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Headlines matching 'profits'
Thu February 09, 2012
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(USA Today) Interesting Coca-Cola revenue increases, net income drops. Wall Street: That's not soda pressing  (usatoday.com) (8)


Wed February 08, 2012
(LA Times) Spiffy After continued mouse to mouse resuscitation, Disney quarterly profits soar another 12%  (latimes.com) (4)


Tue February 07, 2012
(Marketwatch) Spiffy Mmmmmmmm, profits  (marketwatch.com) (18)
(CNBC) Fail UBS Q1 doesn't fit. Flip it over Q2, still doesn't fit. Flip it over again Q3. Now it fits  (cnbc.com) (7)
(BBC) Obvious BP posts $7.6 billion profit in the fourth quarter and $23.9 billion for 2011, showing it has made a complete recovery from the Gulf of Mexico oil spill. Unlike the Gulf of Mexico  (bbc.co.uk) (74)


Sat February 04, 2012
(Daily Mail) Followup Obama's 2005 Chrysler fails to sell on eBay. Buyers afraid that the car would start slowly, always pull to the left  (dailymail.co.uk) (45)


Fri February 03, 2012
(The Register) Fail I know some of those words in the headline are English, but they can't be rearranged into anything meaningful  (theregister.co.uk) (45)
(BusinessWeek) Obvious Sorry Mario, but our profits are in $1 phone apps instead of your $50 castle  (businessweek.com) (86)


Fri January 27, 2012
(Marketwatch) Spiffy Starbucks sales/profits now stronger than their coffee  (marketwatch.com) (17)
(Marketwatch) Obvious Rubbermaid net profits bounce back  (marketwatch.com) (5)
(Yahoo) Asinine Hey YEAH, how come rich jerks pay less taxes on their earnings than the guy working at McDonald's? Seems kind of... anti-American  (finance.yahoo.com) (64)
(Reuters) Interesting Nokia posts profits 50% higher than analysts expected... meaning profits only fell 73%  (reuters.com) (3)
(Yahoo) Obvious Prepaid card imprint Green Dot grows 4Q revenue 77% on news that people hate Bank of America so much that they'd rather pay the exact same fees to anyone but Bank of America  (finance.yahoo.com) (19)


Thu January 26, 2012
(Yahoo) Fail Higher materials cost squeezing Colgate from the wrong end  (finance.yahoo.com) (2)
(JSOnline) Spiffy Rockwell reports 22% surge in net income, the feeling of people watching them  (jsonline.com) (15)


Wed January 25, 2012
(Some Guy) Followup You know who is taking your jobs? Prisoners. Here's a list of US Corporations using prisoners to turn a profit  (avoiceformen.com) (85)


Fri January 20, 2012
(Reuters) Interesting Ikea posts record profits as customers finally learn to use the Allen key  (reuters.com) (14)


Thu January 19, 2012
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Interesting Obamacare claims another victim, as United Health Group profits are up 21%  (startribune.com) (68)


Wed January 18, 2012
(MSNBC) Strange Faced with lower investment returns, banks are trying a novel business model: lending  (bottomline.msnbc.msn.com) (6)


Fri January 13, 2012
(CBS News) Interesting U.S. efforts in Afghanistan finally beginning to bear fruit as opium profits jump 133%, now comprise 9% of country's GDP. USA USA USA  (cbsnews.com) (96)


Thu January 12, 2012
(News.com.au) Asinine Airlines needing additional income to cover rising fuel costs, now looking heavily at fat people  (news.com.au) (105)


Tue January 10, 2012
(Yahoo) Obvious WD-40 profits slide down effortlessly  (news.yahoo.com) (19)


Thu January 05, 2012
(Discovery) Interesting "Maya region to profit from 2012 tourism" in what is likely the longest con ever  (news.discovery.com) (91)


Tue January 03, 2012
(Yahoo) PSA Debt collectors offering credit cards to people with old, expired debts so they can trap them in an unending nightmare  (finance.yahoo.com) (112)
(BusinessWeek) Fail *sad trombone*  (businessweek.com) (35)


Sat December 31, 2011
(NPR) Obvious Midwestern manufacturing industries have enjoyed 28 straight months of increasing revenue and profit, mostly because the 1% have figured out how to more effectively squeeze the balls of the significantly reduced workforce  (npr.org) (142)


Tue December 06, 2011
(CBS News) Obvious Krispy Kreme third quarter profits double, consumer waistlines follow accordingly  (cbsnews.com) (8)


Wed November 30, 2011
(Yahoo) Sad This summer productivity rose 2.3% while "labor costs" fell 2.5%. Obviously all you need to get ahead is a little more hard work  (finance.yahoo.com) (37)


Wed November 23, 2011
(Yahoo) Fail TiVo earnings get a thumbs-down. Bong  (finance.yahoo.com) (28)


Tue November 22, 2011
(Mercury News) Fail Hewlett-Packard profits down 91%. Company tries desperately to reboot earnings, investors look to cache in their chips  (mercurynews.com) (37)
(CNBC) Fail Hormel Foods no longer bringing home the bacon  (cnbc.com) (9)
(CNBC) Fail Brocade, which apparently makes arcades for bros, posts Q4 loss  (cnbc.com) (7)


Fri November 18, 2011
(Fox Business) Obvious Heinz's profits slip. Now they have to play ketchup  (foxbusiness.com) (30)


