.msnbc.msn.com)	(62)
(Some Guy)		Your buddy just died. To cope with the loss, do you: C) get drunk and break into the crematorium to steal his body?  (nbcdfw.com)	(34)
		Romney: The car companies should have been bailed out by private capital instead of the government. Former car czar: Uh, we talked to every single possible private financer and nobody wanted any part of it  (nytimes.com)	(177)
		A female high school Spanish teacher in Los Angeles was arrested after two male students said they had sex with her. Con usted lo golpeó foto  (seattletimes.nwsource.com)	(140)

		What beer can teach us about emerging technologies. Beer...is there anything it can't teach us?  (slate.com)	(88)
		Some moms teach you how to bake cookies, do your own laundry, and sew. Other moms build you an accurate scale replica of a F1 car out of cardboard for you to play video games in  (autos.yahoo.com)	(58)
(Some Guy)		Hot teacher is fired for a problem with an inappropriate relationship. With a "yes you would" picture  (click2houston.com)	(89)
		Woman steals more than $30,000 from Nigerian internet scammers  (couriermail.com.au)	(67)
		Teacher arrested for administration of purple nurple  (nydailynews.com)	(16)

		Warmer planet could be dominated by mosquitoes, ticks, rodents, jellyfish, tea party  (scientificamerican.com)	(44)
		Suggest a name for Regina Saskatchewan's new Lingerie Football League team  (cbc.ca)	(141)
(NBC Sports)		On this date in 1980 the US Hockey team pulled off a major upset in the Winter Olympics. Do you believe in Miracles? Mets fans need not respond  (csnphilly.com)	(30)
		Chelsea try to make a last stand for the EPL, Real Madrid try and remind everyone that there's more than one great team in La Liga, Some other teams also play. It's your Champion's League Thread for Feb 21-22  (soccernet.espn.go.com)	(103)
		Science has already proven the dangers of smoking, alcohol, and Chinese food, but it can still ruin soft drinks for pregnant women. Not to mention coffee, tea and chocolate  (sciencedaily.com)	(16)
		Girls High School swim team shaving scandal costs...you've already clicked, haven't you?  (sports.yahoo.com)	(26)
		Binghamton is the last Division 1 basketball team to get its first win of the season. Worm approves  (sportsillustrated.cnn.com)	(15)
		Proving that Bond Rating agencies are as reluctant as public school teachers to give out F's ; Fitch's downgrades Greek debt from CCC to C  (foxbusiness.com)	(12)
(Some Guy)		Man steals and crashes an ambulance because "the voices inside his head told him to"  (ledger-enquirer.com)	(18)
		Next week on the Amazing Race: Teams fight for their lives as they try to avoid being poisoned by Uganda thugs. One team member WILL be eliminated  (eonline.com)	(32)

		Your team's owner may suck, but at least he's not debuting a 17-year-old as the team captain and then suspending the coach for questioning it  (soccernet.espn.go.com)	(15)
		School board updates dress code to ban jeans, sweatpants, flip-flops, and shirts that show too much cleavage and midriffs. Fark: The dress code is for the teachers, not the students  (azcentral.com)	(66)
(miami new times)		When teaching high school kids about the severity of a 0.112 blood alcohol level, it's probably best not to use yourself as the live example  (blogs.miaminewtimes.com)	(32)

(Poor Zack)		Rose petals blow lightly in the breeze as tears fall one by one to the canvas. A man sits sadly in the friend zone. Will he remain forever alone? Find out on a very special edition of Raw, tonight at 9 on USA  (wwe.com)	(lots)
		Photoshop this team taking time  (cdn3.spiegel.de)	(29)
		Adorable Newt Gingrich is still pandering to teabaggers like he thinks he can win. Today's nugget: "You cannot put a gun rack in a Volt"   (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(236)
		Two NBA players combined for 91 points, more than seven other teams scored on Sunday  (scores.espn.go.com)	(42)

		This week's Sunday Heavy Moloch House Call lives for plunder, and will steal your youth. Beware Mercy's Bane  (youtube.com)	(16)
(Some Guy)		Columnist believes that a My Little Pony episode was a thinly veiled metaphor for teaching children to appreciate waiting for high quality Apple products  (gottabemobile.com)	(106)
		Gore and Blood compare greenhouse gas emissions to subprime debt, vow to annihilate Demolition for the WWF tag team belts  (bloomberg.com)	(20)

