If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.
Headlines matching 'pleas'
Thu February 09, 2012
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(CNN) Followup Arizona court forces potential candidate off of city council ballot because her English isn't good enough, setting a dangerous precedent that may leave the entirety of the south ungoverned  (news.blogs.cnn.com) (396)
(CNN) Ironic Attention all: Please join in this protest of Apple's working conditions in hopes to create an "ethical" manufacturing environment - sent from my iPhone  (money.cnn.com) (53)


Wed February 08, 2012
(Atlanta Journal Constitution) Scary Ok, for the last time, the 7-year-old girls in Walmart are NOT free samples. Please make a note of it  (ajc.com) (64)
(Some Guy) Sick If you ever wanted the pleasure of having the measles AND you were at the Super Bowl village last Friday, I have some good news for you  (fox59.com) (58)


Tue February 07, 2012
(The Hill) Dumbass "Our Founders designed a system that makes it more difficult for me to do as I damn well please" Thank God  (thehill.com) (162)
(Mirror.co.uk) Amusing 14 Dickens masterpieces summarized in 140 characters or less. #pleasecanihavesomemore   (mirror.co.uk) (26)


Mon February 06, 2012
(Some Guy) Florida "I only called that black student 'Chocolate Boy' on hidden camera, while pointing at him because I was handing out candies." Necco, please  (610wiod.com) (163)


Thu February 02, 2012
(Washington Post) Amusing Retired Supreme Court Justice O'Connor on the two leading Republican candidates, "one is a practicing polygamist, and he's not even the Mormon." Please deposit "Oh Snap" images to the right  (washingtonpost.com) (68)
(USA Today) Followup Susan G. Komen foundation says the whole Planned Parenthood thing is a just a silly misunderstanding and to please not stop sending them money and don't boycott their sponsors  (content.usatoday.com) (202)
(LA Times) Fail For sale. One US Presidency. Asking $1 billion. Serious rich buyers only, please  (latimes.com) (153)


Tue January 31, 2012
(Yahoo) Repeat The most polite "Fark you, you S.O.B." letter it's ever been subby's pleasure to read  (news.yahoo.com) (260)
(The Sun) Amusing I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly squealed with pleasure, and then squealed some more  (thesun.co.uk) (27)
(LA Times) Fail "Ladies and gentlemen, please be advised we may experience some chop up a head"  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (49)


Mon January 30, 2012
(InfoWorld) Sad Dear Google: Please get off the lawn you built for me  (infoworld.com) (56)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Special ed teacher, who had sex with one student and performed oral sex on six others, to serve only 60 days. Guess the gender and level of attractiveness (pic)  (dailymail.co.uk) (181)


Sun January 29, 2012
(Gothamist) Ironic Joseph Gordon Leavitt: Please, leave hipsters alone  (gothamist.com) (132)


Wed January 25, 2012
(NJ.com) Obvious After three murders in five days, Pleasantville doesn't seem so pleasant anymore  (nj.com) (40)
(NYPost) Fail All of the Knicks players who scored more than one point in last night's game please rise. Not so fast, Carmelo  (nypost.com) (27)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Please refrain from donating grenades to the Salvation Army  (sun-sentinel.com) (29)
(I Heart Chaos) Cool The makers of Batman: Arkham City are working on a TMNT game? You have my attention, please tell me more  (iheartchaos.com) (70)


Tue January 24, 2012
(Some Guy) Sad Please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to  (newsinfo.inquirer.net) (30)


Mon January 23, 2012
(Washington Post) Obvious "Please save us from our own party"  (washingtonpost.com) (251)


Fri January 20, 2012
(STLToday) Strange Five St. Louis school buses missing. If five big yellow things appeared in your back yard, please mention it to police when you have the time. There's a picture in the article of what a school bus looks like  (stltoday.com) (38)


Thu January 19, 2012
(Some Cock Lover) Sappy Rescued chickens need your help --- please help knit jumpers for hens who escaped the McNugget factory. LGT Victoria's Secret for Gonzo the Great  (littlehenrescue.co.uk) (82)
(BBC) Fail Where to put a sign that reads: "Please do not attach or affix any structures or objects to the park furniture and trees at Highbury Fields including the benches and lamp posts."?  (bbc.co.uk) (44)
(Kotaku) Spiffy Oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please  (kotaku.com) (38)