Thu November 17, 2011
(The Weekly Standard) Asinine General Electric filed a 57,000-page tax return but paid nothing in taxes on $14 billion in profits. GE that seems fair  (weeklystandard.com) (225)
(Yahoo) Interesting Meet the world's youngest CEO. He's already lobbying Congress for regulations to put your kid's lemonade stand out of business  (ca.news.yahoo.com) (19)


Tue November 15, 2011
(Reuters) Ironic Staples is not having an easy quarter  (reuters.com) (12)
(Marketwatch) Fail Lowe's profits fall 44%. Company officials tell shareholders there's room for improvement  (marketwatch.com) (31)


Mon November 14, 2011
(BusinessWeek) Sad Martha Stewart can't get away with it but these guys can?  (businessweek.com) (62)


Sat November 12, 2011
(Marketwatch) Spiffy After some goofy years and with just a little mouse to mouse resuscitation, Disney profits soar 30%  (marketwatch.com) (18)


Wed November 09, 2011
(Daily Mail) Obvious Supersized model gets supersized mad at a company for using her image to promote infidelity. With SFW photo goodness of what a supersized model may look like  (dailymail.co.uk) (286)
(Washington Post) Sad Adobe cuts 750 jobs and adjusts earnings outlook, subby can tell because he's seen quite a few layoffs in his time  (washingtonpost.com) (21)


Tue November 08, 2011
(Fox Business) Misc Priceline negotiates better profits, ends up with a disappointing hotel  (foxbusiness.com) (5)
(Reuters) Fail Toyota sees profits unexpectedly decelerate  (reuters.com) (5)


Sun November 06, 2011
(inquisitor) Followup Starbucks soaring profits have investors feeling less jittery  (inquisitr.com) (15)


Sat November 05, 2011
(Guardian) Strange Cash-strapped Scotland Yard tells TV documentary producers that to be featured on any of their programmes, they charge £500 a day and 15% of overseas and merch profits, plus additional fees for use of bikes, cars, dogs and horses, plus VAT  (guardian.co.uk) (16)


Wed November 02, 2011
(Reuters) Interesting Apparently telling customers that a rival car dealer is an Islamic militant who used the profits from his dealership to fund terrorists crosses the line from "agressive salesmanship" to "a $7.5 million libel judgement"  (reuters.com) (136)
(Marketwatch) Ironic XL Group earnings M to S  (marketwatch.com) (2)


Mon October 31, 2011
(Some Guy) Dumbass Wall Street says it's just come up with a revolutionary idea: Free music with profits coming from concerts. You know, the idea that's been pushed by music fans for well over a decade  (allthingsd.com) (56)
(Bloomberg) Fail Analysts say strong yen, parts shortage, driving Honda's profits down. Company officials all in accord  (bloomberg.com) (3)


Fri October 28, 2011
(BusinessWeek) Spiffy MetLife posts 10-fold third quarter profit. New CEO told to handle acclaim  (businessweek.com) (19)
(Detroit News) Spiffy Chrysler reports another quarter of huge profits, unreliable cars  (detnews.com) (22)


Thu October 27, 2011
(Deadline) Sad Et tu, Redbox?  (deadline.com) (62)
(CNN) Obvious Employment up 41%. I'm sorry, did I say employment? I meant Exxon's profits  (money.cnn.com) (108)
(BusinessWeek) Interesting U.S. Attorney Preet Bharara prosecutes ex-GS director Rajat Gupta accused of feeding tips to Galleon co-founder Raj Rajaratnam. Man, this outsourcing thing really got out of hand  (businessweek.com) (58)


Mon October 24, 2011
(Yahoo) Stupid Harley to recall 300,000 motorcycles. Noted not for the number, but for the fact that HD finally broke down and issued a recall for an embarrasingly obvious design flaw  (news.yahoo.com) (95)


Fri October 21, 2011
(The New York Times) Obvious GE brings good things to life and Obama's policies bring good profits to GE  (nytimes.com) (42)


Thu October 20, 2011
(Bloomberg) Interesting How to give a child retirement security. No, it doesn't involve telling him to work at Wal-Mart until he's 85  (bloomberg.com) (34)
(Bloomberg) Fail eBay shares fall after negative feedback from investors. F-- WHERE THE HELL ARE MY DIVIDENDS???  (bloomberg.com) (17)
(Yahoo) Fail Eli Lilly watches profits go limp. Good thing they make Cialis  (finance.yahoo.com) (5)


Wed October 19, 2011
(The New York Times) Obvious Morgan Stanley posts third-quarter $2.15 billion profit. You got a rock  (dealbook.nytimes.com) (120)


Tue October 18, 2011
(BusinessWeek) Unlikely Apple's quarterly profits are up 54% compared to last year, but stock takes a beating after sales of year-old iPhone model fall short of analysts' estimated eleventy-gazillion  (businessweek.com) (31)
(Bloomberg) Interesting Bank of America reports $4.5 billion pre-tax profit in the 3rd quarter. Pre-tax? Since when do banks have to pay taxes?  (bloomberg.com) (36)


Mon October 17, 2011
(ABC) Obvious Citigroup, Wells Fargo report strong profits. Honest, hard earned money, made by insightful trading and 100% legit and legaHRRRPHFFFFHAHAHA sorry, I can't say that with a straight face  (abcnews.go.com) (45)
(Reuters) Fail Philips Electronics pulls the plug on 4500 jobs  (reuters.com) (46)

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