		Monkey caught stealing grapes pleads his innocence  (youtube.com)	(31)
(Some Guy)		Female teacher caught having sex with student in her office bathroom. With "judge for yourself" pic  (aspentimes.com)	(180)
		Barbara Eden covers Blood, Sweat & Tears' "Spinning Wheel." Your argument has never been, nor will it ever be, more invalid  (youtube.com)	(44)

		NY Jets plan team-bonding activities to bring players closer together for next season. First event rumored to be rumble with the Sharks, no zip guns allowed  (sports.espn.go.com)	(19)
(Some Guy)		Here, let me explain to you how the economy isn't really recovering with this series of increasingly nonsensical and uninterpretable graphs (accomplishment unlocked: Tears of Tufte)  (minyanville.com)	(82)
		"Breaking Bad" star Giancarlo Esposito to appear on "Community." If this means that Gus Fring teams up with Evil Troy and Evil Abed, I'm all for it  (digitalspy.com)	(60)

		Boston Bruins player gets hurt, bleeds, falls to the ice while Flyers fans cheer. No, wait, its fans of the other team that hates the Bruins. No, not that team's fans either  (sports.yahoo.com)	(96)
(Some Guy)		Alabama man arrested, charged with stealing 240,000 gallons of water. From the looks of him, it wasn't for bathing  (timesfreepress.com)	(28)
		That little girl who was forced to have (yecchy) chicken nuggets instead of her mommies (yummy) turkey and cheese sammich? Yeah. It was all a mistake  (washingtonpost.com)	(145)
		Teen steals tomato plant, thinking it was a pot plant. You say tomato I say retarded  (wesh.com)	(100)
		Team of naked female rowers break Atlantic record. Stroke, stroke, stroke, stroke  (wgal.com)	(52)
		Daniel Rodriguez fought in two wars and was wounded in one. He made a pact with his best friend, who was killed, that he would play college football and is trying to make the team at Virginia Tech  (wtkr.com)	(32)
(reality world)		How bad is reality TV? History professor says networks have run out of material and are stealing ideas from the Dark Ages  (realitytvworld.com)	(37)
		Does your favorite college basketball team have trouble getting nationally televised games? How about nationally televised practices? Duke Sucks  (kentucky.com)	(22)
		Teacher forces her fifth-grade class to send Christmas cards to her boyfriend in jail. Aww, isn't that 'sweet'  (nydailynews.com)	(38)
(Some Guy)		There are many challenges to a 1000 mile sled dog race: cold weather, deep snow, wolves stealing the trail markers, ice overflows, injur... wait, what?  (newsminer.com)	(20)

(MyFoxPhilly)		Not news: Sharing bags of tea is the latest trend at a Philadelphia elementary school. FARK: We're not talking Lipton... if ya know what I'm sayin'  (myfoxphilly.com)	(62)
(KENS)		Elderly homeowner shoots man in head for stealing potted plant from his yard. Thief survives, gets arrested. Shooter faces no charges because, in Texas, keeping people off your lawn is serious business  (kens5.com)	(459)
		Michelle Malkin's top Tea Party favorites for the upcoming election. Some of them can even read  (nypost.com)	(33)
		In 1995-96 Michael Jordan was the best player on the best team in NBA history. 16 years later he's now involved with a team that may end up as the worst in NBA history  (espn.go.com)	(81)
(Some Dermatologist)		Elementary school teacher's aide tripped up for affair with 8th-grade boy after showing up for class with c) hickeys. (w. hot mug shot)  (dumbassdaily.com)	(110)

		The guy in the background of this Olympic swimmer's heartfelt proposal video just steals the show  (sports.yahoo.com)	(51)
		Ten Catholic Teachings that Rick Santorum ignores  (alternet.org)	(265)
		Sean Penn blasts Britain for not handing Falklands back to Argentina. That'll teach them  (dailymail.co.uk)	(156)
		Man arrested for stealing $25k worth of Tide detergent. Witnesses say the suspect appeared quite agitated  (dailymail.co.uk)	(39)

