Source	Fark Headline		Comments
(Some Block of Wood)		Kristen Stewart "stressed" at portraying Joan Jett accurately. Yeah, kid, acting is tough the first time around  (spinner.com)	(54)
		It gets better - Jesse James' tattooed mistress is also a nazi. Nice  (thesuperficial.com)	(306)

(The Daily Beast)

Rielle Hunter may not have been the only mistress John Edwards had. This stunning revelation brought to you by the As Obvious as a Stick in the Eye Institute  (thedailybeast.com)

(51)

Tiger Woods to return to golf at Mistress ... I mean Masters, Masters  (news.blogs.cnn.com)

(148)

Woman whose picture appeared in "Couples Retreat" sues for humiliation, embarrassment, emotional distress, shame, mortification and injury to her career. Wouldn't that apply to everyone that appeared in that movie?    (examiner.com)

(22)

		A blind man with a seeing-eye dog who was denied entry at a Subway restaurant files outlandish lawsuits with claims that the experience has caused him unimaginable stress. Just kidding, he just won't eat there anymore  (cbc.ca)	(207)
		Prosecutor says that ex-sportscaster was so anxious to help a 14-year old girl in distress that he asked her pimp if he could get with her again  (nydailynews.com)	(78)

		Photoshop this muddy mistress  (cache.boston.com)	(42)
		Fresh off not reporting Tiger Woods' mistresses and poor course etiquette, Golf Writers Association of America hopes to report about John Daly's suspension after he tweeted member's cellphone number  (jacksonville.com)	(18)

Howard Stern to host first-ever Tiger Woods Mistress Beauty Pageant  (orlandosentinel.com)

(118)

With an overbooked schedule of performing, giving interviews, and posing topless with gigantic flipper-gloves over her knockers, Lady Gaga is finally getting stressed out (SFW-ish)  (mirror.co.uk)

(83)

One for the "KILL IT WITH FIRE" file: Tiger Wood's mistress #2... is missing a tooth  (tmz.com)

(52)

		Las Vegas mayor snubs Obama for his arrogant remarks suggesting Americans might be better off saving their money instead of investing it in blackjack, booze, bimbos and blow  (foxnews.com)	(247)
		When cheating on your famous girlfriend, make sure you don't leave your mistress at home alone with a video camera so she can post a video tour of your house on YouTube  (celebslam.celebuzz.com)	(27)
		Bill Clinton blames heart problem on stress, sleepless nights of dealing with Haiti. Pay no attention to the mound of Big Mac wrappers in his trash can  (news.yahoo.com)	(58)

		Love letters from John F. Kennedy to his Swedish mistress are up for auction. Camelot? You bet he did  (wbbm780.com)	(93)
		Beyonce Knowles' father ordered to pay $8,200 a month in child support to his mistress. Do we really need to get into another argument about the possessive "s," or can we just mock Knowles's father?  (contactmusic.com)	(34)

(Some Guy)

Man who killed his mistress after she told him he "wasn't big enough for her" enters penal system  (news.ninemsn.com.au)

(138)

		Happy "Mistress Day" or, as it's known in Tiger Woods' house, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday (twice), Thursday, Saturday and Sunday. Friday night's for the wife, of course  (nydailynews.com)	(49)
		Tiger Woods' mistress: "I would like an apology." In related news, the weather forecast in Hell isn't calling for snow or aerodynamic pigs  (orlandosentinel.com)	(44)

		Rush Limbaugh recordings repel beetles along with "Heavy Metal Music", which apparently includes Rush, Guns & Roses, and Queen  (news.discovery.com)	(24)
		Do you know the square root of 81? No? PANIC  (uk.reuters.com)	(291)

Two fourth-grade teachers help students cope with stress from testing by handing out pill bottles filled with little mint candies. Hilarity ensues  (www2.tbo.com)

(139)

		Ohm my god, lithium-ion battery life could reach 20 years  (pcworld.com)	(60)
		Super Bowl stress can trigger heart attacks, so be careful ouWHAT THE FARK KINDA CALL WAS THAT, YOU STUPID SON OF A BIaaaerrrrrrrrk... *thud*  (ajc.com)	(39)

(Some Chick)

Woman in Ft. Worth upset with the state of the country show her distress by flying the American flag upside down on a 60' pole at her business. "It is an outcry of the danger our country is in."  (kbtx.com)

(181)

(KTLA)

