Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.
92 headlines found matching 'pleas'
Wed February 10, 2016
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
Please excuse my daughter from being late to school because Bruce Springsteen played an epic three and a half hour set last night. Signed: Epstein's Father
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(40)
 
(Fox5 DC)
 
 
 
Norovirus, shnorovirus. I'll take my free burrito please
source: fox5dc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(24)
 


Tue February 09, 2016
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Dear Mr. President, there are too many regulations nowadays. Please eliminate three. I am not a crackpot
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(59)
 


Sun February 07, 2016
(Zero Hedge)
 
 
 
Not to be outdone by Gloria Steinem's proclamation that women who support Bernie Sanders are only trying to please boys, Madeleine Albright says there's a "special place in hell" for women who don't support Hillary
source: zerohedge.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(303)
 


Sat February 06, 2016
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Podunk, USA, pre-Walmart: No, Walmart, stay away we don't want you to kill our town. Podunk, USA, post-Walmart: Walmart, Walmart please come back. We love you, Walmart, we're dying without you
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(131)
 


Fri February 05, 2016
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Ammon Bundy: "No, judge. I'm begging you. Please do NOT under any circumstances let me out of jail before trial." Literal, exact quote. Literally
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(278)
 


Thu February 04, 2016
(News.com.au)
 
 
 
Would the last person in Sydney please turn out the lights?
source: news.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(96)
 


Wed February 03, 2016
(Jezebel)
 
 
 
There is only one man that can bring all of America, Republicans and Democrats alike, together in harmony and brotherhood. That man is Martin Shkrelli
source: jezebel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(83)
 
(Boston.com)
 
 
 
FDR: "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." JFK: "Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country." JEB: "please clap"
source: boston.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(108)
 


Tue February 02, 2016
(Billboard)
 
 
 
Walmart employee who almost killed Tracy Morgan pleads not guilty
source: billboard.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(36)
 


Sun January 31, 2016
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
If you are a disgraced former NBA star, please don't use Instagram to post questionable things, like this admission to grand theft and credit card fraud
source: sports.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(90)
 


Sat January 30, 2016
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Just in time for Caturday, please welcome your new robot cat overlords
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(22)
 


Fri January 29, 2016
(Click Orlando)
 
 
 
In order to keep its tax exempt status, the Holy Land Experience theme park needs to have one day a year when admission is free. And this year it will be Wednesday, February 24. "Please be advised the gates will close when park capacity is reached"
source: clickorlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(96)
 


Thu January 28, 2016
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Totalfarker's former student is going blind. She wants to see Japan before she loses her sight. Please donate to linked funding site to help her reach her goal. Farkers, we can do this Thank you ---- Barnacles
source: healthdonor.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(28)
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
Nine-year-old collects Barbie dolls for homeless girls her age. No Barbie dollhouses please...it would be mean to rub it in like that
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(31)
 


Wed January 27, 2016
(Gawker)
 
 
 
Lost: One AR-15 rifle. If found, please contact the Orange County, California Sheriff's Office
source: gawker.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(65)
 


Mon January 25, 2016
(The Local)
 
 
 
Please note: disposing of evidence of your crime by throwing it in a lake works much better during summer, when it's not frozen over
source: thelocal.dk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(18)
 
(Alaska Dispatch News)
 
 
 
Please don't eat the snow. Even if it's not yellow
source: adn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(14)
 


Sun January 24, 2016
(Some guy named soosh)
 
 
 
Our host is at a family event so he won't be in the studio tonight. Instead here is an archived Livingston Stapler Company Presents show from February 16, 2013 for your listening pleasure
source: sacredartichoke.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(10)
 


Fri January 22, 2016
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Would the nations that emerged from the Arab Spring as robust, thriving democracies please take one step forward. Not so fast there, Tunisia
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(63)
 


Thu January 21, 2016
(Asahi Shimbun)
 
 
 
If you're planning to drive to Tokyo for the 2020 Olympics, please STOP
source: ajw.asahi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(18)
 


Wed January 20, 2016
(Jalopnik)
 
 
 
Back in the '70s, Boeing designed a 747 that could carry 72 air-launched cruise missiles. Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking, please prepare to rain down one enormous can of hot, fiery whoop-ass
source: foxtrotalpha.jalopnik.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(69)
 


Sun January 17, 2016
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
ISIS just seized a pot farm in Albania worth $8 billion a year. Fark: The Italian Mafia who own it are not too pleased
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(142)
 


Sat January 16, 2016
(Crooks & Liars)
 
 
 