(Some Guy)		Bill would force teachers to comply with FCC regulations. in related news, Miss Lipshiatz is about to get a 7 second delay in her classroom  (939mia.com)	(94)
		Good news, South Dakota spouse stealers: The anti-spouse-stealing law might get repealed  (twincities.com)	(71)
		Best Korea enlists populace to join "Truth Teams" to explain the Truth® to their uneducated neighbors. Sorry, I meant to say "The Obama Campaign." Sorry, carry on Citizen  (news.yahoo.com)	(336)
(CBS Sports)		Former Memphis basketball player Roburt Sallie cut by his Spanish Basketball League team for taking performance enhancing drugs. And by "performance-enhancing" they mean penis enlargers  (cbssports.com)	(13)
		Jose Canseco to try out for Mexican League baseball team. In other news, Los futuros de esteroides son de hasta  (chicagotribune.com)	(14)
		GE announces plans to hire an entire Brigade Combat Team of US veterans, declare war on Siemens  (chicagotribune.com)	(43)

		Will the force be with Garett Bischoff? Is Austin Aries the greatest man that ever lived? Why is the World Championship on the line in a tag team match? Does the fWc even care? All this and more in tonight's TNA Against All Odds thread  (bleacherreport.com)	(707)
		Sheriffs threatening to arrest federal regulators. Another threatening to bring out his SWAT team to go up against a federal government SWAT team. Welcome to the Constitutional Sheriffs Convention  (denverpost.com)	(259)
		Girl teaches young goat to jump. I kid you not  (collegehumor.com)	(27)
(Some Guy)		Man convicted of stealing $50,000 worth of copper wire receives no jail time and is ordered to pay back only $5,000 in restitution, proving once again that crime does indeed pay  (newburyportnews.com)	(93)

		It's Hockey Day In Canada. For Americans: it's like the Super Bowl, but with 9 hours of hockey instead of 9 hours of pre-game shows  (cbc.ca)	(97)
		Bad economy means that gangbangers are relying on "communal guns" instead of buying their own  (nytimes.com)	(71)
		Man breaks into woman's home, steals her panties and then sends her cellphone pictures of them  (upi.com)	(42)

		Van Halen's 'Hot for Teacher' Star still Hot at 60  (awards.music.yahoo.com)	(73)
		High school basketball team up 40-5 shows real class with last second full court pass and dunk  (youtube.com)	(60)
		Olympics-bound female Afghani athlete doesn't play team sports, but you should see her box  (news.yahoo.com)	(28)

		Senators circulating resolution urging Obama not to try anything sensible like trying to "contain" a nuclear-armed Iran diplomatically the way we did the Soviet Union, but instead go straight to the bombs and tanks  (news.yahoo.com)	(148)
		Because blowing the entire team's budget to acquire single big-name talent has worked so well for them in the past, the Redskins should offer "whatever it takes" to get Peyton Manning. Can Dan Snyder be included in a trade?  (washingtonpost.com)	(48)
(Bergen Record)		Protip: Dude, you're supposed to wait until you actually assume your teaching job before making sexytime chat with a twelve-year-old girl  (northjersey.com)	(40)

		Ready to inhale your caffeine instead of drink it?  (wxyz.com)	(170)
		When your friend gives you a ride to work instead of your girlfriend, does your girlfriend a) say you made her look bad and try to run you over in an alley b) hit you with a jack c) burn your wardrobe d) all of the above. With luscious mug shot  (blogs.tcpalm.com)	(100)
		Mitt Romney's latest proposal has been denounced by TEA party leaders, The Club For Growth, and the US Chamber of Commerce and described as "class warfare". The proposal? Making sure the minimum wage keeps up with inflation  (news.yahoo.com)	(286)
(Arms and the Law)		We couldn't get him to eat his own mother, but forcing Rahm Emanuel to write a check to the Second Amendment Foundation is the next best thing. Your tears, Rahm. Let me taste them  (armsandthelaw.com)	(166)
		Today's sexy teacher likes drinking, swearing and 'pulling black man' (w/pic)  (thesun.co.uk)	(67)