Wed January 18, 2012
(ESPN) Obvious YOU DAMN SKIPPY Pacman Jones is a Bengal  (espn.go.com) (15)
(Some Cupcake) Silly Subby is crazy about cupcakes, so post your favorite cupcake recipes. P.S. Please, please green this because if not, this will be my 47th straight rejected link. ┌∩┐(◣_◢)┌∩┐(stolen from funny Farker)  (jackiefo.blogspot.com) (58)
(Fark) Spiffy Starbucks messed up my order. So, in order to get around the mess that is my drink, I downed it. Now, I'm hyper. Help me. Please?  (fark.com) (114)
(Daily Mail) Scary Everyone who will emerge from recession in 2012, please step forward. NOT SO FAST THERE, EUROPE  (dailymail.co.uk) (6)


Tue January 17, 2012
(Some Guy) Caption Caption this wiener rider (safe for work, please)  (1.bp.blogspot.com) (52)
(Yahoo) Dumbass Amigo, please don't snort our cows  (news.yahoo.com) (10)
(ABC) PSA If you've found a missing spacecraft in your backyard, please contact the Russian Space Agency  (abcnews.go.com) (21)


Mon January 16, 2012
(Miami Herald) Spiffy Outgoing Russian President Dimitry Medvedev pulls a mini-coup on his way out the door. Premier Putin reportedly most displeased  (miamiherald.com) (29)


Fri January 13, 2012
(Telegraph) NewsFlash Cruise Ship Captain: "We're on a collision course, please divert 15 degrees North". Response: "Recommend you divert your course, this is a Lighthouse. Your call"  (telegraph.co.uk) (579)
(People Magazine) Amusing Axl Rose to serve jury duty. He will listen to your SHA-NA-NA-NA SHA-NA-NA-NA SHA-NA-NA-NA PLEAS, PLEEEEEEEEEEEEAS  (people.com) (74)
(WTAM) Cool Check please  (wtam.com) (32)


Thu January 12, 2012
(Talking Points Memo) Followup All those that made illegal recess appointments, please step forward. Whoa, not so fast there, Mr. President   (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com) (210)
(Washington Post) Spiffy Karen, take it easy... I love you. You know I love you. Be careful, baby. Don't. Just put it down. You're all I want, Karen. Please put the gun down  (washingtonpost.com) (56)


Wed January 11, 2012
(The Times of India) Obvious Dear Mr. Kotter: Please excuse Juan for being absent from class. He was busy helping the National Investigation Agency bust a fake note gang. Signed, Epstein's Mother  (timesofindia.indiatimes.com) (37)


Mon January 09, 2012
(Yahoo) Stupid California state legislator pleads it-was-the-tumor-what-done-it in $2500 shoplifting case  (news.yahoo.com) (57)


Sun January 08, 2012
(Daily Mail) Scary "Hello, this is your captain speaking. Could someone please bring some oxygen bottles to the cockpit?"  (dailymail.co.uk) (33)
(Some Guy) Fail When even Texas of all places criticizes your juvenile sentencing laws you might want to consider looking at said laws more closely  (masslive.com) (34)


Sat January 07, 2012
(Some Guy) Ironic The lack of snow is costing Americans tens of millions of dollars. Could someone figure out the exact right amount of snow so we can coordinate our prayers, please?  (weather.com) (159)


Fri January 06, 2012
(Discover) Unlikely No, astronomers didn't detect alien signals from space. Now, if you'd please just look into this neuralyzer   (blogs.discovermagazine.com) (12)
(Seattle Times) Interesting My justice system is full of eels  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (20)
(Reuters) Followup News: Joran Van der Sloot to "sincerely" confess to murder. Fark: No, not her  (reuters.com) (28)
(My Fox DC) Asinine Let's go over the minutes from the last meeting - the mayor, the city council president, and the city councilman are being investigated by the feds. Okay, next order of business - more rights for the city of Washington DC  (myfoxdc.com) (32)
(Fox News) Interesting Would someone please take the scientists to the movies once in a while, before it's too late?  (foxnews.com) (24)


Thu January 05, 2012
(Houston Chronicle) Obvious When a judge finds it "highly implausible" 11 panelists would "stick their noses in jars of excrement and report 44 independent times that they smelled nothing unpleasant," you'll probably have to pull your commercial  (chron.com) (40)