Alleged Tiger Woods mistress upset over novelty golf ball set featuring her face and those of his other conquests. Not the first time their face has been in close proximity to balls  (ktla.com)

(26)

Geologists from the NS Sherlock Institute for the Study of the Blindingly Obvious warn Haitians that they might want to move their capital city somewhere else  (news.yahoo.com)

(56)

Socialist President Obama wants to privatize much of NASA and... wait, what?  (blogs.discovermagazine.com)

(211)

Mistress of John Edwards goes to court to block distribution of sex tape, will soon learn how the internet works  (abcnews.go.com)

(45)

(Some Guy)

Although coats made from minks and foxes still upset animal rights activists, you can wear your nutria pelt guilt-free  (mnn.com)

(57)

		Absolute proof that ambidextrous kids are weird  (msnbc.msn.com)	(129)
(Rothenberg Report)		Polls indicate Republicans may pick up 28 seats in the House this fall, cutting the Democratic majority and scaring the living botox out of Nancy Pelosi  (rothenbergpoliticalreport.blogspot.com)	(171)

Health care bill needs to slim down, eat healthier, try to reduce stress  (abcnews.go.com)

(70)

With everyone in Briton snowed in, economists are predicting a baby boom this autumn. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. Know what I mean, eh?  (telegraph.co.uk)

(52)

Woman who summitted Everest climbs high ledge to rescue kitten in distress. "Sky" adopted in time for a happy Caturday  (komonews.com)

(lots)

(some vomiting guy)

"I think the record should reflect that the witness is vomiting"  (edmontonsun.com)

(74)

And so it begins, first the ants then the world. With a picture of what an all female colony might look like  (sciencedaily.com)

(39)

(Some guy)

Record number of deaths blamed on cold stress. Oh, the chill manatees  (news-journalonline.com)

(17)

Barack Obama is going grey, proving that nothing is more stressful than teenage daughters  (news.yahoo.com)

(84)

How is the rest of the world is coping with this Global Warming™? With pic of what Global Warming™ might look like  (dailymail.co.uk)

(581)

		Studies show women's feet are getting bigger; researchers cannot point to a sole reason  (telegraph.co.uk)	(144)
(Some Guy)		The bad news is your dog goes missing. The good news is it's found by the SPCA. The asinine news? The SPCA adopts it out to another family less than 72 hours later while not returning your phone calls  (thechronicleherald.ca)	(207)

Scientists measure the speed of evolution, find it can do a lot in 6,000 years  (physorg.com)

(252)

Why did evolution skip over Boskop man, with its 150 IQ? Was it because of its penchant for pedomorphosis?  (discovermagazine.com)

(100)

Damn you, gays. You've ruined yet ANOTHER fine conservative's marriage  (politico.com)

(324)

		Swedish researchers conclude there is probably no Santa. Here comes the science  (sciencedaily.com)	(42)
		Urban Cryer to step down as head coach of Florida Gators. Lane Kiffin seen snickering in the corner  (cbssports.com)	(664)

Inventor spends Christmas with the perfect woman - his custom-made fembot: "Aiko is always helpful and never complains. She is the perfect woman to have around at Christmas" (w/ pics that will creep you the hell out)  (dailymail.co.uk)

(253)

(Some Grinch)		The best and worst Christmas specials. You forgot about the California Raisins, didn't you?  (blogs.houstonpress.com)	(70)
		Obama: Can't we just cut and paste our 2009 agenda for 2010?  (blogs.abcnews.com)	(89)
		Nintendo Wii, already in use by police worldwide, allows you to detect lies at home with 99% accuracy  (pcmag.com)	(36)

		Chimps are starting to master fire. Everybody, you know what to do  (livescience.com)	(90)
		Winter is hazardous to your health  (usatoday.com)	(35)

		'Green' vibrators promise sustainable pleasure. Article says nothing about emissions  (news.yahoo.com)	(146)
		King Henry II's mistress may have died from consuming too much gold. That's Auful  (foxnews.com)	(193)
		Gloria Allred will be representing at least two of Tiger Woods' mistresses in what could soon become a class action suit  (guardian.co.uk)	(181)

		It's a bad day when you fall and impale yourself on a fence. But you know god really hates you when it takes 45 minutes for the nearest ambulance to reach you and they aren't allowed to turn the lights and siren on  (news.com.au)	(56)
		Liberals annoyed that Obama didn't fight for a health reform plan like he promised during his campaign, one that would create a shimmering Eden of progressive government on Earth that even Europeans would envy  (politico.com)	(373)
		Puget Sound residents should be preparing for "megathrust tremor swarms"...giggity  (sciencedaily.com)	(62)