"When I said New York Values I just meant liberals. Please shut off the hate machine Mr. Trump, sir"
source: crooksandliars.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(146)
 


Fri January 15, 2016
(CBS News)
 
 
 
Governor Snyder: Yeah, okay, we f*cked up. Can we have some disaster relief now? Please?
source: cbsnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(213)
 


Wed January 13, 2016
(Gawker)
 
 
 
Y'all Qaeda: Please stop sending us dildos
source: gawker.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(413)
 


Mon January 11, 2016
(41 Action News)
 
 
 
The state of Kansas has found a solution to its budget problem: win the lottery. Oh PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE
source: kshb.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(169)
 


Fri January 08, 2016
(Gizmodo)
 
 
 
Calvin and Hobbes Star Wars mashup? Yes please
source: io9.gizmodo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(31)
 


Sun January 03, 2016
(Vox)
 
 
 
Oh, you thought Peanuts was just a fun comic strip? Don't be silly--it's about unfulfilled dreams and ruined marriages and about Snoopy being unable to communicate with anyone ever. Pleasant dreams
source: vox.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(51)
 
(Politicus USA)
 
 
 
Reporter: "Mr. Trump, how are women's lives different from men's lives?" Trump: [silence] "Next question, please"
source: politicususa.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(198)
 


Fri January 01, 2016
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Woman gets vulgar message on her Domino's Pizza receipt, twice. Reportedly, the vulgar message was "Please eat at Domino's again"
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(99)
 


Tue December 29, 2015
(TreeHugger)
 
 
 
When it comes to eating leftovers, there are only two camps: Those who revel in their wonderful bounty, and those who view eating it as an unpleasant, moralistic chore
source: treehugger.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(123)
 


Mon December 28, 2015
(Deslidefied)
 
 
 
CNN presents 2015: The year in pictures. Come for the plane crash, stay for the Incredible Hulk taking a leak. Deslided for your pleasure
source: deslide.clusterfake.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(36)
 


Sat December 26, 2015
(The Raw Story)
 
 
 
Gallant politely asks the next person in line at McDonald's to please pick up their order. Goofus screams "I'll kill you right now" and starts shooting randomly
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(48)
 


Wed December 23, 2015
(NBC New York)
 
 
 
You're 7 years old and panicked because you just touched your Elf on a Shelf and ruined Christmas, what do you do? You call 911 of course
source: nbcnewyork.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(136)
 


Mon December 21, 2015
(Daily Express)
 
 
 
Please remove your belt and shoes, empty your pockets into the tray and... oh, what the hell, just climb in there
source: express.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(25)
 


Sat December 19, 2015
(Wichita Public Radio)
 
 
 
Kansas: "Please go be sick somewhere else"
source: kmuw.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(94)
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
STAR WARS discussion thread for those of you who saw the movie already and want to discuss it. SPOILER WARNING for those of you who plan on seeing it, this thread contains spoilers--please do not post spoilers/discussion in other threads
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(1357)
 


Fri December 18, 2015
(Gawker)
 
 
 
Mufid A. Elfgeeh, pizza man, terrorist, reaches plea deal in court. Subby calls Elfgeeh for his next D&D meet up name
source: gawker.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(32)
 


Thu December 17, 2015
(Fark)
 
 
 
Fark's 2015 Headline of the Year contest, Round 2: March through May
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(54)
 
(Tales of the Cocktail)
 
 
 
Who cares how James Bond orders it. For the love of all that is holy please stop shaking your martinis
source: talesofthecocktail.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(117)
 


Wed December 16, 2015
(GoFundMe)
 
 
 
Former Caturday thread and lolcat model hits rock bottom and pleas for Farker support, "I can has serjury help plz?"
source: gofundme.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(6)
 


Mon December 14, 2015
(YouTube)
 
Video
 
Will the real Republican candidate please stand up?
source: youtube.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(40)
 


Sat December 12, 2015
(Stoke Sentinel)
 
 
 
"My client is a disagreeable old trout, whose behavior is persistent, outrageous, and unpleasant. She is about as popular as a diesel Volkswagen"
source: stokesentinel.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(66)
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Thanks to Trump, Crazy/fringe news enters the mainstream. May I have an order of fake moon lands with the CIA monitoring my thoughts please?
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(49)
 


Thu December 10, 2015
(Dork Shelf)
 
 
 
"Once Upon A Time In Shaolin", the Wu-Tang Clan album bought by Martin Shkreli, is reported to have a very interesting clause which allows it to be stolen back by the Wu-Tang Clan and/or Bill Murray at any time. Yes please
source: dorkshelf.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(59)
 