		Apparently, you can't just use Febreze on those little shiats you teach in class  (cbc.ca)	(101)
		Iowa City CrimeStoppers release surveillance photo of man stealing a "Fark Me Silly #1" model "mega masturbator" from adult toy store  (thesmokinggun.com)	(89)
		Fed up with the decline of his favorite team, the Washington Redskins, former DC Mayor Marion Barry pledges to work with the owner to help get them back in the championship - just kidding, he Tweets REDSKINS SUCK during the Super Bowl  (myfoxdc.com)	(61)
		Is Beyonce's post-baby body hotter than Victoria Beckham's? Is a thick, juicy steak better than a bag of antlers?  (mirror.co.uk)	(80)
		Amazing HD footage of Disneyland in 1957. Wait ... the teacup ride has empty seats?  (youtube.com)	(52)

(Some Guy)		It's one thing to steal a microwave, it's another to steal a microwave tower  (myvalleynews.com)	(30)
		Off-screen voice: Chad Ochocinco, your team just lost the Super Bowl. What are you going to do next? Chad: I'm going to the Hamilton County Courthouse  (news.cincinnati.com)	(40)
		Millionaires buy sports cars, billionaires buy football teams, mega-billionaires buy climate change  (guardian.co.uk)	(106)
		Pey Pey says he'll restructure his contract with requirement that he is able to throw a ball, so long as he's still paid as much as everyone else on the team... combined. How big of him  (sun-sentinel.com)	(56)
		Do not try and cut the line. That would be illegal. Instead...only try to realize the truth. What truth? There is no line  (washingtonpost.com)	(93)

		Public school lunchlady demands the deep fryers in the cafeteria be removed so she can force students to eat healthy instead of trusting them to make their own choices  (qctimes.com)	(123)
		The Patriots have been adhering to a strict diet this past week, and for last night's dinner, they were given a choice of steak or fish. Naturally, Tom Brady had the lasagna  (tmz.com)	(62)
		Republican Congressman walks out of Obama's prayer breakfast speech, offended that the President was quoting Jesus' teachings  (dailykos.com)	(336)

		Parents and sons accused of stealing blind and deaf grandparents' credit card and ringing up $12,000 in purchases. W/ all in the family white trash mugshots  (dailygazette.com)	(122)
		Offers are coming in for Lindsay Lohan's Venice home. Granted, they're coming in from the CDC and various hazmat teams, but still  (starpulse.com)	(33)
		The latest stupid and possibly dangerous internet craze: Filming yourself trying to eat a teaspoon of ground cinnamon, without water, in under a minute  (mnn.com)	(266)
		Obesity epidemic hits US pets. Your dog wants steak, but could use a salad  (cnn.com)	(121)
		A new frontrunner for Douche of the Year emerges as a 20-year-old steals a 6-year-old's lunchbox. At gunpoint  (ohio.com)	(91)

(WJAR)		Today's "teacher has sex with student" takes a shocking turn when hot 22 year old teacher is arrested for supplying alcohol before she gets a chance to bang anyone. (With "you'd drink with her" pic)  (www2.turnto10.com)	(100)
		After Super Bowl sound check, Madonna now in great shape, ready to play on NY Giants' special teams  (msn.foxsports.com)	(39)
		Sorry Mario, but our profits are in $1 phone apps instead of your $50 castle  (businessweek.com)	(86)
		Foundation offers psychic Sally Morgan $1,000,000 to prove that her psychic abilities are real. Sally Morgan instead threatens to sue them...WITH HER MIND  (huffingtonpost.com)	(381)

		NJ power station spills 10,000 gallons of mineral oil. Hazmat teams describe the scene as "regular"  (nj.com)	(58)
(Some Guy)		US Women's Soccer player Ella Masar opens up about the WPS "magicjack" team, including having to call the owner "Daddy" and the team having a chiropractor because he didn't believe in athletic trainers  (pitchsidereport.com)	(36)
		So what did Facebook's $5 billion IPO teach us? Well, for one thing, it taught us that Facebook users are a drooling pack of monkey idiots. "Screw this, I'm making Jeffbook...it's time to get paid"  (cnn.com)	(175)
		Turns out there's no Global Warming - it was some guy stealing all the ice  (guardian.co.uk)	(101)
		Will Seattle get another professional football team? Wait, they already have one?  (blog.seattlepi.com)	(41)
		I'm a little teapot, short and stout. Here is my handle, here is my spout. When I get all steamed up, hear me shout: "Put down those damn teabags and use me, you lout"  (mirror.co.uk)	(76)
		Alabama State Senator Shadrack McGill: "If you double a teacher's pay scale, you'll attract people who aren't called to teach"  (huffingtonpost.com)	(445)

