Source	Fark Headline		Comments
(Some Guy)		Australia may lower the blood alcohol limit for motorists to .02, meaning they'd returned to the good old days when 98% of the residents were prisoners    (couriermail.com.au)	(134)

(Newton TAB)

Despite ordinance allowing them, city residents aren't very fond of mother-in-law apartments  (wickedlocal.com)

(3)

(Some Guy)

Miami residents can now go online to report municipal problems like trash littering the street. Service to be online in time for Jersey Shore cast to arrive  (govtech.com)

(18)

In Detroit, 44% of all adults and 100% of school board presidents read and write below 6th-grade level  (detnews.com)

(94)

President Obama to visit Savannah on Tuesday to talk up the benefits of his economic stimulus plan to local residents who for some reason have enough free time to come out and see him in the middle of the day  (washingtonpost.com)

(86)

(Grannies from Hell)

Bad to the bone retiree talks her fellow retirees into crashing a biker bar. Go granny, go  (nbcchicago.com)

(71)

You: "I think I'm having a heart attack. Please send an ambulance." 911 operator: "Will that be cash or credit?"  (cbs13.com)

(172)

(Newser)

Baptist pastors prayed for Obama's death by brain cancer on Presidents Day. It's not a tumor  (newser.com)

(221)

Children love BJ's  (metrowestdailynews.com)

(12)

Top 10 Forgettable Presidents. This is bad news.....for Van Buren  (time.com)

(124)

With Monday being Presidents Day, here are 48 technology "firsts" for U.S. presidents: First to ride a train, be on TV, duck virtual shoes, etc. (First born in a hospital?)  (networkworld.com)

(29)

Madonna's planned Malawai school will displace several residents. But, hey, free school  (contactmusic.com)

(20)

"Mass casualties" after explosion at Connecticut power plant  (cnn.com)

(377)

And so an end so long delayed has come to pass at last: after 48 years of endless fire, $42 million in federal relocation funding and 500 buildings razed, Centralia PA is down to just 5 houses and a dozen residents  (abcnews.go.com)

(223)

		Long Island makes a bid for its own tag as residents flee in terror from wild packs of... beagles? Snoopy unavailable for comment  (nypost.com)	(108)
		Billboards urge Massachusetts residents to buy their beer in tax-free New Hampshire, an act punishable by a year in jail if police ever run out of other laws to enforce  (boston.com)	(103)

		Your state is going bankrupt. Do you: a) cut spending, b) raise taxes, c) pass a law doubling the existing state budget by paying the health care bills of all 37 million state residents  (michellemalkin.com)	(174)
		Residents of Mattapan neighborhood of Boston asked for library to give teenagers something to do. Years and $17 million later they're afraid to go to new library because it's full of teenagers  (boston.com)	(83)

		Woman photographs missile-like object emitting either flames or heavy smoke that appeared to rise up out of the ocean, but isn't sure what it might be. She's from Newfoundland so she's probably never seen a streetlight before  (cbc.ca)	(133)
(Some Guy)		Mulching program brings increase of 50% over previous year's mulch. This is a re-peat from 2009  (northfulton.com)	(52)
		Wired says bullet trains are really coming to the US. North Haverbrook residents skeptical  (wired.com)	(102)

Ben Bernanke just got nominated to lean into the strike zone and take one for the team  (meganmcardle.theatlantic.com)

(95)

Not news: Driver gets two tickets after police review speed camera. Fark: His car was parked (NSFWish sidebar image)  (telegraph.co.uk)

(81)

"World aid agencies appeal to Israel to unlock Gaza" food and medicine achievement  (washingtonpost.com)

(231)

(Some Fault)		Today's 5.8 earthquake brought to you by the Cayman Islands  (wptv.com)	(83)
		Starving, thirsty, homeless Haitians can rest easy now that their solar-powered bibles have finally arrived  (news.com.au)	(469)

		Cleveland Orchestra strikes over contract, payment issues. Cleveland residents wonder what the hell an orchestra is  (abcnews.go.com)	(36)
		The average salary of Public University Presidents rose to $436,111 last year. Thank you for educating our new homeless population  (nytimes.com)	(75)

(Some Guy)		Not News: residents complain of ailments cause by radiation from new cell tower. Fark: turns out the tower isn't even on  (mybroadband.co.za)	(66)
		Oh really? I think devout retards probably shouldn't work in the Senate  (washingtontimes.com)	(301)

"The male occupant made a very poor decision using gasoline," said the fire department  (charlotteobserver.com)

(48)

Happy New Year, residents of Springfield Road in South River, Newfoundland  (fark.com)

(50)

(Some Guy)

Here is your Oregon tsunami evacuation map. Basically, residents should flee to anywhere that isn't Oregon, like the smart people did years ago  (geology.com)

(56)

"Secret Santa" pays $1000 to local utility office to stop utilities shutoff for as many residents as possible because, you know, Christmas is all about consumerism & stuff  (azcentral.com)

(61)

Virginia getting slammed with 20 inches  (cnn.com)

(362)

		There has been a Tiger Woods sighting near Houston. Wait what? Oh someone saw a tiger in the woods near Houston. Ohhhhh. Well, I'm sorry. Never mind  (chron.com)	(52)
		Hurricanes, crime, and poverty notwithstanding, Louisiana is the happiest state in the nation  (time.com)	(126)

Puget Sound residents should be preparing for "megathrust tremor swarms"...giggity  (sciencedaily.com)

(62)

Female veterans finding it difficult to find acceptance after combat tours. Come on guys, they've bled for this country more than anyone  (google.com)

(429)

(StoneyCreekNews)

"I want to be the full-time goalie, and eventually the first dwarf to be in the NHL. That's it"  (stoneycreeknews.com)

(29)

(Pittsburgh Post-Gazette)

When town officials block a Steeler fan's signage, the ACLU steps in with an end-around  (post-gazette.com)

(44)

For decades its residents would have been pleased to inform you that all life on Earth probably started in Canada, but now there may be science to prove it  (canada.com)

(42)

Burglar patiently explains to residents' children that "Obama let him in" while taking a shower  (nwfdailynews.com)

(97)

Brad Pitt: Hey New Orleans, here are some new, affordable, efficient, hurricane-resistant houses for residents to move back into. Residents: They look yucky  (travel.nytimes.com)

(84)

		Vancouver (Nanny State Jr.) considers altering law to order all residents to clear their own sidewalks in case of snow, or else face fine  (cbc.ca)	(177)
		Residents of Michigan town don't want it turned into Guantanamo North to make money: "We don't want the rock stars of the jihad here. I'm a Christian conservative just like Sarah Palin. We don't want terrorists here"  (guardian.co.uk)	(527)

Inspectors make an unannounced visit to Basildon University Hospital and discover 70 dead people, blood-splattered curtains, unfed elderly patients, poorly-trained nurses, and a decaying partridge in a wilting pear tree  (dailymail.co.uk)

(247)

		Residents of Cockermouth are rescued from their homes by dinghys on Friday after heavy rain caused flooding in Cumbria  (cbc.ca)	(60)
		New York residents, Glenn Beck would like you to know you're being raped by your government. And he should know  (mediamatters.org)	(142)

Pennsylvania residents fight for right to hang laundry. Laundry demands jury trial  (foxnews.com)

(75)

Chicago School Board President Michael Scott was found dead of an apparent suicide. A handgun, his cell-phone, and some Schrutebucks were found near his body  (suntimes.com)

(134)

Residents complaining about churches playing loud rock music. Bonus: Picture of what christian musicians may look like  (news.com.au)

(177)