Sat December 31, 2011
(CTV) Caturday If your cats eat your hamburger, please don't call 911 to request a replacement. Officials say they suspect alcohol was a factor. Subby thinks it sounds like it's time for the New Year's Eve Caturday thread  (ctv.ca) (½)


Mon December 26, 2011
(Mirror.co.uk) Cool Nigella Lawson goes from pleasingly zaftig to oh my I'll be in my bunk  (mirror.co.uk) (98)


Sun December 25, 2011
(Daily Mail) Sappy Dear Santa, please text my dad, he has my whole list. KTHXBAI  (dailymail.co.uk) (20)


Fri December 23, 2011
(Salon) Sad "Thank you for calling MegaCorp's customer service line brought to you by McDonalds. Please enjoy this 15 second commercial. Thank you. If you think you are right, press 1. If you know you are wrong, press 2." *presses 1* *click*  (salon.com) (112)


Thu December 22, 2011
(Fark) Survey It's only a few days before Christmas. If there's a gift you would like, please post in this thread and this thread will be delivered to Santa at the North Pole  (fark.com) (625)
(Daily Mail) Scary Lesbian vampire killer set to walk free after 20 years. Doesn't know about Twilight yet  (dailymail.co.uk) (44)


Wed December 21, 2011
(My Fox DC) Amusing Hoping I could I borrow a cup of sugar, oh and top off my tank please  (myfoxdc.com) (15)


Tue December 20, 2011
(Ars Technica) Amusing Meanwhile, on Google+, service subtly enhanced to please all six users  (arstechnica.com) (43)


Fri December 16, 2011
(The Raw Story) Scary All states which can confirm with 100% accuracy that there is no brain-eating bacteria in their tap water, please step forward. Not so fast, Louisiana  (rawstory.com) (105)
(Japan Times) Cool Lost: 10+ ostriches. Large birds, temperament unknown. Please do not feed or approach. If sighted, contact the Fukushima Nuclear Exclusion Zone commander immedia---+++ATH0+++   (japantimes.co.jp) (47)


Thu December 15, 2011
(Talking Points Memo) Interesting Breaking: DHS Secretary Janet Napolitano just cut Sheriff Joe Arpaio's access to ICE programs. Hmmm... Napolitano... What is that, Italian? Mexican? May I see your papers, please?   (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com) (198)
(CBC) Obvious Police ask that you please stop Tweeting the exact location of their drunk driving checkstops (specifically, 34th Avenue and 50th Street)  (cbc.ca) (219)
(Guardian) Sad Obama jk's his promise to veto the bill that gives him the power to disappear Americans who displease him. Tag is for the United States Constitution, 1787 - 2011  (guardian.co.uk) (260)
(Yahoo) Strange Waiter, I'll have the Saddam Hussein Platter please  (news.yahoo.com) (19)


Tue December 13, 2011
(Some Out of Work Tour Guide) Interesting So you want to operate a mule drawn carriage and make up stories about The French Quarter? We'll just need you to pass a history test, submit to a criminal background check and pee into this little cup please  (wwltv.com) (39)
(ABC) Asinine Bank: We charged you so many fees that your account became overdrawn so we had to charge you more fees. That'll be $229.10 to close your account please  (abcnews.go.com) (380)


Fri December 09, 2011
(Some Boob-Lover) Spiffy A flat-chested teenage Salma Hayek went to a church that had a saint that was supposed to do a lot of miracles. "I put my hands in the holy water and went: 'Please Jesus give me some boobs.'" Thank you, Jesus  (mailonsunday.co.uk) (117)


Wed December 07, 2011
(Boing Boing) Spiffy Petition circulated to get a pardon for Turing. Please enter the characters in the box to prove you are human and sign the petition  (boingboing.net) (26)


Tue December 06, 2011
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Naked guy: "Please tase me 'bro". Deputy: "OK...BZZZZZZZZZZZTTTTTTT"   (sun-sentinel.com) (29)


Mon December 05, 2011
(MSNBC) Asinine Would you like to vote in Wisconsin? $200, please  (maddowblog.msnbc.msn.com) (150)


Sat December 03, 2011
(Denver Channel) Asinine We're sorry our bus hit your car, please send us a $70,000 money order, kthxbai  (thedenverchannel.com) (218)