Two supermarket customers both want the same shopping cart, so they do the only logical thing and attack each other with a salami and a four-pound hunk of cheese  (telegraph.co.uk)

(56)

		And so it begins: Tiger Woods mistress #1, Rachel Uchitel, is in talks to pose for Playboy  (contactmusic.com)	(159)
		Mistress claims Tiger "never mentioned wife", an excuse that works while dating Joe Schmo, but doesn't exactly fly when it's TIGER WOODS  (msnbc.msn.com)	(84)

(Some Guy)

Working in Illinois for minimum wage? Andy McKenna (R-ich daddy) thinks you're overpaid, but wants your vote for Governor  (chicagoist.com)

(158)

(Some Guy)

Nanny State throws man in jail for four months for carrying a Batman movie knife. Judge explains: "This knife is extraordinarily sharp and very pointed"  (wigantoday.net)

(256)

(US Magazine)		Tiger Woods' fifth (and counting) mistress emerges from the rough, complains the golfer "used her for sex." Looks like someone doesn't know the meaning of the word "mistress"  (usmagazine.com)	(574)
		Tiger Woods' mistress furious that he was cheating on her  (people.com)	(73)
		It seems that Tiger Woods has about as many mistresses as Al Qaeda has No. 2's  (outofbounds.nbcsports.com)	(79)

(Some Guy)		Old tinfoil hattery: Black helicopters. New haberdashery: Invisible helicopters  (airspacemag.com)	(19)
(Some Guy)		Mayor may be asked to resign for raising his voice to city employees. "I definitely did raise my voice maybe a couple of times. I was really stressed out, and it took me two weeks to calm down"  (carrollcounty.com)	(19)

A list of top paying US jobs. Anesthesiologist is at #1 cause everyone wants to get paid to pass gas  (finance.yahoo.com)

(220)

		Nano the Snowman / Was a very tiny soul / With a tin body and platinum nose / And two eyes carved by a focsed ion beam projector  (timesonline.co.uk)	(18)
		Can Oregon lick the Beavers? Or will the Beavers go all Zarflax on the Dicks? Your Civil War discussion thread  (blog.oregonlive.com)	(516)
		Men nearing retirement 'happier than women.' Women nearing retirement 'watching pool boy'  (news.bbc.co.uk)	(78)
		Denver voters asked to approve a welcoming panel for extraterrestrials. Surprisingly some people are not amused by this  (latimes.com)	(41)

		Super sized earthlike planets out there may be better at harboring life than our earth. Or not. We are totally guessing here  (news.yahoo.com)	(59)
		New Jersey likely to legalize medical marijuana, which can help to alleviate the pain of having to live in New Jersey    (online.wsj.com)	(74)

		Tiger adds "tournament" to list of things he shouldn't have pulled out of, which already includes "driveway" and "mistress"    (newsvote.bbc.co.uk)	(46)
		Giants QB Eli Manning will have more time to admire his Citizen watch while he's out for the year with a foot injury  (nydailynews.com)	(77)

		New screening system put in place to ease the number of calls received by the Department of Children and Families hotline manages to prevent calls regarding sexual abuse, neglect, and attempted murder  (miamiherald.com)	(61)
		Eli Manning has developed a stress fracture that may end the first ballot Hall Of Famer's season  (sports.espn.go.com)	(59)

Tiger Woods alleged mistress Rachel Uchitel speaks: "There is NO relationship with Tiger."  (sportsbybrooks.com)

(44)

18 foreign language movies you really, really should see  (denofgeek.com)

(215)

Afghanistan set to launch their own James Bond series, hopefully to be as successful as Turkish Star Wars  (news.yahoo.com)

(18)

Fox News has sent a memo to employees threatening pink slips for on-screen errors, meaning that by next year, all original Fox News programming will be replaced with reruns of "Family Ties" and "Wings"  (tpmlivewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)

(81)

		In a surprise to environmentalists everywhere, the electric-car capital of the nation is the city with more oil than a New Jersey beach during spring break  (blogs.wsj.com)	(37)
		European Union wins prize for the most gratuitous use of the word "Belgium" in a serious political appointment  (guardian.co.uk)	(40)