Tue December 08, 2015
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Please note: make sure your cat has valid ID when mailing him an advent calendar
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(27)
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
Peter Robbins, who voiced Charlie Brown in the 'Peanuts' TV specials gets prison time for making criminal threats. Good grief
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(82)
 


Sat December 05, 2015
(GoFundMe)
 
 
 
Attn: pet lovers, please help Lincoln get surgery. Thank you
source: gofundme.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(8)
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Seattle police to motorist: Please put down the cocaine you're snorting and give me your license and registration
source: news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(35)
 
(Politico (Europe))
 
 
 
Dear Europe, please don't fark this up the way I did. Sincerely yours, the guy who brought America the PATRIOT Act
source: politico.eu   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(46)
 


Mon November 30, 2015
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Missing: one elderly lady, her middle-aged son, and a 25-lb gold bar. If found, please return the gold bar
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(43)
 


Sun November 22, 2015
(Mother Nature Network)
 
 
 
How to talk to your crazy uncle without stabbing him with the ceremonial Thanksgiving knife. Pass the gravy please
source: mnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(39)
 
(Some guy named soosh)
 
 
 
Our host is out of town on a work-related trip so he won't be in the studio tonight. Instead here is an archived Livingston Stapler Company Presents show from November 11, 2012 for your listening pleasure
source: sacredartichoke.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(5)
 


Thu November 19, 2015
(The Stack)
 
 
 
No evidence that encryption was a factor in Paris attacks, but please give up your encryption keys anyway
source: thestack.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(105)
 
(Mother Nature Network)
 
 
 
One more of life's simplest pleasures that environmentalists are making us feel guilty about: Feeding the ducks at the pond bread
source: mnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(48)
 


Wed November 18, 2015
(Daily Express)
 
 
 
Goldfish the size of a Subway sandwich (with helpful side-by-side comparison) has anger management issues. This completes the Internet. Please turn out the lights when you leave
source: express.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(79)
 


Mon November 16, 2015
(Fox News)
 
 
 
In a move that is likely to earn the mall's operators a long and deeply unpleasant visit from Krampus, a NJ mall is charging kids between $35 and $50 to visit Santa this year
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(119)
 


Sun November 15, 2015
(Some guy named soosh)
 
 
 
Our host is feeling a bit under the weather so he won't be in the studio tonight. Instead here is an archived Livingston Stapler Company Presents show from October 13, 2012 for your listening pleasure
source: sacredartichoke.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(10)
 


Sat November 14, 2015
(NHL)
 
 
 
Hockey time is anytime, but today it's 1, 7, 8, and 10ET, mostly 7. The NHL has failed us, with no 4ET game, & 9 of the 13 today at 7. Subby proposes we use the 4ET slot to discuss what could be done to Gary to better please the schedule gods
source: nhl.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(126)
 


Fri November 13, 2015
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
PSA: When traveling to Angkor Wat Cambodia please be aware of the new code of tourist conduct that bans stripping naked, smoking and taking selfies with monks. Article is not clear if this means all at once or not
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(62)
 


Wed November 11, 2015
(Action A Go-Go)
 
 
 
Brad Pitt is working with Bong Joon-Ho and Netflix to produce a monster movie. The tentative title is "I Married An Egomaniac She-Beast Please Help Me"
source: actionagogo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(44)
 


Fri November 06, 2015
(Guardian)
 
 
 
British cucumbers on brink of extinction. EVERYBODY PANIC PLEASE
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(83)
 
(WFSU Tallahassee)
 
 
 
Negron, please
source: news.wfsu.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(20)
 


Thu November 05, 2015
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Congress to erect a giant Dick for your viewing pleasure
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(76)
 


Sun November 01, 2015
(Mashable)
 
 
 
Ppppppppppppppppppppppplease
source: mashable.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(51)
 


Sat October 31, 2015
(LA Weekly)
 
 
 
Please check out our story on who can save journalism and provide for its future. And come back for tomorrow's topics: Global warming -- it's a good thing. And get used to the gas prices, citizens
source: laweekly.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(29)
 


Fri October 30, 2015
(Photobucket)
 
 
 
Could somebody please add a 1 3/8" black border around this pic? (LGT pic) I want to order a framed canvas print of this, but without the border I'm requesting, my forehead and the locket will get cut off
source: i303.photobucket.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(127)
 


Thu October 29, 2015
(CBC)
 
 
 