Fri December 02, 2011
(Yahoo) Followup Please welcome the two newest elements to the Periodic Table: Livermorium and Flerovium. Flavinglavinium, Professorfrinkanium, Glavinflavinanium still awaiting approval process  (news.yahoo.com) (89)
(BBC) Obvious Thirty antique coins turned in after plea from authorities following metal detecting weekend in England. Police would like to thank a Mr. J. Iscariot for his honesty  (bbc.co.uk) (33)
(Some Guy) Asinine Police would like you to please stop being such an ass and calling 911 for no reason  (chicago.cbslocal.com) (22)


Thu December 01, 2011
(ESPN) Fail Fire up the Yakkety Sax box, it's Philly at Seattle for your Thursday night viewing pleasure. No questions asked  (scores.espn.go.com) (824)
(ESPN) Followup World's most competent attorney says his client, Jerry Sandusky, might plead guilty  (espn.go.com) (85)
(Some Guy) Fail Man deported four prior times shows up in South Carolina jail. OK Alex, I'll take "Immigration reform, my ass" for $200 please  (thesunnews.com) (19)


Tue November 29, 2011
(ESPN) Florida If you're a head coach in the NFL, please step forward. Not so fast, Jack Del Rio  (espn.go.com) (77)


Tue November 22, 2011
(Some Guy) Scary Woman may get 50 years for decapitating boyfriend's pig. Pig will probably fry  (washington.cbslocal.com) (29)
(Stuff.co.nz) Interesting "God help us, have we become such a humourless, politically correct...eager-to-please and appease society that a bit of good old-fashioned direct political action is akin to a criminal act?"  (stuff.co.nz) (16)


Sat November 19, 2011
(CBS News) News Saif Gadaffi aims to Please, fails  (cbsnews.com) (56)


Fri November 18, 2011
(Some Guy) Scary Gullible men wanted for job on cattle farm. Located in out-of-the way area with no witnesses. Bring all your valuables along. Please, no bullet proof vests  (dispatch.com) (55)


Thu November 17, 2011
(Las Vegas Review Journal) Obvious What happens in Las Vegas gets beat up in Henderson  (lvrj.com) (51)
(Cyprus Mail) Scary When "seeking a pleasant change that would break the monotony of hard work", do not do it by rupturing your friend's intestine with a blast from an air compressor  (cyprus-mail.com) (65)


Tue November 15, 2011
(The Local (Germany)) Weird Today's Fark-ready headline:"Pervert-pleasing high-heeled mice stompers convicted of cruelty"  (thelocal.de) (82)


Mon November 14, 2011
(Huffington Post) Obvious Rick Perry the candidate: "Federal spending and Obamacare are killing this country". Rick Perry the governor: "Can I have $24 billion, please? Oh, and we'll take some of that health care money, too"  (huffingtonpost.com) (52)


Sun November 13, 2011
(NYPost) Weird Nun steals from college to fund gambling addiction. Now THAT'S a bad habit  (nypost.com) (19)


Sat November 12, 2011
(Yahoo) Obvious Niger pleased to offer Gaddafi's son asylum  (news.yahoo.com) (50)


Thu November 10, 2011
(The Hollywood Reporter) Asinine "Law & Order: SVU" actress Tamara Tunie scammed out of $1 milion by her accountant. This is her story. *CHA-CHING*  (hollywoodreporter.com) (23)


Wed November 09, 2011
(IGN) Interesting Would the last person to leave Azeroth please turn out the lights?  (pc.ign.com) (167)
(Metro) Dumbass The idea is to NOT attract attention to yourself when shoplifting. Please make a note of it (with video goodness)  (metro.co.uk) (34)


Tue November 08, 2011
(Some Robot) Spiffy Mega Man II themed iPhone cases? Yes please  (the-daily-robot.tumblr.com) (31)


Sun November 06, 2011
(MSNBC) Amusing White House to UFO buffs: Nothing to see here, move along please  (msnbc.msn.com) (82)


Thu November 03, 2011
(National Post) Silly Dear Internet, please stop making fun of 24-year-old virgins. Thanks  (sports.nationalpost.com) (194)


Wed November 02, 2011
(MLive.com) Stupid Lions fans have suffered enough. Please sign petition to keep Nickelback out of half-time show. PLEASE  (mlive.com) (52)