(Some Guy)		Want a job in 2020? Become a nurse, teacher or fast food worker  (lifeinc.today.msnbc.msn.com)	(226)
		Teacher suspended for putting hot sauce on crayons to keep the special ed kids from eating them  (wftv.com)	(228)
		How did your team do on Transfer Deadline Day? Can Arsenal beat a strong Bolton side at home? Will the Magpies stomp the hapless Rovers? These discussions and more in this bumped EPL thread  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(194)
		Los Angeles classroom teacher arrested after being too dumb to use a digital camera  (latimes.com)	(106)
		High school English teacher under investigation for showing former female student how to use his Longfellow in porn video  (theage.com.au)	(77)
		Dust off all the usual comments, it's time for today's hot teacher with teen student story. Seriously, can we get a tab for these?  (mcall.com)	(178)

		PNAS study reveals Christian political beliefs not as firm as the foundation erected by Jesus' teachings. PNAS  (physorg.com)	(42)
		Award-winning teacher had sex with two students, kissed a third and sexted a fourth. Yeah, I'd say that at least deserves an award for effort, if nothing else  (cbc.ca)	(83)
		"...although there are some photos of Manning wearing the number 16... which we're guessing is some kind of FARK Photoshop prank to tease fans of the Buccaneers..." (5th section)  (espn.go.com)	(1)
		Fark headline recipe: article about female teacher having sex with students (check), vodak (check), Not Sure if Want pic (check)  (dailymail.co.uk)	(99)

(the daily wilton)		Connecticut teachers will now be evaluated mainly on student performance, which makes you wonder what they were being evaluated on before. No, seriously. What were they evaluated on before?  (thedailywilton.com)	(241)
		Husband turns in dance teacher wife after he finds out her 15-year-old student is tapping that  (dailymail.co.uk)	(185)
		A thief breaks into a car and steals c) a woman's false teeth  (wpxi.com)	(39)
(Richmond Times-Dispatch)		Virginia is for lovers: Instead of killing bill to require an ultrasound before an abortion, Democratic State Senator amends it instead: UFIA for guys wanting ED treatment  (www2.timesdispatch.com)	(198)
		Colts owner on Peyton Manning's future with the team. "I can't be sentimental. This isn't fantasy football"  (content.usatoday.com)	(116)
		Meet the guy who turned down a founding role in Facebook to work for the 2004 John Kerry campaign instead. Things have actually worked out pretty well for him  (abcnews.go.com)	(19)
		Seattle is trying to reach around and steal San Francisco's tourists  (blog.seattlepi.com)	(55)
		Special ed teacher, who had sex with one student and performed oral sex on six others, to serve only 60 days. Guess the gender and level of attractiveness (pic)  (dailymail.co.uk)	(181)
(WBIR)		Tennessee Tea Party wants to remove slavery from textbooks. But don't you dare call them racist  (wbir.com)	(345)

		Will the NFC defeat the AFC again? With a decent team around him, will Cam Newton prove he's the best in the world? Will this game matter? WHAR TEBOW, WHAR? It's the NFC All Stars vs. the AFC All Stars in the Pro Bowl, 7 PM ET on NBC  (scores.espn.go.com)	(807)
		Teachers to parents: "We've had enough, it's time to raise your own kids"  (news.com.au)	(209)
(Some Guy)		Newt Gingrich thinks college students should get part-time jobs to pay for their tuition. As opposed to when he was in college and begged his family for money instead of looking for a job. "I want all my time for my studies"  (syracuse.com)	(347)
		CNN Asks "Who should be allowed to teach Yoga?" If their answer is anything other than "hot, flexible broads in tight pants", they're wrong  (cnn.com)	(170)
		100 Occupy protesters learn that an illegal demonstration is when you stick around after the police tell you to move your legal demonstration. Oh, and when you tear down a fence to take over an empty building  (latimes.com)	(224)