Maker of Botox considering merger with maker of Viagra. Ohplease ohplease ohplease ohplease ohplease ohplease ohplease ohplease ohplease ohplease ohplease ohplease ohplease ohplease ohplease ohplease ohplease
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(29)
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
Royal Dick looking for donors. Please give generously
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(18)
 


Wed October 28, 2015
(The Daily Beast)
 
 
 
Music critic praises Justin Bieber for his music, still manages to include caveat: " As time would have it, Bieber would ultimately prove highly unpleasant and lingered like the rancid stench off a rotting carcass"
source: thedailybeast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(36)
 


Tue October 27, 2015
(Onion AV Club)
 
 
 
For your listening pleasure: GWAR covers "She Bop"
source: avclub.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(33)
 


Mon October 26, 2015
(Wired)
 
 
 
China is still hacking US companies, despite Obama saying "pretty please" when he asked them to stop
source: wired.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(39)
 
(Digital Trends)
 
 
 
Correct horse battery staple, that will be $2 please
source: digitaltrends.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(66)
 
(Medical Xpress)
 
 
 
"Study finds medication errors, adverse drug events in one out of two surgeries studied." So please, find another hospital
source: medicalxpress.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(63)
 


Sun October 25, 2015
(CNN)
 
 
 
Okay, whoever it is that has been praying for rain in Texas, WILL YOU PLEASE FARKIN' STOP?
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(98)
 


Sat October 24, 2015
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Freight train crashes in Texas. Authorities aren't sure where the train came from, because there are no tracks. If anyone saw a train wandering through their neighborhood earlier, please report it
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(76)
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
Please return your flight attendant to her locked and upright position
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(42)
 
(CityMetric)
 
 
 
Global Warming scientists: Please stop telling everyone everything is OK. Because it's not. We're doomed, I tell you. Doooooomed
source: citymetric.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(83)
 


Fri October 23, 2015
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Police: "Whoever is waiting for a 50 lb. marijuana shipment please come to our station to claim it. It was shipped to the wrong address"
source: news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(28)
 


Thu October 22, 2015
(TimeOut)
 
 
 
London hipster proprietors of F*ckoffee Coffee Shop tweet out letter their landlord sent them ordering a name-change ASAP. "No humour please, we're British"
source: timeout.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(65)
 
(Talking Points Memo)
 
 
 
Hillary gets her own "please proceed" moment while testifying before the Benghazi panel: " I'm sorry that {the facts} doesn't fit your narrative, congressman"
source: talkingpointsmemo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(277)
 


Wed October 21, 2015
(WorldWide Weird News)
 
 
 
"Welcome to Lisbon Portela Airport. Please enjoy the porno movies on our large display monitors"
source: worldwideweirdnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(12)
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Not to alarm anyone, but the so-called "smartest guys in the room" on Wall Street, the hedge fund managers just had their worst quarter since Oct 2008, when, as you may recall, we experienced a wee spot of financial unpleasantness
source: mobile.nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(38)
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Despite well-documented unpleasantness of modern air travel, cabin crews still offer unadvertised hidden perks that help make your trip a bit more pleasant. Free water bottle refills, playing cards, wills, etc
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(35)
 


Tue October 20, 2015
(Calgary Sun)
 
 
 
Kang becomes first Liberal MP from Calgary in 46 years. Kodos reportedly quite pleased
source: calgarysun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(41)
 


Sat October 17, 2015
(Gigwise)
 
 
 
Want to own your very own record label? Please see our ad on Craigslist
source: gigwise.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(21)
 
(MLive.com)
 
 
 
If you ever find yourself in Flint, Michigan (God knows why you would) you will be pleased to know that you can now drink the water - in three weeks
source: mlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(30)
 


Fri October 16, 2015
(The Register)
 
 
 
We're sorry. We promise to make our ads better. You can trust us this time. Will you please disable your ad blocker?
source: theregister.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(61)
 


Wed October 14, 2015
(Bloomberg)
 
 
 
Student: "Can you pretty please let me off without paying my student loan debt?" Department of Education: "You don't get how a loan program works, do you?"
source: bloomberg.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(238)
 


Tue October 13, 2015
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Please be careful when opening overhead bins as Asian flight attendants may have shifted during flight
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(61)
 
(Click Orlando)
 
 
 
"Anyone here with wood chipper experience please raise both arms. I said both arms, sir"
source: clickorlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(27)
 

Displayed 92 of about 892 links -- join TotalFark to see them all

Submit a Link »
Advertisement
On Twitter






In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report