Mon October 31, 2011
(Daily Mail) Dumbass Please push me down the stairs  (dailymail.co.uk) (32)


Sun October 30, 2011
(Some Guy) Silly "This is 911, please state your emergency in 140 characters or less"  (chicago.cbslocal.com) (36)


Sat October 29, 2011
(Onion AV Club) Cool SyFy to develop another of George RR Martin's works, this time the Wild Cards series. Please don't let it suck  (avclub.com) (81)


Fri October 28, 2011
(kctv5.com) PSA Corn spill closes Interstate. Please use a kernel of caution  (kctv5.com) (50)
(C|Net) Interesting HP: Hey, you know how we said that we were getting out of the PC business? Yeah, forget we said that, please  (news.cnet.com) (62)


Thu October 27, 2011
(WPXI) Obvious The police would like to remind you that Halloween is coming up and the guns those little kids are carrying just might be toys, so please don't blow them away. Thank you  (wpxi.com) (74)


Wed October 26, 2011
(UPI) Interesting Gold prices climb. Please ignore any ecstatic moans and gelatinous sounds emanating from Glenn Beck  (upi.com) (45)


Mon October 24, 2011
(Contact Music) Amusing Ian Brown + Speed = guilty  (contactmusic.com) (17)
(NPR) Sad A moment of respectful silence for Pfizer, please, whose patent on Lipitor is about to expire  (npr.org) (139)


Fri October 21, 2011
(Celebitchy) Dumbass Kim Kardashian thought that marriage was a magic wand that would "fix" Kris Humphries. And now, if you'll please be quiet, Kim really wants to understand this episode of "Sesame Street"  (celebitchy.com) (84)


Wed October 19, 2011
(Gothamist) Sad ATTENTION FARK KNITTERS: A bunch of penguins in New Zealand urgently need you to knit them tiny little sweaters. Their life pretty much depends on it. Please help  (gothamist.com) (156)
(Marketwatch) Scary Hypothetically speaking, could you stomach a 2,600 point drop in the Dow? Now, settle down, this is just hypothetWOULD YOU STOP PANICKING, PLEASE?  (blogs.marketwatch.com) (63)
(Some Guy) Fail Dear Customer, Thank you for quietly notifying us of a glaring security flaw in our website. Please accept this complimentary gift basket containing a police visit, blame for the issue, a bill for fixing it and termination of your account  (techdirt.com) (86)
(YouTube) Cool Want your mind blown? Watch Hugh Laurie and Tom Jones get smooth on "Baby Please Make A Change"  (youtube.com) (20)


Tue October 18, 2011
(Yahoo) Asinine Dear US Govt: sorry we defrauded you out of billions in mortgage insurance, can we have another bailout please? Signed, Bank of America  (finance.yahoo.com) (74)
(The Daily Beast) Ironic The 60's generation, who tend to have high-paying, generally pleasant jobs featuring excellent benefits and flexible schedules, don't get why these kids are protesting when there aren't even any kind of endangered owls on Wall Street  (thedailybeast.com) (256)
(YouTube) Silly Francis, no. Stop it. Please... just... no, no. FRANCIS YOU'RE MAKING ME PEE  (youtube.com) (57)


Fri October 14, 2011
(BBC) Unlikely Police are hunting a Segway user who witnessed a sex attack. In other news, a Segway user has witnessed sex  (bbc.co.uk) (49)
(Toronto Sun) Obvious While removing your bra may get you out of speeding ticket, it generally won't work in getting your DUI charges dropped. But please, don't let that discourage you. EIP  (torontosun.com) (276)


Thu October 13, 2011
(Some Guy) Spiffy NYC Mayor Bloomberg to bring in the water cannons to crush the Occupy Wall Street protesters from Zuccotti Park. Just kidding, but they do need to bring in the power washers to clean the park on Friday. So please let them, then you can go back  (capitalnewyork.com) (68)


Wed October 12, 2011
(Bloomberg) Asinine Won't SOMEBODY please think of the poor starving European bankers and their insanely inflated bonuses?  (bloomberg.com) (6)
(USA Today) Followup Liar liar extinguishes pants on fire, pleads guilty  (content.usatoday.com) (6)

Displayed 117 of about 1509 links -- join TotalFark to see them all

 Submit a Link »
From the Fark Shop:
More from the Fark Shop »